Page 7 - Episode 100: Baby Bangs

Episode Date: May 10, 2015

The gang laments the cancelation of Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo and the circumstances surrounding it and dissect the phenomenon of baby bangs. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Oh, there I am. Oh, yeah, there you are. Yeah, there we all are. Here we are. Here we are. We're the princes of the universe. Here we are. Yeah, ma'am, I was watching fucking Highlander, baby.

Have you listened to the Highlander soundtrack lately? I have not. Is that what you were meaning to inspire? No, not at all. I was just to here we are. Oh, man. Have you ever listened to the Highlander soundtrack? I don't think we, I have.

Whoa, what? It is all queen music, all amazing fucking shit. Really? Have you ever seen the movie Islander? Yes. There can be only one? Yes. They're alive. Yeah, baby.

Here we are. Born to be king. Yeah. Sins of the universe. This song is fucking awesome. Fighting to survive, baby This is fucking amazing Yeah

This is great I mean it's queen So of course it's gonna be fucking great But this is It's the most epic soundtrack of all time This is like making all of the stress And bullshit that I've been feeling today Just melt away

Yeah And anytime you're feeling down Put on fucking Princess of the Universe And just like I am a fighter I can survive There can be only one Hell yeah, man

That's great. Welcome to page seven, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Jackie Zabrowski. I'm Molly Nuffalo. Marcus Marks here. Episode 100. Yeah, baby. Princess of the Universe.

We are the princes. What I like about you, Jackie, is that you can say any phrase, and if you repeat it enough times, two or three times, you will find a song. Oh, yeah, baby. And then you'll bring it, you know,

Marcus was just riffing. Yeah, man. I was just fucking going out there and you picked it up and you got scored a touchdown. I'm just so happy because I haven't thought about that song in a really long time. And I think I needed it. I think it was just inside me and it was like, you know, you need today, Jackie?

Princess of the Universe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I needed that too. And I hope everyone out there is able to sit and listen to this song after listening to this podcast. Or hell, press pause. Listen to it right now. Or concurrently, you know, we could have it in the background. It would make everything we're saying sound really inspiring.

Fuck yeah, man. Yeah. Highlander, baby. Oh, yeah. Well, we got some bad news today. No, I don't. I can't. I can't handle more bad news than I.

Bad news. Here comes Honey Boo Boo has been canceled. Fuck, man. Okay. I understand the reasoning of it being canceled. Well, continue, Marcus. The reason why the show has been canceled is because Mama June, the matriarch of the family, has been seeing 53-year-old Mark McDaniel,

recently out of prison after a 10-year stent for child molestation, and is now a registered. sex offender. In addition to that, Mama June's oldest child says that she was the one who was molested. And they're back together. What I really think is that, you know what? Spin the show. Make it about let's watch Mama June go through therapy to figure out why she would want to get back together with the man that molested her child. He was in jail for molesting her daughter from years ago. I'm checking that out. I'm not sure. Because I wasn't sure what the time. Yeah, I'm not, I'm not sure if he was in jail for molesting her daughter. I don't think he was.

I think the oldest daughter just came out and said, oh, by the way, he molested me too. I see. Damn, man, that sucks because I really, really, really, we all did. We really like Mama June, you know? She is doing right by her family. It is the daughter who filed charges against the guy in 2003. Oh, man, how incredibly disappointing and terrible. Yep, pled guilty to after.

Aggravated child molestation. Jesus Christ. Oh, Lord. Anna stated that Mark touches her private parts and sometimes he makes her touch his. Anna advised she tells Mark to stop. But he keeps going. It happened multiple times between April and October of 2002. Oh, man.

That is a big, big cloud over the Honey Boo Boo Boo franchise. I don't blame the production people for saying that they're going to stop it. But what a bummer, because I was totally rooting for that family. Yeah, but now it's going to have. happened to them. Now it's like out of the spotlight. Now they have nothing to protect them anymore. But didn't Mama June put all their money in a trust fund that they can't touch or something? That's, I mean, that's the word on the street. But then, okay, that's great. So they're going to be poor as fuck until they all turn 18. Yeah. Yeah. I hope that Mama June doesn't have control over

it and maybe, you know, could, because obviously she's not making very wise choices right now. I am so disappointed, man. I was really in her corner. I thought that she was really really. really trying to do right by her family. Yeah, but man, sometimes the grip of a man get you back. It's all fucked in the head. She's fucked in the head. That's what it is, man. She's got to go to therapy.

Yeah, and not only that, but he also threatened to kill the girl if she reported him for sexual abuse. God damn. I mean, this is a bad, bad, bad man. Why would you let this man back into your life? Question, is it possible that he's like an abuser and he bullied his way back into her life and Mama June needs help?

That's also, that is also possible. You know, I mean, that's a possibility. He's a child abuser. He might be a domestic abuser too. Maybe Mama June needs our support right now and not our scorn. Maybe. I mean, I'm completely down with that. Yeah, I mean, it's possible.

It is possible. But it's the same too. Or what if he, you know, he knew of their success and everything. And also, I'm sure. I mean, it's a really easy thing sometimes, unfortunately, to bully your way back into someone's life. Or to convince them that you still love them. I mean, it's all psychological and I feel bad.

Yeah, because that, but even what you're describing is totally abuse, right? So, yeah, I guess, I guess that means I'm just reminded that I should direct all my scoring towards him and, you know, obviously. Not to her. I mean, she should be protecting her children, but. Yeah, but he's an abuser. And, yeah, she should be protecting her children, but also maybe she is also in a vulnerable. situation. That is true. I mean, that is very true, but there is a fair

amount of, I mean, it's if she was not relatively famous, or at least relatively famous and powerful, I could definitely see that defense a lot more, but she has a lot of places where she can go for help. You know, there is a certain amount of personal responsibility

here. Like, we can't completely absolve her all of this type of shit. You know what I mean? She could also, I mean, just because she got back together with him doesn't mean that she had to bring him around her kids, which she did. Right. Brought him around a little honey boo-boo. Brought him around pumpkin.

Like she was definitely, she was mingling this child molester in with children. Yeah. It reminds me of like the conversations around Rihanna and Chris Brown and people are like, well, you know, Rihanna has all these resources. Like she's not, she could like go elsewhere and still she goes to an abuser. So, yeah. I mean, there's a point. There's a point to be made.

Yeah. All that abuser shit. It's so complicated. It's extremely complicated. Yeah. But. I'm saying spin off. Make it into a different show.

You know? Let's help their family. Intervention services. Yeah. Put that dude somewhere where he cannot access those children. I mean, if he did his time, you know, then he did his time. But he should not be around those kids. Yeah.

Man. Oh, I like them so much. Yeah. Now it's all over. She's such a good mama. What do we have left? What, toddlers and tiaras? Go fuck yourself.

That show makes me ill. Yes. Yes. And literally, the only good thing to come out of that show was Honey Boo Boo. That's where she started. But on the other hand, Mom and June was a person who pushed Honey Boo Boo into the child pageantry world, something that many people around the world consider America to be a little barbaric for still doing.

Like, it's outlawed in a lot of places around the world. Yeah, but if they want to do it, if the kids want to do it, I think that's different. I think that, you know, I've never lived in a region where child petitions. Tree was really popular, but it would kind of be like, you know, kids, you know, parents put their little boys into football where they get serious head concussions because everyone plays football. You know, people, I think

if you're in a place where all little girls do pageants, maybe it's just like, well, my little girl does these creepy fucking pageants. I grew up with a girl who did child pageants. Yeah. It's weird. It's really weird. I mean, I didn't know about the whole world of it. I mean, I just knew about it when I was like, you know, I think we started hanging out when And we were 11 or 12 or something like that. And I'd go over to her house.

And she'd have these pictures around of her in this pageantry, all this pageantry stuff. Like the prizes that she won. Like that. I'm like, what the fuck is all? Like, what is this about? This is weird. She's like, yeah, I used to do pageants when I was five or six. Like, really?

That's the other thing. You age out of it when you're like 10. And then you're like seen as like spent or whatever in this really problematic way. Spins. You know? Girl, you spent. I mean, I don't know. Look at that girl.

She's getting brisk. Get her out of here. But it seems like, I mean, I don't know that for like a research fact, but it seems like with toddlers and tears, to years, it's all about like the littlest babies. How cute can this baby be? Oh my God. The one's like, that's an infant.

It is. They're even with lipstick on it. Because I watched an episode out of curiosity once, and it is an infant in a little tutu with lipstick on. It's weird. Did you guys have cotillion in your hometown? No. No, that's a southern thing, right?

Man, Lord. Catillion is pageants for older girls. You know, it's like, you know, making them good women, and then they have their coming out party. And it is so fucking weird to have, it's like, well, I have my cotillion partner, and I have to go to Catillion class, learn how to be a good housewife. And then when I'm 17, I have my cotillion coming out party.

Oh, so it's like Kinseniera for white Southerners. Correct. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Except it's 17 instead of 15. All right. Everyone has their own cotillion party. It's not like...

No, it's like a big cotillion presentation. Like a homecoming. Of the girls. It's like when girls used to go to charm school and they'd come out after charm school. I guess that a cotillion has its... Well, it has its origins in 18th century France. So the catillion... Fucking course.

The cotillion has been going on for quite a while now. And here in New York, there's actually a very large cotillion debutante type. of culture. I'm sure it's out on Long Island. Oh, it's here in Manhattan. Really? Oh, yeah, man. I mean, you know, I remember at the time being like, I'm not in Catulian. I'm not a real girl. Yeah, I'll bet.

Looking back, it's like, thank Christ I wasn't. You imagine what I would be like. I feel like I would wear gloves all the time. Well, here's a show pitch for you. What if you and I go to one of these triumph schools in Manhattan? I love it. It would be like the montage scene in a league of their own when all the girls have to go through their charm school thing. Gracefully and grandfully.

We'll learn how to dance and we'll learn how to hold books on our heads because I think that's something that we need to know. Uh-huh. Yeah. Stay still. Be more still. Don't talk. Too much movement. Man, I wish. Teach me how to be still.

We had pageants back home for Me Too as well. It was in high school. They called it Wild Horse Prairie Days. Ew. Gross. Well, Wild Horse Prairie Days was the larger event. calling the girls wild horse prairies.

Yo, it's them wild horses up, man. Take a look at all these wild horses. I just mount up here on my prairie. And it was bizarre too. But it was like, you know, I was like the kind of like fucking all black goth kid me and my friends would go and like make fun of the wild horse prairies. It's bull, the fucking girls up there. But maybe inside you wanted to be in the wild horse prairie days.

Interesting fact, the girl who did child pageants used to go with us to wild horse prairie days to make fun of the. pageant. Were you a little bit like Landry in high school? Oh, much meaner. Meener. Yeah, I was a pretty mean kid.

But like maybe some of that weirdness, that little like intelligent, weird outsiderness of Landry? Yeah, definitely had the outsiderness of it. But yeah, I was a real mean, just horrible piece of shit. Quick pause, it has been confirmed that Taylor Kitch is going to be in the next season of True Detective. Yeah. Rikins is a cop and he can inspect my good.

Oh my God Riggins is going to be a true detective Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes Give me give me give me give me give me That almost makes up for the fact that fucking Vince Vaughan is going to be there I know we'll just look past Colin Farrell We'll look past Vince Vaughn I'll give a thumbs up to Rachel McAdams

And then I will just fucking I fuck the shit out of Taylor Kitch Yeah he's grown on me in ways that are not a I'm not able to put it into work It's difficult It is difficult Are you starting to blossom as a woman.

I've really gone through an awakening when it comes to Tim Riggins. I started off and I was like, I get it, Tim Riggins. You're disaffected and tall. And now I'm like, I'll help you, Tim Riggins. I love you. You just need a lady who can love you.

Oh, my God. I'm currently watching Orange is the new black and they made a Friday night lights comment in it. Like one of the Caputo's, one of the heads of the jail was like, he's like, I'm sane in like a coach Taylor way and I actually do it and I was like, yeah.

I want to be just like Coach Taylor. Anyway, sorry. Every time you talk about anything about your childhood now, Marcus, I'm just a superimposing Friday night lights on you have to. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I definitely wasn't in a Christian rock band. Yeah. But I was in a, well, not really metal in high school, kind of metal, kind of like

sad. Sad. Definitely sad, wanting to do sad stuff. I was a sad, mean, angry kid. That would be the best way to describe it. And there wasn't a whole lot of those kids represented in Friday Nightlines because if my high school personality would be portrayed on the small screen, I would be the character everyone hated. Absolutely. And with good reason. With very good reason. You know, your long arc is positive. You know, people would love your longer arc later in life. Eventually, but for seasons two through three, two through four, absolutely hated. Two through seven. Two through seven. Let's say 2 through 7.

I'd say I didn't start becoming not such an asshole until like 21, 22. It was a climb, but it was a slow climb. Yeah. It was a very slow climb. From 14 to 22, it was a bad, bad time. None of you would have liked me, except for you, Jackie.

We would have been best friends because we would have been fucking. Yeah, well, we learned last week with all that fucking kid rock, I hate to even mention his name. Out of fear, you're going to start landing again. But what I learned is that, no, you too would be good.

You two would be good friends at high school. And I'd be sitting at a different outcast table. Learning at a tap dance. Yep, exactly. Yeah, yeah. No one would have liked me either, but for very different reasons. I mean, no one did like me. Oh, no.

Come on. Not when I was young. There had to have been a couple people who liked you. I have immediate family members. John always liked me. He's good. My cousins liked me. Okay.

Yeah. Have you seen Beyonce's bangs? Yes, they're very short. I am very new to this. I know people have been a buzz about her bangs. I follow her on Instagram. Ooh, she's already gotten rid of them. Thank God.

I was looking through Reel magazine today, and they were talking about her bangs, and they're like, tiny bangs through history, and all tiny bangs look dumb. Tiny bangs through history, you're kidding. They called them baby bangs. Yeah, it started with Amelie, and it went from there, and it's like a fucking hate Amelie and I hate all tiny bangs. Yeah. No, not okay.

No, baby bangs aren't, those aren't good. Why do it? Why would you do it? Beyonce, it's actually, she's done us a favor because she showed, even with a beautiful face, not okay. Tiny bangs, no good. It doesn't work. It doesn't work.

It throws something off, kills her. I don't know what it is, but it definitely throws something off. It's too tiny. Yeah. It looks like she's got hair underneath her hair. It looks like, do you guys remember, I don't, this is a really specific thing, but when I was in like middle school there were girls who would pull

the hairstyle at the time was to just straight ponytail you know top of your head right back no bangs but some girls had like a rim of like baby hair that crossed their forehead you know what I'm talking about yeah I know what you're talking about yep yep yep and it was always plastered there with sweat and it was weird and when you had because the only hairstyle was hair straight back the girls with the baby hair

would have to like justify their baby hair. And that's what those baby bangs remind me of because that baby hair is like half an inch long and those baby bangs are like an inch long. Yeah, I dated a girl briefly with the baby hair. The baby hair, yeah, yeah. Which, I mean, they can't do anything about the baby hair. What are they going to do?

Shave it off. You know, then it will look weird. What they could do, which obviously isn't an option when you're a sicker. No. I was going to say they could wear their hair differently. But not when everyone's doing your hair in a ponytail. you have to do it, baby hair or not.

But, you know, what I would do now as an independent thinker, I never had baby hair, but if I did, I would just wear my hair in a way that didn't feature the baby hair. Sounds like you had baby hair. Sounds like you're trying to hide something in your past. Sounds like you used to have baby hair. That's a long way to go to admit that you had baby hair. And you know what?

I feel sorry for you, and I'm sorry you to go through those years. Yeah, my friend who had baby hair wasn't me. She was really sad. She cried all the time. She didn't have any friends. but not me with the baby hair. There was somebody else who didn't have any friends.

She was my friend. She was the other girl in school who really loved Fred Astaire. I don't know why I didn't like her. No, I didn't have it, but I struggled with the ponytail in many other ways. I couldn't get the bumps out of my hair. But I used the fuck out of those butterfly clips.

I sure did. Yep, seventh grade. He used the fuck out of those clips. The year of the butterfly clip. Do you remember those, Marcus? You know any girls that used butterfly clips? Yeah, I've vaguely. remember butterfly clips. So dumb.

They were clips that looked like butterflies, right? Yeah, and I would just like put them in the center of my head. Like, there was no reason for them. I mean, I can, I think I can say unequivocally that the years 1997 to 2000 were the trashiest years in American fashion. Just like, everybody looked like

everyone. Everyone looked like trash all the time. No one looked classy. Everyone just looked like shit. Wide leg flare pants all around. Jinkos, baby. Jinkos, man. I had never had a pair Jinkos, but I did have some pretty, pretty big pants. Pretty

huge. I was talking with Doug, he had the Bobo Jinkos that were called Riggs, which are, it was just digs. I just remember it had two Gs on it, and I remember seeing the guys that had the Bobo Jinkos. Diggs? It sounds familiar

to me. Doug. Rug or something. Big other pants that you can get a K-Mart. Like the off-brand Jankos. Yeah, yeah. Everybody made fun of the people that had Those. Oh, generic Jincos.

Okay. Oh, yeah, baby. Spell generic with a J. But Jikos were expensive. Yeah, they were. They were. I tried to get my mom to buy me a pair of Jinkos and she wouldn't.

Yeah. Which is very upsetting because, you know, I had the ball chain necklace and, you know, I was combing out my hair to look like an even younger little boy than I already was. And I wore a lot of red, so it looked like a cherry tomato. Or maybe I actually.

actually like one of those beef tomatoes. You know? I wasn't small enough to be cherry tomato. Jackie, beef tomato Zabrowski. Oh, I wish that was my nickname. You know, unfortunately, there is no evidence of generic jincos online. They're out there in our memories, though. I know exactly what you're talking about.

They'll never die. No. They'll definitely not die. Well, you know what died, though. Chris Martin and Jennifer Lawrence says, Short-lived romance. Man, and I was reading that they were about to have a baby, so I'm, it's probably for the best. Remind me who was Chris Martin?

He's that sexy. Cold play guy. Cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Goop. Conscious uncoupling. That fucking guy. And she's so young.

You know, it's like you can find somebody else, girl. Much better, much better. So much better. She can do much better. She's so much cooler than Gweneth. But she was a big Coldplay fan, so. Oh, yeah. And she says that Chris is close.

Clearly not overgamous. Oh, well, of course not. They just got divorced. Yeah, and they had several children together, so. Yeah, I mean, there's a lot going on there. There's a lot to deal with. But I bet they fucked so hard. I mean, at least, you know, we had to get some kind of grease on the wagon wheels, you know?

He's trying to go down the fucking Oregon Trail, and he's got to grease himself up, man. And cocked that wagon and floated across the river. Oh, yeah. And I did find something in blind items about this when the relationship was still. going on. Apparently, Gwyneth had a list of rules for J-Law. Check this out. She said that she had rules to follow her interactions with children. I'll bet she did. One of the lists contains the food she does and does not want the children to eat. Another list contains the kind of entertainment she considers acceptable and unacceptable for the children. As in children's books versus video

games and how much time they are allocated for each. Another list contains health and sanitary rules like interaction with pets hand washing procedures and there is apparently a ton more and this is one of the reasons why Chris Martin left it because their micromanaging is fucking insane. It just reminds

me of I read this article today that someone was comparing the Halloween from her childhood in the 1970s to like the Halloween now with her own daughter of how like the parents didn't give a fuck. It's like oh they didn't have a Batman mask at Kmart so

I'm going to cut holes in the sheet, now you're a ghost. And it's like right before you ran out, and that they would just like let them out at like at dark and then they would have to be back by 11. And now how like so many parents are just so up the ass of their children. Walking the kids up to the front door and making them bring the doorbell and then waiting.

You have to enjoy this. You have to have fun. Yeah, and spending hours upon hours. Yeah, you can look on Reddit and just look at all the pictures. Like this is the costume I made for my kid. This is the costume I made for my kid. And sometimes the kids are like, hey this is fucking awesome. But most of the time they're like, why did you do this to me?

Yeah. This is, I'm not enjoying this whatsoever. I don't even get what's going on here. I am set dressing. Yeah, right, I'm three and I don't even get it, right? Yeah, you're just doing this to fucking impress your friends and have a picture to put up on Reddit. Although I do have to say is that my mom blew my fucking mind when I was like six or seven. And I loved Little Mermaid and I used to have hair down to my butt.

So I had the hair down on my butt. My mom made me this costume that was like a nude bodysuit on top that had like big shells where my non-bress were. And then she made a mermaid bottom that like had holes where my feet would walk. But then the fin would come up on my right hand side and it was attached to my arms so that it would stay up. And it was like the most bomb-ass costume of all fucking time. And I was just like, and she had worked really hard on it. And I loved it so much. I remember the next year it was too fat to wear it.

And she still has it. And she was trying to get my niece to wear it. And she told my mom, Grammy, that's not cool. It's totally fucking cool. What are you talking about? What do you want to fucking be? A non-generic, just a fucking piece of shit? You want to be a pumpkin or something?

Yeah, fucking wear this mermaid costume. It's awesome. My favorite costume ever was definitely the Freddie Krueger costume that I got. Oh, hell you know. Yeah, it was store-bought, of course, but it had definitely had the makeup. In fact, the claw that I wore for Halloween when I was a kid is right across the room over in the last podcast in the last library.

It doesn't fit me anymore, but every once in a while, when I'm feeling a little blue, I'll put it on over here and just look at it. And just kind of move the fingers around because it's got moving fingers, it still got the claws on it. It's still got bloods. stains on it for when I put blood all over them. And I remember I scared the

holy living shit out of an old lady because I showed up little tiny kid with the hat and the fucked up face, the burn makeup, a little bit of fake blood and I just fucking opened up the door. She opened up the door, I go, trick and treat! And put the gloves up into her face

and she did not say a single word. She just opened the door, put candy into my little bag and then close the door. That's awesome. That's one of my my favorite childhood memory. You've got to scare the shit out of somebody. I'll show, actually, I looked up Freddie Cougar children's costumes online, and this one I'll show you guys. I might post it up on the Facebook page. This is pretty close to what I looked like. Oh, hell yeah. What a cute

little, Freddy Coozer. Except my makeup was better. Yeah, it was pretty fucking sweet makeup. I don't think there's a picture of me out there that exists. Me as a child, Freddie Cougar, but I might ask my mom, see if maybe she could find it. I bet she's going to find it. Yeah, I bet so. How old were you? I don't know, eight, nine. Yeah. Something like that.

But I love that. But that was back when they made store-bought children's Freddy Cougar costumes. It was perfectly acceptable for an eight-year-old to watch Nightmare on Elm Street over and over and over again. Well, that's what it. Like, that was part of the comparison. She's like, we came home and I watched Halloween with my brother while we ate all of the candy. Yeah. And like now it's like, okay, well, you can pick out two pieces that you want to eat.

You have to be in 5 by 945. No. Give me a fucking break. It's Halloween. Let him stay up and eat candy all night long. Let him throw up and that's fun. God, I used to love. We would go out trick-or-treating and then come back and we would watch Simpsons'

Tree House of Horror. Yeah. Always the best. I love Tree House of Horror. Look forward to it every single year. Same. Yeah. Because it also meant that was usually the first episode of the season.

You know, usually said Tree House of Horror would kick off New Simpsons episode. And they were always creepy. I loved how they would change their names in the season. Yeah, I loved every single aspect of that. Man, I love the buildup to, like, this year I haven't really been experiencing, like, the buildup to Halloween. Like, I missed a party last weekend, but I, and so I haven't dressed up yet, whereas usually there's, like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, Halloween, but you get a good week and a half of Halloween. Like, I remember as a kid, like, like, my dad worked at a college, so we got to trick-or-treat in the dorms, and there were dorms, like five stories of college kids who were like, cute little kids are coming.

We're probably baked out of our minds. And we would bring pillowcases and, like, fill up pillowcases with candy. It was awesome. Man, I missed that so much. That would be great. Man, I just, it's like, where is the adult trick-or-treating? I want to go, I want to earn my candy. I went to the store.

I bought a shit ton of candy for myself, which is not fun. Not as fun. I was just, like, eating all this candy. He's like, but I didn't work for it. And it really does take something away. I can eat candy whenever I fucking want. Well, I'll tell you this. last year I gave out candy on Halloween night

I sat on my porch. Didn't get that many people but the people we did get it was really satisfying to get out the candy and then we ate the rest so you know you can do that you can find out I don't know when city trick or treating night is but you can sit out and it's probably like 4 p.m. It is it is it's daylight

because of well I mean the neighborhoods because of the bad kids there's so many bad kids here bad kids so many bad kids bad kids what ruin in this city I say get rid of the teenagers I'm saying out of here more teenagers who's in New York City. Yeah, 11 years old you ship them off, make them live

in a teepee together. Upstate. Yeah, Lord of the Flies it, come back when you're fucking 19. 12 to 16 year olds should just put it in a different place. Get out. 17. 17.

I say 19. I'm pushing it to 19. 19. 11 to 19. Out of here. They're all bad. I'll go with that. Trains be a fuck of a lot quieter.

I'll tell you that much. And the buses, too. Yep. And the buses. No more show time. None of that bullshit. Oh, I love those shows. Go time.

They're fun. No. They were fun the first 25 fucking times. Oh, I like them. Could have hit me in the face while you're fucking swinging on a goddamn pole. What do you, strep?

I ain't got no ones. I ain't even got quarters. The only performers to get my quarters are the old men who sing doo-wop tunes. I love them. I love them too. I'll always have a soft spot in my heart

because that was the very first subway performers that I ever saw. I sing so well. Saw the doo-wop guys and the at-trans. Like, yeah. this city. It's going to be great. I think I'm going to live here forever. Ain't never going to get rid of me knowing this city. No, we stuck here. We stuck here. It's time for the list.

Who's on the list? Yeah, got to have that list. It's Halloween. Oh, yeah. And this is a Halloween-themed list. Oh, good. And we've done this a little bit before, but here's even more stars who have been haunted. Oh, yeah. Demi Lovato. You know, Demi Lovato? You know, Jimmy Lovato? Remind me who she is? X Factor. Oh, yeah. All right.

Got it. She says her childhood home in Texas was haunted and a ghost named Emily was her best friend. That's sad. I think that that is made up and that is sad. I have nothing more to add to the day. Well, she says that, you know, paranormal investigators have confirmed her suspicions and ghost hunters. They've come in. Medium came in.

It just sounds like she. There's a ghost. There's a ghost. She invited hot dudes into her house. I was like, can you, you know, investigate? Are you a paranormal investigator? She's like sucking on his dick. And he's like, oh, yeah.

Oh, the Holy Spirit. Oh, God. He comes all over her face. He's like, it's a ghost. It's not my cum. I didn't do it. It's called ectoplasm. I'm actually slimer.

Whoa. Oh, she got slimed. Oh, my God. See, that's how you. Make it and come down more fun. Call it ectoplasm. Pretend like you're in like a Ghostbuster themed sex party. And then, man, slime me.

And make the slimer noise the entire time. Yeah. That's what, that's Holden McNeely's new favorite joke is every time someone brings up the all-female cast Ghostbusters and I get upset because I want to be in the movie. He says the only thing that I can play is slimer. and he thinks it's the funniest in the world that the only thing I'm pretty off to play is slimer. And you know what? I'll fucking do it. I'll fucking be it.

Give me a fucking costume. I'm fucking plasm all over. Any fucking body comes near me. Put me in a library. Matthew McCona. No. Is it just the demons of his past? Yeah, he channeled that for fucking true detective.

He was haunted in his Hollywood home. home, he said he heard the sound of a coin dropping onto a coffee table. And he says his home was haunted by the ghost called Madam Blue. He's a big bullshitter. And the things that sound like coins hitting coffee tables happen all the time in houses. It's probably a washing machine or some other. Remember when he got arrested for playing bongoes naked in his front yard? I mean, the man does drugs.

This is also naked. He went to go check out the noise while naked. and he says after that she never bothered him again because he's quote, nude all the time. Yeah, no, I can't tell if he's just a bullshitter

or a delusional bullshitter, but... I think he's just great, just hanging out. I think he's just hanging out, having a great time with life. I love a man that's nude all the time. That's kind of fun.

See, I find it to be a bit like he's nude because he loves his body so much and I, my like... But he's not what being nudes all about. He's like, oh, look at my big dick. I hate my body. I love being nude. There you go.

But maybe you just need to learn how to love yourself more, Mom. No, I hate everything about myself, but I like the breeze. Don't you think, though, that when Matthew McConaughey is nude, he's just staring at himself in, like, love and awe. Not that you shouldn't love yourself, you should. I bet at the very least, he just, when he, anytime he walks by a mirror, he just goes, yeah. Oh, yeah, exactly. Which he should.

I do the same thing. If I had that dude's fucking body and looks, I would do the same. Same thing. Walk past the mirror and just go, yeah, you're doing good, ain't you? Fair enough. You should love yourself. Yeah, you're right. All right. I take it back. Yes, we got her. Oh, Patrick Stewart. He said during a performance of waiting for Ghetto, he paused for a while and later told a friend and co-star Ian McKellen. He'd seen a man in the wings wearing a beige hat and twill trousers. Theater Royal Haymarket employees said it was the ghost of a 19th century actor John Baldwin. Buckstone. That one's actually a little bit scary.

Sounds kind of boring. Twill trousers. I think it's the twilled trousers that lost me. I'm like, ah. A beige hat. Yeah, he's a 19th century man. That's exciting. I mean, you can still buy twill trousers at fucking H&M.

You can buy twill skinny fit fucking trousers. Yuck. You're just going to fucking bust them every time you do in your squats to get low-hanging cans. What is twill? Oh, I see twill. Oh, you know twill. Yeah, I know twill.

Oh, I've had some twill pants. What's the difference between twill and tweed? Twill looks to be a tight knit fabric. Okay. While tweed is fuzzy. Fuzzy. Got it. Isn't it?

Sure. Yeah, Tweed's definitely fuzzy. Yeah, yeah. Tweed's fuzzy, but, you know, they've got similar kind of patterns here. It looks like, but, yeah, it looks like tweed's fuzzy. Twill's a little more smooth. Just a looser knitted fabric. Yeah. Tidder-knitted

Tidder. Tidder. Tiddle is tighter. All right, it's time for Blind Ida. Oh my God. We can't stay up. This former A-list, while part of a group turned B-List celebrity who never sings any longer is getting married and is

totally bending over backwards and has changed the wedding date multiple times just so he can get one A-plus list guest to come. No one else matters to him except getting this guest to the wedding. This one's a little sad. They were both a part of a

pretty big boy. Is this Joey fat one? Yeah, that's a good question. You know what? You're getting pretty close there. Nick Carter? No, pretty close still. J.C. Chavez? No, you still got one more to go. Nick Lechay. Nope, nope. You're moved to a different band. Move to a different band. That was all backstreet boys, right?

Yeah. No, uh, no, in sync. Lens Bass? Yeah. And the A plus list star? JT. Of course JT. Moving around is moved his wedding date multiple times just so he can get JT there. Oh, poor Lampas. Didn't he go into outer space?

Yes. Does he need to have J.T. there? I guess he does. I guess he's trying to get back into the spotlight. And if J.T.'s at the wedding, then that might help things out. That's really, really sad. That is so sad. Just get fucking married, man.

It's very sad. Sounds like he's getting married just to see JT again. Yeah, right. It does. Who will answer his calls. J.T.'s not going to help you, man. How am I going to get JT to hang out with me again? I guess I could get married.

Man. I could also get divorced right afterwards. I'm so in love with him too. You like Lance? Of course I did. Yeah, she liked gay dudes in high school. Is Lance the gay one? Yeah.

I thought Joey Fatone was the gay one. No, he's straight. You mean Joey Fat one. Everyone goes to Joe's that one. Yeah, yeah, he's got an unfortunate name to go along with his life. He hosts that show on the Food Network where they have to reconstitute processed foods. Yeah. It's terrible.

Nobody cares about it. Yeah. Well, all right. Poor Lance Bass. Poor Lance Bass. Still looking good, though. I'll take it. He looks all right.

He's got a big face. Real big face. Yeah, yeah. He does have big face. Big features on a big face. Yeah. He doesn't have tiny face, but he's got a huge fucking face.

Yeah. I'm glad we all agree on this one. Yeah. I mean, I was definitely wrong in middle school and high school. Well, I just said that he looks good. Especially looking at this picture right here.

I mean, He has the blonde at top. Why did I like it? Brasted tips. Help me. It was the Legalus thing. And then I moved on to Legless because I'm like, oh, see, that wasn't a man. This is a man.

Yeah. It's unfortunate. But we all had our unfortunates. Wrong with me. I totally thought Joey Faton was the gay one for the last like five years. I like Kevin, though, too, in Backshry Boys. And he was a man. Brian was the one who ever went

in Langton Backstreet Boys, right? He looked like a monkey boy. Dylan was the real man. I don't know if that's true. He might be gay as well. Maybe. He was the one with the special like triangle. He had the goatee.

Goateeathe. There are apparently more than one gay members in Backstreet Boys. Is Howie? A.J. McLean. Oh, I didn't know what AJ's gay. Yeah, AJ is definitely gay. Did AJ have to be gay?

special facial hair too? No, AJ was just the other shavent one besides Brian and Nick. Okay. I think I can picture what you're talking about. Kind of. Well, I don't know. Maybe it is just A.J. Okay. I mean, I guess I don't really know which one he is. Can you imagine being AJ and living in the shadow of Lance Bass? How depressing is that? Oh, man, yeah. So if you're going to be the gay big boy band star, I mean, I mean, He's the biggest. He has it, yeah. Next up, what A++ list rapper and mogul is actually three years older than he says he is. His birth year magically changed when he started seeing his wife, who is also three years older than she says she is.

Jay-Z? Mm-hmm. Wow. Why three years? Because Beyonce, for some reason, decided that three years is what she needed to be younger. So she's, oh, so she's three years younger. No, she's three years older. older than she says she is.

And Jay Z is also three years older? Mm-hmm. That's so weird. Why lie about it? It doesn't, like, three years? Question, though, because she's about your age, as she says. She's two years older than me. Two years older than you.

Does that track? She's 33. She's actually 36. From your, like, timeline, I don't know if you were an active Destiny's child listener, but like does... No, absolutely not. I'm surprised by that. Disliked them quite a bit. Because it has always, when I realized how young, she, relatively young she is, uh,

I was always like, I always thought Beyonce was a lot older than us. Yeah. And so when I was like, oh, she's only like 33 or 34 or whatever, like I figured she was older only because she's been around for so long. Nope. You don't even like the song Bugaboo. No, not really. Or Bill's, Bill's, Bills. Nope.

Does that mean that JZ is like 45? That means JZ is, well, I think JZ should also be, I think he's around that age. I don't even know how old J.C. JZ is. He's 44, so he's near in 50 then. Whoa. He would be, if he's lying, and he'd be 47 right now. Beyonce, Jay-Z is 44 and Beyonce is 33, right?

Yeah, so this is, me and my partner have an 11, 10 to 11 year age difference, and so I've often privately thought to myself that we are like Beyonce and Jay-Z. Well, you can continue to bury yourself. Please continue to think of yourselves as the Irish and Jewish, J-Z, and Beyonce. important ways. We are just like Beyonce and Jay. Just don't get fucking baby bangs for the love of Christ. Don't worry about that.

All right. Last item for today. The Irish and Jewish J.Biase. Yeah. You know, other differences also but they're not important. Well, they bearded. Blonde. Many differences. Talent is, let's

not mention the talent. The talent is the same. The talent is the same. Jackie. Thank you. For lawyering. And podcasting. Yeah, different talents. But the Beyonce and Jayze of their respective fields. I like to think.

I don't actually think. Last up, what aging former A-plus list diva singer-actress pulled the Don't You Know Who I Am card when waiting in the checkout line at Whole Foods? The cashier definitely knew who she was and ordered her to go to the back of the line like all the rest of the people, which she surprisingly did, but not with. without quite a bit of bitching and moaning. Mariah Carey. Oh, no, aging.

I mean, she's at Mariah Carey. I guess could possibly, as far as talent goes, definitely on the level, real good friends with the old Michael Jackson back in the day. Ooh, with the Michael Jackson. Oh, Diana Ross. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, aging. Real aging. Yeah, real aging. Yeah. Heyday in the 1970s, 80s. Man, if I was Diana Ross and I was in the checkout line, I would say, don't you know who I am every single time? Yeah. Haven't you seen the whiz?

She's fucking Diana Ross, man. Let it do whatever the fuck she wants. That sentence belongs to her. Do you know who I am? She can say that as many times. Because she is the definition of what is like okay to be a diva. Yes. She is allowed to be a diva.

Yes, absolutely. Say with Aretha Franklin. Every time you hear like stories about her, I'm like, it's okay. It's okay. She deserves it. Aretha fucking Franklin, she can do whatever she wants. She can be a diva. I'm okay with it.

Absolutely. I suppose so. Unless I was in that line, then I'd be a little nift. If Diana Ross was in front of you pitching a fit, wouldn't you have a little fun? I mean, I would actually be having a lot of fun unless I was late. Unless you were late. Unless I was late. And then I would say, ease on down the line.

Yeah. Yeah. Let's get the fuck out of here. Can't top that. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. My name is Molly. I'm Marcus Barks. And listen to the Highland.

soundtrack. Bye-bye.