Page 7 - Episode 121: Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow with Ed Larson

Episode Date: July 13, 2015

Ed Larson joins us to talk about the Duggar controversy and why Sally Ride took 100 tampons into space. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

There's nothing wrong with me Loving you Oh no la nah That's what Josh Stugger was singing for years of his life My name is Jackie Zabrowski My name is Molly Neffel I'm Marcus Parks and we got Ed Larson in the studio with us Big Brother Ed, Big Brother Ed is here

Thank you for inviting me in the room of your slumber party For just a tiny while Ed really started singing along right at the beginning and if listeners didn't know that he was in the room, people would have thought that my singing voice had really improved. Or you just got really, really deep, really fit. Dwayne Allman is singing the song, everybody. No, nothing. I get nothing.

Well, no, he had a very smooth, sweet voice. He barely sang. That was more like Neil Diamond. now. Oh, okay. Me love you. Man, I'd watch the shit out of Neil Diamond now. He's on tour.

Is he on tour? Go watch Neil Diamond, everyone. Greatest entertainer in American history. Man, does he still wear sparkles? Did he do that? Yeah, he'd wear sparkles, big sunglasses, all kinds of shit. Is he a home of sex? No, no, he's just a good-looking man.

Yeah, he is. Who's better dressed, Barry Manilow or Neil Denon? Neil Diamond. Bill Diamond. Barry Malo wasn't known for his dress. like he wasn't an Elton John he was a tuxedo man I see I mean strapping

Neil Diamond in casual wear seems to be more of a turtleneck guy these days What is that picture I hate this picture It's a picture of Neil Diamond in a turtleneck Diamond dye your hair You're Neil Diamond

You still have black hair I'm happy he doesn't die his hair I say good for him You know I'm sick of these guys die in their hair die in their hair. I'm sick especially the rock guys. Like, what's his name? Pete Townsend. He needs to have the, just gray hair.

Don't get, I don't believe that he's blonde anymore. Yeah, I mean, I think that you can do either Eternal Neck or gray hair, but you can't do both. Yeah, because then he looks like a worm that lives inside of the library. A college professor

who knows too much about shit no one cares about. Yeah, and that isn't fucking all of his students and what kind of kind of college professor is that? Show some neck, college professor. Show some tantalizing neck. I forgot how sexy a neck could be. It's better than no neck.

Nobody should wear a turtleneck except maybe a very young child. I don't know. I wear some turtlenecks. I got turtlenecks with snowmen on it. You do? Yeah, but that's different. It has snowmen on it. It has snowmen on it. It's more of a mock. It's a mock. It's not a full. It's a mock. If Neil Diamond had a turtle neck with snowmen on it,

then we wouldn't be having this conversation. I don't know. I think we would definitely be having this conversation, B. Ed Snowman on his turtle night. We'd be having a conversation. Well, the celebrity conversation that everybody's talking about now, whether it be people in the celebrity news world or the hard news world is, of course, the Josh Dugger sexual misconduct allegations. Oh, I'm not a molest, you.

Big misconduct. Oh, no, no, please, no, molest me. Oh, no, I see my sister, I'm going to molest. No, no, no, no, I've got a molest. I'm sorry I have to molest you. I'll be the parents. Keep it quiet. You can molester, but don't say anything about it.

No consequences for you. Just don't do it again. And if you do tell anybody, make sure that it's a police officer who later goes to prison for having child pornography. That is perfect. Whoa, is that true? Yeah. I really don't know much about this story. Did you tell me a little about it?

Here's the stories that Josh Dugger, the oldest of 19 and counting. He is the head of all of the children. 22, 23, 27. 27. Yeah, he's 27. He's the head. He's really big into politics, specifically Republican politics, specifically anti-gay, pro-quote family values politics. Never watched the show. He campaigned for Mike Huckabee. Really? He campaigned for Rick. For Santorum. He campaigned for Huckabee in 2008. Santorum in 2012. Now he's back on the Huckabee train.

Got it. Huckabee, it's a great name. Yeah. It's a great name. Did you ever see that picture? him and his fat kids and they're all in the fucking striped shirts. I didn't know he had fat kids. Now I might vote for him. I love anybody with fat kids. If you allow your fat kids to be fat, I love it. All right. I'm going to have to, okay, I'm

going to have to look up the Huckabee Fat family photo because it's pretty, it's pretty fantastic. Oh my God, they're fat. They're fat. Yeah, they're super fat and they're all dressed. They're wearing searsucker blankets.

Matching striped shirts. However, the dog is thin and I appreciate that. Also, when we say kids, we mean grown young men. They are grown men, yes. We're not laughing at little 11, 12 year olds. We're talking a family photo where everyone's dressed a leg, but everyone appears to be well into adulthood. Yes, they are very much in control over their own destinies. Yeah, and outfits. The dog is thin because if it's fat, they'd be scared of he was going to eat them.

I would love a big group CCR picture where we all wear. the same thing. That's a good idea. That's actually a great idea. With snakes. As long as we had a bunch of snakes involved. I can make that happen. Yes, I bet you could. Snakes on the shirts. Like we all wear matching snakes? No, no, we're holding snakes. Everyone's holding a snake.

Real snake. At least five snakes each. Five each. Yeah, multiple snakes. That sounds like Steven Spielberg during greatest of a lost heart. No, no, more snakes. What I'm saying is, yeah, no, he's scared of snakes. But we put more snakes in it. Oh, I don't mean five total. So Josh Dunger, he's very much a big family values guy. I mean, when he's in private, the things he says about gay people, you couldn't even imagine.

I mean, it's definite execution on the spot type of shit. And what happened is a few days ago, it came out that he had molest. It's not even allegedly. He definitely molested his younger sister. three younger sisters and two other girls when he was 14 years old uh how old were the sisters um younger i don't necessarily know how well he if they're 13 then it's just like you were being gross if they were like eight then you should be hitting a half of the hammer yeah also he had that many sisters i mean he had like because right after him is like three of the oldest sisters where it's like

it definitely could have been them it could have been the younger ones there's so many fucking pussy to feel up in that house, that it could have been anyone that he decided to grab that day. And was that the only time? I bet it fucking wasn't. Well, he admitted to the five times, or at least five kids. I don't know whether it was five times or five kids.

But apparently he admitted it to his parents. They waited almost a year before reporting it to anybody, and the person they reported it to was a police officer who later on went to jail for having both child porn and for grooming kids. So how are we supposed to take this seriously? Because they have admitted it. Everyone has?

Everyone's like, yeah. Everyone's just like, yeah, it happened. It happened. And as Marcus alluded to, part of the problem with this is not just that it's really, really bad that your kid is a child molester and you didn't do anything about it.

But like you said, they want to murder gay people. They have said in the past that all transgender people are child molesters. They think all gay people are child molesters. So they hurl around the insult child molester a lot. And they've got one in their ranks. Years in the past, their like Jim Bob,

who was the head of the Dugger family, was a senator, by the way. He was a senator? Yeah. That's how they got into politics. He was either a senator or a representative, but he was definitely in Congress. But he openly protests against incest and rapists

and that they should be immediately put to death. Here is his exact statement on that. From his website, abortion position and specifically where do you stand on rape, incest, and a threat to the mother's health? That's so many questions. It's a general question.

Murder, stealing, rubber, what are you going on? I guess kill them all? Actually, yeah, it's execution for everybody except the innocent unborn baby. He said that rape and incest represent heinous crimes and as such should be treated as capital crimes, capital

crimes being punishable by death. So he believes... anyone who has an abortion should be put to death? Well, they don't necessarily come out and say that. They say if somebody rapes or has incestual relations with somebody and a child is born of that, the person who raped or incested their relative should be exigate. But not the child. But not the child that is born from.

Because the developing infant committed no crime. And they are not pro-choice. Obviously, yeah. Of course they're not pro-choice. Yeah, the whole thing is that like she was on birth control for like a month. That's like her big stance, Michelle Dugger was like, I was in birth control for a month and I got pregnant and I lost the baby. It was because of birth control. Birth control is evil.

And then like that's when they started the host, like when they got really involved in the whole quiver movement. And it's just so disgusting. Quiver movement makes me want to throw up in this microphone. It's exactly what you think it is. Yes, it is. Of course it's sexual. It is a long cylindrical thing going into a big hole. It's a quiver.

I'm a quival ready. But what's really gross is that Josh Steger in the show, which I've watched a lot of this fucking show. In the show is 19 and counting, meaning they have 19 children. And counting. So there's 21 in them.

Now, right? Yes. There's 21 now? It started as 17. She lost the child. So one? 18 and then 19. Oh, so it's 20 total now.

I think so. Because she's one of the kids died. Yeah, 19 out of 20 of them, good to go. Oh, okay. So one out of your 20 children will be a molester. I guess so. Statistically, two of their kids are definitely gay. Oh, yeah.

No, but they would be already dead if they were definitely gay. But Josh Dugger on the show is married to a woman. They watched his courtship. Now they have his own, like now they have children as well. and so they follow them also and they're all naming them I forget because all of them begin with J's all the kids begin with J's. Yeah, I know that much.

And I forget, I think it's M that all of his kids are doing or some kind of fucking bullshit. Why you would do that? Why would you do that? Because it's, mm, delicious. What's really interesting is I was just reading this whole article that like Mama June from Honey Boo Boo Boo, she was like

So happy, she's not the worst anymore. Well, basically she was saying, Like, you're saying that I was dating this guy that molested my children. I wasn't dating this guy. There was no proof. Seven hours after the story came out, bam, show is canceled. This show has not been canceled yet. And she went on and on to say that, like, basically in her Mama June way, saying that, like, I ain't never touched my kids.

I think he's disgusting. Anybody touching a kid? Anybody touching anybody? I think he's disgusting. And then Josh said, he's definitely been touching kids. And he was a kid at a time, but they were touching kids. They should cancel the show. You know what it is?

You know why they got canceled and the Duggers didn't get canceled? Because they weren't as popular. No, it's because they weren't as much of a fucking handful. They were like, the Mama June Posse, I bet they were so hard to wrangle, show up on time, do the work they were asked. You know, these Duggers, I bet fucking fell in line, did everything they were told, so easy to, like, be scripted and ready to go. The Mama June Klan were fucking partiers. Yeah, because they were fun. Yeah, exactly.

And we wanted to watch that kind of shit. But they couldn't control them, and that's what TLC wants to do. They want to control them. Not only that, but the Duggers are deep, deep, deep into politics. They've actually got power. Like, they have very real power that they can wield. And they've got status. Like, I feel like it's, you know, everybody, on the one hand, everyone, not everyone,

but a lot of people kind of point and laugh at various TLC shows like, oh, funny, you know, funny, poor people, funny. Little people. Little people, men. Little people, big world. But like, you know, as we've talked about many times on the show before, the whole point of Honey Boo Boo, even though I fucking love that family, the whole point for the audience is to kind of like point and laugh and feel better than the hillbillies.

Whereas with the Duggers, they have like social status, right? Because they're Christian and they're wealthy. And like, so it's not the same thing as just like, oh, the hillbillies molest their kids, which was the kind of go-to, like when the... It's easy to say that. TLC should be just as much to blame as everyone else. You put fucking freaks on television for people to watch the freaks show and then you fire them when they act like freaks. And like, what's wrong with you?

It is like, of course they're going to act this way. That's why you gave them a job, you idiot. Yeah, you want to talk about something fucking weird and freaky. The first time that Josh met his now wife, they went and her and her parents went over to the Dugger family household because that's what they do. every single one of their dates were chaperone. I've got one of two things, one of two fucked up things here. You're waving all kinds of fingers. He's very upset.

The first thing is that he told, supposedly told both this woman and her parents the first time that he met them about the molestation. What? First date. Man. It's good to get it out there. She said when my family and I first visited the Dugger home, Josh shared his past teenage mistakes.

I was surprised at his openness and humility and at the same time didn't know why he was sharing it for Josh. He wanted not just me, but my parents to know who he really was. Even every difficult past mistakes. And also he's really fucking rich. Yes. And that's why they wanted to fucking be with him. But what's awful too is that when the parents actually found out about this, they were like,

okay, well, we're going to put you into a Christian counselor. and then the girls that got molested we'll put them into a Christian counselor too and then that'll be it and then we'll all be absolved of our sins disgusting then you're absolved because you're like yeah yeah I fucking felt up on her

while she was asleep my younger fucking sister you big disgusting asshole I don't care that it was 15 years ago he was 14 he was 14 I don't care it's you that you did that I want to sound like the problem here

but I say, if you get caught, if your child molest your little sister at 15, you've got to beat it out of them. Yes. Just one way. That or get him out of the family. You have so many fucking kids. You really want this problem in your family.

You're that politically connected. Get him out. Talk about putting the fox in the hen house. Put him out to the corn. No, send him to the cornfield. Get this kid out of the family. That's what they should have fucking done. So I read something that was, that also made the point that, you know, part of all of this, too.

So there's, if he's an actual pedophile, right, like a repeat, like he's attracted to children, that's one thing. He was a young, right, he was a kid, he doesn't see, we don't know that he's done it again. Meaning he, you know, meaning he did this horrible, horrible thing for which there needed to be consequences. It's not necessarily something that he's going to do again. but the problem To five different girls Including three of his sisters I think it's the sister part

That really disgust me though But right So the thing that I read that just to So is that That is born out of this Christian Anti-Sex ideology Where you tell a 14 year old kid That he's gonna go to hell and burn forever

If he masturbates He's gonna go and fucking get creepy With the other all these other girls in his house Like you said Filled with hormones Catholic fucking priests It's the exact same thing. Yeah, right.

If you pent up all that sexual energy, rape, rape, rape, rape, rape, rape, right, rape. At least he wasn't raping them. I do have to say that. One more and you're cut off. For the month. For the month. That's it.

That's all the loud. I understand. I have at least another string of five R's in me. Yeah, yeah. And that's what you're going to have to do. You're going to have to say R for a while. Save it up because there's still. like fucking a week and a half

left in this month. Oh no, what am I going to do? Forcible penetration. All right. Scorn the way around it. I guess we're going to have to rewrite the bylaws next month. Well, I guess you better look long and hard at it, Marcus.

Long and hard, just like Josh Dugger touching on his sisters. But like what you said about the Catholic priest thing, it's true. It's like if you fucking prevent people from expressing their sexuality and healthy and safe ways, then they're going to take it out on other people. And that doesn't necessarily mean that he's sexually attracted to children.

It means he was a fucking horny 14-year-old boy who did a fucking horrible thing because he didn't... He thought that it was less... Right. He thought it was less horrible than masturbating because he had probably been told all sorts of of demons stuff about masturbating. Probably no one told him that it was wrong to touch your sister. Because you know what? If he's really into the Bible, Bible's fully in.

incest. And they don't teach them about sex at all, right? So if anything, it's, you know, if you have any... Until like 12. I went to Catholic school. No, they're homeschooled. Oh, they're homeschooled. They're quivers. They're all, it's all what the parents want to fucking know. God, I hate that. They're called quivers. It's the worst.

The quiver movement is awful. Ugh, bleak. Quiver movement is like what I like, hope to achieve during sex. Yeah, it sounds like trembling next to one another. That's what I think. Think about this if you're quivering while about to orgasm. Think about this. Oh, side note, have you guys ever heard of soaking?

No. It's something that the Mormons do, where they just, all they do is they just stick the dick in and then just leave it there because they believe that the sin lies in the back and forth motion. Oh, come on. I mean, it's a fun thing, but don't call it that. Soaking. Is that a fun thing? Just have your dick just inside of the moment.

You're not feeling. Ew. Ew, ew, ew, we're together, we're together, it's us. That means you want to throw up into my jizzy. I think that's so disgusting. Soaking. Oh, that is horrible. Spin in a circle.

I'm not trusting, am I? Mormons, they're all fucked, but they ain't no quivers. I'll tell you that. Nope, no, they're called, yeah, quiverful, full quiver. quiverful-minded or just QF Christians. Ugh, I, I guess I am definitely one of those. I watched the show because I hated it so much. And I just kept watching it. And I would skip around and just watch different episodes.

I was like, Jesus Christ, it's so fucking awful. How could you do that to somebody? You know, it's like, these are the kids that are going to end up growing up and joining Okie Cupid and banging weird dudes every night. That's what they're going to fucking do. Listen to where quiver comes from. Actually it comes from the Old Testament. Lo, children are a heritage of the Lord,

and the fruit of thy womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man. So are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them. They shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate. I don't even know what that fucking means. Just make God happy with them.

Yeah, it means it makes God happy to make a whole bunch of Christians because there's always going to be people there to fuck with you so you need an army. You need a Christian army. That's what they're doing. They're building their own fucking Christian army. Every word you said in that parable, except for and and the, could have been like a sex innuendo. Fruit, womb, reward, mighty. Arrows in the quiver. In and out of the quiver. I thrust my arrow in, I take it out. I put it in again.

Or maybe I leave it there to soak for just thine bit. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them. God, kill the bad guy from Game of Thrones. When you do that, you sound like, what's his name? Joffrey. Not Jaffrey, the one who stole the brother and made him reek. Oh, fucking Ramsey. Ramsey.

Yeah, you are Ramsey. Oh, well. You know, I just I'm not going to get into that. I'm not going to get into. You almost said thank you. I can see it in your face. Yeah, he looked happy.

He is an amazing villain. He's such a good villain. We're not going to get into that. I haven't seen this season yet. So, I'm Russian now. I'm sorry. Yeah, there's all kinds of fucked up things

happening here. And there's not a whole lot that's, I don't think anything's going to come to this. I think it's going to be a blip and it's going to kind of go away. I'll never forget. This is going to be my new 9-11. But I guarantee, you know what, I'm going to go out and make it. I'm going to make a prediction here.

The show will not be canceled. I think it's going to go on and this is. We're going to use this. Yeah. And that's what's so awful. I'll tell you what. Last children were molested during 9-11. Yeah.

Well, that's what you're. They were too busy screaming and running. Screaming and running. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Ed. Think about Ed's roast corner. I have some old roast jokes that I wrote about the Duggers,

not necessarily about Josh and his molestation. Yeah, you're going to have to go back to the writing pad for these new information. I did, I did. I pulled them up and I found him. All right, so let's hear him. Ed's Roast Corner. Is it a theme song or anything? Okay, here we go.

Make fun of me real first. We'd use the barrel joke and then... Oh, yeah. We got a roast corner from Ed Larson, boys. he sure is barrel chested. Too bad that barrel is full of fat. Real score. Thanks, Marcus.

Thank you so much, man. Hey, how's that girl that's buried under your bed? Decomposing and getting worse every day. What a good time we're having here at the Roast of the Duggers. I tell you, they got 10 boys and 9 girls. In China, they would have been 10 boys and 9 ghosts. Am I right? Come on.

I heard that having sex with Michelle Dugger is as stimulating as having sex with Lake Gokachobi. No. Oki, Toby. Oh,ki, no, thank you. And finally, I would like to say that I heard that the word Dugger is becoming the new racial slur for white people. Boy, look at this room full of Dugger.

Thank you, everybody. I'll have a good night. Yay. I love that. I love the music for it. Your Rose Corner is in the corner of an outdoor circus. I love it. That is, uh, those magnificent men in their flying machines by the South Shore Concert Circus Man.

No one is listening, but everybody is sweating. That's from Circus Marches, volume 25. What were on the first 24, August? We've got to go back. I guess I don't. Track one, volume one. Oh, yeah. I hate it.

I hate it. I hate it. Bob C. The bearded man. What? He's just like you and me? Is it a big top? Is it a lion or is it dead?

This man has no balls. By the way, it's called Thunder and Blazes, and it starts every fucking volume of circus marches. Every single one. Well, yeah, of course. Is there like a sad one that is the last song on all the circus fathers? Well, let's see. I mean, there are some sad ones.

It's called Farts and Walking. Man, I've never found it again. Have I talked about it on you that circus reality show I watched on PBS? I haven't been. I can't remember where it's called. called I haven't been able to find it. I'm sure if I did a simple search I'd be able to find it. But it is the weirdest thing. And also, I learned so much about circuses. Circuses are fucking fascinating. Yeah, but the hierarchy is insane in circuses.

It's just called circus, right? I don't know. Yeah, it was a PBS documentary. I watched it on the television. Came out a couple years ago. He's like, was it a show? Was it a movie? I don't know. I had it on the television. I don't know. I wasn't a street. Was it a frontline documentary? No, it was just called circus, right? I mean, is this, is this look correct? Sure. Yeah.

I know it's about a certain big top. Men with mustaches. But it was really creepy and also really interesting about how like, like the hierarchy of like, I'm not going to teach you my tricks, you got to fucking figure it out. And like, it's really kind of scary. I remember when I was a kid very young, I was on top an elephant at a circus, you know, riding the elephant. Elephant and then when I was a baby elephant. Baby elephant on top of a big elephant.

Florida's biggest baby elephant. And then the guy, the circus trainer, starts beating the fuck out of the elephant while I'm on the elephant. My mom starts screaming at him and shit like that. Only because the elephant started pissing while I was on top. And so he just started beating the elephant because he was pissing him. My mom yelled at him. Fed him a couple peanuts.

I hope the elephants are right. They're very bad to the elephants. You and your mother should have liberated the elephants today. would love to see your mother screaming at a Carney. Oh my God, dude. My mom screams at everybody first of all. But yeah, Carnie, she screams at all of them too. One time

my mom yelled at a nun because my mom stole the nun's parking spot. And then the nun rolled by and she's just like, oh, that wasn't very nice. And mom was like, go fuck yourself. She's like, go on, fly away. That's great. A very 70s reference.

They were making a Sally Field Fly a Nun reference. It's pretty good. Man, we went to a Mets game yesterday and I found out, which I've been in a Mets game before, there's a dog that sits out front of the Mets game. He's covered in Mets memorabilia and he has a little cigar or like a smoking pipe

coming out of his mouth and he has sunglasses on. Dog shouldn't smoke. I said that. But also, we found out that our friend of ours had gone before, taking a picture with it. You're not supposed to touch the dog. That if you touch a dog and also if the dog moves at all, his owner is watching and he electrocutes the dog.

And it's just starting to come out about this like animal abuse of this little beautiful, amazing patient dog that's out front. And I was with somebody and we might fucking uncap the whole thing. She's a human, she's a animal rights lawyer. And she's like, I know some people. She's like, I'm going to get this, I'm going to free this dog.

Liberate the dog. Because I was drunk enough that I was going to liberate the dog myself. But I should talk me out of it Oh you got baseball game drunk Oh man Did we get baseball game drunk yesterday? Jealous baseball? Have you ever been baseball game drunk?

I have. I know. And beer drunk and hot dog drunk All at the same time I was ready to free the dog I was going to grab the dog How is it though torture I mean they sell electric collars at the store

How can you say? But because that's shitty Because in electric collar He's an asshole No he's an asshole Is it illegal? I don't think so But to do it for money?

Why not? Mix your money off your fucking dog. To train your dog to using an electric collar to not run out the yard. I think they train Lassie. But you train them, but like he gets electrocuted over and over again. Anytime anyone touches him, he's not allowed to move. I bet it's exaggerated. I bet the dog knows what it's doing.

You're really defending the dog electrocuter? In a weird way, yeah. I don't think the dog gets electrocuted as much as everyone thinks it does. Free the dog. Free the dog. Where's it going to go? My house. No, it's not.

Yes, I'll love the dog until the dog fucking dies. Even if we don't free the dog, we can make the dog's owner stop fucking shocking it for no fucking reason. I mean, he's not shocking it for no reason. He's making money on. That's the problem. It's a real good point, Ed. I didn't think about it like that before, but now I'm starting to think about it. No, he's not doing anything wrong.

There's no reason for it. Exactly. You guys not doing anything wrong. He's making a good quick buck. No, she's an animal rights lawyer. She knows how to like, she knows the fucking loophole. She's like, I'm going to look into this.

I was like, please do. Who was, who's the animal rights lawyer? She was the girlfriend of one of my good friends. I didn't realize she was an animal rights lawyer, which made me fall in love with her even more. And I was like, we have to free this beautiful sunglasses wearing dog. You fell in love with her as she was physically restraining you from liberating the value yourself. I really wanted to grab the dog.

She was like, this is illegal. I know because I'm an animal rights lawyer. You can't just steal the dog from someone. He bought an electric dog collar from a store that sells electric dog collars which are legal. That's for a place without a gate. It's for a place without a gate.

You know, it's for that kind of thing. So the dog doesn't want to wait. It's for the betterment of the dog. Not so the dog can't smile for a second. The dog does smile. He's never smiling. I bet he has to hold a pipe. You fucking hold a pipe in your

mouth. Can't smoke it. Six hours straight. This does not look like a sad dog to me. Can't smoke it is your point about how hard it is it for the dog. Oh, how cute is he? Oh my God. I fell in love with this dog. What about the guy that walks around with the cat on his head?

We're going to fucking... He's not electrocating the cat. How do you know? How do you know he's not electrician the cat to your head? So if people out there who don't live in New York City, there's a guy that walks around Manhattan with a cat sitting on his head. And if you try to take a picture of him, he gets really mad unless you pay him $6. Yes.

Six dollars? It's really expensive. What a random amount. Well, it was five, and he's like, I can probably get a good. Bump it up to ten. I bet he can get ten. Anyway. You're assuming that it's a legally purchased dog collar, Ed.

I am. What if he fucking rigged up his own little... If he's hitting it with a police-issued... A taser. Yeah. Fucking take a hammer to his head. I like your system of justice. Hammer to the head?

No hammered of the head. That's it. That's all you get. Your gavel is a hammer. I honestly feel like that a lot of police justice could be done, like not police justice, but like the government justice. Instead of setting someone to jail for a long time, public beaten really could really change this country.

I'd love to watch it. I'd watch every single one. Yeah. Especially for animal rights things. Yeah. I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah. Some people like, all right, there's these guys a couple weeks ago. They got arrested.

He might, he's facing, he's on probation, he fucked on a beach during the day in front of some children. Yeah, and he might go to jail for 15 years. Oh, who cares? That's crazy. That's crazy. He doesn't need a hammer to the head. He just needs like a, he doesn't need a hammer to the head. Like a spanking.

A public beating. He needs a public. Not a hammer to a head, but like. I got you. I know what you're talking about. Idiot crimes. Yeah, idiot crimes. He doesn't deserve to go to jail for 15 years.

It's going to cost us a bunch of money. Just slap him around a little bit. But also, spank him. Like, don't, like, even take a rod to him. Spank him with an open palm. Yeah. Once or twice. Like, you would, like, a little boy who runs out into the street.

Like, stop it. Don't have sex in public. I remember one time my father hit me when I was a child, and I agree with him to this day. I grabbed the steering wheel when he was driving, and he slapped me in the face. And it's like, yeah. Yeah.

You never grabbed the steering wheel again, did you? And it's a stupid thing a child could do. I do not like physical punishment, but I do agree that the justice system needs an overhaul. So I think you should be in the room. You should be in the room when they have an overhaul. Don't hold the hammer gavel, though. Oh, no, I mean, the hammer things, that's for us. You know, I don't believe you.

Leave your hammer at home. But you can maybe advocate for some sort of public shaming, even if not a public beating. Exactly. I think that's something that could really help us out. Somebody holds a sign that said, like, I have fucked in public. See, do that to Josh Dugger. It's like, that's a great, that's a great punishment. Allow him to never see his family ever again.

He gets none of their money. And forever and ever, he has to have a sandwich board on him that says, I molested my three sisters and also two other bitches. A sandwich board. Sandwich board. So we treat him like a teenager with a DWI? Do they do that to them? Yeah, that's like doing Texas.

I say you give him a t-shirt. Sandwich board, he's got a lot of meetings to go to. He's got to get a lot of elevators. You know, it's going to get tight. That's why it's great. I wanted to be tight. I want to be in tights. But in an elevator, it's going to be inconvenient to everyone else.

Yeah, yeah, if he's just wearing a t-shirt then. Yeah, never allowed to wear a jacket. How's about that? Oh, he's always cold. Yeah, he's got to have the t-shirt displayed. I like that over-jackets. Either that or get a big fancy sweater that says it. Yeah.

Okay, let's make that concession, is that he can make it of his own design as long as the print is legible. You guys know that, well, this is just the scarlet letter, right? We're just reconnecting the terms of the scarlet. Well, she was a whore. Put the letter on and she's a whore. Tattoo him. Again, I think that's more Holocaust, but, you know, it's fine. No, it's, yeah, it's, I put a patch on him.

How about a henna tattoo? Oh, that's fun. Every week, a new henna tattoo in a different place on his body. Yeah. And it goes away when he starts doing well. There you go. That is a possibility for rehabilitation is built into that henna tattoo. If you have never done it wrong again, then the henna tattoo fades away.

You don't have to get a new one. I love that. What a great think tank we're having. We should all be in the room. Get us to the government. Yeah. See, we all, you know, we're all kind of different types of thinkers. We get all of us together and solve America's problems.

We got it. What are we going to do with the Jews? Well, we can't put patches on them. We already tried that. Well, you're our Jew liaison, Eddie. I am. I say we package them and save them for later. They just get better over time.

It's like a wine or a cheese. Like a filter fish. Oh, yeah. That doesn't get better over time. Oh, you keep it bottled up? The fish? I don't think so. I think it just stays the same.

I don't like it. You don't like it? No one really does. No girls like it. I love a smoked trout, though. I love smoked fish. I just don't like a filth fish. That's gelatinized fish.

It's a matzo ball of fish. Yes, disgusting. And I like a matzabal. Yeah. Not a fish. Not a fish. If you're out of bread. All right.

All right, all right, all right. You guys want to hear some space celebrity news? Yay! Yeah. So some new things are coming out about Sally Ryd. trips up to space. Oh, she had the only plaid space suit.

She was a lesbian. That one was a stretch. That took a lot of connections to me. That's fine. It's a joke that requires a lot of historical knowledge. She took a Subaru to space. Hey, I love a

Subaru. Well, in a new profile about Sally Ride, It says that in preparation for her trip aboard the space shuttle, tampons were packed with their strings connecting them like a strip of sausages so they wouldn't float away. And engineers asked Ride, is 100 the right number? And she... Say how long she was going up for.

She would be in space for a week. And she said that would not be the right number. And they replied... 200. 500 7000 they replied we just want to be safe

so Sally Ride went up into space for a week with a hundred tampons along So what I love about this is that it means there was no fucking woman that any of these guys could ask like how many tampons does a woman need in a week Even if she was going through a heavy flow week

And it's so funny that there's such losers. Right. As Marcus pointed out, they've never been around a woman for a week, and there was definitely not a woman, you know, they could just be like, hey. Wait, by what happened last time they said to a woman in space. Chris and McCullough went up and smoke. Well, that was a tampon's, not a lot. Tampons were going to save her. Yeah, that's what happened to the discovery. Yeah, they could have jammed up the gears with the, do you know, Big Bird was supposed to be on that? What? Imagine, I, I saw, it's one of my first memory. It's one of my first memories actually. I was raised around

Cape Canaveral and I was in preschool and they brought us all outside to watch the space shuttle and we all went outside and watched it explode and I was four years old. You were there in real life? I was four years old, yeah. But I was on like the playground but the school was very close to where the shuttle took off so I saw it in real life.

Oh my god. They're like oh that's fireworks or whatever. Imagine if they were like big birds in there. Big bird was for real. This is Big Bird's, like, tell-all documentary. He was supposed to be there because it was about,

like, he was supposed to be the, like, connect the children to space. His Big Bird would have got shot to space. Oh, my God. It exploded. And you know why he wasn't there? His suit was too big. That was the only reason. His suit wouldn't fit in the fucking spaceship. That was the only reason

Big Bird wasn't there. Oh, my God. So, man, what would Monday's fucking Sesame Street look like? Bird. Burnt alive in the way to outer space. But also... Big bird flies too close to sun. Think of a man having to be inside of a big bird costume.

Inside of a space costume. In spite of a space suit. Why would you do that? Why would you ever do that? It's already bad enough inside of the big bird costume. Yeah, when you have a helmet over his big... That's what I was going to ask. Is there the space suit on Big Bird or is the spacesuit on the man inside Big Bird?

That's a great question. No, because it would have burned up. You would have to have the spacesuit over the Big Bird costume. It would have burned up. You would have actually needed two spacesuits. One underneath and one over. And then one over. It would have been a calamit.

That sounds like my worst fucking nightmare. No way. You couldn't pay me enough. No worse nightmare than I can think of being inside a spacesuit, inside a Big Bird costume, inside a space suit, inside a tiny little space shuttle, fucking in space, out of earth, out of earth. You have all those

tampons, though, so you really have to think about that. What's funny is that when I heard that, I wanted to be like, they could have just sent like the fucking costume up, right? Like, they didn't have to put the man in there. Make a smaller costume.

Right. But they... They would have advertised the fuck out of big birds going to space. Yeah, they would have. Yeah. It would have. Yeah. It would have been You send Kermit to space. Like that's a more malleable Like costume to deal with.

You don't even have to send the puppeteer. No, no, no, no. You can't send a Muppet in a space. Yeah, the Russians said to carry charge. No, Grover goes into space. Gonzo is from space. Gonzo is from space. I was thinking Super Grover.

No, because Muppets from space was all about Gonzo and he thought he was a weirdo and he wasn't from this world. But Muppets from Space takes out on a whole new tragic meaning now that we know that I cried like three times during Muppets from space oh yeah Muppets I mean Muppets will make me cry And then they have the pigs involved too I'm excited for the new show yeah I'm really excited for the new Muppet show it's coming

back thank God yeah I've watched I have all of the DVDs of almost all of the Muppet show I've seen them all repeatedly I love it so much afternoon nap you'll ever have It's just you just throw it on and it's like Elton John episode is one of my favorite things ever. Kermit and Debbie Harry singing Rainbow Connection is one of my favorite. It's just so good. But now they're going to have a new one. I'm going to watch the fucking shit out of it.

Don't send them in space unless it's Kermit. I'd love to see Kermit in space. But don't send the puppeteer with him. Imagine having to have your hand shoved up a frog's ass going up in the fucking outer space. Yeah, they'd have to build a stage on

the fucking space shuttle for the guy to be. So he's in a space suit. underneath with his hand up and that's got a fucking space suit on it. We're not going to do it to its anti-gravity and then the puppet probably wouldn't even fucking work. That's true. I think a lot of puppeteering does depend on gravity.

Yeah. Yeah, you'd have to have the puppet in shackles. Tie him down. Puppets got no muscle. Oh, that's going to be a struggle. Yeah. Man. But, yeah, 100 tampons they sent with Sally Ride.

Interesting. Yeah, very, very, very interesting. I just, I don't know why. I just think of, like, shoving a bunch of sausages up my vagina. Yeah, I don't like that metaphor that they use. Well, they tied them like a strip of, like, sausages. Yeah, they tied them like, they tied them like sausage.

Yeah, but then you have to unknobbed them every time you want one, too. Like, that's hard. And there's only a string on one end. So you'd just have, like, many, like, you'd have, like, 50. It's like tassels. Little tampon tassels. You'd think it'd be kind of like a rat king. Yeah.

Like, you know, when all the rat tails get, uh, all twisted up together. Yes, like a rat. You're right. You know how it's, Molly, don't get mad of me. You know how it's bad, bad luck to have a woman on a boat? You know, on a long journey, it's bad luck to have a woman on a boat. Basically because all the men are going to fight over the woman,

and it's just going to cause turmoil on the boat. Is that common knowledge? Yes. In all the clippership days, when they used to be on the ocean for just fucking months at a time. If there's one chick on a boat, it's not that they were sexist, it's that that all the men would fight over and it would... It was like the Russians that went up into outer space.

Remember that story? Don't have only straight guys on the boat. Yes, that's a good thing. But do you think that that they were also thinking about that when they were sending astronauts into space and the reason that Sally Ride was the first woman astronaut

is because she was a lesbian? And they knew that the men weren't going to be fighting over her? Yeah, but they would have fought over even more because they would have wanted to overtake her as a lesbian. No. No, I treat my lesbians with respect.

Do you remember that Russian space story? Do you remember the Russians? I think we talked about it on a podcast, or maybe I was just talking about it in my real life, that they were up in space for like years, and there was one woman involved, and she was just repeatedly ared over and over again by the dudes. Yeah, because they get cabin fever,

because they get crazy, and it's not even like... Thank you for saying R, by the way. Thank you. I'm very much for appreciating it. A man who doesn't respect whether a woman wants to fuck him or not doesn't care if she's a lesbian. No, they don't fucking care about that. He's a Russian. Or an American.

If your premise is, oh, there's one woman and a lot of men on a boat and all the men are like, we want to fuck her, whatever, whatever, we're going to fuck her. Then if you just have a lesbian there, it's not like all the men are going to be like, she's not interested. Where did you hear this case? I'm pretty sure we talked about it on a podcast. Nope, this did not happen. I'm going to find the information I mean if you put in Russian astronaut woman rape and nothing comes up on Google

It didn't happen I'm going to find it I remember looking at an article About this information I'm going to find it I'm going to show it to you guys And no one on page 7 is going to care about it Because it's a celebrity gossip podcast

But I will show it to you guys Actually the first woman in space was a Russian Of course it was Valentina Terescova That is a hard as shit That is a hard one woman right there. That is a hard woman. Whoa. She wasn't getting arred by ain't nobody.

She looks like she nailed in nails with her forehead. Or her hair. How much aquanette is in that? Before she was a cosmonaut, she was, she worked in a textile, she was a textile factory assembly worker an amateur skydiver. Oh, that makes sense. Man, how do you do that amateurly?

You just do it. You pay a bunch of money? It's Russia. There's just dudes with planes. You just give them 60 rubles, they'll let you jump out. Now, how much money does fund cost in Russia? Fun? Yeah. Yeah, in Soviet Russia... In Soviet Russia, fun they shared by collective.

Yeah, in Soviet Russia, I don't feel like you're really a professional, you know, you're not really a professional skydiver at any point. You're just fucking you know, giving money back to the government and skydive. Yeah, you can't be a professional skydiver. Skydiving contributes nothing to the people.

All right, it's time for the last. Yes. Who's on the list? Yeah, I gotta have that list. Oh, celebrity last words. Oh. Dying words of celebrities. Oh, okay.

I like this. Yeah. Humphrey Bogart, his last words, I should never have switched from Scotch to martinis. Ooh, great. Of course, fun. Of course he had classy as last words. Yep, he died of esophageal cancer of the esophagus.

At what age? He was in 57. I think he was in his 50s. Wow, it's so young. Yeah, he was pretty young. He was pretty young. He was dating Lauren Bacall when she was like 16. Really?

Yeah, no, he was in on Lauren Bacall way too young. Yeah, Humphrey Bogart. Yeah, he was 58. When he died? When he died? He was born on Christmas. Of course he was. He's a magic man.

Aside from dating an underage girl, that's not magic. It was fine in those days It is when you get away with it Bob Hope His wife asked him where he wanted to be buried His last words Surprise me Of course

That's fun That's pretty good That's pretty good James Brown, his last words Kind of sad Hey Kick it up He said I'm going away tonight

Oh They put the coat on them And he'd nothing happens All these fucking life Put the coat on Put the coat on. Try the coat again. Get up.

Get on up. Get on up. Get on up. He's going to be. Huh. Who did that? Hey. Hey.

Hey. Huh. Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. James, give me one time. Give me one time. Who. Winston Churchill, he's got my favorite. His last words are just, oh, I am so bored with it all.

Good for him, man. Get out of here. Once you get those good last words, so you just got to stay silent. You have to be silent. He then went on to live for another eight days. He said nothing. No, I already know mine.

Mine's going to be, uh, check please. Do you remember what you said you wanted written on your tombstone years ago? Years ago, over 10 years ago, Jackie, I remember. She's like, I'm my two scrolled. I wanted to say, Jackie Zabrowski,

she can't drink no more. We gotta get that written down. I would love that to be... Okay. So you know Mo? If you outlive me, I don't know if you're gonna outlive me. Oh, I said it in the microphone on your show.

Okay, all right. So it's forever. Molly's definitely gonna outlive all of us. Oh, yeah, Molly's going to outlive all of us. Oh, yeah. Molly's going to 106. I don't know. I'm doing some damage to the liver.

Oh, you're fine. Good for you, girl. You're good. You're good. Actually, I think my favorite, Walt Disney, his last words, Kurt Russell. Really? Why? He called the future.

Who do you want to replace you? He just wrote it down on a piece of paper. He was dying and he wrote down Kurt Russell and then died. Jesus, nobody ever figured out what he meant? No one had any idea why he wrote Kurt Russell. Kurt Russell wasn't famous back then either. He was a child star. He was working for Disney.

Oh, he was. And he was a child star working for Disney at the time. Holy shit. And the last thing of Walt Disney wrote was Kurt Russell. Oh, my God. There's got to be a crazy story. of that. How did Kurt Russell not hold that over his head every day of his life? He must. For a couple years and then you let go of it. But I feel like every once in a while you remember it and then you're heavy with grief. Yeah.

Not grief, I think pride. What could he have been saying though? What was he saying? Cast him in the way. He was obviously sick and then like he was tripping balls. Yeah. But he was thinking of Kurt Russell. Yeah, because he was that much of a psychopath. He was thinking about his next movie probably. Yeah, that's true. He wasn't. and who he wanted, like, put in it. He was a bit of a megalomani. Well, you know, he had his issues. But he was a strong man. Did they freeze him?

Probably. You wanted to be frozen. Reincarnate me into Kurt Russell, maybe it was when he was. Oh, Kurt Russell put my brain in Kurt Russell's body. Oh, yeah. Was that Walt Disney in big trouble in a little China? It would make a lot of sense. I've been on the fucking golf ball.

Watch the battered bastards of baseball on Netflix. It's a Netflix. It's such a great sports talk and it's all about Kurt Russell's dad buying a minor league baseball team in Portland that Kurt Russell played for. It's fucking incredible. Huh.

Yeah. Did Kurt Russell's personality change the day that Walt Disney died? That's my question. Did he suddenly become like an old wise man who had started an animation? If it turned him into Kurt Russell, I say kudos Walt Disney.

No, it's the carousal of progress. I feel like everything is a great big, beautiful tomorrow. Shining at the end of every day. It's a great big beautiful tomorrow. And tomorrow is just a dream away. Man, I love that. Man has a dream, and that's the start.

He follows his dream with mind and heart. And then it becomes a reality when dreams come true for you and me. And they hit this note that is on. unfathitable. I don't understand why they hit the note. Carazola Progress is one of the weirdest best parts of Disney World. Air conditioning.

There's the reason the big people at the table know the song. There's air conditioning. And it'll go around and around. Never align. Always air conditioning. And you just sit and you go around the fucking Carousel Progress, baby. Watching from generation to generation

and into the future of what Walt Disney saw for our future. Yeah, which is already in the past. It's already in the past. Holy shit, it's 21 minutes long. Yes, because of the entire show. Yeah, that's the whole carousel progress. It is so amazing.

I love to watch that. It's on YouTube. There's a great big beautiful tomorrow. Shining at the end of every day. There's a great big beautiful tomorrow. And tomorrow is just a dream. the whole fucking thing is on YouTube. Oh, I can't wait

to watch it. I'm totally going to watch it. I fucking love that thing. How many times I slept for like an hour sitting in the castle of progress? Oh, they don't give a fuck. No one's trying to get a seat. No one cares about it. They let you just stay in there as long as you want. But it's so fucking interesting because it does go from generation to generation

of technology. It was Walt Disney's first ride. And it was what he dreamed the future would be and he fucking nailed it. I can't wait to see Tomorrowland. I know it's going to be shitty. I can't wait to see it. I'm going to watch the shit out of it.

I'm such a Disney kid. I can't even fucking. I have been to Disney 100 million thousand times. I was there two more times than that. No, they fucking weren't. As you guys were singing, I was thinking how glad I am that you found each other as friends.

But then when I realized Florida is part of the origin story, of course you found each other. Everyone that has lived in Florida has been to Disney World, a million thousand times. We had a Florida season pass holders. Yeah, we would go for two weeks every fucking summer. Two weeks, there's not that much to see.

You live on to see. We do the same thing over and over and over. Every summer, two weeks, every summer. And then you discovered drugs and do it again. Oh, my God. And then you would do the late night ones because you could get abandoned and you'd go in after the park was closed.

So we'd do a bunch of drugs, go in, and then you'd be like, ride, ride, ride, ride. and it was the best. We used to hollow out black and milds and fill them with weed and they still smell like black and milds and we'd have a great time. That's fun.

Yeah, fucking assy. No, I would do a bunch of speed and ride fucking space mountain over and over again. I'd be like, don't stand up. Don't stand up. I'll get decapitated. But all I wanted to do

was stand up. Yeah, I get that. You know what I mean? Yeah. And Thunder Mountain, too, those bones. I was like, what, you want to take off my head bones? One time I was on the, Thunder Mountain when the fireworks were going off

it was delightful. It's the best Splash Mountain. I remember I was about to do the drop. I saw like Pshu! Pshu! It was 4th of July. You can get to go on as many roller coaster as fast as possible. Everyone's watching 4th of July. Yeah. Very interesting. Sorry.

I love this. I love this. I do. I love everything about it. I've still never been. I want to go with you guys. Oh my God. Molly. Molly. I will still go now. I want to go. It's so expensive now.

But it's like the big country jamboree, that's also another one, bear country jamboree. Yeah. That like, it's another one that's air-conditioned and it's like animatronic animals. But the room you wait for to get into the bear country jamboree is not air-conditioned. No, and you're very hot. So it is tough in there, especially with all those big-ass people from the South. Fat people. Oh, my God.

They're so huge and their kids are just dumb as far. Even bigger, too, than they are. Let me just want to eat me. You want to eat popcorn. Like I can't. Yeah. You know, good chicken wings right next to the... I'll eat a chicken wing.

All right, all right, all right. I'm sorry. Ed, we should do a whole podcast about Disney. You all should have a Disney podcast. I love Disney. I'm sorry. I was a Six Flags kid, so I was all about... See, I was all about Looney Tunes.

Yeah, Six Flags was fun. Yeah, I love Six Flags over Texas. That's where everybody went when I was all about... growing up. Yeah, a wonderful place. They own the water park and Fort Lauderdale for a while. Yeah, well, they own all the water parks. Now they, now they, it used to be Six Flags Over Texas right across the

highway from Wet and Wild. Oh, Wet and Wild. I know those. Yeah. Yeah. I love water parks. Me too. All right, it's time for one blind item today. Oh, let's see. We can see it. Well, how about I can't see no one? This comedian, sometimes cameo actor, when

you need a visual punchline who headslines in Vegas and across the country was at some swag suites when he reached into his pants from behind and pulled out a small vibrator he said had been in his butt. Apparently the batteries ran out with this guy, it's possible.

It's true. Caratop. Yeah. Wow. I got it last time I was on the show and I got it again. I got Lars Forees. I got Caratop.

I'll know where people are going down. Man, I don't think I would ever. Never paid to see Caratop lives. No. He is one of the richest comedians in history. Because he's done so well with prop comedy, which is sad. That's hard to do, though. Top 10, he's got like 80 mil, 90 mil.

Now that he's all buffeted. $75 million. $75 million. Name it Caratop joke. None. $75 million. Yeah, but he got all like buffed out and he looks like a monster. Yeah, he does.

He looks really fucking. scary now. Like back in the day he's like scrawny carrot top and now he's like juiced up fucking caratop. Boca Raton man. He got to start in Boca my hometown. He went to college at FAU and that's where he started doing like shows and then fucking

became huge after that. You ever see the Norm MacDonald thing on Conan when he's talking about he's with his co-star from Chairman of the Board and he's just making fun of her because she left Melrose place to be in Chairman of the Board and it ruined her career and he called it and he

made fun of her on Conan the whole time. What? No. And then he's just ripping on her, ripping on her, rip and I her. And then they're like, and then Conan's trying to get him to stop, trying to get in the stop. And then, you know, it's just like, oh, well, you know, what's the movie called? And he's like, Chairman of the Board. And then Conan says, all right, Norm, do something with that. And he's like, I bet the board spelled Bo, B-O-R-E-D. Yeah, Norm! He's good. Yeah. He's good. Yeah, the tagline for Chairman of the Board is,

work sucks. Oh, God. Man, I can't believe no one's fucking taking a hammer to Caratop's head. Yeah, talk about a hammer. A new catchphrase, by the way. No. Oh, take a hammer to the head. Hammer to the head.

Not Caratop. Well, you know, my new catchphrase is, It's a great big, beautiful tomorrow. Shining at the end of every day. It's a great big beautiful tomorrow. and we'll see you guys all next week on Pug 7. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. My name is Molly Neffle.

I'm Marcus Parks. Come to the, I'm Ed Larson, come to the Cowman album release party this Friday at Matchless. 8 p.m. You have to be there. Ed and I are going to be hosting it. It's going to be the fucking best. March 29th, y'all. March 29th.

It is May 29th. May 29th. May 29th. Yeah, yeah. If they go back in the past, God bless it. And the album's available for pre-order right now at the cowman.combeckhamen.com. Go check it out.