Page 7 - Ep. 526: Heirs & Spares

Episode Date: March 7, 2024

This week on a very special Page 7 Holden, MJ and Jackie crack open the UK government's plan to keep whatever's happening with the Royal Family from the public with the early Conspiracy Corner: Is Kate Middleton Missing!?!, Jackie processes the changes to Nicole Kidman's AMC ad (THEY REMOVED THE PHRASE), Jackie lays out the specifics on her attraction to Austin Butler's Feyd-Rautha, MJ creates a family tree to help figure out what's going on with the Cyrus Clan, a list full of unlikely "romances", the blindzzzz and MOOOOOORE!!! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

A picture of her. I know I can genuinely sing this song. And it seems to me you lived your life like a candle in the wind. Where are you, Kate? Never knowing who to cling to when the rain said in. I would have liked I was just a girl. You can never burn out long before. Let's see that ass, Kate Middleton.

Legend of a deer Yes, thank you, thank you you, I hear your applause I know you're in your cars and you're in your homes and thank you everyone, yes and that wasn't Cher singing Candle in the Wind, that was me

I know I sounded like Cher right guys? Did Cher? I thought it was Elton John. No, it's Elton John but I was in my head I was being Cher singing the song. I thought maybe she did a verse or something.

No, no, no, no, no. She has nothing to do with the song. Okay, so it's just this one picture, like, grainy photo of her in a car. Oh, it's grainy. You can barely even tell it's her. Oh, you can barely tell. Okay, I'm still on the conspiracy trade that, yeah, this is barely, I guess that's her. She's wearing giant sunglasses.

I am so sad because all this Kate Middleton stuff really came to a head last week. It was like, I think it was last Tuesday right after we recorded. It was the day. It was when we started falling down the rabbit hole. MJ and I both, we fell hard, we fell fast, we fell early. Yes, we, it was like right, it was, it was the day after we recorded because I started, I saw on Twitter, Kate Middleton is trending and I thought, oh, I wonder why. And I started taking a look and I was like, oh my God, this is page seven catnip.

Miam, meow, me, don't give me anymore, MJ, I might OD on my nip. It has been a whole week of speculation. and I just got to say that I think that the Zabrowski's reference candle in the wind, you guys must account for 80% of the times that that song is referenced your song in the nation. I feel like you guys sing that song a lot together.

Yeah, we do, we both bring it up a lot. It's a song that I associate exclusively with you and Hendricks. It's been in my head a lot lately because for Wizard of, we just did Pogs and Beanie Babies and I'm just obsessed with the Princess Diana Beanie Baby. It is one of the, I think it is the ultimate

Well, kind of that I say between the Princess Diana Beanie Baby and the OJ Simpson Pog Slammer, those are the two, like, if someone would be like, hand me two relics of the 90s that explain that decade. Those are the two specific items that I would hand to an alien or some. Should I get my mom to overnight me? My Princess Die, do you want to be able to touch it? Like, I don't know if you can handle being in its presence. It was a big deal. Plastic tag is still on its little tag, so there's no creases. It was a big deal to get that Beattie Baby.

It was expensive. I didn't have it because I was too busy lobbying for Aaron Go Bra, the St. Patrick's one, which I still have. Well, now you definitely can get one for like $40. I think it was $40 at the time. Yeah, yeah. I think it was $40 in 1998 money. I'm fairly sure my mom paid a lot of money for my princess.

Like my mom had to hunt down the princess Diana Bear. Yeah. Well, it was kind of the ultimate, it was kind of the peak of the Beanie Baby Krays, and then it kind of died like right after the, just like that woman did in that limousine. The craze died. You live your life like a candle in the window. Just one more picture. I just need one more picture to feed my lust for the photos of the princess.

And I know that the song, the song is funny. I think Princess Diana can go with a long list of, um, she wasn't like wrong, one of the wrongfully maligned women of the 90s, the way that like Tanya Harding, like Amy Fisher, like those type of people that the podcast you're wrong about has done like a long exploration of the various wrongly maligned women of the 90s.

She was obviously loved in the 90s, but having gone back as an adult to learn more about Diana, both from you're wrong about and also from the crown and whatever, like, I just feel like what a misunderstood, like I remember at the time just being like, I don't understand this story.

And like, I feel like you can't really understand it without having a somewhat critical view of the the croon. Thank you for saying it properly. I was going to stop you and be like, I'm sorry, what show, MJ? The croon.

Because I don't understand what you're saying unless you say the croon. Thanks to you, that's the only way I can say the word the croon and both of my children are wearing croons all the time. And so in our house we're always like, you know, one kid will be like,

where's my crown? And we'll be like, where's your croon? And now we've taught the kids to say it like that. We have no idea why. Yes, I'm influencing your children. Oh, in so many ways. But that's why the Kate Millington conspiracy is so funny, not because it's funny for bad things to happen to anyone.

No. Because you can only, also I think she's fine, but you can only understand what is happening with Diana and, I don't know, everybody in that family by like having a somewhat critical eye, which you can't get, if you're only reading about it in the papers, because the papers are just like,

worship at the feet of the clown, you know? No, and you can't trust the papers. You can't trust what they say about what's going on inside of that palace. We don't know what's going on inside of that palace. Because apparently the last time she was seen was Christmas Day, and I mean, let's be real. I didn't know she was missing.

I had to wait until she was trending. I'm not like watching this. the whereabouts of Kate. I'm just like, I imagine she's gallivanting and having fun putting on fun dresses, right? I'm sure she doesn't wear them that. But like, what if she was in it? I don't think she does any galavan.

I think this news story, I think this news story beckons us to switch up the order of things a little bit. I think you guys need to go ahead and just hit me with the show. Whoa. Do you believe it? I'm sorry, or did you want, Nlocko can't really? She didn't sing that song.

Which one do you want? We already hit you with the share. The share's not the share didn't sing or right. Is Kate Middleton missing? This one comes in from Rebecca and book thief. Rebecca writes, I don't think you've gone down the Kate Middleton rabbit hole yet, question mark. Oh, now we have.

So as of the 28th of Feb, she has been seen, she hasn't been seen in 67 days with how crazy the press is with them. This is definitely fishy. It was first announced she was going to the hospital for her, planned abdominal surgery the same time as Charles was undergoing his surgery. They showed all the family. Was it for his fingers? No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't make me. They showed all

of the family visiting Charles coming and going from the hospital. They have been very open about Charles and his health, but yet nothing for Kate. They've been open about Charles his health to an extent, but the openness is them being like, oh, he would be much for chemotherapy. He's more bored into potions.

Yeah, give him some oils. I'm like, get out the rosemary, Charles. He's one for Even though they said the surgery was planned, she had events scheduled that time, so it definitely wasn't planned for this long. This type of surgery shouldn't require three months of recovery unless there is more to the surgery or complications arose. William has been seen very little except for the Baptist. He's canceled events due to personal reasons. There have been tabloids about her mental health and linking her to Diana. Lots of tweets about the relationship being over rumors about plastic surgery or maybe the woman is just sick and we're awful people.

Well, who knows. But from book thief, we get a very detailed rundown, okay? So please feel free to stop me as I go through this if you need to. Also, by the way, book thief is from our Twitch community. We're not just like assuming their career path and what they do in their spare time. Accusing them of thievery. Yes. So here's this detailed rundown.

Here we go. Here it starts it to September 12th, 2023. September. September. Back to September. Yes. Whoa. Is this where the BBL started?

Is this where she started planning the BBL? No, this is where the FFA, the fatal finger accident. I don't know. I'm trying to figure out something. Kate is seen with a finger injury from a, quote, trampoline accident? Whoa. That bitch is a tauting.

I'm sorry. Yeah, if you put her on a trampoline, she would just, I don't even, yeah, it would just, it wouldn't even bounce. She's such a stick in the bud. Rough and we didn't. How about we don't do you with the jumping? Right.

You imagine she falls down and then like they're just like double jumping so she can't get back up. It's like, Princess can't get back up. I'm going to go ahead and say it takes one to no one. That bitch is sexually fruzen. No, but she's torquing out those kids. She's talking out. Maybe she is let it go. Frozen from all the hypermesis gravitarium she had for three pregnancies.

She was so sick for her first pregnancy. but of course she's got to pump them out because they're the heirs of the throne. You got to have spares, MJ. I know. And so they made her carry two more pregnancies even though she had to be hospitalized for like the entire length of her pregnancies

because she was so sick. So like I, you know, I'm just saying I would be sexually frozen after 18 cumulative months of feeling nauseous as well. I'm sorry, I'm just like lost and thinking about like I can't imagine going through it. again and again. I know.

Well, guess I'm going to be laying down and puking for nine months, all right? Get my pillows out. Like, I just can't do. Like, there's not enough love is blind to watch for me to be able to handle that. Well, and each one is different, too, right? Yeah. Or if you're that sick, the first one, you're definitely going to be pretty upset for the rest of them. I know, I just know that she got it, she got it the first time.

And she was like, it was like, you know, what if you had morning sickness, but the entire time? and all day, and so bad that you need to be admitted to the hospital because you can't eat. And then she got pregnant again, and everyone was like, I wonder if she'll have hyperbesis gravidarium again. And she did. And I'm not sure about the third. Oh, she did have it again. Yeah, man. Yeah.

Like, and, you know, for anybody who's ever been around anyone in their first trimester who is suffering with motions, or with not motion sickness, whatever pregnancy sickness. Yeah, it's a real drag to, but like, yeah, she needed to be hospitalized, like, for a long time. Well, it's hard on the husband, too. I told him. He probably had to hold. It's hard of the hot page, yeah. And that's the real deal.

And Holder McNeill, if you like to join me over on the real deal. You're going to get away for these broads, you know what I'm saying? Okay. All right. Okay. Yeah, he had to really step in with the child care all bet. Yeah, I'm sure. Oh, I'm sure.

It's exhausting. You have to be present. And like, the whole thing of it is so annoying. He felt helpless. I'm sure he did. You do. but you still know you've got it. Yeah, you feel helpless because you're like,

I got to deal with this. Like it. Yeah, this bitch keeps talking about how sick she thinks. Oh, she can't keep food down. What is she trying to make my child or something? October 5th. Kate's fingers are seen to still be bandaged together. December 22nd.

Kate and Will announce a trip to Italy in, quote, early 2024. Interesting. Is that where, oh, she's going to go jumping on trampolines again? Right. I can't believe she got a trampoline. Accident. That, I don't, that's insane. No way.

I don't, what alternate theory? No way. How else could she get a finger injury? What a crazy reason. Yeah. Or is she tramping? I guess it depends on what you're, what you want to shorten it to.

I mean, I guess how old's the oldest kid at this point? Old enough to be. I'm gonna guess eight. I think he's 10. Okay. Old enough to be excited about a trampoline. Maybe she got on there with them. Oh, let us have a bit of a romp.

Her, him. December 25th, Kate is last seen in public at the Royal Family's annual Christmas walk in Sanjingham. December 28. An ambulance with the police escort leaves Sandringham where the RF is spending Christmas. There are theories that Kate was in the ambulance.

Not interesting. Summer 28th, my birthday. January 6th, 24th, several UK gossip brags report that Kate and Will have quote, furious Rose. I thought, man, I really thought you were about to say furious sex. I was like, wow, not so frozen no more.

They're just going like, ah, oh, like they're just so busy. That's her abdominal surgery. No, she needs to get his dick removed surgically from her pussy because they're just, ah,

my spares. Furious, rouse. Let's make more air, shall we, darling. Yes. Man, if I was making airs and spares, I think I would be even hornier than I am all the time. True. Because you got to.

You have to. You know what I mean? Also, by the way, I was wrong and MJ was right. George is 10, Charlotte is 8, Louis is 5. Okay, they're trampoline ages. That clocks. Yeah, they're clean in ages. I just don't see her.

I'm not trying to judge this woman based on how she looks, but she just doesn't look like a trampolian. Seem like the kind of gal that would be like, you know what would be fun? Me bouncing on that contraption over there. It just feels a little off for her vibe. Yes. Her vibe seems a little bit more. She's like, you know, it'd be fun.

Me turning into a human pencil. That, to me, is what she would be more into. She's not wood shavings. Don't turn her into wood shavings. I guess I should underestimate it. Maybe she can cut a rug. Maybe she knows how to boot scoot buggy a little bit. I bet that she does, but I'm going to go ahead and guess she's not allowed to.

So I'm also more surprised the fact that like, aren't they not allowed to show their ankles or something? So like, how is she allowed to lean? The first rule of the castle trampoline is you cannot touch the castle. trampoline. You can only admire it from a fall. Maybe that's what it was. Maybe she did try to get on it and that was her punishment. Yes. And they broke her finger. They broke her fingers. No, she's allowed to bounce, but she's not allowed to smile. Okay, so she can solemnly bounce. Yeah. A solemn bouncing. Yeah, it's like mouth shut. It's like old school. People used to have a trampoline at their home for like exercise only. Oh yeah. Yeah. You know, this might be one of those. Can't be fun. Very utilitarian. Utilitary. Yeah, I'm sure they have an old school. gym that's like, but it's like workouts from like the 1930s. It's like that rubber band that you just put on your belly and it just shakes it. I'm sure they have that. They're like, it's the exercise room.

It's all very special. Here you can lose, pal. You probably won't lose much. But, you know, and there's like a guy with a curly cute mustache and like an old timey bathing suit. Oh, does he wrap me a punch the behind? He's looked in this big, the round ball dumbbells. Yeah. I love it.

I'm very attracted to that person that you're describing, and I want them to be my personal trainer. The Circus Strongman. Yeah, I know. Yeah. I know that's your aesthetic. The Circus Strongman is your aesthetic. He can bend a pipe. On Wizard and the Bruiser, we find all those crazy little moments in geek history that made the things we love into inescapable cultural behemates. If you love video games, movies, comics, and anime, this is the LPN show for you. But wait, Holden, it's not just educational. Shouldn't we talk about all those crazy boner jokes we make all the time? No, Jake.

No, we will not. Fair enough. Last Podcast Network presents Wizard and the Bruiser. Find it on your favorite podcast app and hit that little subby-dubby button. Ooh, we would love it if you did that. Oh, that would help us out so much. God, wouldn't you love to do that? Don't I sound like the kind of person you want to help?

Like, hit the button. Like, just do it. January 9, Kate's birthday, she reportedly celebrated. it with Will. Pretty quiet. January 11th, there are, quote, growing concerns behind the scenes

that Kate is not confirming upcoming royal engagements. January 17, Kensington Palace announces that Kate was admitted to the hospital, quote, yesterday, January 16th, two and a half weeks after the ambulance was seen in Sandringham, and has undergone a, quote,

planned abdominal surgery. She will remain in the hospital for 10 to 14 days before returning home to continue her recovery. won't quote return to public duties until after Easter, March 31st. Also please, it's not Easter. It is spring Thanksgiving, of course. March 31st, there's spring Thanksgiving and start preparing for it now. You can start now if you'd like.

And also as a celebration of when Kate might be coming back for real, for real. It's a rebirth of her big, big ass. The rebirth of Christ and Kate Middleton's ass. It also mentions how she has to quote, postpone her upcoming engagements, including the Italy trip she announced four weeks beforehand. Separately, Buckingham Palace announces King Charles is going to be to the hospital for treatment of an enlarged prostate one week before the appointment. January 18, Prince William is photographed visiting Kate in the hospital. People magazine says he, quote, shifted his schedule to support his wife, and quote,

and yet is not seen visiting her during the remainder of her two week stay. Her parents and children are also not seen visiting. That's a huge one. Now that's a big one no matter what. Like something's going on. Maybe Kate's not missing because I guess she's in that car picture, but whatever. That could be anybody. A, that could be anybody.

B, because she looks like everyone in a weird way. Or she looks like an amalgam-like one of those AI amalgamations of what like a proper version. She's like a pretty version. Yeah, she's a pretty version of every woman. Yes, absolutely. But still, even if like she's alive or whatever, sums up, if you. he never visits her but one time, right? And though even weirder that her own, like, kids aren't seen visiting.

And that's, like, the big sticking point for a lot of people. The fact that... So you do think it's more maybe that she's trying to grow out her bangs and not that it was a BBL? Maybe a BBL. I mean, I feel like he'd be there more if it was a BBL. Because he'd want to get a nice handful of that rump. That's true. Yeah, but you can't touch the rump for a long time.

Yeah, but he could, like, jerk off at it. Yeah, that's true. Even if it's probably oozing pus and stuff, but, like, still, he could, like, probably get one off in the hospital room. January 24, People Magazine reports that Kate's, quote, inner circle, quote, were surprised by the quote, planned, end quote, abdominal surgery story and we're not aware of any health issues. That's very interesting. January 26th, King Charles has his prostate surgery done and, quote, paid a visit to the

Princess of Wales, and quote, Camilla is photographed during visiting him multiple times during this day. the theory that Camilla is salt burning the royal family. That's my, especially if you consider the fact that the director of saltburn plays Camilla in the crown. I don't know if you knew that.

Yes. Thank you. That's the director of Saltburn? Yes. Really? The director of Saltburn is the woman who plays Camilla in the crown. So maybe Camilla is salt burning everybody. I love that theory. Is that crazy? Isn't that wild? Is Camilla salt burning everybody or is Kate Salt

burning everybody. Camilla saw burning no because Kate is late. She's the first victim. Kate's one of the victims or was Harry the first victim? Yeah, not the first. You've got Harry and Mary and Megan and because there was this other mysterious death of this other I'm not sure if book thief gets into it but interwoven in all of this was there was this other like royalish person Thomas Kingston yeah that I don't have that. Also died under mysterious circumstances and or maybe it was ghost maybe it was ghost it could always be ghost

All of this could be ghosts because I dare say if there's any people, group of people that are riddled with ghosts, it is the royal court. Of course. Of course. Of course. And William also didn't go to his godfather's memorial service who was like a king of Greece or something. I can't keep the titles straight. But there's a lot of various other.

There's a king over there? I know. I don't know that Greece said a king. Oh my God. Where are these people just like us? and they just don't want to leave their homes for really any reason and will find any excuse they have to just stay at home playing video games

and watching movies and TV on Netflix, right? Yes, he was my godfather, but he's really, no one even knew there was a king of Greece so shall I really show up to the funeral, or shall I see it? I think it should be noted that a really good season of love is blind dropped amidst all of this and that may be affecting people's abilities to visit their loved ones at the hospital or something like that.

I had to wake up really early this morning to make sure I was all caught up so that we could talk about love is blind today. So, yeah, that's where my importance lie. Yeah, and again, though, you never should view Chelsea doing anything, saying anything, bone, sober like that again. I swear to God, Jackie. What's the last, I don't like it.

Warning, I'm going to give you about this. You have to have at least one glass of wine in you to even just stand her for a second. Don't see that. I don't like it. I don't want to be married to a man who goes out. For an hour. For an hour. And he left early.

Well, you're definitely there with one of those women that you're plutonic friends with. I wasn't. I can I just, that is. Sidebar. Sidebar. Sidebar. Sorry. Sidebar, love is blind.

Important sidebar though. It never, I don't understand a person that's like you ask, all right? One of the many things that pissed me off about Jimmy and Chelsea in these. these last two episodes. Sidebar to the sidebar. Jimmy chose Chelsea. Chelsea said she looked like Megan Fox and she absolutely does not.

And then she is spent in tight. But Jimmy is not the garbage man anymore. He's not the garbage man anymore. He's not the garbage man. And he has been actually kind of pretty forgiving for how jealous and needy and awful she's been ever since they left the pods.

And to the point where recently she got upset with him for literally leaving the apartment for an hour. and a half to celebrate a friend's birthday and then coming home at a completely reasonable hour. But also more importantly in that, the argument that they were having as well was that it was a friend that he had opened up

to her about, that he had had sexual relationship with in the past, even if it was just like a one night thing, who gives a shit? He was open about it. Off camera. Off camera and say. And he said he didn't want to talk about it on camera. To protect her. To protect the friend. to protect the friend, and then she brings it up, and that is very inappropriate. He, I think, like, that whole, like that alone,

that one thing would be like, I'm done. Yeah. I'm out. I don't want, I can't trust you. I cannot even try to continue with this anymore. Herrithically inappropriate. Yes, she, Chelsea, insecure, Megan Foxx-ass Chelsea, now has aired someone else who's not on love is blinds, sexual history.

Not okay. Not okay. When Jimmy explicitly said, I am telling you this to build trust between us. And you cannot talk about it on camera because I want to protect the privacy of my friend who is not on love is blind. I will say also like shout out hashtag not shout out to whatever editor decided that like we have to leave this. I know. I mean, I understand why they left it in because it is such a juicy fight.

But also it's like, that poor woman though. I know. Well, I know, I know. Brutal. I know. I know. But where were we? Kate Middleton is watching Love is Blind.

I'm sorry. January 28. Yeah, that's what's happening. Yeah. That's January 28 28. Yes, January 28th of Spanish journalist claims that Kate is in a coma, citing an unnamed palace source. January 29, Kensington Palace says Kate has left the hospital and returned to Windsor to

continue her recovery after a two weeks stay or a month-long stay if you believe she was actually admitted to the hospital December 28th in that ambulance. Bubba-ba-B-B-B-B-Holidth birthday. There aren't my birthday. Cats. There are no photos of her leaving the hospital. King Charles is photographed leaving the clinic after three days. Yeah, and I will say, I remember how many photos there are this bitch leaving the hospital.

Every time she had kids, they took so many pictures of her leaving the hospital, which, of course, makes sense because it's the airs or whatever. But I remember being like, I sure don't want my picture after I have my kids to be taken and shared, because I'm going to look terrible. And she looked great. But now that's like a forced thing, though. Isn't it, isn't it like a part of like the announcement of the Simba? You're like, they have to like announce the chart, right?

Isn't that like part of it? And then everyone bows and the angels. I'm sure. I'm sure. Well, and this is, I think that this is why like my British friend actually was the one who was like, why is everybody talking about how Kate Middleton is missing? Because they all go missing for like long periods of time. Like we don't know where they are or what they're doing, you know, for like big stretches.

So why do we think that she's been murdered or whatever? But I feel like part of the thing is like that they are so scheduled. Yeah. And so to just have her unaccounted for, like completely unaccounted for this long. Yes. Seems somewhat exceptional because. And the canceling of the events like now that Williams cancelling events, but which also would make more sense if Camilla is salt burning all of them. Yes.

It makes even more sense that like, okay, well now what's going to start happening to William? Right. Everyone's getting like slow poisoned or something is happening to them or like, yeah, he's cursed somehow. His hair's falling out. You know what I mean? All that good stuff. So it's a whole long game I feel like for old Camilla. Oh, Camille.

I was going to say the shill, but that doesn't really work. Camille the pill. Yeah, man. Oh, yeah. I know. Don't make me side with Camilla Parker Bulls because obviously the one who is really in the wrong when it comes to Diana is Charles. and we try not to blame the woman only when they,

but also I think that it's fine to get to get, Camilla, you should have left that man alone. He was married. Unless it's our Ariana Grande, then we blame her and only her. Then she goes out. No, we're blaming Spudge Bumble on. No, I blame Ethan Slager as well.

The blame is equally at his hands. No, I know. He's got blood on his hands. I don't know why he has blood in his hands. But either way, February 1st, Palisades tonight. What's all this blood doing on my hands? February 1st, Palisades,

Deny the coma story. February 4th. The Spanish journalist doesn't back down and says her source is reliable. And that is where I bring in, I think, the first theory that I just clicked with me. Lobotomy. I think lobotomy. Oh my God. If I was a princess, please give me a lobotomy. I will go through the motions.

Let me just. And then I'm not, I don't have to be like addicted to painkillers or anything. Like the Kennedy sister. Yeah. Or I guess opium. Yeah. You know, maybe we go back to like maybe it's like, oh, she's an opium user. We got to be. And I'm just like, like always like sucking on my hookah. Who was it?

And then I become the caterpillar. Rosemary Kennedy, have a lobotomy formed on Rosemary. It was immediately clear that the operation was drastically failed and Rosemary lost her ability to walk or talk for the rest of her life. They gave Rosemary Kennedy a lobotomy. Whoa. It is crazy to think about that. That was in 1961.

Well, she probably had too many thoughts and I bet that she like wanted to vote. I bet like she like there's a, I know it was like the 60th. It's like, I thought that she had a lot of crazy untoward. liberal ideas. She wanted to play baseball, actually, was the problem. Oh, yeah, and woman just can't wear pants. What do we have? February 5th, Buckingham Palace announces

King Charles has cancer. The same day, UK magazine says they hear that Kate will be in recovery for nine months, not three. This has not been confirmed. Nine months. Yeah. All right.

But this is all, unfortunately, that's tabloids, though. I mean, that could be anything. February 7th. I was like that sounds like they're trying to sprinkle a pregg on there. I was going to say. February 7th, William does his first official engagement since Kate's release from the hospital.

He thanks people for their kind messages of support in regards to Kate and Prince Charles. Thank you for cheering on my very much alive wife. Don't worry, I did not go visit her, but I imagine she is still alive somewhere. February 10, Kate leaves Windsor for her Norfolk home, leaving the kids with Will. February 18, William goes to the BAFTA Awards and accidentally creates a a meme when he tells the woman that I bet she had fun in that movie where she got sexually assaulted. Yes, and then they

made them viral photo. And Ayo goes, Ayo in the picture and history is made. February 20th, Will puts out a statement about Israel Palestine on their joint social media account. What's interesting is that Kate is not mentioned and he uses his solo monogram from before he was married.

Oh, no. Oh, is it like him with his pants off? Just like go like, yeah, have a look at my way. February 27th. William pulls out of attending the funeral of his godfather and late King Constantine of Greece at the last minute. There you go. There I go. Due to a, quote, personal matter.

The service is in the chapel next to his and Kate's house. This is what sets off the Kate is missing conspiracies. February 29th, royal expert Richard Kaye tells the Daily Mail that AIDS insists it is not a crisis, but adds that one longstanding courtier added not yet with distinct discomfort. despite this an official statement claims that she is, quote, doing well and will return to her duties after Easter. So the main conspiracies, we've already mentioned them already. And then the picture was taken. I guess that's the most recent thing that happened.

So the four main conspiracy theories are William and Kate are getting a divorce. There are rumors of will cheating back in 2019 and the UK gossip brags have reported on their rows. In this conspiracy, Kate didn't get surgery, but is, quote, in hiding pending the announcement. Honestly, that would make sense based on what we've gotten Because all we've gotten is, I feel like, wouldn't, all this is going on and everyone's, even if it's becoming almost like an internet joke, at a certain point there's so much screaming about it

and so much tabloiding about it, wouldn't they have a much more official like parading of the woman for, you know what I mean? Like she'd be dressed up. Yeah, you wouldn't have just a paparazzi photo of her in a car with sunglasses on who could literally be a weekend at Bernie style photo or she's just saw. lady who looks like her.

I feel like they would fake even like an event that was never even scared and be like, and here she is and she like walks out. Like if she was like working with them and everything was normal and she actually just had this abdominal surgery, I feel like a planned photo op would have taken place. Not just a weird like very in the bushes paparazzi photo of her in a car. Well, you know it's not bangs because no bangs unless the banks have already grown out. Who's that woman though? Maybe it is bangs.

Who's that woman? And who is this? Yeah. That's her mother, I think. No, no, no, I'm saying just to, I don't know if that's actually Kate. Oh, I see. I see. The real Kate, no, it's still bangs.

Yeah. There's also the very dark theory that William, uh, it was a, uh, domestic violence incident that, uh, you know, she's dealing with serious injuries from it. And this is why Will only visited her once and there are no photographs of Kate. And even in that picture, she's wearing this giant, I like the fun theories instead. She wears those giant sunglasses. is other theory, Kate has been killed and is being replaced by a clone or body double. That is definitely, like she certainly could be. I mean, a lot of sci-op conversations going on recently.

So make her a plan. And then the fun, this really is like the end of Wayne's world with the different endings. And then the fun ending. What if it's like replicate? That's what we can start calling a replicate. Replicate. Kate got a Brazilian butt lift or some other plastic surgery is currently hiding from the paparazzi while she recovers.

But I guess we just want to assume it's a Brazilian butt lift because that's the most fun surgery. It is my dream for her to exit that car and for her ass the size of the moon. That is kind of funny. So desperately to have. That is kind of funny that the one time we've seen her so far is in a car so there's no way we can get a look at that ass. That is interesting.

No way we can see if it's her ass. Yeah, because I think at first everyone heard abdominal surgery and assumed tummy tuck. Yes. She's had three children. The problem with that is like, what the fuck? Like, have you seen her? Like, there is no tummy tuck. Yeah, she doesn't seem like she would need a tummy tuck.

But maybe she would still, you know, I guess. Maybe she's got skin down there that we don't know about. You know, everyone's got a own personal decisions. Yeah, yeah. Totally. And tummy tuck is. So, yeah, right. Maybe she's like, you know what?

I'm a little stretched out. I'm Kate Middleton. I can do what I want. I'm going to get a tummy tuck. But also I know that a tummy tuck recovery is like very difficult. Very difficult. Very difficult. And so...

It's a horrible surgery. They, like, cut you all the way over. Yeah. Like, a friend of mine had gotten a tummy tuck at the same time I got my top surgery, and it was like, I recovered five times faster. So I feel like tummy tuck gone wrong to me or not... I mean, also, I don't know. I feel like that's to me the most because it is such an intense surgery.

That's the thing that makes the most sense. It's also the, like, not the least funny. Obviously, domestic violence is the least funny. tummy took gone wrong is like, well, that would suck and that's like really unpleasant and hard. Oh, I don't wish any unpleasantness upon truth, you know, and all of this. Because she, yes, she did marry

into the royal family, but none of the scorn. I just can't have any scorn for anyone who isn't born into that family, you know, like, she's just kind of along for the ride or whatever. But I feel like the things that make it confusing are the way in which it interweaves with the Charles

sickness and the way in which Will did not visit her. Those are the big questions. Well, that's what the book thief said. The only reason I mentioned Charles so much is that he serves as a foil for how he's been open and public despite his medical issues. Some theorize he's being used as a smokescreen to cover for Kate's serious injuries. Also, book thief writes, what probably actually happened, Kate wasn't feeling well and went to the hospital on December 28th. There was some sort of issue, but it did not require immediate surgery.

So they scheduled one for January 17th and canceled their upcoming plans and she is currently recovering in private. My thing is this. Yes, that's the big detail that is really trackable. William could not really have snuck into that hospital to visit Kate extra times. William only visited once. At the very least, he's just a dickhead husband, you know? But I think, I think there's more to it than that. You know what I mean?

And I think there's more going on. I have a feeling. And we're never going to know either. Like we're probably never going to find out. Unless we get a divorce announcement, then he'll be like, yeah. I don't know. Is that like even allowed? like isn't he supposed to be like the step down from God or something like is she allowed to divorce?

I know a lot of troops have to know Charles you know Charles got divorced from Diana. But that was a real big bat like that was just like really bad. Well exactly. That was really bad and this is really weird and drawn out. Charles is going to die soon because he won't get chemotherapy and he only deserves and believes in potions. like then I just want to know where that cut because at first I was like well why like what is the theory that this all like why is why do we need to overlay the timeline of going what's going on with Kate with what's going on with Charles because that seems totally separate you know he's a man in his 70s a lot of men in their 70s get prostate stuff like no biggie even if it's cancer he's going to have the surgery like that but like so it's like okay put that to the side but whatever whatever happens to Charles directly influences Will, right? Because Will's just sitting there waiting for Charles to die so that he can be king.

Oh man. Yes, he's just, oh, just waiting to sit on Army Hammer Father's chair. And he is gonna shit in a cage. And so maybe Will and Kate are under extra pressure because they're like, shit, dad might kick the old bucket soon. We're going to be king and queen, you know. And so, like, because that's, this is, not just any royal bitch.

This is the future queen. Oh, yeah. She's got to be snatched. Yeah. Gotta have a tight bod and a big ass. I want to see that ass. So big. I mean, I heard there was going to be

an eclipse soon, but I didn't realize it was Kate Milton's ass. Yeah, it's just like a full-on. She's so tiny. She's so, so tiny. Like the idea of her suddenly having a huge ass, it would be so noticeable. It would be crazy.

I love it so much. So, yeah, that would be great. I mean, that would spawn its own series of, I mean, I think we can outrule banks. I guess I'll say, this is now we have to ask. It's not do you believe, it's what do you believe for this celebrity conspiracy? I believe.

Why do you believe? I believe that's Kate in the car. I'm starting to think if it's not a lobotomy, which I'm leaning towards, that it is just this, it's actually all about a divorceo. And maybe there was actually a conveniently scheduled, like, surgery thing going on, but that kind of like helped just keep a distance between her and William, maybe something like that. Yeah. You know what I mean?

I think it would be awkward. Divorce already a real awkward topic for the royal family, but I think especially awkward right before you're going to become king. Yes. You don't want to be a divorce-o king. How about, okay. How about, yes, this adds some of the dark theory in. But ambulance night was the result of a row, right? Yeah.

Of some degree. Maybe not too insane, but something happened. right, something fucked up happened, right? And it could have been William. William could have gone to the hospital at night, you know? But either way, a row, a row happened. A famous British row. And then after that time, the surgery stuff is kind of a way for them to conveniently, you know, cancel all these plans and set in motion all this stuff for the divorce.

By themselves some time, yeah, because if you could say she's going to be recovering for a month. Interesting. What does the trampoline finger have to do with anything? I think that's the real question. Again, maybe, maybe row row. Maybe she poked him so, she was yelling at him and poking at him and she poked him so hard. She gave him the mandible claw. You shut up, she was pointing at him and then it broke.

She's like, you know what I'll do? I hate you so much. I'll break my own fingers. No. Maybe it was that. It could be that. Or maybe she fell on her ass, broke her finger, realized her ass was too bones. needed a BBL.

That is, okay, so Jackie, you're good, your team BBL, your team BBL all day, right? It's also like Ms. Susie. I love that. The Miss Susie, nursery ride,

Miss Susie fell upon it and broke her little Ask me no more questions. Ask me no more questions. Tell me no more eyes. Yeah. So Pete Middleton's second woman in history to break her little ass.

Second woman. Her fingers broke on her bone ass. And then maybe she like fell again on her bone ass and like broke a bone in her ass. Yeah. And she was like, I need more cushion. I need more cushion for the pushing. And then that's what they scheduled it out.

And then Pippa was like, you know what you can do is you can put fat from the other of your body into your ass? Yeah, yeah. Didn't Pippa, I think Pippa Middleton's ex just recently passed as well. I don't know. I am also kind of leaning towards Camilla salt burning. Yeah, I'm team Camilla is salt burning. The entire family.

Like everybody's just falling apart. Yeah. And yeah, I kind of like that. I mean, there is a headline that when I Google Pippa Middleton, and the headline is Kate Middleton, Pippa or Body Double. Rumors swirl over car near Windsor Castle. Yes.

So, a lot of theories. All right. Man, what do you believe, Holden? I just said, I think it's, I think it's divorce. Oh, you're just divorced. All right. So we've got option. That's on team divorce.

Your team. Broker little ask me no more questions. Yes. Yeah. And I'm team. BBL. Camilla Salter. And your Salmala Salton.

Camilla Salpern. I think that's a well-rounded set of theories. We'll have to check back in with this. I'm glad that we talked about it for 40 minutes. Yeah, I was going to say. We needed to get to the bottom of this. Now that the celebrity conspiracy is over, it would normally be time for the celebrity's conspiracy,

but let's look at some more of these. Instead, I'm going to be singing about the Nicole Kidman AMC ad. I saw the new one last night when I was being not forced but encouraged to see Dune 2 for a second time. There you go. Yeah, come on ride the worm.

We're riding. Spice, spice. Yeah, I'm all, I'm not like the other girls. I will go with my husband to see. Dune to another time. Yes. And I already saw, you saw the new Nicole Kidman,

because I was like, Jackie is going to be heartbroken by this news. And they took out heartbreak feels good in a place like this. I was I it's shorter which not what I asked for and like again we so the you know the room the AMC theater still cheered when she hit the screen but afterwards like because I think it was the first time all of us were seeing this new Nicole Kidman ad someone started saying it and the entire audience went heartbreak feels good in a place like this and we yelled it together and I was like man it was like man. the community of going to the AMC. I love being an AMC Stubbs member. I just, oh, I love going to the movies.

Wow. So people are going to just keep saying it, even though it's out of the ad. I think in Burbank they are. I probably absolutely nowhere else. Burbank, we really stand the Nicole Kidman A&C. Just that specific part of the country and world, yeah, for sure. No one else cares.

I like to believe that Nicole Kidman was like, I hear that everyone's laughing. at me. Can we do it again? Yeah, I don't, you know, like I feel like they're both aware of how great and the reaction to this, but they also are like fumbling the bag a little bit on like, it's, it's almost like when they brought Morbius back into the movie theater. It's like, yeah, you saw that we all loved it, but you're doing it wrong. Like, that's not what we want. We actually you're bringing it back just so that we all collectively don't go see it again and then laugh again

about not seeing it. It's like you, we need. We need. Heartbreak feels good in a place like this. Like there's some element of that needs to happen in the new ones. We need it. But there's three different ones. They're trying to make that's magic a thing. And sorry, that's magic just isn't my thing. Yeah, heartbreak is our thing.

Yeah, it's heartbreak. It's heartbreak. We need that. Heartbreak feels good. Specific thing. We need the idea that sadness can be fun, you know? Yeah. That's what I like about the movies.

And, you know, I like that they included different little like clips in it because now it's like Avatar and Elvis, which don't even get me started on my feelings about Austin Tyler now because of Dune 2 and how I'm not attracted to fade Ratha or whatever, Holden. I'm not attracted to that bad man. But I am attracted to Austin playing the bad man in Dune 2. I can see it. I need to Google.

What's his name, Austin? Yeah, yeah, I could see it. He's got a sort of. Oh, no, Austin Butler. Yeah, I said Austin Tyler, but I meant Austin. He's got a kind of a, you like the hairless thing a little bit. I'm not into hairless at all, but, and like he's such a badman in the movie, but he's just, man, you know what?

I like watching him act. And wait, I know there is Bacon Elvis and Method Elvis. Is this Bacon Elvis? He was, no, he was Method Elvis. Jacob Allorty was Bacon Elvis. That was even hilarious, though, if he was still unable to drop the accent. He was just like, hey, oh, come, no. No, I thought he was still Elvis.

I thought he was trapped in him all this forever. Well, apparently he actually did. He ended up doing six months of vocal work so that he sounded like Stellin Scarsgard. And he didn't tell Denis Villeneuve until he showed up on set. And then he was talking like Stellan Scarsguard because that's supposed to be his uncle in the movie. And he's very, Austin Butler is very creepy in Dune, too. Yes. Yeah, he does.

He does good. He's very good. He does good, kid. I mean, it's a great movie. It's, I can't believe it exists. Yeah, what is it? All right, quick, quick review, Holden. I mean, Holden got to see it.

How do you feel as the, you know, crem de la crem rude duner? It tickles me to no end that this is like the big blockbuster of the moment because it's just so like intense and weird. And like they don't, you know, they explain stuff. But at the same time, I feel like it could be, I'm sure it's probably overwhelming if you don't have. any idea, any of this going in.

The worm fever that's happened with everybody, too, is so funny. Everybody was screaming for worms right before the movie. Oh, yeah. And I actually, it was one of the trailer, I got one of those laughs, which is funny because I kind of like regret doing it, even though I got a, I had a good one because it just, it got other people to try and fail, which I feel bad with that, you know what to mean, a little bit? It would be, you know, other people got the shush, but we were watching, people already

yelling for the worms or whatever a little bit, and we were watching the trailers. I forgot what trailer was, some thriller. Maybe it was Twisters, it could have been. But one of those trailers before, at the very end of it, I just went, no worms. And everybody laughed, which is fun. I love it. And then other people try. It's so fun over this weekend to see something like Dune 2 where it's like everyone in the theater.

People are clapping. He gets up, he stands up on the worm. And everyone's like, yeah, Lisa al-Qa-I'm like, people are screaming. Wild, because it's such a deep and. dark sci-fi. And then, like, my other big takeaway is it just makes me continue to think about Tenet and how much I hated it. Like, this movie did the same thing in the sense of it was like an incredibly intense

sound production. And like, my chair was like rattling the whole time. Yes. In the same way it was for Tenet. And yet, I loved it. And I hated Tenet. And it just makes me continue to think about like why Tenet sucked so bad. Because I thought it was a large part of it was how overbearing and oppressive

of the sound was, but I felt a similar, like, overbearing oppressiveness of the sound of this movie, but I was there for it. But I think it's just how they handled that. You know, it's how they did. It was like, it's like a fucking ballet or something. It's like a, it's like a musical.

It's just, everything is just moving and happening. And there's dialogue, but it just feels like it's a musical without singing almost. Like, because everything's just so in motion at all times. Yeah. Like, for two and a half hours or whatever, almost three hours,

it's just this driving force, almost like a worm in the sand, constantly, you know, moving forward towards approaching its enemy. So anyways, I, I loved it. I thought it was amazing. I can't believe it, it gives me, and it also gives me continued hope that,

you know, they'll continue to, like, my dream is that they actually make God Emperor Dune, the fourth book, which is just like, it would be so ridiculous if it happened. I mean, it's just literally a giant worm, God talking. The amount that I've heard about the next couple books and then what ends up happening of just like in clips between you and Henry and Jeff in my life, I'm just like, I got to

see this stuff on the screen. I need to see them try it. And it's the fact that it's like the giant, like starring the biggest actors in Hollywood and it's like this huge event is the best part about it because it really is such a weird and dark and unsettling story. Yeah. Expans itself into politics and religion and just like the nature of like humanity and how we handle like resource management and like all these crazy themes that just don't normally

exist, you know? It's an interesting place to be. Hollywood's like blockbusters are in an interesting place and I want them to go back to being interesting instead of seeing the exact same superhero formula. 80 different ways, you know. It gives me hope because I'm a nerd and I love comic books and all that stuff, but I've been very fatigued on like the MCU system for quite a while now. And I'm just ready.

Why, but they're making the greats like Madam Webb. And yeah, and then that's the other thing. And then at the same time, Madam Webb's are dropping. And I don't know why they are, you know, to be honest. Like I, in a world. For the amount of projects that get lost over time, I don't know. understand how something like that could still hit the screen. In a world where that like amazing Acme like trial movie is never going to see the light of the day,

but Madam Webb is. Yeah. You know. And I know Dakota Fanning got unfairly represented, I think, in terms of her like shitting on the movie. I also feel like she didn't do the best job of promoting that movie. You know? Yeah. Yeah.

In terms of the. Or Dakota Johnson. Dakota Johnson. Dakota. What did I fanning? You said to do the same thing in my head. I know it's like it's in my head. I'm like, wait, wait, wait, what did she play in it?

I feel like the thing is like, we read an article a couple weeks ago. Jackie said that was like, oh, the internet is like making too big a deal about how much Dakota Johnson hates this movie. But I feel like if you talk to like a normal person who just reads the internet, people are like, Dakota Johnson seems to hate this movie. Which is so funny because she was already kind of known for being a part of a franchise. She also seemed to know was actually bad at the other day with the 50 Shades trilogy or whatever. but also Sidney Sweeney in her S&L monologue was like,

you probably saw me in Euphoria or what's the romantic comedy she did. Anything for you or something. You probably saw me in Euphoria or anything but you, you didn't see me in Madam Webb. Yeah, I think she's shitting on the poor performance of that movie publicly on S&L. Like, it's no now, you know. So anyways, I, I don't know.

I was thrilled. I was thrilled with it. I thought it was great. I'm just glad. I'm happy for you. Yeah, and I'm glad that they're making it properly. Yeah. It's so exciting to see that because, like, I think we all have our books that we wish we could see done properly.

That's just, man, again, I know I bring it up all the time, his dark materials, if they could just do it properly. They've tried it twice, failed twice, and I don't think we're going to get a third time. And that's okay. Yeah, it's brutal what happened to that series. It's brutal. Man. Oh, baby. The structure of that one's tough, but I say that.

I would have never thought that Dune would be as successful and cool as it is. Dune Messiah is a tricky one. I think Children of Dune, the third book, is like more palatable to be turned into a giant blockbuster. Dune Messiah has some, a couple of big moments, but it's pretty ruminative. It's also a much shorter work than the first book. And Jeff Dahlby, I was like, so the next movie is going to be the Holy War or whatever. and he's just like, no. What do you mean?

And then, of course, I asked the question, and then I received the answer. Yeah, I guess I shouldn't spoil anything, but it's more like, it's fun, it's cool because you're like, oh, hell yeah. Wait, should we take that out? Was that too much of a spoiler? I don't know.

I don't know. It's so weird, right? But anybody, but anyways. I don't know for a book that's very old. I don't know. I just don't think she looks like Megan Fox. I'm upset because I'm made a little. Oh, my kid.

What do you mean? I don't like it. I made an actual family tree of the Cyrus family because I was reading so many articles about the Miley Cyrus, Tish Cyrus, Noah Cyrus. Oh, man. We don't have time. Oh, no, we don't even have time to you.

And it's okay. It's another, we already talked about a dynasty today and it is the Royals. And so we will talk about these royals. And we'll get into it on the leftovers. We'll definitely talk about the leftovers. If you're on Patreon, on Patreon, patreon.com, forward slash page seven podcast.

We're going to do the leftovers after this. And don't worry, we will also talk about the Willie Wonka experience over on the leftovers as well. But the basic TLDR for you, if you're wondering why the Cyrus's are in the news, as Jackie said, man, I'm so happy my mom and I have never banged the same person as far as I know. And so that is what's happening with Noah Cyrus, who is Miley's little sister, and Tish Cyrus, who is her mom, the same 54-year-old man seems to have been shared betwixt the two. Yeah, that'll drive a wedge.

I imagine a penis-shaped wedge between the mother and daughter. Can I also just say this about Miley Cyrus's new song because I've been thinking about this a lot because I was like, why does this video and song like weirdly irk me? Like I love Miley Cyrus. I'm usually a big fan.

And I think I realize why. Because that song and video, the one she just did with Ferrell or whatever that she just put out the N-A-Bia. That song, I just realize it. Because it's serving. your friend who got married way too early just went through a rough divorce

like a decade or so later and now she's like, I'm going out tonight and we're having fun god damn it and I'm gonna kiss a man you know what I mean? She's given heavily divorced vibes and I'm kind of here for it too. We love a young hot divorcee.

She's like forced fun thirsty divorcee and I just like can't not see it anymore where it's just like I'm gonna go out and I'm going to flirt with a man because I deserve some fun for once of my life, God damn it. Yeah, especially with that hair. She's like a demurese from the 80s.

Oh, yeah. She's got an appletini, and she is love. She's just in a line of ludes, and now she is ready to go out. I can't, I can't take it seriously. I cannot, I cannot vibe. I'm sorry. It's just not working for me.

I had to make the family tree because Billy Ray is dating somebody who is currently 34, who he met four. 14 years ago on the set of his daughter's tween television show. Yeah. Sounds like a mess, but the craziest thing is the messiest thing is the name of one of the sons. Braxley?

Are you kidding? It's brazen. There's, there is, I've always loved big families, and that was why I was like, I need to write all this down. There's Brandy, Trace, Smiley, Christopher Cody, brazen, and Noah. And then enter Dominic. Brazen. Brazen. Not Braxley. Sorry. Brazen is also so bad. Hell, yeah. And then enter Dominic Purcell, who is the 54-year-old who seems to have done it with both Noah and Tish, daughter and mama.

And then there's Fire Rose, who is 34, who met Billy Ray Cyrus 14 years ago on the set of Hannah Montana. I'm not loving that. She's Australian. That's not my favorite thing. I'm not loving that. It's a weird situation. The mom does seem really hot. And so she's definitely. She gives fun mom vibes. She also said she likes smoking weed all day and that she wishes she had smoked weed all day when her kids were young. And I think that's fun. And again, but don't sleep with your daughters. Well, that's why I said.

It was like, good. I'm so glad we're going to take advice from the mother that slept with her daughter's ex. And then married him. And then married him. Yes. Oh, baby, but I don't know why Noah didn't go to the wedding. Come on. sign off on it.

And apparently Miley didn't know for a while that her mom and daughter were sharing a bow. And I guess she didn't care that much since the wedding happened at her house. I think that whole family needs to go missing. Am I right, people? No. They're all getting BBL.

You get a BBL and you get a BBL. And you get a list. Oh, who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list. Unlikely story 12 celebrity quote unquote romances. Some of these just made me smile, just thinking about it. Did you know that Pink and Joey Fetone were together for a little while? It was a relationship made in 90s pop star heaven.

Joey Fetone was in love with me, Pink Brags. He took me to Friendlies on a date and he bought me an ice cream. Such a sweetheart. He asked my dad's permission to take you to Friendlies. Yeah, man. He's too sweet. He's too sweet. It's too innocent for her.

Yeah. She's not that innocent. No, I mean, well, different pop star. Yeah. But I imagine she's also not that innocent. Super not innocent. No, but I think it's actually cute that he took her out for ice cream. That is cute.

When they're like two huge stars. That is cute, but I'm, the whole asking the dad for permission thing, I used to be anti, and now I've been charmed by it so many times. Most recently, I love is blind when Johnny asks Amy's dad for permission to marry her, even though he's already proposed. Oh, my God. But it's so sweet. And I love that daddy.

I'm pro them. And they're continuing their conversation, which I really appreciate. And it was very funny. And he's like, I looked up vasectomies. And that's harder than I thought it was going to be. He looked up what of asectomy was. I'm like, buddy. My favorite Instagram comment was Amy and Johnny are truly meant for each other because

they're the only two people on earth who haven't learned about what condoms are. Yes. You know, like, good for you guys. You guys both don't know anything about how sex works. and so we are happy for both of you. It's fucking bananas with that. I don't get it at all. It's like they're on a different planet.

I feel like they're going to rip their faces off of the end. It'd just be like green people. I hope so. Thank you for teaching us about your culture and the way that you live. But I'm also curious because apparently there's something in their contract where they can be sued if they don't walk down the aisle at the wedding. They can be sued by Netflix. So I do wonder like what's the bitch's name? I mean, she's not a bitch in this scenario,

but the one that was married or proposed to by Jeremy. Dara, Laura. Yeah, I mean, she's like, like a fun bitch. Yeah, yeah. Like, she said she's never going to see Jeremy ever again. So is she going to walk down the aisle? And if she doesn't, does that mean she's going to get sued? I think maybe if she can finagle Sarah Ann to walk down for her, then she'll be fine.

Don't even with those fucking jet skis. Though, what are you doing? And especially me, that was the episode that Jeff just sat down next to me. I was like, okay, so this person, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and then, like, he immediately started watching with me. I was like, see? Yeah.

Ah, you just, if you just watch these shows with me. Dune is to Jeff as love is blind is to you. Yeah, and I will talk, I mean, well, I think that, I think that Jeff would be offended if you said that to him, because I think that Dune, I imagine, is, I guess, a little bit different than Love is blind. Like, like, minorly. I mean, I hate to admit it, I've definitely been thinking about Love is blind

a whole hell of a lot more than Dune. Says the The Antitone podcast. Yeah. Well, did you know that Nicole Kidman and Lenny Kravitz were together? Nicole and Kravitz were secretly together back in 2007,

a fact Kidman never revealed until a 2017 big little lies press tour. She said, I knew Zoe Kravitz because I was engaged to her father. Engaged? In the family. How many women is this guy bagged, by the way? Dude.

How many women has he been with? I mean, yeah, he's got a good list. Remember when his dick popped out of the leather pants? I mean, Lord knows, man. Okay. Listen, look at this fucking hit list right here, all right? Nicole Kidman, Kylie Minogue, Natalie and Bruglia, Naomi Campbell, Marissa Tomei, Madonna, Lisa Bonnet, Adriana,

Michelle Rodriguez. And there's a few other models whose names I don't, I've never heard of that are just insane smokeshow hot. Yeah. Whoa, man. That is nuts. And he stays friends with his exes. Okay, we know he is an amazing lover.

He must be. He must be very, very good. Well, he's with him. Marissa tome. Oh, my God. We watched my cousin Vinnie recently, and my husband was just like, I can't deal with how hot Marissa Tomei is in this movie. She's so hot.

Like, we all knew. So hot. We knew she's hot because she's still hot now. She's like a fine wine. Bro, Marissa Tomei is so hot. Yeah. She is still. I can't believe she's even getting, I think, I dare say she's gotten hotter.

But then you see her in my cousin Vinnie and you're just like, oh, this is why. This is why. Give it over here. Crazy. This one is not even that crazy of a story. I just love to dream about it. Helen Mirren and Liam Neeson. Apparently they fell in love on the set of Excalibur.

And Mirren and Neeson skip dating and started immediately shacking up. Neeson says, I remember being on set as Helen walked towards me in her full Morgana Lafay costume, and I went, oh, fuck. And then he goes on to say, and then I pissed myself. I pissed myself so hard. I had to change fully my pants and my underwear. Yeah.

And she still loved it. Surprisingly, honestly, I think she loved it even more. And we're not going to king shame, and we're just going to say, goodfah. And speaking of, Cher and Tom Cruise were together. Cruz landed a spot on Shares top five lovers list, which is pretty impressive when you consider he's competing with Val Kilmer, Gene Simmons, Warren Beatty, David Geffen, Richie Sambora,

Eric Stoltz, and of course, Sunny Bono. That's a horrible list. That's a terrible people on this list. Yeah, that is a terrible list of... Although, in my brain, Eric Stoltz is also in the top five. And let me have this because of little women. Tom Cruise, too. I'm guessing he invented love bombing.

I mean, just look at the guy. You know that he's just the ultimate love bomber. No, some kind of wonderful. That's what you're of some kind of wonderful. Yeah, Eric Stoltz could get it back in the day. But yeah, I'm going to go ahead and say I'd rather sleep with Tom Cruise than Gene Simmons, I think. Yeah. Yes.

Yeah. That's a given. Like Val Kilmer, I could see the appeal, but just sounds like a not fun scenario. in a dating perspective. You know what I mean? David Geffen? No. Some rich old guy?

Yeah. Yeah, none of these are good. None of these. Mama, I am a rich man. And last but at least, just because I think that this would be so funny to watch happen, Amy Poehler and John Stamos. Amy Bowler says I was at dinner with John Stamos

and I was like, oh, maybe this is a date. But I blew it. I think I was wearing a Leslie Knope shirt. I wasn't Foxy. Stamos stands by his intentions. He says it was a date in my eyes. That makes sense. He's a real, like, comedian guy.

He's, like, one of those guys that just loves being around comics. And just, like, a genuinely good person. Word of course. Yeah. Seems pretty sweet. I'm going through a real, like, I'm thinking about John Stamos a lot. He's my Roman Empire. Oh, have mercy.

Have you been saying have mercy, you know? Yeah. No, but we have been teaching the kids how to do cut it out. just don't get them a woodchuck puppet. Or is that the next step? No, no. And I'm also trying not to think too much about Alanis Morissette during our full house viewing.

While watching Aladdin, man, you can't go down on someone while watching Alad. John Stapos, I think turns out to be a pretty, I always thought he was just so corny, but I think that I might have landed on he's like attractive, talented, and kind. Yeah, yes, yeah, yes. And talented, like, musician.

Yeah. Like I think, all right. Oh, you heard it here first, guys. We here at page seven have a crush on John Stamos. Yeah. And go ahead tell us, should I look up John Stamos badman? Do I need to look up John Stamos badman? I don't think he just put out his memoir, remember?

So I think if, I mean, not that he would write his about his own band. Well, I'm sure he would fully admit in his own book, the horrible things he's done in his past. I'm sure that would happen. All right. All right. I mean, that's not good. Of course, duh. Yeah, L.A. Party guy.

Are you kidding? Yeah. In fact, if he didn't have that under his belt, I'd think it was weird. All right. I can't see anything, though. I'm not blind drunk, though. I'm not getting into a car. No, I'm just, I think I'm going.

Blind! Items. Oh, we can't see them. There is a bootleg copy of the movie that everyone wants to see, but we'll probably never see the light of day through regular channels. The person with the bootleg copy is going to upload it to social media, but is waiting to see if the movie gets a platform. Okay.

It is, uh, this has been, have we talked about this on this show. I maybe have just, I've talked to about this. We don't know what movie you're talking about. There is a movie, okay, there is a movie that, uh, has been, has been shelved for no reason. It's kind of like bad girl.

We recently talked about a movie that was filmed and shelved. Yeah, yeah. It is, but you guys have no idea what it. Do I just say this blind then if you guys, I don't know how to, no, no, give us, give us sense. Or who is, oh, like, like, yeah, tell us, tell us. About this movie. It's kind of got a Who Frame Roger Rabbit vibe to it.

It's like cartoons in the real world. Will Forte is in it. God, I wish it was the new Garfield movie. I know, right? The third word is the name of the fake company in Looney Tunes. Acme. Yes. The first word is a famous character, but it's just the name of an animal.

An animal that can never catch a different animal. Funny. Runner. Coyote. Yes, the middle word is the two of them fighting each other. Coyote Brawl, Acme. No. Coyote, Kiss, Acme. It's Coyote versus Acme.

I'll just give you the middle word. Will Forte, who stars in, I kind of just put this one in so that we had an excuse to talk about it because it's such a weird thing that's going on right now, and especially in a world where Madam Webb gets released. I think I did actually bring this movie up earlier today. In a world where Madam Webb gets released, I don't get it. Will Forte, who stars in the unreleased film, said he saw it, and he felt a was quote super funny throughout visually stunning, sweet, sincere, and emotionally resonant

in a very earned way. Oh, it is actually the Looney Tooth? Yes. Oh, man. And John Cena's in it? It's literally like coyote finally like suing Acme. That's right. Fucking him over.

I want this movie. I know. And it exists and it was made and it's finished. And they're just like in order to make money off of it on it. It's like a tax loophole. Someone give them money. They're put, no, they're just putting it away. They're just going no.

Because we're in a world now. You make more money by not releasing something. Uh-huh. So they're not releasing it. I hate the entertainment industry. I hate business. I hate capitalism. I hate it.

I hate it. Give me this movie. Shelf, Madam Webb. I don't understand it. Give me this. Forte goes on to say, as the credits rolled, I just sat there thinking how lucky I was to be a part of something so special. That quickly turned to confusion and frustration.

This was the movie they're not going to release. Wow. And so, yeah, I hope this fucking bootleg copy exists. And I hope that they gets uploaded at some point. Please. It's so dumb, dude. Like, yeah, justice for coyote versus Acme.

Something about this just pisses me off. Yeah, dude. Because we, so much of, like, content is, like, mining existing properties, but this is actually a really creative idea. It's not just rehashing the same shit, you know? It's an existing IP, obviously, with, you know, it being Looney Tunes, but it's being done in a way that, yeah, exactly. It's like the opposite of, like, Space Jam, too.

It's like a unique, interesting idea using those properties. and I love when cartoons in real life makes. I'm a huge, huge fan of Who Frame Roger Rabbit. To a lesser extent, the original Space Jam, but yeah, I like love when they do this thing, and especially when they do it right, you know, and this would have been so cool. Especially I've been watching Last Man on Earth,

so I'm having, like, quite a time with Will Forte right now, and I'm really like, I never really watched him that much, and Last Man on Earth is, sad. But it's really good. Yeah, clearly he'd be like hilarious in a project like this. Yeah. I hate, I hate everything. But anyways, yeah, that's just me trying to bring that up. Okay. Love that. Thank you. Thing happening in the business. I just, I hate the whole idea, too, that it's like, yeah, we, we executives, by denying you this work of art, we make money. Yeah. By the sheer fact of not letting you see it. Bostards. Because of a tax. And it's always taxes. I just hate taxes. I just hate that.

taxes, man. They just make no sense here. Actually, like, I don't mind paying my fair share, too. I just hate that the people who, this is like fucking obvious tape. We hate billionaires and don't pay enough for taxes, they should pay more. It is mind-boggling, though. It is mind-boggling. This is why you got to join the cult of that one guy,

Andrew Keegan, down by Occupy L.A. I was about to say, I was like, I got to go Occupy Wall Street that you brought it up. All right. This next one's fun. This former boy bander hasn't aged as well as he hoped. While we never found him particularly attractive back of the day, scores of his female fans went to bed dreaming of him every night. But those dreams might now be nightmares since he secretly wears a toupee. He's working on his comeback tour and has a full-time hairstyle. This is his only test.

It's a glue on his wig. Oh, my God. He's terrified of aging. So before he takes the stage again, he's scheduled numerous cosmetic procedures. But wrinkles aside, his biggest fear is that his female followers will discover, He's basically bald. Is it Nick Clashay? I was going to say, is it Nick Lachay?

No, it's the other shithead who's trying to return, make a comeback after. Justin Timberlake? Yes. Justin Timberlake, where's a dupe? Oh, his little rod in there. All right. That's a little cheat sneak. Before I thought that this blind was going a little mean about baldness, but now I'm like, yes, drag you.

Yeah, it's very fun. I also love the overreaction to where you. That's a dupe. He dreams through the nightgress because of the toupee. And yes, if you are someone struggling with hair loss, I'm not trying to call you out. I just think it's so funny to be like, these fans who lusted for him will now be,

their pussies will dry up altogether, won't that? You know what I mean? It's like in the craft when her hair starts falling out. Yeah. She's like, what did I do? You know, it's like that. It's like, honestly, you look, you look great bald too, well. And, you know, too, you know he wouldn't roll with that very well at all.

No. Yeah, he deserves... slightly bad things to happen to him. We don't want him to disappear. I want him to be uncomfortable. I want him to be a fun. To be a fly on his wall these days would probably be quite entertaining.

I want his balls to be a little more chafed than usual. Right, right. Yeah. No, totally. Why can't I get my balls right? Totally. It's like get more powder, J.T. No, it's a fun one.

He's a great one for blinds, right? Because he's, you know, unlikable in this way that you could really just enjoy a blind of him and you don't you don't feel bad. He's truly evil. No, he's not. He's not true. This A-list actress with

many children is currently feuding with a fellow A-list actress over a French billionaire they are both pursuing. They are both Oscar winners and technically I think both are still married, although we would call them single. The newly one is much younger than the other.

This is a fun one, okay? Angelina Jolie. Whoa. Okay, actress with many children. Is that what Did you off on that? I mean, actress of many children, yeah. The other one, she, great actress, was in a weird movie recently that we talked about a decent amount because it's just weird.

And she kind of felt almost out of place in it. Rosamund Pike? No. No, because she did really good. Let's see, what did she do? Let me look up her movies. She's been in Giant Blackbusters. She's also been in like,

Elizabeth Olson. Elizabeth Olson's a good choice. MJ, all right. She's been in Star Wars and in the MCU. Natalie Portman. Yes. Natalie Portman, Angelina Jolie going. Good job, Jack.

Natalie Portman, Angelina Jolie going toe to fucking toe over a French. I'll watch you go lip to lip if we have to. We all right, I will do it for us. I will watch them kiss for us. If the French billionaire has to say it, I'm sure he would also like. like them to go lip to lip. I love the idea that the two of them are fighting over a French billionaire. That's so hot.

That's a movie. That's, and again, a movie I would watch. You wait until that Zendaya tennis movie comes out. Oh, yeah, like one of those. Sexy tennis. Sexy tennis is coming out soon. I know. We talked about sexy tennis like a year ago.

Forever ago. Well, because it was supposed to come out, but then all the strikes happened, and so they shelved it, and then they're putting it out. That's what it is. And now there's a new strike, right? Challengers, by the way.

Yeah, the Teamsters are talking about it. Yeah, yeah. Gotta happen. Yeah. Trying to replace them with robots. Yeah. Fight. Hello.

Would you like some crap services? Would you like some orange juice? It's like pouring the orange juice on his head. You're going to short circuit. Don't do it. I will give you orange juice. I will give you a cracker. I will give you a single jelly bean and a quarter cup of lemonade.

And if you want to hear more about that, we'll be talking about Willie's chocolate experience on the leftovers. Oh my God. We're certainly going to be talking about the Willowocca experience after this. A single jelly bean. That's all they'd need. That's all the kids. Hold in. What a crazy, what a crazy story.

All right. Well, I could see again. It looks like we made it to the end of this here episode. I'd like to thank you all for coming here. Yeah, you came here. Thank you guys so much for bringing your ears here, maybe bringing your heart here, maybe bringing your soul here. It really just depends on the day.

And hopefully you enjoyed us just assuming that, you know, Kate's got a BBL or divorce. I was going to say, too. And Kate, if you're listening to like, not lobotomy, what did you say? Bangs. What did you say, MJ? Camilla, Salburn.

Salburn. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kate, seriously, we got, we have extra beds. We have a place for you to stay out here. Like, if you need safe harbor or something, like page seven has you. has you, bro. We'll take you.

In exchange for one ticket to see errors. Two, three. Yeah. Or three, yeah. Like, we can do it for all of us. That would be great. I think we just seen one. I think I'm Jake and fly here.

I think we just need one ticky, please. For that. If we're going to save Kate Middleton, we can at least extort her for three tickets. That's true. We need three tickets, Kate, if you're going to fucking use us for all we're worse. Especially since we're trying to technically save her.

You know what, Kate, actually, I'm kind of sick of the cut of your gym. right now. She's going to do so much. I think we're going to put you in the boo box. No. Boo! We've got trampolines and there's no rules on our trampolines. She's going to be triggered if you bring up trampolines.

Don't do this in front of her. Yeah, don't. And thank you guys. This has been your week's episode of page seven. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. And you can come hang out with MJ and I on Wednesday mornings over on Twitch. TV forward slash oh no it's Jackie for very chill playing of the sims we have amber nelson of

LPN brighter side and spun she is currently romancing the grim reaper so we have to keep killing people so that the grim reaper can keep showing up so that amber can continue to seduce him or them and you should come hang out with us while we do that on wednesdays 830 in the morning my time 11.30 in the morning Eastern Standard Time. It's early. We're drinking coffee and it's chill. Hell yeah, dude. Check me out. Twitch.tv. 4.12 slash Holdenators Ho.

Check me out on there. I'm streaming every day in the month of March. So that's fun. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. And also patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast. Patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast. I'm just looking at the fresh comments on our Buffy Watch Along season one, episode seven. At the $10 layer, you can watch.

those videos, those videos unlock for you. People are fucking loving it. I love how early it is and we already have like just a swath of people screaming about this most recent episode in which we found out about Angels Forbidden Past. It involves a word you no longer able to say. Yes.

If that interesting. Check that out. It's a curse. That's not the word. And check us out watching that And I think that's about Oh yeah, page 7podcast at gmail.com. Please send your conspiracy theories. Really appreciate it. Obviously the one that came in.

I believe it was Rebecca and book thief. Thank you so much for the dossier we received this week. MJ? My name is MJ and I'm MJKL Kat on Instagram. Oh yeah. Thank you guys so much.

Have an amazing week and we will be back next week. Bye. Bye, everybody. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.