Page 7 - Ep. 564: Do You Know Who I Am?

Episode Date: January 9, 2025

In this week's Page 7, Jackie belts out her song she sings for Wendy, Holden is revealed to not know Carmy's full name, and is busy ordering a Taylor Swift vinyl during the recording, all while fiery wind tears apart LA. MJ lets Holden know they WON'T get rid of the TSwift book he gifted them, but has definitely thought about it. Language once again fails Hilaria Baldwin as she forgot the word for onion while making a traditional tortilla for her husband who hates onion, Nikki Glaser killed it as this year's Golden Globes host, the Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni feud is really looking bad for Baldoni, but in lighter news Timothée did a delightful interview with Canadian treasure Nardwuar, Tom Holland and Zendaya are engaged AND ADORABLE! Is Jay Leno repeatedly falling, or is the more likely story that he's regularly being beaten by the mob!? The inventor of queer pop Jojo Siwa graces us once again with a new music video, and in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner: Is Mariah Carey Literally FROZEN!? This week's list is celeb fams you didn't realize were FEEEUUDINNNNGGG, the blindz and SHOUT OUTZZZ! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Page seven of the year. Let's go. Let us go. Now, we already told MJ that it is pretty windy here in Los Angeles right now. And yes, it makes me want to sing the song Windy by the Association. But I'm not going to sing that. What I'm going to sing is the song that I sing for Wendy that is based on the song Windy by the Association.

Who's chasing bugs and who's chasing squirrels wolfen? that every puppy she sees, who's given kisses, who's given petsies, everyone knows it's Wendy. That's nice. I sing that to Wendy about 700,000 times a day, and she loves it.

I'm so relieved that you were also thinking of that song, because as soon as you said, it's Wendy, I thought, I hope she sings, it's Wendy, which I know from middle school show choir. Whoa. And no one else ever talks about that song. Association, MJ.

I live inside of your brain. Everybody knows it's Wendy. Now, I hope you can now forever sing. Everyone knows it's Wendy and you can think about little Wendy Lou who, who is again, not my dog and not your dog. Isn't it beautiful to think about her anyway? Yeah, she's a nice dog. I support it.

I also support rewriting entire verses, not just rewriting the chorus. So I think you're in the right turn. Oh, don't worry. I keep going. And Wendy's got a cutie nose. And Wendy's got a cutie paws. And I'm not going. Because I'll just go and go.

It's a lot better than the Carmella song, which is Carmela barks and Carmela's mean. Throw her to the sharks. Turn her green. We got to get rid. Are you talking about my grandmother? We got. No, I thought, was it Carmie short for Carmela? Oh, Carmelie.

You don't know the dogs. whole name, Holden. Oh, I'm so sorry. Carmelina. Also, we just broke some. Why are you bringing up my dead grandmother right now? We also broke some weird fucking lore open. So Henry's dog's name is essentially his dead grandmother's name.

No, it's a completely different name. I'm sorry. Carmela and Carmelita are. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's Carmela and Carmelita. They are completely two different cultures. What are you fucking talking?

Different cultures. What are the cultures? Carmelita just means small. Carmel. Small car. Well, it's because she's from, like, it is like, it is usually a name of a small brown dog. Uh-huh. And how is that different than Carmella?

I'm sorry to decide. All I'm trying to establish is that that dog is mean and barks. What's the two different cultures, Italian and, and what's Carmelitas? Okay. All right. I was what I don't know. I didn't know Carmelita's the dog's heritage. I'm sorry.

Maybe I'm just triggered over here because of Hilaria. Maybe I'm just having Saboia. reactions over here. Let's get into it. Hilaria Gate. And isn't it good and pure of me to not be so tapped into Spanish names? Because I don't want to be like Hilaria. I'm so proud of you that you don't have this thing, Holden.

I like, Holden, you know almost nothing. Nothing. And I'm like, you always impress me with how little you know. It's for the best to know as little as possible sometimes. And that's why Holden is. That's why we keep them around. That's why we keep them around. I love being a dumb, fucked, stupid, useless, sysh.

We are trying to work on our self-compassion here, all right? Because Jackie is trying to work on herself compassion. That means everybody here is trying to work on their self-compassion. So Holden, stop talking about my friend Holden like that. And I will say this, too, bear with me. I am in a waiting line. I have five minutes left to get the lover-shaped lover-life. A lover life from Paris.

No one cares. I'm very with you. And so I might get silent for a second. And I know silence is violence sometimes. But in this case, silence. So you're silent and you don't know anything. You're really helping as a podcast. That's podcasting in 2025.

Haven't you looked around? It's all a bunch of people going like, I can't say nothing no more. And I refuse to admit the fucked up nature of this country's found it. They should owe me money. It's just a lot of that right now. So, you know, I'm fitting right in, and I'm bringing that energy to page seven, everybody.

So go January 6th. By the way, happy January 6th, everybody who celebrated this week. If you stormed a building, I hope it was a fun building to storm. There were lots of things to desecrate on and all that good stuff. So get out there, guys. So what are you working on for 2025, MJ? You know what? It's decluttering, and I'm honestly in my head, I'm thinking,

well, Holden be mad at me if I declutter his Taylor Swift book that he gifted me. But I won't. Thank you. And I was going to say, MJ, if we did want to, I get, we have articles to talk about, but if we do want to focus on this as more of a book club and speak more towards now that you have the book, and, of course, I gifted Jackie the book, and you both learned this. I already gave it away. Wow.

I don't believe you. I actually saw someone on the street. And I was like, actually, I think that you deserve this more than I do. I don't believe a millisecond of that. And so now that you both have the gift and learned an extremely potent and important Christmas lesson this year,

which I'm so glad that you learned, and I want to learn more about what you learned. But we can talk about our favorite pages. We can kind of get more in depth about some of the more notorious pages, of course, is the microphone page, what your favorite microphone is. So MJ, you were talking about decodding,

you are going to get rid of the pages with the microphones on them. The book is haunting me right now because yes, it's a coffee table book but Holden, you have a child. My coffee table doesn't have room for books. Right. So it's just, okay, the books have a coffee table.

When Winnie wants to handle, wants to look through the book and I'm just like, but she holds too close to the, you know what I mean? She holds too close to near the, where they're bound. And I've seen her red pages

and other books, so I just go, Winnie, please, I like hover over her. I'm like, just please, please just turn the page. Very delicate, you know. But she loves the book. Are they loving the book? Oh my God. I bet they love the book.

The only reason I have not decluttered the book is because my children will enjoy the book someday. But right now they're not really, they will look at it and they will, they are rough on the spine. Reddy's held a debt to me. Okay. They're looking at it. They're looking at it. My life, every day I move the book. I move it off the coffee table.

Now I have to, now it's on the floor. I got to move it back on the coffee table. Now I got to find a place on the shelf for it. There's no room on the shelves. It was just Christmas and Hodica at the same time. There's shit everywhere, and the book is part of the shit that's everywhere, but that's fine. I'm trying to work. You know what?

I'm not working on decluttering. I'm trying to work on blessing this mess. Acceptance, yes. Bless this mess. Blind acceptance. Don't let the mess drive you crazy. Let the mess bless. What just happened?

Was there a wind attack? Everyone knows it's Wendy. It's Wendy. It's Wendy outside on the second floor. Wendy, how did you get up here? Everyone knows it's. He's too small to get up the stairs. Oh my God, Jackie, I just realized, are you in Wicked right now?

Is that what's happening? Oh, are you better wake up and see animal versions of us? And we'll be like, oh, I'm, you know, what would I be? I'd be something with come, right? I'd be like, I'm Mr. Nut Dog or something. Then I would just be in the Wizard of Oz. I wouldn't be in Wicked. Right.

I thought then, I thought like that meant that I was going to, like, grab my broom and, like, fly to the Westwood sky. No, you're not the fucking, you're not Elfah, whatever. Obviously, I'm Elfiel. I am the elphaba of this show. That's for danger. I haven't even seen Wicked and I'm pretty sure Jackie is. No, Jackie's the talking animal in the classroom that gets all upset. That's the one.

You don't even know. You don't even know any of their names. Don't even try to pretend. Alaria Baldwin forgot the word for onion. While she was doing, she was making a traditional tortilla for the holidays because Alec Baldwin, oh, he doesn't like, he doesn't like, subpoias, you know, I forgot. I forgot. She forgot.

If you haven't watched it, and I'm sure you have, because you are a page 7 listener, and I'm sure this came up through your feed. But if you haven't watched it, it is worth a watch. Because there is this part of me, the part of me that's interested in, like, bilingualism that's like, it might make sense for you to, if your brain shifts into a different language mode, that even if you are, if your first language is English, sure, maybe it makes sense, oh, I'm in Spanish mode. I can't think of the word for onion.

But you know what doesn't make sense? What? Speaking in a fake accent. That's the part. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And pretending.

She's from Boston. She is so obviously pretending that English is not her first language. And it is like we are not talking about a fluent bilingual speaker who is really good at speaking another language without an accent. When she's speaking in English, she speaks in this affect. and I'm like, what are you doing? The people who I know who are actually learned English as a second language and who are fluent in English, don't speak in this accent. So what is it that you're doing, Hilaria? Like, my children both attend a dual language program.

I taught bilingual kids for many years. It's not like I know everything about it, but I'm pretty, I feel like I, I'm just, every time this comes up, I'm like, should I give this woman the benefit of the doubt? No, you shouldn't. You should never give her the benefit of the doubt. What is happening here? She is so, she is pretending like she just got off a boat from a different country. And I'm like, you changed your name. Like she's at the Statue of Liberty.

Like I feel like she's there where she's just like, oh, they lend me your poor. And she's like, I am that. It is me. And it's like, it comes up every time when we talk about her on the show. It feels offensive for us. It feels offensive to even imitate her. Like it feels like we are doing a cultural appropriation by imitating her. But we would be imitating like a woman who's from Boston, who's bilingual.

I truly don't. It short circuits my brain when I watch it. I'm like, what is happening here? How, why did you change your name? Like, if you could just be a, it's impressive to be a bilingual person. Yes, you're a very, very person. And I was like, what is it? No, she's a white woman from Boston.

But she speaks Spanish very well, and that's great. I will say, right when I saw that, I was like, there's no way this is not promo for the new show. It's got to be promo for the Baldwin. Like, we all know it's promo for the fucking Baldwin. I think the main reason why I mean is it's so lazy in the sense that it's just a different vegetable. They didn't even switch up like the type of thing.

Yeah, it's like a, it's a reference to herself. Right, right. But honestly, that's even more eye-roly that she's like, I'm going to lean into this. I don't know. This is what kills me about modern, like, celebrity culture or even just influencer culture and stuff. Yeah, I'm going to do something really embarrassing and something everyone makes fun of and stuff. But then I'm in on it, guys. I'm like in on it.

I'm like with you guys. But she's not acting in on it, which is the weird thing. She's acting like she is a person who's learning English and who forgot the word for onion. Like, it's so strange. Like, she's not, there's no wink of like, yeah, you remember when I said how you say cucumber? Like, it's, she's acting very earnest. And she is, she seems to be talking to other people who may also speak Spanish. But again, it's like, we've talked on the show before about how people have, and we actually got interesting emails about it.

The thing where if you're talking to a Minnesotan, you start saying Minnesota, you know, Minnesota. And like, sure, sure. But so, but again, that's not what's happening. here. That's just so clearly not what's happening here. No, it's all publicity because here's a thing. I found out that she did this. And what did I immediately do? I googled when is the Baldwin's premiere. I was just about to do that. Jackie, did you learn when it's, do we have a more? There is no more information. It just says 2025. And in my brain, I was like, but we're already in 2020. And I thought that they did say it was going

to be like early 2025. For some reason I had it in my mind that it was going to definitely come out. Yeah, I thought that we had heard January 2025. I need it. I need, I know there's... No, I think we made up January 2025 because we want it in January 2020. Yeah, I just assumed that was what was going to start off this whack-a-do fucking year, you know? Just this godless year, right? Like, 25 is just the year of like nothing making sense or mattering anymore.

And what better way to do that than a bunch of screaming kids with a woman pretending to be Spanish? a room full of screaming kids and a guy that just like murdered an unknown man that murdered someone. Yep. Just sitting there like dead eyed. Oh, it's going to be. Did you see the pictures of them on like Christmas? I think it was. It was like Hilaria and all of the children are all wearing these buffalo plaid pajamas.

And Alec is just wearing all black. And I just thought it was so in my brain, I was like, did he refuse to put the pajamas on? or did the pajamas just not come in his size, and Hilaria just didn't give a shit? Did she just not order them for him? She's like, my husband won't participate. Also, the best part about the clip, which we have not even mentioned,

is that she's talking about how her husband hates onions as she's putting in the onions. I wasn't even sticking up. Obser faced. Well, he can fuck right. on. What a metaphor. Don't fare more

suboyas for the fucking fire. What a perfect, perfect metaphor for... She's not leaving them out. That's for sure. That's so funny. He can deal. I can't even...

Especially because to me, that's so pointed as someone that I try and always remember, like I always know that Holden hates mushrooms and I will never put anything with mushrooms. in it if I know Holden likes it and is going to eat it. So it's the antithesis of everything that is in my being to be like, oh, my husband hates onions as I pours.

Shovel them in. Well, it's like, oh, my husband, I'm sure also hates being in a reality show. Like all he wants to do is like prestige acting and S&L and like all these certain things. And it's like probably the last he ever want to do is be on a fucking reality show, especially one of these like lame like celebrity family ones which is like I feel like the absolute pits when it comes to reality you know yeah it's the thing that we all hate watch but I guess we're all gonna watch it yeah but I know that we didn't hate watch the golden globes this year I will say man Nikki Glazer killed it killed it absolutely killed it so hash out Mike Lawrence on the writing team for that

uh did a great job it was so good It was really... The opposite of Joe Coy. It was like... Yes. You know, they did have more time, so I will say that in Joe Coy's defense. But clearly so much more attention and care put into every... Everything I heard about it, because I did...

I listen to the Nicki Laser podcast. I just know people who are in the writing team and all that stuff. And yeah, just such a relentless, like every night, getting up every night doing set after set, working all of that material out. preciously before getting up there and doing that monologue. And it shows. It shows. The work that was put in show.

It's been a long time. It's such a great job. Yeah. Like, since there is a award show monologue that was that tight and that funny. And also what I love about Nikki Glazer and her writing team is that I feel like she goes for, you know, all the write-ups are like, raunchy, controversial. But like she goes, like her targets are always right. She never has like a, she has like jokes that.

make the audience go like, ooh, but never in a gross way. You know, like, I just feel like she, like the, it's never nasty. Well, you can tell she didn't go full roast mode, you know, I mean, because that doesn't make sense and that's just going to alienate these Hollywood people, right? And anyways, no one can like, roast light. And also, like, Ricky Jervais did it. Like, no one, you know, it's done. Like, to do it again would just be kind of like, oh, you're doing the thing he did.

I feel like this was such a better way to go where, yeah, it had some, you know, edge to it or whatever, but it was, it was, you know, more of a fun time, I feel like, with everybody in the room. But I also like that she brought, like, Nikki Glazer brought her own perspective as a comedian where, like, she chose that she didn't want to make Blake lively Justin Baldoni jokes. Yeah. Because she's like, too much is coming out. Like, and I'm not, like, I'm, she's like, I'm even mad that I know this fuckers. name. I don't even want to joke about it. And I love that. She's bringing that energy of it where it's like, I don't want to do that. That also sounds, I mean, she did make a P. Diddy joke. So maybe this is hypocritical. But also, it also was kind of like, I feel like it's trying to have a little bit more

mindfulness towards like, well, what is this going to look like in a couple years from now? Looking back. But we do know P. Diddy is evil. And we know that a bunch of Hollywood elite people were complicit in that evilness. And those jokes were made about. that and they were like... The P. Diddy jokes weren't like rape as funny jokes. Right. They were like, you're all fucking in on it. And it's weird. And we all know that.

Totally. Not you, all of you, but you know, a lot of you. Some of you in this room. This implicates this scene. And that was what I loved about it. It was like, it was just so easy to go for like a low, especially if you're going to make a ditty joke. I feel like it's very hard to make a ditty joke that would land especially in that room. And the fact

that she did it is super a testament to, you know, her and the writing team for sure. Yeah. Her strength as a comedian. Definitely. Also, man, I almost got welled up at the Demi Moore acceptance speech where she was just like, I'm not just that like, I took all this year. I can't believe she's never gotten an award for anything she's ever done.

I know. In every conflict, there's at least one bitch, a huge bitch, a silly bitch. A little baby bitch. a raggedy bitch. But sometimes it's unclear who the bitch is. I'm Kara Klank. And I'm Jackie Zabrowski. And on our new Colin Advice podcast, we're going to help you figure out who's the bitch. We want to hear your problems, dilemmas, and quandaries. No topic is off limits. Does your co-worker flirt with the boss to get ahead? Is your bestie having her destination wedding on a holiday weekend? Is your therapist being clingy? Does your friend keep bringing her toddler to adult parties?

Come on, there's definitely a bitch in your life, and we want to hear about it. You can email us, DM us, leave us a voicemail, and even call in live to talk to us in person about the alleged bitch in your life. Just go to who's the bitch.com for all the ways you can contact us. New episodes drop every Wednesday starting in October on the Last Podcast Network, so subscribe now on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. And tune in to our live stream kickoff on September 30th on the Last Podcast Network Twitch channel, where we'll be, taking your calls live on air. Help us, help you figure out who's the bitch. What was I saying about Timi Moore?

What's up, everybody? The wind has attacked us yet again. This is a, this is becoming a cursed episode a little bit here. Invisible man syndrome is what we're dealing with. And I say, get your sticky, sticky hands off of me. How'd they get so sticky if you're so invisible? You know what it is? I think the wind, and therefore God, does not want us celebrating women.

That is my theory. I'm so glad you came up with that theory. Yeah, right? Thank you. Someone's got to say it. Thank you so much. Yeah, I was hoping. I was like, you know what I need today to be knocked down a couple of pigs?

By the way, if anyone was worried about earlier, I did end up getting the heart-shaped lover live in Paris final. That did actually have. Our issues of that impacted your ability to get. It did not impact my ability to obtain that vinyl. Thank God. Just your ability to record this show. Baby God's a Swifty.

Maybe God. Yeah. And so maybe when you guys are, oh, interesting. Okay. Say one nice thing each about the book to uncurse us. And we will then move on. Jackie, what do you have to say? What if you don't believe in God?

Okay. Then whatever. Jajajo, whatever the stupid name for the thing is. I don't know what they force his name is. This is such a, there are so many, this is our first episode of the year, there are a million page seven specific stories that we need to get to. Also, it is L.A.

The weather is as mild as it could get. And we just so happen to have a fucking windstorm. It's weird. But it's, you know, it's biblical-esque. And maybe it's because you were making bad japeries earlier, Holden. And maybe this is all because of you. No, no, no. It's definitely you guys' fault to not try to turn this route to be.

No, I think you're being. about the book that I gifted you in which you learned a valuable Christmas lesson that you still haven't really spoken about. No, I learned not one lesson. I gave it away and I'll never think about the book ever again. But you know what I'm always thinking about? Man, it's that shimalae mamma, ding dong. And yeah, I need to bring him up on the main show. Because what a cutie bazootie for life this little child is. I want to take Timitay and I want to put him him in my pocket and I want to pull him out for him to tell me just whatever little random facts he's got because I watched the Nardwar interview with him and I like I'm not in love with him

because he's a child but like I look at him and I go like oh God oh what 14 year old me would have thought to do to you we are now team timote and it's none of us are happy about it none of us saw this coming you know there's a few things there's a couple of team breakdowns we'll we'll get into the the team Blake, team Beldonie thing later. But the team, I never expected to be on Team Timote.

Who's on Team Beltony? Well, there's a people, the bots on Twitter. Some people. Don't worry. I forgot about every other podcast, apparently,

that's successful right now. I forgot about those podcasts. I never expected we would be Team Timote, but then we saw, we already talked about that cute little college football interview that when he was sitting at the sports desk. which is so cute.

And now the press tour, it's like the way that the wicked press tour was just everything they did was obnoxious. The press tour for this movie, which none of us want to see, is so good.

A complete unknown. Well, I think that's really how this all comes together, honestly, including like the Blake lively, Justibald Don't eat. What we've talked a lot about, I will dare say, in the last like year or so,

is talking a lot more about how obvious PR is kind of becoming. Yeah. Like, I feel like it is, is going so much in the other direction of like when we were discussing the whole Blake lively thing, I'm fairly sure we talked about how this is all just a PR machine. Yeah. That is churning. You can watch it churn. You can watch what it does. And Timitay was given an opportunity to do a lot of

his own PR work for the Bob Dylan movie. And he's choosing things like doing a Nardwar interview. And that is awesome. He's choosing to go a route that is so much more interesting. And it's not just him saying the same thing over and over again in a press junket. And don't get me wrong. They're all forced to do that. No celebrity wants to be doing any of those things. Right.

But like I just feel like the PR machines are starting to lose their shine. We see what you're doing, right? Right. But I guess a lot of people aren't. Or, yeah, or just stop. I feel like what puts celebrities in their worst light is a relentless day or several days in a row of vapid question asking. Right. You know, I don't understand why this is a necessary.

It's the same thing as the 10 plus minute standing ovations in Cannes. It's like, I'm sorry, Khan, Abitha. Thank you. I was about to puberty. You know what I mean? Yeah. Oh, de Aga, no. Oh, whatever.

O'Lari would say, how you say, but anyways. Oredeggado. It'd be funny if she started like doing that with like stuff that's not even like English names. Like like, how you say, a ticamasa. Anyways. But we're once in a who gives a shit. O'R. is such a fucking idiot, dude. She's such an idiot, dude.

And because again, we know it's a PR thing, but what did I immediately? do I fed the PR. Yes, of course. You fall right into it. I was going to say, I do feel a little bit, I do know, I remember, I think that, I don't think that page seven super shit the bed on the Blake lively and Justin Maldoni thing, because I do remember Holden being like, we should all remember that this Baldoni hired Johnny Depp's PR team. And I remember that you guys talked about that. But I feel like. I even said, I was like, isn't it interesting that this very damning Parker Posey Blake lively interview clip from years ago. happen to surface right at this time when there's this weird shit going on. And I was felt so vindicated seeing everybody like realize like, oh, Reddit. And, you know, because this already happened with the election in Elon with Twitter. It was like Reddit is a machine to manipulate us. Yeah. All is. I'm getting off of all of it, man. 2025, I think is my year to fully get it off of my phone. Is the least when it's off my phone, I don't look at it like addictively. I look at it like once a day I might go, oh yeah, what's on Reddit and go look at it? You know what I mean?

And I feel pretty proud of my media literacy when it comes to like news coverage, like the New York Times and stuff. Poo cray? Yeah, poo crick. That was a bad moment for MJ's media literacy. But actually, but this is actually, yeah, what are you talking about? You're the poo cream. I'm the afternoon. Well, this is the thing. Despite having been on this pop culture podcast for many, many years, I actually think I'm pretty bad at media literacy when it comes to pop culture. And I do feel like a little bit had by the Blake lively Beldo. Like reading about the PR campaign against her, which now we should say that his legal team has said that that her legal team misconstrued and that the New York Times investigation

misrepresented things, which the people who did the New York Times investigation are like the people, the same, the journalists who've been on this beat about workplace sexual harassment for years and they are very, very, very good journalists. I imagine. When you go, when he step into the New York Times, I was like, okay, let's see how this rolls out for you, you fucking narcissist piece of shit. All right. Let's see how this goes. I'm certainly not above criticizing the New York Times again for their news coverage.

But when it comes to this particular, those journalists are, this is like what they do. So the fact that Baldoni is like, this is a smear, this is libel is kind of funny to me. But I do feel kind of had by like, because yeah, all those Blake lively clips started emerging. And of course, I was just like, yeah, maybe she is a bitch, you know? Maybe she's a bitch. But also, a person can be a bitch and not deserve to be destroyed by the media. Right. You can be a little bit of a bitch and come off as a bitch every once in a while because, you know what?

Everybody's human. Right. Everybody's a bitch sometimes. Yeah. It just, if you're interviewed that many times over this amount of years, at some point, yeah, you're going to come off weird. Totally. That's just how it's got, I mean, right? I feel like at some point, you're going to have.

a bad day. I'd have so many worse interview moments. I'd be so, like, they ask the dumbest fucking questions, one after the other. And, you know, they could have just been reeling from some asshole they just saw. Right. And, like, the next person comes in. And unfortunately, you've got to try to, like, wipe off the scum of the last dirtbag. Because usually, like, I see so many where the interviewer is, like, such a douchey,

dirt baggy seeming kind of person or they're just they treat they they treat you know treat the celebrities like they're just like props or whatever you know and it's like all right let's get this done blah blah what's oh you're you're a green is your pussy green is your pussy green you know just like I don't I won't stand for what did she say I forgot what she said I stared down the barrel of my pussy that's what she said yeah I forgot I stared down the barrel of my book. Sorry, this windstorms got me fucking elphabinet out, dude. I don't know what's going on.

I'm scared of the nature right now, man. And I'll tell you what, by the way, good job, Jackie, propping up a man just now with Timothy Shalame. I feel like that set us back on the right foot, and nature will not come after us. Oh, that's why God's letting us speak because we are praising a man. Praiseing a man. Praiseing a rich man.

Yes. I'm very proud of him. I think that he's doing. in a really good job, although it was very cute in the Nardwar interview when at some point he's like, oh, am I buying these? He's picking out all these records. And Nardwar's like, oh, are you going to grab all these records?

And he goes, hey, you know, Dune did pretty well. So he's just so charming. Yeah, yeah. God damn it. He is honestly, he's just as charming. He's up there for me. I just, maybe it's just a 14-year-old inside of me that wants to forever kiss these beautiful.

Twink boys, and that's a Tom Holland. I was going to say, congratulations on the engagement. Congratulations on the engagement. Another man who nails his press tours, though. Another man who comes off as so authentic. And Zendaya, too, they come off as so authentic and they don't have that extremely obnoxious thing that some celebrities, looking at you, wicked press tour have. But yes, Tom Holland is, there's all these clips resurfacing of Tom Holland's press stuff

with Zendaya now that they're engaged. and it's just so fucking cute. Well, it looks like he actually enjoys life. And he's, like, taking his, like, celebrity status and, like, doing fun stuff with it. Whereas if you're bringing up, like, the wicked ladies, like, everything just feels like a stunt. Everything feels like a facade and you don't know where the real person exists, you know? Totally. I think...

Or they're way too self-serious, you know? Like, one thing I'm, like... It's just his character or whatever, but it was, like, Nikki Glazer through the, like, weakest, lightest, like, you smoke weed joke at Harrison Ford and just like the grimace he made the entire time from the moment she called his name. It was just like, ah, humor. Comedy. It's just like, God, wouldn't that be exhausting? Wouldn't that he be like? I can't imagine it. Wouldn't just be so exhausting to be in that brain? Like, ugh. It doesn't make sense. I guess it's one of those that's kind of like he just plays

straight and it's funny, but I'm like, here's important. You've done a lot of, like, funny things. Like, there's a lot of great comedy in, like, the Indiana Jones movies and stuff. Why are you just so devoid of joy, like, and everything you seem to do, you know? Yeah. It's so bizarre. Yeah, it really is. Man, some of these old school dudes, man, they just keep getting beaten up by the mob.

I have to bring up this story. Jay Leno keeps falling down. Jay Leno keeps getting... When he fell down again after the hotel. Yes, there were even like multiple more. Oh, I thought the mob, no. I thought the mob rumor was about the hotel situation.

No, it just keeps happening. He keeps getting into these ridiculous accidents where it's like, oh, it was up on the ladder, and then the ladder slipped on a pool of oil, and then, well, the oil fell out into the traffic, and then all of a sudden, I don't know, I got hit by a crane. And it's like, what are you talking about Jay Leno? And Henry and I have been following this story for a while. And we get making it.

It's like, we've been making jokes that Jay Leno has been getting beaten up by the mob for months at this point. And then there is finally in People magazine, Jay Leno addresses rumors that his recent injuries were from getting beat up by the mob. And I was like, Henry, did we joke this into reality? Well, yeah. I'm going with my theory, the final destination theory. I think he's getting fucking FD, bro. No. Oh, you think he's.

Yes. Yes. He does. He's on that FT right now. Honestly, I love that even more. Because he does, that death keeps, he keeps alluding him. I love that. Every incident, it sounds like a man making up a story about why he got hurt.

For sure. He won like a poker match against death itself. One of them is like, I fell down a very steep hill. And it's like, What? Like that? Yes, that's crazy. I also, I need you guys to know that we are also, I don't know if this is just a Zabrowski thing, but we are weirdly obsessed with Jay Leno because Jay Leno is in our neighborhood. So we will randomly see Jay Leno driving a crazy fancy car through the neighborhood and then he's always got all these bandages on his face. And you know what? I don't even feel bad for him because he's, A, he's annoying. and B, his justification for why it's not the mob is he's like, oh, if the mob was after me, I would just sell one of my very expensive cars.

Oh, great, Jay Leno. Oh, so good to know. Because here's the thing, MJ. I see that Jay Leno headlines at this weird little comedy club called Flappers. Yeah, flappers. And he, because it's over by the movie theaters that we go to a lot. And he headlines there, I think, four nights away. Yeah, that's just like his club.

Kill me. I'd rather be dead. If you could just sell your car, why are you at flappers for a nice? Good point. He loves it. He loves telling a joke, man. He loves getting up on that stage and telling a joke. Can you imagine?

Love the game and also you got to remember when you stop, you die. When you stop, you die. I mean, I know that because of Joan Rivers. Or when you stop, death becomes you. I mean, you know, I think that. And then death finally catches up. Oh my God, you're right, hold it.

He is getting final destination. I bet death was like, you have to tell this many jokes to an audience a week. Oh my God. Or like you will be taken. It's like a Tales from the Crypt episode. Yeah. Ooh, I need this episode now. Couldn't happen to a more deserving comedian in my opinion.

You know, I just, it's not like he's not an, I don't think he's the worst comedian, but. I disagree with that statement. MJ. Ellen exists. Ellen exists. Yeah. Yeah. But I feel, I just feel like,

You know, I don't wish harm upon him. Of course, I don't want him to keep falling off ladders and down steep hills. Because the way he said that at him, Jay. Yeah, when you put it in like that like that? Well, I don't know. I mean, it's coming for us too with this windstorm. Do you think the windstorm is like, do you think like Jay Lido right now is like in a game right now? We've got to check in on Jay Leno.

We got to find out. It's like a tornado. Yeah, this lone tornado right on his house. Right on his house. Twister with the cow, but with Jay Leno instead of the cow. Jay Leno just dies so we can get through this podcast already. Good God. Unbelievable, man.

I feel like now anything bad that happens to me. Yeah, it's going to be like, God damn it, Jay Leno. Just don't die already. It's starting to affect everybody else in L.A. And then sooner it will be like all of cats. California. Like, you've got to chill, bro. He's taken on the wind. Poor guy. Thank you guys for helping me join in my fight to continue making jokes about an old man hurting himself. An injured old man driving around your neighbor. The fact that you always see him and he always has bandages.

He always has a black guy at bandages. Yeah. That is great. So funny. It's not funny when old people. hurt themselves, but... I'm sorry, it's so... No, I think this is funny. I just think in general. We don't delight in old people falling. I think that way too old woman

that was elected that fell her first day. I think that was a little comical, you know... Oh, my God. I'm sorry. All that's good to me. I just lost myself in the... Yeah, dude. You went full mom spaghetti.

You went full... Yeah, I needed it. I needed that. Man, you know what we didn't need, but we did it need? but we did receive over the Christmas holiday. That was a new Jojo Siwa music video. Choose your fighter. And there is a reason why, if you haven't heard about it yet, there's a reason.

Although, point, counterpoint. Holden and I. What is your counterpoint? Holden and I logged on to this. I'm about to blow you up. Holden. We logged out to the Zoom before Jackie got on and both of us said, you know what? It's not her worst.

I thought the hook was not bad. and I thought that the music video concept was a bit stronger. I mean, definitely a Scott Pilgrim knockoff kind of thing. But I thought it was like a lot more of a fun concept where they're all dance fighting. Her dancing is so much less annoying in this video. Well, I think it's because her dancing is so flaily, it kind of lends itself to a gladitorial combat experience. Absolutely. Yes.

It's like if you're going to be flailing your body about. Yeah, you might as well be hurting someone while you do it. Yes, exactly. Flail it as someone else a la Street Fighter. Yeah. Yes, you look like a video game avatar. I feel like I would like it more. I actually, or does this make me like it more?

Because I was about to say, I feel like the video is not so much based on a video game as it is based on that. You remember the Gladiator commercial that was Beyonce, Britney Spears and Pink? When the original Gladiator came out where they all do. like a sing-off in the gladiator sphere. Like it's very weird. They're all dressed like they're in Gladiator. And I think it's a Pepsi commercial.

I was going to say, was it a Pepsi commercial? I think it was a Pepsi commercial. And it feels like this was based off of that rather than based off of like a street fighter. Right. Which kind of makes me like it more. That's probably a more salient reference for Jojo, although she would have been a very small. child at that point. Yeah, she wouldn't have been, baby. Oh yeah. No, she wouldn't have known that. So I'm hoping whoever created it did know that. Right. But I guess it just didn't like

stand out for me. Like I can't remember the hook of the song and I watched the music video a couple of times. Yeah. You know what I mean? Oh yeah. I don't remember it at all right now. Now that you're now that we're talking about again just, you know, 40 minutes. My life depended on it. Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah, blow my brains out right now. My life weirdly depended on me remembering a hook to a Jojo Cima's song. First of all, what fucking position did I get myself in? Where you got some guys? Say a gun! Say God! Say God!

There's a gun to our best. We have to have to sit at Jojo Cima. It is Jojo Cima, too. Yeah, it's Jojo Cima at Disneyland. Oh, no. Joe Cia was drunk in Disneyland. Pools a cut out. They're like, yeah, sing it. Yeah, but Carb is a bitch. You know, Carb is a bitch, at least.

I only know that because you two have sung it on this show so many times. You should have known better. I know that because we just drunk Same with the dumb, the idol song. And praise to what's her stupid name, Johnny Depp's daughter, for redeeming herself with Nostvalu.

Because, man, what a crazy grave to dig yourself out of with that other bad show. I'm a freak yet. And you know what's up and bad. Yeah. She had two graves to dig herself out of the other one being Johnny Depp's daughter. Nostwaratous. Yeah, I guess The third grave is the vampire

Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah But, you know, I It's just, it's a woman's world And you're both Don't, don't, the wind, the wind It's a man's world

I'm sorry, it's not a woman's world It's not a boy or girl Or a girl, I mean Oh my God But I guess it's the time For the celebrity conspiracy theory Oh, MG We did start it early with

Jay Leno getting beaten up by the mob, but now we know that he's getting final destination. I guess. I guess, well, MJ, you did say it was a bit of a page seven greatest hits in terms of the news articles and the conspiracy won't be much different. Hit me with the share. Do you believe it? Is Mariah Carey literally frozen? Ah.

This one comes in from Natalie, who writes, Dear MJ Holden and Jackie Greetings from Melbourne, Australia. I said it right. They gave me the purpose. Good job. They reminded me of the proper pronunciation. We all know that December is Mariah's month and that her hit song, All I Went for Christmas is Inescapable at this time of year.

It was running joke for many years that Mariah would defrost at the beginning of the holiday season. Mariah herself cheekily paid tribute to this idea in 2023 when she posted a video of herself breaking out of an ice block singing, it's time. We don't need to be reminded of these things. But was this video more than just a tongue and cheek reference and instead more of a sinister insight into the reality of Mariah's cold existence. My theory is that many years ago, in an effort to retain her youthful looks,

Carrie decided to undergo cryogenic freezing. However, Mariah makes most of her money seasonally, typically making an average of $2.5 million in royalties for all I went for Christmas as you, with a peak of $8.5 million in 2022. Therefore, due to the financial benefits of the Christmas season, she chooses to defrost once a year to make that coin before once again hitting the ice.

The Mariah that we see throughout the year is but a convincing clone made to cover up the truth. So here's the evidence. Very compelling evidence here. Number one, Mariah Carey is famously stated that she is quote, eternally 12. Her two children, Moroccan and Moreau,

were born in 2011. What's 2011 plus 12? 2023, the year that she officially defrosted herself. Yes. In a conspiracy theory, that's my favorite thing. It's danceries the Mariah went into the ice

soon after giving birth to her twins and the cheeky video performance 12 years later was a nod to the 12th anniversary of her being frozen in time. Number two, note my use of the term anniversary. This is because Mariah famously refuses to acknowledge her aging and celebrates anniversaries, not birthdays.

But this is because her current form technology was never born. Or technically, I'm sorry, her current form technically was never born. Number three, in 2016, Mariah was in a relationship with Australian billionaire James Packer, It was later claimed that the cause of their breakup was Mariah's lavish spending. However, when Packer is worth $2.8 billion, surely, and any extravagant spending would be a drop in the ocean to him.

Could the cost of ongoing cryogenics be the expense referred to here? Whoa. Number four. In March 2020, 23, Nick Cannon said that that woman is not human. She's a gift from God. A sweet compliment? Or Maria's ex-husband is filling the beans. Maybe that's why Cannon now says the Mariah won't take him back.

It's punishment for him coming dangerously close to telling the world her secrets. Also, he's a dirty dog. Number five, Mariah has stated that she bathes in cold milk. How cold, Mariah, do you believe? Ice cold! But also, there's more, a really nice message and promotion for us. I love you guys so much for the past few years. My partner has gifted me a subscription to your Patreon for Christmas.

In the past, this has worked by having his card details linked to my Patreon account, which is fine because I only subscribe to you guys. but this wouldn't be an option for people who support multiple creators. Until now, enter a shameless plug for your Patreon. Did you know? So sweet. Did you know that Patreon has introduced the ability to gift memberships? You can buy up to 1 to 12 months of membership to a creator at any tier level.

Page 7 listener, do you have someone in your life who's asking you what you would like as a gift this holiday season? Okay, the holidays are ever, but still, why not ask for a page 7 podcast subscription? Or if you're already a Patreon, maybe they could bump you up to the next tier level. Buffy watch along, what, what. And then next year, when they ask again, you can just ask for a renewal. It's the gift that keeps on giving. Or maybe you have a friend that you want to get into the podcast. You could gift a subscription to them.

Simply type in patreon.com forward slash content creators name slash gift, aka patreon.com. 4. page 7 podcast slash gift. So easy. I hope this helps out listeners who are struggling with gift ideas and helps to support my favorite content creators. Have a ho-ho, hold nators ho.

Merry Christmas, Love Natalie. P.S. hashtag, Justice for Gronky. Thank you so much. Justice for Grongy. Unbelievable. You want to let him out? You want to let him peep out?

All right. That's enough. Go back in. Okay, yeah, all right, that's enough. All right, you're allowed to peep. You have to look. You have to know. Go back to where Mariah is frozen.

Okay. Oh, my God. It is really. I'm going to say Goetzie's got nothing on this thing. I'm looking at it right now. It is Gagipin. Oh, look, it's time for the list. But you believe.

You both believe? Oh, yeah, obviously. No question. Definitely. There's no, absolutely no question. Then it's time to sing the list. Sorry, keep going. I just feel like if my partner, if my romantic partner referred to me as quote unquote

not human, I don't think that's actually a sweet compliment. I think that that's not what you. You want. Yeah. So. But he thinks that is because he thinks he's God. Right. So he thinks he gave the gift of Mariah to the world a little bit.

Yeah. Also, I'm an angel, MJ. And I expect my husband to know that I am an angel. Okay. All right. Well. Thank you. Let's sing the fight.

Now let's sing the song. It is time for the list. Who's on the list? Jackie. Got to have that list. Celebrity families, you didn't realize were few. Judy. Wow.

Yeah, there's some stuff about John Hurd in here. And yeah, you know about, like, I imagine that the Michael Jackson family probably has some problems. But did you know that according to record producer Clive Davis, Jermaine Jackson was so upset by his brother Michael hijacking Jermaine's producers to provide material for his own album that he wrote, word to the bad, a bitter criticism of Michael. When Michael heard the song, he asked Davis to have the track removed from Germain's upcoming album, which I guess he eventually did. And that is, I think, a little too much power that I would not want my brother to have over me. But maybe that's just saying, coming from someone that has a brother boss. But man, we know that the spellings are fucked up. But the death of mega-rich TV producer Aaron's spelling caused a rift between his widow candy

and their daughter, Tori Spelling, possibly over Aaron's will. After writing dueling tell-alls, the two appear to have reconciled. I can't imagine being so upset with my family that you go head-to-head writing tell-alls towards each other. Yeah, that is very, very messy. It's exhausting, but also Tori-Spelling seems exhausting. She's a messy. In general. She certainly does.

And I imagine the whole family has got a couple of issues wrapped up in there. Speaking of a couple of issues and speaking of frozen Mariah Carey is currently in a feud with her siblings. Her older brother accuses her of being bipolar, alcoholic, and self-centered. He also labels her a monster for not helping their HIV positive sister, Allison. We've talked about Allison before. There is some darkness there, yeah, for sure. There is some darkness there, and it seems like Mariah Carey, at least of what we're, you know, if we're picking up what she's putting down in her tell-all and everything, she had a rough

past and I think she leaves it in the past, which is, you know, it's not the healthiest way to deal with things, but sometimes compartmentalization works for people. I just like to say he's accusing her slash diagnosing her. Right. All these things are a sudden. She's a liar and she's a thief. No, no, no. She has bipolar.

alcohol is considered a disease. Alcoholics is considered a disease in this point. And self-centered is just another word for narcissistic disorder. You know what I mean? Like it's just ridiculous. Although, you know, I imagine there's probably some anger about the amount of money she has and how much money she doesn't, maybe does not share with her siblings. Yes, I imagine.

I imagine there are some issues there, especially. Well, there's definitely issues here with Quentin Tarantino. He has never known his father. Tony, who resurfaced only after his son's career exploded. Completely dismissed by Quentin, Tony now publicly criticizes his son, particularly his stance against police brutality. Quentin's only message for his father, thanks for the fucking sperm. Man, a lot of these are just sad, bad dad stories.

A lot of sad, bad dads. But there's a couple sad, bad moms thrown in there. Debbie Mathers sued her son, rapper. Eminem for slander over lyrics he wrote about her for the Slim Shady LP in 1999. Their relationship improved a little after he released his apologetic track, Headlights, in 2013, but he still hasn't accepted any of her attempts at reconciliation. Mom spaghetti. Mom spaghetti, man.

I just mentioned Mom spaghetti earlier, too. I know, and it's no good. And another mom spaghetti, which this is just short and sweet and kind of sad, Jennifer Aniston didn't speak to her mother, Nancy Dow, for years due to the latter being overly critical towards Aniston's looks. Oh my God. Do you imagine being Jennifer Aniston and Steele? You're like, still? Oh my gosh.

I'm not good enough for you? So Freudian for this to be a psychodrama between her and her mother and then have it be played out in every single tabloid magazine every week for like an entire decade of people criticizing this beautiful woman's looks. What the fuck? How could she continue to deal with it? Like, I don't know if I could be in the spotlight if I were Jennifer Anderson and I had to put up with a mother like that. I know. And speaking of parents, Kobe Bryant stopped talking to his parents after they tried selling his memorabilia to buy a house. The auction they put up included two of his NBA championship rings.

Bryant had to sue the auction house to get his stuff back. Good. That's pretty dirty, man. I just feel like if your kid's Kobe Bryant, I was going to say. Just maybe ask. I would hope that they would be doing okay getting some money from him. But I don't know.

This is actually bringing up a lot of like how much money do you owe your family if you're a rich person. But also, if he wasn't already helping them out, they probably already didn't have a good relationship. Right. Right. That's what I'm saying. Maybe there was a reason. This is the only reason why I'm nice to Winnie and a good dad to Winnie is on the off chance that she ends up one day becoming some sort of a famous basketball star or. Lay it down.

Oh, yeah. Parachutist or whatever it is. But if she becomes some world famous situation, we call it the potential world famous situation is what I refer to. I feel like that sounds like the second coming of my. like the situation, you know, so I don't know if that's what you want for her. If she follows his journey to a T, I'll be thrilled. Yeah, you know, we're happy for him. He's doing better than literally, well, no, him, J.Wow and Snooki are all doing great.

He didn't come this far just to come this far. Do not follow any of the other people from Jersey Shore on Instagram. It's too sad. I mean, in fact, Angelina we can talk about it. Oh, yeah, you want to bring up the Angelina story? I can't believe that story. So Angelina went to some kind of like a cool sounding secret like holiday show that was like hidden in a secret bar or whatever in this like holiday event. And she went in there with a group of, I'll just say thugs.

Sounds like a bunch of like jerseys shore style thugs. And they were bullies. They were big bullies to a little person in a gingerbread man costume. Who was it the performer on stage? She harassed a performer on stage. And apparently allegedly kept saying, do you know who I am? Which I love because we know who you are. You're Angelina from Jersey Shore.

Angelina from the Jersey Shore. That I want her to do. I want her to scream, do you know who I am? While her drunken thug friends, like it's so funny that all the rest of the cast are like, yeah, we're like rich now. We live like rich person lives. And she's still just at it, dude. She's at it.

He can't take the jersey out of that girl. But Mike, you know, Mike is just living in a nice house with his three kids. loving his wife. You're right. He loves his wife. Sober as a fucking train track. As it must be. And we love that for him.

Love that for him. All right. Well, I think that's the end of the list. We're scared right now of the mini wind outages we've received all throughout this episode. I'm celebrating men. I'm celebrating men. I love men except for J. Linno.

Give your gift of Leno to the wind. Yes. He's the only one. A minnow in the wind. All right, let's blast through this so that we don't get powers shut off on us yet again. Let's blast through this really quickly. I think I'm going. Blind!

Items. Oh, we can't see them. This illiterate A-list singer wants people to call him by a new name in 2025. No one will do that. He is going to try a whole new persona thing. No one cares, though. Giving yourself a nickname we were just talking about. I love it. I want to speculate on what he's trying to nickname himself to. So

illiterate, definitely has come off as dushy lately, was a child star idol kind of thing, still in a band now. Joe Jonas? Yes, Joe Jonas. Wow. Wow. I got to be honest, I didn't know he's still in a band. So that was a lucky. Well, he's still in the Jonas Brothers. The linked article for this one was

about how he debuted a new look at the New Year's Rock and Eve show, a big old thick mustache. Whoa. And that fun for him. Oh, yeah, we didn't even talk at all about New Year's Rock and Eve. I assumed none of us watched it. Oh, I like the clips that Jackie shared. I'm going to be screaming about it on Talking TV. Okay, good.

Oh, good. All right. Well, yeah, I mean, I very much enjoyed the Andy and Anderson clips. But, yeah, I don't know what else happened. All right, Joe, Joan. Wait, so who is he? Who does he think that he's going to become now? Like, what does he want to be?

Yeah, what's his... Oh, the big handsest. See, like, shark. How about this? I got one for you. Jojojoa. Wow. Going after the queer pop, huh?

Yeah. Trying to reinvent gay pop. His new name is Jojo Cewa. Joe Joe's bizarre adventure, maybe another one. Or... Joe Jonas Ceewa. Or maybe it's literally just like the Raptor, you know? Yeah.

That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Like, I think maybe he's coming out. Like, maybe he decided that he wants to, like, try, like, the world of, like, furry shifters or I don't know whatever he's going to get into. It's going to be something. Or it could be leaned into it and just went Dr. Divorce.

Dr. Divorce would be good. Yeah, I was thinking something that, like, a 10-year-old boy would make up, like, shark-tooth. Yeah, it'd be, like, laser skull. Which would be awesome. Or something like that. Which would be awesome. The reality, here's another one. The reality show about the Swingers has two of them hooking up and living together

after they bring together. after they broke away from their respective partners. Apparently, to be revealed during the next season, or will they hide it because it is just too much? Is this a reality show that we know? Yes, very well, intimately. Wait, so wait, they're... Only had...

Polly? You guys are going to be so happy with the answer to this one. They're... Okay, it's a couple that broke up. Yeah, it's a show about married people. It's only had one season. We loved it. I only had one season.

It would be so fun if this was real because of the nature of the people involved. And who knows if they'll survive it. Oh, mom talk. Oh, mom talk. Mom talk. No, thanks. I'm scared of the wind.

Secret of the wind. Secret of Moro Wives. Who do you think that is? Who do you think the two ladies are, dude? Or is it two dudes, dude? Who are getting with each other? Honestly, all the guys are gay in it. So I guess it would be more likely

that two of the husbands are living together. All the husbands are gay. And also, I can picture any of the women kissing each other. And so, yeah, that's great news. Well, I do picture, yeah, I picture them all being able to kiss each other, but in the same way as bad girls club. Right. In the sense of it's like, only when I'm drunk.

I'm not gay. Right, right, right. It's just when I'm drunk. I like to look like it. Yeah, but I want to believe this so bad. Honestly, you ask, like, which ones do you think are together? I'm like, I couldn't tell you. of their names.

I don't remember. I think Dakota is not like... Taylor. I know Dakota was the main dude. Dakota's a husband. With Taylor. Whitney. There's a Whitney,

which is confusing because there's also a Whitney in Real House. I was a Salt Lake City. Different Whitney. This is, I think that's my problem right now. It's really fucked up.

At Bad Girls Club, there's a Natalie and Amber and Alexi. And it's so hard because we'll start talking shit about like, because they're all hot messes. So we'll be like saying all this stuff about it. We'll be like, wait, wait, we have to clarify.

We're talking about Natalie from Bad Girls' Glove, not Natalie from LPN from real life. But anyways, all right, this last one, the A-list, everything in her mind, celebrity was given a new boy toy for the holidays. She has been having fun with him. Will she show him off in public is the question. I love that she was gifted a new boy toy. I totally believe this because of the person it centers around had a rough year. Mariah Carey? It's not Mariah Carey?

Not Mariah Carey, but similar. I would say in a similar camp. Gift. In terms of being... In terms of being an eccentric celebrity singer that... J-Lo. Yes. I love the idea that she would just like...

Someone was like, I got you a present. It's a new boy toy. And it's just like one of her backup dancers and I feel like she... But he's like in a Ken-sized box. Yeah, he's in a cage. She's in a cage for sure. Oh, he's just like, I'm not gay.

I just fuck other men when I'm drunk. And she's like, sure, whatever. You know what I mean? It's just the same thing. But she's been spotted out partying with Kevin Costner lately for whatever that's worth. What? Okay. She spoke of, she spoke of, quote, pushing boundaries in 2025, in a recent interview.

Does that mean we're going to get another doc, do you think? Yes. Wow. Maybe. It'll be called pushing boundaries dot, dot, dot, dot, without bin, in parentheses, forward slash colon. Only man. I don't know.

She posted that thirst trap on New Year's Eve of her and just like a hat and a bathing suit. And I was just like, mama me. Yes, please. More like thirsty trap. I mean, please, girl, get it together. But anyways, those are the blinds. I can see again.

And special side note, if my power goes out for the rest of this episode, you're just going to finish out the plugs without me, okay? Just a heads up. We're going to plow through our credits here because we are. Now that I'm no longer. specifically needed on the episode.

If it happens one more time, it'll be okay. Talking about it, let's start being about it. Thank you guys so much for joining us on this week's episode of page seven. We got to get out of here before we get attacked by the wind. My name is Jackie Browski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. You can come hang out with me and MJ on Wednesdays, where we play The Sims, Twitch.

tv slash, oh, no, it's Jackie. And also come check out my new show. who's the bitch? You can send in your problems, your quandaries, your questions, to who's the bitch.com. Come hang out with us. Me and Kara, have a bunch of fun.

Hold it. I like men and I like the wind. Please let me say these things into the microphone without the power going out yet again. That's my poem for you and my suggestion for you is to check me out

on Twitch.combe forward slash Holdenators O and check Jackie and I out the Jackie and me. every Friday. It is And I. Yeah. The Jackie. Hyundai.

Uh-oh. Is your pussy green? I stared down the barrel of my pussy hole. Finish your plugs. Well, now you got me all turnt. Twitch. AtTV forward slash hold nander's ho. Patreon.com forward slash whizbrough.

J. linno.com. L-U-V-T-H-A-W-I-N-D. all of those places you can find me. Check us out so much stuff on the Patreon. $5 a month gets you so much bonus content, $10 a month for that. Sweet, sweet, sweet, Buffy watch along. We are cruising through the end of season three. And I think that's about it.

Page 7 Podcasts at gmail.com. Please send to your conspiracy theories. And there you go. MJ! My name is MJ and I'm MJKL Kat on Instagram. Happy New Year, everyone. Happy New Year. Let's sing a shout-out song.

Shout out. shout let it all out these are all the emails that you wrote it about come on we're gonna read that to you come on oh baby oh baby oh baby baby baby oh baby oh baby oh baby it's time for the shoutouts it's time for the shoutouts and you can send in your own shoutouts to page seven podcast at gmail.com we love hearing from you and i just want to say thank you all for taking the time to like share with us your TV show Rex and your high hellos and just absolutely anything. You know I love a fur baby picture and I'm always willing to put my papers on them and I just want to say thank you. Thank you for showing up every week and thank you for reaching out to us. I love you all so dearly.

Ooh, but I've got some specific kind of love going out to some of our cuties this. week. And again, you can send in your own shoutouts to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. But first up, we've got beautiful, beautiful, jade from chat. We've got beautiful, beautiful, Jade from chat. Oh my God, we missed your birthday, Jade. Jade says, this is late as fuck. But my birthday was yesterday, so I'm definitely late for a shoutout. But would you please sing the rainbow connection for me? Of course, Jade. Why are there so many? Songs about rainbows, what's on the other side? Rainbows are visions, but only illusions, and rainbows have nothing to hide.

Don't, I'm going to start crying. So we've been told and some Jews to believe it. I know they're wrong way to say Someday we'll find it A rainbow connection The lovers The dreamers and me I love you Jade

Happy belated birthday Your birthday sounded absolutely amazing It sounded like Oh the beautiful daydream that you are Anyway Jade moves on and says I love y'all so much And please let hold a know I will once again be enjoying every episode of Holden Talks for 30 minutes on his birthday.

I will never forget his day. You are so sweet. Also, happy birthday to my youngest sister, Jasmine, and our middle sister, Juju, whose birthdays are December 23rd and January 1st. I know they don't listen to podcasts, but I'll convince them to one day listen to page 7 because they know how much I love y'all, and I'm sending so much love to you and your sisters. I hope you had the greatest holiday, Jade, and we're sending you a million, million love.

And now we've got more beautiful love going on out. And this goes out to Alice, always in Wonderland. Alice is Merry Christler, Page 7 friends. But more importantly, happy birthday to Holden and all the listeners out there who were cursed with a late December birthday. This is a shout out to all those who have to deal with fucking Jesus H. Macy trying to take over our birthday month. He wasn't even born in December.

My birthday is December 29th, and while I have to commend my parents for always keeping it separate from the holidays, it's always been kind of a bummer. Never getting to have a birthday treat day in class as a kid. Being handed one gifted Christmas and told, it's your Christmas slash birthday present. Having people forget about it because they're wrapped up in holiday bullshit. The list could continue. But weak caps know the score. And believe me, we're counting and holding that grudge until we shrivel up and die.

Last year was my 36th birthday, and it was the worst birthday yet. I was dealing with uterine and menstrual issues that caused an emergency visit to the gyno. The only day they could get me in for an ultrasound was on my birthday, which the receptionist kindly reminded me of with an exaggerated sad face while I lay on the examination table and the super young ultrasound tech was twisting that cold, slimy, transvaginal wand inside me. I stared at the ceiling. My thoughts were interrupted by the whistling break of me and Julio down by the schoolyard coming from the waiting room speakers. I'm sorry, Alice, I'm not laughing at you. You're just painting quite a beautiful visceral picture. Anyway, I continue. When it was

finally over. I checked my phone to see a slew of people canceling on my birthday party for that evening like everyone were just worn out from the holidays. When I'm sick, boo you whores. I came home, ripped my birthday earrings off and chucked them on the dresser. I was so jaded, I was jaded, baby. I'm imagining that you mean the Aerosmith song. This year I decided, fuck it. I'm doing what whatever the hell I want on my birthday. It sucks, but I think all us caps know. We just have to make our birthday special in whatever way we can. Plan that spa day.

Drink a whole bottle of wine. Smoke that weed. Shout it from the rooftops. It's my birthday. I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore. Happy birthday, my beautiful little winter goats. This is our fucking time. and don't you forget it. Alice, I need you to know I've never ever wanted to be a Capricorn

ever in my life until just now. I have never been so goaded. And wow, what an amazing linguistic skill you have. And I just want to say, happy birthday, babe. And I hope that you got exactly what you wanted on your birthday this year because you fucking deserve it, sending you so much love. and sending, of course, loved my other caps out there, too. We love you all. And oh my God, is it Jade again? Jade, you cute, beautiful bitch. All right, Jade, what have you got to say?

I just want to shout out all the listeners writing in to shout their love from the rooftops. Oh, Jade. Every time I hear someone gushing about their partner in the shoutouts, I literally start to cry. So shout out to all the lovers out there. I love your love. Every one of you deserves all the joy into happiness in the world, and it warms my heart to hear about it. Yes, I'm crying as I type this because of a beautiful shout-out from a member of chat.

Oh, also shout out to my big, Big Sister in Our Sorority, Gamify Beta, Jessica, and her new husband, Spencer. They just got married last month, and the celebration was everything. If it had to be a man, I'm glad it's him. Also, they did a really cool podcast on Twilight called Twilight that I think everyone who loves Twilight should listen to. The research is astounding. Everybody check out Twilight. Okay, I'll check it out, babes. Also, shout out to lovers of page seven, Jackie and Jeffrey, MJ and Gideon, and Holden and Lex. I've been a fan since Roundtable Days and listening to your journey.

through time, the heart breaks and the shenanigans, finding your lovers and hearing the journey and growth of your love fills me with more joy than I can even begin to describe, especially you, Jackie, stop Jane. I'm going to cry. I know I see it in chat almost every time you gush about Jeff, but listening to what you went through on roundtable, throughout your bad relationship, breakup, summer of sad, everything, and seeing how you are so, so loved now, it gives me goosebumps. You're such a bright and shining spirit and fills me with pride, knowing that you found someone that actually deserves you. Stop! Another, if you're going to be with a man, he be someone to be with. I say this as a lesbian with a crush on you respectfully, but you already know that. And I love

you too, Jade. Anyway, I cried a lot about the love shout out, so I just wanted to write in, wow, all my emails end up so long and I don't know how to edit. I love this, Jade. And I'm sending you all of the love and I'm wishing you all of the light in this year. And to everybody that is still listening to this right now, I'm sending you love and I hope you feel my arms around you because I'm giving you a big old squeeze because you know what? It might be a difficult year, but we're going to make it through it together. I'm sending you love.

We got to keep sending love out there, guys. We got to keep sending it out there so we can keep coming back to us. I love you. We'll be back next week. Bye, everybody. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them.

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