Page 7 - Ep. 567: The Bimbos Under the Stage

Episode Date: January 30, 2025

This week on Page 7, Jackie gets introduced to Toonces, the Cat Who Could Drive a Car after unveiling her parody of "Baby Driver"(featuring a driving baby) to MJ and Holden, and TLC unleashes it's whiplash inducing "The Baldwins" trailer. Camila Cabello is at odds with the internet again after photos of her recent arena show looked like a ghost town, Reese Witherspoon went on the Today Show with news of how jury duty (DOODY) was, and that they made her the foreperson because of her role in Legally Blonde??? The musical "Emilia Pérez" seems like it's only negative stereotypes despite 13 noms, but no one at Page 7 has seen it yet to know if it's the TRASH it's claimed to be, and in Celebrity Conspiracy: Is Zach Bryant the reincarnation of Henry VIII!?!?!? The List - Celebrities With ABOLSUTELY WILD LOOOORE, Blindz and MOOOOORE!  Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Sometimes when you're in a marriage, you have bits that really annoy your spouse. And currently, I've been doing a bit where I change all the lyrics to songs, which, you know, that's not a new bit. That's an old bit. But recently, the song Baby Driver by Simon and Garfunkel has been in Jeff's rotation. And I have changed most of the lyrics to the song about an actual baby driving a car. And that goes like this. They call me a baby driver. because of my baby driving a car.

And they said, oh, no, get that baby. She shouldn't be driving that car. Boot out the road. All out the road. Get that baby. She shouldn't be driving that car. And I've been seeing it to myself. Thank you very much.

You've got to go get that baby because she shouldn't be driving that car. And I have laughed about this to such an extent that my husband certainly doesn't care. And I just want it to keep going. And I think that every song should be about babies driving cars and how the babies shouldn't be driving cars and how any song really could be turned into singing about babies and how, like, how do they even hit the pedals? How do they have the, you know, how can they merge onto the highway? And there's so much you can make jokes about when it comes to babies driving cars. And this is where we are, guys. Yeah.

You know, because it's been a month that is 17 years long. And sometimes you come up with bits that just, I'm just trying to keep a smile on my face. You know, I'm just trying to not actively spiral at every moment, every time I open up and I look at the phone. And I go, what next? Yeah. What now? And so now, instead, I could just get that baby. She shouldn't be driving that car.

And you just sing it to yourself. It's a lot like Toonsis the Driving Cat from Saturday Night Live. He drives around all over the town. Tunesis the driving cat. And I'm not accusing you of theft. I actually don't know. What is it? My childhood cat was named Tunesis after Tunes is the driving cat.

That's an L'NL sketch. Tunes is a little cat that's driving. This old pauls. And then it just cuts to a car flying off of a cliff and exploding. Every sketch. Every sketch ends up the car. Tunes is the driving cat. Pull it up.

Yeah. This is insane. You think I'm not pulling it up? This is like my, you haven't seen the God fought? Like that's my... Yeah, that is my... You haven't seen Tuneses. I haven't seen Tuneses.

Tuneses. Wow, the Tunesanator. Wow, they did a lot. Yeah, they did a lot. They did a lot. It was the golden age of S&L. Golden Age. Just an extremely simple premise.

Like a caveman lawyer, you know, extremely simple premise. What's sad is I was way more thinking about the one tiny shot in the movie Groundhog. Day when they're going through a montage of all the different ways that he dies in Groundhog Day. And in one of them, the Groundhog is at the steering wheel of a car. And that's what I was thinking about. I was thinking about a Groundhog driving a car, which is also silly how he could drive that car. Listen, this is like, you know, when the pandemic was happening and I was just living in constant, like a type of mental hell that I truly hope to never revisit again. And then we would meet.

We would meet. It's, it's back. We're back. But we would beat at night. And then we would talk about Justin Bieber being a lizard person, you know, and all of the stress would melt right off. I would start crying. And usually it was like laughing tears, but also it's like there was a bit of an emotional release happening there. And so in this, in these times, if you have to picture a baby merging onto the highway in order to cope, I guess that is how. You should be driving that car. Oh, I have so many lyrics. I wish I, man, oh, my genius. Lightning doesn't strike twice in the same place, but it does. And that happens in my brain. I wish you would strike. Right here, God, right here, God.

It could be the old one, two. And you're a benevolent god. Oh, honestly, I mean, I will say someone just picked up a cantrip of Thunderbolt or Lightning Bolt. I'm a Bolcher. Sorry, I was talking, I've been watching Dungeons and Drag Queens. So my husband, who is the DM of our game that I play alongside Holden as well, as well as Henry and some other people that our friends, we all gallivant together. And now I just needed you to know, Holden. I've changed from Booming Blade to Lightning Bolt.

And I'm going to bolt people for us instead. Nice. Because I've got to come in as the big fighter, everybody. Yeah, you need to be, yeah, you're the heavy. Yeah. I'm not calling you. Oh, yeah. Interesting.

Interesting. Oh, we're going to have another? Do we need another? I'm sorry, saw. You're the heavy. I'm the tiny pretty, and that's how D&D is played. So glad. So glad that Holden came to play today.

How heavy am I, Holden? Whatever. I'm not going to be my own parents to you. Thank you. Thank you, Holden. You're not going to go make me do a turkey trot, but I'll because what they are not at, asking you to do during a turkey trot is act like a turkey while you run, but how do you not?

Did you at least a little bit hold in? Yeah, I mean, I definitely gobble these nuts. Well, I don't know. What's going on? You gobbled your own nuts? We need a second. I feel like we need to talk this through if you're gobbling your own nuts. At the turkey.

Look, you're pulling me back into the holidays. I refuse to go back. It was a traumatic time for everybody. You brought up your own parents. You call Jackie Heavy and then you brought up your own parents. Great. So thank you. Don't play mine.

Thank you for the receipts. They've got the receipts. B-do-D-D-D-D. Apology video mode. Jackie, I am. I need to put on less makeup somehow. Yeah, I need you to be. Yeah.

I'm so sorry. Thank you. They have to do this little throat thing to. I'm so sorry that I call you a heavy. I'm a ghost. Now, they're like, it's just before going full ghost. They have to do this little throat thing. The thing is, I think that we might be in an era now where I know we hate apology videos

and we won't miss them, but I don't think we live in that era anymore. No one's making. No, no apologize anymore. Now we're in the era of just like open slurts, you know, so there's no apology videos. I did it. I did it. Yeah, yeah. So what?

Or it's, I did it, but it wasn't what it was. Right, right. I did what you think I did and what you saw with your eyes. But also, it wasn't that. He's trying to baldoni me right now because I don't know if I can handle much more of it, all right? All of it. I can't handle it anymore.

I can't, like, I can't read through this one says this one, and then that one said that one, and then this one does this one. You know what we can all collectively get behind and hate together. And I know that this is going to bring our country together, guys. All right, it is the bald wins. Yes, we have finally. trailer for the TLC reality show The Baldwins where we can all collectively want to put just,

I'm not talking about the kids, I'm just talking about the adults, put them inside of like, I don't want to bury them alive forever. I just feel like if we just buried them alive for like a couple of hours just to see the things that would come out of the coffin, like I'd want like some sort of tube so we could hear what they were saying so that we could record it. and then include it in the Baldwin's. Well, I was going to say we don't need to bury them live. We just need to put them in a room with no cameras and no attention.

And I think that they would dissolve. They would dissolve. They would just crumble because the attention grab on this. Guys, trailer is so wild. Wow. Can you answer a question of me? So we got a one minute long trailer that was surprising to me, actually. I'm actually, I really thought I knew what it was going to be.

So I want you. I'm going to gauge your response. What is worse, what I originally thought it was going to be, which was like a total ignoring. Wacky, wacky, loo. Look at all these kids. Well, like, while obviously all this dark shit was going on in the background and they would just be like, I'm a silly dad and these are my silly kid.

And instead, the trailer gave us a different thing, which was, I'm a silly dad and these are our silly kids. But also, he killed a wife. He killed. Literally. Literally the trailer is don't pee in the pool and a son lost his mother in the most tragic way. What is worse? Do you guys think this is worse than that? Or do you think it's better that they acknowledge it?

I think it's crazy. I think this is worse. I think it might be worse. I think it's worse to turn it into fodder for the entertainment. Something about you. Especially for reality television. How dare you? For the lowest of the low way.

It's the background music change. too, I think that really... Yes, because it starts off like, we got seven kids and six animals. And then it's like, dun, done, da, a life was lost. A passive voice. I love, by the way, it's not a woman in her own right.

It's the daughter of a mother. So, hilarious, still had to make it about her somehow. The mother of, yeah, a son lost, you're right. Yes, you're so right. You're right. It's not a woman was killed. It's a son lost his mother. How?

How did he lose his mother? Did she wander off? Right. Oh, no, she was shot with a gun by your husband. Oh, oh, by your husband who was also the producer on the film who had a, like, responsibility. Who got extremely lucky in that trial. It wasn't a, they found him to be completely free of guilt. There was a shenanigan that happened, a Mulligan essentially happened.

Yes. And he got off Scott Free. So, like, it's just bananas. I just say, thank God. got a platform. You know, I'm just like, how are we supposed to know how he grieved? Like, I want to watch minute by minute, tear after tear. Crocodile him up, Alec.

I want to see every single one squeeze out of your dumb fucking face. But that's the problem is that we're screaming all this stuff. But you know we're going to watch it. Like, I'm already upset with myself that I'm going to watch every second of this. And I don't, I know that like age is just a number. But there's something about seeing in this article that Hilaria is 41 that makes me feel like attacked. We're upset. Yeah.

I got really upset about that. Right? We're just so not. And I know that it's like one of those things that as you get older, like your brain can't really comprehend. You're like, oh, I'm not really getting older. I'm not. It's like it's weird to think of myself as around the same age as Hilaria Baldwin because I look at her and I'm just like, you're an old stodgy. crazy bitch and I can't believe we're the same age.

I also had a really weird reaction to her being 41. Similarly, Stephen Miller, like the Trump guy is 39 and I'm like, my peers shouldn't be in government. And that's crazy because you can be in government when you're 39. Who shouldn't be? But like 39. But there's just something about the fact that Hilaria Baldwin is 41 and maybe it's because if you ask anybody who's our age from New York who used to do yoga, they're like, oh yeah,

Hillary the yoga lady who used to be around. It's because she used to be like... I'm sorry, who? MJ? Did you... I don't know if you said the right person. Please say it properly, MJ? Hilary!

Illaria! Illaria! There's no... Illaria. Okay, get it right. Thank you. Unbelievable. Thank you.

I was offended. So she just went from being like a millennial bitch who did yoga, you know? And then it's like, I feel like... it's something about being married to Alec Baldwin is not doing for her what I think she wants it to be doing. I think instead of seeming like a toffee wife, I think that she, it has somehow aged her up. I think she, it seems like she should be his peer now. And that's, and I'm, listen, I got an age gap with my husband. I'm not anti-age gap.

But I do feel like 41 and however old Alec Baldwin is. 66. It's a big age gap. And is it my business? No, but they're making it my business. Talk about aging poorly. I thought that he was much older than 66. And this article said 66.

And I was like, I don't know why, man, in my brain, he was already in his 70s. Sorry, not sorry. Yeah. He is aging like the saddest man, which he is. Milk. And the trailer, I mean, this trailer, in addition to the tone shift, in addition to the music shift, in addition to the completely passive voice about the person who was killed, it is, it's like, it's like, every shot of Alec Baldwin, his face is puffy.

Yeah. He's like, and I think they're doing that so that we know that he's sad. So it's a season long apology video is what you're saying. And I think they're trying to make it seem like he's sad about killing a person and not sad about also having so many kids. And I do think that he's sad about killing a person. I do, obviously it was an accident, right? Like, you know, when I, when that first happened, I remember being like, wow, we

love to make fun of Alec Baldwin on our show. But, like, I actually feel so devastated for him. imagine having this horrible accident happens. But the way that he... Clearly didn't want the person to get killed or want to shoot them at all. Of course. But then the handling of it in the aftermath has been so objectionable that... And again, they got their soundbite that they needed so bad, or at least that

Hilaria needed so badly, which is you and these kids saved me. Yes. And they needed that. She needed that. Oh my gosh. It's not him. You know what? He sucks.

Sure. Not necessarily because he killed a woman, which is an insane thing to say out loud. But you know what I mean? it's just that that was clearly an accident but he sucks. It wasn't accident. Right. It wasn't murder. He sucks for other reasons.

I always thought he sucked after the your welcome sign after Biden got elected on S&L because he thought he was the reason why everybody voted against Trump because of his Trump impressions on S&L, which is insane. Like it's just that kind of like entitlement and snootiness like just annoys the shit out of me. So I was already kind of turning a page on him. I used to go to the upper. He was already sad before.

That's the thing. It was already sad about having so many kids. And then he accidentally killed someone. And even though that was an accident, again, he was, you know, the producer on the film. And there was obviously, it was like, it wasn't a freak accident that was completely unpreventable. It was a very preventable accident. And that's why people are mad at him because he was in charge of the movie where a very

preventable accident happened. But all that aside, I mean, this, the nerve of this woman. And then this bitch forgets the English word for onions. So could you imagine being the son of this dead mom and watching

these people who caused her death use it in a way to make money and become more famous? Could you fucking imagine? If all the money from the show went to the family. Honestly, that would make me feel different. No, it would never.

But that would make me at least feel like a little bit different of the showing it off. You know what I mean? They should, yeah, that would be something. Or anything. If we find out in the first episode that they're saying we are going to pay in full for that child's, you know, higher education, that we have created a trust for him. Like that child will, or for them, that child will not want for anything because of this

horrible tragedy. Then I'll be like, okay, you still shouldn't pretend to be Spanish, but. But whatever else you're doing is fine. Have as many kids as you want, you know. But I think that this is the most blatant example of profiteering from a tragedy to save one's own image and just careening through it. Every conflict, there's at least one bitch. A huge bitch, a silly bitch.

A little baby bitch, a raggedy bitch. But sometimes it's unclear who the bitch is. I'm Kara Klank. And I'm Jackie Zabrowski. And on our new call and advice podcast, we're going to help you figure out who's the bitch. We want to hear your problems, dilemmas, and quandaries. No topic is off limits. Does your coworker flirt with the boss to get ahead?

Is your bestie having her destination wedding on a holiday weekend? Is your therapist being clingy? Does your friend keep bringing her toddler to adult parties? Come on, there's definitely a bitch in your life, and we want to hear about it. You can email us, DM us, leave us, leave us, a voicemail and even call in live to talk to us in person about the alleged bitch in your life. Just go to who's the bitch.com for all the ways you can contact us. New episodes drop every Wednesday starting in October on the last podcast network.

So subscribe now on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. And tune in to our live stream kickoff on September 30th on the last podcast network Twitch channel where we'll be taking your calls live on air. Help us, help you figure out. Who's the bitch? I was curious because I just looked this up because I remembered that the family did sue Alec Baldwin for punitive damages, funeral and other expenses, and for alleging reckless behavior and cost cutting on set that led to her death. And apparently it was settled for an undisclosed amount last October. So, but this is the thing is that like, in my brain is like, well, how much is worth?

that. You know what I mean? Like nothing is all I can hope is that at least that child never has to worry about, you know, growing up. Right. Yeah. I, I, but like that's also, the show is going to be fascinating from a legal perspective because I guess they didn't really, I don't know when they, do we know if they started filming it after the, because those charges were just dropped like only last year. So I imagine it's going to cover all of that. Right. And if. there was also a civil suit going on at the same time. I just feel like it's going to be like Madlibs on this show because there are going to be so many things that they can't talk about legally while also trying to talk about it to make themselves look like good people, which they aren't, but they want us to think they are so that we'll watch the show. You know, there's just so much going on here.

And it's like, you know, the fact that it's all, like that the 10th most crazy thing about it is that the main character pretends she's from Spain. is, it's like, MJ. And then they got six animals. She has vacationed there a bunch. Yeah, maybe if you talk to me like. Come on, MJ. How many nannies?

Seven kids. Six animals. And then I wanted them to say five nannies. You know, I just want to know about the labor. Nanny representation. I need to know about the domestic labor. Somebody probably takes care of the fucking animals too. Certainly they have a dog nanny. Of course they do.

I need to know. This is my new. This is what's. going to drive me into the into the nut houses. I watch Instagram videos of what rich New Yorkers do. And they're like, you know, on Saturday, our kids take Russian school or whatever. And then I won. It's all these.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's, we're already problematic here. I know. I don't know why they're going to Russia school. I don't know how to be. Yeah, exactly. How to be out of. They're not Russian.

And these parent influencers, I feel like, are no good. I imagine you do learn some good things. I feel like they're, you know, they're just providing a standard that most people can't, can't live. Oh, no. I'm six years into parenthood and I'm finally reckoning with what parent influencers have done to my own brain. And I think I'm finally becoming a bit of a self-aware, sentient human being in terms of like, oh, I've literally spent six years comparing myself to these people and for what? Right. Like, with no benefit.

Yeah, yeah. But I just, the rich person thing is just curious because they never, sometimes, you know, sometimes, you'll hear the nanny's voice in the background like, okay, say happy Monday. And I'm just like, it's like, oh, I wonder who that invisible woman is. You know, like, and they just make it the whole account is, look at our family, look at our family, look at how much we do. And none of it makes visible the labor. So no wonder, and then the surgeon general's like parents are in an acute mental health crisis,

you know, and it's like, because there's no Instagram just like, look at it, look at your family. Look at how, look at the, and the labor is rendered invisible, you know, and that's, that, That's why I'm at a hilarious. Yes. The changing and the cleaning and the tidying and the dicing and the dishes and the waking up early and the, you know. The dropping. Who's taking all those seven kids? To all their things.

How are you dropping off seven kids to different things? You have to have so much man about like literally the people. And I'm happy you said rich people, not just celebrities, because I will say I was one of the nanny experiences I used to work through college was when I would have to hide any time any of her. friends would show up because she didn't want anyone to know that she had help with her six children, because Lord knows if the church found out that she had help with her children, she would never live it down. So I would have to hide in a closet if anybody dropped by during the day because she didn't want anyone to know. She had full-time help. Yes.

I was full-time help, by the way. And I wasn't just being a nanny. I was doing a whole house management. But anyway, so thank you for not just calling out celebrities because it's, I think, oftentimes rich people that they're like, I've got it all. And it's effortless. No, it's not. It's effortful. It's full of effort. Every second of being awake is full of effort. And that's why I say, hunt them down like the house. No. No. All right. I don't. I don't need a Luigi McNeily Ongi over here. All right. So now they're in the streets and we can actually get to them. So they're not behind. They're pretty gates.

The gate is burned down. Two weeks ago, I was feeling like so much solidarity for everyone who wasn't like the 10 millionaires. And then billionaires. And now Hilaria is here. And now I hate all rich people again. It's not just the billionaires. It's everyone. I'm sorry, guys.

I'm all over the place emotionally. I will say it is annoying how the really scary news hits and everyone talks about it. But then we never take a moment to say, hey, the fires are pretty much gone. It rained on Sunday. You know, the scary fire map is way less scary now. I mean, half of Los Angeles can not drink their water currently, but not our half. So, you know?

Sure. Not our half. Buy it at the store. With all that money you have. Oh, good. The grocery prices are so much cheaper now, right, because of the elections? So just go to the store and get your cheap groceries. Go get all those cheap groceries you wanted so badly.

Because they exist now, right? You wanted cheap eggs? How about zero eggs? Yeah, how about none? Because migrant workers don't want to show up in farms right now. All right. You know what people should. That's why we shouldn't be so upset towards Camilla Cabello who was performing.

There was this picture. You know what? It's a really sad picture. It is a picture of her performing to a nearly empty arena. and I feel a sad for whoever took the photo from the behind the stage out, from behind her, out into the audience to show how little of an audience she had. But here's the thing. People are ripping her apart because like, you should know if you can't sell out in arena. This isn't her fault. I love people who think that celebrities book their own tours personally.

Yes, this is not her fault. I love that. No, this is the fault of a team. of people. This is not her fault. There is a team of people who are hoping to profit off of her who mismanaged this. Yes. And now she's the front facing person who people are going to be like, look at this fucking idiot. What an idiot. And it's like, do you not know you really, oh, really, you think that J.T. is personally calling Madison Square Garden and being like, can I perform

there tonight? You know, it's like, what do people think happens? Who do, were these, are these people eight years old? They think Camilla Cabo did this to herself. But also, this article is cagey as hell because it's like, I'm now a Camila Caboter on this because there's like a random quote halfway through this article about how sad it was that nobody came to the show and it's like one person claimed it was a private event

and it's like, well, was it? Because if it's a private event. An insider told us the Cabello was probably for a corporate event and quote, only a few tickets were sold to the public. That makes no, what does that even mean? That makes no sense. That's not a private event

and they're not selling public. No, that's ridiculous. I don't know. I think they're completely up. they're an ass about that one. Yes, and towards the people that are like, oh, I just wouldn't do a show if the tickets weren't being sold. Okay, not everybody's a J-Lo. You have to understand that not everybody can throw their weight around before a show even, like, before a tour even starts to be like, you know what, tickets aren't selling, I want to cancel all of this. A lot of people don't have that opportunity. They just say, well, you better sell more tickets. Well, then you better sell more tickets. But who is going to sell those tickets? Who is going to sell those tickets? Who is going to sell? her tickets for her. It can't just be her being like, buy my tickets. You definitely got to buy my tickets. It requires a whole PR machine. Again, multiple people failed because of it. Like, this shows a huge failure. And the whole live show industry right now is a complete shit show. So I think this is a

symptom of trying to get every act they possibly can into an arena so they can sell tickets for $1,000 a pop. I'm so fucking over it. Theater shows need to come back. cheaper shows need to come back. It's ridiculous. Absolutely. What is going on? I'm really tired of this need. And, you know, and, and yeah, it's like because of eras and stuff like that.

Like, J-Lo, I always said could have had a very successful residency in Vegas or probably theater tour. I have a feeling they tried to, I didn't look up her tour or her actual tour schedule. So I guess I'm talking about my ass here, but I'm assuming it was a lot of big-ass arena venues. I'm assuming. I'm sure. And they could have probably easily sold out, like, theaters and, again, made the tickets for the fucking goddamn show cheaper, you fuckers.

That's the thing, because, like, let's be real. Even, like, when we were talking about not that Mariah Carey had any problem selling out her Christmas shows. But when I went looking at it, I was like, well, it would be fun to go because, you know, I love Mariah. Let me see. But, no, it's not fun if, for the nosebleed sections, the ticket. is almost $400. I don't think that's fun. I can't do that for fun.

I'm happy to blame these jackasses who, the, the, I mean, I don't want to throw, they have helped us with our tour, but whatever. I will just say the people who organize

to put the monopoly that runs the touring these days and the venue people and the management and everything organizing this stuff. Yeah, the executives and CEOs who stand to profit from how these things are structured. And this is, you know, like I said before about like during the fires, I felt a lot of love for celebrities. And then I said, you know, actually now I'm still mad at rich people.

But this is actually like, this is a great example because you can point to Camilla Cabo, right, and be like, she's a rich person and she did this stupid thing. And it's like, no, no, no, you have to figure out. I feel like my motto right now is just like figure out who to be mad at. Like there's just no point in being, like, there are still celebrities and who are being exploited, right? And they're being exploited by people who stand to make the money. And I feel like this is just a great example of like it's not, I don't even think it's, yeah, it's like Taylor Swift's fault. Although what, like, they're in. Blamer.

You want to blame her? We can be mad at her. We can, everything that's going on with the NFL right now. People are whatever. God, she's going to the Super Bowl again, everybody. She's going to the Super Bowl. Can we stop for a second to just congratulate Taylor Swift's chiefs for making it to the Super Bowl yet again? Yes, people say it's rigged because the Swifties will turn out for the Super Bowl hugely.

But I just want to say, first of all, possible door open for her to perform bad blood on the big stage with Kendrick, who is the big performer. Second of all, though, Taylor, I'm speaking directly to you right now, Homegirl. Good fucking work. You did a good job getting them into the ball game. If Taylor Swift, you got this team. If Taylor single-handedly destroys the credibility of the NFL, I think that would be fun, you know? And that is fucking awful. But you got this team from a zero-zero-zero season all the way to the Super Bowl.

And I'm proud of you, girl. And I just want to- Aren't they two big evils, though? Aren't it like, isn't like, I saw that it's the Eagles and the Chiefs and everybody right there. I'm talking out of my ass, so please, Eagles fans, Chiefs fans, I don't know. Everybody wanted at least Buffalo or the Washington commanders or the Detroit Lions to be in the big game. And instead, it's just two teams. Everyone's mad is in it.

Philadelphia fans are nightmare people. As we all know, they're just awful, horrible people, Philadelphia Eagle fans. I mean, the Chiefs. I only know this because of... They're just the annoying winning team, right? That just wins, wins, wins. People are so mad. The old hat at this point.

If you're not a Swifty, but if you're a Swifty, you're fucking thrilled. And Swifty's, I'm with you, okay? Let's watch this game. Let's have fun. Let's shake it off. This is how I know that I'm not a die-hard Swifty. Yeah, what ever take you're so a Swifty. No, you know I do it all for the dips.

The what? The dips. So you can take your dip and put it in my mouth, put it in my mouth, put it in my mouth. And I'm very excited for the Super Bowl because you know it's all about the dips. And I don't know what dip I'm going to make. Maybe a Rubin dip. It's one of my favorite that's a really good standout dip for the Super Bowl.

What are you, Martin Short and only murders in the building? You and your dips, you know? Oh, you know I love a dip. Oh, does he love dips? Remember, he only eats dips? Oh, yes. I understand. You know what?

I understand Martin Short more than I understand a lot of people. and I think that says a lot about my mental health. Now, I guess we should be talking about the mental health of these other jurors because we're talking about Reese Witherspoon. Now, apparently, Reese Witherspoon went in for jury duty and everybody loves jury duty. And I will say I think everybody's got different opinions over whether or not they would love to be on jury duty because they think it's so fascinating.

And people that are like, I'd rather never, I'd rather be in the coffin with Hilaria. as we're buried live just for an hour or two, just for content. And I'm sorry, I'm going to step quickly up onto my toilet. You can then flush me. Do jury duty because it's so important. And it's better that you do it. And you can believe that people are human beings and maybe they are innocent or don't deserve to be sent to prison.

Do jury duty. Do jury duty. Flush. And, you know, you're, I appreciate your pedestal. And you know who agrees with me, Reese Witherspoon, because she said the same thing. She did say the same thing. Although it is interesting because. the other people on the jury assumed because of legally blonde that she would know more things.

And so she was made the four person to. I can't believe this story. I can't believe that she was selected. I cannot believe that they were like, you know what, Reese Witherspoon being on the jury might make this trial seem to be a bit of a spectacle. I think it's amazing. And also so L.A. that they were like, whatever, just pick her. I mean, I guess one would at least have to assume, hopefully, that if she was doing her, job as an actor. She heavily researched the

court total process, whatever you want to call it, the jurisdiction. Courtal process. Yeah, that's what I say. It's giddy in every morning. All these words are so obnoxious. Jurisdiction bureaucracy. They, they're so hard. All these big words. Call it a flammie or something. Why do you have to, oh, the busker, burger, everything had to sound like a gaborger burger to sound more important.

Fucking trial. It's so, dude, this whole country's cooked. bro. Don't you have jury duty. If you have jury duty, you've got to go do jury duty. Can I talk about something actually important in regards to Reese Witherspoon? She wrote a children's book that Winnie loves. It's called Busy Betty and the Circus Surprise. Okay.

So just shout out to that book. Winnie loves it. And Reese wrote it. So good on you, Reese. Thank you, Reese. You may join Taylor. She's an author and she's a lawyer because everybody on the jury thought she was an actual lawyer because of Lee thought she had gone to law school because of legally blah.

And this is why we need to do jury duty. so that we can also combat that. You know she's still just an actress, right? We are aware of this. I can't believe that I know that there's a lot of people who don't understand a lot of things in this country, but I can't believe that people saw Reese Witherspoon and thought she played a lawyer in a movie.

And so she must have gone to law school. Honestly, I more would have chosen her because of her arrest video. I think that that way more, the way she goes against that, of do you know who I am? Like that's why you choose. Oh man, I forgot about that. This is another, yet another time where I feel such a wave of confusing hypocrisy because

she's driving drunk, which is awful and she's being entitled, which is also awful. Awful. Real quick, by the way, every, my mom's pushing for me to do this too. Every parent does the same thing. Their kid does something corky and cute in their imaginative play. And then you go, that should be a children's book. but every celebrity actually gets to make it a children's book because they have a bunch of money and in names so they can get a publisher. Is it a good book?

It's just, uh, when he loves it, so I'll give it. I'll hand it over to Reese, but the eye rolly part. You're the one, you are an adult though. She's a three-year-old. Do you enjoy the book? It's fine. It's fine. It's literally, I agree to get going, yep, I bet your daughter did all this.

Decided to throw a surprise circus birthday party for you, but it wasn't your birthday. and you loved it all the same because she's so quirky and cute because all kids do shit like that. I bet you wouldn't. I'd be like put it away. It's not my birthday. You were waiting until Leo season. If it was my birthday, where's my fucking liquor?

Yeah, give me. Where's my birthday liquor? My birthday liquor, I like to be juice. Yeah. Now I'm going to go in the back since it's my birthday. I'm going to go hide from this whole family. Yeah, exactly. Like Kim Kardashian did.

Didn't she hide in the closet on her birthday? Sure. And I bet she made a children's book. Busy, mopey, Mama Hines at the circus on a birthday. Every celebrity, I feel like, gets to just like make a kid's book because they're bored because it's COVID or whatever. But then isn't it amazing that we learned on our WizBrew episode that I did with you and Jake that's Louie? Joe Brum, the creator of Bluey, just was inspired by the way his own kids play.

This is true. This is true. But he was at least already working on like Peppa Pig and stuff. He was a creative person already. And was an animator working on children's shows. Reese Witherspoon is creative in her own right. But yes, no, I agree that every celebrity should not write a children's book. Yeah.

Or have a cooking blog or whatever they try to do. Or be the form of a jury. Or, you know, sometimes get nominated for an Oscar. Turn a penis into a vagina. And yes, we are going to talk about the Oscar nominations. Now, of course, there's lots of snubs, snubbubes out. out there. Lots of people upset about the nominations as they are every year. And I love to read it. I love to read the upset. And especially, man, people are ripping Amelia Perez apart. And yet still,

13 Oscar nominations. How do you guys feel about it? So, so the disclosure is that none of the three of us have seen Amelia Perez. I won't watch it. None of the three of us watch it. I have watched the first 15 minutes of of it and I did shut it off, but I said that I was going to come back. I was like, I literally went, I'll come back to this. And I have it. I do want to, I think personally, I am so curious now, especially, but to see it. I do, we'll maybe try to see it, even though it's, why does it have to be?

This movie should so not be two hours and 20 minutes or whatever it is. But anyways, that aside, we all agreed before we started that one, the song you referenced, I think we've all seen that clip. And one could pretty easily argue that that clip could not exist in a good movie. Yes. Yeah. Right? That objectively, that moment of the movie.

I think the phrase we're looking for is, nobody wants this. Yeah. Like, nobody wants that. Whatever that is. You're trans. Can you? I think I could speak for the broader community when I say nobody wants this. No, I don't know.

This is one of the reasons why I don't want to see Amelia Princess, the same reason why I don't want to watch girls at the time. time it came out because I don't want to have to have opinions about it. And I, everything I have seen about Amelia Perez is people being very upset about it, upset about it, upset about the way that it deals with the country of Mexico, upset about how poorly done it is, upset. I have seen only people say that it is bad. And so, but then you get this like, but isn't it historic that like, you know, there's a trans actress in it and she's getting awards and it's like well that is good but if the movie is bad then we don't have to celebrate a

bad movie but again i don't know i haven't seen it and if i'm wrong you absolutely can email us okay but doesn't have the operative like should it be the most nominated non-english language film i don't know so so yeah by the way if you didn't know nothing about emilia prez which is possible um the the it's a netflix movie uh it's directed by french director, but it is in Spanish, English, and French. And the premises, the Mexican lawyers offered an unusual job to help a notorious cartel boss retire in transition in a living as a woman fulfilling a long-held desire. And it's a musical.

Now, the issues MJ was briefly speaking towards is the director came under some contention. A, apparently the director, I need to look more into this, said, like, I didn't need to do any research for this movie. I know I already am well versed in the content of this movie. Which is interesting. That was the first thing. Second thing, why didn't you cast any Mexican actors, Hispanic actors for this film that, you know, is largely about Mexico and Mexicans? And he said, well, the talent pulls too small there to cast out of theirs.

Essentially something along those lines. I'm abbreviating. I don't have the exact quote in front of me. Sorry about that. So just so you know, it's not just us like dunking on a bad movie about it. trans people. It's like the director seems to not be on the level. And then if you watch literally just, I don't even know what the name of that is, the doctor song, just, I mean, there's no way. You know the one we're talking about. Yeah. There's no way you could convince me that that moment

happens in a movie that's good. You know what I mean? There's just, it's an impossibility. It, it makes the movie bad no matter what, even if the rest of the movie was like, gradable, that is so dumb that scene, that song. Yes. And I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that it is a Netflix movie, but I do find it very funny that AMC is playing a best picture marathon. They're going to have multiple marathons going of all the best picture nominations. And Amelia Perez is not on the list. Now, of course, I'm sure it has to do with like legal reasons, but it's very funny how the internet flipped out of like, this is sending me of course. course they're just not they're just not going to pretend like it doesn't exist which i don't think is

the case but it's kind of funny yeah yeah wait was zoie saldana the one that had the embarrassing moment on the award show no okay who did and i love zoie zaldana like that's the thing is i i enjoy her as an actress and um it's just a lot of people she also had that she did have this sorry to interrupt she did have the nina simone biopic moment which people are still upset about including Nina Simone's family. Yes. So that involved like darkening her skin in a way that people were really uncomfortable with.

So I don't think that that is necessarily a mark against her necessarily. Yes. Of her or even of her judgment. Again, think about the people behind the choices that are made like this. But that I think that people are like, I think because of the badness of what seems to be the universally agreed upon badness of Amelia Perez. Again, correct me if I'm wrong. I have not seen it.

But people are looking back now with the Nina Simone biopic and being like, what was that? You know, so I think that there's just, I think that it is unfortunately a movie that's not really making anybody look good. And I think that what I'm personally annoyed about stuff like this is, is that I think that conservative people or people who hate trans people or reactionaries or whatever, see something like this and they're like, see, Hollywood's too woke, everything's too woke. The world is too woke.

It's just a bad movie. We just say it's. Exactly. And I think it's like nobody, again, I don't know of anybody who wants this. We were talking about how it falls in that category of crash and blindside and green book. When are these going to stop?

Where it seems like self-important, it must only be applying to, said before we started recording like Clint Eastwood style old guy, old man actor, white old man actors. He's a conservative though. It's more like I feel like it's for rich liberals who want to feel good about themselves.

Who like are so out of touch, have no idea how like TikTok works or anything like that, right? And they're just like they see something that's supposed to be important for race issues or in this case trans issues. By the way, not there are I think there's one of the main cast is Mexican, but for the most part, it's not Mexican actors. And the director said, I've heard people saying it's offensive to Mexico. I really want to know why, because I didn't feel that way. And I have questions some people that I trust, not just as artists, but as people and don't feel the way that way. So I'm trying to understand. Okay, that's what Pat said. I'm sorry, that's what one of the actors said. I saw some heat, too, because they're not native Spanish speakers. I've seen some of heat for that as well, which I feel that

like, okay, I do think that, like, they can, I understand the idea of, like, yes, they should have hired people of the, you know, the nationality of the people that they are playing. I, but like, if you're going to learn how to speak Spanish, like, at least, you know, you're putting the work in, you know, that's, I don't, I don't want to rip them apart just because they had to learn how to speak Spanish because I know a lot of people are ripping Selena Gomez apart because of her, the way that she's speaking Spanish. Yeah, yeah. Which it's like, I mean, she is trying real hard, guys. let's give her that. Come on. Here's the quote for the director. We wanted to keep it really authentic, but at the end of the day, the best actors who embody these characters, the ones that are right here,

she said gesturing to Gascon, Gomez, and Saladena on the panel beside her. So we had to figure out how to adjust authenticity with the accents and them not necessarily being native Mexican. Then people, of course, are like, one, I hate quoting people on like Twitter or whatever, but they said, European movie with Hollywood stars

that pretend to be Mexican, with harmful stereotypes. sounds like about what this is. Yeah. I think that the Crash Green Book comparison is, and again, I had not seen it, so please tell us if we're wrong. But it does, like that, what Crash was was a way for people to be like, I think that racism is bad. And so I think this movie is good. And it was just.

Which I do feel racism is bad. Like, I do feel that way. And I think this movie is a way for, I don't exactly know what the goal of this movie is, but I think that, yeah, like, again, movies that feature trans characters, good. Movies that cast trans people, great. But that does not, I think that, you know, then if you make a shitty movie and then, again, it just, I think the, the thing that is hard is that when people then use it as an excuse to be like, this is what's wrong with our culture. And that, I wish was not happening. You know what I mean? It's just a movie. It's still just a movie at the end of the day. There's millions of movies. And everybody hates it. Yes.

Like, it's not even a beloved movie that is an indicator of how far we've gone to the wrong side. It's just a bad movie that was made by people who thought it would hit and it didn't. Yes. I mean, even looking at the Rotten Tomato score, again, that's why you don't just look at the tomometer. You must look at the audience score because the tomometer says it's a 74%. But the audience score is a 23%. And, like, people are. screaming from the internet about it.

I feel like we need to do a book club, though, or at least I'll at least watch it. If we did it all together, I can handle it. I can watch it, because now I'm actually just curious. I mean, I don't record a talk over the movie. No, no, no, no, no. On our good time, though, let's try, homework. Let's try to watch this before the next talk of TV.

And I'm not real biz. You just finished with your own. And I'm not being sarcastic when I say email us because many of the emails that we get when people disagree with us are actually very helpful. Yeah, it starts a really good conversations. Yeah, so thank you. The Parisilton email, shout out to the person you wrote him about the Parasilden thing because you wrote in a very respectful.

And you assumed our good faith that we're on the show. We often miss things. We miss things because of who we are. We miss things. And if we miss things. And so if there's some, if, especially if you have a point of view that will help us understand this, you know, if you're Mexican, if you're trans, if you have a different point of view than us for reasons that if you are a hoh

if you're bringing us up oh oh yes please mostwa um you know so we we would but don't talk to us about the movie we just want to hear your yeah just tell us your favorite right okay oh I went to zip park with my bag it did enjoy it good good just talking about how it's bad but you know that's smart but we're fine

if it's against the friend yeah it's against the friends yeah you can make fun of way all right okay yeah time of this learning but just also real quick before we we sing this song just in case you were wondering, the astronauts are still trapped in outer space. They're fine with it, apparently. I thought they were back.

They're not back. I'm fine with it. Send me out there, man. I don't want to be here. This is why we should only be putting monkeys in space. I mean, it just makes it a new brainer to me. But do the monkeys know they're going into outer space? I don't think that they can consent to it.

Yeah, because you teach him sign language. You're going up there where the fun, where the all time night time. time is. All the time. Yeah, that'll make them real excited.

Where you float in the night. They'll get that. Just call it a dream world. You go float in the dream world. All right, I'm sorry. All right. Anyway, save me with the share. Do you believe it?

Is Zach Bryan the reincarnation of King Henry the 8th? Wow. That's right. Country singer Zach Bryant. I am a fan of his music, not necessarily his drinking issues and things of that nature. I feel like you're only a fan of his drinking issues. You only are ever talking to you about.

drinking issues. I don't mind a good drink. No, I'm just going. But yeah, this one comes in from Ashley Wrights. By the way, there's also an excuse is we never talked about this extremely public. Or maybe we did talk about it. I'm sorry if I'm misremembering.

But this very dramatic celebrity-ish breakup between Zach Bryan and Brianna Chicken Fry. MJ, are you aware of this? I don't know what you're talking about. So Brian Chicken Fry is like a TikToker podcaster who does stuff on the Barstool Sports Network. It took me weeks to actually look up who she was. because I just kept making jokes about the last name chicken fried to myself every time I saw it.

It's a tough last name to have. It is a nickname. I forget what I can be sad. It's not. Bring it up hard. I think she said something like her legs look like a chicken fry. I don't know what it is. She's hot.

She is hot. Yeah. Yeah, she's doing fine. She got together with Zach Brian, who I love his music quite a lot. And they had a very public breakup. And it seems like he's not a good guy to be in a relationship with. Now, is it like a he needs to be canceled situation? and I don't believe so.

But I would just say if someone was like, hey, I started dating Zach Bryan. I'd be like, ooh, maybe don't. Even though I get it because you get swept up in his world and everything. But anyways, this comes up in Ashley. Yeah. I heard your call for more celebrity theories

in light of recent breakup news. I think I have one cooking. So it was a little while ago. They broke up a while ago, all right. I was digging into the archives a little bit here. Side note, I'd like to credit Ticktokker Breyer Leam for planting parts of this. theory in my brain. Oh, and real quick, a lot of people wrote in side note about Taylor Swift and

her actually singing with like proof and stuff like that. And I don't have names and stuff. I almost did a full follow-up anti-conspiracy corner. But just so you know, and all our listeners know. And apparently I didn't go to bat for her enough. She really does sing. There's tons of proof out there that she really does sing. Can I just say? You were like this example. This show. This show. This show. Everybody's trying to be a day. Yeah. I love how you. Man, a lot of people came after. hold in last week because you I thought I was aggressive against the

you were speaking of her. I kept calling them an asshole and stuff or whatever I called them. I think you were mad at maybe at us Jackie for maybe me because I think you said you didn't believe it. I was like yeah whatever sounds right but it sounds like there's many examples of her going off script. I think Taylor really saying I doubt it.

Sometimes I don't know things. I still doubt it. People who work for her people who know people who work for her people. I know what I saw. People who need people are the luckiest people. Yeah, take it out there. In the world. But he's got to talk about chicken fry.

Yeah, I didn't even know about chicken fry. I have heard of this lady and I was wondering about that. And another side shoutouts to Hawk to a girl who still has completely disappeared. Has not released an episode of her podcast since December. Her number one podcast in the country, by the way, has not released a single thing since she picked up and ran with the millions of dollars that she stole from people. So let's try to figure, let's really try to think about who we give a platform, people. Whoa.

If someone makes a blowtrop to her and she knew nothing about it. Some people say he didn't know anything about it. She got hoodwinked. I love how she's just completely disappeared. Well, it was a theory. But yeah, I don't actually know. Why don't you not just back some bro-braws crypto scheme and put your name on it? Okay.

How about that's a no-brainer for 2025. Anyways. I don't know. I was kind of thinking, I think this is the year I get into crypto. I was like, I think everyone's like begging for my, yes, my, my, my bucks. Yeah, no, my Foxx, bucks. You're going to be Jackie's Fox bucks. I love that. And I think that you could just like, but the thing is, is you can only buy Girl Scout cookies with it, which is really going to come in hand right about this time of the year. I like calling a Foxx because I like the idea that Jackie doesn't understand crypto and is trying to just create a new kind of currency that's actually printed.

on paper. Yes, of course it's going to be real. No, it's going to be on to blunes. You F! It's going to be onto balloons. You don't even know what fucks-fucks are going to be, bro. All right? Yeah, you don't even know. I'm going back in time and you're going to fucking see. You'll all see. All right, here's the back story. As you may have heard, Zach Bryant and Brianna Chicken Fry recently broke up. Zach Brian, famous country singer Brian Chicken Frye, TikTok podcaster. This breakup comes just as they had bought a house together in Brianna's hometown. They also have a a bunch of dogs slash animals together. You get the picture. She was pretty blindsided.

She was especially blindsided because he posted about this breakup the literal day after. And she seemed to think they would keep this private while they heal. Doubt it. When you can make content out of it, bitch.

And also when he can start getting laid immediately. I'm sorry, she's not a bitch. Publicly. However, Zach Price is that party, Jackie. She's the wrong party, I guess. She's the wrong. Let's break the cycle or whatever.

It ends with them. It ends with them. It ends with them. However, Zach Bryant has a crazy history of always doing this to people he dates slash marries. He divorced his now ex-wife Rose Elizabeth Madden in 2021 after only one year of marriage. He then started dating Deb Pfeiffer curiously soon after this divorce and they got a dog together. Not the Pfeiffer.

The Pfeiffer. I guess that's the way her last name spelled. He then broke up or pronounced. He then broke up with Deb in 23 and immediately started dating Brianna. This timeline is iffy. And some people believe he was already. being seeing brianna while dating deb wow it just sounds like he's one of the most famous successful current musicians out there with a giant tour and he's acting like one oh my god i know it's so terrible

in 2025 with these iffy timelines and terrible breakup announcements from zach which honestly made a dirty dog apologist in the chat yeah i am let rocks i want rock stars to be rock stars again no i feel like i heard some of this with with the foo fighters and two it's like yeah well you know boys are going to be boys no man Putting that seed on the woman's chest. It is not boys are going to be boys. Backstage. And Poison used to have a little room underneath the stage filled with bimboes.

And they would go under the stage. Sorry, if that's derogative. They would go under the dirty, stinky, dumb bimboes. And they would literally, while performing, sneak down there and bang them in the middle of the show. Maybe they were heavy, too. All right. That was probably one big one down there. They allowed a big one down there.

down there. They have one big one down there, you know, to mix it up a little, like a stand-up show. You want to have diversity. You got to represent, yeah. With these iffy timelines, terrible break of announcements from Zach, don't write it about any of that. You can write it about Emilian Perez. Don't write in anything I have said for the last 10 minutes. Don't write about any of that, okay?

Just Amelia Perez and at MJ on those as well. Don't even, don't, with these if he timelines, terrible break of announcements from Zach, which honestly make him like a pretty bad boyfriend look like. He always moves on so fast. And women, he breaks up with seem heartbroken and blindsided. Overall, he seems like not a great guy. One could even compare his loving and dumping to women to a certain English monarch, one that he mysteriously bears great resemblance stories. If you look up, King, Henry VIII and Zach Bryan, they do look a bit similar. Yes, I believe Zach Bryan is the reincarnation of the wife-killing King Henry the 8th. I believe that the soul of Henry has been

reincarnated in... He does have a fat face. Yes. They both have unfortunate situations. The journey that you are taking us on, hold on. I can't believe you just brought up people under the stage at the Poison Concert. And now you're talking about Henry the 8th. The people under the stage, by the way, my favorite

horror movie. People under the stage. The bimbo's under the stage. The bimbo's under the stage. Sorry, if that's offensive or whatever. You know, he's from him. Is it derogatory or something? You know, I'm just keeping it real. I'm just keeping it real.

You're just keeping it real. Men are unleashed, you guys. Oh, it's so fair. They can let out of the men out. I believe that the soul of Henry has been reincarnated to the singer as evidenced by his treatment of women in the striking resemblances. While we don't know for certain if this is true,

I believe if it is, we will see him date three more women, two of whom will be dropped just as poorly as the first three with the last one becoming his wife. At this point, his pickled liver will crap out from his obvious alcoholism, again, alleged, alleged, just as Henry the 8th died from natural, quote unquote, natural causes at the age of 55. Whoa. Obviously, I'm not hoping he dies early. I actually hope this isn't true because that means two more women will be treated poorly. But I just cannot deny the facts staring me right in the face.

Anyways, love you, Holden, Jackie and MJ, do you believe, with a great big hug and a shot of fireball, Ashley? Oh, yes. We should be drinking fireball right now. Like I could go for some fireball right now. It is pre 11 a.m. But I feel like if there's a time to do it, it's now. It's 9-11 somewhere. You're right.

And that's why we should always be drinking. It is 9-11 somewhere. I guess I believe. I think that like it makes sense that Henry the 8th would come back and would be a country music star. I do feel all of these things. And this is coming from someone that has dated a couple of country music players. So I definitely believe. I think they're all Henry the 8th.

Yeah, that's what I'm coming back at you for all country musicians are Henry VIII. I think that it is both true that you can say Zach Brian looks like Henry the 8th and also a great drag on him. And he is so much less hot than Brianna Chicken Fry. I really feel like she could be better. And I hate to be that way. Unlike Camilla Camilla, he is actually filling out giant arenas. He's like huge right now. Not her fault.

Yeah, it's not her fault. Chicken fry. Your chicken. All right. Over here. It's time for the list. Don't look at me. Who's on the list?

Jackie, got to have that list. Celebrities. You got us through that moment with the song. With absolutely wild lore. I didn't know that Sabrina Carpenter started posting song covers on YouTube at age nine. When she was 11, her cover of. You raise me off By Josh Grobin

went so viral in China that she was invited to the Hunan TV festival where she made her very first TV appearance. She told Teen Vogue, I then sang a cover of Christina Aguilera Something's got a hold on me so age appropriate,

which it's not. But you know, Sabrina Carpenter out there, she's just doing the do. Wow. But who's also doing the do? Kidnappers. in 1997. They are rectangular.

He is doing great, by the way. Is he? Everybody just sent me this post of him. I think he was in Times Square. I was like, everybody stopped sending me the rectangular guy. But he's alive and well, you know, so good for him. I'm very happy for him. And all of his family, they made it through that terrifying situation.

But this family also made it through a terrifying situation. In 1997, Guillermo del Toro's dad, Federico del Toro. It's like a slumber party. Yeah, it's like a slumber party was kidnapped. His father was kidnapped. Soros' father was kidnapped. James Cameron, Guillermo's friend and fellow director, helped by paying for negotiator. In 2002, Guillermo told the Real Blend podcast, when my father was kidnapped, there's information that is not correct, that he paid the ransom.

He didn't. We did. But he paid for the negotiators. We didn't pay for the ransom, but he paid for the negotiator. He paid for the negotiator and we paid James back a little while after because it was really, really harrowing situation. And he came in and he took charge. He said, the hostage negotiator will be in your house in 72 hours to help you go through the process. Can you even, like, I can't even imagine trying to find a negotiator.

Like, how do you get on a negotiator's horn if somebody is kidnapped? I can't even imagine. But apparently, James Cameron is the person. if you need somebody to get you a negotiator fast and pay for it. This is, because I don't want to hand it to James Cameron. I think we've heard various things about him not being a great person, a great director. But between this and him being like, don't take a private submarine to the Titanic, you know, those are two good things that he is. These are two things that he is completely right about.

And we should have listened to that. And I guess with negotiating, we definitely listen to him. Now, I feel like Holden, this is something I learned from you, and I think it was because of Whizbru. Christopher Lee's step-cousin, James Bond author Ian Fleming, reportedly said the actor's days as a World War II spy inspired him to create the iconic super spy. Now, just even that line is so insane because we have to remember that Christopher Lee was a World War II spy. Yeah. And that is so badass. He's so badass.

Yeah, we did do a Christopher Lee episode. on Wisbrough because he's been, you know, huge Tolkien nerd, which World War II also greatly inspired Tolkien to create Lord of the Rings. But also, you know, the Hammer Horror Years. Like, he's just such an iconic actor of like really nerdy things or within really nerdy things. So it's, and then this is all so cool. Man, they just don't make them like they used to, dude. I mean, you know, these were real men, you know, badasses.

who hated Nazis, which is a refreshing, right? Yeah, they don't make that anymore. No, Christopher served as part of the special air service in the British Army. He reportedly declined to talk about his experiences in the war because he'd agreed to never publicly discuss the SAS's classified operations. He was reportedly extremely skilled at decoding German ciphers, returned to duty after a bout with malaria six times, conducted espionage missions.

most of the service records reportedly remain classified. That is so scary and it makes me want to read so much more into Christopher Lee. So check out the episode, the Whizbrew episode on Christopher Lee, if you want to find out more. Yeah, that's cool. Now, I feel like we always get in these lists that Christopher Walken is a dancer, but did you know that when Christopher Walken was 16, he worked as a lion tamer with a lioness named Shiba for the summer. And that also makes him seem even more interesting than just the dancer comment. He said, I would come into the cage and wave my whip and she'd lazily get up and sit like a dog and maybe

give a little roar. I like cats a lot. I've always liked cats. They're great company. Now, I don't want people working with lions in this capacity. I wish that they didn't. But it is kind of fun back in the day when people were just willy-nilly doing it, that he did do it. Yeah. If anyone's going to be in a cage with a lion, and be fine, I do want it to be Christopher Walken. Right. And then I'm completely here for that. And I will watch it. After recording her demo, Keshah broke into Prince's house by bribing a gardener with $5, sneaking under the fence and walking inside through an unlocked door.

After coming face to face with the singer himself, she left her CD, then made her escape. I think what's the most interesting about this story is that she bribed the gardener with $5. Man, times have really changed. I feel like that should have been a cool 50 at least. If you're going to get into Prince's house. $5. That makes me wonder if Prince was paying his gardener enough, you know? I don't think he was.

And also, I do love that apparently there was an elevator in Prince's house. And when Keshe walked into it, Prince music was playing in the elevator inside of his house, which I think that's just like a little Easter egg that kind of reminds me of Mariah Carey fucking to her own music so she can hear herself sing while she has sex these are the kind of things

and it's like man you know I'm over here struggling like struggling trying to work on myself talk and myself compassion and it's like I need to take just a page out of these people's books you know?

Yeah we should be I should be again listening to page seven while I have sex and I know it's going to be difficult for Jeff but maybe he can work our way through it yeah yeah I just think it will make me stronger as a performer.

We'll see what it does for Jeff when he hears Holden talking about the bimbo's under the stage at the poison show. Maybe that'll really get him. And then I get him. Like then I have to be like, well, I guess this has to be over now. They'll always fucking pull. Yeah, they'll pull the dude left and right, man. That's all they do.

I don't want to blame the bimbo. I heard the word bimbo. I know. I love it. And this is a sign of progress. I only hear the word hymbo and thembo. Bimbo. Yeah.

So here Bimbo's, dude. They're making a comeback. Yeah, dude. I love thembo. Coming back. I love it. All right. Last but not least, the monkeys member, Michael Nesmith.

Nesmith. Damn, I thought you were about it. Talk about a monkey. Go on. Was the son of Bet Nesmith Graham, a single mom and secretary who invented liquid paper correction fluid. Oh. After getting fired. Yeah.

After getting fired for accidentally signing her employer's letter with her company's name, she grew her company into a million dollar business. Nice. And that's just kind of fun of just like a single. mom that invented some cool thing and then turned it into a huge business, I just wanted to celebrate that bitch. In this episode where we're talking bimbos, I feel like we need to elevate the bimbos. No, we need elevate the bimbos. Hold one up. Elevate them. And last one, I guess I said last one at least, but Lesing Man was 11. She was gifted in a unicycle and she learned a ride. So rather

than bike, she would unicycle for miles. And I feel like everybody had, or maybe I was the only person? Did you guys have the person in your high school that was the use cycle? Or so in college. There was a lot of, everyone wanted to ride around campus in a silly bike and one that was way too tall or something. Yeah, I had a crush on all the tall bike boys. I love that.

Oh, man, especially the ones that have like the one smaller wheel and the one big one big one. Like the old school ones. And you're just like, oh my God, you're so foppish. Anyway, that was my list. Good list. Thank you. And now it's time for my blinding.

I think I'm going. items. Oh, we can't see them. This one's filed under random hookups you forgot or didn't know. This aging permanent A-List actor from multiple franchises said this dead former A-List actress nearly killed him when they had sex because she would tie him up and have a knife right next to the bed. Whoa. She's dead. She died not too long ago.

We heard that. We heard how dead she was. It was kind of out of nowhere, too, the way that she died. He is kind of has a grumpy face When he's not in stuff But he's in two massively popular franchises From back in the day that they continue to make new stuff But he's got grumpy face He's, but there were stories about how

Before he became famous he sold weed in Hollywood Tim Allen? No, that was Coke No, that was Coke Uh, his last name's the name of a car company Toyota Chrysler No Hyundai No

General Moving Nope. Corolla. Ford. Actually, Corolla is not the worst guess. Harrison Ford. Yes. And she's known for having short hair and dying.

Oh, no. And dying. I think in a car. Not too long ago. I thought it was a car, wasn't it? Oh, did she die? Anne Hache. Yes, apparently Anne Hache would scary fuck Harris and Ford.

I didn't realize. You know what? Guys, sorry. I didn't realize she died. No, I think we talked about on this. show because it was crazy. Did we? Yeah, I know she had a high-speed car crash. I remember the car crash. Damn. Yeah. She did die. Wow. Yeah, yeah. She died. Man, sometimes information just goes in and it just doesn't stick. Isn't that wild that we don't crazy? Are we having a Mandela effect right now that we all forgot that Anne Hayes died? I feel bad. Yeah, she ran her at her car, speeding and crashing her car into a home. And you're right, she was known for having short hair. I feel like everyone was. Oh my God. Is she a, la, la, la, la, la.

lesbian? Like, I feel like that was still back in the day, which is that sad. By the way, not that long ago, by the way. I went to a DeFranco concert last Friday, and I am. Because I said the word lesbian. I feel like I'm ready to join. I, I, I, I, I, even though we know that she is not a lesbian. I know, not at all, but, but there were many in the crowd, clearly. And they had disdain for me, but I had a great time. It was a, it was great. She's great life. Did you get spit on at all? Oh, no, but there was actually a bit of a, uh, we, we, we caught some debris from a drink from above us, but I don't think it was in cruel nature. Actually, more men in the audience that I was expecting, honestly.

I thought it was going to be more like a Taylor Swift experience. You know what I mean? No, I think it's still date night. I mean, I definitely hop skipped into the bathroom. It got to be like, which urinal shall I shoot. Like, I definitely got to do that, which was great. But regardless. Anne Hache was in a relationship with Ellen.

Okay. Which might have been why everybody thought she was gay. Otherwise because she was dating Ellen. I also completely forgot about that. Well, I apologize to do. I guess it's pretty gay to date Ellen as Anne Hage, I guess. Ellen has a type and it's gay women. All right.

Ellen has a type. I think she was by. Because she also was married. She dated Harrison Ford, didn't she? I think she was married to Harrison. I think she was married Harrison for. Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, then he, but apparently it was scary.

Or she was scary. Or maybe she wasn't married to him. What is the show? I feel like we're just about to old people. And then she and then he and then what? And they lick and then suck. That's the new podcast concept is trying to remember is what we'll call it. It's just us attempting to remember things that happened 10 years ago.

I think it's already with the show. I can't believe none of us remember anything about Anne Hache. Sorry, Anne Hage stands. I apologize to the Haitianators out there. Am I just thinking about the Haitians? It's called the Haitians. Jackie Boyce. Were they together?

The big game is going to have a commercial that will repeat the fake orgasm scene from a famous movie and star the original actors. Wait, is that what we were talking about? The Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan. I saw that they had just like a clip of them, one of them posted on social media

that they were like, get ready. This is like when Harry MetSally's coming back and I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what? But it's just a commercial. That makes sense, I guess. And it's at the, during the, yeah, yeah. So, yeah.

The dip bowl, please. Let's call it what it should be called. Is the dip bowl? I am excited for an older Meg Ryan to do a full-on-O impression during the Super Bowl. I'm sure Jack Quaid is not, but, you know, Jack Quaid, just don't watch it. Don't watch it. All right, here we go. This last one, this A-List actress started an iconic TV role back in the day.

She has been working on a reboot of a work movie for years. It isn't going to happen, at least with her dream cast. list. Two of them hate each other, and all three of them have work commitments for the next two years. It's nine to five is the movie. Yes. Nine to five is the movie. The actress trying to make it happen. How'd you get it so fast? Work movie? The actresses trying to make it happen. She was on a comedy show that I feel like people look back on and go like, ah, wasn't that funny actually now that it's on Netflix? Is it Lisa Gudro? No, but adjacent. Jennifer Anderson. Yes. And the three actresses, just named the three hottest actresses right now. Two of them were on Godpa. Zendaya. Yes.

Sydney Sweeney, Sweeney, yes. And the third one's not affiliated with Euphoria, but she's like one of the bigger actresses. Sabrina Carpenter. No, I hate her. Oh, Ariana. Yes, Ariana Zendaya and Sydney Sweeney.

In 9 to 5. Should there be a 9 to 5 reboot? And what of all of it? I don't know. You know what it is? I feel like in the same way we often talk about on here where there are certain people that have a face that look like someone that knows an iPhone.

Like they can't play a character from many, many years in the past because they look to present day. I feel like not a one of them looks like they've ever worked at a desk before in their life. And maybe I am just out the gate. That is my first out the gate judgment of it is that they are just so well known. And don't get me wrong. I know Lily Tomlin. I know that they were very, very, very well known when they did nine to five. But there's something about, but they were like characters.

Totally. And there's something about the three of those. And three beautiful human beings and not saying that. But there's just something about it that I'm like, you've never had to like get in at 8 a.m. and hate your life when you wake up in the morning. I don't know if you have. I think that's so true.

There's something. And I deeply enjoy the movies and the work of both Sydney, Swedenians and day. And I'm not saying that they don't work. I'm saying they all work very. hard. I'm not saying they don't work hard. But yes, the premise of nine to five, they might not lend themselves to. That is such a good point, Jackie. Thank you. Thank you for understanding what I'm coming from. I totally get it. I mean, I would watch it. I would be fun. I watch it. I think it would be fun. I watch it. I don't know if it would be good. I mean, I guess you could slot them into those characters,

but yeah, it does just feel like an arbitrary. You're the biggest it girls in Hollywood. and so you'll be good at this where it's like that that specific formation. Right. We can still cast movies based on what would be a good choice for casting, not just based on the radiance of the same thing. A penis on the vagina. You know, sing it loud, sing it proud, Holden. All right, that's my blinds.

And we're ready to call it on this episode. Back to the world of the seeing. Thank you guys so much for joining us on this. this week's episode of page seven. Yeah, we're still a little angry on the edges of our lives. But guys, we're going to get through it together. We just got to be good to each other and we got to be good to ourselves. And we have to try to hold on to any semblance of positivity that you've got in your brain.

All right? We've got to talk better to ourselves and everything. We're going to make it through. I love you guys. And my name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can come visit us over on twitch. TV slash, oh no, it's Jackie on Wednesdays. We Play Sims.

MJ and I have been having a blast over on the Sims. And yeah, maybe it just sometimes devolves into maybe me talking about Super Bowl dips. But like, that happens when you're decorating a house and you're trying to just woo-hoo from bed to bed. But also, follow me on Instagram over a Jack That Worm. I am trying to single-handedly, very slowly become a snack influencer. So if you want to be influenced or de-influenced, Jack that worm coming out with me.

Check me out, Twitch.tv. 4.000-T.com. Ho Fridays. I'm streaming with Jackie. We get fucking ripped and have a great time. You do. 6 p.m. EST. It's getting better and better every week.

It gets better than it was. And it used to be bad. And now it's good. I'm actually excited because this week, Daddy's not home. So this week we're going to get especially crazy because Jeff's not going to be there. And I don't have to be relatively.

decent for an Ani DeFranco concert. So yeah, we can really go for it. Coming out with us. Also, also page 7 podcast at gmail.com. Send in your conspiracies, please. Send in all those things. Page 7. Patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast. So much content.

It's insane. The Buffy Watch long at the $10 layer. And then everything else is the $5 layer. Jackie's Book Club, the leftovers, all these good things. Check it out. Patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast. M.J. My name is MJ.

I am still on Instagram, MJKLCat. If you're trying to get over to Blue Sky, which is some people are fleeing there. I am M.J. Neffel over on Blue Sky. So, you'll see you over there. Hell yeah, got your full name. That's great. Oh, yeah.

Good for you. Look at me having a name. Fresh start, good for many reasons. Hell yeah, everybody. Twitter. Yeah, fuck Twitter and fuck a lot of things, guys. But not fuck you, only love you. We'll see you next week.

Bye, everybody. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.