Page 7 - Ep. 571: We Just Got Slinged

Episode Date: February 27, 2025

It's Holden's last episode as co-host (for now) but he's still forcing his Taysession onto MJ and Jackie who are just doing their best to ignore an unannounced visit from Gronky while gossin' 'bout Meghan Markle being currently unable to sell her clothes because she didn't bother to make sure there wasn't already a brand by that name, a flashback to the apology Holden uses over and over and over, TSwift might not be friends with Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds anymore because SHE'S THE KHALEESI IN THIS RELATIONSHIP! There are rumors of trouble in Bikini Bottom, and that's got Holden wondering what celeb would MJ and Jackie leave their nine months pregnant (à la 'Junior') husbands Slater-style, Jackie and MJ are desperate to go to 'Swig' the soda and put SEVEN PUMPS IN THEM, every dude on the newest season of 'Love Is Blind' sucks except for Joey, Jackie and MJ talk about hanging at the mall and checkin' out the glory of Spencer's, a quick reminder of what Holden's funeral request entails so BUST OUT YOUR GRAVITY BONGS, and in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner #213 THE FINALE (for now): Did HILARIA swap out the prop gun for howusayREAL GUN?!?!!??! A Swift List in honor of Holden, Blindzzzz, Holden gets to be bathed in your kind shoutzzzzzz PLUS MOOOOOOREEEE!!!!WE LOVE YOU HOLDEN! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

So tall, handsome as hell, he's so bad, but he does it so well. I can see the end as it begins. My one condition is, say you'll remember me, standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset, babe, red lips and rosy cheeks, say you'll see me again, even if it's just in your wildestries. A little pause, but we're going to earn it. Wildest dreams are. This is it.

So guys, if you hate Taylor Swift, this might not be the episode for you. It's Holden's last episode. So it's going to have to be dripping in it. And maybe you need some therapy. And maybe you need to talk to somebody. Think about this. I think the problems. with you, not with Taylor.

You'll be hearing that for the last time. You need to really soak that in. I'm going to set you on fire if you actually think that she's bad. Yes. Allegedly or whatever. He can now because he's not affiliated with us anymore. And so his crimes are not going to be an indictment of us. I'm going to find, yeah.

I'll be Craven the Hunter and I will find you. You see that, MJ, but he is still going to guest on page seven every once in a while. We're still doing Jack in every Friday. You're right. His crimes will. reflect upon us. Oh, what's so bad about her? She has so many really fun, good songs or the great albums and awesome

writing she does. What's so bad about her? We haven't fully been Stockholm syndrome to two use. I don't know why you're yelling at us. Stop looking at us. Oh, let's listen to her nemesis. Let's listen to Yee for a little bit. He's been really putting out some good hits lately. Shame on you, listener. Whoa. And that's the final work.

You can't have both. Sorry, I'm just mad because Jaggy started talking about the fucking Megamarko lifestyle brand. It is And then I saw what a... Oh, yeah, I watched 10 minutes of the Baldwin's last night. You watched 10 minutes of the Baldwin. You're on fire with Hilaria.

Yeah. You are going to hear the rest of our take on the Baldwin's because we are actually specifically waiting to record talking TV till tomorrow because we all... So we can all watch it. To download another app and get Philo. I'm waiting until the bald wins premieres the day after I will not spend more money to watch it's Philo and you can also get sling.

Last night I was like, Filo. Flipo. Fryfro trying to figure out these streaming. We're like, you know what? We have to just delay talking TV. Because obviously we can't do the last talking TV with the last regular talking TV with Holden

when the Baldwin drops without watching it. The Baldwin drops. It's our New Year's Eve when the Baldwin drops. Or would the Baldwin's balls drop or whatever? It's like going through puberty with reality TV. I will say... I'm talking about Alec and not the children. I'm talking about Alex.

Alex are all right. We're not talking about the boys and their genitals, Jackie. You were already screaming about hilaria holding onto the child going like, Eos, me, and they're all about it. So that was the only thing, guys, the first admitted it's the funniest part was that they were like, and then we had our first child. And like she's not doing any Spanish at all.

Like clearly one, two things I've largely noticed. She's not really doing any Spanish for the most part. And no sign of any like, uh, nanny. or anything, which I don't fucking buy. They're hiding in the closet. They're hiding in the closet. While the cameras are around, which makes sense. If you could just pay me more to hide in the closet,

I think I would have been more fine with it. Those nannies got like a $5,000. A $1.5 times. Every time. When you take them on vacation with you, you pay more to hide them in the closet. Is that how it was supposed to go? Because that's never what happened

when I was schlepped to the Hamptons every summer. I don't know. I just see Facebook posts about it where other moms talk about what they do with their nannies when they go on vacation and I look and I frown. I don't know why I frown. I don't know. Because you have two children. Yeah, you're covered in sweat. It's not a good look. Yeah. You're not like showing a summer look off. No. You know what I mean? No, I haven't had a look in a decade. Yeah. What are you talking about? You've got a look so hard. It hurts. I love your look. It hurts. It hurts. Yeah, that's a much of the closet.

Can we hide MJ in the closet? Because it's hard for me to look. You're going to have to give them a quick 5,000. We're going to be hiding in the closet. This is our first, first of all, for people listening, which you must be. If not, we just need a brain. We've got to correct this car right now. I'm in the studio.

I'm in person. Yes. This is wonderful. And Holden. And I'm so excited to be here. Yeah. And this is. a last official tripod app with Holden,

but it is not the last app with Holden. No, I'm so excited to come back and be an animal. Yeah, oh yeah. Because there's no, yeah, Gronkey Unleashed in future episodes. This is what, I was giving you this platform today, Holden. I was just like Holden can be as much Holden as you want today. So what is it? I'm teeing you up, Holden.

What do you need to get out? Um, uh, uh, uh, there's someone at the door. Someone at the door. It's me. It's Grondon. Oh, do you want to come in? I'm too busy drinking my own company. Okay, all right. I understand.

Yeah. Oh, does anybody have a but hole I can look at? Well, we do have them, but I don't know if, now we're all in their same room together. So there is an audio engineer here. I don't know. Oh, can the audio engineer, Gronky? You can ask him if you want, but you have to ask. Asking is it the way?

Oh, you're right. You are right. I appreciate your seeking consent, Gronkey. This actually demonstrates some growth. Growth. Yeah. This is big grotes. All right.

Well, if you know about a big old starfish bottle, just let me know. And people are upset. People are upset. He's leaving. All right. Bye, Gronky.

Bye, Grunkey. We will miss you. Going back to the apps, by the way, I just keep thinking about this. Like, we have one of those annoying remotes that, like, I don't know why they did this,

but they have like a Netflix button, a Hulu button. Yes. And the button we always actually hit is the sling button. I know. And then you go, no, we just got slug.

Sling to be like in the middle of watching something and we roll over at the bed. I know. Big sling. It's never not sling. It never goes to like. It's the Roku remote, right? Yeah, it's the Roku remote. It never does it go to Sling if you accidentally hit the button.

When I had sling, I wouldn't have a Roku. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Because the whole thing with Sling, as I understand, I refuse to learn, but I think it's live TV. I don't know. I'm a musical Roku. I know.

I hate that sling. Sling crackle. What was the other one? like a liar. It's a cable's liar in disguise. I was like, you're just cable. Stop lying. I mean, Sling. I'm like, you're definitely gable. Sling sounds like a street drug name or something. Which, I mean, get me on that. If I could get some sling. If I could get some sling. Some dirty sling. Yeah, that remote, man, it's so funny. I know. It's a nightmare. It's such a bummer. It's like, no. And I really, you know, it was like Culver's last and last night. I was like, Jackie and Jeff.

we have to get a trial of sling to watch this. I won't do it. And Jackie and Jeff were like, that is not an option. Yeah, there was a free month trial for Philo and I'm immediately upset that I got it now that we can just watch Baldwin's on Max

today. But remember to cancel it. That's what you're going to do. I'm not. I'm not going to remember. You're going to get really angry. I'll never use it too. Yeah, I won't learn until next year

when I'm doing taxes and expenses and I'm looking through the card. Yeah. Why am I spending so much money? It's always this time of year that I'm like, I won't do another one. In fact, we just downloaded Mooby, and then I got upset because it was like, I'll never do another one. What the fuck is Mooby? Is that like, Mooby farm animal?

It sounds like it, but actually, it's got a bunch of weird other shit that you can't get anywhere else. I was looking for, I kept hearing about this movie called Grand Theft Hamlet, which are these people that made the movie Hamlet all through Grand Theft Auto. but it's all very, it's like it was done in quarantine. It's supposed to be a very interesting movie. And you can only watch it on movie. But here's the thing. Movie gives you a seven day trial. But then it's like $27 a month.

And I'm like, I'm not. And if I get charged for Mooby, you will hear me back here, scream it about movie. Yeah. I tell you what. And I won't have to hear it. No, we'll call you back. Anytime Jackie's upset, I'm going to bring you in. Bring me in.

Yes. And you know what? We all, and this is something we also want to talk. about on this episode what the next few page sevens are going to look like, what the future of page seven's going to look like. The idea here is that we're making... I should call it page eight. Page eight, nine.

Well, page seven, eight, nine. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Seven, eight nine and what's it going to do to you? What's the... Oh, 69. No, Ronkees. You did not come in here.

Nope. Nope. You're still outside the door. I mean, I do remember the pain Olympics. Yes. So there was a little bit of that in it. I'm glad you're trying to get people still upset right before you go that maybe they'll be happy that you're on.

Right. Yeah. Oh, right. The gronky shit. Get him, get this guy out of here. Yeah, yeah.

But when Jackie also needs to be upset, it's going to be great because we'll bring in Henry and he'll be able to, you know, the bouncing board for Jackie's upset sometimes. Yeah, Henry doesn't, you know, make Jackie just enraised. No,

you should just rile me up. Yeah. No, you never would. No, it's going to be good. If you're wondering what the future of page seven is, it might just be me sitting quietly while Jackie and Henry sing the entirety of lay miss to each other. And I sit and I nod.

It's a great idea. Yeah. We'll get you some booze. Yeah, I'll drink. Yeah, it'll just drink. We're going to get Marcus back in here. I was talking to Carolina yesterday. And Carolina said, I'm obsessed with celebrity divorces.

And I said, welcome to page seven. Welcome to page seven. Everybody's going to be, we're going to be, you know, pulling people in. And there's going to be some episodes that are just me and MJ. We're just going to be really trying fun new things. And we love hearing from you, page seven podcast at gml.com. We want to hear what you guys are into, and we're really trying to get some new fun stuff, but also there'll be a lot of celebrity gossip. Don't worry, you think you're not going to hear about me continuing to yell about Megan Markle because apparently, as ever, because they didn't look at up.

Do they not look at up? I'm beside myself. I'm beside myself about this. It is a brand that you're copywriting or trademarking, I'm assuming, and you didn't do the due diligence to look up and see if as ever, which I do. clothing brand, by the way. So now she is legally not allowed to sell clothing on the site because there is a clothing brand called as ever. So change the name. How do you bungle that? How are you so bad at making things that don't matter? You know? Like, you'd look it up. Just look it up. Oh, I'm going to change the name of this thing. I wonder if someone else has it.

And the first thing you do is start going, okay, does this exist? It does. Like page 69 already taken. That's why we did page seven instead. I just want to see. Did you like just straight up Google as ever. No, of course I didn't because I didn't want to see how many other things are called as ever as I'm asleep. That's the thing. I fell asleep before I could finish typing.

It is a Squarespace site, but it is literally the first fucking thing that pops up on a, on a just simple Google search. It's the clothing brand. Yeah, the closing brain. It pops up immediately and then all of the stories

about how Megamarkle is banned from selling any clothes on as ever. It is lit. So it's a above the news stories about her. And it is just so obvious. That's some good SEO right there. Fucking crazy, bro. It's just so...

It's so obvious. It's so easy to look at. And I feel bad because I feel like at least three people got fired because of this, right? I feel bad for whoever lost their job because of this. Well, she should fire herself out of a cannon into the moon. I was going to say, can't fire yourself when you don't have a job. But fire out of a cannon.

is it better. I know that this is not what happened, but I do feel like someone's like, it'll be fine that like clothing trend will blow over. Like it'll close because of you. Like I'm, I'm too wondering where she, like, and you can't, I'm all,

I am making this up everybody. But like in my brain scape, I imagine her being like, I don't care what you've got to do. I want to be called as ever. It needs to be called this arbitrary thing. But apparently everybody says she's not really like that. Everyone says,

we will bury that. Well, I think that's a problem. than that. I don't think they're mean. The Belfony PR team looks Barry as ever at Squarespace.com. I think they're just extremely foolish and stupid. Like, like Megan and Harry.

Like, I don't think they are mean. I just think there's just not a lot of beans going on in that bread. Yeah. I think that's why, and I think that's why. And I love bean bread the most. I love eating bread. Thank you. Fill up a roll with just a, when you carve out the end, like a cone.

Yeah. Then you pour the beans in, then you put the thing on like a jack-o-lantern and just go. to town on that. Oh, yeah, man. It's like an olive foccia, but wetter. Absolutely. So wet. You know it's ready once the beans juice starts seeping out through the bread. Yes. Roll that beautiful bean bread. Spunk in the oven. And I have special gloves I use to eat it. For your bean bread. And a diaper I wear just in case I eat shit everywhere while I'm eating it. Thank God. I was just like, I just hope there's some sort of container for his make. Like, I do feel like you are the Army Hammer's father's chair of beanbread. Right.

I thought you were going to say of page seven. Well, I've been selling. Not anymore. Oh, watch out, everybody. I'm coming in with a new chair. Well, I started, shit on faces. There's an empty chair that needs somebody to shit on. I started selling my beanbread on a website called, oh, no, it's Jackie.

Oh, good, good, good, good. And then I realized there's a whole merch store. Oh, yeah. Well, that's big Jackie. So at least you took my other name. Well, I'm also selling it as big jack. You better. And it's also called Who's the Bid?

No, you better not. Who's baked bean bread, Jackie, is this? You're like, it's mine, you bitch. Whose bread is this, bitch? It's mine, I guess. Yeah, but how do you feel about the fact that Tay and, oh my God, she might not be friends anymore with Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively? Everybody that's anybody is saying that that's all hullabaloo.

Everybody's saying that, like, they're still friends, even though Blake Lively referred to her as her dragon. Which I think it could be nice. Like, we talked about this last week. If I felt like I was under attack like Blake Lively does and I said, I'm going to get my dragon. Yeah, we be your dragons. Holden and Jackie. People would be like cute.

We get the, I guess it's more like, I think if you think you are a real life queen, which I think Taylor might feel. Is that what you think is going on? I think it's a Dineri's. To me, it's a Deneary's comparison. Yeah, right. And Danarius is like the queen. And then she has her dragon. And so...

You think Tay is so... Because I actually... People have been like, this is a red flag for Tay that she would like drop a friendship over Blake lively doing this. And I'm interested to see... Because I was like, is that what's happening?

I think if there was a reason why... I don't think it would necessarily be... The dragon thing might irk her, but I think if anything, it's literally just like, girl, I want to stay as far away from any bullshit drama as humanly possible. Yeah. You know what I mean?

And it's not a good movie even. Certainly not You know what I mean So it's like Not that I've been watching it You know I feel like I'm waiting to go on a plane I feel like it ends with us Is a perfect like yelling at the screen

While you're on a plane movie I should have written down the first line That was just like I can't wait to have flowers At my birthday party It's like an improv 101 class I heard someone else complaining about The acting being especially very bad I don't think

I mean I can't say unequivocally that Blake Lively is a bad actress she was on a show for eight years. That doesn't matter. On a like C.W. Schlock show. I wasn't fucking... Don't you insult you. I don't know. I'm just saying. I like see how dare you. Oh my God, Riverdale. They're not

pinnacle. They're not method. Whoa. You don't even know what happens at Riverdale. I think KJ. Hapra might be method because I think that he made himself dumber to the archie. That's the thing. That's what I said. He was like he's like a hunky moron and like they all might be able to go on and do interesting work. Although I don't know, remember

at G. J. Ippa's TikTok and how he is a bit of a, he's a weirdo. He's a real weirdo. Yeah. Yeah. Weirder than Archie. Yeah. I think he's a fun weirdo. Yeah. In every conflict, there's at least one bitch. A huge bitch, a silly bitch. A little baby

bitch. A raggedy bitch. But sometimes it's unclear who the bitch is. I'm Kara Klank. And I'm Jackie Zabrowski. And on our new Colin Advice podcast, we're going to help you figure out who's The bitch! We want to hear your problems, dilemmas, and quandaries.

No topic is off limits. Does your co-worker flirt with the boss to get ahead? Is your bestie having her destination wedding on a holiday weekend? Is your therapist being clingy? Does your friend keep bringing her toddler to adult parties? Come on, there's definitely a bitch in your life, and we want to hear about it. You can email us, DM us, leave us a voicemail, and even call in live to talk to us in person about the alleged bitch in your life.

Just go to who's the bitch.com for all the ways you can contact us. New episodes drop every Wednesday starting in October on the last podcast network, so subscribe now on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. And tune in to our live stream kickoff on September 30th on the last podcast network

Twitch channel, where we'll be taking your calls live on air. Help us, help you figure out Who's the bitch? No, I say your point. Just because Blake lively was on Gossip Girl, I always want to say Gilmore Girls, and that's a big mistake. Very big mistake.

Big mistake. Gossip Girl doesn't mean she's necessarily a good actor, but it also doesn't mean she's a bad actor, but I really did try to watch that movie, and I was like, this is unwatchable. But then I was like, am I the bitch, you know? Have I been so crazy on Meltony's PR team? Yeah, am I the bitch for being underwhelmed by this stupid movie

based on a stupid book that I did read? No, and I think it's because he was so busy looking at, at her while she was breastfeeding. I think that he kept inviting her in to watch her breastfeed, and then she would be upset about being watched while she breastfed. And I am upset. I'm so upset about the breastfeeding. Look, we're all right.

Obviously, you see a tit. You start coming. You see a tit, you get hard. You see milk come out of it. You start shooting your own man milk. Oh, yeah. We've all been there. And then you start shitting, and you're just like, oh, fuck, I can't live on beating off and

shitting at the same time. When you are nursing, it does require you to show your tits to more people than you wish you had to. And I'm not saying that means that Justin Valdoni can go into her trailer without her consent. But it's just, unfortunately, you just have to take your tits out in front of everyone. Your relatives, your coworkers. And you're not literally whipping them out, but in a way you are, you know. And that was a real fact to me. I did it to you.

So much disdain for this that you literally slice them off of your body. I said, I'll never again will anyone send my tits. Hell yes. But you, I didn't do you. I was like, hey, Hold on and I had my tits out. Now I'm like all too used to that kind of thing. But yeah, that was the first time I was like, hey, oh, oh. He did, he shrieked right in many minutes.

Right out front of the old studio in Greenpoint. Yeah, I was nurse in Zelda. And I was like, hey, Holden, and you were like, oh, baby. Oh, oh, my God, I'm sorry. And I was like, okay, everyone looks at my tits all the time now. And this is, yeah, this is. And am I assaulting you? I'm a feeding station.

Right. Oh, my God. While they're just getting gnawed on and chew. It was a big. That was, I mean, that's not why I don't have tits anymore, but it was a real big shock to just be like, I have to feed this baby with my tits. Yeah, with these rocks. And if I want to be around people and feed the baby, that means all the people are going to see the tits, you know? And I could leave the room, but then now I'm not hanging out with anyone anymore. And it was a shock. It is, if you are going to be a lactating person, get ready to show off those tits. Wow. Yeah. And they're all like, I just remember seeing other people's, too. That was the first time I ever knew that they, get chewed on.

I never thought about it before. It's not like a nice, yeah. And they go, in the course of a day, they go from being like the most robust Jessica Rabbit bouncers you've ever seen in your life to being like, like, after the baby eats there. And the chapped part is so chas.

And I know it's like a super, it is a superpower that I just look at the nipples. I remember seeing my sister's nipples and being like, oh my God. How are you not every second of the day going, my nipples, my, Yeah, bulls. Life is hell.

Life is butter hell. That was my internal monologue. And then a couple years later, no more, no more boots. And then you never had to deal with it. People don't feel that strongly about it. It makes you want me to ask God to, like, blow his brains out. Yeah, I guess. It's just such an asshole.

What a dickhead, sorry. Get rid of them. Her. Thank you. M.J. Thank you. You aggressively correcting God's pronotes to they is one of my favorite reoccurring bits on the show. Thank you.

So, doubt it. doubt it's a woman. Whoa. Yeah. Whoa. That's all I'm saying. You're just upset at Ariana. Probably not in a man.

You're just upset because the Ariana song. It's the only reason why you don't think God is a woman. A little bit. Is that really the only reason? It definitely isn't her. Whoa. Well, she never said it was because she's too busy sucking and fucking out there, right? And maybe she's sucking all the water out of a sponge.

But no. Well, didn't you have a blind that she's sucking somebody else? Jim Carrey. Jim Carrey. That's right. She's, what was it? Patriot Pascal. like last week, I think even.

Wow. She's a man eater. They're already saying like, you know, we're not seeing him that much around, but they're also, everyone's freaking out because she's like even more skeletal than a month ago. But they have not been seen together in like months at this point.

It was a showmance. Like you had in high school. It had to have been because even like you had in high school. They were at the SAG Awards together yesterday. And I will say, I know that we were just talking about Gossip Girl for the first time in all these years after Gossip Girl there was a bit at the SAG After Awards

that I saw this morning that ruined who Gossip Girl was for me and I didn't know who Gossip Girl was and then I saw I don't want to ruin it for everybody listening to the show right now It's Holden's last regular episode Like you would Gossip Girl I don't know if we should Okay I don't know

Yeah I just I had I know Is it Jim Carrey and that's why I brought The Masked somebody stop Yeah and then he wrote XO Exo Jim Carrey and I was like, you fucks. It can't be gronky because he was here when the gossip was written. There's also a story from people this week that Ethan Slater is a quote, annoying, quote, chatty, new police officer in Ellsbath Gestrel. I guess maybe they're describing his character.

I thought they were just like, wow, just what an annoying guy. I'm going to write a headline about it. It does seem like that. I don't know if he's necessarily like shitty. I just think he's foolish. You know what I mean? Oh, I think he's foolish. He left his beautiful wife and their baby infant for Ariana Grande.

I think that's foolish. Yeah, for sure. It's a little bit. Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? You've been a parent of a young child.

Isn't that kind of when you want to go? You know, we have kind of the best time to leave? You know, we have like, ball passes. What's your Ariana pass? Who would you leave your pregnant wife for? Oh, it's already established that I am allowed to have a pass for Idrasel. But Gideina, Gideina is pregnant. Okay, okay, okay.

Nine months. Or this is just a junior type situation where it's just the 90s of like science really came to fruition. That's great. And now like no matter what, we don't know what hole it's coming out of, but it's coming out of somewhere. And they're getting put in all of them during junior was a baby coming out of a penis hole. Out of a penis hole.

You've got to think about that. Name the musical and actor that would get you to leave. It gets me to leave my press. Wow. Okay. And are you saying it should be like a lower standard than Idris Elba? No, no, I'm just saying it feeling it could be a different person. It could be a different person.

It could be Idris. The musical is... Music man, right? Got to be the music man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And who would be playing Harold Hill? Oh my God. The delight in your eyes.

Gideon is like, oh, my, yeah, my calves are so sore today. anymore. You're not leaving him for Hugh Jackman is the thing. So it would have to be somebody else playing Harold Hill. Right, right. I'm going to have to, I'm going to have it by the end of the episode. I'm going to, who else would be a good Harold Hill? This is something I feel like.

My musical would be once, right? Because it's so intimate. I mean, my obvious choice to be... Stop. Do you still get tired? My obvious choice would be Emma Stone. Yeah. Yeah, I'd be Emma Stone.

Yeah. God, I'd leave Lexie in a heartbeat. I think my husband would leave me for Emma Stone as well. Singing that's still have time. And she's just like, I love you. I love you. I must like be in middlehandedly ruined two of the three of us on page seven. Oh, yeah.

Not me though. Be in the next your ghost movie with me. I'd be like, yes. Yeah. I'll fucking totally be in it. You know what I mean? Yeah, dude. I would do anything just for Bernadette Peters.

If Bernadette Peters wanted to be with me or do anything with me or like even just like like we live together and like I don't know where like shared jackets like I feel like that's something so Bernadette Peters and what musical I mean I guess you know I'm gonna say it gypsy all right she said to heard about the musical I've never heard that word I've never heard that control me I've never heard that word before my life something cancelable right away yeah I wonder to this is the thing Holden's about to be gone I'm about to be the wild card again yes I get to go be as horrible as I want be, which is kind of fun. Everyone is saying with Holden Gone, who is going to say the unhinged out-of-pocket stuff?

And I'm like, have you ever met Jackie Zabowski? Yeah. You know, the fact that it takes two of us to rein this guy in, you're about to see Jackie unleashed you guys. Yeah, I'm scared of what's going to come out of my mouth and why I'm always talking about food all the time. Yeah, I'm going to become a snack fluencer. And everyone's going to watch it happen.

Everyone knows the most on the edge person there is right now are snacks fluencers. You don't understand what it's like out here in the wild west of snack fluencing, right? It is what you make of it. It's a very scary. It's like, it's like standing on a cliff being like, how did I grit my way all the way up? And now it's like, oh, am I going to fall back down the cliff? But you know what you got to do? You got to turn around.

Don't look back down that cliff. You got to look out the big beautiful mountain plateau you've just gotten on top of. And I say, where are my? Snacks. Sidebar, M.J, I think it's interesting that Jackie's trying to call herself a snack fluencer. She hasn't even been to, like, a soda shop or anything like that. Well, you're bringing up Swig. You know all I want to do is go to Swig.

We want to go to a soda shop. I know, but I'm just saying. Seven pumps into it. Yeah. I want pumps. And those are my dry hump. And the guy's like, yeah, I give you seven months. Those are my dry off pumps and then eat puts his cock and the drink.

And I go, my soda. My soda. It's just a Dr. Pepper. You better not. Extra foam. Is that what the coconut is. The phone's the door. You don't stop hopping.

Oh, did somebody say cummings? Uh-oh. My bottle is biggest the moon. Ronky. Ronky, I thought I locked the door like we love. Yes. No, Gronky knows how to slip underneath the door like a rat. Yeah, exactly.

And you know how rats can flatten and get underneath the door, which is something that I still get scared of and think about way too often about. I'm always kind of ready for any rat to flatten themselves and come underneath the door. Yeah. Have you ever seen it happen? though. I feel like I've been around a lot of rats in my day and I've never seen them flat and they go underneath the door. I feel like for them that's like getting naked. Like they, yeah, they have like shame about it or something. You think it. They're like, they're like, oh, I don't want to be that thin. You know, they're scared of what we're going to judge.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. They don't want us to be talking. Yeah, like an Ariana. Yeah, yeah. We don't want that. But I guess I would have to apologize to the rat. And, you know, I feel like here, we've got a great song that you just want to, I want to play it today, just remind everybody of what happens when we get all a little too hungover and we try to record an episode. I do feel there's something remiss about us not being brutally hung over while we record this episode today. True. Because I feel like when we first started, like Holden, when you first joined us, we were still drinking a lot back then. Like that was still. Yeah. And we would drink during. Yeah. And in fact, that was a weird time because MJ had gone through pregnancy already and you were in the

middle of nursing. So it's like that we already had to deal with like, the MGM was like, I'm depressed. I know. That's not just what it was. My mental health has taken a huge thing. That was so lame. We weren't saying that. It was just like, oh, how are we supposed to do this show and not be drunk while we do it?

And that was a huge transition in and of itself that people didn't even realize we were having to undergo of like, how do we do a show if we're not hammered. Yeah. And that is sad to say that that was only what, six or seven years ago. that we had to learn how to do our work not drunk. Yeah, well, so we, right, so a little people's history of page seven for you. We started in, we believe, 2010, Marcus nailed that down for us. And until about 2017, yeah, hammered as the day is long.

Ooh, babe. And around that time was when I got pregnant, couldn't be drunk. So I drank for two. Yes. In the way that you couldn't. I was eating for two. You were drinking for two. Yes.

Jackie, we were doing Jacket with the Holdies. That was kind of establishing another show in which heavy drinking was happening. Yes. And then, yeah, it was around, my first kid was born 2018. There was a long time of rotating guest hosts, which people still speak quite fondly of. And again, that's kind of a vibe that we're trying to bring back. Henry, Eddie, and Holden were the main subs for me for like on and off for two years.

And Dom's for you. We were, yeah. Never domes. Never domes. That J was always the dumb. I could get in there. Oh, lay down and put your legs behind your head, madam. Wow.

I feel like someone give him a job. Is this the job that you're moving on to for LPN? LPN's dom. The dominatrix of LPN. Yes, I will beat you with my penis, ma'am. And we told you it was a promotion, guys. Yeah. So is what everybody wants.

We're proud of you. We're very proud of you, Holden. No, we are very proud of you. you and your promotion, and this is going to be wonderful for you and for the network and for all of us. I'm going to put your toes inside your pussy. Well, that's what's going to be happening.

So check out the next LPN Funhouse where maybe toes will go inside of pussies. It's weird that my promotion involves them locking me in this room in the studio that I didn't even know existed. There's no microphone in the room too, which is interesting. It's called the quiet room. Yeah, we have. It's called the quiet room. And they're like, hey, we just want you to think

in here. And I'm like, for what? Like, do I want me to write my thoughts down? They're like, no. We just want you to be thinking inside of here. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's like a timeout where you're supposed to think about what you've done. I'm promoted to a time out. Which honestly, you are a bit like, I used to go to the opera. I mean, maybe this is what you need and you're welcome that now you have a quiet room because all Alec Baldwin is begging for is a quiet room.

But before the quiet room came the I'm sorry song and I, you had called me a big girl. I believe you did not mean it in the way that it sounded. Got a big old girl here. I didn't even think I was trying to refer to you. I was just being fun. You were referring to me and the look of pure shock and horror on his face because he did not mean to call me a big old girl. And then I required him to tell me and I'm sorry song. This was when I was away on maternity leave.

Before you had actually become a permanent host. And it was one of the best things that's ever happened on page seven. I'm sorry. I want to apologize to everybody. Thank you. You're welcome. I'd like you to sing the I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Isn't that how it goes? No, I need more lyrics.

Um, I apologize to you and my eyes are sad today. I can't believe that we have all seen the children pray. And they will bow their heads and they will count their eggs and they will see that life's a lie. The dragon is your God tonight. Do not dance with him. Do not slide. Do not live another double. You have got to be yourself Put that elf right back on the shelf. It's Christmas time in Cincinnati And I'm feeling baddie And I'm feeling love, love, give and go 69 and suck and blow

Give her asshole a little wink Give it up and make it drink Drink that shit out from that asshole Drink her shit and suck her shit down Now throw up and live your life And remember that night by the knife Where you were looking at her and smelling her shit her shit and eating her shit.

I'm sorry. Apology accepted. You want to scat it out, Holden? Yeah, I want to scatter it out. I really want to yes and you right now, but I'm terrified. I know you do. I know. Yeah, I'm scared. Well, I thought you were just going to make a big shit joke, but that's fine. Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm there it is. See, he did yes and me. Thank you.

so much. Oh, now I'm eating it. I think I was thinking either... I was either thinking shit or I also know how much you hate the song, the scat man. So I really... I'm so glad Adam, a longtime friend Adam Wurz is engineering right now, not some poor, like, lady that they just, you know, hired or something. You know what I mean? That's scared of you.

Or man. I mean, I guess it doesn't matter the gender. Anyone can be scared of you. Yeah. That is. For sure. You can be off putting to many people. For sure.

Be like, okay. So before we start, I do this. this fun, well, I'm going to say one of the best characters ever made called Gronkey, but you need to know he's obsessed with his own butthole. Yeah, you have to give the lore first. Yeah, yeah. Just to be like, just so you know, like maybe we, in fact, I feel like we need like an intimacy coordinator, like a gronky coordinator.

It's good to have to tell a coworker that what you're about to sing isn't like sexual harassment towards them. Yeah, it's towards the listeners. It's towards the listener. It's fine. Yeah, so we don't feel it in studio. Totally. Yeah, it's not towards you.

It's towards the person at home. especially if you are like, oh, Torture Post Department is a boring album. You know what? You're boring. Wow. Yeah. We've been getting some nice feedback on things that people like about you and what you said. And somebody said that when you established the phrase, he's dim and he's mid was one of their favorite moments. So I think that anyone who doesn't like torture poach department. That's exactly what I feel about Harry. Yeah, yeah, Tim and Mid. That's how I feel about Harry too. He's dip. He's just not that bright. and therefore he's very mid. Whoa. We hold him up because he was just born into this royal family. He's nothing wrong with being dim and mid, but you got to know when you're dim and mid. Yes.

Oh, yeah. Just go enjoy your life. This is what I don't understand about so many billionaires and celebrities. It's just like, just go enjoy. You don't have to, you don't need everyone to love you. You have enough money for therapy every hour of the day for the rest of your life. Go enjoy your life. Get a hobby.

Yes. Why do you think I love like Shimbos? Himboes and they boes because it's like lead in. Just be like, man, I'm just like going to be a lovable goof because I don't have a lot of smarts going on. Something I've leaned into as I've become more of a stoner as I've gotten older. Like what's his name from Love is Blind? Joey.

Joey. Joey. I love Joey. This is the newest season of Love is blind. Is there something wrong with anything for Joey? That accent, man, just, oh, I slide out of the sea. We don't have to talk about the tragedy. family experience.

So a few more dates. I'll get ahead of it now. I lost a sister, but it's okay. We'll get into it now. We'll get into it down the road. Okay, we can talk about that later. I thought he's about, like, give her a pie just for saying that he lost a sister.

You know, I just sent some macaroni and cheese. Little comfort food. Okay. Little comfort food. I love him. I love him. I love him. He's the only good guy.

Yeah. All of the rest of him can eat shit. They're all horrible. This is, I need to get on a pedestal. for a second. Please, pedestal away. Minneapolis has more to offer than those men. Minneapolis is a wonderful place. I would have

thought it would be a bunch of joey's. It is, they're a bunch of joys. And I can't tell the difference between any of them. They are all, I am asleep. I am watching every single couple and I'm like, I am asleep. But then you hear these things online. It's like, yeah, but you hear,

they, blah, blah, blah. It's like, I'm trying to find out online. I'm like, okay, which gations are really? Gatians and which Gatians are not real Gatians. I know. And what on the spectrum of GASION. Yeah. Gation vacation.

I think all of Love is blind is, it's not. It's the opposite. It's a Gation workcation. And they are all there having to deal with those gations. Why are you going to go? Why? What compels Gationmen to go on television? Why?

That's crazy. Stay off of reality. I just don't understand how you could get, because everyone's, and you know what, people are saying mean things about Minnesota. They're saying, oh, it's so white and bland. just like Minnesota, and I want to tell them you shut up. Minnesota's not white and boy.

Shut your fucking mouth. Yes, Tim Walls is the current reputation's a masterpiece. Whoa. We have more to offer than those men. But Joey is our best. He's the best. He's the best.

In a getaway car. We got it. And a getaway car. We were fired it. And a getaway car. Dude, Winnie at like, request getaway car now. Getaway car is such a good song. She's like, I want to listen to getaway car.

And the other one, which is so weird. she wants to listen to Black Dog from tortured poets. Why? She's just like, I want to listen to Black Dog. Okay. I was getting her into Paramar more yesterday. Yeah, it was awesome. Oh my God.

I can't, I know we don't usually get into like talking about the kids, but Winnie was so fucking cute yesterday. She was like so on point yesterday. She was so on it with like throwing out stinkies. She's really, she's calling people stinky now. Well, she learned that booty and stinky and booby and vagina are words. are words that elicit laughter from adults. What could explain that? Yeah.

Holden's biological child who he raises. It's brutal. It's brutal. It's funny. We already had to talk to the teacher a little bit about it. We're like, is she saying booby and booty a lot? Sorry. It's fine.

Every kid has a fuck stage. You know, at least it's not fuchs. Yeah, it was so cute. Even too, MJ was on a video call with the kids in the backseat, which also has been very funny because Jeff and I driving MJ around. has seemed like MJ is our child. It's like driving Miss Daisy or something. We're having a lot of fun.

They're taking me to soccer practice. Yeah. We get bullied. Yes. And we are there and we support them 100,000 percent. We don't care if the other kids hate that they play. Yeah. Because they're no good at it.

The other parents don't want me on the team either. But my parents support me. We are there for you and I just love. Because you're too old? No. No. Weird. Yeah.

Jeff told me I looked like an alien. Right. But in the nice way, he said it. Sure. There was other adjutants in there. You looked like an alien that had come to Earth and was trying to, like, you were like hung out with middle schools. Did you actually drop MJ up in a soccer? We wanted to see how they would do.

And honestly, they did exactly as poorly as expected. That's so unhinged. When I come visit friends, we get brunch. No, no, we just dropped them off. We'd watch movies. We did go to the mall, though. No, they need to take me to the mall. Yeah, we had a great time.

We talked about your mall experience yesterday. Loved it. I love it. I love them all. I love the good mall. We introduce them to Agua Frescas out here because Agua Frescas is a big part of the mall experience, at least for Jeff and I when we go to the mall. I learned that I need to do all my shopping at Spencer Gifts. They got a big sweatshirt that just says, Cunt. Yeah. Can we, when did Spencer's? It's always been crazy. It was like the first place, we literally, okay, so we just did Tears of a Clown on mall stores. And we spent a lot of time on Spencer. first place you could go and get like a vibrator

back in the day. But now it literally did. Weed stuff. There was all like weed. There was all sexual. It was just like general weed like weed leafs on lighter. Yeah. Where the shirt so literally it was like, my fucking bitch sucks.

Are you to think that's wearing this? I did that shirt. I do think aggressive. I think Ronkey is a general manager to Spencer's. That would make sense. I did take a pick. of a shirt and I said to Jeff and said, should I get this?

And it just said, my bitch got autism on it. And I took a picture of it and I also sent it to mine. God. Yeah. So good. Yeah. And I was like, would you be upset? He's like, I would be proud if you wore that shirt.

Yeah. And I appreciate it. It's great. Lots of dick writing content on the shirts at Spencer Gifts. Yeah. I always, my go-to vacation store shirt example is the one from many years ago, 20 years ago, that just said, my space to my face.

And I think unfortunately we've aged out of that because no one knows what my space. My ultimate vacation shirt from memory is like Bart Simpson Michael Jordan dunking a basketball. That was I just remember like there was one summer. I don't know

why my dad let my brother dictate this, but like he needed a very specific Bart Simpson as Michael Jordan T-shirt that I don't think actually exists and forced us to go to like several surf shops in Myrtle Beach. Like multiple, multiple surf shops.

Is that where you're going to find them? And we kept going and he would be like, no, it's not these. It's not any of these. Oh, that's hard. And it was just like, what the fuck, bro? Like, I don't, I think this shirt exists in your mind. Scavenger hunt for us. And I just remember I had a rent, I got a Rennie shirt that I had to beg my mother to let

me get. And it's literally like Rinn like, just puking. Hell yeah. Blowing chunks. Yeah. And the mom let you get it. Yeah, but I could only wear it as like a night shirt. at home.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I couldn't wear it, like, out at all. Like, I had to promise her because she was like, I don't want to get you this shirt at all. Blowing chunks, man. Let me have it. It's perfect. It's perfect.

I wish you had bought this shirt, which I passed so many times that I really wanted to buy it for Henry, and I think about it all the time. It is a shirt that just says, I just came here to drink and fuck, and I'm almost done drinking. Because it is such a long. It's so rave me, too.

It's such a drink is. I'm almost very And I'm coming Way overwarded You should do that first order You should fuck first and then drink And then drink I guess But it's still like the whole thing

It's just so upsetting It's overwritten It's just so unclassy And I could be thinking about maybe I'm done With drinking I just think that they needed extra words on there I do like Ambers that she got from New Orleans which says I got

What was it? I got bourbon-faced on shit-face street. Yeah. Yeah. I would wear that. Yeah. I mean, you just came back from Nolland, so you're still living... I don't know if I've ever worn a shirt with a curse word on it.

It's a weird move. Now that we're parents, that part of our... That door has been closed. It's a rough move. We can't. Yeah. I used to wear a shirt to work that... I mean, it used to be my hashtag, Hakuonima, fuck it.

Yeah. But I would always be scared to wear it at work. But it was like... covered by a counter all the time. So anyone little enough couldn't see the shirt, like they couldn't see that I was wearing it. So I felt like fine. But I thought about getting Hakunma fucka tattooed on my body.

And I was like, can I have a cursor tattooed on my body? Yeah. It's a cool move. It's a dodgy move. I think it depends on where you put it. Obviously, I'm not talking about putting it as like a breastplate. Yeah. You know.

Yeah. How about that bitch from Love is Blind who has Taco Bell tattooed on her lip? She does? She didn't want her mom to know that she got a tattoo. But she wanted the words Taco Bell. Tattoo on the inside of her lip. And it's faded because of course it did. So now it just says Taco B.

I mean, I think it's Natalie. I think Natalie is fatued on the inside. It's the only curse word she has. And it's on the inside of her lip, which to me when she first showed me, I was like, whoa. It's crazy. So cool. No, and I don't hate it.

I don't hate the Taco Bell. The fact that it's just the words Taco Bell. I did hate that the other guy who I don't remember who it was was just like, you love Taco Bell? I love Taco Bell. It's like we're the same person. Well, this is my whole problem. I know we'll talk more about it on Talking TV.

My whole problem with the show, I think at this point is that they're like, they'll just share some extremely basic information about themselves. The other person would be like, wow, that must have been tough. And then they're like, I guess we're in love. We're in love. I shared this one thing with you. Basic vulnerable thing. I don't want you to be the same person.

want to be fucking the same person. But it's also just like, it's not deep. And they act like it is. And they're like, wow, I guess we're just totally falling in love with each other. I think what my problem is I now need, I want to write in and be like, can we get like people who are like divorce say love is blind? Because I want to see what happens when older, more mature people actually try to make a connection. Because I think that they will actually do that. Whereas at this young age, they just go like, yeah, the one sad thing about myself.

Like my sister got, ran over by a pack of wild dogs or whatever, and her head exploded. Yeah, that's a little rough. You know what I mean? And the other person's like, that must have been hard. Yeah. Or they're just like, wow, that's tough. Wow, we're like the same person. Yeah.

And then the other person was like, wow. See, your sister? Whoa. You were there that day. Yeah, you were at the fucking 2003 world's fan. And he was at the lead and he was snarling, but he's got that one pink long tooth. But yeah, it's like, it's like they just, they should. They share something basically.

The other person just goes, huh, wow. And then they're like, wow, because you didn't laugh at that, I guess we're in love. I have to marry you. Because you weren't, like, weirdly an asshole about it? Like, I don't even know what. I'm sorry. I know they were going to get into this, but I will say I was so proud of. I believe her name was Monica, which was the only person that literally when he, when she told, was it with

Meg. All their names start with. I can't know what it's, her name was Meg. One of the two oncology nurses. Oh, no. I was thinking of the basketball coach. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's her name.

I don't remember. She told. You remember the occupation? There's two oncology nurses. Well, because there's two oncology nurses. Usually the only job on Love is blind as project manager. Yes. Yeah, yeah.

So she's a basketball coach and she told him, like, I have dated women in the past. I see myself marrying a man, but I, I've dated women in the past. And, like, his only, his only reaction should have been awesome. Hell yeah. Thank for Sharon. Like, that's literally, that's all. How is that? How is that?

Pussy. He had an internal. mental meltdown. He literally was like, oh, like you could watch him, which you know, everyone has their own perspectives, but I appreciate it. She comes back to him, was like, that's not the response I wanted. I didn't, like, I'm not the, I'm dumping you.

I was about to dump you because you dated a woman once. Yeah, dated women in the past. Like, yeah. Also, it's mind blowing how dumb guys are about that. As if like that opens up some door to cheating, I just don't even understand. What are you, like, I know this is not it, but it's like, what are you bad at eating pussy?

See, like, he's like any person that feels that way. It's like sounds like you're not good at it. You're scared. Because we're better at it. Is that what it is? But, you know, I'm coming from my, I mean, I turned one. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Yeah. He's got quite the feather in his. Yeah. She was all, she has some hot exes too. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. So this is, you know, again, we're going to miss you here, Holden. And this is why.

These are the reasons why. And it was so funny. And we've been really appreciating all of the feedback from all of you guys and all of the fond memories from Holden and thinking of you. And also some people are dreaming about your death, but like in a fun way because you did talk about what you would like at your funeral. I did find it. It's episode 499. Adam, I'll be sending you a little timestamp that we can put it in. But before we do that, I think it would be helpful just for me to read the transcript of what you say you want at your funeral.

And I know you're not dying. And I know you're not even dying at page 7 because we'll be back in probably just a few weeks to chat more. But what you said was that you want us to liquefy your ashes, put them in a nanny light, and then butt chuck them. And yeah, that's 100% still holds up. And while we do it, we have to sing a little song that goes, touch your nose, then touch your toes. Then you have to do the poker. Do a spin. Then go ekele, leaky, deecky.

And to which, heck you said, I'm already going to be. touching my toes and butt chugging. Right. And then you got to bump in the air, then you got to clap five times, and then you got to go, monkey bad is a monkey man. So we'll miss you. Yeah, yeah.

Yes, we will miss you. I'll go ahead and do all that. I'm doing butt chugging for me. I want you to have to butt chugging my ashes. So we have to like liquefy the ashes first. Yeah, you're going to liquidify the ashes in like a natty light or something like that. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then pour it up your asshole and get rid.

Who's going to butt chug it? Your mother? Sounds like it's us to. Oh, you. Okay. Ed, M.J. Henry, you're all butt chugging it. And oh, yeah, this is recorded right now, too. So you have to, it's definitely posthum.

Yeah, definitely have to do it. All right. So there you go. You see, now we're going to do this. And then, like, it's going to be real upsetting. I got to start making insane claims for what people have to do. All right, you also have to touch your nose that touch your toes. Then you have to do the, okay.

Well, I think I'm going to be touching my toes the entire time. I'm butt-chugging. Yeah, then bunch. All right. You don't have to punch your nose. chug, right, whatever, but you have to do a spin and then go, eke, leaky, deiky, and then you got to hump the air,

and then you got to clap five times. In front of your casket? Monkey man, he's a monk man, is a monkey man. Is this while we're drinking your ashes? Oh, yeah, just like at the funeral. Just whatever. It's like a funeral.

Now we have to save the number of this episode in like an emergency drafts like in case of Holden's death so we can refer back to it. We're going to do it. We're going to be weeping and laughing the whole time. He's a monkey pad.

Oh my goodness. We're starting to already, I feel like we should start the butt chugging. I was like, well, if we have to butt chug your ashes, though, we're going to have to

take a piece of you. We're going to have to incinerate it. We're going to have to turn it into ashes. I cut little tiny bits off the tip of my penis and keep them in a little... This is exactly what I was hoping for. Yeah, that's perfect. I would love a little, like,

a miniature circumcision. Yeah, like little tiny slices It never bleeds too much at any one time. And now it's all callous. Now I have like a boxing glove for a penis head. Which is really, really scary and almost as scary as our, for now, final celebrity conspiracy. It is time. It is the final one.

Hit me with the share. Do you believe it? And also we'll probably do it again when he comes back on. Don't worry. This one comes in from Ashley, who writes, by the way, Ashley, congratulations for being the final celebrity conspiracy. It was the greatest one of all. I have it listed as celebrity conspiracy number 213 by the way. Wow.

Now, the thing with that, though, is that first of all, I love that it's going out on a 13. Love you, Taylor. You really are the greatest. And any fan of this show that thinks differently might as well. What can they do? Yeah, scalp themselves. Okay.

And then lay in a bath full of leeches. And we support this. MJ and I do on this, your last episode for now. Yeah. And if you want to apologize to me for all the means, things you've even thought about Taylor. I'm happy to receive DMs from you. Holdenators Ho, but it's two O's Holdenaders on Instagram.

And you should be ashamed of yourself. But if you need to send them to Page 7 Podcast at Gmail.com, don't worry, I will forward them over to Holden. Red, 1989, reputation. Oh, no, lover. Oh, yeah, these are bad albums. Are you insane? We are reading all the very nice emails we're sending saying nice things about Holden.

It's very, very sweet and we're very happy. You should be ashamed of your soul. And I especially love the backhanded ones where they're like, I hated him at first and now I love him. And there you go. Isn't that growth? Absolutely. We've all grown here, guys.

All right. This one comes in from Ashley, who writes, did Eladia swap out the prop gun for how you say real guns to seal the deal on a reality show? Oh, no. Think about it. Think about it. As loyal paid seven listeners can attest.

the grip Alec and Alaria have on us cannot be quantified. However, this humble listener would like to propose a conspiracy theory was Alex's continued focus on this film, career, an obstacle for Hilaria's hard launch of a lifestyle brand and reality TV show. Baldwin is Hollywood royalty boasting a 40-year film TV and stage career, most notably as Beetlejuces, Adam Maitland, 30 Rock's Jack Donahy. He was working constantly, despite multiple instances of hate speech, child abuse against his oldest daughter.

Ireland and assault allegations. Despite his assholery, this blue-wide black bear of a man won a 2017 outstanding supporting actor in a comedy series Emmy for his portrayal as the Cheeto-doughed mouth Donald Trump on Saturday Night Live. Fast forward four years, a litter of kids and many, many nights without going to the opera. Baldwin was filming his upcoming Western Rust. While on set, Baldwin, of course, we all know, discharge gun, thought to be a prop, tragically killed, cinematographer, but was this tragic death a cause of involuntary manslaughter or premeditated murder? You may remember in 2020, old Hillary was outed as how you say a Latina impersonator faking her Spanish heritage despite being the whitest white lady to ever white. I suppose,

I pose this theory to you. Yeah, because we did learn she's not even Spanish. Not in Spanish at all. Not at all. Not at all. She just did the thing where you went to another country and was like, I love this culture. But I didn't like start talking in an attack. Italian accent, just because I thought Italy ruled. The ultimate college kid who comes back from study abroad and says, cheers. Yes. Times a thousand.

Unbelievable. Exposed filthy American liar. Did hilarious. Filty American. I'm glad. Go back. Filthy American liar.

Did Alaria swap out the prop gun allegedly with a real gun to destroy Baldwin's career and finances from legal fees to the point where he would be forced to agree to film the baldwins to support his infinite number of children. The proof is in the pudding, dear ones, and the pud is piping with evidence. Oh, no. Thank you for being amazing.

Loved meeting you all at your release the butthole cut show in Chicago. Keep talking, Taylor and Gaylor, thank you so much, at guitar deep diving and reminding me I'm not an awful parent. Exo, Exo, Ashley. Love you. I already tell you're a great parent, Ashley. I have to say, after just watching only 10 minutes of the Baldwin's, we'll have full Baldwin's coverage on talking

TV, but just after getting a slice, a little taste, he is putty in her fucking hands. Wow. I mean, she is just, she's running that show, clearly. Like, it's her show. Oh, yeah. I can't wait. For sure. I can't wait. Like, it's all, and it's all just her

being like, yeah, we're opposites. We're like, I'm this kind of person. Like, it's just, you know, and I think the biggest thing, too, is I didn't mention on here yet, but you guys will see in the, in those first 10 minutes, you see him like constantly just correcting little things in his apartment

and then it cuts so large he's like oh yeah he's got like horrible OCD and like it drives him crazy Oh my God I think the worst thing I could possibly do for my OCD is have seven children running around just constantly you know what he mean? So he's just

in a prison you know because he can't get out he can't even I think think straight because he's like oh I got to fix this chair again for the hundred time today because the kids keep bumping it. You know what you mean? It's like when you watch Love is Blind, Jackie and I were watching it last night and I was like, what is so great about Love is Blind is that you don't want to root for anyone because like the men are bad, but also the women are bad. So I like about old

slasher movies, like all the actors suck and their characters suck. And so I want them to all die. And the Baldwin's is the ultimate version of that because you think that you will never side with Alec Baldwin on anything. And then you see her and you're like, I think I might be rooting for Alec Baldwin. I guess. And I was. And I was. Baldwin again and you're like, no, I can't root for you. So it's like it's a real psychic torture to watch them both and decide who would I save in a fire. Yes. It's brutal, man.

I mean, just the kids. Honestly, the four cats that she got despite him begging her to not get cats and she got four cats. I will say, you do that's your partner. I think she's trying to kill him. And just have her whole tragic story of being this single mama influence. her thing. Yeah, so do we believe that she tragically killed this innocent woman?

She can completely actually control him in the way that she always wanted to. He's totally wrapped around. Yeah. He's wrapped around her finger. I usually love to like believe in theories that are obviously not right. But this one, you know, maybe she became friends

with Hannah, the girl who is like, I believe she's either serving time or is on probation for what happened. How crazy would that be? Maybe she was working She was in on it Bro, bra Leave me a lord

But I mean It would also make sense Of him screaming It should have been me Which is a clip Apparently from What was going Which why would you show

What are you talking about? You screaming It should have been me Well that's the other crazy thing About the Russ thing The reviews are suggesting That this show is a uniquely awful TLC show

Within the first 10 minutes They show the footage of him in the interrogation room finding out that the woman died. Oh my God. And then also they go get haircuts with the kids. Dude, I'm serious. It's insane.

Oh, no. It's insane. How much we're going to watch this. But here's the thing, guys, all right? You don't have to watch it. We will watch it. Yeah, we'll watch it for you. We will tell you all about it.

And I'll watch it again, damn it. I'll watch it a second and third time. Even hearing you describe that. Yeah, it's physically hurts. Yeah, I don't want to give them the views. But. kids are so far not as annoying as I thought they would be. That is the nicest thing I can say.

They're not as annoying. I'm not going to hate the kids. I can't hate the kids. I can't hate the two of them. I don't enjoy poorly raised kids. Yeah. But that ain't their fault. It's not now.

It's just so chaotic. If anything, I get those feelings I get when I see like a too big family, I just like, oh, that kid probably wants a little more attention. Yeah, you have your little Holden Caulfield Catcher in the Ride who lives within you who wants to save the kids. And we will. And that's why I plan to go and get at least one or two of those kids.

That's what you're doing. That's what you're doing. And rescue them. That's why you have to leave the show. You've got to go. I'm on a mission. Holden saves the Baldwin kids. It's saving MJ.

It's not kidnapped. Discovery Plus TV series. Yes. But I guess, you know, it's just a miniature list because there's only so much you don't know about her, but I guess it is time for the list. Oh! Who's on the list?

Jackie! Got to have that. Well, I was trying to find facts about Taylor Swift that you don't know. But apparently it's very difficult because every Swiftie knows absolutely everything about her. So I was trying to find weird facts. But then some of the weird facts was like, I feel like people are just making this up. But then there are other fun facts. Like she scored a number one hit on iTunes in Canada in 2014 when a glitch released eight seconds of white noise.

And she became number one on iTunes in Canada. 2014. Did you know that? No. But did you know that she used to model for Abercrombie and Fitch? And yes, you must look at this young picture of her. I love the young picture of her, but she is. She was the same. She is not aged. I just complained so much about

Abercrombie and Fitch. I loathed Abercrombie and Fitch. Of course. I was always so scared of Abercrombie and Fitch because they always had the hot dudes out front and I always thought that they were going to be kind of like the oh God, what is the name of the people at the gate and never-ending story where the

Lasers come out of their eyes. They're going to be like Shippendales dancers. No, no. I thought there was more like the lasers going to be like, you're too fat to be in here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think they probably were directed to say that to people. I imagine I would have been kicked out if I tried to go inside, but it is weird. I wanted to show you guys just this picture of Taylor Swift because if you look up young pictures

of Taylor Swift, I feel like she's another one that is aging in reverse. She's whatever she's doing, and maybe it's the billionaire about her. I mean, it's really looking good on her. I just want to say. No, she's definitely siphoning someone's blood. She's doing something. Now this, I want to look further into the fact that, so apparently until 2014, Taylor didn't show her belly button.

She was always those midriff bearing tops in the 1989 era, so she would always cover her belly button. And because apparently there was so much hype around her belly button that apparently a paparazzi photo of her in a bikini back then could go for a lot of money. So I, but I wonder is like, is this like a kink I'm unaware of? Yeah, I don't get that. Oh, God. And think I could put my dick in it. Like, is that what it is?

And why is it because. Is it because Holden's leaving the show that now my brain is starting to like, it's not to put your penis in it. It's too put your balls. Don't worry. You're still going to be a host of the show who's thinking about holes more than. Yes. I'm going to want to.

go away, but you can still look into my bottle! Oh, thank you, Dronke. Thank you. In fact, we were just talking about hanging brain yesterday, MJ, because we were discussing the amount of time. Did you used to show your balls to other boys?

No, we used to like punch each other in the dicks and stuff, but I didn't do too much ball. You didn't hang brain. The phrase hanging brain does really discuss me. It's so funny. Everyone was familiar when I brought you up. Everyone was like, oh yeah, hanging brain. Yeah, hanging brain.

Kick the balls out. Yeah. For the people that we were talking to with dick and balls, they were all just like, of course, we had to. You must do these things. And then the jokes on you

because you looked at my balls. Yeah, it's the funny kind of, it's just so, yeah, it's like, but it's not, it's just the balls. I don't know. Yeah, it doesn't matter. I guess.

The backing vocals in, it's nice to have a friend, are from a Toronto children's choir. The choir was losing funding and needing money to stay open and support the underprivileged kids. Well, Taylor worked with them in that choir.

is now set for life. And how do you feel about that, Jackie? As a children singing, hey, I hate it, but I guess it's nice that the kids have always to sing. I'm so glad you brought that song because that song is so not talked about. It's just such a small kind of tiny song that exists.

I think at the end of Lover, right? And I love that song. It's actually pretty apropos for this episode. Really? All right, maybe you should. I love it's nice to have a friend. It's such a pretty little song. Yes.

It's not like a big standout for her. but it's one of my favorite Taylor Swift songs. It is nice to have a friend. I didn't know that she wrote, Hey, B, this is what you came for. According to this BuzzFeed article, Taylor Swift wrote that song. What was that again?

Hey, this is what you came for. Lina, Zags every time. Rihanna and Cal. I didn't know she wrote for other people. Apparently, she does according to this BuzzFeed article. It's like she could do. fucking get. These are things that are submitted

by people and I have not gone to look to see if this is true. She can do anything. Today. She can do anything today. According to this BuzzFeed article, her cat is reportedly richer than her boyfriend, Travis Kelsey. Why not? Yeah.

Well, good. I don't even know how that could happen. I guess, like, I have heard of people leaving things and, like, bequeathing things to animals. And I've heard, like, lots of families getting really up said about that. Insurance on the cat.

Yeah, is that what it would be? Yeah. How can it, this is how financially illiterate, the three of us are but we're like, how can a cat have network? Money? What does that?

Or is that how you launder money? And she's so busy, like, running some kind of crime syndicate. Swedish bank cat. Yeah, that she gets to put it through the cat. She's got to launder it. Or she's got to launder it through a crime scene. In an interview she did during the debut,

her debut area, she says that if she wasn't a singer, she would probably work solving crimes. The interviewer then said, you're going to write a song about that? And Taylor replied, probably not. I don't think a lot of people could relate to that. And years later, we got no body, no crime, which is a murder mystery. Okay, but I'm sorry, that is the way that a five-year-old talks about what they'll do when they grow up.

Oh, whatever. I think it's fun. Yes, I think it's fun. It's nice that she had a dream, MJ. Yeah, she had a dream of J. Maybe you should have a dream some time. Oh, okay. Well, my dream is to not become a police detective like Taylor Swift.

I know your dream is for the races to go away. Well, you know what? Ain't go happen. It'll happen today. Yeah, well, she and producer Jack Antonoff bonded early on over their shared enthusiasm for the snare drum sound. And she drives me crazy. Apparently, they sampled that sound in her song. I wish you would.

Well, isn't that Jack Antonoff's thing that there's snare and everything he produces? Oh, the snare bear, I'd no idea. That's because if she drives me crazy by the fine young. Cannibals? Apparently so. That's really fun, actually. Yeah, apparently. Tick-Tac videos of people of this guy who can listen to the first second. I hate that guy so much. She's like, yeah, it's checking out. This song sucks. And it's just like, yeah, all producers have a defined style. Like, what was the other guy that she works with from the National? All of his songs also have an extremely defined sound. And he's like, this one's good. And it's all that guy's songs. It's like, okay. So you just like this producer more than this other producer. Go. Fuck yourself. Oh, it's like so annoying. It's like,

oh yeah, I know exactly. He's like trying to make himself sound more savvy and smart about music than he at all is ever, forever. What's your name?

You're a fucking nitrass. Yeah, lots of threats. I got it right. I brought it up. Lots of threats today. I hated that video so much. Yeah, this is terrible. This is Jack Gens and off.

It's like, yeah, all produce, like pretty much every producer I've ever heard, ever has a pretty specific to them production approach. It's like the whole I damn fucking producer shit head.

Oh, where's your great hit song? It was like when I was like talking about liking Machine Gun Kelly's Pop Punk album and somebody in chat was like, I can make one of those in my sleep, like one of those albums. I'm like, wow, you fucking should moron? Because then you'd have a bunch of money?

Fuckface? Then go make one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell them. I hate that vibe of like, I could do it. I just don't choose to because I'm a better artist than that. You know what I mean? It's like, no, you're not.

You would love to have millions of fucking dollars and like touring all over the world. world and shit playing fun music. Jack Antonop does seem to be doing quite well for himself. Doing great for himself. Yeah, he's having a good time. Ooh, I hate that guy. Well, I mean, now that you're all just raring to go, I guess you're getting angrier because I don't know if you can see us.

And anger makes me go blind. Eye ups. Oh, we can't see him. On the final one, I actually forgot the order yet again of six years of not remembering how to do this. Yeah. Okay, here we go. The A-list everything in her mind, celebrity,

thought she had a very wealthy, very attractive man on the hook, but Discovery already has multiple wives. Whoa. Okay, A-list celebrity. Who's losing in love a lot these days? Who's losing in love? Kim Kardashian? No, but she's, I couldn't imagine dealing with that.

Losing in love. I mean, Ariana? I would love for Kim Kardashian to finally like speak out about like what that's like to have the craziest. Not really not that. There's that new video now of her defending Northwest being Simba. Being Simba. And she was like and her dad was there helping her too. Her dad and I both support Northwest.

And I was like, this is the messaging you're going with. Just showed off a bunch of swashika t-shirts. You got a, yeah, I know. But they are still inexexeparably. What's that word? Exxeperely. I'm not kidding. Extricably.

Extricably. Extricably. Extricably linked. So no matter what, she probably has to keep saying some kind of positive things about it. Yeah, I felt like a hostage video. Yeah, terrible. But anyway, she loses in love a lot. We feel bad for her.

She has a lot. Sandra Bullock. No, it's a woman singer slash not great actor that is very famous. Lady Gaga. No, she's got, she's a woman that knows things. Opecia. No, unlucky love. She sings a song.

Who is very well-knownedly getting divorced. Oh, J-Lo! Yes, God knows, dude. I don't think about her as a singer first. Yeah, I said it. I don't usually think about her as a singer first. I wish. Maybe I'll try to figure.

That's on you. That's on you. Yeah, it's on me. That's definitely her first thing, kind of. I mean, she's a better. She's a better music. She has a bigger music more than a. She's an actor, right?

Absolutely. I made in Manhattan. I mean, yeah, those are, I mean, the days of the greats, you know what I mean? I mean, it's still, she plays the same character. Excuse me very different. No, they have different dramas Holden. I don't remember what they are, but I know that they're different. She was seen out at a fancy restaurant with a very handsome, like, dashing roguish man.

That certainly if you look at him, you go like, that guy definitely has multiple wives. Oh, gotcha. Okay, so he's not a celebrity. He's just a man with many wives. Just some dashing man. Yeah, I couldn't even find the. name of this guy. They were just like, she's just with this dashing man. Oh, man. At this fancy restaurant. I will say Ben Affleck is starting to date again. So, you know, he's

getting out there. You know what? He can be Harold Hill and I'll, I'll leave my husband. Wow, Ben Affleck. I think that I'm, I think I might really like Ben Affleck. I really like Ben Affleck. I mean, a drinking problem and all. Drinking problem at all. Honestly, it's the clips of him speak in Spanish and it's the clips of him on Bill Mars. I'm like telling everybody to fuck off, you know, for decades. So I think my Harold Hill is been at one. Wow. Biggest crush alert. Okay. This A-list

songwriter, producer, sometime singer has photos of his sister everywhere in his bedroom. It is a little disturbing. Phineas. Yes. Of course. God be. I thought about you and Henry. I thought about the idea of you having a bunch of pictures of Henry in your bedroom.

I used to, when I lived with Henry, he did keep a large picture of him above my bed to make sure I would not bring anybody home with me. And, uh, well, let's just say, do you know what's work? Lug. Sometimes you got to close your eyes. Let's just say that may have sweetened the deal for some people.

Yeah, some people probably were staring at the picture. I can't even think about how many people look at that picture. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Pug. But we'll end on a high note with the blind items. This Nepo baby singer has.

to modify her tour dates for the second week of July because this A-plus list singer asked her to, is this a save-the-date kind of thing? Whoa, Gracie Abrams. Yes, and... Wait, Tay? A! Da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.

Wow, that's a medley. Are you playing us off? Mama, my lover I love you, Taylor. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Everybody and everybody

burn if you don't like her and everybody likes her. You're legitimately not going to get burned. You think that Tay asked her to move her dates for a save the date for Tay and Kelsey's wedding? Yeah, MJ. What is, how's Mars this time of year?

I thought that we weren't so. about him these days. What are you talking about? Oh, because of the thing. It's an honor to play for you. I think he's a big dumb football, man. It would be such an honor for you to keep it solace me a girl for. It was such a dumb thing to say.

I don't know. I don't get that at all. You're not mad at them anymore, though. You want them to get married and have children. I just want her to be happy. Okay. All right. Well, that's what you want for you.

Yes. And that's why we're sending you off to go with Goddess. And I hope that you enjoy your new role here. And we are going to be very excited. We're going to have you back. Also, for those that are wondering, we're still going to be doing the Thanksgiving streams together. We're still doing it's doing. Cats watch along.

We're going to be doing. We're still have Jackin every Friday. We still have. And also, Holden and the two of us are going to be working on big, fun, new things over here at the network. You're not getting less of any of us, including Holden. We all three. Much to your chagrin. Oh, yeah.

You can't get rid of them that easy. You can't get rid of him. You will barely have time to miss him. We're just, we're opening the door to this sleepover for everyone else on the network. And Holden, it will always be part of the page seven extended universe. And if I may end with some very sweet thing that I always think about, the person when we were on tour who was like, I never really felt safe with men and then listening to you was really healing. And I think that that is so, we have all seen Gronky, despite Gronky, we have all seen Holden be a very wonderful man here on page seven. And then gronky knocks on the door.

And then we close the door. We lock the door. In fact, yeah, I feel like if we're, usually I do the shoutouts without you guys, but we've got some really good shoutouts for you, Holden. So we've got a great shout out coming in from Leanna. And Leanna is a long time listener page seven. And despite the gronky haters this week, I want to give a shout out slash send off to Holden. There were a bunch of gronky haters this week.

We're not that mostly. Honestly, you're really, really, really sad that you're gone. That is so funny. That's really sad and you're leaving. God, Grunkey is never going to... As few people said they won't miss Grunk. Yes. Leanna says, I've listened to page seven for the last six years.

Holding your comedy and outrageous comments on the show has made me laughing and question my ethics for years now. I now find come jokes funny and it's all thanks to Holden. But seriously, thank you for the laughs over the years. You've made page seven what it is today. And tour and conspiracy corner will be missed. Although I'm sad you're leaving page seven. I have a parasitial proudness that you are taking on a new role with LPN and forward to seeing what happens next for you.

Oh, yeah. And thank you so much. We've also got another wonderful shout out coming in. This one goes out to Alyssa and is just talking about overall. Just, I love the three of you genuinely. I'm here singing my support and praise to you all. I've been listening to Page 7 since 2020, but have also listened to all the available backlog of Marcus episodes and the in-between.

Every era and iteration has been an absolute delight. Seeing the show grow as much as it has with Holden Savvy has been amazing. but I know that Jackie and MJ will keep the momentum going on their own. I will always support and love page seven and they completely trust your judgment on the future changes. And we just want to say, love you so much, Alyssa. Thank you for your big praise. Thank you, Lisa. All the hard work the LPN has been doing and we appreciate you.

Holden, they say, I hope the outpouring of comments about how much everyone will miss you has warmed your heart. Seeing all the Holden made me happy since I know Holden often focuses on the naysayers who hated on them when he joined page seven. See how many people love you. That's true. People do love you. They really do. And we love you too. And we love you too. I love you guys. Absolutely. I'm excited for what comes next. And, hey, we're always partying on Friday.

We are always partying on Friday. Vicki says, just want to send in my love for Holden while I still have the chance. Can't believe you're leaving the show. I've listened since the Marcus Day. So experience your whole 10. You're on page seven. I think you're awesome. And I'm not even a Swifty. And I will massively miss you in my ears every week. Much love and good luck to you, my good gronky. Thank you so much. And also they're two and a half year old degrees with you on Benson Boone, which you did leave the Benson Boone album at my house. Jackie gave me a push gift on Friday of fireworks and Roller Skates on vinyl. The Benson Boone masterpiece.

So I will be picking that up next time I'm there. Masterpiece. Absolute masterpiece. We want to thank you so much Holden. And again, Holden's going to be back on soon. So this is just a goodbye for now. And we will see you over on tears still. we'll have you and also the brand new nerd of mouth,

which we're all so excited about Mike Lawrence joining this network and seeing where you guys are going to take that show to, and we're really excited. Now we will, I will say come join us. We'll have our leftovers episode over on the page 7 Patreon. And we love you, Holden, and I guess we've got to end this episode.

My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You follow me on the Instagram at Jack That Worm. You can come hang out with me and MJ when we play The Sims on Wednesdays. Go over at Who's the Bitch. If you want to hear me bitching, if you want to hear me, you know, sliding out of my seat. Go listen to Crescent City. Holden.

Who's the pitch if you want to hear me bitching. Holden Nader's Ho on Twitch. Check me out on there. And I'm still trying to regain my lost followers on Instagram. Hold Nader's Ho with two O's. We're creeping up onto 5,000 followers. So 20,000 more to go. There you go.

And I'll be caught back up. Thank you so much. And I thank you to both of you for an incredible run of shows. I've loved my time here. It's been amazing and looking forward to the next time I'll be on. Hell yeah. You guys are the best and I love you guys and that's all the plugs for me.

MJK. Elcat on Instagram. I'm MJK.L.K.L.K. on Instagram. I've really, really loved having you Harold and whenever anyone was shitty about you, I was like, I really don't get it. Holden makes me laugh so hard. No, but you're horribly offended by all the things I say, MJ, that's what people

think. But with a smile. With a smile, always with, yeah, people do think that I'm like personally too much. Yeah, like you literally have like a bunch of pearls around your neck. We can't take him anymore. Like you really, I do we have been getting some messages like that? I know. I should have broken you from the start like a horse.

I smile for hours a day every Tuesday when we record. I always have such a blast of you guys. But I can't wait for you to come back. You're going to be back all the time. And Jackie and I are going to continue the smiles, man. We've been talking to each other every week for 15 years. 15 years. And we are steering the ship.

We're the mommy and daddy now. And I cannot wait. It's going to be so fun. But yeah, ma'am, you're going to hear Marcus in your ears. You're going to hear Henry in your ears. You're going to hear Holden. It's going to be so fun. But anyway, my name is MJ.

I'm MJ KL Kat on Instagram and I am MJ Neffel on Blue Sky. And thank you guys for sticking through with us while we're getting through. You know, it's a lot. This rollout is big and it's been scary. And we want to thank you so much for your continued support. We will be back next week. We love you. And we love you, Holden.

Love you too. Bye, everybody. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to Last Podcast Network.com.