Page 7 - Episode 140: Wet Crackers

Episode Date: October 28, 2015

Marcus, Jackie and Molly discuss Lamar Odem's failing health, Kate Middleton's failing marriage, and failed celebrity restaurants. You can check out Jackie and Marcus in The Cowmen's new video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPNqgdZcM80&feature=youtu.be Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Is that jerky? Mm-hmm. We've got three different derky shippers this week. Three different people. Cyan pepper and some other shit. What? It's really good. It tastes kind of like Indian food.

It's got that kind of like... The maze? Don't look at me. Don't look at me with your satisfied. Satisfied facial expression. You should be very satisfied. What makes the joke about? What are you thinking?

What are you the thing? You get it? Welcome to page 7, everybody. I'm Marcus Parks. Jackie made a very good joke. I said, this beef jerky that we got from a wonderful listener, I said it kind of tastes like Indian food, and Jackie said, What do you mean, maze? No.

And then she looked at me for approval, and I didn't give it. My name is Molly Neffel. I'm Jackie Zabrowski. I was eating a different form of maize a minute ago in the form of popcorn. Jackie is chewing into the microphone. Oh, man, I was a chipping and a chan. They had to wait for me to finish, and I was going to eat every fucking morsel of it.

I feel like you were eating that popcorn the way that they tell you in America to, like, eat food, which is, like, to be very purposeful and, like, focus on only the food, taste it with all of the parts of your mouth. You mean me shoveling it into my mouth? You seem very focused on it in the sense that you weren't really participating in the other conversation. I was so happy. I was so happy that I was eating it. man, because I love to eat.

It's been a long hungover day, and I just needed some fucking carbill. You know, you front-load your carbs, right? I front-load my carbs before I start my drinking. Yeah. Do you have a favorite hangover recovery food? Well, today it was nothing, because I couldn't drink water until about 4 p.m.

Was a rough one today. I did bad last night. So popcorn, apparently. That's the first thing I ate today. Oh, well, congratulations. Alongside my jizzy. Because, I mean, guys, it's, you know. What?

Oh, just wait a minute. Just wait a minute. Just wait a minute. Oh, here we go. Here we go. Are you playing skeleton, Dan? What are you doing to me? Why are you doing this? So you two, um, dig up...

You just wait. Oh. Try it so. Ah. What is it? Is it Tom Cruise's interview with Oprah? It's Jeff Goldblum in Jurassic Park. Oh!

It did gun some like some. I guess. My guess was really wrong. Yeah, that's okay. Yeah, I mean, I guess it, if I would have brought up to a little. the right YouTube video. Let's just move on from that. Man, remember when he was in love?

Not anymore. Yikes. Well, you guys are, I assume at least in part, Jackie, you're hungover because you guys have some celebrating to do because of having a really amazing show and then a video premiere. Man, y'all got to watch. Skeleton Dan, by the Cowman.

I was coerced because I sleep with someone in the band. Which one? We're not going to tell you. We're not going to tell you got a guess. but I know that I did play spin the bottle with all of them in a skeleton costume and I kissed every single one of them. I kissed her with my teeth.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was disgusting. But it was through the suit and I feel like that doesn't count. The teeth was the best I could do. I couldn't do the lips. I think it turned doggone so I feel like it really worked for me.

Oh, you gave it away. Oh, fuck me. No one knows who he is, though. It could be anybody in the band. But you guys should watch it. Honestly, it was made, it was edited. shot in one day, edited in two days, and it's fucking fantastic. It's fantastic.

And I'm saying this as it is not my song, so I feel like I'm allowed to say that. Yeah, you're allowed to say whatever you want. I mean, I know I'm a fat fucking skeleton. Thank you, everyone on YouTube. Thank you commenters. No, that's what the YouTube commenters. They said it doesn't look like it's mad on the ball. No.

You fuckers. That's fine. You know what? I just fucking ate some popcorn. You know, I'll put some sock. I'll put some butter-powdered, flavoring on it. I don't know.

That sounds great. I don't know. It was yellow and it said butter and it was in a powder form. And I put it on it. I'm guessing, yeah, that's butter powder. I didn't know there was butter powder. Oh yeah, butter powder. Butter powder is very good.

I've talked to my good friend Ellie who lives this is the show. We've talked about before accent. You ever seen accent before? Is it a flavor powder? It is it is MSG that you put on food. Oh, yeah. and it's called accent. Yeah, you get near like the Mrs. Dash.

It's insane. Right? It's right next to the Mrs. Dash. Right there with the Lowrys all seasoning. Yeah, yeah. Lowrys, man, put on some shrimp. Right next to the spike, the original spike. What's spike?

It's like accent and Lowry's and Mrs. Dash. Mrs. Dash. I mean, Mrs. Dash portends. Doesn't have MSG in it, Molly. I think Mrs. Dash is like tries to pretend that it's like some herbs and shit, But really, I think it's like salt and MSG with some green stuff. No, Mrs. Dash is a beautiful medley of herbs depending on what kind of intergalactic cuisine you are making for the evening. I have the Italian herb blend.

You're a big Mrs. Dash. I mean, I like that all of the herbs are in one. I mean, I prefer a fresh herb. I prefer to put a fresh herb in it. But sometimes you can't get a fresh herb. Actually, Mrs. Dash is almost all natural. Really? Oh, MSG, yeah.

You got onion, you got spices. All the spices, I checked them out, they're all good. You got also some garlic. You got some carrot. There's all different kinds of Mrs. Dash. Okay, I take it back. I apologize, Mrs. Dash. I was wrong about you.

I am going to be, I'm saying thank you for Mrs. Dash. I think you are Mrs. Dash, so it's okay. Oh, hooy, everyone. Oh, my God, some spices. Oh, my God, it's Mrs. Dash. Oh, I, Mrs. Dash. Do you want to lick money, balls. because of herbs on them.

Oh my God, I got to get this drink. Are you pointing at the water? I don't know. Someone help me. I need more popcorn. I need more popcorn. You need more popcorn. And you know what?

You know who else needs something? Somebody needs a little bit of love. Somebody needs a little bit of love and possibly a new brain. Lamar Odom. 12. 12 strokes. No. Pop, pop,

Pop, Pop, Pop, Pop, Pop, Fireworks. Okay, so I have seen, like, covers of magazines in line at the store, and I know that he had a very bad thing, but break it down for me because I don't totally know who he is or exactly what happened. You know he's a basketball player because he's tall. He's with Chloe. And Kobe Bryant is his friend.

They are in the midst of a divorce. Not anymore, though. Okay, and he had strokes because of drug use? All the shit that was in his system. Yeah, he had a bad time because the Kardashians, what he asked. We were talking with Henry. It was like, a flop. Oh, we talked about this.

That's right. Yeah, the Kardashians were talking about him on their show. He didn't want to be a part of the show, but it had him being spoken about, not flatteringly, and kind of making fun of him a little bit. for showing some feelings. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And so the day after the episode premiered, he went to a brothel out in Nevada

and filled his body through with a whole bunch of different substances. Holy shit. You have to pause real fast so that I like that he uses the, the episode coming out as an excuse for the fact that he was caught in a brothel because he had 12 strokes. And it's like, you think that this is his first fucking rodeo? You think it's his first time popping a bunch of shit? shit and then being like, dance on my limp dick. And that is not what he sounds like, but maybe that's what he sounds like.

Duh. That's what he sounds like. My dick. You try and get me hard. I bet you can't. Oh, my dick. But we've all gone and, you know, tied one on after a bad experience with a lover. Tired one on.

Yeah, you know, you got to say it, if you say it, tie one on, I fucking tied one on last but you say, oh, I tied one on last night. Oh, boy, did I tie one on? I don't believe you when you say it like that. My ex was fucking starting some shit with me on national television, and I just got all fucked up. What? So tied one on. Is it like tying on abroad to you, or is that like getting real fuck up?

Oh, so we tied one on yesterday. But I don't know what the actual, like, yeah, you tied one on last night. I don't know what the, like, what's the word epistemology? Epistemology. Entomology. Entomology? No, that's bugs. Okay.

Y'all have been crazy. One of his bugs. One of his words. Y'all are both bugs. Etymology. Etymology. Thank you. Thank you.

Don't want to accidentally go to the entomology room. But do you have to tie one on after something upsetting has happened? Usually you do. Usually tie one on's like, oh man, I fucking, you know, I broke up with her and I tied one on, man. I don't know if I've ever actually

heard this phrase before. Really? It's huge in Texas. Where did I get it? It's also big in Canada. I'm not true Canada. I know. I know. I'm closer to Canada than you are in Texas.

That is true. That is true. It's like the... The Minnesota diaspora, yeah. Yeah. Up north. Why do you use... Where are these words coming from? They're all real words. You haven't been here for two weeks. I forgot how to talk.

Yeah, you went away and you got all smart. Yeah, man. You got you getting crazy. You get crazy's fuck. I've missed you guys very much. We've missed you too as well. The origin of tie one on is a variation on hang one on, hangover. I got a hangover. I hung one on last night.

Oh, okay. I'm a hang one on. Interesting. Tied one on. I hang one on. Several degrees away from making any sense at all. But. Well, what makes more sense is it possibly tie one on is a old cowboy thing, where cowboys got

tied their horse up. I love cowboys. Oh, my God. You love cowl. Get on a horse. Tiny, I'm in the rope. I mean, I feel like I would like to get hog tied, but I think it hurts. It hurts a lot.

Yeah, I got hog tied quite a bit when I was a kid. Yeah, you know, you're a cowboy. It's when your hands and feet are tied together? Behind your back. Oh. Yeah. I guess it's not one I'm thinking of lassoed. That's what I'm thinking of.

You want to get lassoed. Yeah. Getting lassoed is no fun either, but sometimes it is. Yeah, but not if the cowboy, like, drags me up on top of the horse, and I'm like, don't, don't. And he straps me over the saddle, and he punishes me for being bad. For being a bad cowgirl. Cow girl, because I was milking the cows with my mouth.

That would be hard to do. Yeah, you use your teeth. But you really like milk, so. I mean. Although we established you don't like it out of the cow, right? No, no, no, no, it's too hot. It's very, if you did not know that, Molly, it's very warm when it comes out of the towel. It's so disgusting.

It's body heat, you know? I'm worried. It's totally logical, but horrifying. Viscerally horrifying to hear about. Real thick. Oh, hot thick milk. Oh, God. Ew.

Yeah. Not pasteurized at all either. That's fine. The milk I use it my job is not homogenized, so it has the big clumps of fat. of like creamy fat and it grosses people out and they're like I think the milk's bad it's like no that's just the good part of the milk but people say that that's that pasteurizing it and homogenizing it takes away all the good nutrients and then they put all their sugars in it but I won't get started on the sugar

don't get started don't get started on the sugars that's why I bought triscuits earlier because there's no sugar in them oh triscuits how do you feel about chicken and a biscuit Ooh, those crackers that taste like chicken? That makes me want to puke all over the microphone. You've never had chicken in a biscuit? No, I've seen the box and I get nauseous every time I see it. Chicken and a biscuit is pretty good. I would rather eat chicken on a biscuit.

I don't want to eat chicken in a biscuit because I have chicken bonyon in my house. And I could just dim my trisket in the fucking boughon if that's what I want to do. No, but if you buy chicken in a biscuit, then you get the special chicken. and a biscuit flavor. And plus, if you're dipping it, you're going to get wet crackers. I got to be honest with you. I mean this with only love. I assumed you might like chicken and a biscuit crackers.

I mean, it sounds like something I would like. I don't like the fake chicken. No, see, Marcus, I use a powdered bouillon. So I would lick the trisket, dip it in the bouillon. Like a lick and stick. Like a lick and stick. Like a licket. Yeah, exactly.

Chicken flavor. You'd be better off with a saltine probably. Unsalted cracker. Unsalted bich, because you've got to lick it first. Yeah, you got to lick it first because if you'd use the trisket, you'll have that wheaty flavor. And chicken and a biscuit is just plain cracker. You're right. But with the chicken flavor.

The special chicken and a biscuit flavor. Did you know chicken and a biscuit has its own Wikipedia page? You know, I did it. I want to learn about it. It's very short. Originally released in 1964 in the United States. I would be more upset if it was really long. Like there's no reason for it to be long.

It's grown internationally. You can get it in other countries. What do you mean it's grown? What does that mean? Pick it off the tree. It is not. It is definitely not natural. Native to the lambs of the Middle East, Asia, Africa, and Europe.

No, no. It's flavored with dehydrated cooked chicken. Oh. Yeah, so I actually haven't had chicken in a biscuits if that was a high schooler because it is not vegetarian. But you like chicken in a biscuit. Yeah, oh, I like all sorts of flavor powders. Oh, yeah. That's why I got dill, sea salt, olive oil, fucking trisket.

So you can get a trisket with a flavor powder on it and it still no sugar? Yeah, no sugar. Right. No sugar. I love those dill fucking salty ones. I love dill, anything, fucking put dill on it. Mrs. Dish! Big Dill fan, myself.

Yeah, all three of us. In Australia, there are many different kinds of chicken and a biscuit. However, they do not contain chicken. They are Vegemite. Ooh. Wait, how is that chicken in a biscuit? No, it's Vegemite in a biscuit. It's Vegemite in a biscuit.

There's bacon in a biscuit and nacho in a biscuit. Now, biscuits, though, not in Australia, because in other yons, biscuit is a cookie. Well, they're not locally known as flavor crisps in Australia. Yeah, that's not what they're called. That's actually, that is a misnomer. That's not something that people call it. It's an urban legend.

But they still use biscuit because biscuit is spelled wrong. Is there a K? There's a K. It's B-I-S kit. That's really what it is. I can't eat anything that's a biscuit. I can't do that. I need to bisqueue it and that is it.

Wow, that was good. That sounded. Really, yeah, and I didn't know it. So that's more of my speed of what's going on in my head right now. Yeah. Well, the rest of them are just the In-A-Biscuit line. Not-Ju-A-Biscuit sounds like a Cheez-It, if we're being real. That is a cheese-it.

But they're long. No, the Tabasco Cheez-It. Now, give me a Tabasco Cheez-It. I haven't had a Tabasco Cheez-I. I don't think I actually have either, but I have stared at the box. There's those hot sauce potato chips that I like. Ooh. You mean the Saracha ones?

Yeah. Yeah, those are good. Yeah. So put it on a cracker? Sure. Yeah, sure. Is that what we've come to? So we moved away from Lamar and Chloe, but at the end, QED, put a flavoring on a cracker, and we will eat it.

We will eat it. Took us seven minutes to figure it out. Unless if it's a meat powder, I can't eat it. Not a meat powder. What if it's a meat flavored powder? Yeah, I'll eat that. You'll eat that. Okay, good.

I'll check and see if bacon. flavored in a biscuits have Because I would eat the fuck out of that Because there's some of those chips now that there you know There's like those gyro chips And like chicken and a biscuit chips Oh yeah You know I've been meaning to look at the ingredient list on there and see if I can eat them

Wait do you eat bacon bits Is that real bacon? I like it a salad bar Yeah I don't know a salad bar I think bacon bits are Artificially I think they're just like gunk I think it's just gunned, too.

I think it's like bacon flavored. It's hard gunk. Hard gunk, yeah. And if there is nothing, I like more than a hard gunk anywhere. I don't care where it is. I don't care what it tastes like. Is it ripped up into little pieces? Is it bacon colored?

Yeah, it's hard gunk. Girl, you bacon colors. So next time I'm at the Applebee salad bar, I can have. If you're fine with disodium inoceneate or malto dextrin. Whatever, bring it on. cauliflower, canola oil, salt, and caramel color. Interesting. And just all sorts of other flavor enhancers.

All right, yeah. Put some bacon bits on it. I remember that they're on that it's, yeah, it's imitating bacon. Okay. imitation bacon. Yeah. I imitate bacon. Immatate bacon.

I was trying to mesh the words and I don't know why. There was no reason for it. So Chloe and Lamar, right? They're not getting a divorce anymore. Yeah. getting a divorce. But they were going to until he had... Shoke, choke, choke, choke, choke.

And then she's like, okay, I'm going to stand by him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's all obviously for show. It's definitely for show. This is some... I mean, they took the cameras with them to the hospital. Ew, my God. Oh, ew, ew, ew.

Oh, how revolting. Yay, yeah. I mean, they ain't got no shame. No, no. But that's why they are at the place that they are in. And I think that we need to start having less shame. Less shame about being awful? I have no fucking shit.

I mean, I got none. You got a little. Do I? Give me more popcorn. Let's see. Well, I mean, usually I feel like I have actually come to a place where I'm like, go, Kardashians. Do you? And I, like, don't care about their lack of shame.

But in this particular case, the fact that he was upset about the shit they were talking about him on the show. And now they're bringing him into the show. Oh, that seems really odious. Yeah, and he doesn't really know what's going on. Yeah, of course. That's sketchy. Now they really are, though, like Kermit and Miss Piggy. I feel like that really makes the circle go around.

Because you think she looks like Miss Piggy? Yes. And I think that she sounds like Miss Piggy. She's got a piggyish thing going on. She's got a piggy thing going. And I think that he is now going to be the silent, strong partner that takes it because stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke. Yeah. But really, is he any different?

Because that many strokes, usually you're different afterwards. Well, his kidneys are gone. I don't know. Is he like on life support? I don't think that can happen. They're gone. They're just out. They're just out. No more.

They just disappeared. Somebody took them. They didn't disappear, but they have both failed. He now has to do six hours of dialysis a day. Oh, Jesus. So you can't come back from that easily, right? No, you don't come back for that. You got to get new kidneys.

Man, I'm going to say, so you think how long after he's out of the hospital that the divorce will be back on? I'm going to say six months. Is he going to live? Yeah. Yeah, he's going to live. Yeah, he's got some permanent damage. No, he's not fine. But he's going to live?

Yeah, he's going to live. Okay. Wow. They really didn't think he was going to live for a while. I think he was in a coma. Mm-hmm. Yeah, he was because of the dozen strokes. He had a dozen strokes.

Yeah, that's a lot. I've never even heard of that being a thing that your body can do when you have too many drugs. I think it was just he had them. I think it was like his body was under duress because he was on so much different shit that it just happened. I see. Oh, my God. I say that like I'm a fucking doctor. Because if I was a doctor, I'd have eight jizzies in front of me and not just two.

Oh, God, listen to this, Chloe Kardashian. She apparently right before the incident at the, let's see what the, this place is called here. Right before the incident at the Love Ranch South Brothel, she launched a paid app in which you could pay her for her to pretty much tweet. Like she will send messages to just. Chloe Kardashian? She will send messages only to people who have paid for the app.

Apparently she took a little break off, but now you can get Lamar Odom updates if you pay for the Chloe Kardashian program. She's like the fifth most famous. member of the family. Well, she's up there now. Like, she's starting it. I mean, I think she's number two. Yeah, but she's no Kylie. She's no Kim. She's no

Caitlin Jenner. She's no fucking mom. Yeah. I'd say right now, she's hovering on number three. Whoa. Kim. Caitlin. But what about Kylie though, man? Did you see...

I think Kylie's out. I think she's out. No, there's that meme that said it was like, which is insane. Like transition of like young white teenage girl into black middle-aged or like like late 20s woman because she's had so much work done in the way she like presents herself now isn't she the teenager though yeah she's had work done oh yeah it's insane she looks different she looks completely different i mean hot as fuck but she was hot before isn't there another young one but they got the nose they got the hair they got

the chin they got all that you know got to go uh gotta get it out of there because you know she's 17 and man Time is a wastein. She didn't look good enough. Yeah. She's got to get up there, man. She has to get up there. But, man, Chloe, you just know when she heard about this. Dollars signs.

Dollars signs. Yes. It's insane. Who's the other teen one besides Kylie? Kendall. Kendall. Thank you. Right?

No, it's Kendall. It's Kendall. But she's not hot enough either? No, she's not hot. No, nothing's got. I mean, she's fucking hot. but she's also got the Kardashian head She's got alien head

She's got alien head Too big It's the head It's the cheeks It's the nose It's the chin It's the hair It's the hair

It's the head She's got alien head You see what I'm saying Where it's very narrow At the bottom And then it goes larger It's the chin and the cheeks I thought we liked

I thought that America likes cheeks Not those kind It's too boxy They gotta get them shaved Yeah You gotta shave them down Yeah You really got to get it down

So what did Kim Because I feel like Kim has basically seen as the hottest Kardashian, right? I don't know. Kylie's giving her a fucking run for money. Can I see a picture of Kylie? Sure. What did Kim get work?

Like an 85 woman right now. I shouldn't know the answer. Did she have the surgeries? Yeah, this is her. Yeah, she's. That's Kyle. She is 17 years old. Yeah, 17 years young, my friend.

Young. And what did, so Kim did the same thing to her face? I don't know. Or does she just natural? the best one and then everybody strives to be like her. I think she probably had worked them. I don't think she had that much work. Like, because, like, Kylie Jenner looks a lot different than she did.

I see. Kim Kardashian's pretty hot. I think she's very attractive. I think the others might be a little hotter. You think so? I think so. What's the other one? Do they all got bods that can compare with Kim's?

Because Kim's bod. She's got the curbs. They don't really have the bod. They don't, because they're sticks. Kim is the only one that's got those curves. Yeah, you can't, you can't, uh, I mean, you can't probably get a. Yeah, you can do that. Oh, you can get it.

But, you know. Yeah, and get it. You can get it. We do have, you know, I haven't confirmed it. I saw it on a magazine. But I do have to say that I am very, very nervous for the state of Kate Middleton's vagina, as she is now having a third fucking child. Is she?

Charlotte is five months old, and she is fucking pregnant again. You can't fuck before six months, I thought. That's why you're concerned about her vagina. I'm just concerned about the wear and tear. How flippy floppy can a vagina get? How did he even get his dick inside of it to make the spermies stick? Yeah, I didn't think you were supposed to fuck until six months. I mean, that's wear and tear.

Yeah. Unless she had a C. I mean, she may have had a C. I shouldn't. I feel like very, very wealthy people sometimes just schedule their Cs. Yeah, you're right. No judgment, but she may have just been a like. I would love to schedule a C because then I got my books.

I've got my reading glasses. And I'm ready to go to the hospital. You got your favorite janny time? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm ready for a slow ride. Take it easy. Douglas, I have misplaced my spectacles. For how am I to read while I am giving birth to the chart?

Yeah, I think that is a thing that, like, very wealthy people will schedule their seats, but... Well, she's in that highfalutie, you know? She's in the highfalutie bed. In the highfalutie hospital. Well, here's what I'm hearing. This is on celebritydirtylaundry.com. Not, is it not Williams?

Is it not Williams? It will. It has to be Williams. I mean, I know. The marriage? Crumbling. It can't be crumbling. She's, they can't.

No, she's got a fucking plaster that face on for life. Yeah. There is no going back. Yeah, she's stuck. Well, apparently she's aligning herself with the queen. She thinks that she can get in the queen's good graces, maybe get this William guy the fuck out of there. Hey, he's awful.

Leave me in the princess spot. Get rid of him who's smart now. I mean, she is very smart. I do think that she, I mean, they're just going to offer. Because I think that the queen is smarter than that. You did it once. Oh, yeah, yeah, man. They're going to fucking offer, and it's going to be a fucking Camilla all over again.

Kamala, which is a dumb name. Camilla, Kamala. But I don't think the queen... Camelma. I don't know anything about the royal family, but the queen... We definitely know nothing about the royal family. Yeah, we've established this. She didn't like Diane,

but she... Yeah, but he was bopping Kamala. Uh-huh. And she was bopping bigs. But she wouldn't oust the children of... Because, I mean, Will is clearly the child of that ugly one, George. Oh, that horse face. No.

Philip. George. I don't know. Charles. Charles. You're correct. The baby is named George. The big one. The one who's married to the queen is named Philip. Yes. Oh, the dodgy fellow. Mali. Have you watched a great British bringing show?

X. Next. I'm sorry. Continue. But I've seen so many people who love it. I haven't watched anything fun lately. Anything. And I can't find kickboss. It's not a fucking Netflix. You're a liar. It is on Netflix. Yeah. Season 9 is on Netflix. while we watch our watch on season nine.

Yeah, wait, we'll talk. There's not a season nine. They're at season seven. There's not a season nine. Well, just, we'll talk. Just give me, like, I know right now we have a show to do, but we'll talk. We'll talk about. We'll talk.

We'll settle this off the year. Yeah. I'm sorry. You're lying. I was, I was expressing my skepticism that the queen would kill her biological grand, or not kill but oust her biological grandchildren. Are you allowed to do that? I mean

I'm just speculating. I know that. I know we have no idea. Yeah, we have no I mean, you can do, if she feels like she needs to kill them, she will kill them. People have killed before. I think she's so old. Yeah, she gives the order. Girls are killing now.

You do it. She won't do it. Philip will do it. Yeah, you're right. The dodgy fellow. He doesn't know what the fuck's going on. I'm just trying to poke a hole in your oust plan. where she ousts, where, Oh, it's not my house plan, it's his housepan. He's got the house plan.

Where the, um... I think they're going to get rid of Kate Middleton. If, I think that she's going to plaster the face on. I think she's going to be the queen. I think she's going to lead a miserable life, and hopefully she gets to bang a few big bodyguards. I think she will. That's what Diana was doing, banging that big Iranian dude.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and that tennis player... Andre Agassiz. No, the grass guy. Ground'skeeper who looked like Harry. Remember? We've definitely talked about this on the show before. Yeah.

There was like a groundskeeper who looks just like Harry. She was banging him too. Oh, want to marry Harry? Yes. Yeah, that's the one. Looks exactly. Hewitt. That's his name.

James Hewitt. I'd never tire of seeing that picture. Just like I never tired of seeing the picture of Ronan Farrow next to Frank Sinatra and Woody Allen. Oh, yeah. That's a good one too. It's really good. But that is really insane. He's definitely not Charles' kid.

Because he's also, that's why he's so fucking hot. I know. I know. Whereas Will was a handsome little boy, but as a grown man, he looks like. He looks just like Charles. But man, oohch, pooch. Ginger, me, timbers. I would love to ride on that.

All right, it's time for the list. Who's on the list? Yeah, I got to have that list. Failed celebrity restaurants. Oh, yeah. Right? Oh, is Rachel fucking idiot Ray on the list? Don't talk about her that way.

I think her restaurant did okay. Oh, did it? Was it 30 minutes or less? You know, she has the same vocal affliction we do. We can't hate on her. We do have that vocal affliction. You know, she's in an open marriage. Is she?

Interesting. Because, you know, he don't want to fuck her. Anyway, side. I'd fuck Rachel, Ray. Yuck. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, she has a mouth for days.

She makes him pasta every night. Absolutely. How do you know they got an open marriage? I saw a list. I was looking at a list of celebrities of the open marriages. And that was the one on the cover. And I was like, oh, interesting.

What a fucking shock because he cheated on her ass. So now it's like, oh, no, we had an open marriage. You didn't have fucking open marriage. You're an E-V-O-O-Bitch. Yeah, he's got her ex-husband, big swingers party guy. Go to all these swingers club over in Manhattan. We can go to these places.

Rachel Ray's husband? Yes, swingers club guy. Goes to the swingers club. We have to have a key party. A key party? Yeah, I've always, I've been, I've been dreaming. What's a key party? When you throw all your car keys in.

And then you fuck whoever's key you pull out at the end of the night. I'd rather go to Rachel Ray's husband's swinger party than our own friends have. Oh, no, we have to get strangers. It'll be a stranger key party. Oh, yeah. Where are we going to do? Ed? Where are we going to have my Ed there?

Stranger key party. Stranger key party. Well, let's start with Rachel Ray's husband Okay, all right, because he's attractive I don't know what he looks like He looks like a dude Yeah, there's nothing distinguishing about him I always kind of assumed he's just some random guy

She never says his name, she never gives any details about him She's just like my husband likes pasta Yeah, John Cusamano Yeah, of course he's an Italian An eye tie Just some guy Oh, he's better looking at a generic dude, Jackie You just hate Rachel Ray

No, I haven't seen him with the beard though I've seen him without beard and he looks just like a dog. Generic dude. Okay, well, you're looking good, Rachel Ray's husband, but treat her. Swinger parties, okay. Mm-hmm, swingers parties. I think it was all right. I think it's fine.

Man, it's a key party thing. That's weird. I didn't know what that was. What? Yeah, I never, I always saw, you see in the movies people putting the keys into the jars where I never, I thought it was like a drunk driving thing or something. Yeah, I always thought that too, actually. I was like, yeah, it's right of your keys, but then you fuck.

Yeah, man, you fuck in the car. But that's the things that, like, I would just pick the one that had the, like, nicest keys on it. It's like, who has the nicest car? What do you mean the nicest keys? Like, is it a Bands? Like, I'm looking for a Chevrolet. You're thinking that the keys are the little thing for the car is attached to the keys. The beepie.

Yeah. But here in the city, though, none of us have cars. It would just be house keys. My keys look like everyone else's keys. Yeah. I mean, I've got a little bottle opener on my keys, but in a drum key. I have a bunch of strings. on mine. Yeah, you could judge

who you were fucking by their personality. Yeah, their key chains. Exactly. I have a bunch of keys. I don't even know what they're there for. My keys are very heavy for no reason. Yeah, I got like 10 extra keys. You just think that's what you just need the keys. You might need the keys one day. I just never took them off. I know exactly what all my keys

are for. Every single one of my keys, I know exactly what they're there for. I just never took them off. The more keys you have, more responsibility you have. You can take off a key that the day you get to take off a key. It's either a sad day or a relief day. No, there's some locks in my building that don't usually get used. Like, for three years they haven't been used except for once.

So I keep those keys there. You got to keep those keys. See, I have, like, three, like, locker lock keys. And I don't know what, but, like, what if one day I find it? I'm like, oh, my God, I forgot. I had this lock box filled with my jewels. And that's what this key is for. My God, I had this locker in Grand Central.

station. With all of my heroin in it. And I don't remember because I've been doing so much fucking heroin. We're losing all this weight and I'm looking really good and I'm like, oh, that's what it's for. That's what it's for. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You make a good point. Thank you, guys. Keep the keys. Keep the keys. Yeah. Brittany Spears had a restaurant. It's called Naila. It was a Cajun restaurant here

in New York. Cajun. Oh, because she's from Louisiana. Yeah. Nila. You get it, New York, Louisiana? Oh, I was thinking of Nylon. and she was just dumb.

Six months. It lasted. Wow, that's it. Ouch. Yeah. You'd think that they would have the money to get like the best, like you don't even have to do anything.

You just give them the money and like have people make the restaurant. Yeah, Louisiana food is fantastic. So how could it not be good? There's put a bunch of old bay in it. I bet she got, I bet she got her fucking fingers in it. Yeah.

I want it like peanut butter. Shrimp fingers. Like in beetle juice. Ew, yeah. Yeah. But no, I bet you've got a grubby little hands in it. the whole thing. Yeah, I guess.

Put a bunch of pubs in all the food. Like, they're gonna love it. They're like, where's this hair from? They're like, let me get into Britney's be here. Jennifer Lopez had a restaurant called Madreys. Oh, yeah.

Madres. Puerto Rican restaurant. It was in Pasadena, but it still lasted six years, but it had lackluster reviews. Man, it's just like opening up in the city. Everyone would, like, juice over. over it. That's what we've got to do.

Pasadena. No one wants a fucking Puerto Rican restaurant in Pasadena. Yeah. Right? I've never been to Pasadena. I've never been to Pasadena either. But I feel like probably people who want Puerto Rican food know where to get really good Puerto Rican food and they might not trust Jennifer Lopez's celebrity vehicle to be the place.

I mean, anything for Salinas. Hulk Hogan had a restaurant. It's called pasta mania. Ew, ew, it just makes me think of cum and the pasta. Yeah, pasta mania, baby. Ew. That's every day in my fucking life. I can't think about anything except him fucking that person.

Ew, when she's bouncing on him, he's like, oh, I'm so full. I feel like a big fat pig. That was, I've seen so many sex tapes, and that is rough. Oh, is you eating so much barbecue. Oh, God. Oh, I feel like a big fat pig. Oh, well, she's just bouncing on him. Oh, kid, oh, that's my daughter calling.

Oh, my God. It answers the phone call. Oh, I got to answer that she's calling. Oh, God. Oh. It really grosses me out. It's a really gross one. Yeah.

Well, it was a pasta restaurant. Was it? Was it in Florida? No, it was in the Mall of America in Minnesota. Of course it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Some of the menu options, Hulkaroos. What is that?

mean? Not sure. Like dunkaroos? Is it like licking a saltine and dipping it in boo yong? No, I have no idea what hulkaroos are, but the restaurant closed within a year. I'm going to say tortellinis. I'm a guest tortellinis. Yeah, little pot.

I want to look it out. I want to look it up. Hulcaro. Halkaroo. You dip it in something, probably. Ugh. Imagine having sauce on the side. You just take your tortellinis and it looks like a finger food.

They're not fried. just boiled and it's slippery just wet boiled I like to dip it in the vodka sauce I like to control how much sauce is on each tortelloon well I found the menu from pasta mania

oh thank God yes read it yeah only I mean this is a you know it's for five dollars it was you know 90s five dollars five dollars oh my god low fat pastas low fat pasta I don't think so yeah Hulk's power pot

That was a pinet pasta. Pini? Pene? Pene. Pane. Pene. It's a pinny. It's a pinie pasta.

Pini pasta. I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure what a peony pasta. I wasn't sure what a peony pasta. Pini. Okay. Pena pasta. Chicken, veggies and your choice of sauce between chicken mariner and fetichini primavera.

Oh, that's the best. It's like just a pasta bar, but Hulk Hogan puts his name in everything. Dude. Yeah. You mix and match pastas. You got angel hair. You got shells. You got Fettitini.

You got nuggets. Man. Ew. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Chicken nuggets? No, it's a pasta. Pasta. Oh.

I love pasta. He's making me not want to eat pasta. No, you're not want to eat it. And, like, I'm eating it later on this evening. Yeah, I'm going to be, I'm going to eat lasagna for dinner. Nuggets? Nuggets. Pasta nuggets.

You mean like a rickettony? You dip it? I'm sure you dip it The pasta nuggets Ew I don't know You also got pasta Mexicana

That's what is that Rice is it rice It's got to be rice Yeah and turkey tetrazini And then for the little pasta maniacs That's what it says I didn't say that

That's what it says here Pasta nuggets The little pasta maniacs You got a Hulkeronean cheese A cheeseburger pasta And Hulkkeos Which I would imagine would be like spaghettios.

Oh, I'll guarantee you they were just actual spaghettios out of the can but not heated up. Just put into a bowl. You know what? I went from like into it to disgusted to back into, I can't wait to eat spaghetti in an hour from now. Yeah, I'm really excited. I mean, I'm hours away from spaghetti. Wait a second. You're saying lasagna. Where are you going to get this lasagna from, Marcus?

This place in my neighborhood. Oh, okay. I thought you were going to get like frozen lasagna. No, no, no, no. There's a place in my neighborhood that has pretty good. All right, that's fine. Yeah, it's a pizza place. I won't weep for your soul, then.

Please, don't. I'm going to, anyway. Frozen lasagna, no good? Eh. I also found a flyer for Holkogen's pasta manias grand opening. It's a quick serve pasta restaurant. That's what it says. It says the Hulkster's favorite international pastas from around the world.

Kind of redundant. You know, the thing is I'm making all these jokes, but one of my favorite places to go in college was this place that was like you either chose rice or pasta and then you put all the bunch of shit in it and you chose the sauce and I loved it. Oh listen. We went there like five times a week. Pasta bars are great. There's no problem with pasta

bars. It's just the whole classic. It's pastomania. That's the issue. Because I just imagine just like people like you got to eat more of it. You got to eat more. It's like Cici's pizza. It's like $5.99 and you got to eat a lot of it and you're always

sick. I think I've thrown up at at most of the C.C.'s pizza At the C.C.'s pizza? Yeah, because they eat so much and then I throw up and then I keep going. Is the pizza good? No, it's disgusting. It's horrible pizza. It tastes great, though.

I mean, it is, shit. It's $5.99 for all you can eat pizza. Yeah, pizza buffet. I mean to eat, and it's all, it tastes like microwave pizza. Well, you know, Barbiglia has that joke about, like, it takes a lot for pizza to be bad. Like, most pizza is good. I will eat it, yeah. Yeah.

So I was wondering. $59 when you're a college student. Oh, yeah, man. We used to go fucking see. Every college town in America has a Cici's pizza. And then they have the dessert pizzas. I usually, by then, it'd already thrown up. And I wasn't in the mood for dessert pizzas.

But I would go back for like a Fettuccini-Alfredo chicken pizza. Oh, yeah. If they brought the hot one out. Oh, yeah. You stalking it. You stalking it waiting for the hot ones. Yeah, you stalking it. Because they leave them out there for a while.

You show up at C-C's at like 4 p.m. It's going to be... It's stale. It's stale. Real stale. They're not bringing it out on a wing, wing, wing, wing. No, they're going to wait. Yeah, you got to wait.

Yeah, you got to go like 6 p.m. right when they're starting for the dinner rush. Yeah, that's right when they open, when you're waiting outside. 11.30 a.m. 10.30. 10.30. Yeah, it was early, man. Yeah, man.

It was early. 10.30 a.m. All you can eat pizza buffet. That's what I'm all about. God damn. Oh. Man, now I kind of want pizza. Why do you guys do it?

It's because I'm hungry. I want both. Yeah, I'm starving. Man, I haven't eaten anything all day, but beef jerky. You should have had some popcorn. Too bad. I didn't fucking offer you any. Not even a bit.

Because I ate all of it myself. None of it. Well, unfortunately, Hulkomania eggs or Hulk Hogan's pasta mania is closed, but it was at one point located in the South Food Court next to Daddy's Deli. Ew, Daddy's. I don't like the word Daddy. Come to Daddy's Deli and get some of Daddy's Meets. Ew. Come to Daddy's Deli.

No, I don't like the word Daddy either. Come to Daddy's Meets. Yeah, Daddy. Please, please, could you grace this with a theme song to Daddy's Deli? Oh, sure, sure. If you are my meets you come call Daddy's gonna come in your face. It's Daddy's Delhi. You come on over.

Bring your hoagies, bring your girls, cause you're going to get me to Daddy's Deli. Thank you. Did you know that was going to be that good? Oh yeah, of course. Of course. I mean, that was a fucking cheese shot. Thank you.

Thanks, guys. Oh, my God. And there's free beverage. with purchase of any pasta platter with coupon only. Oh, good for them. Please bring... Good for them. ...coupon to pasta mania.

All right, it's time for blind items. Yes, we can't see them. All right. This A-minus list, mostly movie actress, who is known for her big television-slash-movie role. Television show, movie-based on it, movies, got yet another breast enlargement. After years of being one size, she's now jumped multiple sizes over the past year, stacking them on top of each other.

She told a friend it was just a lift but got carried away and then wanted a little more. Was it Carrie Bradshaw away? Oh, I think it was carried back away. Good. Very nice. Yes, Sarah and Jessica Parker. Because I actually noticed there was some picture. She was on some kind of magazine.

and it was just like, damn, because I had been watching so much sex in the city, I knew how bigger breasts were. And they're small, which I appreciate. Yeah, they were always small, and she was always fine with it. She never really cared. She looked great. And then I saw it. I was just like, I thought maybe she had just some kind of great bra on, but now it makes all that sense. It's like, but at the same time, it's like, but you never got the wart taken off.

You get all those breast implants, and you never got the wart taken off? Jesus Christ. Look at this before and after. Oh, my God. Bajongas, bejonga, bejongas. I don't think she needs it. Her whole thing was always like, I'm a tiny little baby. She is.

She's a small-framed woman. She doesn't need it at all. Yeah. Yeah, but she looks good. She's old now. She's got those cute kids. You know, fuck it. She's got to get something to Matthew Broderick.

They're still together, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I think they might go for the gold. I think they're going to die together. Yeah. Mm, fucking fiery, fiery. Heep.

Mm-hmm. I like them, though. Big fire. Yeah. I hear Matthew Broderick said a bit of a bear. You mean sexy? No, no, no, no. Like a little difficult.

Oh, yeah. I'll bet. I mean, he was Ferris Bueller. Yeah. I mean, he's a bit of a bear to deal with. He worked with him. He said he was nice. Yeah?

I met him, but I was also, like, completely, like, in love with him. That is true. He's amazing. How do you not? But can't you imagine, like, being married to him? Like, you'd probably be married him for five years, and then he just shows the side of him that he's like, I get angry sometimes. I bet he's, like, big into, like, sex masks.

You know who I'm thinking of? I'm not thinking of Matthew Broderick. I'm thinking of Ben Stiller. Oh, he's a terrible, terrible. Oh, yeah. Because of, what was his wife's name? She came out saying that, like, remember because all of his assistants wouldn't work with him anymore?

And then he was, like, a horrible bitch to his wife. She looked like DJ Tanner, but it's not DJ Tanner. I feel bad now for saying bad things about Matthew Broderick. He's probably perfect. Christine Taylor. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But she does look like DJ Tamer.

She was Marcia Brady in the Brady Bunch movie. Oh, yeah, she does look like Candace Cameron. She's super hot, though. Candice Cameron. Yeah, she's hot. Very, very, very, very. Yeah, but he's a little piggy bitch. But I imagine that Matthew Brodick is probably uptight. I think he's more like neurotic, I think.

Yeah, I guess, you know, I feel like Ferris Bueller was a wonderful movie and he's obviously like this, kind of, I just feel like there might be something in there where he's like, I'm awesome. Oh, yeah, he's got, oh, yeah. Because he's been awesome from such a young age. Forever. Somebody who's always been awesome must just have a part of them that's just like, respect me, I'm awesome.

Yeah, because I've always been doing this. I don't doubt it at all. There's no way to get that far and not feel that way on the inside. Like, I'm the best. I'm perfect. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you have to. But I do, I will admit, I do want to go watch cable guy now.

Yeah. Oh, I haven't seen that in a long time. I want to see if it holds up. Silence of the alarms. I don't, I don't mean to. pause break real fast, though. I did rewatch the faculty. Oh, how is that?

I was carving pumpkins and I watched the faculty. Watch the faculty. Yeah? I remember watching it when I was in high school and, like, being like, oh, this guy, because it came out the same around the same time as like teaching Mrs. Tingle. And I thought they were kind of like the same thing. It is very much, very aware of what it is, but not in an overt way. It has all the different, like, stereotypical.

of the high school. And actually, I was entertained the entire time. I mean, it's directed by Robert Rodriguez for fuck's sake. It was fun. And, like, I don't know, because we put it on as a lark. And I was like, oh, let's throw this on. Yeah, who fucking cares? Like, we were carving pumpkins. I just wanted to have something. And I ended up stop carving my piglet pumpkin pumpkin that I fucking put a huge knife in its head and covered it in blood. That's what I carved into my pumpkin. You told me I had piglet. You want to kill me?

Piglet from Winnie the Pooh. Oh, no, just the pumpkin piglet. Not you, real life, piglet. Yeah, but you have. I've said multiple times that I'm piglet. Yeah, but like you're piglet in a different sense. Okay. In like an old pooh. Like you would never say, oh, poo.

No. I'm talking about that piglet. That's the one I want to. Yeah, oh, poo piglet. Yeah. No one likes O pooh piglet. What I like is that I didn't realize my significant other enjoyed piglet until I was making the pumpkin.

And he was excited. He's like, I didn't know you liked piglet so much. And then I fucking put a knife in its head and I covered it in blood. And he was very upset. Yeah, I would imagine so. I could see Doug like him piglet. Of course he fucking likes piglet. He's a good-natured man.

He looks great. He's extremely good-natured. He's among the best of us. Oh, pooh. Who next up, this former A-list singer, who now just spends his time looking creepy and dope and drugs with an A-plus list, mostly movie actor, has to be in the top five most frequent celebrity meth users

he is out of control. I got lost on that one. Yeah, when I read it, it made sense, but then when I read it out loud, it was like, man, that was... It didn't make any sense at all. Okay, I'm glad you didn't follow any other. Okay, right, right, right, right. Wait, start at the beginning, so it's...

This, former A-list singer. So it's a former A-list singer. Metal singer. Former A-list metal singer. Mm-hmm. Who now just spends his time looking creepy. Creepy. And doping.

drugs. Doping Yeah, that was the part where I stopped listening. I was like making fun of doping drugs in my head. The most are just like, is that what they say? With an A plus list

movie actor, permanent A plus list, by the way. Never going to be out of the A plus list. I mean, this guy's just up, up, up, up, up. Has to be in one of the top five most frequent celebrity meth users. He is

out of control. So they both do meth. They both do meth, but the A-plusless guy knows how I handle his shit. So he's always done meth? I don't know if he's always done meth, but he dabbles in drugs quite a bit. And he has played a man

who is very much into drugs, or was, before he died. Not Bon Jovi. Not Bon Jovi? Not Brad Michaels? No, metal. I'm talking, metal. I was like, my two guests are like hair metal, not real metal. Yeah, I'm talking. Metal, metal. Ozzy? 90s, 90s metal.

90s metal. Yeah. Who is 90s metal even? Headfield? No, but kind of, sort of. I. Marilyn Manson. Is that metal?

He's metal? Yeah. The beautiful people? That was a berry metal song. I don't know if I know what metal is. Tell American. Don't say bon jovian poison. Don't tell my fiance.

He would be furious with me. Like, Nirvana. Hair metal. That's why it's still hair metal. It's still hair metal. Metal is in it. I call it butt rock, but metal people call it hairmuffs. You mean because you move your butt when you listen to it?

Because it's as stupid and boring as a butt. Oh, in the butt. Boring? A butt boring? Did you say butts are boring? Molly? You don't have a good butt in your fiance. I don't know what the origin of the phrase butt rock is. I didn't invent it, but I heard it as described to like,

Like the song Dead or Alive, the butt rock song. See, I love that song. Yeah, that song's fucking great. But I guess I understand the phrasing butt rock, though. It's okay. Because you dance with your butt when you're sitting. Okay, maybe that's the origin. You dance with a butt.

You dance with a butt. You guys remember Unskinny Bop? No. Yeah, Unskiny Bop. I played it for you once. Is it, um, twist it, pull it. No, that's Bop. Bop it.

That's Bop. This is Unskiny Bop. We gotta get a Bop in here. Oh, Boppa. Yeah, right? Yeah, you do dance with your butt. Yeah, he dance with your butt. Maybe that's why it's butt rock.

All right. Listen, I got no problem with butts. I don't know what the origin of butt rock. I got no problem with butts. I don't know what the origin of butt rock is. I don't know either. I don't know if there's a distinction between butt rock and hair metal. These are things I will look up tonight.

Yes, please look up and report back next week. So he's doing meth with an A-plus forever movie actor. All right, so I'm throwing it out there. Jack Nicholson. No. Younger? Younger. Well, some say heir apparent to Jack Nicholson.

Well, no, actually, that would be Leonardo DiCaprio. He's the heir apparent to Jack Nicholson. But the one who could have been but failed at it because he did too many Tim Burton movies. Oh, Johnny Depp. Yeah, he's all messed out. Yeah, he is. He's got, he is not. I mean, I know we'll talk about it to the end of days,

But it's just, I mean, I did recently again rewatch Benny and June. He's just so fucking hot. He's so hot. And now he's a creepus. He's looking bad these days? He just looks. I mean, he's looked bad for like 10 years. Yeah, he's just doing meth in France all the time.

I didn't realize that he was a methy person. But I bet that's why his wife left him, right? It has to be. Oh, it's probably something having to do with that. Because she's out of shit. I saw a picture of her at some kind of fashion. show with their daughter and like man they were both just very well done women out out johnny dip yeah and he's not even that old right yeah no he's all gaunt and yet puffy at the same time

stringy eyes it's the it's the it's meth it's meth face bracelets he's got meth face and he looks just a part of the meth he just oh yeah yeah he just looks confused all the time i like oh i'm men i was going to say i like bracelets but i've got child bracelets You have child bracelets It depends I take that back It depends on what the Bracelet is

But on a man I hear you It's a different thing Sometimes it's more just like It's like how does it not get caught In your hair I have hairless arms So I don't know

But I also don't wear it Yeah Yeah they get caught in your hair I used to wear bracelets With big spikes on them They got caught in your hair I got pretty hairy arms My bracelets don't get caught

Yeah but you have like You have faint woman hair On your arms I've been like called out from my hairy arms before. I've been calling you out for your... I have never noticed your arm hair before. Really? Oh good. It's actually something I always been a bit self-conscious about. No, not

at all. I haven't ever either. I thought it was great. Okay, good. That's why I don't have any arm hair. You don't have any arm hair? Because I shaved it until I was like 18 years old and it never fucking grew back. I don't do this. I don't know why. It never, ever grew back.

I shaved it from the ages of like 10 to 18 and now I have no arm hair. If I shaved my arm hair and it didn't grow back, I would be freaked out forever. I don't know why. I don't have any though. I'm airless. I feel how smooth my arms are. Marcus,

feel how smooth my arms are. It's as if you just shaved your arms. And I don't I don't do it. That's weird. That's unsettling. That is unsettling. I just assume that when people are like, oh, I don't have any hair on my arms, they mean like, I don't have much hair on my arms. You got none. Well, because I used to have really thick

coarse Italian. hair on my arms and I was so embarrassed by it that I would shave it off and just never came back so I'm a freak I guess um your arms look great now that you have thick Italian hair I'm glad you guys never notice no never at all I mean I don't spend a whole lot of time looking at people's arms I guess I don't either maybe we should start yeah or maybe that's something that we should make people self-conscious what we can do is not make people self-conscious about their arms because obviously both of us were. I went to a middle school with this girl that had so much hair in her arms

that she would grab it by the handful and pull it up and she'd go, Ant Hill! And, like, because it would, like, pull the skin up, and it was so disgusting. I don't know why she did it. That doesn't make it. I don't know why she did it. She was an anthill. Because she pulled the hair up, and then the skin would come up as if in a mound.

But she had hair, like, literally grabbed it. By the fist, you would rip it up. That's how much air she had in her arms. And I was like, you should be shaving your arms. Yeah, that person should probably... Ant Hill. And I still think about it. Obviously, I still think about that.

I'm not going to be able to stop thinking about it. You know? And Hill. So you guys, you're welcome. Yes, thank you for what's going to keep me giggling. as I go to sleep tonight. I'm going to still be laughing at the daddy's deli. I wish I could recreate it.

I have no idea what I said. You can listen to the playback. Last up. This permanent A-Lis singer is filming a movie, which will probably be horrible. Let's face it, it's going to be terrible. She insists on no more than two takes so she can get back to her trailer

and her wife. Her wine. Her wine. Her wine. And she's making a Christmas movie. Think about which A-List singer is most likely to make a really bad Christmas movie. Mariah Carey? You bet.

Oh, man. You know, good for her. She's in her, I mean, because in my head, when Molly and I become Kathy Lee and Hoda, I want Mariah Carey to be on the first episode. Oh, yes. And we're just going to get trashed on wine. Yeah. And we'll spend, like, in the month of December, she'll be on, like, every other show. Yeah, and she'll be like, oh.

And we're like, yeah, sing it again. Sing it again. Yes, she is direct. By the way, she's directing this. Oh, God. Then how can she do two takes and then leave? That's not. Well, she's doing two takes.

It's like, okay, one, okay, two. I'm going to go take a break. Oh, my God. I'll be back. It's a hallmark. channel movie. Of course it is. I'm going to watch it. It's called a Christmas Melody. Of course it. I'll watch that. I just realize that I get Lifetime streaming on my Apple TV. Oh.

And it has all of the movies on it. So I've been in a fucking no bone zone by myself watching those movies and it has a bunch of the Hallmark movies on it. So I am going to... My eyes will be twinkling with peekage. You know, Marat Carey, 45, still looking great. Damn. Check her out. Oh, no, I know.

Oh, yeah, man. She looks great. Oh, yeah. Twins. She did it. You fact-checking that in your head? I was fact-checking in my head because I could remember if it was J-Lo that had twins or if it was her that had twins. She had twins.

Yeah, it was her. Wouldn't it kidding. But wait. J-Lo has twins. Does she? Are you thinking about? No, because she's got the girl with the dumb eye. She's got a really cute little girl with a dumb eye.

Yeah. She has, like, you know, it's just so sad. I can tell you're going to say something. When you see, no, no, no, when you see a baby with glasses on. Oh, I love babies. I know, but that's why it's like it's so sad. It's so cute, though, and they're, like, strapped to their little heads because they can't keep them on. But the fact that they have glasses on it's like, oh, my God.

There's that little YouTube video, that little baby putting on glasses of the first. the first time? Oh my god, oh my god, Molly, oh my God. Yeah. That video. And the little baby's like, that video wept, I immediately just burst in tears. How do they figure out the prescription for the little baby? I don't know. How do they know what they can see and what they can't see? It's a baby.

I don't know, but hey, here's a baby with the special glasses on. Yeah, little babies with glasses. Oh, you were just Googling babies with glasses? Yeah. I mean, a lot of different, a lot of stuff comes up. It's not all, it's mostly like kind of goofy stuff. But there are some babies, like, legitimately with glasses. Yeah.

God, but that baby, he had never really seen before. Yeah. Yeah. And then he could actually see it. And the look on his face of pure joy. Yeah. Like, he actually understood what was going on around him. Yeah.

Cry. I watched it, I think, four times in a row. There's also one where a baby hears for the first time. I have also watched that, of course. That one is even better, maybe. Oh, my God. I think so, too. Marcus, you've been watching a lot of baby videos?

Well, I mean, that's the thing is that I wanted to see the baby seeing for the first time. He looks confused. Yeah. So cute. So cute. Did you, J-Lo does have twins, right? Yeah, Max and Emmy. Yes.

Yeah. She doesn't look like she has a dumb eye. I think they got it fixed fast. I think so. They probably did. A little known fact, Julia Johns, that was on a roundtable yesterday, wore an eye patch. For how long? For years, I think, or a few years.

Because she had the surgery because she had a lazy eye. Yeah. She had a lazy eye. I think I've heard Julia tell jokes about this before. Yeah, she had a lazy eye, so she had to wear a patch for a few years. Yes, somebody I know had a lazy eye when she was born, and she had twins. And as soon as they were born, she came to from a C-section and said, do they have lazy eyes? And the doctor said, no.

She was like, great, whatever. I don't give a fuck. Okay. Peace. I don't care. That's it for today's page 7. Wow, that's it. That's it, man.

You got some Indian food for me? Right here. How I might have a little bit of corn for you. You ruined the joke, Marcus. You ruined it, and you ruined the cast. My name is Jackie Zabowski. My name is Molly Nothing. My name is Marcus Parks.

Do I need to play you some more music? No, you don't. Because if you're going to come find me, I'm going to be pork in it. Daddy's glory. Goodbye. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to cavecomedyradio.com.