Page 7 - Episode 190: The Grammys Edition

Episode Date: February 14, 2017

Marcus, Jackie and Molly recap the Grammys, talk celebs who passed on roles, and prepare to review Goop's sex dust. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Say my love to your new lover. Treat a better. Gotta let them all of our goals. We both know we ain't kids no more. Molly, why are you joining in? I know. I still don't know the words either. I do love that song.

I love that song. Welcome to page seven, everybody. Oh my God. I fucking love that song so much. What is that song? It's Adele. That's Adele. Yeah, that's so good.

25, baby, big winnow! Big Winna! You know what song I realized last night during the Grammys that I don't care for that much is the one that's like, I was stressed out. You know, the one that's like... An Adele song? In the back of turn back time. No.

Those little boys. Oh, boys. Those little boys. Oh, yuck. Hate them. Yuck. You like a turn back time. And same with the chain smokers can go suck my death.

I was stressed out. What is that one? Shane smokers can go suck you. What? Yeah, my dick. My big dick. I don't like that song. Yeah.

No, all of the, like, random little boy songs were silly. All of the women were very good. Sorry. Well, Bruno Mars was fantastic. Bruno Mars was good. No, the performers were all very good. I just mean, like, the songs that were up for nomination, there was, like, all these, like, kind of random miscellaneous rock songs in there that I was like,

huh. Yeah, I don't know what happens. Yeah, the Grammys were last night, of course. The Grammys were last night. I guess there was one that I realized that I kind of feel fine about, the one that's like, Once I was seven years old. Do you like that song? No, no.

I mean. I'm sorry, I don't mean to judge you. Everyone has different tastes. I was, I was, it was like the one boy one where I was like on the fence. Like, I was like, this, do I like this? And then I think that I don't. But I tried to. I think that there's something about it that, like, I heard my 10-year-old

knee sing it too much that made me hate it. Yeah. Once I was seven years on and it's just so whiny. It's also whiny. The Ed Shearons it's also whiny. Just because you slap tattoos on your body doesn't mean you're not whiny anymore.

You know, that's very true. In fact, it might make you more whiny. It might. It might. Oh yeah. I mean, as somebody who loves whiny boys with tattoos, it's like, it does make them whiny. Some whiny is good. I just am not moved. Like, listen, that's like, this is why I was upset.

I was like, whiny white boys with tattoos is my wheelhouse. That is like, that's what I seek out in music. And I didn't care for any of the songs. Favorite whining white boy with a tattoo? I'm not sure if Connor Oberst has tattoos. Of course he has tattoos. Yeah, he's got a tattoo of a bird. Believe you me.

Oh, my God. But let's just say that I've been wanting to get a Conor Oberst inspired tattoo for the last 12 years. And I still haven't done it, but I still would. I just haven't bitten the bully yet. You got to do the I am Lisa Simpson. When someone posted on the Facebook page, I burst into tears. Yeah. Thank you.

Thank you for that. It was really exactly. I needed it that day, and it wasn't even for me. Yeah, I think I do need to get it. And I think it needs to say, I am Lisa, you are Lisa Simpson. I don't think it should say you are Molly Neffle. I don't need that. No, you don't need that.

It needs to say you are Lisa Simpson. I love it. Yep. I knew it. He's got a tattoo of a sailboat. Oh, well, of course, a sailboat. Yeah. Oh, God.

It would be like either a lighthouse, a sailboat or a bird. But he is my ultimate, ultimate whiny boy with tattoos. Hell yeah. You know, you got to own it. Yeah. You got the whiny tattoos. I got daddies, you know, everybody's got something. Yeah.

Yeah, you like daddies. I like little boys, skinny boys. Man, we really run the gamut here on the show. That said, I didn't like the ones that were at the Grammys last night. I just like the ladies, the matriarch queens. the Adels and the Beyonce's. Everyone else can... Katie Perry...

The new song is interesting. I dig it. I like that it's, you know, out there. You know, it's saying what she's got to say. I liked Skip Marley. I didn't know there was many Marley children. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

He sired. In his short amount of time, he had some sireship happening. Oh, yeah. Bob Marley, big squirder. But Skip Marley, I thought, was great. And Katie Perry, I liked her suit. but the song was just like

Why are I See I had already watched the lyric video of it And I was hated the Which I do a lot I like to it's like the new song comes out So I watch a lyric video of it And I was so angry about the lyric video That I couldn't even really focus on the song

It was all tiny things You know I love cute stuff But you know the tiny culture You know what I mean I know Tiny pots and a tiny cheese, and we use our little tweezers, and we make a meal, and it was all that. What are you talking about?

Tiny things. I hate them. What tiny things? There's a whole, like, Instagram culture of it. It's everywhere. It's like, oh, it's a tiny house, and we open the tiny refrigerator, and there's just a slice of cheese. And we take out the cheese, and we put it on our tiny bread. Why do we do this?

Because I think people think it's cute. We do it for the legs, and then Katie Perry does it in her music video? Well, the music video was feeding a mouse? I don't know why I'm looking at you, Marcus. I don't know, yeah. Marcus is like, I'm right. Sure, a mouse. I don't know what else you can confuse a mouse for, though.

I don't know. Tiny rat. Or a gerbil? I don't know. No, it wasn't a ferret. I think it was a mouse, or it was a gerbil. Or like a hamster or one of those creeds. tiny things.

And they were eating tiny food. And that's what the song played over. I won't get, I won't, I was just so angry at the time. And see, the thing is ultimately, in the scheme of the Grammys, Katie Perry's song was like, I would say, I mean, I'm not trying to be rude, but I would say on the side of forgettable. Yes. It was just not relevant to the other performances.

But at the same time, it's like the one that, like, said something. Yeah, she had her, like, arm band that said resist. Yeah, I think there was, I mean, there was a lot of, chanting of resist. Yeah. A Tribe Called Quest, I think, just set the bar extremely high for, like, resistance art. Like, everyone else, like, Beyonce just, like, talked about motherhood and it was amazing. It was perfect.

It was flawless. We got to talk about Beyonce. But I do want to shout out a Tribe Call Quest. I know that we don't get political here. I just want to say that I thought that they did a fantastic job. I like how fast you said it, though, just so you get it out. So shut it up. Shut me up.

They didn't get anything. Put your fist in the air. Yes. Subscribe call quest, yes. Oh, I don't know. You know who did a better job of resisting. Celo Green. What was it?

I don't know what. He's resisting, but he obviously is resisting something. That mask was the scariest, I don't know, I saw some, like, weird meme that said, like, oh, Cilow Green, when you have to be at an award ceremony at 7 p.m. But kill all the Power Rangers at 9 p.m. I don't even think he went into the Grammys. I haven't seen in there. No, that's, what was he, like, I don't know what his message was.

I'm not really sure what his message was either. I think he just wanted to dress like a villain of something. I don't know. I'm looking at it right now. He's just dressed in a foil gold dress and a giant gold mask. He didn't even say it. He didn't. I feel like no one asked him enough questions.

Yeah, I'm not sure what the point was, but also I support it. You know what I mean? But I'm just, I'm left with more questions. answers. I mean, but we are talking about Cilo and when was the last time we talked about Cilo? Last time he did something really bad. That's the thing. I think that he's bad. Yeah, he was trying to put a sparkle

on the night. And you know what? He did it. Well, apparently he is, this is his new character, his new persona named Narlie Davidson. Isn't, that's not the, I thought he's had this before. This is new? This is new. Yeah, he's sitting in double XL last week. Look at me.

Look at me! You did this to me, Seelow Green, you fucking idiot, but I like it. I'm actually better than you than everyone. A carma-cazi upon you. Vengeance is mine, sayeth Narlie Davidson. P.S. Technolo Jesus saves. Where did he write this? Triple X-L?

What is it? Is that a fat people's light? I mean, I'll go to it. I think it's a hip-hop magazine. Oh, okay. But it's... Yes, it is. See, now I'm even madder because you're right, Jackie.

We weren't talking about Cilogreen, and we weren't talking about him because I think that we, that it was... We decided we shouldn't talk about. He's bad. He's bad for women. And now we're all talking about his silly outfit, and I think he's, I think he tricked us. I thought it was kind of fun. Yeah, I think it was fun too, but I think he tricked us. Yes, he definitely tricked everyone.

What we should have done is just ignored his silly costume and spoken to him as if he was wearing a normal outfit. Yeah, I mean, yeah, but how? He had a mask on his face, a full head mask on. Yeah, I mean, I guess... Did we talk about the Samsung Note 2nd, 7 exploding in his face? No. Wait, I think we did it.

I think we made him. Did you see the video? It's him on a Samsung Galaxy Note 7, and he's talking in the studio, and then it just explodes. Oh, I did see that. Yeah. He just rolls around on the floor like a little roly-poly. Yes. And that's, you know, I feel like the Samsung 7 should only explode in the faces of people who have definitely committed sex crimes.

Well, at this point, the whole factory has exploded. So it really doesn't matter. I think it's over. Yeah. I think it's done. I think all of it is done. But I'm just saying that can be, we can med out justice that way. Just give the Samsung 7, recalled Samsung 7s to people who've been accused of bad.

Not who've been accused, but who have been, um, who we are. are certain are bad. That they have done it. He has done it. We give them an exploding phone. Ah, it was fun. But what I really liked is Marcus showed me, him leaving, that apparently it was like a batmobile of sorts.

And so he gets into, I mean, it was still daylight, but I guess it's in L.A. I don't know what time it had to. Eh, whatever, whatever. Yeah. But he gets into the car, and he sits out and he goes, does the one big flick off, and he does the second big flick off, and then they drive away. Yeah, that was good. And when I walked up to Jackie outside

Before we started recording she was like Hang on, I'm in the middle of something It's really important And I thought that maybe it was something Business-like And it was her finding the link to this video So that I could send it to Henry And it was very important

It was a very good video I had to get it sent Henry had to know You know before I talked about it on here Well this is a very eventful Grammys A lot of stuff that people are talking about You know the one thing that people are kind of talking about but not really, but I think it's very important.

It's the Beegey's tribute. Yeah. It was weird. All the tributes were weird. All of the tributes were. Do they always do that? Do they always have somebody else sing the songs? I think this is kind of new.

They had a weird Bowie tribute last year, I remember, that was very bizarre and not all that great. But what's his name? The Beji. Barry Gibb. Why wasn't he on the stage? He was there mouthing the words to the songs. Yeah, they kept going back to the, yeah, the lead singer of the beach. Beegees, he's just mouthed in the words of the songs wearing those weird sunglasses looking

like an old, like he looked very old. He looks like one of those weird old men that has the dyed hair but still has a very old face and eyes. Yeah, he was looking real bad. Meanwhile, it's like, I mean, Demi Lovano. Let him on stage. Demi Lovano's fine, but has she ever heard the Beeges? Like, has she ever sat and listened to the Beegis before? Get me a break. Yeah. Yeah, I really, I really think, my favorite part of the Grammys every damn year is the In Memorium part, where they briefly play just a few seconds of live performances by the artists who've died? I mean, the performances by living artists are also good.

But they should just do a tribute, but they should just play cool videos of live performances of artists. I want to see the actual BG's play. See, but in the same vein, I enjoyed Bruno Mars singing the Prince song, but then I was talking to Justin, who my other roommate, and he was angry because he just impersonated Prince

and just did the song. But what else was he going to do? You're not going to reinvent the song in an in-memorium song. No. And he was desperately trying to play the guitar because he usually doesn't play. Yeah, but that just frustrated me. I just like, I don't want to watch somebody

who's not as good at guitar try to play a Prince guitar. But you know how long he probably worked on that? That's all I could think of is that he probably agonized over that solo for months. Trying to get it so down that he was probably fucking terrified. Even though he's a season performer, I can guarantee that man was terrified just the way Adele was terrified

when she sang the George Michael song. Yes. I remember someone fucked up during the David Bowie one last year. They fucked up the guitar, I remember. Well, Adele fucked up the George Michael tribute. But she stopped it. Was that Adele's fault or was that the sound guy's fault? Because there was also that sound issue with James Hetfield.

microphone not being turned on. Was that a problem? I don't know. I'm not sure whose fault it was. She apologized, but also she's just so classy, she would apologize even if it wasn't her fault. Yeah. But she also is known for having pretty,

I mean, she has pretty hardcore stage fright. So I imagine her getting up there and performing this song that is not hers that she knows is important she has to kill. And then she didn't, so she just stopped it. And I mean, everyone's, you know, kind of ripping her apart for it. but I, it's classy.

Yeah, she did the right thing. She did all the right things. Adele had a rough one last night. Yes. She did all the, she did the best she could with rough circumstances, and I don't mean to jump to the end, but did you see her face when they announced that she had won album of the year?

I think she was upset. She was so upset. She looked like she started crying, and she started going, no, no, no, because she knew the backlash. How could you want, I mean, but also I truly believe she did not want to. You would know. want to win against Beyonce Lemonade? Not just any Beyonce album, Lemonade.

Which right now is such a, I mean, it was then, and it is right now. It's such a hot button thing. It's so, well, it's just so, it's unlike any other album. Like, it's so good. She looks so unhappy. And I, at that moment, I, like, loved her more than I've ever loved Adele because she was just like, oh, no. She's a person. That sucks for her.

They're like, she can't win an award without, worrying about people giving her shit for it. But it's not, I don't think it was that as much as, I don't know, to me, I didn't read it as she was afraid for getting shit. I think she legitimately, I mean, what she said on stage was like this, like, thank you and I like, I'm happy that I won, but this belongs to Beyonce. And when she won one record of the year, I was like, okay, yeah, like, hello is an awesome, awesome, awesome song.

This is great, she'll win for that, and then Beyonce will win for an album of the year. And I feel like that's just, like, and then when she did it, That's why I think she looked upset, not because of like that people, she thought people would hate her, but because she, I mean, you know. She thought Beyonce should have won. She thought she thought Beyonce should have won. And then she was just like, this is, you know, this is so, like, ridiculous. But when she's crying on stage and Beyonce started to tear up in the audience as well when she's talking to her about how she deserved it, oh my God. Jess, I just.

And Jay-Z. They just. They get it together. They did. They did. They both get it. Yeah. Adelda, the absolute, I think, the best she could with it.

But I just felt for her because first she had the screw up with the George Michael song. And then she just like clearly did not want to win album of the year. And I think 25 is a fantastic album. But it's a good album. But Lemonade is just. It's epic. You can't, you really can't compare them. It's a freaking visual album.

And yeah, it's just, it's lemonade. It's like I just, I, I. Is this Bay Backlash here? We got Bay Backlash? And we got Bay Backlash? I mean, I think that her, but at the same time, why it was actually so brilliant is that there is no backlash from the hive because they respected what she said. Yeah. So I thought actually, I don't think it was calculated.

You're right. I don't think it was calculated. But it was so fucking smart of her to do that. Because not only does she respect her, but she wants her. But I think that it is part of that. That like, don't hate me. Please don't rip me apart I wanted her to win

Yes but I mean maybe I just Like I'm assigning emotions to Adele But it really seemed like she wanted Beyonce to win That was what she said But how hot is fucking Adel's husband Good Lord That big bearded lumberjack Beautiful man

And all I could think Go for Ha Simon Kenecki Sure I mean he is He is a big, beautiful dude. Interesting, Jackie. Yeah, and you know it's not usually my type.

I mean, that's a daddy in training, though. It's a daddy and he is a daddy currently. I don't necessarily agree with you, but I support you. I think that I just imagine that, you know, their love is just ethereal. Yeah. Speaking of love, though, did you see how pissed Jay-Z was when Beyonce didn't win? Yes. I appreciated that.

I think that that's nice. Be very mad that your most brilliant person on earth partner didn't win. Oh, she gets enough, Hackeloy. She does get enough. She gets enough. She's fine. I'm tired of the Beyonce worship. Well, she's good.

That is worshiping God makes sense, Margaret. No, but that is what I will say about her performance. Obviously, she could not do what she usually does. But I thought it was actually to a point, and you know I love Beyonce. I'm not saying this in a bad way, that it was to, like, her performance was to a point that it was complete. like son goddess worship. Yeah. And I understand that she is an amazing performer,

but that, it's like, you are not Mother Earth, though. But it was, but she couldn't dance. And so she made a really beautiful piece of art. She did, but all the bowing down to her and the lifting her. I mean, like, it was to a point that I was like, okay. All right. I mean, you know, and you know, she's my queen. but it was, I thought it was, it was.

Oh, I totally, totally disagree. And I don't know, there's, with the big headpiece, it makes, I know that she based it on, I forget the name of the goddess. There's a goddess of like beauty, and so she based her look on a specific goddess. But like I just kept thinking of raw. I'm like, you ain't no raw girl.

But, and then she, when she read her acceptance speech off of gold, But, you know, in her acceptance speech, I guess, was that for song of the year? And she said, like, you know, this is about, I thought her speech was so good. She was like, this is, you know, this is about, like, I keep when I say maternity, but that's not what I mean. But mother and generations. Her mother introduced her under the stage. And she said, you know, I want my, you know, she said, I want my daughter to, like, look and see herself when she looks on TV, when she looks to movies or music, videos or the White House or whatever, like, I want my daughter deserves to see herself and

people who look like her. And I think that, like, I thought that, like, so, so I saw her performance in this context of like a kind of, which would, like, in lemonade, which is like a celebration of like, um. Of women and life. And, yeah, and specifically of black women, you know, and, you know, at the risk of a toilet flesh year, the Grammys has a bad history when it comes to awarding black people. I think there's like, the last time a black, a black, you know, woman won a Grammy was 1999. Yeah, but then it's all been Beyonce. Like, that's my only issue.

Is that there are other people out there. There are other people. And the whole show was just multiple performances. I mean, you know I love all three of them. Beyonce, Adele, and Bruno Mars. Yeah, but there are other artists out there. Maybe that's my thing.

Yeah, it's, uh, you get some other people. They did a good job of like, chance the rapper. Like, hey, get chance to rap. And that way, he was amazing. Yeah, it's fucking great. But yeah, let's get some, let's switch it up, besides just Bay all the time. time. Like, let's get some, uh, let's roll it around a little bit. I hear that. But also, like,

last year, Kendrick Lamar, everyone expected him to win and then Taylor Swift won and everyone was like, really, Taylor Swift? Like, so I feel like, yeah, this was a bay heavy year, but again, like, lemonade, you know. Lemonade, of course. But at the same time, Adele with 25, she only comes out with albums every few years because she writes them herself. Yeah. And I mean, and that she makes these, they are also pieces of art to her. Yeah. And, and, and, yeah, and, yeah, Yeah, she was amazing, and I love watching her perform. But, yeah, I mean, Adele was on stage, like, the entire, like 75% of the nightline. She was up there the whole time.

Yeah. No wonder she put her hair up. Girl, put your hair up. Can we, take a break? Can we briefly shout out Blue Ivy's Prince suit? Because that was fucking awesome. Can we also briefly shout out why all of James Corden's outfits were too small on them? He was.

Let it breathe. He was not fun at all, I didn't think. Driving in the car with fatty. He even brought on there. He's trying to get everybody driving the car with Faddy with the fake car. Yeah, no, he's not made for that, but you know, it's fine. Did you see how John Legend did not know the words of Sweet Caroline? No, and had you not know the words of Sweet Caroline?

He did not know. He was like, um, mm-mm-mm. They even put the camera on him, and he just didn't even try. He didn't even try, yeah. And I, as somebody, I often don't know the words to popular songs, but even I, I was like, oh, come on. It's sweet Caroline. It's sweet Caroline. Dude, please some respect.

But all I know, sweet car. But up, yeah, I don't know anything other than just... The time's never been so good. So good. I don't expect them to know the verse, but once you get into the like hands, touching hands, touching out, yeah. Yeah, like, you just look around you

and try to keep up John Legend, but it was, I mean, John Legend's great. It was interesting, though, that Beyonce decided to look like Judy Garland slippers. But, I mean, you look down And you can tell it's Beyonce because she was the only one wearing something like that. But I was just like for being that pregnant,

red is an interesting choice. Yeah, but oh, just so that's like. But the green on Adele. Oh, that dress was gorgeous. Yeah, that dress was gorgeous. That dress. Oh, and I love it. But, you know, it's like modest.

Oh, she's so modest. I love her. I was also transfixed by Beyonce's boobs. Dude. Transfixed. They got some milks. in them. That's the thing. I don't usually notice boobs, which is why I noticed I was noticing Beyonce's boobs. But in the raw costume, you couldn't look anywhere else. I was just like,

these are breathtaking, and I'm not a boob lady. Oh. You're looking at the picture? Yeah. Breasts. Yeah. Well, she's got milk for two in there. But at the same time, it's also, again, it's just like, we get it. You're pregnant. But don't be like, because women never get to be, like, beautiful women in public on the stage, never get to be like, look at me, I'm But she never did it during Blue Ivy. She never did it because she never preached this motherhood thing. And me, thanks, maybe the rumors got to her a little bit. I think that they did.

And I really think that it's just like now that she is the cherish, not only the queen of pop, but she is the mother of pop. Yes. I mean, that's why I was like, ah, okay, yeah. He shoved it in there. You got multiples in there. Yeah. Ivy F hardcore.

Gotta be Just quick divot Pivot I like that you say divvit I got to divot though Because I keep staring at the sex dust Yeah can we talk about the sex dust? We did get some sex dust

We got some Let's see here What is there a name L Allen and J. Johns From here in Brooklyn sent us some goop sex dust I am so excited We got Valentine's Day tomorrow

Not that I give a fuck about Valentine's Day but I got this sex dust. It's called moon juice. Can I just do a quick read of the back? Yep. Sex dust is a lusty edible formula, alchemized to ignite and excite your sexy energy in and out of the bedroom. Get moon dusted.

It has. It's mixed with eight ounces of hot or cold water nut milk, coffee, tea, or smoothie. I hate the word nut milk. I hate it too, but I do drink nut milk. So it's just like... It's fine. I do nut milk every once in a while, but just call it almond milk.

Yeah, nut milk is disgusting. It sounds like... Come. Come, yeah, and not mixing it with Doug's come. I'm going to make a pace. We come, I'm going to make a comb on my chest. And then I'm going to like, wait, wait, wait, I'm going to scrape it off. I'm going to mix in the sex dust with it, and I'm going to huff it.

That I'm going to put it off under my nose so I can smell it like vapo rum. Or we could blow it. Sure, sure, sure. Let's blow it. Okay, we get some straws up in this piece. Moon juice. And there is a nutritional facts on the moon juice. So you got to eat it.

No sugar, though. Thank Christ. No sugar in this, satchit. We now know it's the word sache. But sashie is still pretentious. We shouldn't have been able to assume it's called a sashet. Do you know what? I'd rather it be called a satchet.

Yeah, it's a little pouch. Okay, will you have me the sassay of sex dust, please? I'm not going to say that. Yeah, sashay is. I think we gave Goop the benefit of the doubt on this. Like, there's no way it's called a sashet. Yeah. It's got to be a satchet.

Yeah, because she just repurposes words. I am so excited. at the sex dust though. No, it's 4% of your dietary fiber. Oh, good. Because I'm hoping right in the middle of me swabbing on a knob that I got to just fucking shit out my goose. Hard.

I'm about to go on my honeymoon and I think I got to eat this dust. You have to bring the sex dust. I think I'm going to eat the dust. You have to report back, though, so please make a journal. Do I do both genders eat the dust or does one person eat the dust? I think it's multi-gendered. I think anybody that wants to eat the second. Whoever needs the voom, whoever needs the boost.

Uh-huh. Do we split the dust? You don't split the dust. I think one takes the dust. Really? Yeah. You think so? You should get him one of those, what do they call it, like, spider venoms that they sell in a bodega?

I'm not going to get him a bodega powder. No, my goop powder is of a different class than that bodega powder. Well, here is a review that it's called, I tried Gwyneth Paltrow's sex dust and regretted every You meant it out of that. No. And wait, can I just quickly say that I'm wrong? It is the exact same shoot as the stuff they sell at the bodega. Horny goatweed is in the list of ingredients and that's what they sell at the bodega.

I am excited. I stand corrected. My classism was misplaced. This is just expensive bodega. Bodega horny goatweed. I can't wait to try it. I don't know if Valentine's Day is the day to do it, though. Yeah, the stakes are high.

I feel like it's going to give me like dry mouth. Oh, definitely. It's a sash to a duck dust. How is it not going to give you a dry mouth? Yeah, if you like it, though, you can get a year-long supply for $1,560. That's it? I just actually got chills when you said that number. Or you could also do, you could take your sex dust and sex dust and make sex bark.

Oh. I do love bark. I just don't know if I want bark included in my sex life. No. No, no one. does. I'd rather take like moss from the trees in Florida. I'm like oh no, we have moss sex instead.

Yeah, there's fire ants in it, but that's what makes it. Speciesy. What happened to the lady who ate the dust? Did she put it in the wrong place? Well, no, she tried eating it. She said that she had to keep herself from vomiting. She seems a bit sensitive. Oh, give me a break. Yeah, just

put it in a nut milk and get on it with your day. She put it into a smoothie. It's a very, very, very, very very long article. It is way, way, way, way too long. I do kind of want to put it all over my belly and have him lick it off. Yeah, I feel like I want to sprinkle it on the bed, even though that's obviously not. Well, it is your honeymoon, so I mean, girl, you do you.

When I hear sex dust, I think of, I want to, like, roll in it. I can't believe you're going to have sex dust on your honeymoon. I mean, I'm, am I, I guess, I mean, I'm not going to save it, you know. Yeah, no, it's for your honeymoon. When in Rome. Oh, yeah. But on the sex test. Yeah.

I just feel like there should also be, like, glitter that I, I feel like there should be external sex dust and internal sex test. You should have glitter on hand for when you come and then you take the glitter and you throw it everywhere. Because you're going to be in a hotel room so somebody else don't clean it up. Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of benefits to sex test. First of all, it's an aphrodisiac. It is beauty food.

That's a whole, that's a whole, that beauty food. It's a category. It's a category. Is Kiwi? Is Kiwi a beauty food? Beauty food? Yeah, Kiwi's got to be a beauty food. Gotta be. What are beauty foods?

Probably any sort of fruit or vegetable could be categorized. I feel like Kiwis especially because of something about that hairy exterior that apparently you're supposed to eat. You're supposed to eat it? I'd rather just like lick on it and be like yuck. No, thank you. That's what you like. Yum. Yuck.

I don't really, I don't dig a kiwi. Too many seeds. I like a kiwi. And the hair on the outside. It's too goopy. It's a little goopy. Beauty foods, raisins. Yuck.

Prunes? Edomame. Yes, please. But yeah, but is that a beauty food? It's a beauty food. I thought all the soybeans have the estrogen in them. Is that why it's a beauty food? I think it's bad for your hormones.

Cucumbars? I love cucumbers. I love cucumbers. Parsley? It's a beauty food if you can fuck it. You can't fuck a parsley. I know that. Yeah, you can't.

And you can fold them up inside you. Tert. juice. That's it. Wait, is that it? Is that the whole list? That's five beauty foods for natural radiance. She's such a liar. It's just plants, you guys. It's just plants. Eat plants.

Yeah, well, do plants mineralize deeply? That's made. Moon, dude, the sex dude, dust out. I just imagine just sucking back one of those tiny boxes of raisins like do I look like I'm glowing?

I feel like I'm glowing. Oh my God, I'm going to have to write a testimonial about what the sex does to me. I am really excited. I'm definitely going to keep a journal of the sex stuff. Can I put it in alcohol? Sure. I mean, it doesn't say it on there, but, you know, goop, I imagine, isn't big on the booze.

I'm going to put this sex dust in a glass of champagne. No, as it says, don't be afraid to double dose. I am afraid. I mean, it just looks like dirt. It does look like dirt. Hell yeah. Yeah, it looks like cinnamon or dirt, depending on how generous you're feeling. Snorting it, I think, is the fun possible.

Yeah, I think snorting is the only option. I think that's sexy. Snorting's always sexy. Yeah. I'm going to put it along the line of his dick. And I'm like, wait, don't move, don't move. No, stop it. Stop getting harder.

I snorted this vegetable root extract off your dick. Oh, it's time for the legs. Markass. Got to have that. Stars who passed on iconic Hollywood roles. Oh, Fude. I can't wait to watch that show. Are you so excited?

I can't wait. What is feud again? The, um, Joe, uh, Joan Crawford and Betty Davis. With, uh, Sarah Paulson, right? Yeah. Yeah, it's going to be pretty good. It's going to be very good.

Michelle Pfeiffer passed on Clarice Starling. Who? Silence of the Lamps. Silence of the Lamps. Silence of the Lams. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fine. She doesn't have... She doesn't have enough of a good, straight face.

Yeah. But that makes me feel better because I often confuse Michelle Pfeiffer and Jody Foster's faces in my head. Do you really? Yeah, I think that they have a similar kind of thing going on. Because I always think of dangerous minds and cat women. Yeah.

That's all I can think of when I think of Michelle Pfeiffer. I mean, it's been the most alive. I'm going to get a paradise. I learned every word to that song. Yeah. It was one of those that I felt like I needed to know every single word. And I do. So that's that story.

She passed on Tons of the Lamb said it was too violent. Oh, give me a break. Dangerous minds. Coolio. Come on. Well set. Al Pacino passed on Han Solo. Oh, that would have been terrible.

He's not. Not enough. Hans Solo had to be hot. Al Pacino's a good-looking guy back in the day. I think he's hotter than Harrison Ford, but I think that he's too like... Even back then? Is that racist to me against the town? No, not at all.

No, I take it. I just feel like he's a slick. You didn't call him a goomba. I feel like he's just so slick. I feel like Hans Solo had to be like a bit of a bit of like a bumbler, you know? I don't know. Check out this picture of Al Pacino and Serpico. Hot.

Wow, hot. Dreamy. Yeah, Elpino. It was way dreamier. You know what it is? He's got drug addict's eyes, even though I know he's not a drug addicts. That's what I like about him.

You should see Panic in Needle Park. I have, you know I love my sad movies. That was one of those I did like alone on an afternoon. And I was like, why did I do this for myself? Oh, yeah, he is hot as hell. But I just think he's too smooth. I feel like Harrison Ford at the time was a little bit of a goof.

Yeah, yeah. And that's kind of what he needed to be. Yeah. Smooth but goof. Yeah, a little goof. Yeah, he's way too soon. Yeah, Pacino would have been way too sweet. He would have been great in it.

Julia Roberts passed on the blind side. Well, she was fine. You know what? I never saw it. I really had no desire. She won for it, right? Sandra Bullock won. I had no desire.

I also think that Sandra Bullock and Julia Roberts are slightly interchangeable. Obviously, I know the difference between the two of them, but they both have a big mouth thing going on. No, and it's also the girl next door thing. Well. Right. And they have a similar like, schick, you know.

Although I thought Sandra Bullock was really sexy and miscongeniality. Yeah. I mean, Sandra Bullock's extremely, hell, she's sexy in gravity. She is sexy in gravity. Yeah. But Julia Roberts, you know, Julia Roberts. I go for Sandra Bullock over Julia Roberts. Now for sure.

Because Julia Roberts kind of looks like my mom. Ooh, sexy, sexy mommy. Don't want to. Don't want to. Don't want to. Don't want it. Not all of us Like famous people who look exactly like our parents

I forget I forget I don't want to fuck Jack Nicholson Sean Conner He was gonna play Gandalf Ooh He's not tall enough Yeah I guess he isn't tall enough

Right? Yeah A wizard has to be tall You gotta have a tall wizard Yeah I don't know Well I don't know how tall Ian McCullen is

He's gotta be tall Unless they just played it up Hobbit-wise Well they did play up I know they played up the Hobbit wise and the gnomes with the axes. I don't know. At that time, going through all the Ennis stuff, I listen to so much Lord of the Rings songs. So many Lord of the Rings songs.

Ian McKellen's 511. That's fine. Is John Connery shorter than 511? In my head, James Bond is short. Actually, John Connery's 6-2. Hey. Whoa. In fact, most of the bonds are tall.

Pierce Bronson, also 6-2. He doesn't count. Yeah, he doesn't count. What are you talking about? Golden Eyes, great. I just feel like he wasn't the slickest. No, he's such a generic man. You know?

I liked him best in Mrs. Doubtfire. Yeah, where he played a generic, hate-hattable. Yeah, man. He can just be, I saw him in the Upper East Side once. He seemed like a nice fella. Did he? He seemed like it. Oh, is it Volcano?

No, Dante's Peak. Dante's Peak. I mean, I wanted to have sex with him in Dante's Peak. Okay. I mean, Volcano and Dante's Peak. pretty much the same movie. One of those double movies. Like Deep Impact in Armageddon.

Yes. You know how that happens? Is that a lot of film studios will have a lot of screenplays just kind of on hold. And when they find out that another studio is putting out a movie that is similar to that, they'll try to beat that movie to theaters and try to overshadow it. That's why you've got Deep Impact and Asteroid, Dante's Peak and Volcano, Bugs and Ants. Or a Bug's Life and Ants. Prefontein and the other movie about Prefontein?

I don't know that person. He was a cross-country runner. Yeah, and there were inexplicably two movies out about him in the same year. Yeah, if you've ever run cross-country, you know all of the Prefontein quotes. Well, it's why I didn't watch the Snowden movie, because I just watched the documentary about Snowden, so why would I want to watch Jesse Eisenberg play Snowden? Wasn't it Joseph Gordon-Levitt? Sure, same difference.

Yeah, that's nice. Yeah, they were like it. Babe and Gordy? Yes, thank you. I've always wondered about those. Especially ants and a bug's life. I was like, this has to be, they think that we're stupider than we are.

Ants was a little bit rougher than a bug's life, though. It was like a little more adult. I think that's right. Ants? Yeah. Well, yeah, how Woody Allen at? Ugh. Speaking of people, we'll give a Samsung 7.

Yeah, right. Give it to Woody Allen. A gaudy. Did you guys ever see Gordy? Or is another fat pig? The talking pig who made it big. Nope. No need.

Guarantee that I did not. No, look, here's a picture of the Gordy poster. It's a pig wearing a tie. Oh, it's exactly like the cover of the baby. Looks just like babe. It's a little pig. That'll do, Gordy. Roger Ebert said kids will squeal over Gordy.

Yuck. Nope, that sounds like you're slaughtering children in the theater. Kids will squeal over Gordy. I love it. Well, it didn't do very well. You'll be happy to know. I'm glad. Yeah, a talking pig named Gordy becomes involved in a quest to save his family from the slaughterhouse.

That sounds dark as hell. Yes. I mean, you know, Charlotte's Webb was much the same. Yeah, that's true. Oh, Debbie Reynolds. She's dead, Molly. I know, but she was Charlotte. Was she really?

I didn't even know that until she died. I didn't know that either. But she was Charlotte. In the cartoon version? Yes. There was a other one? I don't know. I feel like there's a live action one somewhere.

It's probably not true. Like a la Mary Martin Peter Panth style? See, I never saw. We talked about this in Roundtable. I've never seen the Charlotte's Web movie. I just read the book and it was too sad so I never wanted to watch the movie. The movie is extremely sad.

Yeah, it's a sad book. Devastating. Oh, it's sad all around. Jack Nicholson passed on Michael Corleone. That's a big bad. He should have done it. That one he should have done. He would have been good.

But also, I feel like he's not Italian enough. I mean, yeah, that is true. He doesn't look Italian. I mean, he's got the dark hair, but he doesn't look Italian. No, not really. No, I don't think he would have been good enough. As a goomba myself, I'm allowed to say that. And he passed because he felt that an Italian should play it.

Damn. Good for him. Good for him. Go for him. Ooh, Kim Basinger was going to be in Basic Instinct. Oh, yeah. That's great. who um

Sharon Stone and also interchangeable that's interchangeable that's interchangeable for me as well Kim Basinger definitely had more of a thing

for her but that was because of Batman well yeah Kim Basinger do a movie that was just like basic instinct maybe it was I want to say is it nine and a half weeks that she's in yeah

who is that Kim Basinger I'm pretty sure that's Kim Basinger because I think she's got a sex scene in that yes because I remember nine and a half weeks turning me on Too hard. Yeah, it's Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke.

Who's in an indecent proposal? Jimmy Moore. Okay. Okay. Oof. Because that's also, I, basic instinct and indecent proposal are kind of, along with fatal attraction. I was about to say the Glenn Close one. Yeah.

All kind of jambled up. Which is one because Glenn Close doesn't look like any of them. So, go far. That's true. And Fatal Attraction is a great movie. Yes, it is. Johnny Depp was going to be Ferris Bueller Eich

Well in the crybaby era though I could see that You know that that's around that same time right Or was crybaby way before that Crybaby was actually that would have been around the same time Yeah I mean that was also the time That they were trying to shape him to be a celebrity

Because he was so dumb that he couldn't get through interviews He really was just straight up so dumb I mean But I don't want to say dumb that he wasn't like linguistically evolved to do good interviews. And they were trying to shape him to be a celebrity. They're like, listen, man, you're handsome as hell. Learn how to talk.

Yeah, but then, you know, now he's just a meth head, crackhead, whatever. I'm thinking, yeah, it sounds like meth egg crackhead. Yeah, I think both of those things. He's definitely smoking something like that. Speaking of which, it's time for blind out of him. Yeah, we can't stay up. Speaking of crack, I got a crack one for you. This Academy Award-winning actor got kicked out of a party for trying to offer his foreign-born A-plus-list singer not named Rihanna a hit from his crack pipe.

Not named Rihanna? Not named Rihanna. And it's very surprising. A-plus list. A-plus list. We were talking about her a lot earlier. Bay? No.

Adele? Yeah. Crack? She wasn't smoking it. This other guy offered it. Oh, okay. Oh, my God. Do we know who ever do this to me?

We know who offered. Juice. David Schwimmer offered Adel Crack. Cuba Gooding Jr. Offered. Oh, Kuhl Gooding Jr. See, that would make sense. That makes more sense.

Why is Del hanging out with David Schwimmer? They should never be in the same room. So, going to help Adele? Okay. They were at Harry Stiles' birthday party. What? Why was Cuba Gooding Jr. at Harry Siles' birthday party? birthday party. Adele was there. Tommy Lee was there. Cindy Crawford.

What? Why, Harry Styles? 23 year old. Invite people your own age. Yeah, but I mean, I'm sure he had those people, but he can also probably get whomever he wants. I want four random adults who range in fame and power. And also, he's not even, he's not even up there right now. No, but he's a, He's a fine person. But Cuba Gooding Jr. has never been solid gold to me. I mean, you know, he's amazing in the people versus O.J. Simpson. But like, outside of that lately, snow dogs, right?

Cuba Gooding Jr.? Yeah. People versus O.J. Simpson. No, that's what I mean. Yeah. Outside of that. Snow dogs? Right.

But he's a party boy. He looks at. Yeah. I mean, well, we've seen many blind items of Cuba Gooding Jr. Misbehaving. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He misbehaves quite a bit. I mean, I am a little bit disappointed as not David Schwimmer, but...

You imagine him on crack? What a conversation it would be between David Schwimmer and Adele, him trying to get her to smoke crack? Just like a coked-up David Schwimmer, just like... No, he's like a daddy. He's like on the straight narrow, though. Really? Yeah. He's really trying to become A-List again.

No. Swimmer? Yeah. I read a real bad blind item about him. He's a real big dickhead. He, like, yelled at a waiter for standing in the wrong place. Do you know who I am? Yeah.

No. Yeah, you were nobody for a really long time. Yeah, you were, like, everyone's least favorite character on a very popular show. On a very popular show, exactly. Next up, another drug one. He would like you to believe he was hurt playing some sport or some other cool reason, but the fact is this A-minus list mogul wannabe rapper fell down some stairs while high on LSD.

Mogul wannabe A minus. Not a plus much more anymore. I mean, I would actually

put him down to a B at this point. A B, but a mogul? Yeah, a mogul, yeah. He's kind of

JZ before JZ. JZ before JZ. I don't know. This is territory you know, I don't know, about Barry Maniloh. Sheikhiel O'Neil.

We should have to have. Yeah, he was saying. Before, Jay-Dadee, I got nothing. P. Diddy. Oh, him. Fuck that guy. I would never even have thought of that in a hundred million years.

No one has said the name P. Diddy in I'm going to say four years. Yeah. I don't even think P. Diddy has said the name P. Diddy in four years. He went back to, now he's Diddy. Yeah, he's Diddy again. That is just the Did. And I think now he's just Diddy. Sean Diddy Combs.

It's like how Lil' Biow was now. just bow wow. Man, how far they fall. Yeah, fuck, fuck, puff daddy. Damn. He fell down stairs. That's how far he fell down. Daddy did.

He fell down a flight of stairs. On LSD, just hoping that he could remember how he felt when he was on top. Mm-hmm. Oh, my God. I can't believe I forgot about P. Diddy. Everyone forgot about P. Diddy. Was he at the Grammys? No, no.

He doesn't do any of those things. Oh. No, I don't think he has. He's not invited to any of those things. No, he had shoes. I remember the shoes. He was on an episode of Always Sunny like four or five years ago. Yikes.

Oh, my God. Man, you imagine how sad that LSD trip must have been for him? Oh, falling downstairs. And if you're not bad of a place, don't do it. Yeah, no, don't do it. I don't know. Maybe he's in a good place. Maybe he's.

I don't know. I mean, I got pictures of him in the hospital. Oh, he's smiling. Yeah, he seems fun. Oh, he's smiling with the two friends that he has and a big teddy bear. Oh, no, he's too, and he did, it's quote, I'm doing great. I'm doing great. He said, they said I'd never run again.

I said the devil is a liar. What is wrong with it? I think he was still on LSD. Yeah. He dated Jennifer Lopez. I think so. Remember that dress she was wearing last night? What was that?

I thought I liked it. Really? Yeah. You thought you liked it. With the puff, the crepe puff? I liked the colors. Yeah, it was floral. There was a lot of weird dresses last night.

There really were. Oh, but Adel's. I think, yeah, Beyonce and Adele killed it. I mean, they had to. Yeah. They didn't have much of a choice. It was their night. It was their night.

Yeah, it was some really weird. I mean, of course, Heidi Clume looked pretty good. Whoa, short dress, no problem. I like a short dress. The chunky heels are interesting. Yeah, she did wear chunky heels and a sleek silver dress. Do you see that girl? You know who girl crush is?

Yes. She wore a dress that was just a bunch of balls. Oh, why? Would she? Like a ball pit. Like the ball pit, yeah. I like it. I bet she had needles hidden in there like most ballpits too.

I'm peeing in it also. She did that so she could pee all things. Katie Perry's was pretty awful. I mean, it was like the metallic top with a rug. Oh, that is awful. That's bad. Mind you. I would have worn her white suit.

She should have worn what she was wearing when she performed. Her white tauts was, it was bad. Yeah, that was good, but that is bad. No, that furry thing is bad. Yeah, it's a pretty terrible furry thing. Do you know Jacqueline Van Bierck? No. No, I don't know, her.

She wore a dress that was covered in CDs. Like actual physical CDs? Actual physical CDs. Oh, good Lord. No wonder nobody knows her. Two on the nose. On the right. Oh, my right.

Oh. And then Keith Urban with his weird plastic face. Keith Urban's plastic face did look weird. It's weird. Faith Hill looks beautiful, though. They kind of try to mush a lot of different genres together at the Grammy. It was, which was good. I think they actually tried this year to include other people.

Here's two country singers. Ooh, and you slapped pentatonics on there. God, or three, pentatonics. They shouldn't have been at the end of the show. By then, nobody cared. Everybody sloshed, including Rihanna, which we didn't even talk about, because she was drinking out of her diamond-studded flask

of the entire evening. Respect. I would drink out of a flask if I was at the Grammys. I didn't even know that they don't serve drinks at the Grammys. Yeah, flascus. I mean, it's just a theater, you know. But where to drink's at? Although I have to say I got to throw it out to James Gordon. I was talking about this earlier.

Then he was just like, you guys sitting at home are actually more comfortable than Beyonce is right now because they were all sitting on these shitty folding chairs. Yeah. He's like, if you want to feel like Beyonce right now, Go take a folding chair out of your garage and sit on it in your living room. Yeah. Not funny when I did it. I thought it.

I chuckled. I like how much you're rooting for him. I chuckled. He did an okay job. The suit was too small. All of his suits were too small. All of them were too small. They were barely buttoned in the center.

And you know, I know. Just let it out. Yeah. Let it out. The weird prat fall. I don't know. It was weird. The whole night was weird.

It was weird. Everything's weird now. And I think we're just sort of resigned to the fact that everything is weird. I don't know if that's the state of the world or if it's just because we are all in our early to mid-30s. Yes. But everything is weird now. Everything is weird and also most things are disappointing. Everything kind of sucks most of the times.

Bad things are happening more often than good things. Until we start snorting this sex does and our lives are about to. But Marcus, true question, are you going to take it or are you going to make your lover take it? I'm going to take it. Yeah, this will be good. We'll have a controlled experiment. Okay. I am with a woman in her mid-30s.

She does not need sex dust. Yeah, but I don't need sex dust. I don't need it. I'm a man in my mid-30s. I'm tired. Give me sex dust. All right. We're going to, oh, we have to do this.

We have to report back. Yes, we'll all report back. Everyone look at my eyes. Look at my eyes, Molly. I'm looking. Marcus, look at my eyes. We're going to report back. Report back.

They did it. They looked at Marcus as soon. Moon juice. Moon juice. All right. We'll do it. Thanks for the jerky. We didn't talk about the jerky.

God damn it. We're going to do jerky review. It's over. It's done. Well, we could do a quick jerky review. Can we just do a quick jerky review? I'm going to give it to you guys? Just let me have a piece.

So someone was so nice and they sent Molly a bunch of vegan jerky. Okay, we have to choose the flavor. Smoked black pepper, maple bacon, or smoked Carolina BBQ, There's so much of it. Or Sfriracha maple, which do you choose? Black pepper. Pepper. Wow.

All right, yeah. That symbiosis, you guys. Okay, I'm opening it. I love it because Molly before and I was like, I want to eat it on air. Mom's like, you're not going to like it. You're not going to like it. No one's going to like it but me, but I'm going to love it. All right.

Jerk. All right, she's handing us the jerky. Jerk. Thank you. Why is it colored like this? Yeah. And it's like meat. Okay, let's do it.

It doesn't look like meat. Cheers. Cheers. Mmm. Yeah. I love it. I love it. I love it.

It tastes like bread. It tastes like spicy bread. I love it. It tastes like meat. Oh, it's bread. It's bread. It's bread. I think you forgot what meat tastes like.

It tastes like meat product. Oh, my God, it's bread. I love it. Um. Mm. It fell apart in my mouth. So that's the kind of stuff you eat like all the time? No, I don't usually eat great meat.

But I love it. Well, that tastes like bread. I'm going to enjoy every bite of this. It's just interesting because like the jerky, you know, which I think you just can't replicate, is chewy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Because it's the muscle. I think I was expecting a different texture.

It's the texture. It crumbled in my mouth. It must be too long since I've eaten it because I actually think the texture was quite good. Oh, no. You're talking to a couple of jerky aficionados. Yeah. A couple of jerks. Yeah, oh, man, we got jerks.

I'm going to jerk. I got jerk in me, and I am feeling rowdy. There's a whole smoke chippole flavor I didn't tell you guys about. It was really nice, so this is really great. This is very, very nice. I'm going to eat every bite and I'm going to enjoy it a lot. So don't listen to the haters. I'm going to stick to my weird jerky that gets sent to my house.

Nice. And if you want to send us any more weird shit, 1093 Jackson Avenue, page 7, Cave Comedy Radio, Carra, page 7, 1093 Jackson Avenue, Long Island City, New York, 11101 is where you can send it. If you want to send us some weird shit. I'm guilty about how much I'm excited about the sex dust. Sex dust is going to be great. I feel guilty. Send us more sex product.

I feel guilty. I'm going to have to go out and buy some nut milk. Hey, yeah. Or making yourself. Oh, whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa, whoa.

If I'm making nut milk, I don't need the sex dust. Get us out of here. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to cavecomedyadio.com.