Page 7 - Ep. 570: Tubqueso

Episode Date: February 21, 2025

MJ is the Lisa Barlow of P7 this week after losing iPads AND precious precious water bottle on a family trip! Get your time at the opera in because The Baldwins are a comin' next Sunday, Jackie's upped her bitchiness with much success and the blessing of one Ed Larson, Hilaria has peepee stickers for her baby Balds, Tori Spelling shows she's just like us by revealing she gets nude and makes her son give her massages for an allowance, SNL 50 brings in all the greats for a massive live special, Benny Blanco gave Selena Gomez a trail of chips to a bath tub of queso in their HOME BATH TUB for Valentine's day...and in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner: Real Housewives of SLC and CLIMATE CHANGE?!?! Then a list filled with times that actors got away with shocking, disgusting, cruel, and dangerous things in the name of method acting, blindz and MOOOORE!   p.s. stick around after the blindz for some very important newz! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

To M.J. Happy birthday. I'm singing it sexy to you. It's sexy. So we're scary. No, it's not scary. This is sexy. Happy birthday.

Scary and sex are the same thing. It's 2025. Let me sing like the kids sing. Yeah. Zoom's saving us for that one. Happy birthday to you. Thank you, Jackie, for my serenade. And thanks for nothing, Holden.

How old are you like 60? Yes, I am 60. Are you too horny to start the show? Did I get you too, like, going there? Or do you need, like, menopause pills or something? I don't know what's going on with you these days. You know what I mean? You know what?

I've been meaning to Google, what are the symptoms of menopause? Not that I'm there. I'm not that. I'm not 60. But, again, I don't know what that. I don't know. I don't know when that starts. I don't know.

Word on the memes is that perimenopause strikes real early. That's why I haven't needed to do it. And Matthew Perry Menopause, it's coming right around the corner. That's a big one. Too soon. Absolutely too soon. Start it off strong. Now, I think that I don't need to worry about any of those things because I'm just a bit of a

baby. And I think that you should be scared because I think my dipey's all full. And that is the problem with having a baby co-host is. I'm too busy going, we're going, we're sitting in my way. Bragging about being a year and a half younger than me. Well, what if you and I have a race to perimenopause?

How about that? Ooh, that's kind of fun. And then if I win, you know, I win the race, but I lose because I'll be perimenopausal. And I hear that that's, I hear it's not fun.

But again, what I like to do is never think about the fact that my body has material needs, you know, until they confront me. Hydration. Yeah.

Hydration. I hydrate. Trash. I hydrate. We both have our emotional support water bottle with us at all times. At all times. I did lose mine whilst traveling, so I have my backup. And you lost yours?

Oh, yeah. And the iPads? I lost, okay. I'm Lisa Barlow. I'm Lisa Barlow from Real House of Salt Lake City. Go ahead. I have to get this out. Matthew Perry Minopause died from Keta Minopause.

Is that what that? I'm so glad. I wanted to do that. Thank you, Holden. So yeah, anyways What were we just talking? I'd rather talk about Lisa Barlow losing the $60,000 thing.

Thank you very much. You lost, okay, this is like day one of your trip. iPads. Okay. Very nice water bottle. Anything else? Like what had to do? Oh, it's not a nice water bottle.

It's from the Dwayne Reed. It's fine. Yeah, I'm not just crap about it. Bandit come and like take a bag from you. Like what happened? No, okay. Here's the thing. I used, I, we did tour.

We did 25 shows in 10. months and I... You didn't lose that water bottle once? Never lost a single thing. Didn't lose the thing. Okay. Because, yeah. But was I traveling with my children?

No, I was not. And I'm not blaming my children. It wasn't there for. You certainly didn't lose one of the many margaritas you drank. You knew exactly where those were at all times. I know where to put them. I know where to put them. And, and the problem...

We need them to open our legs. The problem with the iPads is that I'm actually not used to traveling with electronics. And so I took, I put them out in the little bin. then I just forgot that I had precious electronics. But it's fine. They're at the Newark Lost and Found. How will I get them?

I don't know. Oh, my God. MJ, I didn't realize they're still at the New York Lost and Found. Why did you have to take them out to your pre-check? You don't have to take them on the week. I'm not pre-check. I'm not pre-check. They don't know nothing about me.

Oh, you got to get in the pre-check. You don't have to take them out and put them in the bin. I got to take them out and put them in the bin. I got to put them back in. Oh, my God. They already know everything about you. I know. I know.

I should just do pre-check. I just haven't done it. But you'd think that the Newark lost and found at the airport would be at the airport. And you'd think, oh, I'll just get them when I come back to the same airport. No, no, not at the same. Totally different building. Totally different name. It's not even a Newark.

Wow. So I got to ship it to you. We got a ship, but we didn't have, we couldn't print a shipping label in New Orleans. So it just became a later on problem. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. Thank God.

I know. Yes, it was not a great way to start the trip, but it did remind me of the episode of Real House with Salt Lake City where Lisa Barlow starts the girl's trip. Yeah, and gave me that ring. She loses her $60,000 ring. $60,000 ring. Proceeds to ruin the entire trip by never stopping talking about it. And I did consider doing that. I think I just ruined. My water bottle, the iPads. I think I just ruined the first part of the... I mean, I certainly ruined the children's spirits when I told them what their iPads weren't there at the beginning of the flight.

That was fun. Oh no. How was the flight? It was, thank God the TV, the airplane had TVs. Oh my God. Angie, my heart just dropped. Yeah, by the way, I want to throw this out there. Guess you also lost the tablet on their first day of travel with our daughter.

Your wife? Yeah. Oh, look at that. See, great minds. Great minds. Great is the, which is the situation. We're saying great minds holding. Here's the thing.

I hold everything together. Yeah. Yeah, of course. That's your job. Of course it's so much. When you're the one who holds everything together, sometimes you make mistakes. And sometimes the mistakes are big. But that was a pretty big mistake.

But we all survived. I would show up without pants. I'd be in a dream, but it'd be real. I'd be just not wearing pants at the airport. and everyone's like, what's going on? I'm like, no. And then everyone thinks you're J-Lo, and then it's like a whole weird thing.

Is she J-Lo? Is she Ben Affleck hiding inside of some other Cretan's body? Actually, if we found out now that you were just Ben Affleck wearing your body as a skin, I'd be very impressed. Yeah, that would be. That would be, that would have, I was going to say I would have wanted to be flirting with you this whole time, but that's not true. I don't really want to flirt with Ben Affleckle.

And I'd be like, Like, come on. It's me. It's been me the whole time. I think that's the question. What would the real difference be if it was, although, again, we did establish last week that Ben Affleck is like a good, like, not that Holds not a good person, but Ben Affleck is like a smart studio, like a, yeah,

I think he was. Oh, wow. He knows how. He knows how he's so smart and studious and wonderful. Yeah. And like demure and charming. Yeah. Hold on.

You're fine. You're a good person. No, no, sure, sure. But no, he knows things that you don't. He loves to talk about foreign policy. He speaks Spanish. Yeah, I know everything about foreign policy. Yeah, how you say cucumber.

I know he speaks Spanish. Honestly, the only difference is that I think Holden would be chain smoking every day. If Holden, if you start chain smoking cigarettes, then we're going to know that you're Ben Affleck hiding in your body. He's a degenerate gambler, okay? I beat metaphoric Fantasia. We don't know what you do with your time. I don't gamble. I don't gamble it away.

We all know that you successfully quit smoking, which is a huge achievement. Don't smoke cigarettes. Way too much weed this past few days because Lexi's and Winnie have been gone. So I do my thing where I just do it in bed or what, you know what I mean? I just have it in bed or I have it wherever, you know. And I definitely feel like that's made me less smart. Yeah, sure. Me, not as smart as me was.

You're smart old. But it is me only shirt. You're very smart. You're just as smart as Ben Affleck and just as capable. Yes, and you're just as capable as the Baldwin's. I'm always saying this about Holden McNeely, and yes, the Baldwin's is going to start being released next Sunday, guys. Well, usually I really fucking hate them, but with these recent articles, I'm realizing I'm exactly like them, and I'm so excited to watch the show. The PR machine is spinning its webs out here, and I tell you, keep them pinchers away from me, you big, dumb spider bitch.

But I know she's creeping and crawling down them silky threads, and she's got her eyes on me. I'll never believe over my dead body, will I ever believe that Alec Baldwin was like, come on, one more. And it was hilarious that was like, no, I got me, I can do. You know what he mean?

Father of eight, Alec Baldwin, quote, always asking wife Elanria for, quote, more kids, but her quote, bodies really tired. We've all seen him speak.

We all know he doesn't want another child. You're crazy. It's like they knew. They were like, hey, it always looks like in every time we show even press material for what's supposed to be a fun, like, reality show about your family, you look miserable. Even when you're smiling, there's like a dead-eyed

sadness going on. So can you lie to the press and say you're the one always asking for more kids? It's, it aria, sorry, I hope I pronounced that correctly. Thank you. Thank you. That is always like, no, you know, whatever. I don't know the words that she does, but, you know what I mean?

But me got smart, me get smart soon, is me not weed smoke soon. Isn't it interesting also that I knew that she had given all of her children Spanish names, but I, could anyone weigh in on this? Is it weird to name your kids names from a different culture that you're pretending to be? I mean, people do it. I mean, yeah, like, it's totally, Spanish names are really cool. French names are cool. It's totally fine if you have named your kid a name from, I guess I'm just, I'm curious.

Because it follows the, the problem is she was pretending to be Spanish. So it just seems like it's another fodder for her. Look at me, I'm Spanish. All my kids have Spanish. But I do think she has Spanish heritage, though. I do believe that she is. family from Spain. I see.

And that's part of the reason why, at least of what I've read into it, her growing up in Boston, but she spent a lot of time visiting family in Spain, which is where a lot of where she's like essentially in her brain, it's like, I may as well be, which is just certainly not the case. That makes sense. Like people give their kids Irish names or whatever. Exactly. So that I do understand.

That's fine. All right. I think it is quite a move, though, to not, like, it would be one thing. You know that in The Sims, I've got Jackie Jr. It would be weird if I named my child Acky, though, instead, because Eladia has named the two-year-old Eladia, but not the same name. It is just different. And I don't know why, because there's no H at the top of it.

Because we all know her actual name is Hillary. Right. But she has changed it to her. Right. Eladia. And we understand that. But now the two-year-old also goes by Elaria. What?

And that is a, I just, in my brain, you'd think it would be the same name. And maybe I'm just over-judging, and I'll take it. I over-judge Hilaria Baldwin, and I'm fine with that. And I have- One of the kids is also Hilaria? No. It's Illaria. With no H, but what's strange about that is that in Spanish, H is usually silent and- So her name has already said Illaria.

El-Aria. So that's why I am a little. judgey judge. Yeah, this is the most rich white person shit ever. It's, yeah. Laria is so dumb. Oh, also, yeah, I hope they don't get sick all the time because then they're going to have a fun, like, you know, nickname going right along with their name.

Ill, Ill, Aria, always, always puce. Sounds like you're coughing all over yourself. Yeah, what are you doing? I need my family return to town, and you guys know this. I'm a miscreate. You're a mess, MJ, because you just, got back from Norlands. You're both having like mess time.

Cleanly Jackie. That's what I'm seeing right now. Always clean. Just cleanly Jackie is what I'm seeing right now. No mess in that dress. No, everything is. Except for the wet that I sit and I told you about my diaper. Have you thought about getting a diaper?

So young. Yeah, Jackie's too young to be sick. Thank you. And I, you know, I've already seen all your comments. The MJ always sounds like they have a cold. Well, I'll show you. Maybe when I have a cold, I sound like I won't have a cold. How's that?

I saw one that says something nice about you. I saw one. Well, I hope it was about how great and not like a cold my voice sounds because I'm about to disappoint that person. No. I do have a cold today. And it's, you just got,

you got the muck from Nalans. Everybody gets the muck from Nalans after the time. Maybe somebody even, like, canceled your normal voice out. You sounded like insanely sultry like when Fray Dresher eats the, um, what does she, what does she have in the nanny that makes her voice clear? Or wabi. Oh, yeah, that clears it all up.

It clears it up. She, like, talks normal for two seconds, and then she goes back to the nanny. Oh, she's perfect in so many ways. Man. So beautiful. So amazing. I still follow multiple because I went through my, you know, Fran-a-Sons year. I still follow a bunch of Franfine stand pages on Instagram.

And, man, they are still heavily posting her fashion because it just doesn't go away. She's absolutely timeless. Highly recommend for anyone if you want to really up your fashion game to look into starting to dress like Fran Fine. You can find great thrift store finds. You can definitely, you know, add buttons to it. Who knows? Get a little purse. Who knows what it could be?

Get to thrift in y'all. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. This is coming from me because I don't know what my fashion theme has been. All right. I just know that I'm acting more bitchy. And I want everyone to know because we did do, man, I have up my bitch factor recently. Good.

And I'm proud of myself because I do feel like it's getting me everywhere. And it is scaring certain people. And you know what, Holden McNeely? I told Henry and Eddie that I was trying to become more of a bitch. And of course, Henry made the same joke to like, ugh, do me anymore. But you know what one Edward Larson said to me was. It does sound like that. He's like, I'm so proud of you.

He said, I'm proud of you because you get walked all over and you should be more of a bitch. And I was like, but I was surprised because no one ever says that to me when I say I'm trying to become more of a bitch. You had a very special episode with Eddie. I did. Very special episode. And this is, you know, over just me trimming a bunch of weed smoking huge bong rips at his house. I got to stop. I can't.

I mean, I can't do it anymore. What do you mean? I did dabs. I did dabs on Sunday night. I don't know what's going on anymore. I did dabs. I played Tetris. Yeah, man.

You're living your best life. You got it. We got to put the booze away forever, man. Put it away forever. You don't need it. All we need is weed. Bapa. All you need is weed.

But me mind bad. Man mad. I know. The man is mad. And maybe it's because you don't have pee-pee sticks. on your toilet. Like Eladia does on her toilet. Can we stop?

It's E-A-A-I-A-A. Okay? Can we get it right? E-A-I-E-A. In every conflict, there's at least one bitch. A huge bitch, a silly bitch. A little baby bitch, a raggedy bitch. But sometimes it's unclear who the bitch is.

I'm Kara Klank. And I'm Jackie Zabrowski. And on our new Colin Advice podcast, we're going to help you figure out Who's the bitch? We want to hear your problems, dilemmas, and quandaries. No topic is off limits. Does your coworker flirt with the boss to get ahead?

Is your bestie having her destination wedding on a holiday weekend? Is your therapist being clingy? Does your friend keep bringing her toddler to adult parties? Come on, there's definitely a bitch in your life, and we want to hear about it. You can email us, DM us, leave us a voicemail, and even call in live to talk to us in person about the alleged bitch in your life. Just go to who's the bitch.com for all the ways you can contact us.

New episodes drop every Wednesday starting in October on the last podcast network. So subscribe now on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. And tune in to our live stream kickoff on September 30th on the last podcast network Twitch channel where we'll be taking your calls live on air.

Help us, help you figure out Who's the bitch? I'm sorry I came for the children's names before. We got to leave the kids out of it. I know. We should leave the kids out of it. But I don't like this. Listen, I don't have kids with penises and I do hear that they

pee everywhere. And so that's fine. Chat about it with your mom friends. But can we, once again, I know we've been hammering this horse hard lately, but can we not? Oh, God. Oh, I don't want to hammer this horse. This is the opposite of what I want to do to either one of these horses. I want to leave

them in the stable. This cold is I'm going to make sure they're full of bugs. Yeah, I don't want to, yeah, I'm going to care for the horse. Ever a horse, Jesus, God. All I can see is, it's just a horse's head exploding under the world of like a mallet. In my bed, yeah. We've lost me all over me. Lost me forever.

Godfathered by MJ, yeah. Skull shell all over me, just crying. Is he going to say, beating a dead horse is the saying? Yeah. That one works. That one works. still alive though. Yeah, yeah.

In this area of hammering the horse, I feel like. And it's freaking. By the way, you're in bed with the horse. It's like a godfather situation. That's what I said. It's like the guy's at MJ's his godfather. So, all right, I'm not in bed with the horse like it is in Jackie's brain. I'm just outside with the common horse.

I can barely fit. I can barely fit. And I'm screaming at the horse. Stop talking about your children online. And that's what I'm screaming at the horse. That's your screaming at the horse. And this is, I guess it's fine. It's just annoying.

She put a sticker. Hilaria put a sticker on her toilet that says, Keep Calm and lift the seat before you pee. Ha ha, ha, ha, ha. The Keep Calm thing even kind of sent me a little bit because I was just like, oh, remember when that was everywhere and it was so blame and boring and everybody, like, bought into it, you know what you mean? You know, I think we all have at least one thing that says keep calm and, like, coffee on.

You know, so we all have one thing. It's fine if you still have it. All the strand bags from the bookstore or all T-Con or whatever. There's nothing wrong with having that in your home. Like, if you made it like a staple of who you are or like the part of the foundation of your decoration of your home, that's another story. Yeah. Yeah, I just think making an Instagram post about how your kids piss everywhere is cute. I love it.

I love when I sit down and they slip everywhere and my son's. peepies. And it's just like, you know, you know she's not clean in the toilet. First of all, I was like a sticker on the toilet. There's going to be bacteria behind that sticker. I don't want a sticker on the toilet. But she's not cleaning it. So who cares? Right. And honest, that's the thing. I'm like, what do you care whether your kids be on the floor? I'm sure you have like twice daily housekeepers. So it's just one of these, it's, this is one of those things that completely, it's like bitch eating crackers, right? Like another person could do this and it would be completely fine. If I went to a friend's house who had four sons and she had a sticker like this,

on her toilet, I would probably be like, ha ha ha, ha, fun. They piss. They piss everywhere. And then this bitch does it and I'm like, fuck you. You know, so it's not fair. It's not, it's just not fair. But she is my bitchy crackers. Nothing she does is okay.

We judge her openly, willingly, and we are going to continue to judge her while we watch the show. And it's just not going to stop. We're just going, and we're going to watch the show and it's going to be more PR. So just strap in. Now, if we're going to be. you know, yelling about what parents do with their kids. I know this isn't necessarily like a kid's show,

but I love getting two parents' perspectives on it. Tori Spelling slammed for letting son Boe 7 massage her. And this is not in the headline while she is nude for an allowance. Yeah, talk about posting about your kids. There is a, and the picture is of Tori Spelling nude with a little, there's a little towel over her ass with her son who is seven. on her back, massaging her. And I grew up in a very clothed home.

So I know that I see things like this and I puke inside of my mouth. But I remember that not everybody grew up as like taboo sexually of a home. Not that I'm saying this is a sexual act. Right. But I just to me is my email, Jackie wrote, I see nothing wrong with it.

These kids got hands, don't they? I would have never. written something like that down. I never would have said, boy and child's hands. Hands, don't they? Well, I guess they should be doing manual labor. Yeah, really weird.

I've never given my mother or father just, you know, just doesn't matter. I don't think the gender is not my issue. We're not the issue. That is not my issue. And of course, again, here, the number one issue is posting it online. If there is a family where the seven-year-old, I don't know, I'm trying to bed over backwards here.

Yeah, I don't know, actually. I don't even know if that is the number one issue. Seven-year-old massaging his mom. Yeah, it's a weird, and she's just that face. We're getting into some Freudian territory here for sure. And her whole vibe is just like, can you imagine that puffy thing just going, Oh, God, me. I'm a vibe.

Mommy of my dad. Yeah, me, mommy, me. I'm sorry. I'm staring at her face. At the big filler face. She's just going to fill her face is so crazy. I'm sorry. She's a very beautiful person.

I shouldn't make fun of... They saved money on the bounce house for the birthday party that year because they just used her face. Yeah, they just jumped all over, but they're massaging it too. So she's also like, you know, because you don't want to squeeze it out. I'm trying to like give room, hold space, if you will, for families. like you, Jackie, there might be more physically affectionate, that might be more, like, give me a, like, I think it's cute when, you know, families touch each other and love. Well, it is a labor because there's money involved. I got a massage. I got an allowance for doing, like, mowing the lawn.

And do you want to talk about the massages you received? Because you did see massage for Hustolden. Do we need to talk about this? I've gotten, like, three massages my entire life professionally. And yeah, I got hard. But they had hands. like angels. I get it. I wasn't hard, but I did get a massage over the weekend and it was pretty great. Nice. Yeah, yeah. It's a labor. I never got it. I get Ted's just thinking about getting a massage. So maybe I should, maybe that's a reason why I should try it. Oh, have you never done it before, MJ? Never, no. I should break the seal. Try everything once. Yeah. You know, I got a manny, petty. Like, just try every, try every, try every pamper. Anything that involves self-care,

pampering. Everyone should try at least one. Like, go to a spa. Because honestly, now, Jeff and I go, we get our, we get manny petties, and then we go get massages together. And it really is. But we also go, I have noticed, I like the no frills ones. I like the ones where you go in and it's just like one and done because I've been to the fancy ones. And my problem is I think I get too high before a massage. And I was at the fancy one and they separate you into your own space. And then I was just walking around with a bunch of strangers just like nude with a robe on.

And I was like looking around drinking my lemon waters being like, oh, I'm going to go stand in the silent. room. Yeah, it's weird when there's other people and then they're kind of doing their thing and you're like, am I in a gay erotica situation right now? I mean, if that was happening, then I would be all

aboard. Like, sign me up. Yeah, I'm just not prepared, you know? Like, I'm not ready. I need to know I'm getting into one of those situations, not just like be in one at the massage place where I'm at with my wife, who I love, you know? It seems like you have a

problem getting hard at the massage part. I'm glad you've only gotten three. I've never gotten hard. Adult life. I think I've only had male masseuses, masseuse, as well. Thank you, please. Thank you. Yeah. Massese. No cheeses for massises. Yeah, I'm always handing him cheese while they're going. And they're like, no, we can't. We can't. I'm like afraid to get a massage from a lady that I think is pretty. You know what I mean? Because I don't want my squirmy slug to get all, you know, sentient. I think it just depends on you're looking for. You know what I mean? I have heard that sometimes, that

like, depending on the person that Jeff has found, like, because he is a man, that when men massage him, they're trying to, like, prove something sometimes. Oh, God. That's what I'm afraid of. But he'd rather the woman that gets up and, like, walks on him and is, like, elbow dropping him and stuff like that.

I guess I'm just afraid they're going to, like, break my back. Go too rough. You know, and not in a sex way. I don't like it too rough. I'm there to, like, relax. Yeah. Lexi is so funny. I have learned my lesson now. I give Lexi massages all the time. And every now and again, I'd be like,

hey, babe, I kind of could use one this time. And, like, cut to me, like, five minutes on school, like, ah! She's just like, I'm like, ah! Like, she's like, binging my arm. Yeah. Like, at the fucking chiropractor or something shit. Just, like, popping things.

I'm like, no, please stop. No, that's why you got to get one of those the, like the really hard ones. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the air got, yeah, and they have great knockoff ones. We have a knockoff one that works great.

It was like a, I think like a fifth of the price. And man, you can find a good one. Jackie, she needs to use the ones, the ones, things like that we've already purchased that take up a lot of space of this apartment before I get anything else like that. It is a graveyard of those things like that. Yeah, it's just so. You should have seen me high in bed last night. And so my favorite snack fluencer, Jordan Myrick, posted that the ninja

started putting out this thing they have this thing called a ninja creamy that everybody was anybody on TikTok that they can make anything into an ice cream but now they've got like a creamy swirl so you could turn anything it's like a frozen yogurt and you can make it swirl into your cup

but it's like $350 and I showed it to Jeff and I was like Jeff we have to have it I'll save up for it and we'll have it and he's like where are we going to put it Jackie how often are you going to make ice cream And it's like all the time. Yeah. I promise all the time.

And I feel like a middle schooler begging for a dog that I promise I'm going to take care of. Because you know that middle schooler's not going to take care of the dog. You know I'm not going to start eating ice cream made out of bananas all the time. Yeah. No, I'm against the ninja creamy just for its name. I feel like I wouldn't let it in my home. M. Yeah.

MJ. I can't do it. Holden. The word creamy. Creamy. It's too evocative. It's too evocative. Probably because of you two, actually.

Because of Moddland, I mean, I will say Creamy. Creamy is the name of the mommy in Modderland, and Creamy has a doll, and she talks to the doll all the time, and the doll's name is Bellissimo. Maybe that's why. What is where is happening? Am I having, am I? Okay. Maybe I am sick.

Maybe I did get sick over the weekend. I'm supposed to be the. the mess today, guys. You guys supposed to keep it together. Okay. Yeah, you're supposed to be the one that has just been drinking every second. His wife has been gone. Just ripping joints. Yeah. Just be like, you know what? It'd be fucking make me feel even better right now. A whole other joint. I mean, I completely understand that. And maybe you needed to just like slide into bed with the S&L 50th anniversary. Now, I, you know, Holden and I were talking a little bit before this show about, you know, we have a weird little taste in our.

mouth from S&L. I know. I know. I have a sad little yuck and it makes me sad. I know. I don't want to have a yuck. Like I would, because like a big, you know, big love to, for Michael Che always been like really good to me and like really cool dude. And, um, you know, really, uh, just had, had, didn't have definitely, you know, I, I almost feel like I'm the opposite where when I hear people trying to talk shit about S&L, I'm just kind of like, dude, it's an institution. And like, you know, it ebbs and flows. And I think it's like so silly to talk shit about SNL because it's like, what are you like 22? You know what are we doing here?

It's S&L. It's great. You know, I don't know. Yeah, I'm glad it's there. Yeah. The Henry thing was so disrespectful. The thing sucked. I guess update on that.

I guess she apologized to Henry. I kind of wish it was a little bit more public, but she did apologize. She did apologize. And apparently the S&L 50th anniversary show was a very very. good show. I've watched many clips from it and I will say this is the thing though. This is where they shine. They're bringing out all the heavy hitters. That's the thing. They're bringing it back a bunch of shit that people love. They're bringing back characters that we all miss. Steve Martin did the opening monologue with Martin Short coming up. Martin Short comes up and then like

there's that the Merrill Streep's never been on SNL before and she did that the redue of the Kristen Whig character which I'm blanking on the name of the character right now. But that's really fun about like the trailer trash, like the chain smoking people. And that was fun. And I also, you know I loved the Will Forte, Jason Sedakas, lay-miss time square mashup of them both singing as two separate performers from Times Square, but they were singing a lay-miss song and they did it in the, like in the actual like audience of the SNL 50th anniversary show.

They did it right in front of Jenny or, uh, Jenna Ortega and Kevin Costner, right? Is it like Kevin Costner? Yeah. And of course the internet is just like, look at Jenna Ortega back there when she's in the, she doesn't even know what to do. It's all planned. It's so funny.

All the coverage of this from like, from like, you know, outlets that cover entertainment are like, we don't know if Jenna Ortega even knew what to do. Whereas she's totally yes ending the bit. They're like surrounding Will Forte and. and Jason Zadakis. Jason Sadekis, thank you, are like on each side, like squishing Jenna Ortega and Kevin Koster, and it is so funny,

and she's just like acting visibly uncomfortable about it, but it's so obvious that she's yes-anding them, that she's in on the bit and that she's being really funny. And all of the coverage, even from like these real outlets are like, you know, we don't know whether she knew this was going to happen. And it's this erasure. It reminds me of Sabrina Carpenter and the way that like people are not,

capable of seeing a very hot young woman. Be funny. Be funny. Yes. Like, and I don't even know. It breaks their brain. Exactly. Like could this beautiful young woman, young actor be acting?

And it's like, yeah, yeah. I think she's in on the bit, guys. Like I think her and Kevin Koster know how to act. Yes. And I don't know if that frustrates me more or the fact of how many headlines there were about the tiny bit where they talked to Ron. Ryan Reynolds, and it is right in front of Blake lively, and everyone's just like, did you see, did you see Ryan and Blake at the show? Justin Baldoni, remember guys? Remember as if every other fucking headline. I'm so over it. I'm so over it. This night is not about them. I don't care. It's not about them. There's so, all these other funny, fun stars onstage. And they're all doing a great job. Yes. And fun stars in the audience, there's all sorts of.

celebrities there in the audience and it's fun to see them there. And I'm just like, can we leave? Can just tonight, can tonight be not about Baldoni and Blake Live? I want to, I want to, this is when I want to sometimes, like, have my wife's, like, view of the world. You know what I mean? Because, like, I talked to her, I got this text yesterday. She's hanging out with her dad and her mother-in-law or whatever. And they're having a, essentially, she's just there having a key-key with Nancy, who's great. texting me, do you know anything about this Blake lively debacle? Nancy is very into it. I said, hi, yes, we've talked about it a lot on page seven.

And then she wrote back, she, we need to know everything. We watch the movie in bits and pieces of day. My tears ricochave and makes an appearance. I had to like, wow. How is Lexi? She's married to you. How does she not hear of this? Do you know what Doge was at all?

Like I had to, her face just watching it just drop as I explained, gave her like the big updates. Yeah, that's sadder. I'd rather talk about like lively and just about like Delgado. Yeah, but it's crazy. She's just so out of the loop on so much stuff. And I'm like, what is life like that? Like all she sees is like Winnie and me like farting and shit. But more so like Winnie being, you know what I mean?

And she just doesn't know. Do we need to get Lexi out of the house? It sounds like this is a semi-cry for. for help through you. I think it's a yay for enjoyment. Yeah. She doesn't know of these. She doesn't know of these things, you know?

So you're saying that Lexi is so busy having a blast. Yes. That she doesn't know what's going on. That her head is fully in the sand. Yeah. Oh, okay. Gotcha. Gotcha.

Honestly, it is, I hear it's a great way to live. I completely understand. She's on like a spiritual journey now, you know. Good for her. She's like, I'm on my spiritual. And I was like, can the spiritual journey involve acquiring money? She's like, no. No, she should pick up a new craft instead.

No, I'm one with the thing. More appliances, maybe. In fact, I want to, I just want to volunteer. Yeah, more appliances and crafts. I think that's really what she should be doing. I was like, good, but can the volunteering be in a money way? Can it be? She's like, no, absolutely not.

We will be giving back to the people. Give back. And she's a good person. But I was, but I'm still going to try to like, make her a drug meal or something. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm a secret a way for her to be making money while on her spiritual journey.

Honestly, I would probably definitely immediately pat down Lexi, but that's the problem. She's too beautiful. Too beautiful. They really, they need to turn you into the drug meal. Oh, I'd love to be a drug meal. They don't want to be touching you

because they're like, keep it underneath. Honestly, hollow out the cyst. Right. And it'll be like the hollow moon. And no one will know what you keep in your hump. Right, right. The hump is a good place to have. hide things. Nobody's going to want to look there. I was going to

no, and they go, you keep it. I was going to maybe model like a paper mache like butt hole and put it on my stomach. And then, you know, and that's where I'll hide the stuff and they'll be like, what's that? It'll be like my asshole. No, they're going to look. If your butts on the front you know they're going to look. They look at every butt on the front. I know

it. Before we talk more about that, I want to just say that if you're not going to watch the entirety of the SNL 50, which, and I did, I had a really good time watching it because I did, I mean, SNL, and I think this is probably true for many of us millennials, was my childhood.

It was like The Simpsons. Yes. And SNL, we watched them together as a family. I got to stay up late every Saturday. I revere it. I love it. I'm not one of the haters that try to come and be like better than it or whatever. I think that's like kind of lame, honestly. I think

SNL is awesome. I haven't watched it regularly in 20 years, but there was a time when it was every single Saturday. And thankfully, that was through two, I feel like I lived, my childhood encompassed two golden ages. It was the Chris Farley, Phil Hartman, Golden Age into the Will Ferrell Golden Age. Oh, yes.

And so watching the special, yeah, because I had the same thing. I was like, I'm kind of mad at SNL 50 because of what they did to Henry. But watching it, it just reminded me of how important this show was to me as a kid and how much it shaped me. But the clip of Will Ferrell and Anna Gassire are doing Marty and Monty and Bobby Mohamed covering, not like us. My mom texted me and was like, you have to watch this clip. Because my mom and dad still watch SNL. They're loyalists.

They watch it every week. And I'm like, you know, and usually when they recommend a clip, it is funny. But I was like, okay, I want to see this. And I have just been dying. It is so fun. And also that the interview of Anagastair right afterwards, somebody says, like, how did, you know, how did this come together? And she's just talking about like, you know, she was like, we found, they asked us

like a week ago to do it. So we had a week to write it together. And she's like, and we were just like making each other laugh so hard while we were writing it. And can you imagine like getting after so long? What has it been? 20 years since that since they were both on together? Like getting to revisit. Getting together in a room to write something for a character you haven't played. I can't imagine. I would love it. I would love it. Same was seeing Steve Martin there on the stage. Like I was getting weirdly emotional about it. He's 79, you know? And it's like this hollow. hollowed ground for him. Like this man has been there since he was so young. And I, yeah, maybe it's because I've been just falling in love with, with him again with only murders. But I'm just like, I was watching it. And I was really, I was like, it is, it really is such a cultural institution. And we have so few of those left, you know, and, you know, the montage of all the physical

comedy and the montage. Oh, yeah. I love the canceled comedy montage. all the stuff that didn't hold up. Yeah. It's very funny. Very funny. I think that they did a good job keeping it fun, light, and entertaining.

And that's why I think I was so annoyed at like the, all right, even the little Blake Lively, like, I hate that the Blake Lively Ryan Reynolds thing is getting so many headlines where I'm like, there's so much more to this show. Come on guys. Yeah. Can we like focus on literally anything else? Yeah. Especially, but then I also saw so many headlines that were like, how dare Blake and Ryan? and show up at his ex-wife's night. And even, I was like, wait a second,

you're saying that it's Scarlet Joe Hanson's night because she's married to Colin Joss. What? That's why that's her night. What? Also, that's not what I'm saying either. That's like 10 leaps. How is it Scarlett Joe Hanson tonight?

Who cares? It's her night, MJ, and how dare you question? That is so weird. That it is her night. When my husband has a thing for lawyers, that's not my night. It's also your night. It's your night. You need to make it your night.

Yeah, I should make it my night. You need to adjust your crown a little bit. Yeah. No, I should talk more about how it's my night. Remember who your mother is. Yeah, remember who your mother is and adjust that fucking crown. Remember. And she's going to adjust it for you.

Yes. Okay. My mom listens to the show. So just to clarify, this isn't about my mom. This is about my mom. This is about my mother. Just so you know my mother. Fine.

Remember who Jackie's mother is. Thank you. You're fucking crown, MJ. Because you are a part of my oligarchy. All right. So you're welcome. Hell yeah. You're now 1% dude.

Billionaire class, dude. Yeah, you're welcome. Just without the money. Your billionaire class, but you don't have any money. Oh, MJ Musk, though, sounds like a little clone you start selling and I don't know if I'm here for it. No, it's that MJ must. No, that's when I start volunteering. Yeah.

That is when. And hopefully you're not going to be volunteering for your tub to get all full up. of queso. Yeah, we're talking about the Valentine's Day gift, which talk about another thing that kind of chuffs. No, chuff is good, right? It scuffs me. It chafs me. Yeah, it scuffs. It chafes me. Is that so much, so many headlines try to rip Benny Blanco apart. The internet, for some reason, is like, fuck this short king that loves Selena Gomez. They hate them because I don't think he's hot. He's so hot.

But like he, who gives the shit? It seems like they have a wonderful relationship. It seems like he worships the ground that she walks on. It seems like they both have a lot of respect for each other. Yeah. Yes, she loves Koso. And for Valentine's Day, he left a trail of chips throughout the home leading to chips that spelled out, I love you. And the entire bathtub was filled with Koso.

Here's the thing. My husband does that for me. I'm going to be pissed because you know who's got to clean up that casso. That's the thing. That's my first shot is who's cleaning up the casso. I would have to clean up the casso so we know ultimately that that is, you're just giving me a chore in the future. It was like neon like casso. Oh, it's the good stuff.

It's the good stuff. Oh, that's the good stuff. I was saying it's like, oh, yeah. I like that kind of casso myself. But I- If that's the thing. If you like shitty queso, this is the good stuff.

This is great. But it really does say, I don't clean my own house. If you like putting a bunch of shit in your mouth and chewing it until you swallow it, but peso is very different than a cheese sauce or a cheese dip. Koso is very different. Like,

I'm talking capital Q Koso, very different. Yeah. I had to look up the songs he's produced on to make it make more sense. And I was like, yeah, that makes sense. He's worked on a ton of crazy stuff.

Yes, he's worked on. worked on a bunch of shit. Like people talk about him. Like he's like, this fucking hobbit ass piece of shit. And it just seems like, as of right now,

all we know is that he's a good man. And he just seems happy. And he's got a good sense of humor about everyone publicly calls him ugly and how he doesn't deserve, he's not hideous. He's just a normal looking person. I think he's fine. I don't understand the hate.

He does. If you painted him green, you'd be like, oh, there's a goblin in it in real life. Yeah. Now, if you painted anyone green, they might look like a goblin. I think I think people were like,

oh, that's Holden painted green. But if you saw Bini Blanco, but if you saw Bini Blanco, you know, can you lead me? Are you talking about your character in the Sims? Because your Sims character does have very big ears. He only wears crop tops and he is bright green. I don't know anything about,

I don't, just for the record. I don't know anything else about Bendy Blanco. I just have seen his face. He seems fine, you know. Yes. But I,

and the Koso thing is really. really reminding me of the scene in Sex and the City of the movie where Samantha covers herself her naked body in sushi and is waiting for Smith-Jarrett to get home. But then he has to stay late on set and she's just there naked covered in sushi. Covered in sushi. Which would get stinky after a little while. Yeah. And she gets very upset. It's a very bad idea. Why sushi? Well, it's Samantha. You know, she's going to go big. It's elevating. Obviously. And then she screams it about Happy fucking Valentine's Day. And it's a great scene. I love that movie. I love that movie. you know, and really just like sushi is really, because then they can eat it off of you.

They can eat it off you if you've got sushi on you. That was the idea. That was her idea. But I do the bathtub full of case. I wish it wasn't in the bathtub. This is again reminded me of Real House House of Salt Lake City. There's all these debates about how clean is a bathtub. Should you even be taking baths?

You know, and it just somehow are we getting, all I can think about with a grand gesture like that, even if I'm not the one cleaning the house, which obviously neither of them are going to be the ones cleaning the house. All I can think about is what's, the process here. Do we have to shovel all the casso into a vessel somehow? And also it's a waste of casso. We all know, let's think about this. Someone came in and created this for this to happen. I bet it's not filled with queso.

That's what I'm hoping. It's a little tray. There's a tray on top that they put a bunch of casso. You know that's what it is. There's no way. There's a way. I would sell that entire tub of case. It's such a waste. If you're going to do this, you should invite 50 people over to eat all the casso out of the back. suck on my tub, Koso.

And we're like, ill, you know, people living in like a tiny mountain town. M.J, that's what I'm planning for when you come into town. I hope, you know, I filled every tub I have with Koso. Yeah, yeah. Because I was like, MJ's coming to town. Yeah, well, I must fill all the orifices. Jackie's Koso house. So you come here to get the salsa dips.

Uh-huh. Yeah. And then you can kind of, and you can dribble up some and collect it. Well, you keep like pico in the toilets, though, right? Yeah, for sure. Keep it a little bit, like, looser. Yeah. Like, you know, chunky.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, and you go and check it out. Yeah, yeah. And then I go to Henry's for the gawk. And I shit on it. The guac. Yeah, Henry, yeah. Henry's got the quok and the toadom.

Yeah, he's got the quack. Yeah, oh, that browns. He's got to keep replacing it all day long because of browns. Yeah, you can't keep enough pits in there. Nope. All right. It's time for the celebrity conspiracy. Hit me with the share.

Do you believe it? Real Housewives of SLC and climate change. Whoa. Uh-oh. Or they banned with their page? DJs? I'll bet they're bad. No, no, they'd be wiling because of the climate change here. This is why they're extra crazy. This one comes in from Ari who writes, hey, y'all, I think I've got the perfect conspiracy theory for you right now, given Jackie and MJ's recent obsession with the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. Maybe this theory slash video has already been sent to you. Don't have a TikTok. By the time I see a video on Instagram normally, everybody and their mother have already seen it. But is climate change the cause of the drama on Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. All this time, we've simply assumed that it was just rich bitches being messy for fun and profit. But is this the case? Fuck all the people whose lives have been

destroyed by increased wildfires and hurricanes. The real victims of climate change are these women. Wow. Brave. Brave. Very brave. Thank you. And can I just also say Benny Blanco for no reason? I just want to say his name right here. Benny Blanco. Wow. No. No. No. Yeah. The truth has all been revealed to me by this TikTok. They posted TikTok. That's right. The increasing drama of the SLC ladies due to toxic fumes put off by the rapidly evaporating great salt lake. Wow.

Now, this is actually a very real and serious problem. This is a real serious problem. I have a friend from Utah who talks about this a lot. It's affecting the health of the people of Salt Lake City, but it is the cause of the increased drama of the show. having never watched an episode, I would say absolutely yes. I think this also means the given current events. This just means the show is likely to get increasingly unhinged as time goes on and the lake continues to evaporate. Wow.

The last podcast boys have talked about how the lead that was in gasoline 70s caused the lead caused the lead that was in gasoline. The 70s caused increased aggression and may have contributed to the relatively high number of serial killers of the time. When we watch one of these ladies become the next Zodiac. Probably not, but it's fun to think about a hashtag girl boss serial killer, so I'm not rolling it out. Anyways, thanks for doing the podcast. Oh, my God, especially dressed like they do an SLC, just be like trying to kill somebody. It always used the page.

It would be Meredith Marks, I think, would be the first. Of course it would be Meredith Marks. But then they're like, no, I forgot my killing bracelet. My God, John gave me my killing bracelet. John Barlow Where did it? I'm just really sad about it I killed him

I saw a life go out of his eyes I'm just really sad about it I'm glad All right Warmest regards Ari Absolutely that was great Absolutely

Absolutely Yes I forgot about that I mean I The juxtaposition Of the crisis Of the Great Salt Lake With these ladies Is of course

That's a ticking time bomb Right there time and then slap the PJs in there. I love that had nothing to do with the PJs, which you know they use rampantly. They weaponize them against each other. Remember, who was it who accused Lisa Barlow? What was it, Monica? Lisa Barlow kept bragging about riding a PJ with, um, was it Snoop Dog? Snoop Dog. Snoop Dog. And Lisa was like, I've never ridden a PJ with Snoop Dog. But like, didn't she end up? Wasn't she like, I mean, that was true, but I just was surprised you knew it. Yeah, I think she was like, I have. But I don't.

I don't brag about it. But I don't brag about it, so I didn't think you would know about it. But it's like, you're just a liar. You brag about everything. We all know you're a liar, Lisa, but we're not here to talk about SLC. Sorry. We both believe, so I guess it's time for the list. Oh!

Who's on the list? Checking. Gotta have that list. Times that actors got away with shocking, disgusting, cruel and dangerous things in the name of method acting. This list goes into a little bit more detail than I see. to have remembered from other lists. Like, I knew that Jared Leto was doing the whole method acting thing when he played the Joker in Suicide Squad.

But in 2016, Jared Letto, who was only in Suicide Squad again for 10 minutes, told E that to prepare for his role as the Joker, he gave his co-stars some pretty horrific gifts, including anal beads and used condoms. Yep. He said, I did a lot of things to create a dynamic, to create an element of surprise, of spontaneity, and to really break down any kind of walls that may be there. I mean, the Joker is somebody who doesn't really respect things like personal space or boundaries. His co-star said he sent used condoms and sticky playboy magazines. I mean, it just weren't right.

So not the Joker. Oh, my God. And a dead rat, too, I think, was another one of the gifts. was a dead rat and it's just, I feel very, like, here's the thing. I guess you're going to do whatever you're going to do for your own method acting, but I do find it very upsetting when you're including your other actors that are not doing this. Similarly, co-star Viola Davis told Vanity Fair, he did some bad things, Jared Leto did. He gave some really horrific gifts.

He had a henchmen who would come into the rehearsal room and the henchmen came in with a dead pig and plopped it on the taste. and then he walked out. And that was our introduction to Jared Leto. Now, I'm just terrified just as a person. But the second part was, oh, shit, I've got to have my stuff together. You talk about commitment. And then he sends Margot Robbie a black rat. It was still alive in a box.

She screamed, but then she kept it. She also told her that apparently Jared Leto sent her a box of bullets. It's just for 10 minutes. So dumb for what it is, too. And it's so bad. It always makes me like, like, Jared Letto is just such the, as the Joker, such the poster boy for like, waste of time method acting. Like, I mean, it just, what a way.

Right. It was such a bad movie. He was bad in it. Yes. You know what I mean? And I just can't believe that he did all this. Now, this next one is nowhere near as like diabolical, I feel, as Sheraldetto. But it does creep me out.

But at least, I guess it helped the role. In 2015, Jamie Dornan admitted to doing something that had him worried he could, quote, get arrested while prepping to play serial killer Paul Specter in the fall. He told the L.A. Times, the first series, I did do a couple of things to try to get inside of his mind. On the tube, which is our underground system, can we get arrested for this? Hold on. This is a really bad reveal. I, like, followed a woman off the train one day to see what it felt like to pursue someone like that. He said he kept distance between himself and the woman, got off at her stop, and followed her for a few blocks. He continued,

It felt kind of exciting in a really sort of dirty way. I'm sort of not proud of myself. But he did say, I do honestly think I learned something from it because I've obviously never done any of that. It was intriguing and interesting to enter that process of, what are you following her for? And what are you trying to find out? What?

And that? Thank you, MJ. Your face is why, because reading that, you're like, well, I guess it's not used condoms, but actually it weirds me out. even further because like you're you can because also any person can just do that. Well, at least the actors signed up to be like on the thing and they were getting paid when the dumb dead pig plop down on the table. That's just some random woman, poor lady. Right. It's hard.

It's right. It's like what Jared Letto did is like workplace harassment. But what what Jamie Dorda did and I've seen the fall and I love the fall. I know. I was going to ask too. I was like, I don't even know the fall. It's very great. It's very good. And very good. And very upsetting. And I really like Jamie Dornan in it. But the idea that he's like, I learned something from it because I've never done anything like that. I'm like, do you want like a congratulations for not being an actual stalker?

Because you're a man and you happen to have not done this yet. I haven't ever stalked a woman. You have. You literally just said that you have. You just stopped a woman. And yeah, like Holden said she didn't sign up for that. That was just so, oh, I'm glad that your method you may have like terrified someone. Yes.

Right. You know. Yes. What the fuck? Oh man, that's rough. That's rough. Not that I'm ever going to watch the fall again because that's kind of a one and done situation, but it is a great show.

And that I feel like... At least it's good. At least it's not Suicide Squad. Yeah, that's the other thing. Which is fucking horrible. Because I feel like the fact that what's his name, Jeremy Strong does all of that for Kendall. I just feel like Succession is such a good show.

And Jeremy Strong doesn't seem to be hurting anyone else, except for maybe annoying other people on set, but not in a Jared Leto way, that I'm just like, do whatever you need to do to be Kendall because it's just so good. Whereas Jared Lutter doing that for the Joker. And, I mean, yeah, the fall is fine,

but, like, not worth terrorizing a random woman. No. Yeah, that's the other thing, too. And it's like, what would stop, like, a Army Hammer type from being like, yeah, this is my method? Totally. Talking all this weird shit to you on the, on text,

and, you know what I mean? And then there's things, like, which is just, if anybody found out, would just break them in such a different way. Like Aaron Eckhart did, he said, he told the Howard Stern show that to prepare for his role as grieving father, Howie Corbett, and Rabbit Hole, so at least this is another very good movie. Yeah, Rabbit Hole was good. Yeah. He attended a support group for parents experiencing child loss.

Oh, okay. And pretended to have a child who dies. No. He said, it's rude. It's very sensitive to go in there. Of course it is. I did the research. The gathering is very quiet.

There's 10 people couples. Their children had died very recently. It's fresh. You're sitting in sort of a circle. Then one person goes. Then two, three. Then it gets to me. And by that point, you're just so flush that you start going and giving the details of the cell roll.

No, you're just being a weird narcissism. And then he said, I, you really believe that you just lost a child. You're as close to reality in that sense as possible. But you're not. He says, I don't want to be rude to people who have lost a child. But yeah, you feel right there. You feel like your character. Sorry, dude.

Not okay. I have too much of a visceral reaction to this episode. It just takes me right back to college acting class and how full of shit everybody was there and how like so into their process they were and it was so dumb and lame and like, oh. And I know that actors that like really good actors like really do do work to connect with experiences. Yes, sit down. Sure. Invite someone to a consensual interview. Talk. Yes.

That's it. Do research. Don't pretend. Go and be like, I had this amazing spontaneous moment. They're just... Their space? Steal their grief. Yeah.

You. Profit your, like, build yourself up on the worst thing that could ever happen to somebody. That is so strange. Wow. Yikes. And I know it's a really good movie, but I just... Yikes Erruni, as Ted Danson might say. Okay.

Yikes Aruny. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Did you just have sex? Did he say?

Gaudi. Gajaruni, yeah. Gajaruni. I just blasted a fuck, you know. Good Lord. So sorry, Mary Steenbergin, but I would be, man. Ooh, Lord. Anyway, this one is nowhere near as bad,

but I imagine it would be very upsetting for Meryl Streep. In Kramer v. Kramer, which this is Meryl Streep's first movie, by the way. More like Kramer versus Lamer. Go on. It's a very good movie, Holden. It's a very good movie, and you know it's a very good.

It's very good. Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep played a married couple going through a separation. During their first take of the scene where Joanna tells Ted she's leaving him, Dustin allegedly improvised slapping Merrill in the face. In 2018, Merrill told the New York Times, this is tricky because when you're an actor, you're in a scene, you have to feel free. I'm sure that I've inadvertently hurt people in physical scenes, but there's a certain amount of forgiveness in that. But this was my first movie, and it was my first take in my first movie, and he just slapped me, and you see it in the movie.

It was overstepping, but I think those things are being corrected in this moment. So I guess there was no conversation about it afterwards as opposed to what would happen now if something like that happened. There's no way it would happen because there would be a fight coordinator involved. There would be a lot more discussions. You know, I mean, not to bring up a rust, but there are many things in place usually now to hopefully protect people on set. And there should be no surprise fighting or action in any way. And now that shit will get you fired so fast. You won't even be able to breathe as it should.

Cramer versus Cramer, more like lamer versus blame her. I blame Meryl Streep. Are we sure she wasn't asking for it with her eyes? I love blaming women. It's like take every, it's like, are you a victim? You're probably the problem. man, you heard it here first. MJ.

Do you think she was asking for it with the way she was looking at it? That's what you want my thoughts on? I think not. No, I think that it's a little bit, you know, I'll love to Dustin Hoffman, but I don't think that there's any amount of getting swept up in the character that should lead you to slap a woman. Right.

And I think if you do, that might mean that that's something that you feel, you know, there's just one of these things that you feel. This is the way. You could be just like you could show up to work as an actor, just kind of generally mad at, women. That's the thing. And literally just like do that and be like, yeah, I'm doing the, you know, role.

You know what I mean? That's the thing. I just feel like if you slapped a woman, it met you, something that you wanted to slap a woman. And I wish that that wasn't in there, you know. You maybe brought a prior vibe in from a different situation, you know. The lady at the, the bodega gave you some weird, you know, looks or something. What we strive for as a world where no man wants to slap any woman, you know.

Right. Even if you're a really great actor. Because all of their needs are met. Uh-huh. So then once the needs are met by the man, he needs to slap a woman. Yes. Oh, good, good, good, good.

Yes, yes, yes. Oh, look, it's another man that is doing weird things, but at least it's to another man this time. Does it make it better? No. In 2019, Robert Pattinson told Esquire that when playing, quote, fucking psychotic Ephraim Winslow in the lighthouse, house. He felt that because you're playing a mad person, it means you can sort of be mad the

whole time. Well, not the whole time, but for like an hour before the scene, you can literally just be sitting on the floor, growling and licking up puddles of mud. I was basically unconscious the whole time. It was crazy. I spent so much time making myself throw up, pissing my pants. It's the most revolting thing. I don't know. Maybe it's really annoying. But this is why what's you do. crazy. I'm a dirty shit boy. And you're like Robert Pattinson, you could be so attractive. But apparently, not only was he annoying himself, but he was annoying his co-star, Willem Defoe, who is so crazy. Everybody knows he's crazy. But here's the thing. He plays crazy. He doesn't act crazy in real life because apparently there's a scene where Willem's kind of sleeping on me and were really, really drunk. And I felt like we're completely lost in the scene. And I'm sitting there's a scene. And I'm sitting there's a scene. And I'm sitting there's a scene. And I'm sitting there's a scene. And I'm sitting. they're trying to make myself gag. And Robert Eggers, the director, told me off because Willem's looking at him going,

if he throws up on me, I'm leaving the set. And he said, I had absolutely no idea the whole drama was unfolding. So apparently the whole time Willem Defoe was just like, why is this guy doing this? Just sounds like, can we just get the sound? Can we just get through the movie? It's just crazy. It's just, yeah. But it's such a good movie.

So it's like it makes sense. Like, and also the contention between them, I'm sure just added to why it's such a great movie. But it's very funny to think, like the way from his viewpoint, he's explaining this incredible process of his as an actor. But all I'm reading is like, hey, I was like terrorizing my coworkers all day and night while they were trying to get this thing

done. I was being, I was being diaper boy in the corner. It is the perfect like, the tension because from the point of view of the method actor, they're just like, I was getting into it. I was in the puddles. Yeah, it was missing, shitting. And then completely to the neglect of

the fact that this is a workplace. It's the same with Justin Hoffman slapping her. It's the same with like, you know, the allegations with Lively and Baldoni is that he was just like so into the intimacy scenes that he just like did things that weren't planned or whatever. Yeah, which is again, not what people are supposed to do on movie sets anymore. What are you talking about? So it's just such an actory thing to just be like, no, this is about me and my moment. Completely disregarding that there are other people involved and that this is in fact work. Yes, it is art and it is work. He's also work and people need to feel safe at work.

Right. Exactly. Exactly. It is a job. And so last but not least, I love that Gary Oldman refused to gain weight for the role of Winston Churchill and Darkest Hour out of concern for his health. But over the course of filming, he smoked at least 400 Romeo I Julietta Cuban cigars, which the former prime minister had an affinity for. In 2017, Gary told the Hollywood reporter, I got six. serious nicotine poisoning.

You'd have a cigar that was three-quarters smoked and you'd light it up and then over the course of a couple of takes it would go down. And then the prop man would replenish me with a new cigar. We were doing that for 10 or 12 takes a scene. And then the director said, it's Winston Churchill. You can't have Winston Churchill without a cigar. My God, I would just be dry heaving through all of the takes. Horrific because that's a thing is that I'm assuming you can't have real Cuban cigars on set.

because as someone, like, I've had to smoke on set before just of smaller things, and usually you have to use, like, herbal. I was going to say, cigarettes. And I made that so it was never real weed. It was always crop weed. Yeah. And that shit hurts so bad to smoke. And that shit hurt back when I was smoking a pack and a half of cigarettes a day, that shit hurt. So I can't imagine.

Or maybe if you're like a Gary Oldman, do you get to actually just smoke the real Cuban cigars? Thousands of dollars. But that's, yeah, that's the thing. Do they have a whole Cuban cigar budget at that point? Yeah. Wow. They must, but I can't imagine. I don't know.

I've only, like, tugged on a cigar once and everyone's like, you put it in your mouth, you don't inhale, and you put it at your mouth. And I'm like, I don't know how to do that. I know what that means. I don't understand cigars. I have a friend who's a real cigar boy, and I, like, love it for him. But I'm like, yeah, you know, to me, I'm just like, if it ain't weed, what's the point? But, yeah, like a nice cigar on a very special occasion.

I had one in, um, um, um, Mexico with a scotch. Yeah. You know? And I was like, yeah, I get this. I mean, it's the only way for me to enjoy tobacco product without risking, you know, falling back into the devil pack a day. Right, right, right.

Situation. My brother will occasionally touch a cigar, but he didn't for years after he quit because he was like, I'm afraid it would reawaken the thirst for nicotine. Yeah, that was like probably my first cigar. And I think I had one other one another time. But anyways, yeah, since I quit. I waited several years, but I was like, I'm pretty sure I could have a cigar and yeah, it's nice, it's relaxing. It's a very relaxing, enjoyable, you know, you feel you're like, I should call, you know, another country and, like, make a deal with them. Yeah, I'm always, I've got Belgium on the line. Yeah. Which is like in the back of my brain just in case. Be like, waffles, yeah, I need them to be cheaper. Waffles cheaper.

They'd be like, this is a very sophisticated phone call from coming from the United States, you know. Yeah. He's extremely sophisticated man. Waffle cheaper. I've smoked weed all day. Make law mean, mean, man, you love Batman. Yeah, yeah. Get you in the Constitution, Holden McNeely.

Well, I wish I could read the Constitution, but I think I'm going... Blind! Items! Oh, we can't see him. She always comes across is down-to-earth and relatable, but this former A-list actress who retired for a bit is a huge diva.

Back in the day, she used to make people shave her legs and underarms. Whoa. She was like a huge deal when we were like in middle high school. Okay, okay. Give me. And she definitely had the like, I'm like, I'm incredibly hot, but I'm also like everybody, you know what I mean? I'm like everyone.

Jennifer Lawrence? Before Jennifer Lawrence, but the Jennifer Lawrence of that time that I'm describing when we were in like middle of high school. Drew Barrymore. No, she's been close, but yeah. Cameron Diaz. Yes. Oh, sure.

Yeah. She was like the Jennifer Lawrence before Jennifer Lawrence. You're so right because she was like kind of wacky and funny. Yeah, yeah. Funny but also hot. That was your right though, too. It is kind of crazy when you brought that up earlier, MJ, how so often people look at someone who's so like stereotypically, societally based, beautiful.

And they're like, they can't have a sense of humor. No way they could ever have a laugh with anybody. And it's crazy that that still exists. It really is. Like, I feel like, you know, the, the, the, you talk to actors all the time who are very, very, very funny. But if they're hot, they, like, can't get cast in funny roles. Yeah. Like, you really still have to kind of be one or the other.

And so then if you are very hot, I mean, obviously many women are very hot and very funny. And so the funny part just gets, whenever they're funny, people just think it's on accident. Yeah. You know, the Gen Ortega. Like, oh, they're so beautiful. They must be so dumb that they accidentally got somebody to laugh. Yeah, exactly. It wasn't by chance.

They were seated next to each other last night. The permanent A-list actor slash director arranged it, and he hit on the actress hard all night long. War her down. Look for that in the next few weeks. Is it Kevin Goster or Jen Ortega? Yes, bitch. Wait. Yeah, totally.

Wait. Kevin Goster, you little scamp. I did just. on how old she is. Because I was worried that it was creepy earlier when I called her hot. I don't personally find Jenna Ortega hot, but I feel like she's hot in the sense

of like a young actress. Yeah. But she's funny. She's finally, like we've finally hit that age where even though she's perfectly of age and has been for a few years, it still is like. She's a child.

Yeah, she's just still, I'm now at that point where like you're still too young. I want to make an apology video for calling her hot. You know, it's just not. No, it's perfectly acceptable to find her to be hot. We don't want to be kissing. You can totally do that. But I agree with you that she's just, we've hit that age in our time at point in our lives.

That's when you really know you're getting old. It's the age where either you can't find a 22 year old hot or you go the other way. It's the only thing. And you just start dating 22 year olds. And thankfully we have not gone that, gone down that road. Not yet. I mean. This reality star from a reality family is essentially stalked by the wealthy

surfer. He wants to sleep with her more than anything. He serves, but he's also fucking weird and like, I don't know. I feel like surfer makes him sound like hunky and he's the opposite of hunky. He's the opposite of hunky, but he's only surfing, but does he do other things besides surf? Sure. He's a... Because I don't know any surfers. Yeah, yeah. I was going to say Sean White, but I think he's a snowman. No, he's one of the people running things now. Oh, Elon Musk? No. But in the same camp, ish. Bezitos?

No. Who's the reality star from the reality family? I'm sorry, I got lost in reality star. Yeah, wait. Okay, reality star. All right, backtrack, backtrack, backtrack. Get out of the oligarchy. The guy from the real world.

There's so many reality stars in the new administration. Is it a Trump? No, no, no. The reality star is not in the new administration. Oh, okay, okay. Okay, but the surfers in the new administration. Essentially, or like he's in the new administration. the mix and awful. I feel like we're getting lost in the sauce about the wrong things. All right,

let's go down the world of the reality star. All right. The most obvious reality that ever existed. Kim Kardashian. Yes. Very good. Okay. All right, go back to the oligarchy. He is a space alien. He's annoying. He's, uh, it's not Elon Musk. No, it's in the same league of awful gentlemen. Is it R of K? No, it's not like, he's not like in the admin, but he was like there on the big day. He's gross. Oh, Mark Zuckerberg. Yes, Mark Zuckerberg has been mocked online after he posted a photo of himself

wearing a Kim Kardashian hoodie. The 40-year-old billionaire took to Instagram on Monday and modeled his new black garment, which has the words, Kim is my lawyer, scrawled across it in white. The Facebook CEO captioned the post, the only appropriate hoodie at Chris Jenner, tagging Kim's momager, which is extra lame.

P.S., why I'm surprised he wasn't wearing a swastika on a T-shirt because I thought, I think that's the big shirt being sold right now until the website got shut down. Yuck. Yuck. How does also like, how does Kim Kardashian not like apply for full custody of her kids at that at this point? I've also been wondering about, I've been wondering a lot about her and Kanye's downfall and I'm what and not in a like blaming her. Like actually she's in such a horrific position watching this happen.

I just want I'm just like, bro, like how do you get? There's no way you can't get a fucking... I'm sure shit is in the works. And I'm sure that if those kids are around him, I'm sure that there is... There's got to be surveillance. There's got to be... She's got to be watching him like a fucking...

Yeah. I wonder. I wonder what the custody arrangement is. I also wonder about the custody arrangement for freaking grimes and... And Musk because he keeps using that little boy as a human shield. Oh, my God, with that. And, but yeah, I also... I think about...

I mean, can you... you imagine having, not that Kanye was ever super normal, but obviously there was a time that he was very well respected and incredibly talented. And then there was that middle time where he was like, you know, would say in pretty off the wall stuff, but was still, that was the time in which I was defending him a lot because I still really like believed in his mind. And I think that was when she was with him. And so to have been with someone when they were like still kind of there and then watch them have this Nazi turn and have four children with the man, I mean, I've, I've, I really, it's very hard to think about.

This makes sense. It seems that, or of course, they have enough money that a lot of this is behind, you know, behind is private, which is good. It should be private. But it does seem that Kim Kardashian is trying to change the joint custody that they currently have because also, apparently, which is probably good for her, Yee keeps saying that he's going to move overseas and he wants to move Japan. He wants to move Japan. And so I think it seems that it's like, go ahead and go. Go. Go.

And then I can fight you and get full custody. Is what if I'm just seeing the little sprinkles of what is out and that makes sense. Same with. Grimes has actually posted stuff about custody. Like there was a time when Grimes' mom was on Twitter being like tagging Elon Musk and being like, where are the kids? So there's like been really intense custody. stuff happening. That's so scary. Very scary. And again, a similar situation like this person you had kids with who has always been awful, but now he's doing a, you know, a SIG Hile. Like at that point,

I'm calling a judge and I'm saying that that is unfit for custody. But man, it is hard to think about that real hard. Yeah. So crazy. Yeah. Thank you for giving me such a good answer to that question. I obviously spend out of all of our minds. Yeah. I just keep the, I'm just like, what about the kids. Yeah, what about the kids? For real. Well, I can see again and I can see that I have a big announcement to make as we wrap up this episode.

It's so crazy to say we've just got major changes happening on LPN TV. The news already broke about Wizard of the Brewers becoming nerd of mouth. Which is going to be so much fun. Which I'm really excited about. And the other big one is I'm kind of changing up my

duties a little bit at LPN. I'm still going to be doing, you know, I'm still going to be talent, but I'm also doing like more production stuff and things like that. And with everything changing over and around and looking to just like breathe some new life into page seven as well, I am going to be departing the show at the end of February. Fear not. At least I very much hope that I can hop on the random episode or two in the future. Also, we still have Jackin every Friday. Jackin's not. going anywhere. We saw Jack it every Friday. There's no, I don't want anyone thinking that it's like, well, Jackie just wants to peck Holden to do that. Jackie and MJ secretly have been talking bad

behind my back and I found out about it. Once I found out about it, I was like, maybe I should leave. You know April Real's Day. We say it right to your face, Holden. No, I am hoping that to join, you know, for future, you know, big Buffy watch along me. I'm going to try to keep up with the show and join even maybe for some of the, you know, maybe like a season finale here or there. But yeah, largely though, stepping away. And I've had an amazing time. And thank you both. Thank you, old. You old. It's been, it's hard for me to conceive of a, of a reality where I'm not doing this show. I know. I know. I know. Yeah, it's very weird. But I'm excited for you guys. And Jackie and MJ have big announcements coming up about where page seven's headed.

And that is also very exciting. So don't want to like just make this about like me leaving. There's also going to be, you know, I think it's time for us to make some changes and like get, you know, break out of our shelves. Don't worry. Page 7 is really not changing very much. I need everybody to know this is still going to be talking about positive celebrity gossip. We're going to still keep it fun. We're going to have random people from LPN join us from time to time.

and we're really excited about just trying some new stuff out together because MJ and I have been doing this for 15 years. Holden is ascending to producer and Jackie and I are ascending to our final form, which is Kathy Leon Hoda. Yes. We've always wanted to be the Kathy Leon Hoda and now we are the Kathy Leon Hoda. We're at the helm, but we're going to have all the other people from the network coming in regularly. Holden, of course, and everyone else in the network, we're going to have it. This is a sleepover, right? and it's always been you guys are all invited.

We're going to talk pop culture and celebrity goss and all of that. And Holden is still invited and all of you guys are still invited. And we're going to invite everyone else at the network too. But me and Jackie are steering the ship. So watch out. Hell yeah. And I'm just so excited. Hopefully if all goes well, we'll get to do my final episode with MJ in town, all in the same room.

And I'm very excited for that. And then also they will continue to be in the same room for a little bit of the, you know, the new, you know, the new way forward. Yeah, the kickoff. And hopefully we'll have some, we're still trying to figure out some kind of kickoff event stuff,

maybe try to get a live stream in there or something like that. Oh yeah. We'll see if we can pull it off. Obviously we'll have MJ for Jacking with the Holdies too if we can get them. All right. So yeah, that's it.

So yeah, soak it in. And for all you gronky haters out there, you're welcome, okay? But we will have Holden next week. And again, Holden's not going anywhere on the network. So it's not like, don't worry, you can still have him in your ear holes in many, many different ways. The fact, it's just like, hopefully we're going to get some really exciting new stuff going. We're all trying new shit, which is awesome.

Yeah. It's time. Yeah, yeah. And I think it's time for some changes for sure. Like, that's definitely the biggest, like, changes, scary and everything. But I'm excited because it's like, yeah, it's time. It's time to switch things up. So much has changed.

podcasting landscape, streaming landscape, everything. And, you know, we've got to continue to, like, try to evolve and do interesting things. So let's get interesting. I have to become a snack fluencer. Guys, I have to become a snack influencer. Yeah, Holden came in when Zelda was a newborn. And now she's in kindergarten.

And I had a kid. Yeah, it's insane. Yeah, a lot. We've all, we've all grown up. So much. Yes. So anyways. Not me, though.

Still spoke of weed every day. We're not to get too soon. Yeah. I got one more. episode with you guys. So yeah, I bring it back to you guys. I'll thank your both of your pants off next week. Yeah, we'll probably try. I don't want it yet. Yes, we are going to cry. Thank you guys. And I hope you guys don't cry, but if you do, that's okay. Sometimes we got to cry in the middle of the week and that is just fine. At least this will be giving you a reason. Then if you're

just randomly crying in the middle of day, you'd be like, oh, it's because of page seven, not because of the everything else that's happening in this world. But it's okay, guys. We need new things to cry about too. For some of it might be tears of joy. You're right. It could be. It just depends. It depends on how you're feeling.

Thank you guys so much for hanging out with us this week on our episode of page seven. So excited to be trying new things and going in new directions with y'all. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me at Instagram at Jack That Worm if you want to get those hot snack fluencing posts that I have been, man, you know, you give a mouse a cookie, but also you give a jack. Jackie, a learn how to put transitions into a video and man, chill, ask for some milk. Your transitions are fantastic. I love your transition. It's a very star wipe, star wipe, star wipe. Oh, yes. It's big. It's intense. And coming out with MJ and I over on the Sims on Wednesdays, we sims, Twitch.com, Twitch.tv slash, oh, no, it's Jackie. And come hang out. We've got Who's the bitch every week out there for you with me and Kara Klank. We got Crescent City out there for you every week with.

me and Natalie Jean, come check it out. I'm in your holes, whether you want me to be or not. Holden. Twitch.combe, forward slash Holdenators Ho. Jack with the holdies, still coming at you. That ain't changing at all. So check us out on there, 6 p.m. E. S.T.

Twitch.T.v.4. slash Holdenators ho. And, yeah, MJ. My name is MJ. I'm MJ K.L. Kat on Instagram. And I'm MJ Nethel on Blue Sky. Love all of this. We don't have any shot.

out today, but I do just want to give a quick shout out to Ariel, who was very upset for you, Holden, when they found out that Jojo Siwas fans are also called C-1-8ers, and then they send in an additional email because they realize it's not only C-Wan-A-Ters, but it is C-1-Aters with a Z at the end, and they were very, very upset about it. So that last shout-out goes out to you, Ariel, and to all my fellow C-1-A-A-R-E-L, and I am feeling you this week. We love you guys so much and we'll be back next week. Thank you everybody. Bye, everybody. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our

shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.