Page 7 - Ep. 569: Fear and Loathing in Salt Lake City

Episode Date: February 13, 2025

This week on Page 7 WE'RE GOSSIN' 'BOUT THE ONLY REASON TO WATCH THE SUPER BOWL; THOSE SILLY COMMERCIALS! Jackie's obsessed with Seal the literal seal, then Mormon-verse has everyone craving dirty soda, Holden got a taste of his own medicine when he just wanted to share a delightful young man with the wonderful twitch chat and everyone screamed how much he sucks AND HE'S MORMON, in more Superb Owl News Holden was decked out in his Red TSwift gear on the way to a party of Philadelphia fans and he got unjustly booed JUST LIKE HER! Travis Kelce showed up looking like a prequel Ron Burgundy while kissin' Presidential ass even tho that same man insulted HIS GIRLFRIEND, we're all hoping the Philadelphia Eagles will turn down that White House visit again,  'Montoya, Por Favor' explained (and it is NSFW). Kendrick Lamar has cast a pox upon Drake's household, and now there's measles breakouts at Drake's concerts, not to mention Kendrick's easter egg filled death blow of a halftime show (RIP Drake) absolutely did not disappoint and neither did the confused conservatives completely missing every point that was made because 'MURICA COLORS, and of course Drake is suing Kendrick's label because there's absolutely nothing else he can do. Puppy Monkey Baby made a brief appearance in an Instacart Super Bowl ad (to Jackie's true delight, and the world's absolute terror) with all the other forgotten horrors of the past, and finally after letting us all know how much he 'hates all fat bitches' (except Adele?????), and getting his website shut down for going full mask off with a true-blue swastika Adolf Hitler tribute shirt, Kanye FINALLY confirmed what we all had already known when it comes to his creeptastic relationship with walking coma victim Bianca Censori. Then in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner: Banksy's identity is TYRA BANKS(Y)!?, a list full of Out Of Touch Celebrities Who Clearly Live In A Separate Reality FROM OUR OWN, blindzzz4dayzzz, AND SO MUCH MOOOORE!!!! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I'm going to sing the song. I won't do it. I'm not going to pull him. Even though I really want to. But what I am going to start is singing the seal commercial. Baby, I can bear it to a kiss from a lime on the bay. Ooh, the more I think of it, it's strange. I'm a seal, yeah.

Because he was a seal. My flippers can't hold mountain dew. What a shame. And I watched this commercial. multiple times before the Super Bowl. I think it's so funny that they put Seale's face on a seal. I love that they sang in song about Mountain Dew. I was their audience, and I came here to say brava.

And that's the first bravah I'm giving of the Super Bowl. Yes, it is towards the Mountain Dew seal commercial. What a silly seal, guys. Oh, do we have other things to talk about? No, yeah. I mean, everything else is on fire. So let's talk about some silly commercials for sure. Yeah, I thought it was solo seal hour.

I thought that's what we were. We all knew that that's what today was going to be. Totally. We are all. And then someone writes it, but he's evil. He's a bad evil. You know what I mean? You're just like, no.

Yeah, but they turned him into a seal. They turned him into a seal. So it's like, that's fine. You know, now he's out there. Although you think it would be delightful to bask in the waves. But I don't know. I've seen a massive. of seals in undersea cave and it kind of looks like the seventh ring of hell.

It's too much. Tico Ati directed, by the way, and that makes sense. It's a very odd commercial. I mean, in many ways, it's literally just like, I can't believe how much money I get to spend on something completely absurd and ridiculous. It also confounds me. There's a point where sharks show up, but then it's not a big deal. What is that part?

I guess it's community, Golden. I think that you don't understand that Mountain Dew is the perfect mixer and it brings all of the world together. And because it's like, you know, it's a perfectly like rot your teeth out of your face kind of sugar that you can match it with any booze that you want. And the Mormons are allowed to drink it. Oh, and they get Liddy over there in Utah. You know they are mainline. Soda to the dome over there. And this is my problem.

I talk about this over on Jackie's book club all the time. Watching all this Mormon reality shows, it makes me crave soda all the time. I want soda. I want it now. Yeah. Add extra cream and stuff. That's the thing. It's not just it's like they Starbucks.

They like add all these things to their sodas. They sure do, man. I have been dealing with my own anxiety about the timeline that we're living in by doing what Jackie did last week and immersing myself. fully in the basking glow of the real housewives of Salt Lake City. I know this isn't talking TV. I know we are going to be talking TV in terms of the Super Bowl. But yes, do I, I'm not avoiding the news.

I am engaging with the news. But also, what if instead of starting my morning listening to the news as I usually do? I start it with a solid 45 minutes of bitches yelling at each other. By the way, let's not forget that first they go get Botox and unnecessarily drug themselves to get high. Yeah, how else you're supposed to go through? You're supposed to be laughing while they try to squeeze Botox into your face. You're supposed to be laughing hysterically.

It makes it so much easier for the nurse that is providing it. Now, my problem is MJ is going to be in town soon. Do we drive to Vegas so we can go to Swig? Because I want to go to Swig so badly and there's no Swig close by. And we could get a dirty Dr. Pepper. everybody says it's better with coconut in it. How are we supposed to know unless we go to a swig? I would love to do like a kind of, yeah, like a Hunter, Hunter Thompson style trip.

You want to do a bunch of Mormon meets Hunter Thompson. Yeah. Mormon style. Yeah. Like it's just so many shots of different syrups in the soda. Fear and loathing and salt lake city. I am also officially Mormon-pilled. it happened.

It finally Seated into my life. Well, you'll remember on Friday, I mentioned actually enjoying quite a bit the album of one Benson Boone and I was ripped apart for it. You were ripped apart. They're so mad.

Can we just wait? Can we pause for a moment? Can we just pause for just half a second? It was very, very funny because Holden was so excited. He's like, you know what I did this week? He was so excited for himself. He's like, I sat. Oh, and I just was like,

I'm going to enjoy an album, the album by Benson Boone. And what a delight. And he, just like, as he's saying, about how much he enjoys Benson Boone. Fuck him. He's farming. He's a fucking haggie. He sounds like a bunch of dragons. He sounds red so Benson Boone could walk. He's a fucking piece of shitty songs. I love it.

Your shitty song choices, I just go, oh, very fun choice for you to pick this awful song. Because they're nice Oh, are you nice holding? Wait a second. Wait a second holding. Are you nice? We're not doing fake history, 2025.

I'm nice. We have fact checkers in 2025, okay? I've got the receipts. I've got the proof. I want to come in like Heather Gaye, all you bitches. And I'm coming in. Please, in 2025. Well, who knows what Heather's doing in guffaw?

But I is a delight. light because Holden, you know, I dare say you are, and I, this is coming from a person that runs a show called Who's the Bitch. I dare say sometimes you could be a bit of a bitch. And you know that about you. I know, I'm, me too. Everyone can be a bit of a bitch. That's true.

It's very funny, though, the way they so quickly turned on you, because our chat doesn't usually do that. And I just, oh, I smiled that I smiled. Yeah, they do that to you. Well, they do that to you. Yeah, yeah. They don't do that to me. Every time I even just mentioned being like, oh, man, I've been taking care of my wife and kid all week and they've been sick and it's been exhausted.

Oh, you don't want to take care of your. Oh, are you complaining? It's very funny. It's like, you're all maniacs. Then we see you and we say boo. You're all insane. Who's all very funny. And then I just started going like, in two years, it's going to change and he's going to be legitimized.

And you guys are all going to be like, ha ha. He's great. You think Benson Boone has potential is what you're saying. It's a great album. It's a great album. I'm sorry that TikTok ruined that one song for everybody. This is why I'm so thrilled. I'm not on TikTok.

Yeah, yeah. Which I think that song's fine. There's a bunch of other really good. It's a whole album of songs that are really good. He's got a great voice. I love his production. And also he talks about he doesn't have God anymore and multiple the songs. So even the Mormon thing's not even a thing.

I don't even, I don't understand. I thought it was a delightful album. from a very talented young man who can do flips on stage. This is what it's going to be like when you're talking to your daughter when she's a teenager and you'll be like, I think the young man's talented. And he'll be like, she'll be like, it's so cringe, dad. It's cringe. Fuck you.

He fucking sucks. I was like, okay, if he sucks, fine. If you think he sucks, what is in you? This left me in my 20s and like halfway through my 30s where I'm like mad at people. I'm mad at you for listening to comments. Kanye in 2025. That's about it. Because he's literally a knot.

So you're not mad that the Imagine Dragons frontman is the person that signed Benson to the record label. That's why that was like. Everybody screams. Imagine dragons. Imagine dragons. Every time Benz does cut me. Because I do strongly dislike Imagine Dragons.

I do strongly dislike them. So to be like, the thing you like sounds like damn. I was like, yeah. No, yeah. And it's with good reason, this is not an arbitrary comparison. Thank you, Zoom, for cutting out Holden. We couldn't hear all the screams. Between Benson Boone and also,

Holden showing up to the Super Bowl, completely dressed in all Taylor Swift regalia. And everybody else was rooting for the Eagles. Or just trusted black. Holden was the only person. Yeah, yeah. Well, that was right. I was there.

I was doing that specifically to be a heel. Like I have a, I have hilariously, Lexi just got me a dad Winnie's version red T-shirt. I have the red T-Swift hoodie. And that's what he wore. And a T-Swift,

which I would call it, what do you call it? Yeah, I got Gideon shirt. And it's also red. So I showed up and all that. And he has a big pom-pom on the top. That's fun.

I got Gideon a shirt that says Freddie and Zelda with lightsaber and it says, I am their father in the Star Wars font. And he gets so many compliments on it. He cannot walk around without some fellow dad stopping him and being like, I love your Star Wars personal as dad shirt.

So I think the Winnie's version is very, very sweet. I wore it. What did I wear it to? The demographic of dads who like Taylor Swift is too small for you to get compliments. It's so small. I had one lady walking up to the Super Bowl party who was on the street going, going to probably a different Super Bowl party who gave me a big smile.

That's nice. You know, and she was like, I love this. And she was like, let me, let's go in the back. I was like, the back. She's like, my sucker dad. This was in front of your family. She did this to you in front of your wife and child. I was great.

I couldn't believe it. I was like, do you like Benzaboo? She's like, I love it. Yeah, you finally found your kindred spirit out on the street. I love Benz's shirt. And I love Benson. Was this a squirrel?

Roller plates of fireworks. Unapologetically, I like the album. And it's got a lot of great. and it's got a really fun almost musical theater like production to it. I didn't get so many emails about this I could already tell. People are good. Food! Imagine dragons!

Imagine dragons! Imagine dragons! But, you know, I think that it's fun that you got booed a la Taylor Swift at your art. Taylor got booed. And I will say also that I'm kind of thrilled. No Grammys, no Super Bowl win. They need to take some L. We love this for her.

We love this for her. We don't love her to get booed. We don't want her to get booed. That's sad. But that was dumb. And by the way, that wasn't MAGA. That was fucking. Of course.

It's Taylor Swift. Because they're maniacs. Yeah. And it's Taylor Swift. It's also Taylor Swift. I imagine it's also Chiefs fans that are also annoyed by the Swifties that like the Chiefs now. I imagine there's a portion of that as well.

Possibly. I mean, at the end of the day. It's like a pie chart of the different reasons why people are booing Taylor Swift. The Super Bowl. Like, it just makes all the things. She's a billionaire. Think of the PJ conversate.

You know, it's like there's, there are a couple of things that you could, you know, be angry about towards a billionaire. And I think that's fine. Sometimes a billionaire gets food. The Philadelphia Eagles fans are notoriously the worst people on the planet. They love to climb things. There was that all points. Bulletin from the city.

A lot of sports fans are the worst kinds of fans just in general. Of the thing that's the worst, they're the worst. has its reputation. I was so happy for them because it seems like no one expected this to happen. And it's true. And listen, in terms of Taylor, it was, we all had a great time in 2023. Yes. Talking about Taylor all the time.

Our listeners didn't, but we did. Yeah, we enjoyed it. And, but no one can or should stay on top forever, right? Like, nobody wants her to keep, speaking for the three of us, we don't want her to keep being number one. We talked about this last week with the Grammys. It was great that she didn't win any Grammys and that other people could step in. And I don't care at all about Travis Kelsey. I took a little bit of pleasure in seeing him sad this year.

Is that hypocritical of me? Maybe. I pleasure myself. When I saw him sad and I began to pleasure myself, it was incredible to see him sad. Did you see all the TikTok's making fun of Travis Kelsey having to get back into that 70s outfit? Yeah, yeah. Afterwards, after he lost because he showed up. I don't know if you guys saw the picture of those that are listening.

that he showed up in this, like, very swanky, I dare say, but I love like an old fun 70s look that he showed up in like a fun, like, suit. It was so, it was so like, oh, man, he showed up on the scene. And then everybody's like, is he really going to put that outfit on again after he loses? And then there were pictures of him sad in the outfit after they lost. Yeah, I was going to say, like, I said that outfit was so cheesy, but it's like weirdly not when you're struggling.

cutting in to go play the game. It only looks cheesy. Yes. When you're after you lost, you have to move forward. And if you are listening to this and you're like, you three hypocrites, imagine dragons. If you're thinking you're hypocritical because the three of us last year

thought it was fun that the Chiefs won and fun that they, Taylor and Travis had their little night out and sing in love story and all that. That was last year. Yeah, that was last year. We were in a different time. And you know what else Travis Kelsey did? which is why I took pleasure in seeing him look so sad because he said it was an honor to play

in front of the man that insulted his girlfriend. That is why I was rooting for the Eagles. I don't get that. Someone told me that the Eagles were invited to the Trump White House during his last term and they refused to go. I root that. That's why I well, I guess I'm, I guess I'm rooting for,

I was like, go birds. I guess I'm going, no birds are. I hope it happens again. I hope it happens again that they refuse not me really disappointed if they don't. And that bummed me out. bummed me out about the Kelsey thing. And obviously, we try to, you know, I feel like I'm trying to, like, put my racist on in the other room when she, after she's had too many with, you know,

Mahomes and his lady clearly being Trump supporters. I don't talk about that a lot. Think of what his fan base is. I'm sure that he's also not really allowed to say a lot else, I would assume, right? Or is that not the case? Right. And that, like, he should have just fucking said if he was, against him he should have just fucking said it anyway because he's Travis Kelsey yeah I don't like I want to be like he's just trying to be Mr. America football with that comment but I don't even want to give a pass on anything anymore. There's no Mr. fucking America when there's a Nazi in charge, right?

No. But even if, even if he wanted to take the coward's way out and not say it that it was not make a political statement, that man personally insulted your girlfriend. It doesn't, it does, first of all, the politics do matter, right? But even if you want to say politics don't matter in this moment. You have an interpersonal beef with that man Because interpersonally that man insulted your girlfriend You don't say oh it's an honor to play in front of you

Even if you don't want to get political He was me and my girlfriend Just be a good fucking boyfriend Even if you're not gonna be a good person Damn straight Furiously looking it up It looks like he has it looks like Benson Boone is not endorsed any one particular candidate

So I'm so glad Oh thank God Thank God everyone was wondering I just don't know I can't go on this tirade about how he's great and everyone's being an asshole. And then he's like, you know what? I love shooting people who give abortions. I don't know what, you know what, you know what I mean?

Yeah, that would have beenishing. Which I'm sure he probably is into that. But anyway, see, you know, because he comes with the board. Imagine dragons. Every conflict, there's at least one bitch. A huge bitch, a silly bitch. A little baby bitch, a raggedy bitch. But sometimes it's unclear who the bitch is.

I'm Kara Klank. And I'm Jackie Zabrowski. And on our new Colin Advice podcast, we're going to help you figure out who's the bitch. We want to hear your problems, dilemmas, and quandaries. No topic is off limits. Does your coworker flirt with the boss to get ahead? Is your bestie having her destination wedding on a holiday weekend? Is your therapist being clingy?

Does your friend keep bringing her toddler to adult parties? Come on. There's definitely a bitch in your life and we want to hear about it. You can email us, DM us, leave us a phone. voicemail and even call in live to talk to us in person about the alleged bitch in your life. Just go to who's the bitch.com for all the ways you can contact us. New episodes drop every Wednesday starting in October on the last podcast network. So subscribe now on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. And tune in to our live stream kickoff on September 30th on the last podcast network Twitch

channel where we'll be taking your calls live on air. Help us help you figure out who's The bitch! Do you want to talk about? I want to talk about it. All right, we want to talk about it. Because it's the only thing, let's talk about sparking joy for first of all, Jackie. It is literally the only thing that we- I mean, I'm sparking joy all over the place.

What are you talking about? We get to talk about bumpy monkey baby today. We get to talk about. That was the thing. We get to talk about Kendrick. Yeah, there's lots of good things to talk about it. I thought it was hilarious, though, that like the best thing that's happened for our country in months is.

literally a man on the biggest stage of the world, calling another man publicly a pedophile, and everyone's thinking a long time. And that is where we're at. That is such a symbol of how things are going in 2035, that that's literally, without a doubt, without argument, the best, happiest, funnest thing that has happened. The best thing. And listen, it was that. There's no way it wasn't that. But it was also more. It was also more. There's so much, there's great many, many great things written about all of the black symbolism going on in the halftime show. And it was a direct death knell to Drake. And we love all of that for him.

While also being chock full of Easter eggs. This is probably more important than Montoya Porfavor. So we'll hold off a Montoya Porfavor. Just know it's coming. We're already talking about Montoya Porpovor. Please set it up, Holden. I feel like you got to get it out of you or else you can't. It's just going to keep screaming.

Why? People want to understand why. You should keep screaming, because? So it's Spanish. It's Spain Temptation Island, correct? Oh, yeah. It's Dominican Republic. Dominican Republic. Thank you for clarifying because they are all, there are differences.

Jose, yes, there are, yes, there are. There are differences between a European country and that Central America. I always learned that from Clueless, which he tried to ask the maid about living in Mexico. Remember that part? Paul Rudson, she's not Mexican. I'm glad you learned the lesson sometimes. Montoya, por favor. Now, this was a, it was a video that we watched over on Jack. and then we kind of lost our minds for it

because it is one of the most, I mean, it is, hands down, the most over the top reality show moment I have ever watched. If you need to see this, and you definitely do, look up La Isla de las Tentasiones, and that is where there is a contestant,

and his name is Jose Carlos Montoya, who had an absolute meltdown, because on the show, which also, They showed, beware, it is not suitable for work. They showed more than I expected, so don't just pull this up. It is the best part of the clip is how not suitable for work it is. So yeah, be prepared for this.

Jack Amber. Because essentially he is watching a live feed of his girlfriend on the island currently banging another person and he loses. He's running on the beach going, because obviously they're on the island in like a suite somewhere so he's going to go find them. I guess it is Temptation Island Spain, but it seems to have been filmed in DR. In DR, yes. That makes sense. The best part is like he's watching a live feed of this cheating thing happening.

And he's not far from where it's actually happening in real time. He's like walking distance. It's a beach. It's like a beach, whatever. And so he just starts running, screaming down the beach. Oh, my mother! I think that's the best part because initially when you first start watching it, you're like, oh, no, he's watching video that happened probably the night before

or the week before of this cheating incident that happened. And then he starts running away. And you're like, wait, wait, is this literally happening in real time? It makes me think of deep fake love. Remember when I was obsessed with that show? I think we all were obsessed to the show Deep Fake Love where they would show the other person and they would think that it was like a camera set somewhere where they would show them cheating on them. They would flip out and then they would go back in the house and they would make a bunch of fucking drama. This is if deep fake love were real.

So he's running down the beach towards where the fucking is happening. And it's also very funny if you like only know a little bit of Spanish but don't speak. The entire thing is in advantage. You can totally understand what's going on. Yeah, porcée. Porcée means why. So he's just screaming, why, why? And the woman with him keeps going,

Por favor, Por favor, but, yeah, the host. The host is trying to like calm, it's so funny. Is that the host? I wasn't sure if that was a contestant or the host. No, that's the host of the show.

This is where reality is so funny because they need, this freak out is exactly what they want. And yet they also have to do this dumb thing where they're trying to like kind of calm him down but not actually calm him down. or truly remember from this situation. Because this is amazing television.

And he keeps grabbing his little short shorts and pulling him way up on his legs. While he's like, there's all these little details if you watch it over and over again that it just makes it so amazing. And like at what point he's just laying on the beach screaming. And on her side, she's at first in like bitch mode. She's just like, oh, okay. Toisabi poque or whatever. Like you know why or whatever. Like, because I guess they maybe been fighting or something like that.

And she's all indignant. then she starts running there's more running you're like whoa I thought the running stopped because he's laying on the beach like screaming at God you know what I mean there's lightning coming down

it's like the most traumatic thing ever and then she runs up she's like I can lose you I got lost you you know she's like starts crying trying to like keep him it's like girl you it's over

it's over and by the way the whole time of my head I'm like fucking literally 15 minutes ago you were I'm gonna just say riding a dick

with such ferocity. Yeah. It was, I thought he was fucking her for a second. She is on, she is just going a pound down on this guy. I also forgot that he tears off his shirt.

I do forgot, I forgot that portion of it. It's incredible. It's like the most reality TV I've ever seen. I don't know how you, this should win like, this should be interred into the Oscars. You know what I mean?

Like it should win stuff. It's like how people joke about like Telemundo, like, you know, soap operas, but it's reality. Oh yeah. So, It is perfect. If your smiles from the Kendrick half-time show have worn out, you can absolutely watch this Montoya Porf-Fo.

If you Google Montoya Porfavor, you will find it. And watch both videos. There's the video of him like flipping out, running down the beach and all that. Then you have to watch the follow-up where then she comes back crying and screaming. Like it's insane. It just keeps going and it just keeps being. It gives and it gives. It gives and it gives.

It's so good. Tell a novellas. That's what I was thinking. Like when I taught, like, the kids I taught were always talking about their parents watching telenovelas and how dramatic they are, you know. And like, this is like a real life telenovela. I love how there's immediately just Montoya Porfavor, T-shirts and hoodies and baby onesies. Like it's already, you know, just got into that point. Get that merch.

Get that merch so that you can look at it two years from now and be like, what the hell was this? Why do I have this? which is, it happens to me sometimes. Now, Montoya, por favor, we appreciate your service, and I hope that your heart has healed. Yeah. Now, you know whose heart I might never healed? That is a one Drake.

I have to bring up the fact that there have been measles outbreaks at Drake's concert. I. Measles at the Drake concert is so funny. What a pox. Wow. What a pox on his house. old. Drake fan.

Kendrick's a wizard who has cursed him. Drake fans on alert after public health warning issued over contagious disease at Drake's show. And that is, I know that we shouldn't make jokes about measles. Like, I know that it is something that is, you know, that could be dangerous. And I know that's, but it's just so funny that it happens to be Drake's concerts. And it happens to come out this week. That's the thing. That's so funny.

I know that Kendrick is so good at planning and that like he, like, he just created such depth in his halftime show that, like, I do feel that there was a way that he made this half. Oh, man, the halftime show absolutely did not disappoint. Obviously, lots of MAGA people were disappointed. But there's just, yeah, there's my experience. What do you mean? All of them were like. Look, it's the American flag. Do you see?

Yeah, they understand. It's an American flag. There was a great thread of a great tweet that was like, if you enjoy MAGA people hating on Kendrick's performance, you might enjoy MAGA people really missing the point of Kendrick's performance. It was a bunch of screenshots of people being like, We're so back, baby. Kendrick and the colors of our country.

And it's like, oh, you do not understand what's happening. But it was just such a good show. my experience was watching it and enjoying it and being like, is he going to do it? Is he going to do it? And he built that up. He built the tension up so well. So good. You know, at one point he says, I want to play their favorite song, but you know, they like to sue.

And then you're like, oh, no, is he not going to do it? And then he goes to a different song, but then he comes back to it. And it was everything we hoped for. And then I had the lovely experience of like reading more about it afterwards and like watching it again and again and catching all of the. little Easter eggs and like things that I didn't know when I was watching it like that Serena Williams had gotten fined right Jerry for the Cripwalking yes I think Wimbledon Yes and so that was and besides the fact that if you didn't know that Serena Williams used to date Drake but then she also got fined for doing the Crip Walk and so she went up there on the biggest stage in the world

hit Drake's X and Crip Walking, and it was, man, just like firework. Like that's such a, it's because again, that is an Easter egg for people that don't know what's really going on. Like, how the Easter eggs were all over the place from how blatant they were to how minor a minor they were. That was so great. And yeah. And like, and obviously the three of us are not the people to be, you know, the authority of talking about what, you know, all of the extremely proud, you know, black, blackness and black pride and black history that was in that show. But like, um, the, like the way that people,

I, there was this wave of people who didn't get the Serena thing being like, is that Serena Williams? And then having it these little, that's Drake, you know, she used to date Drake. Also, Drake has attacked her. Also, she got fine for Crip Walking, like the layers. Yeah. Same with Samuel L. Jackson. Like, yeah, that's Samuel L. Jackson. Yeah, he's dressed as Uncle Sam. Yeah, he's policing. Drick's Blackness. Also, fun little fact about Samuel L. Jackson that came up a couple of lists ago on this very show is that he was like a radical. He denies ever having been part of the Black Panther Party, but he was part of a group

at Morehouse College in 1969 that took the Board of Trustees hostage demanding reforms at the school. And so he has a very, very radical history himself. So to have it be Samuel L. Jackson, to be the one dressed his uncle's Sam policing Kendrick's performance and policing his blackness and for it to be, you know, for him to play humble. And again, there's layers and layers and layers upon this performance that were missed by many, but we're also really enjoyed by many more.

The big game over at the end where it's like, I mean, you thought he won last week with the song of the year. Right. Winning multiple Grammys. Winning multiple Grammys. On the song. And then to go, wow. And then on top of it, Measel.

at a Drake show. And measles at a Drake show. I'm waiting because now, so we know that Drake is suing weird. Drake is already, like, weeks ago, he's suing Kendrick's label. He's suing for defamation. I'm waiting for more because they even said in the halftime show of like, oh, you know they love to sue. I don't even know if they can. They are openly saying, we're doubling down.

And I don't know if that's just like lawyers speak for like, we're going to get all. And I feel like it is because it was like, does that mean there's another lawsuit? But they're just doubling down right now. Yeah, I couldn't find any new news about, as of recording on Tuesday, I could not find any new news about the state of Drake's lawsuit. But I just can't believe that the entire stadium sang along with a minor just as Holden predicted last week. It really happened. It was amazing. Yeah.

And everybody in our house where we were watching it, it was just so on fire. That was the best, just the greatest. And that's why I was there to see. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. I mean, I was there to also see Travis Kelsey proposed to Taylor Swift on the field while

screaming maga, maga. I love Trump, you know, but. But you didn't get your dream. That didn't happen because they, yeah, because he lost. And then Vincent Boone comes out and he starts, you know, like. Screaming Imagine Dragons. Casing a Mormon Bible. yeah, and singing

imagine, yeah, not singing his music, singing a magic dragon song. I mean, being like, wow, this is really like,

this is a cool sound. Yeah. You know what I mean? And it's just like, but, uh, no, you know what I mean?

Just like hearing that, whatever that shitty song is. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Yeah, but I do want to say the biggest of ups goes out to Kelsey

from our Patreon because I did not see that there was the briefest of puppy monkey baby appearances y'all know puppy monkey baby you know i love puppy monkey baby and i've been dreaming of puppy monkey baby ever since we got to meet puppy monkey baby and just for a moment we got to see puppy monkey baby shine on our screens again and what what a gift i don't even think people understood if you look at the instacart commercial from the super bowl they included all the beloveds

You know, you gotta have the Kool-Aid man. Yeah, you gotta have that big, thick, jolly green giant. You know I want to bang them. Every Thanksgiving when I watch that big old parade comes. Well, and I was even going to say, Jackie, if you want this Thanksgiving, I will cook us up a puppy monkey baby. I'm surprised I've never done that. That's my specialty. Is it like a turducken where you're going to have to just stuff them inside of each other?

I don't know. I guess you have to start, but then you can't start with a puppy. You got to start with a monkey. I think you gotta start with a baby. You think you gotta start with the baby. Oh, you can't start with the baby. So this is from a rejoined of a Mountain Dew commercial in 2016, right? And this is what, that's where puppy monkey baby comes from.

Why are you saying this as if people have forgotten about puppy monkey baby and have not been thinking about him ever since? I, I struggle with how to consume the Super Bowl commercials because I do like, it's fun. And, you know, I try not to bring my. anti-capitalist hat to the commercial party. That hat is wild, by the way. Everyone hates that hat at this party. It's a big. It's a big and it's loud.

It never, it never shuts up. But, yeah, so I... I was like, stop liking the commercials and scream, stop liking the commercials. It just goes every three minutes. Like, it just does that all night. No, I understand. And you are correct, MJ, but, you know, I still love a commercial. I'm not here to hate.

I was just trying to, the specific enthusiasm for puppy monkey baby, I was like, is this something that is separate from a commercial? But no, it's just a reference to previous commercials. And we are in that era. It's the whole Dunkie. Yeah. I mean, oh, yeah. The whole Dunkie ad was a reference to the year's previous Dunkin ad, which I found very sad because last year, Ben Affleck was in a loving relationship. But he's not.

But he looks like he was having a lot more fun this year. Ah, okay, fair. I don't know if you guys, I at first, I heard, so for those of you that did not watch both last years and this year's Dunkin' Donuts Ben Affleck commercials, they were actually genuinely delightful. Yeah. And it is about that they are in a boy band called the Dung Kings. And this year, they released a seven-minute mini movie called Dunk Kings 2, the movie. And I did watch all of it because I was like, I'm not going to watch seven minutes of this.

and then I enjoyed it and it was funny and it was well written and Jeremy Strong took a lot of him like taking the whole like route of going all. Oh God, what is it called? When he immerses himself, he immerses himself in the role. Method acting. Method. Thank you, Method acting. So he goes method for the Dunkin' Donuts commercial so he's immersing himself in the beans. It made me like him a lot more actually.

I like Jeremy Strong a lot. It made me like all of them. And, you know, like, I really struggle with how I feel about Ben Affleck because I really, I love that he still gets too drunk and that he smokes cigarettes. Yeah. I love that he looks sad all the time. I love, I hate that I love him. Where's the struggle, Jackie? Yeah, what is the-

I don't know. Everything you've just described is something I enjoy. He speaks Spanish very well. He has consistently fantastic politics. he is consistently really, I mean, at least in the J-Lo doc, he was right about everything. It's because he hurt Jennifer Garner. It's because he, that's why I struggled. He hurt Jennifer Garner and I loved Jennifer Garner. What it did?

I think he was stupid the nanny. Oh my God, everybody fucks the nanny. He was stupid the nanny. Come on. That's normal. But now they've obviously grown. That's why you don't get a nanny. Okay.

That's, are you, um, holden. You talked about your nanny last week. Holden. talked about having a nanny last week. Yeah, and I also love, yeah, exactly. Is this finally telling us that you've been cheating on your wife with Patty? Look, I'm pulling a Schwarzenegger over here, all right? Just get over it, okay?

I think this is great. I think that we love to make- Believe a! Sorry, my favorite song got stuck away. Oh, imagine. No one even knows you were making an Imagine Dragons reference. I love that. Man,

God! Don't worry, I did take it personally at all. I did, like, get really weird about it in my head. You even apologized to me drunkenly after the show. I was like, I'm sorry, I got real angry. And I was like, I was making fun of you the entire time, so I was having a blast. And everybody, and I mentioned to the next day,

and everyone chat was like, you didn't seem upset. I was like, oh, good. So I just suffered in my mind for six hours even better. I knew you were upset because you kept at every moment you could playing another Benson Boone. video and I know. And expect it. And please expect it on Jack and by the way.

Don't, if you give me my choice of video, you better believe what I'm going to be putting down the pipeline. But if you say it's Jackie's choice of video, just saying. She won't choose. I won't choose that. So just giving you guys a little loopabouts there. Yeah, it's a loop about. Yeah, it's a loop about how you get it to not be Benson Boone to be played.

That's what Gideon calls it in court. Just like found a little loopabouts. Your argument. No, he has to spend more time talking to you guys so that he could bring this vernacular into court. Yeah. Yeah. He needs to phone it up. Yeah.

I wish Jag and I were a team of lawyers. Let me in there. I really do feel like I've watched so much Real Housewives Salt Lake City that it would just end up becoming like I would feel like I was on one of the reunion episodes. And then I would start acting like I was on one of the reunion episodes. But apparently that's on how lawyers are supposed to act. You fucking bitch You're a bad mother

I'll just be screaming that at the jury Just cause Oh I can't wait to talk more about it During talking TV Jackie I'm almost done with season four Oh my god Oh dude I love him

Oh baby Oh I can't wait I can't wait to just be it I mean I know I'm never gonna be Like that But I'm like It's like I want to be a 50 year old bitch When I grow up

You know I understand I This is my problem with the show. We'll talk about it. I'm talking about it. It's my problem with the show is I just want to become them. I just want to be them and not like as a jape anymore. I'm like, I'm ready to become them. Doesn't this become unhealthy at some point? When does it become unhealthy? Yeah, it's unhealthy. Oh. It starts unhealthy and it stays unhealthy and it gets more unhealthy as you go. It gets more

unhealthy because there's just so much of it to consume. Really, I can be lost in it forever and I never have to read the news ever again, except I do. I read it every day. We got to read it every day. I frown. And I frown and I frown. We got to know. We got it. We look. We had with the three of us talk before we started recording about whether or not we wanted to touch on any of the Kanye stuff. And I don't think we really, I think probably everybody saw that what we suspected about him and Bianca Sensori is confirmed in his own words that he has dominion over her.

Complete control over her. I will say, not that you should bring up the one thing that actually made me kind of laugh about all the Kanye tweets. tweets and I maybe I shouldn't say this but when he started going off this is my best of food moment for sure. When he started going off where is this going? screaming about

and I all of it is evil he's an evil person but him screaming about fat bitches on the runways was so I was like what are you and they're putting fat bitches on the runways like of all the things that he was in the middle of screaming about but then he screamed about how it's like

endorsing obesity and he's like horrific awful untrue things about fat bitches on the runways. And then another tweet that said, except for Adele, though, she really talented. Spelled Adele's name wrong. Also, Adele lost most of her weight years ago at this point. I think it's very funny that he felt the need that he had

to just let everybody know, not Adele, though, even though also, Adele not on the runways. I was thinking, I was like, I'm sure Adele was like, what the fuck did I do? Why am I a part of this? Why am I in this? Don't bring me into this multi-many tweets rant where you identify as openly, repeatedly, as a Nazi, many times. Oh, yeah, no, it's very bad.

You use so many slurs. And then, yeah, randomly, he's just like, but Adele is very talented. And it's like, Adele, no, Adele very talented. Wow, I mean, I'm going to give it up for Adele. But that Adele, yeah. He turned into Linda for a second. But Adele. But Adele, oh, oh, what a voice she's got on there.

Well, that's because one of the many tiny people that live at his head just finally like push through the racist ones and everything it's said, you know, what of the... Far beyond. Like, for years we've been here of like, he's mentally ill, he needs to go get help. He's mentally ill, he needs to go get help. And we have been that empathetic side. I'm done. Yeah.

Can we be done? Yeah. Can we be done? No. No. It's totally over. And we shouldn't, yeah, mention him again on this shit. But like, at least he's come.

Now he's just, you know, officially removed from, I think all social media. I don't think he's on anything anymore, including X, and it really took a lot to get us there, but he finally got taken off of X. He's going to come back. And his website got taken down,

but it stayed up way too long because he put that ad out and then only featured a white t-shirt with a swastika on it on his website. It was the only thing on the site. It was only $20, though, Holden. It was a super bowl ad, so you said it was a local, because I was like, how was he able to do this?

How was he able to have a Super Bowl? We didn't see it. Yeah, I don't get why they didn't play. It's a shame on everyone involved that should have pulled that ad. That is, they had plenty of time to take that down or not air that. And enough by then had been done to warrant it. Absolutely. Yeah, there's just.

Absolute shame on the people who let it go. Because it's these people allowing this kind of stuff to happen that makes him feel like he can do anything just because he has a shitload of money, right? which in a sense that's true. That's what, yes. I was so shocked that he was invited to the Grammys because, again, we talked about this last week. There was misinformation that he wasn't invited, but then it turned out that he was, but I was just like, what do you mean he was? The man already had identified as a noxie. What do you mean he's invited?

I don't care. Yeah, I don't care what song he wrote. Yeah, exactly. It's crazy. And then his website was taken out, but apparently that also was after the CEO of Shopify, but first of all, it's hilarious to me. I don't know why that like he uses a Shopify account for his website. I don't know why that makes me giggle, but it's like, what? I thought you were a billionaire.

You can't have your own shop. Anyways. And then also, but that has now been taken out. He's apparently the CEO of Shopify was finally, alerted, grilled enough about it and harassed enough about it to finally take it down, as if it wasn't enough just for its plain existence to take it down. I'm so done. Can we just collectively as society just stop giving him the time of day?

Yeah. I just want it to stop. Absolutely. Yeah. I keep thinking of this clip from the music, not the music man, the sound of music that I posted yesterday in which one of the kind of like Nazi apologists is like, well, I can't do anything about it. What can I do about it? And then Captain Von Trapp played by the beautiful Christopher Plummer goes, don't you ever say that again? And he's like, it is our problem. You can do something about it. Don't you ever let yourself off the hook like that. Hell yeah. Thinking about it over and over and over.

Hell yeah. All right, I'll watch Sound of Music. Is that one of the ones I got to throw on the pile? You will thirst for Christopher Plummer, Jackie. I don't know if you've thirsted for him before. I don't know. I don't know. I'll thirsted for him a thirst trap and then a bunch of people corrected me and I

sort of said a thirst Captain Von Trapp. Ah, yeah. Well, maybe you'll thirst for the celebrity conspiracy this week. Give me with the share. Do you believe it? Banksi's identity is Tyra Banks. This one comes in from Alex who writes, Dear Page 7,

the true identity of street artist Banksy remains unconfirmed. But let's be honest, it's definitely Tyra Banks. I submit the following evidence. I need to ask, and please hit us up page 7 podcast.g.com. If the person that wrote this in, have you read Model Land? But please continue, hold it. I just want to know how much, how Banksy and you've gotten. research. Yeah. Right, right. The first clues right in front of our smizing faces. Banksie art is an

anagram for Tyra Banks. Love it. Love this, yes. That's a kind of sneaky branding genius, only a true supermodel turned mystery street artists could pull off. And let's be real, Tyra loves an element of surprise. She once pretended to have rabies on live TV. Would she secretly moonlight as the world's most elusive graffiti artist? A hundred percent. Second, let's compare the art. Tyra transformed aspiring models on America's next top model, and Banksy transforms blank walls in a world famous masterpieces. Both disrupt expectations. Both leave audiences in awe. And honestly, if anyone was going to give drab cityscapes a high fashion makeover, it would be Tyra. Third, Tyra famously taught us how to smize, meaning to smile with just our eyes.

Banksy's art often features figures with powerful expressive eyes. Coincidence? Just look up Banksy's girl with balloon and tell me she's not smizing. Who better to capture the soul of society through a spray can than someone who built an empire on the power of an intense gaze. I'm looking it up right now. Finally, let's not forget the ice cream connection. Banks's 2003 piece girl with ice cream eerily foreshadows the 2021 launch of Tyra's ice cream brand, Smize cream. Oh, yeah. Was she dropping hints about her future business 18 years in the making? Or was it just a subconscious slip from a woman leading a double life?

I think we know the answer. I submit to you that Banks's true identity is Tyra Banks. I don't just believe it. I know it. And honestly, now you do too. So Jackie and MJ, do you believe Alex? Mike drop. You can't even see the girl's eyes.

By the way, can't even see it. Alex Mike dropped, just an open, just a picture of a dude's butthole just gave it open. It's crazy. Like, this was the most definitive. If anyone does that in the future,

just know that we will immediately delete the email and we won't use the conspiracy theory. But Holden apparently is down and enjoys it. And so you're welcome, I guess. I'm just kidding. Alex did not do that. Nobody's doing that. This is a great, great theory, Alex. I want to thank you personally because, you know, it is true that Tyra Banks was doing a level of performance art that none of us could keep up with. We all remember the fat suit. We all remember when she pretended to be a homeless person. I forgot about the rabies. The rabies is the best one. That's the great, one of the most uncomfortable. moments of television I've ever seen and every time I watch it it feels that way.

It never like gets, you never get numb to how uncomfortable that is to watch. Yeah. I'm just thinking of all of what happened. I really feel like if you do want to believe this, you must read Model Land and think, can the person that wrote

this could she do what Banksy does? Okay. Jackie, there's a difference between the written word and the visual Yeah. Maybe she's just a visual artist and not a novelist. And not as much of a word smith. Or an ice cream. Because it's not like Banksy's out there, you know, aka Tyra, like writing tomes on these very simple thought-provoking.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, concepts. We all have a different medium in which we thrive. And maybe that the written word is not hers, nor is creating amusement parks, nor is creating ice cream, nor is hosting a talk show. Yes. You're right. You're right. You're right. Not any of those, but perhaps art. Tyra does assume that all models should have superpowers like they do in model land, or at least just like specific things that make them better than the regular. I mean, I dare say that Kanye was right, according to Tyra, though, at least I imagine about fat bitches on the runway. So I feel like if they could like team up, think of how, like how many banksy's they can make then. Yeah.

Yeah. Just put them both in the good. But this is my problem As I say that But model land really is a work of art And I highly recommend Don't pay for it And neither of them are like

Get it from a library Neither of them are like I'm a Nazi And like Hitler seems great You know what I mean So you're right I shouldn't compare Tyra Banks to God That immediately gives a pass

Yeah I think Tyra Banks is fethphobic But not a Nazi And that is an important distinction I shouldn't say those things Because that's defamation I shouldn't say them Oh, my God.

You're about to get Drake, bro. You're about a Drake. I'm about to fly in there and fucking give you a subpoena. What am I going to get measles? Maybe, dude. Jesus. No, dude. No, bro.

Never mind. I thought we killed measles or something. Get out of here, Drake birds. Measles is back. So brat. Because it's so brat. It's coming back. Is that why?

If you love having a little bit of measles at a Drake concert, you'll love having RFK Jr. In The Health. You're barb it because it is going to be back, baby. Oh, my God. You're wearing your hat again. I'm sorry, I put my hat on. It's very nasty.

There's blood of blinking. You're right. There's a bad scene for measles. That's why it's back. Yes, you don't need to take the hat off. You can keep the hat on because it's time for the list. Oh! Who's on the list?

Jackie, got to have that list. Out of touch celebrities who clearly live in a separate reality from our own. you know that Patrick Stewart didn't know you can get a single slice of pizza. Sir Patrick was 72 when he learned that you can order just a slice rather than a whole pizza. He was also surprised he wasn't given a knife and fork to eat it with. To be fair, I feel like you can really only get a slice on your own in New York or at a Sabarro's. Or if you go into a pizza place. You know, you can ask for a slice if you go into a pizza place if they have just hot slices available.

That's the thing. I just feel like I never even heard of the concept of a slice until I moved to New York City because before that, all of my pizza consumption was at like a Pizza Hut, you know, or a Papa John's or a dominoes where you're getting the whole pizza. I just hadn't, I didn't have a lot of individual pizza shops other than the, you know, the empire of pizzas. I get that, dude, and especially you think like Sir Patrick got famous a very long time ago. So I don't think, I imagine oftentimes he is calling to get a pizza if he wants pizza. or an assistant is calling to get him a piece of he wants. So I think that makes sense of why he doesn't know until he's 72. But, you know, how do we feel about this?

Madonna recommends peeing on your own feet. Being in the shower is really good, Madonna told a flabbergasted David Letterman in 1994. It fights athletes' foot. Is that true? No, I don't think that's true. There's something about pissing and jellyfishing. I know there's something with pissing and jellyfishing, but I don't even know what is or why it is. evidence that urine can treat athletes' foot on any other type or any other type of infection or

issue. That was always, yeah, this is a total like a wives tale. All right. So, um, a dumb wives tale that the wives love to tell. How dare. How dare. We know, we're here breaking those tails and we're turning them into ears. Turn them into a snail trail. Am I right? Oh, let's go. What's up? Yeah. When you're talking about pissing on my own feet, I mean, I can't stop getting horny. But what about Keshah's placenta? Does it give her superpowers? Or that's what she says.

She says, my favorite keepsake is my placenta, Keshah said in 2011. My mom found it in my basement, crushed it up, and made it into a necklace that I wear every day to improve my psychic abilities. Her own placenta from when she was born? Her own placenta.

Yeah. Mama kept it. Interesting. So sometimes I guess you got to keep it for it. And who am I to say it doesn't give you psychic abilities? I don't know. I don't keep my own placenta around my neck.

And she's had sex with ghosts. So she's doing something. That's totally. Fans send her teeth and she wears those on a necklace as well. You can send her your teeth. And she'll. The vet diagram of people who have had sex with a ghost and people who like do something with the placenta, I think. Right.

It's not a circle, but there is an overlap. And I say that knowingful, well, there are probably page seven listeners who have done something with the placenta. And I want to know if you've done something. If you've done something, let us know. It's a thing. If I was shooting one out of this hole, I would definitely be doing something with that placenta if they let me keep it. Because I feel like, why not try? We love to put something to use, you know, no waste not want not.

People planted in the ground to give back to the earth. I want to know what you did. I think it's cool. But I didn't want to, I don't even think I saw mine. I don't want to see that, to quote that Lisa. I will see that. I will see those that have extra teeth and you want to share the teeth. I've got a UPS box

that you can send them to because I'll use it for something. My kids are not to start losing teeth. I've got to start losing teeth. I've got to figure out what to do. Send them over to Jackie. Send them over here. I'll do something with them. It's the new porch goose.

Yeah. I'm going to give Gloria a teeth. Make Gloria a set of like knights armor but made out of teeth. With my children's teeth. If you really don't want anybody actually trying to get up in your spot, just put that thing right in front of yo dough.

Man, you wait. I am so upset. I'm upset because I don't have it yet, but it's also probably for the best for my mental health. I don't know if you've seen MJ, but Gaggleville has started selling small geese. I have not seen. Smaller geese.

You could get a baby goose for each Freddie ends. Oh, my God. They could have their own keys. They are little ones. My problem is, and this is the only reason why I do not have it yet, is A, I am worried because then I think that I might think I have an actual baby. Right.

But also, B, there's not enough outfits for them yet on Edspank. So you've got to wait. Now, Gaggleville has some good baby goose outfits. How did it take them? How did it take them until 2025 to fucking? Baby goose. I'm fairly sure, guys, that I single-handedly did. I was going to say, I think, and I'm not trying to write on your coat tails, but I think

Page 7 put geese back on the map. Yeah. We talked about porch geese in like 2014, and it was not a thing back then. And now there's TikToks about it. TikToks. There's, this happens all the time with page 7. Yeah, I mean. Is it us influencing or is it just us reading the moment at the time that geese are about to ascend anyway?

But I do think that Jackie is, in addition to being a snack fluencer, is also a goose fluencer. Yeah. Thank you. And also, isn't it great because I already know her name is going to be Gloriaita? And that's, oh, I mean, of course. Gloria is going to name her baby geese. You know, that's my Gloria. Do you ever play that song for her?

So, thank you. You're not going to name, oh, yeah. I see, I usually sing J-L-O-R-A, Gloria. Like I sing that to her. Why wouldn't it be Montoya? Por favor. Now, why? He lost.

He didn't keep his woman. He wasn't temptacion enough. So can't at least name a goose after the poor soul. I mean, what does that guy do? I feel like that guy is now just a pile of sludge with just a couple eyeballs in her mouth. That's what happens. Hashtag not my goose.

Sorry, Montoya. Hope you enjoyed running on that beach till you frowned forever. But this is kind of fun. Lady Gaga fears someone might steal her creativity with sex. In a 2010 interview, Lady Gaga shared that she was celibate

for an unusual reason. She said, I have this weird thing that if I sleep with someone, they're going to take my creativity from me through my vagina. Mm-hmm. Okay. And, you know, it is, it's a power move. I think anyone that can choose to be celibate for a while for a reason of their choosing, I say, God bless. Of course. I think that it is kind of fun, though, to think that your creativity could be supped from your vagina.

Yeah, I guess this is a nice reframe. of what it, of what, you know, the kind of, I feel like what we all grew up with was like, if you sleep with somebody, you're not, like, valuable anymore. This is like, and that your value somehow is tied to your virginity. But what she's doing is like,

my value is so tied to my vagina that like, it's not that I would lose it by having sex with you because of impurity, but because I'm just so powerful, I must, I must keep it contained. Keep your essence. Yeah.

It's always like the boxer doesn't fuck before the fight. kind of thing, you know, to keep that, to keep that beast in him. You'd want to be cleaned out. You'd think it would be the opposite. I'd want to go right before I go, you know what I mean? Remember raging boys like putting the ice down his pants and stuff? Oh, yeah. Because he's so horny.

Yeah, because he's just hard. Yeah, he's so horny. Now, these old white women are, man, sometimes you kind of want to shake him to death. Alicia Silverstone thinks you could just stop working. In her book, The Kind Mama, Silverstone suggests you could just take a year off work to be with your new baby. She says, I assure you that it's not something that only the super privileged and trust fund endowed. Alicia Silverstone, I'm so sorry, but you cannot weigh in on this. Yeah, that's insane.

You were a famous, you are famous still, but you were in a number of successful movies. And as a result, you have too much money to weigh in on whether or not this is something that only rich people. people can do. You have lost the ability to know. Yeah, that's so weird. I don't understand how rich people don't get that memo that like you have just can't really speak on it. Like I don't even care that you think this or but you just there's no. It's just annoying to write that down or doesn't make sense. Guinez Patro. Gwyneth Paltrow says no time to work out. Gwyneth Paltrow thinks you're just lazy. Paltrow thinks you have no excuse not to exercise two hours a day even if you're a mom. She says every woman can make time for it. Every woman. And then underneath it

says, yes, every woman who has a trainer, a nanny, a chef, and a housekeeper on staff. You're right. Two hours a day. Two hours a day. Yeah, the two hours is right. At the same time, like, well, technically you can always get up just a little bit before your kid or something like before work or something like that and get it done or sneak it in. But I'm thinking like those really quick like half an hour workout things that, you know, for the busiest person, you know what I mean? Like, but it's totally insane to be like, yeah, you can definitely do a intensive two hour workout every day. That's absurd.

Self-awareness is the first thing to go on rich people. It really is. They just lose it. It really is. I mean, we've even been talking about that with other stuff where it's like, you're just like, what, how did you just immediately become from another planet the second you got somebody? Once you're like, once the vice, like, lose.

You just don't remember what it's like to be in the vice. And that's how you find yourself, like, rich people say things like, it's just worth it to get a housekeeper. And, like, they just don't remember. They just don't remember why that sounds annoying. Yeah, it would be great. Yeah, you're saying something very logical. Or you just live in a delulu.

Last but not least, Nicholas Cage seems to think he has infinite money. Cage sued his former business manager in 2009 for causing his financial ruin. The manager countered that Cage disregarded his advice against buying such things as European castles, islands in the Bahamas, and rare albino copras. Oh. That's the whole thing with Nicholas Cage's is he bought insane shit. Like, that's what everyone knows about him. That is a fun thing. Like, I guess if I all of a sudden became a multi-millionaire overnight, I'm sure I would buy some dumb things.

But I love it that he's like, no way. I ruined myself with all these albino copras. There's no way. It was definitely my financial business manager. Oh, I just realized that if we ever do get that much money, the first thing that my husband will buy is going to be a snake. Oh, yeah. He's a snake boy.

I didn't know he was a snake boy. Oh, yeah. Whenever I talk about things on Instagram, I'm always like, is this in your algorithm too? And then he shows me his algorithm and it's all snakes. It's all snakes, too. I didn't know Gideon was a fellow's snake lord. I love a snake.

That's awesome, man. Well, at least he's not married. At least he's married to someone who wouldn't go, I'd be mortified for the rest of the day about whatever he showed you because that's where Alex is like, I'm both a snake boy and married to someone who is like completely, I mean, if it is a fake rubber snake, she's mortified.

Like, that's the depth of the fear, right? If it's a cartoon snake on a TV screen, there is a bit of a, a freak out. It's not like a freak out, but it's definitely like a, oh, like, just like can't, can't look at it, cannot view it. Everybody's got something. I understand. I do. I'm sorry, I said the last one was last but not least, but I did want to throw in there. Martha Stewart told her daughter that if her husband is rich, but ugly, she shouldn't have his kid. Stewart said she should have a hot guy's kid and then raise it as her husband. That's great. It is funny how,

These ugly rich guys end up with these like beautiful women. And then the kids, sometimes you feel baggage. You're like, oh, man, you had such good genes on one side. Hopefully you get the money-making gene from the side that's ugly. But you got a lot of weird-looking kids run around because you got these just gross-looking, you know, creepos. Yeah, to roll of the days. Yeah. All right.

Hey. That's our list for us. Well, I am thrilled to tell you, I'm losing one of my main five senses. Oh, no. I think I'm going. Lide. Items. Oh, we can't see them.

There was the time this north of the border actor decided to whip out his peen in front of cast and crew and peed in front of everyone before walking away. Wait, wait. So someone foreign-born just took out their dick and started pissing? North of the border too. Canadian, yeah. Canadian. Drake? No.

Jim Carrey. Bieber. He needs a break. No, no, no. He's an actor. He's an actor. Not Jim Carrey, but not a singer either. He's an actor.

Mike Myers. No. No, he's connected to a big controversy. This is probably just another in the bad PR attempt to like wreck these people, which has been going on lately because of who he's married to. Ah, Ryan Reynolds. Yes, Ryan Reynolds, which I just had to laugh. I was like, please tell me this is another PR like.

Oh, it's got to be. It has. Because honestly, if you think about it, really, he's got way too much to lose to do something like that. I don't think he's that stupid. I don't think you get that charming that far. Like, especially it's not like, it's not that you get that far. I just don't think you're known as charming that law.

If you whip out. Right? Yeah. For sure. I think that that's, I think that that's right. I think Blake lively burps and farts and Ronald's pisses. Bubs and faults.

I know. I also love that that's like the attempt to take them down, them just being like kind of gross, you know? But I will say, apparently, known. I don't know how they confirm this or whatever, but that like Blake lively, not allowed to go, uh, be with Tay at the Super Bowl. Yeah, Taye. Or did Tay not invite her? That's what I'm saying. They're in a rip right now. That's the word on the street.

Yeah, because she didn't want to get dragged in. Drag end. Those, those leaked text. She didn't like being referred to as one of Blake's dragons. Dragons and she's the Colise. I can't. Believer. Believer. Uh-oh. I'm a believer of that situation. See, yeah, apparently there's a rift between them because she doesn't want to be anywhere near that lawsuit or anything going on with that and was a little miffed at the leaked text

and the way her name was being used. I think if one of my friends called me one of their dragons, I think I'd be fine with it. I'm a dragon. I'm one of your dragons someday. If you need me to be a dragon for you, and I'd call you one of my dragons. I didn't want to say anything,

but thank you. Yeah, I would like to think I'm one of your dragons. And you, obviously, Holden, you are the calisi of this show. Oh, yeah, totally. I mean, for sure. And we're the dragons. Like, I'm like the disappointing third act. Yeah, yeah, totally.

Yeah, but we're the real dragons. We're not imagining. Yeah, we're not imagining. We're seeing them right in front of us, all right? They're doing fours up a piano, baby. It's a food band for life. You're welcome, Jackin. You made it happen.

All right. Next up, we've got a dirty little number for you. This permanent A-List singer thought he had bought up every copy of a gay adult film he made back in the day. Judging by a check, he recently wrote, I guess there was at least one in the wild.

It specifies gay adult film, but he is known gay for very long... I'm sorry, I just got excited because I thought you were about to be like known porn star and I was like, I were like, did porn. I was going to immediately be like, the Italian Stallion! Was the Italian stallion

doing gay porn? Because I will watch it. But no, he is an iconic gay musician. He is, he's actually got an album coming out or did just come out. Elton John. Yes. He's got that album coming out with What's Her Name? Who's awesome.

Oh, I don't know who the album's with, but all I know is I saw him, he had some tantrum in studio a couple of weeks ago. And also, he's losing his eyesight or he's at least, or maybe he's already lost all of it or most of it. Oh, man. Yeah. Yeah, he put out an album with Brandy Carlyle, who, Who I love.

Oh, yeah. And it's so gay. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm so excited to hear it. She's great. But also, Elton John, and that's a great idea for Tima. Canonically through the craziest parties back in the day.

I imagine there were a couple of tapes out there. Imagine dragons. But, yeah, I would even imagine dragons that. I imagine dragons. I gotta start saying that now. Oh, no. Referencing imagine. No, we can't, guys.

But for, it's like the new Starbucks. It's worse than Starbucks. It's something they have. You're right. It's our new phrase for anything that's like, you know, just absolutely loathomably, you know, extremely popular. It's just absolutely the bottom of the barrel stupid. Like Hock Tua girl, I'll be talking about her coming back from her crypto scam,

probably in the leftovers. Oh, yeah. Or Hock Tuan TV, whichever one we want to do it. We'll save it for the leftovers. Even the Nepo baby singer thinks her now X is hooking up with the A-list singer. slash sometime actress. She's more of an actress now than a singer, actually. She'll have you know.

Ariana. Ariana's who this Nepo baby singer thinks her now ex is looking up with. Who is the Nepo baby singer? Gracie Abrams. And who is her ex? Paul Meskell? 100%. Wow.

Ariana, you're a man eater. Wow. She's a manita. But man, to go from SpongeBob to Paul Meskel, I mean. I'm just. If she is forever in love with and gets married to forever SpongeBob, I will eat my fucking shoe, dude. Like, seriously. Don't, bro.

It's not going to taste good, man. It's going to have not coming out, bro. Eat my anti-capitalist hat. Oh, I'll eat my hat. There you go. There you go. Seriously, dude. Does anybody think, I mean, can you imagine you?

Now that she's in the actor world, too, she's not going to fall in love with some other actor at some point. that's like hotter and more talented and whatever. All mescal. You know what I mean? Yeah. Be a man eater as much as you want until there is another person involved. I guess that makes you, maybe that's inherent to the definition of man eater. If she's just flying through men.

Yeah, right. She's a baby eater. She's a woman's life ruiner. You know, like I just keep thinking about Lily Jane. Justice for Lily Jane. Hashtag. Justice for Lily Jane. I want.

Oriana, you know, fuck around, but you're taking people out, innocent people out in the process. Yeah, Gracie. But we heard there on that. I don't, I guess Gracie Abrams is going to probably make a nice album. I love you. I'm sorry. She's got a record store day record. Somebody help me get this because I don't do record store day.

And she's got a like live from Radio City Music Hall concert album coming out on record store day on vinyl. And I just want to. You got to go. You got to beat the. I don't want to stand. You would be the 40-year-old man surrounded by a line. A lot of young women.

Oh, my God, yeah, for sure. I, well, no, it'll be a lot of snooty record store day people, you know what he mean? Like, so I don't even know what that is, what those people, I just need, I'll get my brother, I'll ask my brother to get it. The pictures, though. He does it.

The pictures of Elton Boone. Does Benson Boone have a vinyl? I honestly, you know what's funny? While I was listening to the album, I was like, I probably. get this on vinyl at some point. I really liked it. I thought it was good. Boon Nader's, Boone. Maybe I was Megan Trainor.

By the way, like, back in the day, Jackie was like, you know, I kind of like that. Megan Trainor and I was like, don't, Jackie, don't. And I'll always remember that. And I always regret that. Yeah, many, many years ago because she did a song that was like supporting other big girls. And I liked that. During the Lizzo stuff and you were in. No, no, but also I feel bad being like that. Because I should have been like, oh, cool, like who you like. What am I to say? you're not allowed to like an artist. You know what I mean?

I wasn't screaming Imagine Dragons at you. I mean, I am currently during this episode, but I wasn't on Jacket. You know, you're bringing it back. Belief, yeah, you were noticeably extremely silent. That was the funny thing, though. You were just like, hmm, mm-hmm. Bully him.

No, no, she wasn't, no, no, it was just funny. No, I wasn't supporting it. She felt similarly because of how that one song has made, has become a normal. on TikTok, and I didn't know this. But that's also why I didn't, like, lose my mind about, like, I can't believe, because it's like, I haven't listened to the rest of his album. I have not, like, I know that I'm annoyed by that one song.

Right. So it's like, it's not for me to rip you apart because I'm like, I don't know, I haven't listened to it. I, uh, and it was funny because it was also like, now if you mention something you like, too, I love the part where it's like, he's this, he's that. They have to like go for like all the personality. He said this about this thing five years ago on a thing. and like they have to immediately like throw all that at you and you have to discern like whether

or not that that you that makes you all of a sudden not like them you know what I mean that's like the weird thing but this is very chat specific I feel like no one deals with this but us no I think it's fun at people who street because like you you you say like oh I like this thing or this person and you have to get if they don't if it's not allowed if it's not chapel rhone or somebody who's like approved by a certain contingent then all of a sudden it's like He said this about Ronald Reagan five years ago just so you fucking know. And he's Mormon. You know what I mean?

You got to be like, golly, guys. Let's just, at this point, let's focus on the Nazis. Let's get rid of the Nazis first. Let's really focus our energy on that. Then we can move over to like Mormon musicians. I get it. I get it. It's not a total, not, you know, there's similar.

similarities there. I'm not calling Mormon Nazis. Listen people, vote for me in 2020. Oh, no. All right here. We're going to stop you. I'm going to tell everyone to just Google Elton John and Brandy Carlisle because they're a little promo photos together. So cute. With their whole vibe right now. I have to get that vinyl as well. I haven't listened to the album yet, though. Yeah, but I hope I hope he's still got it. Brandy Carlisle for sure still got it. I love her stuff. Yeah, we love her. Absolutely. She's, and there you go, proved. absolutely gold star approved, I think. You can definitely say you like her

and not get a wall of hate. All right. That's it. I can see again. Wow. Welcome back, Holden. Oh, my God. Thank you all for joining us on this week's

episode of page seven. We laughed. We cried. We laughed at Holden, more importantly. And that is always fun. My name is Jackie Sprouse. I can follow me on Instagram. And you can come hang out with MJ and I over on Twitch.com.

TV slash, oh, no, it's Jackie where we play The Sims. And also, come on, check out who's the bitch. Check it out if you haven't yet. Me and Kerr clank are calling, you're calling us. And we're telling you who the bitch is. And so you should check that out. We have new episodes every Wednesday. Also, I guess give Crescentia to listen or read if you haven't ready yet.

I'm cool. And I don't know. And I've been to, let me, I went to law. Palazza 99. Let's listen to that lineup. Metallica, before they sucked. Let's not start with Metallica. We did some machine.

Sound garden, soul coughing, the Ramones, and rancid. Oh man, when you drop soul coughing, you know you're young and in the know. I love soul coughing. I went, I've been to a lot of really cool concerts. I've seen a lot of cool things, okay? Living in New York.

Believe us. Believe us. Man, I'll never live it down. Twitch. com, TV, forward slash Holdenatorsho. free Friday, Jacket with the Holdys, please check it out. Always a good time. Yeah, as evidence, by everything I've said earlier and all throughout this street.

I love it. Go to Jacket with Holden's feeling. Honestly, you know. Make me sad on a Friday while I'm just trying to have some fucking drinks and relax for too sad. Anyways. And everything else, dude. Just, you know, I don't know.

It's just like Montoya Porfavor. Check that out. Check that out. Patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast. Page 7 podcast at gbo.com. Mike drop. Butthole. M.J.

Wow. My name is MJ. I'm MJ K. L Kat on Insta. And I am M.J. Nethel with a silent K on Blue Sky. Have an amazing week, everybody.

Yes. Enjoy yourself. Put on a smile. Make other people feel good. Let's just try and keep our community going. and full of smiles. We love you so much and we'll be back next week.

Bye, everybody. Bye. A minor. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them.

For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.