Page 7 - Episode 112: Oh Ya Don't Say

Episode Date: May 10, 2015

Harrison Ford survives yet again, Nicholas Cage gets the List treatment, and Bobby Brown just maybe might be smoking crack outside the hospital where Bobbi Kristina is being treated. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

You know what? You know what was great? You know it was awesome? They took off the market. The only sparkling tap, flavored tap water, or spark, flavored sparkling water that I love, clearly Canadian. I love clearly Canadian, man. What the hell is that? It came in a glass, a blue tinted glass bottle. Sounds like upper class bullshit to me. I could buy it at all-sips, so it wasn't that up. I bought it at the okey-dokey in Dubuque Island. Wait, where are you guys going? All-Sips? Okay dokey. Okay.

Okay. It's the corner store. Yeah. The Alsips is the convenience store in West Texas and New Mexico. Jesus Christ. What are you guys talking about? It's all shit to me.

That's why I bought this out of goddamn riding. No, the alps, you could even have the sizes. You could get the Ombre. You can get the Grande. All kinds of shit. Oh, my God. They even Texasized the sizes? Oh, they were Mexico-sized.

Oh, Mexico-sized. Omezre, grande. That's it. It was either man or big. Those are your options? I guess that's what. Sparkling Water deserves to come in. My name is Jackie Zabrowski.

My name is Molly Neffle. My name is Marcus Parks and I want an all-sips burrito. I am sorry. I can't get that for me. All-sips. Was it one word? Good question. A-L-L-S-U-P-S-U-S-U-S-U-S-S-E-S-S.

All-Sips. All Sips. See, all Sips makes me think of lids. I just saw the place Lids in the city, which is all hats. Lids. Lids. I have noticed an extreme rise in the amount of hat stores in just generally everywhere. There's a new hat store in Williamsburg, someone in Soho.

Everyone loves a hat. Because duches love, not only duches, but many duches love fedoras. See, fuck a fedora, but I am in a situation. say, I bought a great new summer hat today, and Marcus won't let me wear it. I'm not going to say, I'm not saying I won't let you wear it. I'm saying, do you want to ruin your summer hat? Because you got to wear headphones. I don't want to wear headphones, and I don't want to make my brim flat.

And it is not a fedora. It is a beautiful straw sunnets. Well, aren't you in a fucking pickle? I love a pickle. Can I ask a follow-up question about lids? Yes. Does the sign say lids? and then is their tagline, it's hats.

No, no, no, no, that's what I wanted to take. No, no, no, it's a bunch of baseball hats that you can get whatever you want, not engraved, embroidered on the top of the hat. Really? Yes. So we could get page seven hats? We could definitely get page seven baseball hats.

I would rather a summer hat. If we could get a summer hat embroidered. Bebep, pep, pep, page seven. Lids. Lids. I don't know. if Lids would really enjoy our show.

I don't know if they would sponsor us. It's a bit of a basketball store. If you get my Drift. Sports. Sports. Sporty. Yeah, it's sporty.

It's not for a celebrity gossip. Lids? Those have been in malls for years in here. I know because I was in Manhattan Mall. They have Lids. I've never heard of Lids. Oh, yeah. These have a Lids across

from the McAllister's Delia worked at the mall in Tallahassee, Florida. Ah, they're the type of baseball caps that you buy where you have the sticker on them and you leave the sticker on them to prove that it's new and then you throw it away after the sticker comes off and then you get another one? Yeah, I know those hands. Yeah, those are like 30 bucks each.

30 bucks a hat. Lids has got a good business going. I'm saying. Lids knows how to make money. Oh, yeah, faux show. Yeah, I remember that when I was a kid, the whole, it was a tag thing. And the tag would come off and you had to keep the tag off. but that got a little, you know, they got a little itchy.

It has to get chafy. They had to get chafy and then get dirty and all that. Lids were the first ones to figure out you put it on the brim. You just put a big sticker on the brim that goes all the way across. That's how you prove your newness. If you like it, then you should have put a sticker on it. If you like it, you'd like an show to buy a sticker on it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Man, I was telling him allie earlier, tried desperately to learn the dance to all the single ladies and I just couldn't do it. There's something about the way her neck moves in unison with the way her hand moves in the video that I just simply could not master. That's the way Beyonce is so brilliant because she makes it look like you can dance like her.

She makes it look so easy. And you can't. It's insane. She makes it look so easy and then she has all the back of dancers. They're all doing the same fucking thing. I can't do it. Yeah.

Yep, that's things that when you know you're good at your job when it looks like anyone can do it. Man, I can fucking do it. I can't. I can't. I have no rhythm. I have no rhythm. It's like, give me a fox trot.

I bet I could fucking do it. Now we're talking Molly's language. Oh, yeah. Oh, I was right there with you. Thanks, guys. Thanks for going on a journey with me. No problem. You know who else went on a journey lately? Bit of an ill-fated one. Harrison Ford. Oh, old man in planes.

I am not to be one to say this. However, I don't know if y'all saw Henry Zabroski's tweet. A day earlier before the flight happened, he made a joke that Harrison Ford was next after Star Trek. Oh, yeah, Leonard Nimoy. And he's like, oh, no, the next one's going to be Harrison Ford. And then

the next day the plane crash happened. And he was like, I did it. Henry. I made the plane crash. Why did you do that, Henry? Well, Henry's been having a lot of weird synchronosities in his life right now, so I'm not going to blame him for that. I blame him for it. Yeah, if you were right. And now his

synchronosities are starting to mix up in my synchronosities, and it's freaking me out. But that's a different show. What kind of synchronicities? I can't talk about him on this. Man, now you're going to bring up this shit? You're going to say you can't talk about it? I can't talk about it.

He made Harrison Ford almost die in a plane crash. You better tell Henry to think happy thoughts. Yes, he has to. Put on, what's that, the happy documentary you talk about? Oh, yeah, the one with the... The man in the suit. Vincent. Yes.

Yeah, I can't remember. Just put in Vincent Weird Suit guy, Chicago, and it'll come up with a name. It's a documentary. I was trying to remember. what happy documentary. Because Doug and I the other night watched a documentary on, what's it called?

Friguria? A Life in Color. That's what it's called. Vincent, a Life in Color. Go ahead if you want a happy documentary, it's the happiest one I've ever seen. Don't watch your one Doug and I watched the other day which an HBO documentary on the disease

that makes children age way too fast and have them die by the age of 14. Yeah, I've seen the... Ads for it. I think it's like life according to Sam. It's on H. Rioco, and it is sad. Me and Doug had an extended conversation about that. Man, he cried through the whole goddamn thing.

Like I've said before, man's not a crier. And I'm just like, I mean, I'm a flow. I'm a river of tears through the entire fucking documentary. It's great. What I don't like about, what I should say, what I feel bad about children with that disease is that everybody just associates it with the movie Jack. Of course, except that he didn't have all of the symptoms that happened.

He made it through caught. Like, I mean, he made it way longer. Pergeria is a horrible disease. It's rough. Yeah, yeah. But that's what the whole movie is about is that, like, the son of two doctors, he got diagnosed with Pejoria when he was at his second birthday, and they looked into it, and there would have been no research done on Pejoria.

So the mother made it her life's work to try and find a cure. or try and find some kind of medicine to help children with pejoria. And it's so sad watching the kid talk about it because he's just like sometimes the only time I wish I didn't have pejoria is if it's times when I wish my mom didn't care about the disease so much that she could live her life. Because her whole life is finding the cure to this disease. Oh my God, I'm crying already. It is, it's really good. Well, I've seen a much different take on Prageria in a movie called I Am Not a Freak. It's actually a great movie.

It follows three different, it's either three or four different people. It's an old TV short. It's on YouTube from like 19, I don't know, I can't remember like 1987 or something like that. And the Prageria kid on there somewhat exploited. But what he was is that he was an actor when he was, I think, like 9 or 10 or something like that. He played an alien in a movie with Jack Elam. Jack E. Lamb was in Cannonball Run as Dr. Nicholas Van Helsing. Yeah, I'll show you a picture of Jack Elam right here.

He's got a little lazy eye. Ooh, lazy eye. Yeah, big lazy eye, known as being grizzled, like a big grizzled sidekick. And so this little kid, Jack Elam, got for the movie, they apparently made, had a friendship on the set of the alien movie that they've been in together. And Jackie Lamb came and visited him right before he died. His name was Mickey. And so they hung out all day. Jack Elam was just wasted throughout.

He had definitely gotten drunk. It was actually now that I think about it, it was very sad. Yeah, that doesn't sound good at all. Yeah, but at the same time, he had a great experience. I mean, it's like their lives are short-lived. Oh, yeah. No. I mean, the kid had a great time.

I don't think that's using him for his disease. No, for the kids right on. I just feel like the actor shouldn't have gotten wasted. before hanging out with a child. Because in general, I think it's going to be rough. The kid's about to die. I mean, I would probably get pretty fucking wasted too. Yeah, he was in a movie about a year before.

It was called The Aurora Encounter. And he played the Aurora Space Man. And he died, I think, in like 88 or 89. Actually, he died in 92. He made it for quite a while after that. I think he lived to be like 17 or 18 or something like that, which is a long time for a perjur. person, yeah. It's a

horrified disease. And also they only have, I'm not going to get into it, it's really terrible. If you're interested at all, please watch it. It's really, but it's also really enlightening of, you know, just your take on life, man. Yeah. It's like, you know, you just live it. Kids are smarter than

all of us, especially kids. Yeah, because they're not scared. They're not scared of dying. They're just like, well, I'm just going to live it. I'm just going to do what I'm going to do. Yeah, especially kids who have to go through shit, man. They're way better than all of us. Hell yeah, man. I don't fucking cretans getting wasted on a Tuesday night. Not appreciating anything.

I'm sober as a judge. Yeah, well, judges aren't sober too often. I'm going to throw that out there. That's why they get the degrees. Well, back to Harrison Ford, apparently he was, I mean, the engine was failing and he had a possibility. Definitely was very possible for him to plow into a residential area. He could have killed multiple people.

But due to quick thinking, And due to his superior piloting skills, he landed on a golf course instead. Crash landing, walked away from it fine. He's had a bit of a year as far as injuries goes. He hurt, remember he broke his leg, I think? On Star Wars, right? On the Star Wars set, and now he crashes a plane. I mean, for fuck's sake, the man's in his late 70s.

He's still sexy. He's still doing it. This makes him sexy. Yeah. It does, except that I'm actually glad to hear that it was not his fault because my initial reaction was stop thinking that your real life, Indiana Jones, get out of the plane. But it turns out it wasn't his fault. I'm sorry for doubting you, Harrison.

No, and he only made it better. You didn't have to get, you didn't murder anybody. Yeah, no. Thank you, Harrison Ford for not plowing into a neighborhood. It was, uh, it was an engine failure. But you got to remember, it was a second World War era airplane. Yeah, it was like a little Wright brothers job, right? Hell yeah, man.

Actually, it was pretty fucking, and it didn't even have a top on it. Like he's fucking flying around. Like he's killing Nazis and shit still. Hell, yeah. Yeah, he is Indiana Jones. He is Indiana Jones. He can play Indiana Jones whenever he likes. Yeah.

He wants to have an indie day. He can have an indie day. As long as he doesn't kill anybody. And he didn't. And he didn't. So, yes, have your day. Clissa Falkardt's his wing man. Just blowing him all he's trying.

That's all I imagine. I hope for his sake that that's what's happening. Yeah, he deserves that. She's still so thick. I imagine. No, I'd imagine so. And we heard from her recently, though? We'll see.

I mean, they're still together, right? Yeah, I'm pretty sure they are. She's just a naturally... I almost said H. Remember when they were together? Isn't it? Oh, yeah. No, that was, uh, Anne Hale.

I thought that was Ellen DeGeneres that was with Callista FlauCard. Or did Colista Flauard get caught up in that as well. And Hach, no, Anne Hache was with Harrison Ford. Oh, that's right. And then... And then... And then... And then with Ellen DeGeneres.

And then. And Ellen, no offense to Ann Hache, stepped up big time with Portia Dorasi. A thousand volts. Sorry, Enhish, but Portia Dorasi is the best. Well, they're definitely still together, but she's looking a little worried. She's a fifth day in a row going to the hospital. Yikes. And she's not, she's looking a little, she's looking pretty worried.

She doesn't look like she slept a hell of a whole lot. She probably doesn't want to really care for him that much. Why do I love him? Is he fine? Why do I have to be here? He's going to be fine. He's going to get out of the hospital. Is Callista Flackhart doing okay in terms of body weight?

I think she's just a naturally thin woman. There are plenty of people around that are just naturally thin. You're speaking for yourself. I mean, that's what I'm saying. I know for a vet. Some people are just naturally thin. It's true. But I was in middle school during Allen McBeal,

and she was like the poster child slash aspirational model for eating disorders. Yes. And that's not necessarily on her. I think her line was, I'm just naturally thin, and maybe that was the truth. But I associate her

with my own desire to be unnaturally thin and her being like, I'm naturally thin and wondering if she was telling the truth. And also to enjoy a dancing baby. And the dancing babies, yes. That's true, but it's a little fucked up

to put that on her. It is. And that's society. It's drilled into my brain. That's what I think. I think Colissa Flockhart, I think she's too thin. Yeah. And I haven't even heard of Colissa Flockhart in the past like 12 years.

Since Allie McGill. No, and it's true. If she is naturally thin, it's like totally messed up that she's associated with like not being well forever, right? But there's, I feel like, yeah, it's just hard to tell because it was like, especially because it was like that primo time for eating disorders in my own life. everyone was telling you like, no, she's a liar, she's a liar. And of course, that's totally like not fair to her. But that's what I associate her with. Well, in 2006, she did say that she had a problem during Alamette Beal of exercising a little too much and eating a little bit too little.

Yeah, I mean, once you start, people start going on you for being thin. Start getting weird about gaining any weight whatsoever. It's like, I got to stay this. I got to stay thin. Gets in your head a little bit of body dysmorphia. Fucking get drills in your brain. Get a little earworm there. I fuck you up as well.

For sure. A thousand percent. Yeah, and that's like, you know, if I learned anything from growing up as a girl and being in middle school, it's that everyone has just a touch of body dysmorphia. Not me? I love me.

I love all of me. Everyone should love all of them. None. All of you. Yeah, girl, you fucking get it. Loves all of you. In middle school, my body. was fucked up and I knew. It was very apparent that my body was pretty fucked up. I was actually

about your, actually, probably I would say a little your size. My exact bill. Your exact bill. Same air cut? What are you saying about my body? I've just gotten over my body. Not your bill, but like your size, I would say. Like your height. But imagine yourself with size 12 men's feet and hands that can grip a basketball with one hand, like hold it up with one hand. You just tell them like a St. Bernard Puppet. Yeah. I was like an alien. It took about it. That was a weird year, man.

A lot of things have to synchronize in middle school that have not synchronized. Yeah, it was hands feet and ears. It makes it stronger. Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm long. That was played at the JCP earlier when I got a Sunday. But you went to JCP today? I fucking went to JCP again. That's why I'm talking about my goddamn sun hat.

And Stronger played at least three times in the 30 minutes that I was there. Is that Kelly Clarkson? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Man, I saw Kelly Clarkson on a television interview earlier in the week. And she has gained a good amount of weight, but she doesn't look bad. Yeah, man, she's fucking awesome. and like the I'm just gonna play it in the background

let's all pretend that we all went to JCPs today hell yeah man but people are horrible about her weight now yes and like it kept being like pictures of her like American Idol and her now but then they were all talking about she just had a baby who oh my God

you have to see this baby she has I'm gonna say textbook one of the cutest babies I've seen in a long fucking time she is the house happiest little baby and I started of course stalking a bunch of pictures of Kelly Clarkson and her baby and the baby's so fucking cute and she was openly like yes I've gained weight yeah you know what I just had a kid and people are like coming at me because of this and who gives a fuck?

Didn't they give her shit during American Idol? Always give her shit. They've been giving shit to her about her weight when she was really thin and then like she was in a commercial like a year and a half ago and she had gained weight and they gave her shit then, and she's gained even more weight now, but she does not, like, it's like, she's beautiful. She's beautiful.

And she's a great singer. She's the exact same person. She's like, obviously doesn't give a fuck about what she, like, not she doesn't give a fuck about what she looks like. She doesn't give a fuck about people's opinion about her. Yeah.

And I really appreciate that. Yeah. And that goddamn baby, Marcus, you're picking a picture of the baby. No, I'm just looking at pictures of her now. I mean,

it seems like, uh, it's because she's gained weight in her face. It seems like, I mean, it's, That's where it is. It's a lot of face weight.

It's baby. It's baby. It's literal baby weight. And she's always, I feel like she has a round face. And that's like always been a like, she still has the tiny, like, waist and everything. And she was openly talking about her weight. And I was just like, girl, if you're talking about your weight, there, I may as well just fucking slip my throat now. Boy, this baby.

How cute is that baby? Big head, tiny face. I know. It's so cute. It's cute as fuck. It's a super cute baby. I just was like, look at all these pictures. I think it was in People magazine.

The baby's constantly smiling. I love the baby. She's so fucking cute. That baby's good. That's a good baby. That's a good baby. Good baby. You got a good baby.

You got a good baby. Girl, worth the weight. Worth the weight. You got a good baby. Man, I just wish. It's like I was at JCP today. It's like I wish I, like, I wish I, like, I love. looked in the maternity section for half a minute.

Just because, you know, I got a girth in my stomach. And then, like, I remember I was looking at shirts. And I found myself holding my stomach through my coat as if I had a baby so that no one would wonder if I was pregnant or not. Just because I wanted to see the styles. And, you know, you never know. And you look up being pregnant. I am not telling Doug about any of this. I wasn't, I'm not pregnant.

But if you're going to look at maturity clothes, at least act pregnant, you know? So no one judges you. I just wanted to see the styles. You're like, I pretended to be on the phone with a friend talking about baby names. Fine. Everything's fine. I got a sun hat. God, my morning sex, he's just been unbearable.

Oh, my God, I'm so pregnant. I can look at these dresses and have a little extra give in the stomach area. All right, it's time for the list. Oh my God, we're already at the list. We're already at the list. Who's on the list? Yeah, got to have that list. Major movie roles that were almost played by Nicholas Cage.

Oh, what a great list. Yeah, I got to thank listener Adam Tinley for sending this to me. This is a fucking great one. That's a great list. First up, he almost played Bender in the Breakfast Club. Whoa. Is that the big-faced? Judd Nelson.

Judd Nelson. He was so sexy. Yeah. He's pretty sexy. No, Judge Nelson is really sexy. I bet Nicholas Cage would have done well in that, though. Yeah. He would have been insane.

Yeah. It would have been sexy. It would have been distracting. It would have changed the whole tone of that movie. Yeah. But I think for the better. I mean, because Breakfast Club, you grow out of breakfast club, you know. At some point, it kind of stops being relevant to you.

But if Nicholas Cage would have been it, I think it would have been, the cult audience would have been completely different. Oh, yeah. Yeah. For sure. That's, yeah. Yeah, a lot more yelling. Yeah, you just would have been a lot scarier than Judd Nelson was. But Judd Nelson was so fucking hot that movie.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. With Judd Nelson, you kind of get the feeling that character, like, might be lying. It's like, I think he might just be, like, talking big or something like, yeah, my father put cigarettes out of my arm. He got a cop, got me a cart and his cigarettes for Christmas. It's like, eh, I don't know. That seems a little. Yeah, but that's why you loved him so much because you're like, oh, is he disturbed?

or is he like wishing he was disturbed? And that's what was so sex? I think the breakfast club just turned 30. Yeah, I think so. Jesus Christ. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, we're all getting older, guys. Well, my 40-year-old boyfriend had a real crisis.

What do you think? I bet, man. I'm fucking bet. He was almost Tony Stark in Iron Man. Like 1997. Well, he's a gigantic comic book fan. You know, he also almost played Superman. When?

In the 90s, in the mid-90s, it almost happened. Instead of that plain-faced team-man. Henry Cavill, or yeah, or not Henry Cavill, the Superman returns awful. Oh, you're talking about Lois and Clark. You're talking about Dean King. Oh, Dean. No, this was a full. He's a silly man.

He knows that. He said he hosts Ripley, believe it or not. What's wrong with that? And also, the one with the like military challenges, what was it called? He was so different when he put his glasses on. It was like stars and stripes is what it's called, I think. I just think he's a... Wait, what was the name of the woman, Terry something?

Terry, oh, oh, she looked like an alien now? She was in, oh my God, what the fuck is her name? Terry. No. Oh, Terry Hatcher. Terry Hatcher. Oh, sorry, I was trying to look at the name of that show. Stars and stripes.

Immediately told you the woman I jerked off to many, many, many, 20, many times. Terry Hadger, really? Yeah. Are you fucking kidding me? I guess she was hot when she was young, but now she's rough. Oh, yeah, she's brought. I'm not talking about it. I did it last week.

I don't know. I didn't judge it. I was like 13 or 14. Yeah, I'm going to look up. Stars and Stripes is the show. Terry Hatcher, 1996. Yeah. To show us what he actually jerked to.

Yeah, I want to look at what you actually jerked off to. Can I? Find it. I don't like her face that much. I'm going to say it. Beautiful woman. Well, I mean, she's got the big, I don't know. She looks mean.

Oh. I think she has a mean face. She does have kind of mean. I mean, she has an E.T. face now. She's got Madonna face now. Well, see, for a long time, I was into mean-faced girls. Oh. Oh, yeah.

Many years. Long string of. Wait, who are some other mean-faced girls that you like? Oh, no, I mean, actually dating and having. I see. Yeah. Not famous. Not just like jerking off to him.

I mean, like, actually like dating them. Into, into. Yeah, we're super into it. Yeah, so there's that. Yeah, the Superman movie that Nicholas Cage was in, it was in pre-production. They had the script. He was signed on for it,

but it just eventually fell apart. It was like 96 or something like that. I don't think that he is a Superman. I'm sorry. Well, I think what they were trying to do, like, you know how Michael Keaton, like no one thought that Michael Keaton, would be a good Batman.

I think it was the same sort of thing. It was like a dark story kind of thing. Like, not as... I think it was going to be darker, but I think they wanted to do like the guy that nobody would expect. Like Nicholas Cage, what the fuck? But it would have been funny to see, you know,

like bald Superman or balding Superman. For sure. Because he started balding long ago. This isn't too weird. He could have been Eragorn and Lord of the Rings. Yuck! No! Vigel Morgensen was

It's like it's the sexy factor That's the problem against Nick Cage He has never had a sexy factor Personally to me And I find a lot of people sexy And to me You do cast a wide net And I don't find you sexy

That means it's like Ooh there's just something Something in your soul It's just not right Vigo Mortensen for show Gimmie Gimmies I mean Russian a naked fight and fucking

Eastern promises. Yeah, that movie is weird. I love his naked fight, though, and I will watch it over and over again. Yeah, that is weird. Strong thighs. That's something that Nicholas gave. A strong vertebrae. His vertebrae

is popping out of his back. Oh, yeah, a strong core and a strong jaw. Those are all things that you need. A lot of bones popping out of your body. I love it. Well, also, it's like how are you supposed to, like, coerce? an elf and princess to really fall in love with you

gotta have all those things. Nick Cage, I would never believe that he would be able to make live trailer. The Arwen would actually be like super... That would be into him. No, I can't. I'll be back.

I love you no matter what. No, I just don't think it. It would have ruined it. It would have ruined it. It would have ruined it. Because she's so fair and so lovely. It would have just been such a gigantic dump right in the middle of the whole thing.

You wouldn't have been able to believe the love story, which is a huge part of it. Jesus Christ. No, couldn't do it. Here's one that I really, really, really, really wish would have actually fucking happened. Instead of Johnny Depp's fucking stupid face, he was in line to play Willie Wonka in the remake.

See, that is something. Like, that is something I would love to see him. That makes so much sense. Because he's so weird. You can't, I feel like you can't have Nick Cage in a movie unless the whole movie can be sacrificed to Nick Cage's ego, which is like Johnny Depp too, right? You can't really, he's a good actor,

but Johnny Depp, like at this point, all you see is Johnny Depp's ego. Johnny Depp ruined that. I watched, I think, 45 minutes of it before I shut up. And it's like, I love the Willing Walka Story. I was so excited to see it. I was like, hell yeah. I'll take this down, and he was, like, disgusting. Yeah.

I hated it so much. Because he didn't have any of the whimsy of Gene Wild. There was no one. Whimsy. Whimsy is what was missing. None of it whatsoever. You know, he replaced... Well, that's the thing is that

Gene Wilder also had like that creepiness to him. The darkness. But he had a dark... He has a certain darkness because he could have replaced Gene Wilder, because you don't want the exact same thing. He could have replaced Gene Wilder's whimsy with darkness and unpredictability.

That is a very important part of Willy Wonka, his extreme unpredictability. But Johnny Depp replaced all that. with pedophilia. He looks like a pedophile the entire time. And he acts like one too. Yes.

Yeah, yeah, he's got that weird smile because there's no joy in him whatsoever. Yes. A thousand percent. It's true. And you never fear the safety of the children around Gene Wilder. No, I did.

I mean, that's what I thought was, you know, great about it. You did fear that. Oh, yeah. When I saw it as a kid, I thought all those kids were fucked. But not like in a pedophile way. No. No.

No. In a murder. Like, they're dead. That's the difference, though. Like, that's the darkness that you want. It's not pedophilia, it's murder. Yeah. I want that behind everything.

Because for a man that... Or disfigurement. Yes. Because for a man that owns a chocolate factory, it's got to have some creepiness behind it. Yeah. It can't be purely whimsy. But I think that Nick Cage definitely would have brought...

Ugh. Like, it creeps me out just thinking about it. Yeah, he's disgusting. good way. Yeah. Yeah. But not in a rapy way, which is what I think Johnny Depp did. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. I think in trying to play a little bit more towards kids, I think they ended up doing the exact opposite. He's too rapy. Yeah. I don't know. I'm not a huge Johnny Depp fan anymore. Me neither. No, it was for a while.

But. After what, I mean, I'm going to go ahead and put a cutoff here. I don't know. Now that I think... Maybe what's eating Gilbert grape. You know, now that I think about it, yeah. I think, like, I'm trying to think of any Johnny Debt movies that I really enjoy as far as, like, him being the lead. Wait, was Benny and June before was eating Gilbert Ray?

I hated that fucking movie. You are a fucker. Oh, yeah. Oh, fuck, yeah. Oh, boo. They fuck, well, they listen to night moves. Yeah, I think that's what I take away from the movie is that in my head, I want an aided Quinn to be my older brother or sex partner. And I wanted to have sex for the first time listening to Latin to night moves.

Okay, that's a pretty good goal. Watching that movie, it was like, all I want to do is have sex to night moves. And I've had the opportunity about, I'm going to say six or seven times, and every time it is satisfying. I highly recommend listening to Night Moves while you make love. Not to a mentally disabled person. You can make love to anyone in your choosing. All right. It's time for Blind.

Yeah, we can't see him. I have lost track of how many marriages this former A-plus list, mostly movie actor with an Academy Award, is broken up. While he's married, he broke up plenty. While he was married, he broke up plenty. He broke up a couple of his own along the way.

He would much rather be with married women, and he is in the process of destroying yet another. We talked about him a couple weeks ago at the Oscars, not invited, possibly because of being a dickhead conservative. conservative

Hollywood actor Not Clint Eastwood Big lips daughter he had Big lips I mean I want to say Mc Jagger But I know that I mean I know Tyler has big lips too

Big head Don Johnson Oh John Voitt Yeah Oh Oh yeah Oh yeah Yeah

Yeah and everything he does Oh no No, not his movies. He makes good movies. He makes good movies. He's a bad man. He's a bad man. Bad man, good movies.

A bad man, good movies, I like him. Yeah. I like him too. Wait, he's breaking up marriages? He's breaking up marriages left and right. It's his thing. It's his fetish. Still?

He's so old. He is in the process of breaking one up right now. Oh, his marriage. I don't know. It doesn't say. It could just be some regular schmo. Yeah. He is a very talented man, though.

Right? Mm-hmm. What is that? What's the name of that? Midnight Cowboy? The Leaves Shriver show that he's in right now. Oh, uh, John, Raymond. Ray Donovan. Ray Donovan.

And apparently it's delicious. It's okay. I watched the first like three or four episodes. Yeah. It's fine. Hell yeah. It's fine. It's L.A.

I don't care. I am going to throw this out there real fast. Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, I think is what it's called. Yes. It is the new Tina Faze thing. Don't fucking watch it. Real. I can't believe that people are into the show.

Watch the first three episodes. It was like, I want to throw up. I think it's dumb. I don't think it's funny. I think that it's just like, I think it looks like what would be on at 8 p.m. on NBC of something that they're just trying to push out there. I was very disappointed with Tina Fey.

I was extremely disappointed. Maybe it gets better as it goes on, but I watched the first three episodes today, and I was like, I'm disappointed in you. I will value that information. Because everyone's talking about it. It's hot. It's very cutesy-wootsy.

And cutsy-wutsy is not something I want to put on. I knew that's where Tina Fey was going to end up. I'm so sad about it. I knew that's where she was going to end up. I'm so sad. There's no edge. There's nothing to it. I was like, this is just a normal sitcom, but it's on Netflix.

And, like, that's where they're going. That's the thing. I don't like that. The whole, like, sitcom thing is starting to go out of style on regular programming. So they're bringing normal shit. shit sitcoms to Netflix and doing that kind of thing and fuck them. I will

even venture to say, and I don't want to start anything, but I think that this season's House of Cards, generic compared to the last season. That is what I've also heard. Generic as fuck. Still haven't seen the first two. It doesn't matter. The first two are like, they're not the best show ever,

but they are like different than network TV. They're darker, they're bolder, they're more murderous. Yeah, but now it's immediately starting to acquiesce to what network television is. Because they're trying to bring people over. They're trying to bring people in. It's tamer.

It's a lot tamer. This is the first show I've seen that I was like, I fucking get what you're doing. Assholes. Fuck that. No, now you can't trust it. Now it's done. Totally. Oh, that's, yeah, absolutely.

So I just wanted to throw that out there. I still trust FX. For sure. You know why? Because I just finished the first season of Fargo. It has its problems. Yes. But otherwise, fan fucking-tastic.

I watched all 10 episodes in like three days. It is fucking, fucking... Billy Bob Thornton, I'm going to speak some sacrilege here. I'm going to say something that I didn't think I'd say. He deserved the Emmy over Matthew McConaughey. Whoa! He got it, didn't he? Yeah, he got it.

And he gave that weird speech where he was like, I'm going to offend people. I've got to get off the stage. No, that was the Grammy? No, not Grammy. Or Golden Globes. Sorry, Golden Globes. Yeah. He totally deserved that over Matthew McConaughey.

Really? Interesting. And if you watch it, you will see exactly. You will see why in the first episode. All right. I will watch it. Yeah. You got to watch it. You're going to love it so much.

It's got the exact, especially, do you love the movie? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It has the exact same tone of it. They use the same score. I love it. Martin Freeman's great because they have like kind of parallels, you know? Like there's a William H. Macy character. There's a Francis McDormand type character.

I mean, it's not Francis McDormand, so it's hard for me to get my mind around because I love her so fucking much. It's not, but they kind of replace, it's still like a scrappy female cop looking to like make her way up. And she's much younger. She's like 29 or something like that. The William H. Macy character is like Martin Freeman, you know, who you may know is Bill Bow Bagan's or from the office, the original British office. He plays, you know, they say heck a lot, which I love. They say, you don't say. I mean, I love a Midwestern vocabulary.

I love it so much. I mean, that much should be obvious by now. But yeah, I love the whole thing. Just, oh, heck. Oh, heck. I don't know. I don't know. All right, I'll watch it.

You have to watch it. It's so full of hex. Full of heck. You know what I love anything full of heck? Well, yeah. Well, you know, my philosophy the last couple weeks, I'm just fresh out of hex. You're really adopting the action as you speak.

I appreciate it. I'm just fresh out of hex here. Oh, oh, no. Oh, no. All right. All right. What you took to the rest of this podcast. Okay.

Oh, yeah. I saw a little on the internet. I saw a little smiley face. And he was just putting his hands up and rolling his eyes. A little shruggy. A little shruggy. And he said, you know what? I'm fresh out of hex.

Oh, no. I'm taking that. I loved it. I loved it so much. It's what makes me happy now. When something bad happens, I just say, you know what? I'm fresh out of hex. Oh, that's good.

Oh, no, all right. Okay. All right. Oh, yeah. Give me a you don't say. Oh, you don't say. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

All right. Up next, this former A-list member of a singing group, and this is the juicy one, by the way. In fact, we might just end on this one. It's so goddamn juicy because I don't think we can come back from it. How juicy is it? I'm already juiced. I'm a little juice. This former A-list member of a singing group who went on to reality television, many children, and almost as many arrests, was barred with the exception of one location from a building and its grounds after he was caught smoking crack on the outside lawn of this hospital this week.

Hospital? Oh, who's smoking crack that's got a daughter in the hospital right now? Bobby. Oh, Bobby Brass. Smoking crack on the hospital outside lawn. Or it's mad, he has a lot to deal with. Yeah, no, Jackie's right. I'm actually going to go sit with me with my room.

He says he's got a lot to deal with right now. Does he give up crack right now? If my daughter was in the hospital, I would be getting high right outside. Do whatever you fucking got to do it. At least he's at the hospital. I'm going to throw that out there because I didn't think he was. I'll agree. I'll agree. Yeah, no, he's at the hospital. He's being supportive. Oh, my God. That's awful. That is. I find that to just be actually like, oh, poor Bobby Brown.

Which is terrible. The domestic abuse thing. Not forgiven. Not forgiven. Very few in my life have I uttered a poor Bobby Brown out of my life. But today might be one of those days. Yes. It is a poor Bobby Brown day because girl, that girl, go to baby Christina. She is still in a coma Yeah They ain't letting that shit go

They won't allow it to be let go And he is You know what I am not I am not going to say that someone can crack is okay ever No But if you are addicted Yeah

And your daughter is a coma In a coma Of course After a few years after your wife Also died tragically What are you going to to do, man. You have a little bit of a smoke smoke.

Where's this yet? Wait, sis, yeah. That's what I want to fucking know. That's what I want to know too. She ain't helping. She ain't know her. Well, I bet she's at that bedside while he's fucking smoking crack on the grounds of the goddamn hospital.

Pacing on the sidewalk. It's too bad about, you know, because I really, I think that he's obviously in a horrible place, a horrible time. I want to just feel nothing but, you know, empathy, sympathy with him. But also, then there's the whole. Oh, you are a domestic abuser. No, he's awful. He's an awful human.

He's a terrible human being. He definitely is. I'm not going to judge him for... Where is her boyfriend? S&C. Where is he? He's given interviews to Dr. Phil from what I was. Oh, wait.

Oh, great. He's given interviews to Dr. Phil. Oh, that's so fucking great. Get the fuck out of here. Nick Gordon, that's his name, right? Sure. I don't fucking care. I know he's his brother. He's a brother boyfriend.

Brother boyfriend. How will I know? Meary loves me I'll say a prayer With every Happy Okay, that's it for today's page Oh man

Keep singing Whitney Keep her love alive Fuck Bobby Brown I'm sorry But fuck Bobby Brown Bobby Christina You go live You go live

You're not gonna live My name is Jackie Zip My name is Malina I'm Marcus Park Go towards the light I might go towards life Oh Nes somebody

Papa Christina I want me with somebody eh eh oh yeah