Page 7 - Episode 101: I am the Uno

Episode Date: May 10, 2015

Jaden and Willow Smith give a bizarre interview reminiscent of stoned conversations had sophomore year of college and Solange gets married in a beautiful cape. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Yeah, it's what they called me in middle school. Good to go. Hey, Mr. DJ, put a record on. I want to dance with my baby. Wow. Yeah, guys, we're fucking back. We are fucking back. My name is Jackie Zabrowski.

My name is Molly Knethel. I'm Marcus Parks. That song has been in my head for days. Hey, Mr. DJ. I just want to point out that Jackie when she sings, she, like, points to Marcus as if He's going to come in and join her. It points to me. Everybody loves that song.

Everybody hates that song. Remember that weird Madonna period? I watched the video of it today. And it has, what's his name? Tiny. Not Arab, but looks Arab. Very funny. Not Aziz.

The other one. Ali G. He's Jewish. Is he Jewish? Yeah. His real name is Salsha Berrin Cohen. Well, yeah. I didn't know that's Jewish.

Cohen? Sure. I mean, there's a lot of fucking. Mark Cohen, you know, is he Jewish too? Probably. Probably. It sounds pretty Jewish. I think, I mean, it was great, but it's very weird that he's in the video. A bad on a video?

He's in that video. The Hey, Mr. DJ. It's just called music. And it's very, very weird. It's just her and him. And then, like, randomly big words will pop up in, like, Austin Powers style letters. And it's like, every time she says, like,

make the people come together. is this together? And it's just music. What year are we talking here? Like, what is? I don't know. 2006. 2006 here, yeah.

And no, it is Olly G. Just driving her around in a limousine. Yeah, man. It's very weird. I think I miss this. You don't know this song? Let me skip ahead. Come together.

I remember when this song came out and it was just like, hell yeah, man, Madonna's coming back. Yeah. That's what I thought when this song came out. I loved this song, but now I hate it. Yeah. But I love it. Marcus, what do you think?

I like the song as well. Yes. Everybody loves a fucking song. Yeah, I like that song just fine. You know, as much as it, not as much as I like, like, toxic. Oh, yeah. Yeah, if we're talking about circa 2006 songs, toxic is the best. Yeah, toxic, yeah.

Since you've been gone. Well, that's more like 03, 02. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, among that genre, there's about four or five pop songs. songs that I really enjoy. What's the other Britney song from that time period when it's like the sad, oh, the, Not Yet a Girl, No longer a Girl, Not Yet a Woman, No. She's so lucky, she's a star, but she cry, cry, cry, cries of a lonely heart.

Yeah, it's all very, it's like basically like, I'm so famous, but I'm so sad. I know that song must have been before 2004 because I heard it for the first time at the Roller Rank. Meaning I must have still been in high school You went to the roller rink in high school? We didn't have a lot to do with my own down, Jackie. I thought that was like a middle school thing. Oh, it was. I thought that was like an elementary school thing.

I think we tried to ironically bring it back maybe. We didn't drink. Was it ironically or was it for realties? It may have been for realties. But again, we did not have a lot to do. We did not drink or smoke. So we had to make our own wholesome fun. Man, the roller rink.

I could never go to the roller rink because I don't know how to roller skate or rollerblade or anything. So I was too ashamed. Did you even try? No, no, no. I tried to rollerblade once. It was very, very bad. It was like, I'm going to break my ankles.

Oh, I was big in a rollerblading. It's so scary. Yeah, man, I have myself a pair of K2s. No fucking breaks. Yeah, man. I knew how to grind. Take those brakes off. I wish that rollerblading was more socially sanctioned

because I would do it. I think it's cool again now, right? Because it's like weirdly retro to do. It was never cool as the problem. I see losers. I see losers. I see losers. I see losers.

Now, I see losers. Well, I think they're losers. just because I can't do it, so I put it down. That goes into my psyche much deeper that I want to think about. But there's this woman that comes into the shop all the time. She's known in the neighborhood because she constantly has her very chatty three-year-old in a stroller, and she rollerblades everywhere. Jesus.

Yeah, it's very, and she's just like, hey, like very much. Like, how are you feeling? Justin? How are you feeling right now? I'm a lollipop. I know you feel like you want a lollipop, but maybe you're feeling upset about something else. This is like that kind of thing. Just got my fucking lollipop. Oh, God. That's terrible.

Speaking of awful, awful children. Let's, please. Oh, my God. Of course, Jaden and Willow Smith just did an interview with the New York Times T magazine. Wait, the New York Times is a teen magazine? Tea. It's called T as in Times. Yes.

The New York Tee. The New York T magazine. Oh, because as opposed to the, but why? I don't know. They already have a fucking. whole newspaper. And they also have a whole magazine. I don't understand that.

Marcus, put it down on the record. We don't understand it. Better to the editor. Explain this magazine to us, please. Let's go through some of the interview here because it's getting a lot of heat. People have been, of course, talking about how bizarre it is because these children, as we know, are very bizarre. If you remember, Jaden Smith went to Kim and Kanye's wedding wearing a white Batman outfit.

And that's the boy. That's the boy. And he's also known for his amazing tweets. I love that kid's fucking nonsensical tweets. His tweets are really like, yeah, he tells people to drop out of school. They are so fucking weird. They are weird. They are weird.

But I want to hear some of the details of the interview. They're so young. I look at the pictures of them. God damn it. They look like they're in their early 20s. 16 and 14. Too young. Way too young.

The girl is the younger one, right? Willow, yeah. She whips her hair back and forth. And the thing about Jaden and Willow Smith is why I want to hear some of the interview stuff is because 14 and 16 year olds are weird, man. If you gave an interview to the New York Times when you were 14, wouldn't you say some weird shit?

Well, especially if they're fucking homeschooled. But they should be beaten into saying something better than this, right? They clearly have the confidence that no 14 or 16 year old has. Which they shouldn't. I feel like no one should have confidence until they're 22 years old. I'll go with that. Right? Yeah, I'll definitely go with that.

You shouldn't be that compliment. That pretty much tracks with when I got it. Right? Yeah. Yeah. All right. The first question, what have you been reading? Willow's answer?

Quantum Physics. Jaden's answer, the ancient secret of the flower of life and ancient texts, things that can't be predated. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But see, this does not seem that weird to me. Like, I definitely knew kids who were like, yeah, I'm reading Stephen Hawking's book. and like when they were 15? That's a weird.

I suppose so. I guess. I ask, do you feel like life is moving really quickly? Is your music one way to sort of turn it over and reflect on it? And that's a question from the New York Times. This interviewer is particularly awful as well. I was going to say the interviewer sounds high.

Yeah. That question starts with, I'm curious about your experience of time. Oh, God. Willow says, I mean, time for me. I can make it go slower fast however I please. And that's how I know it does. doesn't exist. Sure. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. I blame the interviewer more than I

blame way. I don't know. I blame fucking Scientology, but that's a whole different thing. Children, what's your experience of time? They don't know. They've only been on the earth for a few years. But it's the thing. If I was 16 or 14, I'd be like, what the hell are you talking about? Right? Have at least a little bit of fun. A little bit of fun? They are very serious these two. That's the thing. They take themselves quite seriously. Well, Jaden said, it's proven that how time moves for you depends on where you are in the universe, it's relative to beings in other places, which that shows a fair understanding of the theory of relativity. That's not untrue.

Says, but on the level of being here on earth, if you are aware in a moment, one second can last a year. And if you are unaware, your whole childhood, your whole life can pass by in six seconds. Have they ever smiled? That's the real question here. Oh, see, I was like a, I was an obnoxious. like emo, overly thoughtful. I don't think I was overly serious,

but I may have been because I didn't have any friends. And so I wasn't that fun. And I, like, totally am identifying with these kids, except that they're much better looking than I ever was. They're not that good looking. You don't think so? I think they both look like Will Smith. And I don't know that's a good thing.

I wish there was more Jada Pinkin in it, and there's not. There's more Will Smith than Jada Pinkin. Yeah, it's weird. They both look just like Will Smith. Do they? I was staring at them today. I was staring at a picture of the two of them today. Are you meditating on pictures of Will Smith's kids?

Yeah, man. Just thinking about how young they are and how they don't look young at all. Because I keep thinking about that Willow Smith picture of her in a bed with that other guy that didn't have a shirt on or whatever that was like 21. And everyone's just like, what is she doing in this bed with this guy on Instagram? And it's kind of true. At 14, I also wasn't in bed with a sexy man that didn't have a shirt on. Yeah. It changes a person

14 I guess I'm just I'm like I want to defend the weirdness Of the young teenagers because they are in a Weird place where they're not Little tiny children anymore but they have no idea what's going on And hopefully they look back at that and be like What the hell was I talking about? Right right they're gonna look back you know

Just like if any of us gave an interview when we were 14 or 16 We would be like how embarrassing Oh I took myself so seriously but it's in the New York T. Magazine. But I think it's weird because I saw a lot of things on Facebook of people talking about how it's like, this is why people should be homeschooled. Really? Like in defensive?

Like as like pro this. Really? Yeah, and that weirded me. I was like, no, this is why people should be in school. This is the exact reason why, yes, so that you can become a normal human being. And yes, read all the weird books, but also be a little bit your own age.

Just a tinge. And I don't think that they are, their age at all. No, that's true. I think that being a little normal is a good social pressure to have so that you can adapt to the, even though the normal world is hellish, you know, having a little bit of pressure to adapt to that world is probably for the best. Yeah, and it's just, they got the dead eyes, man. They have the fucking, what's it, Katie Holmes, the, what's the Scientology? It's the Scientology, Siri. Yeah, suri eyes, man. Yeah, yeah, you say what, they don't have an anima? Is that what you said? Oh, that, that, that's, uh,

special demon that the sign-hound or Damon. Yeah, Damon. Yeah. They could separated from their Damon. Yes, yes.

And I fully believe that that is what is happening with Jaden and Willows. Yeah, they've had their aura ripped away from their bodies. It's like, let them be a kid for a second. That's true.

Give them a goddamn Calvin and Hobbs book. You want to be philosophical? It's got all of it. Yeah. It's got every single fucking bit of it. Give them just some kind of, some kind of happiness that it's not just like,

be famous, be you, be strong. That's great. Those are all great. things, but you can also have a little fun. Get a fucking bouncy house. Play around. You know, do some whippets.

Give a box. Have a good time. Yes. Give them a box. Give them a box. Give them a box. You know, make them like, do they do whatever they want with it. Yeah.

They're a box. Guess what, teenagers. Here's a box. Have a good time. We're going to leave you alone for a few hours. I can still have a good time with a box. Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

Let me alone in a room with the box and I'm fine. Yeah. I'm acting like it's a thing for little kids, but honestly, a box is for everyone. I mean, I think I did that in high school. I remember putting someone into a box and like taping it up. Putting it down the stairs. Yes. That's what I would do.

Yes. And it's like, no, get me out of the box. Like that's fun for it. Yeah, that is fun. But they have never pushed someone in a box down the stairs. Definitely. They've never felt that terror that they realized that they pushed their friend head first instead of feet first. It's like, oh, we should get them out of the box.

That's a growing up experience they need to have. That's true. They do need to have a little bit of fun. Well, Willow on the themes that recur in her work Because they're asking these kids I mean, these kids are working You know, they're musicians They're putting shit out there

They do, they create shit They said the theme in her work She said the feeling of being like This is a fragment of a holographic reality That a higher consciousness made I can't I mean, it's like Look at some of the weird fucking videos

We made when we were in high school It's like I don't think that answer is all that terrible That's the thing. No, it's a great answer. It's a great answer from a 35-year-old, like, philanthropist. Like, this is not, like, whip your hair back and forth. Great, it's fun song.

But I don't know, what is it, a fragment of a hum, bump, pump. A fragment of a holographic reality that a higher consciousness made. It is a pop song. I mean, it's great. It's fun. If she could convey that into a pop song, I'd think she would be fantastic. Yeah, right out, man. That's fairly close to things that I believe in.

as well. Sure. And if she could convey that into pop music, I would, I'd be a huge fan. Well, maybe she's like, listen, my hair was my early work. I was nine. And now that I'm 14,

I'm really trying to advance and incorporate some 301 philosophy shit into my work. I think it's because she's laying 22-year-old hot dudes. Yeah. It just sounds like a 14-year-old bunkin fucking riptoes, man.

Yeah, that is some shit that I'd say at 14 to impress some hotter boy who was older who wasn't interested in me. I feel like I wouldn't be able to put that kind of phrase together unless I'd gotten late already, right? Yeah, I think so. That's something that opens up. It's like a portal that opens up into your brain.

Penis goes inside you or toy or whatever, whatever you're using, any kind of rubbing. And then that goes into some kind of wormhole that opens up like a cyber portal into your brain. Yeah. So does this mean? Because to be quite honest, I've never quite taken Will and Jada Pinkett Smith quite seriously.

I never thought that they're the type to sit around and have philosophical discussions at the dinner table. Does that mean that those two are like, you know, amateur philosophers as well? It's the Scientology. It has to be. It could be the Scientology. Yeah. I totally think it is, although apparently they are fairly serious people. I mean, even if you look at, I mean, like, they're not really fair, like they're not in the media the way a lot of people are.

Yeah. And they are very closed off. They're very much. They like to be private. And they like to be like a normal family, even though they're the opposite of a normal family. And I think that they're just, ugh.

Yuck, yuck, yuck. It all creeps me out, man. All fucking creeps me out. Well, Jaden's got some other philosophy to drop as well. The response to the question, how have you gotten better? He said, your mind has a duality to it

so when one thought goes into your mind it's not just one thought it has to bounce off both hemispheres of the brain when you're thinking about something happy you're thinking about something sad when you think about an apple you also think about the opposite of an apple orange orange I thought you were going to say orange

yeah probably orange no no no the opposite of an apple probably an orange fucker man I don't know he just talks like a super high college sophomore yeah right right That's exactly it. And they just hit that a few years ahead of time. They probably started smoking weed when they were

You're famous kids, right? Don't famous kids start smoking weed when they're like nine? Probably. I feel like what scares me the most is there's probably no drugs involved. You don't think so. It's what scares me. Yeah. You think they're just high on their own brains.

Yeah. High on philosophy. I don't think they don't have a soul anymore and they're sad about it. So, you know, they contemplate bigger quantum mechanics of the world. Yeah. Well, that's what I did. Yeah, but also get them in a fucking school. Put him at least in a goddamn celebrity kid in school.

Or in at least like a play group or something, something where they can interact with some normals. Again, I'm not endorsing the normals. I think that, you know, it's okay to be a weird little kid, but at least also okay to know what is expected of you from the normals. To be like, oh, I'm 14, I should be doing what? Oh, putting on makeup and talking about boys. Okay, well, I'll get some mascara

and I'll continue dropping some philosophical truth bombs. Yeah, man, I guess it's cool. But who is homeschooling them? That's the question. Is it someone that is employed by the Scientologists or is it Will and Jada Pinkett Smith? Because I highly doubt it. I hope that their homeschool curriculum

is just watching the entire canon of Will and Jada Pinkett Smith films. See, that would be fun. Yeah. I would be fine being homeschooled on that. Yeah. I mean, was it Wu? Wu.

Was she a Picking Smith and Wu? Wu? Remember that movie, Woo? Was there a movie Wu? Wu? Wu, right? To Wong Fu? No?

She was in Wu. She was in Wu. Actually, she was in Wu. She was in Wu. She was in Wu. With Tommy Davidson, the Lost and Living Color Star. They're just watching Woo on repeat. That was something that was in the

the darkest depths of my soul and the name of that movie. Man, you brought Woo out for somewhere fucking deep. Ooh, 3.7 on IMDB. It's not a good movie. 5 or out of 10? Out of 10. Oh, yikes.

Oh, yeah. I think he used to be on Comedy Central all the time. It was one of those channels. Yeah. He was played all the time. Wouldn't she also in, what was it, BAPS? BAPs?

Y'all are just saying syllables now. I don't know. No, BAPS. No, I think it was BAPS. Something like that. Bad ass, Pretty Slut. That's a movie I would like to be. No, I was right, BAPS.

You're kidding. But that was Hally Berry. Oh, it's Hallie Berry. Two tacky homegirls moved to L.A. to become dancers. Instead, they scam a dying millionaire, but eventually become BAPS. That's Black American Princesses. Oh, like Japs. Yeah.

They're Baps. I want to watch that. Yeah, that does sound fun. Bats, yeah, sure I'll watch Baps. Well, why the fuck not? Lou and Baps. We're having a fucking urban night. Wu Baps, a movie festival.

I love it. Wow, Tupac was supposed to be in Wu. Really? Yeah. But he got killed, quote, unquote. Five days before shooting began. Five days. Damn.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting. Jada Pickett Smith was also maybe in Scream 2? She was. Got killed at a bathroom stall. Yeah, it was the, no, her boyfriend got killed in the bathroom's fault. When he puts a knife through his fucking cheek. Yes.

Fucking awesome. Excellent. And that was Tay Diggs. Was it? No? No? No. Who was it?

Omar Epps. Omar Epps. That's it. From O. Yeah, from O. Yes. The retail. Josh Hartnett.

Othello. Yes. Whoa. O and Baps. Oh, man. We are happy. Man, I know my shit. Kind of.

I said Tate Diggs. That's fine. I'm thinking of rent. It's fine. I think you're totally fine. Thank you. I appreciate that. Teggs is on the mind lately because he's

following everyone on Twitter. He's following, is he following CCR on Twitter? He's following me on Twitter. Yeah, he just fucking followed me. It doesn't long enough. You made, girl, you are late. I know. Really?

He followed everyone before me. I don't know if Tate Diggs is following me. I'm sad about how long it's it. He went through, I don't know if it was some kind of publicist or something, went through and just friended a bunch of comedians. And I remember I was so excited when I saw that Tate Dix was following me on Twitter. And then that was the same day everyone was just like, is Tate Diggs following you on

fucking Twitter? He's following everybody else. and then I was really sad. I was like, maybe he knows how much I liked rent. Maybe he knows that I'm obsessed with him and I'm Tiamenzel. And he follows me. He chose me. He did it.

He followed him. I don't think he followed me. Oh, my God. Don't worry, Marcus. I'll get to you. I don't know. I haven't gone through my friends one by one, but I don't think he's there. Yeah.

I got a feeling. I got a feeling he's not there yet. You shouldn't talk about this anymore. I spent a couple of months. In a period of feeling serious rejection because I wasn't being following my hair. I mean, he's not with Idina anymore. So what does it fucking matter?

Broke her heart. Idina Manzell of Frozen? Well, yeah, and also of Rent. Of Rent. Thank you very much. Of Frozen, young girl. Yeah, they were together forever because they were in the original Cats of Rent.

And then he fucking left her ass. And now she's doing that whole, like, if-then musical on Broadway right now. It's all about, like, getting through heartbreak and reinventing. Like reinventing yourself. I really like her a lot. Well, that woman's got some plastic surgery going on.

Look at that. Idina? Oh, yeah. Look at that face. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, it's, but she never touched the nose. No.

Never touched the nose. I'm very impressed. Her nose is big, but it is beautiful. Yes, it is. And her voice is fantastic. The big, beautiful nose. Well, you know who got married? Who got married?

Salon. I know. Did you guys get a picture? I saw the pictures. It's pronounced salange, Marcos. Solange. I always say salonje. She looked so good.

She wore a pants suit. It was very, very sexy. But the thing is, Lord knows, I looked for Beyonce first. I looked for Beyonce first. Oh, yeah, and Beyonce was right there. And they all wore white. They all.

Very interesting choice. Oh, Beyonce, and the whole like, like, you know, what's it called? Like, entourage of women? Yeah, the bridesmaids or whatever. The bridal party. There you go. Yeah, Salange right up front and just Beyonce, just right off to the side. Your sister, Beyonce, just chilling next to you. Just trying desperately to not be the center of a hotel.

To not steal the photo. But God, damn! I think she did. I know you love Solange. I love Solange. I just think the, I think Beyonce kind of took it. I mean, Beyonce can't help. But steal, she's like, she's like.

I'm surprised she wasn't in the front and Solange wasn't off to the side. Do you remember that episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark where there was like a demon in the corner of every photograph that, like, killed whoever. That episode scared the hell out of me. And I'm not comparing Beyonce to that, but I do think that. But you can because she is kind of a demon that takes over every picture. Any photograph she's in, she cannot help but steal all of the energy out of the picture and towards her. Do you know that? I don't, I think, I think Solange can compete with her.

She's beautiful. She has the hair for it now. I know that hair. She looks so good. But have you seen that all of the, Are You Afraid the Darks are on? They have like a whole thread of them on Reddit, but they're all on YouTube.

Are they? And I have recently watched a good amount of them. I want to rewatch them. Some of them are still a little, like creepy. Because it like taps into like something that's like sneaking in my brain where I'm like, oh my God, I remember that. Oh my God, I remember being so fucking scared of it. Yeah.

And then it still like generates the fear. inside of me even though it's not scary. Yeah, no, no, that's, I'm afraid of that exact experience. You should look it up there all on YouTube. I will. Oh, my God, you know, she wore a cape. I know. She wore a cape. That cape is fantastic. It's really great. And a cape, like, a cape, like, a superhero.

And, like, even saying a suit and a cape sounds like, what are you talking about? But please look a picture. She looked, she worked it. She looks really fucking hot. Yeah, she pulled it off 100%. Her husband is See, that's the thing. I haven't seen one picture of her husband. Oh, yeah, he's, let's see him. Let me say. Alan Ferguson, big old beard, baldhead.

Oh my god, look at her breast. I can't even look at him, I just look at her. Yeah, she's stunning. Apparently I did. And the cream. It's a cream, not a white. It's a cream, not a white. And I love the white bicycles.

That's a little weird because you ain't going to be riding the bicycles. Look at, she's, oh, she's a fake picture. Well, the jumpsuit, that was her pre-wedding cape and jumpsuit. For the actual wedding, she did wear a dress. Damn, look at that cape. But with a cape. And here's a picture of Beyonce just to the left of him. And if you'll notice Beyonce's head is going slightly to her right, away from Solange,

as if she is trying to not take over the picture. As if she's trying to lean away and say, look, look at the girl in the middle. But Salonge looks like a fucking angel. She does. She looks so good. And I think Beyonce is also standing a little bit back from her, which is good. She does her best not to see. It's just not fair.

If I tried to wear a cape, I would look like count chocolate. Later on the years, Count Chocula, got too fat for his clothes so he wears a cape to hide it. You know, I would love to wear that outfit. I want to see you in a kid. Just sitting here, just like nonchalantly wearing a cape. But it is. A cape that goes all the way to the floor. Yeah.

Well, because I tried on one of those, you know, everyone's wearing those, like, ponchos where your hand stick out. Yeah. And I tried one on, ooh, it is not for fat girls. The ponchos were your hand stick out? I know exactly what you mean. It's a little cape for ladies. It's a stylish poncho for ladies. And you don't have arms.

You have little handholds. They have little hand holes. Like a garbage bag that you wear in the rain. Yeah. And a lot of people wearing them, even when you're thin, you don't really look that good at them. Yeah, no, I'm not,

you won't find me caught dead in one of those. But I did try one on just to see. Because I just wanted to see. Because it looks like the most comfortable thing in the entire world. It does. And it looks like I had a human-sized diaper on. And it was rough.

When we proposed the following, also only good, not just on thin girls, but on extraordinarily tall thin girls. Yes, it's short, chubby girls that shouldn't wear them. Yeah, I would look like a five-year-old child. You would. And tiny arms, too. So it's like the Velociraptor, or no, the T-Rex thing wrapped into not, you're just not looking so good. Is this what it, what it is right here? Is this pretty much it?

It's more like a winter. It looks like a little. It's like a coffee filter, but upside down. It's an upside down coffee filter where your head sticks out the bottom, and then like it is two slits where your arms go through. Look up like cloak, maybe, or like winter. It's like a winter coat. That's what it is.

It's tall women can pull it off. My friend Ellie, who I know this is the show, has one. She looks great in it because she's very tall. Tall, yeah. I think it's a tall lady thing. Yeah. Or else, yeah, I just, yeah, or like I look like an upside down cupcake. It's no, it's not good.

Yeah, it's something, it's one of those things that when a woman can rock it, it looks so good. So good. But I look at it and I'm just like, never, I'll never do it. Yeah. No. That and also, like, it's gotta be so hard. Your arms are so restricted. I know.

And like, even sometimes they'll have, I saw, the one I tried on, had little mini sleeves on it so that it would come out so that like the poncho went to like your elbow and had little like sweater sleeves. came down to your elbows. And it was so weird. Otherwise, it would be like that improv game where somebody else is your hands. Exactly. If you have no arms, you're just like,

well, how am I going to get through the day? How am I going to get to my metro card so you can get on the fucking train? Because I've only got four arms. I don't have a whole arm. So I'm having a lot of problems with the styles this season. And that's okay.

I can't rock, you know, horizontal stripes. No. I can't rock a lot of fur. And I can't wear leather pits. You look exactly, you dress exactly the same as when I met you. Because I can't wear the styles, Marcus. Because I have to wear the plaid shirts and I have to wear the t-shirts because I can't be stylish. It's the styles that are the problem, not me.

Yeah, you stay the same. I'm the one saying the same. That's, I just like, I do have a nice haircut. Thank you very much. Yeah, it is a nice haircut. It's short on one side. Yeah. I like it.

I'm going for like any symmetrical thing. Yeah. It's hard. I love it. No, you're right in it. Thank you. You look great. I did try on an asymmetrical jacket, but you can't do asymmetrical jacket and asexical

haircut at the same time. Because you can do opposite sides and the same side. I guess you do opposite sides, but I don't know. It's difficult. Otherwise, it looks like everything is sliding off your body. I'm melting on this side. I already feel like two-faced because one side of my head is really, really short hair, and the other side is longer hair.

And I feel like one side, it's like, I'm a man. And the other side I'm a woman. I'm a woman. I'm a woman. It's kind of fun. It's time for the list Who's on the list? Yeah, got to have that list

Stars whose kids are adopted Oh, this is fun Yeah, of course we all know that Angelina Jolie Well, yeah It's got the old brood I love that brood They're so cute It is a cute brood

Drew on the fucking wedding dress Never get over it I don't like it I don't like it They drew on her wedding dress Cute It's half a million dollars of He's like, Drew in the wedding dress.

It's like peeing it away. It's like, take it. No, no, no. You know how I feel about it. I know, I know, no. Hugh Jackman, they've got kids Oscar and Ava. He once explained,

mixed race babies have such a hard time being adopted that Deb and I checked off that box specifically when we were filling out of them. I can just imagine Hugh Jackman taking a fucking bow when he said that. Like, and you're welcome.

This is a. my service to humanity. I gave back my check the box for the category of children who everyone thinks is beautiful. Did he also check off the box of being too fucking gay to put his dick inside of his wife? Is that a box he could check off? So they had to buy children instead? Which is wonderful. And I salute him on it. However, it's just a little rough to really believe he's heterosexual.

I agree. Meg Ryan. She already had a teenage son when she adopted a daughter, Daisy, from China in 2006. She said, I just saw that face and I knew we were just related. Interesting. Eric, I've never heard that before. I'm going to abstain. I will abstain right now from saying anything.

So is this like pre-John Mellon-Camp or post-John Mellon-Camp? Meg Ryan and John Mellon-Camp, let's see here. Who are together once again? Are they together now? Oh, yeah, they got back together. She has a new phase too, right? Oh, and he's got a terrible face. I don't know.

Yeah, right? What is going on with the two of them? Yikes. Man, boy, she can work. fh, it's really weird because she's got the face all done, but you can't really do a whole lot about the veins. Yeah, you know, it's just, it's because she's running out of money. Yeah, if she was, if she just had, was all Meg Ryan.

Like, you know, she's 62 or 52, wow, 52. 52 and she looks so bad because the plastic fucking surgery is so bad. Otherwise, she just looked like a normal 52-year-old woman. God damn. Instead. Is John Cougar Melon Camp wearing a bandana around his neck? He's wearing a bag. constantly.

Every picture, I don't know why. I saw them in people that they got back together and I was like, oh, so I started looking up pictures with two of them together and every picture of them. Just like, what is going out? Are you about to work out? You need to pull your hair back? No, I think he's like trying to still rock the like America thing.

And it's just a little rough. Like you ain't no Bruce. Bruce's looking good. Yeah. Always look good. Always. He looks good. Oh, God.

Damn, I almost watched some point on videos of Bruce Springsteen the other day. Gets me hot in the genitals. Shell Crow adopted. Her son's Wyatt and Levi are adopted. She says that it's not easy. She says we've been going through this for a year. She said before Levi was adopted in 2010, getting ready for a baby. It falling apart.

Getting ready for a baby. The mom changing her mind and so on and so forth. It was a big deal for Cheryl Crow back then. And she's alone, right? I believe she is alone after Kid Rock. I don't think she's with anyone now. I forgot about that journey that we went on a couple weeks ago. We did it, man.

We fucking did the shit out of the Cheryl Crow journey. We went from Cheryl Crow to mudvane in like three steps. It's really easy to do. Unfortunately for Cheryl Crow. But good for her. Yeah, that's fine. Good for her. I think she has a new album coming out.

Some sense feels like home. Some, what? Feels like home. That was her 23rd team. Oh, gotcha, gotcha. Yeah, I don't know. I was being forced to listen to part of it. Ah, well, if you were being forced.

It was difficult, but me. I love her. I love her. Sharon Stone. She's adopted three boys over the last 11 year. 11 years, and she says that she's open to adopting another older kid. Oh, wait, she adopts older kids? Older kids?

Older kids, older boys. Good for her. Older kids have the hardest time getting adopted from what I know. Or is it some sort of sexual ring that she's creating? Interesting. Interesting. I hear she's a bit of a cougar still to this day. She's like, I adopt 19-year-old boys.

I bring them into my house. I'm not sleeping with them. I'm giving them an education. Yeah. I'd still go for it. Right. I mean, she still looked pretty great. Here's just a good kisser.

You heard that? Yeah. Yeah, I heard that too. I heard that too. Yeah. From a direct source. Direct source. Henry had to make out with her.

Oh. I mean, it's on film. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we can talk about it. So apparently she's very voracious. Confirmed. Sharon Stone is a good kisser. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. I'd like to confirm that. Time for blind eye. Oh, we can't see. This former A-list performer turned A-list actress turned host smokes pot for hours before and after at each show just to be able to put a smile on her face and perform. She's one of our favorite ladies and one of our favorite shows. Ellen DeGeneres? No, no, no, no, no.

Whoopee. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Talk about pot shows. She doesn't hide that. That's what I like about her. She's like, I smoke weed and eat potato chips. You watch one episode of the View per year, and you'll still hear her say that.

That's how often she says it. I mean, and it's also got to be hard dealing with that shit every day. You know, she has, but, you know, she's already, she's got to put the smile on. Get high. I hope she just does a big vape hit right before she goes out on stage with all those ladies on the view. Oh, man, I bet she has the best trinkets, like the best weed smoking. Yeah, I'll bet she has, like, her, like, different ones for different occasions and, like, her daily little one-hitter and all that. And, like, a bunch of edibles and shit.

Good for her. Good for her. I bet she's the edible popcorn balls. Yep, definitely. That's a rough. I didn't know they had edible popcorn balls. You know, I know that they're edible in the world. But you know what I mean?

With the wades in them. Next up, this permanent A-list, mostly movie actor, who is an Academy Award winner, has been cheating on his girlfriend, but what made him mad was he caught. her texting her girlfriend telling her that she was only, quote, fucking the crazy old man for the money. Yikes. Yikes, yeah. He was in Meet the Parents.

Oh, Robert De Niro? No, wait, never mind, never mind. The other one. Jack Nicholson? No, no, no, no, the other one, the other one. Meet the parents. Whoa! That one.

Oh, Al Pacino. Yeah. Oh. Yeah, they're all. the old guy. I mean, but I would still whatever. Fuck any of them. Yeah. Yeah. El Pacino is I think the handsomest of all of them.

Yeah. I mean, honestly, we're too old for his taste probably. Yeah, way too old. At this point. But I would still at least try. Yeah. No, Al Pacino is quite handsome. I got the name of the woman right here. Her name is Lucia Sola. Sounds Italian.

35. 35. Oh. 25. Oh. Good. 35. But I bet we don't have the ass of an Argentinian. Yeah, we don't have, we don't have, we don't have, you know what Elbechino wants. We don't have, you know what, none of it. None of what we have is what he wants.

I don't think that we can name one asset we have. Our spark? Our spark for life. Yeah, we do have spark. You got to have a lot of spunk. This sounds like old calm. I definitely have a bunch of spunk, but yeah. It's in a rag at home.

And, and finally, this one's actually kind of nice. I think this one's kind of nice When you say it twice I don't know if I believe it's so nice Yeah yeah it's kind of nice This A-list mostly movie actor Who finally has a modest hit Didn't file a restraining order

Against a recent stalker Because the pair ended up having sex And also have been seeing each other since Man gotta fuck a stalker Once like if you are a celebrity You have to at least try Just once Just once.

Just once. I've been sex with a fan. It's kind of fun. Yeah. Then it gets scary. Yeah. Then it gets weird. Immediately after it's,

immediately scary. Yeah, because immediately afterwards, they start talking to you about things that you never told them about. And then it's scary. And then it's scary. Yeah. It's like, well, we've only been hanging out

for a few hours now. How do you know what my childhood was like? And they're like, I heard it on like six different shows. Stop talking about my mother! So give us, who is the... Let's say, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. Oh, Kianu? Yeah, Kiyanu.

I can just picture Kiano being like, stay away for me. Alright, come on. I mean, like, if he want to come inside, and fuck me a little bit. Let's have sex once. Draw the line there. Aw. All I hear about him.

Tenderloin. All I hear about him is nice things all around. Nothing but nice from Keanu Reeves. I will forever. I mean, it's that whole, like, he gave all of his Matrix money away to charities. And that will forever be in my brain that he did that and it's like

how do you hate that guy? Yeah. Of course he's a stoker. I didn't know that. That is very sweet of him. I'd fucking stalk him too. Also possibly immortal. Okay, sure. Have you guys heard about this? No. Yeah. Kiana Reeves, I'll show you because he's not aging. I mean first of all here's a picture side by side of Keanu in 1994 and 2008.

Hot, hot. Virtually the same. Yeah. Still hot. Almost the same. Wait, is that a comparison to him and Jesus? Christ? That is Charlemagne. Oh, Charlemagne. He looks like Jesus Christ. No, yeah, that was a good guess, Jackie. Yeah, he does all. Well, he looks like white Jesus.

White Jesus. Well, you know, you mean the real Jesus. That's, guys. And here's a picture of Paul Munet, who lived from 1847 to 1922. Oh, wait, this is the Dorian Gray thing too, right? Do they also compare him to the face of Dorian Gray? I don't believe so. Not in this website. Oh, so we think that that, you know, Keanu Reeves might be this Charlemagne and Paul Munet reincarnated into Keanu Reeves.

Yes. Interesting choice of reincarnation on that guy's spirit. You know, Paul Monet supposedly died in 1922, but his body never found. Never found. But also think about, like, the whole part of reincarnation is that you keep coming back so that you're closer to Nirvana, closer to Nirana. So what if it's like, he's so chill? And so, like, it's like, yeah, he's got all this money. You're right.

He gave all this money away. And wasn't he like basically Jesus? He was in the Matrix. He was the Jesus figure. What is his name? Uno? Neo. Neo.

Well, I guess he's the one. Uno, he's the one. Yo, do. Yo soy El Uno. Yeah, he's the fucking Oonoh, man. It's great. He's the uno, man. Number one, Uno.

Actually, in the Spanish translation, he would say Yo soy L. Uno. Yeah. So. I am the Uno. Maybe I'm just little too bilingual for you guys. That's what my fucking problem is. Man, I'm so happy to be fucking back.

I miss you guys. I miss you guys. I miss you guys. My name is Jackie Zbrowski. My name is Molly Neffel. I'm Marcus Barks. Oh my guy. I love you guys so much.

We'll talk to you soon. Goodbye. Bye.