Page 7 - Ep. 543: Hot Dog Energy

Episode Date: July 11, 2024

This week Jackie, MJ and Holden brace for the dawn of a new era of feminism as Katy Perry prepares to unleash Woman's World, JoJo Siwa switches it up to FIREBALL and gets ready to unleash a group of very horny teddy bears, Joey Chestnut is standing up to Big Beef and showing up Nathan's contest in his own veteran filled one as Nathan's CRUMBLES WITHOUT JOEY, Olympics training is happenin' over on the PEACOCK complete with a very special boy, a DUEL MASTER, AND SNOOP, Holden brings up the mental health code for Olympics and it sure is...something, Flavor Flav decided to fund the US water polo team to the Paris Olympics (as well as send them on a cruise), and MJ tells Jackie she radiates hot dog. In Celebrity Conspiracy Corner: A Rat Boy Summer Conspiracy, did Matty Healy inspire the main rat in Flushed Away!? A List that tells us more about the author than the celebrities hawking unnecessary items, the Blindz and S-S-Shouts!!  Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

This song goes out to Amber Nelson. Happy belated birthday, baby. I sang it on your birthday, and I sent it out to you then, and I'm sending it out to you now. And me, me, me, me, me, me, can you take me higher? Oh, man to a bless where blind man sees. There's sheet dancing. Can you take me higher? Me, na, nina, nina.

Do a bless where. A blind man soon. There's she dancing. Jackie just said to herself, oh, I could take that higher. Well, we were chatting and just that phrase, well, before we started recording, just the word higher. And then she said, I know what I'm going to sing at the top of the show. That's how the hot dogs get made around here. You want to know.

I'm so glad you brought that song in because I feel like it's the changing of the guard week. From the old sound, Creed, take me higher, to the new sound. i.e. woman's world and Jojo Siwa's EP. I feel like I'm feeling it in the water. I'm feeling in the wind. It's like the very beginning of Lord of the Rings. So you're saying the conduit of that is creed? Yes, I'm saying.

Like that is what is drifting us through to another stratosphere. The old ways of the elder lords are, our creed take me higher. And the new gods are now. It's a woman's world. Whoa. Worshipped the Lord. and now we worship women. And isn't that what's wrong with society today?

I'll take it. No, I'm kidding. It's what's good about society. I say thank you, MJ. I say thank you and I take it. I'm so excited to usher in sixth wave feminism with Woman's World by Katie Perry and whatever the fuck Jojo is going to throw at us this week.

It is, who knows, what new pop music will Jojo invent for us this week as well? Because there's, sure, now we, she gets. Davis gay pop. Great. But can we get lion pop? Can we get dragon pop? Well, you have to wait until August for lion pop. That's when my Leo album, you know, I'm going to drop my big Leo.

The month of the lion is coming. Yes, I'm a Leo bitch and I'm ready to snitch. Yeah, all that. Are you ready? I love that. Crabs, you better scuttle out of the way. It's time for the, it's not time for the lions yet. You still have your crab heyday.

I would never take it from you. It's a lion's world and you are cursed to be living in it. Curse to be living in it. Yeah, yeah, sending lightning bolts into your mother's eyes. You know your curse to be living in it because Jackie has to make sure to just very gently remind us whenever we bring up Winnie's birthday that it is also very close to her birthday. Yes. And that's how you know.

It's actually literally the day before my... It's literally the day before. I would be scolding little Jackie about pissing everywhere had it been one day later because I did promise. Put the type be back on me. Put the, if I be back on me, Holden. If you can grab me and put the dippy back on me, I will stop placing on the floor. I love our drunken games after Jacket with the Holdies, okay?

It's my favorite drunken games. Where's the dikees? You know, where's the dikees? They go downstairs to Jackie's living room and play. Where's the dikees? I feel so bad for Jeff. I mean, the entire apartment, every inch had Jackie's piss all over. And I took a shit at one point, just right in the middle of the living room floor.

Well, it was more of like a sympathy shit. And you know what I really appreciate that Holden because, like, I felt seeing. And when Jeff came downstairs from his D&D game And you were rubbing my nose in it? Yeah, because he was laughing maniacally. And like Jeff just, man, he just turned around and went right back upstairs. You just went, you know what? I hate your drunken games.

Interesting. You know what? I blame the fireball, but we know it's not the fireball's fault. I don't know, man. Jojo's drinking fireball now on stage. She's elevated or descended, however we want to frame it from Tito's to Fireball. What do you think it's a... I guess that's a dissension.

Do you think it's a ladder? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. In my brain, the fact that I say Tito's and soda rather than like the bottom of the barrel vodka and soda, which is what I used to say, or bottom of the barrel gin or bottom of the barrel whiskey, just really depended on the night. But now the fact that I say Tito's and soda, I'm like, look at me. Look at you.

What am I? Am I on Milf Manor right now? Look at you fancy. Well, I will say with Jojo, too. I think that she learned the lesson that we learned, which is drinking like vodka or tequila a lot in front of people, gets you very drunk. But Fireball, you kind of hit this nice little sweet spot

where you will also get very drunk, but you can drink more of it in order to get very drunk. I weirdly, like, don't black out with Fireball the way I do with other things. It's got a lower a mistake. Yeah. It's like you. The sugar is where it gets you though. How old am I?

It's the sugar. It is a mistake. But somehow it's like a better mistake than the other types of mistakes. I think that's why you can get it at the grocery store here in New York City. Can't get liquor at the grocery store except for Fireball because it's like a liquor not liquor situation. You know, it'll get you drunk, but not as drunk as Tito's will. But it will also make you more hungover than Tito's would. So it is, you know, it's a nightmare juice.

It's a nightmare dressed like a daydream. All right. So by the way, I didn't even think to do this. but I just looked up a little a couple of deets on the Jojo EP Okay, it is called guilty pleasure I mean, because she's a bad girl And I need Jojo to know

that any pleasure that you have Doesn't make it guilty. You know, you can throw that out there But she's young. So you gotta remember she still has guilty pleasure. She hasn't hit the old apex age Like we have that understands it Like go ahead and love what you love, bitch.

And maybe it's fireball and maybe it's getting tattoos of little cute bears with wings on your shoulder. Don't you think that she's the guilty pleasure? I don't know. Yes, absolutely. Or is she not that self-aware? Has Jojo reached sentience yet? No.

Does she know guilty pleasure is like a thing you're embarrassed about it? Sounds like she thinks it's like a naughty thing, you know what I mean? Guilty pleasure. Wouldn't that be the best if she thought it in a positive way? Also, this is how much. Yeah, because I'm muted. Oh my God, the cover art. Okay, okay.

She's so bad girl. Look at this. How did I not include, how did I not think to throw this in? Here's an Instagram link. Look at the cover of this. And the caption says, get that, this is by it show, on its show Josie was her official Instagram. Get the fuck ready. I'm sorry, you, I'm sorry, get the F bad.

Star, star, star, star ready. Thank you very much. word, but the adults do know exactly what that word is. Oh, get the fuck ready. Guilty pleasure. Song and official music video, by the way, coming at 13 days. That was last week, obviously. And before, I understand that she has a lot of children that follow her, which is why she

doesn't like to curse in the captions. And I understand that. But honestly, then just leave it out. I love it. I think the stars make it worse. What of the comments just below? do anything but say the F word. Here's the track list.

It's guilty pleasure, balance, baby. Yesterday's tomorrow's today. Yesterday's tomorrow's day. Choose your fighter. You are, yes. That is actually on the track list. Yesterday's tomorrow's today. There's no apostrophes, by the way.

I thought you were saying like yesterday's. No, it is. It is apostrophes. There are. In the Instagram. If you look on the track, okay, it's confusing. If you look on the actual track list in the picture, this is a three-picture slideshow.

Gotcha. If you look, oh, my God. And this third one, not the teddy bear did. And the teddy bear. Don't do it. You know, it's a look. The teddy bear, yes, they ripped off the heads of teddy bears

and glued them to her nipples. It's such, here's the thing. It's a look. And I am here for it. And I want to watch whatever evolution. Yeah. Like, what are the bears going? to become? Are they going to sprout out of her breasts and become full bears? I like the teddy bear pasties. As if like her

nipples, yeah, like her nipples are the holes and the bears live inside of her breasts and they're just like pushing their way out head first as if her nipples are Vigene. I think it's worth, I think it's really worth everybody looking at this post because there is a lot to unpack. I'd be pregnant with bears. Jackie, that the, the bear titties are, are, I like it. I don't know, I don't know in what way I like it. I was going to say it's cute, but I don't know if that's what she wants me to say to her about it, but I actually do think... You mean it's bad. It's bad. And I'm not going to like sentence diagram this song title. No, we can't.

It's just today. It's just today. I just unpacked it in my head while you guys were talking about the sexy teddy bear. Yesterday's tomorrow's today is just today. Because if it's yesterday's tomorrow is today. Yesterday is possessive that tomorrow is today. yesterday's tomorrow's. And that's what she's saying. Yesterday's tomorrow's today. Yesterday's tomorrow's today. Choose your fighter.

Choose you are a fighter. Now, this actually might bring me in because that is a fighting game like. Mortal Kombat kind of thing, right? Is that one of those? Yeah. And if that's the case, I might be in on Choose Your Fighter. Yeah.

But unfortunately, we're not getting a music video for me to fully visualize that concept. But I'm very excited to hear that one. And guilty pleasure, I'm ready for it. I'm also terrified for it. She's spread eagle. She's, I think, really trying to go for like a sexy thing. She's got a big teddy bear person in a teddy bear costume.

And they're caressing her and holding her. The teddy bears are on her head. It's, okay, I've changed my opinion about the teddy bears. Now that I'm watching the clip of the video and the Instagram clip, and she is just spreading her legs. Oh, yeah. Do your thing, Jojo. You're an adult. You can spread your legs.

but I don't like to be looking at two teddy bears whilst I'm also looking at you, Spread Eagle. It's freaking me out a little bit. So I've got, yeah, this is, I mean, this is like taking the karma look and somehow making it like more disturbing and kind of more embarrassing at the same time. But I will say she does look like, what do you call them from Hellraiser in that, in her cover picture. A cinnabite? She looks a bit cinnabitish and I am kind of here for it.

Yeah. I do like, I do think that if I did solve a forbidden, you know, Satan's puzzle box that she might pop out and ask me questions or make me, you know, rip the flesh of me, you know. The comments are overwhelmingly negative. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. I can't wait for her to become that. That's the evolution I'm waiting for. I have to highlight this other comment on this post, which is just for fuck's sake, not again. Yeah.

Which I think is a great response to. The comments are overwhelmingly negative. Also, yeah, Chapel Roan has a guilty, right? Guilty pleasure, yeah. That's so funny. There's a guilty pleasure song from Chapo. I mean, I don't think you get this, but like she created queer pop music holden. So whatever Chapel did.

And I want to say thank you to whoever sent in the tweet. Yes, it is everywhere that Jojo Siwa is Chapel Rowan's Waluigi. Yes. And I think that all of us really feel seen in this page seven world. I'm hoping that it was a page seven fan that wrote it because nothing truer has been written, except for the fact that I don't know, they're calling her the queen of YouTube and they're saying that Katie Perry is back with it's a woman's world. I did just include a music video teaser. Oh, hell yeah. Which is almost nothing.

You have her inflating herself? Literally, yeah, for inflating herself where she is like, she inflates herself up and she's dressed in a white bikini with robotic legs. And so July 11th, which is the date of this episode today comes out. You guys already know about the song. Tell us about the song. Tell us about it. Yeah. I wouldn't play for us in the future.

Oh, I need to see it. Please tell us. Oh, my God. It's just a woman's world and we're just living in it. And we don't even know that yet. We're not going to know until the end of the week. But by Friday, and again, we said this last week, but we need you to know. Twitch.tv. forward slash Holder Nader's ho on Friday, we are going to be jacking with the holdies hard, listening to hopefully the new Jojo as well as the new Katie Perry and drinking fireball while we do it.

So I guess Jojo, she's just like us. Yes. I, if I have to choose my fighter, though, between Jojo and Katie Perry, I'm sorry, but I'm choosing. And Jojo. She's got... Well, she's that young. She's got something. I don't know what it is, but it's something. She's saying it's exciting. I mean, woman's world, I think our expectation for women's world is that it will just be the most hack, like, retread of feminist sentiments in pop music from the past, you know, 20 plus years. Yeah. I haven't quoted a song this much in quite some time. I thought about the song every single day.

since we heard it. I can't get it out of my brain. And I'm not saying that in a way of like, it must be a catchy earworm like I'm saying. And I just, I think I'm haunted by Katie Perry. Yeah. Yeah. No, Katie Perry is cursing us. And I'm not sure what Jojo's doing. But I have, I mean, honestly, from the initial release of karma to now, it's been, I'm going to say, an overwhelmingly positive journey. That's the, I just can't, like, I'm not saying that I want to like listen and attentively to all of her music and watch her music videos, because I don't.

But in general, when I think about Jojo, I get a big smile on my face. When I think about Katie Perry, I feel animated with rage. So, yeah. Well, Jojo, I add, there's a little, weirdly, a little bit of pity going on there,

which I don't, which I think is, because she's so young. She's so young. She's so young. And, I mean, we are getting, we get messages from all over the place about her of like, she's actually very bad to, like, she's actually completely

a innocent pawn of other very bad people. And in general, you know, our approach with her is to, she is an adult, but also to try to, like, recognize that she, in many ways, is just a kid. Katie Perry is going out of her way to work with Dr. Luke. Yeah. Like, there's a, like, that's the thing. Like, if Jojo is a pawn by something, like, she's young. And, like, Katie Perry is making choices. Yeah, and Katie Perry is for success.

You know what? Listen, I understand that Jojo's not a real bad girl, but at least you watch that music video and you're like, This is interesting. There are teddy bear pasties. It's interesting. I've never thought about teddy bears being, you know, birthed from a nipple before. And I thank Jojo for including that in my brain space.

Yes. You know, at least there's some creativity going on there instead of so soft, so strong. You're right. Many page seven listeners have pointed out is a literal toilet paper slogan. I mean, it's great toilet paper. But, you know, you want both of those qualities in a toilet paper. Maybe not always in a woman.

It depends on what you're looking for. Hello, Ed Larson and Amber Nelson from the brighter side here to check in with you. See how you're doing. Is your day more disappointing than a gas station sandwich? Are you trying to put one foot in front of the other in a glue factory? Did you try to throw your air friar in the bathtub, but nothing happened because you were too lazy to plug it in first? Then the brighter side podcast is for you. Oh yeah!

Each week we take nasty, dukey, stupid, dumb. Stinky, no good, do-do factory. Caca-like topics and try to find the brighter side. Hey, Amber, what's the brighter side of waking up chained to a bed in Russia? At least they have free health care. That's right. So start your weekend off right every Friday with the brighter side on the last podcast network. You beautiful babies.

Now, other people are. We're working on different kinds of projects and maybe it's just a hot dog world and Joey Chestnut is just living in it. I have to scream about this from the rooftops. All right. I'm going to blanket this with I know not a lot of people care about hot dog news. All right. But it's very few and far between where we get fun, positive news about hot dogs out there. Okay, guys, because every other headline before you say about hot dogs.

It's just very few and far between that we get. at any good news. Yeah, that is also very true. But I will say, we need to herald the hot dog a ponds this day for Joey Chestnut. The Superman of the dog has showed up. Now, we talked about this weeks ago that Joey Chestnut was banned from the Coney Island Nathan's hot dog eating competition on the 4th of July, which also, I didn't even ask you guys, did you eat hot dogs over the weekend? Hot dogs, hot dogs? Yeah, yeah, had a dog at Ed's. Hell yeah. MJ. I was scared for a You should be scared because this is... I'm scared to answer the question.

Here's my answer. I have not... Don't yell at me. Interesting. You know what? Can we just say really quickly? There was an aggression by Jackie's question. No.

Did you not... I'm not. It felt like an attack. How was your weekend? Is she like a fourth of July? Are we working together still after this recording session? Maybe not. Did you have a hot talk?

You know, I feel like you guys didn't leave the hot dog out overnight the way you're supposed to because I came to both of your homes. in the middle of the night. Right. And I had nothing to eat. Yeah, you do that weird Santa dog thing where you come in and Santa Claus. Where the condy's at, maybe? When he was so scared.

Where the condies at? So frightened. Cup of mayo. Yeah. Yeah, we have to leave a whole pint of mayo out for you. Root temperature. It does get drank it. Yeah.

Dip the glissie in it. Yeah, you got to dip the glizier. But that's the weird thing. You just come in a radar fridge and leave. Like, you're not like, it's like, it's like, opposite Christmas. You just take. No guess. Isn't everyone

I did not eat a hot dog? All right. So what you're saying I did I knew it was roundabout. I knew you were getting there, MJ. But I did buy Impossible Hot Dogs yesterday at the store.

They are now out. How are the impossible hot dogs? How are they? Have you tried them yet? I have not tried them yet. I'm sorry. Oh my God. Ooh, I want to try them so badly.

I'm already on the lookout for them. I really enjoy the Impossible Beef. And again, I understand. I know that Impossible Beef isn't just like good for you. I know that it's not good for you. But it is better for you in the environment than regular media. Now, I am a meat consumer, but Joey Chestnut made a deal with impossible

meats. And so that's why he wasn't allowed to go to the Nathan's hot dog eating contest. Of course, they did rescind that, which I find very interesting. Because they realized they made a big mistake. Yeah, they made a huge mistake. You just walked away from the best thing that ever happened to you, Nathan's. The best thing. they ever happened to you. So Joey Chestnut, the 16-time winner of Nathan's famous hot dog eating contest, created his own eating contest. And I love this for him. And he competed against a group of soldiers at Fort Bliss Army Base in El Paso, Texas. And here's the thing. Talk about a mic drop. Okay. This motherfucker, Joey Chestnut, if you want to know how good he is at eating hot dogs,

he ate, I think was two less hot dogs than the person that did the Nathan's hot dog, who won the Nathan's hot dog eating contest in half the amount of time. Yeah, five minutes. In half the amount of time. Five minutes versus ten minutes. And he only ate two less dogs, which was around, I think, yeah, he ate 57 hot dogs in five minutes. Let him be unchained from the shackles. He said that he would go back to Nathan's hot dog eating competition if they apologize.

And I'm so proud of him, honestly. Nathan's is, what were they thinking? And I will say I went to Coney Island on Fourth of July, as is our family tradition. And they have the whole area blocked out. We got there after the hot dog eating contest. but my brother was there in time for the lemonade drinking contest, which I don't know if you guys saw. Oh man, they suck it back, dude. Yeah, but did you see the picture of the person just spewing lemonade everywhere?

Yes. Yeah, I did. Because, of course, I was secretly hoping that it was that the hot dog eating competition winner because I wanted to really like put the nail in the coffin that Joey Chestnut is like the upper echelon of this field. and I really wanted it to be the person that won. But it wasn't. It was the lemonade person, which I get so citrus. Yeah, I mean, I'd rather watch somebody like spew lemonade than hot dogs.

So I'm glad that I didn't have to watch like a viral clip of somebody's doing dogs. I guess I'd rather spew dogs, though, because, yeah, the acid. Yeah. As a spewer, you know I'm a spewer. Oh, so I'm a spewer too. I'm not saying what I'd rather spew personally. I'm saying what I'd rather watch spew. Right.

Gotcha. I don't, the thing is, I don't want to watch a hot dog eating constern. And I'm proud of Joey Chestnut for just who he is as a person, but I don't want to really, even though we go to Coney Island every 4th of July, I'm like, I don't want to see it. I get it. I want to hear about it. I want to hear the cheering. You avoid the cheering.

You just avoid that whole. No, we're right there. We go to the bar right next door to Nathan's Ruby's Bar and Grill. It's great. And you hear all the cheering. It's just that I don't want to, you know, I'm a, I'm a person who likes to like eat slowly and carefully. And even the idea of thinking about an eating contest makes me feel a little bit sick to

my stomach, but that's just a me problem. I love this problem for Joey Chesh. It's the most MJ problem. Yeah, you're so prim and proper with your eating now that I think it. It's a very clean, slow, meticulous eater. Yeah, now that I think about it, which drives me crazy. I slam it down. Well, yeah, he's holding Hoover McNeil over here.

She just opens his mouth and it goes, ooh. I got a big mouth and a thick neck. and I want to get that shit down. I wouldn't let him in my bedroom. He was going to swallow my bed. I try not to taste anything I eat. You know? It's just like COVID was a dream for me.

I loved everything about it, including all the people that died. No, I'm just kidding. I don't love that. I meant to add. I'm sorry, I don't love it. I take it back. I meant to add about being at Kony.

Every year at Kony on the 4th of July, there's like protesters and there's counter protesters because sometimes there's vegan protesters because of the hot dogs and stuff. But then there was also... They can go to Joey Chestnut. There was pro-Jew Chestnut protesters at Coney. We saw a sign that said,

would have been better with Chestnut. Oh, my God. That would have been me. He was missed. I just want you guys to know, like, his presence was felt on Surf Avenue, on the boardwalk. We need the nut. We need the nut!

And also, I love that he's doing a partnership with Impossible Dogs, but he still eats me. I think that's great. You can be pro veggie dog and still eat a meat hot dog. I think he's representation, you know? Like, I honestly think that's great. I can't wait for the impossible hot dogs to come out. I would love to.

I've virtually completely stopped buying real like sausage for sure, real chorizo. So like soyrizo is way. I know that's not even impossible beat, but it's like there's so many other alternatives out there. And thank you Joey Chestnut for championing this for us. And I love also that he just turned it into like a military. Like he's like, I love the military. I'm going to, I'm going to humiliate these four military men by eating a lot of more hot dogs than them. But I'm going to say, support the troops.

And I just, he really just nailed it. He nailed the dismount on this. He certainly. Yes, let them in face the horrors of war. I agree, Joey. Let them remember my face full of hot dogs, whatever they face in their future. Absolutely. Add that to the PTSD pile.

And you're talking about landing some mounts here, and that gets me to thinking about gymnastics. Have you been looking at the kuk? I've been slapping on the pak to watch some of the trials and the things that are going on with the Olympics. Because it's coming, baby. We've got a few more weeks, and then we're going to be watching them flipping and swimming and jumping. And I'm so excited about it, but I'm not as excited as the golden. Retriever Therapy Dog that has an important role at the U.S. Olympics. This is Jackie's Olympics Corner, and you must hear me talk about the Olympics whether you want to

or not. That's not true. You can certainly shut this off at any moment in time. But isn't it kind of cute that it's almost like I'm watching you and I know if you're going about to take out the headphones? And like I am secretly, silently feeling guilty, making you feel guilty about it. Yeah, I mean, you saw how scared I was when she asked about the hot dogs. I hope the listeners Is that because of the hot dog ambassadorship? Is that why I'm so on fire? Like, is that why I feel so cold? Well, you heat up in the summer, that's for sure.

And we're all, we're terrified. We're mortified. MJ's a slow eater. I eat too fast and you're right there in the middle, scolding us for our choice of sliders over hot dogs. I did have a bunch of sliders at it. Oh, yeah. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

Oh, I can just, because I love that, MJ, because you just put the entire piece of food into your mouth and chew it like a cow. No. I mean, you guys saw me evolve over the course of 25 ice chugging contests. You did it. Such a great job with those. You know, opening the throat. You started to beat me consistently.

I know. I did start to beat hold and consistently. Let the record show. But Jackie always says you got to open the throat. And I just don't want to consume things that way. But anyway. But then you realize how great it is once you open up the throat. Now, I really wanted to enjoy more of those sliders.

But I will say that I was a little dosed by my brother during. that party. So, um, you know what, Holden? Sorry if I was weird during the Fourth of July party. Sometimes Auntie Jackie eats too many mushrooms. Whoa. But that is what hot dogs are for. Man, did I enjoy those hot dogs? I just sat in silence and I watched them play with their bean bags, their cornhole. And I just watched. And I remember I looked at Lexi at one point. I went, wow, there's so many hummingbirds in the trees. And she looked at me and she went, yeah. And I didn't realize until later that there were no hummingbirds. There were no hummingbirds.

But I really was delighted by them. Anyway, Beacon, the Golden Retriever, who is there as a therapy dog during the Olympic gymnastics trials is the most adorable thing I've ever seen. Yeah, you got to look it up. I laughed out loud when I saw the picture because it's just a beautiful golden retriever wearing an Olympics track jacket. He's just wearing the outfits. Nothing funnier than a dog wearing like a coach's uniform.

I'm really happy for them. He's just there to help. But it's so great whether they win or whether they don't do well, he's there. And he just like comes up and you can just watch him like playing with a tennis ball in between matches and everybody. Like you're just immediately relieved being around a pup. And maybe I included this article because yesterday, oh, I was staring at this dog named papaya. I wanted to adopt. I follow at least 20 foster, like dog rescues on Instagram, and I shouldn't.

Because honestly, what I really need to be focusing in more and more on is Wrangler Butts. And I did want to bring up real quick, Wrangler Butts on Insta. I unfortunately, the eye it lingered. By unfortunately, I mean very fortunately. Rangler Butts is just an Insta of, I'm assuming men. putting on tight wrangler jeans and showing their butts. But not showing their butts, just putting on the jeans and standing there and like in the jeans. Are you describing an account or a trend?

It's an account. Yes. Yes. It's an account, yeah, called Wrangler butts. And the eye lingered once. And maybe I followed. And now they're all over my insta fee. I follow this account.

And so it keeps showing up in my Instagram feed. Isn't that crazy? How would just, I don't know. know what happened, but no, now the, what is it, the journey is the destination side of Instagram? It's all butts. It's butts and snacks. Is that not Jackie Zabrowski to a tea? Yeah, that's fine.

I mean, I, what does that have to do with the dog, though, Jackie? I was just thinking about, like, seeing. There's a lot of hummingbirds in the trees, Zin, Jay. Jackie was tripping on mushrooms right now, is what I'm trying to say. It was before this show, Jay. It was before the, he showed up at 8 a.m. And he was like, here, take this. And I was like, again?

No, it was because I was talking about papaya, the dog that I was looking at. And I was, that's why I included this email because I would like to adopt a dog. And I can't have a dog in the place that I live in. So I just get to dream by myself. Yeah. Well, on that note, I will say it's very funny. It's like, Simone Biles had to step away from gymnastics altogether because of her mental health and all of the issues there. And so what did the Olympics do?

They went, I know what we'll do. Bring him a dog. I know. Yeah, that is, the Olympics is just like, what if we just kind of like psychologically torture you and also like you can never make money unless you get like a brand sponsorship

and like you give all of the like best years of your young life to us. But we got you a dog wearing a little jacket. And he's so cute in that little jacket. I guess I did frantically pull up an article just to make sure I will give them a little bit of credit. Apparently the policy has been reviewed, according to gear, I don't know who that is, and USA Gymnastics will now cover more than eight mental health care visits per year for national team athletes. Quote, if there is a surplus of funds projected for the years.

A lot of asterisk. A lot of asterisk by that. They get eight. They get eight total for the year, which is already kind of hilariously small amount of visits. and if there's a surplus. So we'll see how that works out. But anyways, I did have to check and make sure. But they, yeah, it is.

It does, I do feel like this all comes from Simone Biles being incredibly open about mental health struggles and being. I can't even imagine what a limb. Like, think of the stress you go through every day and just like the anxiety you have just from your normal regular life. imagine being an Olympian on top of it. And like, yeah, all the money people spend, people's parents spend to like get them there, you know, like there's all of that. It's a lot of pressure. Yeah, a lot of pressure.

But I'm, the next ed, I'm going to watch it. I'm excited about watching the people dance for me. The horses dance specifically. The horses dance. And this is also, it is a big problem with the Olympians that a lot of Olympians have to work and train so hard. They also have to have like two or three jobs to also put them through everything. So there was an Olympian Maggie Stephens that was talking about the 30-year-old captain of the U.S.

Women's 2024 team. And she was talking about how difficult it is because it's also the travel, it's accommodations, it's what they eat. It's everything involved in it. So Flavreflav heard Maggie talking about this or at least saw her posting about it and decided that he was going to fund the U.S. water polo team to the Paris Olympics. And he's making good with his promise. He said he was going to do it like a couple of months ago.

But apparently now he is doing it. Also throwing in a virgin cruise for all of them. And my question to you is like, I guess he must have invested very well, right? I know. Because like in my brain, like the fact that he's. sponsoring the whole team, sending them all on a cruise, and I don't know if it's individually, but it did say a thousand dollar bonus.

I know, I was trying to figure out what that meant. I was like, $1,000 to the whole team or like... I'm going to assume it means for each person, right? Because $1,000 for the whole team, like, whatever. That's what, who gives a shit. You know what I mean? Yeah.

That's a meal effect. I think that, like, probably... They must have done a good job of securing the rights for their songs because stuff like fight the power and stuff like that with public enemy. continues to be, I think, reused, you know, in different ways. Yeah, and I guess you keep making the money off of that. Hopefully you keep, well,

if you, yeah, if you didn't get a shit deal or you like die, like starving, you know. I mean, I feel like flavor flavor is like the actual best rich guy we have right now. Like, I mean, and has made pretty good. He's saving Red Lobster. He's saving the U.S.

Women's Provo team. He's bringing the positivity. Remember him taking selfies with everybody at the Grammys? Like, I feel like he's he's, you know, I mean, we could question whether flavor of love was a great career choice, but I don't know, it launched New York's career. I think I'm fine with it. I like you. You've got hair. I'm going to call you hair. I do love, I never forget, you know, his beautiful ways of naming women. And I think it's one of my favorite. I would love for Flavor Flav to give me a nickname. All right, what's my nickname? What's my Flavor Flav nickname? Uh, shit head. No, hold it.

Bad. Is that shit head? Bad at it. I was just, I'm trying to just do what Flav does. I'm shithead. That's, oh, I've got shit on my head.

You know, I think it's just because, you know, you've rubbed my nose and my own shit at that diaper. Oh, I did rub your nose. I'm sorry, Jackie. And I think it's hot dog. I think you're going to be eating a hot dog when you meet him. He's going to call you hot dog. You're right.

And I have a hot dog. And I've got the tattoo. Yeah, Jackie will walk up, show the tattoo. Have a hot dog in her hand. Be wearing a hot dog. And he'll be like, I think I'm going to name you short legs. You're like, what are you talking about?

No, no, no. If I'm wearing a hot dog costume, I mean, I at least have holes cut where the breasts are and a hole for where my vagina is. So that like he can see, you know, parts of me and see what he likes. And you're like, I think you should nickname me hot ties like tit holes. Yeah, three holes. That's you know. Three holes. Yeah.

Three holes. Oh, three holes over here. And I'd be like, but flavor, I've got more holes than that. Flavor, please. We can try it for things. How about just simply hot dog? You know what? Let's go back to hot talk.

I'll take it. Go back to hot talk. I'll be hot talk. I'll be hot dog. Tit face three holes. That's your name. That's such a long nickname. Everyone has short nickname.

Yeah, but my regular name is shorter. You just call me Jackie at that point. The next lady walks up. She's just like wearing like a potato sack and she's clearly a hammered. He's like, I name you hot dog. Yeah, he's going to name you a hot dog. He's just going to know it. about you. That's the thing. You don't have to be dressed like a hot dog. You radiate hot dog just from

who you are. I don't know if that's a good thing, MJ. I don't know if a human being wants to radiate hot dog. Don't you want to radiate hot dog? You're the Southwest ambassador. I guess, but that just makes me feel like I'm nude on one of those roly 7-Eleven things where like that's where you find me. It's like, oh, well, you know that girl, she radiates hot dog. You don't smell like a hot dog. I look like a hot dog. It means that you radiate the joy that a hot dog brings, a party, a day drinking party where all your friends are there, festivities, you know, frivolity. Whoa, I mean, if you say it like that, that sounds great.

You're right. Wow, MJ. That's why your hot dog. You did a really good job of turning that around. Now I actually want to radiate hot dog energy, and I thank you for that. Yeah. It's giving hot dog. It is giving hot dog.

Oh, I'm just going to be Jackie Chestnuts one day. don't tell his wife. Wow. Now, or your husband. Yeah, I guess my husband either. But I think he would understand like, baby, baby, baby, it's about the dogs. Baby, please.

I want to talk about this Olympian Noah Liles. Now, I don't know anything about Yu-Gi-O, but Jeff did show me this individual who is a huge Yu-Gi-O fan, apparently. I guess is it like a Pokemon? Yeah, it's a card battle game. I know it's a card game. Animation thing. We did a episode on it, I believe.

Yeah, and it's like you're battling with cards. But yeah, he's wearing his like card battle weapon thing that has the fancy cards on. He showed up to his Olympic trials. He was sporting a blue eyes white dragon card. Like literally like it like holding it up, showing it off, taking pictures with it. Now he and then he also took the blue eyes white dragon card to another like trials. later on, but I guess he's been adding more. And then recently he came out and he had all of his, I don't know, battle stack.

I don't even know what you call it. He like flipped it out as if he was the most badass motherfucker. And I just thought it was so, because he's a track and field dude, no Liles. And he's just, he plays with the cards up against his skin. That's so cute. So he can feel their power. That's really nice. Yeah, this is just like, I read this.

Awesome. So awesome. I read the story and I was like, I've honestly, you know, I worked in an elementary school for long enough that I like saw a lot of Yu-Gi-o cards, but it was one of those things where I was like I've just never, like, I think I know basically what this is. But that's like I know what Pokemon cards are, but I don't know how to play the game. Right. But, but yeah, he's just like a Yu-Gi-O super fan who's also like a very talented athlete. And I think it's very nice. This is just a feel good.

Yeah, it's sick. Because the Exodia is what it is. It's the five pieces of Exodia. Yeah, so it's the Exodia. It's really cool. It's five cards that if you put them together, create like one big dude. Gotcha.

So he's like wearing them all out. Like in this. Yeah, he's wearing them on his arm piece. And he has the blue eyes white dragon. He is a fucking badass dude. And those cards will get you far, bro. Okay? This is a really nice meeting of jack culture and nerd culture.

You know. Yes. I love when super jockey. bro, dude, athletes do extremely nerdy stuff and are in a really, really nerdy shit. Yeah, and he's really good and he's real hot. So I was like, all right, yeah, I'll support and watch this person, Noah Liles. You run that fast. Oh, you get to the back side of the field and you're going to kill it.

I don't know what like the thing they have to hit is. I don't know anything, you know, obviously. I watch the Olympics usually stoned and on mute. But I'm excited because I think there's going to be more Snoop Dog, right? I'm pretty sure there's going to be more Snoop Dog hosting this year because I believe it was the last one where everyone went crazy because he was like live tweeting it. So I do believe that he's going to be brought in more. It's tough because now, of course, I'm looking at up. The ideal way to watch the Summer Olympics is like, yeah, stoned and like at a bar.

the middle of the day. I'm not even saying you're getting day drunk, but it's like, it's like when the World Cup happens and I just, you just go to bar. It's like suddenly everyone has an excuse to just go to a bar at 11 a.m. It's, it's awesome. And the same thing happens with the Olympics. But, you know, this year, I have children and I've got to have to figure out how can I do the amount of like summer relaxation that viewing the Olympics. I just feel like it has to be, it has to take place in crowded bar, but I guess I'm going to have to figure out another way, like watching it on my own television. I mean, I watch it sad and alone by myself in a cold, dark room, and I smoke a joint, but I usually put it on, like I said, I put it on mute because I don't, you know, I want to

find out more, but I don't usually care that much. And I'm usually doing other things, but Snoop Dog is joining as a special correspondent for the 2020 summer Olympics. So that might have to change. He's really rooting for a horse named Mopsy. So, in dressage? In case you were wondering. Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I don't think the horse exists. I think that it's the same problem with the hummingbirds in the trees for Jackie. He's just, he's rooting for an imaginary horse. Yeah, yeah. It was five days ago. I haven't been the same since. Jackie, we're still in the backyard right now. Like, this is the crazy part. You don't even realize. We're literally like, dude, did Winnie totally, did Winnie totally freak you out? did.

I did cry at one. She did make me cry at one point, but that was fine. That was more on me. Just by like being a child that existing? No, no. I went to take a picture with her and I put my hand on her back and she went, get off me. And I immediately put my hand away.

And then I was like, oh God, I didn't ask for consent. Oh, God, I didn't. Oh my God. Oh, why didn't I? Also one point. Did she walk up to you because you were sitting next to Sam and went like, get up. I'm sitting next to Sam. Yeah.

And she said, and I, and I did. And then Lexi was like, you don't have to get up just because she said to you and says get up. And I was like, I told, I was told to stand up. She orders me around too. It's crazy. And I'll just catch myself doing stuff. And then I'll be like, wait a second. What is happening?

I'm just like letting you boss me around. It's crazy. Yeah, but then I know what you see, here's the thing. All right, I understand. Parents, you can't give in to shit like that. But an auntie that is currently tripping. Yeah. I'm going to give in because then what happened, Lexi was like, don't let her take your chair.

She needs to learn that she can't just. do that. And then she burst into tears and she went running to Lexi. And I was like, can I just give her the chair? Can I please just give her the chair? She's screaming now. I'd like to just give her in the chair, please. It was weird though when you borrowed her passies, you could suck it it at it while listening to EDM. Yeah. That was that was a strange part of the I didn't say mine, mine. And I grabbed it from her. At least let her play with some of your light up fucking wristlets or whatever you had going on there. Oh, I had all, yeah, which I was going mad by myself. I was sitting there and I was pissing all over myself because you didn't bring me a dike.

Even though I asked you to bring me a dike. And when I see Holden, I piss. We know this. It's a, it's a, it's a Pavlovian experience at this point. Exactly. It's incredible. Well, will it be as incredible as this bizarre conspiracy theory that I, I scrape from the dredges of the conspiracy theory bowl? Hit me with the share. Do you believe it? A rat boy summer conspiracy. This one comes in from Jackie. That's my name. I know, right? That's your name. It is true, totally. Actually, it comes in from MJ, which is strange.

That's my name. Actually, it comes in from Holdina. Oh, yeah. There's a shitbag named Holdina in here. It's kind of my name. It's kind of your name. No, it comes in from Jackie, who writes, y'all made me nervous, so I'm diving right in.

Is Maddie Healy the inspiration for the Rat Boy in the 2006 animated movie flushed away. The movie follows a boy, a spoiled rat boy here. Let me put the picture in, by the way, so you can see this. This is actually real. Let's see this. This is actually real. Let me put this into the zoomy chat. Hold on. I googled it already and I'm already convinced. Yeah, right. Go on. Right. Oh, wait. Hold on. It's not working. I'll just look at flushed away. Yes. The movie follows a spoiled rat boy. Remember this at all. Who gets flushed down to... What's the name of the mount, a rat? I mean. Uh, flushed main character.

Yeah, just Google flushed away. You'll see. Yeah. He gets, this rap boy gets flushed out in toilet. And I know that alone seems like more than enough evidence. But some people on the internet discovered that Maddie's mother's godfather is Ian LaFrinne, one of the flushed away screenwriters. In 2006, Maddie was a teenager.

And in my personal opinion, was looking especially Raddy, Maddie, if you will. There is also evidence via Maddie's mother's blog and social media across various accounts are mentions of time spent with La Frené. Is it possible Maddie was a bored teenager being forced, saying out with random family members and inspiring rat movies? April of this year, Maddie confronted rumors on stage, and it seems to be all but confirmed. So does this officially make Maddie the king of the rat boys,

or is this just a ploy to steer attention away from the ongoing tortured poets department fallout? Y'all make dissociating at my 9 to 5 a joy. Thanks for all you do, Jackie. And Jackie put in the sources for this. And it is just, there's a, uh, a whole Reddit, uh, thing about how. I would just say up top. This movie looks great.

And I love Wallace and Gromit. And I feel that this came out during like my lost years. Right. Right. Right. Right. Um, I went to college. So I certainly was not going to the movie theater.

And I feel like we need to watch flush away because this looks really cute. But I do also need to say that I think I believe. Yeah. There's like news. there's articles about this. Like there's, this is a absolute, like,

there is, I think it's very funny that it's, it's his mom's godfather. So it's his like grand godfather. I would tend to say that's probably, would be several degrees removed. But, but Maddie Healy himself has been like,

yeah, I think I'm the guy from flushed away. Yeah. There's, there's like, if you Google Maddie Healy's mom's godfather, there are a number, number of articles about this.

Apparently he's confirmed it. He's on stage. On the TikTok, he's on stage here. I'll put the TikTok in. This is so funny. He's on stage with this bottle of wine and it's just like, there's a meme about me, right? That I'm this rat from flushed away.

He's just like, and everyone in the crowd's like, yeah! What is this world we're living in? What is this planet? A bit of a rat boy. He is the original rat boy. But I don't want him. He's not the rat king. I think that Jeremy Allen White is the rat king.

Yeah, I think Jeremy Allen White's the rat king. And maybe what's his name? Sabrina Carpenter. I don't even. Very cute. Nope. It's Sabrina Carpenter's boyfriend now. How dare you do that to him?

Absolutely. That is not true. He is separate. He was never Barry to me. He was either tub water slurper and now he's Sabrina Carpenter's. Please don't prove her right, Barry. Unknown man. So isn't that fun?

Well, do you guys believe? It definitely believed. Yeah. We got proof. We got citations. Oh, yeah. It is the original, I can't believe we're really living in a rat boy. Wow.

It's, we're lucky to be living in it. Please continue to sit in your rat boys. Your rat, you please continue to sit in your rat boy conspiracies and any other conspiracies to page seven podcast at gmail.com. Thank you. Back to you, Jackie. Where we have a lot of fun here? It's time for the list.

Who's on the list? Me! Gotta have that list. Unnecessary products hawked by celebrities. Oh, good one. Ziplock bags had Dom Deloese star in their commercial. The best.

And in it, he defeats the purpose of the product. In the ad, Deloese is hovering over his refrigerator in the middle of the night, lusting after his leftovers after that evening's dinner like Gallum and his precious. By the end, Dom has decided to gobble them all up. If the point is that Ziploc bags preserve freshness, it's made absolutely moot by the fact that they're only used for a couple of hours. True. Man, this person's, this writer's weird. This cracks copywriter.

It's zany. There are some choice words. And also, like, this person has a lot of thoughts on celebrities and the idea that they hawk products anyway. Right. I feel like they have a resentment toward the concept of the celebrity, almost as if they're, like, stuck working at Cracked and they're like, wish they could be like in some mansion in the Hollywood Hills. And I thank you for writing these articles for Cracked, anyone that is writing for them because

I need them and we need to know that the manly man James Garner was the spokesman for beef. But then he had a quadruple bypass surgery. Garner, who spent one of the commercials throwing away the vegetables that were ruining his steak cababs, eventually died of coronary artery. disease, a diet heavy on red meat and light on vegetables can definitely contribute to clogged Ardrie. Oh, right.

Cracked writer. Unbelievable. But, okay, working theory, right? Yeah. We know, we, we, what is this? Is they like, they used to be a doctor and that they wanted to become a famous, like, screenwriter, and instead, they're, they're doing this is my theory. What's your theory?

Whoever's right this list is upset about their life, but hear me out. I think, you know how sometimes, like, we feel, like, we feel. like we at page seven are kind of influencing the culture, right? We are truly the last three people alive who still read internet lists. Right. And so here is my theory. There is one person left who writes the internet lists. They're all at cracked.

And they are, you know, often kind of. And I thank you for your service. We thank you for your service. And I'm just wondering, I'm wondering if they are at page seven listener. Right. If they are like, I got to keep turning out these lists. Yes. You know I need.

Every week I get, I get three clicks on my list. And it is us three. And we talk about the list. And the person is, but they're in a dark basement. And they're just, they're, they're mining the, the, they're surrounded by piles of books and newspapers, trying to find fun facts to put into a list. And they're like, I've been doing lists for 15 years. At some point I got to stop making lists.

Yes. I think this is, I love this theory. I love this running theory. I love it. And I'm also, I'm very interested, too. I feel like we're, we're discovering this writer's sadness as, you know, each list of all items. So Jackie, take it away.

What's next? Well, I mean, this one isn't a sad one. I just think it's kind of interesting that OJ Simpson used to run through airports and ads for Hertz. Then he ran from the police on national television. See? This is not a list item.

OJ was no longer making Hertz ads at the time of his infamous car chase. He was still working with Hertz. He was actually headed to a Hertz sponsored golf outing on the night of the murder. he was charged with, and victim Nicole Brown's father was a Hertz franchisee. Man, this

bad for the Hertz Corporation is what I'm saying. Are you okay, list writer. You know, because lists don't have authors. Their name is Jesse, by the way. Their name is Jesse. And their avatar is a picture of the Utabomber. Their avatar is a picture of the Unabomber.

I'm very glad you pointed that out of Jay because I was just about to do that. Sorry. No, no. I'm glad you did. That's an extremely important part of this whole thing. Okay. This is someone who is trapped in a tiny cabin probably.

I don't think, you know, I don't know that there are cracked offices anymore, right? I think this is a person. Definitely not. Who survives on like elk meat that they hunt themselves in the, you know, and store during the winter times. They, you know, they get enough money, I think, from writing these to go to the store, like the little store three miles away to buy, like can to. They like canned tuna. They live up on a mountain.

Yeah. And they just, oh, they come to, they don't see anybody. And they come down. They're like, oh, my mystical stupid. Three people are reading them. And they listen in. They crank the radio and our voices come out. And we go,

cracked. And they're just hearing, they know that we're talking about them. And we want you to know. We hear you. We see your work. And we thank you for it. Thank you, Jesse.

This is like, really, reading cracked is like traveling back 20 years ago into like what the internet used to be. If you go to the cracked front page right now, the headlines are, if you're sicker than a dog, just how sick does a dog get? And aren't you curious, MJ? 21 beloved fictional couples who actually suck. And, you know, that's just what they're doing. And honestly, I say, go bless it.

Because the rest of the internet doesn't exist as it used to. So I'm glad that cracked is hanging on by a thread, thanks to the Unabomber apparently. What do we got next, Jackie? I need to paint this picture a little bit more. Mikhail Gorbachev, all right, go with me. Was the last leader of the USSR. And he sold Louis Vuitton luggage? In an ad, Gorbachev is shown riding past the remains of the Berlin Wall,

his trusty Vatan bag by his side. Because nothing says spend, spend, spend, like a high-profile communist leader. Gorby did get the last laugh, however. The magazine sticking out of his bag takes. a dig at Russian President Vladimir Putin. Okay, now this is my theory on this one. Now we're getting into manifesto territory with this writer, right? I think that this is where they're trying to subtly plant seeds about communism,

capitalism, consumerism. We're kind of getting that here. Wow. Please, go on. I am the bullet in the chamber, said Oscar Pistoris's Nike ad. Just do it. Pistoris is shot and killed his girlfriend. The Paralympic champion was found guilty of culpable homicide and sentenced to prison.

Recent appeals for an early release have been denied. Okay, 40 unnecessary products. Also, I think I said pistoris, pistorius, and I don't know, I'm not quite sure how to say it was less than a story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think this is the last list we'll ever read, guys. Okay, okay. Is this the end? Here's, the title of this list is 40 unnecessary products hawked by celebrities.

So we would assume, and I think the person who was cracked, who was. signed this deranged writer assumed it would be like, oh, Megan Markle's selling like upside down cupcakes or like some like snake oil or something like that. Oh, the goop pussy candle. Things like that. And instead they're like this man shot his wife in the head. And that and it's totally insane. So and I do feel like this is connected to the Communist Manifesto for what we got with Gorbachev where they're kind of now they're saying via. you know, violence, enact some violence. I do think there's also a jilted lover issue going on here between this entry and the OJ Simpson. Do we have more, Jackie? I'm becoming concerned for our lives. Why?

This is a real journey. I'm worried about the cracked writer doing this. I just feel like they might not be okay. That's what I'm worried about. Yes, I'm a little worried. I think that they're doing great. They're still actively getting paid to write these articles and isn't that nice?

and if we stop encouraging them and supporting them, what are they going to do? We've got to keep doing the lists. We need to know that Justin Bieber promoted nail polish when he was 16. As Bieber was barely old enough to get his driver's license, he was selling nail polish to adult women for Nicole by Opie. Beaver fever was so high that he sold millions of bottles with bread. That's it?

That's all you had to say about it? How about this one? Was that he just sold nail polish? How about this one? In 1987, Eric Clapton did an ad for Mikolo Beer. That he checked himself into rehab. It's rough out here. It's an indictment.

Yeah. Every entry is an indictment on the soul of a person. He's like, every entry is like, how dare you be reading this? Like, who are you? And he's talking to us. The person who wrote this has worn skin once in his life. And he knows that it's only us three that he's doing this. Oh my God.

There's a picture of me. Holder McNeely will die in the year 2034. That's all it says. Why? 334. I didn't think you had that much longer. Honestly, 51. I'm into it. I mean, honestly, it's a good age to go. You'd look great still.

Dude, this is just so intense, man. So intense. Yeah, well, Paris Hilton wants you to dot, dot, dot, have sex with a cheeseburger. In 2005, the model and socialite appeared in a series of ads for the Hardy slash Carl's Jr. hamburger chain. The ads featured her sensually washing a car while four play eating a cheeseburger. I remember those ads. I remember that. Right? Remember? And she was just like, ah, she's eating the cheeseburger. And it's just this big old sloppy daddy she's got, which is like, it's going to get all over the car.

I remember this because there was recently a tweet that was like, it was a real kind of kids these days thing. It was like, oh, everything is so sexual now. And then everybody responded with that ad from the 90s. was like, I think we've been. Like, ads have always been. We've always been trying to fuck a cheeseburger. It's fine. It's fine.

All right. Well, I guess I'm done with the list then. Yeah, and I'm done with, I'm done with reality. I'm very concerned. Jesse, if you're out there, please write us in. Like a list with multiple mentions of different homicides, you know? We're here to help you, Jesse. We want to help you and we think that maybe you need some, like, human contact.

Yeah. I think what's going on. right now is you're not getting enough. You found a decent work from home job, you know, to stay warm in the winter, you slice open a large animal and live inside it. We get these things. It happens. And I bet you use all of the animal.

Sure. And I, as a hot dog ambassador, also appreciate that. Yeah, he probably uses the head to, like, suck their dick. I'm guessing, something like that. Is that what you think, Colton? That's what you think that this person would do with it. I don't know. I don't think anything right now other than I can't see.

Oh. Yeah, you can't see anything because you're going blind. You've gone blind. Ah, we can't see him. Thank you, MJ. I said it. I said it. Whatever, Jackie.

You're dead to me for this cursed list. I said it. Hey, hey, here's a homework assignment. Next week, can we not have a cursed list? We're now, now I'm afraid to walk outside the apartment. Don't say this to me. Only one instance of domestic violence. You know how many lists I look at and I don't use.

Oh, I'll find. this list. You want to, you want to hate reality. Oh, I'll find this list to make you real upset. Be celebrities who blew their partner's brains out, starting with, you know what I mean? It's just like, it's just a nightmare over here. All right. Thanks to a surgeon, this A-list mostly movie actor has a new full head of hair. That's right. Uh-uh, he's mean to his kids. Brad Pitt. And he's sexy. Yes, queen. Here, look at this head of hair. And you tell him, you be the judge. Oh, I'll be the judge.

He recently sported his new boy band hair at a recent F1 event. Can you just look at that hair? That is clearly. Oh, not the choice. Oh, no. It's like full, he went full Keith Urban. Oh, no.

Very keyth urban. Everyone look up Brad Pitt. Just look up Brad Pitt F1 Grand Prix. It is sad to look at. This is an Us magazine article. I feel like I'm crying in legend of the fall. Like I look at that. I'm just like, you know, I don't want to be attracted to Brad Pitt anymore anyway,

especially with all the shit coming out with how he actually is to his family. So I guess it's for the best that he looks like this. Yeah, no, I mean, I'm actually amazed that somebody as handsome as Brad Pitt can give such, like, sad, divorced dad energy. We're talking a lot about sad divorced dads because watching Miltf Manor season two. and he could, he fits right in with those bleached tips there. He looks like he's auditioning to be like the fifth member of 98. Right. Like, it's like that rough.

Clinging to youth. It never, I don't think ever looks super sexy to me. Yeah. Clinging so, so desperately to youth, Brad. See, I think it's kind of fun. But I do, I think that's just coming from someone that, you know, would be fine with looking like the mask from the movie the mask. I love it. I feel very redeemed. I always thought that Ed Norton was the hotter one in Fight Club, and everybody always said that I was stupid.

And I think I'm actually smart. I did an MJ. I always stood side by side and I understood you. Thank you. Thank you. Because he's aging pretty gracefully. And I don't think he's becoming a terrible person. I don't know. I'm actually now, like, did he become a bad person? I don't know. I can't remember. Edward Norton, he's fine. I've heard various things about his demeanor, not being maybe, but he was so good in glass onion as the like kind of.

Oh, he was in glass onion. Yeah. Oh, yes, he wasn't glass onion. And he was great in that. He's so good at with comedy. I think he's just a professional actor. He's like, you know, he's not like super trying to be in the spotlight. He's just trying to work and make millions of dollars.

I don't think he's mean. I don't think he's a badman that we've heard. Not necessarily. And let us know, though, page 7 podcast to gml.com. Is he a badman? We don't know. Let us know. We got to know.

The way that MJ and I used to thirst for Edward Norton, we do need to know at this point. I need to know. Maybe he was bad the whole time and we just had no idea. I think I've just read like- I did learn to thirst for Brad, but now that thirst is off. So you can turn it on and off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly.

Oh, yeah, and you just keep it in the past. Like, again, I keep my love of Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall. Yeah. I feel that I am in love with that character and I want that person. I'm not in love with Brad Pitt anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm in love with whatever the fuck his name is in Fight Club, and that's it.

This foreign-born A-list actress was really upset. She got shunted to the back row of the celebrity box at this tennis event. I guess she'll have to sing into someone else's tale. Sing into someone else's tail. Jenny any dots. Jenny any dots. Rebel Wilson.

Yes, Rebel Wilson appeared at the Wimbledon tennis championships recently. and aren't you eating your own tail right now, Jackie? Because MJ got that and you did not, and I'm embarrassed for you and for all of us. I think that it is sad for her. That that's what we think about Rebel Wilson. I mean, I know it's specifically just the three of us that thinks that about Rebel Wilson,

that when you think Rebel Wilson, you think Cats. But I think that I guess I'm happy that you're, She sat in the back, though. I'm throwing that out there. There you go. You don't get to see the love. You don't get to see it. You don't get to see the back and forth.

I don't know tennis words. I'm just trying to like think back to the challenger. Yeah, that's sexy tennis. I just think it's such a funny blind item because it's like such dumb celebrity, especially British stuff. You put me in the back of the books. This last one's a lot of fun as well. The permanent A-list actress has always been rumored to enjoy swinging with her

significant other. Apparently, she has designs on the football player. Who's the obvious, who is an obvious football player? Travis Kelsey. And the other one, the lady in this situation, is a tramp. That's not a clue. But I will just say about her teeth. And she's older, but she was number one back in the day. Teeth. Oh, Julia Roberts. Yes. Julia Robert. Jackie Egg! In your mother's cake.

No, I was over here looking up Cats the Jellicle ball. because someone I know when to go see Cats the Jellicle Ball. And I was trying to look up where it was performing, and it is in New York, and said apparently Cats, the Jellicle Ball is like wonderful. Okay. So if you have an opportunity to go see it, check it out. The drag-inspired.

Yes, yeah, yeah, the ballroom inspired. Ballroom, yeah, ballroom culture. I should go. But what was the blind item that I just got correct? Oh, Julia Roberts wants to sleep with Travis Kelsey. Yeah, but that's what, because wasn't it, the podcaster you like, Nikki Glazer, like her mom was like making fun of like how thirsty Julia Roberts.

I haven't heard that yet. Publicly. And then like her parents had to like apologize and be like, I'm sorry that I said that about her. Because I think they called her like a tramp or something. I called her a tramp just now. So that's weird. Well, you're right up there with Nikki Glazer's boomer mother. I need to hear that.

I haven't heard this yet. Maybe I'll get it on the next. Maybe there's a podcast episode. I haven't listened to yet. But yes, Taylor Swift fans live, Bastid Julia Roberts. for getting a little too handsy with Travis Kelsey in a VIP tent at his girlfriend's Ares Tour concert in Dublin on Sunday. The Pretty Woman star, 56, was seen rubbing the 34-year-old Kansas City Chiefs tied-in shoulders

and tickling his chest as she chatted and laughed with him in a video circulating on TikTok. And I watched the video, and it is legit, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, yeah. She's rubbing on. She's rubbing on. She's rubbing. Roberts, who's been married to sit of a talk.

Danny Motors since 2002, then grabbed Kelsey's arms as she said something that made him burst out laughing. I bet it was, I want to suck your balls. Oh, that's what it was. So it was that Nikki Glazer shared the footage. And you can hear Nikki Glazer's mother say how, or our parents say, like, how gross Julia Roberts was being, that it was, quote, weird that the actress was, quote, itching the athlete's chest and that Kelsey was trying to get away from Julia Roberts. She even said she's

trying to French kiss him right now. Wow. So I guess it was heard in the background of the footage. That's hilarious. Honestly, this makes me like like Julia Roberts way more. For whatever reason I've always thought of her as a bit of like a Pris, which is probably unfair. I think maybe just because she was like the

it girl for so much of our childhood and she was kind of like perfect. But if she's just like a horny milf now who wants to swing. Yes, very here for it. I love that. And I do also love Nikki Glazer's mom, did apologize and retracted the word gross. She's like, I didn't mean gross. It was a little weird, but I should not have said the word gross.

And I like that that's what she's redacting of what she said that she, I like it. Because it's not, because I'll tell you this, it's not gross. It's kind of. It's not gross. But I understand if you're seeing that and you don't know you're being recorded and you just say something like that. Yeah. So funny. I love this in the end. Her mom's saying, Julia Roberts, she's a good actress, but a terrible flirt.

I don't know. Again, I think she's doing a pretty good job. I haven't actually seen the TikTok, but just looking at the videos, Travis Kelsey is like Julia Roberts is rubbing my chest. I mean, he looks like he's having a good time. I would deeply. Like, I literally, I would collapse if Julia Roberts even, like, looked at me. Yeah.

Like, I just did. I think all of us at that age, right? Don't we all kind of feel that way? Like, I feel like this is the age that we are. Totally, because she was such a, like, I don't even have a ton. I'm not even like a huge Julia Roberts stand, but she's just, it was like she was, the level of fame that she, like there was nobody. It's like the way that Beyonce is a different type of famous than pop stars.

I feel like, this is a very clumsy comparison. I'm not saying that Julia Roberts is like the Beyonce of being a rom-com star. But in the 90s, she was that level of like, I could not. There was nobody more famous than her. Yeah. So I feel like she just has this kind of like queen status. And also like the way that she's just kind of like then now stepped back from doing a lot of stuff. And we like don't really hear from her a lot.

She just kind of like does her own like selective things. And now here she is. Rub it on Travis Kelsey. And once again, I say God bless it. God bless it. And God bless me. I say God bless you. Wow.

And that's the blind. So kiss your own behind. I don't know if I can. Reach Holden. Yeah, the weakest thing goodbye. Don't goodbye me, but we have to goodbye everybody else. Thank you guys so much for hanging out during this week's episode of page seven. And you can send in, man, have you got listicles for me to read that aren't from cracked, I guess?

What, you want me to look other places? Page 7 Podcasts at gmail.com. Appreciate all of the emails that you guys write in, even if it's just television wrecks. Just got to say, we love it so much. and my name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can find me on Instagram at Jack That Worm and also come hang out with MJ and I over on Wednesdays at Twitch.tv.

forward slash, oh, no, it's Jackie. You don't have to sign up for Twitch. You can just go to Twitch.tv. Forward slash, oh, no, it's Jackie. Come watch us play the Sims on Wednesdays. And soon, in a couple of weeks, we are going to be doing an extra Sims play along because they are including,

they're like starting this new huge, huge, Woohoo Fuck Pack that drops on July 25th. And there's gonna be a whole new world where like fucking is encouraged and you can be Polly now and you can like change the amount of jealousy you have and you can create and there's like a dating app.

Sorry, I'm getting too excited. The Sims, come hang out with us. We like it a lot. Hell yeah, dude. Check us out. Please write into page 7podcast at gmail.com with a couple of things. First of all, we are looking to maybe do a fun app on just silly shenanigan summer stories.

Look back on our summer lows, maybe some summer highs as well. Maybe some summer highs. We refer to them as our Where's the Beach moments. If you're familiar with Jersey Shore, if you have a Where's the Beach story that you want to send us in, maybe it's a drunk fuck up. Maybe it's just a, I tried to get finger blasted under a pier and then a crab bit me in the toe. Maybe you saw too many hummingbirds in the trees. You saw too many hummingbirds in the trees.

You know. Talk to a little girl who wasn't there. Let us know, write him in. Your where's the beach stories? Oh, God, was Winnie not there? Winnie wasn't even at that barbecue. Oh my God. Wendy's in Florida with Lexi who is also not there.

I don't know who you were talking to. Write us in page 7 podcast at gmail.com. And please send in your conspiracy stories or I will continue to talk about Taylor Swift's ex-boyfriends in them. Thank you so much, everybody, for all your write-ins on that. Page 7pahs.gibba.com. Twitch.T.m.4.S.Holtenators ho. That's Twitch. That's Twitch.tv.4.S.Holterner's ho. Every Friday, I stream with Jackie at 6 p.m. E. Est. And it's always a blast. And we get, well, let's just say we jojo out with some fireball. We get a little jo-go. And it's a lot of fun. And Mondays, I do my watch-alongs. We just

finished. I love New York season two. And I think we're now going to be doing charm school. It's always fun on Monday at 7 p.m. EST. And that's it. I think for me, Patreon.com forward slash page of a podcast. Please go there for so much free. Free. So much extra content at $5 a month.

It's not free. But it's really worthwhile with Jackie's Buck Club. But at $5 a month, I will say this week and next week are the first and final episodes of Corn Daddy, the novella I'm reading for Jackie's book club. So go check that out and I am continuing on with the novella series and that is at the $5 tier. So come hang out

we drop a new episode every Monday. Hell yeah. MJ! My name is MJ and I'm MJKL Kat on Instagram. All right, time for the sound out song. All right. Shout, shout. Let it all out. These are the emails that you wanted about. Come on.

I'm gonna read it to you. Come on. Oh, it's what we've all been waiting for. Yes, indeed, it's the shoutouts. And thank you for sending in your shoutouts to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. We love hearing from you every week. And I just want to say thank you so much for taking the time, even if it's just a recommendation, or just, you know, sending a picture along of your pup.

If it's papaya and you adopted papaya, can I see more pictures of her, please? Anyway, it's time to start reading the shoutouts, and I love you guys so much. First up, we've got a shout out going out to Alex. Alex says, I've listened to you guys for seven years, but I'm writing in for the first time now. I'd like to give you all a shout out for keeping me sane as a queer autistic person stuck in rural Texas, and I need to give myself one too for staying sane recently. I'm a kitten foster, and the two I adopted last year because they had feline leukemia, Pepper and Denise, cute as names, ended up getting a different terminal illness called FIP. Oh my God, I think that might be also what MJ was dealing with with their cat as well. Sorry, that's a sidebar. Anise didn't make it up so sorry, but $2,000 later, Pepper finished her treatment and is in great health. Tragically, I lost to foster right after Anise, and I worked my ass off. for days to save this new one with fractured legs who came down with the same symptoms,

but she's doing great! That makes me so happy, Alex! Oh no, unfortunately, I've also been dealing with two waves of harassment from my own fandom of over 20 years, the anime fandom. I had finally become a Twitter main character like I've had actual nightmares about. And as of this email, It's day six, five days after I went private, and I'm told these losers with no life are still talking about it. People are using Sailor Moon's face to call me a bigot. She was my only hero when I was a lonely autistic kid, also dealing with an abusive dad. It's been devastating. Luckily, my small jewelry business has kept me so busy.

I can't use Twitter anyway. And Alex, what's the small jewelry business? I'd love to hear more about it. And at least follow you on Instagram. Follow me on Instagram, Alex. Anyway, you three have gotten me through the past seven years since I've had to move back to my hometown. Honestly, I don't really care about celebrities.

I only listen for the TV and film discussions and because you three are hilarious and you say such nice, beautiful things about us. Thank you so much, Alex. And Alex, I want to say thank you so much for the pictures of the cats and the kittens because you know that that's also what I come here for. It's animal pictures, all right?

You know I love them. I'm sitting here looking off to the side at the picture I have of a dog wearing a beast costume from Beauty and the Beast because it's my favorite. Anyway, Alex, sending you all the love. You're going to get through this. Believe me, I know that internet bullshit really seeps and takes over your brain. And you got this, Alex, all right? They're far away from you. You've blocked it.

You've put yourself up private and I'm proud of you because that's hard to do. And you're thriving with your small jewelry business. Fuck yes. Love you so much, Alex. and I'm sending you lots of love and light. Now, Logan, I just want to say thank you for your wreck, because Logan says I was listening to a recent episode where y'all were talking about cockroaches

being the new carrier pigeons for New York, and MJ was talking about them singing and dancing. I just binge the last seven years or so of page seven on Spotify, and I haven't heard you guys talk about the movie Joe's apartment. I just wanted to make sure you're not missing out on this masterpiece. It's a rom-com with talking cockroaches. And Logan, I remember vividly Joe's, apartment. And I remember being so scared and yucked out by it that I had to shut it off. But also,

all right, now I need to look up when it came out. Yeah, it came out when you were nine, Jackie. So yeah, of course you were a little yucked out. But you know what? I want to say, thank you, Logan, for the wreck. And I am going to check it out because I am excited. I didn't realize it's a full-on musical. And Jerry O'Connell's in it. All right, done. I guess I'll be checking out Joe's apartment here pretty soon. And thanks so much for the wreck, Logan. This one goes out to Stephen. And there is a content warning about essay. Now, Stephen says, I don't want a trauma dump on you, but I wanted to tell you all about the significance Kendrick's song,

Not Like Us, meant for me, and I feel like I'm not alone in this situation. Years ago, I was a victim of a sexual predator. Listening to the song, Not Like Us, gave me the strength to open up and talk about my trauma because the song is a giant middle finger to somebody for being a sexual predator. Listening to that song helped me tell my friends and family

about what happened to me. Personally, I'd only change only one line. I'd say, I'll beat your ass with the Bible and make God watch it. But the song Not Like Us helped me be able to talk about my essay. Love you all, Stephen. Thank you so much for writing that in and for sharing that with us because it is so difficult to talk about and process and deal with and understand things like that and trauma that happens to us like that.

And I'm so proud of you, Stephen, for being able to talk about it and for sharing what helped open you up. And the reason why I'm sharing this is also maybe someone else could be helped by it as well. And thank you so much, Stephen, for taking the moment to share this with us.

I really appreciate you, sending you so much love. And last but not least, I've got a shout out and it's going out to Emily. And this, I appreciate you, Emily. I want you to know that. Emily says I wanted to write in and give a weird shout out to y'all for mercilessly ripping apart the famously not Katie Perry song, Fight Song. This is not something I knew I ever need validated on, but here we are. Also, you're allowed to laugh, I promise, and I love you, and thank you, Emily. Emily says for context. My mom passed away from pancreatic cancer in 2020, but every year in April, there's an event across the country called Purple Stride, and you,

you go and you walk and whatnot. Am I writing into bully this event? Absolutely not. It's near and dear to my family and I, but the song choices the committee picks every year continues to send me. This past year they played, when I see you again, to honor those who lost their battles, which yes, emotional song, but also from Fast and the Furious. So all I'm thinking about the entire time as my father goes up on stage to receive an award for donations in memory of my mom is Paul Walker and his journey from cop to car superhero through the power of family. Had to pause it. I was laughing to myself so hard because it was like, this is an emotional thing, but I just want to say, Emily, visceral memory, and I just want to say thank you for sharing

that. You continue on to say, anyway, they end every year's ceremony with fight song, and I always told myself I was just bitter that this dumbass song meant shit all to me because it didn't fix my mom. I mean, I am. And as such, I should feel guilty because who hates empowerment? Who hates celebrating life? But you know what? Maybe the song just sucks. Maybe corporate self-empowerment slash girl power music is just a plague on our otherwise enriched musical culture. This went a little off the rails. My ADHD meds have worn off, but to make sense of my little tale, I'm shouting you all out for this indirectly helping me to take a step back and to stop telling myself I'm a bad person for hating a song. No more, but Emily, if you hate this music, you hate everyone with

cancer. And more, maybe this song is just the pop equivalent of God bless the USA and we should all go stream brat instead. I'm a hater, and I'm allowed to hate. All right, I hope this made sense, and you don't think I'm crazy, not at all, Emily. Absolute, so much love to you, so much love goes out to your family as well. But yes, from all of us here, you are allowed to hate that song. In fact, you're allowed to hate female empowerment music, because let's be real.

Oftentimes, not all the time, but oftentimes, it's a little cringe. Anyway, love you guys, but you know what? Sometimes you need to hear it, but I say it's free. We're allowed to hate these things, Emily. I'm with you, bitch. Anyway, so much love to you and to the fam. And to everybody else listening to this, thank you so much for joining us every week.

So much love goes out to you, and I hope you're safe, and I hope you good to yourself, and I hope you good to other people. Love you so much. We'll be back next week. Bye, everybody. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors.

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