Page 7 - Ep. 542: A Manic July 4th

Episode Date: July 4, 2024

This week Holden, Jackie and MJ repel the evile spirit of Katy Perry by using her wicked tomes against her, and goss' 'bout brat girl/rat boy summer continuing to rage on, Chappell Roan is absolutely poppin' off, Jen and Ben heading to Splitsville, Al Pacino reveals that Jack and Jill nearly killed his career as 2011 audiences weren't ready for his chocolate blend, Nicola Coughlan from Bridgerton makes a song with her perfect breasts, caviar, shoes and....more shoes, despite their cardboard anti sex beds the Olympics are still makin' sure to hand out condoms to those horned up sportsfolk, and in Celeb Conspiracy Corner: Is Chappell Roan artistically inspired by the Muppets? (Yes she is), and A MOVIE FILLED LIST! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Dog ambassadors, high holy holiday, you're a grand old flag, you're a high flying flag, and forever at peace by your wife. You're the hub of the land I love, the hub of the free and the brave. Don't you forget it? Don't we feel it? Oh, is it a man in July 4th episode? Yeah, it is. I hope you got your dogs. I hope they're getting charred on the grill, because that's all.

We've got to believe in anymore. Jackie, please. It is not about the Americans of the world. It's about the women. Saxy confidence. Whoa, please. So intelligent. She is having said.

She has just been in my brain. Yes. So strong. So strong. Oh my God. Katie Perry. Are you here, Katie Perry? Because it's me, Jackie.

and we're asking you to go away. I'm sorry, Katie Perry. You know, the dress, oh God, guys, the dress came out after we recorded last week. And I feel like that didn't make, surprisingly, as big of a splash as she expected it to. I am seeing new lyrics here, I think. She's a winner, champion, superhuman number one.

She's a sister. She's mother. Open your eyes. Just look around. and you'll discover, you know, it's a woman's world and you're lucky to be living in it. I'm just so angry. Can you say it?

It's a woman's world. She came up her face from all the stuff she's had done to her. Oh, I just don't know why this, like, song about women's empowerment makes me want to go on a rampage of mass violence. She's a flower? MJ, fire in her eyes, feminine, divine. Born to shine. M.J.

You're not done yet. There's more to shine to shine. I said. That's the end of the bird. To shine. To shine. Three shines. And it's, the song ends with lucky to be living in it.

Lucky to be living in it. Are we though, Katie Pierce? It's a woman's world and you're lucky to be living in it. Maybe that's why. In this post row world, are we lucky to be living in it? Are we? What a time to write this as if women have been having any control in the government right now? No, no, we've been having no issues.

I think this is great. I feel empowered. This is a women's world. Yes. You guys are just living in it. Don't you feel that? Very few people currently lucky to be living in this world, honestly. I mean, I'm glad to be alive.

Don't get me wrong. But like, it's just such a... But are we lucky? Did we hit the jackpot? I'm thankful. Yes. Am I lucky? I don't know.

I don't know. I am blessed. I am lucky and blessed on an individual basis. Yeah, you're heaven's sense. I'm heaven. Sorry, you're not a part of this song, MJ. My song.

Not yours. I'm sorry. I should not take this song from you, Jackie. It's for you. It's a women's world. And Holden and I are just living in it. You're just living in it.

You're just living in it. Unbelievable. I'm always thinking that about you, MJ. So for those of you that are unaware, the dress that I'm talking about, So Katie Perry wore this dress. She wore this red dress.

And then as she came out of the limo as she walked down the red carpet, the dress draped after her and then had all of these lyrics on the back of the dress. But you couldn't read it. So no one knew what it said or what it was. And she was just walking as if, man, she walked as if she was only. woman in the woman's world and she was living in it by herself, which I guess, govah. Yeah, she doesn't seem to be insecure about the status of her song. No. She seems she is confidant.

I will give her that. Yes. She's also getting the memo, though. She is actively ignoring people who are asking her about her relationship with Dr. Luke and why she would be working on, I don't know, a woman's freedom anthem. It's a women's world run by a known race. who's still very powerful. And we're just living in it.

Yeah. Yes, MJ. Put that in the song. That's the truth we need to hear. Why does this symbolize the year to me? Why does this whole thing? It's perfect. What is that?

It really is. It's just so out of touch. Yeah. It's just so out of touch. Everyone out here is struggling. Women are, you know, dying in waiting rooms. And Katie Perry is, I'm sorry to be.

that person, but it's just like, it's just so, it is like this is a draft tweet from like November 2016, like if Hillary had won. Like that, I feel like she wrote this, did she write this song before the 2016 election? Yeah, it's serving pants suit. That is correct. It's just not a women's world. I wish it was. I love, you know, who runs the world girls by Beyonce.

It's a great sentiment, you know, it's just like such a strange thing to be saying in this moment. It is. 2024 is the year of out of touch. Yeah. Everyone feels it. I think in every facet, we're feeling people just be out of touch. Jojo, J-Lo, K-Tay, all the politics.

Like, everything is just completely askew. And we're all living in it. We're all living in it. It's so funny to say it's a woman's world and we're all living in it. Because like the statement is a woman's world is weirded out of touch statement to make it 2024 with everything going on. And we are all living in. in this out of touch world.

We're all just trapped. Everyone's looking around being like, why? What? Does anybody, can anybody explain? But I do. Can you explain why in the lyrics on the back of the dress, they had to include the, huh, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Wait, it says H-U-H, H-U-H, H-U-H, H-U-H under every time it says, it's a woman's world, and you're lucky to be living in it. And then it goes, okay, but that's Dr. Luke, that's actually Dr. Luke's vocal, he's drooling and he's just ogling a woman that he plans to be a predator's torts.

Or was the dress also designed by AI? Like, did they just transcribed it? That's what it seems like. Honestly, the type font on the back of the dress looks like the exact font I use that is the standard font on my Instagram Reels. AI, another one, we're... It looks the exact same. AI, another thing where we're all looking around, be like, can anyone stop it? Can we, no one agrees that it's...

But most of us disagree that it's a good thing. No one likes it. Please stop it. Jeez. Oh, yeah, put them in the pot. That he's a wannabe lobster. And the only thing saving us is Rap Boy Summer and Brat Girl Summer. And they weirdly rhyme and that is strange as well. What is happening?

I feel like I'm finally, I'm having one of those moments actually where I'm realizing like maybe simulation theory is a go. maybe we are actually in some, you know, just computer nerds game right now, you know, of Sims, you know, or whatever. I have been seeing like a huge resurgence of Jiminy Glick recently and talk about the one thing that I think is giving me life. Yeah. I think that, like, if it was a Jiminy Glick world and we're all living in it, that's the world I want to be here for. Him making Bill Hader laugh. Oh, my, I just, it's just Jiminy Glick is. one of my favorite characters.

It's so funny. It's a Martin short character from a while ago. And so he's been redoing Jiminy Glick. And I believe it's for PR for the next season of Only Murders in the Building. So he's been like popping out with different interviews. And that's, I think that's the part of the summer that I want. Jiminy Glick Summer? Yes, I love Jiminy Glick Summer.

I say that we just lose ourselves inside of a fat suit like Ashley Benton and pretty little liars. And I say we just plaster that fat suit on us. And we just start, you know, living our best lives. Which also is like you, that also means you want to travel back to a pre-9-11 America is what it sounds like. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. I guess I want to go back in time. Well, I, what I do love is that summer will eventually end. And the big ceremony, from what I've been hearing. Like you say, it's at the beginning of summer, by the way. But it will, apparently, they're looking to climax it out with a rat boy versus brat girl, full on, no holds barred field match. They were literally war each other, like Braveheart style.

I'm very excited. The brat girls are going to line up on one end. The rap boys are going to kind of. I think that's sad, Holden. They're going to get destroyed by brat girls. I know. The rap boys are all, you know, eat their cheese. The bisexuals win the most.

Yes. Because it's going to be, you know, beautiful. It's just beautiful. people. But yes, the brat girls will win over the ratboys every time. Yeah, the buys and the pans will all be in a line in the middle just holes out. Yeah, just waiting. Slip it around, just having a great time. Just waiting for them to converge on them. Yeah. And it's going to be incredible. And I think hopefully if everyone runs fast enough and collides with each other with enough force, it will create a time paradox and reset the clock. And that's what I'm over. You know what? Please, I love this. Let's go for

We're actually black hole summer, I think, is what you're describing. We're trying to collapse our women's world. It's not working for us. We try to collapse it in on itself. Brats versus rats. Send them back to heaven. That's what I want to do. I want to send them all, return them to heaven from which they were sent.

As long as Katie Perry doesn't rise from the ashes singing this song and we're just like, oh no, it's even more of the women's world. She has help us. Please, no. No, I was just looking up because I saw this movie theater, a movie theater trailer for a movie that is the most rat boy summer movie I've ever seen in my life. It is called A Real Pain and it is starring Jesse Eisenberg and Kieran Culkin. Oh my God. And it does look very cute. And it seems like an adventure, like almost like a road trip kind of like slice of life finding themselves kind of movie.

But it is Jesse Eisenberg and Kieran Culkin. Wow. And it looks very cute, but also very poignant. And I do want to watch it. But I was like, as I was watching the trailer, I was like, this is rat boy summer to a team. Yeah. Well, I like a diversity of rat boys. Although, as I'm saying that I'm realizing, they're basically all sad.

Yes. Jeremy Allen White, sad. They're all hunched. They have raty posture, that rat posture. They're hunched. They're easily, I think, you know, taken by the brat girl. That's the thing. The brat girls are kind of in control of the rat boys.

for sure right now. Until the rap boys can organize and rise up, I think it's a black girl dominant summer for sure because they're so, I was about to say they're so confident and then I realized that's the fucking lyric. That's so confident. So strong.

No, I'm like, I'm glad that the bear is back, but just like when tortured poets came out and we were like, this kind of sad album for summer, you know, beginning of summer, or spring, I guess, was when it came out. The bear is back and I'm just like, oh, good. I can just be upset all night. Best comedy.

Best comedy at the Gold Globes, by the way. Really? Yeah, and what best comedy last year? I mean, I guess I'm very happy it's back. Don't can be wrong. It just is also doing a number for my pre-existing anxiety. It is. Despite what Katie Perry says, I am, I am not living in it, man.

I don't know. I don't know where I am. Or at least you're unlucky to be living in. whatever we're in, I would say. It's not all too but gloom, right? I mean, Lizzo, banana! No, you just need to up your brat girl. That's really what it is.

Like, you just got to bring up, you got to bring more Brat Girl into your life. Honestly, the fact that I put down the tortured poets department and started listening to Brat Moore has really changed my environment. Yeah. I think I needed much more. I needed to bump it up. Yeah.

I need to remind myself that it is summer outside, even though I very rarely go outside of my home. but sometimes when I open up the blinds and I feel the sunshine, they go, oh, it's too much. And then I close them again and I sit in the dark and I go, that's when I know it's really summer outside. And Brad Girl Summer is really like, it's screaming about neon. It's screaming that like we are out there. We are.

We are living in that world, not in Katie Perry's world. And that's really the world we should be living in if we want to just like disassociate and bump ourselves up, which is a little bit more. I'm glad you sent that article in about people complaining about the cover of the album. By the way, the cover of the album, it's just like neon green. And then like, I don't know what that font is, but it's in fuzzy, like almost like a cyberpunkky font. But it's very simple. It's very like basic.

And it just says brat. And I love that cover. I loved that cover from day one. And I'm so annoyed at the people being like, why is it she doing a sexy pose on the cover like she always does? And it's just like, no, this is exactly what an album titled Brat's cover should look like. Like it should be this like kind of fuck off, whatever. It's in your face. And also you could see it from far away and know that that's the Brat Cup.

Yeah. How amazing is that? That's the PR we're looking for with like a big fun pop album in the summer. It screams Brat. It screams Brat. If she was on the cover looking all hot and, you know, in some pose in some way, it would be. Sure, but that screams, I'm a fucking brat. I'm just going to put this word, not even, you know, use proper punctuation on this, like, neon green just like in your face.

It's so brat. It serves brat hard. I was so annoyed when people were, like, complain about it. I'm like, oh, because it's interesting and different and not the same cover for everything. You know what I mean? Just like, I don't know, go listen to fucking the greatest love story never told them or something if you want. you know, whatever, you know, or woman's world or whatever, if you want that sort of thing. Yeah, no, it's, it's great. I mean, I love that Charlie and Chapel are the queens right now

because they are do, and, and Sabrina, like, they're just doing things that are just so much more interesting and creative than, then, you know, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, Katie Perrys of the world, and they're everywhere now. I mean, like, I, we don't have to get into it, but the, the Democrats, the Senate, the Democrats, I think. I can't remember which Democrat account on Twitter tweeted out instead of, like, like H-O-T-O-G-O tweeted out, like hot to go, but hot to vote. And everyone was like, please don't. What is happening?

Please don't. Please. Please. But also vote. But also definitely. Yes. Please vote. But it really is the season of corny politicians trying to co-opped whatever

cool thing is happening for their own right now. And it's so obnoxious and it never works. That and the chapel just being so popular right now. Like she keeps being. used in these hilariously straight context, which is also really fun. Like, there was like this montage going around of Travis and Taylor was like their love story, but it was set to the chapel song that goes, knee deep in the passenger seat and she's me out.

It's casual now. And it's like, why did you set this song to this to Taylor and Travis? So it's just like, I love that it was like it was Pride Month. Chapel was everywhere. And she was just getting used for also all this. like straight world stuff in a weird way. I'm, and I don't,

don't mean to conflate the Charlie Bratgirl universe and the chapel universe, but it's been a great multiverse, but with those two at the top right now. Yeah, yeah, for sure. We're way more here for than any kind of, I don't know, doctors with powers,

and then they use them playing cards. No, it was music notes. That's what it was. Whatever one of those damn, I want to say Doctor Who, but he's not. It's the other one, the other rat boy. Benibitch,

Mummy Hatch. Cumberbatch. Doctor who? No, the other one. Dr. Strange. Dr. Strange. Dr. Strange. Yes, Dr. Strange.

As I was saying it, it was also while I was thinking about there's a song called Girl Crush and I couldn't remember the name of the band that originally sang in. It's by Little Big Town. And the whole song is like, it's a woman singing about how she's got a crush on a girl.

But it's because she's in love with the man that she's kissing. so she wants to be the girl. But then Harry Styles put out a version of him singing the song about how he wants to be the girl kissing the man. And it makes it such like a sexier, so much like more. I mean, I will say I love the Little Big Town Girl Crush version as well. But Harry's version just, ooh, gives it that.

Oh, and he dropped it last month. It was my everything. Oh, yeah. Sorry, you've been listening to more pop country and I've been talking about it. I think I need, like, a separate, like, music psychologist to come and, like, pull apart what I've been, well, like, what's been happening on my Spotify recently? You ever just, like, you worm time to such an extent that you're just like, who am I and what have I become and what am I listening to? Hello, Ed Larson and Amber Nelson from the brighter side here to check in with you. See how you're doing.

Is your day more disappointing than a gas station sandwich? Are you trying to put one foot in front of the other in a glue factory? Did you try to throw your air fryer in the bathtub, but nothing happened because you were too lazy to plug it in first? Then the brighter side podcast is for you. Oh yeah! Each week we take nasty, dooky, stupid, dumb. Stinky, no good, doo-do factory. Kaka-like topics and try to find the brighter side.

Hey, Amber, what's the brighter side of waking up chain to a bed in Russia? At least they have free health care. That's right. So start your weekend off right every Friday with the brighter side on the last podcast network. You beautiful babies. I will say other song of the summer for me, Shibuzi tipsy. I mean, I know it's called like a bar song, tipsy, but it's tipsy to me, damn it. Tipsy is just absolutely also in there in the mix for song of the summer.

And it's a song about getting way too drunk at a bar. to forget that you, you know, like... Anyone that has opened up a reel or has looked at TikTok has been hearing this song because it is absolutely inundated in our brains. But I will say always gets my toe a boppin. And also check out the rest of Shibuzi's album because they just released... I don't know if he's just going on tour,

but I just saw on Spotify that he's going to be in L.A. soon. And that is another show that I would love to check out. But I guess before we start checking out shows, we need to start talking about someone who's been busy moving out furniture because there is a divorceal on the horizon. Yep. We see the divorcee in our sights. Are you ready for the ship's to fall? Are you ready for the frowns to come? for I see a devoso in my side.

Yeah, that is, that about sums it up. The many belongings have been have been retrieved from the house of J-Lo while she has been out gallivanting around. Where in France? Where is she at? She's been in Europe. He's been in his rental in Brentwood.

And I don't know why that phrase is so devastating. Right. All these articles are like, he's staying at the rental. in Brentwood. I've seen the rental in Brentwood because I was at a house, someone was house sitting, and we were walking and we were like walking through the neighborhood and she pointed at the house and went, that's Ben Affleck's house and it was in Brentwood and it's a huge, don't worry. He's fine. If that's a rental, Lord knows how much the rent is every month.

Were there bottles, were there empty bottles of Jack Daniels shrewing about or no? No, no, there was. I did look to see if there was any like empty donkeys cups on the ground. or anything, but no fallen soldiers. I was at Duncan this morning, and they have a new item called snack and bacon. And it's just a big container at bacon you take on the go. Oh, keto friendly. Oh, so glad they're at the front of our health system. Get your ketosis on at Duncan, yeah, for sure.

Bag of bacon. You know, I bet they put that clean in the microwave just for you. I bet when you ask for it, they put it right in the microwave. By the way, they're also at Duncan. and they did just start offering Botox. So you can get a quick shot with your shot of espresso. How a one-stop shop. You get your fix while you get your sticks.

And yes, I mean in your forehead. And I would like a piece of it. Why is there a weird D protruding from the center of your forehead, Jackie? Oh, they pay me to do it. I'll become like a taxi cab, you know? But it's just my Botox. That's fun.

Like how straight, like there would be no line. if there was a D protruding from my head, the rest of the forehead would be very flat. Very smooth. Guess what I suck? All right. Okay. We get me in.

But just the outside of the Dunkin' Donuts, but then they're scared of me and they don't want to let me back into the Dunkin' Donuts. That just reminded me. Didn't I sit you guys a tweet about how? What's his name? Oh, God. Why can't remember his name off the top of my head? The Dunkin' Donuts, fake commercial he did for Adam Sandler.

Oh, Al Pacino. Al Pacino. talked about out doing that fake Dunkin' Donuts commercial in the movie Jack and Jill. Jack and Jill ruined his life. The Dunkin'O.Cicino commercial. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Dunkin' Chino. I'm bringing up the tweet that you sent. Al Pacino says Adam Sandler's Jack and Jill almost ruined his career. Quote, after Jack and Jill, it went silent. No one would take me serious anymore. Until Marty and the Irishman saved me, it was one of the most humiliating moments of my life.

Marty and the Irishman saved me. I feel like the most humiliating would be impregnating. a woman at the age of 85 or whatever it is. But no, yeah, so funny to me that that like destroyed his career. You have to go watch the Dunkin-Chino commercial, like off of the heels of him saying that just to laugh your ass off. I remember watching Jack and Jill. I knew nothing about the movie Jack and Jill until we watched it for the Razies episode of pop history we did years ago. And Jack and Jill was like one of the biggest Razzie winners. And I was like, all right, you know what?

Let me just pop it on. And if you know nothing about Jack and Jill, wow. Man. You really are surprised at the things that people will put money into. The fact that I was like, how much did they pay Alpachio to be a part of Jack and Joe? Well, that's the beauty of Adam Sandler is like, yeah, exactly. Seeing just incredible top tier talent and so much money go into such absurd nonsense, you know? I mean, that Dunkin Chino commercial is classic.

I love it. But so funny that it fucking. way late his career. It's funny to... But you know whose career does not seem to be ruined is, you know, Ben Afflex. Despite the rental in Brentwood,

it seems like he is just, I don't know, he just... At least he didn't move her own stuff out. He moved his own stuff out. But it just seems like he's like, okay, I'm done. I'm done. Bye. Well, I will say what you say doesn't ruin his career,

but that is the interesting thing. It seems like their career cursed when they get together. It seems like there's this weird happening because if you look at it, I mean, J-Lo, we don't even need to get into how things have gone poorly for her career-wise. Look at Ben.

He was the only person that, like, essentially bombed at that roast. Right. I mean, I hope the accountant too goes well for him, but, like, he's not had any hits since they've been to get. It's been a lot of, like, weird happenings, you know? It just seems.

What about this movie, deep water? Don't you remember? Deepwater. Water, yeah. That came out a couple years ago. I guess it was a movie. I guess I go back and forth on him. It's weird.

It does seem like he's the bigger laughing stock of the two. But it does seem like her career is taking a bigger hit of the two. I don't know, man. Yeah, she's, I feel like at this point, maybe, I don't know, I guess, yeah, laughing stock. Definitely he gets the more Dunkicino kind of treatment. Whereas Jailo, we're all just kind of like, hey, just take it easy. stop spending money. Actually stop investing in yourself.

Like actually stop. I do find it very interesting that like she came out. And so of course last week, it was at the very end of I forget which episode we were recording last week. We found out that J-Lo flew commercial to France. And then there were so many articles this week that were like, step off of J-Lo just because she flew commercial. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We rip Ben Affleck to stress. And I'm not saying that it's like, oh, she's a woman.

We should be nicer to her. It's like, no, we shouldn't really rip anybody to shreds. At the end of the day, we should be much nicer to both human beings that we are talking about. I guess. No, you're right. I can. But if we're going to make fun of somebody, we're going to make fun of J-Lo because she's got lots and lots of money.

And it is kind of funny. Someone that keeps themselves and holds themselves. I think that's also what makes it so funny is that she's specifically. She specifically holds herself to such higher standards than your regular person that I'm sorry, it makes us want to watch them fall. Well, and her writing coach, too, just feels like such a move. I feel like an episode. Well, she was in first class. I mean, she was just on commercial.

She just wasn't on a PJ. Oh, it's just commercial. It feels like such. And she took the whole row and she was first class. For some reason, I thought she was writing economy or whatever. No, no, no, no. She was just in commercial. Oh, my God.

And it's such, I feel like it's an episode of VEP or something. They're like, we've got to help your image. Yes, that's what it feels like. Yes, that's exactly what it feels like. And she's only going to do it by taking up the entire fucking row. Yes. And getting an entire other fucking first class seat just for her bag, just for her purse, and her security guy in the aisle.

Are you kidding? Totally. She's not like the other girls. Amazing news story. I know, no, I have also felt, I have also felt ambivalence about how much we make fun of Ben Affleck because he does seem so sad and I worry about him, but he seems like ultimately, certainly financially and career-wise, again, doing fine. And I do feel bad for J. Lowe's downfall, and I don't like wish ill upon her at all. I think that everything we've learned about her

since her and Ben have had, I mean, basically since she made her movie, especially about how she throws away all the linens once they've been used once and the plates and, and, and, and, Like there's just something about realizing kind of the level at which she has to maintain this kind of like perfect hyper, hyper wealthy image that then seeing her on like a regular plane. It's not like pointing, we're not trying to be like, you're poor now. But it's just it is funny in for a woman who was like you have to burn the linens after I use them or whatever, you know. To point and laugh at her a little bit. Yeah, and like, again, probably, I mean, last week I did not think that the flying on a commercial flight was a PR move. I thought that it was like a financial necessity.

And that is kind of like, you're like, oh, I guess you don't have the money for a private jet anymore. No. She super has money for a private jet. Yeah. Yeah, it does seem like a PR move now. Oh, completely. She has to, absolutely. If you look at her net worth and, I mean, yes, it is an absurd about a money she spent on that movie and everything.

But she's got, she's crazy fine. She has so much, she has so much more money than Ben Affleck with this crazy rental in Brentwood. We just need to think about their hearts. And one thing that I will always say about the two of them, and one thing that is never, like, dismissed is the fact that they are both seemingly present parents. Yeah. And enjoy being parents and enjoy being a large part of their children's lives. I feel like I would assume that's probably why Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner all get along. well is because it seems like they all are very dedicated to also the mental health of their children,

which I think is really important and a wonderful thing to see. It's just everything else about them that I really enjoy making fun of. Totally. Totally. And yes, absolutely. And I think that like the way we joke about like Mariah and her relationship with her kids, it seems qualitatively different. You mean perfection?

I'm sorry. Is that what you were saying? Like how she doesn't treat them like objects? or like things for her to use. Yeah, like, you're right. Like, J-Lo has been very specific. I remember we talked about a story where she was like, I don't, you know,

don't talk about my kids. My kids deserve privacy. You know, they're teens. I try to, like, keep them away from stories about me because how hard would that be? And so, yeah, that I really, like, I think that they both, I was rooting for them, man. I'm sad.

I was also rooting for them. I was actually literally about to ask, did you think when they first got remarried that this was going to last? I wanted it to, yeah. I wanted it to. Because it's so, it's so nice to think that there's people who can be right for each other. I think it's true that people can be right for each other, but it's not the right time.

Like, Gideon and I always joke, like, if we had met at different just timelines in our life, even if the ages were the same or whatever, like, if we had just, if I had met him in a different era of his life, or if I was in a different era of mine, it just wouldn't have worked, right? like we met each other at the like the right time. But then with them it's kind of like, it's something else where it's like you guys met each other at the wrong time, but maybe you're right for each other. And I just loved the idea of them.

It was the right time. Raising kids. Right time, right time. Raising kids coming back into this, in this era where they are like in their 50s and the kids are more grown. And I thought it was really, really nice. But it really was, the writing was on the wall

when it became like, you're back because of this. your career is getting a resurgence. And like, instead of, yes, how can we sell it? Yes. How can we sell it? Instead of J-Lo just being like, I'm finally like, have this guy and I've got this great situation. I see a timeline in which J-Lo had just been like, this is great, but I'm also going to

like preserve my mental health. I'm going to do a Vegas residency and, like, be private about my relationship with Ben. And I don't know that this would have gone down like this, you know? Yeah. But instead it was like, we got to sell you. I feel like there's some gross dude at the center of all this whose name will never know who was like, you're back, baby. All we got to do is sell, sell, sell this remarriage of yours.

Everyone's screaming for it. You know, there's like a John Mullaney character. Right, right. You know what I mean? That's like, that like is trying to master by, you know. And right now he's going like, yeah, it didn't work out so well, did it? Right. Got to go.

And he like literally grabs a rope attached to a helicopter. with like a briefcase full of money fly it out of it, you know what I mean? Yeah, just flies into the sky. Because this is an unforced error. This is not, we're not talking about the same stuff of like when we talk about like Perez Hilton and then the late 2000 or the mid-aughts and whatever with like her like,

yes, the paparachi coverage of them has been very unfair. But what seems to be happening in their relationship is the very much unforced era of J-Lo making this documentary about their love. And that, when he explicitly was begging her not to. And that's the problem. Especially, yes. Because if you think about it, like their word on the street is they've been pretty much separated since March.

And this is me dot, dot, dot now, colon, a love story dropped on February 16th. Yes. And I mean, this is, the writing is on the wall. Obviously, seeing how much. And I would assume that if you're Ben Affleck, you see her shooting all this stuff and you're like, all right, she's not going to use all this stuff. There's no way she's going to, all right, she's going to. all right, she's going to shoot all these things

and let's see what actually makes it in. And I do wonder how much of him sat down and watched that and was like, no, I'm not, I won't do this anymore. No, she did use all the shit that I was worried she was going to use. And can you imagine also, you know she was in on the editing. Yeah. So we probably actually knew the entire time

that this stuff was going to be involved. Yeah, I'd love to know that private conversations that were had between the two of them about this. And like, how much he supported it versus didn't support it. it, right? I mean, Lord knows, you know, whatever comes out of this. I don't know if there will be proceedings. Right. I think this is going to be big, y'all. I think that this is not going quietly into the good night. There's no way they're going to be able to get around this. Because you can tell the fact that they haven't, and they're not speaking towards it, but that they are just

like out randomly without wedding rings on, which of course is all every other. other headline is, is on that day if one of them left the house without their wedding ring on. Jaylo, please put us follow-up movie out, or Ben, please put a follow-up movie out. You put out an entire movie about how you were living. Ben's rebuttal. And the greatest story. It's the repental. You literally put a movie out about the person who you're now getting a divorce from called the greatest love story never told. Dot, dot, dot. I can't remember how the fuck the title goes. because it's such an insane title. Now.

Now. Just slap a now in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then that's it. You've got to do a music video, shit show movie and documentary about how it all fell apart. If you want to give the people what they really want and that. Take your power back, Ben's would be so serious too. I don't even know enough about Argo to like reference it to make fun of how his movie would look.

But I just feel like it would be. Too busy being asleep even thinking about it. Honestly, his movies are really good. I know they're very boringly titled. They're very boringly titled, which is why it's so funny that right now he's making the accountant too, which I feel like again, would be like a 30 rock joke. But like also like Argo and the town are actually really solid movies. He makes good movies. All right.

He just can't name them. All right. I'll give it to him. I think they're both talented and I wish them happiness and love. Together we're apart. I know. I do. Do I? I don't know.

I do wish love. I want everyone to have love. I don't wish ill-a-ponse them, but I do love watching the downfall. Yeah. I want some people to like live, you know, just be, um, you know, left. Well, I don't want that for most people, and I'm sorry you feel that way, holding. But I certainly definitely definitely don't want that for Nicola Coughlin. And yes, I am bringing up the shoes, dot, dot, dot, more shoes song. I, I don't know if you guys listen to talking to you. but like, man, I am just having, I, of course, had obviously a huge love affair with Bridgetton season three. Nicola Coughlin, I just want her to destroy me in every way, shape, and form. She's got perfect breasts, and she also has the perfect sense of humor. And of course, MJ and I, big Dairy Girls fans over here. And she made a joke. So Nicole Coughlin made a joke talking about how she wanted to create her own like real housewives-esque song.

I don't know if you guys remember, money can't buy you class. Elegance is learned. Yeah, money can't buy a class. Elegance is learned to a like, like, like hard beats, summer bop song. I don't even know the words. Electronic music. So, Nicola Coughlin now has her own and it is absolutely delightful.

shoes, private yachts, caviar, more shoes. Shoes, private yachts. And it was from an interview where she was joking about how Real Housewives put out just songs for gay people and they just say stuff like shoes, caviar, yachts. And then somebody just took that and was like, I'm going to make her dream come true. And she was like, that's what my job. I wish I could do like Real Housewives songs for gay men. And then like they just like remix it.

It's such a perfect. She does. So a fan, by the way, it was Ellis Maya. Ellis Maya, who was just a fan, used the clip and created a whole remix and put it out on TikTok. And it sounds like it was actually written. It's so perfect. And she does such a good job with press. She's just a PR master.

Because what ended up happening is that she just ended up on her phone recording random improvised lines and sent it to him to include in the song. Which is how he got the extra. And that was just her making shit up and sending it to him that she, like, recorded, like, voice notes for him to add on to the song. And the coolest part is that they were, she was talking with her co-star Jonathan Bailey about the song. And Jonathan Bailey, who plays Anthony Bridgerton on the show, essentially was like, why don't you use the proceeds for this to give towards organizations? And, like, Nicola Coughlin was like, fuck, yes. So they chose to raise funds for the two LGBTQ plus organizations, not a phase and the Trevor Project. And so now all of the listens and any money generated from shoes, more shoes, will go towards that.

So listen to it. It's such an easy way to raise money. Just give it. Listen. And Bridgerton isn't, is it a comedy? Forgive me for just completely not engaging with Bridgeton. It has comedic elements, but no, it's like a saucy, hot and heavy romance. But you're not considered a comedy, right?

Because I feel like the thing about Nicola Coughlin that I love so much is that Dairy Girls is like one of the funniest shows I've ever seen in my life. And she is such a talented comedic actress. But my impression of Bridgeton was that it was more, you know, period piece for serious romance. And so I just love that she still gets to show off how funny she is and that this was done with her like intrinsic, like improv and, you know, comedic talent. She's just, man, what a gift. I mean, I know we were talking before about how the world is not good. But when there are good things, when there are good things, I think that the good things are more enjoyable now than ever. And I'm just like, I'm just so glad that Nicola Coughlin is the star of this moment right now.

It could not happen to a better person. Even just seeing her, she was in like a box at the Taylor Swift show in the UK with, of course, like just a bunch of other celebrities. I just see her in an actual like cardboard box. Yeah, they wouldn't let her out. And I was like, she's got perfect breasts. Let her out of the box. We need to see more of them and I'd like them attached to my body.

Her breasts, that is. But I'm very happy for her. I know, I'm just so happy for her. I'm so happy. And she just seems like the kind of person that really deserves absolutely everything that is coming to her. Yes, it's her world.

Yeah. And we're just living in it. And we're also going to be living in the Olympics world soon, MJ. I'm psyched. I'm really psyched for the Olympics. Yes, I need to, like, figure out how to watch it. That's like... Pek-KKK!

Is it a P-KKKKKK? I can't... I canceled my Pek-Kuk because I wasn't using it, and now I got to reactivate my Pek-Kong. I'm pretty sure it was Pek-KK! Because last time for the last Olympics, I ended up paying for P-Kok for about a year and a half after the Olympics, and I didn't realize it.

I probably still... I just canceled it from probably when I signed up for it from the last Olympics. But, and I was like, well, I'll keep it, because sometimes I watch Long... on order it. No, it's not worth it. So I canceled it. But that's fine. I'll reactivate it. And I'm ready to just have gymnastics on all day. That's what summer is for. It is what summer is for. And think of how hot they're going to be because they have to bring their own air conditioners because none of the rooms and everything. They're not air conditioning. This is so absurd. This

feels like trying to like fuck with the competition a little bit too. It's like, we're very environmentally conscious and it just so happens that our society and our society we're extremely used to not having air conditioning so we're just going to like force that upon everybody else coming to the games and everyone's like fuck the environment i'm competing here i'm like like it temperature controls like such a huge part of it just like anything else that affects the body like i can't and i understand that paris like it's not as hot as like i guess it's usually around like 73 to 79 degrees Fahrenheit. But if you are an Olympian per four,

like it's like, yeah, I bet you want to lay down in an ultra cold room without just like tempid air hitting you from a fan. Yeah, just like a stagnant dorm room full of people fucking. Oh, they're all fucking. Yeah, exactly, too. That heat from just the sheer friction

from the sliding dicks and vaginas and everything and butt holes and all that. Everybody's fucking. Oh, it's one of my favorite parts. about the Olympics. Don't worry, guys. They are back to giving out 200,000 condoms to athletes in the Olympic Village. Remember the last

time they were like trying to keep everybody from fucking so they didn't give out the condoms, but everybody's going to fuck it. Yeah, like yeah. Classically, we all know in any of our communities Yeah, don't give condoms to teenagers, it'll stop them from fucking. But yeah,

even if you don't need it frigidly cold, you still want it to be extremely controlled. you know? Yeah. And like that's just such a part, like anything that would affect the body in any way, you want to have as much control over it as possible if you're competing to be like the best physically at something.

So it's just crazy. I don't know. It's just such a funny, like, weird move to be like, because it's coming from like the mayor of France or whatever. It's coming from like the, what is it, the Dutch? I don't know what they do over there. It's coming from like the blood queen. The Dutchie.

Yeah, they pass the Dutchie to the right end side. and once you pass it, that's that person became the Dutchie. Yeah, yeah, the blood, the blood lordress. Yeah, she took the blade and she covered it in the blood, and she was like, no air conditioning for anyone. And she hopped on a dragon and we're like, all right, France, if you've got dragons, I guess you don't have AC. It's like, I'm literally on fire from your dragon, okay?

So maybe I need a little bit more than a fan over here. You know what? U.S. swimmer Ryan Locti estimated that 70% to 75% of Olympians are sexually active during this day. That is a high number. I mean, it makes sense. It's a lot of stress and anxiety. It's a lot of, and it's just a lot of Adonis bodies and a lot of different kinds of bodies. And that testosterone, all the hormones are pumping.

And so exotic. You're fucking the hottest body. from this place and this place. I think that people need to be reminded that the Olympics are this horny. I think that while it makes you enjoy the Olympics more, if you're watching them all compete, just thinking about them all slipping and sliding

into and out of each other, later on that day when it's like, who cares who scored a 9.6? When I'm fucking coming fireworks on top of your days. Oh yeah, because there's probably, there's like, you know, successful fucking and then there's like failure fucking. Sad fucking.

And I just saw they just added two new events, the cum shot and the long squirt. And they're going to be, yeah, it's amazing stuff. We're going to be measuring on full distance on how far a penis can shoot a load and how hard and it's actually. Or squirt. And the score is like a Kool-Aid man competition.

You have to squirt through a brick wall. And if the brick wall, If the brick wall bursts and explodes, then you will be queen of sex of the competition. If you let me just store it up for like four or five days, I bet I can Kool-Aid man right to do that wall. You give me a break. Finally, Jackie and Holden can both compete separately at the Olympics.

Yeah, yeah. Very separately. Very separately. Oh, we're going to be very, very far from each other. I will say, I think more people would watch. Just throwing it out there. With a long square? Yeah, oh, yeah.

Yeah, right after dressage. You know, you've got the dancing horses and then you've got the squirt competition and like, do you get to watch the lead up or is that not a part of the sport? I say the foreplay is part of the sport and I think that that will encourage it. Four plays part of the sport and the horses

will also get to enter their own come shot competition, which I'm very excited for. I hope it's horse on horse action hold on. Absolutely. Absolutely. No biceality whatsoever, but we will be watching the horses manipulate their chittles. They can move at each other all day.

Yeah. It's going to be amazing. Is that what they do? Do they hove at each other's, like, holes and stuff? You weren't getting a little outside of my science knowledge. Oh, I thought that you knew more about. I look at Holden and I'm like, oh, horse fucking. Right.

I always think horse's fucking. How does a horse self-pleasure? Right. It must be hard for them. They can't bend their little arms all the way back there. 100%. No, you're up there with Catherine the Great. Someone's got to help them out.

The blood lordress. I think she's going to get. We're not talking about this anymore. It's time for a celebrity conspiracy. is he theory. Oh my god. Hit me with the share. Do you believe it? Is Chapel Rhone artistically inspired by the Muppets? Yes, she is. And here's my dissertation. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. But I love this. Is this a homegrown celebrity? I love a homegrown. No, this is TikTok's been all over it. It's really accurate. Yeah. So we got this one in twice. Once from Jackson, once from Katie. No, this is like full on like multiple cinders. everything. Jacks wrote, hey Holden, I got a delightfully current and fun possible conspiracy is Chapel Rhone artistically inspired by the Muppets. Watch the following TikTok video for evidence. It would be camp as fuck, so I got to believe love y'all, Jax. Katie wrote, hi y'all, first time, long time. As you all

know, Chapel Rone is popping off thanks to the resident influencer Jackie. But have you noticed that she's been suspiciously basing her looks on the Muppets? All of her iconic looks mirror those of the drag queen of the Muppets herself, Miss Piggy. Her Gov Ball Statue of Liberty Look, her pig nose from the good luck, babe. The reference to Saskatchewan, it doesn't end. Has anyone seen them in the same room before? Maybe Chapel is Miss Piggy.

I've watched two TikToks on it, so now I'm convinced. Anyway, love what you all do, Katie. So folks are pointing out the Governor's Ball Show, she, first of all, her iconic Statue of Liberty look, other people have dressed like it before, but Miss Piggy did. But Miss Piggy. Miss Piggy is one of the greats.

Very similar. They're very similar looks in terms of that. Her pig knows that she wore for a single for Good Luck, Babe, I believe it is. Miss Piggy does wear a very similar dress. There are multiple looks that you can Google. I think if you just look up Chaparone, Miss Piggy, you'll see several very strikingly identical side-by-side looks of different famous Miss Piggy looks in the past. I can confirm that. That's literally what I googled.

There is an abundance of evidence. The other thing is, though, after her governor's ball show, she kept on the green makeup, but she just put on this black hood. And the camera caught her in the crowd. And she looks just like wearing the black hood and everything. Constantine, the evil Kermit lookalike from the movie Muppets Most Wanted. Ooh. I don't know if you remember.

There's like an evil version of Kermit the Frog. Yes. It's a mistaken identity movie. and he like at one point is cloaked in a black hood and they used that for a me, a very famous meme and she even changed her profile pick to that of Constantine in the hood for a little while after the governor's ball show.

And the weirdest thing is the Saskatchewan reference that I kind of blew past in the original little passage there. In her new song Subway, she sings, well, fuck this city, I'm moving to Saskatchewan. In the song moving right along from the Muppet movie, they sing, hey L.A., where have you gone? Send someone to fetch us. We're in.

Saskatchewan. Saskatchewan. It's very, it is actually legitimately, seems like she's purposely pulling from the Muppets, and that is quite strange. So do you believe? Yes. It does make you love her

even more. A million a hundred percent. There you go. Absolutely. A fun, light, breezy conspiracy theory in a world with divorces and people not being able to speak properly. and just all sorts of shenanigan rate. There's a lot of stuff going on out there,

which is why, you know, on this our day of dogs, thank you, Holden, for keeping our conspiracy theory tight just so that we can have just a short moment just to take a breath to, like, be thankful for hot dogs. And yeah, you know, maybe you don't want to think about the state of our country right now, but think about that hot dog.

And yeah, sure, maybe every consumption of hot dogs according to the internet takes minutes off your life. But were they minutes that you really needed? I don't think so. What I do need is a tube of different parts of an animal shoved in to my body. Thank you, hot dogs. All right. How did you get hot dogs from everything I just said?

Where did hot dogs come in? I said that we were taking a moment of time. It was our patriotic moment. You weren't listening to me, Alden. It was our patriotic moment. Thank you very much. It's time for the list. Oh.

Who's our? the list. Jackie, got to have that list. But real quick, first, I have to know this from the hot talking ambassador. Do you prefer when they're slitted down the side before they're grilled up? Do you prefer that cut slit that they do? I'm completely, it has to be pierced in some fashion. So a lot of people are more into the curl it round, like a spiral staircase.

Now, I'm not against that. And I do find that it provides more of like a grilled charred atmosphere, which is more of what I'm looking for. So really, the more cut in it, the more char you're going to get on the outside of the dog, which if that's what you're looking for, then give it that spiral cut. But I'm totally down for just a one simple slice down one side just to give it that big old bursty, juicy little burst that I want to get. A hot dog usy. Yes. Thank you, we'll be taking it to strong consideration. Hot dog usy. Yes. And thank you. Thank you for asking. Well, how do you guys feel about the slice in a hot dog.

I think I like the slit. It's just, it's so not like standard per se, but then other people swear by it. It's like, you got to get the dogs here because they do the slit. So it's got me rethinking my whole fucking hot dog game. That's why I had to go to the, to the bro. Asked directly. Some people say that they feel that it makes the hot dog less juicy. Okay.

I say. I've heard that. And I say what hot dogs are you eating? And I'm sorry for your experiences. Right. So that's what I am going to say. But did you know that in the suicide squad, Superman was going to originally be the villain? James Gunn's plans were to have the squad go toe to toe to toe with the man of steel.

Then he changed his mind not wanting to make the movie's connection to the rest of the DCEU even more complicated. Now, do you include Ben Affleck's Batman in all of his upsets? I guess he's not allowed to be Batman anymore, right? Oh, I forgot about that period of time when everybody made fun of him for. being Batman. See, he is a laughing stuff. I think people have come back around to his Batman with a little bit kinder eyes, but yeah, it's definitely

not, you know, wasn't what he wanted it to be. Oh, Ben. Oh, Ben. Oh, Ben, we just pat him on the head. Now, this movie, and this is the reason why I chose this list, was because I wanted to bring up the movie, Media Man.

Did you guys see the movie Meteor Man a hundred thousand times when you were children? Definitely not. 100,000 times, but I do recognize this image. I was obsessed with Meteor Man. Meteor Man, I think, was on, like, USA all the time. Well, Meteor Man was the first African-American superhero in movies. Creator, director, and star Robert Townsend wanted to hit every demographic imaginable with the cast, which includes James Earl Jones, Sinbad, and Don Cheatel.

So, for us, we were a huge Sinbad household. So anything that Sinbad was in, we watched a hundred million times. And I think about Meteor Man, I dare say once every other week. Wow. I feel like it's one of those little like tidbits that lives in the back of my brain. Bill Cosby is like a, he like lives in a trash can. He's like this houseless person. I know that like it's all, it's a real weird movie, but I've been wanting to rewatch it.

So let me know if you guys out there remember Meteor Man. and to the extent that I remember Meteor Man, let me know. Did it shape you the way it shaped me, the way Mr. Holland's opus shaped both Holden and I? Yes, that, now that one hits. You made me realize I don't, I'm not very familiar with this.

I was more of a Blank Man guy growing up. Oh, I loved Blank Man too. Blank Man was great. I guess Meteor Man must have come out or do they not include Blank Man? I don't know. I was trying to figure that out. I was going to look up the years for each one.

But I mean... Meteor Man is 1993. I'm looking at pictures of Don Cheedel. I had a big Don Cheadle phase as a child. Oh, boy. I understand that Don Cheadle. I mean, I understand the phase I went through as an adult. That's for damn sure.

Yeah, he is fine. And he's very, very beautiful in Meteor Man, 1993. So it was, wait, Meteor Man was 93. All right, but also, all right, going, moving on to the next. This would have been a Tom Hanks over saturation. And Lord knows the amount of cocaine Chet Hanks would have snorted if he had taken this on. Because that was also an argument. that dropped this morning was Chet Hanks talking about how he's done so much cocaine

that Coke users, huge coke users, asked him to stop. But his father, Tom Hanks. How did we not lead our episode with that, Jackie? It's Chad Hanks' world. We're lucky to him. Yes, dude. Oh, I love that. Blank Man was 1994, by the way.

Blank Man was a year after I also looked that up and was trying to figure out how to get that fact into the recording. So Meteor Man, who was. first. Well, Tom Hanks was actually first to the lead role for the Shawshank Redemption. While Hanks loved the script, he actually turned down the lead role because he was committed to Forrest Gump. And of course, the role went to Tim Robbins instead. That's another one of those movies that for some reason was always on. And yet, I still don't know if I've ever actually sat and watched all of the Shawshank Redemption. Okay. Now I'm doing, I'm in a stupid hole and it doesn't matter, but I'm just looking up, okay, so Chet Hanks was born in 1990, which was at like the peak of Tom Hanks's career. Forrest Gump is 94, which means he was making this decision about Shawshank Redemption and Forrest Gump whilst Chet Hanks was a toddler.

Oh. And I don't know what that means. I just find so much comfort in Chet Hanks as a parent because I just, I really just feel like it's a sign that like when you have kids, you just like get a person, you know, and you can parent however. But like, Chet Hanks just is who he is, you know, like you just can't make. Six schizophrenic brothers. Yeah. I know. I know everyone will have heard this, the conversation we've already had by the time this comes out.

Yeah. Maybe I'm just thinking about the Max series six schizophrenic brothers. But I just love that Chet Hanks, who is Wicked. by the way, also lists his other names as Chet Hanks, H-A-N-X. Oh, yeah. I just, I just, I just love, I just love him. That's his branding, MJ. I just love him.

He was growing up in peak, he was coming into consciousness in peak Tom Hanks' career time. And yet here he is. And isn't that, isn't that reassuring in a way that we had just come out a little bit pre-baked? And that is who Chet Hanks is. Yeah, he's not doing that much cocaine anymore. So good for Chet Hanks. Now, this tidbit makes me want to rewatch the movie. When the movie first came out, really enjoyed it, but I've only seen it the once.

The movie is Birdman. Birdman's score was improvised. In order to keep the movie's fast and loose tone, composer Antonio Sanchez just played the jazz drums and experimented with different tempos for various scenes and scene truce. transitions, and that's really awesome, and it makes me want to watch Birdman again. Also, huge just forever crush on Michael Keaton. And if I recall Michael Keaton was real hot in that movie. I loved Birdman.

I thought Birdman was awesome. Yeah, right? Like, all I remember about it is that I loved it. That's what I remember, too. But that's all I remember. I remember that it was like a very exciting. And it won a bunch of Oscars and shit, didn't it? Or it was like, there was a lot of discourse.

Oh, yeah, yeah. And that makes so much sense about the score because, there's like all these long shots and like there's this weird tension happening kind of reminded me of like punch drunk love a little bit in that way of like there was like the music kind of had to keep fluctuating in this really interesting way while still staying the same like score the whole time you know because it was yeah it was very oh man what a good movie speaking of good movies close encounters of the third kind while two of the aliens in the end are animatronic most are actually little girls from Alabama, as Spielberg thought that girls moved more gracefully than boys. According to actor Bob

Balaban, Spielberg would shout out, girls, stop disco dancing. And they responded with, we are so. That man said, so-z-z-z-stop, song-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-g. It gets more unhinged every time I sing it. So-sop! The problem is I've watched the clips of the song, so-shrong. The problem is I've watched the clips of the song, many times that it's just been in a constant rerun inside of my brain. But when the song actually comes out, I don't really want to listen to it. Like, I don't want to give it the listens. So I'm just going to keep watching the TikToks. I can't believe how obsessed I am with it.

And I still have a hard time remembering it. Like, it's, it's such a. I can't believe it hasn't come out. It hasn't even come out yet. No, it's coming out July 11th, by the way. So that be a big week for us. July 11th, you get Katie Perry and July 12th is when the Jojo Siwa EP drops. Sea what EP comes out. That's right. Yes. Oh, man, that jacket is going to be lit.

Dude. That jacket with the hold is going to be a liddy, dude. You better best be it that one. Did you guys see, I meant to send it to you before we started recording, but I forgot. There was a video of her, somebody booing her, Jojo, Siwa at her concert. And she said, who the living fuck just booed me, respectfully fuck you. And I was like, all right, I actually kind of like that. Okay, there you go.

That's a little bit of spice. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, more of that. I just realized I never included the article. I must have been drunk during Jackin. Um, with surprise. Come hang out over on Twitch. Dot TV forward slash Holdenators Ho on Fridays.

We get drunk and we listen to music. But, uh, Jojo Siwa also did recently. Bad Girl did get a tattoo. Wow. She did get a tattoo. And it is of a bear with me. Because she is bad. She's a bad bear.

But it's big. It's a big tattoo. It doesn't look terrible. Yeah. It is very funny how cute it is for her being a bad girl to be in a tattoo. She did get a tattoo. But I'm very excited. And also there was a clip of her drinking out of a huge fireball bottle the way that we drink out of fireball bottles on Friday, Holden.

You're bad girls. We're bad girls. But did she jerk herself off to sleep? That is my question. Yeah, which is how we usually end jacking. So, spoil the surprise for everybody. We admitted to transition to the, the Kristen Stewart reference. You were just doing a not jacket.

Where we, yeah, jerk off at the end of every jacking. Yeah, it's uncomfortable, but you watch us with a little baggie. Daggers down the camera and you've got to watch us to completion or else you are the cursed one. Vapes. Last but not least with the list, in the creation and the making of stand by me, according to Kiefer Sutherland, Production had to be shut down for two days after Jerry O'Connell, a child at the time, snuck into a, quote, hippie fair and unknowingly bought some funny cookies. Whoa.

They found him lost and crying in a park. Oh, man. I was at a party last night and was talking to an emergency department nurse who was saying how incredibly common it is and how it's like the happiest accident when you like think someone is having a stroke or a heart attack. it turns out they just accidentally ate an edible. Ate weed. Oh, you're just like, oh, thank God. Because I tell you, as a huge stoner myself, sometimes I eat an edible and I forgot that

I ate the edible. And then I'm just like, why am I feeling? I was like, oh, that's, yeah. Aha. As if, and I'm used to the feeling. Yeah. No. And so sometimes, I guess it's just like really not uncommon to just have like an adult to be like. And I said, how do you find out that it's an edible and not a heart attack or a stroke? And they said, usually a family member. kind of like embarrassed comes in and is like it was probably my edible yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's got to be embarrassing to have to go into an ER and admit but let us know

like do you have any stories about things you have to go and admit maybe it's like I don't know a hot summer night maybe you're just like I just got to I've got to feel it I've got the summer madness because Jeff and I were just talking about this the other day about how the crime rates go up much more in the summer because of summer madness. I want to be discussing summer madness more. Maybe that's what's happening to Jojo Siwa. Maybe it's summer madness. Yeah.

Where are your Where's the Beach moments? Please write in page seven podcast at gmail.com and maybe give us some time in your lives. We were considering sharing some of our own. Where's the beach moments in your past? Maybe in your youth. That means the low lights, like the moments in your, when you think back on, on your hot girl, hot boy, hot thembo summers,

where you're like, oh, that summer, that one where I really, really ran from those cops or whatever it might be. Yeah, did you get arrested? I think everybody has one. Did you almost get arrested? Did he eat a drug you shouldn't have eaten? And you learned later after you ate it.

I want to hear about it. You need to go get a tetanus shot because you tried to climb a fence and you couldn't successfully climb the fence. Page 7 Podcast at gmail.com. Hit us with your way. There's the beach moments. Or even if it's just like the best hot dog you've ever eaten, you also can let me know if you can let me know that.

Some are highlights, some are low lights. Absolutely. Hell yeah, dude. Oh my God. But I guess you can't see it. I won't be able to see any of those emails because I think I'm going. Blind! Items.

Oh, we can't see them. So this first one, I don't even know if you'd know this person's name. So I'm going to give it to you a little bit more. Because I have multiple. I have four because of this first one, but I had to keep this one in. This one's filed under oral sex champs. This A-list actor who starred an almost network show has the nickname Golden Mouth. He was in, okay, he's in a streaming show that Jackie really likes.

Wait, Piss Streaming? Yes, he drinks Piss, but he's also in a streaming show, popular streaming show that you like, that you watch. But he was also in a show back in the day that was like a show for the gals. and he was like kind of the love interest or whatever. He has Tom Cruise Tendencies in the show that Jackie likes. Tom Cruise tendencies. He fucks fish. Oh, in the boys.

Yeah. Yes, he does fuck fish. Also, check out the boys if you're not watching the boys. But I will say I cannot remember his. I know he plays the deep. That's why I wanted. Chase Crawford was also in Gossip Girl, but I didn't know how well you knew. But I had to include this one because.

A, it's filed under oral sex champs. There were a few of these. And the fact that his nickname is Golden Mouth, I was just like, this is too perfect for. Really makes sense because, like, I will say he's great in the boys. And, well, maybe he's just bringing his real life into his fake life. Because he is currently in a, I guess, relationship is an interesting word. But he is in a relationship with an octopus.

There it is. Because he can hear what the octaves. Like, he talks to the octopus. So technically, they are in a consensual relationship. People think that he is absolutely based on Tom Cruise, too. There's a lot of theories about that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The foreign-born A-list actor took a very big step out of the closet this week.

He's gay. We all know it. He sings and dances. He's also a brute man in the big movies, the big ones that everyone sees. Hugh Jackman. Yes, Hugh Jackman celebrated Pride Month on Thursday with a cake smothered in yellow, icing and rainbow decoration. come out. No, but he just put a post up with him with a big cake.

Okay, I was like, if I missed Hugh Jackman coming out, I, oh, just put eggs on my nose. No, he's just alluding to it. He has a cake that says happy pride with like rainbows on it and stuff. And he captioned the image with a bold rainbow font as the flower confection sat on a chopping board waiting to be sliced. So, yeah, it was just very like, hey, you know what I mean? It was just kind of like a hey, hey. I'm just sitting waiting in the wings for him to come out. Just, oh, just hoping and just praying. I get to watch him kiss more. Sometimes before we come out,

we have to just have an era of being a very enthusiastic ally. For sure. And so I hope that that is the era that he is in right now. Absolutely. Just wanted to let his truth. You know that. Yeah, exactly. The former festival grifter is grifting yet again.

I cannot believe this. Oh, no, another fire fest. Billy McFarlane's Fire Fest. I keep getting texts, by the way. Remember when I signed up? Every now and again, he's like, we're yachting in this harbor, blah, blah, blah, come out. We got a goal holding.

Convicted Fronster, Billy McFarlane has revealed he is drowning in more than $30 million in debt, but still thinks a second attempt at his disastrous fire festival is the only thing that will save him. He owes $26 million in restitution to those he scammed from the 2017 festival, as well as nearly $7 million to the IRS and back taxes. And yet he says, Fire Festival 2 is the most tangible way to repay the $26 million that I owe. And having real partners gives an opportunity in the next five to seven years to actually pay back that $26 million. And he argued, no one's offering me $26 million to work somewhere.

Yeah, no shit. We are literally, this is his reasoning. We are literally the most talked about music festival in the world. We've had three times more mentions than Coachella, which is in second place. And there's a huge drop-off after that. Fire Festival 2 is scheduled to take place somewhere in the Caribbean on December 6, 2024, with tickets costing $3,500. Oh my God.

There are no other concrete details about the event on the website. Unbelievable. Just imagine having your IRS debt be that much small, like be the less stressful number of money. Man. That gives me a panic attack just thinking about it. I could not fathom this. This is the most, the huge, amount of denial

I've ever seen. But anyways, and then the last quick hit, I just, this is again, just so funny to me. I don't know if the A-List singer with the thirsty wife knows that the illiterate one is getting her grapes from the same place as the singer does for his rosé wine. Either way, the singer's wine is meh, which makes for a greater profit,

but not a lot of repeat customers. My problem is I heard any kind of grape, and I only thought Megan Markle and then all I could think was Megan Markle, and I know it's not Megan Markle. It is Megan Markle. It is? Well, Megan Markle's the one who's the illiterate one, who's getting the grapes from the same place as the A-Lis singer.

God, you could say you said singer, so I was like, I know she's not a singer. The Aalist singer and thirsty wife. So think about it. It's a famous singer and wife duo, wife more of an influencer. Singer is, in my opinion, kind of borough snorro. John Legend and Chrissy Teigen. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Megan Markle's getting her grapes from chart the same place John Legend is getting his grapes. Step off, you bitch. That also makes me want to commit mass violence. I'm sorry, we're starting and ending with mass violence. I know, I know.

It's why I had included. It's so annoying. That is the most annoying. Oh, shut. Oh. Those are John Legend's grapes. No, they're Megan Markle's grapes. I use them for jam.

How dare you? She needs to make at least two containers of jam. It's like this whole like, you bastards. Celebrity artisanal underworld that like everyone's competing for like goods for like the different, you know, the good grapes. And like this is all happening behind the scenes and we don't know because everyone has a tequila now. Everyone has like, you know, fucking cupcake fucking whatever. But you know what?

The celebrity tequila is good. The boys, the last podcast boy sent me a bottle of George Cluty's tequila after I got my top surgery and I still think about how good it was. Also take out Jason. Check out Jason Mamo. is Maly vodka. Maly vodka is really delicious. I just said tequila. We are pro-celebrity alcohol here.

Totally different. I'm talking celebrity tequila over here. Yeah, celebrity vodka is a whole different ballgame. Blake Lively's Mocktails or whatever the fuck. It's like at some point it's going to be a war of the, yeah, bottles of booze or whatever. It's like everyone's competing now over the same like liquor store space. Maybe guys, maybe we should have like celebrity alcohol summer and we each like choose a celebrity alcohol to not get sponsored by but we only purchase.

Yes. We just have to pay for it. And then it fuels our summer and then we compare. Like was the George Clooney tequila summer better or the Jason Mamoa vodka summer better? So you want to have an alcoholic off with the two of us? An alcoholic, yeah. But it's like a celebrity alcohol off.

You know, Nikki Minaj is in there somewhere, right? Doesn't she make it weird? Sure. Weird alcohol. Yeah, I guess you could also like, aren't there like, the mommy cocktail? I also think that I'd like to corner the mommy cocktails. Mom's slewis.

It's called Mommy Mimmy Sloos. Mommy's got to be drunk to look at baby juice. That's what I want. Mommy needs pills. Mommy, yeah, I'm just start selling Mommy SSRIs in like a fancy bottle. Pop those pills. Mommy needs it to smile through the day. To pretend that child raising a kid is fun.

Yeah. Can you see again, Holden? He can see. He can see. He can see again. Welcome back, Holden. And thank you guys so much for joining us on this week's episode of page seven. Hopefully you throated a couple of dogs while you were listening to this because that's honestly

what I'm always hoping that you're doing. But I guess not every week because, again, minutes off your life. But my name is Jackie Zabrowski and you can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. And you can come hang out with me and MJ on Wednesdays. play the Sims. We will who on Wednesdays. I will say this week, even though it is July

4th week, we are going to have, I think, MJ's husband try to have also have sex with Father Christmas, but we will find out if they are interested in that. But please come hang out with us over on Twitch.tv. forward slash, oh, no, it's

Jackie on Wednesday mornings. Holden? Oh, shit. Dude, I'm already so hype for Jacket on July 12. So I don't know, just be there for that one for sure. We've got JoJo C with CP. July 12. Yes. Katie Perry's. It's a woman's world. I only want those back and forth. Just donated for over and over again. It will be the apex moment of the summer. Check us out on Twitch.com.com forward slash hold a natator's ho every Friday with Jackie.

Sometimes MJ pops in. It's always a blast. 3 p.m. PSD. 6 p.m. E.st. Check out Patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast bros, $5 a month. You get so much extra content. We do the leftovers. We're going to be doing that next where we talk about stuff like, I don't know, how JVN finally spoke out about how he's not actually an asshole or whatever. Is that actually me? Stuff like that.

We'll get into it. Patreon.com. page seven podcast. You got Jackie's book readings and also with the $10 layer. Those Buffy Watchalongs, man. I know we already said how into the show we are, but like, holy shit, it just keeps getting better and better. And it is so much fun.

Also, I need you to know every week we're always talking about like the Travis and the Maddie in Buckley's life. Apparently, word on the street and word on the Allison is that we haven't even met the Maddie yet. Whoa. And apparently the Maddie is in our future.

So many of them are going to be so thrilled with even more Maddie talk. That's what the people want. I love it, I love it. I loved you for only a fortnight. You'll hear you? sing that a lot for whatever reason. Anyways, Patreon.com forward

slash paid seven podcast. MJ! My name is MJ and I'm MJKLCat on Instagram. Also next Monday, be sure to check out the beginning of the new novella that I'm going to be recording for Jackie's Book Club. It's only a couple of weeks long. I'm going to be going into real weird novellas for a while. I love it.

$5. You're over on the Patreon. I love a shorter slice. That's nice. Oh, baby. It is quite. A slice. I don't know if it's a slice of life, but it is certainly a slice of monster fucking. So come hang out with us over on the Patreon.

Thank you guys so much for hanging out with us this week, and we will be back next week. Throw a dog for us. We love you guys. Bye, everybody. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.