Page 7 - Episode 124: And Then the Dog Had a Dog

Episode Date: July 13, 2015

Jackie goes to Shania Twain concert, the new season of True Detective gets discussed, and a big divorce gets announced! Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Molly's having sex with a slug. Yeah, she likes slugs in her vagina. Doesn't she likes... She puts salted in her, and then they travel up, and she gets scared. A slug was sitting on my foot for five minutes, and I didn't know. Ew, five minutes. Up to five minutes. It was too long.

However long it was, I felt it, and I was like, that must be air. And then I looked down, and it was a real... It was dark. Where were you? A swamp? New York City. No, I was sitting in my backyard. Wait, no, no, no.

How did you not... Welcome to page seven, everybody. I'm Marcus Parks. That's Jackie Zabrowski, Molly, Slug Girl. How did you not feel it slug up onto your foot? I did feel it, and I didn't... It was dark, and I looked down, and I didn't see anything. And I know, I know.

I am still traumatized by it. I just thought that it must be a little butt. You know, it's summer. You're outside. You feel all sorts of shit. Like, you're like, oh, it's a... bug, it's a mosquito. Oh, it's something. Oh, it's a fucking

three inch slug. How'd you get it off? Was it stuck? It was on my sandal, and I abandoned my sandal, and I just left it there. I just surrendered it to the slug. The slug owns the sandal. No, I'm covered in slugs. I know. I took a shower right away. Ew. It was bad. It was a rough night.

Oh, slugs are gross. Pusses a salt on it. I didn't think that slugs lived and thrived in this urban concordshire. create environment. Oh yeah. There's all kinds of things alive around here that you don't even know about and you don't want to know about.

Yeah. And they probably feed off the toxic earth, you know. Oh, yeah. They love it. You know, I asked if slugs were poison and I was met with some mockery. As you should. Yeah. I mean, they're completely harmless.

They're just gross. But what if it's poison from leaching all of the toxins out of the Ridgewood? I don't know if they leach anything, though. I think they just, I think they're so covered in mucus. That probably the sludge just goes away after their trails, you know? Yeah, they eat plants. They destroy gardens. They're pests.

They are pests. Like those fucking huge crickets. Oh. The multi-colored crickets? I don't like crickets. I hate crickets. When I was in high school, we had our field house where we used to change before we played basketball. Fieldhouse sounds sexy.

Oh, yeah, the field house, the sexy field house. there was used to be at the beginning of every football season just piles of dead crickets because they'd live in there all summer long and nobody would do anything about it and they'd come in and they kill all of them and you know do you know what a pile of dead bugs smells like? Ew no! All the dead bugs. Oh and speaking of sexy football players, before we get into the very sad news.

Tim Riggins? Tim Riggins. Yeah. Have you guys been watching True Detective? No. Yeah, I've been watching it too. What do you think? It's the word on the street.

It's pretty, I'm gonna keep watching it. I'm gonna keep watching too. I'm not going anywhere, but I am not into it. Although I did find out something interesting about Tim Briggins, which made me realize why I'm so fucking attracted to him is that, I mean, he's Canadian, which I will have to just forget about. And he was a hockey player for his entire life, and then he suffered a very, like a professional hockey player.

A professional. Or I don't know, some kind of. A big guy. Big guy. He's making money off. He's doing it for a living. Wow. And he got, he had a bad injury.

And he moved to New York to try modeling. And Friday Night Lights was one of the first auditions he went on. Wow. And the reason why he was so good at it was because this was his whole fucking life. Was working on a team and like, like, no one about being on a team. And I was just like, oh, I like came. The second I heard. I was just like, fuck me, because there is nothing sexier than a fucking hockey player.

And nothing sexier than an actor who's not a trained actor. I know, and it's just from his heart. I mean, it's starting to show. I don't. It's a, he's okay. He's okay. But he's like, if you thought the, was big in Friday night lights, it is like, double. Like, oh, I'm a wreck.

I've been to Iraq, I don't talk about the desert. Yeah, he's a bit of a one note. They've written him maybe, maybe it's not his fault. They've written him into a little bit of a typecast. Well, the writing is pretty bad this season. The writing is really bad. But I do hear that you see his ass in the first episode. Do you?

Yeah, maybe when he's getting in the shower. Yeah, maybe. I'll watch it for that alone. But I really just am not a fan of fucking, what's his name? No, not Vince. Colin Farrell. Colin Farrell. He's the best part of it.

Is he really? I just don't really like him that much. He is the best character in the whole thing so far. Richard McAdam's not hitting it out of the park. A little bit of a one note. I'm angry all the time because I grew up in a hippie commune and people probably molested me. Oh, is that what it is? Everybody's got like one thing they're angry about it.

They're all angry. They're all angry all the time. I think it's been two episodes, two hours, not a single smile. Yeah. Not even a chuckle or a grin. Everyone's got one facial expression and it's like I'm so put upon. And they've all got their one thing. And I don't know whether to blame the acting or the writing.

I think that they're all fine actors except for Vince Vaughn. I don't think that he can carry a tune. I think he's fine. He's fine. He does a lot of just like where with Matthew McConaug, you could have like a 12-minute monologue. With Vince Vaughn, they just do a lot of him staring into space silently, which is working for him. In fact. It's better when his mouth is closed.

Just don't even write it. Just let silence do the heavy lifting for Vince Vaughn. In fact, in the first episode, there is a scene that is literally Vince Vaughn and Colin Farrell staring at each other for what, 30 seconds? Longer. 45. While, oh, my God, I've got to play the song. Yeah. Yeah.

It is contrived. It's just, I guess the reason why I haven't watched it is like there is just no way it could have ever have lived up to the first. No, there's no way. They set themselves, they screwed themselves because I don't, yeah, trying to recreate what True Detective the first season did, which was so surprising, recreating that with a completely new cast in the second season, there's no way they can succeed at it. Yeah, well, he tried something completely different. He's like, okay, we're going to go for like L.A. Noir, which is something totally different.

Yeah. It is still a detective thing, and it's still a crime thing, but he's just not good at it. Yeah. And also, Carrie Fukinawa, the director is. sorely missed. The director from the first season. Oh my God, he's so mad. Right, it's not shot, especially interestingly.

No, it's really not. But this is the song that's played while Colin Farrell and Vince Vaughn stare at each other. It's called My Least Favorite Life. So just imagine. Staring. Oh, why do you? Ew, I would immediately fall asleep. I'd throw up and then I'd fall asleep.

And by the way, they're in a bar where there's a woman on stage singing this song while they're just sitting there staring at each other. It's so unrealistic. You would never be at a bar where a what? No, man staring at another man. What do you think they do at bars?

And this woman is playing this song for some reason, even though it's not a show. I constantly walk up on Holden and Marcus just staring. I'm like, you guys. Yeah. It's just, you can talk about. something. It's just weird.

But the funny thing is that it's she also, the same bar and the same singer shows up in the second episode where they meet again. Meaning that woman is playing at that bar every night. She's their house band, always playing sad, sad, sad, sad. Is it

like a dingy bar too? It is. Yeah, it's a dingy bar and the bartender has a bunch of scars over her eyes and she's Mexican and she's very mysterious. It is. Okay, now I want to You guys are making me want to watch it Just so I can be like, what?

It's kind of enjoyable to watch. But when she came in the second episode, I just started laughing. It's just like, don't have her in there every night. She's like a Sunday night. Like Sunday night, bring her in. That's fine. Sunday night is a sad night.

Bring her in for the sad night on Sunday night. But don't bring her in on Friday. Lord knows they don't want any classic rock in that dingy bar. Right, right. It's just, and like, yeah, there's just like, There's like a part where Vince Vaughn's like something. He's supposed to meet somebody and the guy doesn't show up. And so he says like a full on like, damn it, Casper.

Like just so formulaic. Nobody says that, right? Yeah. Whereas like what was so, again, what was so surprising and interesting about the first season is it was just like, wow, that is like not formulaic at all. Yeah. And you also had no idea what was going to happen. It was always different. Yeah.

And with this, like there's no, I kind of like I don't really care much about what happened so far. all. You don't care about the characters at all. Yeah. The first one's like, okay, starts off Dorlang. Here's a young prostitute who has obviously been horribly abused, like a woman who doesn't. Of course, like, a woman that's like, this is a fucking horrible tragedy. And the murder in the first one is an old pervert who likes young girl prostitutes. It's like, I don't care. I'm glad he's dead.

Yeah, it's like, okay, like, yeah, he gets mutilated, like they fucking put like acid droppers in his eyes and burn his eyes out. and like fucking cut off his nuts and balls. But other than the, but you're like, all right, cool. That's, I'm kind of fine. I don't care. I don't care at all. But Colin Farrell is the only well-crafted character.

All the rest of them are just like, no, whatever. Interesting. Yeah. All right, I'll watch it. Watch it. Taylor Kitch is there. He's got short hair. He looks great.

Yeah. I don't know if I like the short hair, but that's a whole other story. That's a whole other part of me. He looks good. The other big story, the whole other story it's going on this week. Pretty big divorce.

Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck, the day after their 10th anniversary, have announced that they're splitting up. That part is especially sad. I like, but the reason why I like them and why it does make me sad is that they seemed as if they were a real couple. Yeah.

Like that they, that it wasn't as like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie that, like, it looked like they actually enjoyed each other's company. Like, they looked like someone I would have known in college that got married to young and now. It's like, that's what they remind me of. And that's why I see it is sad.

Affleck, fuck this one up. If anything, blind items are any indication. And as we've seen again and again, blind items sometimes are a pretty fucking good indication because you see we always read leading up to these divorces, these big stories, Caitlin Jenner, the best example. But also with Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner. I've been reading in blind items for a year, maybe more. Ben Affleck cheating on her, having real bad problems with drugs.

And it seems like from the blind items I read in the last month leading up to this, it seems like his drug problems are what really put the nail in the coffin. Is it Batman? Is it because of Batman? Probably because of Batman. You can't play Batman and not take drugs. Right? Or at least not go through some kind of dark, weird shit.

Yeah. Except for George Clooney because, you know, he was never really Batman. Yeah. And he was also in the fun Batman Yeah he was He was in the dumb Batman Eyes to see you Maybe Jennifer see you

Maybe Jennifer Garner saw how disappointed everyone was When Ben Affleck was cast as Batman That would be a turn off for me Right and realize like oh my God Nobody likes my husband Nobody Or like I would want to look at my husband As like man my husband's fucking Batman

Cha-ching toching Gimmie Gimmeeeming Gimmy Gimmy I would like fuck him and call him Batman only. But the fact that everyone was so upset about it, that would really change my tune. You think so? Yeah. You're making rethink. Who is this asshole? Who is the

Batman I fell in love with? Well, and he's always been a bit of a, I think he's always been a bit of a second fiddle, right? And so, you know, and I kind of, I guess I kind of like that about them too, because it's not, she's like, beautiful, don't get me wrong, but she's not, like, number one necessarily like, stereotypically beautiful, babe.

So I'm like, all right, like, talented Listener Todd Gray, good friend of mine always calls her man face. Yeah. She does have a bit of a man face. My cat's named him. I just imagine him

being like married to Ben Affleck. Well, that might have been a better... A better... Your cat is named manface? Yeah, he's got a man's face. He does have a man's face. Yeah, stern. Yeah.

Unwieldy. But yeah, she's got a bit of a... She's got some hard features, and he's got a bit of a lack of that something special. What a V? Yeah, exactly. That makes you want to have somebody be a movie star. He's just kind of like along for the ride. Whereas I think she's a talented, compelling actress, just not like number one hottest person.

But maybe that's, I'm selling her short, and she deserves somebody who's as interesting as her, even if she's not the number one hottest, you know? Man, and speaking of sad, desperate women, I really would like to discuss the Shania Twain concert that I went to last evening. You went to a Shania Twain concert last night? Oh, yeah. How did I not hear about this? I was waiting to tell you on the show. Sorry, I interrupted the beginning of the show by talking about my slug experience. Well, I was being assaulted by slugs.

I mean, Jackie, you know that's great and everything, but I got to tell you the truth. That don't impress. She did ride a She did ride a mechanical bull over the audience There was a big motorized metallic leopard, yes Do you have pictures of a leopard? I don't have pictures of leopard because I was screaming

the entire time. Wait, when you say metallic, was it a robot or it was a statue? No, it was like moving. but it didn't move. It was an animatronic? Yes. It was interesting. It was one of the most desperate, weird attempts at a concert I think I've ever seen.

It was at Madison Square Garden. It was at maybe 55, 60% capacity. And it was filled with older women. And we just showed up, wasted. And we had probably the best time of anybody in the audience. I would imagine so. Everybody was probably looking at you guys and being like, those guys are really loving Shania Twain.

I overheard Doug and his friend getting massively hit on by older women after older woman after older woman. And like every time they were just like, my friends aren't dancing. Y'all's, oh, we're going to come party with you. And I would look back because they were behind us. And they were just like old women like grinding on them. I was like, what's going on up there? What's happening?

All these women are horny. looking for men that are going to dance with them. There you go. Single men. Go to a Shania Twain. We can't anymore because this was her farewell tour. Really? No more Shania Twain. What is she going to do?

Who cares, man, you know? But I know what she is going to do. Feel like a woman. Let's go, girls. Well, she's 50. Well, she's technically, she's 49. Okay, I round it up. Sorry.

I can't believe you rounded up because you shouldn't do that to a woman's age. You know what? Equality between the sexes. I would have rounded up a man. All right. So, all right, that's fair. I appreciate that. Are you running up to 30 then since I'm 29?

I'm rounding you up to 35. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Who's a slug woman now? That's why. Any of time, did you know that when a slug touches a woman, it adds five years to her age? I'm damaged goods now. Oh, no, man.

You got mucous feet. Well, speaking of robots in Chenaya Twain, you ever heard the song, I'm going to get you good? Oh, yeah. Have you ever seen the video to I'm going to get you good? Apparently, it's Shania Twain in a dystopian future riding a motorcycle trying to escape a flying robot. Interesting. And at the end, she finds a clone of herself performing behind class, which she breaks. She said it.

She not had to wait and say in the social commentary for other artists. Man, she is a, what's really weird is I think if you grow, maybe it's everywhere, but I don't know if it's just particularly growing up in the South that like I knew almost every single word, almost every single song she sang. Yeah, that's about the South. I grew up in Iowa, I had to line dance to man, I feel like a woman in gym class. Ugh. It was rough.

Why? Why? Why? Why did we have to do line dancing? Why did we have to do a tissue iceway? Did you have to wear cowboy hats and do you have to like tip your hat? No, well, I told you, even though we weren't in the South, we did have boot scooting. Oh, yeah, you had boot scooting. Boots scoot over at the fairground.

Oh, yeah. You got a boot scoot. I remember boot scooting. But so there was, like, line dancing was an important cultural, you know, touchstone. And I think that it was just the lack of creativity on the gym teacher's part to just have it always be to the same song. Always be bootzcutting. Boys boot school into Shania Twain. Well, I'll tell you this.

Jezebel was very impressed with the concert last night. Oh, were they? Yes, they were. It's a very long, like, 10-page review. Ten-page review? Maybe not 10 pages, but it would take you about 10 minutes to read, and I figure a minute and a page was. On Internet pages, that works.

Yeah, yeah, and Internet pages. I found a list on Billboard, top 10 best Shania Twain songs. Number 10. What may you say that? Do you know that one? I mean, probably. I don't know. I don't know the names of the songs, though.

I know a lot of it of like, nah, the name's on that. You know, it's like that kind of thing. I mean, I'm sure you know whose boots have your boots been. Or who's bad? Who's bad have your boots been on?

I almost bought a shirt that said who's bad if your boots been under. I thought you almost bought the other shirt. The other shirt, and at the front of it said, man. And on the back it said, I feel like a woman.

That's the best. They were $45 a shirt. Yeah, you never buy t-shirts at a concert. I ain't buy paying that shit. Even a coozy was $15. That's inflation. I haven't been to a concert since in several years, but even back then I feel like I paid $25. And that's a good amount.

I would pay $25. Right. Convenience. Oh, I got the so-and-so concert, you know, has nostalgia value. Chennai Twain does no so-and-so. I got that at What's Your Name's Concert. Yeah, you know. Man, I feel like a woman.

She did also parade through the audience on some sort of cart, and she had a selfie stick with a GoPro on it. A lot of devices. Which I don't really, I think it was, like, so desperate to be relevant that it was too much. She's like, hashtag. Yeah, and then also it was like a bunch of, like, gay pride things, too, which was awesome. But also it was just like, all right, how much does this concert have? What else are you going to do here?

I don't know, man. But Chennai Twain, it's her last hurrah. And it seems like she's going out in style. I love her. Is that what Jezebel says? Are you reading from the Jezebel article right now? No, Jezebel is pretty smitten. Yeah.

I mean, she is glorious. My mom almost cried when she found out that I was going to see Shanai and Twain. You know, it's like I understand what she is. But also, I will never cry while listening the song from this moment on, which a lot of women in the audience were. And I cry over anything. From this moment. Man, I danced with my head on Doug's stomach the entire time. And that's hard to do.

Wait, spell that out for me. He was behind me, and I stood up on the seat, and I pressed my head against the stomach as if there was a baby inside of him. And we danced slum. We dance slowly. And you know what? And I know why. You're still the one I'll run to. The one that I belong to.

You're still the one I kiss. Good night. Yeah. I know that one. So Gisabelle claimed, let me ask you if you agree with this, that it was, quote, the audience of her life. I don't think so. I would not say. that especially because

I wouldn't say New York I can't imagine that New York would be a huge Chenaya Twain town it's like you go to Tampa I can't even imagine what the audience is like in Tampa like personally like it's probably because also like I said 55 to 60

percent capacity yeah we were moving around we had space and we were in like good fucking seats and we had space right also like in a place like Tampa right like a Shana Twain concert might be like the one main event of that month or that three-month period, right? Whereas in New York.

At Madison Square Garden, no less. Right. It's just less of a big, I mean, people in Tampa, right, like might, you know, really plan ahead for the Shania Twain night. Make a real night of it. Not that you guys didn't. No, we drank a lot. We drank a lot. But yeah, I think it's a little bit New York centric, perhaps.

to think that MSG. The audience of her life? That's sad. And also she had a lot of like stage shows in like in Las Vegas. She had the whole like setup out there. I can't imagine. Well, I don't think,

Shania Twain didn't say it was the audience of her life. It was Jezbo. I think Jezebel really wanted it to be an audience of her life. It sounds like Jezebel was just as wasted as we were. Because I'm telling you, we had a blast. You guys were like the only two groups of people under the age of 35. That we're having a good time. That's for sure.

You should have seen the 12-year-old boys behind me with their parents. You're kidding. And how sad they were to be there. Somebody should have just left them home. Leave them home. Get a babysitter. Oh, man. Here's a fact about you're still the one that you may not know.

I found this off of 10 things you didn't know about Shania Twain. It says you probably won't be hearing you're still the one. This was written back in 2012. She definitely played it. Well, you know what? It was hard because her husband, Mutlang who cheated on her with her best friend wrote that song in response to critics saying

that their marriage wouldn't last. Oh, that's sad. We beat the odds together. They said we wouldn't make sense. You didn't, yeah. But that one we would be missing. They said, I bet. They'll never make it, but just look at us.

You sound like fival. Was that that song that was the theme song for Darmah and Greg? Do you ever watch that show, Darmine Greg, Jenna Elfman? I think I watched Darm and Greg a couple times. And she had two dogs. Because she had a dog and then the dog had a dog. Because she was quirky as fuck. You are a 55-year-old woman.

I am. I am. Oh, my God. Did you ever watch Domain? Dom and Greg, oh my God. He had a dog and then the dog had a dog. This is the exact conversation in my mom and I had when I said I was going to see Shia and I at Twain. She's like, you remember that show?

You remember Dahman, Greg? I was like, of course I fucking remember Darmann Greg. I've seen every episode of Darmine Greg. I don't know why. Dog and a dog. He's so straight-laced and she is so freewheeling. She's fucking

quirky. Oh my God. You are the world's greatest 55-year-old woman. Hell yeah, baby. You know what Shana's real name is? Ooh, what? Aline Regina Edwards. Good for her. Shoulda kept it. Aline Regina. Aline Regina. That's a good name. That is not a good name, Molly.

What? Ileine Regina. Ilea Regina? I-Gina. I dream of Jeannie. I dream of Jeannie. Eileen Regina Edwards. Aline Roderidge. Alene Edwards. Alene Edwina.

Shania Twain's a little bit better. Twain is her stepfather's name. Whoa. Last name. Uh-oh. I bet you fucked him. Right? That's what that means.

Shania is a Native American word from the Ojibwa tribe, meaning I'm on my way. I mean, she was. Shania. Oh, Shania. Shania. What is it? She's still known as Eileen in personal circles. Oh, is she?

Really? I should have been screaming Eileen last night. I mean! Aline! Aline! She didn't put on that grade of a show. I mean, her, especially like the way, it's like, I mean, especially I just saw Fleetwood Mac

and watching, like, Stevie Nix, who is much older than she is, dancing around the stage fucking sings. She just walked from side to side, got on a mechanical bull. Like she was using the flash. I don't mean to insult Shania Twain here, but I think that... It's okay.

I'm not a dream lover of Shania Twain. Well, I think that you might be inadvertently insulting Shania Twain by comparing her to Fleetwood Mac. She should fucking wish and dream to be compared to Fleetwood Mac. That's what I'm saying. So you're kind of comparing, you know,

apples. To shit. shit flavored apple candy or something you know yeah apples and horse apples oh man or crab apples don't get me started my crap apples did you know that she some of our songs have been used to wake up astronauts in 2007 they beamed the song

up into space to wake up the astronauts and in 2001 honey I'm home woke up members of the space shuttle atlantis crew. Is it because they hated this song so much? Couldn't wake them out. They were so tight. All right, get, shut it off.

Somebody shut it off. We're on. We're up. Stop it. Stop it. Yes, this is what those wonderful astronauts were woken up to. Oh, this is, hey. Burn a damn, meow.

See, Chenait-Twayne for me was one of the most conflicting figures of my adolescence because on the one hand, I hated her music, but on the other hand, she was also the hottest woman in existence at that time. She was really hot. According to me and my friends and pretty much everybody in Texas, Shania Twain was the hottest woman ever. Even above Pamela Anderson. What's really interesting is that... That was a big thing back in 1994. The more I talked about going to see this concert, all of my male friends, all I heard about was how much everybody jerked it

to shine my twine. I was like, I didn't know that. Dude, man, her fucking midriff? It might have been like 96. Yeah, I'm not sure I can call a picture of her to mind. And I gotta be honest with you, I remember hating her songs as an adolescent. Actually, it's more like 1998.

Let's see here. All right. Okay, yeah, that's a good one. It was the midriff. It was all about it was all about the midriff. She was really. hot. Honestly, she doesn't even look that bad now. She just, you know, she just looks like a mom. Yeah. Oh, she is hot.

Damn, that's a good picture. Yeah, 1995. Yeah, the whole, the midriff thing, that was... She really racked that midriff for as long as she could. She really did, yeah. But I really had no idea that every man I know jerked off to Shania Twain. Yeah, why wouldn't you? Every single man. Yeah. Because our music isn't that good.

Right. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. Don't you want someone talented, Marcus? When you're 13 years old? When I'm 13 years old, yeah, that's what I'm really looking for. My jerk off material is talent. Talent. You're looking for talent.

Yeah, I can't jerk off to a woman I don't respect. Whoa. That's why, yeah, that's why I had to jerk off to Ann and Nicole Smith all the time because I respected her so much as an intellectual. Man, she was also really hot. It was so weird at the end of Ann and Nicole Smith. I just remember I never really used. knew of her of when she was hot and I remember

looking online being like so what did she look like? Because at the end yikes. Yeah. And then I looked her up but I was like good. She looked nothing like what she had. Yeah. It's just because of plastic surgery. Yeah. When she was, when she first came

around, yeah, she's one of the hot like Pamela Anderson, Carmen Elektra and Nicole Smith. That was the grand trio of Playboy jerk when I was around that age. It's just interesting because I see I never I understand the Pamela Anderson thing

but for me personally maybe she's not my kind of woman I didn't I never saw the like I don't know the like 90 pound body with tremendously giant boobs and also it's like you could see how dumb she was in her face

you know and like that's what it was some people are like that but also I think that's a difference that is a fundamental difference between men and women at the end of the day that women care about that I could see how dumb she was So I was like I don't know She's not that hot

Not really looking I mean once again When I'm going to jerk I'm not looking for that gleam of intelligence You know maybe you should I mean Now I guess you do Not rude

Nah And women I date Yes Yes Okay because I'm about to say Ooh I'm gonna say Oh my mom'll say that You said that

You said you don't look for Intelligence of the girl I don't know. I mean, Sasha Gray is one of my favorites, and she's savvy. She's an intelligent. She's intelligent. That's the thing.

Yeah, they're super smart. Good business women. Yeah, good business. That's what I look for, and women that jerk off nowadays. It's good business women. Oprah. You should get Oprah on your wheelhouse. Yeah, let's get Oprah in there.

Let's just fucking throw her into the rotation. Hell yeah. Why not? Mix it up. It's time for the list. Who's out the list? Yeah, got to have that. This came from listener Adam Tinley, who is very wonderful with sending me lists.

Oh, wow. In certain things out there on the page 7-1. I love it when listeners provide that stuff. Takes less work for you. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. This is celebrity couples that you totally forgot were a thing in the early 2000. Oh, my God.

Perfect timing. Okay. This is one I do not remember at all. Britney Spears and Colin Farrell. Whoa. I don't. remember that at all. Well, he was being dumb, or maybe he was

being really smart. You know what? She was hot. She was hot. And he was hot, too. He is hot, yeah. This is around that time. Check it out. Oh, God. Ew. He looks like a vampire. No, no, no, no. That's hot as Colin Farrell. I don't think he's had anymore. You think that's hot, Colin Farrell?

With the spiky hair up? The hair spiking with the gel in his hair? I mean, take the gel out. With the cross necklace and the open collars and the open shirt. It looks like he's never seen the sun. I'm looking at his face. Take out his gel hair and the cross necklace and the open shirt. The open shirt is pretty rough to not notice.

I like his big eyebrows. Brittany Spears looks great. I'm thinking more phone booth, Colin Farrell. He was really hot. Shaved head or long hair? I'm really pegged on boys' hair. I feel a little bit judgmental about that. Really?

But the gel hair is fine. I didn't mind it. But I don't like his love. You Jamie Kennedy loving slug woman. This is a weird one. Kim Kardashian and Nick Cannon. I didn't know that Nick Cannon was with

Kim Kardashian before Mariah Carey. What? Deve to Deve. For about three months at the end of 2006. Interesting. That's fun. I don't support it. Deve to Deve.

Rosario Dawson and Jay-Z. Hot. Yeah, I would watch that. I would definitely watch that video. Her lips are... J.C.'s got good taste in women. Yeah, I feel like I would ride her lips like as a lifeboat. Off of the Titanic.

Oh, you want one that you're going to want to watch. Edward Norton and Selma Hayek. Yeah. I remember that. I remember that too. I had a thousand percent remember that. Because it was during like Frida, wasn't it? Yeah, it was.

And I was just like, you were. lucky bitch. Yeah. Yeah, that was during my peak attraction to Edward Norgian. And that's when he looked, he definitely looked the best thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, for me, Salma Hyac, I was from Dust Till Dawn. Fair enough.

That was where she was the lady. Gimmy, gimme, yeah. Until she turned into the vampire demon at the end. But that was, I bet also, I mean, you're probably like. I'd still go. Yeah. Let's still go for it. Let's try and hope for the best.

Yeah, they were set up by their. Chiropractor. They both had a chiropractor. It was like, hey, Selina. Selma or Selma. Salma, do you know? Selina. Selena. Oh, yeah.

And by the way, I just came back from my vacation in New Mexico. I went into a souvenir store and you know what was playing on the fucking divils? Anything for Salinas. Yes. Selena was playing on a loop on a fucking VCR in a Native American souvenir store in New Mexico. That sounds like my dream. place. Ashton Coucher and Brittany Murphy.

Oh, I remember that too. Because he was Ashton Coucher was really hot for a bit. He was also the dumb hot. And he was a that 70 show. Let's talk about vacant look in the eyes. I mean it was that. It was somebody that was like just pure meat.

And like he just had like the right amount of like eyes too close together. Yeah. No, he looks and I'm like when you said before that like some women just or some You know, some people just have that, like, dumb. Like, and I feel like a lot of times that gets put mostly on women. Like, oh, they just look dumb.

He looks dumb. He looks so dumb. He's got a dumb. It's like how, um, not Peyton, Eli Manning. Yeah. Looks dumb, dumb, dumb face. But what's interesting is, like, quick side note. Where are Ashton and Jackie?

I'm going to forever call her Jackie. What's her name? Amila Kunis. Milakunis. No, no, no, they've been laying low. It's cool out with them. They've been laying low. What's the pictures of the baby?

I don't know what a picture of the baby is, but they're laying low. Interesting. No pictures of the baby. Why do people want to date Ashton Coucher? That's like Kim's laying low right now, too. Yeah. Well, I've got something to say about that once we get the point out. Here's a real creepy.

Here's a real weird one with a real creepy picture. Ryan Reynolds and Alanis Morissette. Oh. Were they married? They were engaged. They were engaged. Yeah. Yeah, they were together for like four or five years.

And now his wife is knocked up too. What's her name? Blondie. She does cooking blogs now. Blake Lively. Yeah. Oh, that, and by the way, that relationship ain't going too good either. I can't imagine that it is.

I would definitely say that's in a watch for that crumbling. But it's so weird because Blake Lively wants to be the next Martha Stewart. I don't know if you've been following it all. I don't know why I know this stuff. I think I was just looking at it in like People magazine or something. and she wants to be, she wants to have like an entrepreneurship a la Martha Stewart. I'm like, girl, go after Oprah.

You're going to go after anybody. Yeah, right. Martha Stewart fell from grace in a way that sent her to jail. Jayal. She's still rocking though. Yeah, right. It didn't affect her going to prison, but she did fall from grace.

And recipes aren't that good. They're not that good. If I want to be anybody, I'd be barefoot contessa. Oh, my God. I'd be a pioneer. woman, I love her so much. Of course. I know.

I want Marlboro Man. She comes on Afterbear for Contessa. I love that she calls her husband the Marlboro Man and he is sexy as hell. She's making freezer favorites. Oh my God. Yeah. Ryan Gosling and Sandra Bullock. You could do better Ryan Gosling.

Sorry Sandra Bullock. Real human being and a real hero. Have you guys listen to Drive soundtrack lately. I was listening to it today. Oh, that's what that is. I do love that song. We're human be. Remember that? That's a great soundtrack. It's a great soundtrack. It's a great soundtrack. It's really weird, really weird thing to listen to at a pie shop. I'm surprised. I feel like I haven't heard that song since 2010. It's great. It's a really good song.

All right. This is a real weird one that also gives us another weird connection that I never knew about Winona Ryder and Matt Damon. I don't remember that, but did you know that Winona Ryder and Gwyneth Paltrow are like best friends? I think I did know that. Did you know that? I don't know how. That's another one where it makes sense because of their eyes, because of their sad, vacant eyes.

I do find Winona Ryder to be quite hot in a way that I do not get it with their... Dude, man, Joe March and fucking little women. Are you kidding me? I think she was one of the... reasons why I thought I was gay for a really long time. She's so hot. She dated Bright Eyes for a while.

Yeah, Connor Obers. Yeah, and then the Johnny Depp thing, too. It's like, she had all of it. And then it's like how hot she was in like Edward Cisteryans. And then she just got fucking crazy. Same with Gwyneth Paltrow, which I never really thought Gwen Telfort were that hot. But yeah, that's

a little cookie cutter. Right, exactly. Gwyneth Peltro is like a cookie cutter is the perfect way to, she's just like, oh, you want a hot woman, here's a hot woman. Whereas Winona Ryder, you look at her and you're like, hey, you're interesting. You're great looking. But also, you

look interesting. Whereas there's nothing interesting about the way Gwen Patro looks to me. Remember the end of little women when Professor Bear and he's like, my hands aren't empty because we're going to get married. And she says, not empty now. And then she holds his hands. Remember that's out how

it ends? Absolutely not. Don't remember. I'm saying. Christian Bill ruined her, though. Finally, the weirdest one of all, Natalie Portman and Moby. Ew. Doesn't surprise me. Man, talk about again another hat husband. Her Jew husband? I don't know his name, but I know he's crazy Jew.

He's like a thousand Jew. Which is fine. I'm not against it. I'm just saying. Natalie Portman's current husband? Yeah. Israeli. Super Israeli.

Yeah. Bring him up. Definitely. moved past Moby very, very well. Benjamin Millipede. Milipede. Moby is so ugly though.

Moby is so ridiculously ugly. Yikes. Smoking hot. When you said... I'm having a mitzvah. I expected him to have like Piaz or like... Oh no, not like not Hasidic. He's not like orthodox or anything.

That picture's pretty flattering because look at that man's form. No, that's not his. real head. Put on another head. He's got a five head. No, that's not him. That man has a forehead to be reckoned with. No, no, nope, look at his big head. No, that was a bad picture.

Every picture is of him having the huge head. Somebody tell him to just grow his hair down a little bit. He needs to grow his hair a little bit. But look at how much they are in love though. Look at the picture right down. Right down. Go down. You go down. Oh my God. There's so much in love. That's a cute picture. She looks happy.

No. All right. It's for blind eye oh we can't see them right as much as she is photographed at some point this a plus list reality star is gonna have to admit she's using a surrogate

intro that's why she's in hiding that Beyonce bitch she got so much shit last time remember she was on the cover of every bag of it's which is fine it's normal to gain weight you're supposed to get fat it's okay

You're supposed to get bigger when you get pregnant. If you don't, you're doing something wrong. Well, not every woman gets bigger when they get pregnant. Not every woman. Well, like, yeah. But, I mean, at least here. Yeah, well, I mean, the stomach. Yeah, I mean, that's going to happen.

Right. But she obviously let, you know, she obviously was like, fuck it. I mean, you would ever want. Which is also her completely her fucking choice. Yes. That's what she wants to do. Also, she worked her fucking ass off and was even better shape then, like now, than she was before.

And lest we not say that she's still a beautiful one. even when she's gained weight, right? Like, I feel like it's ridiculous to be like, oh, the most gorgeous woman on earth gained a few pounds. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. She still look great. I don't understand is this weird shame about surrogacy. Like, it's fine.

You don't want to ruin your body again. You don't want to go through the whole thing again. Yes, it's very narcissistic and it's very vain. But look at who she fucking is. Of course she is. Right. Why not just say it rather than go hide for nonsense? months and pretend like it's not happening.

Right. Yeah, bring out that fake belly here and there. Just a couple times. There isn't why I think, and I don't mean to put on my feminist hat, but I think because there is like with motherhood, you're supposed to be like, I birthed it. I'm a mammal. Right? Like there's a lot of, the same way

that there's just so much pressure to do certain things. She already did it. Right. He's got one. But there is like, for, I mean, I agree with you that. You're playing devil's female advocate. But I'm saying that there is a response like if she was like yeah I'm getting a surrogate people would be like what's wrong with her she's so superficial she's so shallow she's not a good mom all the you know there's a

whole reservoir of like stupid shit people would say and yet though if she's found out think of all the fucking like what she has to do with then right and then there's blind items about it and then like with bay with her fucking in her inverted belly yeah yeah that was so fake god it was so fake that was The other blind item we got for today, this is kind of fun. What actress and multiple Oscar winner slash nominee was pulled over by a cop a few days ago because she was parking in a handicap spot with an obviously fake placard hanging on her dashboard. The cop was starstruck and let her slide. This isn't the first time she's pulled this stunt and it probably won't be the last.

She's a pretty woman. Oh, Julia. What are you doing? It's because she's not doing anything with her life now. Right, she's lost. She's doing. Not that she's not, I don't want to say she's just a mom, but like from being, you know, an Oscar-nominated actress to,

or winning, Oscar-winning actress, that now she's a mom. Like, that's what you chose, and that's fine. She's filming two movies, secret in their eyes. It's going to be bad. Yeah, I mean, it sounds real bad. That's in post-production. And the other one, which is filming right now, money monster. If I was Julia Roberts, I would be like, you know what?

I worked really hard for like two decades. I was super famous. People said all sorts of shit about me. I put up with it. And now I'm just going to bow out. My goal is to like bow. Like I don't want to be working hard by the time I'm 40, much less however old Julia Roberts is. I just want to be like, you know what?

Work hard for a while. Get your glory. Get your fame. Give up. Live it fucking happy. be normal life where you can be a mom or whatever it is you want to be. Actually, Money Monster sounds like a pretty cool movie. There's a guy,

he's when Kyle loses all of his family's money on a bad stock tip, he holds Lee Gates, a TV personality and his entire show hostage on air, threatening to kill Lee if he does not get the stock up 24 and a half points before the bell. And the entire ship, the country tunes in to watch to see how much the man's money is worth, or how much the man's life is worth.

Hmm, all right. That does not mildly interesting. Yeah, I'd watch that. Yeah. Good for you, Joey Rabbit. But you remember Mona Lisa's smile? Yeah. Uch.

Yuck and yuck. That was such a bad fucking movie. Man, recently this whole meme has been going around, which actually I love a lot, is you guys see the thing about, or I guess it's not meme, but just like a picture or whatever of Rick Moranis. I don't know. Oh, yeah, I saw that. Yeah. And it's like basically people like, oh.

Oh, people have asked, I don't know if he's just recently stepped out and actually, like, said something about it. But Rick Moranis just fell off the face of the planet. And what happened was is that his wife died of cancer, and he decided to since he had enough money to bow out of celebrity life gracefully, he did so that he could go be a parent to his children. Good for Rick Moran. And that made me cry for five minutes.

And then also fall in love with Rick Moranis all over again, which I've always had like a weird soft spot for Rick Prennis. Come on, listen to these movies. Ghostbusters. I mean, Little Shop of Horrors. Yes. Baseball. Yes.

Honey I shrunk the kids. And all of SCTV, if you guys ever watched SCTV? I mean, he's so funny. Little Giants. I love that movie. I watched that movie a ton. I wanted to be Icebox really, really badly. Mm-hmm.

And then the Honey I Shrunk the Kids, but that's fine. The first one was great. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that was great. And then, okay, Parenthood, that was a pretty good movie. I love that movie. And then, you know, the Flintstones, which, you know, it's...

I mean, it's a money-maker. A dad genre of movies, of characters a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's not the best. But, you know, it looks like he had... The gift looks like he had fun. That's sweet. That's sweet of Rick Moranus, though. But also, exactly, but with what a filmography.

And, like, he chose his family over this life. And, like, that made me just, like, my heart melt. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

21 years. I'd marry him to this day. Is he single still? I know he's Canadian. Maybe I do like Canadians. Don't say that. You love them. You love them.

He's not a thing. Isn't Ryan Gasselin Canadian? Oh, you keen on it? What are you talking about? You know what it is? No, they say keen. They say keen? Keene.

Keene. Keene. You keen on it? what's interesting what makes me hate Canadians the most not all Canadians is the Canadians

of the show is I've been watching this reality show it's called Love It or List It and it is a home reality show about people that want their home to be changed

or they're going to move so they have a home like a home designer come in with the budget they have to change the things that they want to have changed to get them to stay

but they also have a real estate agent that is working to get them to move to find all of the things in a house that they would want. That sounds fun. It is in Canada. What's it called?

And their... Love it or listed. Love it or listed. And their accents are atrocious. And they're always cold. They're always cold. And they're like, ooh, we like the kitchen a lot, but we're always cold. It's like, oh, yeah, because you're in fucking Canada.

Why don't you leave Canada. Fucking idiot? I don't call them an idiot. Oh, we're always so fucking cold Oh, I always And then like, even about the things that like they don't like They don't like the changes in the house They're like, oh

Boy, you know, they like name all the positives Rather than saying what they're actually Fucking upset about Well, I don't like First of all, great job Great job Yeah, that's what I'm also And boy don't you know that I always enjoyed blue

I have in my whole life I always said blue with my favorite, didn't I? I did. And also the relationships between the couples where they're like, just say what you mean to each other. I want to watch this show. It makes me so mad. I've said this before.

Trailer Park Boys is my whole Canada thing. And they're swearing like sailors all the time. But it's still great because they're like, oh, I fucking hate it. And it's like wonderful. But I need to have some actual nice Canadians to compare it to it. They're too nice. It's passive aggressive nice. All right.

Well, that's all we got time for today. and go out and buy Rick Moranus's new album My Mother's Brisket and other love songs Aw. Who's bad have your boots been None of her? She'll be a lot. She'll be a lot.

I guess go by one of Shania Twain's album. Don't, please don't. It's mine. I feel like a woman. Let's go, Marcus. Ew, that just gross. When I so out. Ugh.