Page 7 - Episode 185: Ooh, I'm Steenky

Episode Date: January 6, 2017

Molly, Marcus and Jackie discuss Mariah Carey's big New Years flop, Carpool Karaoke gone wrong, and blow Molly's mind with the Mandela Effect. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

We're likable. We're affable. I mean, I'm a yelly person. Yeah, but you're good yelly. You're not like, I'm not angry yelly. Yeah. Or. Deep president.

You mean like that? The president! O yeah, dear, dear president. Welcome to page seven. He gets on the plane and the president goes to the moon. I'm Marcus Parks. I'm Jackie's Rose. I'm all in all rightful.

Oh, man. We are in January 2nd. And oh, what a New Year's Eve we had. We did. We drank a toast to innocence. We drank a toast to time. We tried to reach beyond the emptiness, but neither one knew how. Old Langsign, everybody.

Old Langsign. Well, I tried to get Henry to play it on repeat. It's Old Langsign. Not like Owlid. Yeah, no. Where the snow turns into rain, which is exactly what's happening right now. That is exactly what's happening. That is outside New York City, but you know, it's somebody on New Year's Eve, we had a great time.

We all, we were together with friends. It was a hull of balloon. It was a hull of balloon. It was nothing but fun times. Day two of hangover. Oh, yeah, day two of hangover. Yeah, it is continued into today. Yeah.

But a short distance away from where we were in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, so close. Mariah Carey. A star fell. As many of us were so. so blessed to see 2016 go and embrace the new year with warmth and readiness and positive energy and looking forward to the future. Another one of us just walked right off the stage. You know, and I can't blame her.

She's up in her nudie, nudie suit. And I'm not talking about the old country suits. That outfit, huh? Ooh, boy. I watched the video several times in an effort time. in an effort to understand. Well, I mean, if you watch it with a musician the way I did, Doug went crazy that people were ripping her apart.

Yeah, why is that? Everyone knows what happened with Mariah Carey, but the sound screwed up, and she was obviously pissed off. Her backup dancers are still dancing. And Doug's like, you don't understand. What it's like to be on the stage, and you can't hear yourself?

You can't perform. You can't do it. No wonder she acted like that. He's like, most people would act like that. I was like, but she acted like a bitch. There were other ways to deal with it. And he's like, well, she must have been terrified. I was like, there's no fucking way.

She's so pilled out of her fucking mind. There's no way she was terrified or upset. She was just inconvenience is what she looked like. I would agree with that. But I do agree with Doug as well. It would have been impossible for her to perform like that because what had happened is that her earbuds that were going to pipe in the music tour for her to lebsink along to or to at least slightly sing.

Four minutes before she went on stage, boom, they went out. So she, all she really had were the monitors that were going out, the speakers that were going out into the crowd. So she couldn't hear herself. However, she could have handled it much better. What I love is that they, as the music continue to play, that the high-pitched notes kept, like, that obviously she wasn't singing those notes.

And then they kept me, like, ah! Like in the middle of the stomach. I'm standing up there. But, okay, but what should you do? There should be, somebody should write a book, the best practices to a lip sync meltdown. Well, I mean, especially, I mean, obviously the whole thing wasn't lip sync.

They're all the thing, you would have heard more of it happening. Someone posted an issue with Adele's music. and how she handled it. Now the thing was, again, watching it with a musician, which he really took the magic out of me doing this. Because I was like, look at watch how Adele takes care of it like a fucking queen when her music goes out. But the thing was that it wasn't that her earbuds went out,

the monitors went out, so the audience couldn't hear her. I hear the music. They could just, like, and her mic went out. So she just kept singing, but the audience filled in the song for her. Yeah. And then in the end of the song, she was like, why you're all clapping out there? Why?

Why, you're all getting jaunty out there? And then she was like, what? The mic fucking went out. Are you kidding me? And you all just sung the song? Bravo. I didn't even know.

I just kept singing. I just keep singing up here because she had no idea. So she just sang the whole fucking song. She's flawless. I just love her so much. But apparently that's a big difference besides not being able to hear yourself.

when you sing. Maybe she could have gone and correct me if I'm wrong, Marcus, because you know about microphones. Could she have gone out in the audience to hear? Like if she didn't have a monitor facing her, could she have just gone where she could have heard? Possibly, but I wouldn't see Mariah Carey climbing out

to rub elbows with the hoi-poly. Not in that outfit. Oh, my God. In her skin suit with the pommeters. Or at least, like, I don't know, make a joke. or be like, I can't hear anything and like do something to entertain the audience rather than just like, this isn't the song

playing mic check, what's going on here? And her voice, 20 octaves deeper than it used to be. Yeah. Which, I mean, not that I should talk, but I did watch a video on YouTube of, it was like, watched this crazy video of Mariah Carey prank, like prank calling her assistant.

And it was terrible. I watched it three times. Trying to make her look like a human? I guess, but it wasn't. was just mean? Because she looked at her and she's like, I want mozzarella sticks. And someone's like, well, you got to call.

Like, someone call her assistant. She goes, no, no, I'll call her. I'll call her assistant. Give me someone, give me a phone. And so she gets on the phone and she goes, hi, this is Mariah Carey's it. And she wants mozzarella sticks. And you better get it for her.

What are you wearing? And then asked her, but it wasn't fun. Like, they're all of her, like, team is just like Sanger Dad! Mariah! Mariah, are you crazy, girl? You're so crazy.

And it wasn't great. It was just awful and bad and long. That's absolutely awful. And now the blame game has begun. You know, Mariah... The sabotage. Yes, the sabotage. They're saying that her performance

was, in fact, sabotaged by the Dick Clark Rock and New Year's Eve team. Which, no offense to Mariah, but nobody cares about Mariah enough to sabotage her. But the thing is that it was for, They said four ratings for people to watch it, for people to YouTube, but after it.

Not for like political persecution. No, no, no. Just because, like, to get ratings that they did that to her since she was, like, the biggest star on the show for the night. Yeah. And isn't it weird that they chose Mariah Carey? Yeah, she's the biggest star on the show for the night. That's Dick Clark's corporation's fault. It's because it's Ryan Seacris now.

No one gives a fuck. Yeah. Yeah. No, they need to get somebody. The person, so whoever I was watching was Carson Daly there. I was at a restaurant where the TV you couldn't see it and so you had to watch the reflection of the TV in a fish tank

and the person I was with was like Carson Daly's hosting and I was like no it's not Carson Daly that's Ryan Seacrest and the person I was with was like I think it's Carson Daly and it was definitely Ryan Seacrest but maybe he showed up at another point or this person just mistook one plane completely mediocre

a host with another I think they bring him around because didn't he do it for a little while it seems like something he would do You know, but he's so unmemorable. Is that one of those Mandela effect things where we remember him doing it, but he didn't actually do it?

Right. What, like Nelson Mandela? Yeah, it's a whole thing. I'm not going to get into it. Oh, I was going to say that. If we get into that, we're never coming out. We're going to have to do that off. I'll do it.

I'll do it like a wiki book. Just very, very quickly, do you remember it being Barrenstein bears or Barron Stain bears? Berenstain bears. See, that's the thing. Most people remember being Baron Steen bears. It is actually Baron Stain bears. It's been spelled that way.

The whole time. Yeah, the whole time it's been barren stain bears. It just sounds like they got stains on their paws from all their masturbation. And Mama Bears are like, oh, no, don't you do it? And baby brothers, like, yes, I will all over your quilts, Mama Bear. Whatever you say, brother. There's another example of the Mandela Effect that's even closer to home here, which I don't know if I should even... Come on.

Give it. Give it. Sounds like a cluel of flush. No, it's not my phone. It's actually not. Well, how do we set it up? Well, okay. So, do you remember the movie Kazam?

I read about this. Yeah, it's Shaq. Yeah, it's Shaq. However, there are large swaths of the population that remember the movie Kazam, not with Shaquille O'Neal as the genie, but Sinbad as the genie. The thing is, I loved Sinbad so fucking much as a kid

that there's no way in the world I would ever think that. And they think that the movie was called Shazam, not Kazam. They think there's two movies or are they just mixed up the one? Yeah, and I remember it very specifically as Kazam. I remember it very specifically. The Shaquille was like, oh, that's weird, that Shaquille O'Neal's a genie now. I remember that very specifically. However, there are a lot of people that remember it very specifically as Sinbad.

And what the Mandela effect presupposes is that there are parallel universes that are constantly shifting in and out at all times. And sometimes we fall out of, say, the small things like, you know, Berenstein, Berenstain, Bair, Stain Bear universe, sometimes we fall out of the Berenstine Bear universe into the Berenstain Bear universe. It's called the Mandela effect because there are many people who distinctly remember Nelson Mandela dying in prison when, in fact, we know that he did not. Really? That's why it's called the Mandela effect. Whoa, I didn't know that. Because that's the biggest thing.

A lot of times it's very small things, very tiny things. There are bigger things like Shazam-Kazam. And sometimes it's small thing like Berenstine, Berenstine. So it's not false memory. It's actually a different universe. It's a parallel universe shifting in and out. Reality is thin, Molly. I like it.

Reality is very thin. Yeah, I found that I was a big Barrenstein Bears fan and so I found that thing to be like really fascinating, but also I didn't appreciate being told that I was wrong. I was like, Baristine Bears. That is something that I would fight over drunkenly for sure.

Like, fuck you, no, it's not. Yeah, I would like end a friendship. But then you would like end of friendship. read about it and you're like, oh, okay, so if it's parallel universe, that's even better. That's fantastic, actually. Yeah, yeah, it's very possible. In fact, there's a parallel universe where Mariah Carey did wonderfully on

New Year's Eve. I don't think so. I don't think that exists. Well, I mean, she's the only thing that she's really said so far is she just tweeted out shit happens with a gif of her like shaking her head and looking kind of pissed off. Yeah, which I think is a okay

way to deal with it. It's a very Mariah Carey way of dealing with it. I mean, and now no one's going to talk about her for at least another 10 months, so everyone's going to forget about it. Yeah. I mean, we were talking about her, but we talk about Mariah Carey a lot. Yeah, I mean, you know, she was one of my divas.

Yeah, I was actually... I think I was under the impression until quite recently that you still really liked her. I flip-flopped. Yeah. I flip-flopped. Mandela. It was after... I mean, it was after the Mariah Carey's Marius Christmas special. I just can't get past it. I'm damaged goods now.

I don't know. What did you think Maraic Carey was before that? I don't know. Talented. I don't know what. I just finally, it was just, the sheen was ripped out from before my eyes. And sometimes you just, you got to stare life in the face. You do. And you got to say, you know what, Mariahari just isn't what she was anymore.

Yeah, no, she's no longer the girl in the jean shorts and the black tube top. On the roller coaster. Sweet, sweet fantasy, baby. And she's gone. She died on the roller coaster. Yes, there's yet another parallel universe. There's yet another parallel universe where she did die during the filming of the fantasy video. What if she is just a ghost now that they bring out just to, you know, they even make her do all the screw-ups now.

She's doomed to just sing the same song over and over every year. Something has to happen to free her, maybe. Maybe she... Let's make that movie. Yeah, like something around Christmas. Maybe she, I don't know, whoever it is that all she wants is them needs to actually forgive her or something

or she needs to like write a wrong. That or I feel like she was singing the song and she like walked through an orphanage and sort of like burning up all the orphans gifts that they got from like some kind of humanitarian society and she's like, all I want after Christmas is this stuffed animal. And she's like, ah!

Because she gave him a monster. And that's why, and she did it. And now she's in purgatory forever. nude suit. Oh, she has a monster. Did you know there was an entire team that was solely dedicated to getting her there on time? Like, that was it. I can't wait for that to be my life.

What else does she have to do? I can't wait to happen. It was an entire team because she's famously late. That's her whole thing is that she's always late to everything. I like her even less now. Did you hear what the team called up the Dick Clark New Year's Eve team and asked? What time does the ball drop exactly? Oh, for fuck sake.

Why have we been done? We have to go back and correct the record on page 7. All the time we talk about how great she is. Otherwise, we're going to be in purgatory. I know. We are trying to write the wrongs now. Okay. It's all we can do.

And it's also alleged that, you know, she says this isn't the song we did during rehearsal. It's alleged she didn't even show up for rehearsal. It was a body double. Oh. Also in a nude suit. Yeah, also in a nude suit. Just like, okay, that's what she looks like with the dancers. You know, more for the dancers and the sound people in all.

Although I think that, I mean, that wouldn't that be what she does? Do they do mic checks anymore? Like, do huge celebrities do mic checks like that? I mean, they should do rehearsals at the very least. Yeah. If they're doing like, you know, if you do the Super Bowl, you're going to do a rehearsal. Of course, but I mean like a diva that big for, like, Dick Clark. I feel like she wouldn't do that.

I feel like she should. She should. Yeah, of course she should do it. Right. Because it's like on the one hand you can be like Dick Clark, but also like everybody, everybody, not everybody likes, everybody watches Dick Clark's New Year's. You know, I'm glad. I feel like it's one of those.

things that I stopped doing now that I don't spend New Year's with my parents. Like, it's on somewhere at every party I go to, but I don't watch it anymore. Right. Yeah, it was on at the party that we were at. Yeah, it's on, but I didn't see any second of it. No, I'm not sitting there watching fucking TV. No, we even did the countdown twice. Yeah, we definitely fucked up the first time.

There was two different sides of the apartment, and, like, the people in the kitchen were like, 10, 9, 9, 9. And we were all in front of the TV going like, no, no, no. And then they did it, and we were like, all right, fine. And then we were like, 10. So they had their New Year's kiss. We had our New Year's, and then they had theirs. It was fun.

It was two New Year's and one. Yeah, that actually sounds nice. Yeah. It was great. Yeah, it was very nice. I thought a fight was going to break out because no one believed the other faction. I felt like I was in West Side Story. It was two completely different sides of the room.

There was a war about to break out, but luckily the love of New Year's Eve won in the end. It ended in kissing. Again, the Mandela Effect, two parallel uniforms were in the same party. One party, man. Your mind just got blown because of the Mandela effect. Everything in my life is going to be explained by parallel universes for the next couple of weeks. As long as you got something to hold on to. Yeah, exactly.

And Mariah Carey did show up for sound check, but she did not dance. And they said the sound was kind of fucked up during sound check too, but they assured her everything would be working by the time she got there. To me, it sounds like they had the B team on this. Yes. It really did. It sounds like they had it. a bunch of fuck-ups working. Yeah, but again, like, it's like Dick Clark's thing is tough because, like, on the one

hand, it's a total joke that no one cares about, but on the other hand, it is on it every single party. You're going to want to have somebody, I would find it very unsatisfying to go to a mic check and have them be like, it's not working now, but it'll be working later. It's fine. Yeah, I mean, it was watched by millions upon millions of people. Yeah. Yeah.

But, I don't know. Maybe she'll come back from it, but did she even, was she even really hurt by this? No, I don't think she gives a fuck. She doesn't care at all. I think it's the pills, and I think her suit is so tight that she just, how do you think if your clothes are that tight? Yeah. Mm-hmm.

But she's also, we're going to go ahead and do a little early blind item here. Whoa. Whoa. A Mariah Carey blind item. All right. Let's hear it. Oh, yeah. What wasn't said about the recent television appearance of this permanent A-list singer is that a shoot

scheduled for one hour took four because the singer was so wasted. Yikes. Carpool karaoke. Really? And that's why they couldn't do the whole thing. Very possibly. Interesting. Oh, yeah, that was the one you said that they had to sub in a bunch of other people.

That was also part of the magic, the sheet. It's gone. I can't. I can't. I mean, my rose-colored glasses are broken. And I can't tape them back together because then it's just tape on the glasses. Carpool karaoke is good because I think that if somebody can't hang at like singing a song in a car

then it shows you that we don't really love them. We don't love them. Watch Adels. Exactly. You see Adels and you're like, okay, you're flawless. Everything you do is perfect and we should all aspire

to be exactly like you. We can't though because she's younger than we are. Molly, she's younger than we are. And she's perfect. Yeah, that's too bad. I love her. I love everything about her. I'll never stop.

I feel like we would be remiss. I know it's not celebrity gossip. guys. But that Ronda Rusey fight. How do you say the last name? Rousie. Rousie. Rousie.

Ronda Rousey. Rousy. The most beautiful woman I've ever seen. She was so beautiful. I think it was because I think I like to follow it now because I saw a picture of her. She's so gorgeous and then she flex. And I was like, whoa! And she's so, so beautiful.

She just got knocked out so fast. I know this isn't a place to talk about this. I don't give a fuck about sports at all. She's a celebrity, but yeah, there was a, UFC fight and she got the shit beat out of her last time. This was supposed to be her comeback fight. And she got the shit beat out of her even worse and even faster this time. Oh, that's why it was such a big deal.

That was such a big deal. Yeah. Oh, I saw the video and it was hard to watch. But I didn't realize why everyone was so. I was like, don't fighters lose sometimes. I didn't realize this was a second. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

It was her last chance because it was a big deal when she lost last time. And it's an even bigger deal this time. She's done. But she's going to be in movies. Although I didn't know after that face Although I did read in the blind items That she is a horrendous actress I mean understand

But that's I can't remember her lines horrendous I guess what I liked about it is that before the fight happened I didn't know anything about this I watched Amanda Nunez talking Who's the girl that took her out She's like a judo Judo, one of those Brazilian fighter

But she's a boxer And she was talking before hand She was just like this like sexy tough woman And she was basically talking about how like Like, Rhonda's so into Hollywood and commercials and all that. She's like, I want none of that. I fight. That's what I do.

I fight. And she just kept saying that and stuff, and I was like, ooh, you're scary. You are scary. And then when I saw that she got knocked out in 48 seconds, I was like, damn, girl, you did it. What you do is fight. Good for you. Yeah. This is a good for her.

Good for her. I appreciate it. I was very scared of her, and I think it's really great. I just wanted to throw that out there. Yeah, good for her. Yes. It's a good for her. It's good for her.

It's not even a guffaha. This is a good for her. Good for you. Yeah, we had a lot of celebrity deaths since our last three celebrity deaths. God. Yeah, yeah. Devastating. George Michael, Carrie Fisher, and Debbie Reynolds.

Like, boom, boom, boom. And daughter. One, two, three. Oh, yeah. Broken Heart. And Debbie Reynolds is, everyone will know, from my favorite movie, singing in the rain. I know. I'm sorry, Molly.

I was very, I mean, you know, singing in the rain was to me as Star Wars was too many. Like it was the thing that I like It was your thing It was like that emotionally got me through My childhood you know So but also I understand how devastated You know Star Wars people feel about Carrie Fisher People are like really really sad

Oh yeah You know I gotta say Bowie broke me I don't care about celebrity deaths anymore It doesn't affect me It doesn't affect me in any way whatsoever I think after Bowie I'll never love again Bowie Prince

I mean you gotta keep the guards up 2016, good riddance. But 2017, going to be a whole lot worse. The thing is we're just getting older, everyone. We're just getting older and more people are going to die. It's not just that we're getting older. It's just like, you know how many celebrities we've made over the years? Everybody's a celebrity now.

So, of course, we're going to have a celebrity die every other day. Popping them off. Yeah, just kind of the older we get, the more celebrity deaths they're going to be. Everyone's just getting older. It's fine. Don't worry about it. You know, everyone's making a big deal. out of everything. George Michael, is this music

that good? Not as good as everyone's pretending. I really like father figure, though. It's fine. It's fine music. You're just saying that he's no David Bowie. I mean, that is true. Very fair. It's fine music. And you know, and I totally get when people mourn him as a gay icon. I absolutely get that. He's very important in that scene. Don't pretend like he was some musician on the level of

Prince and Bowie, which I think people were kind of trying to line eyes him as just a little bit. But it also depends on what generation you grew up in. Like my sister's generation, those like early 40s, like my sister fucking loved him. She loved him. I'm not saying that she's got the best taste in music,

but I know that, like, I mean, she fucking loved him. Yeah. So it just depends on your age, depends on what you're around. I mean, different strokes, guys, different strokes. Yeah, yeah, different strokes. Yeah, I remember that. Speaking of different strokes, maybe. Ooh.

We're just going. Did we discuss Alan Thick? We actually didn't. I guess we didn't. I know that's growing pains, but, you know, I understand. But different strokes. Speaking of different strokes, which is a sitcom, also a sitcom is growing pains, Alan Thick died.

Yeah, Alan Thick died, father of my least favorite musician on earth. But more importantly, in my head, I was thinking of Leonardo DiCaprio because of the adoption in... fictional father of my favorite actor on her, real life father of an absolute dipshit of a man, Robin Thick. But we didn't talk about Ellen Thick and his also kind of, I don't really care, but I guess that's sad. It's sad, you know.

It is sad. Yeah. You don't have people, you don't have to pretend about everything. Right, right. And, you know, Debbie Reynolds, I think, is, it's, you know, I didn't, to be honest, didn't realize she was still alive until she issued a statement about, Carrie Fisher. What's tragic about Debbie Reynolds is obviously that she died so shortly after her daughter.

And, you know, but she was in her 80s. I mean, she did say she wanted to be with Carrie. I think it was one of her last words. And they're having a joint funeral. But my mom, of course, called me right after she found that out. And she goes, you know I would do the same thing. If you passed, I would be right behind you. I don't think that I could live.

I wouldn't be. It's sobbing on the phone. I was like, Mom, this has nothing to do with us. I just want you to know that if that happened, I'd be right behind you. I was like, you're right behind me in the fucking never was? What are you fucking talking about, Mom? But it was so overdramatic. Oh, no, I did not get that phone call from my mom.

Oh, my God. Nothing to do with us. But I think that's what people kind of do They tend to make it about themselves Yes You know and I really don't know why Nothing to do with me Yeah and Carrie Fisher

In addition to being You know The leader of the Rebel Alliance Which I'm becoming I saw Rogue One And it made me appreciate Other Star Wars as even more I would say I could see you really love

In Rogue One It was fucking great I saw it twice in the theater I loved it And now I actually want to rewatch 4, 5 and 6 anyway But in addition to Carrie Fisher Being

understandably totally iconic person because of that character. She also, everybody loves her rightfully and awesomely because she spoke so openly about mental health stuff and did a bunch to, like, so it's like, like with George Michael, it's like, you know, some celebrity is like, Alan Thick. She's like, okay. And then with others, it's like... I love for Seva!

A Seva! You know, growing pains when I was growing up was one of the only shows that really gave me home. Yeah, right. Maybe something... Love a Father Fink. Like George Michael. Maybe somebody can get up on a box about growing pants. But yeah, then there's, you know, right.

Like I feel like Bowie and Prince. And I would put Carrie Fisher in a category of like not only making it like art that was so amazing, but also like representing something for people that is like that's what people mourn when they die. Yeah. She was a good shit. Molly, I'm sorry. I am paying attention to what you're saying. But are you wearing Bluetooth earbuds?

What is around your neck? I can't stop staring at them and I think that they're Bluetooth earpieces. I got two syllables for you. GruPan. Okay. They are Bluetooth's, right? You got a Bluetooth surround your neck.

They're Bluetooth and they're dorky as hell. It's like the 2017 equivalent of having like a belt clip for your cell phone. not good headphones to have because you can't use them on an airplane So what are they for? I mean, I'm, I'll tell you what they're for. My other headphones, the one that come free with your phone,

broke because they all break, and I needed some headphones, and, you know, every headphones I get are garbage shit ones that sound like shit, these two turns out, but they were on Groupon for like 12 months. Do you wear them permanently around your net? No, I don't. Sometimes forget.

It's not a fashion statement. I thought this is like the new Molly. She's got a Bluetooth's around her neck at all times. She doesn't know what she's got to listen. You see Molly's new Bluetooth? No, it's not like cool. Like if you have like beats by Dre around your neck. It looks so.

Somebody asked me if it was Google Glass. I was like to stop leaving them around my neck. It's just convenient because they're in a little like horseshoe. Yeah, they are horse shoe. But they are not stylish. I'm sorry I didn't mean to. To make fun of them. I just, I had to.

It's okay. They're very embarrassing. But they are wireless and it's convenient. And I think that is the new hip. I'm pretty sure. I don't know. I'm not hip. I mean, my middle schoolers all want wireless headphones,

but they don't want the ones that look like this. They want actually ones that look like headphones. You're just going to lose them. I would never buy those for my kids. I won't even buy them for myself. Not earbuds. Like they want like the cool looking. Oh, yeah.

Those are hundreds of dollars. Yeah, right. They can go get another dream. But those wireless earbuds, no fucking thank you. You can even answer your phone on your Bluetooth's? Apparently, I haven't tried. You should be doing this. Yeah, and they're magnetic also.

Did I mention their magnetic? They're magnetic. I just imagine you get home. You ring them off your neck, pop them on the fridge. Wait until you leave next time. Gotta grab my Bluetooth's. They're not magnetic like I store them on the fridge. They're magnetic like the little air, uh,

Oh, your earbuds. Isn't that fun? They are. Not convenient. Stylish and convenient. I'm sorry. I just had to. No, it's okay.

You can make yourself sick with laughter. Isn't that what January's all about? It really is. January's all about just laughing and loving. And not watching the new Duplas Brothers movie. We talk about the Duplas brothers, right? I don't think so. I really love the Duplas Brothers.

Who are they? They make movies. together. One who is usually the behind the scenes one is the shitty fucking sun and transparent. And then the other one is in the league and they did this movie together called Creep. They've been writing and like one acts in it and the other one like writes and they directed together and they produce things together. And they're not everybody's bag. But I really, really enjoy them. And they just came out with this really new sad movie called Blue Jay and it's on Netflix. and the only other movie that recommended underneath it was other people,

which I've talked about on here many times. And so it's like in that kind of vein, but it's more real and it's about a relationship that like they haven't seen each other since they were in love like 15 years ago when they see each other in their hometown and they reminisce for a night. But it's him and Sarah Paulson who's like in American horror story. She's that hot lesbian that dates that older lesbian. Yeah, also she was Marsha Sharp.

I was going to say. Yes, yeah. That's why I remember her. I like her. And she's so fucking good in it. And she just, because, like, I watched it because someone said, you never get to see Sarah Paulson play vulnerable. And she's vulnerable in this.

And she's, and it's beautiful. It's like watching a play. And afterwards, I just was, like, empty and upset and thinking about my past. And so I cried myself to sleep. But it is really good. Did you do this on New Year's Day? I didn't do, no, I did this all by myself.

The Christmas Eve Eve. Okay. By myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Watch that. That sounds tested. Dressed some wine by myself. With just the Christmas tree lights on.

I watched it and I cried. Well, thank God all that's over. Actually, it's not. You still have a Christmas to go. I got Christmas next week, guys. I got double Christmas next week. I have so much shit to do. Why did I do Christmas after Christmas?

I don't know. Yeah, you got, I'm not going to make this easier for you, except that you are. I get to watch Scrooge again. You got to watch Scrooge again, and you are famously good at giving gifts, and so I know that you'll do good. Dude, I'm fucking on fire this year. Nice. I'm doing it.

Yeah, you'll do great. Thanks, guys. I believe in you. Is this your favorite present? Is Bluetooth's your favorite present? I bought these for myself as not a gift. Oh, okay. If it was a gift to yourself.

Yeah, well, I would at least be able to be like, oh, yeah, these unstylish things, somebody got them for me. What was my, this hat that I'm wearing is also a present. It's a nice hat. Thank you. It's from the university in my hometown. And what else? I got some books.

My family mostly does books and hats every year. Always hats, local themed hats. Local themed hats. Like University of Iowa. I mean, I got an all my mater hat. I have my Florida state hat. Yeah, you know, a college hat every year. I love it because of wear it to work.

People are like, Noles. And I'm like, yeah. Nol Nation. Everyone's like, yeah, man. Does anyone do the tomahawk chop? Oh, yeah, we're all chopping. We're chopping at each other.

I couldn't give a fuck. My favorite's just like, yeah, I never actually been inside the stadium. But I have blacked out out front of the stadium many a time. In a tailgate? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't care about the balls. I just care about the food and the booze. I've never done a tailgate, but it sounds, I love football food and football boots.

I only tailgate. Yeah, you'd love tailgate. Oh my God, it's great. You get coosies. You get great food. That was the time. We got like a month. Yeah, I think I would like it a lot.

I don't know why I've never been to a tailgate, actually. I don't know. I've been to countless ones. Really? Yeah, I couldn't tell you how many tailgates that were you. Hell, I've been to high school football game tailgates. That's great. Yeah.

Especially when you have an actual truck to actually hang out in the back of. Yeah. Boy, that'll tell you, there's nothing like getting wasted and watching children beat each other up. Well, I don't know if there are kids around. of mine. I was too busy getting grabsy. Get me in the bed of that truck. I'll get grabsie.

Not with the kids. There were no kids. I swear. I swear to it. We were talking earlier about people getting older and that's what today's list is all about. Who's on the list? Who's old? Gotta have that list.

They are old. Are we updating the sun? I don't know. It is celebrities who turned 60 years old this year. 60 years old. Daniel Day Lewis. I love him. Look at how good he looks.

He is handsome as fuck. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Look at his two earrings. Double hoop earrings. The picture I'm showing is of him wearing double hoop earrings. I love men with two earrings. I'm not sure about hoop earrings. I don't see hoops make me think of pirates.

Yeah. And I'm not a big pirate fan. But I do love a man with two earrings. earrings. Like that dumb... Two different ears, not two earrings and one ear. Yeah, because that's a little rough.

There's that pirate commercial where the parrot tells everyone that the pirate is going to steal all the money. He goes, yeah, and they smell bad too. He goes, no, you're smell wonderful. I ate that commercial. Yeah, I know exactly the one.

It's because it played all over the place. And I was at home for like two days and it was like, fuck this commercial. Yeah. I want it off the airways. I don't like talking about stinky. Either you know that. There you see the word stinky and

And I hear the word stinky when the parrot says they smell bad too. And I hate it. Oh, I hate stinky. So you got something against the word stinky? I hate stinky. Oh, who's got a stinky diaper? You hate the word? I thought you were talking about a character.

No, stinky. Oh, I'm stinky. It just makes you think of, like, a girl that's had too much sex. And she goes, oh, you can't kiss down there. I'm stinky. I just, I've never talked about my feelings of stinky. I've never heard your feelings on stinky. It took me a second to catch up where you were going.

I hate the way my mouth moves when you say it. Stinky. And I always have to say it like stinky. I have to have that extra like Y in there. Stinky. Yeah. Like stinky, oh, you got a stinky dypey? Oh, especially baby talk stinky.

Well, who's my do you stinky boy? Ew, ew, ew. Yeah, I guess I don't like it either. Your child shouldn't be stinky. If it's stinky, put in a fucking shower. How do you feel about smelly? Smelly is fine, but I guess I just don't talk. It's like, I'd rather say like, oh, me welle.

It's like I'd rather say it in Spanish. There's something talking about like smelling something go, Oh, smelly's dinky. Yeah, I think I might like smelly less than I like stinky. Whoa, really? Smelly. It's so formal but also so babyish. I would rather say it doesn't smell good.

Yeah. Like that's fine. It smells bad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, smell bad is fun. Yeah, but smelly.

Yeah. Stinky. God, stinky. He's a man. I got one who might be a stinky man. Steve Bouchemi. Do you think Steve Bouchemi's stinky? I feel like he looks too weird to be stinky.

Yeah, right. I think he probably smells like really strong after shave. Yeah. Or Cologne. It's the same with I feel like I've had this conversation with Ed many times. As bigger people, we can't afford to not smell good. If you are a bigger person, you have to smell good all the time. Or else, what have you got going?

It doesn't matter how you look in the face. It doesn't matter anything else. You have to smell good. Yeah. And not stinky. I'm stinky. I'm just going to teach my kids to do that every time they just went to the bathroom. Oh, mommy, I'm stinky.

Because I would change them so fast just to make them. Shut up. Melanie Griffith's turning 60 this year. Wow. God, we're getting old. No, we're not getting old. We're fine. Melanie Griffith is good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Duntoeuro, he's turning 60. Wow, I guess I feel like, I thought he was a lot older than that. Right? You feel like, yeah, Francis McDormand, that's a little bit of a surprise. I wouldn't think she'd be 60. I guess all those new ways, because in my head, I'm like, oh, Barton Fink, he's not that old. Barton Fink was probably over 20 years ago at this point.

Oh, easily over 20 years. years ago, yeah. You know, this is kind of surprising. Mah. Mah. Debra! That's not what he sounds like, Marcus. Dabra!

Right, Romano. That's not what he's. That's when. Dabra. It's lower. It's like, ah. Oh. Oh.

Dabra. He is looking good for 16. You know how I feel about it. Oh, I know. I know you know how, yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, all your daddy figures are getting up there. I'm okay with it.

Eventually, their third wives will lead them, and I'll be like, hey, I'm not even 30 yet. So how does the daddy scale work? Is there, like, a base daddy age, or does it, like, the older you get, like, the older the daddy gets? Right. Could it be, like, a young dad, like a 30-year-old dad? Yeah.

Or is it, like, as you get older, Is, like, the dad age going to raise to, like, grandpa age? Is it going to be, like, granddaddy? I don't know because I definitely, like, keep it to more, like, late 30s, 40s as the lowest. Like, has to be almost old enough to be your dad, not just a dad. Kind of, yeah. Kind of. But also in my head, like, I don't look at Ray Romano now, although I did because in

parenthood, he looks really good. But, I mean, for the most part, I'm thinking of, like, everybody loves Raymond, Daddy. Okay. When he was in his, like, mid-40s, mid-to-late 40s. Yeah. I think 40s is the hottest time for a man. Think so? Yeah, agreed.

Yeah, yeah, 40s. Men got nothing to worry about. Damn. All men in their 40s. Looking good. Definitely. I'm halfway there. Yeah, man.

I'm turned 34 in a few weeks. Well, you're not halfway there. Almost halfway there. You're almost. You're pushing. You're in your early 30s. Van of White turned 60 this year. Wow.

And my mind, she still has kids, though. Right? Isn't she always pregnant? Isn't like she's one of those eternally pregnant women? Kind of seems like it, right? Yeah. God, it's just Pat Sejack is so ugly. Yeah. His face is so plastic.

And he looks like the mad TV guy. Not the way you do. You look like it in a fun way. He looks like it in a scary way. Yeah. Like in a puppet way. I think he looks like a plastic raisin that's been stretched out. Yes.

And it looks like his face was made out of, it's like made out of clay. And right before he goes on, people are like, wait, wait, no. Your side is completely. slipped off your skeleton face so they have to mold it back up for him to have a smile. Yeah, and also his hair comes on and off

before he goes on. It is really? Well, I don't know, it just looks like... It has to. He's got Ken hair. Like, yeah, and not even on top, like the back, too. Like, it's like one helmet that it comes off and then back on.

That's kind of fun, though, and then you don't have to worry about implants or anything? I'd wear my head hat. Yeah, I'd do that. Yeah, I'd wear a hair hat. Yeah, I'd be like, like John Travolta. John Travolta wears a hair hat, and he loves it. Hell, he takes pictures with people with his hair hat off.

Yeah, like that guy in the gym. Like the guy in the gym. I mean, it could be that he took the picture in service of his own penis, but he still let the picture be taken. And that's okay. That's totally okay. You know, I've been watching People v. O.J. again. Yeah, where are you holding?

Oh, on your tools. Yes. You've got your tools. I want it. I do have my tools. I mean, you can watch it on Pottlocker. You keep saying these things And every time I try it's like

It's like if you do it you'll be sorry And I know I will be and I'm scared of it Yeah but I'm still just I'm reliving Pot liquor? Pot liquor? Put locker Put locker put it in your locker Put it in your locker put locker Put locker Yeah put locker and I'm really enjoying

Again John Trauss performance in that he's so good Yeah he's so good In that particular role of playing a bad person I think I, oh fuck, what's it called? It's on Netflix. We just saw this movie. I haven't seen it yet,

but we're going to watch it probably, I think it's called like Bad Cop Bad or something. There's a new Nick Cage movie with Willem Defoe in it. It came out in 2016. I think it went right to Netflix. It's some sort of cop movie where they're trying to kidnap some mob boss's daughter or something. And it looks really, really bad,

but you guys didn't hear about this movie, did you? No. I have to watch it. Yeah, and I haven't heard of any of the two movies that John Travolta was in this year. He was in a movie called In the Valley of Violence. A mysterious stranger in a random act of violence drag us town of misfits and nitwits into the bloody crosshairs of revenge. Ethan Hawks in it, too. Oh, God, so it's just like a regime of barely alive actors.

Okay, this one I have to watch. It's called I Am Wrath. man is out for justice after a group of corrupt police officers are unable to catch his wife's killer. Check out the poster. Oh, he is rap. Oh, hair hat is alive and well. Christopher Maloney's in it. Oh, my God.

We'll watch. Hair hat is secured by adhesive sideburns. Yeah, Christopher Maloney's in it and Rebecca DeMorne. I bet she's turning 60 soon. Wow, three musketeers have no fear. Brand Drescher's turning 60 this year Oh my God Cancer Schmance

I'm actually I don't know how old I thought she was But 60 surprises me I think that's young for what I thought I think so too Dolf Lundgren He's been hit so many times Only 60

Only 60 yeah I feel like 60's just a lot Maybe it's just because we're getting older Like 60 doesn't seem that old to me That's what's happening 60 is not old at all Carrie Fisher was 60 only I think. Yeah, she was 60.

Damn. You know, who else is 60? Katie Koric. Wow. That seems right to me. What kind of classy work has she had done? Because you can't exercise your face.

I mean, you can do certain things. You can get creams. You can put some sco-scoots. Some shot puts. Yeah, into it, right? Yeah, you can get squirts up in there. But she doesn't even look like she's had squirts. She just looks like she's been cryogenically frozen.

Yeah. Maybe she's half frozen. The picture that they show of her, she does look half frozen. She does look half frozen. So is her hair. Talk about her hair helmet. All right, it's time for Blind Otto. Hey, we can't see you.

Oh, we already did the Mariah Carey one, so let's move right on to the next. Apparently, this permanent A-list, mostly movie actor, who does have multiple Academy Award wins and nominations, has not had sex with his wife in. years. Years. All the steroids over the years have caused him to not be able to perform. Sylvester Stallone? Of course, Italian Stallion was a long time ago. Have you ever seen the Italian Stey?

I know I've always wanted to. Do you know what the original title of it is? No, because they changed it afterwards. They changed it afterwards. The original title is Sylvester Stallone's first movie. It's a softcore porn film. Original title, Party at Kitty and Studs. Will watch.

Italian Stallion is much better. It's a very bad soft-core pornography movie. What is it, Death Race 2000? Yeah, Death Race 2000. He's in that. He looks really good at it. Like, he was sexy back then. Remember because he had a scene, he was just wearing a towel,

and I'm pretty sure the towel falls off. If I remember correctly. And it has the guy with the, getting off, getting off, getting off, and he died? What's his name? David Caradine. David Caradie.

You like? Good enough. Yeah, Sylvester Stallone's penis has not worked in a very long time. Yeah, you know. You imagine it's probably all knobbly and vain. Yeah, it's probably all frivoled up. Yeah, I would imagine, yeah, the balls get tiny.

But I thought that, like, with steroids and stuff, I thought you go, like, hump mad. I think you get anger, like, I think you go, like, punchy mad. But I don't think you go. go humpy mad. Oh, that's the thing is that you might go humpy mad because you can't go humpy,

you go punchy. Oh, I mean, yeah. I've all been there. I know go humpy, I go punchy. I got two modes. Humpy or punchy. You better fucking wish I'm ready to have sex right now.

And this last blind item, every single year that we've done page seven, this man has been at the top of the list and every single year he has escaped. This permanent A-plus list, mostly movie actor, is drinking himself to death faster than an illness can kill him.

The old actor has gone back to his partying ways of 30 to 40 years ago. Is this the year that Jack Nicholson died? It has to be. Gone back to his partying ways. Every other blind Adam we ever read about him. He's always so drunk. He's doing so many drugs. He's fucking so many young women and is so wasted.

And, yeah, what does he have to go back to? There's no going back. No, there's no going back. This is going to be, I guarantee you, this, I know I said that last year, and I know I said it the year before, but this year is the year that Jack Nicholson dies. Yeah, it's not fair. I don't want him to die, but it's all these great younger people who died, and he just can't. I'm proud that he's still alive. Yeah.

I'm proud that he's still alive, too. But I think Jack Nicholson, I don't know if we're allowed to feel bad about his death. No, I mean, he has lived his. I know, I think it's a man who has lived his life to the fullest. I mean, if he would have died in, like, 1981, it would have been fine. Yeah, you already had, like, an amazing career. Yeah. I mean, he already, yeah, he already had.

He already banged the fuck out of Angelica Houston, so what else could you want? Done. Back when she was young, you know, those pictures of them when they were young. My God. Josh, the passion. My God. would watch it I will watch it

so stick with us for the next year as we wait and watch and wait for Jack Nicholson to die let it be only Jack Nicholson as in 2017 I'm looking forward to the awesome

movie marathon I'm going to have though when he goes I feel like I'm already planning and I feel like we should have a big party that's a good idea have we talked about our favorite Jack Nicholson movies here no

yeah what's your favorite one oh I'm gonna go one floor over the cuckoo goes nest that's mine oh that's a good one see my problem is I think of one and I'm like well that one's going but then this was I mean it's like him as a joker honestly one of my like as a kid like that to me was amazing it is but you know I mean I'm probably going to throw out in terms of endearment even though he's small in it mm-hmm but I mean it's hard not to you got to yeah I was gonna say shining is classic but you just got to he's like the

the uh the like quintessential yeah the quintessential yeah the quintessential terrifying dad. Daddy, yeah. Like, dad's angry. And I can't say I would fuck that dad because you know he looked like my dad. I can't say that he's a daddy I would fuck. In the shiny, he just looked just like

my father. Oh my God. That's why it was even scary. Yeah, like dad's mad. Dad's mad. He's going to chop the fuck at us. He's coming after us. Don't go out in the snow. What about one floor over the cuckus nest, Jack Nicholson? Would you stoop him? I can't. He, like, even the eyebrows

looks just like my father growing up. I can't. That's really weird. I can't do it. No, I can't do it. Maybe Bobby Bill Bibbitt. Braddorf? You would fuck Braddorff as a young man.

Well, that's what Doug always gets Braddorff as his celebrity look alike. He absolutely does look a lot like Braddorf. So I would say that I would, and you know, I'd probably give the Indian a try. I'd climb up that mountain, see if I was a brave eagle to top the peak. Mmm, juicy fruit I'm not familiar You're allowed to call him the Indian When it comes to that movie you can say the indie

What movie are you talking about? One flew over the cuckoo-thust Yeah, the chief Gotcha, yes All right Well, that's it for this week's page seven I'm just sad it's over I want to keep talking

We've got a lot more to go I know we have a whole other year We got a long year ahead of us And a lot of death and a lot of weird stuff, but we'll be here every single week. Listen to Old Lang Sign and think about the video that Doug and I almost posted of us singing the song together trying to harmonize when we were blackout drunk. And no one will ever see it.

Goodbye, everyone. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to cavecomedyradio.com.