Page 7 - Ep. 544: Beep Beep Bitch

Episode Date: July 18, 2024

This week Jackie, Holden and MJ, after being serenaded by Ingrid Andress goss' 'bout what its like to live in a "Womans World™" while dissecting the "satirical" music video for her newest flop fuel by famed sexual predator Dr. Luke, Kesha takes everyone for a Joyride with her infectious new single, Jojo continues her bad girl era by lickin' hammers and wearin' the skin of teddy bears and dick wrenches and now Tool fans are upset (which surprises no one), Shelley Duvall kicked off the brutal celeb deathfest which includes Dr. Ruth, Shannen Doherty, and Richard Simmons! In the Ol' Celebrity Conspiracy Corner: Is Ariana Grande a CANNIBAL!!??! On The List - 25 details from history that are just so gross, Blindz and SHOUTSSSSSSSS  Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Glad that I finally get the opportunity to do this for all of you baseball boys out there. Ah, ah, ah. Ha! Oh, say, can you sing that life was wrong. And the D's not good. You then. Any of that. Andres, everybody.

Thank you so much. Playball. She's in the house. She came. to open up page seven for us. We watched her perform when she opened up for the MLB's home run derby. And I was like, how could I top the performance? And that is by having her here to open up the show and sing it.

Thank you so much. How do you top guilty pleasure and woman's world? We are truly in one of the greatest eras of bad music. Bad music. I think I've ever been a part of. This is incredible. Guys, we're getting some good music thrown in. We got a great Kesha.

We got a little, a keef of Kesha just popped right on top of our week, which, yes, I'm here for the Joyride. What was that, Jackie? Joyride. I was trying to learn, and it was like, did she climb my engine until you make it piss? I come first. Beep, beat, bitch, I'm outside. Get a loser for the Joyride.

And that is my version of the Kesha chorus as well. It sounds like such a Kesha song, and that's what I love, you know? Like, it's, of course, I love praying. It was like amazing. Right. But, like, this song is like, Be bitch, I'm outside. Yeah.

Get and loser for the joy ride. This was just so. It's a Kesha song. It was so soft. It was so strong. And that is the kind of Kesha music. Heaven's. Oh, man.

I knew, guys, you know what, you're welcome. That I didn't start this week with Katie Perry's. It's a woman's world. You're lucky to. living in it because unfortunately we are going to be randomly saying that throughout this episode like I have been doing in my own life and have I been annoying people no because here's the thing they don't understand that I'm just referencing the title of this song that's the thing they just think that I'm just really excited to be living in a woman's world in this world you know like

just hearing at this world this world this world the world we're in right now Is this the woman's world? Thanks. The worst inside joke to have. Sorry, I'm yelling today. I'm sorry. We are cursed to have this joke betwixt us because I'm also walking around going, lucky to be living and it.

You're lucky to be living and it. Karma's a bitch and you're going to know better. It's a woman's world and you're lucky to be living in it. I want to die. But like Katie Perry's not even having the worst week. She's like probably, it would have been her having the worst week, and now she's got to be at least number five of people who have in the worst week. Yeah, she, I mean, we are watching just,

but we are watching Katie Perry's colossal failure of an attempt at a new era. Absolutely well deserved. I could not, you can't write it. Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, I've been thinking a lot about. Guys, I don't know if you know this, but it's satire. Yeah, I don't know if you were. Satire before.

I could do satire. You could do anything, even satire, girl. This is so. But it's not satire. Not satire. I loved the tweet someone wrote that this is just like sloppy caricature, like meaningless caricature. It doesn't, satire is actually trying, you know, at the end of the day, is it tempting.

We have to talk about the video before we even start ripping apart the video. Okay, we get to talk about the video. It's a woman's world and you're lucky to be living in it. The video dropped at the end of last week. And yes, I think that we may have watched it 14 times since. And it is burned into my brain now. All the money that she has made on streaming is just those 14-10s. So, you know, that's okay.

From all of us making fun of the music video because, like, we all know Katie Perry produces and puts out there satirical fun music videos. It's part of the reason why I would say that I used to really enjoy Katie Perry. I like what the fun shit she did with her music videos. But this one, like, she really thought that she was a woman's world and that she's living in it. And then I guess she thought that she was being funny and subversive in some way. This is the thing.

I've been thinking about this a lot. Obviously, I do we were going to come in and talk about this. She was trying to do like California girls, music video wise and everything wise. But with a song called Woman's World, that's already a little like obnoxious because of just the general climate of what's going on right now. in how all the abortions everyone is able to get you know it's not in here put the fish ball on your brains everybody we're talking about katy perry we're not dealing with what's outside of the fish bowl right now y'all join us because the fish are thick so so that's one that's already tone deaf but then the fact that obviously the true killer the thing that really kills

this whole thing is the collaboration on the project with dr luke you know the big the best indicate every one of these articles, you send me a butt-to-feed article. Katie Barry is receiving backlash after defending her controversial woman's world music video as quote satire. The first thing under that is warning discussion of rape. That it just encapsulates. Yeah, that's it. That's it.

That just encapsulate. The fact that you have to start every conversation about a song and music video called Woman's World with Warning Discussion of Rape is. There it is. That's the world we're lucky to be living. Man, man. Yeah, but we're kind of just having fun and being a bit sarcastic with it. That's what Katie Perry says.

What is it satirizing? If it's satire, what is it? It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. But what does she think it's satirizing? You know what I mean?

She says, okay, the quote is, it's very slapstick and very on the nose. And with this set, it's like, oh, we're like, we're not about the male gaze, but we really are about the male gays. And we're really overplaying it. And on the nose, because we're about to get smashed. which is like a reset, a reset for me and a reset for my idea of feminine divine. And it's a whole different world we go to after this.

What are you talking about Katie Perry? What are you talking about, bitch? Yeah, it's so, because in the music video, it's like Rosie Riveter kind of, we're sexy construction workers. It's kind of, it has like a quote unquote, old school kind of vibe. Also, all the same shape.

Yeah. All the same color. All this. Like, it's all very much, like, Like, it is just, there's no diversity whatsoever. It is not like exploring what it means of the idea of identifying as a woman. Like there's so many things that you could be doing with this. Right.

And then in the middle of the music video, there's like a hard, her quote, hard reset where she gets smashed with an anvil and then everything's supposed to change. And it's in the modern world. But then nothing has changed. Yeah, but like, steal someone's. Phone. And then yells, I'm Katie Perry. And rides in a monster truck with Trisha Pettis while trying to put on eye makeup.

This is the actual tweet. That part was the funny. That part was silly. I'm not, you know, I wouldn't say that I was like, whoa, oh my God, Trisha Pettis. She ate. They're trying something. I'm so sick of seeing that tweet. No one is eating around here.

It's like no one ate anything. In fact, in fact, they need to be eating. I think that's the problem. They're not eating enough. But here was the tweet that I was referencing earlier. Without any discernible critique of the system that creates the circumstances, ostensibly being, quote, satirized in the first place, it isn't satire.

It's just aimless caricature. That is what this is. Ameless caricature. There's no point. And it is like, again, I feel like just like, you know, spoiler alert, we may have watched the J-Lo documentary. And just I only bring that up because just like J-Lo, I think, is holding on too much to like her old.

sound and her old approach to pop music and pop music is drastically changed. I see Katie doing the same thing. This is all like, this is the kind of pop music coming out 10, 20 years ago. It was hugely popular. That was the variety article was like, it was like I kept saying it sounded like the 2016 DNC entrance music. And I think it was the variety article that like literally was like, like this actually feels like a kind of 2016 era girl boss feminism like that kind of was the then. But we are a full eight years after that. And we were rolling our eyes at it then. Yes. It sucked

then, right? And now we're in this, you know, post row world and all of the other things and, et cetera. And, but yeah, even her voice, and again, I've said it till I'm blue in the face, there's a lot, I really liked a lot of those old Katie Perry songs, but it's almost, I mean, I'm sorry to be harsh here, but seeing this song made me kind of like retroactively question all of her other work because I'm like if you think this is

sad, if you think this song is making a point, it's like when someone raises their hand in a college class and they start talking and you realize pretty quickly like they don't know what they're saying but they don't know how to stop. And I'm guilty of this. You know, sometimes I'm talking and I'm like, I don't exactly know where I'm trying to land. Oh my God, MJ. I just reminded me of a thing that happened in classes that I have long forgotten

about that used to drive me crazy. MJ is in the middle of talking about when people are vamping. But, you know, it's just, like I actually want to know Katie Perry, what do you think is the point? I want to ask her, what is the idea behind this song?

Because go into that quote, Jackie just read, she don't know. It's a hard reset of my feminine divine. What? What does that mean? The idea behind this song is that she wanted to become relevant again and be a popular pop star again and have like a big world tour and an era

just like all, you know, and just there's literally nothing behind it. And we're seeing the same thing with Jojo with her bad girl phase. I feel like we're giving her a little more slack because she's fucking 20 or whatever it is. You know what I mean? She's 21. Tito's. Come on. She's a big Tito. I forgot. Tito's six tattoos. But Katie, I feel like it's like, girl, you should have a little more wisdom here. You know what it? Point. Yes. And people keep saying like, you know other people still work with Dr. Luke? You're right.

He should not be still working in the business. But here's the thing. I think the other people aren't necessarily trying to create a female empowerment anthem and hanging their hat on the fact that like she's trying to be the new face of female empowerment. We're just like, it's just what also what does that mean? Yeah, it's so empty. What does it? Yes, it is empty.

It's just whatever words that somebody wrote down that she's barely also can we just say, barely singing. She's... Like, her mouth... Her face isn't even moving. And I'm not talking about plastic surgery. I just mean like the actual like inflection. Like put some work into it. There's nothing...

Yeah, it's like a mirage. There's nothing there. She's not... The singing isn't interesting. The idea behind the song isn't interesting. The music video isn't interesting. But this is why the Kesha Joyride counterpart is so perfect.

Because it actually... It actually like... Katie Perry's over here talking about... about like a hard reset of my feminine divine. Like, what are you saying? And then Kesha is. No, you know what's, you know what it is? It's rev my engine till you make it per.

Keep it kinky. But I come first. Beep, beep bitch. I'm outside. Get in loser for the joy ride. I'm way more empowered by that than anything Katie Perry is. And Kesha freeing herself from Dr. Luke, right? And rising like the fucking ashes on the Phoenix on Ben Affleck's back.

Like this is, it is, the side by side could not be more perfect, right? Her becoming independent finally speaking, like making her own shit. That still, by the way, sounds like an awesome Keshebab. And coming out at the same exact time as this corporate soulless, vacuous, empty. Like, it is, it's just the perfect juxtaposition. It couldn't, like, honestly, feminism couldn't be more, you know, the vacuousness of the feminism that Katie Perry is trying to make money off of. Versus what Kesha is doing,

which is like, I was like an artist at the top of my game. I experienced a horrific trauma at the hands of this really powerful man. I spoke up about it. Multiple traumas. I lost almost everything. Public trial. Yes.

And I like, and I am fucking back doing like doing what I do without anybody else, you know, silencing me anymore. It really, it's, you couldn't, you couldn't write it better, you know? Certainly, Katie Perry could. And, again, we have to return to, like, and like, I'll bring up Jojo again just like, and then it's, it's similar to the Jojo thing and that, you know, it's like, I'm a bad girl now,

but it's like very empty. There's, like, kind of nothing real behind it. And, but that's more. You're talking about Jojo's guilty pleasure house. You're saying that that's empty, devoid of sexuality. What do you mean? By the way, yeah, we're talking about guilty pleasure. They're both doing this, like, construction worker thing.

in each of their videos. Also, Jojo, I know I always bring up Miley Cyrus, so we bring this up, but come on, the teddy bear, the licking of the hammer? Yeah. Just like, Miley licked the mallet? I mean, are we kidding here? Like, is no one going to say, hey, this is a little similar to someone else's already established bad girl era. You know what I mean? But at least the Jojo thing is fun. Like, I love the Jojo thing, to be quite honest. It makes me happy. It's fun. And it's interesting. Yeah. It's silly.

It's dumb. And I do think, like, in hindsight, you know, a lot of people are going to, like, those songs will be fun at a club or, like, at a DJ set. Like, you know what I mean? Like, in five years or whatever, however long it takes, it'll be like, like a hell yeah. You know, we'll all get down to karma, you know, at a block party. And, you know, Katie Perry's talking about the male gaze and we are for the male gaze. We aren't for the male gays. I don't know exactly whose gaze, Jojo is like, it's not. I feel like it's interesting. The gays gays. The gays gays.

It's not the male gays. I think it's the gays gays. But it's like a novelty gay. It's like a 14-year-old gays. Yes. Like a 14-year-old newly out gays, gays, gays. Gays. And that's why it's so fun.

I have no, like, I'm not going to buy tickets to a Jojo concert, but I'm happy for her. I think it's weird. I just have no sadness or anger what I gaze upon to Jojo. I have, I just... Apparently she's maybe evil

or whatever with some stuff and yada, yada, yada, but still, you know, we're still having our fun. In terms of her impact as a cultural figure, like not knowing what she is like behind the scenes. In terms of her impact as a cultural figure, I don't think there's any harm being done.

Whereas, again, the Katie Perry thing, it's just, there's just no getting around the fact that you're working with Dr. Luke, even if it was a good song, which it is not. Yeah. So it's like, okay, for here, the, let's just compare lyrics real quick to two songs that came out this year. All right. Katie Perry, Women's World, she's a winner, champion, superhuman, number one.

She's a sister. She's a mother. You are putting way too much pizzazz on this. You really good. Thank you. No, I feel like I'm listening to song. Thank you very much. Take it back.

130%. Yeah. Chessesta. In fact, don't even put your lips together or your teeth. That's a woman as well. Okay. Billy Elish skinny. People say I look happy just because I got skinny.

But the old me is still me and maybe the real me. And I think she's pretty. The Billy album is so fucking good. That means something. That is a real statement about what it is, especially to be a woman in podcast. music in, you know, out in the world. Like, it's just such a, I can't believe both can even exist in the same year.

Totally. Like, people are just weirdly need to take a fucking time machine to the present day, like, on, on some stuff. And I'm so confused that, like, is Katie Perry not aware of, like, Charlie XX and Chapel Rhone and Billy Elish and this whole wave? Sabrina Carpenter. Sabrina Carpenter. insane too that Billy Elish is only a year older than Jojo Siwa.

I know, isn't that, isn't that so weird? That's not wild. I would, if you would ask me, I would have definitely not thought that. That's great. Right, because that's why I just looked it up because I was like, I'm pretty sure Billy Eilish is also like 22. But like, look at the two differences. So it's like, we give Jojo such a wide birth because she's so young.

Then, like, I know we should not be comparing the young artists that are out there. but like because there is no comparison between the two of them. I mean, Olivia Rodriguez was also very young. And I also feel that Olivia Rodriguez is again, like, doing this thing where, you know, even if you find it to be like not as deep or whatever because she's fucking 19 years old or whatever it is, you know what I mean? She's still, they're all like laying their hearts on the, they're like putting themselves out there. Sorry, I've been listening to lunch a lot recently and I love, I just want to eat that girl for lunch, y'all. Yeah, dude.

And I love her stuff too as a 41 year old man. So I'm not saying I'm one of those people. But, you know, I just, I just feel like there's this obvious new kind of era in general of pop music happening. And it's like, I couldn't imagine not seeing it as a person who's making pop music and like trying. Like if anything, I want to be rolling my eyes that Katie Perry is like trying to be more vulnerable. and it's like not working because it's like she's so privileged or whatever like but it's she's not even trying to do it she's just like phoning in this i it's just like with jalo so i'm so glad we got that documentary i wish we had the katy perry documentary because i want to be a fly in the wall when she's

like talking about this shit with their team and stuff because i just don't understand how they could just not be so unaware and so of like of the modern trends going on and or also at least the self-awareness to be like hey if i'm going to do a woman's anthem i really i really don't know a woman's anthem i really shouldn't be at a, like, give him a pseudonym or something. I don't know. Like, it's crazy. Like, why would you knowingly put that guy's name on your track called Women's World? And you can, I mean, I'm, I'm reading this book right now that's like a pretty popular book and I'm like, it's, it's called The Anxious Generation by this author named Jonathan Hyte and I do not like his other work, but it's an interesting premise for the book.

My jury's out on whether it's a good book or not, but it is, it's basically about Gen Z, growing up with phones and how it changed childhood for them. His premise is that childhood has been rewired from a play-based childhood where even if your boys playing video games when you were, you know, hold in your age, you would go to other boys' houses to play video games together. Yeah, we would play together. Whereas now you can't actually do that. The way the video games work, you like need to be in your own house.

You know, girls are on their phones doing social stuff with each other on their phones. Again, he's a, I don't love him. and I'm not sure if I totally agree with all of his premise, but it's about the, you know, Gen Z kind of growing up online thing. And he quotes an Olivia Rodriguez song in the book. And so it's just like, it's such a, you know, it's so funny to me that we are in this era where we are blessed to have pop music that is so thoughtful.

And like, there's so much insight coming. I mean, Olivia Rodriguez especially. But like even like you said, Jackie, when we were talking about... Don't worry. The throat goats are still out there. You know, if you want throat coat, which also, you know, that's a Dr. Luke. And it's one of those. Those still exist.

Hello, Ed Larson and Amber Nelson from the brighter side here to check in with you. See how you're doing. Is your day more disappointing than a gas station sandwich? Are you trying to put one foot in front of the other in a glue factory? Did you try to throw your air friar in the bathtub, but nothing happened because you were too lazy to plug it in first? Then the Brighter Side podcast is for you. Oh yeah! Each week we take nasty, dooky, stupid, dumb.

Stinky, no good, do-do factory. Caca-like topics and try to find the brighter side. Hey, Amber, what's the brighter side of waking up chained to a bed in Russia? Um, at least they have free health care. That's right. So start your weekend off right every Friday with the Brighter Side on the last one. podcast network. You beautiful babies.

Yeah, but it's just like, I think that, I think that Katie Perry is living in the 2016 Democratic National Convention. It's just that, you know, and there is, we've been talking about it for weeks now. Like, what a fascinating time we are at in pop music. Right. And that. I can't believe she didn't sing it something about pantsuits in this woman's world song. I'm shocked. There wasn't a pantsuit line.

is somewhere in there. There was this moment last Friday where like a lot of people were wondering whether Kamala Harris was going to become the presidential candidate and it was at the same exact time that the woman's world thing was going to drop and I was like

please let this happen at the same time. Please let this song have one good thing about it. Ew. Could you imagine if this is the song? No, that would be awful. If we had to hear it's a woman's world every single second until November? You're right.

You're right. You're right. Don't do that to us, MJ. You're right. If we do end up with a woman candidate, we actually don't want women's world to be the song that plays. You're right.

I take it back. I take it back. Or what if Kamala like dresses up like Rosie the Riveter but in a tiny Americana bikini? And I'd be like, I am empowered. Oh my God. We be tiny kitty, huh? I'm empowered.

Look, I was empowered, honestly, at the very beginning of the episode with your incredible national anthem. Oh, thank you so much because like I really worked hard on it. And like, I know it was so good that you guys couldn't stop me, even though I was like, don't, you don't need to let me sing the entire song. But you just let me go. It was too good. It was too good to stop.

And it really is. So if you haven't heard it, you really must go, even though, honestly, Jackie. You're talking about Ingrid Andrus's because if they've gotten this far in the episode, I hope you've heard the top of it, unless you just usually just skip right past it, which, you know, it's your world and you're just living in it. Or if you've ever heard. I say it. I'm going to. What am I going to do? Ingrid Andrus, though, really screwed up the MLB home run derby national anthem.

And really, though, look it up because you're like, yeah, it's an easy song to fuck up. Many people fuck it up. We all remember Fergie, but honestly put Fergie to bed. You will not be thinking about Fergie anymore. You will be thinking about this poor young girl. It's Fergie's world now. I enjoy Ingrid Andres. Like I like her.

She plays a cute girl music. Like it's very like, it's very, it's not cool. I don't feel cool for listening to it. Are you empowered by it? No. No, I'm not empowered by it. But I am empowered by her singing the racquet's red glas in the national anthem.

I, you know, I also want you to watch it because the look on her face. face. Yeah. If you're having a bad day, watch it. Because you'd be like, well, at least I'm not doing this right now. Because I feel like she knew. She knew. What was happening.

I think the whole baseball park knew. To me, the best is the, to me, the best is the, the baseball teams, all the different players, slowly realizing how, how, just how bad and how they're down. Oh, I'm a part of history now. I'm now, you know, especially because they hear the thing every, you know, every other day. the straight face to they're trying to be respectful. They really are. But just you're right, as they notice, as they're paying more attention. It's like for, I can't think of like a good song to show an example of what she does with her voice, but it's like the devil's rolled their eyes. Angels throw their eyes. It's like she's doing that. It's kind of doing that. But for the

national anthem. And the Rock gets red glare. And there's like this. There's like this sexy vocal thing going. So it's very, in other words, I'm glad that you're, you're getting into the details of this. Because I do think the first time you're like, wow, that's bad. But it's actually a really fun one to go back and keep listening to him being like, why?

Okay. But it's bad because weird, but besides the off key notes, I mean, that just makes anything, any song bad, there's some weird choices being made. And I'm trying to figure out.

It's the style. It's not even the singing. It's the style. And it's like, was this rehearsed? Is she like making weird choices on the fly? Like I want to, I really hope that she's the type of person

that will sit down. and actually talk through what happened that day and like leading up to that because it's so interesting. The more you listen to it, you're like, why is she doing that? Especially the... You know?

She does all these weird. It's like, was her voice fucking with her that day or something? Because there's just strange. It's not just bad, like off-key or whatever. It's not just like... No, it's all over the place. And it's someone that, like, I have fairly devastating allergies. So there are like months of time.

where I can't really properly sing. You guys hear the rasping my voice at all times. It is part of allergy. So I also wonder, it's like part of me and like listening to the vocal quality, like, it does not sound very clear. It also sounds like she was struggling. So I do wonder if like, you know, maybe she should have taken some something to clear up that head a little bit. Right. But I can't imagine.

Like, it's hard enough having to record your auditions at home because you do it over and over again and then you watch it back. And you're like, why did I say the word the that way? And you can do it as many times as you want, which really does drive you to madness. I'm worried that this young person is going to just watch this over and over and over again because I don't know if I'd be able to separate myself from it. And I'd also ostrich for at least three weeks. It leads to Labor Day. At least, you know, I remember a couple months ago there was another National Anthem video that went viral, but it was because it was like a 10-year-old girl who had clearly been told she was like too talented and had been like really set up. Oh, my favorite. Yeah, like Jackie's favorite.

That she's thing like that. Yes, but it was also this level of confusing in terms of like the choices, you know, and it was like this big dunk dunk-a-thon on this little girl. And it was kind of like how I felt about the Northwest thing where I was like, at Northwest being Simba, where I was like, I am ready to be the adults who put her in this situation, but I'm not going to dunk on this 10-year-old girl. But how bad was that 10-year-old girl? I mean, it was rough. People kept sending it to me,

and I was like, I refused to take part of a group pile on for a little child, and then I watched it. And I was like, why did, but again, why did someone put her in this situation? And with this, it's like, this is not only an adult, but like a professional singer. Yeah. I'm not familiar with her word,

but that's all of that is to say that I hope, that she doesn't, maybe she'll ostrich for a couple of months. I hope that it doesn't, like, rattle her confidence too much because she, it seems like maybe she is a capable singer in other ways.

I don't know. I just feel like the national anthem is the ultimate karaoke song that you shouldn't do. It's like the range is too big. It's very difficult. You got to go low and you got to go high.

And the precedent has been set for greatness. Yeah, it's a woman's world, you know? And so the only thing you do is try to do it differently. But I just realized, Jaggie, I'm glad you brought women.

is ruled back up. Always. Unfortunately, yeah. No, it's my point. People are gonna start yell at us.

There's a lot of gnarly shit going on. You're free to yell? I'm upset to you. I need you to know. I'm just as upset with myself for saying it. I can't stop it.

It just pops out of my mouth. Karma's a bitch. You should have known better, Jackie. I should have known better. I'm so just over it. Guilty pleasure. Why did they watch the music video 15 times?

I'm your guilty pleasure, Jackie. But I will say this. I want hats off to bad music. Because right now, with everything going on in this world, it's kind of, It's kind of healing me and saving me. It is.

In this weird way, this bad, or at the very least distracting these shit out of me. Because I'm not thinking about everything else. I'm in my car driving around to pick up my Monday fireball for my watch a lock to dream. And I'm thinking about how Katie Perry specifically fucked this up so badly. It is Holden's world and he's lucky to be. I'm just drinking fireball. Yeah, it is. Dr.

on a Monday. Yeah, man. Sometimes you got to drink Fireball on a Monday, and I get that. And I feel like there's one person that's drinking Fireball on a Monday. It is JoJo Siwa. Yeah, I'm going back to JoJo Siwa. But I am, yeah, I'm going back. Go circle it back. So many things happening in pop culture and the world right now, and we have to make sure that we talk to talk about. This is important, MJ. Many people have died, Jay. So many celebrities died.

So many celebrities died. It's a very sad week. It's a rough week for many, many, many, many reasons. But what about, think about the tool fans, MJ. And how upset the tool fans are right now, because I have to bring this up. I must say it because it gives me, ooh, such a beautiful pleasure, beautiful pleasure. Why do you hate Tul fans? I won't answer that in a second.

I want to know why you hate Tool fans so much. But before we get to that, let's get the Jojo story out there. So the Jojo story, so part of, you know, we were talking about she licked the hammer. There's like a construction theme in both Jojo and Gini Berries. She licked that hammer, baby. But at least, like, you know,

Jojo had more clothes on, so as if to not just shit all over females that work in different, you know, businesses. But Jojo Siwa has a huge wrench on her back that looks very similar to the wrench from tool that both of them are phallic symbols, but also, you know, Jojo with the queer music, I think it's very interesting that you want this huge phallic symbol on the back of your construction outfit.

But it looks very similar to what tool uses and all of the tool babies. Oh, they go wee, we, we, we all the way home. Okay, so as someone who's not familiar with like the, I guess, stereotypes about a tool fan base, reading about this was fascinating because all the comments are like tool fans would say this which is also what jackie said Tool fans are hilariously like one of the most reviled groups you know I to the point where I don't even know

Insufferable. I don't know if I want to call myself a toll fan I shouldn't even say it honestly I shouldn't even say this I'm already sorry I'm not again I'm not even against the band I need everyone to know I'm not saying anything about the band

What toll fan hurt you? I'm specifically it's not even an ex of mine It was an ex of my sisters But I I've been to multiple tool shows. Oh. And I think that my experiences at tool shows as someone that, like, used to, and I think it's also living more in the new metal world at that time was very much of, you understand.

You understand what good music. Yeah, yeah, it's very pretentious. You don't see what we do over here. Very pretentious. One of those gatekeeperie. And I'm not, and again, it's not every single tool fan. Not all tool fans. Most of the ones I've met have been, or at least specifically talked down to me about the music I like because of the music they like.

Right. And that, I immediately shut off. I'm like, that's ridiculous. I'm not even saying your music sucks. I'm not that person. I'm saying how you're acting is bad. And they tend to gay keep themselves. And it's received poorly.

They tend to gay keep themselves. Like, a lot of 12 fans I know only listen to like five bands. Yes. And they refuse to listen to anything. anything else. And it's so weird. And the tool is the best fan. And it's the most like, and tool's the best. And it's that idea of like everyone else is wrong and I'm the smartest. My favorite tool fan story is from Ed. Ed Larson, it was a year we were at Bonaroo. Actually, I don't think I was, was I did that year. It was him and his girlfriend at the time. They wanted to

ride on the Ferris wheel. So, and Tool was performing at Bonneru that year. That's actually the, I think one time I've seen Tool Live. And I did. enjoy the concert. They played the main stage. The concert is great. It's great. They put on an amazing show. Yeah. It's a great show. But anyways, they get on the Ferris wheel and they're like lumped in with one other person. You know how that that works. Like they're in, you know, so they want to take this romantic Ferris wheel ride. And it's this grumpy dude. And they're trying to talk to him and make conversation because like, we're stuck on this Ferris wheel. And he's all mopey and grumpy. And they're like, so what bands have you seen? Like, who are here? You know, whatever.

Like, who are you here for? And he was like, only tool. I've only seen tool. And I only wanted to see tool. I went to this whole and he was just such a pissy, piss. But it's also like he's just ropy grumpy on this Ferris wheel. Like, just such a fucking buzzkill. And like, yeah, he refused to watch any of the other

music at this three day festival. He refused to watch any other band or artist or anything. Wow. And for some reason wanted to ride the Ferris wheel. I'm not really even sure how that happened. But yeah, Ed was so pissed. He was so mad to be on this Ferris wheel ride with this

guy. It was so funny. And I feel like tool fans are also like the number one of like, oh yeah, wearing a tulle shirt, name five songs. I feel like it's there. It's that, it's that aesthetic. I hate it. See, this is why, you know, be a ska fan and you never have even the like standing to try to be pretentious. Yeah. You know about to other people. I mean, I don't, I'm sure I've been very pretentious to other people about music before, but everyone just shits on me so much for what I like. I couldn't even try to be smug about it. Right. Right. And, that's why like I openly admit I don't have the greatest sense of music I like lots of music yeah there's lots of music that I listen to that people like oh god what I listen to that's like

yeah well I don't know I just like to listen to it there's lots of stuff I like to listen to sure I listen to new music all the time because I like to hear new things and I like things all across the board so just close your lips with your sad talk you sad frown talk and speaking of sad frown talk if we do not bring up the fact Richard Simmons, Dr. Ruth, Shannon Doherty, it was a... And Shelley Duval! And Shelley Duval kicked it all.

Like, that's such an insane week. And I don't know if you went down any of the warm times of the woman that like hung out with Shelley Duvall a lot. Like, you think there's like on TikTok, there's all this. Yeah. And then Richard Simmons... I'll explain that really quick. There was a super fan who ran,

like a Twitter account who actually ended up getting one of those situations where she got to like become friends with Shelly DeValle like late in her life and would go visit her all the time. And hear her stories. I'm sorry. Yeah, I didn't explain. No, no, no. That's okay. I just, I just, I'm usually the one that does that, Jackie. So this is great to be on the other side of it. Thank you. I appreciate you. Look at us helping each other. It's really beautiful. And as in you're kind of watching her kind of deal with her grief of the whole thing because that's like, opening up. Yeah, because that was her old deal. She tweeted all the time about Shelley DeVall. So of course this, she's like.

talking about, you know, there was this one sweet. She was like, I really need a cigarette right now. Barry Manolo, do you want to hang out? Do you need to talk to somebody about your life? Barry Manilow? I was going to say, are you asking for him to be the next celebrity death? How dare you know? I just want Barry Manilow to just like, all of a sudden he's like my fun gay uncle and we just like do everything together.

I love that. Dude, I'm all for this to happen. Let's get the campaign going now. You will be Barry Manilow's Lady Gaga. It will be amazing. Oh my God. Like her and Tony? I would do anything to be the gaga to Barry's Tony.

Also, though, I just have to point out how funny it is that we're like, what a crazy week. Shelly Duval died, you know, this week of like theirs. Because there's another really big thing that happened this week. But I just love it. What a crazy fucking week. Richard Simmons, you know. I was genuinely sad.

The Richard Simmons. I was genuinely very sad. It's all sad. It's all sad. It's so sad. It's so. So young. So sad.

So soft. So strong. And I also would say... Don't you dare bring woman's world into that. You keep it separate. Now that I follow Sarah Michelle Geller views of our Buffy Watchalongs, check us on a Patreon.com page 7 slash page 7 podcast. If you want to do our Buffy watchalongs, you can find out more over there. Sir Michelle Geller had such a close relationship with Shannon Doherty.

And she's doing all these Instagram posts with videos of the two of them just like being... Wait, really? Yeah. It's so sweet. And it really connects me to Shannon Doherty's passing because it really seems like she was just such a sweet, like vibrant, awesome person, you know. And I mean, say that especially Richard Simmons was helping people, even though in hiding for years. And of course, you can go back and listen to the well-documented of the time period when MJ and I were listening to finding Richard Simmons found out, I think live, during page seven that Richard Simmons did not want the podcast to be happening, did not want people

coming into his life and meddling with it. And so we promptly stopped because we were like, we've got to save Richard Simmons. And then we found out Richard Simmons does not want to be saved. He has been struggling with his health for a long time. I even felt like, I was in like one of my bitches text group. And of course, everyone's like, oh my God, you see Richard Simmons died. And someone's like, I just hope he was happy like up until the end. And I was like, Unfortunately, I don't think that he was. And it is, I think that he was sad for quite some time. And it really makes me, and then it makes me think more about, like, the ambassador

for loneliness that Dr. Ruth started a couple of years ago because of COVID. Like, Dr. Ruth, in her 90s, also, Dr. Ruth, groundbreaking for so many reasons. But the fact, like, obviously, huge inspiration to me of someone that, like, in the 80s started talking about sex in ways that had never been discussed before. Yeah. Started like incorporating proper communication, healthy sex communication. And like, where do we even see that now? Like, we don't even have, like, I know we've got Dr. Ruth's out there, but she was the one.

She was the one that started at all. And I, and like, again, in her 90s, she was so concerned about the loneliness for senior citizens through the quarantine that she created this program to start helping elderly people connect with people that are people that are lonely because she felt that loneliness was also a huge silent killer that like we really learned about from the quarantine. Yeah. And sorry, I'm just spouting off. I just went through a lot of worm times.

If you could tell this. One thing that kind of blew my mind, I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts is Sunday Papers. it's hosted by two older comedians. And to give you a little perspective, like, they were talking about how that radio show back in the day, it was like Game of Thrones or something. Like, it was on like a Sunday night or something like that. And like on Monday morning, everyone would be water cooler talking about it.

Like, really? Yeah. Like it was like, you know, that thing, yeah, everyone tuned in. And it was, you know, of a weekly moment thing, cultural thing that, that, It was, yeah, again, shout-outs to the monoculture. We miss you. Really cool, though, especially when it comes to it being about, like, openly talking about sex and stuff. I mean, back in the day, you know, men refer to their penises as their little johnnies and women, you know, refer to their periods as their, it doesn't happen weak.

You know what I mean? And so. Yes, don't look at me. I'm shrouded in mystery. Right. But it's a woman's world. We would put them, yeah. But don't talk about it.

Wives were being just, they'd wrap themselves in trash bags and hide in the. the garbage can for a couple days. As they should. And yeah, now the moon blood. That's what I've learned from Katie. The moon blood is scree. Exactly. It's a woman's world now. Thank you, Dr. Ruth. And now the moon blood is celebrated in some, you know, communities. I like drink the blood. I dare say all communities. And I thank you, blood of no children. Anyway, it's time. That's where I'm ending it. Yeah. Thank you, blood of no children. And now it is time for a celebrity. conspiracy theory. Hey me with the share.

Do you believe it? Ooh, I'm so happy to do this one. Is Ariana Grande a cannibal? Oh my God. I hear tell. Is this because of her brother's nose job? Do you think that she ate the extra parts? Maybe.

I think she might enjoy a nostril or two on a Tuesday. Nostrilato? Nostrilamus. Unbelievable. This one comes... Two different nostril jokes. We just said nothing. for the last minute and acted like we were saying something every single time.

It's called supporting each other in art, okay? It is, yeah, we yes-handed the fucking shit out of each other. This one comes in from Nicole, who writes, So I saw this story and I just had to write in, is Ariana Grande, queen of the Aryanation, and Holden's arch nemesis, a cannibal. She then links to an article from the independent. about how Ariana's brother defended her against rumors as Ariana Grande Canable became a top TikTok search recently. Frankie wrote, ha ha ha ha ha ha in all capital letters.

Wow. This might be the most creative and lowest y'all have ever gone, reaching new depth daily. Listen, I know my sister's been eating the girls up for years, but this is a bit extreme. Besides, she's vegan. See you on tour. According to the article, her brother Frankie took to Twitter to defend her from the rumors, but Dothie protest too much. Apparently it started as a joke with fans spreading baseless rumors after Twitter user at Allure Quinn tweeted everyone wanting to attend like police didn't find human remains and evidence of cannibalism in her LA home that she sold in 2013 do not buy tickets for her tour. But some, allegedly, but some fans have done some digging and it appears there might be more to these allegations.

Here's the evidence. Back in June, Ariana Minchin on a podcast while talking with her, the Boy is Mind video co-star Pinn Badgley, that she has been fascinated by serial killers since young age. And at least one other interview, Ariana stated, is her dream to have dinner, a dinner date with the infamous cannibal and serial killer. We've talked about this, of course, Jeffrey Dahmer. I hate that I know all of this.

Right? Dinner with a cannibal. Anyone who's seen Sansal Lambs knows how that goes. Just hours after the story broke, Arion announced she is postponing but they tore an album release, adding to the suspicions she has yet to comment on the controversy, maybe because she's too busy hiding the evidence. And as for the defense that she's vegan,

there's been a philosophical debate raging for years whether human meat is vegan makes you think, do you believe? Thanks for reading, Nicole. I definitely don't believe. I will speak for both Jackie and Jay. No, I will. I was about to see is that I don't believe

that human meat is vegetarian. I feel that we are animals. I think that of all the things you said, that's the one thing. I dare say human meat is not vegetarian. I'm sorry to bring it back to the college classroom, but this just seems like something

that a couple of 18-year-old boys should be discussing. You know, is human meat vegan. Whoa. Yeah, you know. It's a hot dog a sandwich. Exactly. It's a hot dog a sandwich because most of the, a lot of veganism is about protesting

to the conditions in which the meat is, you know. What about the conditions I'm put through before I'm chopped up? I just say, all right? I had her difficult life as well. I'm just saying there's a couple of like, well, actually, boys out there who are more suited to have this conversation is human meat vegan than we are. But we are suited to have the conversation of is Ariana Grande the type of person who would

eat a human? And I think that our stance is probably yes. Yes. The answer is yes. And I do want everyone to know that I didn't think very thoroughly about human meat being vegetarian. That was more of a duck reaction. I mean, no, I think that it's because it's meat, so therefore it's not vegetarian.

And we're animals. But that's why I'm saying it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, dumb-ass philosophical debate that some people can take part in because it's like, I dare say my cage is too small. Put me in a bastard. I think we're all star dust. And star dust is not, star dust is not animal meat. It's stardust.

We are stardust. And that's what I'm made of. Okay, I was told that by a bunch of fucking dorks on the internet to try to make me feel like floaty and ridiculous or whatever. And it's stupid. No, you were told that by Neil deGrasse Tyson at the end of the J-Lo documentary, Holden. That's why that's in your head.

We just watched the J-Lo documentary and it ends with Nail deGrasse Tyson. Sorry, spoiler alert saying that we're starting us. Thank you for breaking my heart. for a fifth time by bringing it up again. She's a man eater, though. I think that's probably where this is coming from. She's a man eater. We've been talking about that for years.

She's a man eater. She chews him up and spits him out. And I think it's just a question of is she literally chewing them up and spitting them out. And it sounds like she started with her brother. Yes, they're chopping on his nose. She's a family eater. Started eating his nose. She was probably so confused by how much he resembles her new partner, Ethan Slater,

that she was like, shall I eat your nose? Oh, no, it's my brother. It's very easy to imagine me. to that for me, it's easy for me to imagine her eating a man. Yeah, I definitely believe she's absolutely a cannibal. I think I noticed the last time I saw SpongeBob out and about in the wild with her, I noticed like a finger not like no longer there and stuff like that. So I think she's slowly kind of taking bits of his meat.

Also, there's not a lot of fat. Like, I think that it depends on what you're eating that I have heard that like the human meat won't get you very far overall anyway. So, yeah. Well, exactly. I mean, she's extremely thin. Maybe that's the trick to staying so thin that she has. Yeah, it's the new diet.

Speaking of meat, I tried the impossible dogs, Jackie, and they're fantastic. Oh, my God, I've been searching for them. I can't believe that. So I try, over the week, I've been looking for the hot dogs, but I did find the impossible brots and the impossible broths are unbelievable. But I'm still on the lookout for the hot dogs, and thank you for the update. Highly recommend. Who needs to eat humans?

when you can eat an impossible hot dog. I love it. Ariana. Yeah, Ariana. Stop eating man, okay? Unbelievable. And all you Ariana Naders out there who listen to the show,

first of all, you know what? I don't want us to lose listeners, but go away. Second of all, no, do not go away. We enjoy you and we're fine with Ariana Grande. It doesn't speak for us, okay? It's a woman's world. She does not speak for us.

And so, therefore, Jackie is the only one who speaks for us at this show. Thank you. Because it's a mad meat lover, okay? And I like, my tailor Oh no It's time for the list All right

Oh All right Sing me the song Oh who's on the list Checking Gotta have that list You know I I wrote down

That I needed to find The most upsetting list And this one is not that upsetting I just There was literally just because On it 25 details from history That are just so gross

This just made me think of you holding A mad doctor Because you're so gross Just kidding because you're so gross. And yes, and that's why this one fact made me think of you. A mad doctor could turn you into a highly virile goat man.

In the 1920s, Dr. John Brinkley became a sensation, thanks to his cure for male impotence, goat testicle transplants. He'd give you goat nads, and presto, your libido was back. Have we mentioned that he wasn't a real doctor? Look, just because I have poopy on my hands and I drink my own. piss and I fart on the pillow at night before I sleep on it. And I eat cans. Doesn't mean I'm gross, Jackie.

Okay. Is that all you have as a rebuttal? Yeah. You might be right. And interesting. What's next? Well, we're moving to the actual list because this one also made me think of you, Holden, because I thought of how much you probably will dislike it.

23 celebrity couples who revealed intimate details about their lives that literally no one asked for. Got are they best friends? There are some best friends, but this one always makes me upset. In one of the more disturbing examples on the reality show being Bobby Brown, Bobby revealed that he once, quote, dug a dukey bubble out of Whitney Houston's butt, because, quote, her turd was too big. While Houston initially denied it, she finally admits, my sisters were going,

that's love, that's love, that's black love. That's black love. Yeah. You just remind me of that wonderful article We'll probably talk about of the leftovers, which is our Patreon bonus episode, patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast,

of Megan Trainer having facing toilets so she can shit in front of her husband, which is terrible. As if I wasn't already mad enough at her for all about that base. They're just sitting there shitting and she just goes, I met you luck. Yeah,

I did have my good. she's add. What's grosser? That song or the two-toil space. Or her shitting and farting while she sings it, yeah. Or the love between Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. Kristen Stewart once told Vogue U.K. that she loved the smell of her former boyfriend, Robert Pattinson,

and that he appreciated her sense as well. Quote, like, he loves to lick under my armpits, she said. I don't get this obsession with washing the smell off. That smell of someone you love. Don't you think that's the whole point? Yeah, she's definitely the type of hot girl that's like, I don't have to use Dada. Definitely. She just looks like that type of, for sure.

This is like the least surprising thing I've ever heard Kristen Stewart's thing. We talked about this before, too, that I always also find that like the hottest women are the messiest women. Definitely. That, like, stuff is everywhere. Yes. And you're just like, that's insane because it's like, and also it really is the hottest people are the stinkiest. Yes, because they don't have... And that is something I've really noticed.

Yes, they're fearless. You know, they don't have to, like, maintain... No one judges them. Yes, exactly, exactly. As a person living in a plus-sized body for most of my life, you can't be fat and stinky. Right. You just can't.

I feel like that's something that was put in us young. Henry and I are... We are smell good kind of pals. Anyway, I don't know if this smelled good. Chrissy Teigen and John Legend have been similarly candid. Dekin once revealed that she had sex with him on a flight. She said we were on our way to Thailand to see my parents flying commercial first class.

We were under a blanket. We weren't even in one of those pod things. I feel like we should get a trophy for that. And I think I don't kink shame. But do not have sex in public when other people are around. Think of the flight attendants. Tract. Think of the people that are working there that know what you're doing.

you're not being sneaky. It's very upsetting. And I just, it really yucks me out. All right, guys. Totally. You should get a trophy for that that says, like, this is sexual harassment. You know, like, I try not to kink shame. I think if you can have, I mean, I'm not even shame in the mile high club.

No, that's what I'm saying. Go in the bathroom. I'm even saying, doing the bathroom. Or you're on a PJ or like, I'm not shaming that. It's just like, when you're that close to people that are unconsenting, I do. feel that it is inappropriate. Yeah, it's totally the worst. And especially on an airplane. They can't leave, you know, like if you're doing it at a, even at a bar, like, people can just walk somewhere else, you know.

A friend of mine is a flight attendant. And I've asked her, I was like, how many times have you had to stop people from, like, jerking each other off or, like, do it something? And she said four times. And all four times, it is just, it makes you want to die. Yeah. Having to walk up to someone. that is being currently jerked off by someone that is just right there and there's just people sit next to them and the people come up to be like, I'm sorry, but someone is like jerking off right next to me.

Can you like stop it? And where is she supposed to put them? You just have to be like, can you put it away? Can you stop? Can you stop? Jerking each other off? Yeah, I had never really thought about that aspect of it from like a worker's point of view.

But yeah, that sucks. Oh yeah, one of my favorite lanes is people being shamed trying to join the Mile High Club in an, you know, in a airplane and everyone's just like, boo, you know what I mean? And they're like, you know, and they just look so embarrassed and feel so terrible.

So it's like, yeah, you're not fooling. Like, you're not, this isn't some slick. You're not in a movie, dude. Ariana. You fucking person eater. Anyways. I feel like planes are so not horny. I mean, maybe it's different.

There is a weird bonner thing that happens that I've heard, I've had this too. There's a weird boner thing that happens in flights and I don't know why. It's like that it's... Maybe it's something to do with the barometric pressure.

I feel like there's... Because I know there's also like you get more emotional on flights as well. There is research into that. Tomato juice tastes better too. It tastes real good. Yeah.

Ooh, drinking a tomato juice and just nursing a boner but not doing anything about it. Not doing anything about it. Or maybe you're just like a Jada Pinkett and Will Smith and you slink off and you have sex at your friends houses or at your office or off to the side of the road or that one time on the 2010 in 2010 on their

way to the Oscars in the limo. She said in a limo on the way to the Academy Awards this year, Will started looking at me in this way that drives me wild. We started kissing passionately. And the next thing I know, well, let's just say we missed the red carpet and I ended up with almost no makeup on. Would we say our same critique for the flight attendance applies to the limo driver or is it different because there's a separation? I do feel it's a little different. He might get to at least kind of tug on his own, you know, situation or if it's a lady limo driver, because I'm not one of those people. Ladies can drive limos too. She can be rubbing really hard against her bean or whatever. You're just living in it.

Yeah. You think that that's the response to Will Smith and Jada Pickett Smith are having sex in the back of my car? I must now also get off as well. Oh, right. Yeah, they go, oh, right. I also have a bean. Yeah. I know this is probably the wrong thing to think. Okay. But I feel that the drivers hopefully will get crazy tipped. Yeah. If they bang in the back.

Yeah. That's all I can hope because, like, it sucks that they have to clean it up. They got it like, you know, it's not fun. Right. For anyone to have to deal with. But I would only hope they would get a bunch of money out of it. Right. You know the flight attendant is making no.

not like barely enough money to survive. Right. And I think that's what the difference is in my brain, even though I know that that's not okay. No, that makes sense. But you know what I'm going with it? Especially for a celebrity driver. I think it's different if you're talking about a taxi driver

and having, you know, getting at it in a cab. And there's no huge partition. It's not like you put up the safety. Celebrity limo drivers. We've yelled about this with Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton as well. But I also feel the difference is they showed up. reeking of sex.

And they're like, yeah, they just and at least I will say Jada Pinkett and Will Smith didn't go. They were like, all right, we're just gonna get out of here then. And I kind of feel like that makes it better? Or am I just justifying over here? No, no, I also think you're you know, it's the part of like, yes, the flight attendant is a huge

issue, but the other issue is there's like all sorts of people on the commercial flight. Yes, kids probably on the commercial flight. There's some old lady who hasn't had a good bean flick in fucking 20 years. She's got to listen to your moans. And all she's thinking is like, I just, I'm going to die without ever, you know, orgasming again. You know, and she's rubbing it. She's flicking it.

Going wild. I hate it. Yeah. And some other kid in the back is like, wow, they're fucking. And then he's like, oh, it's a hot dog, a sandwich. Everyone's like, no. No. Yeah, dude.

So I'm glad that we're talking this out. And I am glad. I'd love to ask a person that has had a child, MJ, how you would feel about this. Now, I know that sex is supposed to encourage a child to be birthed. But how would you feel about having sex when you were three centimeters dilated like Courtney Kardashian did with her husband, Travis Barker?

While being three centimeters dilated, just before giving birth to her son, she said after being sent home from the hospital because she wasn't quite ready to give birth, Kardashian revealed we went home, eight at crossroads, showered, slept in our bed, and then we have sex to get things going

to see if that helps. I can help sometimes. I have heard that it can help sometimes. And I also, I never, like, labored, so I don't, I don't know with neither of my, I never, I don't think I was ever actually, like, that dilated. So I can't speak to that part.

I can speak about the many friends that I know who, like, planned to have, like, hypno-orgasmic births. And then we're like, get me a fucking epidural, you know, like. And so if, but, but that said, there are people who say that, you know, it can be an orgasmic. I mean, she's not even talking about having an orgasmic birth. She's just talking about getting it on while you're getting there. And honestly, I guess I say, God bless it.

I mean, I don't know if there's any reason not to. I do know that a lot of people, when they're over their due date, they try to to fuck to get things going. But, I mean, again, I didn't even make it to full term with either of my. kids and I was not in a humping mood. Yeah, I don't remember there being any kind of enjoyment of humping happening. Yeah, the humping, the humping lust was gone. The lust was gone for me. The lust is gone!

I'm thinking of the same thing. The lust is gone. Thank you. But if that was not true for you, write us, page 7. podcast at gipo.com. If you were able to get it on, I'm so happy for you. I, like, wish that for you. And also same with the orgasmic birth people.

Like, I'm so happy for you. Do you unlock that skill. And if you're Ariana Grande listening right now, don't write in and take the fucking butt meat out of your mouth, okay? It belonged to a man. Who's part you probably broke? Take the whole honking bite of it, just like Chad Kroger did out of Avrilavine, but he's not a cannibal. No, in a wide-reaching, wildly honest interview on Howard Stern's radio show, Chad Kroger and Avril Levine revealed that Levine dressed up.

in a sexy outfit for Canadian Thanksgiving. And the couple had sex three times because there's nothing sexier than Canadian Thanksgiving. Why tell this story? Like in my brain, like did she dress up as a sexy Canadian turkey? Like what are we talking here? If it's so important that you need to bring it up that like we had sex three times on Canadian Thanksgiving, Yeah. Tell me there's, you know, gravy, gravy, where's the gravy? Like, if you're slicking it up with gravy, love to hear the story. But if it's just that you bang for three times, boring story, right? Yeah. Yeah, it's a real Canadian Thanksgiving story where, you know, people are like, it's Canadian Thanksgiving. And you're like, oh, you know, I feel like this story is like, we bang three times on Canadian Thanksgiving. Oh, okay.

Sorry, I'm making this, so I was making a weird face because there's multiple things about Kelly Rippa and Mark Consuelas on here, obviously. Speaking to Andy Cohen, a couple also revealed that. that Consuelos is hornier than Rippa and that he likes to dirty talk in Spanish, which makes me want to slip out of my seat. But then I just read this fact. Rippa also revealed in her memoir that she once fell unconscious while having sex with Consuelos

due to having two ovarian cysts. And that's just, it took me out of it of all of this, like, horny-esque conversation of just like, Jesus, that's horrifying. Imagine just falling unconscious while you're bang? Those guys have a fetish.

Like, Not even like the, it's not like the Chrissy Teague and John Legend, let's fucking public and make everybody else a little uncomfortable. Those guys have a let's talk about our wild sex life fetish. They love it. They love that their kids know about it. I don't remember if we talked about it on the big show, but our kids can't follow us on Instagram because we're always talking about how we want to.

Bang each other, man. You know, bone each other too much. And I'm like, I don't know. I really swing back and forth on them. Sometimes I'm like, that's so fun for you guys. I love that you are in your 50s and, and been married for a long time and raised kids up into their 20s and you're still that horny for each other.

And I do believe all of that. And also part of me is like, could you consider the feelings of your 22-year-old child who doesn't want to hear you? For a second. Talk about how you want to ride their dad's dick all the time. Like, please. Don't get me wrong. I would love it if like my parents thirsted for each other.

I think that I would enjoy it as a 36-year-old person. I think that I would be like, hell yeah, y'all still get it. dude, get it. But when you're like 18, 19, wouldn't you want to just like hide forever? And I'm not saying like change yourself for your kids. I'm not saying don't be, don't let your freak flag fly.

But like, No, let your freak flag fly. Be considerate of the, I don't know. It seems like they, it just seems like it's part of their brand now in a way. Maybe that's why I don't like it. It went from being like a couple of fun stories of like, wow, those goals I like to bang. And now it's just like they just won't shut up about it.

And it's like, okay, good for you. I get it. You're hot 50 somethings. who had, who just rock hard. All right. I hear you, MJ. Jeff and I will tone it down, I guess. I guess I hear you.

I love your guys as horniness. We try to tone it down in front of other people. Yeah, but it is, no, it's nice. That's why I said I go back and forth. In general,

I root for them, but I do think that if you're like, if there are multiple stories about how you're repeatedly making your kids uncomfortable with your own sex life, at that point, I think it might become annoying.

Yes. I would, I would say so too. Well, that's our list for you. You know, got you upset in a different way, and I thought that would be kind of fun. I cannot see. I think I'm going.

Why? I don't. Oh, we can't see them. Wow. This recently divorced foreign-born A-list actress got hammered drunk and hooked up with a bartender while out of the country. The bartender's boyfriend waited in the living room off the apartment they share. She is hot, and I wanted to have sex with her.

quite some time ago and still do. She got divorced from a funny man. Pamela Anderson. Huh? Pamela Anderson? No. No, not at all. No, she was married long time to a funny man.

She is hot. Ooh, fiery hot. No, man, I'm just getting all. Katie Perry was married to a funny man. No, but she's still married to the funny man. Or no, she's married to the elfish boy. Katie Perry? God, when I think about, yeah, she's married to Orlando Blue.

Orlando Blue. Oh, yay. I know. I thought that you were saying that, the person was married to an elfish man. I was like, it's got to be Katie Perry then. No, this woman is my pants bloat creator.

She really gets my... Come on, guys. She gets my engine to go in, guys. Isla Fisher? Yes. Ah, yes. I remember now. Who is married to Borat or whatever.

You know what my problem was? I did. I'm going to confess, I really want to. to say Amy Adams and I was like I know her name's not Amy Adams. I know that Amy Adams and Isla Fisher just look very similar and in my brain I would like to kiss them both but I kind of confuse

yeah definitely and I know I shouldn't they're very different performers. No but they're also very beautiful redheads that are like really charming and yada yada yada I think Amy Adams is like more of a sing as more of the singing background and musical theater background and serious. Isla is more of a comedy

thing going on but yeah She was recently photographed laughing it up with, quote, hunky British actor, Ben Barnes in the stands on day eight of Wimbledon recently. And ooh la la, that also looked saucy. Oh, man, can you imagine? All the celebrities are at Wimbledon. Yeah. Everyone's at Wimbledon watching the back and forth.

Can you imagine the banging at Wimbledon? Because you're just like your neck hurts. You're looking back and forth. Boring, boring, boring, boring. Yeah, I'm saying it. Tennis is boring. And then you got to do something to bump it up. I am assuming that everybody drinks all day.

Yeah, you're day drinking. I'm assuming. You're definitely day drinking. So you take a nap and then you do. I went to the U.S. Open once and had a great time, actually. But I found it to be interesting. The thing I loved about tennis. I'm sure it's...

No, no, no, I just... The thing that was interesting, this is maybe... No, actually, you're probably right. This will be boring for people to hear. But like, pin... Love! Love! I just know that yell.

Don't explain the scoring system. I don't want to know how they score things. I don't care. It's really interesting to be in a big stadium full of people. and have pin drop silence. That's fun. And you only hear the noise. It's just a surreal experience.

And the respect. I like how that there is such a respect when it comes to it. But you are day drinking, and that is a part of it. And I feel like I almost died a heat stroke when I went. Julia Roberts is just like a professional

sports goer now. I kept seeing her at Wimbledon. You know, she's at Wimbledon. She's clapping for the, for the, whatever, not princess. Lil Wayne, Lowein was out there. I love the Lowein's a tennis. Like the weirdest people

are tennis fans. It's so funny. Like the, the, um, LMFAO guys were our huge tennis people, tennis fans. Oh, I see Will Ferrell. He's at,

he's at the Wimbledon? Is there? Yeah. The weirdest people are super into tennis. All right. This, okay, you guys got to really go back in time with this one.

Okay. We're so good at that. This long, long time singer slash host who started off many decades as a, uh, ago as a child singer is trying to match his sister when it comes to work done to his face. They were like,

entertainment team. Donnie and Marie. Don't you dare bring up Don't you dare bring up. Donnie and Marie. Henry and Jackie's rivals. They are our biggest good put rivals.

How dare you? Well, then you need to start getting plastic surgery to look like Henry, damn it. That's what they're doing right now. What do you think I'm doing? Every day, I'm trying to look more like. I know. You need to look like that goblin thing

that you're related to. I want us both to turn into Jojo If Henry and I could both like fuse into Jojo See well that would be my goal If you meet that's good if you meet in the middle It could be a little Donnie and Marie Ozzie. Oh my God but I but Donnie and Marie you're going down right

You think that you're the best brother's sister duo that exists You're at the top of siblings illustrated every year Every month We're coming for you not violently, we're just coming for you spiritually as well as thematically. Yeah, not violently and not sexually. If any weird violence happens towards Doni and Marie Osmond, it definitely didn't happen by the hands of Jackie and Henry.

Look at the dolls. No, you go to the dolls. Marie Osmond has been making those creepy dolls and selling them on QVC for a long time. If anything happens to them, look to the dolls. Oh, yeah. There's way more like freaky, religious people. I want to help you, Mommy. We just want to make you look better, Mommy.

And I imagine they're like cutting her up. It's like Puppet Master, but with Marie Osmond. Last but not least, you will notice the one-named permanent A-list rapper never mentions this permanent A-list female singer or any of her friends. The singer who is ready for Christmas at any time of the year knows all of the skeletons and is not afraid to call them out. Mariah and. Who does Mariah?

Mariah and who? Yay. No, not yay. This alist rapper just came out with a new album. Who else has one name? One name. One name just came out with potentially his last album. Ooh.

What? Eminem. Yes. Oh. Do you think that Mariah Carey has the clicking, clacking bones of the Eminem's many skeletons in a closet somewhere? Well, you know that they are connected, didn't they? Remember back in the day everyone was like... The disc track?

Like, yeah, with the disc track. And so it is possible. Do we think that Mariah has restraint? Like if she had the skeletons, wouldn't she just have them, wouldn't she be throwing those skeletons out there already? No, I think that she's the kind of bitch that uses the skeletons.

Right. You know, that she's got the skeletons. I think she has a dungeon in her crazy mansion. Yeah, but it's like a bubble dungeon. Like I feel like it's like a pink fuzzy bubble dungeon. And it's just her, buy yourself smoking cigarettes. And she's just having a good,

Do you think Santa Claus is trapped in there? Oh, no. Right. We've got to release the claws. And my eyes are released to the day. Welcome back. I can see again. Welcome back.

Welcome back. I'm so glad you can see again. It's a woman's world. Yeah. Oh, God. And I am so lucky, guys. I just hit the jackpot. You're welcome.

I won $10,000. You are welcome. And I gave that to you as a woman. I gave it to you because it is my world and y'all both are just living in it. Thank you, guys. I guess I would say go back, listen to this episode again, and take a shot every time we say it's a woman's world

and you're just lucky to be living there. And man, you'd barely be able to stand at this point. And thank you guys so much for joining us and dealing with the National Anthem up top, getting through all the Jojo and Katie talk. I just want you to know, you're miraculous. And you've already won the day. Are you congratulating people for getting through our episode?

Us talking about Katie Perry and Joe's... It's our feminine. I'm celebrating our feminine divine. Thank you very much, Holden. All right. My name is Jackie Zabowski. Yeah. Sattyers up on the screen right now. Satire, satire, satire, satire, satire, satire. My name is Jackie Spruski. You can follow me on Instagram and check that worm. You can come hang out with MJ and I on Wednesdays. We play the Sims. Yes, the Sims of our lives. And we are like, we're trying to fuck with some spellcasters now. I was thinking about or adding in a new hot way. Airwolf that comes in and tries to bang everybody. MJ? Yeah, man. Of course.

Into it? I guess I know to that. But also check out Jackie's Book Club. Next week, we are starting a new novella. Yes, we just already finished Corn Daddy. And I will say the next story is Sapphic and I am into it. So come join us, Jackie's Book Club over on patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast. Yeah, dude.

Page 7 podcast. We already talked to you. We already talking about the bump. We watch lungs and all that good stuff. and the leftovers. It's so good over there. Pace to have a podcast at gmail.com as well. Please send in those conspiracy theories. Please send in your Where's the Beach?

Stories of Summer shenanigans. We're looking to do an episode on that for while we're going on Network Break. And we've already gotten a bunch of great emails in. Maybe put Where's the Beach in the title. And again, these are just stories of wild, nutty mishaps. Nuddy summer stories. On the summer, you know, you get too drunk, or maybe you just, I don't know, you just lay out there and let the fish take you into the sea. What is it? A Tom Cruise summer?

I don't know what I'm saying anymore. I'm running out of gas here. Twitch.com. TV, ford slash Holdenators Ho. Check us out on there. Jackin with the Holdies every Friday. 6pm. ET. That's Twitch.tv.4 slash Holdenatorsho. and hey, check out Twitch.tv.tv. F.L.L.P.N. TV. Jackie Natalie have recently been doing their Throne of Glass Spoiler Fest series. We're going to be doing that very regularly

throughout the rest of the year. Also, for those of you that are curious, we are starting to record our Crescent City deep dive as well. So I want you to know that's coming down the pipes that we are ripping apart Crescent City. And, oh, baby, it's everything I wanted it to be. Hell yeah, so check all that stuff out. MJ!

My name is MJ and I'm MJK LKat on Instagram. Time to sing the song. All right. Shout, shout, let it all out. These are the emails that you wrote it about. Come on. We're going to read it to you. Come on.

Oh, you know, I love a shout out. And thank you so much for sending in your shoutouts to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. I love hearing from you and seeing your Portuguese. Y'all, you got a good fit on that goose. I want to see it. Send in your own shoutouts or whatever you'd like to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. We love hearing from you.

And I especially love hearing from a fellow dressage lover. This shoutout goes out to Molly. Molly says Molly here, lifelong, obvious horse girl and long-time, page seven listener. In this, our season of Olympic horse dancing. I want to give a shout out to my faithful horse companions. Georgia and Burger! Such cute horse names!

Who have attentively listened to many a page seven episode at the barn while I schlep their snacks, braid their hair, massage their weird, spin-ly getaway sticks, and occasionally ask them to bless me with a lovely, pony ride. Georgia is my sassy snack machine. Oh my God! And while I know that burger is named after the wrong summer bund meat, she is my big lovable goof, even though she did slightly betray me by living her horsey truth of being more into jumping stuff than fancy horse dancing. Sigh. The three of us look forward to page seven's 2024 Olympic horse coverage and hit me up if you ever have any pop culture

adjacent, maybe, horse questions, as the horse girl oath I took as a youth obligates me to babble at length at anyone who expresses even the tiniest bit of interest in the subject of hooved creatures. Cheers, Molly. Oh, my God, Molly, I'm sending so much love and light out to you and Georgia and a burger, and I hope they get a couple of extra carrots, hey, from me this week. Please, they deserve it. So much love to you, Molly. Thanks again for sending in your shout-out.

Our next beautiful shout-out goes out to Anna. Anna says, firstly, I love you all dearly. Oh my God, we love you too, as you've helped me learn, grow, and evolve. You all saved me during the worst of the pandemic. I didn't even know much about pop culture at the time, but loved last podcast and the LPN crew, and with so much time in isolation,

I was in need of new pods to listen to. I feel so lucky to have tuned in and have become a huge fan. Now I'm over here talking Milf Manor telling everyone that there's a second season, which still blows my mind. I also sing the talk of TV intro all the time that my partner is starting to lose their mind. I'm sorry to your partner, but also I completely understand and I do the same thing to mine. A special shout out to MJ for being the role model I needed to start my own transition as a non-binary person. Hearing MJ's story and watching them grow into the person they are today has inspired me to take the steps myself. From using they-them pronouns to wearing ties to teach, I'm a professor at a small school in Ohio, and cutting my hair short for the first time.

I feel so much more myself already. Finally, my top surgery is scheduled for July 23rd, 2024, sending you so much love. and I'm so excited and nervous. I keep thinking back to the moment of euphoria that MJ had at the release The Butthole Cut show I saw in Columbus. I can't wait to eventually experience the euphoria of making my outside appearance match my inside self so everyone can see the real me.

Thank you for creating a welcoming and kind space for us all. Your impact changes lives for the better. Oh my God, sending you so much love, Anna. Thank you so much for. sharing your story and I hope that you I know, I don't hope, I know you are currently inspiring other people to do the same

and because it's hard work to find yourself and show yourself and sending you so much love Anna. Now last but not least it's not necessarily a shout out but I just thought it was so funny and I laughed myself Steph I kind of had to read the email

Steph says I blame you for this. I'll skip the buildup and go directly to the part where at the end of a conversation about celebrity gossip, my mother looked me dead in the eyes and asked, Sweetie, do you know any weird rumors about Tom Cruise? She caught the look on my face, and so I had to tell her. Guys, my mother is a nice lady.

She's waspy. She's an optimist, and she sees the best in people. She is not the kind of person you would willingly tell this story to. But I couldn't think of a lie quick enough, So I laid it out like I was asking a question. I've heard he, he masturbates using fish? She paused. Her brow furrowed.

She looked at me with profound scorn and disgust and asked, how could anyone possibly know that? I'm sure there's an answer to that question, and I'd love to be reminded of it. Whatever the verdict, I will not, be reporting it back to my mother. Thanks, Steph. Sending you love, sending your mother love to.

Oh, don't worry, Steph. Part of the reason why I wanted to read this aloud, you should have seen Henry and I trying to explain to our mother what was going on with Tom Cruise. And honestly, I was more shocked about how many questions she had about how it was even physically possible. And yes, it was an uncomfortable conversation that I never expected to have with my mother,

but here we are. This Our Lords, 2024! Thank you guys so much for sending in your shoutouts. And again, you can send in your own shoutouts to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. Ooh, I hope you guys are having a beautiful week, and I can't wait to be back next week. Love you guys.

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