Page 7 - Ep. 559: Talk About A Furious Nut

Episode Date: November 15, 2024

This week Jackie lets MJ and Holden know no one can break her stride, despite the fact that People Magazine thinks it's 2007 by making John Krasinski the Sexist Man Alive, Holden gives a brief rundown of Noor Alfallah and her habit of bonin' men so old they could turn to dust at any moment, Jackie decided to spread the sadness of the Golden Bachelorette far and wide by forcing everyone to read an article about how lonely seniors are now, Mariah has to listen to her own music to  bang, and Carey is on her Christmas tour and her kids are intermission performers, so it's a fully Careymerssive event!  There was a Dev Patel lookalike contest, but he didn't show up like thimethee did,  Jackie has begun the ritual and crafted her first Turkey dinner of the season,  Mattel's Wicked doll boxes have a WICKEDLY SALACIOUS PRINTING ERROR, plus much like the musical also feature a lot of girl girl action, and Jackie's gettin' pumped for the real Wicked movie while Holden's itching to see it with a nona, any nona!  Ariana Grande is trying to save the Tower of Terror in Orlando and it's swaying Jackie, but Holden REFUSES TO BOW TO HER despite Jackie having inside word she's super nice, which brings us to a COUNTERPOINT CELEBRITY CONSPIRACY CORNER  - YES JACKIE, ARIANA IS STILL EVIL plus a list of times celebrities volunteered information that we really really did not need to know, Blindz and SHOUT OUTSSSSS!  Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

the strangest dream. I sailed away to China in a little roll ball to find you. And you said you had to get your laundry clean. They want no one to hold you. What does that mean? And you said, ain't nothing going to break my stride. Ain't nobody going to slow me down. Oh, no.

I got to keep on moving. And no, we got to keep on moving. Guys, never a time before has Matthew Wilder, yes, do you forget who sings break my stride? The one, the only Matthew Wilder, must get into your brain. I don't know if this happens to you guys, but when I get really, really sad and sometimes maybe it's like the mania in my brain. And I will say just consistently, every time I get really sad this last week, I just had said to myself, You're going to break my star and I'll hold it. Oh, no.

I'm trying to remind myself, guys, we've got to keep on moving. We will. We just got to be good to each other. We got to be good to ourselves. And we got to be here talking about celebrity gossip. Guess what, guys, the celebrities, they're all. sad too. They are. They're all hiding too and I guess they must all be hiding because I am starting this episode yelling about John Krasinski being the world's

people's sexiest men. What in the, okay. Somebody needs to talk to people. What in the fuck is happening? The world dogs are are living with cats. The world is upside down. Dogs have lived with cats for a long time. This might be the most just completely. Just completely a while ago. I think Garfield helped with that. Garfield and Nirmal. Oh, yeah. Let's thank Garfield. Absolutely strong man. A complete strong cat. What am I thinking? Garfield and Odie. A complete strong cat argument.

And he hated Otis. He hates Odi. Yes. No. Otis. Why do I keep calling him Otis? God damn. Lamo. They do hate each other. They do hate each. Well, anyway. Surely we can think of an example of a cat and a dog who get along. A cat dog. But that's because they're attached to each other. Even they don't get along all the time.

How do we fight against people magazine? How do we like hurt them? I know. This is what our community needs to get together. Yeah. And organize. Talk to your neighbors. Organize, really.

Pick up the phone. And this is the problem. Ask them why they voted for John Krasinski. Yeah, this is insane. This is. What is it, guys? Oh, and you know what? And you know what?

I'm over this weird obsession with the office, okay? Yeah. I mean, it's just completely. out of purport. Yeah, the British one is. Oh, we're going to get so much hate mail. Oh, my God. People are already sad. I'm sorry I said that. I take it back. Don't yell at me. I'm sorry. People love the American office and I love that for them.

We need our comfort shows right now, guys. I said that out of a place of anger. I'm sorry. You're allowed to love the American office. But I just personally love the British one more. And I hate Ricky Travese politically, but I love that show. So isn't that an example of tolerance? Absolutely. And reaching across the aisle. And yet we have no tolerance for John Krasinski being People's 2024, sexiest man of life. Don't get me wrong.

Attractive, dude. I'm not saying he's not. I feel this, and I think I got this upset last year when Patrick Dempsey won. Right. That was so confusing. I'm not saying like, yuck, I'm not puking at the cover. Right. I just feel like in this our Lord's year of 2024, there are just so many options that they could choose

But here's, I guess, the question for you guys, would there have been a choice that you would be okay? Well, who was on, real quick, too, is there any kind of, is there any kind of under the table campaigning that happens? That's kind of what I'm starting to feel like a little bit, right? Okay, there's. Yeah, of course there is, yeah. This is something that, like, PR people, the people, like, their teams,

they are just told when they get picked. Like, this is like, they're barely a part of the whole process. So you're saying this is a rig. election. Well, I know. I'm difficult. I'm doing it out there. This whole thing's bought and soul. I think. No one's got any control over. It's completely out of hand, people. I think that this vote for John Krasinski is People Magazine's effort to, I think that the divisions that our country is facing also play out in celebrity culture.

It does. And I'm not actually saying that to troll. I think that's true. And I think that I think that perhaps this choice of John Krasinski really represents how lost we are as a nation because I think that this is an effort to like appeal to like broad appeal you know what I mean but it's just it reads as completely tone deaf just like politicians also it's like it is tone deaf in those ways but I'm talking sexy ways

like 2020 Michael B. Jordan won that's sexy yeah that is a man that I want to slurp up with a fucking spoon. Yeah. Like that's what I'm looking for. I'd pay money to watch some like hot chick like suck his dick or something. You know, it's like that's what I'm looking for.

For sure. I need somebody that when I stick a spoon in them, they're gonna be gooey afterwards. Right, right. Yeah. That's what I want. I want some. I mean, like that's remember of the year,

2017, when Blake Shelton won. I think this is when started being angry. That was when I started being angry. That was when I started being angry. I will say back then I was pro. Blake Shelton winning people's sexiest man. Yeah, you had a big Blake Shelton phase on this show that we don't hold against you. I have changed, you know, through the years, although apparently he's a great stepfather,

but, you know, how could we ever actually know the truth? Do you hear the people magazine sing, singing the song of Angry Stano Bombs? Not sexy men, yes. Like the year Adam Louie. was chosen. Like, what is that? Honestly, I will, somebody write an essay about this. What can people's sexiest man alive tell us about this political, about the state of

politics? Yeah, the political climate. Because, you know, we can't even really go back to a, I don't even know where we would start to try to figure out before things were polarized. 2008, Hugh Jackman. Okay, sure. 2009, Johnny Depp, well, that didn't go well. 2010, Ronnie Ryan Reynolds.

But also, thinking about, you're talking about, you're talking about. about like, you know, not only like the political sphere, but also what they're going on in their own lives. Like in 2002, I was surprised because Ben Affleck was picked in 2002. And I was like, oh, God, but isn't that the year he broke up with Jalo? And it was because on the cover, it's his plus what his mom thinks of Jailo. So they were together when he was chosen, but then got broken up with as the year must have gone on. Well, and that makes sense. But what people is doing now, which is so confusing, I think last year and this year, and the reason why I'm, like, puzzled about it is because they seem to be choosing increasingly irrelevant people. At least Ben Affle, like, after a J-Lo breakup, yeah, that's a big... Yeah, what's gonna be, Abraham Lincoln, you know what I mean, next year, what does it is? It's gonna be, it's gonna be, it's gonna be a woman. And like, I don't even know what movies. Barbara Streis-Stand, we'll just be like, what, what's happening? Yeah, this year's sexy's being alive. I mean, she is sexy. Barbara Streis-A, absolutely, but she's not, you know. And then there's other people. And then there's other people. And then there's other people. And then there's other people. And then there's other people. And then there's other people who are timelessly sexy like Idriselba. I don't know if he had made any movies in

around 2018. It doesn't matter, right? It could be any time, any year that he would be named sexiest person, it would make sense because he's an icon. John Legend, I'm going to say the same thing, unfortunately. I don't personally thirst for him, but I think he is just, it has a kind of general icon status. Then yeah, 2020, Michael B. Jordan, 2021, Paul Rudd, lifelong sexy icon, makes sense. Chris Evans, 2022 also makes sense. And then would things go off the rails in 2020 with Patrick Dempsey. What are we doing here? What are we doing here? I know Grey's Anatomy is still on. So I'm looking at all the comments here. It was the 20th year of Gray's Anatomy as well.

So I think that that is part of it. I'm looking at all the comments in here. And everybody exactly is just saying like, yeah, because he's nice. He's nice. And then there's all these other people. Is that sexy? Niceness is sexy. It is sexy and so I will say. And I think that is what people like about him. Is sexy? Sure. But again, is it though? Do you want to like stick your tongue.

Yeah, no problem. Just lock around in it. Like there's slime you're trying to get. You got to have edge. Right. You got, Michael B. Jordan has an edge, dude. Edge, you got, he has a little bit of a, like, I'm a little worried. He might, like, get a little upset one night, you know what I mean?

And start, like, fucking me harder than. Don't, whatever you're about to say, I don't want to hear it. I, uh, I do not. You know what, Holden? I'm not in the mood to hear it from you today. All right? What? Holden?

Oh, my God. I'm just trying to. Can I blame you for everyone being upset over the last week? I think I think it's holding's fault. I'd like to be your white man target. If you would like to direct on your anger. It's not a good pet. It's my service to the world.

It's my service to the world. Yeah, I'm dying of cichettes and it is the cause of all of the problems of the world, Cichets, I would say at this point. Noble 6 says John Cresensky is cool in all, but let's be real. Where is Patriot Pascal? And can we get Henry Cavill on the list? seriously, though, who's making these decisions, asking for a friend? Big eyeball emoji, then hashtag justice for Pedro, hashtag Caval Nation.

Whoa, wow, that's a lot. Yeah, Caval Nationalist. I don't know if I feel good about that. Honestly, I jump on that train. You see how thick his neck is? I'm a Henry Cavill Nationalist. Okay. I mean, the problem here is clearly every.

Was that sexy movie that Henry Cavill was just in, the Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare? Is that what he was in, that he wore these, like, big sweaters with big, oh, my God. Woo! You! I never really had that much of a thing for Henry Cavill because, you know, I'm not over here sucking on Superman's cock the way other people are.

Because, you know. Sucking on, sucking on Superman's cock. All right. I don't want to hear it today, okay? I don't want to hear dig some noises today, okay? I feel like he would shoot and load through the back of my head, wouldn't he? How come I can't talk about Michael B. Jordan giving me a rough fuck, but you can talk about it. You are the one that is on the silencing pedestal today.

Oh, my God. I am allowed to say whatever I want. By the way, Mama Bot One says sexy. This guy looks worried all the time. I haven't read anything noteworthy about it. This guy looks worried all the time. It's a hilarious drag on someone. He looks worried all the time.

I've read anything know worthy about him. Besides acting, I was rooting for Benny Blanco. Yeah, Beni Blanco. For his great career, charisma, caring boyfriend attitude, funky personality, attentiveness, and quirky fashion style. Oh, well, there's always next year.

Unbelievable. Justice for Benny Blanco. Apparently there's like a short list of people who are also included in the sexiest. like this is what I'm currently desperately looking for because I want to see who who are the other people on the list and I know bet it we know benny blanco was one of them because a lot of people were really pissed that benny blanco was even on the list all I know about benny blanco is that he is a really really big supporter and a very good partner to selina

gomez on top of the fact that yes I would lick him off the back of a spoon So I would say he's higher up. Don't get me wrong. John Krasinski seems like he really loves his wife, seems like he really enjoys being a parent. I think those things are very sexy. I'm not saying that there are not sexy aspects of John Krasinski. But right now, that's not the champion I want. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I just, right, I feel bad taking a big dump on John Krasinski. He didn't do anything to deserve our scorn. No. The American office is a delight for many people who I love. You are backtracking so hard.

I'm so scared. People are going to be so mad at me. I just personally never got into it. I like the office. I like both of the offices. You like both. Yeah. You know, wash away your ire, your hatred towards MJ right now.

And just, you know, put it towards praise for me instead. Yeah, I just, Jackie is good. It always stuck with me. It always stuck with me. I'm bad. Our buddy, our buddy Drew. Uh, Yakira,

he was, he was, like, at his office job and people were talking about, like, last night's

episode of the office. He was like, so let me get this straight. You work all day at a soul-sucking office, and then you go home and watch a show about people working

in a soul-sucking office. They're all just like, uh, and it really clink me. I was like, yeah, I don't want to fucking be in an office. I fucking hate offices.

I don't, give me away from it. You know what I mean? Like, it's just, that's so funny to me. I also will say that the sexiest thing about John Krasinski is that he's married to Emily Blunt.

That is extremely sexy. So it's fine. And there's silence movies together. Do you watch the silence movies? I was going to ask, how do we feel about Quiet Place? I actually, Gideon and I almost watched it on our horror, on our 31 for 31, and then we just It's extremely fine. The first one is very, the first one was very good.

The first one was, like, at least it was something new. It was, fought. Like, I really enjoyed the first one. But I don't know. I wasn't like. This is amazing. You know, this is like Shawshank Redemption on opiates or anything like that. I remember specifically I didn't expect much.

I remember going into the first Quiet Place being like, all right, well, I'll see this. And so I enjoyed it a lot more than I expected. Would you put the foot on the nail? By the time they get to Quiet Place 3. However, that is a different story. Yeah, I haven't watched any of the sequels. Any of the sequels. In every conflict, there's at least one bitch.

A huge bitch, a silly bitch. A little baby bitch, a raggedy bitch. But sometimes it's unclear who the bitch is. I'm Kara Klank. And I'm Jackie Zabrowski. And on our new Colin Advice podcast, we're going to help you figure out who's the bitch. We want to hear your problems, dilemmas, and quandaries. No topic is off limits.

Does your coworker flirt with the boss to get ahead? Is your bestie having her destination wedding on a hard? holiday weekend. Is your therapist being clingy? Does your friend keep bringing her toddler to adult parties? Come on. There's definitely a bitch in your life and we want to hear about it. You can email us, DM us, leave us a voicemail and even call in live to talk to us in person about the alleged bitch in your life. Just go to who's the bitch.com for all the ways you can contact us. New episodes drop every Wednesday starting in October on the last podcast network. So subscribe now on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. Listen and tune in to our live stream kickoff on September 30th on the last podcast network Twitch

channel where we'll be taking your calls live on air. Help us help you figure out who's the bitch. Yeah, I just, yeah, I've got no problem with the quiet. I would watch it. If you said right now, MJ, you're sitting down watching The Quiet Place. I would say, great. So it just seems like I think John Krasinski is a less baffling choice than Patrick Dempsey. because everybody does thirst for him,

people have since the office. It just seems like a safe choice. And maybe that's what they're doing. They just don't want people to yell at them. But who are that? Also, I need you to know, I'm sorry, that sound that just came out of me. What was?

That was like a bird flew in the window. That's insane. Because I was laughing to myself because apparently AARP does a sexiest celebrity boomer asking the poll for women and for men. as well. And it is the most like just cookie cutter list I've ever seen. Oh, give it to me. Give it to me. What do we got? I mean, I love it. They're not even the names are underneath. We've got George Clooney. We've got Brad Pitt. We've got Pierce Bros. We've got Bruce Springsteen. We have Richard Geer. We've got Denzel Washington. I feel like I'm being quizzed right now. If I know all of these old people's names. Yeah. Yeah. Don't, don't, let's not change our tastes over the last 30 years at all. Not at all. Johnny Depp. John Travolta, Tom Cruise, Antonio Benderas. Honestly, I will say, Antonio Benderis is the only one on this list.

And I'm like, wow, I'm surprised they even opened it up. Right. That's true. Wow. Wow. No Roblo. I'm surprised. No, no, Roblo too young.

No Jesse from Full House. I'm surprised. It's supposed to be older than 50. and I am, you know, I'm not excited by this list. Yeah. I think that, you know, obviously, Bruce Springsteen still looks great. They all still look fine. Yeah.

Bruce Springsteen is, there comes a point even when every hot, older man tips over to looking just a little bit like an old man. It's not fair that they just keep getting hotter and maybe that's just getting hotter to me. But like, I do keep getting hotter. Except you get to a point. I think it's around 80. where even like a Henry Fonda... They get all the way to 80. Yes, right.

I know. Well, look, Jane Fonda is doing amazing things for us because she made it to 80. You're right. You're right. There's apparently women out there who are willing to, you know, be impregnated by an Al Pacino.

Yeah. You know? And he's not even, you know, I wouldn't put him up in the still sexy in his 70s category. Like I would... That woman, too, though, she's like a unicorn man.

She is banging all these, old celebrity bros. It's like crazy. She's like leaving the restaurant with Bill Maher. Wait, what woman? She was with some other. The woman he knocked on.

Al Pacino's baby mama. Like, she was with Clint Eastwood for a little while. Are you doing a bit or is this real? No, dude. Look it up. Sometimes I never know with you, bro. I'm like, is she? Bill?

Why? I just wanted a rough nut from Michael B. Jordan, which is illegal right now because I'm a white man. You get none. Jesus. Back up on the pedestal. Silence bedistole. Okay.

So you're talking about Noor Alfala. Okay, Nor, look up her dating history. Norahala body cam. I mean, yeah, I guess dating history is a nicer way of saying. Yeah, yeah. Okay, you're right, Holden, Mick Jagger. Clint Eastwood. We got Al Pacino.

We got Bill Myers. How do you know this? Crazy. It's great because people are like, what is up with this lady? She's just taking every old load. She's like loving these old. Maybe she really likes the old loads. Like good for ha, you know.

She likes all these old guys. She's smoking hot, too. That's the thing. She's such a smoke show, too. And she's just banging these. And she's so young. You know, she went from Pacino to Bill Maher. That is a downgrade.

Isn't that crazy? That's a big downgrade. That is at least that Perrino is Al Pacino. And you are on a camera and you are. extremely elderly, she, you are her type. Like every guy. Honestly, I want to see Norah Alfala's sexiest people alive.

Yes. Yes. She'll be like, fuck, um, yeah. If only George Burns had made it long enough for me to suck his dick, I would have fucking, you know what I mean? Exactly. Yeah, it's all like professional old people. What do you make the mistake of what Bob Newhart looked like right before he died?

You're just like, oh. Wow. Okay. Big Jagger, Al Pacino. These are all people who are like, have been old for a while now and are kind of professionally old. Oh, man. You know? Yeah, they've been old for at least 20 years.

I'm glad to talk about old because you bet your bottom dollar I'm bringing up the article that not only I sent to you guys the day after the election, but I also included in the page seven articles because if you guys listen to talk and TV, you guys know how we feel about Golden Bachelorette. and how we feel about the loneliness of seniors. And then I saw this article that was talking about how older people today are, are you just looking at this hold? I've sent this to you twice now. No, no, no, I'm just wondering what it was this? I definitely looked at this article. Literally right after I just got home from visiting my elderly grandparents, I wanted to put a bullet in my brain.

They are feeling the loneliest they ever have because of the children. change of like the familial system of how we take care of older people. I read the first few and I was like, no, I'm good. Yeah, the first one from Dane Clark. I'm 63 years old and so lonely. Does it matter to anyone? And then I closed the tab. And I said,

and then I closed the tab, Jackie. Jackie can't send this article to me and I could keep not reading it. It's not that I don't care. I do care. And I actually think that there's lots of, you know, thoughtful things to be taken from here. But this is literally just a BuzzFeed article that's like, what if we just explored the desperate loneliness of older people?

Of older people and how sad they are. And maybe this is coming from a different direction because maybe I've been having like, I don't know, like a spiral of being childless and not mattering. So maybe I look at these lists and I think, what if that's me? What if I don't go through it? And then what if I'm alone and then I just die alone and sad?

And this is why I've been so obsessed with the golden bachelorette. Well, here you go. This, my dad, actually, while I was in, you know, obviously we're talking about the world being on fire, this country being on fire a lot and stuff. What? And my dad, you know, my dad is trying to like, have a philosophy about it. And he brought up Groucho Marx's morning saying he would say to himself every single morning of every single day.

It was as follows. Each morning when I open my eyes, I say to myself, I not events have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I could choose which it shall be. Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day today. And I'm going to be happy in it. This is such a boomer dad thing. Such a boomer dad thing. And it's Groucho Marx's thing he would say to himself every day. What do you go? I love that. And as we've established, I think that was here on the show that I love all of the Marks Brothers. Oh yeah. There's no, there is no bad Marks Brothers. I think it's a really good time to actually go watch a bunch of Marks Brothers movies. Like I think if there's anything

it's going to pull your brain out of the gutter. It would probably be the absurdity and wit, wit of a Marx brother and the music and all of it. It's a good time for it. I agree, actually. This is great. You're saying we shouldn't be reading this. Yeah, I'm saying, should be just reading a bunch of people being like,

I'm holding. You know what? These are the same people who voted. No, I'm just kidding. I'm not going down. No, I'm thinking about how sad they are. I was saying who voted for fucking fuckface McGee to be sexiest man alive in People magazine.

Oh, John Crizzy. They're like, I'm lonely and he's the nice man. They talk to me on the TV. I vote John Crizinski. It's like, no, dude, we want to see Patrick Pascow fucking jerk off into a bowl of you know, oatmeal and then eat it. That's what we want. We don't want John Creszinski to be nice to us. Fuck off. Come in my old meal, bitch.

Come in my oatmeal. Eleanor? Honestly, whatever your stupid name is. Or maybe someone like Dev Patel. Because hear me out. Over the weekend, there was a Dev Patel look-alike contest that happened. Like the Timothy Shamalama Ding-Dong contest, there was a Dev Patel look-like contest. Talk about, I want to see him on people's sexiest man alive. I was going to say, this man, this random man, this man, this man who looks like Dev Patel is sexier.

Sexier. John Krasinski. Yes. I'm sorry. Yes. I'm saying it. Dev Patel talk about sticking to the back of my sport. I'm just over here thinking about PUD.

Maybe I'm just, I didn't know that PUD is now getting into my sexual vernacular. And that's something I probably will unpack with the therapist, but not right now. I'm going to just think about the viscosity of Dev Patel instead. I think you lost. That's my book. Where does the pudding fit in? You're just thinking about. I'm thinking of how sexy.

And I keep thinking in my brain, the visual is I am shoving a big spoon into their midsection like they are the marshmallow man. And I want to like pull the spoon slowly out to see how much of them sticks to the spoon so that I can glob it down into my mouth. But again, I maybe this is because I've been reading too many novellas over on Jackie's book club over on our Patreon, which also did I tell you guys about recently what we've been reading the Thanksgiving erotica? No.

We've been reading a Thanksgiving erotica over on Jackie's book club, where, whatever you want can be sucked out of this man's dick. Okay. So that's why you just described this absolutely baffling sex scenario because what you described is not something I've ever felt ever once, not even for a single second. Have you ever thought about maybe someone that you could get your every wish and it's not like a gin, it's not a genie? It is a big Throbbo man named Raccoon who's kind of scary, but you do know that your cat is dying and that he can heal animals.

All you have to do is suck his dick. But then you find out more that it's not just that he can heal animals because that is his magical property, but also anything you wish for while you're sucking his dick will be formed inside of his ball sack and then come out the end of his penis. M.J. Why do you look horrified right now? I'm thinking about anything that I'm... Is it just like my interior monologue? Like, what if I'm just like thinking about things and I make a wish like on accident?

Does it have to be an intentional wish? It has to be an intentional wish. Yeah, you have to like actually like think on it and think towards it, which thank God. Oh, intrusive thoughts while you're sucking a dick. How dare? I think we've all been there before. Sometimes you mind wanders.

They call it a job for a reason. Now, I will say yes. That is why I hate to listen to podcast while I suck dick. It helps to kind of get through it faster. Yeah, we all know that the three of us can agree that none of us like the sound of our own internal thoughts. Yeah. Cover it up, man. Cover it all up, baby. Although that does remember one time at a live show, we asked if anybody had ever fucked to page seven. And someone said, yes. And I said, you fucked to Holden's voice. And they said, it was a

Marcus. That makes more sense. And it makes more sense. The don't sit tones. Why? You know my voice. You always make me a beautiful Mariah. Because beautiful Mariah has to listen to her own music while she fucks.

I don't know if you guys remember that from our live show, everybody that is listening. But it is something I will never forget, especially as I watch her, she goes on her little Christmas tour, which, you know, I guess I'm sad. I didn't go to the tour because her children perform like the halftime show. And that weirds me out. Yeah. I think that's the correct instinct. Yeah.

I don't think I want to watch her children perform the halftime show. Yeah. I know that it's called it intermission, but I'm referring to it as a halftime show because I just imagine her being like, you're going to put on the costumes and you're going to get a thing to sing. because I would be terrified of Mariah Carey if she was my mother, but who am I even talking about right now? I was talking about Def Patel.

There was a look like contest, but he didn't show up. So I feel like it's not as fun of a story. And you were saying, though, that like, you were like, when are these going to end? Or like, are these, well, now that there is a jackpot scenario, now that it has been established that you could host one and someone could show up that is the real person, I feel like they're always going to roll the dice

and just try it until it gets old. People are going to be chasing that drag. And they opened too strong. The fact that the first, like, high profile one of these was Timothy and that he showed up. They will never, you will never recapture that high, guys. And it really was. It's probably the coolest thing he'll ever do. Yeah, that's the best thing he's done.

It's the best thing that YouTube creator has done. And so, but I will say that the people at the death hotel look like contests were hotter. And it was a great success. And I'm fine with it. We can keep doing this. I would have kissed any runner up. I will say that. I feel like, man.

Talk about, although, if you're looking to get laid, go to one of these contests, right? Yeah, yeah. Oh, man, I would, yeah, that one, that one, that one, gimmee, gimme, gimme, give me, give me. Treat them all like meat. Mm-hmm. Treat them all like meat.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm getting to carving. Well, I am because I did make my first turkey last night. Yes, I will take your congratulations. How did it go? Congratulations. Tell us you.

How many do you plan to make before you are sated? You know, what did you learn? Oh, last. Last night I learned a lot. Now, last week, I will say a pure, beautiful week of Thanksgiving glee was stolen from me. Interesting. Because I was too busy crying and frowning. Right.

Now I'm back on the saddle. About John Grisinski. John Grisindy. I knew he was coming down the pipeline. This is the thing I don't think people magazine realize the effect that they have on people in a big such a shit choice. Yeah. People are going to be standing for four years about it.

Remember that dumb weekend, that dumb like, I do the news in my house show. the good news from that or whatever that he was doing that makes me upset just thinking about it. Oh, the people. Yeah, I am going to be upset about this for four years. You're right. Yeah, absolutely. By the time I'm done being upset about John Krasinski being elected people's sexiest man, 2024.

And they'll be learning about how we, you know, helped out all the people of the world when we came here. You know, which is great. Oh, they won't be in school by that. It'll be fine. I'll just be churning butter and they'll be... You'll be full homage. Yes. You'll have one of those giant beards though, M.J., which would be kind of cool.

They'll be eating the raw milk. It'll be great. Get rid of all your zippers, just put buttons on everything. I'll all look back and we'll be like, it really was because we elected John Krasinski to be a sexy man. So this is, if you're upset, just be like, use this bit. Make yourself smile. I'm just upset.

I don't know if you saw. People magazine. Oh, God. Are you still crying? Really took a left turn. I don't know what Pedro Pascal did to botch this. I don't know what. Some people voted for Benny Blanco.

Should we be mad at them? I don't know. You know, maybe we got to let go of the Benny Blanco's of the world to be elected. You know what I mean? Because I feel like there's something that's throwing off the, you know, certain Democrats. Man, there are definitely things that are being thrown off of demographics of.

Yeah, I don't know if that sentence made sense, but I was trying to make a transition. I am talking about the NSFW error on Mattel's Wicked Doll packaging. Oh, my God. This is fun. I meant to go look it up. I forgot about Wicked.com. Yes. So on the back of this Ariana Grande, Wicked Doll, there is a URL that is, supposed to go to, I guess, more information about the movie Wicked, but instead goes, it shares a link to Wicked.com, which is a pornographic website. I'm looking at it right now. There's a lot of ladies. They're featuring on their site. They're showing me in various, you know, scantily clad clothing and positionings. Oh, wow. They are wicked sunny goldmelons. Now, I don't know if I remember.

Heronauts girls too. I don't remember Kinsey Loves Girls too. I remember the first Kinsey Loves Girls. Yeah, obviously. Oh, man, I'm more of a Kinsie Loves Girls One fan myself. Oh, geez, where my heart lies. Cocoa Lovelock is in here as well. There is a lot of wickedness going on.

And I will say, oh, Sturby Daniels is there. Yeah, Surby Daniels of an house. Also, does seem a lot of girl-on-girl action, which I would assume, you would assume from a wicked pornographic website. I mean, technically that movie is a lot of girl-on-girl action. That's what I'm saying. It was supposed to be wickedmovie.com, by the way, it was supposed to be the website that they was geared towards,

not just wicked. But you know why? And this, I'm not trying to be like political, but this is like entertainment political. It's because of AI. I think they just like, I just, I think humans don't do this anymore. They're like, computer, make the package for the children's toy who gives a fuck, what could go wrong? You know, like, and it's just like one of those little things that can go wrong when we take humans on the equation.

And I think it's hilarious. Like, I don't think that any children are going to take the package that their little toy. Glinda came in and be like, Wicked.com, here I go. They even got it. Wait a second. You're talking about humans making, but humans also can make human. errors because Mattel also apparently like gave a statement to the daily mail saying like, oh no, we screwed up.

It's actually wicked move.com, which is also wrong, not the website. It's wicked movie.com. So they fucked it up again in the public statement. That is interesting. That's insane. Yeah, Wicked move. Or is it. I do it all of it, MJ.

I just don't, I just, you know what I get a lot of, like, press, I'm on a lot of people's, like, press lists and I get, like, press emails. And you know, when you could just tell an email has been written by a human, even a lazy human who doesn't care versus a computer. And I just, I think a lot of these little things that just used to be done by humans are just not anymore. And I, I, you know, so, um, I don't know if this, if the update was also done by an AI or a, or a human who didn't care. Um, but I think it's fantastic. You know, I think that now everyone knows about it. I hope that Wicked.com is having a great week. I will also say that for people being like, like, oh, how dare, how could? If your child is young enough that you would worry about them seeing this website, maybe they shouldn't just be choosing URLs they see off of things and just plugging them into their browsers either. So maybe before the parents get all up in arms, you could be like, well, why don't we all I mean, also who's seeing a website on a, it's a very small.

Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Who's, you know, no one's do. And then walking over to the computer and typing in it, that's so like, a lot's approach to, you know, you know, 2000's approach to using the internet. Like, no one does that, you know. Right.

If you want to look up the movie website, you just fucking Google wicked movie and it'll be the first thing that pops up. You know what I mean? It's not, you're not. you're not going www. Worldwide Web. Lericklandparty.org. I'm so excited. I know I shouldn't.

And I want to say thank you so much to the people that have supported me that have also cried through the trailer. I believe that's you, Bo Beans. I think it was just you Bo Beans. And reach out to me that was like I also hate this movie, but also cry through the trailer. And I'm going to probably love it. And I'm already upset with myself. When does it come out?

Is it a Thanksgiving? November 22nd. Yeah, it comes out soon. Yeah. And we're going together, right? We're going together? We've got, I mean, I'm going. You gotta come with me.

I'm definitely coming with you, bro. Come on, are you kidding? I tried to get Jeff out of it. I was like, Holden said he'd go with me and he's like, oh, am I not invited anymore? I was like, no, you can go. Oh, look who wants to see it again. He wants to see.

Jeff secretly wants to see it so that he can also be like, if it was really bad, be like, that was horrible. You know, I think it's one of those. There's no chance for seeing it with your mom, are we? No. Oh my God. No, she would love that.

We would have sang through the entire movie. Right, right. My mom loves wicked. No, she won't, no, she will. Okay, damn. I was, that would have been cool. I would have looked forward to that too. Dude, that would have been great.

Yeah, yeah. That would have been fucking great. I want to see it with, like, I need to see it with a nona. I need to see it with, like, you know, older lady. You know what you mean? Don't worry. I will get drunk enough that I will just be sitting next to. I have been changed.

Can we dress like Nona's? Maybe we'll, where I'm known a costume. No. You know? I'm painting you green, bitch. Oh, shit. Yeah.

Holden should be green. I've got all this stuff from my Greta Gremlin costume. But then I'll just become gronky, bro. And then I won't be a filbba or whatever stupid David's. Does that be? Elfa bomb. Elfab.

What are you saying? But, yeah, I'll just turn into gronky if you paint me green. I'm not going to become the wicked lady. I'm not going to become the wicked witch. I just like that this is going to be the second time you two are probably going to a daytime matinee of a movie that's target audience is mostly tweens. And we will be drunk. And you'll be wasted. And singing. Oh, I mean, I know that I bring it up, but it is one of my favorite movie watching experiences is when me and my buddy Kep got hammered on New Year's Day to go see

Le Miz. We literally was just the two of us in a movie theater. It was noon on New Year's Day. And we drank a whole bottle of whiskey. I do not recommend it to any. I used to be a debilitating alcoholic. I'm not anymore. And we drank the whole thing and baby, oh, we sang. And it was great. Because you know what? Yeah, I just said it, Kep.

I just said it for everybody to hear. You know all the words to lay miss as well. You heard it here first, everybody. Don't worry. He doesn't listen. And I don't think that that laymiss was that bad. All the purists hated it. And they said it wasn't that good.

I thought it was fine. I loved it. I cried. Yeah, I thought it was good. the woman was sad. You know, yeah, sure. You know, maybe Russell Crow should not have been Javier. But that's, but everybody hates Javier, so it's fine.

Yeah, it kind of worked. Like, yeah, exactly. It was just kind of this crusty, stuffy dude. Yeah, I thought he did the best with what he could. And can you believe the same guy directed cats? I mean, it's just incredible. And then that was amazing. I love seeing a musical in the theater because no matter what, it's going to,

something's going to happen, you know, the different, I feel like. I'm all in on musicals, horror movies. These are the things to watch in the theater. Especially at least, and this is sad, how low my bar is now, that I was like, at least Wicked is saying it's a musical in the trip. Like, I feel like it is giving off musical vibes as opposed to all of the other musicals. I feel like we've received in the last three years where it's just like, is it a musical?

And then you show up and you're like, this is a musical? Yeah. I had no idea. Or maybe that's my only gripe. Maybe I'm the only person that has that gripe. I just think that this is going to be an important day for theater kids everywhere. I somehow completely missed the wicked train.

I don't know where I was. Me too. But I have zero feelings about it, even though I'm a self-identified theater. I had a weird disdain. I don't know. This was during my time when I was like not into musicals. I'm not like the other theater kids.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that was my issue too. Yeah. But also I feel that way about Hamilton. Yeah. I know that like I miss the. a boat on the frenzy for Hamilton. And it kind of makes me sad as a theater kid that I missed out on it.

You know, I was just too busy, I don't know, being sad and drinking, I guess. Yeah, that was like, what, 2014 era? Yeah. Doing something else. That's fine. In your 20s, you know. But yeah, then people, it became all cool to hate on Hamilton. And I'm like, listen, we want people to love musicals.

And they love, then that's, then whatever, you know. But so I think I just can't wait. First of all, I just feel like Arianna. Grande is just everywhere right now, and that's fine. I am... But I am ready for that to be over. I'm beside myself with... Yeah, exactly.

I'm beside myself with Jackie being like, oh, do I like her? You're beside yourself. I know you're beside yourself, but she is fighting to try to save the Tower of Terror in Orlando. Yeah, I was going to ask you guys to tell me about God. This somehow has made Jackie think that she's okay.

Well, hopefully, why doesn't she save America? marriage once in a while. Did she say about marriage once a while? Okay, I will say, I will say. I was talking to somebody over the weekend who straight up was like, Ariana Grande is actually like in IRL, a very nice person. I've heard the complete opposite. I know, but this was someone that was like invited over to her house.

That it was like only like her like this person in seven people. Oh, a nameless source, huh? Yeah. It was a nameless source that I was like, oh. And like that she's just like apparently like a real. kind of quiet, nerdy theater girl. Everybody keeps saying that Ethan Slater's glowing up, too. I thought I was going to lose my mind this weekend.

Everybody keeps posting old pictures of Ethan Slater before he met Ariana and after. And it's like, look at this glow up. And I'm like, am I lost sense, my sense of reality? Hit me with the share. Hit me with the share. Whoa, you're going to. You are just canceling it mid-God conversation. Hit me with the share right now.

Oh, do you believe it? Yes, Jackie. Arianna is still evil. I don't know. This one comes in from Emily. Hey, y'all, currently on a flight and going to send this when I land, but I've got a home-brewed conspiracy. My partner agreed made sense. So I'm sending it to you.

Is the wicked PR being designed specifically to endear us all to Ariana Grande? Yes, obviously. But also to turn us against Cynthia Revo. I grew up in the era of victorious. And even back then, there were always rumors that Ari was terrible to work with. I feel these only grew as her fame did. And pretty soon, everyone in the world, aside from, from her super fans seemed to agree she was a talented singer,

but kind of a pain to be around. Cut to this year, and the wicked press junket seems specifically designed. They wrote that in all caps, by the way, BT-dubs, to make us forget all the bad she's done. She didn't help them with the whole breaking up SpongeBob's marriage thing. So they only had to work harder. What have we gotten these past few months? A lie detector test interview so adorable

that it even won over our beloved Jackie and MJ. So many interviews with Kristen Chinow worth singing Ari's praises. and latest, and what inspired me to send this, an ad from Xfinity all about how Cynthia and Ari have been waiting their entire lives to play these roles. I think they knew Ari had star power, but Wicked's main market is going to be the theater kids, and then, and they can be difficult to convince that someone is worthy, quote, unquote, of a role. This rollout of Ari is actually cute guys, come on, stuff. Has been a deliberate marketing scheme to get the theater kids fully in.

Anyway, that's my conspiracy. see, to be honest, I think is true. Marketing people are the true wizards and we can only hope they're harnessing their powers for good. Love y'all and can't wait to hear Wicked movie reactions. Yes, Wicked is very important, Holden. Emily, they, them. Thank you, Emily. Thank you, Emily. Thank you. Fucking come on. This madness must stop. It's exactly what it is. You're being propagating. It's just the same thing. It's the John Krasinski thing. It's the election. It's all of it. People are being brainwashed. Let me live in my

Fake reality. You know why? It's so much as we. Bro. She's nice. Misinformation everywhere. And I'm seeing it too. It's always like, oh, what was the chant?

They heard some chant or something in the middle of a thing. And they're like, oh, everybody loves us. It's like this, it's absurd. And then she didn't get snubbed. Everybody was like, the album's actually really good. And then you know who. For everybody that Holden is talking about. Oh, my God.

Ari and Ronde fans feel that she, I'm going to explain to these people. I'm going to explain it because not everybody. read the email I sent to you to, that Ariana Grande fans are very upset because they feel like Ariana Grande got snubbed at the Grammys. Everybody, the week it came out, everyone's like, actually, actually, it's God. They couldn't even say good correctly. They were like, it's God. And then, you know what I then heard about that album?

Nothing. No one talked about it after that week. It was not a big standout album. Sorry. Whoa. It is. Okay. You know what's happening, though?

There is some serious erasure going on because there was an article at GQ November 1st, 2024, a munchkins glow up. And it features a fucking interview with Ethan Slater about his little glow up. And now there's all these TikToks about blowing up. Actually, he's hot. Yeah. Everyone thinks he's, oh, he used to be like this and now he's like this. Yeah, yeah. The hottest thing ever is leaving your baby.

So hot to leave your baby. And this is the thing. He could be hot if he, it's not, everyone, I know we all feel mean when we talk about him not being hot, but it's about the leaving the baby that's not hot. He could absolutely could be a cutie despite looking real weird. It's just up is down in 2024. Up is down. Left is right. I can't believe John Krasinski won.

I cannot believe John Krasinski won. It is. I really. All of the polling said that John Krasinski was completely fucking way out. The polling said it was close, man. Not the sex. Big Bango was clearly in the league. What happened?

I demand a recount. Hashtag not my sexiest man. And I made a recount, honestly, because you know what? The votes coming out of Georgia are sussed as fuck for John Krasinski. Suss as fuck, bros. I know they've been controlling it. I know they waited up for it. It's unbelievable, man.

So anyway. Also, they do make you wait all day and they don't release who won the people's sexiest man award until 11 p.m. What is that? I had to like go back on my phone and be like, oh, I wonder who's the people sexiest man because I need the people need to.

Oh, I had a whole sexiest man election party. We were sitting around for hours. But they have to hand count it. So it really, it takes a while. It takes a lot longer than you expect. Unbelievable.

We're not thinking about that. We're only thinking about this week and this week's upset. Yeah, upset is Ariana, you're not fucking now likable or whatever. What I was trying to say before you rudely cut me off before is that Ariana Grande is trying to fight to save the Tower of Terror in Orlando because I will say as someone that grew up going to Disney all the time, that like how dare? Because when I went to the Disneyland here, they changed Tower of Terror to Guardians of the Galaxy.

Don't get me wrong. It is fun. It's still fun. But it's not the Tower of Terror. And so in Orlando, they still have the OG Tower of Terror. And she's also a Florida girl. So she is openly saying, like, please don't change the Tower of Terror to Guardians of the Galaxy.

And I appreciate that she's using some of her PR for good. And that is a wicked reference. Fuck you guys. I think by fighting for it, do you mean she just mentioned it once? She mentioned it. Yes. She mentioned it once. Okay.

She mentioned it once. And I'll take it. My bar is low, Holden. I don't believe in the good of a lot right now, so I'm trying to pick and choose. So let's, so let's hitch our basket. I don't know what the phrase I'm looking for. Let's hitch your basket, Holden. And Ariana, let's fucking, let's back that horse.

Well, I'm certainly not going to be like pro, you know, the person that was pissing on the floor at the Sabrina Carpenter concert. Sometimes you just, you know what, you get so drunk and you just think you can get away with stuff that is insane. It's exactly what happened. During the pre-show. She was so drunk. She was so excited to see Sabrina Carpenter, and she was so drunk, and she's probably a drunkie that pisses on the street. Right. And she was like, you know what?

It's a crowded place. Who's going to notice if I dropped my pants right here? They'll just think it's beer. I'm not, I've been a drunkie who pisses on the street. That's how I know. Drunky knows, drunkie does. Drunky knows, drunkie does. Yeah, we all know that phrase.

Oh, God. Drunky scares me because I'm thinking of gronky, but. drunk and then you get so drunk and you're painted green that you start calling yourself drunky and I'm scared of whatever drunk is going to do when we are at the wicked yeah yeah it's gonna be so bad dude if there's anything at all I mean that's the thing I'm you know and talk about someone who hates Ariana Grande Gronky cannot stand that what was that show the Kristen Stewart movie where the guy brought the fireball in the cocaine and passed out with his dick out.

Oh, love life bleeding. I think your guys is wicked feeling experience. Will I either be like the Ares movie or like that guy's love ice player? Fireball and cocaine for sure to watch Wicked. Are you kidding me, dude? Gotta be blackout by 1 p.m. everybody. Gronky snorts the fireball, drinks the cocaine. I don't even know how he does it, but he does it.

Honestly, it's impressive to watch. It's really wild stuff. But I guess, wait, was that, that's all your conspiracy theory, right? Is that Ariana is evil? Yeah, she, no, yeah, she still sucks. Don't be tricked by social media. You know. Everybody, people of the world.

I need everyone to know, I'm still fencebound. I'm like a flip-flopping ass bitch. I even said in the email, you may as well rub a scent on me and call me a Katie Perry fucking shoe. Yeah. Because I'm over your flip-flopping all over. Yeah. A floor like a fish that had just been fucked. by Tom Cruise, it is time for the list.

Unbelievable. It's time for the list. Oh, who's on the list. Jack A, you gotta have that list. Time Celebrities volunteered information we really, really did not need to know. Now, of course, this starts off with which we did discuss this in an article. When Katie Perry appeared on Caller Daddy,

she revealed she gives Orlando Bloom blow jobs in exchange for doing the dishes. Beyond just being TMI and Ruelly and Ruelly, rewarding men for the bare minimum, we also had to witness Orlando's Instagram comment reading of Clean the Whole House. Now, I don't mind TMI. I think usually TMI, you know, kind of excites me, it inspires me. I think it's fun. But I imagine as a celebrity, it's got to be, man, you must, I hope, would beat yourself

up after saying things like Cole Spouse did. Col Spouse once told the story of the first time he had sex I remember this He was only 14 at the time He was on a family vacation in Florida And met this girl who was older After initially making out the first night The fact that we know this much information is insane

He knocked on her hotel door the next night And invited her to the beach There quote I finally mustered up enough courage To deliver a line that my brother has never Ever let down for me I looked at her and I was like So are you like

DTF? She goes goes, what? And I go, you know, down to fuck. They had to kick Cole's brother Dylan and a friend out of the room and Cole told Dylan to go play chess or something. Cole said he lasted about 20 seconds and never talked to her again.

This is just like a slightly sad story. It's fine. You know, plenty of people lose their virginity at 14 and it's fine. But I feel like this is just like a story about Cole Sprow's being like a lost young man. And it was a cool story about losing the virginity, right? I mean, I certainly don't.

No one has a cool version of that. Like, it's never, yeah, it's always just awkward and weird. And you feel like you either did it too young or you did it too late or whatever it is. All the judgments, so many judgments on losing your virginity. I feel like it is very insane. And I feel like that's something that should change. And hopefully it is changing for this younger generation. Because again, it seems like they're not as obsessed with sex as, I'm not going to say we are.

say I am, but, um, and I say, God bless it. Except I don't say, good bless. Oh, I guess I do say. After Jay-Z and Beyonce got engaged, they celebrated by going to a strip club. Beyonce revealed, the day that I got engaged was my husband's birthday, and I took him to Crazy Horse, and I remember thinking, damn, these girls are fly. I just thought it was the ultimate sexy show. I was like, I wish I was up there. I wish I could perform that for my man. In fact, this is what inspired her partition music video. Now it does, I don't know why of all the things that are in that, the only thing that kind of weirds me out is the fact that he proposed on his birthday.

Is that weird? He proposed on his birthday? Yeah. Yeah, that is weird. Or I guess maybe you wouldn't expect it because, like, it's his birthday. So that's not what you would expect. And maybe it's that like, guys love to be like, I'm such a great guy. I just, this is how I'm such a great guy.

And I could kind of see him being like, I'm such a great guy. I made it your day. You know what I mean? Yeah, on my day. Yeah, I made my day your day. But it's your day. I don't want it to be my day. Right.

It's your day. I don't even want it to be our day. See, but that's woman thought. That's not man thought. Oh, this is my fucking problem. Oh, you're going to put me on the fucking silencing pedestal, Alden? I think it's already been done. All right?

I think it's currently happening. Just imagining Michael B. Jordan just having a little bit of a bad day. You know what I mean? Just someone cut him off in traffic and he's coming home. Oh, yeah. Just a bit angry. and he's like... Oh, yeah, but I'm going to have to calm him down.

Well, yeah, in order to calm him down, he's got to turn it up to get it down. Yeah, he's going to turn it up to get it down. Well, also on Dax Shepard's armchair expert podcast, Bradley Cooper revealed that he walks around his house naked. In fact, the reason he's so comfortable with nudity is his father. My dad was always nude, always took showers with him, Cooper said, and now he added, he's just as comfortable with his own daughter.

We talk when I'm on the toilet. She's in the bathtub. That's sort of my go-to. I mean, that's kind of, that's normal. This is fine. I remember we talked about this. It's fine. I mean, I don't know.

The always nude thing, I'm saying, throws me off a little bit. But talking to some, your kid being in the bath and you'd be on the toilet. I mean, it goes out the window, especially with the young, young. I feel like as they get older, it starts to get weird. I do think you get to a point where you want to not do that anymore. And I'm guessing the age is maybe nine, give or take. But so I don't know. But, like, when he used to do this thing, I'd be in the shower and she'd bust.

in on me and she'd be like, she'd be like, hey, she'd be like, hey, she's like, I want to see a booty. And I'd be like, all right, and I'd show her my booty. She'd giggle and run away. You know what I mean? That's normal. That's fine. That's fine.

But if she was doing that as a preteen, I think there'd be a little, yeah, a little disturbing. I'd be pretty yucked out. Yeah. But it makes that I want to see you. And again, it's just, it's a question. It's not even a question of the stories. It's a question of the celebrities choosing to tell the stories into a microphone, right? I feel like, this is like, Cole Spouse, the way he lost Virginia, probably very normal and identifiable for many people.

I think it's one of those stories where you tell it to a microphone. And then if it was me, I would immediately be like, is that a fun one or not a fun one? Right. You know, and I feel like similarly like, my dad was always naked. Badly Cooper says that and immediately is like, is that, is that weird? Is that going to be on several lists? Right. Because it is.

Because this item is now on several lists. It certainly is. It just keeps coming up. Because Dax Shepard, you know, his kids coming in and out when he's. taking a deuce. Milakunis, apparently they have a no closed doors policy in their home and that includes the bathroom. So they also are just coming in out. I do, I feel like the no closed doors policy has got to be interesting at a certain amount. I just didn't grow up like that. We were, we were raised in a very private way. And so we didn't have, like it wasn't that. Maybe that's not

good, but we certainly closed our doors. Yeah, yeah, definitely closed. She'll bust in, like I said, and sometimes I do have to like lock it when I just actually want privacy. But there's other times when she just busts in and I'm, she's like, yeah, boopin, you know what I mean, or whatever. Well, I think that some of this also, especially the parent stuff, is just celebrities, I don't know how much time these celebrities spend with their kids. But I think there also is a phenomenon where celebrities describe what is a very normal thing for life with kids, as if it's It's a very novel thing. Like, they come in when I'm in the bathroom,

and I'm like, they do that 30 times a day. Like, what, you know, like, it's just not like, but I feel like for the celebrity, they probably, what, spend maybe two days, maybe they're home on the weekends with the kids, maybe, right? And so they're like, can you imagine? I'm in the bathroom and my kid is in there. And I feel like for many people,

that's just like not that abnormal. Again, if you're talking about little kids. So I just, I don't know, I feel like there's a Milakounis being like, the kids come in when I'm using the bathroom is kind of like a celebrities. I'm just like you people. And I feel like it's like a little bit,

you're trying a little too hard. To pander, yes. Exactly. We don't need this. Well, there are two people that are not pandering. Megan Traynor and her husband, Darrell Sabara, made headlines when they revealed they installed double toilets in their home so they could be

together simultaneously. That doesn't make sense. How are you being simultaneous? When are you ever being at this exact same time? I hate it. Maybe I did do that once. a month where Lexa and I, Lex is in one bathroom and I'm the other one because we just happen to be peeing at the same time. They're talking, and you're hiding the lead, Megan. And by the way,

he's sitting to pee, I doubt it. So what you're really doing, you're trying to say pee, you're talking about shitting. Because that she's at the same time. That apparently her husband likes to hang out with her while she shits. She says, he'll hang out with me while I poop. It was just like, I can't take his poops. Sorry, Daryl. So he'll hang out for her poops, but she just can't handle the stink. And that I hate everything about this. I hate it. It makes me also

angrier than I've been more than a week. How do you feel about the fact that her husband is also a big boy? And what does that mean? That her pussy is broken because she has pussy anxiety. If she could change anything about Sabara,

she said she wishes she could make him smaller because there are oftentimes when she's like has to ask, is it all in? He's like just the tip. She also revealed, and we're not crazy. I'm a starfish. I go, get it done.

Get it done. I am enraged by this. I am so, like, this is so not an okay. I feel that this is borderline. Like, don't speak. Like, is this something that you both talked about that, like, that you're both fine with being discussed. I also, like, well, I'm, yeah, he's like, talk about how big my dick is and how you just

lay there. And how you just lay there? What the fuck? I say, get it, Don. I'm upset. Also, if you're going to want to call your husband's a big boy in the privacy of your own bedroom, fine. But there's a call it describing your husband when talking about your husband's dick and calling him a big boy. Something about that upsets me.

Oh, I don't like it. Oh, Megan Traynor. Why are you designed in a lab to irritate people? I don't know, man. There is something about the bops that just don't. do it for me. Or how do you feel about the opposite of that? Machine Gunn Kelly and Megan Fox, which I guess, you know, congrats on the new pregnancy. Yes. I'd made numerous... I'd watch that tape. Oh, I'd watch that tape. I'd want to watch them have sex. But that's the thing. It's like,

okay, how crazy is their sex? They literally have said, quote, they have the kind of sex that would make Lucifer clutch his rosary. What? I'm so curious because of course we know. that Megan said that they drank each other's blood. She said it's just a few drops, but yes, we do consume each other's blood in a case for ritual purposes only. Unless. It's controlled and okay, fine, all right.

But then, you know, it's like they're talking like on the VMA red carpet and she's wearing that naked dress and he was like, you're going to be naked tonight. And then she said, whatever you say, Daddy. And it's just like, I am a fairly horny person. And I am also to boot a fairly affectionate person with my partner. I just like, I feel like I don't, I try not to, unless it is Holden McNeely, I try not to make people uncomfortable with my sexuality.

Of course. I do try because I want it to be like a thing of like, no, you can celebrate each other. No, you can. Like, you know, the horniness can grow in a relationship. I just feel like sometimes they go a little. far. Yeah. They go,

I don't know, I'm torn on them in the sense that I'm just, I think it's hot and so I doesn't bother me. I'm a hypocrite. I'm a hypocrite. I hate Megan Traynor

for talking about this and I love Megan Fox for talking about it. And that's my coherent stance on it. I love this. This is the red flags of page seven,

you know, we don't like laying like a starfish and saying get it done. Yeah, get it done. Lucifer clenching his rosary. Larry the cable guy. It's more of like a, I just,

want to see it. I just want to see it. Oh, yeah. I want to see her in her new robot movie where she serves up sex. Do you ever hear about her new movie? No. She's like a robot lady. Yeah, it's like one those are like, we got a robot lady to help us around the house. But then the mom ends up like in the hospital. And then she's like, I can make your cums, you know, come get out of your balls. Yeah, this is just like what happened with Martha Stewart and her marriage and the person staying in the gardening house. I'm watching the Martha Stewart documentary, Jackie. I have so much to say.

Yeah, subservience. Subservience. If you've seen the gif of her, like, taking off her robe and she's just in like... Yes, that's from subservience. That's from subservience. Oh, interesting, Holden. Does the eye it linger?

Oh, yeah. You're just saying that you're seeing it everywhere. I'm surprised because it's not all over my feet. Everywhere. Every time I open up any... Wicked.com. It's on X videos. It's on any social video.

This came out on my birthday. This came out months ago. Oh, yeah, nobody. And nobody talking about this movie. You know, I think that every heterosexual man has Megan Fox in his. Spanky, Banky, banking. Oh, algorithm is a good word for a good replacement for spanking.

It really is. I don't think I've ever met a man with Chisette's disease who doesn't melt for me. An algorithm that is essentially just a masturbation menu. Well, my husband's algorithm is all lizards and snakes. Oh, okay. Well, I mean, we don't judge here, MJ. Kink is a kink is a kink. And man, we are here to communicate about it.

Well, last but not least, Sarah Jessica Parker once revealed, she loves how diapers smell. I even like when they're wet. And you smell them all warm like a baked good. I love the smell of balm. I think I'm going to. Oh, you're trying to intro. Oh, go ahead.

Go ahead. Take my rights, holding. They're already taken them away, holding. I just don't want to talk about the wet diapers. Yeah, man. Oh, you don't want to talk about the wet diapers? You know, good. Because at first you think, oh, yeah, you mean like, oh, you open up a box of diapers.

Because I'll get behind that. A clean, dry diaper has a nice smell to it. Rock is like a box of diapers. Yeah, man. You never. know what you're going to get. It's always covered in shit and piss. It's tough. Yes. Now, are you blind? Are you blind? Oh, no, I think I'm going. Blind. Blind. Items. Oh, we can't see him. This foreign born A-list actress is pregnant again.

She knows her ex is going to trash her publicly when he discovers she is. Giselle, which he's no. It's not Giselle? No. Think about a different kind of public divorce scenario where. Gisela is already getting shit from him, by the way. Oh, I bet. I bet. But it's not that. But yes, that is, yeah, her personal trainer. Tom Brady.

Her gym jiu-jitsu dude or whatever he is. Yeah, gave her the thick nut. Now she's got a kid. Give her the ick. And now she's got the sick. No. It's an actress and a music man who. Okay.

Oh, Sutton Foster and fucking Hugh Jackman. Oh, no. What? Not at all. No. A music. A man in a band and an act. and an actress female woman, and they had a divorce, and now she's pregante, because she's very publicly with someone new.

And they had the kind of divorce. Oh, the Jonas and the Game of Thrones. The Jonas and the Game of Thrones. You've turned into an old woman. Yes, the Jonas and the Game of Thrones. Yes, Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner, which is very interesting information. She was pregonte by a new man. By a Noonte.

Well, she was very, he was definitely, like, already unhappy that she was, like, posting pictures of the two of them together in cute photos and stuff like that. So yeah, I guess a word on the street, I guess, according to the blind, is that she is already Pregunts with his Nunes. Whoa. It makes sense because she has been being more,

everyone's like, why is Sophie Turner like being more open about the partner that she's currently banging? So that would make sense if this was a, OLLI, laying it out before saying on Pregunts. Before the Pagoonz. So there you go with that one. Sasa.

This former child slash tween slash teen slash adult actress pays the bills for one of the largest satanic churches in the U.S. Miley. No, but same camp. Camp's an interesting word as well. School. Oh. Vanessa Hudgens. Yes.

She recently announced a new film she's working on about her interest in witchcraft and the occult. It looks like it's maybe a documentary. Oh, yeah. That's great. Cool. She had on to enter her like, I feel like that's like her going Kristen Stewart, like not that lesbianism is Satanic. But like I feel like, you know, just like it's Kristen Stewart. I mean, yeah.

It certainly gets witchy, baby. It gets witchy. I feel like Twilight sent each of its stars with such a teen hit, such a teen obsession, and then said each of its stars on such polar opposite paths, right? And I feel like high school musical Zach Ephron has. just gone the path of the biggest job possible. But I like that Vanessa Hutchins has gone the path of Satan. It was an accident, MJ.

It just seemed that the documentary is about her going to the Philippines to explore her family history. Yeah, she's and also she said she manifested her man, her fiance. I did too, bitch. I did motherfuckettuckett too, bitch. And on

I guess this was on today, uh, she said, I want to take away the stigma of witchcraft being something evil. It's beautiful. It's empowering. It's about sisterhood and lifting other women up and allowing people a safe space to connect. Cool. I love this.

Very cool. How cool that she's cool. I love that. How cool she is. I mean, I will say the Church of Satan and Wiccanism are two very different things. But, you know, I imagine if she's the one that is financially backing most of the Church of Satan, I imagine. Yeah, that's a lot.

She knows a lot. I don't know if I believe that, but if it's true, even cooler, Vanessa. Yeah. Honestly, all of these, all of this is great. I'm happy for it. All of this is great. If all of it's true, it's very cool. If some of it's true, it's still cool.

All right. Last one. Don't know if you'll get the significant other's name, because I don't know if you know this name in your brain, but the significant other of a foreign-born singer has been hooking up with an illiterate celebrity. All of you know, anything to make the deal happen. So, let's see. Where do we start?

The singer. She has made Jackie cry. Adele. Yes. Do you know Adele's man's name? Oh, no, but I know he's real juicy. Yeah, Rich Paul. And who would he be sleeping with?

What, a literate celebrity? I'll rip his head off. Rich Paul is cheating on Adele with an a-literate celebrity. She's annoying. She's known for, she's like whatever. And she's always doing stuff. So we have to keep talking about her. but we don't. Is it a Kardashian?

Yes. Oh. Is it, is it... Kim? It's not Kim. Kim Kardashian. This is the deal. Rich Paul is the deal.

Rich Paul is LeBron James' agent. Which I didn't know that. Rich Paul is like a hoity-to-dy sports agent. And he's LeBron James' agent. That's his most notable client. I think they go back a long ways. There's currently an attempt

to merge LeBron James' media company with the Kardashian Empire. And so this blind is positing that he's banging Kim on the side to like try to kind of yeah and that interesting this is like woo stuff believe it okay oh that is like one of those like there shouldn't be a vend diagram of Kim Kardashian or Adele there should be no overlap much less a man's cop I know I know I just don't want any of that those worlds to ever meet absolutely I get it I get it but that is what the blinds Doth protest and that is what I can see

Because I can see again. Thank you guys. Wow, welcome. Hell yeah, we're back. Welcome back, Holden. And I refuse to believe that he will break our heart. I can't watch it again. Although only good men should be allowed to be with Adel, like cosmically.

I know. But think of the album. I always got to think about what we could get from it. But that is rude, Jackie. We are not thinking about that. We're not going to think about all of the, you know what? We've got to look towards the art that we're going to try and make for the next four year, guys, because we got to be, again, good to ourselves, good to other people.

Thank you so much for joining us for this week's episode of page seven. I didn't cry at all. Absolutely not. And I'm proud of myself, guys. And maybe it's because of the putty. I'm going to say thank you thinking putty for getting me through this episode for not crying. I'm going to say thank you to the turkey that I ate last evening that was deletion. that was delicious.

Thank you, turkey. I did put on a rack in the roaster oven. I wanted to try it on a rack. And I don't think I'm going to continue to make it on a rack. And that was what I experimented with this time. I did add extra lemon zest to my compound butter this time. And I think it really brightened the turkey. There you go.

So in case you were wondering, my name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can come hang out with us on Twitch. On Twitch. Oh, no, it's Jackie. MJ and I play the Sims every Wednesday. and you should come hang out with us in the morning. Come hang out with me over on Who's the Bitch? Every Wednesday, get new episodes, every other Monday.

We do our live streams. Call in live. We love to hear from you, and please check out LPN Romanticy Deep Dives, Crescent City. Yeah, my mouth is everywhere. You gotta just catch it. Check me. Twitch. Twitch.TV forward slash Holdenators ho.

Jackie and I always doing Jackin with the Holdies every Friday. It's going to be a party and we're going to drink through it. You know what you mean? And that's what we're going to do. We're going to party and we're just going to fucking scream and have fun. Do we all go back into being debilitating alcoholics for four years? Is that what we're doing, guys? Let's do it.

The Ice Man Cometh. Also, I will be, I am organizing a march on Hollywood to protest John Krasinski's being elected to sexiest man of 2024. Thank you. So stay tuned for more information on that. We need to get organized. We need to hit the streets at this point. Yeah, man. Because nothing's going to change unless.

we make change happen. So please join me at the, we'll probably start at Grom's Chinese theater and just start march down. Move our way through. We'll walk through the actual La Brea Tarpitz,

which I think would kind of be fun. Please, kill me there. Yeah, I'll die there. So that'd be great. So I'll just sink into those pits and become it. Clifford, and honestly, it's the way we want to go out.

We'll be like last action hero. Are you joking right now? Also, it'd be like last action here. Thank you. They can be both. What the effing? And please. But also Clifford is a perfect movie.

and I know that's not true, but come out. And please, God, Holdenade or so with 2-0s. I'm just, it's going to be such a long, slow, just awful fight to get back to 25,000 followers. Please, criminies, just follow it right now. Holden-a-soe with 2-0s. The fight that we face for the next four years. Yes, that is the fight that I'll be fighting for the next four years.

Just getting my Instagram back. Also, uh... Take care of yourselves. You need strength. Patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast weekly bonus episodes jackie's book club we've got the buffy watch along we're crushing through buff it's awesome and last but not least uh page seven podcast at gmail.com i need those yummy yummy yummy celebrity conspiracy theories and and explain to me actually no i was about to say

explain to me why ariana's not horrible no no no i want you to send in your i heard from a friend of a friend how she's the worst because i know they're out there i know those personal stories i am ready to be taken by the tide i take you be back. Prove it. Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. Pace of a podcast at gmail.com.

It's gonna be her. My name is MJ and I'm MJKLCat on Instagram. Sing the song to me. Shout, shout, let it all out. These are the emails that you wrote it about. Come on.

We're gonna read them to you. Come on. Hey now, hey now. This is the shout outs. Where did that come from, Jackie? Hey guys, it's time for the shoutouts. Thank you so much for sending in your shoutouts every week and also just sending the emails when you're just thinking about us. And man, guys, after this week, I want to say extra thank you to everybody that still reached out to us, even though it was a dark week. I want to say thank you so much

for the Thanksgiving cocktails because I am definitely so much rather be thinking about Thanksgiving cocktails than anything that's in my actual reality. I want to say thank you to Tinderella and I want to say to thank you to everybody for your cocktail ideas. Now, we've got some shoutouts coming in, but first up, oh my God, I just want to say, guys, you're amazing in a hundred million billion ways, but one of those ways is your support of me not paying the New York Times for their subscription so I can read the Martha Stewart interview. I just want to say, thank you so much for all the different ways we can get around that paywall. And I had absolutely no idea. It really goes to show I am that old, but we're not here to think about that. No, we are here to thank

The Allison from the five-year Halloween anniversary shoutout last week, who broke their New York Times boycott to send us the article, who also said, before I include the free article, I get the bottom, I just wanted to say thank you for the amazing shout-out on last week's podcast. I'm the Allison from the five-year Halloween anniversary. I legit cried, so thank you for helping me, make me cry for something really wonderful and touching, and not because of the election. And don't worry, Chad got all of the kisses, and we had a good, happy cry together,

and I love your love and I love your kissing and that sounds creepy but I meet it in a respectful way. And thank you so much for sending in that little update. Now I've got a little shout out going out to our own Riley Secret Fox from chat. And Riley, you've got to say, I found you guys really late and only started listening around this July, but I've gone back and listened to the backlog since January of 2020. My shout out is for you guys. Riley, all three of you, because you helped me smile my way through a very difficult summer. And since I started watching the Friday streams, my sleep schedule has gotten all fucked up,

but damn if it hasn't been worth it. And the Wednesday streams are also so much fun. You guys are just so wonderful and weird and wholesome. And even though I'm not American, not remotely interested in celebrity gossip, nowhere near as horny as y'all are and barely know any names you guys mention ever. It's still just such a nice time to listen to you. It's the parasocial equivalent of hanging out with friends when they info dump about stuff I'm not really into. It's just fun to listen to them, be all excited and their passion makes me enjoy it. Oh my God, Riley, that is one of my favorite things to do. I love it when someone is passionate about anything and I can listen to them talk forever and I just, ooh, I just want to soak it up and

thank you so much for saying that. Riley continues on to say, I just want to say thank you. Even though I am but a small voice in chat, you still make me feel welcome, and I just really love the community you have built. Thank you for letting me be a tiny part of it. Also, tiny bonus self-shout, because I'm returning to work at the end of the month, even though I'm not fully ready, but I've worked so hard to be at least semi-okay, and I am proud of the hard work I put into surviving this year. Good job, me. Good job you, Riley. I'm so happy for you and I'm so proud of the hard work you have done and put in. And I will say to those of you, I know a lot of us are feeling lost. I know a lot of us don't know what to do. Please come join our

Twitch community. I know it sounds silly, but man, I don't know what I would do without our Twitch community. And just reminding all of us that there are so many good people out there and that even though we are so down right now, we've got to keep on moving. We've got to keep on moving, guys, and we've got to keep on moving for each other. I love you so much, Riley. Thank you so much for sending in your shoutout. And you again can send in your own shoutouts to page seven email. Sorry? Page seven podcast at gmail.com. I'm messing up my own email. You know, sometimes when you just talk and talking, talk and talking, talk and talk and talk and talk and you kind of forget what you're saying. You kind of forget where you are, but it's kind of like a wild ride.

Anyway, last but not least, I just want to say, hey Lydia, thank you so much for sending in just a moment. It was last Wednesday, which was a rough day for lots of us. Lydia just said, thank you for being a safe space for me and so many others. I'm in disbelief and shock. But knowing there are people like you in this world creating a safe slash positive space for our communities gives me something to look forward to thinking of you three today and I'm thinking of you Lydia and I'm thinking of all of us and what we're going to go through but we have got each other's backs. We need to be good to each other. We need to be good to ourselves. We can't let this bullshit take over our brains. We need to fight. I love you guys and I am there alongside you. Come hang out with our Twitch because it's

just good being surrounded by other people and you're like, okay, great. I'm not alone in thinking this, right? I'm not alone in being devastated. You're not. We're here for you. Love you guys so much, and we'll be back next week. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.