Page 7 - Episode 189: Doofy Beasts

Episode Date: February 8, 2017

Jackie, Molly and Marcus talk Superbowl commercials, Lady Gaga's halftime show, and school you on elebs you didn't know you were siblings. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Jackie got Gagod. Give me a million reasons. A million reasons. I fucking love that song. I can't let you go. I'm sounding something, something, some man. Hey, dad. Make the world seem better.

I was obsessed with the fucking song before she did the Super Bowl. And when she started to play it, I almost started to cry. and page 7. Jackie's high on Gaga. I am hungover on Gaga. Good Christ. Were you just like pouring champagne all over yourself during her performance?

I think I took five vodka shots in the 13 minutes she was happy. She's killing it! She just killed it and I loved it so much. And I'd gotten into like a weird Gaga hole this week already so I'd pumped myself up for season. The halftime show is so hard. And everyone that, what I was hanging out with,

because I've been talking about Lady Gaga all week. And how did they feel? Were they as excited as you? Yes. Yeah. It was great. People didn't even give a fuck about Lady Gaga because I had talked about her so much all week.

Made them excited, too. She did a good one. That's it? That's it? Oh, she did a good one, didn't she? She did a good one. You know, I don't know. I feel like, yeah, she did.

I just, I feel like, you know, there's kind of a Beyonce-shaped hole in the Super Bowl field for me. That is hard for anybody else to fill, but I thought that she, I had a great time. I liked her better than Katie Perry's one. I like her better than Bruno Mars's one. I thought she did great. Everyone likes everything better than the Bruno Mars one. I mean, I do love Bruno Mars.

True, but that was pretty subpar for Super Bowl standards. It was. I mean, despite the red hot chili pepper showing up. Ew. Yuck. When that's the surprise cameo, it's like, oh, okay. Jackie, red hot chili peppers? Fine?

Oh, you want me to sing? Why do you go? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I was like, dream of Californication. Man, they're all so old, but I did like them on the driving around with fatty. What's it? Carpool karaoke.

Carpool karaoke. Which is. really what it should be called. I'm saying this as a fat person myself, I feel like I'm allowed to say that. I think you're allowed to say that. Okay. I give you permission.

Oh, he just wrote it in the air. He did his signature. That was an executive order. All right. I'm allowed to say it. Yeah. So you watch the whole Super Bowl? I watched the whole Super Bowl.

I mean, it was apparently a good game. It was? I mean, I know, like, the amount of football that one can know. Mm-hmm. I know what's happening. And I got into it. Yeah, it was a comeback story. although the team that was on top was the comeback one,

so I don't know if it counts as a comeback one. Yeah, they're all Nazis. Yeah, Tom Brady should disavow himself from those people. It counts more as a choke than a comeback. Yeah. It's like, do you feel good about yourself? I bet you don't. Give me a break.

Yeah, I was rooting for the Atlanta Falcons. Yeah, the first time. It sounds like that someone just like that you said the name of every single NFL team and I rooted for the Atlanta Falcons. Someone was like, that's correct. Stop there. Yeah, I had never cared until yesterday

about the Atlanta Falcons, but they were the underdogs, and I root for the underdogs, and they'd had a great first half. It fell apart after that. Yeah, it did. What did you think about the commercials? I saw some of the commercials.

I didn't watch the game myself, but I did see some of the commercials today. I mean, you got sexy Mr. Clean. Sexy Mr. Clean seems to be the one that everyone's talking about. It's weird. You can see his dick? Can you? I went back and looked at it.

Really? Yes, you can. When he's walking towards her, you can see the outline of his penis and his white may have well been painted on pants. Will you catch me up on what happened with Mr. Clean? Because I think that I only saw, like, a whiff of it, and I'm not sure how sexy it was. A whiff was all you needed. Sexy Mr. Clean.

was a commercial in which a woman is cleaning her kitchen and then a sexy version of Mr. Clean animated comes in and starts cleaning her kitchen. With his like bumping ass too. Like it was all ass movement. Yeah, a lot of ass movement. And he's seductively dancing and she's getting all hot and bothered. And then suddenly Mr. Clean turns into her dumpy husband.

I was like, finish cleaning. And then she starts making out with him because she's been fantasizing about Mr. Clean the whole time. And the implication is that if you clean, your wife will fuck you. But hasn't that kind of always, isn't Mr. Clean always like a, like a pent-up wife fantasy where she wants to fuck him? I never realized he was a substitute for the husband. I thought that he was just like, it was like more like, hey women, cleaning your house is going to make you feel like you just got fucked.

Well, he's more of a winky boy. He's a winky boy. Yeah, where you just, he just kind of winks at you and that's it. This is the first time that Mr. Clean was overtly sexual. It was like dirty dancing. Okay. I mean, it may as well have been. They were just like, stare.

staring into each other's eyes. And I mean, like, you really couldn't take his, take your eyes off his ass. No. Okay. It was a lot of ass. Well, you know. And her husband was so dumpy, and I feel so bad for that guy

because the audition probably was dumpy guy. I could be a dumpy guy. And then basically, I mean, in the end, I forget the exact line, but it was like, women love a man who cleans. Yeah, that's what it was. Oh, God. It's like, come on.

I mean, it's true. Whitties. I may clean your house, I'd show, fuck you. That's all y'all want, right? No, that's not true, because when he cleans the house, I can't find anything, then I just get angry. You never get laid because he cleans, I just get pissed off. Yeah, I mean, I guess I just feel like the linking of sex to, like,

contributing to a home is a frustrating one. Like, well, only reason why you should take something on her plate is so she gets on top of you. You know, as opposed to like, your wife is stressed out. You want your lady to grind upon you? As opposed to just like, well, I'll help her. Grine on clean. Yeah, it's like getting an allowance. Yeah, exactly, right.

He earned his allowance this week. Right, right, as opposed to, like, we live in this home together. I also clean. I'm not just a stupid, doofy beast who only wants to get fucked. But obviously that's what he is. Obviously is what he is. That's kind of what I. I'm a doofy beast.

They just wants to get fuck. I'm a doofy bees, the Walster get fucked. That's my new song. I like that. I like that. I'm on dofy bays and Walster get fucked.

That could be a male and female duet, actually. That would be, break down some stereotypes. Women are also doofy bees who want to get fucked. Oh, yeah. I feel like this is going to be like Lionel Richie and who's it, Diana Ross when they sing endless love. Two, three, four.

I'm a doofy bays that walls to get fucked. Yes. I'm ready for it. I want to cut. I want when you guys record this. I want in on the front. All right.

You're in a, yeah, yeah, no, you designed it. You get songwriting credit. Oh, do you guys see the Stranger Things to promo? Yeah. And did you see they're having a fun little Twitter back and forth today? No, I didn't see that. It's fun.

Ego Waffles was the official Ego handle did like an upside down, tweet the letters were upside down and it said, hey, are you guys messing with us? And then Stranger Things was like, hey, Ego, sorry about interrupting your commercial, the regularly scheduled something programming will be back and blah-de-blah. It was a cute little Twitter. Did you see the video? Someone posted it on the page 7, Facebook. page of the kids watching the Stranger Things 2 promo during the Super Bowl.

They lost their minds for it. Oh, were they all together? Yeah, I think like a few of them were together and they were just screaming at it. It was really, really cute. They must be such good friends. It was really fucking cute. It's very cute. I hope they stay good friends.

Yeah. I mean, you know, for a time until they all start banging each other or doing drugs together and finding hookers at the age of 15. See, now that's what I'm afraid of. Eh. I think that there can be a thing where May the circle be unbroken I think that sometimes

there can be a kind of magic age if you meet like around 10 or 11 you meet at a time where you're like before you're interested and all that stuff and you can get interested in it together but I feel like as long as they're not in a small town they might be able to like maintain

their like innocent childhood friendship and not just all fuck each other but you know go out and fuck other people and then still have this like really extreme bonding experience with each other. I hope so. I hope so, too. Or they just are gang banging.

But all of our theater experiences were guided by like the limits of being in high school, you know? Yeah, but they also have, but now the unlimited financial, um, freedom to do what they wish. Yeah. Yeah, that's dangerous. Which is, like, Ersum. I think that maybe the good thing is that the only people that think they're cool are, like, people in their 30s. Like, we all think those kids are super cool, but I don't think their peers think they're super cool. Which I think is good.

They probably get the shit eating out of them. Yeah. Hopefully because it's like, oh, you think you're famous? Yeah, I hope so. I mean, I imagine. They do unless they get homeschooled at this point, which they might. I don't know. But it's not out until Halloween.

Go fuck yourself. Yeah, by that point, those kids are going to be old. Mm-hmm. Because they are right, I'm just saying, right, they're right on the cusp of suddenly being too old to film anything anymore, you know. Being a whole bunch of puberts. Yeah. Yuckos. Make God help them.

But what about these Scientology commercials that apparently. were not played in every part of the country. Huh. I just saw one and I remember I was struck and stand there. I was like, wait a second. Is this a Scientology commercial? And then I got really angry because the television is owned. By the Scientology.

And I yelled about that for a while. Apparently they've been doing them for the last five years. Really? Yeah. In certain cities they do a $5 million ad buy. I did not catch that at all. I probably thought it was a, advertisement for something else.

Well, because it just looked like a boring whatever, whatever. I wasn't paying attention. And then in the end it was like, Scientology dot whatever. Oh, welcome. Be a Scientologist. Your full potential. Because it was probably a little girl

waking up, being excited, and then a family going camping. And you're like, oh, it's going to be a car commercial. Because every commercial is like a little girl in her home and then her loving family going camping. And then maybe they could just be like, also Scientology. This is the copy from that.

There are words to describe every step we take. every moment, every memory, every landmark, and milestone. See, all could be a car commercial so far. Oh, yeah. Words for the joy and the sorrow, the victories, and the triumphs, the defeat that pushes us into the shadows, and the inspiration that brings us back. But through all of life's journey,

there's no language adequate to describe the ultimate heights you can attain. Your full potential. Scientology.org. And the Nissan Ultima. Oh, yeah. Every single thing was about a car in there. sure I thought it was about a car. I mean, because it's all bullshit, just a boring one.

Yeah, it's just like, ooh, your feelings, your love. And give me all your money. Your family, happiness lies in this car and this church. Always in the car. Oh, this is disappointing. I'm looking at a picture right now of John Trau wearing a Patriots jersey. Yeah, he was there. Yeah.

How was he? I mean, he was just in the crowd. You know, they just, like, showed him. Yeah. He also showed Elton John, which made me really happy. You know what I don't like when they show the owners of the football teams? because they just look like a bunch of nerds up there. They've obviously never been happy in their lives,

and they try to sell, like, they try to high-five each other, and it's all awkward. They're, like, just touching each other celebratorily, and they look very pent up, and I just don't appreciate that they own an entire football team. Seems like something one person shouldn't be able to do. I was in a hotel room on Sunday morning, and I saw on this weird movie channel in Chicago

an entire hour-long featurette about the careers of John Travolta and Kelly Preston. Was it from Scientology? I don't know. It was made in the year 2000 because it ended in 1999 with the failure of Battlefield Earth. John Travolta has made many comebacks.

Let's hope he can make another. Oof, that featurette was more optimistic than it should have been. What did they say about Kelly Preston? You know, it's just like, She was in a movie. She's some lady. And then she was in another movie.

Yeah, she pumped down a bunch of kids. And then she wasn't in a movie for a long time. And then she was in a movie. But it wasn't a good one. Good for her. Good for her. But not much has changed since 2000 in the sense that neither of them

has made that many more successful movies. I mean, really, what has John Trod done in the last 17 years? Although I did finally finish the Good People versus O.J. Simpson. Oh, don't say anything. It's on there? It's there?

It's on there. You know how it is. No, spoiler! It is so good. It is so good. I guess I do know what probably happens in the last episode. That's fine, no. You know, that's fine.

I still want to see it with fresh eyes. Of course, yeah, no, I won't get into it. But, you know, I think John Drey is good in it. Is the prosecutor who's not Marshall Clark, the other one? Is he totally devastated and sexy? But is he devastated at his error in judgment? Yes. Yeah.

He is beyond devastating. He makes a big mistake. He's sexy. And then I realized he's the other one, the other quote unquote triplet and this is us. And he's the only reason why I like to watching it anyway. Hey, I don't like the show. And you know what? Milo Ventimiglia.

He's an asshole. He's an asshole. He's an asshole. I don't even know what a so-called triplet meme. Vincent Big. Who? Milo Vindam. Vintamilia.

Bilo, Ventimilia? Milo. It looks like ventimiglia, but apparently the G is silent, which just makes it really difficult to say. And he was Jesse and Gilmore Girls, and he's the dad in This Is Us. So I watch it for that. And then I read a horrible interview with him,

and he was sick of everyone asking about a big reveal at the end of the new Gilmore girls. And he's like, you know what, I don't think about it. That was my past. And now I'm into bigger and better things. And I'm sick of people. I was like, go fuck yourself. This made you a millionaire.

Give me a break. Yeah, I answer the question. And also, he was sexy and now he's not anymore. And now he's saying that if people want more Gilmore girls, he said, they shouldn't be so greedy. Just be a garbage. You're a garbage tan. With your big arms. He's too big now.

He's too muscular. Too muscular? I don't like it. No, he's married to Mandy Moore. I know. The choreographer or the singer. No, in This Is Us. In real life?

Let's see here. No, just as well. In the, okay. Yeah, in the show. It's fine. She's not very good on it either. But she did declare him her best on-screen kiss. That is shade to anyone else she's kissed.

We should figure out of that. What does that include with the guy from a walk to remember? Yeah, whoever that, who was in a walk to remember? I forget. He had a weird neck. Yeah, when you're not really an actress, bragging about your on-screen kisses is not. She was all dying in it, you know.

That's like the only thing she's ever done on screen, right? I don't know. I think so. That and I remember the I'm missing you like candy video. I just get confused because when you watch so you think you can dance, there's also a choreographer named Mandy Moore who is not to be confused with a walk to her members, Mannie Moore. And now this is Us as Mandy Moore.

I'm not familiar with This Is Us at all. Have you tried about it on the show before? No, I don't think so. What is This Is Us? It's the new hit drama that's on like ABC or one. one of those. I watched the whole thing. Every, I think, I feel like I've talked about it on you before because people kept asking me if I had watched it because there's an obese woman in it. And so a lot of people kept asking, like, did you watch? It's got fat girl in it.

You haven't watched it yet? There's a fat girl in it. Oh, my God. You hadn't seen the new fat girls. There's a fat girl. How do you feel about it? I mean, you know, I mean, I don't mean to be like, you know, but you know. Like, you know. I thought you might be interested in it. So then I felt like I had to watch it because there's a fat girl in it. It has. I have to watch the fat girl in it. How is she? Fine. I mean, that's the thing.

You can't say anything bad about her because then you're like, oh, you're like her, no, she's just a fine actress, fat or not. Yeah, I don't think that you should have to have a written opinion on every fat actress. No, I think apparently that's my new thing. I have to know I've got to go watch all of Kirstie Alley's, you know, whole Bible of things. You're going to be invited on all sorts of shows Just to be an expert on other... Please.

Let me talk about the other fat of other people. How is she wearing it? I don't know. But the... Full circle, the prosecutor from People v. OJ, is the, as you call them, the so-called triplet on this is us. Are just real fast. I've really hung up on that.

It is a very interesting, like, plot of it. It goes back and forth through time of this family. I like the idea of it. I don't like any of the acting in it except for the prosecutor. And they were supposed to, Mandy Moore was supposed to have triplets. When she was on the operating table, she lost one of the babies, two babies. Milo Ventimilia wanted another baby. So when he went to go look at the babies in the nursery, there was a black baby that had been left at a trailer, a firehouse somewhere. They found this black baby and he was like, I'm going to adopt that baby. That's going to be the replacement of my third dead baby. Boy, don't make big decisions while you're in grief. That's the thing.

Are the other two children white? They are white. Okay. So that's why I say triplet with so called. So called triplet. And so it wasn't like a secret. He was like, hey everyone, I mean he's black. The baby is. Yeah, and he grows up into the prosecutor from the people versus O.J. Simpson. Right. Is the father? white? Yes. Okay, got it. Meal of it to be a.

Yeah, I just wasn't sure if this was a secret baby or an explicit baby. Openly black baby. And it's about like how he had a lot of problems because the other two kids were white and they would never understand what he went through growing up. I see. Which all of these things would be really good if they were well acted at all. And I know a lot of people will come at me about that? And you know what I say?

Don't come at me with them. Don't go back. That you know I love sad shit and I will give it the benefit of the doubt and I can't even get past. Don't come at Jack with that. Don't come at Jack with that. I know a fat girl and I seize a fat girl and that ain't a good acting fat girl. Sorry. That's my diatribe on this is us.

Thank you. I feel very, very caught up. But now you'll notice you see posters for it everywhere. It's everywhere. Okay. An ABC family one. I think it's ABC. It's one of those.

I don't know. Was there anything else with the Super Bowl commercials? Anything interesting? I really enjoyed. It's a little political, Molly. But it was like an older dude. It made me think of, I want to see a land before time. You know what I mean.

Brad Pitt. Legends of the Fall. Because it was an older gentleman, and he was almost like a... Sam Neal. Sam Neal. I'm just going to keep doing... Jackie, for the listeners, for listeners and hope Jackie just put a few.

fake mustache on with her finger. Put her finger, I was like, oh, okay. Marcus knew. Oh, yeah. And so he was riding on a horse, not him, but someone looks like him, and he lets off his hair, and he lets on this big, beautiful hair, and he's like, we're going to have four years of bad hair. Why don't we make up for it?

And it goes through all these different things of, like, animals with good hair, and babies with good hair, and, like, different, different. It's, like, semi-political, but it was actually done very well and not overtly. political. That's funny. And it was like for hair products. Huh. It was cute.

Good for the hair products. Yeah, that's fine. I like that one. Yeah. But we haven't even talked about Lady Gaga yet. You have a lot more to say. I mean, I feel a lot more about it. I feel like we haven't done enough justice.

She jumped in from the sky. Like a spider. Yeah. Did you see how she came down face first? Mm-hmm. And she went, uh-la-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya. And it took me until probably four minutes.

and to realize that she was not lip-syncing. Yeah, she wasn't. Bitch sang that music. Yeah. Can I express some confusion about the general choreography? Like that one point, which my friend described as the carry me to the cab dance, where a man was holding her by one leg and one arm in front, and she just kind of was planking.

And it was just a couple of strange choices, I thought. I think she wanted to keep it strange. And I've always liked that about Gaga. She keeps it weird, and she did keep it weird last night, and that was good. Just weird enough for America not to get totally freaked out by it. You know, I was hoping it would be totally freaky, and it was, like, appropriate amounts of freaky. It was appropriately freaky. I think she did well.

You know, just be a little, just get weird. Get weird with it, but don't get too weird with it. Like it wasn't, like Alex Jones said it was going to be like a satanic ritual. I mean, it was. There were a lot of stars. But Yeah, and some of the Some of the designs on those stars

Were decidedly occult Uh huh Yeah, we're not gonna definitely We're not gonna say that she's not in the wax Uh, no, the stars that were coming out of the ground And the overhead when the people had turned into stars Oh yes There was some pentagram like things

Yeah, there was some pentagram There was some occult uh... Is that bad? No, it's great, it's fantastic It's good, yeah Yeah, I was hoping for more Satan Honestly But

I mean, Madonna already did the big Illuminati Satan thing about six, seven years ago. Yeah, she did the cum rush, too. That was a little rough, I thought. I don't know, I just thought it was so fantastical, and I thought that she really seemed from song to song. And she also had this huge sage set up, set up behind her house that was like under a huge tent that all of the dancers worked every day.

They pretty much stayed like either in her house or like on her land or she put them in hotels nearby. and so they would work almost every single day on the music because she wanted everything to be perfect. They stayed on her land. The land of Gaga. It's awesome. I think it's great because she would like work to hate.

They were her handpicked dancers, and it was something she said she'd been dreaming about since she was four years old, was to be on the Super Bowl. Really? She's always wanted to be. And so she's getting a lot of shit for not having a guest act but why should she?

Yeah, she didn't need one. Because who was she going to have? If it wasn't going to be Beyonce, because you can't have Beyonce again. Well, Beyonce is also Prager's. She's preggers, even though she's going to perform at the Grammys. Oh. Oh, my God.

The Grammys is a much lower impact performance than the Super Bowl. She doesn't have to come in like Spider-Man turn off the dark. Oh, my God. When she was three months pregnant. She was singing as she was dropping face first from the top of the stadium. At one point she flipped and I was like the ab muscles that you must be employing right now whilst singing. Well, she performed, like she sang for months while running like climasters and treadmills and like to keep up her voice while she, so she like trained herself to get to that point. I want the videos of her just like on an elliptical like rah, rah, rah.

But that is fucking dedication. I love it. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. Okay. The only, and this is, this I think has to do with. my own ignorance. I was like

a little bit, it was like a, you know, Gaga greatest hits. It felt like a little bit, the time, it felt like, like when the who comes,

they do like a, the who one and like a greatest hits. The who sucked, though, let's be real. And. Oh. What?

Marcus. The who sucks? No. No. Let's table. Let's table. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

We can't. We can't get off on a tangent here. And then, like, when Beyonce comes, she's just relevant because she's always relevant and she has, like, always a new thing or whatever. And I guess with Gaga, I was a little bit, I felt like she was occupying the space between, like, around long enough to do a big retrospective of all her work

and not currently popular enough for her songs from six or seven years ago to be, I was just a little bit confused about the... Wild Lady Gaga. Yeah, it felt a little bit like a flashback, like a pleasant flashback to 2010. But, I mean, she has been performing, she has been doing sold-out concerts, but she did a lot of stuff with Tony Bennett that was a lot more of that retro feel for a while. She couldn't sing that. That's why Doug kept crying out that Tony Bennett was going to be the guest on it.

I was like, he can't fucking. And what is he going to be like George Bush at the beginning when he had to go to the coin toss, which was devastating. They couldn't bring the coin toss to him. Why do they have to wheel them all the way across the field? That was a little sad. Yeah, it was a little bit... The spectacle of that one was just a little bit like, okay.

Well, I mean, they both, they've lived in Houston for forever. Their longtime Houston residence. Yeah, yeah, that's why the bushes were there. That's fine. They've been living in Houston for forever. But why they make it travel so far? That's my only thing. The man who was pushing him really look like,

don't fuck this up, don't fuck this up. But he looked really terrified. If you go back and look at the tape, the man who was pushing the wheelchair felt look like he did not want to be in that position. Yeah, you're pushing the wheelchair of a president during the Super Bowl. That's high pressure. Yeah, a long distance. That's scary.

A long distance. 50 yards, right? But so she's been having all of this, you know, fame with Tony Bennett, so she couldn't do that two years of music. So that was like the past two years. Her newest album has a million reasons on it, but that's more of her, like, country album because she keeps reinventing herself.

And you know what? I did throw shade about that for a while. And now I dig it. I don't dig all of it. I don't dig all the music. But I like the fact that she's trying. Yeah, I frankly very excited to feel good about Lady Gaga again. I always liked her.

I felt like for a while we didn't like her. But I can't remember why. I think we didn't like her for a while. But I think we like her again. That's great. I'm happy to like her again. Sure. I mean, I'm just as indifferent now as I was back then.

You know, y'all have the Gaga opinions. I'm just sitting back here hanging out. I mean, the Gaga's greatest hits come on and you're at a fucking party, you want to dance. Oh, yeah. Ma'am, ma'am ma'amah. That million reason song is really great, though. It's very Adela-esque, and I think that's why I like it so much. It's a great song.

It is a really good song. Yeah. Oh, don't make me... Don't make you sing it? No, I just am thinking about it, and it's a good song. song. And she's doing this whole thing, which I'm surprised that, well, I'm not surprised. She had to do all the makeup and the glitz.

But in her past few music videos, she's actually worn a lot less makeup. She's wearing these Daisy Dukes and a cutoff shirt and her hair's just up in a ponytail for, um, something, pressures, um, impersonations, um, illusion, illusions. Miming? What are you talking about? Magicians. What is, what are you? It's the newest song.

It's off the album. Oh, it's her song. Something illusion. Perfect illusion. But she's really sexy in the video because she's just like herself with Daisy Dukes on. Yeah. And it makes her really sexy. Like really sexy.

Yeah, I'm always kind of like turned on by how normal, like when she looks normal. Because I was so used to seeing her all covered in meat. She has had a good amount of work done though. And she did steal her entire act from someone that I think that. I think that she killed. But we still like her. I don't know if she killed her. How did it, would she just threw herself off the top of that Staten Island hotel?

Yes. Yeah, she probably did. Yeah, that's the big rumor that Lady Gaga stole her act from a fellow NYU student. And I do know somebody who went to NYU with Lady Gaga. She says it's true. that she stole her whole thing stole her whole thing from another girl if you look up Lena

and she's got this song called Wonderland with a U in it instead of an O and Lady Gaga was her backup singer and backup dancer while she was performing they had sung 12 songs together and then this girl commits suicide and then Lady Gaga is born

and she's wearing a lot of the same kind of makeup the same over the top outfits it's fucking crazy and the song is really good. But she also even had the nose. So I think, you know, Lady Gaga just went chop, chop, chop. Snip, snap, snap.

Looking hotter. And now she's Lady Gaga. Kind of makes me like her even more. You like a good sabotage? Yeah. I mean, you know she's sad. She gives her a pill. She sees the night goes. Bam,

you're Lady Gaga. It's worth it. I think it's worth it. Let's say you go, girl. But you should look at this song, though. It's really good. All right, it's time for the list. Who's on the list?

Marcus, got to have that list. Celebrities that you might not know are siblings. Ooh, I like this. I like this, too. We both have siblings. We have siblings. We all three have siblings. All of us have siblings.

This one, I didn't know. This is weird. Warren Beatty and Shirley McLean. What? I did know this just because I was obsessed with terms of adieermint. and but there are they same parents? Yes, Shirley MacLean was born Shirley Maclean Beatty. Shirley Beatty, that's a terrible name.

That's our rough. Too many wives. Good for you that you changed that name. Yeah. And Warren Beatty's real name is Henry. Henry Beatty. That's my brother. That's my brother named.

You all knew Charlie Sheen and Emilio Estevez. Oh, yeah. You knew that. Everyone knows that. It's weird that Emilio decided to go with Estevez, but Charlie did not. But doesn't it make him seem more Latin in appearance, or is it just me? Emilio? Mighty Ducks era?

Are, okay, so it's, it's, she and, so Martin and Charlie changed their names together? Well, no, they were actually both born Estevez. This is a weird one, is that they were both born with the last name Estevez. Charlie's real name is Carlos Estevez, but he decided to adopt the stage name of his dad, Martin Sheen. But... So Martin... Chene's name first.

It changed his name to Sheen. I see. Martin Sheen's real name is Estevez. Martin Estevez, and he changed it to Martin Sheen. And Charlie Sheen decided to go for Charlie Sheen, but Emilio Estabez decided to stay with Estevez. Emilio Estabez is a killer name. It is. And honestly, Carlos Estevez, much better than Charlie Sheen.

Carlos Estevez. Maybe Carlos Estevez is... Yes, Thabez would be a bit less big of an asshole than Charlie Sheen. I don't know. Probably not. I don't know. Yeah, that guy was born an asshole. But Emilio Estevez, I just, I feel like I don't have any of the same negative associations with him that I have with Charlie Sheen at all.

Well, yeah, of course, son. He's not, you know, yeah. Well, he's never really done anything bad, has he? Yeah, he's just been a kind of mild-mannered mighty ducks. Yeah, but he's also never been as huge of a star as Martin Sheen or Charlie Sheen. So, I mean, that would definitely... It is true. But he's always been great.

Do you ever see Young Guns? Oh, yeah. Yeah, he was great as Billy the Kid and Young Guns. You know, weirdly enough, I was... I've never been attracted to him. He's not an attractive person. He's really not. None of them are.

Well, Emilio Estabez has a very much a chipmunk thing going on, but like a really tough chipmunk. It's a tough chipmunk. But they didn't, like, even think about, like, the breakfast club and I was so busy with Jud Hirsch. Yeah. Jud Hirsch. But, like, I've never, ever.

understood Charlie Sheen's attractiveness. I did in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Hot Part 2. Hot shots. Hot shots. Yeah.

Thank you. You guys are amazing. Hot shots. Hot shots. Just because it was so funny. The Hot Shots movies are amazingly funny. Yeah, and he was kind of sexy

in that. But that was a long time ago. And a lot of, you know, orgies. All these people who want to fuck Charlie Sheen, I don't get it. Not anymore. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he has HIV now.

Yeah, yeah. I don't think that's really stopping a whole lot of people. I forgot. There was one commercial that I wanted to talk about that I saw. Speaking of HIV. Ooh, fun intro. Good segue. The Honda commercial with all of the celebrities' yearbook photos.

Yes, where they all spoke. Yeah, where they all spoke. That was a Honda commercial? Yeah. I actually thought that one was for an actual issue. No, that was a Honda commercial. Of course it was. What did they talk about?

Follow your dreams. Yeah, follow your dreams. Yeah. Give me a break. Yeah, and it's like, and then like, they show Magic Johnson as a kid, like his yearbook photos speaking. And it's like, you can always bounce back. It's like, oh.

Yikes. Oh, God. It does you can. Yeah, which is like not even like, I feel like, yeah, I feel like they just didn't even need to be like, we're going to be weird about Magic Johnson. Like, they could have just had. Andrew Johnson being like, also follow your dream. Yeah.

Yeah. Everything about that commercial was fucking freaky. Like, use your CGI to have... Ooh, I almost did a spoiler for a movie. I won't. Well, what it was is it was CGI... They used the celebrities' yearbook photos, and they use CGI to make the photos speak.

Oh, like in Weird Captain America? Yeah, but no, no, no, no. See, Weird Captain America, that kind of worked. This, it's making the fate... It's making photos talk. Like in Harry Potter. No? Because that was just actors

You know sometimes in movies Like somebody will be dead But they'll finish without them Like having sex with them You finish without me You know when you're having sex with somebody And they die in the middle of it But you still come

But you're finished I don't know that Yeah you know when the boat is pulling it into the station You gotta go A cho cho choo No not like when you're fucking someone and they're just like obviously not going to come and they're like, you know what, just finish without me.

Not like that. Yeah, that's a fun one too. Not like that. Or when you say that, not that, they said that. That's sad. That's always a sad part. When... Just finish. I'm not going to. Just finish. Just stop. I'm done. I'm done.

I'm okay. I'm okay. Everything's fine. I'm just okay. It's fine. It happens. It happens. No, it's like, and I feel like there's examples of movies where people... It's just their faces moving. Yes. With the computer. You got it.

I was being a jocular. But they make them move around. Oh, they make them move? It's not just the mouths moving. Yeah, it's not like... Like the Conan. That Nickelodeon show where the miles would move and a cartoon face.

It wasn't like that. No, it's the whole faces are moving. And it's the celebrity's voices. I'm glad I didn't see that one. Yeah, it was really weird and very off-putting. Yeah. Yeah. It was all about following your dreams.

by the get a Honda. Oh, there was another, oh, just real fast. Another car commercial that really kind of weirded me out was, um, uh, fatty girl. Melissa McCarthy. Yes. She did this another car commercial. That was like, it's like, it's like you can be an environmental warrior.

And it was like all these different like causes that she would take on, but she kept getting like the shaft. Like she kept either dying or falling. off of a tree. It's like, oh, she loves trees, but the tree gets cut down. And oh, she wants to save the rhinos. But look, the rhino comes after. Like, I didn't, but it's like, but drive this eco-friendly car instead. And, like, I'm not even, like, a liberal warrior. And I still was a little like, is that supposed to, are you trying to be? This is weird. Also, it was all CGI, so it just looked really fake and really bad. Yeah. I don't know why they did it. And I mean, I know why she did it.

Money. Oh, my God, the amount of money she made for that. Yeah, which good for her. Good for her. But, like, the world does not need a commercial right now that's just like, trying to make something good makes you a fucking sucker. Just get this car. It's kind of what it was.

It was a little weird. Yeah, the world doesn't need that. It was a little weird. And also, it just wasn't good. If it was at least funny or well made, I wouldn't give a fuck another message. It was just a bunch of pratfalls. It was like, huh, look. Faco get hurt

Faco get hit on the head Yeah, they just make her They make her get hurt All the time It's not fair No, it just makes you think of Idiocracy Where it's like, you know

That the only channel They watch is Ow my balls! Which I still love it I still, I watch that movie I think once a year I fucking love that movie

Do you know who Lily Allen is? Yeah Yeah, you know Alph Do you know Theon Greyjoy from Game of Thrones? Yeah They're brother's sister

Wow! Yeah! British Lily Allen who had that song for a while. She's a singer. Yeah, I know her. Yeah. Interesting. She's fine.

Theon. Oh, no, that's spoilers. Never mind. Yeah. Can't get too far on that one. Can't get too far on that one. This one on the list. This one's like siblings, you know, people you didn't know where.

I know David Sedaris and Amy Sedaris are siblings. They thought we didn't know that? They thought we didn't know that. They know that. We weren't born yesterday. Yeah. Also, read some of the books. books.

David Sider's. Oh, yeah, David Seder's. He mentions her. You know, Jesse Eisenberg? Yes. He's siblings with that super cute Pepsi girl from way back in the day. Curly hair? Curly hair, yeah.

That's not Curly Sue, though, right? That's not Curly Sue, no. Oh, I wonder, so she's nothing now, though. He's Jesse Eisenberg. She's just that. Hopefully she's rich as fuck. I don't think that she is anymore. I'm sure her parents are rich as fuck.

Yeah. Her, she had hair to die for. That was the hair I always wanted, if it were red. If you had red curly hair as a child, you would have hated it. N'uh. Because I feel like everybody who had red hair or curly hair as a child hated it because they got made fun of. Yeah, that's true. I have beautifully, naturally wavy hair.

You do. Thank you. You still look like Ryder Strong. I do. I am definitely, I'm more in the high school age right now than I am in the college Rider Strong phase, but I'm still feeling. in it. Well, yeah, Hallie Eisenberg, that's her name. She stopped filming movies in 2010 to pursue college. Boring. But it doesn't get you anywhere. Don't know what she's been doing since then.

What did she study business? Yeah, probably. Boring ass. Hopefully she got her MRS degree, right guys? Her missus, she got a husband, a rich husband. God, I wish I got my MRS. Get me in my MRS to a rich man. Never too late to go back to school. Give me a rich man. This is interesting. You know Super Dave? Remind me.

Super Dave. He was also in... Dave Cooley. No, no, no, no. Super Dave. It was a show about like a stunt man. No. Let me look up Super Dave.

It was from when? We could be not old enough or not cool enough to know Super Dave. This is like modern era? Super, yeah. It was like the 90s. It was a TV show. I'm modern era. It ran from, it had 95 episodes.

It was on Fox. 95 episodes. Jesus Christ. That was a picture. Super Dave. Oh, yes. He just looks like a man. He looks like man too.

I super vaguely remember this. He was also in Curbier Enthusiasm. You know the one with a really weird, scratchy voice? No. He's always mad. I got to watch Curbier enthusiasm. It's great. I get too anxious.

Yeah. It is a very... I get too anxious. I love it when I get too anxious. I even feel that way about Seinfeld. I'm like, these people are so unpleasant. Yeah, I get anxious. But who is he related to?

Albert Brooks. I love Albert Brooks. I know. That's Albert Brooks's brother? Yeah. Yeah, because his name's Bob Einstein. But Albert Brooks changed his name. Hey, he said, why?

Wait, do that to him. Albert. We didn't even talk about it. I'm sorry. Oh, those Einstein commercials? I was thinking about the Einstein commercials, which turned into thinking of the Joan Crawford and Betty Davis, the feud. I can't wait to watch it.

I can't wait to watch it. What are you talking about? You're going to have to spell this out for it. The feud. Oh, yes, I kept thinking it said the Freud. No, the feud, the new show with, it's about Joan Crawford, the feud between Joan Crawford and Betty Davis. Oh, wow.

It's played by Jessica Lang. And Susan Sarandon. Yeah, that's going to be good. Give me, give me, give me, give me, give me, give me, give me, give me, give me, give me, I will watch it. And then I will watch whatever happened to baby Jane on repeat until I go mad. Oh, wow. And it is full of stars.

It's got Catherine Zeta Jones as Olivia de Havelon, Alfred Melina. He's playing Robert Aldrich. Judy Davis is in it. Kathy Bates plays Joan Blondell. God damn. Sarah Paulson's in it. Oh, shit. It's the guy that does all the American Horror Story and all that.

Yeah. So he puts her in everything. God, because she deserves it. Yeah, she does deserve it. Either she's great or she's got some serious dirt on this guy, one of the two. She's great. She's great. And she did a good political thing that I won't even talk about because I don't want to get flushed.

and her SAG Award speech. She did a very good. Yeah. She did good. I love her. Yes, she's great. And I didn't even want to... I was surprised by how much she made me feel for Marshall Clark.

And also, I mean, I'm bringing it up again to watch Blue Jay, which is just her being a person in that movie. And it was really, really fucking good. Yeah. Oh, she's great. Kathy Bates also. I'm sorry. I'll just still watch her in anything. The American Horror Story is a little rough.

But they are both like Sarah Paulson and Kathy Bates and Jessica Lange will always be good in them. I don't watch it religiously anymore and just watch the first two seasons and half the third season. But I watch it randomly and it's always entertaining. But this show is going to be off the chain if I'm allowed to say that.

I think you're allowed to say that. I think you can say that. I think it's going to be off the chain. You know, sometimes you forget that Randy Quaid is Dennis Quaid's brother. Yeah. Sometimes you forget those two came from the same household.

I feel like Dennis Quaid wants to forget it as well. I think, yeah. I was going to say, I think that Dennis Quaid would be the primary person who's not bringing it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he seems like an on the ball type of fella. But talk about daddy.

Denskoyd. Oh, yeah, Denskway. Oh, yeah, Dynesquade's a daddy, definitely. Yeah, he's a good daddy. Oh, he's a fuck daddy. I thought maybe you were suggesting that they both had a bad daddy. Oh, no, no, he's a fuck daddy.

If you watch frequency again, will you? Oh, my God. Does he play ball with his kid? Mm-hmm. Oh, you love it. And then he's a firefighter. Oh, that's two daddy things. And there's a radio.

Oh, God. It's a whole thing. And then there's the guy that played Jesus Christ. I don't remember his name. Jim Caviesel. Yes. Oh, that guy is hot. He was hot as Christ.

He's hot as Christ. He is hot as Christ. He's hot as Christ. Hot as Christ. Not hot as Christ. That dude is hot as Christ. Hot as Christ. I mean, you must have been pretty hot up there after a while, guys.

Oh, my God. I like hot as Christ. Hot as Christ could that be a phrase that we make happen in 2017? That motherfucker is hot as Christ. Hot as Christ. It's time for Blight. Oh, you can't see him. This B-List actor is slowly becoming one of the hottest tickets in town again.

I love this one. Several choice directors want him for their projects, and after a few years on the sidelines, he may be in line for a true maconaisance of his own. Wait, but it's not Macana. It's not. No, McConnaissance. Anthony McConae has already had the McConnaissance.

The maconisance has happened. He's not a B-lister. I can't help but just think of other people who are in the Newton boys, but it's not going to be any of them. I'm going to keep forgetting about the movie boys. I cannot think of Matthew McConae McConnor without thinking of the Newton boys.

B-list. McCarcy? Willow. Willow. Small. No, not the small. The big. The dikini.

You know I don't watch it. Oh yeah, that's right. You don't watch things. Give me another one. Batman forever. Val Kilmer? He's on his way back up. No.

Leave him down. Why do you like that? I love Val Kilmer. Leave him down. He does not need a... Listen to Val Kilmer's last tweet. Once I tickled cool Lou Reed at a dinner, I threw through for him, he leaned in and said,

I know martial arts, so talented, but so tortured by his dad. Jesus Christ. That is a good tweet. It's a really good tweet. It's a good one. Twitter is just full of stuff like that, like these weird parties that he had

where he just had these strange interactions with it, like he'd invite like rock musicians to parties at his house and be like, all right, I guess I'll go hang out with Val Kilmer. And then he just act kind of weird with him. Yeah, because he's supposed to be a really weird dude He's a super weird guy Yeah, he lives in New Mexico

How is he coming back? A, B-list, really? I'm not sure if B-List is appropriate for Val Kilmer B-Lis. Oh, yeah, he's totally B-Lis He's still B-Lis-Lis, like he can be forever Oh, I think he's forever B-Lis I think most people, you say Val-Kilmer, you know who Val-Kilmer is Okay, everyone knows who Val-Kilmer is, yeah

All right He got fat for a little while and then he... Is he back? Is he trimmed up? He's skinnyed up, boy, he was in a music, a really weird music video by this, what is this electronic artist named One Outtricks Point, where it was just him wearing a track suit sitting on a bed with his eyes closed for three minutes. Oh. It was really weird, but really fucking cool.

I feel like they probably paid him in, like, pants or something. He's like, cool, yeah, no, right, yeah. The noise that you just made about that was, like, when a kid tells you something to impress you that's, like, really boring, and you're just like, oh. Oh, yeah. Oh, good. Cherries do have bits in them.

You're right. Well, I tweeted at Valcoma earlier today. Let me see if he got back to me. He's very active on Twitter. Is he? Twitter opens up such a whole new world. Should we tweeting at them? I never do Twitter.

I forget about Twitter. Sometimes I'll tweet it people. It's scary because they might tweet back at you. They might. And I don't know. I'm logging into my Twitter right now. I'm a little excited. I'm a little scared.

I don't know what's going to happen. This is a live experience for the Valconicons. The Valconnaissance. Oh, I love. I like that. I'm not sure if it's more of a Val Kilmer, Matthew McConaissance. No, I like Valconisance. Which I guess also, sidebar, you were always right about Matthew McConae, Molly, and I'll never say that ever again.

No, he didn't get back to me. He didn't get back to you? Yet. Yet. Yes. It was only a couple hours ago. But we don't know what this new project is going to be that's going to blast him out to outer space. He's just getting offers.

There's a lot of offers coming out. Let's see what he's got on the old IMD. DBM production. Oof. I don't know why you guys don't like Val Kilmer. He's great. I'm fine with Val Gilmer. Yeah, I guess.

I guess it's just like a him. He's no Keanu, you know. But he's fine. Yeah, I mean, he's got, uh, oh, you know, Top Gun 2's getting made. Oh. Oh. Good. Why?

He's coming back as Iceman. What about Goose? Sexy, Dr. Green. Goose died. Yeah, but maybe they'll have his ghost or something. Wait, Anthony Edwards is dead? No, just goose. Goose died in Top Gun.

Spoiler alert, everybody. Spoiler alert for this. Everyone's seen Top Gun. Because I know that Dr. Green is dead. Yeah, Dr. Green in ER is dead. But I didn't know that. Goose is also dead. I think he's just good at playing a man that dies.

Yeah, he does look like a man that's going to die. It's because he's bald. Not that I'm against people that are bald. It's just, yeah, he just plays. dead well. Sad. He's a sad. Yeah.

Okay, yeah, I want to see this movie. It's the snowman that Valcomer is going to be in. Detective Harry Hole investigates the... Were you sure this isn't a porn? I'm sorry, I got to look and see what you've got inside of your hairy hole. Hi, I'm Detective Harry Hole. I'm here to investigate a hairy hole. I guess you have to detect.

You do have that shiny patch. Oh, wait, I dropped my gun down your hairy hole. Looks like I'm going to have to make a name for myself. It's a terrifying. It's just really slow. It's really slow. It takes a while for it to really get going because there's a lot of just them saying hairy hole. as fun as they possibly can.

All right, well, this is out that we only get two blind items this week. Blind items, you know, they slow down, just like everything else. They slow down in January and February because everyone, well, everyone's staying inside. No one wants to go out and get weird. Well, because in between, it's all of the award shows, so they kind of have to keep it cool. And there's not a whole lot going on with the blind items at the award shows. I'm seeing some stuff, but nothing really all that interesting. Yeah.

It's mostly just people being, it's a lot of people that have never heard of before. Yeah, yeah. unfortunately and even the ones that I have her before she's like oh went on to riders on a whole bunch of booze and pills like yeah we know did you guys do the one with pizza floating in front of her face all the pizza ones so great but no a blind Adam did say that she's been whacked out of her mind on booze and pills for about a month of course yeah sure she makes she made a stranger things too she can do whatever fuck she wants yeah she's just having a pill month everyone has a pill month oh god sober January pill month January yeah mine is April April's my

Pillmark. Don't talk to me in April. Spring makes you feel it. Oh yeah, maybe I'm popping. All right, this other blind out of, this is very weird, and this could very well be in the realm of just rumor. So take it with a grain of salt. Okay, my salt. Get your salt out.

All right. This permanent A-less singer won't eat ice cream. She thinks it is fattening. Sure, she'll drink four a bottle. bottles of wine a day. Oh. But when it comes to ice cream, she won't eat it with one exception. She likes being tied to a chair and forced to eat it.

She will do this for hours at a time, several times per week. What? What? Yeah, you could totally just eat ice cream like once a week of your own free will. You have two spoonfuls of it. That's all you got it in you. Yeah. Get it in you?

Couple times a week even. It's fine. Which diva do we know? I know the drinks a lot of wine. Mariah Carey. Love being tied to a chair. Oh, of course. It's rumor.

Of course. BDSM ice cream consumption. Of course. Of course. Yeah, because then it's, you know, she's not doing it. She has no control over it. I'm sorry, I have to talk like this when I'm talking like Ryan Carey. Because this is her boys now.

Oh, get me ice cream, please. Ah, thank you. God, she sounds bad. She sounds awful. Well, it's all that ice cream. It's all the ice cream. I've heard that it's bad for your vocal cords. It's four to five times a week.

Jesus Christ. Several times a week. That's three to four. For hours at a time, though, how much ice cream could she possibly kill? I mean, she's probably like, mm-mm. They eventually got a prior mouth open and then force the ice cream in. So it's like two hours per Ben and Jerry. area's unit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's going to last a long time. You know what? Actually, kind of sounds kind of fun. Actually, I have... If I could be strapped into a high chair and have it done, though, that would be... Like an adult baby? Yeah. A gigantic...

But no dipey on. Liver and leather. Just go... Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm.

Mm. Mm. Mm. But I am wearing a onesie. And it's not sexual. It's just fun. This sounds sexual. This is sexual.

I mean, for me, my own personal... You do have a onesie, but no diaper. and no dippy. Yeah, no turn on. And I couldn't fall out of the chair. Yeah. You're not going to dipey it? You're not going to like...

I can never do dippy. You never do dippy, huh? I think dippy is really gross. Have you seen that little, like, it's like one of those clickbait things on Facebook that it's like, this girl loves to live as a baby and her boyfriend is her daddy. But like, it's not...

I mean, she's like throwing a tantrum and she's got her dipe on and I just... Is she attractive? No. No. No. Nope. No.

No. No. No. Not something I'm personally interested in. No, I understand everyone's got their ventures in life. Sometimes you got to get strapped down and have ice cream force into your mouth. Sometimes you've got to eat a lot of hot dogs and feel really bad the next day, which is what I did yesterday. I may be four to five hot dogs, along with a lot of dip.

So, you know, everyone's got their thing in this life. That's all we got for today's pitch seven. I want to say thank you to everybody who came out to the Chicago show that expressed their love and joy for page 7. Thank you very much. Yeah. So many people came out and said that they really love listening to us every week. So thank you very much.

Hell yeah. Everybody out in Chicago. And also thank you. I haven't given it to her yet. I left it at my house. Someone brought you vegan jerky. Yes. Two different kinds.

They brought you the abomination that is primal, vegan beef jerky Texas barbecue flavor. And someone else tweeted that they're going to send some too. I should talk about vegan jerky on the show all the time. I'm going to be swimming in jerky. It's going to be awesome.

Thank you so much. I am fine with my own regular jerky. We can't all be in a jerky of the month club. We can't all be. Goodbye. Bye, guys. For more shows like the one you just listened to,

go to cavecomedyradio.com.