Page 7 - Episode 141: Jews on the Brain

Episode Date: November 4, 2015

Marcus, Jackie and Molly discuss Leah Remini's new Scientology tell-all book, compare which movie scenes they'd like to recreate at their weddings, and get confused about movies with numbers as titles. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I'm fucked. My brain is going, E. Ee-e-e. You want me to work? E-e-e. I'm like, please work, please. E-e-e.

You drink more jizzy? No, it's not looming enough. E-e-e. No, brain. Brain doesn't want to work. Cogs against cogs, wheels against wheels. No one's brain works anymore.

Welcome to page seven, Everybody, I'm Marcus Parks. I'm Jackie Zabrowski. I'm Molly Duffel. Wheels are returning. But there's no grease on them. There's no grease, man. I need somebody to calm.

Calm in my ears. Grease up my brain. Make it work. I think it's like Santa Magic. I think now that we're in that season, everyone's doing their idiot fucking bullshit. I think somebody needs, I need some Santa magic.

Yeah. Tell me more about what you mean by Santa. magic. I feel like I need... You do you sit on somebody's lap? No, I think I need Sansa to come to me like a shadow person and like I'm asleep and I'm terrified of him and he comes over and he goes, ho, ho,

and he enters me but not in the vagina, like in another hole. I don't know what hole. It's like an ethereal hole. And when he enters me, it's like everything becomes clear and that's more

of what I'm looking for. Okay. I understand that. Yeah, yeah, you're looking for more of getting your chi filled. Is it Chi? Is it Santa Chi? I think, it's just, imagine, like, red lights. Would, like, titty fucking work? I don't want to see his dick.

Sanis? Yeah, I feel like it would be, like, serpents coming out from the bottom of his pants. And then I feel like his rough suit against my belly. Because I imagine it's rough, because you know it doesn't get washed that often. and I just like, I need his snakes. Now that, you know, everyone immediately jumps into fucking Christmas. I don't care. I hate Christmas.

Who's jumping into Christmas? Everybody's jumping into Christmas. I think everybody's talking about everybody jumping into Christmas. See, the problem is I go into Rite Aid every day. Yeah, that was the store. Rite Aid has gone to Christmas. Rite Aid did jump right into Christmas. It is Christmas in Rite.

You can't live your life by Rite AIDS wins and fancies. I go to Rite eight seven times a day. Me too. I go to Rite Aid. I got a Christmas. 24-hour ride-aid right around the corner from my house. Me too. It means I never want to move, ever. No, it's all I have. It's my everything.

That right-aid is my every. I know everybody that works there. Yeah, me too. I walk in and they go, hey, Jackie. And I'm like, hey, Diane. Yeah, with me. Hey, Tyron. They know that I don't have my little scanner card and I have to put in my phone number. Every single cashier is like, you got to put your phone number. See, you know me. I don't even need to give them my phone number. I just take out the card and I scan the fucking thing myself.

I lost my card. You are a worm. I know. I didn't even lose it. It got update. When they updated the cards, I didn't get a new. I don't know. Something went wrong with the card.

So I need to put my phone number in. But I love going to Rite Aid. I love it. I just have to say I'm really proud of myself. This is the first year I didn't buy Halloween candy sale. Oh, yeah. I missed out on that too. I didn't miss out.

I purposely, I went into Rite Aid that day. And I went, I'm not buying candy. I held it in my hands. but I also held a little owl candle holder in my hands. I put that back too. I know that owl candle holder. I don't need it. I know you don't, but it's very cute.

I was there. You have a very nice ride aid by your house. I go to the right aid quite off. I love the right aid. Yeah. I know we should probably stop talking to the right aid. I love talking about ride in addition to going to write aid. I love everything about it.

Diane is my favorite. She has a big rose tattoo and she doesn't have most of her teeth. But man, she talks about how much she hates her husband. And she knows my birthday And every time when Doug goes in Anytime around my birthday She goes, you better get it something nice You gotta get it something nice

So she's gonna leave We got a lot of stuff you're on Rite Aid It's great Well you know Rite Aid There's plenty of celebrity magazines at Rite Aid I stare at them That's how I know about Kate Middleton And having the third baby

Yeah from being at Rite Aid and staring at the magazines While you're waiting in line Yeah and also the teen mom Who's having her babies taken away Oh my God, what's happening with that? I don't know. I don't have the magazine.

But I've seen the cover of the magazine. And also... What's happening on the cover? That she's got one baby that's got cross-eyes because, you know. And then the other baby looks equally as dumb. And they're taking the babies away. Oh, my God. Yes, it's Josh and Ebony are the kids.

And they were... Kids are being... No, wait, this is in 2011. Excuse me. There were maggots and fecese's in the home. That's another team mom. That's a whole different team. mom that got her kids taken away.

I pray that Hulu takes off teen mom OG. I have to stop watching it. It is not a good thing for me to watch. What does OG stand for? Original now. They are the original teen moms. From what year? From 16 and pregnant.

Oh. So it is their first year. So they have a bunch of subsequent other series involved, but they are the OGs. Yeah, that's that maggot and feces story, that's from the original 16 and pregnant. I mean, it's understandable. A lot of children have kids. I really enjoy the ones that gave away the kid, though. There's one that adopted the kid out, and they talk about how hard it is that they had to adopt.

But that one, I'm pro. I'm pro that one. Positive. It's a positive one. I think it's very positive. I mean, you know, it's not positive in the long. It's so hard. So, you know, but, you know, they made their decision.

Sometimes you've got to stick by it. Yeah. But we were talking about Jews earlier, and I feel like I really know a lot about Jews because I just watched Charlotte transform into a Jew on sex in the city Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a good time Oh my God, it is, this is a good season Do you love Harry? I love him

I should have known you'd love Harry I want to marry him I want to marry Harry I want to marry the British Harry And I want to marry him He's a very different Very different Jew New York Harry But I love him

I figured you would love him Marcus you still haven't You haven't seen sex in the city right? That is okay. No, no, no. There is a plot where the very waspy, like, very waspy Protestant, fancy lady falls in love with her Jewish divorce lawyer. Oh. And so there's a lot of like.

So she turns. Molly, are you going to turn? She's like, there's a lot of jokes. There's a lot of jokes. There are a lot of jokes. A good time is had by all. I am not going to turn. but I would if he wanted me to, but he doesn't care.

Oh, you should turn. Let's turn. I always wanted to turn, but it's really difficult. Oh, you're going to turn Doug, too? No, no, no, no, no. You're going to turn shotgun Willie over to... Oh, shotgun Willie. Just two people convert to Judaism for no reason.

No reason. I almost did when I was in my beginning of high school, because I love Jewish guys so much, and I was like, maybe I should invert. Didn't you get on Jay Date for a bit? Oh, right. I was on J-Dade. Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, yeah, loved it. I was like, Jews are for

Mies. Did you disclose that you were on Jewish? Yeah, and that's why I never got a date off it. I had many, many a suitor, and they were like, but you're not Jewish. And I said, yes, they gave you the option saying, I'm not a Jew. I said willing to convert. I wrote it on the fucking profile. I threw it out there. I gave them the bone.

I would have given them the hole, too. If they had just given me a chance. Giving you the bone. Giving me the bone. I am surprised that they have a not-J-J-Doh. Yeah, and as long as you say willing to convert. You can say not willing to convert, but, I mean... At that point, what are you doing?

I mean, you're on J-Dade. Yeah, that just means you like to fuck Jewish people. Yes, which is fine, which is fine. But I think that that's not why the Jewish people go to J-Date. I mean, if they want to fuck non-Jewish people, they could just go on any other dating website. But the Christian dating site really grosses me out. Yeah, the Christian dating site is very gross. No, there's something where it's like not weird at all to me to have a Jewish dating website, whereas the Christian dating website, it seems like you're going to do dirty things.

I think it's because rabbis can fuck and because priests can't. I think that's my main thing. And I think there's just a generally healthy, I mean, obviously this is a blanket statement, but it seems like there's not the same kind of like deeply repressed attitudes about sex. Yeah, it's like, no, I want to fuck. I want to only fuck. And man, you got a fucking tiny hat on your scalp. I'll do it. As long as I can wear it midway.

Can we shift off? Do you ever shift off? Kiddy, it doesn't wear a yamaica. He doesn't wear a yarmica. I mean... I would only ask him to wear it when we fucked, though. And I would, like, hold him by it as he was eating me out. I'd be like, I like, I like, I like this because it's my hand holder.

I'd put a little, like, what are those things, you know, like on a mouse pad for carpal tunnel syndrome, a little thing for the wrist? Oh, yeah, like the bowling people do, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would have that on his yarmaca so that he could eat me out for urs. Oh, you could just have a little. a Velcro glove. Oh, that's fun.

Would it be attached to the Yamika that I would slip my hand into? No, no, it's my glove. It's my head holding glove. I'm sorry, Molly. No, you're describing things in your own life, not things in my life, but I support your,

uh, well, I'm not, maybe I don't. My fastidious attitude? Uh, I think that your fantasy might be, offensive slash sacrilegious in some ways but I'll bet you could find some of you

Yeah but Arna isn't that a pro thing? I'm being positive about religion And I'm very rarely positive about religion But I don't know if people would like if you Described like the dirty things you wanted to do with a cross I don't know if Christians would view that as being positive Yeah but I don't want to like go exorcist with a cross either

I mean there's not enough I'm gonna go ahead and say your heart's in the right place Thank you You're welcome Thank you guys You know, Christian, I, I, oh, e-harmony is a Christian one, isn't it? I thought, I thought that was just a pay one. Well, I mean, when I typed in Christian dating sites into Google, e-harmonie came up pretty quickly.

Really? I think it's, I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah, I think it's, I don't think it's like, I mean, I think it's like lame Christian. I don't think it's like Dugger Christian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, well, there's, the biggest one, of course, is Christian mingle. That's the one I'm thinking of Christian. Because when I applied to J-Date, I remember on my Facebook that a bunch of Christian mingle things came up,

which on my Facebook, I think my religious attitude says don't be an asshole. So I never said I was a fucking Christian. Not that I'm against Christians. I'm just saying. No problem with Christians. And I have no problems with them. I just do not want to go on a Christian mingle. I feel like it's going to be weird.

Unless I was on some kind of mission. And like you're in Zimbabwe. And you're like, oh, we're helping these. kids and you're helping these kids, why don't we bang while the kids are sleeping on their mats? And we got this big queen feather bed with a net over it so the mosquitoes don't get us. I like your ideas. See, Marcus and Molly, I think you're with me. I think you're with me on this.

I understand where you're going with this one. I want you in a different room than all of the people you're helping, though. Yeah, we're in a different room because we're on a feather bed and they're sleeping on the floor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course, they're in the Christian room. Yeah. Yeah. The true believer room. I'm on the Queens room.

Probably there's a lot of resources devoted to that room, so it's probably really nice. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got air conditioning, and they're all sweating. But, man, they got to learn how to get to America. You know who else is sweating right now? Who? Leah Romini.

See, so what is going on with this? So she did an interview. She's got a book. Okay. That's her whole thing. Oh, that's why she's doing this. She's got a book coming out. I think it's called, like, My Wacky.

time in Scientology. No way. It's something I think it's, I've got to check out what. The googies and the giggies of Scientology. It's called, oh, it's called Troublemaker. That's what it's called. Okay, all right. Yeah, Trouble maker, my surviving Hollywood and Scientology. How is she able to write this book? High profile. She's very high profile. I mean, how is going clear put out, you know. I mean, but also it's like King of Queens. I love it. Yeah, I can't believe she's a high profile as she is, to be honest. Her claims to fame are King of Queens. and Save By the Bell the Beach years. No, but also, no, she was in the other one

where she was a tomboy girl that wore lipstick every once in a while. In the 80s with other girls, there was a chubby one. Oh, designing, no. No, that's Delta Burke. I love my Delta. Eight is enough?

No. Not the 80s. Honestly, if you said it, I probably wouldn't remember the name of it. I remember seeing it on the TV, and then I remembered when I saw her in the Save By the Bell, the Beach year, was like, oh, that's the same girl.

It was before the beach years? I'm pretty sure it was before the beach years. She was on a few episodes of Who's the Boss? She was on a few episodes of an entire season of Living Dolls, the man in the family. And then Stacey Carosi. And same by the Bella, yeah. Was it Afriette?

Where is my brain? She was in a couple episodes of Cheers. Serafina Tortelli. Where was she in Cheers? She was in like two episodes, Serafina Tortelli. Does it say what season it is? I gotta get back on the cheers train. I'm losing my Jews over here.

I didn't mean to say Jews. Jews just came out of my mouth. I didn't mean to say Jews. I'm sorry. You got dues on the brain. I did see starry eyes, though, but that's a whole other thing. Talking about Leah Ramini, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, it's somewhat... You gotta sell your soul to the devil to get fanged. Yeah, you got to fuck old men and satanic rituals. No, she didn't fuck him. She just sucked them off. Well, you know, you don't know what happened afterwards. Probably a bad thing. So she just like up and got out of there safely and now she's going to go laugh at all the people who are still fucked by them?

Well, what she's doing is she's going around. She's making the tours. She's saying that Tom, I mean, she's making statements and all that. She's just saying how it's evil. She's coming out and saying that it is evil. It's not necessarily laughing. It's like, hey, like weird things like you're not allowed to criticize Tom Cruise at all. And if you say anything bad about Tom Cruise, you are considered to be actually.

evil. But are you evil or are you one of those? SPs? Yeah, I mean, it's kind of the same thing. Yeah, interchangeable, yeah. And she also had a formal complaint filed against her after Tom Cruise's wedding. Did she make a scene? No, she just wasn't very nice.

And so they, actually, someone made a formal complaint against her. Yeah, yeah, I think it was, I think it was Katie Holmes that made a formal complaint. Man, her face. She was not very nice. Where do I drop this letter? Because she said that someone left Surrey Cruz crying on the bathroom floor during the wedding. And then when she got mad at people

saying like she's a baby, pick her up, what are you doing? That's when, beep, boop, the little letter was sent out. Wait, why was she left crying on the fucking floor? Katie Holmes left her? Yeah, Katie Holmes just didn't care. And Leah Rameini. I mean, she does have dead eyes. I wouldn't care about my child of shit, dead eyes.

I just saw, I just rewatch you. children in the corn, I know. Yeah. You know when a child is bad. When a child is bad, you leave it on the floor of the bathroom. Well, Lear Amini seems to be painting herself in a little bit of a hero portrait here

that I, like, Leah Rameen is like, I was going to help Surrey Cruz on the bathroom floor and can you have to believe her. What are you going to say? Like, no, no, no, they are all good. No. You know they're not good. No, that's true. But I also don't know. Yes. I don't know if they left the baby on the floor. Because, I mean, this is the Katie

Holmes that is now doing a whole line for Old Navy. You know, it's like, how do you criticize? She would never leave a baby on the floor. No. And, yeah, I don't know. Learovini seems like a bit of a Johnny Come Lately with the criticism of... Johnny Cohnty.

Well, after going clear, it's much safer for her to come out about it. Like, if there's... She has some other weird things to say about the wedding. The Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes wedding. She's coming out and talking about... So, wait, Surrey Cruz was born before the wedding? Yeah, think so. Ooh, remember that cover story that they did?

that People magazine where they were like, she's our baby and then all of their dead eyes, all three sets of dead eyes were staring at the camera. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They left her. Yeah, she was born before they got married. A little bit of out of wedlock. A little illicit relationship there.

Yikes. Yeah, but they said the wedding, she said the wedding was, quote, official church business. David Miscavage acted like Cruz's best man. she said that of course the crying on the floor thing she said that people the handlers it was full of handlers that were actually like just

trying was it a zoo wedding was it a bears getting married bring the handlers in the bears are growling yeah and they tried to like her and what was it Leo Rameini and Jennifer Lopez showed up together wait Jalo Jalo no Jailo was there

wait Jailo you're not Jail is not a Scientologist Oh, God. Oh, my God, my chest. I almost threw up. She was Ramini's plus one. Oh, God. Yeah, but, wow, that's a good friend to be like,

hey, do you want to come to a Scientology wedding as my plus one? I guess I would do that, though. I would totally go. But I'd be a little bit afraid they'd kill me. Not, they can't kill J-Lo, though. They could kill us. Yeah, they'd kill us. Yeah, definitely.

Yeah, very easily. But they can't kill J-Lo. No. God, those breasts. And her, man, her waist. I just, man, apple bottom, I'll never have it. They said during the wedding, or at least the reception, the handlers kept trying to separate J-Lo and Leah Ramini.

She kept saying she's with me. She's with me. And they's like, no, why don't you go over there and she goes over there? I bet they were trying to get J-Lo. Yeah, their power numbers. They were trying to separate them and then get her. Quite possibly. That's Jenny from the block, though.

She's strong. I mean, you're not going to turn. You're not going to turn her at a reception. No, no, no, no, no. She's from the block. She knows. But Scientologists think, you know, they're drunk on their own power. They think that they can even get J-Lo.

No, she's too strong. Is she Bronx? Is she Bronx? Yeah, she's Bronx, yeah. Yeah, another weird thing. Tom Cruise saying you've lost that love and feeling to Katie Holmes, which I get it. I get it. That's what he's saying in Top Gun, right?

You know what? Guys, confession time. Never seen it. Never seen it. That's fine. Never seen it. You don't need to. I don't know if it's fine.

I feel like I should see it because it has Anthony Edwards in it. But that's really the only reason why I would want to see it. He's goose. I know. And I want to call him Ducky because I also kind of, you know, everyone wants to kind of weirdly fuck John Cryer and sexing candles. Yeah, it's sad that every time I remember that Ducky is two and a half man, I get sad. You have to separate the two. You have to separate the two.

They are two different entities of people. But it's so, that is just a dark. Those little sunglasses, though? It's just dark. It's just like what, it's like that is a symbol of like what can happen when you grow up. You get to be the guy on two and a half men. Yeah, and you have a kid and then you're boring. Yeah.

You were a ducking and you were cute. Ugh, when he sang the song? But no, you've lost that loving feeling not a good wedding sign. Yeah, but I get it because there was the whole thing about how Katie Holmes said that, you know, Tom Cruise was her dream guy growing up. She was obsessed with him. and so I guess he's saying you've lost that love and feeling to recreate her, I don't know,

childhood masturbation fantasies and that's what you do at a wedding. Yeah, that's what you do when you love somebody. Yeah, is that you sing a song. I can only imagine, like, if I ever got married trying to recreate, it's like, remember when I met you and you were dressed like a leprechaun and it was St. Patrick's Day

and we were drunk as fuck and you were like, hey, baby. and we just redo the whole thing at our wedding. I think that's what I really want to do. But I think the childhood fantasy shouldn't be brought in unless Doug pretended like he was Johnny Depp from the astronaut's wife and I was Charlie Staron. And we redid that.

And we got married in a museum and he bangs me off to the side. Like that's something I did. While we're all still there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You all know what we have to go do because we have to recreate the scene and you're all upset because it's our wedding and you wish we wouldn't do it.

Can we request a curtain at least? No, no, no, because that's not the fantasy. They were, like, out in the middle. No, they were off to the side. Oh, to the side. Can we pretend that it's not happening? Yeah, yeah, you're not supposed to see it. Oh, we're not supposed to see it.

Yeah, because he has an alien inside of him, and I'm, like, getting half raped. Right, right, right, right. I have to watch that movie again. I know. You say it once a month, you say I have to watch Astronaut's wife again. But where do you find it? It's not on Netflix. Maybe it's on Hulu?

I got a button. No, it's not. I have to get... Oh, I have looked. I have the DVD, but now it's like every time I have a DVD, something's like, oh, well, I got to bust out the DVD player, set it up. What am I? In 1998?

I do like the idea of expecting every couple, including Tom Cruise, to mutually do like a cosplay reenactment of a childhood sex fantasy of the bride. What would yours be? Is it a tap dancing one? Yeah, definitely. You're going to make it a tap dance? It would definitely be probably Debbie Reynolds and Gene Kelly

and singing in the rain. See, but that's sweet. Yeah. I need a more hardcore one, Molly. Hit me. What were my childhood movies that I liked? I mean, it was like hook. Wait, so are you old, Wendy?

Are you... No, I would be a boy at all of my childhood fantasies, too. That's where it gets complicated. I love you so much. It does get complicated, But it's fine. Marcus, what about you? No, no, no, no.

Maybe when Jessica Rabbit sings that song to Bob Hoskins. Yeah. All right. Yeah, all right. Yeah, and then my collar will pop open and give off some steam. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's fun. And I mean ice.

Yeah. I mean, if we're talking about sexual awakenings, you know, it could be like anything involving Dr. Carter or whatever the hell George Clooney's name was on ER. Oh, okay, all right. It could be... I don't remember his name because I never cared for him. Yeah, I only know Dr. Green and Noah Wiley.

Dr. Wiley? Dr. Carter. What the fuck was George Clooney's name? Dr. Ross. Dr. Ross. And was Julianneargleese? Was her name Carol? Is that what her name was?

Marguess. I also, it's just every time it's like, God, I just need a watch E.R. Yeah, I would do a Julianna Marguerese, George Clooney sex. That's fun. Sex and a closet. After like Gideon just helped a child. Yeah, exactly. And he just like close the like hospital down gates.

Do it in a supply closet. I would do that. And probably also honestly, that fucking car scene in Titanic. Well, yeah. I mean, yeah, I do it once. I don't want to be painted though. No, don't paint me like one of your ladies. Draw me.

Draw me of one of your French girls. I did. I don't know if anybody. I got it pretty wrong. I don't know if anybody did it for how old. like one of your ladies. That's cute. Pay me like one of your ladies.

The person I've talked to is like what? I don't know. No, pay me like one of your ladies. Pay me. And you just like take off your clothes and like ladies. Like I don't know what. Why? What are you?

What are you? I also might want to throw in there, which I didn't even realize it. It's that I just recently rewatch Adams family. And it is on. Netflix to watch it for Halloween. Man. Ooh, Gomez and Mortisha. Oh, Jesus.

Good fuck. I forgot. I watched that movie 100 million times when I was a kid. I haven't seen it a long time. We sat and watched it. Fantastic movie. Doesn't matter what time of year it is. That is a fantastic movie. And man, every time they say,

like, Mortisha says anything in French. She goes, ugh. And they just like, you can tell. They just, ooh, you're on each other. And what I was really upsetting is that I want to watch Adam's Family Values so it's not on there. Do you know that what's his name? Raulul or Julio

Raul Julia? He died like a year after Adams Family Valley. Well his last movie was Street Fighter. Yes. Yeah yeah he played M. Bison. Yeah, I mean and he did he did it a good thing because his kids really liked Street Fighter and they're like, Dad, you should do this. He's like, yeah, okay. And he ended up being

great in it. He is fantastic as Gomez Adams. He is, he's electrifying. That cast is so good. I can't, and I, because I want to watch the second one, because I always watch the second one because of Joan Cusack. Because I love Joan Cusack.

You love Joan Cusack? Oh my God, of course I love Joan Cusack. That's who I am. Henry John, I'm Joan. Jackie grabbed her boobs, but she's feeling a little bit offended by the question. Yes. I mean, I have to be Joan. You're better than Joan.

I think that Joan is not that interesting. Have you seen, um, gay, gay movie? We talk about it all the time The bird cage? No With um Where is my brain I need grease

In my brain The kids are all right With Bert Reynolds No not Bert Reynolds Tom Selleck And um The guy from the big chill The hot one

Oh oh in and out In and out In and out Oh That's a good movie I'm sorry my brain Is not doing well today That's a good movie

She is fantastic Okay, I'm probably saying unfair things about Joan Cusack. I think you need, I know that you might not, because I know we all have crazy weeks this week. But go back through Joan Cusack's catalog because she is a fire starter. All right. She's not Drew Barrymore, but she is a fire starter, which Drew Barrymore just came out with a memoir, and I think I want to read it. Is it called fire starter? It is not.

It's dumb. It's a dumb name. I remember looking and be like, it should have been called fire starter because that's where it started. That is true. Yes, she should be. That's just me. No, yeah. I mean, actually, Joan Cusack, she's got a lot of great movies.

Let's see here. She was in a Jesse in Toy Story 2. Okay. Yeah, the Yodling Cowgirl. Yeah, no, I guess, I guess that John Cusack has a, I think that he is seen as like the better one. 14-08, give it a watch. I think it still holds up. Yeah?

Yes. All right. I take it back, Joan Cusack. I apologize. The one with top secrets? That was the first... I went on a first date to that movie. Top Secrets?

It was... I'm giving it away because it was a terrible movie. I forget it's a John Cusack movie. And the whole thing is that he's following this man. He's like, he's trying to figure out all this stuff. And he's like... And the name of the guy that wrote this thing, his name was Topsecretz.

And he's like, who is this top... And you know what it stands for is Top Secrets. No, no shit. No shit. It's that top secrets. Top secrets. Top secrets. Are you really?

Are you fucking... That was the big thing of the whole movie was that the name of the guy was top secrets and not top secrets. And I just remember at the end of the movie, standing up in the Dollar movie theater in Tallahassee being like, that's it. That's what the movie's about. Wait, are you thinking of the number 23 with Jim Carrey? Yes, I am. And it is one of the worst movies I've ever seen. I haven't seen it again.

I've only seen it once. But it is still a movie that I to this day make fun of. And I don't even, I just remember the top secrets thing. I'm sorry. I gave it away, everybody. I mean, it is a bad movie. If you can't figure out top secrets. Top secrets.

And I was so drunk that I was just like, to have secrets. To have secrets. And I asked for my money back from the dollar movie theater. I'm pissed off right now and I haven't even seen it. You should be. It was, and it had Jim Carrey. Yeah, Jim Carrey, who got for the number 23, got paid $23 million to be in it. You are not.

You have to be lying to me right now. No. No. For that, I, have you got? That wasn't supposed to be a serious movie, too, right? That wasn't. It's terrible. That wasn't a comedy, though.

No. No. No, it was super serious. I remember now that you're saying the number 23, I remember it because of the trailer was all like, oh, this, this, this, 23 of this. And then when you multiply this, it's 23, 23. It was me and Doug's first movie date together.

It was our first, like, date, date, not just banging. And he's like, oh, I'll take you see this movie. I was like, I love John Cusack. And we got so stressed. John Cusack's not even in it. John Cusack. No, John Cusack's not in it either. No.

No. You are tall. Wait, did just Jim Carrey? Yeah, it's just Jim Carrey. But it's Top Secrets. It's Top Secrets. That's all I remember from the movie. Yeah, John Cusack isn't in it at all.

Wow. But what is he's in a movie that also has a number name? But Top Secrets was our first aid movie. He's in another movie. Is it just 408? It's Room 408, isn't it? Room 207? No, Room 237 is the Shining movie.

No, he's in a room movie, though, with like a room and a number. Is it Room 408? Room something. Room, room, room 14.08. It's just 14.08. 1408. 1408. That's the number movie. This isn't my fault.

I told you my brain wasn't working properly. I have had, it was, it was fallback on the time, it was Halloween, there was a New York marathon. It's not my fault. Did you run in the marathon? I ran the marathon. No, I had to deal with the marathon, though, and it sucked. I forgot all about that fucking.

Jim Carrey number 23 movie. Can't believe it wasn't John Cusack. You went to it. John Cusack wasn't even there. Yeah. You went to it. Maybe he was in the movie theater. Maybe the Talassie Dollar movie theater. I want to go home and watch the trailer for the number 23 because I remember how obnoxious it was. I haven't thought

about it in a while. It was just Jim Carrey. It was just Jim Carrey. With Topsy Cretz. Yes. Yes, Topsy Cretz was definitely a big part of the movie. Topsicretz is huge in the number 23. According to the Wikipedia page. I can't believe it was Jim Carrey. Yes. I've been complaining about this movie for years saying it was John Cuson. It's Jim Carrey. Years saying it was John Cuson. Firmly Jim Carrey. Nobody's ever been able to correct me because nobody else's not. No, no, she's ever seen the movie. Yeah. And there's nobody else in it. Do you know who Virginia Madsen is? She's in it. No, Virginia Madsen is. Blonde. I know she's blonde. She's in, no, she's not in the hours. What's she in?

Uh, class, electric dreams. Dune. Highlander 2, the quickening. Candyman. Candyman. Candy man. I know she's blonde. I know those lips.

And she has those big, big eyes. Candy man. All right, well, we don't have a list this week. Don't got Tom, so let's go straight to blonde Adams. Oh, no, you can't see them. I'm sorry, everyone. You're still mad about John Cusset. I'm upset.

I'm upset. Jackie's very distracted right now. Well, this one. one gross and a bit in the Jared Fogel line The wife of this I'm sorry Marcus I don't mean to stop you Did you listen to the tapes?

Yes I did Okay Yes I did in their entirety You listened to all of the tapes I listened to all that was available That were released tapes of Jared Fogel Yeah and all of okay I'm sorry I didn't mean to stop you

About everything that he did He did it How he wanted to do it with her It ruined my day I didn't listen to it, but I did have my brother give me all the highlights. And I didn't need to hear that either. As I was saying, I was like, I don't want to hear this. I listened to all of it in the interest of these are things I should hear.

I'm forced to know because of my various jobs. But yeah, it ruined my day completely. This is in that vein. Oh, good. The wife of this A-list comedian consistently sets him up with him. attractive underage girls. It was a pre-requisite of their marriage.

No, how dare you? I know he was a cocaine addict, but how dare you? Tim Allen, why? He's the Santa Claus. Is that why there's no little girls in the movie? Oh, and Santa Claus too. Don't forget about that one. Oh, I've seen Santa Claus 1, 2, and 3 many times.

And there's not a lot of girls in it. Jungle to jungle, little boys. It's all little boys. So at least he fucks little girls. Little girls, yes. So say at least. I'm sorry, I take back at least. I take back at least.

But, oh my God. And like, that's so upsetting. It's very upset. That's really upsetting, especially for a fucking famous person who I'm sure can exploit and manipulate his position as like a person in children's movies.

Oh, Jared Fogle did it for years and he was just a sandwich salesman. What you're saying is that I'm too old to fuck Tim Allen. Much too. Wow. Unless you can provide him with an underage girl. No, my niece is too young. No, I gave her 10 more years, 19, I'll offer her up.

But for now, I won't do that. Oh, my God, I can't wait to tell my mother. And maybe I'll never have to see the Santa Claus trilogy ever fucking again. I was going to say, do you like the Santa Claus? No, but it is my mom's favorite Christmas trilogy, so we watch it every year at least twice. All three movies. Yeah, but it is fun at the end when Judge Reinhall gets the weenie whistle.

I love, well, that's the first one is great. Yeah. The first one is fun. Yeah. The second one and the third one, I could do without. Is Jingle All the Way? That's the one with Arnold Schwarzenegger. I love Jingle All the Way with Phil Hartman.

Yeah, Jingle All the Way is a classic. That's a good one with Sinbad and Phil Hartman. I mean, how could you go wrong? And Arnold Schwarzenegger. Can't go wrong. That's the answer there. Can't go wrong. But the third one is about him become, is it the, no, that's the second.

one when he tries to become a wife and he becomes a dictator. He becomes a Stalin of the North Pole. Yeah. Yeah, it's a weird one. It takes a weird turn. And the other one we got today, this closeted, married A-list, mostly movie actor who has been A-plus in movies and television at points in his career.

It's not going to be able to get his promised daily fill of willing gay men because the movie he was going to make and get him that perk is all but a dream. now. Is it the gummy bear movie? He was Bowsing here and there and everywhere But that gummy bear It's a different gummy bear. It's a different shittier gummy bear. It was gypsy and it ain't happening

now for John Traud. Oh, John Trump with Gypsy! Yeah, remember. Oh, I know we were talking about why isn't he getting it? It's not going to happen. Why? Gypsy's just not going to happen. Barbara's pulling out. Barbara Streisand was doing it, right?

Yeah, she's pulling out. She's pulling out. She's pulling out. She's pulling out. I don't believe it. I'll believe it when I see it in the goddamn movie. You think that once Barbara starts the project, she doesn't back out. I don't think so. Somewhere. She was never in West Side Story, but I've been listening to a lot of West Side Story lately.

That's fun. But I was listening to today, you don't bring me flowers anymore. The Barbara Streisianneal Diamond duet, which is gorgeous, and it is sad. And I think that maybe Barbara needs to just tune back into what she is. used to do. The way that you consume culture is very interesting to me because you'll see all three jingle all the way, no, Santa Claus's. Span Claus.

Two times in a row. And then in the same breath, you'll also just know a lot about Barbara's dry sand. I mean, it all makes perfect sense to me. I mean, I love Barbara. But that's why you guys are really good friends. Now, I consider myself really good friends with both of you, too, but I don't understand any of your references. Yes.

But I also, I have an older mother than you guys have. And you have to remember, my mother loves babs. Yeah. So I've got my babes under my belt, which is why I've also seen the mirror has two faces at least 20 times. And it's also like you love your Barry Manilow. Oh. Oh, my God. See, my mom was John Trott.

So I've seen Michael a million times. God damn. My mom was just talking about Michael. She was just, she just brought Michael up. goes, we have to watch that movie. And it's like, you know what mom? I never want to fucking see that movie ever again. It's a total mom movie, though.

It is the mom-ist of mom movies. There's no movie that is mommed harder than Michael. Who is the woman in that movie? Andy McDowell. Oh, yeah. Every mom's favorite. Her face is just not good. I just saw Magic Mike X, X, X, X, L.

Anyone see this? Oh, no, I have. It's fun. I heard about the opening sequence, and I heard it is a delight. It is, it's everything about magic. Magic is a delight. Annie McDowell is there. In Magic Mike Xxel, it's a big surprise.

She shows up for like 10 minutes, like two-thirds to the late through the film. Not Channing Tatum, but she does fuck the character who has the biggest dick, spoiler alert. Okay, then that's fine. But it's definitely implied that she loves his big dick. I'll never forgive her for Green Card. I'll never forgive anyone for kissing Girard de Pardue ever in my life. You know, it's because of bogus, and everybody knows it. But Green Card is an atrocity of a movie.

Just throwing that out there. So I guess we got to get into, I just want to say, we got to start gearing up for our Thanksgiving movies. I've got planes, trains, and automobiles on repeat in my house. So hit me with new Thanksgiving movies. You know, now that it's holiday season, it's one of our favorite songs is going to be. Just give it a second. Just give it a second, okay?

Just give it. We don't have to do it yet. Right, they might be ready, but we don't have to be ready. Please, please wait. Please wait. That's it for paid seven for today. Okay, we're done. Go ahead.

I love it. Goodbye, everybody. Goodbye. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to cavecomedyadio.com.