Page 7 - Episode 187: That's MY Name!

Episode Date: January 28, 2017

Jackie, Molly and Marcus talk this year's Oscar nominated movies, Classic Unsolved Mysteries, and famous celebs from huge families. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Everybody feeling froggy? Hmm, froggy. I'm just worried that I'm going to turn on Molly with my Ryder Strong haircut right now. Who am I in this? Am I Corey? No, you're all my girls. And what is their name, Angela? Rider Strong's black girlfriend in Boy Meets World.

Angela, right? I have no idea. I never watched Boy Meets World. Marcus, Angela. I missed Boy Meet Whirl by about six months. Yes. Yeah, yeah. You were a little too old for it.

Confirmed. Remember she was so hot? Yes. Too hot for him, I think. Yes. He was hottest when he was like 12. He wasn't gross when he was old. I mean, he just needed to pluck in between his eyebrows a little bit,

and he would have been fine, but the hair. Yes, please. Welcome to page 7, everybody. I'm Marcus Parks. I am Jackie Zabrowski. I'm Molly Neffle. Oh, we got all kinds of stuff going on. We got the Oscar nominations happening.

I haven't even looked at it. I mean, they came out today, right? Yeah, they just came out today. Have you y'all seen many of the Oscar movies? I have all of the screeners. Give me a screener. I can't, because after I watched them, I have to break them in half. Really?

That's what it says at the beginning of every one of them. Really? It's contraband. Oh, yeah, but I did watch Manchester by the Sea last night. Mm-hmm. It's on there. I had a rough day today because of Manchester by the sea. Really?

It is sad. and it is well done. Really? I thought that we were so ready to not like it. No, we were ready to not like it. I watched a trailer and I was like, all right, you know, watch it. I'm serious, KCF, like, give me an Oscar. I'm in love with him. Really?

Yes. Even with all the docherie that we know. Flipped the switch on him. He's fantastic in it. Really? I want to fix him. I feel like it finds the need in most people to be like, let me fix you. I know you're broken, but I can,

fix you, but you can't. You can't fix him. And you can't fix Michelle Williams. And that's just how it goes. So is it like a Silver Lining's playbook thing? I can't tell you what it's about. Is that part of the screeners, too? What do you mean? No, no, no. That's the part of the screeners.

Don't discuss the film. It was because I was talking about the movie with Ed, you know, from Riderside and Roundtable. And when I told him, I was like, I don't know, but he knows that we both really love sad movies. And he's like, you watch a trailer, it doesn't give away a lot.

Yeah. And he's like, and that's why it's a great movie because you watch it and all of this unfolds. And you're like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, so like, dear Zachary. Kind of, yes. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a side punch to the face.

You know, I finally watched Dear Zachary for the first time. Yeah. Oh, oh, God. That is, it is up, it's up there. I mean, I have other people up there, but Dear Zach, Doug says that Manchester by the sea is sadder than other people. Really? I don't know if I agree, but it is up there. Wow.

And it's up there. Yeah, that's pretty intense. Now, the other night, we were looking for something to watch, and Caroline was like, oh, let's watch Deer Zachary. And she had seen it. She had seen it? She wanted to watch it again? Yeah, and I was like, I've never seen it, let's watch it. And about halfway through, she's bawling and going, I made a mistake.

Why would you? I like how you guys had to stop National Lampoons Christmas vacation because it was, no, the other one. Santa Claus. You had to stop the Santa Claus because it was too sad. But you watched, you chose to watch Dear Zachary. You've seen Dear Zachary, right? I haven't. Remember, I haven't seen anything.

That's right. Just assume I'm like a little baby new to the world. You know, I keep throwing sad movies at you, but that one for you, I mean, it is a documentary. We know how all you smart folk like documentaries. Yeah, it's like, do you associate me with documentaries? Well, no, I guess it's like semi-political in a way. Somewhat. I mean, actually, Gideon really like it.

It deals with the criminal justice system quite a bit. Yes, okay. And that's what, and like, injustice! Injustice! It is pretty heavy on the injustice, yeah. Okay, that sounds like something I'll sadly watch alone. Yeah, I mean, all of these Oscar movies, from what I'm seeing, not all of them, but a lot of them are sad.

That's why I haven't watched any of these screeners yet. I've got lion. I have moonlight. I mean, I've got La La Land, but you know what? I will watch it. I will watch it. Yeah. But I think I need to be about 10 Vizzies Deep, whatever gin or vodka, whatever I get my hands on.

But I feel like... I'm cranky with La La Land for some reason. I'm cranky with it too. And I have no reason to be so. It just seems like one of those movies that's like, ooh, we're a movie. You know, it's just like, ooh, look. Look at us. We're like, we're Hollywood. We're looking in the mirror. Don't we look beautiful? But Molly, I'm surprised because apparently they say it's like a modern day trying to be one of the, you know, the old-timey musicals.

That's another reason why I'm cranky. Everyone keeps telling me that I'm, that I'll love it. And whenever anybody does that, I assume I'll hate it. Good for you. People are like, oh, you'd love that. And I feel like they're insulting me. Good for you. But yeah, everyone's like, oh, you'll love it. But the thing is, I just, I am being a crank because I, in theory, should. support the idea of making new musicals because I like old ones but I'm also turning into like a 80 year old man where I'm just like you can't do it

like that you would get to resurrect Gene Kelly from the grave? No so why are you... I'm sorry Ryan Gosseling you're very beautiful but you're no leading man from a 1940s musical I guess that's the thing is I'd rather have a tap-de-tap and a sing-de-sing if you're going to have a movie like that

that's what we need in the leads not a hot hot and a oh-a-ha-ha Yeah, get a friggin' dancer. There are dancers in this world. And again, maybe Ryan Gosling is some sort of triple threat, but there's just no way, like, I just don't want to watch him dance. I want to watch him, you know, in the notebook or something. Or drive.

Or drive. I'll watch him drive. He doesn't. He kind of drive. Mostly he kills. That should be the tagline. Sometimes he drives a little bit. But mostly he killed.

He wears a great jacket. He's got short hair in that one too, right? Yeah. Yeah, the only one of all these that I saw is a rival. That's the aliens one. Yes, I haven't seen. I've got that one. It's fucking awesome.

Yeah. Yeah, but if you like aliens, if you like it's about language and all kinds of cool stuff like that. Oh, wait, no, I have stellar. Oh, it's, what? There's divorce in it. Aliens and divorce? Yeah.

It's too much. Yeah, aliens and divorce. It's quite, it's a sad one as well. It's all sad. All of them are sad. Well, then which one is stellar? Interstellar? Interstellar.

That was the Matthew McConaughey movie that came out like two years ago. Oh, maybe it just says stellar on the front because that's a quote from something that they call. Stellar! I thought it was called Stellar. Like, which one's the best movie of the year? Probably the one's called Stellar. No, no. It's got Amy Adams on the cover.

Yep, that's a rival. Oh, not Intergalactic. No, Intergalactic is a Beastie Boy. But I really want to watch movies. Moonlight. Yeah, I really want to watch Moonlight too. But I, someone commented, and I really appreciated it making fun of Jackie being like, Jackie wasn't at this movie.

But did I say it on here that every time we are about to watch Jackie, we've watched a trailer like three times to try and get Doug to watch it. And every time they say the word Jackie, I say, that's my name. And he's like, are you going to do this throughout the entire movie? I said, yes. Every time, Jackie, that's my name. And that's why we haven't watched it yet. We should get a t-shirt, just a picture of you smiling,

and it just says, Jackie on top, and there's a little bubble that comes out and says, That's my name. Oh, my God, I would definitely wear that shirt. And then I'd be like, that's not my name. No, that's my name. Hell or High Water, I hear, is a movie that I need to see. Yes. Everyone keeps telling me that I need to see this movie.

What's it about? Cowboys. Or bank robbers, one of the two. Maybe they're both. Something's little boy like to pretend to be. I don't know. No, it does look fun. I just remember it was at a movie theater around here,

and I chose not to watch it. I was like, oh, that looks silly, but I guess it's really good. Yeah, I hear it's really great, too. I hear it's right up my alley. As far as best actress in a leading role, we got Natalie Portman for Jackie. That's my name.

And Merrill Streep for Florence Foster Jenkins, which I heard was a dumb movie. movie? I don't, what? Yeah, I don't know. Help. Yeah, no one really, but very few people watch this. I think this is the one that Henry was yelling about in a cab the other day, where she is a terrible

singer, but she's got a lot of money. So she pays people to let her sing at big music halls, and she pretty much pays a man to be her boyfriend, but everyone's kind of in on the joke, and then finally she gets to sing at Carnegie Hall and everyone loves her. I don't want to watch that. But I bet she's amazing in it. Yeah. But I don't want to watch it.

But I feel like sometimes Meryl Streep gets to just be in a slightly boring movie and she makes it good because it's her, you know. I mean, honestly, I couldn't get through, what is it, Iron Maiden? Yeah. The Iron Lady. The Iron Lady. Iron Lady. Iron Lady!

Iron Lady. Iron Maiden. Some very different. D. I am Meryl Streep. Yeah, but I think, yeah, and a lot of people are saying that was a surprise nomination. They didn't really expect it. Because I think a lot of people said she was good, but not fantastic.

Did they just not have enough? I mean, I'm sure Viola Davis is up, right? Fances? No. What? Was she supporting? No, is Natalie Portman, Emma Stone for La La La Land. Isabel Harper?

for L, which I didn't hear of, and then Ruth Nega for loving. Yeah, I hear she's supposed to be really good. I hate that actress. She was a preacher. She ruined that show. Oh, well, you have, I mean, you know, it wasn't her fault.

Yes, it was her fault. Why was it her fault? Because she's a bad actress. Whoa. Now she's Oscar nominated bad actress. Okay, fine. I am surprised about Viola Davis, too. I feel like Merrill Street,

I feel like they were just sitting around and they were like, we should probably do one to Merrill Street. what was she in this year? It's all politics. It is all politics. It is very possible. I don't know when Oscar nominations came in, though.

I don't know when the voting ended. Because, you know, she did the whole thing at the Golden Globes. We all know that. But I'd imagine that most of the Oscar voting was probably in before then, right? Probably, yeah. Yeah, you would think so. But I'm thinking that it's very possible that she might win because of that whole speech. And if she does, it might be suspect.

And she's got to make another speech. Politics. Gotta make it better than the first. Yeah. It'd be terrible if she won just like, I want to see what she said. Yeah. And she's like,

okay, so once again, let's get on the spiel. Who remembers what I said last time, all right? I'm going to build on that. Trump bad. I'm out. And then she just leaves.

I mean, that would be fine. That would be a lot of fun. This is going to be a very political Oscars. It will be. Who's hosting, do we know? We actually, I think, Let's see her. Do we know the Oscar host?

Yeah. I hope it's Chris Rock again. I thought he did a very good job. Jimmy Camel. No. No. Fuck. Oh, my God.

Oh, that's the worst. This has been a year full of bad news and that's the worst news I've heard. Already it's all bad news? Well, just the last like four or five days. But in terms of news, that's very bad news. I think Jimmy Kimmel is the face of mediocrity. Jimmy Kimmel can be funny. Yeah, he can.

But, like, you know, that's not, like, a qualification to host the Oscars. He was funnier when he was fat. Yeah. I think he's one of those. He's fine. I don't even hate him. He's just fine. Well, same as what's, you know, I like him, the drunk.

What's his name? Jimmy Fallton Globes. Jimmy Allen. The other Jimmy. Yeah, the other kind of fine Jimmy, you know. So, yeah, Jimmy Kimmel's fine. He has a couple of good bits. But I just, you know, you can really, you know, as Jimmy Fallon established,

you can really let it die on the table. if you're boring. And I just don't trust Jimmy Kimmelton. I think they wanted mediocreity. I think that they didn't want anyone that was going to rock the boat. Everything is already rocked. He's very affable.

Yeah, you don't need anyone else to rock the boat. You're right, Jackie. The boat is rocked, and the people making the speeches will rock the boat enough. Yeah, they just want someone to just do the job. They're like, it's 2017. Everything is fucking crazy. People are going to be saying all sorts of shit into the microphones.

Who is the least memorable man we can think of with that? capability to host this thing. Somebody who can always bring it back. Yeah. Because if you get somebody that's a little, that's going to rock the boat a little bit, the boat's just going to be rocking the whole time. You've got to have someone that can steer the rudder.

Everyone's going to fall out of the boat. Then by the time you get to the best picture, boat sunk. Boat sunk. Yeah, but I think Chris Rock piloted that boat quite well last year, but I guess it was a more innocent time. It was, and it was also a time of the beginning of hope. And, you know,

Now I feel like 2017 is the year of teeth clenched. Yeah. You know, it's just a lot of... Yeah. Let's get to roll it. It's very fair. Yeah. Jimmy Kimmel is just like a nice glass of warm milk.

Sure. Yeah. I would say tepid milk. Teppid milk. Yeah. Not as comforting as warm. Yes. But also not cold.

Yeah, I would say this is the gear of like, you know, riding in a really fast car with someone who's had about four beers. Sure, yeah. But it's not as a... much fun, it's more the scary part. Yeah, it's all the scary part, because they're yelling the whole time, and the radio's up really loud. And the windows are fog, but he's

not turning on the fucking humidifier, whatever you put on. And you want to keep reasoning with the driver, but you just know that no matter what you say, he's too drunk to listen to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he's still sober enough to drive, kind of. Fingers crossed. Fingers crossed. Well, see.

Best actor, we got Ryan Gossing for La La La Land, Casey Affleck for Manchester by the C. Dinsale Washington. Crackhead Densile Washington for Fences. A lot of people are really saying he's got a bit of a problem now. I mean, it's just, I mean, I think you already had a problem. The fact that, you know, he starred in a Broadway show, which Fences is an amazing show. He took it and he's like, I'm going to direct this show.

And then the same cast and then they directed it. They made it into a movie. And it is just a play. That is a movie. And, I mean, I'm a theater major. I've read fences, I've ripped fences apart, that's what you do, but it's just, you're ripping apart? I mean, August Wilson is a very, you know, definitive African-American playwright. So it is a big part of theatrical, you know, what is it called?

You don't know. History. You keep looking at me. You're like, Margaret Thatcher, August Wilson. I was thinking of the theory of playwright. I forgot it was called. Oh, dramaturgie. Ooh, yeah.

Dramaturgy. I like... Yeah, I went to college. Dramaturgy. Dramaturgy. I like, I haven't seen fences, but I also like the play. And I think it's a neat, like, I like movies that, like, just from the theater nerd to me, I like a movie that's like, this was a play.

But the thing is that they did it. What I've heard is that they didn't just like a play because I watched part of it. And the problem is that, like, it's about the subtlety. And Denzel Washington was just like, do you? You see? There's something wrong with this man. Do you see? There is opposite.

It's like, yeah, we get, you don't have to slap us in the face with it. Yeah, we get it. Yeah. No, I understand that. That's why I haven't watched it. Andrew Garfield's nominated for Hacksaw Ridge, which this seems to be the year that Mel Gibson is welcome back into the fold. His wife is pregnant with his ninth child. She is very young.

Can you imagine his sperm is still going? Oh, sperm he never dies. Do sperm me never die? No, you can get, you can, if you live to be 105, you can impregnate to the day you die. They never die, but I think they slow, I think they get tired, you know. Lord, him just pumping away, I mean, just as Jew hate and eyes, get barren into her soul. Oh, and he's still a terrible person. I read a blind item that the Golden Globes, he was over her calling her fat ass.

Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Yeah. When is his star going to fall once more? because he's going to fuck up again. They shouldn't let that guy in, man. Somebody should just stand at the door and be like, you know what? Why don't you think twice about coming in here?

Yeah, he's going to fuck up again. We don't know how. We don't know when, but it's very possible that Mel Gibson will fall a second time. And then when he falls that time, I mean, there's no beaver that's going to save him now. You're talking about a pussy? Yeah, what beaver? You don't remember that movie with him and I think Helen Hunt called Beaver? No.

Yeah, it was him and he was obsessed with a beaver puppet. No. Let me, I've got a, this was something that Mel Gibson, this was his movie, like, kind of coming back after the whole Jew thing. Yeah, it's called the beaver. Marcus, that you're saying your catchphrase should just for like, if somebody's doing badly and they're not going to get better, your catchphrase should just be, no beaver's going to save him now,

and then just don't explain it. Yeah, it was directed by Jody Foster. Jennifer Lawrence was in it. I can't believe she would direct him in anything. Like, why did she have anything? anything to do with it? What did anybody have anything to do with it? Yeah, I think... Good question. I think Jody Foster, I think they work together on a few different films.

She's probably like, yes, he's a virulent anti-Semite, but we go way back. He's nice. Yeah, but I mean, I don't know. Maybe I just lump anti-Semites in with anti-homosexuals as well. Maybe that's a horrible thing to say. But I feel like it was like, oh, then why would she work with him? But maybe... No, I think this associated one form of bigotry with another is like not the worst thing you can do. Yeah, right? You might be bigoted. Two ways, yeah.

Yeah, the plot for the beaver is a troubled husband and executive adopts a beaver handpuppet as his soul means of communication. I have to watch it. Oh, I was just, my reaction was just, why would anyone on earth watch that, except for you? You all have fun. Wait, is this, is it the story of Uncle Joey from Full House? Yeah, is it made of. What? Ew.

Ranger Joe. Although I would love to see the dramatic adaptation of Uncle Joey. and Ranger Joe's obsession with each other. Yeah, I mean, definitely Joey, the more you watch Full House, the way you realize. Oh, no, he's Ranger Joe. What's it called? What?

Mr. Beaver. Mr. Woods. Mr. Beaverhead. I think it's just Mr. No, no, it's not Mr. Beaver. That's Stephanie's Bear. Just what is the Beaver puppet's name?

Yeah, does somebody say, what? Yeah. I think Ranger Joe. Yeah, Ranger Joe. That's Joey. Or Mr. Woodchuck. Mr. Woodchuck. Mr. Beaver, I was so wrong.

That's close. They're both weasels of sorts. What? But Joey's going through something in Full House. He's clearly very lonely. Yeah, because he doesn't have anybody. He was like, well, I could put enough Vaseline inside of this Mr. Woodchuck and see what happens. Can impregnate anything with that he uterus.

Yeah, and by the way, that, oh, wow, Jim Carrey was supposed to play The Beaver, but he passed, and Mel Gibson stepped into the role. Wait, so, wait, wait, wait a second. Wait, Mel Gibson plays the beaver? No, he plays the man with the beaver puppet. It was like, he played, like, and look who's talking, but with the beaver puck. Wait a second. Is Helen Hunt his love interest in it? She's the director.

This sounds, no, no, Helen Hunt's not in it. Oh, oh. I was thinking of what women want. Oh, aha. This sounds like every, I just don't understand how. The movie, the money that was made, that it was used to make this movie. It sounds like a nightmare. It just could have gone somewhere else.

This is just, some movies just don't need to be made. Mr. Beaver is one of them. I would have rather seen a panic room, too, from Jody Foster than see the Beaver. Well, I mean, really It was for a long time in Hollywood It was one of those like most loved Unmade screenplays Apparently they have those in Hollywood

Where it's screenplays that just kind of go around That everyone's like, I love this screenplay We can't make money off of it So we're not gonna make it And then finally it was made with Mel Gibson But what happened is that Mel Gibson That was around the time that he assaulted His girlfriend at the time

And so it was shelved for a while And then by the time it came out Gibson was tainted And so nobody liked it Why did she let him knock her up? She's gorgeous. I don't even know her name. She's beautiful, though.

Young. Fit. Yeah, there should be a, like, all the women should have a meeting and say, no one, fuck Mel Gibson. I mean, enough people are fucking Jack Nicholson. It's like, get on that train. Yeah, right. If you're going to fuck a terrifying old famous man. Although, I guess Mel Gibson is still pretty ripped.

Like, he still looks pretty good. Although everything, like, every filter, my brain is like, he is awful. Yeah. But he does. still look pretty good. I wouldn't fuck him. That's not a daddy I would fuck. Yeah.

I don't know. He just looks like a weird old Australian man. Yeah, he looks so plain. He's always looked plain. I've never understood the, yeah, he's got fine eyes. But even in Braveheart, I didn't find him that. I wouldn't fuck him from Braveheart. Yeah, I mean, that was, you know, it's a dirty boys show.

You know. Or you say Braveheart is a dirty boy show? We say, you know, I think I know, but I'm not totally. Sure I know. Yeah, what is a dirty boy show? Yeah, you know, it's just like it's a bunch of dirty boys. Oh, dirty boys. Oh, it's just, so any movie with a dirty men in it is a dirty boy show?

Well, it makes me think of like Waterworld, dirty boys show. Even though there's a bunch of water all around and that's a dirty boy show. And does it make you turned on or turned off? Off. Yeah. Oh, you don't like dirty boys? Not in that kind of way. Not in a fur-wearing way.

You know, it's the same like Revenant, Dirty Boys show. I'm not saying these movies are bad. They're just dirty boys show. Like, I could just look at him. I feel like on the TV screen, I could use my fingernails to scrape the dirt off of their face. Yeah, that's how I feel about Game of Thrones. It's just one dirty boys show marathon.

Dirty boys show, except for, you know, the brother's sister fuck team. Yeah, yeah, the Lannisters. Clean. Yeah, extremely clean. I mean, there is one dirty girl scene. See, I like dirty girls. Because I like to be a dirty boy. Sure, yeah.

So, like dirty boys like dirty girls. That's just how it goes. I'm not even saying negative for positive towards them. I'm just stating the obvious dirty boy show. Mm-hmm. And also the best actor, Vigo Mortensen for Captain Fantastic.

I have to see it. I started it on a plane and it was very, very good. My problem is every day, it's again with like, that's my name. I just, Captain Fantastic. And I can't get the song out of my head. Enough to enjoy the movie. I think I just need to be stoned off my gorge.

but it looks really good and it looks it's another one it's another one of those kick your knees out man don't be sad yeah but i what i saw of it it was fucking awesome he loves his kids yeah they're in the woods six kids he loves them and he just wants to you know he wants to shelter them from the evils of the world but you know what man that's not life vigo mortonson talk about dirty boys show lord of the rings but that but i had a poster of him yeah but it was next to my legoless cutout because you know I like the clean ones. Yeah, Legless is the cleanest one around. I will dream of the dirty boy show up on the poster up there.

Do you think Vigo Mortonson is Faxi? In Lord of the Rings, yes. But in general. And in Naked Man Fighting. I know what the one. Eastern Promise. Eastern Promise is one that you bring up every two months. We've had this conversation before.

Not just on the show, but just in real life. Naked men fighting. That is, that's a... That's what we have seen. Just because he's, you know, a Russian criminal, and that's kind of sexy. But he's not, like, attractive in just looking at him, I feel like. Figo Mortensen? Yeah.

I got to get the character. Yeah. I mean, the road, you know, like, he was great in that. I couldn't. I read the book. I couldn't watch a movie. Yeah, the book was pretty intense. I couldn't watch the movie.

The movie isn't anywhere near as intense as the book is. It's got a couple of scenes, like, a couple of the worst scenes from the book, but not the worst scene. I feel like the book made me feel like. I could never, like, emote properly again. I felt so empty. I think that was the, like, first book ever that just made me feel. I felt like it scraped out my inside. And I was like, well, I'm over.

Anything can affect me. I guess it doesn't fucking matter. The best documentary, that O.J. Made in America documentary got dominated. Yeah, I want to see it. Have you seen it? It's fantastic. I'm halfway through it right now. It is 467 minutes long.

Do I have to find it on your sites or do I find it on my sites? It's on Hulu. Okay, thank you. Yeah. I got scared that I had to go to the depths of like nocturn alley to find it. Yeah, I don't want to go on the weird internet. No, we're working on it right now. Yeah, I think we've been, I think we're on our third sit down with it where we'll watch it for about an hour.

And actually for a while there, like we were watching that and O.J. Or people versus O.J. Simpson. So we'd be like, do you want to watch fake OJ or real OJ tonight? It's like, ah, let's watch fake OJ. Wait, so this is a doc. This is a documentary, yeah, and it got nominated for Best Documentary. It was like an ESPN documentary. What?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, football. It was a bunch of parts, right? It was like they aired it in like a bunch of different. I think it was three parts of like three hours each. It's like a nine hour long documentary. So we're doing it like just, but it is exhaustive. It covers everything.

It starts like with civil rights and like race relations in L.A. It starts in like the 40s. Really? Yeah. And it like really, it gives you a full picture of like how this happened. Like pretty much it's like, how did OJ get off? Yeah. Like that's the big question, you know, that everybody has.

How did, with all of the evidence, with everything, how did OJ get off? And this shows you like moment by moment by moment leading up to it. I have been learning quite a bit. That's really cool. Yeah, that sounds great. And it's infuriating on like six different levels. Yeah. Yeah, because I remember when you were selling me on People versus OJ, I was like,

I don't know. And then you were like, well, you know, it starts with like the L.A. riot. It like connects O.J. to the L.A. riots. And before seeing people versus O.J., I just had never thought, you know, we were kids when that trial happened. And I was just like, this is fucking crazy. But I didn't have any political context for it. Oh, yeah.

And this gives you political context, like, way beyond the riots. That's cool. And it really gives you an idea of exactly how everybody was like, yeah, he didn't do it. It's pretty fucking great. Hell yeah. I'm going to watch that alone, too. Yeah, it is... I hope you have enough alone time.

Yeah, but there is, but it also gives you like a full background of O.J. Simpson, like, from childhood all the way up until, like, not only, like, how he got off, but also how he came to be, how he was created. Like, how OJ went from, like, the nicest guy in football to a murderer in domestic abuser. Like, just pretty much what created this monster.

It was probably her fault is what you're saying, right? It's not what I'm saying. Oh, that's what I'm saying. It's not what I'm saying. It was just a joke and it wasn't her fault. Yep, it was definitely just a joke. Captain Fantastic.

That's my name. And then the best array. La La La La La Land got two for Best Original song. Best original song is never good. No. No, it's like from Moana, the, what is it? Oh, where they had a bunch of people who also couldn't sing. Did you hear this song from the rock?

No. He did a song? Yeah, because he's the... Yeah, I know he's the lead. Oh, yeah. And so we watched this song from it. I've never seen Doug have such blood in his eyes. He's like, why couldn't they just get someone that could sing to do it?

You can find someone that can sing that is a bigger man, that is a muscular man. of a different descent to sing that can actually sing and so they just put a bunch of, what is it? What is it? Autotune? Autotune.

They auto tune the fuck out of his guess I was going to get that. And it's just so upsetting where it's like, it's a musical, come on. I mean, I do love the rock. Yeah, I love the rock too, yes. But he can't sing. Unfortunately. Yeah, J.T.

nominated. For that. Trolls. Can't stop the feeling. Yeah, can't stop the feeling. Which I fucking hate that song. What is it with these people and doing this? It's like the Habba.

Yeah. Haber. Yeah. And it's just a soundtrack. Although I will say that everything is awesome from the Lego movie is a fantastic song. That should have won. Everything is awesome should have been up rather than the right. Happy was in that one.

I can't remember if everything is awesome one. Yeah, I don't think everything is awesome was even nominated. No, I think the happy song was that was in the Lego movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is all, yeah, that's like, that's not even a part of the movie. It's just background music in the movie. That's terrible. And also, trolls should have nothing to do with the Oscars.

Yeah, they also nominated Suicide Squad. Oh, my God. Best makeup. Yeah, it shouldn't be near the Oscars, though. But again, though, they do have a lot of these realistic. dramatic movies that I mean there weren't a whole lot to pick from that were so like over the top makeup-wise at least not in the realm of you know the Oscar guild or whatever yeah yeah they only nominated three movies for best makeup and hair styling so this army man should have been up there because having him as a dead body through an entire movie should be accolated yeah that's pretty good makeup yes yeah and stay was suicide squad Star Trek Beyond and a man called Ove

Is that like, oh, the Othello remake with... Oh, what was it? I know it was, what was her name? Julia Stiles. Julia Stiles and... And... Oh, I know what you're talking about. This was from like...

I'm looking at you because I know you've seen this movie. That's why I'm looking at you. But this was from like... Mikai Fyfer. Like 10 years ago. Yes. Yes. And John's 12.

12. Maybe 15. Maybe. Because that was around the time of Mackay Fyfer, I believe was in ER. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I remember that 10. It was 16 years ago.

16. I was six years off when I said 10, and that felt like a long time ago. I'm thinking about getting back into the ER. I read a listicle the other day about best moments from ER. Too close to testicle. What is a listicle? It's one of those like then reasons you'll remember the 90s if you had GACC, you know, like, just like 10 cereals.

Number one. Number two. Yeah. Number three, Splat! You know what I'm talking about. It's like what 95% of the internet is. And it was a listicle.

Sometimes when I like need to fall sleep, I read listicles, you know, five slow cooker recipes that'll whatever. Sure, sure, sure. And it was like 17 moments that you'll remember from ER. And I was like,

don't mind if I do. And I went down a little memory lane trips. You're eating it with a big spoon. And you're like, hmm, I love E. Yes, Dr. Ross did save a boy from drowning in the pilot. And I was thinking I should go back and watch six seasons of VR. I mean, I think there's more than six seasons.

I know, but I think it's like the Simpsons where you have to stop at a certain point. Yes, you're right. Yes, that's true. I'm not sure. There were 14 seasons of VR. There was too many. I'm not sure where it stops being good. I think it's when I'm 15.

15. I watched well past it being good anymore. I think it's when I think you have to stop. Not before Dr. Romano gets his arm cut off by a helicopter, but before he is killed by a different helicopter. Yes. It's in between those two things. When the second helicopter came,

was everyone's reaction just, huh? Well, I should have seen that one coming. Well, that's weird. Should have just stayed off the heliport, Dr. Romano. I forgot about that. Because there's just so many years to forget. Yeah. You know, it's on Amazon Prime that,

discovered last night. Unsolved mysteries. No shit, really? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Robert Stack Unsolved Mysteries. Classic Unsolved Mysteries. Oh, yes.

I'm not going to watch anything else now. All the things you recommended. I'm just going to watch it. But that's great because I feel like I watch all those ID shows on Netflix just to get the fix of what Unsolved Mysteries was to me. Yes. And it's great. The first one is fantastic.

It comes with an update already. Because you remember when you'd watch them, when they did the reruns, you always wanted to watch. It was brilliant because you'd watch it. watch the reruns to see if there was an update. Yeah. Wait, these are new unsolved or old? No, these are old Robert Stack. You know,

fucking awful, awful waist-high trench coat. Robert Stack slowly walking towards the camera while talking over and over and over again. What did happen to that girl, that one foggy night? A man with a horse. It was a Monday morning. Oh my God, I'm going to watch it, and I'm going to get scared to be in the house alone.

That's the best part. Yeah, the first one is about a guy that takes out six different insurance policies on his wife, and then she gets knocked off a horse and she gets killed. And our parents think something's fishy because they caught him in a lie about the life insurance plan. And so they exhumed the body, and they find that her body is full of horse tranquilizer. No. This is so much better than forensic files, which I also compulsively watch, I think, because it reminds me a month on the six. But I've gotten to the point where, like,

all of the grotesque details of forensic files are just, like, upsetting me. Whereas Unsolved Mysteries, it's like three murders and then, like, one random alien sighting, you know? Was Unsolved Mysteries back to back with America's Most Wanted? Or was that just how my family watched it all the time? It's like, did we always, like, flip to that?

I'm not sure, actually. Because I feel like we always had a whole night. Because I, if America's Most Wanted got slapped onto one of these things, I'd watch everyone. I know it's not current. You know, I can't look. look for these men anymore. But the reenactments,

yeah. And the reenactments in Unsolved Mysteries are just as good as they always were. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they don't like, you know, quote unquote, hold up. But, you know, they're still just as fun

as they always were. Okay, also Netflix, Netflix alert, Netflix alert. Curious and unusual death. I love it. It is so good. Oh, the New York one is so good. The New York one is so good.

Yeah. And it's like, how did this girl take a nap and wind up dead? Oh, not even wind up. He said wake up dead. He wake up dead. How did she go to sleep and wake up dead? Oh, I don't have my phone next to me. I have so many quotes because we were watching it on, like we did like fake Christmas at home.

We watched it all day, including my 10-year-old niece. Even she liked it. Is it going to be upsetting or is it just fun? No, it's ridiculous. It's so dumb. It's so dumb. And the reenactments are. So great.

And then they have these, like, it's like, this man ate too many carrots. Who knew that he could be seed to death? It's like, I don't know. I can't even. It's worse than that. And then at the end, they have all these weird facts about carrots. Things like that. That is awesome.

Yeah, because the New York one is like the first one, like the guy gets sucked down a storm like, like he gets sucked down a drain in like the Gowanus Canal or something. His body's ripped apart because it's like a suction thing. A vortex. weird phenomenon. Yeah, it's like a vortex was created, and so it sucked him down to this tiny hole and crushed all of his bones and his intestines shot out of his asshole. What?

Oh, my God, that's a curious and unusual death if I ever heard one. Whoa. It's pretty, it's choice. Yeah, it is, yeah, mw. Yeah, it's, mwha. All right, it's time for the list. Whoa. Who's all the list?

My class. Gotta have that list. Famous people from huge families. Wow. Oh, I like this. I love huge families. Sister wives. We forgot to talk about sister wives.

We just talking about it really fast because I don't know the story. We can talk about it really fast because you know what? It's a huge family. Yeah. So it technically fits it to the list. The sister wives just lost. I'm sorry. Marcus gave me like a little bit of this right before we started, so I have to find out what this is.

Well, polygamy is still a little bit. legal in Utah as the U.S. Supreme Court has declined to hear arguments against the lower court ruling that kept it so. Cody Brown and his four wives, the stars of the sister wives, have for years been as seeking to remove the penalties for polygamy in Utah. But in April of last year, an appeals court overturned the decision which effectively decriminalized it. And on Monday, the Supreme Court let that appeals court ruling stand.

Wait, so this is good. This is bad. I don't understand what your technical terms. Your law words. First, the lower court said it was okay. Okay. Which pretty much made it legal. And then a higher court said it was bad.

Oh. And then they appealed that. And the Supreme Court said it's bad. So that's what I don't understand. As, I mean, this might be too, you know, law-ish. Is that the word? That's the word. But then, so are they allowed to be in the event?

Like, they're on television. Yeah, I mean, they've never been, they've never been prosecuted for it. But they're in, because they moved from. Utah because they were being gone after and they moved to Las Vegas because the laws are more lax there because it's not as big of an occurrence there it seems

but then I don't understand how it can continue without them going Is it just like are they just paying people off? I have no I've always wondered how this worked as well because they are all legally married right? No. Okay so that's what it is. They think that if they want all to be legally married

So they can be looked down upon and they can like all communally raise their family together, but they can't be charged with polygamy because they're not all married. Oh, see, they're married under the eyes of, you know, Jojoba or whatever. And they got that going for them. But that was the whole last season, is that

the first wife had to divorce him so that he could marry the fourth wife because she had children from a previous marriage. And the family together wanted to adopt them, so he had to marry the fourth wife so that he could adopt those children. Oh, did that cause friction? Oh my God, it was so upsetting.

And Mary already had all these problems because, like, she could only have one kid in the eyes of the more, you know, it's like, that's rough. But that's just what God gave her. Yeah. Are they a quiverful? Jujoba? No, are they a quiverful family? You mean of, like, purity of, like, of dress and of drinking and things like that? No, the quiverful is, like, to make as many arrows as possible.

Like, they are, like, to have as many children as possible, just, like, keep pumping them out. They keep pumping them out. But, but, no, because it's. the wife's choice whether she wants to have more children or not and what it is that in heaven they forever have this family so like what they have on earth so that no matter what happens that the entire family will be together in heaven and it's more people to perpetuate their jajobas so if you so which family are they with though like because if you're a kid and you grow up and you have kids then still technically you're a part of your parents jajobahs

So are you with your kids or with the ones before? You're everybody. Everybody. You can probably go back to your in-laws house back and forth. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Doesn't that mean that everybody, doesn't it just, that, doesn't it? I think it's cold. The big party market.

Yeah, I know, it's cold sacks in the afterlife. Coldest sacks. Yeah. Everyone's got their own cul-de-sack. It sounds nice, honestly. Sometimes when religious people talk about their visions, it sounds nice. Be comforted by something else instead of the death and nothing. Yes.

But you know what? That's what it is. It's very tempting to me. When I hear people talk about these things, I'm like, ooh, yeah, family in heaven. Great. And then you close your eyes someday and you never wake up. I think I'm susceptible. And then you're alone forever.

But wouldn't that be great? Being alone forever or having a family in heaven? Being alone forever. There are things to be said about that in the darkness. Cold. No, not cold. No, no, no, no, warm. Madonna's from a huge family.

Really? Really? Five siblings. and two half siblings. She doesn't act like it. Mm-hmm. I wonder if she's giving to them. I hope she is.

But she's saying things, she's saying dumb things right now, and it's kind of silly. Yeah, she's being a little silly. She's being a little silly. I would say silly is a good word to use in her connection with Madonna right now. But Madonna's always silly.

She is. And she's a skeleton. So she just really went in front, the microphone went, and they're like, does she want to set the White House on fire? Oh, that's what happened. That's just skeleton talk.

Yeah, the skeleton responsible for what it says. They don't have any control over what they say. They just, ah, ha, ha, ha. They're just clacking their bones. That's all she was doing. She was just bone clacking. So, speaking of which, Mel Gibson, he is the sixth of 11. Of course.

Is he from some weird religion thing? No, he's just Australian. All right. They got nothing else to do. It's so hot. Yeah, his brothers are Donald, Kevin, Andrew, twins, Daniel, and Christopher, and then sisters, Patricia, Sheila, Mary, Bridget, Mora, and Anne, his age children are Hannah, Edward, Christian, William, Lewis, Milo, Thomas, and Lucia. Jesus Christ. The amount of times that they must call somebody by the wrong name.

Every day. And I bet they still get upset about it. I'm Lucia. She's Sheila. You know Bill Murray has eight siblings? See that? See, cool, funny people who have a lot of siblings. That makes total sense because it's like you've got to learn how to be really funny.

You've got to, like, fight for attention. And be unique, yeah. Madonna and Mel Gibson, totally I should not put them in the same lump because, yes, Madonna is a little bit obnoxious, but she's not like a human terror like Mel Gibson is. But they just both seem like a little bit like so into themselves. And I feel like the thing I always romanticize about having a lot of siblings is that you must not be able to be that into yourself, you know?

Oh, it's possible. Yeah. Yeah, but then you're just the black sheep. Oh yeah, do you think any of Madonna's sisters like her? Probably not. I don't imagine not. You know, but you know who I bet all our sisters like her? Dolly Parton.

Oh, my God. The coat of many colors. Eleven siblings. Listen to these names. Stella, Randy, Rachel, Willa Dean. Willa Dean. Floyd. Coy Denver.

Cassie Nan. Frida Estelle. Robert Lee, David Wilburne, and Lede. Larry Daryl. Gonna have to put up a flag at Robert Lee. Well, you know, that's just how it goes. It just happens. It just happens.

It just happens. It just makes me wish I had watched the sequel to the code of many colors. You can't. You still can. It's not the Christmas season. You know, you can't do that. It's like wearing white right now. I can't.

I never will. You could just wait 11 months. Okay. Now, when is the, it's from Labor Day to win that you can't wear white? I made it. Not May Day. Memorial Day. Memorial Day.

So it's a lot of months. Yeah, you only get three months of white. But can you imagine me coming here with the night's set of iron pleaded white pants? I think you could do it. I don't think I can. White pants? Yeah. Yeah, you could do white pants.

I'm talking about like relax. I'm talking like Diane Keaton white pants. No, I think that you should do like white jangings. See, ooh, there's a hole, but it doesn't leave much for the eye of the beholder. No, we'll put you in a nice pair of slacks from Macy's. I need a slack. I think I need a slack. I think it's going to be this year, 2017, the year of slacks for me.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. We'll take you to Bloomingdale so we get you some nice white slacks. What am I a millionaire? Oh, my God, take me to do a J.C. Penny. Doing it right. Just so long as we don't go to Marshals. No, no, no, no, no, no. What am I, a trash girl?

I love marshals. They have cheap candles. Celine Dion, youngest of 14. Yeah, it makes sense. She's always just like, hello! And she's just so good at heartbreak. Yeah. She's so good at heartbreak.

And I wonder, did it say how many were twins? Because she had twins. But I think that was also like an IVF thing. Yeah, it doesn't say how many are twins. Let me go back and check real quick. It might be that twins are hereditary, right? Yes. That's why I'm so scared.

No, it's just, I'm all. Alice, Caudette, Manon, Denise Gittler. Jacques. She has a brother. She actually has a brother named Jacques. Hell yeah. Yeah. Pauline and Cromand.

What about Frommage, right guys? All right. It's time for Blind Anna. Oh, we can't see. Our former almost A-minus list, mostly movie actress, turned escort, is on the run from a mob guy disguised as a shipping time. Tycoon. What?

Wait, wait, wait. She's disguised in the shipping tycoon or he's disguised of the shipping tycoon? I actually don't know. I think he is. Although you're right. Grammatically, it could be that she's on the run

disguised. She has a shipping tycoon. He'll never find me. Oh, am I a celebrity? She's just like going up like to docks and is like blending it. Apparently, while in his country, they slept together

for an agreed upon some. I guess she didn't think it was enough. So she helped her. to a bracelet in his room worth six figures. Thing is, he didn't know she took it until after. It's why she is hiding out in yet another country. A-minus, almost A-minus movie actress. Not many movies and hadn't been in one for a long time.

Give us a taste, Marcus. I mean, she's a redhead. Ooh, busty? Young and busty? She's pretty busty. But not that busty, not known for Busty. Not known for Busting, no. Bryce Dallas Howard.

Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay Lohan. But I hear she's... That's much better than my guess. Although, you know, Bryce Dallas Howard is a class act. Yeah, she's not working as an escort in Dubai. Yeah, but I wonder if that has anything to do with the fact that Lindsay Lohan has converted to Islam, I believe. That's what she said, didn't she?

And then she like, didn't she pretend... She's like wearing a hijab, I believe. But didn't she also pretend that she spoke about... cultural language that she was speaking it. So I think she might have like converted to I quote unquote. Yeah. I don't think Lindsay Lohen's convert to anything. But she is hanging out in Middle Eastern countries a lot. Unfortunately, that is doing escort work.

Are you allowed to like wear the cover? Like is that disrespectful or is it respectful to cover yourself? That's what I understand. Yeah, I think it's, I think they appreciate it. Yeah, I think if you're traveling and stuff, like it depends on where. But I think that sometimes like if you're a white non-Muslim person, and you can still cover yourself. Yeah, I mean, I want Lindsay Lohan to be like,

if she needs to, like, escort to make money, that's fine. Yeah, but she just opened this club. Isn't she, what did she say, that she was going to open up a bunch of, like, housing or something? She says a lot. Yeah, I feel like she shouldn't escort fine, stealing. Fine. Yeah, that's right.

Honestly, you know what? Steal. It's expected. Yeah, that's right. You're right. I don't care about property. You steal. Yeah.

You steal for it. The guy is. buying her, so you may as well take whatever you want when you're in the room as long as you don't get caught. Yeah, right. Escort, yes. Steal, yes, caught, no. That's the official editorial stance here. Next up, in the scheme of reality show fakery, it does not really raise the bar, but there have been a dozen actresses and actors hired to be real people in the reality show of this permanent A-list singer.

Singer? Permanent A-list. I mean, we're talking like everyone knows this woman. But Bay isn't having a reality show. Oh, no. And not Cher. No, no, no, no. Oh, I would watch a Shere reality show.

Have you read Shares Twitter recently? No. No. No. No. Fooths. Yes. Follow her on Twitter.

Brittany Spears? No. Who would be? Which? Oh, we didn't even talk about the Britney Spears movie. God damn it, we have too much to cover. There's a Britney Spears movie. And, oh, yes.

I mean, I can't wait to watch it, but the girl that's playing her looks like, oh. Oh, it's a movie. movie about Britney Spears. Yes. Sorry, it's on a dog. It's a lifetime movie. Yes. It's a lifetime biopic.

It's a lifetime. Yes, please. We still have to watch the same by the bell one. And we still have to watch the Elizabeth Taylor woman, Lalo. Yes. We're backed up. We are backed up. It's called Britney Ever After.

We'll watch. You know what they should have called it? She's a star. Or she's so lucky or any fucking variation. But she crying, cry, cry, cries in love. Lonely, heart thinking If there's something Missing in my life

Then why do this tears Come in Night? Any one of those lines Would be a better title for the movie I love that song Brittany ever after. Yeah, I love that song too. I mean, if it would have been made a few years ago,

Toxic would have been a great title for it. You know that she's toxic. God, you know what? She's a hit maker. Yeah, I, all right. Taxis. Who is it? Who is it?

Who is it? A permanent? A list. It's not Mariah Carey. It is Mariah Carey. She has her own reality show coming out? Mariah's world. What? Like Bobby's World? Mariah's World. What a horrible name for it. It's coming out and they are hiring actors left and right. Where do I sign up? Yeah, you should totally do that. How do I get involved? It's on. It's brand new Sunday 9 p.m. Where? It's been on this entire time.

The season finale is Sunday. Molly, you and your cable? What? I blame you. I didn't know. I would have called you. I blame you in your cable. I would have told you it's an emergency.

Go to the E-studio. Bring a weapon. Get yourself in by ambulance. No, I wouldn't bring a weapon. I'd bring my smile and that's weapon enough. That is a weaponize your smile. Ooh. E!

Let me in. Did you want me to be your friend, Mariah? I'd need to speak to Mariah. And finally, this one is juicy. Gimmy, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme. This Academy Award winning nominated A-list, mostly movie actress, has bailed on promoting her new movie. Not that she thinks it's bad, because it is good, but because she is trying to not see the guy she's been cheating on her husband with. I mean, this is an actress.

We've been wondering where she is for a while. Tall, big mouth. Julia Roberts. Of course, with those. kids and he's so attractive but where has she been? Where has she been? Oh my God, what's the movie?

It's called Wonder. Do you want to know who the guy is? Yes. Another defining facial feature, smash nose. Oh, and Wilson? Yeah. I thought you're about to say smash mouth. I was like, no, Marcus, no. No, he was. No, me. And Julie Rob was just like, give me those tunes,

you crazy man. Another defining facial feature, Frosted Tums. Owen Wilson Ew I'm always a Luke Wilson I'm forever to die Luke Wilson

Luke Wilson is much better looking at it Yeah Owen Wilson After I smashed my own nose My first question was Do I look like Owen Wilson? You don't know like Owen Wilson Thank you

You smashed your nose I smashed it very badly a couple years ago And I was like I'm gonna look like Owen Wilson forever No it doesn't look any different Thank you No Luke Wilson in Family Stone

Oh, yeah. That's what I want to do to him. To his butt. Only to his butt. Is his butt in that movie? No, but I imagine what it looks like. That's all we got time for. Thank you for listening to page seven.

Go join the Facebook group. It's the most fun. It's the only fun Facebook group on Facebook. I have so much. It's my favorite. It's fantastic. Thanks, thanks everyone, for contributing to that. And we'll talk to you all next week.

Hell, yeah. Bye. Bye. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to cavecomedyradio.com.