Page 7 - Ep. 528: Goonin' Makes Him Feel Good

Episode Date: March 21, 2024

This week Jackie's Hemorrhaging and passin' it on to Holden and MJ as they goss 'bout the name of Spring Thanksgiving, the drama currently going on with Sims Geoff, as Jackie gets on board with Yacht Rock and rekindles her love for Steely Dan, A KATE MIDDLETON UPDATE, Holden channels a robot provides a dismal update about the year 2035, Meghan Markle drops a homeware line which only adds to the Kate fire, as well as some more fallout from the no longer Royals failed Spotify deal, a man in Michigan falls asleep after jerkin' it to Love Lies Bleeding at an AMC, Spoiler Alerts for a glitter covered Love Is Blind reunion, a brief Gronkdate, and in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner: Is Kate Middleton CURSED BY A DIAMOND?!?! A list that certainly doesn't mislead, 3 BLINDS MORE EVIL THAN THE NEXT, Shoutz and moooore!!!!Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

So sorry, Holden, yeah, you're going to have to deal with hearing this song again, because it has been trapped in my head ever since I saw Love Lies Bleeding, even though the song, not in the movie. In fact, the name of the title is not in the song, even though my brain seems to think it is. And what song is that? Leave love bleeding in my hands again. Leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands.

It's a new metal song, MJ. Why do you look? So it's fuel, MJ. MJ, why are you looking like, you don't know what song this is? I'm not familiar. Thank you for saying the phrase new metal because that clarifies things for me.

Your passion and my confusion. I feel like that that is a dig. I feel it is like a low-key dig. And you know what? I accept your dig because baby, I'm soil and you're a plant and you need me and you can't dance. Damn. M.J. can't dance?

Yeah. MJ as a plant cannot dance. MJ's the Elaine of this group. I am the Elaine of this group. I'm somebody who believes I can dance. I will say this, MJ. I used to be a hater of that song, a filthy little turd about that song. Turdy Daddy is what I was calling him.

I'm going, turdy daddy, turdy daddy. And then we sang it karaoke style for Jacket with the Holdies. Solid karaoke number. It just has a driving momentum. great build to the chorus. I bet New Metal is a fun karaoke genre. Especially it starts out.

Memories are just where you need to. Yeah, you don't even really know what the song is at first. And then, yeah, it's the type of song with the chorus that you go, oh, this song. This song. And then on top of that, you know, it's dramatic. And that's what new metal is. That's why new metal is perfect for karaoke. You need drama for a good karaoke song.

That's why meatloaf is so good for karaoke. You know? I'd say. If you can do it. It's long. If you can do it. If you can do it. Tough one.

If you can do it. If you can do it, ambitious. I'd just say, if you want to do an epic karaoke moment, you got to pick something that's got,

that's got stakes, you know? Yes. And then ham it the fuck up. If you want to have that moment, we're like, well, you want to have steaks and ham. Springsgiving.

We're going to have steaks and ham at spring's giving up. Is everyone ready? Do you have your lambs ready? Slaughter thy lambs? It is for spring's giving. Spring's giving is coming up. I'm yes, I'm already preparing for it. Yes, Henry tried to like make us do something else and I was like, excuse me, it's spring's giving.

And yes, I have been calling it spring Thanksgiving. But last week on MJ and I's sim stream over on my Twitch, twitch.tv.tv.tv.tv.4.0. It's Jackie on Wednesday mornings. There was a bit of a chat poll from the amazing I don't really play video games and 100% of chat voted that the name of Spring Thanksgiving shouldn't be Spring Thanksgiving. It should be Springsgiving. And that's because Jeffrey, with his massage hands, came in and was like, oh, it should be called Springs giving. And I say massage hands because in the Sims, Jeff keeps massaging other people. Jeffrey is a serial masseuse in the Sims.

He is a serial masseuse of other women, specifically. he came into, in the Sims, he came into Amber Nelson's house. We had to say Sims Jeff before every time. We have to really, like, delineate Sims Jeff. Sims Jeff gave Amber Nelson a foot massage and we were shocked. And then weeks later, Sims Jeff or maybe a week later, Sims Jeff gave Cheryl Blossom a whole body massage. Don't get me wrong.

Honestly, if that's not infidelity, I don't know what it. But I understand, you know, like I. I mean, I get it too, but I understand. lots of people that my husband could cheat on me with. You know, I get it. I guess, but it's also a little physical bit of cheating. I am trying to rationalize it. It broke my heart.

Yes, and then. Especially after I've had his Sim child. And then my Sim had sex with Father Christmas. And I told my real life husband and he said I get a Hall Pass for Father Christmas. Well, tell that to Sims Gideon because Sims Gideon does not feel that way. Yeah. That is a good hall pass, a magical entity. Because lately people will be like,

this YouTube guy. You'll actually fuck that guy. Yeah, you'll meet that guy someday. Yeah. You'll actually have a chance to that guy. That is the funny new thing with the Hall Pass because just normal people are becoming

weirdly famous. So it's like, yeah, that guy who plays those guitar songs on YouTube. Oh, he's my Hall Pass. It's like that guy's just... Yeah, he says something about like, I am Rick Tank. You know, that guy.

He's got me slipping out of my seat. Well, he's been through a lot. So maybe he deserves a blowjob or two, Jackie. Yeah, he's recently. traumatized, so you might be able to get him to have some of you barely. But back to Spring'sgiving. I think that Spring Thanksgiving is a more clarifying term, and I think Spring Thanksgiving is a little bit confusing, but I was outnumbered.

I will say chat did bring up that chat did say, do you question what Friendsgiving is? Friendsgiving is very proximate to Thanksgiving. Springsgiving is unrelated entirely to Thanksgiving. No one else has ever compared Easter to Thanksgiving, and that's what we're where I think the confusion lies. Yes. But I appreciate your enthusiasm. And I just want also the record to show that Jackie's always been an Easter

enthusiast. I remember back when we were still just getting hammered in a basement before we recorded this show. And Jackie told me her go-to Easter ham recipe, which at the time, I want to, and I've been meaning to ask you if it's the same, her go-to Easter ham recipe was put the ham in a slow cooker, pour a can of Diet Coke over it, set it and forget it. Well, please, regular Coke. You need the real.

Or was it Dr. Pepper? Actually, I think it was Dr. Pepper. It could have been Dr. Pepper. It was Dr. Pepper. But there was also some brown sugar in there. You got to get that glaze out. Get that soda glaze. And that is, I haven't made a ham in a long time.

I've went from ham to lamb, the Jackie Zabrowski Springsgiving experience. So I've been more of like a bad, bad kind of girl, you know, not bad, but I'm like, I'm like, where's the D? Come on, guys. And I am bringing it today. You're just so excited.

She is bad. Your holiday is here. Spring has sprung for Jackie. It's amazing. And it is the first day of spring, right? It is. I was informed about that by my child this morning while getting dressed.

She was like, I have to wear my fanciest dress. It's the first day of spring. I was like, no, it's not. And then I had to look it up and I was like, oh, it is. Is it freezing there still? Yes, it's freezing. But it is spring. But she is in her Sunday best.

Oh. Yes, it is spring. Are you guys going to celebrate Springs? And also for those of you that are new to page seven, Springsgiving is Easter. I just have stripped it of all of its religion. And Nusley, what are you left with? It's essentially Thanksgiving,

but take all the genocide out of it. So it's just the meat. Yeah. But we do hide little bottles of liquor for the adults and we do hide candy for the children as well. Very nice. It is nice. And it's also the season in which I think, Jackie,

I can speak for both of us. where we start slip it into listening to the soundtrack from Jesus Christ Superstar, as recorded by John Legend and Sarah Borellas at that time they did it. That is not what I've been listening to. No, can't say that I have. But thank you, though, for including me in this journey alongside you. And I feel like I did walk with you. And then at some point, your feet were alone in the sand.

And I'm sorry. You're telling you because you were just as excited about Jesus Christ Superstar Live on TV as I was at the time. But you're telling me you have not carried that experience with you. I'm starting to like veer into yacht rock territory. Like this is the time that my yacht rock starts to shine. I'm getting my Dan. Yeah, man.

My Dan's risen. Yeah, baby. Oh yeah. Oh, yeah. Mercury's in Dan. Dan has risen. Dan has risen. Absolutely.

Has Riz in because Steely Dan is. because Steely Dan is here to stay. And you're like, did Steely Dan ever go away? And the answer is nay. But you know who did go away? And that is a one Kate Middleton. Yes, we are coming at you. Week three.

Kate number three. Kate episode three. Do you, okay, so let's, we have not discussed this before. We saved ourselves an hour and we told ourselves we can't talk about it until we start recording. So on the count of three, I want everyone to say whether we think it's her in that video. All right, we're going to say her or not her on three.

Okay. One, two, three. Her. Not her. Okay. You think it's her, MJ? I said her, but it's not a confident her. It's only because there is a small part of me that thinks that the madness must stop.

Yeah, yeah, I get that. And I totally, you know what? And maybe it is her, okay? And I'm interested in your many theories, people of the world. Maybe it is her, but even if it is her, she's looking galt. Yeah. She's looking. Yeah.

And people did, there were, there was speculate trigger warning, trigger warning. People said it was maybe an eating disorder situation. Is that the trigger warning robot that comes in every time we talk about a. Thank you, trigger warning. Thank you. You are about to talk about disorder eating. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, trigger robot.

Yes, absolutely. And both of you will die in the year, 2035. Goodbye. Understandable. Whoa. Bigger trigger warning for that. Yeah. Terrifying.

How will they die? How will they die? Get back here. Robot, keep it moving. Keep it moving. I don't want to know. All right, MJ doesn't want to know. I also don't want to know.

Let's be real. Because then it's like, oh, I fall off a cliff. Then I never go near a cliff ever again. And, you know, I am want to cliff. Well, we can narrow it down a little bit. If you both die in the same year, that means either it had to be some new supervirus or you were. both skipping next to a cliff at the same time.

So maybe we'll be on tour, which might be fun. Sounds like we have to stay apart for the entire year. You guys have to stay apart in 2035. Absolutely. But you got a decade. It'll be difficult for us to tour. Yeah. A decade.

And we'll be too old by then anyways. That's old. It's not her in the video. I think, why is so grainy? I know. What is happening? Right. It is the year 20, 24.

I know I imagine they were probably very, very, very far away. I'm sure that that's part of it. But it's still mid. midday. Yeah. What camera was that? Man, I will say, too, look at a picture of normally her. And I mean, obviously, if you were laid out for a long period of time in a hospital for

some crazy surgery or whatever, but the song's going on. This is weird. It is weird. Why is she, she looks not like herself in this picture. So, and I think, I think at the end of the day, I want to be like Mr. Conspiracy over here. I want to be Mr. Tinfoil over here, right? Yeah.

But A, that's what got a bunch of people storm in a building. so we don't really love those anymore. B, and that's bad or whatever, Storm and the thing or whatever. And then B, I feel like at the end of the day, it doesn't look like her because she doesn't look like her right now as much as she used to.

Because she's like whatever she went through. Because she's going through traumas, yes. Yeah. Something's going. There's no question that something is happening to her and it's just a question of what it is. I'm so curious because everyone's like, yeah, but they said, the royal family said

that she's not going to show. go her face, like the little groundhog that she is, until Easter. So it's like, is there going to be a spring's giving, like, release? Are we going to see, like, is she going to be, like, let out, like, a bunch of hens out of the clock house? Like, what's going to happen when she's released? Genuine question, because I'm bored to snoring normally about the family, right? So I don't pay much attention. Does she talk?

Does Kate, like, talk? Great question. I don't know the answer. I don't know the answer to that. Never cared about her until now. Have you ever heard her voice? I mean, maybe there was like one interview for like Oprah or something. I imagine she talks like this.

Yeah, does she have the- You think she talks like an Australian woman, even though that would be crazy. I would immediately be like you're not Kate. William, yes, I was at the farmer's market. Procadile Kate D. over there. Yeah, I think it would be a British accent. That was British.

Where are you? Maybe the dingo at your baby. Yeah, that's just not British. But I do think, I do think she does sound like a British woman. I think she looks too short in that video. I think she looks shorter than him than she usually is. She's wearing flats. So that could change things.

But even if you look at the picture of her in the car and then look at the picture of that woman, you're like, what happened to you? Her face is a different shape. Her face looks different for sure. And this goes back to my point that I made last week, that this, This is why we should all try to embrace our freak flag. Because if you look this generic, no one, it's bad sign if there's been three pictures of you released in three weeks. And no one has any idea if it's you. Yeah.

But I, yeah, I don't know. I've been thinking about this a lot. I think that I've heard some various theories. I think since we recorded last, has the callastomy bag theory emerged since we last recorded? I feel like that's been kind of at the forefront. Like she got a calasomy bag and the royal family can't talk. about poop. So they'd rather us all think she's dead than talk about a colostomy bag. And then there is a theory that maybe she's just like very, very ill and like gravely ill and that that's what's

going on. Have we also discussed what is now my favorite theory, which is that Prince Charles is siphoning off her healthy blood into his body. And that's why they're hearing a hospital room. See, that I can get behind. It's all the blood transfusions. And that's why she's so gone. And that she can barely even walk through the farmer's market. Yeah. And that's why they're... I mean, she was walking fine through the farmer's market, but I don't think it was her, which is why I think they had to bring in someone else to walk jauntily about the market. And in terms of the... This is another thing where I meant to ask my British friend this. My poor British friend has just been feeling a lot of questions,

but I'm like, it's probably not unreasonable to think that they have body doubles. They almost surely do have body doubles. They have to have them. Like they must. And it's all, it's like, now it's coming to like surface that like they, doctor... photos like pretty regularly and that like they there's photos of them that like released photos that might be like clearly composites and that's just like what they do so I just feel like it's the hardest thing about this story is it's so hard to know what is complete tinfoil hat madness and what is the actual real life weirdness of this extremely bizarre extremely rich 2,000 year old family who only does weird shit.

On Wizard and the Bruiser we find all those crazy little moments in geek history that made the things we love into inescapable cultural behemates. If you love video games, movies, comics, and anime, this is the LPN show for you. But wait, Holden, it's not just educational. Shouldn't we talk about all those crazy boner jokes we make all the time? No, Jake. No, we will not. Fair enough.

Last Podcast Network presents Wizard and the Bruiser. Find it on your favorite podcast app and hit that little subby-dovey button. Oh, we would love it if you did that. Oh, that would help us out so much. God, wouldn't you love to do that? Don't I sound like the kind of person you want to help? Like, hit the button. Like, just do it.

The sad reality of all of this is she's so boring and they're so boring that honestly they could just have a different woman be her. And I would never know because, again, we couldn't even remember what her voice sounds like. So it's the weirdest. I remembered Holden. I told you earlier. Jason. Yeah, crocodile.

It's like the character who's giving away Mr. Scrooge's blankets, the spider. The spider guy. He's giving away. Yeah. He's giving him his glasses. You understand. Still warm from when he was sleeping. She sounds like a cretan of the swamp.

I forgot. I just don't. Yeah. It's, yeah, they're just useless. Why do we let these people be special? I'm so over this. They're so annoying. That's what they're asking themselves.

Yeah. Because they're very afraid that everyone is asking that question. And that's the funny thing is, is, oh no, this is such a big deal because their whole job is to be, like, make themselves look like normal and like they should be these icons of Britain and yada, yada, yada. And it's just like, yeah, so essentially what you're saying is like, we've all agreed that they're totally bullshit and this whole thing's bullshit. And like, we know it and they know it. But like we all are playing this like theater of their special. The game of Thrones. Even though they're like constantly being not special.

That's why like that was so great with the Megan Markle thing. Because it was like, oh, he doesn't know what he's doing. Oh yeah, this lifestyle brand. I was just about to say, man. So what do we think about the fact that so Megan Markle over the weekend has revealed her new, brand new lifestyle brand. And that is going to include cookbooks serving. Home decor, stationary, yoga gear, and pet food.

Won't that be so crazy? What an annoying list of things. Annoying! I'm annoyed. And why? But then talk about get your tinfoil hat on. Why did Megan Markle decide to release this information over this weekend? So, of course, we all know when you are putting out like a new business, you got publicists and everything. It was planned, I'm assuming, for this.

this weekend for a while. Probably. Probably at least six weeks in advance. Probably before the Reddit became reality and like the entire world is wondering where Kate Middleton is. Probably. Yeah. But you can pivot.

Why would you go through with it? It's an Instagram post. I'm sorry, it's easy to reschedule. You know, it's a strange choice for her to do this launch. And I think it is kind of funny if she was just like, fuck that family. I'm not rescheduling my launch for my stupid stuff. Look at me. Look at me.

Look at me. Is it? Yes, at the American Riviera Orchard brand. I don't think it's that. I think that she's genuinely not. I think that she's genuinely not that bright. I think that they both are showing that they aren't very bright after the Spotify, I think.

So my thing with this is, A, hilarious. Love that you launched it during this time. This is so funny. B. Girl, don't let anything stop you. If this turns out similar to the Spotify thing, thing, she is officially like a fraud. Like she's a fit, not, like, maybe not a fraud like in a legal sense, but in terms of a

person, like person anyone should ever put any stock into for anything. If this falls through, which I don't see how it won't, this seems so absurd to do this after you couldn't even have like a interview show. You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, for those of you, if you don't remember that essentially they were given like $20 million to do this Spotify podcast show where they would have huge guests,

but none of the guests would say yes to be on their podcast. And then they just stopped making episodes and the whole deal went through. They just didn't turn it in. This is huge. They just didn't do it. They just didn't do it. And at the end of the day,

and I had to be like, you know, hey, we work hard here at the LPN. But at the end of the day, an interview series podcast, like just delivering, like 10 episodes of that is not that difficult. Especially for them, they probably just had to show up. I was going to say they surely are not booking the guests.

They surely are not reading the books of whoever's coming on. They surely are not writing the questions, right? You just have to show up and be Harry and Megan. So therefore we work much harder than they would ever work on. Oh, oh, for sure, for sure. And to not be able to turn that in doing the, it's just so, it's, I immediately was like, oh, I think I'm done speculating

whether or not they're like sensible, hardworking, good people. You know what I mean? They also had that $100 million deal with Netflix and they did that Harry and Megan multi-part series, but apparently they were also supposed to do this children's show

called Pearl that was created by Megan Markle that also has had the kibosh put a pond. Yeah, if this lifestyle brand falls through and I have very good reason to think it absolutely will. I mean, it is like, why, again, I go back to the question

I was asking about the royal family. Why are we paying attention to these people? Yeah. They're clearly like beneath all of us. But it's tricky. It's so tricky I find, especially with Kate Middleton, because I can't, I cannot summon the level of like scorn that I have for the actual family

that I, for the people who married into it, right? Right. That includes Diana. I've got some scorned. for Camilla. Okay. She's a little bit scornworthy. But like, you know, Kate and Megan married into it.

Like, this is not their 2000-year-old burden to carry on the one hand. Yeah, on both hands. And it's like, obviously Megan is like somebody who wants to be famous. Like, I think that's pretty clear. And there's anything wrong with that. Lots of people want to be famous. Yeah. But I think that she thought at first, like, okay, I'll be famous via suits.

And then it was like, I'll be famous via princess. And then that didn't work. And that's famous via. podcast? Nope. Let's try famous via lifestyle brand. But I do feel for Kate Middleton just based on everything we have learned about Diana and that if you, even though Megan kind of gets like gets some clout, I think for kind of bucking the royal family, which was admittedly a very hard and I think whatever brave if we want to say that thing to do, Kate is like all in like I'm the princess, I'm the future queen or whatever.

And so she's like bought in, but everything we know about what Diana has said about that family is just that it is like the most horrifically oppressive environment, especially if you have any sort of mental health issues going on whatsoever. And that's why like over the course of the three weeks, I think I have slip and slided from like, this is a fun conspiracy to like I think something might really be wrong with her. Yeah. Like she might be in danger. Oh, yeah. And that's why I'm like, that's why I saw that photo of her and Will. and I'm like, I kind of wanted to just be her because I kind of just want to know that she's alive.

Like at this point, I actually want to know if she's alive. And I think I need, I wanted to burn all burn to the ground. Yeah. I think I wanted to all implode. I want to be the person to be like, I was alive with the royal family. And, you know, and right now it's looking like some dominoes, right? Right.

You've got cancerous king, missing Kate. Oh, yeah. Megan and Harry flying off the head. handle. I mean, this is, this is, this is, you know, although Rose-Henberry has come out and said that those accusations are completely false. Did she speak to the accusations that her husband is a closeted gay man?

Because that's the other part. Every single person who enters the chat in this saga has like 60 pages of dirt on them. Yeah. So it's like, oh, Lady Chubbley. And it's like, Lady Chubbley might have his baby. And then it's like, Lady Chubbley has a very old husband who also has a, like a Mr. self on the side. It's a mess.

It is a mess. You know, maybe the Princess Dye saga would be, would be worse, but I don't know. I feel like this has got to be the messiest time in the royal family. And I have a, actually, I just realized my conspiracy theory connects to all of this. Are they cursed? We'll find out in just a little bit. Well, but imagine how bad the whole Diana situation would have been if the internet was what it was what it is now. Yeah. Right. Totally. Like it would have been insane.

Like that, talk about it. Because, like, you'd have to really cover your butt if you are the royal family now because everyone can see everything. If Princess Die was good at social media, which I have a lot of reason to think she would be very good at social media. Oh, yeah. If she was like kind of a Chrissy Teigen, but like a real genuine person that people actually should like.

I thought to say, don't you dare put Princess Die all the way down there. I'm saying she's like the person Chrissy Teague pretends to be. Yeah, like an effortless wine mom. Yeah, like an effortless wide mom. I think everything would have been very different. Would have gone down very, very different. Wasn't she doing like real great

for the world? Like, wasn't she doing stuff? Yes. Wasn't she a mover and a shaker and that's why they hated her? Yes, and this is, I keep shouting it out, but the you're wrong about series on Princess Di is just so good. But one of the things that the host that shows Sarah Marshall says is that like, Diana was this kind of like saintly, like,

doing all these amazing things, taking a picture with a, you know, in a HIV AIDS ward, like for the first time, all this stuff. But then also was like a hot mess, you know? Like, she really, like, she wasn't perfect. And like, that if she had lived, like, we would have gotten to, like,

see what kind of like messy hot mom she would be, you know? And like, that I think that she got kind of like, sainted by, you know, everything that happened. Oh, yeah. And we didn't, like, I think that it actually, is helpful to like open up about that like she, you know, and she herself was like very outspoken about like how she was kind of a mess, you know.

Do you think she'd be, do you think she'd be banging Barry Keogan? Oh, right? Who would she be banging? Oh, she'd be banging. What did she mean? Oh, her hit list would be so good. Her hit list would be so far. Maybe like Jacob Allorty decides that he wants to have like a Lordy.

Also though. Barry Keugan is Irish. So if Diana. Oh, that would be a tough one. Barry, Barry Cougain. They're like, cause a fucking World War III over there. Yeah. Or who knows?

Maybe Princess Die would be looking more in the way of like a Kristen Stewart. True. Because, yeah, we do need to talk about Love Lys Bleeding. The movie theater, Jerk Off guy. Yes, we are going to talk about it because Love Life's Bleeding was so great. I so thoroughly enjoyed this movie. Please check it out. It is like it is inspiring me in multiple ways.

also very sexy movie. And if you have not heard of this person who fell asleep, I'm going to assume after jerking off probably not to completion, but this picture that went viral of this man that fell asleep in this movie, because again, it's a sexy movie. So I understand where he's coming. Yeah, meant to be sexy. But it is, and like it is, it's also just a very good,

and I will say it's like it's much more of a movie than, what the trailer shows, which is even more exciting. I loved it even more than I thought I was going to. But looking at the experience that this man had set up for himself in this AMC, I'm just like, I guess the word is impressed. So yeah, so I brought this to Jaggy's attention on Jagging with the Holdies. I was just couldn't get over it. That was like the fun Twitter event that happened this last week.

A person tweeted out a page shows this picture of this guy. Flacid dick in his hand asleep. And they wrote, went to go see Love Lies Bleeding. And this drunk guy jacked himself off to sleep is the funniest phrase ever heard, jacked himself off to sleep. So again, I don't, and I don't think he finished. I think he literally just jerked off until he passed out. And next to him on the table in the picture.

We certainly didn't finish all that fireball, Holden. The pictures worth a thousand words like this. I love a picture like this where it tells the whole story in one frame. So next to him on his little side table at the movie theater, he has two bottles of fireball. Only one is open. Yeah, one is open. A vape and a empty pack of Marlboro Reds and a rolled up dollar bill because I think

the Marlboro Reds was containing cocaine. I'm going to say if he fell asleep, I'm going to say it might have been more of like a K. I think maybe it was more ketamine, possibly. Ketamine, probably. you're right, that would be very contradictory. Yeah. So either way, he was bumping something. He was blasting something.

He was snooed. It's just so crazy. And then you just think you're like, what is this guy's story? Like, that's crazy that that was your plan. All right, I'm going to get two bottles of fireball. We've got this K. I've got that, you know, and he wasn't even like, and also he was sitting, I'm just realizing like kind of in the front. Yeah.

Like, if you're going to do that kind of activity, wouldn't you go into the, back of the rooms. To the very end, why would he be right in the middle of the theater? I just don't understand. Did this work before? Like, did this, was this an activity that he enjoyed before this moment, like often? You know what I mean? Stroked it so nice.

He did it twice. And that was the problem. It's so funny. By himself. It is so funny to me. And I, you know, and yes, of course, obviously, yeah, this guy. It's so funny. I was just looking at a Reddit post about it because I wanted to find the tweet, the actual

tweet. the words they actually used for that. And someone was like, geez, I hope this was rock bottom. Yeah, you think. I hope so. I hope it was rock bottom. Honestly, it kind of looked like the dude in the last 90-day fiancé,

the one with all the guinea pigs. It kind of looks like that. Oh my God, I just finished that talk back last night, actually. It's funny you bring that up. Yeah, you're dreaming of guinea pigs over here? Stupid 90-day fiance. Well, his mom had to live in the closet because the guinea pigs, they need ventilation. They need their space.

They need space holding. Man, that whole thing. Just what's wrong? Society just is so, like, can we just please just, maybe just we need to quarantine again, but like just a specific, you know, people. And we haven't, okay, so to go, to take it back to, I don't know, redirect you from there. to take it back to the guy with his dick out. Until his dick came out, we might say,

well, sir, this is a strange choice for a night, but, you know, it's fine. And not to justify him taking his dick out, but obviously he had seen how, presumably, we could assume he knew how sexy this movie was supposed to be, because it's been marketed as very, very sexy. And I think what's interesting about this man is, as Holden often points out,

there's just better jerk-off options, unless you're in the state of Utah. there's just better and easier jerk off options at home. For sure. You know, get jerk off to looking at pictures of the premiere red carpet events or whatever and then go see the movie. And so if he had just done that, it would have been fine. But we haven't really talked about the whole internet,

maybe you guys talked about more on the leftovers, the internet has just been a blaze about this movie and specifically about her red carpet looks because she keeps taking her vaj out for a walk on the red carpet. Yes, she does. Yeah, this red carpet looks are crazy. Those red carpet looks, Mama Mia, I am sliven for it.

This movie, I can't wait to go see it again. It's definitely one of those for me. And I was just, I couldn't look away. It's very sexy. But also just very good. It's as sexy as it seems. Yes, and it's good. Yeah, but it's also just a really good movie

in a very, a surprising movie. Yeah. in multiple ways, which is, and they're both so good in it. I haven't looked into Katie O'Brien at all, but I think that she might be an actual lifter, but I'm not sure. But if she's not an actress, amazing in the movie, regardless, they like their passion together is, well, you can't make that up. I tell you what. Oh, am I being the creepest? Maybe.

I'm sorry. but I definitely felt like a cartoon wolf that turned into a steam engine by going like while I watched the movie. Jeff just looked over at me and he's like, you just had this big smile plastered on your face. I'm just happy to see it. I mean, weirdly enough, weirdly enough, the tweet and the news story like is a great viral marketing tactic. I would love it if that was actually planned.

They were like hired this guy to get hammered and drive. jerk off his dick until he passed out. Yeah, it is kind of an ad for the movie perfectly. It really, I mean, come on. Like, yeah, this is a party. He's a one-person party. You just can go and just have a time with your own jeans, you know? And I just love that.

Yeah, man. Man. Although you shouldn't do that because you're not getting consent from everyone else in the movie theater, and it's very upsetting. You don't know who's in that movie theater. And, I mean, I can't imagine that there's a lot of kids going to see Love Lies Bleeding. Exactly. I would hope that's not the case, but you know, you never know, and it's not a good thing to do.

But now, I don't know if we want to save our Love is Blind conversation for leftovers. I don't know how you guys are feeling. There's many other things that we should be talking about. But, I mean, Love is Blind. It was one of the better reunions I've ever watched of one of these shows. I will say that. I think we can make some points about it on the big show. I think the biggest, one of the biggest takeaways I've seen post reunion is that, and I hate to say this, but I think that we can agree.

Spoiler alerts, by the way, spoiler alerts. Spoiler alerts. But I was actually going to go, just, I was just going to say that Nick Lichet and Vanessa Lichet have, for better or worse, really improved their reputation with this reunion. They took the notes. They took the notes. They seemed someone switched them on. Someone must have oiled them or whatever they needed. They're lubed.

Yeah. They were looped up. They were, they, they, they, they, whatever. Maybe they opened them up and, and, and rewired the circuitry to make them just a little more agro. But yeah, they didn't, they didn't, more relatable. Because I feel like they were about to drive this whole franchise off a cliff last year by just being so annoying.

And just not. And obviously last year's reunion was the, it was supposed to be live streamed and it was like an hour late and it was a total mess. And so this year they were like, let's do what works. Let's take them back to the pods. Yeah. And let's have a weird, large tape. of food at the end to prove that we feed the actors.

Yeah. It was so weird. They absolutely did that. They absolutely had a big table of food to show that they feed their talent. We give you food and water. They didn't pull punches from the very beginning. They did not pull any punches immediately out the gate. I think we all needed that.

And it was great. It was very comforting because it is a tough. It's such a weird fine line. I've been thinking a lot about reunion shows, episodes, because I also just watched the 90 day and you have to tow this line of like being confrontational but keeping them in the room. You know what I mean?

And the best is when you get the other people to do the work for you, when the other contestants or whatever you want to call them. Well, that's how I loved all the other contestants dealt with Sarah Ann where they're all just like, you're a bitch. Yeah.

We know you're a bitch. You're a bitch. You all hate you. That was so well done. Yeah, you're not a part of the group chat. Yeah, none of them looked fucking sorry You remove me from the group chat. It's just like,

remove me to the group chat. Because you were clearly like sketchy as fuck and so is he. But Jackie, she's getting to drama. She's giving a bad name to body glitter. I was so upset that she was covered in glitter because I like to cover myself in glitter.

Skin of a killer. She's got the skin of a killer. It was too much body glitter. It was too much body glitter. And also not to be mean girl over here, but I think that we can a little bit at Sarah Ann. Like, what was the whole vibe that was going on here? It looked very 16.

year old homecoming. Yeah. Yeah, I said it. Yeah, I said it. It looked 16 year old homecoming dance, okay? I know. Sometimes I gotta drop a little shade, okay? I know. I keep going, I kept, all last week, I kept going into the spiral where I was like, I'm being too mean to Chelsea. I can't be a mean girl to Chelsea. I'm being too mean to Chelsea. And then I remember that she blew up a woman's private sexual history onto Love is blind. Yeah. And that woman is still upset, according to Jimmy. and then I remember I can be a bitch to Chelsea. Yes. That bitch deserves it.

And they weren't enough of a bitch to Chelsea. I feel like she did a lot of like house cleaning on the road to the reunion because of how bad it was getting online. Like I think she'd already- I think everyone felt so bad for her about how much everyone hates her online and has made fun of her looking like Jay Leno with Megan Fox's face. That's all of that. All of that. It is mean. And so I think that I think honestly.

I think that the producers were like, this woman has been cyber bullied and you should not bully her on the reunion. And that was probably ultimately like a kind choice because I want Chelsea to be okay. But I think that what's frustrating is that even in the reunion, we didn't see any acknowledgement of the harm she did. You know, like this woman should have been like, I am so sorry that I blew up another woman's private sexual history, a woman who was not even on love is blind. And I did this and she did not always. And she did not always. at all. She was just still making excuses. And also on top of that, like, and I know that that's way darker and more important for her to acknowledge, but just the whole part where she got a free pass on like getting so mad at him for using the word clingy, even though she was

totally being clingy and like stuff like, all the like normal bitch stuff where I was like, no one ever it's so annoying when people don't get their comeuppance. So it was fun to see Jeremy and Sarah Ann get their comeuppance, but that wasn't the ones I was most I almost liked them more because they were just outwardly like,

we're villains, you know what I mean? They embraced the villains. And you can just see it. They certainly did. They look like, what's their names at the end of the graduate, you know, sitting in the bus. You know what I mean? Just realizing like, oh, fuck, now we're stuck with each other. Like, they just had that whole vibe of like, you guys, this is not going to be,

at the least it's going to be a massive waste of your time and have this tarnish your reputation the way it already has, right, with so many people. That's the least of it, or you'll go even further with the relationship, and it'll be this epic nightmare on your hands. Because there's no way that relationship works out well, because they're both very deceitful people. So there's no way. Yeah, when the villains find each other.

And there also is a thing now when love is blind happened with that lady, Jessica, I think was her name, like, not this year's Jessica, previous Jessica, like that where they're like, I will partner with somebody just to prove a point because I know I have gotten a villain edit. And so now I will try to contract that edit by like, I'll be monogamous with this fucker, you know, and it's like obviously like a vengeance relationship. I would love it. That is not going to last. I would love to get the villain edit just once. Like just put me in me like, oh God, Jackie, she's television poison. Like, yeah, you better watch out because I'm coming for you. Like I just want

to be a Francesca just once, you know? Yeah. I feel like I don't want to be. I can't just always be the AD, which everyone was like, Jackie or are you AD? And I'm like, I know, surprise. I know our vibes are very similar, which I will say AD has come out and said that the dress she was wearing

was 100% a revenge dress because that dress, man, wow. I don't know if she was wearing it or if the dress was wearing her. I'll tell you what, it was a good dress. No, I think if all three of us went on Love is Blind, I think probably Holden would get the villain edit. You think?

Why? I don't know. Well, you're not a villain, but I'm just like, because this is how deep, you know, that I've gone into Love is Blind. I started listening to the show out of the pods with two previous Love is Blind contestants. I watched some of the TikToks from it. Yeah, and they shed some of the intel. And they very much talk about it, like whoever the producers choose to get the villain edit,

which, of course, it makes sense. Like obviously it's all constructed. And like that's the first thing you need to know if you're watching reality or whatever. But so I just think that, but also then sometimes I am like, well, you can't make a villain edit out of nothing. Right. But I just think if I'm just thinking, you got to have a little bitchy in there to get a villain edit. I'm just wondering if the three of us were on Love is Blind, who would the producers look at and choose to make the villain? Maybe it would be me. Maybe I would get the villain edit.

I don't know. Maybe it would be Jackie. I really think it might be me. Yeah. I hate to say this. feel like the things that I say can be misconstrued and be like, oh, she's like putting her nose in other people's business. Yeah. Oh, look at this bitch coming around trying to like, oh, you want to connect with everybody.

Why? Because you want to manipulate. Yeah. Maybe. And then Holden would get the nice guy at it. Yeah, because this is why I wouldn't get the villain at it, I don't think. I've just seen way too much of the show that I would like to think I'm smart enough to not end up in the villain's seat.

You know what I mean? Right, right. You would be smart enough to not provide the villain's seat. villain content. That's the thing. I do think, I've been thinking about this so much because I'm like,

they're like, Jessica got the villain edit or whatever. But that's purely wild because I feel like, here's the good one. In your own relationship, would you get the villain edit? Oh,

that's a good. And I think I would. And I think I would probably get the villain edit in my own relationship. Yeah. I think so. I guess, yeah,

I'd also. I'd get the villain edit in my relationship. Yeah. I would, I'm such a fucker. For sure. I'm such a fucker.

Yeah. Like, yeah, I don't know. I just. I'm not even a fucker. I just have such a patient husband. Yes.

It's obviously me that has all of the, like, many, many, many emotions. Yeah. While he just, like, accepts them and she's just like, I hear you and what you're saying and like what you're feeling is valid. And it's like, it's not valid. Yeah. It's like, no, that's what you want, you know, that you want to be validated. Like, that's a good thing.

No, you're right. Maybe the more, more, the better thing to come out of this as is like, if you're in a fight with your SO, think about. it in terms of you getting the villain at it. And think about how maybe, and then that might help you figure it out and get out of it. Are you encouraging people to be the bitch in their relationship? No, no, I'm saying, try to have perspective on it.

Like, think about it as if, like, the fight you just had. Being filmed. They made it a villain edit on you, and you could actually figure out what you're at least doing to cause the problem. Usually what I try to do is find my fault in some. If I'm in a fight and I'm trying to figure out how to get it. out of it, I'm going to try to figure out where my fault lies. Yeah.

Well, it's perspective. It's, it's, it's understanding the other person's perspective and noting, like, noting that everyone looks at every situation from their own perspective and with their own past and their own traumas and everything. And it's, and it's being able to take yourself outside of that a little bit. Like, let's look at this for a second. You got to take a step back. So that's really what you're saying.

Exactly. But you're right. But look at the villain. I'm a big, I'm a big stupid baby man. And I have, you know, big. big, dumb baby brain. Yeah, but Gronky would get the villain at it. Oh, yeah, for sure.

Butthole would, I don't know, I feel like that'd be a separate character. Gronky kind of, yeah, Gronke's hole is kind of its own character. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And that would definitely get a villain at it because it's just foul, you know? Oh, yeah. Gronky, though, I feel like would have this redemption arc where people are like,

oh, wow, it's not Gronky, it's the hole that's the issue here, you know? Really, you think that's the, you think Gronkey is ultimately a good man. I think that, no, because, because, I think Gronky would get a couple bottles of fireball, purchase a movie ticket. Get some K, put it inside the barbler box. Like, yeah, he's not, he's going to be that guy, right? He's always going to be that guy.

But, yeah, was that gronky at the Kristen Stewart movie? Look for green skids so hard. And also maybe in the K video, too, I was like, is that gron? No, that's Kay. That's Kate. Is that gronky in a wig? Gant. So gaunt she is.

Ronky needs a burger, I guess. Her cheeks are like sucked into her face in a white. way that is so not in any of the other pictures. So I don't really. But I mean, if she has been truly sick, like that is what a person looks like after they've been battling a sickness or recovering after a long time.

What abdominal sickness? I think I like the draining for... For Charles' power. Yeah, I think that that is... Well, did you see that there was, like, a Russian media outlet that said that King Charles died yesterday? Yes. Yes.

And my favorite tweet was so close. It is actually women in their 30s at their desk jobs who have forwarded this conspiracy theory, not the Russians. By the way, I love it. Every headline who's like, it's the Russians.

It's us. How does this have, by the way, every time I'm like, oh, it's not even close to time for the celebrity conspiracy yet, then I blink and it's like way past time for it. Kate Middleton. We're segueing well into it

with what we were just talking about. Hit me with the share. Do you believe it? Oh my God, I hope Kate Middleton isn't becoming the Taylor Swift of the new Taylor Swift. Kate 70 says stop talking about Kate Middleton. It's only the most important story

of pop culture right now, but okay. We're all intrigued. We're talking about socks for ducks. Is Kate Middleton cursed by a diamond? Cursed by a diamond, okay? Oh, right. Great. This is legit as Melvin.

I love it. I love it already. You know what I'm saying? Like the diamond of the ocean? We'll see. This one comes in from Lauren who writes, is Kate Middleton cursed? All caps, question mark, explanation point.

I have officially gone down the rabbit hole as I am now convinced that the Coenor diamond, K-O-H-Lowercase I for some reason dash N-O-O-R diamond, the Co-E-Nor diamond is the reason a royal family is collapsing. According to legend, any man who owned the diamond would be cursed and all these bad things. would happen. The diamond was stolen and came to the royals during the reign of

Queen Victoria and her husband, cousin, as well. Albert. Cousin husband. Isn't that fun? Cousin husband? He had the diamond cut down because it wasn't as pretty as he wanted and then he died when he was 42. Victoria reigns

for years alone until the throne passes to her son, Edward the seventh, who only reigns for nine years before he dies. And the throne goes to his son, George the Lizzie's grandpa, who then has World War I during his reign. George V's oldest son, Edward V, is a Nazi who married a Nazi and then had to abdicate because it was the fact that she was also divorced.

That was the real problem. Well, much bigger problem. Come on. Divorce or Nazi? Edward the 8th abdicates. And then we get George the 6th, Lizzie's dad, who has World War II and then dies of lung cancer, I think. either way, also an early grave.

Then Elizabeth Satt the second reigns for like forever. But now we have Charles who is a man. Men are cursed by the diamond. So basically lots of early deaths and tragedy and major wars the last few times a man has owned the diamond, quote unquote. I'm predicting even more crazy royal stories but hopefully not another world war.

Yikes. Lauren M. Yikes. You know, we have not considered the thousands of years of curses that must be a ponds to the British Empire. For sure. From so many countries that they colonized. I mean, think about it.

As soon as she died, well, I guess Harry and Megan, they departed before she died. So I guess you could at least look at that. But still, she died. Man, everything feels like it's just falling apart. Yeah. It just feels like it's totally falling apart. Because I do think that women might be cursed by it too because while Elizabeth did have a long rain. A lot of bad stuff happened during her time, you know. Yeah, she also desperately didn't want to

be the queen. Yeah. Yeah. At least starting with Diana, I think we can agree that a lot of things didn't go as planned. Yes. But so that, so now the curse is just, I mean, is it Will who's cursed with us with this, you know? Well, then it's going to be another man who's in charge too. So they're going to be under this curse for a long time. Right, right. Yeah. And maybe it's Charles who's cursed, but now it's impacting Kate because she needs to give all of her blood to Charles. To Charles. Because he's more into potions than he is into chemotherapy.

Absolutely. But I do want the young girl's blood. I think maybe some fresh blood might chase out the cancer. Do you think he's going to wake up one morning and find out that Camilla is actually Camilla the chicken, the Muppet? And then he's going to go and she's going to go, and he's like, oh, I'm not going off, married a chicken. What am I supposed to do?

I thought she was just my mistress, but turns out she's my lunch. I wish that Charles was gonzo, but he is the anti-gonzo. He's the anti-Gonzo. I just imagine it's just like Antichrist, but it's anti-Gonzo instead. I mean, I know this is an original thought here, but it's just like, really, we all could just tomorrow be like, you're useless, we don't care. Why can't we all just collectively ignore stuff? What's wrong with people? If we just ignored so many things

they would just go away. All the worst people. You would have to, I mean, if you're a UK resident, you would have to, like, default on your taxes. Right. You know, like your, it's like the taxes are the way that they are still all alive.

If the media stopped reporting on them and people stopped showing up for their events. But don't they own all the channels or something? Like, but if, if their ratings were zero. True. But also, don't you think in a way that this has already happened? Like, remember Jackie, even when you and I started the show,

it was still like I know that they're still on the covers of all the magazines now because where is Kate? But right like when we started the show it was like I feel like in high school maybe I'm not sure if this was on your radar as much holding as a boy but it was like we had to care about these people when we were young it was like are you a hairy girl or a William girl? It was like we were meant to like we were meant to like fantasize about who they would partner with and it was so we were there was it was so normal to still respect them when we were. growing up. And I feel like that has changed. Like, I feel like no one actually respects them, at least in this country. I don't, I cannot speak for the UK. And my impression when Elizabeth died was that a lot of people in the UK were like, my queen. And so maybe it is still very important and meaningful to some people in the UK. But it seems like their reverence around them, at least, I mean, I think

honestly starting with Diana and since has like pretty quickly eroded. Yeah. I'd like to think that. I would like to see the end of it. I think, because it's like, what is the, and maybe someone can explain to me the downside of it ending, you know what I mean? But I, you know, and it's always bullshit too. It's like, it's just the infrastructure of a huge country. It's all the, but it's just like, but it's difficult. But that's what they, they always make it ubiquitous. They're like, the people of the, of England would not have this magic in their, you know what I mean? It's like, no, no, no, define it. Like, what would the actual downside be?

Logistically, procedurally, what would happen if we decided they weren't the king and queen anymore. They don't actually have any real power. We all acknowledge that, right? Right, right. It's not like a government collapsing. That's what the ground tries to like convince you of. It's like, no, no, but like they are the voice of the, no, what? No, they're not, they have no idea what's going on.

The whole thing is that they're all. Right, they're supposed to be like the soul of the country. Right, but it's like, God, right. No, they're supposed to be, like, they're supposed to be the second to God. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Like, that's so, so I'm like, okay, that's what a person in 1820 would think.

Sure. What is a person in 2020? Four have to say about that. You know what I mean? Anyways. I say the bigger the fingers, the closer to go. That's where I say, Charles. All right.

Oh, yeah, how big your fingers are. Oh, yeah. Take another potion, Charles. And that's all I needed to hear. And now I totally get why we need the royal family. Yeah. That's all I needed. Thank you, Jackie.

You're welcome. Well, I guess, I mean, I believe that they're cursed. I believe. Absolutely. Maybe it's not a diamond. I truly know that there are many, many curses. And I just wonder which one is the one that is in action currently. I love this.

Yeah, I'm actually, I find great comfort in the idea that they're cursed by something that they stole from the lands that they colonized. I think that's fantastic. answers a lot of questions. Yeah. All right. Well, we believe in us, so I guess it's time for the list. Oh!

Who's on the list? Checking. Gotta have that list. Robert Pattinson masturbated to completion on set and 17 more wild things celebrities did for their movie rule. I guess he saw Love Lies Bleeding. Am I was going to say? Oh, is he jerking it to his ex? I don't know.

I think that's going to bring up a lot more issues. Kristen Stewart's not the only member of the Twilight franchise associated with jerking off in public, apparently. Daniel Day Lewis refused to get out of his wheelchair while he filmed my left foot and damaged two ribs because of it. He insisted that the crew spoon-feed him. Because real-life artist Christy Brown, whose memoir inspired the film, could only control his left foot. Daniel also learned how to paint using a knife that he held between his toes. I just, every time I see this stuff he went through to get these performances out, I'm just like, not worth it. Just not necessary or worth it.

You know, it just sounds exhausting. It makes everything seem not like a good job to have. Yeah. You know? Yeah, I loved that movie when I saw it, but it's certainly gone over into the column of, you know, movies where able-bodied people play disabled people. And, you know, we can. keep it moving from there. Yeah, we can keep it moving. At least, you know, sometimes you get an Oscar out of it, I think. Jamie Fox wore prosthetic eyelids so his eyes would be glued

shut for 14 hours on filming days while he played Ray Charles in the movie Ray. Wow. He told the New York Times that he experienced panic attacks during the first two weeks of filming before he became accustomed to the quote, unsettling claustrophobic feeling. He even shared that cast and crewmates often forgot that he couldn't see, and they'd accidentally, quote, leave him sitting alone at a table after lunch on the assumption that he could get back to the set on his own. Oh, this is so weird. That is wild.

That is wild. Yeah. So weird. Very upsetting. Yeah, very upsetting. But then you think that that was in, what is that, 2004. So, man, I was like, that wasn't that long ago? No, that was 20 years ago.

Yeah, I can't believe that was 20. I was 20 years ago. Jesus Christ. It was a different conversation then. It was. Now, of course, if you're curious about the headliner, I was. Robert Pattinson masturbated on set to completion while portraying Salvador Dali in Little Ashes.

When asked why he didn't just fake it for the camera, Robert shared, It just doesn't work. So I pleasure myself in front of the camera. Wait, why did this not get more attention? Remember the, like, Chloe Sevenier? Right, wasn't it, who did the blowjob and, like, it ruined her career? Yes.

How does this not compare to that on every level? Interesting. That's totally crazy and inappropriate and, like, unnecessary. So in the movie, I can watch Robert Patterson actually beat his fucking dick off. I guess so. What the fuck is that? No one wanted to cancel him over that? Yeah.

Also, the screenshot of him dressed like Dali is just so annoying. So ridiculous. He looks so ridiculous. He looks very nice. Anything like this just reminds me of when like scene partners would like actually fuck to prepare for the role of like college. It's like amateur shit. It's like just, you know what I mean? It's totally like college theater shit. No, I have to take my dick out. It's for the truth of the text. It's like no one wants you to do that. No. I really thought that title was going to be far more misleading than it was. No, he truly just masturbated to completion on set. Or you can send yourself to the hospital, if that's what you so choose, like Ashton Coucher,

who gave himself pancreatitis and was hospitalized twice while preparing to play Steve Jobs in Jobs. Steve Jobs was known to be a fruitarian, living on a mainly fruit diet, which Ashton tried to replicate. His wife, Milakounis, explained he was so dumb. He only ate grapes at one point. We ended up in the hospital twice with pancreatitis. it was really dumb. Really dumb. Like, oh, it's just like, guys, other people are impacted by your theater decisions, you know?

Like Robert Pattinson and the other people on set are impacted by you having your hard dick out. And Aschukutcher, your wife and family is impacted by your method acting here. The only person I will forgive is Jeremy Strong because it just works for him. Yeah, that poor intimacy coach, huh, on the Robert Pattinson day, right? That's got to be so weird. Are we, well, hold on a second. 2008, yeah, there's no. I'm going to say, is the guy who's like, wait, wait, are we cool with this?

Hold on, I'm so confused. You're cool with this? Yeah. You shouldn't be. You guys are cool with this. Is everyone okay with this? Because you have to have consent from every, but also you'd have to have consent from everyone watching.

Like, I don't understand how that is allowed. Like, I genuinely don't understand how it's allowed. Yeah, I think the only answer to that is 2008. Do we have barfbacks for the gaffers? What are we? Yeah, you're just like, for your own theater, ego you're making literally hundreds of people have to watch you. I mean that moment where he's

just coming and everyone's just like mouth agape she's being like oh well we're watching this huh? Jizz is just shooting out of him I guess and everyone's just like he's got the jizz of a gillard and cut all right well you got all your

jizz out so I guess we'll move on to the next scene you know this one if you're not even going to sing the music I do find this one a little bit better. Jennifer Lopez slept in Selena's bed while she prepared to portray the singer in Selena. She said, I soaked up everything.

I watched every interview that I could. I slept in her bed at home. I talked to the whole family. I spend time with them. It can be melancholy and beautiful at the same time. She didn't even sing the music. She totally, she totally cried. Why would you sleep in her bed?

She didn't even sing the music. Maybe the family was very moved by this and I have no idea and I can't speak for the family. I can imagine that in my experience, if I had like very tragically lost a loved one, an actor sleeping in their bed to like get close to them, you know, it's giving Bradley Cooper crying harder than Leonard Bernstein's children. Oh, by the way, I watched like 20 minutes of Maestro and I have to say, Sadly Pooper. I have to say it is hilarious. like it is like everyone is in a movie and then that guy is in a different movie he is just hamming it up so he's so over he's like such an over the top character and everyone around him is like a great actor that's like grounded and just being a normal person i love carrie mulligan she's so good and it's so those scenes between the two of them i mean there's no chemistry there and then at the same time like it's like i'm watching i'm literally watching like who frame roger rabbit like there's a cartoon character on the screen

screen and then a normal person. You know what I mean? Like Bradley Cooper is just so over the top of like every choice he's making. It's so funny. It was the energy of Leonard Bernstein holding. That's what was inside of him. That's what you're noticing.

I'm sure if I watch footage of Leonard Bernstein, I'd be like, oh wow, he's like really doing this guy, but it's just such a over the top. It doesn't match. Yeah, it doesn't. It's like everyone else is like in, yeah, it's so funny. But they do some cute stuff with like musical number stuff. and I'll probably finish it. But I just, I had to laugh.

I was like, this was the movie he thought he was going to get. I mean, it's crazy. He even got nominated, you know what he mean? So anyways, my Bradley Cooper corner. I'll just do one last one. Last but not least, Christian Bale got a $3,000 neck exercise machine so he could thicken his neck to look like dick chains for vice. Of course.

Given the former vice president's history of cardiac episodes, Christian also learned a bunch about heart attacks while preparing for the role, and his research actually saved director Adam McKay's life while he was having one. That's a fun fact. Isn't that crazy? That's a fun fact. That's like the first thing on this list where it actually helped someone else instead of actively hurting that. Was it the most narcissistic indulgent thing ever on the planet?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or like Gary Oldman who gave himself nicotine poisoning after smoking $20,000 worth of Winston Churchill's favorite cigars for darkest hour. I mean, that's insane. I'm going to puke. That's insane.

Hold on a second. Am I preparing for a role as starring as Ray Charles? I think I'm going. Hide them. Oh, we can't see them. Well, of course, it is, by the way, it is Women's Month. And so we want to celebrate women here. Thank you.

You know, it's been how many days, Holden? And I've been waiting. Give it up for Jackie. This is so funny. Thank you. Celebrate me. By the way, I had this thought the other day. Like, all women's month seems to be so far is people just like yelling at you for not acknowledging women's month.

Women's day, yeah. That's our role. Pride month. We've got a parade. We've got celebration. Women's months so far has just been like, Holden, it's women's month. Like, that is literally. Maybe we should like, yeah.

Let's have like maybe a cake or something. Maybe we'll just have a little bit of joy around it instead of it just being people mad No, it's Yellen Holden. Yell and Holden about not recognizing women's month. It's so funny. That's all I've- It's my favorite part of women's month, honestly.

My favorite part of women's month when I was teaching like a decade ago and it was international women's day and this kid was like, yes, international women's day. We celebrate women like Rosa Parks who drove the first airplane into the sky. I was like, not at all. Not at all. Actually not. Not every inch of that was wrong.

All of that was wrong. That's hilarious. That's amazing. Good try, buddy. Well, this blind item series today is titled, shameful women. Oh, okay. Usually producers are the ones who are sober and nervous at a premiere. This illiterate producer was so high in her premiere.

Everyone thought she would float away. Greta Gerwig. No, she also stars in the movie. She's got tits. Women's women's month. It's women's month. Please, for God's sakes, holding. Why is everyone yelling at me about women's moms?

She's got chits. I'm just saying, in 2024, if you hear the word tits, you see this woman. Sidney, sweetie. Yes, Immaculate. She's directing something? No, she produced, I guess she was a producer on Immaculate. Oh, okay.

She attended a premiere of the film at South by Southwest and a sexy wedding dress. Are you going to see Immaculate? It looks, it's a horror movie. It's nunny. Oh, yeah. Oh, it's, it's nunful. And I'm going to watch.

It is very, I showed the trailer and I was like, I gotta see it. Sidney's Sweeney's in it. And Jeff's like, you can't even see the tits. Yeah. He's like, your favorite part is going to see your tits. And you can't even see him just dresses enough. All right. So it's my fucking fault.

Jackie's allowed to talk about the tits, Holden. It's her month. It's my month. And I talk about Sidney's Sweeney's tits in my own home. All right. And that is, that is where it stays. All right. Maybe I just said it on the episode so everybody knows now.

I just forgot about this next one. Speaking of big tits. Oh, good. Unbelievable. It is Women's Month. My month. It is my month. Speaking.

Speaking of tits. By the way, I forgot it was women's month that I made. I put these blinds together. Oh, so you just spontaneously made a list of evil women with tits. Yes. I was like, oh, wow. These three blinds. have something in common.

They're all like women being shamed for them. Shasty women. This, this, so the first one was weed or whatever. The first one was drugs. This one is lust. This A-list rapper was lucky to get an invite to this party and might have flashed her way out of being invited again. She bared her breasts a few times.

It's a fancy party and she... Nikki Minaj. Met Gala. Similar. Yeah. similar to Cardi B. Yes, Cardi B attended the 2024 Vanity Fair Oscar party last week.

She was looking fine on weigh my old to my home. So, dirty lady. Flashing them tattas all around. All right, yes. Shake them out. All right. I hope you're ready for this last shitty one about women. Yeah, hell, yes.

How shitty is this lady? Speaking of foreign-born actresses, this A-list actress from a very popular streaming sports show is hooking up with a guy she says always ties her up before having sex with her. Oh, can I just agree. Is that it any Hannah Waddingham? No, it's not Hannah Wynham.

What's a popular streaming sports show? Ted Lassow. But yes, it is Ted Lassow. Well, that's why I'm hoping it's Hannah Waddington, but I guess it's not her. It's the other one. She was in a big show recently to a big prestige show. Keely?

Or what's her, yeah. Or what's her name? No, no. Watch Ted Lasso. Her name is the name of a movie about a pregnant teen. And her, is her first. Yeah, her name is Keely in the show. I just didn't know where I looked at up.

It's Juno. Juno Temple. But Keely Jones is the name of her character in the show. Yes. Juno Temple is it. And she likes to get tied up? No, no. She's always the guy she's hooking up with who is Michael Zemanci.

and he looks like a guy who just escaped from like a dungeon. You know what I mean? He looks like a guy who's about to get revenge on the people who trapped him in a dungeon for many years. So I believe the tying up rumors for sure. Ooh, yeah, he does look like a dungeon master. Ooh, he's got thick. He's thick arms. Yeah, yeah.

He's sort of... Thick, thick boy. But kind of like he's a man who hasn't seen the sun. He's been like carving things with rocks, you know, on the walls or whatever to keep himself sane. He kind of looks like that. Oh, yeah. He's got definite Jean Valjean energy. Yeah, for sure.

Big time. Everybody knows it. Everybody knows it. That's why Jesus likes to get tied up by him. Everybody knows. All right. Well, there you go. There's some shameful women for you.

And I can see again. And I see that this episode is near completion. just like I'm about to be because that's right, I'm an actor, and actors must come for their act. So I have been jerking off this whole. This entire time, that's how you celebrate women's month. Yeah, I got a couple bottles of fireball. Yeah, I mean, this is the last time for me to do it, okay?

Kate's been found, I can goon. We didn't even talk about that, how I made a gooning pledge to not goon out again until Kate is found. Like Lent, but for goonin'n and if you're not familiar, Gooning is what Holden has been calling what Robert Pattinson did. It's what he doesn't make him feel good. Goonin makes him feel good.

If he made a day of it, then yes, that would be what that is. Well, his family's been out of town. Holden's family's been out of town. He's been on a bit of a goon fest. Bit of a goon session over here. So inherent in gooning means multiple sessions. You can't just goon once a day.

It at least means. It at least me, or one extremely un-painfully long session at least. you know, one like, wow. You're satisfied enough with the Kate Middleton video. Even though you voted, not her, you think that she has found enough that you can goon again.

I think a technicality allowed me to jerk off again, yeah. I don't know. I don't think that's her, though. I don't know if that counts. I think that you're really, I think you're putting another curse upon their house. Absolutely. Yeah, I'll take it.

We'll see what we're at next week. I need more footage. I need an interview. I need to hear what her voice sounds like ever once. Yeah. and then I'll maybe believe that she's been found. And once you're reminded that she sounds like this, you're gonna come crawling to me and be like,

Jackie, you were so right. Yes. I made Jay Breeze about what you said, but you're so right. And that's what you're going to say next week when we're back with another episode of page seven. And, you know, let's see if we can find her for real by next week. My name is Jackie Zabrowski.

You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. to hang out with MJ and I on Wednesday mornings while we just wait to see if MJ's marriage is going to fall apart. We have to win Gideon back. So come hang out with us over on Twitch.com. On Twitch.com. Oh, no. It's Jackie at 8.30 a.m. Pacific Standard time.

11.30 a.m. Eastern Standard time. Hell yeah. Also, uh, Patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast. Weekly bonus episodes. We're all about to do the leftovers just a little bit talking about all those articles. slip through the cracks this week. You can also check it out for Jackie's weekly book readings for the $10 layer, our Buffy watch-along.

Video watchalongs that we've been doing and pumping out for you guys. Hi and the Bobby. Patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast, Twitch.tv.4 slash Holdenatorsho. I am still streaming every day, minus one, on my Twitch channel. And I'd love to see you guys pop in there. Twitch.tv.4.2.

slash holdenators ho. And last but not least, page 7 podcast at gmail.com. Please send in your conspiracies. There's got to be more arcade conspiracies. There's got to be conspiracies all around. Now, Robert Pattinson's weird jerk-off stuff that he does. You know what he mean?

So send it in page 7podcast at gmail.com. M.J. My name is MJ and I'm MJ K L Kat on Instagram. Hell yeah. Let's sing the song. Shout, shout. Let it all out. These are the emails that you wrote it about

We've got to read it up to you Come on. Yes, I just want to say thank you, thank you For sending in your shoutouts And you can send in your own shoutouts To page 7 podcast at gmail.com Give me what you got. What have you got to share with us?

Is it something like what Kendra shared with us? Because oh my God, Kendra got a Went Outside while the Sirens were going off in Little Rock, Arkansas for a tornado, and Kendra put themselves on the line and went out there to try and get a video for me and it was very haunting. And that's the kind of stuff. Ooh, ooh, ooh, I salivate for. And I just want to say, oh my God, thank you, Kendra for putting yourself in harm's way. And I don't recommend anyone putting themselves in harm's way for me. But I do want to say thank you, Kendra, because that was haunting as hell. And I really, really appreciate you putting yourself. out there. You are the storm chaser. Hello. Sorry, it's like a, you are the weakest link goodbye, but it was a stretch. But I just want to say

thank you, Kendra. And you can send in whatever you would like to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. Maybe that's a blind item of your own. Maybe it's a celebrity conspiracy theory. Maybe it's just a, hey Jackie, what's up? I am here for all of it. And I am also here for all of you. I want to give a special shout out. This comes in from Abby. Abby, Abby, says, I figured you would like this shout out as a fan of love is blind, and the answer is yes, I do. Abby says, I would like to shout out my friend Keo. Him moving to New York is one of the best things that ever happened to me, and I appreciate

his friendship more than he will ever know. He waits every Love is Blind season until all episodes are out to watch it. Him and his friend then watched the whole season in a day, but only audio until the couples meet for the first time as if they were in the pods. I think this is genius and a true testament to how thoughtful of a person he is. Anywho, shout out to my friend Keio, who is my birthday brother, and the cancer horoscope sign of my dreams. That goes out with so much love from Abby. Thank you so much.

And also, that is an amazing love is blind experience. And I got to know what Keo thought. did she look like Megan Fox after you saw that? Because we all knew what she looked like. So I am curious if you want to share, if you were like, no, she did look like a lot more like Megan Fox than I would have thought. So I am curious. Next shoutout goes out to India. Now this isn't necessarily a shout out per se, but I just loved this.

Thank you for setting the scene for us. India says, loving the reintroduction of Elton John's magnum opus, candle in the wind. The song has been forever ruined for me from an incident at uni. At the afters one night, we had sadly run out of lighters as someone had the idea to use a candle to light our bong. A friend of mine saw it and started singing, You lived your life like a candle in the bong. The image of that sad little candle in the bong in my ex's stinky basement,

with Elton's tune in the background, is now inked in my brain whenever I hear. hear that song. I spent December in rehab and am newly sober this year. Congratulations, India. Still struggling to grow the fuck up and self-realized, but hearing how you guys navigated and owned your 30s is a huge inspiration. And I'm sending so much love to you, India. And thank you so much for sharing that. And also, I think I'm also going to be thinking about, Naka-Kandallin the bong. And I just want to say thank you for that beautiful image, sending you so much love. Next up comes in from Ryan. Ryan says, on to my shout out. On March 23rd, I will be turning the big three, four. After a few years of feeling like I was in a huge slump, things have finally turned

around. I just started a new job working with awesome people and representing my company in a fun way. I also started using my OG creative outlet again and have decided to give writing a book a shot. Shout out to all my romantasy people. This one's for you. Ooh, I can't wait. And my husband and I are starting recording a podcast all about how I read and he doesn't and I need him to love books.

Damn it. The pot is called The Reader's Companion and we should be releasing episodes soon. So here's the 34 you guys. I feel great and I've never been so happy to feel my life progressing. Thanks for being my inspiration. page 7 folks love you all and we love you too right and oh my god again check it out look for episodes coming out soon the reader's companion check it out and you know i will because i love romanticcy

conversations so much loved out to you ryan next up we've got a shout out coming in from beth beth says my name is beth and i am writing in first to say thank you for all the genuine joy you have brought me since I have started listening this past year. I started listening after getting into Akatar Deep Dives, Faye-Bays for Life, but I've been listening to LPN since 2017. I wanted to share a story with you from 2017 when I had just broken up with my boyfriend of seven years at 22 years old. I felt lost and so alone. One day I turned on the pod, sex and other human activities, and Jackie, you had broken up with your ex at the time. You spoke open. and from the heart, and I knew you were just as heartbroken as me.

It made me feel not so alone. One common denominator from both of our stories was that ultimately leaving that situation, although incredibly challenging, was the best thing for us. I think about the courage you gave me at that time often. That all being said, I want to give myself and Jackie a shout out for moving on to bigger and better things since 2017. Jackie, I am so happy that you found

Jeff and that he showed you that you deserve the best and more. I got engaged to my fiance, Jared, in December. Congratulations. And he is everything I could have wanted and more. Shut out to love. MJ Gideon Holden and Lexi, too. Wanted to say thank you to all three of you. I am currently in the middle of doing my master's to become a therapist while working full-time supervising a team of social workers and holding my own caseload. Oh my God. Your podcast is the upbeat, fun, hilarious, but also inspiring easy listen I need every week. I am cursing myself for not having tuned in years ago.

I freaking love you guys and we freaking love you too, Beth. And of course I'm so happy that you have found your inner Swifty again. Welcome back to join us, Beth. And congratulations, baby. Hell yeah, so proud of you. And last but not least, I just want to say we received multiple amazing John Sina letters talking about people that had interacted with John Sina in different ways and that like he's always just the best. This is just one of the instances that were shared with us. This comes in from METI and this makes me love John Sina.

I can't believe even more. Medi says, long time listener, diehard fan here. Listening to your latest episode made me think you'd appreciate the attached video. I work at a small coffee shop in John Cena's hometown, and he's a frequent visitor when he's in the area. I recently got married, congratulations, and timidly requested a picture to show my husband. Mr. Sina enthusiastically said, How about a video? He recorded this, and it still cracks me up.

Also, bonus, that we now have it on record that John Sina called me beautiful. He is as sweet and kind as you'd hoped, and I wanted it. to share. Thank you so much, many for sharing. And really, every single person that wrote in was just like, he's as great as you would imagine him to be, and he goes above and beyond for anyone in his life. And that

makes my heart melt. And everybody here makes my heart melt. I just want to say thank you guys so much for hanging out with us every week and listening and being a part of our amazing community. I love doing this shoutouts as we just share what amazing things we're all doing and encouraging others and just

being there for each other in any way that we can. I love you guys so much. I hope you have a beautiful week. Where is Kate? I don't know. We might find her by next week, but I doubt we will. Have a great time, and we'll talk to you then.

Bye, everybody. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.