Page 7 - Episode 186: Put On Your Fluffy Suit

Episode Date: January 11, 2017

Jackie, Molly and Marcus talk the Golden Globes, their crushes (and lack thereof) on Ryan Gosling, and more Brangelina drama. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I've listened to that song, I think, 20 times today. Today? Today. Alphaville. Why? I saw that the end, it all started, that I saw it at the end of a big love episode. And I put it on a playlist and then, man, I've just been jamming on it ever since. That's the name of the band that does that is Alphaville. The thing is that it's like, it's not a song I can ever really sing.

I don't know the words to it. But I feel like it's the first song. since gangsters paradise that I'm trying to learn the words to but I never listen to the rest of it I just know Moravia I want to be forever yeah Isn't that song from like last year? No no it's an old song Yeah it's 1984

There's a lot of someone sampled it last year There was a sample of it a few years It's kind of everywhere and also I think of Aziz and Sari in Parks and Rec because he sings it a few times Okay But he does it like Forever young.

I want to be forever young. Yeah, the sample must be what I'm thinking of. Yes. I think it's in a hip-hop song. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it was in a hip-hop song. I remember hearing it sampled last year in a hip-hop song. You know, it's not even their biggest hit. What is?

Their biggest hit is called Big in Japan. I don't know that. It's a European hit. It topped the charts. Paradoxically. Germany. Big in Europe. Greece, Switzerland, Sweden, Turkey, and Venezuela.

Wow. Yeah, and the top five in Italy. the Netherlands, Norway, Austria, Ireland, and South Africa. How is Japan? Not on the list. It was popular in every country except America. Huh. I didn't hear you say Japan, though.

And Japan. Oh, good. I mean, Japan doesn't care about AlphaVille, you know. I like that song, the sample that I must be familiar with the 80s one, but I like it. It's pretty. It's just, I don't know. It's not that I even want to be forever young. It's just been stuck in my head.

Yeah, no one wants to be forever young. That seems like it'd be weird. Oh, I've seen the green mile. I know what happens, and I don't want it. Can we talk about what your sweatshirt says a little bit? Uh-oh. You mean my special sweatshirt? I got a sweatshirt with catatitude on it.

There's so much catatitude. It's spelled out in sequins. There's images and letters all in cursive, and it's all in bedazzled jewels. And in cursive, it says... wines constantly with wine glasses. It's about how much wine I drink. And it is true. I have been wearing it inside of my house every time I drink wine.

You like go put it on, pour yourself a glass of wine and put on your shirt shirt. Yeah. But I decided I wasn't even drinking wine. I just wanted to be cozy. Sometimes you want to wear a sweatshirt and get cozy. I feel like a feedback group could be established where you put it on and then you are like, well, I should be drinking a glass of wine. If I got my wine constantly sweatshirt on. And then I go.

Oh, my God. Oh, I am I drinking so much wine. And it's great. And Doug loves me more and more every time I wear it. Wine. I love it. God, it gives me acid refluxment. He makes me feel so warm.

I don't know if I've ever seen you drink one. I drink it at home. It's my home drink. That's a nice home drink. I think a lot of people drink wine at home. Yeah, but do they gulp wine at home, which is my problem. That's why I can't drink wine that often because I'll just kill bottles. Are you a red teether?

Yeah. Yeah, it looks like a good yipstick shown. I don't have yipstakes on. I'm just sitting on my couch. That's why mom always called lipstick. Yipstick. I really want one, but you said you had to get it somewhere. You didn't order it online like your cats in space shirt?

No, no, no. I found it in a liquor store where it belongs. It is a liquor store. chart through and through. It does. If listeners are having trouble picturing it, picture what would be kind of like alone in the corner at a liquor store.

Which it was. There was the only sweatshirt in the store, the only article of clothing they had for sale just this one. I would say that's something that you buy along with like a bucket of chicken gizzards. And I feel like that's a shirt that like a man buys for his wife and his wife is like,

oh, really? Okay. Like it's like a passive, aggressive gift. Not me, baby. more bedazzling that's what I say the more the better that can be our goals for 2017 more bedazzling I'm excited because I'm about to go home

to celebrate Christmas and I bought my niece a bunch of hair chalk and hair tattoos and I'm planning to use them as well hair tattoos they have hair temporary tattoos now really so you put temporary tattoos on your hair yeah oh yeah yeah this is interesting and I

found them and I'm really excited because I think my hair's really going to take to them well how does it does it Could Marcus and I do it with our messed up hair? Do you have to have smooth hair? I don't know. I'm never trying them before. They look really weird.

I'm really intrigued by this. I just want to pretend I'm a gypsy, but without all the moving around and the cleaning. And hair chalk, you just color it right on your hair? Yeah. Yeah, temporarily colors your hair. You're a fun aunt. I mean, I got our other things. No, but I wasn't being sarcastic.

You really are fun. Well, I just like to, I buy things that will piss off my sister. Yeah, that's where you're supposed to do. She's like, she's not allowed to dye her hair, so I got her temper. I got her hair with. Yeah, I win Christmas. Oh, wow. I just found a story about guys that are tattooing, bald guys that are tattooing hair on their head.

Oh, that's sad. Like really short hair, like, just like prickly, prickly, prickly. They actually look pretty good. Yeah, I was going to say that's actually not a bad. I was picturing like a little, like with a part, you know, like kind of dry. That's sad, yeah. Like it's gelled down. Just a flat.

gel comb over with a part, a tattooed part. It's like a buzz cut. It's micro-tattooing. It's a micropigmentation is what they call it, where they just put a whole bunch of little tiny dots on your head. It costs about $2,000. That's not too bad. Yeah, I mean, hair transplants cost $10,000.

Yeah. I feel like that's actually quite a good idea. And then it just takes the sheen off, right? Yeah, it takes it off the sheen and it looks like you have a buzz cut. And you can also do an ink option that isn't permanent if you want to try it out for a little while. Wow. Does it say how much that one is?

I think they're both 2000. Yikes. Maybe the other one is like 1900. Oh, okay. A little less. It's like getting, you know, like, fuck you tattooed on the inside of your lip. It doesn't last forever.

It doesn't? No. Because your skin grows over it? Yeah, inside your mouth, like on the balls of your hands. What are you called? Palms. The balls of your hands. My handballs

I mean it's kind of like your footballs Oh my handballs are getting so hairy Oh I've got them in the ball of my hand Oh my handballs are sweaty I need gloves for my handballs Let me read the ball of your hand I'll tell you You know what I meant Handballs

And what about them? If you get tattooed on your balls then it goes away after time because you're touching it all time, so it comes off. I mean, I think it takes a while, but same as inside of you, yeah. The inside of your lip tat, those are always got, I mean, I guess you're tattooing mucus membranes. I would imagine it would be the same as tattooing the inside of your vagina. Ouch. It's the same, you know, substance.

I guess, yeah. If I feel it, you know, yeah. Yeah. I don't feel like I'm masturbating right now. Touch test? Oh, it's the same. Wow. It's kind of fun.

Lips on top, lips on the bottom. We all got lip somewhere. I hope. You were mentioning bedazzling, sparkly things. Last night was the Golden Blonde. Super sparkly dresses this year. Oh, yeah, man. Some a little too much.

Meryl was completely, it was like the step up from bedazzled where you just have whole, like, plaques of glass. on you. It looked like a paint by numbers. Like a stained glass, pieces of stained glass across her dress. Kind of fun, though. She looked great. There weren't even, I mean, I haven't gone through, like, the dress.

I just watched a little bit of the red carpet, and I watched the beginning of it, like first at least, like an hour and a half, two hours. But I didn't even see that many dresses that I was like, boo. A lot of people looked really fucking classy. You know, really in the Golden or in the daily news today, I was looking at best dressed, worst dress. There were only two worst dress. They were pretty positive overall.

They were like, good year for dresses. I saw a lot of like breast sacks. The breast, oh, yes, there was a weird breast sac. That hell is breast sac? No, because it looks like your breasts. It's just like there's no need for it. Cupage. Like, I don't remember who it was, but there was a couple.

There was two different breast sacks that I didn't like on two different people. Was it Kristen Bell? Did she have weird breast sacks? Because she had the sash, right? Yeah, there was one where there was like, it was asymmetrical. So there was like a shoulder. And then just like a big. like just a flat line across the top

and then just like a cup Yes, I think it was Chris I know it was a blonde woman because I just remember being like her breasts didn't look like they were a good shape It's like at least have a bone or something on the side

Like a flattering, yeah It just looked like Here is like a cloth outline Of the shape of a breast Of my breast Like popping out from what is otherwise Like a whole dress She looks all right

Is it Kristen Bell with the breast? Joel she has a black dress on That's got a big rectangular hole instead of a V triangular slit. She's just got a big rectangular hole and you can see the sides of her breasts. No, that's not what we're thinking of. Yeah, that may have been Jessica Chastain. No, I get...

She's always so classy though. Yeah, no, she looked... It probably wasn't her. There was, there was a couple of just, like, plain breasts. I thought that they were not well presented. I mean, if you Google breast sacks. I mean, I don't know if I'm using the fashion correct term. It definitely ain't fashion that comes up. Although there was other things that didn't look good last evening,

i.e. Hugh Grant's face. Really? I thought he looked distinguished. From the neck down, yes. He aged like 20 years in the last two years. Yeah, his face is just ponchy. I thought he looked distinguished, but I would take Hugh Laurie's hotness over Hugh Grant. And I'm not a house fan? Me neither.

But, yeah. If we're talking British hues, definitely Hillary over Hugh Grant any day of the week. Fosho. I would say Hugh Grant's starting to look like Bill Clinton. A little bit, yeah, but older Bill Clinton. Yeah. But handsomer than Bill Clinton ever was. Yeah.

He kind of looks like he was doing plastic surgery for a while and then just kind of swore off on it. Gave up. No more Botox. That's a good theory. I think that's what it is. Yeah. And once you stop doing that stuff, you definitely are a little weird for the, you know, a little weird for the wear. I mean, you know who didn't stop doing that?

Goldie Hawn. Yeah, she looks good. Oh, honey, you're blinking your lips. And I believe that's a line from the first wives club said about Goldie Haunt. Back then she was blinking her lips. What do you mean blink in her lips? Because her face is so tight that her face is pulled so small that it looks like when she blinks, she's blinking her lips. Like it's all pushed into one part of her face because her eyes are just barely open and her.

lips are so big and it's just her face looks like it got smashed like it's a cabbage patch doll. Yeah, her eyes were very swollen. It's sad. Almost swollen shit. And I know they were doing like a bit about how, oh, she's so old. Yeah. But I don't know if it was. And that bit didn't work.

It didn't work. It was not funny. It did not work. Guys, this is, I mean, this is a big question to ask. I am completely unclear. and I'm saying this as someone, I don't know anything about it. Why does everyone hate Amy Schumer?

What's the thing? I don't know if there was one thing or if it's just one of those things where... They just decided to hate her, like they're pulling like a Dane Cook on her? I don't know. I'm not sure either. I really, like, I feel like I got to look into it.

I don't know her stuff very well. I try not to watch comedy most of the time. Yeah, same. I don't really know anything about her, but then all of a sudden, and everybody fucking hates her. Yeah. God, that happens so fast.

Yeah. Yeah, it really does. Dime. People just don't really like her very much. Yeah. Yeah, that happened quickly, though. I feel like for a while we were all supposed to like her. All sides, too.

Like, left and right. Everyone is really just all deciding all at once. They just really dislike her. They dislike her. Yeah. But I guess I just haven't followed enough in it to say it either way. I'm not saying that the people are wrong? I don't really understand.

I just don't know. Yeah, that's how I remember how I have never, ever seen girls so that I don't ever have to talk about it? Yes. That's how I feel about Amy Schumer. I'm just like, oh, I don't know. Whoops, I can't talk about this. I have no idea.

I don't know. All right, so we're leaving it. We're leaving it. We're forgetting about it. It doesn't exist. Yeah, you know what we're going to move on to? People versus O.J. Simpson. Yay.

It won many awards. Yes, it did. Unfortunately, John Trott did not win. I don't even think he. Was he nominated? I don't know. He was there. How orange was he there?

You can see him in the crowd because of how orange he is. I think I startled my husband by going, Jean-Trodrod! Did he was on the screen. What? What did he say? Oh, I yelled it too. Yeah. But then I just kept making jokes about how his face looked like Mars.

What's a Cuba Gooding Jr.'s jacket? I don't know. I don't know. Do you see that? The plaid, weird plaid jacket? Yeah, his whole thing. And the bit was weird. Nobody's bits worked last night. Not a one. Except the only thing I have to say that I lulled at hard was Kristen Wigg and Steve Corell introducing the best animation.

That was pretty good. They did good. I thought it was really just straight to be. It's almost like you should leave the comedy to the comedian. That's the thing. Let them do it because they're so good at it and they didn't have to do some over-the-top thing, just that subtle type.

And then I never seen my, saw my father again. Yeah. And both of them just played off each other so well. And I was sitting on the couch clapping. I was like, thank you. This is funny. Yeah. But on the other hand, leaving the comedy of the comedians, I hear Fallon bombed pretty hard.

He acted like he had a gun to his back the entire time. He did not want to do it. Yeah, he looked miserable. Like, I'm not sure if he's just sad about, I don't know, something else or himself or what. But he didn't want to do that show. He looked miserable. Like, he did not sell it. Well, there was a whole teleprompter snafu in the beginning, right?

Was it planned? I don't know. I was wondering, because, so they said that the teleprompter went out and that he was flounder. for a few minutes. Oh, I miss that. But he was still looking forward of where the tell. And it looked like he was still reading. Yeah.

So I don't know if it was planned or if I was just seeing into things trying to see if it was planned and thinking it's planned. He made a joke. He made a Mariah Carey joke later on. I was like, oh, I just got a call from Dick Clark Productions. And I think that he is a funny guy. I know that he's a horrible alcoholic, but I mean, so am I. Yeah, right.

I'm not going to throw stone from this glass house. But, I mean, it seems like he probably was forced to do it. Yeah, but his whole thing, if anybody, I mean, listen, man, this is your cross that you have, you bear. You're like the fun, fun man. Fluffy boy. Yeah, you're the fluffy boy. Yeah, put on your fluffy suit because it's time for some fluffy boy dances.

And he's fluffy as hell. Oh, yeah, he's fluff. He has no, I mean, I think that he has, like, of course there are bits on Jimmy Fallon show that have made me laugh super hard. I love the classroom instruments. I love all of the fun. He does fun. He's fun, right?

So, like, all he can do is, like, simple fun, which means he should have knocked this out of the park, right? But he just acted like he had just gotten in a fight or something right beforehand. But you have to think that, I'll think of all the censorship shit that he is under for that show. There's so much, because, I mean, I straight up did not watch that year, but I did watch the clips of when Amy Polar and Tina Faye. hosted the Golden Globes, right? And that was fun.

Because they work well together, I think you need to have a team. How hard is it to go up there alone to do that shit? Ricky Jervais did it. I mean, he's fun times, though. But he was also an asshole. Yeah, everybody hates it. Well, it's kind of supposed to be more of an, like, the Golden Globes is supposed to be like the drunken loose one. Yeah.

Like the Oscars are very dignified. The, you know, the, what is it, the Emmys? Less so, but still up there. The Golden Globes, that's supposed to be like everyone's wasted and having a good time. The best blind items always come from the Golden Globes. Yeah, but it didn't, like, last night, it didn't seem like everybody was fun and loose and drunk like they're supposed to be. It just seemed like everyone was noisy.

Like, every time somebody would start talking, you could tell that everyone was just still drinking and talking. But it wasn't even like a romp. It was just like a march. It was like a sad march. Yes. Yeah. No one really felt like being there.

Yeah. Good for Sarah Paulson, though. Yeah. She won for her role as Marsha Clark and People versus OJ Simpson, which I would say is probably the page 7 pick for Best TV show of 2016. I mean, we've talked about this. I don't have my scratcher. I haven't finished the show.

Your television scratchers. With scratchers. What is it? Your website. Pitchums. Oh, put scratchums. Pull locker. My scratch.

It sounds like I got a snack food going. Pitcham. You scratchums. I've got a big bag of scratchums over you You got scratchums You better give me something You can't have any of my scratchings Bastard

Without having seen the I mean there was actually a lot of good TV this year though Because I was going to say I think stranger things would be in contention Very much so West World also in contention West World and contention The Get Down was really fucking good

It didn't seem to get nominated for anything No I wonder what happened to that Too long No I don't think anyone gave it a shot Or am I just speaking for myself? The first episode is like a movie. It's too long.

To keep going, it's too long. Oh, but it's very good. But did you see The Stranger Things Kids were there? Yes, and they looked very cute. They were very cute. They looked like they were having fun. Yeah, they did. I am still worried about them.

I'm worried that they're like 11. They're going to start getting awkward soon. It's just a matter of time, and I hope they don't give them. They're already awkward. Yeah. They finally let the fourth one out. The one that hasn't been showing up to anything at all, they finally let him out and they allowed him to do.

Yeah, what happened to him? I don't know. I think he probably just has strict parents like, you're not going to be a part of the Hollywood machine, and then he finally convinced them, let me go to the Golden Globes. Yeah, which is probably his parents. Yeah, you've got to go to the Gold Globes. Yeah.

But that was, yeah, and between people versus OJ and Stranger Things, which I guess didn't really get anything last night, but I was like, yeah, TV, you did a good job. Although I did think it was delightfully dorky that Sarah Paulson thanked Marsha Clark in her acceptance. You could just see she was so happy. That's what getting an award should be. You should have that look on your face of just like, oh my God, I'm going to die.

Because if I ever got anything like that, I would sob. I would just cry and cry and cry and cry. Like, I wouldn't be able to control myself. Yeah. My favorite, I think it was Sarah Paulson, that she was trying to get up to, oh, no, it was Diana Ross's daughter, which you shouldn't call her that because she's won the Golden Globe. What's her name? El Ross.

Wait. From blackish. She's Diana Ross's daughter? Yes. What? You didn't see it all over her. Oh, my God. Talk about that dress.

Hitting her curves just right. I thought she was beautiful. I've never seen the show. Black is just very funny. I like it a lot. She was so classy up there. And she just couldn't even believe it. It was her.

And I remember she was walking up to the stage. And Meryl Streep, like, people weren't moving. Meryl Streep was like, get out of her way. Like screaming get out of her way to the people because they wouldn't move her to get to the stage. Oh, speaking of Gets, Gaffs, can I, there was a one really, I don't know if this got written up today or not,

but there was a really funny moment. So Emma Stone is very sweet and cute and talented and, you know, like a little, right, I feel the same way, like a little bit like, ugh, I get how cute you are, right? But, and I, yeah, I feel like every boy I know wants to F her, and so I'm like a little bit like. Yeah, from super bad. I feel like it's over at this point.

After she played the Hawaiian when she's not Hawaiian, I think it's done. Yeah, right? But the thing that did make me appreciate her a little bit was so at one point, I think it was when Damien, whatever, the screenwriter of La La Land won. And it was either when him or Ryan Gosling won. And so they stood up and Emma Stone went to go kiss Damien, the screenwriter, at the same time as I think Damien's girlfriend and or wife went to kiss him. Uh-oh.

And they both went to kiss him. And then Emma Stone turned around and mouthed super. clearly, that was weird. Extremely charming. I was like, oh, fuck it. I'm a stone. You are cute. She said, that was weird. I'm sorry. It was really, really delightful. I hope it got gift.

It got gift. Good, thank you. There was the other thing that got gift, and I find it very weird. Ryan Reynolds, the kiss. Yeah, that they made out. Because I guess they were both in Deadpool. I didn't see that movie. I don't know. I don't care about the superheroes.

I didn't see that one either. I did not like the previews for that. My sister watches it every day. They love the movie so much. They bought it and they actually have it on while they sleep every night, like fall asleep because they think it's like the funniest thing they've ever seen.

Really? I don't understand it. But I guess they're both in that movie and they kissed. And I don't understand why. Was it like a ploy to pull the focus away from someone else? I have no idea.

It does seem like a little bit like we want to make a little bit of thing. We want to do a thing. And to me, that's just not charming or fun. It's like, come on. I don't find anything about Ryan Reynolds to be charming or fun, to be honest. I mean, he is very attractive on paper. On paper. Like, as a paper man, he's attractive.

Yeah, right. But only on paper. But I do enjoy the relationship he has with Blake Lively. Apparently, it's very good. And she's doing really well. She's because she wants to be the next Martha Stewart. and not... You think the relationship between Blake Lively and Ryan Riddles is good?

Dude, too. The blind items tell a different story. Is she, like, pregnant with their, like, 10th kid? Hey, I don't... Oh, yeah, like, that makes a difference. You're right. We know about you drag men, don't we? No, he's not gay, he's just an asshole.

Ah, see that I understand. And also, it's actually a cute Jackman I saw a blind out about him earlier. It's looking real close to where he can't hide it anymore. He's getting pretty sloppy. I mean, he shouldn't have to hide it. He shouldn't. Yeah, and this day and age, come on. I mean, if his wife knows and is okay with it, then who else needs to, what does it matter?

I mean, it really does it. It affects ticket sales. It affects, you know, what roles he can get. For what his dancing folly? No, Wolverine. He does got those knives, Franz. How is he going to be sucking dix? He's got knives on the band.

I know people, man, what? Make a real good point. Oh, oh, oh. If homophobes never saw X-Men again, you know, they'll learn to, they'll either learn to be tolerant or they'll lose what they love. That should be the choice. That's what they get.

Either you accept the fact that your hero Wolverine likes boys and he's still just as badass and muscular. Well, not even the Wolverine likes boys. The guy that plays him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah. They're not shoving cocks in Wolverine's mouth on screen. Although I would watch that. I know you'd watch that.

And that's even more so, right? It's not like Wolverine has to be gay, but if he was, obviously that would be fine. But the guy who plays Wolverine is gay and you either can learn to understand that he's still a person you love and is a good actor, or you don't get to see your X-Men anymore. We should go, we got to take

to the Midwest, Molly. We gotta go give them a talking to. You can sit down and think about what you are. Yeah, and I think you should be sure to do the finger wagging thing. Oh, she's wagging her finger. It always helps convince people. I am scared. There's nothing people love more.

It's getting their finger wagging their face by a liberal. Everyone loves that. I just think, you know, as you say, Jackie, he is a song and dance man. He was Jean Valjean. He did a great job. He was good. And he's sexy as fuck, awesome. Who am I?

I? I'm too. Four six, oh, gay. Yes. Yeah, I got him. I harassed him good guys. Yeah, I mean, we know, I mean, it's almost, Hugh Jackman being gay is as much of effect as John Trott being gay.

We all know it. We all know it. We want, break free, gentlemen. Yeah, I just want him to be happy. If he doesn't want to be out, then I got, obviously, that's his choice, but it just seems like, you know. Then tighten it up. You've got to tighten it up. I don't know.

Maybe. Maybe he likes it though. We haven't ever really thought about that. Like maybe he likes the cat and mouse game. I mean, I think it's fun. Is it always fun when you pretend like you're significant other? It's like, oh, it's a stranger. Oh, we just met at this hotel room.

That's fun. Yeah, the bar game's always fun. Hey there. Come here often and then you do a whole thing. It's fun. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure that he does very well for himself. Don a character of sorts. But is it possible, as I don't follow the blind items enough,

is it possible that he just really is a heterosexual Well, no. Hugh Jackman? Yeah. Oh, absolutely not. Absolutely not. I wish I could have recorded the look on my mother's face when I gave her the spiel that Hugh Jackman's gay. She's like, no.

No. No. He has perfect pitch. And I was like, that's your come up and sat at me. That's you coming at me with? He has perfect pitch as a song and dance man. That's your mom's argument against him being gay. I said don't come at me with that. Don't come at me with that, ma.

Hey, ma. Gay as the day is won. Yeah, I got my girlfriend at the same reaction when I told her Jeremy Renner is gay. You know? She said, no. No. But he throws a spear with such accuracy. Is that Hawkeye?

I get Jeremy Aaron and Jeremy Piven mixed. Yeah, that's Hawkeye. Oh, yuck. I know. I know. One is okay and the other is not. Yeah. Yeah, Piven's a bit of a yucker.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, Jeremy Renner does, I mean, he doesn't show up in any negative way in the blind items, but he's definitely one of those guys that is desperately trying to not be gay. He's not all that cool with it. Oh, man. He's, yeah, he's, uh, he gets into fights quite a bit as far as, like, coming out and all that. Hugh Jackman, though, he seems to go more for guys that are cool with the whole down low thing. See, this is like, just those, like, look at how gay superhero movies are. I just mean that eventually it will make, how awesome, like, I just think that that's great.

Our superhero movies can be very masculine and violent and also gay. And that's, you know. My God, especially X-Men. Like, I've worked at a few different comic bookstores in my life. Oh, my God, did gay men love X-Men? By far. Well, because the whole, like, origin story, right? It's like you're oppressed because of the way you were born.

Well, isn't the X guy? They're gay. Aren't they gay? Which guy? The metal. Professor X and Colossus? No. No, no.

Professor X and Metalhead. Metalo I can't put it to call him magnesium Magnino No professor has some magneto and Magneto are not gay I thought that was the thing They're just best friends in real life

Yeah And they're just gay in real life No I think there's Well I'm not sure if they're gay No way Ian McKellen is gay Patrick Stewart isn't gay Oh okay Yeah they're just fun

They're just like best bro friends in real life Who like do fun old man things together Oh I thought they were gay characters together No no But I think that I had to be... Dumbledore's gay. I had a gay person

explained to me that the reason gay people love X-Men is because if you you can basically substitute out mutant with gay and all of the kind of hate and unfair treatment and prejudice the narrative works. Except they don't have cool superpowers and that sucks.

I mean... Like if a gay guy could just like, oh, I'm gay but I can also walk through walls. Like, that's an up. A buddy of mine said the same thing but he also added at the end and also I want to fuck Cyclops. I'm like, all yeah.

It's a lot of dudes and skin tight suits. Like, I guess X-Men has more hot guys and tight spandex per capita than any other comic book. That's when James Marsden was hot. That's the only thing I remember about the X-Men movie. As Cyclops. Also, because you could never look them in the eye. You know, like, I like that. I think that's sexy.

That sounds terrifying. More lasers come out. That's awesome. A man that you can never look at. in the eye as a man who I am afraid of. You're staring right at you, but you can't look at him at me. You just can't see him, man. You can't see him.

Ryan Gosling had a slightly charming joke to Ryan Reynolds about how there was a mix-up. Oh, it should have been you, Ryan Reynolds. Ryan Gosling really is attractive. I mean, drive only. I just wish he was the guy in drive, and I would always be sexually attracted to him. But in real life, that schmere? Yeah. He's gonna shim him.

Yeah, he does. He's losing it for me. For a while, I was all like, ooh, look at his beautiful eyes. Oh, yeah. Now he's, he's like a, he's like his hair is in a little swoop. His eyebrows are in a parallel swoop to the hair. Yes.

Yeah, he's got like a little smirk. Yeah, he does have a schmeen. Yeah, and then, yeah, I'm, same thing. Last night I was like, ooh, I like Ryan Gosling. And then every time I saw him, I liked him less. You know, I got to say for both you, and especially you, Jackie, if you want to rekindle that fire, you should, watch the place between the pines.

Oh, I haven't seen it. Oh, I have seen it. As a piece of meat only in that, yes. Again, in drive, I don't want to marry the guy in drive, or he's going to blow my fucking head off. But I would have really stern silent sex with him. Yeah, the place between the pines, he plays... He's covered in tattoos.

Yeah, that's what I want. Yeah, he plays a motorcycle, like a stunt motorcycle, right? Yes, yeah, he needs to be hardened. You know, with his little white tuxedo last night and his swoopy hair, he's too much of a... And I like dandies, but he's too much of a dandy. He is too much of a dandy. He needs to be like, you know,

like how Edward Norton is hottest in American History acts when he's like all sad and beaten and shaved head and damaged and whatnot. How about, um... Oh. Give me a hint. Okay, no, no, no, okay. I was...

Ooh, my loins were a flame. This is, I know I got daddy issues. And I don't think I've ever said this before in my life. But Billy Bob Thornton was looking pretty good last night. I've said this before. Didn't I just say this recently? I don't know. I only think of Monster's Ball when I think of him.

Yes, I think I did, and that's what you said. But I saw, I think I told it, I saw Ben Santa the one. And I was like, all right, Billy Bob Thornton. And then I was like, what's wrong with me? I was like horrified by myself. But last night, looking pretty good. Were those sunglasses on? Yeah.

He's a handsome fucker. And he had that, like, good suit on. Like, the suit was just good. It's a solid suit, yeah. And, speaking of looking good, did you see clean-shaven Brad Pitt? And what's ridiculous is that everyone was a jaw, a drop when he came because he wasn't, like, I guess they didn't think he was going to come. And then John Voight says, no, we're all okay with the fact that he came. John Voight, shut the fuck up.

You know nothing about Angelina Jolie. You're not in her life at all. You're on his side. How dare you speak for the family? Yeah, nobody wants to hear from John Voight about anything. Which is Angelina Jolie's father. Yeah. And he's a bad man.

And like a famously asshole, right? I got some pretty intense blind items going on with that. Oh, yeah. Cuffo right now. Ruff us. Can we get a fast kerfuff? Yeah. We might have to wait.

I mean, we might have to wait a little bit for some kerfuffin. All right. on that one because it's it because I got two of them. Oh, I can give you, since we got two, I can go ahead and give you. Give us a taste. I'll give you a little. This A plus list mostly movie actor feels like he's been getting the shaft but is trying not to go low.

That may change, though, with what his ex is now saying publicly, our actor has the ability to destroy his ex with photos and videos, not to mention some emails that could land her in jail. About what? Brad Pitt and, I doesn't say, but apparently he's got some pretty intense dirt. on her. I'm calling that she's put a hit out on somebody. That's what I think. I think that's what she's done. She'll never be more attractive to me.

Because that's sexy. She's so, yeah. Especially if she put the hit out on her father which is kind of fun. Oh, God. I would support her legal fund if she did that. You know, she really hates him. And I think for really good reasons. Yeah. Not just the normal family kerfuffles.

Yeah. I would sound south carfuffles. I would totally support her legal fund. Yeah. John Voight, but I, and oh, you know, it's, it just sucks that I had, I had kind of even forgotten when I saw Brad Pitt, I was so stunned by how good he loves that I forgot that we're supposed to hate him. He did look really good. Because he cut his hair.

Yeah. Thank God. Cut it off. Honey, again, it ain't Legends of the Fall no more. You're not atop a horse. Yeah. And you don't have a, ooh, an open white shirt on and pants that are just too tight for you to be on that horse and they might bust open.

And then what's going to have? happen. I'm going to have to help you. I'm going to have to sew up the pants, but maybe I'll stop some of the pants just for a little while, just to look. He's not that anymore. And now it looks great. He does. He looks fine, yeah. He's just a

Brad Pitt and it. Yeah, he's Brad Pitting it. Mm-hmm. And there ain't nothing wrong with Brad Pitt in around town. What about all the Stallone girls? The Stallone girls. They were like the mascot? The three, you know, the Golden Globe girls, the ones that direct them off stage. It's rock. It's, uh, it's rock.

It's Rockies. Three daughters. Sovessa Sloan's three daughters. Beautiful. Beautiful girls. Sistine, Scarlett, and Sophia. Oh, yeah. They are beautiful girls. And I really thought they were going to have chin issues. And I don't know if they've just, I don't know if I'm just thinking of rumor Willis and I just

could never get her out of my head. She does have quite the protruder. That chin. She got a big head all around. It is. Yeah. And it's not, you know, it's not a Bruce Willis head, you know. In terms of.

Like, it looks. good on Bruce Willis. It doesn't look good on rumor Willis. But it does look exactly like Bruce Bruce Willis's head was transplanted from his body onto the body of a young woman. And sometimes that happens. Sometimes it'll happen to a young lady

where she gets the father jeans instead of the mother jeans. But the girls look beautiful. They do. And I mean, Sylvester Solon, to me, used to be attractive, but I know he wasn't hot to everybody. I'm a lot. Yeah, he did a kind of cute thing last night

when they were presenting him and Apollo Creed, is that Carl Weathers? Yes, Carl Weathers. They were on stage, and they were both going to read the best picture, which was Moonlight. And so they were like, Sylvester Stallone was just like, all right, in the best picture. And then they opened it up, and he just handed it to Carl Weathers.

It was like, you got it. You got it. And then Carl Weathers was like moonlight. It was just like, like, Sylvester Stallone just did this, like, I'm going to let you do it. It was cute. Like it was Apollo Creed, like, back from the dead. I think he was just doing like a very sweet, like,

it was like, I think you wanted it to be like an all-y-oop. Like, I'll read it, I'll read this part, and then you read this part. Which I feel like that is how it should be. I always find it interesting to people that don't, when they say N-Oscar goes to, I feel like if I said that, the other person should read the answer.

I feel like they should plan this beforehand, right? And they never do it. And they're all like, ooh, eh, woo. And so I just, appreciated Sylvester Stallone being like, I'm handing it to you. Give it up. Yeah, give it up. Give it up. But yeah, they all act like they have no idea how to, that they were about to have to read something together.

My problem is, have you seen Moonline yet? No, but I've heard that it's amazing. Marcus? No. It's my first year that I'm in SAG, so I get all the screeners. Ooh. Which is the biggest, best thing I've ever had in my entire life. The problem is that all of the movies are so sad.

And intense. I've got Jackie. I've got fences. I have moonlight. I have lion. I've got, it's like all these things. I'm just like,

do you want to watch that? I don't know if I can start this at 10 p.m. on a Tuesday. That's how I feel about every movie. I'm like, it's so sad. I need to do it at like 10 a.m. on a Saturday. You know that sad movie that I just watched?

I watched last night. Children of Men. Have you ever seen it? I've never seen that. People love that movie. I love that. I love that. I mean, I watched it again.

I've definitely seen it a couple times before. I love that movie. It's Clive Owen, Julianne Moore. I love Disutopian Futures. Yeah, Michael Cain's in it. It's one of the bleakest dystopian movies around, but it's really, really good. Yeah, it's, I think, Alfonso Quaron.

They did, like, Gravity. Yeah, they did Gravity and what else? It too Mama Tambier. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We start Diagolona. That was... That's how I remember Diego Lino.

Oh, yeah. How could you not remember every line of his face from that movie? I had not put together that he was from Rogue One. When he thought I'd be... When he was getting into the Rowland? He is... Sexy.

...fine as hell in Rogue One and last night. Oh, he was in that Star Wars. He was the... Pretty much, I mean, he was the lead male character in Star Wars, yeah. I mean, if it's not Oscar Isaac, I really don't know. I don't know. No, no, man. If you're looking for a new Latin sensation,

That's definitely the one that you need to go for. Yeah, he was... I'm still stuck on Ricky Martin, guys. I just can't get rid of him. All right, stop for the list. Oh, that's on the list. Yeah, got to have that list. Famous women who are teeny tiny.

Ooh. Yeah, little bitty ones. Hayden Panetteer. Oh, yeah, she's real short. Yeah, she's five feet tall. She's hot in a way that makes me angry. Have you seen Nashville? No.

It will make you angrier. She's too hot. But at least in that, she's kind of a bitch. But she's like a talented bitch that looks really good in her, like, cowgirl clothes. Yeah, she's so hot. I don't know why it makes me so mad. Anna Kendrick, she's only five feet tall. Yeah, she looks at it.

She seems mean to me. She looks mean. I think it's just that people have told her whole life that she sings really well and she really doesn't. She's one of those girls that looks like she would be mean, but then, like, once you, get drunk with her once you find out she's actually really nice totally i think it's probably very unfair prejudices that i have that make me think she's mean she just looks like she might be mean yeah she might be but i haven't ever seen any blind items about her being like extra mean okay she just ruined the last five years for me so you know i'll take it and i'll leave it she

ruined the next five years huh the last five years it's um it's a musical and it was turned it to a movie I love budget movie And I And it is one of my Favorite musicals And I had to shut it off I remember you hating that Garbage

It's a garbage movie Courtney Kardashian Five feet tall Ooh The one with the kids I always mix up Chloe Even though Chloe's the opposite Because she's a glarthenon

Chloe's the really tall one She's the glarthenon versus the tiny The tiny hot versus the glarthenon Lil Kim I mean Lil

We should hope 411, she's low. 411 is low. It's not just a clever name. You know how tall Snooky is? Under 5 feet. 4-8. Wow.

I feel like it would be weird. But she wears those crazy shoes. True. I feel like it would be strange to flirt with somebody who was that short. But not if she's up, but she wears those platform. I mean, she wears the crazy shoes. You even see her next to J-WOW. I remember, like, I mean, Jaywow is tall.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, Jaywow is 5-7. Mm-hmm. A whole foot almost tall. Damn. Damn. But they had to be all the pictures together, so I don't know if she's standing on an Applebox or what.

I'm looking at a picture of them right now, and it is noticeable. That is an extremely noticeable difference between the two. Kylie Minogue. She's five feet tall. Hmm. Can't get you. Which one? Can't get you out of my hair.

King in my head. King in the middle of my hair. I got it. King in my hair. Yeah, you all I ever think about. La La La La La La. Actually, that is, I really like that song. It's a solid pop song.

It is a good pop song. Yeah, okay. All right. I knew the Lala's would get you. Jay to Pinkett Smith. Yes. Five feet. Really?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, she's a tiny. Yeah. Judy Garland was only 4.11. No wonder she got so wasted so fast. Yeah. It's just probably pumping them hard. Funny thing is, the Olson twins, you know, they always just seem so tiny, tiny.

Really, I mean, they're five feet tall, so they're among the, you know, the short, but they seem like they're like four or five. Yeah, I think it's because everyone thinks of them as children. Yeah, and I think it's also because they hang out with gigantic old men. Yeah, and they're just also just so. Thin. Yeah. You think that you could just break them in half and, like, oh, now they're two foot four. So here's a question.

On this list are already several child actors. Haddon Panthers was a child actor. The Olsen Twins, child actors, Judy Garland, child actor. Do we think they were binded? Do we think that they've been stunted somehow? Interesting. Yeah, you never know. Who knows, ma'am?

Like binding them, like, in the craft. Yeah, or like the Chinese used to bind women's feet. So they bind their feet, and then they bind you, Nancy. I bind you, Mary Kate, Nash. I bind you from doing harm. Against yourself and harm against other people. Paula Abdul. Yeah, that makes sense.

She seems like a teeny tiny. That's it. Time for blind items! Oh, we can't see up! And here's the blind item. The weird blind item that I mentioned earlier featuring, you know, Angelina Jolie. Apparently now that dad is gone,

this eldest son is the man of the house and sleeps in the same bed as his mom. Maddox? Maddox. I mean, that's a big rumor there. That's a pretty intense rumor. Of course, these are blind items, so blind items are always rumors. I mean, we also have to remember, that's kids.

Like, I mean, at the end of the day... He's like 16. He's 15. Also, think of the size of her bed. Yeah, he's probably an entire room. Yeah, it's not a twin that we're talking about here. But he's probably sad because he was the one that, like, I bet feels like he drove Brad Pitt away. Yeah, well, he did.

That they fought all the time. Yeah. I mean, as a teenager, so I mean, it's probably a lot of guilt. If this is true. Yeah, right, this might be, this might just be like a kind of child trauma reaction. That's that I understand, because I've never even touched my parents' bed. But, I mean, I think other kids are different with their parents. Since we already did one before, this is our final blind item.

You might like this one, you might not. I'm not really sure. I think this one's... I think we might like it. I think you might like it. But I'm not. Actually, I'm not really sure. This one's a little...

This one's... This one's got to think, going to make you feel some conflicting feelings here. This married A-plus list, mostly movie actor, who is an Academy Award winner-slash-nominee, gets his legs waxed monthly. He loves to dress up when his wife is not at home. He tells her he waxes his legs because of his allergies. I love it already. Wait, it was because of your allergies, wouldn't you wax your head and your face and your pubes? I don't know.

I mean, that's a pretty far-fetched excuse. A-plus list? Ryan Gosling. No, this is going to be, and yeah, I'm looking at a picture of him right now. He does wax everything, except for his face. He waxes everything. Give us a little taste. Give us a little taste.

I'm going to give you a little true detective taste. Not Matthew McConaughey. Yeah. I was going to say, I was like, Vince Vaughn is an A-plus list. Yeah, no, not at all. I think it's great. As someone that dates someone that is almost legitimately hairless, I'm okay with it. Yeah?

But it's also, he also got arrested for smoking a bunch of weed and playing bongos naked in his front yard. True. So it's like, I think he's just kind of a fun time's guy. I know. That's what I keep saying is that he just kind of seems like he does whatever. He's just cool with it. Just a weird dude. There ain't nothing wrong with that.

Maybe he just, like, experiences, like, another part of himself when he waxes his legs and puts on a dress. Also, you know what? Shaved legs and soft legs, they're really nice. Yeah? It's really pretty fucking great. Yeah. I've thought about it, you know? I got, I'm pretty hairy from, like, waist down, you know, chest, completely hairless.

But, yeah, my legs are pretty hairy. I think a lot more men wax parts of their body than talk about it, though. Yeah. I feel like I've heard this a lot, I mean, just from men than I know. Just because, like, well, it's uncomfortable sometimes or it gets itchy sometimes. And I don't see anything wrong with it. It's all right. It's fine.

Yeah. I used to love it when the boys in high school wax themselves for swimming. Like the swimmers, yeah, the swimmers. Loved it. The swimmers were so sexy. Would just really be an excuse to touch them. Smooth man. Ooh, your legs are so smooth.

Good, I have to feel it. Guys, I couldn't. Yeah, go ahead. I didn't find a place for this in the other parts of the podcast. but I really have to say it so I don't forget. Arnold Schwarzenegger took over Donald Trump in the Apprentice. Have you heard what his your fired is?

Yeah. What does he say? Wait, Asta LaVista? No. No, no, no. That would be way too predictable. Wait, can I guess? Keep guessing.

Doug and I guessed at least for three minutes before we listen to it. Give us one more guess. I was going to say I might not have anything other than Asta LaVista. You're out. You're out. I know what it is. You've been terminated. And then he says when the look of shock is upsetting, get to the chopper! Yeah!

You've been dominated! Tormat dominated! What he should have said is it's not a tumor. There's just so many things he could. would have said and you've been terminated is so funny. I laughed so much. I love it. Why didn't he go with Asta La Vista?

That's true. That's too obvious. That's way too obvious. I think Asta La Vista is too obvious. I think you're terminated is perfect. You're terminated. Yeah, because termination, that's another way to say someone's being fired. It just goes so well together.

You're terminated. And then get to the choppa. Get to the choppa. Which is a famous line from Predator. I just had to say. Go get to the chopper. I watched the clip so many times because I just think it's so funny. To a point that I think I might watch this fucking show.

It's so funny. It's so funny. Just throwing it out there. Yeah, I mean, I think you can watch that show now. Yeah. Go, Tominating. All right, and that's all we got that for it on today's page seven. Thank you all so much for listening.

And we'll see y'all next week. You've been dominating. terminated. This episode is terminated. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to cavecomedyadio.com.