Page 7 - Episode 193: Moon Juiced

Episode Date: March 8, 2017

Molly, Marcus and Jackie dish about Prince Harry's engagement, celebs who have bad breath (allegedly), and hear Jackie's sex dust review. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Sounds like there's goofs in here. That's the one thing we got a cave comedy radio. We got a goof infestation. Yeah, I think we also got a half-breed. That's all I ever heard. Half-breed. How I learned. Both sides were against me since the day that I was born.

A little known share tune here on page 7. I'm Marcus Park. Wait, I'm Jackie Sparowski. I'm Molly Neffold. Is that, is that, is that, Is that little known? I think Halfbreed was kind of in and out. I don't think that's like one of the big Cher song.

What? I love the song Halfbreed. I know that you probably aren't allowed to play it anymore. Maybe that's why it's a little known. Once known, lesser known now. Yeah, I think Halfbreed kind of went away a little bit. Dude, Halfread's so good. I just love it because Cher sang the song Half Read, but she wasn't a half breed.

Yeah. That, again, might be why it's not played much more. Not only is she not half-Indian, but you're not allowed to say the word half-breed. I don't even know if you were allowed to say the word half-breed back then. I think you were, because she named the album Half-Brews. Really? Wow. That is, that's bold of her.

Dude, man. I wonder. Both sides were against her since the day she was born. Shit, Shania Twain recorded a version in 1999. It's sweetly. Nobody told Shania Twain that you shouldn't say that. Wait a second. And I love Shidae's way.

I was going to ask, what was the, I wonder what the kind of year was when radio DJs around the nation kind of nervously tugged at their collars and turned down the volume on Halfbreed. Apparently it wasn't before 1999. I don't know, 99. I think you could still say Halfbreed in 99. I think you could, yeah. People were a little more willy-nilly then. Willie-nilly is racist. I do enjoy the term half-bree.

I know you do. This all came up because you were describing the headphones so they had one ear working as half-breeds. Well, the song offers a scenario in which whites often call her Indian squaw, and Native Americans never accepted her as one of their own, telling her that she was white by law. Well, she's Italian. Yeah, I was going to say, this is someone's story to tell.

I'm fairly sure she's Italian. I don't know if that's just Moonstruck talk in here, but... Yeah, I'm not certain that this is shared story to tell, although maybe she was trying to tell us something about her identity and none of us were ready to listen. I don't know. I've been in a weird share hole and I'm not talking about my vagina. Which is also what you call your vagina.

Share it out. Share it loud. Man, those old videos of her, I just have been listening to a lot of really young share. She does a bunch of covers. She does a bunch of Bob Dylan covers. Ooh, I would listen to that. The don't think twice it's all right.

I really dig. Really? I mean, she was just really young. And I've been in a share hole. Is this like... She was so beautiful. Pre- Sunny share? Yes.

Okay. I think that they were together at the time, I believe. But this was her solo stuff. I mean, I have played share. You know, I have been share three times in three different Halloween. Uh-huh. So I think that this isn't come out of nowhere. I love share.

I like that you were about. to say I've played Cher and Halloween. I play her. Three different you. I don her every Halloween. That's a good.

I'll bet you make a very good share. Has, is it like a different era of share every time? Of course. Well, it was back when I had long hair. I'm growing on my hair now, which I think a lot of people know.

And I went with a good friend of my Madeline who she's really short and she had a good fringe jacket. She had her mustache. We went to Sunny and she Okay. And I had this really tight, short dress on and big heels. And when I had long hair, I straightened it.

And I looked really good. I put on a little bit of tanner. You're not allowed to do that anymore. And I did play Cher from the Witches of Eastwick as well. I remember that Halloween. Man, I looked good. I had a belly shirt on. You did look pretty good.

You have to have the high skirt on. So it's not showing a lot of belly. It just shown a little bit, belly. And then I played Moonstruck Share. Okay. I remember the Witches of Eastwick Halloween. That was the year that my friend Colin first moved to the city, and he showed up to the party wearing a suit and a wrestling mask

and randomly wrestled people without ever saying a word. You know, it takes all types to make a Halloween. Not one word? Nope, didn't say any words. And then eventually some guys started fucking with him. Then he went in a full-on wrestle mode, and things got real weird from there. I mean, you got to.

That's what Halloween's for. I was upset because we didn't have a Jack Nicholson, which really didn't make the Witches of Eastwick make any sense. Was this the whole Witches of Eastwick themed party, or you just wanted a Jack Nicholson as part of your ensemble? I was of two other girls, and together we were the Witches of Eastwick. I see. Okay. And it was really great, and it was sexy times.

I think I had sex with someone that was dressed as Garth from Wayne's World. Good job. I thought you were about to say Garfield. No. I would definitely always have sex with someone in his dress as Garfield. Maybe. What if they were in a full fur suit? Not if they wanted to fuck me in the suit.

That's where I draw the line. Yeah. I mean, everybody's got to have a line. Why? Would you fuck someone in a suit? In a fur suit? And I'm not a furry. But I don't think someone in a fur suit once makes you a furry necessarily.

But would you do it once? I don't know. With their dick like out of the hole. I don't think so If they didn't want to show you their face and they just wanted you to ride them in the suit But no

Okay so if I didn't Let's have a stipulations here If I didn't know who it was Or if I didn't know what their This is an interesting philosophical question If I didn't know what their face looked like And I didn't know who it was I wouldn't But if it was like

I don't know Idriselba inside the Garfield suit And I knew that Even if he was still wearing the Garfield mask I would fuck him. It sounds like you're judging a book by their cover. I think that's correct. It's not fair to the loser in the Garfield suit who's not Idris Elba that I won't fuck him.

But that's just, I feel like it is a, it's got to be some sort of, that's like a Pandora's box or some sort of dilemma. Like, will you fuck the same Garfield depending on who's inside it? What if somebody told you that it was Idris Elba inside? You never found out that it wasn't Idris Elba, but it actually wasn't Idris Elba. But if I never found out, that's like if a tree falls in the woods, you know? As far as you know. She knows she fucked each other's alpha in a Garfield scene. I would do something to confirm beforehand, some sort of fingerprinting or something like that.

But Marcus, would you have sex with a woman in a full costume that, like, just vagina obtruthed? Yes. I made up that word. As long as the shape was all right. How do you know the shape, though, with a suit that bit? Yeah, you mean like you want a sexy Garfield shape? Yeah, I would like a sexy Garfield. I would absolutely fuck a sexy woman in a Garfield outfit.

What about a sexy normal? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn't matter if it's a sexy woman. I'm going to fuck no matter what. But how do you know if they're sexy if they're inside of the suit? If it's like Garfield with a big belly, you know, and his little legs. Yeah, if it's, I mean, I really, I guess if it is just so it has to be like a realistic Garfield. Yes.

Okay. Like the Garfield that you would find at like if Garfield were at Disney World, which I doubt he is. Or like Times Square. Yeah. So we're talking Times Square, Garfield. Times Square Garfield. Are breasts visible through the suit? Can I, no.

No. No, it's a Garfield chest. No, it's a graffield chest. No, it is just Garfield chest. It's a vagina. I don't know. I mean, I guess it depends on, you know, how hard up I am. I feel like this is a really good first date question.

Yeah. Like, especially a blind date question or a Tinder date question, like asking this exact question, I think it really shows the kind of person. Yeah, and it's Garfield's a good... And what kind of questions they ask about said Garfield. Garfield is a good example. It's more of a Rorschach test of what stipulations they have. Are they curious about it?

Do they ask follow-ups or do they just say no? Or is a whole whole. Interesting. Because Garfield isn't super gendered. It would be a different question for you, maybe. for heterosexual people if it was like Mickey Mouse or Minnie Mouse who is more gendered. But this just came out of the sexuality of Garfield. I have not clicked on it.

I think it's click big. Yeah. I have not actually clicked on it. Have you, Marcus? It's an interesting story. The story is, is Garfield gender neutral? Does Garfield have a gender? Is Garfield a boy or is Garfield a girl?

I always thought Garfield was a boy. I thought so, too. Yeah, Jim Davis always refers to Garfield as he. Yeah, I feel like they always. use male pronouns and in Garfield and Friends, the cartoon, he's got a really deep-ass voice. Yeah, Lorenzo Music is without a doubt a man. Bill Murray is a man.

Although I did just find out that I am cisgender. Yes. So I don't know if he you know, what is Garfield? I do not think, I think Garfield is asexual. And we've never been any given any... The reason I think this Garfield debate is confusing and silly, frankly, a little silly, is because we've never been given any reason to believe that he's not

a boy. But, Everyone's like, well, how do you know? And it's like, well, we know because he uses male pronouns. And just because someone uses male pronouns doesn't mean that, like, if we're talking about human beings, doesn't mean that, you know, people use the wrong pronouns or you might, like, people might call you by certain pronouns. I did use the word cis gen.

But I read it in Cosmo. So I think that that's okay. Yeah, but it's a useful concept. Like, you know, it means not trans. But there's just no reason to believe Garfield would be trans. And there's no reason to believe that Garfield is in any gender other than boy. And it is something that I've brought up before,

but you know that my favorite part of Garfield is when John is seeing, quote, unquote, this big fat woman named Bertha. And it's the only person that Garfield truly enjoys. But the only reason why he enjoys her is because she eats as much as he does. So, I mean, I think that's across the board. I think that's above gender.

I think that it's just, I think that he's a humanist. Yeah. I think that he likes a person based on how much they eat. Marcus, does your shirt have the big panther on it and says, fuck it? Yes, it is a shirt that has the pink panther on it, and he is hanging himself with his own tail, and it just says, fuck it.

How do I get that shirt? This is by a wonderful artist named Y, Y, Y, Y, Y, Y, S, that does all sorts of wonderful t-shirts and buttons and you find him on Instagram. He's fucking awesome, and he just sent me a whole bunch of shirts, including this new, my new favorite shirt. Can I just point out that between the three members of this group,

we have at least two shirts that say fuck it on them in general, because you've got a Hakunima fuck it. And you've got this one that just says, fuck it now. Unfortunately, I'm really not pulling my weight with shirts that say fuck it on them, but I could probably get one. We'll figure it out. Yeah, I'll take one, you know.

Yeah, we'll eventually figure it out. Gotta be three for three. And then we all have to wear him at once, and then we won't be allowed into any coffee shots. Fuck it. We all say, fuck it. Well, somebody else is figuring something out. Looks like Prince Harry is figuring out marriage.

I hate it. Why? Why do you think I am available? I am ready for him. Because she is the future prince. Like, do you know how you say Like the future Mrs. Oliver or something? When you say the future Miss Prince,

the future Prince, Mrs. Mary? The future Mrs. Prince, Harry. I want to be the future Mrs. Prince Harry. If he wants to have sex with me at Hot Tub, I will oblige. Whether there are cameras around or not, I will put those weird

spongy ponytail things in my hair, which is what that bitch has. And I'll put him in my hair. Is that what he likes to do fucking Hot Tubbs? We've probably talked about this. fucking a hot tub in Las Vegas. Everyone's like, bad boy, Harry. But you know what?

He's a fucking prince. Let him do what he wants. Let him do it. But also, surely we've discussed, would not do it. Fucking a hot tub, I don't think. It sounds too slimy and hot. What if it's Prince Harry? Well, I've never been interested in Prince Harry.

I think he's got a small face. Oh, gee. Oh, jean. I know. I know. He's got a big jaw and a small face. But ginger. He is a big ginger.

I mean, he's the gingerest of ginger. He's king of the ginger. Oh my God, he's Prince of the Ginger. You might be only a prince, Harry, but you're king of the ginger. Oh, my God, king of my fucking hole. That's what he's going to be. Oh, my God, my sharehole. He is open for Sharon.

He can sunny all day up in it. Ginger's has never been a passion of yours that I've shared. I know. I'm a ginger alone. Maybe it's because I'm, you know, borderline ginger myself, and it's just not something that I need to do. I love you, Molly, but you ain't no ginger. I'm a strawberry blonde.

You're strawberry blonde, but I feel it is very different. Yeah, it is different. I feel that almost Marcus is more of a jinge than you are. Really? And I'm sorry. Marcus is more of a jinge? My mom's redhead. Is she really?

It does make sense because you've got the highlights. I guess you do have some. My mom's red highlights. And my brother, when he grows a beard, he has a red beard. Don't. Are you talking about Charlie? I'm talking about Charlie. I'm talking about Charlie's beard at me right now.

God, he's so attractive. God, get on a horse. Sire some children and he is there for you. He is a very attractive man, yes. I am the least attractive member of my family. You're not the least. You're just one of them. Charlie's just the most.

He is, yes, he is by far the most attractive out of all of us. I'm sorry. It's okay. I accepted it long ago. You are an attractive man. Thank you, Jackie. She's not to me. Have you, are you attracted to ginges, Marcus?

Oh, yes. Yeah. Yeah, I lost my virginity to a ginger. Oh. Damn. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Soccer player.

Oh, I love a gin. Oh, she must have had strong thighs. You would not believe. Soccer players, women's soccer players have excellent sexy bodies. I just want to have sex with a female rugby player. And I know I talked about that when the Olympics were happening. That's something I do share with you. God damn, I want to have sex with a female rugby player.

Yeah, I said, would you want her to wear her little helmet? She doesn't have to. See, I was friends with all of the rugby players at Florida State of the female rugby players, and I loved them, and we used to fight shirtless when we got drunk. But I was just the friend. You know, I wasn't in the fold. I was never strong enough. But it sounds like you knew how to touch some female.

I mean, we fought. I've got pictures. That's what I did in high school. And I cherish those pictures. But I didn't know how to touch boys, you know, when people, it wasn't just me, but when we didn't know how to touch each other, we would be like, you want to wrestle? Of course. You know.

Even in college, we still wrestled. We had a great time. Yeah, I'm going to go ahead and agree with you on the whole female rugby player thing. Yeah. They're just so strong. Yeah. Those are some strong women. Strong women.

It's the legs. Yeah. I just wish I had this. I mean, I have core strength. Like, you can't knock me over. But, I mean, I just wish. There's one thing that Zabrowski's are known for. It's strong core strength.

We are difficult to knock over. That's why it was a catcher. Catchers. That's why Henry was a goalie. That's why he was a goalie. We are difficult to knock over. That's what we've got. But that's why, you know, you just got to find someone's just as strong as you.

Marcus, what's your playing position? Running back. I'm slippery. I'm fast. That's the one that goes in between. That's the one goes in between. But they never get the ball? They always get the ball.

They always get the ball sometimes. Are you being an O.J? Yes. OJ was a running back. God, he was fast. Yeah, my number was 32 in junior high. Is that his number? Yes.

Wow. Running backs are the ones that try to make a touchdown? Yes. Well, I mean, most of them try to make a touchdown. There's the running backs, the quarterback, and the wide receivers. Those all try to make touchdowns. But the running back tries to run. Yeah, the running back, they just hand on the ball and he just tries to make it.

I was very good at that. I'm sorry, speaking of OJ, have you guys used your sex dust yet? Not yet. Somebody asked in the group, where's the sex dust review? I forgot to bring mine on my honeymoon, which was terrible in me. I realized right away, we got to the hotel room and I was like, oh, no! But so I don't know where, I have it in my room somewhere, but I haven't used it yet. I don't know where my sex dust ran off, too.

There's a lot of stuff in this studio. I will say the reason why I use... OJ as a transmogrifier transmitter. Segway. I dosed my significant other without his knowledge. Interesting. He knew it was going to happen.

It was not something that was unwanted. He knew it was going to happen. He just did not know when. That's a fun. So it was a fun thing because I don't need it. I thought it would be more fun this way to see if it actually did anything. And we were watching OJ Made in America

And he got furiously hard Wait, really? Really? And he didn't know why Because I had put it in a very strong vodka soda I know you're supposed to put it in a nut milk I know it's supposed to be something that you want to have happened to you But I had put a bunch of stuff in it

And I put bitters in it I was going to say it didn't look like a cloudy I put bitters in it so it was a real thing red juice of sorts, so he had no idea. Again, I told him weeks ago that I was going to do it to him at some point. I did not rape him. It did make him hard while we were watching a bunch of really difficult social commentary. So at least that part did work.

I can't really say to the use of the effectiveness of how long it worked, but it definitely was effective at doing the immediate job. He just looking and go like, did you put that sex dusty? Because he was, he just looked over and he was like, I'm hard. Did you use it? And I was like, yeah, man, you got moon juice, motherfucker. You got Dustin. I yelled that and I danced around him while he was armed.

It was like, look at how hard you are. Look at how hard you are. And so it did work. I just wanted to throw that out there. Wow, you should write a book about fun things to put an unexpected things to do with your sex does. Yeah. Or, you know, just in life to keep it. You turned that into a fun game.

I was just going to be like, I guess I'm going to put this in nut milk and drink it to see what happened. See, that was much more fun what you did. Well, I didn't want to do it to myself, but again, like, I didn't rape him. It was something we had discussed, but it was weeks afterwards. So you completely forgot about it. I'm going to dust you. You're not going to know when it's going to happen, but I'm going to dust you. Bitch got moon juice.

You don't know where. You don't know when. But you're going to get moon juice. You're going to get dust, too. I just wanted to throw it out there because I saw the people were asking about it. Good for you. Yeah. You got to start dosing.

I'll dose it up. You got dose it up. Yeah, I'll dose it up. I'll see what happens. As long as everyone is willing and everyone. talks about it. I'll put some of my Dr. Pepper. That's a good idea.

Yeah. I love my Dr. Pepper. He didn't taste it if you got vodka and bitters in it. So that's something I'll throw out there. Did he get ill at all? No. No, no, no. I mean, we had been drinking copious amounts.

Yes, that is true. So, you know, it depends. Maybe it has something to do with the fact the amount of cigarettes we had smoked as well that he did not taste it. But I'll take whatever I can get. I think he got a nut taste. the dust. I think that you did the right thing if you didn't taste it. Especially you docent.

If you docent, you can't taste it. I don't think you can, I think roofies are untraceable, right? I'm not sure about that. But in any case, what you did was not that. It was consensual and just because you get a boner doesn't even

mean you need to have sex. You could just get a huge boner and keep watching OJ made to America. I just keep slapping it. And you're like, does it hurt? Does it hurt? Sex? Huh? I don't have sex every time I get a boner laying around the house.

Sometimes you can just let a boner be. Unless it's to a point to, like, if it doesn't come to fruition. We call that way too engorged. Yeah, yeah, blue balls. I got to say, it's a glowing review for fucking goop sex dust, though. You get a boner right away. Jesus, I figured it would be nothing. Oh, no, it was about an hour and a half afterwards.

Okay. Yeah, it had to get into its system. And I think that it is a, like, it's like mushroom. I was surprised that it actually happened, though, because I thought it was going to be more of a, your brains, your brains knows it. Yep, psychosomatic.

Yes, I thought it was going to be psychosomatic, which is why I dosed him with it, because I didn't want to use it myself and be like, oh, I guess I'm harning now. I wanted to see if it actually worked, but, I mean, it made the mechanism work, but it didn't, it didn't immediately be like, let me put some candles on, girl.

Turn him into Idriselba. I'm hard. I am hard. I am hard while watching this commentary. And, you know, so it did that. But again, you know, getting hard watching a documentary is, that's, you know, put that in the Yelp review of Goop Dust. But, man, did he run? He was a fast man.

You know what his girlfriend's name is? Sexy girl. Megan Markle. She's a nobody. though, right? She's an actress, quote unquote actress. Yeah, but of what? Oh, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

What is she an actress of? Tap it, tap, tap, tap, tap. Ooh, Judy James said they look awkward. She is the one, though, with the big ponytail scrunchies, correct? I'm not seeing a whole bunch of pictures of her and ponytail scrunchies. He'd been dating this girl for a while that she always had these big scrunchies in her hair. Like old, like 90s, scrunchies? Yeah, like 80s, 90s scrunchies.

This one is best known as Rachel Zane on The Legal Drama Suites, and she's FBI Special Agent Amy Jessup in the sci-fi thriller, Fringe. May I see a picture of her? Do you have it pulled up? She's fine. She looks like a hooker. She looks like a hooker. Prince Harry.

What is, what physical characteristic are you describing? Press for days. She's that good, Brett? She kind of looks like an escort. It's her lips. No, that's not the girl I was thinking of. He had been dating this girl for a while that was a more normal girl. Like, it was, like, everyone, like, oh, these scrunchies that she's wearing.

Yeah, that girl ain't wearing scrunchies. No, she ain't wearing scrunchies. No, she's more of a debutante of sorts. I mean, what else is he going to do? Of course, he's got to do this. I just, I'm really good at it. Prince Harry So why don't you just

Let me try Prince Harry Jackie's got some sex dust Waiting in a mix drink for you I want to marry Harry I want to marry the real Harry I'm ready for him You want to dust him

Oh I'll fucking juice him Until the day is juice All right it's time for the list What? Who's on list Marcus? Gotta have that list Celebrities who

Allegedly have bad breath. What? I'm glad you said allegedly. Halitosis. Halotosis. Legal deference. Allegedly, Ben Affleck.

Believe it. Confirmed. Just out of looking at him. I mean, I am a smoker as well. It is difficult, but you got to brush your teeths all time. Yeah. Also, I guess I shouldn't hate on people with bad breath because it just happens and it's not necessarily their fault.

I just imagine Ben Affleck, he's just, everything about him is annoying. and I imagine if you were talking to him right next to him and he was talking right in your face, he would be like, ugh, get away. Especially as he had sex with the nanny. Mm-hmm. Well, Sandra Bullock gave him mints

to cover up his bad breath when they were filming forces of nature. Well, you know, I don't know. Forces of nature. Come on, guys. Let's be real here. At that point, do you even have to fake kissing him because it was an awful movie?

Yeah. It was an awful movie. Jessica Simpson only brushes her teeth three times a week. No way. She's got white. She's got a reputation for stinky breath. But you can clean up the whiteys. Like, whiteies are just...

But what's wrong with her? It doesn't feel good to not brush your teeth. I guess she just doesn't like it. Maybe she likes that film that builds up. I think I can only go six hours before I brush my tepees. Six hours? I mean, I don't sleep very much. Yeah.

But I brush my teethees probably two or three times a day. I definitely do two a day. Yeah. I'm a big teefe person. I'm a teepee person. You got to do it. You're like, Oh.

It's because at dork effect, I have to wear something that prevents me from grinding my teeth at night. Oh, you got to grind it? Yeah, I got a grind problem. I actually am having to get one of those myself because I just had my third tooth shatter because of tooth grinding.

Yep, yep. Dude, y'all got to be careful of that chick. My mom dealing with that shit around that is bad. It only gets worse. Yeah, I know. Yeah, my bottom teeth are all start. to go inward. Yeah, it's bad.

I needed one for like five years and I didn't get them because they're expensive and it got worse. So definitely get one and cope with the fact that you look like a dork for eight hours at night or however long you sleep. But we have none of us sleep eight hours. But however many hours you sleep, you look like a dork. You have to, if you have a partner, you've got to go, and it's just fine. And then you wake up the morning and you want to brush your teeth afterwards.

Okay. Well, that's okay. I guess I can deal with that. I'm a light sleeper, so I'm a little warm. worried that I can, if I can sleep with it or not. I mean, I think you'll get used to it, but it's more the humiliation factor. Oh, I don't mind about that.

You'll get used to it, though. I don't care. Robert Pattinson not only has bad breath, but he has body odor. Well, maybe he turned Kristen Stewart into a lesbian. Maybe that's what happened. You know, I just don't understand. I mean, yeah, some people just have body odor, no matter how much they wash. But when you're that rich, brush your friggin' teeth and put on some.

you know, get one of your people on it to give you some, you know, axe or whatever. I don't know about it. I think it's different with thinner people. I feel like Ed and I, Ed, from the roundtable and brighter side, we talk about this a lot where like as bigger people, especially in the summer, it's like,

I shower copious amounts because I don't want to be the big, fat, smelly person. And I think that, like, comes with the territory of being a bigger person. But if you're a smaller person, you have no right to be. Smelt. Yeah, I don't really ever think about it. Sometimes, if I skip deodorant, I'll be a little smelly. But I've also been, I've also been told I have a fetching musk.

Hey. You got a good musk. I've never thought you smelled smelly. Yeah, I'm pretty good about not being smelly because I think as a small person, yeah, you have to kind of try. Yes. Same as a big person. I guess, are we all the same? This is going to surprise you.

Beyonce apparently has halitosis. Wow. She ain't kissing enough. That's the thing. If you're kissing all the time, you'd be up on that shit. I mean, she ain't kissing. Maybe that's just God's way of making somebody not 100% perfect. All right, I'll take it.

No, she's got to have acne or something. You think so? She probably has really bad under breast sweat. You ever see this? It's like when you're under breast sweat smells bad. Yeah. I've known people like that. Yeah.

And I'm not against them, but I feel like it's like if you've got everything else, you probably have bad under breast sweat. That's what God gave you. That's what God gave you. All right. It's time for a blind item. We can't see them. Oscar edition. Ooh, yay.

I was hoping this would happen. Oh, it's a week later. And a week later is when you get the Oscar blind items. This first one is from before the Oscars. Which Oscar nominated actor was getting two colonics a day to get skin. for the award show. The actor isn't as young as he used to be and has been packing on the pounds.

But after another male celebrity friend told him about colonics, he has become obsessed. He's been bragging that his insides are so clean that only water comes out now when he gets the procedure done. Ew. Hollywood's dirty little secret is that a lot of celebs do this before hitting the red carpet,

but twice a day, five days a week, seems like a bit much. That is, cannot possibly be healthy. All that water up your butt? It's horrifically unhealthy. Like, you got to let what nature do that. Yeah. Who is it?

He is... Older actor, nominated for best actor. Hell or high water? No. There was a blind item about Jeff Bridges, too, but it was just that he drank 12 beers on the way to the red carpet. Fuck yeah. That's great.

I was hoping it wasn't Jeff Bridges. I don't want it to be him. Not Danzel. It's Denzel. Danzell's doing that many colonics? A lot of it. The colonics. Then Zell, everybody's going to love you no matter what.

You don't need to wash your butt out that much. Man, maybe you should watch My Strange Addiction where there was an episode about coffee enemas that, like, this couple that was so obsessed, like, the wife was obsessed, and then the husband began obsessed that they were doing up to six coffee enemas a day where they would flush it through and they would lay on their side in their bathroom and then get up and run to the toilet to let it all out. Do you do that so that they can get high on coffee or to poop a lot? It's both the caffeine and to get everything out of their system.

It's a twofer. Yeah, it's a twofer. Boy, isn't it weird what things can just become normal? Because if you do it enough and then you're not talking about it aloud to anybody else, and you're like, oh, no, this is just what we do. Yeah. But my strange addiction is a very weird show. Yeah, I'll watch that.

It's very strange. It's actually really great. Yeah, there's one about, like, you know, they eat drywall. There's another, there's a woman here, a local one. The cat hair, yeah, the puppet woman. Oh, what about the boy that was really obsessed and in love with and used them as family, all of the blow-up pool toys? Oh, wow, I didn't see that one.

Woo! He had this one rare variety of this weird dragon thing that was his, quote-unquote, wife, although they were virgins. I don't think that they were. I think that he definitely put his dick inside of that suckle. At least once. He had to. Next up.

Why she isn't in rehab right now, as anyone's guess, this barely hanging on to A-List singer, who is now a cartoon version of herself, had to be carried out of the Vanity Fair Party by two bodyards. Yes, folks, she was that wasted. Mariah Carey. She's just not doing good.

Of course. She's not, and I am still upset that I have not watched the reality show. I know that it is gold, and I have to watch it. Every week she's doing worse. It's really rapidly declining. I mean, she just can't.

She can't do it anymore. Where are those children? Where are the children? Yeah. But also, again, side note, feud premiered last night, and I did not see the first episode, and I don't know how to Marcus. Oh, it did?

Marcus, find it on your scratchy. I don't know how to get it. I want to see it so bad. Yeah. It's on one of the bigger scratchies. You could find it. I mean, I could send you a link. Send me a link that's got no viruses in it.

I don't know. I mean, you're going to have to be careful. I'm scared of it. I need to see it. You use a Mac. It's not going to, yeah, it's not going to download on yours. You know what? There's no scratchies?

There's no scratchies. As long as you don't download Adobe player, you'll be fine. You know what? We'll hold you over and is on HBO Go that you might like. It's got a lot of sexy fucking. Little Big. Yeah, big little lies. It's sexy and it's got Nicole Kidman.

and she's doing a great job, and it's got Adam Scott, he's not fucking, and it's got Reese Witherspoon, and it's got Shailene Woodley, Alexander Scarsguard. I fell asleep during the first episode. Yeah, that's understood. I know that I will like it. You'll love it. You'll love it. I know that I will.

It's so spicy and sexy, and you'll love it. I did fall asleep during the first episode, and I just have to give it more of a chance. No, you'll like it. Keep going. But Nicole Kidman, Alien Bish, Back. to Earth. Yeah. Is she good?

I think she's doing great, actually. She's perfect in it. Okay. Yeah, but she plays a kind of... An alien, weird... Like a paper cut person. A woman who's, like, not with it. But she's doing a great job.

She's acting the hell either. But Reese Witherspoon? I feel like everyone's handling Drew Barmore, who is really good in Santa Clarita diet, just sidebar. But Reese Witherspoon, of what I saw, Welcome back, girl. She's doing great.

Home Alabama missed your ass. Yeah, she's doing great. Everybody's doing great. I really am a big fan of Big Lowell Lives. And Shailene Woodley, too young. Yeah. She's too young. I think she's too young.

But she's supposed to be young. I know she's supposed to be young, but she'll be that young. Yes, yeah. That young. Yes, yes. That young. Yes, I'm familiar with the text. I've read it twice.

Oh, I forgot you read the book. I've read all of these books. But, yeah, that young. Okay, that young. That young. Well, last up. This foreign, born, permanent. Aela Singer was happy to share with everyone that he was high as fuck on mushrooms at the red carpet and at the Oscars.

And during his performance, he was overheard at one point asking why the red carpet was now colored diamonds. Sing. Yeah. He was so fucking weird. He was so fucking weird that it makes complete and fucking. Thank Christ that this came out because I was like, is he? dead brain is over? I mean, not that I never thought he was under,

but I think that he's over. But his whole performance was like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Oh, Lord. A lole, my lady no. But the real question was, was his significant other as well? Because she was also really weird.

Weird. I think they were tripping together. I hope so. That makes me enjoy it. It makes me like them more. I'm not a Sting fan. No. I respect him, but I'm not ever going to sit down and listen to a Sting song or a police song.

I respect them. That doesn't mean I got to like him. Not even Roxanne. It's okay. Roxanne. I mean, I don't know. Remember when they break down? No, no, no, no, no.

Put on red. Right. But I'm good. gonna sit down and go like, I don't want to listen to Roxanne right now. Of course, I understand. But if it pops on, you won't shut it off? I won't chat it off.

Okay, fair enough. I'll accept that. That's all Jackie wants. I'm just really happy that he was high on shrooms. Yeah, that's good. I'm happy for him. And his wife, and I'm really glad that something wasn't wrong with them because the red carpet interview was fucking incomprehensive.

Really, really weird. And you know what? It's the only way to get through it. Good for them. Yeah, good for them. Yeah, it's like when Trey Parker and Matt Stone went, did acid and went to the hospital. Go for them. Yeah, but they said they ended up

just getting really bored because you're just staring at the back of someone's head for three hours. Of course, and you can't go anywhere. That's my biggest problem. It's like, how can you do shrooms sit there? It's like, I just remember the last time I did acid and it was at islands of adventure. It's like, that's how you do it. Constant changing scenery.

Yeah, do it at the Golden Globe is where everyone's up and walking around. Oh, yeah, baby. I do mushrooms in the forest. That's where I like to do it. I mean, yeah. If you had your druthers. Oh, my druthers are always in the forest. All right, well, that's all we got time for today. We've got to do a short one, but we will be back next week.

And until then, keep watching the star. Pecuna my bucket. Keep on dusting. Brunrella. Maxi, Bonre. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to cavecomedyradio.com.