Page 7 - Episode 113: Bloodhounds of Broadway

Episode Date: May 10, 2015

We didn't know we wanted it, but we got it anyway and fell in love: it's the Randy Quaid sex tape on today's Page 7. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

They just sit there and bark. They just bark. Yeah, they just sit there and bark. You're trying to fuck and the dog's just going on. I can't. I can't handle it. I can't handle it. That's, oh.

Oh, my God. Oh, hark the herald angels saying, is that a dog barking while Randy Quaid and his wife have copious amounts of sex? It's all oral sex. I'm Marcus Parks, ladies and gentlemen. It is the longest run of oral sex I've seen in a good, maybe I just watched too much porn. I don't know. I'm Molly Neffle and I have a question right off the bat.

Has someone who hasn't seen the same yet? How do you have sex while this is happening? Oh, no. And Molly has not, me and Jackie have both seen the video. I haven't seen the entire thing. I definitely went through, skit through and saw the highlight, specifically Randy Quay just blowing a load in his wife's mouth. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So that was going to be my question. Is it 25 minutes straight of him going down on her? It's a good 10 minutes of him going down on her. Then a good 5 to 7 of her going down on him. All right, that's proportionate in terms of time. And then a good 5 to 7 of her using a vibrator while he chokes her with a belt. Interesting. Yeah, man.

You know, it is it is something I never thought I wanted to see until I saw the headline and realized, why haven't I seen this yet? Yeah, and it's a really bizarre I mean, here, Molly,

you've gone long enough without seeing it. I need to, oh no, all right. Okay, what am I seeing here? They're using a selfie stick. Oh, well. God, the dog. Let's listen to him.

She's sitting on his face She's lying She's lying down The selfie stick, I say Yeah It was the ankle And he's been munching like a walker Man he is like in there

It's just the beard That would probably get It's got a chaf Yeah Down there right It's got to Neither have ever making any noise Just the dog

Oh no Yeah That's just that He goes down on her For a long while Let's see here Oh boy All right

And he's sweats a lot. Oh yeah, he is. I just wouldn't be, I wouldn't be able to come listening to a dog barking like this. No, absolutely not. Let's hear what they say. She just came.

Oh, wait, no, he goes back for more. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she comes and then he goes back for more. Yeah, it's very badly edited. It's interesting that it is a truly edited sex tape, though. Oh, yeah. Oh, you know, he's talking to camera. This is in post sex That's so good

That's your camera on you don't you? Porn queen Porn queen This is when he's about to choke her Good This is before he chokes her Oh that's right This is the go down

He's wearing sunglasses Yeah they're both I love that they're both wearing sunglasses Well their whole thing is that they're fucking In front of Rupert Murdoch Because if you'll notice up here in the top center of the screen, there is

a picture of Rupert Murdoch because they believe that Rupert Murdoch is their mortal enemy. That Rupert Murdoch is the one that's out to get them. Because here is, before we get into more of the video, let's go into what their conspiracy is. Yeah,

because I am not familiar. I know that they're having a hard time with reality. For about the last five years. Okay. Yeah. It's not reality. It's just their reality. And they're having a great fucking time in it.

I mean, they're against everybody. They're against, you know, the government. They're against Hollywood. He's against... Specifically, he is against all of it. Yeah, they both fled to Canada in 2010. They were charged with felony vandalism. They caused $5,000

in damages to a rental house. They said they were being hunted by Hollywood Star Wackers. They said that these starwackers kill people like Keith Ledger. Patrick Swayze I can believe Patrick Swayze, man gave him the cancer, man

Oh yeah, Bernie Mac Oh, that I will definitely believe A thousand percent, he was too good These are three celebrities who have died So in that way it's... Yeah, but before their time Before their time Although maybe Patrick Lazy was fine

Leslie Nielsen, they say he killed They killed Leslie Nielsen Why? Billy Mays Well, that's understandable because that towel. Wait, remind me who was Billy Mays? Billy Mays, you know, he sold stuff. Oxyclean.

Yes. OxyClean, yes. OxyClean, what's the towel? Shamwale. That's a different guy. Is that a different guy? Shamwile's Vincent. They're all the same. Pretty much, yeah.

Billy Mays, I forgot about him and how sad everyone was when he died. I used to get Billy Mays confused with Tony Little with the gazelle machine that made you look like a gazelle on it, but it was great. It was a lot of fun. Didn't do anything for you.

But, but. The one that they really push is David Caradine. Oh, yeah, and then, well, yeah, we'll get to that part of the video. Yeah, David Caradine. Did they mention him during the sex? Oh, well. Oh, yeah, baby. And wait, remind me who is David Caradine?

David Caradine was in Kung Fu. Uh-huh. You know, Kung Fu, the TV show, he was in Kill Bill. He was Bill and Kill Bill. Okay, got it. So, oh, yeah, well, first of all, you've got to see Randy Quaid getting a blowjob. Oh, wait. Oh.

Yeah. Let's skip. It's like, it's these sounds like, I don't want to hear that sound. Like you're sitting in a recliner if I'm giving you a blowjob. Yeah.

He doesn't seem that psyched about it, to be honest. Neither of them seems like they're having, like, especially good sex. Well, they've been together for a very long time. But Randy Quaid does say that at the end of this, he does say it's about the best goddamn blowjob he's ever had in his life. I think it's interesting that they have no V in the pitch. P and the V.

No P and the V. No, no, no, no. It's all oral. Which is, I mean. Oh, no, wait, here's a little bit. Yeah, is this his song? This is his song. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He sang a song called Star Wackers a while back about the Star Wackers. And so while they show them fucking, he plays his own music. That is a horror. You know, maybe to try and drown up the dog bark. I can't even I think there was one point when she was getting eaten out when the dog got up on the bed

and started like licking her face like that I would not be able to I'd be I'd be I'd be I'd That's what they do That's what they do No If there is an animal in the house For me personally

It is outside the door You can bark out the door That's fucking fine Yeah And if it barks well I need If you I would rather a dog Sit there and stare at me While I have sex

As long as it's quiet Yeah No, I don't make the cats completely leave the room, but I do make them leave the bed. Yeah, and I prefer they leave the room. Yeah, I forget about the cat. I don't care about it. Yeah, cat doesn't care either. Yeah, yeah, cat don't give a shit about it.

No, it judges you anyway, yeah. Yeah, right. Cats like, I think everything you do is stupid. Exactly, so it's fine. A dog. That barking. No. No, what do people do?

Do people with dogs just not fuck? Is it like having a baby? They put up. They just put up. Oh, my God. They just put up with it. That is a nightmare. How?

I can't even imagine. I guess you get used to it. I would get rid of the dog, put it out of the street, or at least put it, or just hide it up out back while, like, fucked. And then, especially if you're getting eaten out for 25 minutes. Yeah, you have to concentrate. A lot of women have to really concentrate.

You got to come, right. You can't be stressed out about the dog. I just think it's great, though, that a couple that has been together for such a long time can just do oral for 25 minutes and, like, be good with it. Yeah. You want to see Randy Quay blow a load?

I mean, don't we? I mean, I mean, I mean, answer isn't yes, but I think of that. Uh-oh. Oh, the dog. Oh, yeah. Oh, fuck. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Man, it is him in Independence Day. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Is he coming from the blowjob or from listening to his own music? I think the music... Go ahead.

Oh, my God. His voice is in the background. Here's another one. And they're coming a bunch of times, too. That's interesting to me. I mean, if you're in a bunker or you're living your life like this, I mean, you'd probably get really good at getting each other off. Certainly. You have to.

You absolutely have to. What the hell else are they going to do all day? that is the best boy job in a movie I've ever had in a movie I've ever had she's pulling out a belt

auto-explication she's put the belt her on her neck David killed himself this one yeah David Carrey we should try that definitely they claim that this is

how David died like this just accidentally stayed like this well how does that happen here Paul oh my god to something, you can't get yourself

on the... Yeah. He's pulling. I think she might be crazier than he is. I am. No, you're not going to see what. You know what the big kink is on that? It's when your oxen's cut off to your brain

as you're coming and you have a high and there's no oxygen in your brain and you're coming. That's the kinky thing about it. So cut off my action. Yeah, and then it's as close to death. Yeah, man, I've had this conversation in the middle of fucking two. Yeah, man, how do you want to die?

Ooh, I'm getting off. You want to act? You're an actress. You're an actress now. I'm going to come, and you're going to cut off my oxygen. And then that happens. She's got a vibrator. You can hear that vibrator.

He is laughing. When he's saying it's weird. I'm like, he seems, if you're asking me, he seems. kind of self-aware. Yeah. And he told me that he wanted you. Oh, oh, oh, yes.

This is the part because apparently David Caradine and Randy Quaid were friends. I don't know why. Maybe they worked on a movie together, but apparently they were friends. This is her talking about the plans that David Caradine had

with Randy Quaid before he was killed. God. Oh, God. though. You know, David called me. Did I ever tell you this? And he told me that he wanted you to go to Thailand with him. He had a group of investors that especially wanted you to go to Thailand with him. And I said, why? He said, it's a travel show for the fans. Like, we'll go out dancing, we'll do all this stuff. And I said, you know, David, you're an actor.

You shouldn't be doing that. So whoever that group of people, People was wanted you dead to. Probably. What are you talking? That's a good choker. Like literally. Like literally. Do you want to come again?

No. No. No. She's already come like four times. He's tired. He is attended to her needs. Man. She is a day.

He's not asking to come again. He's already come like twice. Man. I feel like I am just blown away by all. all this, so to speak. I love. I have a lot of questions. For one, I actually am always

with anyone, boys or girls, who can come like four times within 20 minutes. Within 20 minutes. That's a lot. It's a lot. Well, there was a lot of cuts, so there might have been like a cheeseburger break.

We don't know. But that's the thing, though, is that how long did he eat her out for? Because there were a lot of specific jumps in between him eating her out. Yeah. That it's like, I mean, I know definitely. Man's got to take a break.

But it's like, what did they do in the break? That's what I want to see. Because you know they were talking about weird shit. Or they were doing something weird? Oh, boy. But I also appreciated that it wasn't for the camera. They're coming. It's like obviously it did take time to get each other to the places they needed to get to.

Yeah. And that's kind of fun. That they didn't lie about that. But overall, I loved it. I posted this. link on Henry's Facebook wall and a comedian Bill Chambers immediately wrote, why we do not

immediately watch this. Yeah. And it's true because I immediately watched it. Yeah, I get an email from Sina. From Sina John of the brighter side. That's great, man. Had to immediately watch it. Yeah, had to immediately watch it. I had shit going on like five minutes later and I pushed it back a little bit.

Had to. Like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. I've got to skip through this a little bit. You rearrange your schedule. Man, I don't know. I'm going to go ahead and say that might be my new favorite celebrity couple. I love these guys. She is, I want to find out more about her. She is a fucking nut job that the people that wanted him to go to Thailand,

well, they wanted you dead too. What are you talking about? They're just talking about this like everyone knows. And, yeah, David, people want you dead. It's just normal. Well, they've been together since 1987. Damn. Yeah, they met on the set of the film Bloodhounds of Broadway.

Man, together through Independence Day. I love Independence Day. I haven't seen Independence Day maybe since it was in theater. Oh, you should watch it. You'll have so much fun. It is so great. Yeah, I know. I'm into it.

I also am in a kind of retroactive, not retroactive, because I always appreciated young Will Smith. But my, like, young students who I teach are, like, making fresh Prince of Bel Air references now because it's on Nick at Night. So it's, like, come full circle. And so I, I'm like, I kind of want to like revisit Will Smith's like youthful, you know, um, canon.

Man, that's crazy though, because to them, Fresh Prince of Baller is like the cheers for us. Yeah, right. It's like, yeah, it's like the Nick and Night show, but. Wow. But it's alive and well. Yeah. Well, this Evie Quay, she was a director. She directed one movie called The Debtors, uh, with Randy Quaid and Michael.

Cain and Catherine McCormick. Interesting. Do you know Catherine McCormick? I know the name, but I probably know the face of my son. Yeah, I think that's her. Yeah, she's a, I don't know. Yeah, she looks like. She's in Braveheart.

She's in Law & Order. She looks like someone in Law & Order. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was in 1999. Yeah, Michael Kane was in it, Catherine McCormick. And it looked like it actually got fairly good, well, 5.4 on the reviews. But it was an official selection at Cannes.

Interesting. You mean it kind of squeaked in. Probably because Michael Cain was in it. Yeah. Michael Cain, everything he touches turns into. Love him. Yeah. The Debtors is a comedy about a group of people with various addictions who meet up at the tables in Las Vegas. Interesting. So a meandering type of film, I'd imagine.

Okay, but I'd watch that. Character study. Mm-hmm. But why is she so crazy? Yeah. What happened to her? Also, may I posit that, well, I know that Hollywood must be a lot of stresses and put people through a lot of stuff and maybe they have, you know, experiences where they want to, like, join Scientology or leave it and become conspiracy theorists. Randy Quaid was not ever like, he was just kind of a character actor.

He was always a weirdo, though. He was always a weirdo. And he was always, but he was in with a lot of people, but never, like, in it, in it. Uh-huh. You know what I mean? So maybe, like, a lot of stressors may have come from who he was as an actor. Yeah, and who he was around and who he hung out with. But, like, he probably viewed it as he saw it from the outside perspective.

Yeah. Since he wasn't as, like, in the, like, bull's eye of Hollywood. Yep, that makes sense. I mean, man, come on, he was in Kingpin. I mean, he was not forget that he was fantastic. He was in Brokeback Mountain. I forget that he was in Brokeback Mountain. Great in Brokeback Mountain.

Yeah, he was like a boss, right? Yes. And he didn't like the gays. I love Randy Quaid. Someone had to do it. Well, yeah, I mean, you know, it's the whole fucking movie. You can't have Brokeback Mountain without at least one person who doesn't like the gay. At least one.

Yeah, that's the way it's got to go. I mean... Independence Day is a top-level film. Oh, yeah. It's so great. It was when I was in a particularly horrible... depressive phase. I watched Independence Day every day for like two weeks.

Okay. And it really helped me out. Man, and talk about young Will Smith. Damn, girl. He was fucking hot in that movie. And I haven't found Will Smith attractive in a long fucking time because of all this shit. All of his Scientology bullshit. But

in that movie, good lord with him and she's a, I want to say Tony Braxton. What's her name? The like the stripper wife. Oh, Bivica A. Fox. Vivica A. Fox. Damn!

And then Bill Pullman, everyone is sexy in the movie. Even, I dare say, Jeff Goldblum? A little bit. A little bit. He's got that swagger that he has at the very end. He just knows so much. You know, like, he figures it all out. Yeah, he's got the scientists.

And then, like, oh, Bill Pullman, don't even get me started. I mean, he rivals the sexiest president of the United States with Michael Douglas. Michael Douglas. And the American president, he is sexy. Wait a minute.

I recently watched Fatal Attraction. And my entire problem, did I say this on the show already? My entire problem with the movie is that it's premised on anyone being attracted to either Glenn Close or Michael Douglas. They are not attractive people. I think Glenn Close has a cuteness about it. Her I would give. Oh, no. I don't buy a car.

Yeah, I mean, I don't agree with it, but I can see it. I do not buy anything. one losing their mind and their life over Michael Douglas. Unless he's in the American president. All right. Maybe I'll have to watch that one because in Fatal Attraction, I was like, girl, get your life going on and meet somebody who's more attractive than Michael Douglas. She was crazy.

I know, but he was not hot. He is a plain looking man. You're right. They should have gotten a Bill Pullman in there and then I would understand. That I would be down with. Any other mediocre man from the 80s. But Michael Douglas, I'm like, I don't even get why. I don't get it.

I don't think he's attractive. He's got a weird voice. Yeah, but then you watch him, like, do that presidential speech at the end and, like... He is great in the end. I do love that movie. Because, like, he's going against the Richard Dreyfus character, and he's like, my name is... And I am the president. Yeah, yeah.

And it's like, the president! It's like, oh, my God. He's a president! He's a president! He's a president! He's a president! He's a president! He's a mom's felt just trying to come in and, like, he keeps saying, like, my name is Bob,

I'm running for president. I am President Andrew Shepherd and I am the president. Yeah. Andrew Shepard! And he's like, fucking Annette Benning. Fucking Annette Benning. And you're just like, yeah, you go girl, you got that short red hair.

Annette Benning right on. She was fantastic. She was hot. Maybe Michael Douglas is more attractive when he's around an attractive woman. I don't even mean to be shitting on Glenn Close right now. I just do not. The whole time during Fatal Attraction, I was like, neither of you was good looking. I don't know. I had a really big problem

because I was in love with Kevin Klein in the big chill and I never understood why he's with Clint Close because she's ugly. Then she's crying in the, it's not ugly, she's not hot enough for him. She's a bit of a hen. Yes. She's a bird woman. She's a chicken woman. She's a chicken woman. And yeah.

And then there's that scene where she's crying in the bath, in the like in the shower and you see her side breast and it's like it's not a good side breast. It's pretty. good. I don't get it. I get like yeah I think that Glenn Close is a strange looking woman and I and granted strange looking women can be super hot.

For sure. I just don't know if she's one of them in my book which is fine but then when you combine that with the general mediocrity of Michael Douglas he's just a mediocre person I think. I mean he was great and falling down. He's so good and in the game. I thought he was great in the game. But in falling down, man, it's about this guy that just, I think he's a Vietnam vet, right? Something like that, yeah. And he's like, he's like all this shit is everyday life.

It's just like people are always mean all the time. And finally one day, he can't fucking take it anymore. And he goes fucking crazy. Yeah. Murder's a bunch of people. Oh, no. Yeah. Honestly, I feel like they.

He gets fired and he goes insane. And he gets a bunch of guns and then has just a brutal day. I feel like they wouldn't make that movie. Definitely. They definitely would not. No, because, I mean, at the time, it wasn't as much of a reality as what it could be now. Yep. I mean, in 93, there had been quite a few mass shootings.

And workplace shootings, too. And workplace shootings, yeah. The whole going postal phenomenon. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that was a big thing then. Well, the post office. Yeah. Oh, don't get me started on the post office. It makes people go postal.

Yes, it does. Well, there's a great documentary about that you should watch. There's a book called Going Postal as well that I've read that is very good. That comedian Danny Solomon lent to me, and I'm not sure if I returned it. I bet you didn't. Is it the one about, like, how, like, why they ended up going postal? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a fascinating phenomenon. We talked about that on the last podcast on the left. Oh. Yes. You guys watching jinx yet? No. Oh, I want to, though. I want to.

I want to, so, so good. It's so good. It's so good. Might start watching it tonight. You should. About her to immediately fall asleep as soon as they get home. I know that everyone's like, oh, but all the shit's going down right now. It doesn't even fucking matter.

I'm halfway through it, and I can't wait to watch the next episode, except for the fact that my significant other is acting like my father and keeps making Fred Durst jokes. And that is getting a little old. People are doing that. So say, hey, let me ask you. Let me ask you. What is this show going to be?

Did he do it all for the next thing? Already been done. Already been said, but I love that all these articles are coming out now making jokes about it, because for the past week, this has been my life. And I'm like, thank God. I was like, see, you're not fucking original. No, to be honest, I think that everyone who knows who Fred Durst is made that joke at least in your head. At least, at least once.

Of course. Probably on their Facebook page and then continue to do it, you know, for the next week. I mean, I know this guy's been arrested and everything, but you know, the only thing I got to tell him, you got to have faith. Man, this guy is a fucking psychopath. He has a hard time. Graze it, crazy, crazy. Man, and I got to say, I just want to be a billionaire because you could do whatever you want when you were.

It's like, oh, we just didn't even, it's like, oh, murder, right, right, right. And like, oh, you should check the man's apartment that's being, you know, a suspect for all these murder. And they're like, and then like 10 years later, we're like, we should look in his apartment. And you're like, what are you talking about? Yes, you should look at his apartment. You crazy motherfuckers? This guy just just straight up killed a bunch of people. Love it, love it, love it, love it.

And just got the fuck away with it real easily. Seems like it. Love everything about it. All right, well, I'm not, I'll watch it. I'll watch it. Back to Randy Quaid just a little bit. He's got his early, uh, film library, his early roles?

Fantastic fucking movies. His first movie was the last picture show. Wait, the last detail? The last detail he was in. And that movie, that is an underrated Jack Nicholson, Jim. Okay. Where Jack Nicholson and

another guy, I don't know his name. Randy Quaid is getting put in prison for eight years for stealing $30 from like a charity, like a charity box. Yeah, they're in the Navy. Randy Quaid's character is sold like

$30 from this charity box and he gets sent up the river and this is them like taking him out like New Orleans right or something like that for yeah they're on their way to taking him to jail but they decide because like in the Navy like my dad used to do that he used to be the guy that would take the guy because like you couldn't just like put him on plane later it's like it was just cheaper to put him on like a train or a bus but you needed someone to guard him to make sure that he got there so these guys decided since he would was so young, they're like, let's go have a fucking great time on our way to prison.

And they just have a great time. But he was, I think he was nominated for an Oscar for that. I think he was. And he's fantastic, he is like. He's great. He was in Paper Moon. Oh, that's the daddy daughter, fucky. I mean, it was, no, that's Lolita. No, wait, no, no, no,

no, no, no, Lodita's a different one. They fucked in real life, though, right? The Paper Moon people? The, um, are their names? Tatum O'Neill? Yes. And Ryan O'Neill? Yeah. Maybe.

I don't know. Right? Isn't that the thing? I don't know. Oh, man. I don't know. But yeah, I do remember that Tatum O'Neill was the youngest person ever win an Academy Award for that.

And Tatum O'Neill was also, she used to be in this, she was in this movie about girls at camp that I think I masturbated to, at least once or twice at the long age. Yeah. It was great. They smoked cigarettes and fucked boys like from the other camps. It wasn't the bad news bears, was it? Oh, my. Did you masturbate to bad news bears? Oh my God, I masturbated to bed just be.

Am I the monster? I would be the monster in that, yes. But no. Oh, yeah. I know which movie you're talking about. Little darlings. Little darlings. Oh, my God.

The bet is on. Whoever loses her virginity first wins. Holy shit, was Tatum O'Neill and Christy McNichael? Yeah, man. Oh, fuck. And they're like 70s hot. Like, I mean, I think they're like... Oh, Matt Dillon's in it?

They're of age. Are they teenagers? They're teenagers, but like, you know, they're older than like they're... I think they're supposed to be like 16 or 17. And like, so it's just like hot. Like, they all have like the 70s like feather hair and like their freckles are showing. And then Matt Dillon was just like the bad boy from the other camp. Yeah, he's hot.

Armanda Sante's in it. That's weird. Armanda Sante. Yeah, this guy. You know, who is the guy's... Oh, Armanda Sonte. Yeah, he played a Judge Dred's brother. He was Judge Death and Judge Dred.

Armand Sunday. Armand Sunday, you know you don't want to come. You don't want to fuck these girls, do you? Cynthia Nixon was in it, huh? Oh, from Sex and the City? From Sex and the City? Yeah, that was her film debut. Apparently, on her IMDB page, that debut was memorable.

So it's possible. Was she fucking? There is a lot. There's a lot of sex. I mean, and it's just like, I feel like I've identified it with it because it was all like girls having sex for the first time, too, so it was all like riddled with sadness too. Were all the guys that were having sex with? Were they gay? You're the asshole.

I thought we were about to reenact the, uh, from Mr. Holland's opus when like he pulls out the, like he does like the okay symbol because he's deaf, the son. And then she goes, it means asshole. Henry and I renecked that a lot I guess you forget that other people don't remember that I've never I don't think I've ever seen Mr. Hollins Because Richard Dreyfers pretends Like his teenage deaf son doesn't know who John Lennon is In the 60s

And then he calls him an asshole Because just because he can't hear Doesn't mean he doesn't know what music is Yeah that's right Hasn't he heard of Beethoven You should watch Mr. Hollins opus I know I'm an arts teacher You what are you doing

I know I am Mr. Howland's Opus It is very so good. Yeah. I have, there's a lot of, like, Hollywood, um,

teacher worship movies that I've been meaning to see, like Dangerous Mines, Mr. Halland's Opus. I think you're definitely more Mr. Hollis opus than dangerous minds. Yeah.

I don't know anything about. I don't, I don't, I just, the race is correct, and dangerous minds. Yes. I would say the kids that you're dealing with

are more Mr. Holland's opus. Yes. Yes. I don't know what you mean because I haven't seen either film, but I'll find out

because I'll watch both of them. Yeah, you should report back. Because we give you a lot of homework every week, Molly. I know. And you haven't been doing your homework. Listen, I follow the things that you guys have recommended that I watch include Cat Daddy. Yeah.

Friday Night Lights. Yeah. Definitely some other things. Definitely some other things. I cannot currently think of. But those two. Which are life changing. These dangerous minds at the door set.

Watch Mr. Hollins open. Mr. Hollis's opus first. Yes. Okay. Got it. Yeah. Watch Mr. And just listen to Gangsters Paradise

and then you're fine. That's the best part. The song was written The Gangster's Badger's Bad. The song was written for the film. Gangsters Paradise by Coalio was written for Mr. Hollinsome.

If you ever seen the music video, it's all like Michelle Pfeiffer in inner city schools like dealing with the heart, urban kids and she can't handle it. Because they're living in a gangster's paradise. And in fact, at one point she is sitting there like she's

sitting down in a chair. Yeah. Yeah, this is how it starts off. Yeah. It was written for. For Dangerous Mines. Yeah, let me start where her, she walks into the room. Culio's smoking a cigarette.

She sits down on the chair downstairs. He's rolled the song for the movie. Yeah. No. Yeah. Yeah, man. Shadow of death, I take a look of my life and realizes nothing. Man, I love this song.

I love this song, too. I never knew it was for dangerous men. You never watch his music video? Man, this was on MTV once an hour, twice an hour. I've seen the music video, but I didn't, I had not, remember how I'm bad at the same movies. I just didn't connect. I must have just thought Michelle Piper's there.

Yeah, because he went from fantastic voyage to this. I was mad when this song came out. And then all the scenes from Dangerous Minds. There it is. But I love the smoke effects of this music video. So many smoke effects, yeah. It's a lot of clips of Michelle Piper and Dangerous. Oh, yeah, they're just like staring at each other.

What does she do? Did she do something bad? No, she's just like a teacher, like, going into a rough school and they don't trust her because she's what. And she has to, like, show them that she deserves respect. Yeah. So that's why it's a little bit dangerous minds and more, and more. Mr. Hollins's open. Yeah, but you're also

you're teaching, you know. Artie kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I said, the race is correct, more dangerous minds while you're teaching more Mr. Hollins over. Yeah, there's so many movies about the struggles of white people

going into schools with kids of color. Dangerous Minds was a good movie, though. Yeah, I don't know, if you really want to watch that one, watch the substitute. What's the one? Ryan Gassling is there, and there's, oh, what the hell is it called Ryan Gosling is there, and it's about him being like a hot, white teacher.

I remember. I didn't watch it. I remember looking at it being like, I should watch it because Ryan Gosling's in and he's hot, but then I didn't give a fuck about the rest of the movie. Pretty much all these movies about white people being like, I'm struggling are the same. Oh, no, it's not a struggle in the substitute. Tom Barringer goes and is a substitute in an inner city school, and he just kills all of them. Yeah, that's a different.

That's bad. Don't do that. That's a whole different genre. Yeah, that's a whole different genre. I'm going to skip that one. Yeah, if you want to see a good Tom Berringer, watch Steel Magnolius. Let's be real people. Oh, no, the big chill.

Go watch Major League. That's a real good Tom Barringer. Yeah, the big chill, he's pretty good in that, too. That's fine. Don't worry about it. No one listened to me. I'm off my rocker today because I watch Randy Quaid come twice. Yeah, you're like tired as if you came twice.

Yeah, I mean, it's like, I wish. I don't feel like. as good. I don't feel as... Actually, no, I do. I feel better. I've had a very stressful day and that relieved a lot of the stress that I had. You come?

I did not. I did not. It gave me like, you know, half a job. Like, I didn't get like full raging or anything like that. But if I'm most people, it doesn't really matter who's having sex. If I watch someone have sex, I'm going to get a bit of a show. Oh, yeah, no. I immediately wanted to watch like real porn afterwards.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I wanted to switch over to. something. Because I still get, I mean, it's still what you want to watch. Yeah, it's still a man and a woman fucking. Yeah. And the woman is, you know,

reasonably attractive. It's more the sounds. But as long as the dog is not barking. If the dog wasn't there, it would be a very different film. Yeah. Can you just imagine, like, I just can't even imagine a dog in the,

I just, I don't know, every time I think about it, it's very upsetting. You know, people always talk about, like, when they have the bigger dogs, like the golden retrievers and stuff like that, they'll go up. and like lick their balls while they're fucking. And they think it's funny and they think it's cute.

And honestly, to me, I want to throw up. I would be so angry. That makes me so disgusting. No, that's also, I think, animal abuse. Animal abuse? No, it's not animal abuse. No, the animal is licking. That is human abuse.

It's, well, but I just mean, like, for example, you know, you hear about, like, dudes who are like, oh, I wanted to get off so I, like, put peanut butter on my balls and had my dog lick my balls. It's totally fine. The dog gets to have some peanut, butter. Yeah, I just don't think...

The dog doesn't care. You're not mentally scarring the dog. That is, and that's true. As long as you don't start raping the dog, that's fine. If you're fucking the dog, then that's going to hurt the dog. But if the dog's just, you know, getting some peanut butter, they don't hear it. They don't know, but I still think that it's not right, morally. We're going to agree to disagree on this.

Peanut butter's peanut butter. I mean, you know, Marcus, you want to put peanut butter all over your chest. Molly, look it up. I don't really like peanut butter I just think anybody who's Licking peanut butter off someone's body In a sexual way should know what they're doing And animals aren't capable of knowing what they're doing

If there's like chicken all over someone's chest Though like I'll eat the chicken But you'll know you want to lick that chicken Yeah I don't want to lick the chicken I want to eat the chicken There you go I'm going to try and not eat their skin I might get a little

And my teeth The little skin I'll be like is that chicken skin I love chicken skin If you were starving What is the most amount? Like say someone came on a chicken And then cooked it

What would be the most amount of come on the chicken That you would accept? I feel like no matter what It would be cooked into it or cooked off of it Yeah And I would eat all of the chicken I'm a vegetarian so I'm a vegetarian so I'm a vegetarian and so I'm already in a kind of Sophie's choice situation.

You already want to eat meat to survive, obviously, but it would be negative, you know, to begin with. I'd rather certainly not eat chicken with cum on it. Yeah, certainly not. Honestly, cum doesn't bother me that much because, you know what? I eat it. Yeah, right. Depends on who's cum.

Yeah. That is true, yeah. Like, if your boyfriend's come, whatever, no problem. Although if he's coming on my chicken, I probably don't want to date him anymore. If he keeps coming on my chicken before I fucking cook it, I'd be like, you know what? I don't know. I'm working out. Stop.

Stop. Stop coming on my chicken. I can't live like that. I have two complaints. Can you do dishes more often and can you stop coming on the chicken? You know, it's fine. I understand you need to come somewhere, but there's other places to come. Anywhere else, really a Kleenex.

Never a sock. I don't know. The sock thing is weird. I do socks. Sock grows, you come inside the socks. Yes. Why isn't it easier to just do it in a Kleenex and then throw it away? I don't have a trash can in my.

bedroom and so I'd have to have like... Get a trash can in your bedroom. You don't know how small my bedroom is. I do know how small. I don't have anywhere to put a trash can. I know how small a trash can can be. It can be very small. I don't have any room for a trash can. Plus it'll give

my room a cummy smell. You don't have... I mean, I do know men with rooms with comies smell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know men with rooms with cummy smells. I don't like having what about if you walked to the bathroom afterwards and flush the Kleenex down the toilet. Well, maybe now that a I'm moving out of the house that I'm currently living in.

Because right now I live with my ex-girlfriend. And she kind of, I don't know, like parks in the living room. Yeah. Which is right next to the bathroom. And so I'd have to like after I came, go outside. Wait, so what do you do with the sock? Doesn't the socks stay in your room? Yeah, throw that in the laundry, though.

Yeah, but that smells like come in your room. It soaks up the smell somehow. I don't know. Trust me. I have been masturbating a long time. I know what smells least. Do you lube up the sock? No, no, no, no.

The sock is more like a dream catcher. Oh, you just put it in it. Yeah, you just put it in it. I thought you had your dick inside of a sock and we're rubbing a dry sock against your dick. Sometimes. Oh, interesting. It depends on if I'm like, I've got different, like, solo techniques that I use. Do you do the dead hand?

I don't do the dead hand. What's the dead hand? You sit on your hand and wait and wait until it goes numb. and then you use your hand so it feels like someone else's hand. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. It's standard practice.

It's called the stranger. It makes me feel it, but then the pins and needles, like I don't want to. Yeah, that's right. I hate it when any part of my body goes to sleep. Yeah, yeah. It doesn't, yeah, yeah. It doesn't feel good at all. Oh, boy, man.

You work with teenagers and you don't remind me. You don't know these things? They ask me sometimes if I've got lotion. I don't appreciate it. I know what they're talking about. out and I don't appreciate it. I love that attitude though. I know what you're talking about.

And I don't appreciate it. I'm not shaming them. I feel that a question today, which is why I'm being so emotionally affected by this, where a kid was like, miss, I just have to be honest, something's on my mind. And I was like, you always feel safe in this room.

You can say anything because I'm not going to teacher. And I was like, there's no judgment. And he was like, I went to the nurse's office and the nurse. and then he made some sort of hand gesture that I didn't understand. And he was like, at any way, I got a big boner. I just needed to express myself. And I was like, I appreciate you expressing yourself.

Sounds like he was making fun of your class of what you teach in the class. Actually, with the lotion. We're tight. We're tight. Are they just ashy? It's definitely they want to, they request lotion and then they request going to the bathroom. Oh, yeah. No, it's not okay. Yeah, you can just put the lotion on.

You're anywhere. Yeah. Yeah. going to, so what they want to go to the bath, like they want you to just like squeeze some lotion. I mean, the thing is, I don't have shit. I don't have anything. I've got whatever I bring with me. I have no

materials. I have a notebook. And so, yeah, so they're just, but they're fucking around. They know, like, to the extent that they know, like, we can fuck with teachers by being like, can I have some lotion and then go to the bathroom. And I'm not, I only have them every so often. So they do that, they fuck with their normal teachers more

often like that. But they did it to me, and I was like, no. But then so this kid expressed his boner problem and I was like you know all the kids are laughing and I was like you know I get it you can you know I got no yeah

I was like I don't have anything to add and then all the other kids raised their hands and like wanted to contribute because of course when some kids says I had a boner this one time everyone else wants to say I had a bono this other time so they joined in instead of like making fun of them nobody made fun of him

but it's great you had it you've created a safe space? I have. And I mean, granted, I know that they can play you when you're an adult, and they've played me on many other things. But this time... I was so afraid after this kid was like, yeah, I went to the nurse's office and I had this boner, and all the other kids raised their hands, and I thought they were going to tell boner stories. They didn't. They all had stories about how much they hate the hernia test at the doctor's office.

They were like, why does the doctor have to touch? your, and they are all like kids so they don't say it. It's like, why does they have to, you know, do that? And I was like, yeah, I mean, going to the doctor says, it's unpleasant. What do you mean hernia test? When they grab your D. Yeah, they pull up your,

they lift your testicles, do you turn your head to the left and cough. Oh, I don't have to do that. No, no, that's just a man thing. Yeah, but women get hernia too. Yeah, well, we don't have any reliable way to test that. It's not in your balls. So we just ignore it. Yeah, but I mean, interesting. Yeah, because when a man

gets a hernia, you remember when Ed got his hernia. Remember how much you talked about his testicles? Yes, I've heard about it's hernia. The issue is it's like so if a doctor of mine tries to put their fingers inside of my vagina and say, I'm doing a hernia test, then that's wrong. Yes, that's a wrong thing.

I just want to clarify it. But this is the thing, right? Like when you're, when you're, like, if you have a vagina... I'm fine. If you have a vagina, you don't really get that and, like, at a physical, it's not that invasive until you're 18 and you go, or whatever, 16, Oh, yeah, they put the clamp in you. But when you're a boy, you know, you're tan and they do the hernia test.

And so all these boys had complaints about it. And they were like, miss, why don't they invent a machine that does it so the doctor's hands don't have to do it? And I was like, that's a great question, children. Now we've got to move out. We must get back to our improv piece. All right, time for the list. Yeah, who's on the list. Yeah, got to have that list.

Brandy Quaid. Stars with odd middle name. Uh-oh. Are these gonna be coo? Hugh Grant's middle name is Mongo. Mungo. What kind of name is Mungo? All right, it's time for blind items.

That's it. We can't see them. We can't see them. They're not interesting. Umma Thurman's middle name is Karuna. Umma Karuna. Umma Karuna. Umma Karuna's gonna fuck you up.

That's what I meant. That's what they killed Bill. The meme song should be. David Carradine died for you, and then it'll be like clips of the Randy Quaid sex tape. Blind items this week, it's kind of a sad crop. Thank God we had the Randy Quaid sexting today. I really did the heavy lifting. Everybody is, everybody's underground right now, I think.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This celebrity offspring is always alone at school plays and concerts and anything else that involves public gatherings. The offsprings B-list actress mom, who is Mitt Ways. more famous inside her own head than she really is, despite her A-plus list actor ex-husband thinks people will want photos and autographs and prefers to just stay home depriving her daughter of any social interaction. Dead eyes. Oh, it's dead eyes.

Oh, man, fucking dead eyes. You would 1,000 percent. Of course. Man, I just, I'll never forget the picture of her bringing gluten. free cupcakes to a party. And it was something like Katie Holmes had said, like, oh, you know, you have to be aware of all the children's allergies. Give me a fucking break.

That alone, besides the dead eyes, I understand gluten free is a big fucking thing right now. Well, it's a big thing, but it's a big fake thing. It's a big fake thing. Oh, yeah. And for her, it's been all that money on fucking gluten-free cupcakes for her to bring in, which, you know what? Taste like garbage. Yeah.

Because you know who's it cupcakes? Gluten. So don't bring a fucking cupcake to a gluten-free party, y'all. Molly, do you have anything to add to that? You look disturbed while I was saying this. I only, I was watching Cupcake Wars over the weekend. Not disturbed. Wandering.

There was a cupcake person on Cupcake Wars who made vegan gluten-free cupcakes. She was having a problem with a number of the challenges, which involved non-vegan. Consistency. Yeah, of course, yeah, of everything. gluten-free ingredients. You know what was disgusting, Molly? Is a show that you love about the children

and they're cooking? Is that Rachel versus Guy Kids Cook-off or is it Master Chef Jr.? I think it's Master Chef Jr.? Because there's two genres of children's cooking show. I think it's Master Chef Jr. And what they had to do was they had to take sweet products

and create savory-looking products. That was the holiday kids, whatever, Kids baking Cup championship. That made me want to punch. my television to death. No, I saw that one, and it was really annoying. It was the only episode of any of this shit I've ever watched. I was like, why does Molly like this garbage?

I don't like that one. No, that one's no. I'm so mad. They had to make like spaghetti and meatballs that tastes like cake. It looks like spaghetti and meatballs. Oh, it's sushi, but it's made out of fruit roll-ups and cereal. Yeah, no. No, no one wants that.

Why? We can do this to anyone. No, I was pissed off about that episode, too. All right, well, at least I just needed to get that off my chest. They made little burgers, little burgers out of cake. The sliders. Yeah. I'm going to say, Molly, I judged you very much that way.

And I was like, why does Molly, what's wrong with Molly? I don't like that one. I feel like maybe you need to have a donkey kick you in the head. We need to talk about Molly. We need to talk about Molly. Ever since she was a baby. And Tilda Switten was her mother. She keeps staring off.

a good movie. I really, that movie is ridiculous. That movie is ridiculous. We're talking about the movie we need to talk about Kevin, which I love making jokes about. But man, that scene...

We need to talk about that movie and how little sense it makes. What are you talking about, children aren't like that. There are some children that are like that. And then the whole scene where she opens up the door and he stares at her

and he's like jerking off at her, and then she just like stares at him and then closes the door. Creepy. If it wasn't for Tilda, Switten, that movie would have blown away like a dandelion in the wind. What do you do with a child

that is insane that no one believes you? I've worked with children who have hard times. So I, that part, that was why I wanted to watch the movie. I was like, yeah, kids are fucked up sometimes. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about Kevin. That movie it's just a Tilda Switten

stair vehicle. Yeah, what about Babadook though? Think about that. Think about the whole like, the mother child syndrome. What if Tilda Switten was a crazy one the entire time? Same as with Babadook. Oh, I haven't seen it. Oh, that didn't give anything away.

Oh, okay. No, gave me nothing away. Babadook is great. All right. It is not scary. It's suspenseful. All right, cool. I like suspenseful. Next up, this is a bit of a long one but it's good. Are we willing to join this ride?

I'm willing. Hop on, ladies. Ew. You doing your best Randy Klan just now? Yeah. I'm on way. Molly! This horrifying encounter

with the very famous actress and her husband at the time took place several years ago. One day while working on a project, the actress slept in. One of the members of her staff knocked on her bedroom door and called her name softly at first

and then louder, trying to awaken her. The aide said, it was my responsibility to get her up if she was running late to set, but there was no response. The staff person walked into the bedroom and gasped in horror. She said it looked like a slaughterhouse. The sheets were soaked with blood. I was sure that the actress and her husband had been stabbed to death, so I started screaming.

The screaming woke up the actress and her husband. She said, they just sat up, looked at me, and smiled. They were totally casual about it like there was nothing wrong or weird. They told me it was just blood play. and that they had a little too much fun last night, but they were fine. I knew she was a cutter, but I didn't know what she liked to do with her husband. The staff person quit that day. The actress eventually divorced her husband.

We do not know if she is still a cutter or if she engages in blood play with her new significant other. This couple, they did have a bit of blood play in public. She kept a vial of his blood. Oh, Angelina and friggin' Brad or Billy Bob? What does blood play me? Fucking with blood? Just what you think.

Oh, no. Oh, wait. You just went full Midwest in there. Oh, it's just what you think. Just what you think. No, no, no, no. Okay, wait. Blood as lube?

She's on her period, or do they cut and then use? They cut and then use the blood as a part of, uh, So it's like their life force. The first one that you described is something that I hope that, you know, people just do because it's, you know, fine. Oh, yeah. I don't mind getting fucking, I don't mind getting a little dirty. I mean, most people don't. Honestly, then you don't have to worry about getting it all ready to go.

It's already ready. It's like a slip and slopp. Yeah, it's a little grittier than normal. Yeah, but it's a slip and slide. Yeah, yeah. But that's so weird. Because I also I was thinking of blood as lube where like they would just like use like, I guess, pig's blood or they probably have the money to buy actual blood.

I bet they can buy human blood, yeah. But I think part of it is cutting yourself and then using that cut. I just, it's like, that doesn't make me feel closer to someone. I feel like I'd be like, ow, ow, ow, ow. And also, I just hope, I mean, I guess there are celebrities. They probably have pretty good health insurance. I hope that they are thoroughly tested. I'm sure they're fine.

Of course, yeah, yeah, they've got to be. They're both still looking healthy. Billy Bob Thornton just wanted to grab Emmy I mean that was a while ago though Golden Globe you just want a golden globe I don't want that guy's blood anywhere near me He just seems like a Not because his blood

There's anything wrong with his blood But he's just a I wonder if he like cut himself And then like put his blood all over his dick And she like sucked him off That could also be a thing That could happen Also it's sad that you don't wake up for an alarm

You know if you have to have an assistant come in Well, you might be... To make sure you're awake. A little blood out, you know? I guess, but, like, right before you got to go to shoot the next day, it's like, don't you have months off that you guys can, like, cut each other? Save your blood play for a Saturday morning. Yeah.

Blood time. Yeah. Like, like, having a different day now when you have to go to set the next morning. When you got to work the next morning, just like, you know, don't get wasted right before you got to go to work. Don't get all drained of your blood. Yeah, don't be cutting on yourself. Yeah. It's terrible stuff.

But you know what? It's behind both of them now. Yeah, you know what it is. Is it? I feel like, I don't know. I feel like, and I feel like that was a crazy. I've been in crazy relationships like that. That was definitely a crazy relationship.

But I feel like she and Brad must have some sort of temple or something. Yeah, no way she goes from being that weird to that normal. There's got to be something. Like with all those kids, I feel like there's got to be, I don't know. I'm not saying sexual abuse at all. I'm saying the opposite of that. I think that there's something weird in that family that's happening. There has to be.

God damn. Billy Bob Thornton has been married six times. Good for him. It's because of Monsters Ball. Oh, Rancid Movie. That's what my mother said. That was the quote for my mother after she saw Monsters Ball. She said, Rancid movie.

And I'll never forget that. Wow, rancid. I don't really, I mean, I guess I get what it means, but I don't think she watched the whole thing. I think she probably stopped when Hallie Barry and Billy Bob Dorden had sex with each other It's probably when she stopped I imagine so

All right, we got a gay I know Oh, who's gay, who's gay, who's gay, who's gay, Oh, this B-list offspring Slash actor, young kid Is being shunned by the people He thought were his closest friends They have not been very nice at all Since he told them that he's gay

His celebrity parents have been really supportive but are in damage control mode too because of some associations to which they belong which require these types of things need to be kept secret. His parents are Scientologists He's a young kid. Jaden.

Yeah. Oh my God. Slam dunk. I mean, they are on weirdo street. They're heading down a weirdo town. Oh, yeah. It's fine. Yeah.

I mean, I'm down with a weirdo, but that kind of weirdo. It's just... I want the thing is I think that Jaden and Willow's weirdness is... I think those kids are... I appreciate their weirdness. I think they're cool.

I just think it's coming from something a lot more sinister than just being unique. Right, right. You know what I mean? Right. And how could they not be all fucked up growing up and... Sinister. Yeah.

What about that pick of her? She's so young with that 20-year-old guy half-naked in a bed. Yeah, but remember how we talked about how Miley Cyrus had those naked pictures with her own father. Who's also fucked up? They're all fucked up.

They're all fucked up. They're all super fucked up. If Jaden is queer gay slash gay, I think that that's totally makes those kids even cooler in my eyes except for, of course, people are going to be totally terrible to him because the world is terrible. It's Scientology.

Most everyone else is going to be fine with him. Yeah. It's just a sign. He just grew up with Scientologist people, and now the Scientologist kids don't like that, so now he's just got to find new friends. But that's like, that's what's weird about Will and Jada being Scientologists, because they're, they, I mean, obviously, who knows, but they seem like otherwise cool people. Maybe he'll be like, yeah, I love you no matter what.

Well, they're also both gay, so they know what he's going through. Right. So it's like Scientology is going to be the thing that fucks that relationship up, not them. Yeah. I'm guessing this is probably going to pop them out of Scientology. I hope it does. I hope so. I think Scientology's about to go down.

I can't wait to see it. When does it come out, Marcus, do you know? Oh, man, okay, let me check. Going clear. That comes out on... We'll find it. Of course, I'm sure keeping it under lock and key. Can we go together?

No, we'd just be assaulted, like with jinks. Everyone watch Jinks. I'll watch it tonight. Oh, my God, it's so good. All right, that's it. Let's get the fuck out of here, y'all. Please, everyone watch the Randy Quaid sex tape. I also don't.

I mean, but do. Do. Do. You know. Scroll through it. Please. It's definitely worth your time. I hope you guys have a great day. My name is Jackie Zabrowski.

My name is Molly Neffball. I'm Marcus Parks. Market on, walking on. Broken Grand!