Episode 136: Juiced
00:00Are we heading into jagging season?I think so.I'm wearing my jaggings.Got holes in the thighs.Holes in the thighs.Because I got big, meaty thighs.My name is Jaggies of Rose.My name is Molly Nethful.
00:14I'm Marcus Parks.What's your favorite pair of jaggings, Jackie?I mean, I would say it's the only pair of juggings,and that is the one that I have on right now.And they have holes in my thighs.Didn't you have that acid wash?The speckles?Oh, yeah.
00:24But you can't wear it with plaid.Who knew?You can't wear acid wash with plaid.No, I wore it one.time I own onlyI had shirts andI got so muchGreek. You could wear it with like a cut up
00:38it would look great with a cutoff. Yeah like acutoff shirt like a Phil Collins shirt.Yeah that's what acid washJagings are boring to do that. Right nowmy fucking fats justseeping out of the little holesand it just keeps pinchingand it keeps going hey I'm here and I know
00:55you're there because it keepspinch it every time I'm sit down manand I can't do anything about itExcept get new pants.I know.I know I can get new pants.I am wearing some jaggings that I,Ross and I were bonding about this over in the bar.
01:09We both got the same pair of juggings from the H&M men's department.Yeah, but at the same time is that you got tiny ass.Tiny ass means you can wear these juggins.My ass comes up to my fucking navel backwise.I don't have a navel on my back.You mean short ass.Short ass.Yeah, I got a tall ass.
01:28I don't have a big ass.I got a tall ass.So I got to wear these high-wasted jaggingsAnd they're not high-wasted on meThey hit the perfect amount of wasteThank God when man those lowriders were inOh, don't even get me stawedCouldn't wear a bearer of piss
01:45Have we established tall ass as a phenomenon on this showBefore it feels new to meOh man I feel like I always talk about my tall assBut maybe that's just inside of my headWhere I'm like I got a tall assI got a tall ass I got a little.I get the same thing with my big old bubble buttYeah but we
02:00You don't have a high ass crack.Width is one thing.Depth is, I feel like they often go hand and hand.Not always.Sometimes you got a wide, flat ass.Oh, yeah, man are a wide flat dick, which is sad.But a tall ass is something that I guess definitely is a thing, and I just hadn't thought about.I don't even know where the never-ending crack that I have.
02:22I don't even know if the top of it could be referred to as an ass.I think the top of my crack is my lower back.See, my dad's got tall.He's got tall, but he wears a farm pants.Yeah, he wears farm pants.Yeah, yeah.He wears Wrangler jeans.So he's got coverage.
02:38Yeah, yeah.Oh, he's totally covered.He's also like 6'3, so you don't really notice all that.Oh, the tall ass.See, I'm short.I got a tall ass.The only thing's tall about me.And I don't know how to cover it.
02:49But the thing is, is one of those things that you just get used to.I bend over and you see my ass crack.That's fine.I think that we've actually entered like a post-crack world where I see everybody'sass cracks all the time. Nobody seems to really care anymore.I don't know. I havecome across a few people in my lifethat for some ungodly reason
03:07and not a person that I'm fucking currentlythat will put their fingerin the top of theass crack. And that isuncalled for. That iscompletely inappropriate.People do it.People do it. They see it that they get touched.
03:24People do this. It's a weirdfucking thing. I think people grow up doing itas kids. You donot do it to an adult. And also, if a child does it to me, I will hit them. And then I'm goingto be the fucking member of the slap. I'm going to be in the slap and I'm going to be amillionaire. Children should do that to other children either. I mean, the whole, you have tolearn fucking appropriate touch. Touching somebody's ass is a violation. Yeah, but isn't that likean American thing just like we don't shit in front of each other? Like everybody else does.
03:51Isn't that what everybody else does? Oh yeah, oh yeah, every other country in the world justshits in front of each other. The Chinese have a real bad problem with them. Well, they'reLook at the holes in the floor.No, I think shit is a pretty universal taboo amongst the humans.You don't shit in front of other people.It is a problem in China.I do know that.It's holes in the floor, right?
04:11Yeah, they do the holes in the floors.But I do know that there have actually been certain tourist attractionsthat have to put signs up specifically in Chinese to not shit in public.Cool.Yeah.See, if that's something I could get past, I guess I would be fine with finger in my ass crack.But there's something about the nether.nape of an ass crack.
04:31I don't know if you've touched yours ortouched another person where you just go,poop, like right in the top.It sends like, it's like when you put your finger too farinto your belly button.Did you know that that spot is an erogenous zone?Ew.Yeah, that little spot right above your butt crack,
04:46it is an erogenous zone.If you hit it in just the right way,then it can give you a little bit of a tingle.It's also unsanitary.I was just hanging out with a baby earlier this week,who the baby has just learned that you don'tput, you don't touch your butt,because it has germs in it.
05:00So she's like, yeah, your butt has germs in it.Don't touch it.And I was like, that is a good life lesson.Hell yeah.That's absolutely right.That'll save you like a lot of, like, you know,it's good to know when you get UTIs later.Yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:12You teach that baby about UTIs now.Hey, yeah, front to back.But, you know, butts have germs in them.Don't be touching other people's butts willy-nillywith your index finger that you go and useto call on a phone or I was going to say pay phone,but we don't have pay pay pay.Other things you use your...
05:30When you dial up your rotary phone?Yeah, I just, you know, it is a weird thing.It is.I know it's not celebrity gossip,but I'm sure there's celebrities with tall asses too.But they probably wear...I mean, I don't know, put his spanks on it.Right?
05:46I think you could do that.Thank you.We just had a huge celebrity freak out this week.Oh, yeah.Azalea Banks fucking lost it on a flight last night.She was trying to get past another passenger to get her bag.She didn't want to wait in line.And, of course, that caused a bit of a row.
06:07Of course, it also says that she spit on the guy, punched him in the face, and tore at his shirt.And after a flight attendant told her to calm down, she lost her balance, fell, stood back up,and then started fighting with the flight attendant over the bag.Who wouldn't give it to her?Bitch was drunk.Oh, yeah, bitch was.It was also very late at night.Yes.
06:30Bitch was tired.So which, wait, is she the bad rapper or is it Iggy Azalea?Iggy Azalea is the bad rapper.So who is Azalea Bix?I have a similar question.I heard her name a lot.I feel like I know that she's a much better musician than Iggy Azalea, but I'm not familiar with her work.I know she's not Arieta Grande.
06:49I learned that last week.I know what she looks like now.You know about Ariana Grande.But what is it?When did the Azalea come in?When is that?Isn't that a flat?I think I heard that she's good.
07:01She's a good, popular musician.Is she a popular?She's a popular.Popular musician.Does she make popular music?She makes popular music.She likes popular.She's played on the radio boxes.
07:10Uh, yeah.Her hits are 212,chasing time,Ice Princess.I think she's a local one.Interesting.Yeah, yeah, 212.You know the Manhattan area.
07:20I know.I wear 212 sexy.What?My perfume is called 212 sexy by Catalina Halera.Because I like to be Carlinanella.and I like to pretend like I am number one New York.Two and too sexy.Can I smell it?
07:37Do you have it on your wrist?You can smell my chest if you want.I can't sort out what's Jackie and what's two on two.Ooh, do you think I smell this good?No, I think I smell.It could be one or is it the jizzy.I mean, I have many of flavor coming out of my aura.Yeah, no, I think I smell.
07:56I think I got a little bit.Yeah, it smells nice.Thank you.Yeah.I'll pound it on next time I come.Please do.There's nothing I love more than this tiny room is just a horribly overpowering perfume.A lot of perfume.
08:10Mixed with the long-standing smell of nicotine.Hell yeah.I mean, you know, I'm just flavorful.Too and too sexy.I mean, it's better than unbreakable, but you know I had to stop wearing that shit.Unbreakable?Yeah.Why'd you have to stop wearing unbreakable?
08:25Chloe Kardashian and basketball player.Nick Cannon?No.No.No.Chris.Humphase?No, that's the first one.
08:35That's Kim's.That's Kim's.What's the basketball player?He was a meth head, crackhead.Oh.And they broke up.That tall guy.Yeah, and they had a unisex perfume cologne, and that's what he used to wear.
08:46It was called Unbreakable.Oh, what is it?Lamar Odom.It was Chloe Lamar's Unbreakable.Oh, I wouldn't have been able to do that.I wouldn't have been able to name him if you gave me 20 hours, though.I mean, I just knew because I was like,It was on the tip of my tongue.
09:00No, absolutely not.I just, like, on the bottle,they just, like, or on the box,they were entwined and a passionate embrace.And they've also had a recent run in back in August.Apparently, he verbally attacked heras she was arriving for her soul cycle class in Beverly Hills.Bitch ain't doing soul cycle.
09:20I like that all I've ever of us heard was soul sex.I mean soul cycle?Yuck.I don't even know what goes on in a soul cycle class.I just know what's all.Hard and certifying.Like many of the things that I hate that cost a lot of money, it looks like a lot of fun to me.It's like a lot of music.
09:37If I was a millionaire, I started looking to jujitsu classes.Yeah.Apparently, he was mad because she's dating a new basketball player, this guy called James...Larry Bird.Michael Jordan.It was the only two basketball players right now.This is Larry Bird, my name of third one.Quick.
09:55Scotty Pippin.Scottie Pippin.So we have two...Wait, is Scotty Pippin White?No, that.Okay, we just named two white.Wait, who was a...Tony Kukoch?
10:07I'm just gonna be racist.What's the tall, the really tall...Kareem Abduljabar.No, Asian guy.Oh, Jeremy Lynn.No, no, no, no.He's the Knicks.You're thinking of Yao Ming.
10:19Yow Ming.That's great, because that was not what I was going to say.I know it's not.It was going to be similar.Jeremy Lynn was the Knicks guy.Isn't that day basketball player just now, right?Or is that just a totally random name?He was the next guy.
10:31Okay, yeah, he was definitely the next guy.He was okay.Just okay.Yeah, he was just okay.There was a lot of Linsanity puns going on.Yeah, yeah, yeah.Everyone liked him because the post got on the pun trainand everyone just wrote that one for a more.
10:41Yeah, but he wasn't a good basketball player.It was just because of the puns.A thousand percent.I'm on board.Yeah, I love it too.But anyways, this guy, his name is James Hardin.That's Chloe Kardashian's new beau.And apparently Lamar Odom is taking umbrage to this.
10:57And so he apparently grabbed her by the arm.No.This is what the rumors say.This is what the rumors say.He grabbed her by the arm.She said, get off of me.And he yelled, you're not going to call the cops on Lamar Odom.Cool.
11:10You know, if you refer to yourself in the third person, you don't deserve to have the cops called on you.That's my new rule.So put that in the back of your head in case you're getting to an altercation.Is this, is either of them handsome?I don't know what either of them.Lamar is pretty handsome.Here's what they will.That's the new guy?
11:29No, this is Lamar Odomand this is Chloe Kardashian, yeah.He's beardy.Yeah, super beardy guy.Man, she's looking more likeO.J. Simpson every day.There was, oh, this is a sidebar.I was talking with someone that listened to some,
11:45I don't know, high-fluity podcast.But it was this guy that was on this show calledYou Got Juiced?Oh, yeah.This American Life is the High Flutty podcast.You know about it.And yes, highfalutti was the right adjective to describe that pipe.No, it is a little highfalutie.
12:02It's very highfalutie.But, yeah, juiced is amazing.Juiced, for those of you who don't know, is OJ Simpson's, like, prank show that he did, like, way too soon.Like, 2006 or earlier.Early to mid-2000s, it was, like, punked, but he called it juiced and you got juiced.But the thing is that no one understood, and, like, it was like, he was like,him being like, oh, do these gloves fit?Yeah.
12:30Yeah, yeah, yeah.And like, oh, it's amazing.I've got this white bronco for sale.Yeah.Yeah.I heard that.I was just like, that's amazing.And like everyone on the crew was really uncomfortable with it.
12:44Like people, like, people who would be part of it, he'd be like, you got juice.And people would be like, what just happened?Like, you would know.Oh, because it was also like a house, it was a house.Like, they were trying to sell a house like an open house.Yeah.And he was there and like, there was like a naked woman jumping on a trampoline and he was trying to do stuff out front.But people are trying to look at the house and they weren't really paying attention.
13:05And he was just like, you just got juice.And they're all just like looking at the house and like looking at the specs of the house.They're like, okay.At least, yeah, according to the podcast, the highfalutti podcast, it wasn't even like well-executed pranks.Like it was just O.J. Simpson fucking with people and then being like, I'm OJ.And then people being like, oh.Yeah.At one point he dressed up like an old white man and just bothered people.
13:31And then after a while, he just go, you got Jews.But he didn't look like a weird old, well, he looked like an old black man dressed up as a white man.Like incoming to America.Like incoming to America.Exactly.Actually, he looked a lot like that.I bet.But people were just super confused at every turn.
13:50But also, I know it sounds sad, but it took me five minutes after I heard this.story to be like, oh, because OJ like the juice.And it took me that long to make your, I was like, why can you keep saying you got juice?That doesn't make any sense to me at all.But, you know, I'm slow.And you know, I'm not as slow as the general American public.That is true.I think you're much faster than them in many ways.
14:17Thank you.Well, I'm going to actually, this will actually translate over to the audio.I'm going to show you guys the actual trailer for Juist that they would show on late-night television.Good fine, Marcus.Oh, no, we showed this at last podcast live shows like three times.Oh, really?Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.Highly anticipated video of the year.
14:42You won't believe your eyes as you went to Joe.Ew.Performing hilarious in camera.Oh, that's a creepy white man.All across America.And you'll witness all the non-stop uncensored madness caught on tame.For the first time ever in this incredible video.This insane footage is so controversial.
15:04We can't even show it to you on this commercial.Get juiced for only 1995.But that's not all.Juiced.You know.You know.You're also getting the amazing unauthorized bonus footage absolutely free.featuring the ultra sexy completely out of control.
15:21There's a lot of naked women.for no reason.This special TV offer is available for a limited time only.Order now.Call 1-800-815.How do you find?Can you watch it?Yeah, I have it.
15:35I have it. I can give it to you.You got it?Yeah, yeah, I found it.It just sounds like he was drunk.No, he was.He was blasted throughout the entire thing.And he kept making these weird murder jokes.That's so.
15:46Yeah, I'm going like, hey, right?Right?Right.Yeah, it was, it's really weird.Too soon.I love it so much, though.It's so ridiculous.Oh, shit.
15:58Someone put it on YouTube.What?Oh, awesome.Okay, yeah, they put the whole thing on YouTube.I had to go to Cinemageddon to get it because for years it was definitely under wraps.But there was a great vice article about it.And I think the guy that wrote the vice article was on this American.The pollutie, pollutey podcast.
16:14Yeah.Is that sad?I hear the word of NBR and I'm like, I don't understand it.No, I think that's completely fair.Whatever they're playing on it, I don't get it.I think it's totally fair.Fair. I just shut off.I hope that it doesn't
16:27make me seem highfalutie when you're like,Highfalutie podcast, and I'm like,I believe you're referencing this American life.Shall I be?No, I believe I heard it.I believe you're to it on the Liddled Lepin Show.National Public Radio.Is it Bledge time again?
16:43If you talked about itas if you were Vincent Price and everything'sOh yes, coming up,later on.Fresh air.I listen to NPR.Oh.I mean, I'm not against it.
17:00I don't care.Well, it's a complicated...I don't care, Molly.I said it.It's not that I'm dumb.Oh, my God, I'm dumb.Oh, man.Going back to this little fight between Kardashian and Lamar Odom,
17:13apparently this new guy that she has,his ex-girlfriend, she tweeted out,kind of throwing a little bit of shade.She just tweeted out,sloppy seconds.Damn.Technically, I think a lot of peoplecan be sloppy seconds though, right?
17:28Everybody's sloppy seconds.Everyone's sloppy seconds.So it's really not even that kind of a thing.It's like making OJ joke.I just feel like there's so many OJ jokesthat are lost on Chloe Kardashian.Yeah.Sloppy seconds, if you're not a sloppy seconds,
17:41you could just be made fun of for being a virgin.Yeah.So like you're...I'd rather be a sloppy seconds.Yeah, exactly.Oh, yeah, sloppy 10th, 11th, 12th.Yeah, get some experience.Otherwise you're like an ice queen, you know
17:54I don't know thatI mean I've never been one of thoseBut I've heard about itYeah that's rightYou lost your virginity before you kissed a boyIt's the wrong podcastWhich is trueThere's a Green Day song about that
18:10Is it? I cast a boyAnd I liked itIs it that one?No it'sOh yeah the timeIs it that one?I don't evenI'd have to sing the whole thing
18:21to get to the chorus to name the...I'll do it off the year.Boulevard of Broken Dreams.The line is...I won't sing it.You don't want to hear me sing green.I mean, I love hearing you sing.There's one thing that people say about Molly Napal.
18:34Beautiful singing voice.Singing voice, I do do a lot of karaoke.And a wide ass, not a high ass.Wide and low.Ew.Why? Just say not high.No, it's not especially low.I think it's not high.
18:49It's about mid-range.It's...Molly, she's got a mid-range ass.Right in the center.For moderate.See, I don't got high.I don't got low.I got right in the middle, but coming quite outwards.
19:05Oh, yeah, but you got the bub.I got a big old bubble butt.Bubble bud.It's from my mother.Well, you should stop feeling on your mother.I don't know what kind of ass my mom's got.I know that.What kind of ass your mom got?
19:18I don't know.Interesting.I guess that's just me.Maybe Marcus was sitting throughout his childhoodwondering where did I get this bubble butt.Yeah, he started to look at it.Is it this butt?No, it's not this butt.
19:33Is it this butt?It's like a new version of,Are you my mother?Are you my butt?Well, you guys want to talk some view news?You know it.Bit of a controversy on the view last week.Apparently, after the Miss America conference,
19:51One of the ladies that competed in the Miss America contest when she went out to do her little speech.She came out in nurses scrubs.Apparently she cared for Alzheimer's patients at one point or another.Which is hard as fuck.It's very difficult.She got second runner up, by the way.Yikes.Not that good.
20:12Well, out of 50, that's four.Yeah, that's named.You got a name.You got a title.That's third place, right?Second runner up.Yeah, but she didn't even have a sexy dress on.That is true.
20:21Yeah, she just had these scrubs on.She said, about one of her Alzheimer's patients,she said, I went over to him and I lifted his head up out of his hands.And I said, Joe, I know that this is really hard,but you're not defined by this disease.Yeah.I really thought she was going to make a dick joke.She won the inner beauty contest.
20:39What's the problem?Why are we making fun of her?You say inner beauty?Yeah, she's got a good person, good personality.Wait, is that what the second runner-up is?The first one is the hot girl, and the second one is the inner beauty?No, but don't you have to prove that you have some.some sort of, like, depth of soul.
20:55Yeah, or that, or you have to be, like, have something scripted.Yeah.And, like, really memorize it.She had to be a good actress.So I'm saying she was, she's showing that she has a.No, I think it's great.Soft butt for the elders.Well, speaking of scripted, Michelle Collins, who's new on The View.
21:10It's actually a wonderful stand-up.She performed here in New York for years before getting the View gig.She's great.She said, she came in a nurse's uniform and basically read emails out loud, and she'sShockingly didn't win.And all of the nurses got pissed off.And Joy Behar said, why does she have a doctor's stethoscope around her neck?I mean, it's the jokes.
21:32It's a jokes.Sometimes we make the jokes.But the problem is that, you know, yes, of course she's great.But also think of your demographic here.You're not making fun of Donald Trump.You're making fun of the people that watch your show.Here you go, Jay.Like that's a thing.
21:48It's a fucking women's show and you're going to be like a jobthat's totally dominated by women and be like,of course people are going to be like,hey, Joy Behar.Please don't.I mean, even I know that.And listen,we make fun of everything.
22:01Yeah, and I love Joy Behar.You too.I'm so glad she's back on the View.Yes.Friled.Thank God.We needed a salty girl.A lot of turnover on the View lately.
22:10Oh, so much turnover on the View.Who's even on the View anymore?I watch it this morning.Whoopi is there dominating the conversation as ever,which is great because, you know,I don't trust anybody to steer it by her.Is Rosie,Perez still on it? No, she left after
22:23after they did in that big fight with Kelly Osborne.The thing is, is that like fuck Kelly Osborne.Yes. And also,that's the whole separate thing. That old fight,yeah. What happened to Rosie Perez was totally fucked.But also, you know, you want to hate on Rosie Perez.I understand. Watch the movieUntamed Heart, like I just did.
22:41Which is Christian Slater.Rosie Perez is in it, but alsoso is Hot Girl.What's her name?from Mara...I'm pressing my breasts.Marissa Tomey.Yeah, yeah.
22:54My cousin Vinnie breasts on the stand.Yeah, yeah, yeah.It's accurate.Very accurate.Thank you.He said hot girl and startedgrab ourselves.I would have thought Terry Hatcher from that.
23:05Ew.I would have done an alien pucker face.She's one of the five top alien women.Or do like I just pull all the skin back on you.Oh, yeah.I'm like, hey, you step beyond Lois and Clark.I like alien women.Give me a weird
23:20Give me a weird looking oneYeah, yeah, yeahUntamed Heart thoughChristian Slater has a baboon heartAnd Marissa Tomey loves him anywaySo I would say highlySo you're in Team Rosie PerezI'm on Team Rosie Perez
23:33I watched that and it could happen to youIn the same daySo I was on a little RosieathonShe's greatShe's great and I'm sad to see her goI am happy to see Joy Behar backThat new person she did fine todayWho else is there?
23:47Is she salty, though?She didn't seem especially salty, no.Is she?But I didn't, I wasn't paying very close attention.Interesting.I mean, I started watching it and then, to be honest, I had a kind of experience where I was like, this is really.I really don't care about this.A garish experience.
24:03Like, I can't.I think I need to mute it.And Raven Simone was there?Yes, she's there.All right.Yes.Wait, so she's on it now.She's still there, yeah.
24:12She got, she had some controversy.I don't even remember what.I feel like everybody on the view lately has been having controversy.Because she's not salty, she's spicy.You know what I mean?You know what I mean.Joy Behar is salty.Raven Simone is spicy.
24:28And what would Whoopi Goldberg be?Savory?I would say like sour cream and chivey.You know?Like a good base.She does love chips.Yeah, good base.Whoopi Goldberg loves chips.
24:42I mean, it does love chips.It's something I identify with her about a lot.Then I don't appreciate you.She can't have chips in the house, otherwise she'll eat all of them.Believe me, I know this story.I don't have chips in the house.Yeah, that's why I put pretzels in the house because everybody fucking hates pretzels.Yeah, I've been eating pretzels lately.
24:59It makes me miserable.I hate them.And I hate to eat them, and then I'll buy a big thing of it.I'm like, well, at least I bought pretzels.I didn't buy chips.I bought pretzels.And I hate the pretzels.Then I find myself hate eating them.
25:10Yeah, I hate them.They're so bland.And it's like, oh, but it's a sourdough nugget.Who fucking cares?No.You got to get those pretzels.with all the Cheeto powder on them.You mean Cheetos, too.
25:20No, no.There's pretzels.They're really good.There are pretzels that have been, like, dunked in Cheeto powder.Is it the Snyders?Yeah, Snyders nids or nubs.I like the honey mustard nubs.Yeah, those honey mustard ones are good, too.
25:34Don't mistake the, there's another...There's shards, is what they should be called.There's nuggets that are honey mustard from Snyders that are not...Schneiders.Dunked enough in the powder.Then there's these...bits or whatever.It's the shards.
25:49I love to call them the shards.That are much better.They got cheddar cheese shards that taste likefucking Cheetos. They're great. It's the onlypretzels I want to eat. All right. I'll eat those.And I eat the honey mustard ones. Yeah. Oh, the honey mustard ones are great.Buffalo Wing. Also good.Yes.
26:03Ooh. Okay.Spicy. Yeah. Spicy like Ravens.You can get them for a dollar and a littletube at some bodegas.All right. I will.Maybe it's because I'm staring at Marcus'sPringles right now. Oh, yeah. Those pringles do look good.saving those for after the show. This is my dinner.
26:19Don't, Marcus.I can see it's not even full. You alreadyYeah, you ate most of the chip.A partial can of pringles for dinner? You need moreto eat. Give yourself a whole can of pringles.I just had three of the pringles.Okay. Three? Once you pop,you can't stop. I know that. You can't stop.
26:35I stopped. I stopped. I stopped.That's what they say you can't stop. You think you'rebetter than everybody else who can't stop? Yeah, you fucker.Yeah. I like the ranch ones.Yeah. Salt and vinegar.Oh, yeah. Or, people.Pizza.I don't know what they put on the pizza ones.
26:51A pizza flavor, the chip is great.I really want to try the macaroni and cheese ones.I have not eaten a chip in a few months, and I think it makes me go chip crazy.Yeah, I think about them.I look at the bags and think about them, yeah.Think of how many times.See, I like to put jalapeno chips on my sandwiches.Oh, my God.
27:12Did you guys know pizza-flavored ice cream exist?Yeah.They just released it.Oh.There is nothing savory that belongs in my ice cream.No, nothing, except for maybe pretzels, actually.With chocolate.Molly?
27:28Molly?Actually, I could totally go for that.That sounds pretty fucking great.Yeah, but not a honey mustard shard.No, no.A plain, bland pretzel covered in chocolate.Covered in chocolate.I mean, anything covered in chocolate.
27:39Yeah.Hell, even a...Potato chip.A raisin up.There was that Jimmy Fallon potato chipBeningeries. It had like chocolate cup of potato chips in there.I do like some...Have you guys seen those potato chips around that it was the contest, like the flavor contest?
27:56Yeah, that's what the macaroni and cheese wants.Yeah, yeah. Do you see the southern biscuits and gravy ones?I will not try those. I will. I won't either, but I'm really fucking curious.I mean, if they were around, I would try them, but I won't buy them.Yeah, yeah. I'm not going to spend money on...Like Doritos jacked. I've only had Doritos jacked around Ed Larson.Jack's and I love himIt's like Doritos but with more stuff on it
28:18You know it was dumb Doritos 3DYeah dumbI kind of liked itBut it was too puffNot enough cheeseYou know whatI need to eat a chipGive me a chip
28:29God all I want is chips nowI knowThen not these stupid chipsNo those are dumb chipsI want handoversOoh yeah I want real chipsOh crunchyI love a nice dark rusted chip
28:40We gotta stop talking about chipsI'm sorryI just want chips so bad.I can talk about chips for hours.I think I might buy a bag of chipsand eat it for dinner.I think I might have a Marcus Parks dinner.Oh, it's going to be great.
28:52All right.We're spitballing again.Chip podcast.Chip podcast.But the thing is, at the top,we all open up a bag of chips, right?And then we, like, alternate.But no one knows what the chips are.
29:03We have to, like, completely hide what kind of chips they are.A chip taste test.Yeah.Yeah.Do you know what chip it is?Great idea.Ooh, a loaded baked potato.sure.
29:14I think it tastes a lot.It's just like bacon sour cream,but Molly, can you eat those?I don't know.I was just thinking,I wonder if I can eat a bacon chip.If I can, I will.You can eat bacon-flavored things.
29:26I absolutely can as long as the ingredient listdoesn't have, like, bacon in which I don't think it does.I'm sure that there's nothing real in those chips.Oh, yeah.We can get two ounces of bacon natural flavor here.Yeah.And it gives the food bacon flavor and it's vegan.Yeah.
29:43You're fucking self-hating people.Chicken.Chicken in a can.Chickens.We watch this jiff of chicken in a can.Chickens, your old chicken people.Chicken in a can is the whole chicken in a can.If Marcus, if we can post it so.
29:57I don't know.It's almost disgusting.I'll post it on the Facebook page.When you go to the Facebook page tomorrow when we, or if you go to the Facebook page right now,I'm going to be posting it right now.It is a woman that's kind of.Putting her butt up and down, up and down, and then a can chicken falls out of it.It's just like, how do they get the bones in it?
30:19How big is that can?This is actually what the chicken in a can looks like.Okay, it's a pretty big can.Yeah, yeah.Sweet Sue can, whole chicken.Have you ever eaten it, Marcus?Yeah, I've never actually seen one in real life.Oh, ew.
30:34I mean, it comes with its own gravy.So I guess that's nice.Do you heat it up?It's just so easy to make a chickenYou know, it's like, it's one of the easiest things to doBut if you get the chicken in a can, then it lasts for a long timeUgh, gross, I don't want my chicken to last that longYeah
30:52You want to just go right to the storeGet it, take it homeAnd I'm gonna eat itAnd I'm gonna eat most of the chickenBecause I can tell you, I can take down most of a chickenIf I'm eating your chickenI'm gonna eat your chickenYeah, I can eat a whole chicken
31:05Oh yeahSomeone gets a quarter chickenLike a, like for their lunchquarter chicken, what are you?A five-year-old?I can eat a half chicken.Yeah.Easily eat a half chicken.
31:18Easily.Yeah, yeah, that's nothing.I feel like nice restaurantswill have like a half chicken out of you.Yeah, yeah.You can...And then you have the side and it's fine.Yeah, you can only get a whole chicken
31:28at a supermarket.Uh-huh.Yeah, or you buy it and you make it.So you take it home, the whole chicken.You sit down, put it on a plate,and just dig right in with the board.Hands.Hands.
31:37Yeah, hands.Yeah, oh, yeah.If you're eating a whole chicken,yourself and you don't eat it with your hands.You're wasting your time.I got no time for you.No time for you.Yeah, because then you're just,
31:48you're poor man's highfalutie,which I feel like, I don't know,if everyone is drinking every time I say the wordhighfalutie, which I would highly encourage.Go back to the beginning of the episodeand then start again.Preferably with a jizzy.Well, we got to watch our sugars.
32:05The problem is that there's so much sugar in the chips,but we're not going to get into that right now.Yeah.And I'm staring at all these goddamn blow pops.Marcus!A lot of blow pops in the table.Jake Young just dumped these on the table when I came in.I love blow pops because it's like you suck, you suck, you suck, you suck, you chew.
32:20And that's all I want.That's going to be my dessert.After the chips?After the sour cream and onion pringles you're going to eat?After the sour cream and onion pringles?Yes.You don't think the palate will go well from...I'm going to eat a rasmataz, blue razz, berry berry, berries.
32:39Those are the best ones.Blue Raz is definitely the best flavor.Good choice.Smells wonderful.Man, I just remember when I first ate a Tootsie pop and I was so sad because there wasn't gum in the middle.Yeah.Really?Yeah, I got pissed.
32:51It's Tootsie Roll.Well, I know it's a Tootsie Roll, but I'm surprised that you were disappointed and you got a Tootsie Rolls?It wasn't like it was empty in the middle.I know, but you can't go from cherry to chocolate.I didn't like it.It's bad.But I've always felt that I don't want candy in my hard candy to gum as a jarring transition to me.Yeah, but it's like a cherry to chocolate.
33:09Yeah, but it's like a bazook of joe.It's like an...I spit?No, I've actually...And then he's suck on the stick.I'll do a blowpop right down to the gum, and then I'll throw away the gum.You're a freak.You know what? Next time you do that, save the gum for me.
33:24I'll call you, yeah.I'll give you the gum.You could have my sucked on gum.Thank you.All right, it's time for the list.Oh, it's out of the list.Yes.Crazy dangerous film sets.
33:36Ooh.Yeah.The whiz.Uh...Only dangerous to the heartYeah, I know about that.A lot of broken hearts on that side.Diana Ross never recovered.
33:47God, she was great in that.She was wonderful.We're going to start in 1956with the John Wayne film The Conqueror.There was a government nuclear testhappening like just a few miles away.A hundred cast and crew members got cancer.No.
34:05What?Holy shit.What?How does that...Including John Wayne.What?What?It's possibly killed.
34:13Although John Wayne also smoked six packs a day.I mean, that's...You're definitely...You're having a war with the devil there.But, I mean, that's pretty rough.Holy shit.That's, like, not even, like, sexy dangerous.That's just, like, long-term devastating dangerous.
34:29Yeah, that's, like, 9-11 first responder dangerous.Yeah, but do they get, like...I guess it was too early for them to get, like, checks every month.1956?No, those people suffered and died on their own.Damn, man, that sucks.Yeah.I guess we got to watch the Conqueror now.
34:44Yeah.Yeah, yeah, out in Utah.All right.Damn.Ooh, Utah.That's a sexy state.Mm.She grew up near Utah.
34:58No, I didn't.Oh, everywhere out there is Utah.It's all Utah.You grow up closer to Utah than we did.That is true.Well, yeah, but that's like me being like, Mark, you grew up in California.I grew up in Texas.I know.
35:11I didn't grow up in Utah.It's close enough.I love that.I love good, solid generality.Another one, Noah's Ark.It was a 1982 short film.There was so much water used for the flooding scenethat the set actually flooded.
35:31People were injured, and it took 35 ambulances to respond to the emergency.I bet Russell Crow's movie Wish and it had that issue.Then they would have something to blame.That was a slight on the quality of a movie that I have not seen.Russell Crow made a Noah's Ark movie?Yeah, Noah.Noah, it was like two years ago.What?
35:55I missed it.Were there animals?I mean, I think everybody missed that.Oh, that's another slight.Shamed!I haven't seen.You're salty.No, in that shade, I'm a big oak.
36:08I'm an oak tree.You got so much shade.Roar of 1981 movie about a family living among wild animals,cast and crew members, including Melanie Griffith,were repeatedly mauled by wild animals.Why haven't I seen this movie?Also, of course you're going to get mauled by wild animals if you're around wild animals.Oh my God, me breasts.
36:33My breasts are out, and then this tiger keep,and the tiger came and said,showed me a breastin acidhookieYeah, she was mauled by a lionCoolShe required plastic surgery
36:52And got 50 stitches in her faceRequired plastic surgeryThat's where it startedBut that ain't where it ended, am I right?I'm all rightI'm all right I saw milk moneyI think thatI have to see this movie
37:05Who else was in it?YeahTippy HedronTipy GoreIs that the same tippy?That is a div.Tipper.Tipper.
37:16Pee Gore is her married name.You know, she could have been Tippy Hedrin.Famous Mald by a Lion Actress before she married Al Gore.Tippy Hedron was in the birds.Oh, a lot of animal movies.Yeah, a lot of animal movies.She was an animal activist.Oh.
37:30The cinematographer from that movie also got mauled, but he was also scalped by a lion.On the same movie or in a different movie?Same movie.Wow.And also the director and star Noel Marshall also attacked and severely injured by lions.You'd think they would have called it off after the first mauling.First mauling movies done.Well, see, it was all about lion attacks.
37:55And so all the lion attacks.They used live footage.No, ravening jungle beasts assemble and flocks to invade an otherwise quiet home where they chase humans up and down stairways and from one room to another.So it is the birds bunk with lions.To be fair, that's a great premise.That sounds awesome.It should have just been gold at.It's the birds.
38:18The lions.By Alfred Hitchcock.He's trying to go to your guard.He's like, ah, oh, it's so much worse than birds.Don't take the birds.Oh, yeah, the tagline is no animals were harmed in the making of this film.70 casting crew members were.But that's real.
38:39It's all real.Faces of deathYeah, right.Wow, it's been describedat $17 millionIt's been described as the most expensiveHome movie ever made.We have to watch this.
38:51Tippy HendrenFrancharder in her legwhen an elephant bucked her off, it's back.What was she doing on the elephant?Escaping the lions.I guess that's true.How do you get away from why?She also got bitten the head by a lion.
39:04And she's an animal activist?Still.Interesting.Yeah, 38 stitches.Well, if you marry a gore, you're going to die a gore.Yeah, and they kept it in the movie.Or you're going to get gore.Yes.
39:16Oh, yes.Yes.Molly.Maui.Maui.Hi-five.Gorge.Gorge.
39:22That's pretty good.I'll give you a little finger wag.Don't finger wag it.That was more than a finger wag.No, but from across the aisle.All right, you're right.Yeah, yeah, there's a lot going on over here.Wow.
39:33Assistant director's throat was bitten open.Jesus.We have to watch.A lion tried to rip and.ear off.Almost died on that one.Just the ear?That's like small potatoes compared to all these other lion injuries.
39:47And then a flood from a dam killed a lot of the lions in the film.Where was the dam?We washed away the set and destroyed nearly all of the movie, including sets, completed film footage,and three key lines including the main movie.Where were they?I'm sadder for the lions than I am for the humans who are involved.Well, I mean, I guess, yeah, they don't want to be in the movie.movie. They're not getting paid a bunch of money.
40:11Melanie Griffith knew what she was signing up for him.Whoa, but where was the dam?In my head, you know,this is in Africa. So I don't knowhow many dams they have in Africa.It was in Africa. How big is this? That's where all the lions are.I know those where all the lions are, but maybe they shipped them.Maybe that's why the lions are so pissed while
40:27they're fucking biting the ears off.Yeah, they're like, get the fuck out of ear.And biting the throat out of the assistant director.Yeah, but here's what Melanie Griffith had to say about it.It says, lions are really tough act to play with.Not because they're dangerous, but because they'refunny. What the fuckshe's wrong with her. She says this as she's like bleeding.
40:43What is wrong with her. They're sofunny. As a medic isstitching her arm back to her body.Am I so pretty? They're funny.I love a lion.I love lion.Uh-oh, she's getting dumber. She's getting dumber.She speaks. Cast me again in another
40:59lion film. This doesn'tdeter me.Ooh, and the husband was financed by husband and wifeNoel Marshall and Tippy Hedronand about a year after the movie was released in the theaters,they got divorced.Well, I mean, if people are getting scalped and, you know, all that,it's really not a romantic set to be on.
41:20Stress into marriage, you know, kids can stress you out finances,like 40 lion malleys.Scalpings.Scalpings.Deputy sheriffs had to shoot three of the lions.Jesus Christ, the lions, I feel really bad for all these.Six lions have died so far.I just really want to see the scalps.
41:37of that guy.I think there's just somethingthat really fascinates meby scalpingthat's not donelike, you know,to an Indian.It's like,
41:45how does a lionchoose to scalp?Well,just rip it right off.Also, their taglineno lions were harmed.Clearly a falsity.Lions were harmed.
41:54Yeah, many lions died.It's up to six so far.Many lions died.That's what the tagline should be.So many lions are dead.Wow.And tippy hendron,afterwards took a lot of the lions as pets.
42:11See, they don't want to be your pets.Yeah, they're mulling you.Let them be.But she also said, we don't blame the cats.Well, that's good. It's not their fault.They're fucking lions.Yeah, they're not actors.They didn't go to Juilliard.
42:24Yeah, right.They don't know how to control themselves.Not like us.Yeah.Oh.Oh.We all went to Julia.That's where we met.
42:32I forgot.I forgot about.My years.Julian.The welcome class.It was where we met.Time for Blind Adam!Oh, no, you can't see us.
42:43I'm getting mauled by a life.One of all of a suddena lion game out of the closet.Marcus, you would be ultra cool then.I would be ultra cool if I was hiding a lionfrom everyone for all these years.Yeah.Oh, no.
42:56He's been my secret this whole time.And now you guys have finally found my lion.You'd be a creep.It's your lion girlfriend.Yeah.First up, this B-plus list, mostly television actress now that her, or this B-plus list mostly movie actress now that her hit cable show has ended, was drunk at an event last week and drinking a beer.That somehow led to her telling relative strangers about the things she's done with beer bottles in the past, and it was definitely R-rated.She's a Scientologist.
43:32In fact, blind items today, all Scientologist.Interesting.Oh, it's like a list and a blind item and won.Oh, yeah, absolutely.And she hit cable show just ended this year.Her co-star, Man, won best actor at the Emmys last night,which we didn't talk about because they were fucking boring.Boring.
43:56A cable show that, was it Mad Men?Was it January Jones?No, but close.Oh, oh, the one who used to be married to front Armisen.Her name is Peggy on the show.What the hell is her name is Elizabeth Moss.She's a Scientologist.Yeah, doesn't that make you sad?
44:10Huge Scientologists.That does make me sad.Because I like her so much.I do too.Yeah.Because she's quirky.Yeah, exactly.She's one of those like out and about recruiting.
44:21Oh, no.I know that.I know.It's devastating.She's one of the highest rank in Scientologists in Hollywood right now.So you think it's in her ass or in her vagina?I think in her vagina.Because it said all.
44:31R-rated.But ass is NC-17?I don't understand.I mean, I've seen it's a hardcore porn.I mean, is it hardcore all-rated?I mean, all porn.I think it's N-C-17-1-B.Beer bottle and a V must not be R-rated.
44:47I don't think you can show that in an R-movie.I mean, I guess we got to try.Good, let's make a movie.The next screenplay, we write,all ball bothers in the V,and some bit bothers in the B.B and the V and see what the...See what we see.
45:05See what we see.See what we get rated.Next up, this A-plus list, movie actor is out of the country promoting a movie.A hotel employee overheard the actor yelling at one of his flunkies for not checking for bugs in the room.Electronic ones.Apparently, the batteries ran out and the one they used to check.And our actor was ticked off that there were no spares and that he wanted it swept by the time he got back.Gotta be Tom Cruise.
45:31It's definitely Tom Cruise.But what machine do they have to check for bugs?Oh, you can get, yeah, bug machines.You can't just say, oh, yeah, bug machines.I don't know what that means.It's got to be some sort of, I don't know the technology.Like a boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.Yeah, exactly.
45:46Yeah, yeah, yeah.They can tell.They can look around on the walls and they can go boop boop boop bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo.But what if it's in like a teddy bear?What if it's in like a teddy bear?It'll find it.It'll find it.It'll go bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo.
45:58It'll go bo bo bo bo bo.Even though it's within cotton?It's waves.It's got to be waves.Yeah, it's radio waves.Radio waves.Bug detect.Is that all bugs are or radio waves?
46:10I mean, I don't know.What about in the...I'm using my hand to make the motion.Wachie Tocke.Baby Wachie Tockeys.Baby monitor.Baby monitor.When you said baby Wachie Tockeys, I thought you meant little Wachie Tocke.
46:27No, no, no.I meant baby Wachie Wachie.Baby monitors.Oh, God, he's upset.Someone changes diaper.You know how, like, people can get into the baby monitors now and, like, hack them?So that's radio waves, too.Yeah, yeah, it's all radio waves.
46:45These things are expensive, though.Upwards of $350.What, bug beapers?Bug beapers, yeah, yeah, yeah.It's the biggest ones you can pay, you can pay up to $760 on these things.I bet he's got to have the best of the best.I'll bet you could hack and I.phone and it wouldn't beep though. I'll bet
47:01that's all way beyondthe bug beepers. Tomcrew is going to get hacked. But if hecan afford the best of the best, where were theextra batteries? Yeah, right?I don't understand.Or was someone in hisflusies having a
47:17bug put in? Interesting.Yes, Jackie, it's very interesting.All right, and for ourthird Scientologyblind item.Do you think it's going to be?Oh, yeah.And this one, I don't really know what to think about this one.
47:39This one's...What's he say?What's he say?Among the strangest ones.Is it sad?Apparently, in an effort to stop the constant payouts to his male lovers to buy their silence,this married closeted former A-plus list, mostly movie actor...Former A-plus, give me a break.
47:58Still A plus, okay, has been given four men that are in the organization who he can use any time without any fear of them speaking out.But how big does that donation of the organization have to be?It's his entire life.How much else does he have to fucking give?Are you kidding me?Yeah.But who are these four men?Yeah, they're like sex slaves?
48:23Did they want to be sex slaves?Like, did they choose to do it?I don't know.Do they get houses out of it?I would imagine they're treated okay.The thing is, you know what?Let's say, I'm going to be a sex slave.I get a house.
48:38I get a cook.I live on a beach.I'll be at your beck and call.Back and call.Anytime John Trawl wants a blow job,no matter what you're doing,you got to drop it and get there.Because what am I doing?
48:49Eating a turkey leg?Swimming in the pool.I can stop.Yeah, I can stop.I mean, I take it.only, you know, three and a half minutes.Bing, bang, boom, in and out.Suck, suck, suck. Come, come, come.
49:03I'm back in the pool.I think it's a great life.What if he wants to cuddle?Ew.He doesn't want to cuddle.He seems like a cuddler to me.You think so?Oh, yeah, absolutely.
49:14What with all the massagers?You're right with the massagers.He's big on the touch.He's real big on touch.Because he's probably so lonely.Mm-hmm.God, he's so lonely.He's so lonely.
49:23He's not so lonely anymore.He's got four Scientology fuckboys.He's going to get sick of them.Yeah, he is.But then they'll just rotate them out.It's not like these are the only fuckboyScientology has access to it.You know what?
49:34You're right.But then what if you lose the whole gig?Like you get fired from a fuck boy.You're not as good of a fuck boy anymore.You lose the pool.You lose a beach.You lose the turkey legs.And then what do you do?
49:45Got to apply for a job.And they're like, what have you been doing for the last year?Sucking John's Cod?Can I get a job?Please.No?Is Banana Republic hiring today?I bet they're young and hot though
49:59No they've got to all be young and hotI don't know see I don't thinkHe likes middle ageSee I think he likes men around his own ageI really do think he doesGo for himGo for himYou know it's hard
50:09It's like once you pass theThe hot boy fuck boy statusIn your 20s AmyWhat else are you gonna doAgain what else are you gonna doWhat are you gonna doAnd that's the other questionsAre these guys Scientologists
50:22They have to beI don't knowMaybe they're just paid very welland threatened with their lives.Their lives may be threatened if they ever talk.I feel like they would have to have more invested than just that.Yeah.Right?
50:35Just their lives?Yeah, because it's like, I mean, yeah, they could be scared of it.But unless you're in the cult, you're not as scared of it.Because at the end of the day, you're like, yeah, but I could also tell everybody in the drop of a hat.Yeah, you're right.I was John Traj was fuck boy.Yeah.I think you need to be scared on a different level like Tom Cruise scared.
50:53I think that's right.Yeah, that is very true.I wonder if they've ever fucked.Tom Cruise and John Travolta?Yeah.I bet Tom Cruise has rubbed John Travolta's shoulders.Or like cock?Maybe upper thigh.
51:06Probably not, though.They probably haven't because they're also closeted.But maybe that's the solution to all their problems, you know?Just fucking get with each other.Get a rub.You're both, you know, formerly attractive men.Formerly.You know, you're both famous.
51:20You understand the struggle.You got a lot in comment.Tom Cruise got old fast.Is it just me or did you get old fast?Stamos got old fast.That's a whole nother conversation.We can save that for next week.I mean, I know, but I'd still fuck him.
51:32Yeah.Well, I never would have fucked him.Could make you laugh at all forever.Ooh.All right, I guess we gotta go,because next week we're talking about Palaos,whether you fucking want us, you or not.My name is Jackie Zaboroski.
51:48My name is Molly Nezbo.Hi, Marcus Barg.Forever.I've been so happy loving you.It's going to be my.wedding song, but it's going to be the Jesse and Ripper.For more shows like the oneyou just listened to, go to cavecomedy
52:08radio.com.
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