Page 7 - Episode 111: A Love Song for Bobby Long

Episode Date: May 10, 2015

We return to John Tra's creepy yet oddly explainable behavior at the Oscars and go through all the juicy blind items from the night in question. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I'm loving it Because I'm living la Vita Jackie I love that one Hell yeah man I'm bringing it out because I'm feeling Sausalito over here man I'm gonna find myself a little pool boy We're gonna go live in the south of the border

I'll tell you what Living LaVita Jackie My name is Jackie Zabowski My name is Molly Nethful And I'm Marcus Parks You know what? We had to miss last week But you know what? It doesn't matter because John Traha

never dies. Man. It will never stop being... It will be relevant until the end of time, of course, we all know about John Tries admittedly creepy behavior.

But someone has come out in defense of John somebody that you may not expect... Lord knows it's not Kelly Preston. It's definitely not Kelly Preston. In fact, I've got some news about that here in a minute. Loving it.

But before we get to that... I have a guess. Who's that? As to who came to his defense? Who's that? Olivia Newton-John? It was not, but I've got news about that later, too. Oh, my God, you're so well-prepared.

News do you have? A lot. Love this. But you know who came out in defense of the man? Who? Scarlet Johansson. Oh, what? She had to.

Because she had to be like, I'm not a cold bitch. He's fine. I don't think that she was. I don't think she is at all, but I'll bet that that's what people were saying about her. I think her quote could have been, ew, ew-ewee, ewy, ew. Did you see him? Of course my face was. completely appropriate. But you know,

anytime a woman frowns, she has to be like, don't be scared of me. I didn't, I don't, I didn't hear a single person say that she was a cold bitch. Really? No, not a single one. All I heard is people saying that John Travolta was creepy and in fact, that's what the statement was about. The whole statement was like, no, he wasn't creeping me out.

Like, we know each other. This is, it's like, we've worked together on a movie before. Like, that's just kind of his way. Yeah, but I also think that, like, I think that Scarjo sometimes gets a bad rap for being, a cold bitch because she has a stoic face.

Her neutral face is furious. Yes, and a lot of people's neutral face is furious. That's just it and she just happens to be a hot, beautiful, titted, nice-ass woman and so they're like, oh, she's a bitch. I've never heard anyone say Scarlett Johansson's a bitch.

You cry. You gotta get on those boards, y'all. Man, that ass, it's all I remember about, what was that movie? Lost in translation. No, no, no, no. The movie opened on with a shot on her ass. The other movie opened with a show or no, there was like a solid shots for ass, the superhero

movie. Oh, the Avengers. Yeah, the Avengers. That's all I remember was her ass in that movie. It was basically the main character. It was beautiful. It was gorgeous. So many top and so many bottom up shots of the Black Widow in that movie. It was like a blood moon. Yeah.

And she was fully naked in what was it called? Skin. I haven't seen that all I know. You got to see it. I can't watch it because Henry was just like, yeah, man, Mm. Sexies, sexy is sexy movies. Like, knowing that Henry's probably sitting there all pudge, you know?

Yeah. I'm sorry, Henry, to say that. I'm just assuming, which I'm sure a lot of men were all pudge while watching the movie. Oh, I went and saw it alone in the theater. Of course, because it's just like a sexy movie, but also sci-fi or something of the whole shit. It's great. It's very slow, but it's got a great payoff to it. Yeah, under the skin.

I'd definitely recommend it, but yes, I went and saw it. I had a period where I went to the movies alone a lot, and that was definitely in the theaters while I was in my alone phase. But I did feel like the creepy single guy watching the sexy movie alone. Like there were a bunch of other couples in there. But I was also kind of defensive. It was like, you know what? I'm not jerking off right now.

I will be later in the privacy of my own home. But right now I am enjoying a sexy thing. I think that's something the dudes aren't allowed to do. We're not allowed to go out and enjoy a sexy thing on our own. Not bothering anybody. Not wearing a trench coat. Don't have a hole in the bottom of a popcorn bag. Yeah, but how do we know that?

That's a thing. It's not your fault. I guess you could just stare at me the entire time and maybe it would have. Oh, bring the usher over with his flashlight. Hey, there's a single guy over there watching a sexy movie alone. Why don't you go and infringe on his rights? You know, I'm of two minds on this. On the one hand, of course, you should be a little.

able to go to a movie by yourself. It's a great joy. Like something, you know, going to out to eat by yourself is great. Going to a movie by yourself is great. On the other hand, yeah, dudes at movies alone with sexy ladies are creepy and they ruin it for the rest of them. Not saying you are. Other creeps have ruined it. But you could have been one of those creeps. Yeah. Okay. Oh yeah. Let's just fucking say all of us are horrible because a couple of bad apples. It's like if you had a box of cookies and you said only three of them are poisonous. but you might look at... I'd take those odds.

I'd take those odds. I'd sniff them first. I'd sniff them. Like, hmm, this one doesn't... I don't know how poison works. This one doesn't smell like poison. Hmm. I'd sniff all of them.

See which ones were weird and put those aside. And you know what? I'd let those fucking cookies go and see a fucking sexy movie by the side. Yeah, but I would feel weird about any dude alone or a woman alone, honestly, watching 50 Shades of Grey.

See, now that's too sexy. Yeah. But on the other hand, No, it's not. A guy, a guy can go and, you know, watch a movie by himself. He can go and watch anything by himself. He can go watch a children's movie by himself. Winnie the Pooh?

Yes, absolutely. Of course, you would watch fucking Winnie the Pooh by himself. Oh, no, I wouldn't watch it, but I will fight to the death for my brother's right to watch it. You can, you can. No one's going to stop you, but people might sit several chairs away from you. That's fine. And be a little bit scared. Watching your hands.

Yeah. That's fine. Doing a lot of whispering, keep an eye on that man. He's going to rape my child. Go to the 1130 showing. If kids are there, they're not supposed to be. Too late for a kid to be in a movie. That's what you'll be yelling as they haul you away.

Too late. Too late for the children to be here. It's not my problem. But the children depend. My time. It's our time. I saw another one over there. Solidarity.

Regarding Scarjo defending genre, though, I might also posit that even though she's like, oh, we've worked together and that's just his way, that's also something that one might say about like their creepy uncle who you don't want everyone to make fun of. Like, oh, he is a creep, but I love him anyway. Here is her exact statement. She said, that's still photo. And by the way, it's just a photo that we have. We don't have any video of it.

She said, that still photo does not reflect what preceded or followed if you see the moment live. Yet another way we are misguided, misinformed, and sensationalized by the 24-hour news cycle. I haven't seen John in some years And it is always a pleasure to be greeted by him But what about his hair There are days when he has no hair And then he shows up full head of hair You know he just doesn't he doesn't care

Like his wig game is so strong It is the strongest wig game in the business But I love it because it's still kind of receding Yeah I like it because it's so realistic That it could definitely be his hair It's not high quality It's not a good look

No, no, no, no, no. But he looks older. Like, it's an older man's wig. Right. So it's not like... It's not like a Danny Zuko. It's not him in Greece. Exactly.

That would be rough. That would be really rough to see. But, I mean, it's just like, I don't know, man. I guess kudos, but also, man, boo-dos. Actually, we do have video of the actual scene. Oh, you know what? Here, look. There is absolutely nothing creepy about this.

Watch this. Yeah, she does smile. She does, yeah. She's doing it because at the beginning she's doing the posing for the red carpet. Serious look? A little bit of pursed lips. Just looking serious. Wait, where are his hands, though?

His hands were at her waist, but very respectable. In fact, I'm going to go ahead. I'm going to say right now, all right, we're doing a lot of blind items from the Oscars. And I'm going to go ahead and give you one right now. This actress had a hairy encounter with an actor. She knows who got a little grabby while greeting her at the Oscars. She kept her cool in the moment, although she did comment to someone afterwards. Did you see that?

Girl is just trying way too hard. Wait, Jondra was the girl? Mm-hmm. She was not. Girl is trying way too hard. Mm-hmm. Because he is. He is trying too hard.

So rough. Girls, step back. Because honestly, a lot of men, even if you did know someone, especially live like that in front of millions, millions of people that you wouldn't do that. It is slightly inappropriate. Put your hands on women's ways to greet them and kiss them. Yeah.

But it's Hollywood. They do weird things like that. They've got different roles than us New York people. They're fucking weird. If a man put his hands on my midsection, I would be creeped out. No matter who the man is, I would be creeped out. And I think it's true that I think men do that a lot more than they should. And I think actors do it a lot more than they should

because they're like, oh, we're physical. No, we do a lot of warming up together. Don't touch me. I feel like if I were, as I'm like cataloging, like, men who just presume that they can put their hands on you, I'm definitely, I'm not saying all actors are poisonous either, but like male actors will be like, I'm in touch with my body, I'm in touch with your body.

And they don't think it's creepy. They think it's just like kinetic. Although I have found in my years and years of being, especially like going through theater that a lot of specifically gay men towards heterosexual women feel that they can touch as much

as humanly possible and it's not an offense and I have gotten into altercations where I'm like I don't give a fuck who you fuck I don't want to be touched I don't care what you're doing I don't care who you are I don't want to be touched and that I think is a huge indication of what Jondra is doing I've had interactions like that too

I had one time I was waiting in line at the bathroom at the bathroom in a Bushwick bar and I was wearing my sweater with a bunny on it and this man just came up to me and grabbed my boobs and was like I love this sweater and I was like are you out of your fucking mind and he was like it's cool I'm gay and I was like that doesn't make it cool what's fucking matter what's fucking wrong with you

absolutely not yeah I don't care if a woman walked up to me in a bar and grabbed my junk and was like oh I love your pants I was like what are you funny oh no it's cool I'm a lesbian no I don't want to be I don't want to be touched.

That's fine. It has to do with me and being touched. I don't care. Like you said, I don't care who you fuck. Yeah. And I've been touched by like straight women in very inappropriate ways. Where I'm just like,

I don't know. I don't want to. No, no, don't do that. Don't do that. It's fucking weird. Yeah.

Especially when someone touches my hand, they're like, I love your hair. I don't even know you. Ew. You just gave me lice. That's what I think of. You touch my hair.

You have lice on your hands. You just put it in my hair. Don't trust anyone. Don't touch people without knowing they want to be touched But although I think that she did it I think she played it off very beautifully It was straight up royal how she reacted to it Because I wouldn't be able to hide

You would have done like a Yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck She looked over she saw it she's like Huh that's she looked over she goes Oh hey it's John Travolta Hey day baby Yeah They worked on a film called A Love Song

for Bobby Long. I bet it was glorious. I remember the name of that movie. I remember it. Oh, yeah. Long time ago. Bobby Long, John Travolta, a former professor

turned full-time drunkard and Lawson Pines, played by Gabriel Mockt, Long's former teaching assistant, spend their days drinking and swapping literary rotations. And fucking each other in a plane.

Oh, yeah, living in the gayest house possible, a New Orleans house owned by a deceased lounge singer. Oh, yeah, man. Hell yeah. And when the singer's daughter, Percy, played by Scarlett Johansson, shows up to reclaim her mother's property,

Bobby and Lawson try to griff their way and to keep in the home while attempting to convince the high school dropout to pursue an education. That sounds like such a bad movie. Oh, my God. I gotta watch it. Why do I remember that? I remember the commercials for this movie.

What part of my brain was like, this is important. Keep it. Yeah, don't remember your social security number, but definitely keep the trailer for a love song for Bobby Long in your fucking hand. Yeah, I mean, that video does really give it some kind of, I have to agree with Scarjo on that one. The video makes it seem way less creepy than it did in a photograph.

Yeah, it really is. Poor genre, in some ways. In some ways. In other ways, you're really doing this to yourself. Yeah, man. But he's still at the Oscars, man. He's still doing it. Yeah.

Not only still doing it, but, you know, also touching other women as well. Oh, yeah. Caressing the face of Adina Menzo. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Oh, that was, like, physically repulsive while I was watching it. It was so uncomfortable. He was grabbing her chin and pulling it, like, within an inch of his face.

And she had no idea what to do. That is something, no amount of context will. make that not fucking horrifying. That's great. Oh, God, he's touching her. Like, oh. Why did he do it? Did you see this or not yet?

Oh, my God, if there is any video. So he did it because, you know, the whole thing last year, Adela Zim, and they both came out together and had a like, hulk, hok, oh, you messed up my name. Oh, oh, yeah, I did. And all is forgiven, like a little, oh, where celebrities. Jokes, yeah, joke, joke, joke. But as he was doing it, he was like, Adina. Dida, forgive me.

Like she was a little kitten or something and holding her face in his hand. And it was so like transcendently uncomfortable. Did he kiss her? He looked like he was going to. Oh man, he should have. It was a weird.

It was really weird. Well, she's single, you know? Why not, man? She was horrified, I think. I mean, I was not inside her head. But she definitely seemed as if she did not know how to like yes and him while also being like don't touch my face.

All right. Well, like here we go. Here's the video here. I do not think I'm playing it up too much. Look at how close. You, you, my darling, my beautiful, my wickedly talented, Adina Mansell. Ew. She's trying desperately to move her face away.

Oh, man. And you know what, man, I just can't keep it secret. I've got another blind idol. What is it? I got another one for you. Concerning our man. This A-Lister was crazy high on E. And booze, his most reasoned public appearance. So many things wrong in the celebrity's life that have been kept quiet over the last couple of decades. The world will gasp when they head to rehab and completely own who they

are once and for all. When the door gets blown off the truth behind the lies in the next couple of months when a new documentary is released, only you won't because you read about it here first of all. Wow, what a dramatically written blind item, first of all. It really is. Yeah, it's extremely dramatically written. But you know what? It seems like there's going to be some extreme drama coming up in John Travolta's in life because when I searched for news items from John Travolta, just looking for some information, I found out John Travolta and Kelly Preston long overdue divorce in the makings. and Olivia Newton-John is trying to save the marriage.

Of course she is. I can help. Hey, John. I think you might like this. John, you should stay married. I think you might like it. Oh, my God. Ecstasy.

Now, that explains a lot. Yeah. That explains so much, honestly. It explains everything. Like, this is Scarlet Joe. I said, I'm going to go cancer. I want to touch your face. Yeah. Oh, man.

We're face looks soft. I should probably touch it. No, I should touch it again. That's probably what he was thinking about, his fucking head. Globe Magazine reveals that they have been living apart for the last two years. He spends most of his time at their house in Florida while she is based in Los Angeles. Oh, well, luckily they have several homes. Oh, yeah.

I think they can get far away from each other. The breakup is not going to be clunky that way. But also, why get the divorce then? Yeah, right. What does it really fucking matter? Have they ever really slept in the same bed together? Although maybe Kelly Preston is like, hey, I want men to take me seriously and not just think of me as John Travolta's wife. That's never going to happen.

No, no, no, no. She's got dead eyes, too. You're fucking kidding me. She's looking good, but she's got dead eyes. Yep, Globe magazine's inside source said Olivia has been making a last ditch attempt to bring them back together. They're struggling to make their marriage work and their issues. I break Olivia's heart. Olivia's lost track of the number of late night phone calls she has had with one or the other of them.

Sometimes both of them. Often they get quite tearful as they discuss their problems. Olivia has gotten John and Kelly talking again, but they need to spend more time together if they're going to give their marriage a chance. So basically Olivia Newton John is the Sandra D. to John Travolta's. Oh my God. They're still, that's still, she's like, you can call me anytime.

I'm in my pink pajamas. We'll talk on my, like. Because she ain't got on. Shit going on. Yeah, exactly. She is sitting alone in a robe by herself, fucking in a big house somewhere. If Gene Kelly was still alive,

she might be talking to him late at night too after there's Anadu connection. Oh, man, I better live in Newton-John and John and John Travolta just like do a bunch of E together and like talk about their feelings. Oh, man. And you know what? I'm just not sure that she's in love with him.

I think that they're just the best friends in the entire. celebrity game. I think they're like, yeah, just besties. Yeah. Well, because she fucking knows what's going on. Are you kidding me? Oh, yeah. Oh, she was in face off. Was she really? Yeah, I can't remember what you. I have no idea what she did, but yeah, I haven't seen that movie in a long time. I could watch that again. I mean, Nick Cage and John Tro, why wouldn't you want to watch these switch faces? That's pretty much all that you want. Do we think that Olivia Newton and John is also best friends with Nick Cage? Oh, no. Nick Cage is best friends with Nick Cage. I think he's A thousand percent a loner, man. A thousand percent a loner.

Uh-huh. Not even Olivia Newton-John can penetrate that shell. Yeah, no, no, no. It's no John Wick, which if now is appropriate to bring it up, have you guys watched it yet? I haven't seen it yet. This hurts my soul because it is one of the best movies I've seen in a long fucking time. Really? Yes.

Please, everyone. watch this movie. It's so good. I watched with my family. All of us were just like on the edge of our seats. And by the end, like, I was standing up being like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Keanu! And he's just getting sexier, man. Just getting sexier and sexier. And apparently, Henry was saying that he did a lot of his own stunts for the movie. Really? He was like, I got nothing to lose. He has nothing. a lose. He is a broken man.

Because he created and starred in the man from Tai Chi, which he's the villain and he did all of his own stunts for that and, like, Corey grabbed the bunch of it. So he did a lot of his own stunts which just made it so much sexier. Yeah, I bet so. The best of the assassins.

I will watch it. I mean, I know I don't take all of your suggestions. I know, but it's like shut off your brain and watch that movie. That's why I want to watch this one because I really like shutting off my brain. It's great, man. Man, going through Olivia Newton, John's career here.

Oh, yeah. How great is it? She is at home waiting for John Trotter Call. She didn't work from 2001 to 2008. And she averages about one role every two to four years, sometimes as much as seven to eight years between roles. Her last thing was she played Barbara in a few best men in 2001. What is that a sequel to a few good men? No, it's about a groom and his three best men travel to the Australian out back for a wedding.

Oh, yeah, she's Australian, right? And one of the wedding people, one of the best men is a girl. Oh, my God. Which turns the tables. Oh, boy. Man, that is a yikes-a-thong. Is she living in Australia right now? I think so.

Man, shrimp on the Barbie, huh? That's all she's fucking got. Oh, man, her official website comes up before her Wikipedia page. I don't know why that always seems like a bad sign. It does. It is a answer. But it sort of is a bad sign. That means people are going to Wikipedia because nobody cares about a Louis Newton John. Oh, Zanidoo.

Zanadu! Yeah. That's Waterloo. Yeah, that's close. She has such a good two-movie streak there with Greece and Zanado. She had it for a while, me. She had it. Oh, man. I think Xanadu was much later than three.

It wasn't really straight. But she has two excellent films in her repertoire. Oh, my God. She is living in Australia, and she's about to do a tour with John Farnham. Who? I don't know. He's apparently some Australian guy. It's John Farnham and Olivia Newton, John, on the Two Strong Hearts Tour.

There's actually a countdown on the website. 32 days, 5 hours, 28 minutes, and 34, 33, 32 seconds. Oh, my God. Performing live on stage with the Fondham Band and Orchestra. John Fondham and Olivia Newton-John will co-edline across Australian April 2015, presented by Telstra Thanks. That's up there with your Native American voice. That was really good work. That was a good Australian accent.

Thank you. I'm sure the Australians will tell me how bad it was. That's fine. You know, put a little. on you. That's what I say. Oh, yeah, man. No, she's I mean, she's still chugging along. She's got live in Las Vegas coming along, and she looks great. She does. She looks fantastic.

Yeah, she looks fucking great. She's up there with Kelly Preston if she didn't have the dead eyes. Remind me what Kelly Preston is famous for aside from John Travolta? Well, she's married to John Travolta. She's been in a bunch of, she's cherry, right, in the outsiders? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shit. She's done

a sparing amount of movies. I mean, she's beautiful. So she's like, I also was in a 70s movie about Teenagers. Yes, that also, a beloved 70s movie. Don't forget about Gummy Bear the movie. Oh, that's right. That's so coming. Yeah, but what if they get divorced? What are we going to do? Oh, no.

Well, maybe they'll come back together for the kids. Yeah, and isn't it one of the kids in the movie? Yeah, oh, all of them are in the movie. Well, except for the dead one. Yeah. Yeah, he's dead. Yeah. But on the other hand, this does kind of seem like the type of

movie that the autistic one would really push for. That or like what if they recreate his voice to play a character, which something says that Scientology could probably figure out? I don't know, man. I think John Tra, I think Scientology is about to be taken down a couple pegs. I think they're on their last legs. The new documentary. This new documentaries apparently...

What is it called? Under the Looking... Nope, that's not it. Lifting the veil. Something like that. That's about to come out, though. right? Yeah, going clear. Going clear. Something about

transparency. I want to go, because you guys know that my hometown in Florida is about, well, it's about 20 minutes away from the hubbub of Elron Hubbard and all of Scientology. I want to go there and watch it. Yeah. Like when it comes out.

Oh, that's a good idea. Except I would be afraid for your safety. Because they're not going to do anything. They can't do anything in public. Once they get you into their buildings, they can do whatever they want. But I would be interested to see, I don't know if they're allowed to pick it

or protest anything, which they probably, I don't know if they have the right to do that kind of thing, but I would love to see it if a bunch of them are watching it. But maybe they wouldn't watch it in public. Maybe they would watch it inside the depths

of their society. Yeah, they would definitely watch that in private. No, well, it's an HBO thing. Yeah, it's an HBO documentary. So they can watch it in the privacy of their own caves. Man, I fucking can't wait to see it. Well, apparently, I've found this thing, you know, things that are revealed by this documentary because it has been screened already.

And apparently the only reason why John tries staying with the church is because they've got a shit ton of dirt on him. And if he ever leaves... That's what they do. And if he ever leaves, then they're going to release all of it. Well, and also, they have control over almost all of his money. Yeah. Because that's how you get to Nirvana in Scientology is by giving away all of your... money. And so they own you. So you can't leave. That's why

a bunch of celebrities, they get into this. It's like, oh, I've got a bunch of money. I can just like reach Nirvana. I can go through all the stages of Scientology and get to the upper echelon of this faith. And then they do, but then they're locked. And they own them.

Financially and emotionally over time. It's the auditing. They do the auditing. Man, the auditing. It's crazy. Man, I can't believe that this is a thing. I can't believe that people believe in Scientology. Well, it's down, uh, it

has half of the membership that it did in the early 90s. Oh yeah. But it's still 50,000 people. They all wear the same thing. Yeah. Yeah. And it also, yeah, the auditing, that's how they got so much on Johnny is because when he audits, he tells them everything. Oh yeah. He tells them all of his secrets. Because it's like the, what is it's like the measure of the, uh, what's it called? The secret, like the, the, the spirits,

from the aliens that came down that are like in all human beings. It's like the measure and the level of what's in. It's that funny name. Yeah, Satan. So they have to like tell them all their secrets. I mean, what's so sad about this in the fact that it's so popular in Hollywood, and I know that I'm not the first person to even think this on page seven, but it just shows how like lost so many people are.

Yeah, they're looking for anything. For some reason, therapy isn't just. doing it for them. Yeah. So they go to Scientology. But it's also, you know, it's a trendy type thing, you know, because it's like hey, you're, you've arrived. You can join the church of Scientology now. But also then you get into all the crazy parties and

it's like, it's immediately you're into the lifestyle of a celebrity. Yeah. Oh, but Nicole Kibman, she got the fuck out of there. Oh yeah. Because apparently they've spent quite a bit of time on the Nicole Kibman Tom Cruise breakup, but there is no mention of Katie Holmes whatsoever.

Yeah, because I'm still worried about Katie Holmes and a little bit silly. But she also broke away. Yeah, she broke away as well. But they don't mention it at all. Weren't we afraid that they were going to come for her or the kid? I mean, Lord knows maybe they already have and she's just under their power and we'll just never know. Yeah, now she's just like an autonomous robot. Yeah.

I mean, not autonomous. Yeah, we don't know. But maybe they just couldn't get any information on that kind of stuff because that stuff is like deep, deep, deep, deep, deep. Yeah, it's new too. And the reason why they were able to. get all that, they're able to get that information about Nicole Kibman was because this guy named Marty Rathburn, or Rathbun, Marty Rathbun. Oh yeah, yeah, Marty Rathbun.

Actually came out and said that he facilitated the breakup with Nicole Kibman. Like he came out and straight up said because Nicole Kippen's father is a renowned psychologist in Australia. And of course, they hate, Scientologists, hate any sort of psychiatry, psychology, any sort of mental health because they believe that mental illness is all due to Thetons. And they actually branded Kidman. They have a term for this. They call it a PTSD potential trouble source. Creepy.

So creepy. Yeah. Man. But she has a wonderful relationship. What's his name? Keith Urban. Keith Urban, yeah. He is one of the most

metrosexual men in country. Hands down. I'm always kind of surprised to learn that they're together. He's so much shorter than she is. Really? Yeah. Well, good for him for reaching up.

I think she wears big heels, though. No, she's, I think she's like 6'2. Yeah, no, she also looks like E.T. But like a softer E.T. I mean, she does. She does it look pretty plastic these days, but still, one of the most beautiful women to ever exist on the Hollywood scene, in my opinion.

Nicole Kidman, my God. She's still looking good. Yeah, still looking good. She looks a little bit too waxy to me. She's pretty waxy. Like a Benedict Cumberbatch figure. Yeah, yeah. She's pretty...

Oh, we didn't even talk about... Melanie Griffith? No, Benedict Cumberbatch and John Travolta's longing gaze. Ew, gross. I know. I don't know this. Have you seen this picture? No, I've been out of the fucking game, man.

I had to tap out for a little bit. So I am lost in... This picture is hilarious and just, yeah, there's a lot going on here. Yeah, we'll be using this on cave comedy radio.com as our show image. So please go there at cavecomby.com slash page 7 to see the picture. Oh, I wish I could guess you. That should be a show image every time. Especially with like if he was on a bunch of XZ.

I imagine, I can't believe his hands weren't like outstretched. barely like trying to touch his hair. It was like such a fucking creep. Oh my God. Oh, my God. I'm a fucking creep. Oh, man. But I love that picture so much.

That is a great picture. Yeah. Love it. Well, you know, I guess it would be remiss before we moved on to Parliament. It would be remiss if we did not mention Lennon Nimoy. Yes. RIP, Linnar Nimoy, you know. RIP is passing.

I mean, I'm going to throw it out there. I've not seen one episode of Star Trek. Me neither. The devil you say. Yeah. It is, I know a lot of people that have. I know that I shock and hurt people when I say that I have it. I know what it means to people.

I understand. Yes. I mean, I'm a next generation guy myself. If you would have said you never saw an episode of TNG, then we'd maybe have a problem. But, original Star Trek. I haven't seen any of it. I haven't seen any of it.

You haven't seen no TNG. How did you go this long without seeing Captain Picard? I just didn't, man. I wasn't a sci-fi kid. All right. I missed out on a bunch of this shit. Although one of my good friends, I got reamed about all the things that I should be watching, apparently, in the sci-fi world. So maybe I'll give it a go.

Maybe. Go, yeah, go for some TNG. You'll love it. It's space opera. Yeah, but there's no, uh... Wait, what's better, Battlestar Calactica or Star Trek? Well, here's the interesting thing about that. Uh-oh, here we go.

Uh-oh, just I pulled the string on the wind-up Marcus. We'll see from season, I believe season three on, season three to season seven on Star Trek The Next Generation, many of the episodes were written by a man named Ronald D. Moore, who went on to be one of the writers and producers of Battlestar Galactica, the reboot. So they actually do share like Star Trek Next Generation and actually get all that great until about season three

when Ronald D. Moore came on and about the same time that Gene Roddenberry died. but Ronald D. Moore after Next Generation went on to help with the Battlestar Galactica reboot and so they have kind of the same feeling to them. They're both fantastic, but I'd say you'd probably like Battlestar a lot more. Okay. Knowing it, is there a thing? Oh yeah. Okay, as long as there's sex in it, I will watch it.

I've seen some Battlestar and I liked it. I didn't get sucked in. I have to finish this like it, but I need a new series. You know, I just killed off Gilmore Girls, watched all of that for the hundredth time. You don't like Battlestar. I need something new. I mean, nothing will ever be front of night lights, but what are you going to do? I just started the fall with Julian Anderson from the X-File.

Interesting. Talk about someone that is still looking flying. She looks. I would watch her read the dictionary, which is not unlike watching the fall. It's fine. It's good. It's actually not like the day. It's like horrifically violent against the minute.

It's a very well-made, well-done show. I just sometimes don't want to watch it because of all the violence. but I will watch her do anything. Yes, and there's like, rapey sex? Murder sex. Oh, yeah. All right, okay. All right, I can get into that.

But if I'm going to go Redhead versus Redhead, Julianne Moore versus Gillian Anderson, going to go Julianne Moore. Really? She looked stutt-da-da-stall stunning. Yeah, I'm going to go with you on that. Man, she looked hot as shit. I just saw a picture where I was like,

fucking hell, man. She's 54 years old. She is still looking flying. She looks good Freckled woman Out of loyalty I'm going to go with Scully I mean I'm talking I'm talking outside of their

Out of their okay just how they look Yes of course Scully is sexy Yeah yeah well I mean I just God I think I watch most of X-Y I'll just I'm like please kiss each other Please kiss because I thought David DeCovny was Oh me too sexy Oh yeah him and his baggy

I love to watch sex Have you ever seen a compilation of all the pictures of Scully eating in the X-Files? Ew, no. Because apparently she's just constant. I never noticed it before. Then someone pointed out if you go back and watch the X-Files, she's like constantly eating. Which is also weird because she was also doing a lot of like on topsy. And she was so thin.

And so thin. Except for when she was pregnant, during which she was hilariously pregnant. Hold this box. All right, it's time for Oscar, a blind idol. We can't say up. We already did a couple, but we still got like four more. Oh, yeah, shoot them in, shoot them in. This is another thing that might make just a little bit of sense.

Might make something pop in your brain just a little bit. This A-minus list, mostly television actress, who won the gold, was picked up by her driver an hour early with her guest. The two of them wanted to buy some pot. The driver ended up selling it to him and then smoked with them in an abas. and chick-fil-a parking lot before dropping them off at the show. Fuck, yeah, man. That's pretty cool.

Yeah, well, think about somebody who tried saying something eloquent, but ended up coming out a little bit jumbled. It's very possible she was super high. Patricia Rekin. Yeah.

Man. That makes me love her that much more. You imagine? You're just like, man, a got to get stone before this. Because also, especially if you don't win, you have to deal with that, all of that. To sit through an award ceremony like that got to be stoned.

Yeah. Well, you know, Trey Parker and Matt Stone famously were tripping on acid the entire time when they went for South Park, bigger, longer, and uncut. They said it was so boring. Yeah, it's so boring. Because they just sat there and stared at the back of a chair, and that was pretty much it. See, if I knew that I wasn't going to go on stage, I would be out of my mind hallucinating, or drunk, stone, whatever. anything. But if I had, if there was even an iota of chance I was going to go on stage, I would not

be able to enjoy myself. Although ecstasy might be the best way to go. Yeah, that might because then you're confident. If you could control yourself from touching people on stage, because you'd call up there and be like, man, this is fucking awesome. Yeah, you would just seem like you were like emotional from your win. Yeah, like just so into it. And you love you guys.

Fuckers, man. My fear, if I was stoned, I would just go up there. and be like and just forget what I was going to, you know, yeah, why I won something. Am I? Did I win? Am I? Yeah. Do I get this?

A lot of restarting sentence it is in the middle. Yeah, I think it kind of makes sense that Patricia Arquette was a little bit big. That does make sense. Because it does sort of sell, it's like, you know what, man, it's just like, if we all, like, get together, and then, like, if we do some stuff together and, like, you did it, and then I did it, and then that would be, like, fucking awesome. And then it's like that stone thing where after you finish the sentence, you're like, did I sound stupid just now? Yeah, it's like, oh, fuck, I think I was just an idiot.

Oh, man, everybody hates me. Yeah. Oh, man, everybody hates me. Fuck, dude. Yeah. Except it's the world. She got stoned with the driver, which is pretty cool, too. It's an abandoned chick-fil-a parking lot.

That's awesome. Yeah. Unless the chick-fil-a was working, that would make it the best story. She's like, she's getting a fucking big sandwich, chick-fil-a. sauce, smoking in the back like in a fancy fucking dress. Yeah, the Chick-fil-A part is a nice little touch. Pulling that chick-fil-A, dude. What?

Pulling that chick-fil-A, dude. Man, yeah, hell yeah. It's a game, man. Let's just pull around the front. No, don't go inside. Just pull around. All right, next up, what's C-minus list sibling of a double-plus list singer bombarded her sister's husband

with threatening text messages while at an after party if the husband hasn't gotten a restraining order, he should seriously think about it. It's a little bit of a few between a sister. Salon. Yeah, man. Is she really C plus? I think she's...

I guess that was the most confusing part of it. I think she's a B plus. At least, just because I mean with name recognition. If we're talking about quality, I'm going to say A minus. Well, it has nothing to do with quality. I think we both know that. She's name recognition. I would say at least a B or B plus.

I'd say B minus. Everyone knows Salon. Yeah, especially after the elevator. Yeah. Shit goes down one of the million dollars of the elevator. She's being bad again, huh? Yeah, she's being real bad. I don't know, man.

I mean, was Rihanna at the Oscars with Jay Z? Were Jay and Bay at the Oscars? What are they doing there? I mean, they are royalty. They go wherever they please. All right, good. That's what I want it. Rihanna was at the Oscars.

I'm glad that those musicians were there. They had a big. Big week. Oh, yeah, Jay and Bay, both at the Oscars. She's, you know, yeah, and they, you know, they were sensible. She had a wonderful black dress on. They both wore black. He was, I mean, he looks a little weird.

I mean, his suit doesn't really look like it. He looks like he's wearing his dad's suit. Yeah, he does. But. But she looks great. Very simple, very elegant. Yeah. I think I might put Jay Z's on.

Oh, maybe worse dressed on. Whoa. It's, you know. I've seen better. Possibly last year showed up in that watch. Yeah, that's good. Oh, my God.

Fucking Jared Letto, get out of that picture. Oh, Jared Leto. Leipis. Leyenongo stay. Jared Letto, get out. What's up, dudes? Hey, come on. He can be a part of the picture.

He's cool. He's just wandering around. He's like, hey, come. He's like, yeah. Have you read my band 30 seconds tomorrow? Yeah, I just think he's a silly man. He's a very silly man, but that's kind of why I like him. I like silly people.

Yeah. I like some silly people. Not all of them. Not all of them. Which are you? You'll find out. Oh, dear. I'm not talking to you too.

I'm talking to the general... Molly's giving the smackdown to the general population. Next up, this A-minus list, mostly movie actress, who presented last night was drunk. Apparently, she must get really crazy horny when drunk because she didn't have actual sex with her husband, but apparently she used her hand in a corner by one of the bathroom. And our blind item spy was one of five or six who were close enough to see, hey, good for them, because they have been having marriage issues. Uh-oh.

Wait, so she rubbed one out in the corner of the Oscars? Yes, she did. Why didn't she go to a bathroom still? At least, or wait until afterwards. Yeah. It was near one of the bathrooms. She was like, these lines are taking forever. Okay, so wait, so what is she saying?

A minus list. Mostly movie actress. She's an election. Blondland. Oh, race with us bull. Yeah, it kind of makes sense, though, right? Is she because of Wild? Is it because she thinks she's living in the Outback now?

She can't act like a fucking normal human being? Is she still with Ryan Felipe? No, she's with Jim Tooth. Girl, 1998 has been gone for a while. 1998 called. Wants her Ryan Felipe back. No, she's got a hot man And I think he's just a regular dude

Like I don't Yeah, no, he is He's just like a normal hot guy No, he's an agent That's what he is He's a talent agent Ew, ew Yeah, he was in two

Ever marry an agent He was in two Episodes of According to Jim As golfer That's great The episodes were the grill And a hole in one Wait, what kind of dress was she wearing

That she was even able to rub one out? It's hard to rub one out when you just have a regular pants on. Yeah. No, much less a million-dollar dress. So would you ever hand up, up into it? Or maybe on the outside? I don't know. If you've got crinoline, that's a hard thing to rub.

This would be a super tough dress to rub it out. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, wait, wait, wait. That's 2013. Let's say 2014. Oh, yeah, you could rub it out in that. Yeah. That would lift up pretty easily.

I know she could just go up through the top because it was so low-gut. Oh my God. Just like up through the top. Drunk as shit. I don't know. I've been very drunk in my life and I have many times blacked out

but I have never rubbed one out in public. The only thing that I have to explain this is that I have heard that in your 30s your sex drive goes fucking through the roof and uncontrollable shit. And I know a couple of different women in their 30s who described like going into public bathrooms to masturbate

because they needed to do it right then and there. Sure, that's fine. Going into a bathroom. But I mean, like, couldn't even wait to get into a bathroom. Yeah. Yeah. That is a little bit. Even wasted.

It's like you can pull somebody or go in there by yourself. You know, you get into a bathroom, sure. But like, you are not, you know, or maybe a six-year-old does that. Because they don't know anything better. They just know it feels good. Right. And that's fine. I mean, creeps me out.

but it's fine. Certainly not somebody who lives with the eyes are everywhere. Yeah, man. Damn, she's going, a cuckoo, a cuckoo. Cucca butter in the coca butter tree. All right, and last up, which happily married actor with a kid accidentally visited a gay bathhouse just before the Oscars when he was spotted by a gay makeup artist who had once done his makeup touch.

outside a TV show, he protested that it was a big mistake. He said, I have back problems and just wanted to relax. He, you know, he didn't have the best night either. He was sad a couple weeks ago about never winning anything. Oh, Edward Norton. I was feeling bad for him during the Oscars because of that blind item from earlier. I was like, he's sad. He knew.

He had a bad day. He was like, no, no, no, no. I'm just, I mean, it's fine. I mean, I just wanted to. I'm down, I'm fine, I'm just not, my back hurts. Oh, man. Oh, that's the cutest thing in the entire world. I love that.

Oh, my God. It's so sexy. He's so sexy. Oh, my, and he's just like, uh, especially because he didn't like get mad about or anything. He's just like, oh, no. No, but like, yeah, because also where would you go? Strong hands.

Yeah. Getting in there, do what you need to get done. His back hurt, man. Yeah. Yeah. His back hurt. He had back problems. He just wanted to relax.

God, but I didn't get out. But it turns out, I think the makeup artist was like, you know what? This is pretty funny. I know he's not gay, but I was like, what are you doing here? He's like, is this? What? Oh, come on, man. Come on.

No, I know I'm going to lose. Now I know I'm going to lose. Watch it. I would just love to watch him get a massage. I'll watch the video. There's got to be a leaked video of that somewhere. Marcus? Of Edward Norton getting a massage?

It seems like he got a massage in a movie. Can you just kind of picture him getting a massage? Yeah, reacting really. Maybe in death to smoochie. I don't know. When I put in Ed Norton getting a massage, it's, you know, a picture of him as a priest. Well, that's not. I'm not looking for here.

And that's also the. Well, that's because, okay, because the page is what celebrity would you like to get a massage from? Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah. Wait, so he was up against J.K. Simmons, though, right? Yeah, he had no chance. I mean, J.K. Simmons deserved it wholeheartedly. He just, oh, God, he looks like such a good man.

He does. I just want to meet him. I want to hug him. Yeah. And his wife is also from Oz. I wonder if they met on set. Oh, my God. That's so cute.

Isn't that neat? What an unsexy. set to meet on. Huh. Well, that's what happened in parenthood. Lauren Graham from Gilmore Girls married her older brother in parenthood.

They met on set of parenthood fell in love. But can you imagine for eight years you have to pretend like your brother and sister on set, but you're like you're falling in love and getting married. That's a weird psychological shit. I feel like that would really fuck with me. Pretty hard.

Yeah. But I bet, man, their sex is great. Some people might find it a little naughty. I guess a little naughty. Like the elves sneaking into Mrs. Claus's room and Santa's giving the presents to all the kids. All right, well, I guess on that note, we're going to be flitting right out of here like fucking butterflies going back into the cocoon.

My name is Jackie Zabrook. My name is Molly Neffle. I'm Marcus Parks. Hell, yeah, we'll see you on the other side. The truth is out there!