Page 7 - Episode 196: Tissue? I Barely Know You!

Episode Date: March 29, 2017

Marcus, Molly and Jackie talk favorite 90's dating shows, celebs who come from acting families, and Brad Pitt's new squeeze. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Sea Bird, Sea Bird Fly alone You've been away from land too long I have been obsessed with this fucking song Now who sings Seabird again? Welcome to Page 7 everybody Sorry, welcome to page 7 Welcome, everybody I'm Jackie Zabrowski I'm Molly not full. I'm Marcus Parkes. Fill me in on the Seabird thing

Man so this song that I've recently become obsessed was by a group called the Alessi Brothers There's a 70s group. They do a lot of yacht rock type stuff. And you know I love soft rock. This is not a hit, I don't think. If Marcus doesn't know it, this is the first time you've ever made a reference that Marcus doesn't already know.

Seaman, seaman, I made Marcus listen to it outside. I can't stop listening to it. It's these two brothers that sing it together, but they sound like women. Straight up. The song does not sound like it is. by men. I had no idea I man sung it

because a friend of mine has also been obsessed with it as of late as well so it's just been in my head and now I started listening to it and I feel like I'm a fucking seabird. It wasn't even their biggest hit. Their biggest hit was called Saving the Day. The rest of their music sucks though. They go all across the board. Like they have all different way

I listen to some of it. It was like nothing is seabird. I want more seabird. Ooh, they collaborated in 1979 with Ark Garfunkel for an album called Fate for Breakfast. See, you know, No, he's not even, you know, yes. That's exactly what I want. So this is a tangent, but when I was thinking, when you said you want Seabird, I was like, oh, they're a one-hit wonder.

And then I remember that yesterday I was in Stop and Shop and Shop and Shop and Shop and shop, and that thing you do came on the... They still play it? Who plays it? I had not heard it played on the radio, but it came on the Stop and Shop Radio Network. And no joke, people were walking around the grocery store all going like, you doing that. thing you do. It was like a real...

A million pieces like you always do. It's obviously irresistible to sing along to, but everyone in the stab and shop was singing. It was like a musical. That's so nice. It was nice. Here's a little taste of seabird.

Too long. You've been away from land too long. Too long. The men singing the song. I don't listen to the news. They don't sound like men. And they're singing it at the same time. They're not even harmonizing.

Honestly, weirdly enough, I think it's just like because I've had so much sex with gay men, I wouldn't have sex with me. They are not attractive. I was going to say I find the mildly foxy as well. Mildly, you know, because it's like I've got the Barry Manilow thing. They're definitely of the Barry Manilow thing. I have a weird soft spot, an inexplicable soft spot for that haircut. The helmet hair, the 70s helmet hair.

It's kind of weird. I mean, it's weirdly sexy. I could do without the gold chains, usually. But even Barry with the gold chains still would have banged him. I would have tried to. Yeah, you want to try it. I would have tried. I would have tried.

Give him a little bit of sexist to see how it goes. But that one in the ill column. That's fine. I've had quite a few losses when it comes to that. So what are you going to do? So which album was that? Was that on the 1978 album, Driftin? I'm not sure.

I just am obsessed with this song. I just am obsessed with this song. I want to know how many other people on Earth are listening to Siebert at the same time as you, because my prediction is zero. I think it's zero. I think it's me and my other friend that is also, and he's, like, way too obsessed with the Alessi brothers right now. I can get, I can see that.

I mean, you can get obsessed with these guys. But also, it sounds like it came out two weeks ago. It also has a little bit of that. Yeah. That it could be just, like, some, like, really shy. girl who she's quirky and she seems you mean you know yeah that's Sievert see bird somebody should do a cover and like remake their launch their career I mean you've been Jackie you've been playing this in a copy shop in Brooklyn it's

gonna get covered here pretty soon I think it's going to because I have also nonstop been talking about this fucking song some mousy little singer-songwriter some somewhere is like, ooh, that's my opportunity. Between that, but no one cares about the Barry Manilow songs I play. We're two ships that passed in the night. And we try to say it's all right. We're still here. It's just that we're out of sight.

Oh, my God. I think you could launch yourself a career of being like, sounding like those cute Brooklyn girls genre that's, like, I'm singing a love song. And you could do it in that style, but really it's you. And it starts, it's a Barry Manilogue cover band that's just you. Every song starts off like, and then like halfway through, you really just like smash the guitar on stage and then you just stand up and start screaming. You're right.

I'll get a guitar made out of glass. I don't know. I don't even. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I'll just like, go at the audience. Come at me. Come at me. I know the Alessi brothers are most famous for saving the day.

The song, Save of the Day from Ghostbusters. The saving the day, saved a day. Wait, that's the, that's the song? That's the Alessie Brothers. Yeah, that's the Save in the Day songs. I don't tell you, they're all across the board. Every song sounds different. What a prolific career.

Yeah, they released an album almost every year from 1976 to 1982. Then they were dormant until 2003. And since then, they've, and that was the album, Hello, Everyone. And then they released just like that in 2006, live all our life in 2008. Two of us in 2012 and in 2013 Marathon Day. Jesus Christ. Man, I haven't looked into them this far. I've just been at Seabird level.

But man, what a career. Wow, they must really be songwriters of some sort. I think maybe they are. How could you write that many songs? How do you have them all in your head? Well, I got some weird celebrity news for you. I want to see what you guys think about this. Are you all John and Kate Plus 8 fans?

I remember them. Fans is a... John Gosling is stripping now. That's not even a dad bod. No, no. I never understood John and Kate Plus 8 because none of them were attractive enough to be on television. No, and the haircut. Kate Goslin's a haircut.

Atrocious. Yeah. You know, I don't just only judge a person by the haircut. I mean, you know, I'm growing up my hair right now, so I'm a little sensitive about it. Also, let the record show that Marcus and I have the same haircut again. We do have the same haircut. We are on the same haircut schedule, yes.

But you both look sharp. Thank you. Thank you. And that's what matters most. Well, every girl's crazy about a sharp-dressed man or woman. I have heard that new edit. But he has no hair. Everything about that guy is alarming looking.

And his personality is also alarming. He's dancing at Atlantic City's dusk nightclub on April 1st. Guys, come on, it's just a few days away. It's a part of the men's untamed review show. What's untamed about him? His gut? You know, I'm going to actually go out on a limb here. I don't know if you guys will go with me, but I'm going to go there.

Go for him. Whoa. All right, I'll give him a good for him. I will give him that because, you know, Flab, who gives a drab? And, like, it's got to be hard to make money, you know, so if you can make money, you want to dance? Well, and I believe that there were lawsuits between them. Weren't there?

I think there was a pretty big, yep, there was a lawsuit against him. Kate says John hacked her phone and stole her computer hard drive. Let's see here. Oh, and it's better, I mean, it's better in his 2013 gig. He was working as a waiter for a little while. Yeah, I mean, you know, at least he'll get some money. Give it to the eight children But I don't think he has custody of the kids anymore

Yeah I'm pretty sure that the Kate has the plus eight Kate and all eight Yeah she sued him for identity theft Wiretapping and invasion of privacy Jesus Christ Also he could get also he could get information For an e-book

To sell so he can be I mean he's just like he's He's already a prostitute let him be a stripper Yeah Am I right? Oh my God It sounds like some of my fucking mother would say He's already a prostitute. Let him be a stripper.

Oh, my God, he's such a terrible man. Yeah, I remember that he was bad to her. I just was always baffled by that. Just imagine him covered in lotion, you know? Like, if he smells of coconut, like, that's not too far. And his face. He's very smooth face. He's just not.

He is no daddy of mine. He is no daddy of mine. Well, take a look at his picture. He's very bloaty. Yeah, he's bloated. He's very bloated. I think he's always been a bloaty type fuck. A bloaty type fuck.

A bloaty type fuck. Yeah, John Garthin, you're a bloomy type fuck. How you like that, eh? I hate him. Yeah. I wonder how the eight children are doing. Eh, they're getting big. You know, they got the other kids too, you know?

Oh, he dropped 25 pounds for this. That's a go for him. That's a good for you. He has to. Are you kidding me if you're going to be stripping in it. The. Atlantic City The Atlantic City

Maybe he'll be at the Trump Taj Mahal No he's at the what is it The Dusk Skew Review Yeah I think the the Dusk Men review Place

Let's go I would super watch that I'm interested in who the other men are Yeah but would How much money would you give him I would first determine What amount of child support He was paying and then pay accordingly

Whoa There would be a contract Okay to find out how much he's paying And just so you know it's R rated, it's not X-rated. What? No dick. No dick. No peony. No d'n't.

It's not for meanie. R-rated. What do you even... There is... What? Why would you watch a male stripper? I've never understood mail stripping because chests are fine, but I don't get turned on by a chest. No, not at all.

I mean, I think I've talked about it on here before. Like, I've been given a lap dance by a male stripper, and it was not... And there was no junk? There's... I mean, no. The junk was there, and they obviously take shit to keep them hard. So he's gyrating against me, and it was like a private one, but he was so sticky and lotiony. Like, he just was, like, covered in stuff.

See, that's the different thing between male strip clubs and female strip clubs is that the women aren't sticky in lady strip clubs. Good. And he was definitely, like, not, he wasn't attracted to me, and he wasn't attracted to women. But that's okay, because, I mean, his dance. moves. Oh, my God. Could he work the floor in front of me? But him gyrating his junk against my junk wasn't even getting me wet.

Yeah. I was like, you guys all, you know, they did it as a spoof. The girls that are with it's like, oh, won't this be a folly to make her go do this? Because I obviously didn't want to do it. But, you know, I did it with, and then I asked him about his, you know, what he really wanted to be. You know, we talked about that. Actor? A recording artist.

A recording artist. Okay. Yeah. That's good. I've had many a conversation with a stripper as, you know, what are your passions? I think the best one I ever heard was criminology. Hell yeah. I know, strip, I have several friends currently who dance and, like, for a living and it's a job.

It makes so much money. It's a thing. It's good money. You know, people use it to, you know, to be a side hustle for all sorts of jobs. I mean, remember Independence Day? And Will Smith didn't want her to be. stripping anymore but he put that dolphin ring on her finger and damn

she didn't need to but also the world was ending but you know I got no judgment for strippers but I just have a judgment for the idea of it's not a judgment it's just a personal lack of connection with like the idea of seeing

even dicks and being like you know oh yeah yeah watch it slap against its thought oh dick who a dick You know, you can see one whenever you want these days. Especially when it's that hard and all I can think of is like, that's gotta hurt. Like if you're that in gorge and not of your own volition and your dick is slapping against something.

For that long. Yeah. Doesn't it hurt? I don't know. Dick slapping hurts. Like that really hurts. I don't know how those guys do it. I mean, I can do it as a goof, like, you know, just like kind of slap it around a little bit, just having fun.

But not for hours. Not for hours and definitely not for a paycheck. No. An hour-long goof. We get it, Marcus. Stop, stop. Stop. Stop.

But I'm not done goofing yet. The goof is over. He's got to get his goofs out, Molly. You can't stop him from his goofs. I was driving by a male strip club. I was just in San Francisco for the weekend. Thanks to everyone who came out to the show for all the page seven listeners out there. I heard some very nice comments.

Hell yeah. But there was a big marquee and it just said, you can touch our junk. I mean, why wouldn't you want to? You can grab strippers in California. See, that's not okay. Well, they encourage you. you to. I remember I went to a Serb Club in California like 10 years ago and she was like you know you can touch me right

I'm like well okay yes ma'am I will do that now I guess actually you're right all it's gonna do is give them more money and as long as they're down with it then what does it matter yeah right as long as they're like I'm not against I take it back as long as they're you know they're like this is what I'm doing and this is grab on me I'm gonna get more money yeah get you grab on and give me money but it's interesting like I'm I'm up uh as straight as I am I

can totally understand why a woman dancing on you would be a turn on. Completely sexy. I don't understand it for a man at all. Even though I, you know, in general, like dicks, you know, in the abstracts. But most dicks attach to the person that you like can't dance the way these guys are dancing, you know? It's like it's just so much pelvis. So what is it like, so it's like just a picture of a dick? Is that good?

No. No. No, it has to be a whole thing. You know, it's like, it's not even like The full body. I'm not right. See, I can see a picture just tits and I'm like, hey, that's pretty great. Yeah, yeah.

And it's not even like, I'm not one. So a lot of, a lot of, like, I think a lot of women are like, they need a whole story, you know, like they want it to be like in the castle or whatever. And I'm not like that. I don't need like a pirate ship. I mean, I love a castle. Or pirate ship and a porn.

Don't get me wrong. I don't need a whole story. But it's just, but I don't know what, somewhere between like a whole pirate ship and like just the image of a cock. Somewhere in between that, you know? No, but also, for you, though, can you just stare at just a vagina and get off? Just a vagina. It depends on if I can see the butt.

No, it's just, it's just a vagina. It's like a close up of a vagina. Right. And their legs are spread open. I mean, it's basically like looking at a dick, I feel. Yeah. In a pinch, but usually not. Yeah, I guess not.

Because at that point, then you just use your imagination. Right. You don't even need to look at it. Try to fill in the blanks. Right. So then why just use your imagination? Right. Because why dickpicks don't make sense, because I guess you're supposed to get them and be like, ooh, that's what it's going to be like.

But I think it's like how big he is. Right. But. And you can't, well, you also can't do a close up either. It's got to be like kind of a full body type situation. I think that's right. Yeah. I think like, I think dick pick etiquette should be like maybe even a face.

No. Well, I mean, the face is, some people say that's the cardinal rule of the dick pics and the pussy picks. You never show the face. Oh, because it could be used against you. It could be used against you. Oh, that makes up. That's not my pussy. Not me.

Not my pussy. That's not my pussy. That'll be the new t-shirt. That's my pussy. That's not my pussy. The actual picture of my vagina. Artist rendition, please. Yes, yeah, I don't know.

Artist rendition of my vagina. But I'll sit for it. You got to sit for it. Because what are you going to prove? That's not my pussy. But I'll be like, oh, no. I remember all those lumps. That's my pussy.

Oh, man, I'm going to know. I'm going to be just like China. Which China? China with the clit dick. Oh, the dead China. Dead China with the clit dick. Not black China, dead China with a clit dick. Nor the country itself.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, with a why. You ever see any of those? You ever see Backdoor to China? No, but I really kind of want to. How big is her clit? It's alarming. Right?

It's very large. It's a testosterone, right? Or steroids? Steroids, yeah. No, yeah, yeah. She got all right about. How she's going to get that big? I know.

Do you know China, Molly? I remember her. I remember being a little bit intimidated by her style. Dead as a doorknail. And I also know. But I am thinking, I was about to say good for her regarding her giant clit because presumably that felt great. But also that is, well, thinking about that.

It didn't come naturally, though. Yeah, it was a steroid abuse. Okay. Yeah. I mean, I don't know if. I want, clits are, you know, they're like 50,000 times more sensitive than Dix. I don't, the idea of having

like a very large one, it sounds like it might be a little bit too much. Yes, it seems like it would be upsetting. In terms of sensation, you know, not in terms of if that's what, if you want to rock that, then, again, good for you. I think you'd have to give like half a slap, pinky slap to get you on. And he'd be like, well, it's too much. All right, I'm done.

Back away from the clit. But, you know, it all comes from the same tissues, guys. Yeah, you're right. We're all just tissues. It's all a construction of tissues. Tissue, I don't even know you. If you're that oldie, but I'm goody. It's my favorite saying.

It doesn't even sound like kiss you. I don't understand it. Wait, is that really a saying? Every time I ask my mom for tissue, she goes, tissue, I don't even know you. Is it just, did she just make it up? I think your mom just made that. Is it really? I thought it was like a thing.

I've never heard that. I've heard a rectum, hardly knew them. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I've never heard that one. I thought that was a universal thing. I've never heard tissue, I hardly know you. No, I've never heard that.

I thought that you were just making a funny joke right now. No, no, no, no. My mom has always said that. So, I guess, you know, she lives in her own world. Brectum. Also, I did want to comment real fast to the Facebook group that someone mentioned. that my plot of the story, The Shack, that I was completely wrong on, I just needed to let everyone know that that was my mother's rendition of what happened in the Shack.

I don't know anything really about the Shack. I just know what she told me about it. And I think that she maybe fell asleep, but still gave me a very in-detailed plot of what she thought happened. I maybe forgot about this, or was this when I was not here? I think it's a throwaway. I just needed to say it because I saw that and was like, I don't know. I didn't see it. Fact checking, yeah.

Sometimes I also, I get things wrong frequently and I appreciate the fact checking. I also got a, yeah, we got it wrong, of course. Alexander Sark, Skarsgar was not. We did it. We did it. But to be fair, that day, the computer wasn't working really well, so you couldn't look it up. That day, the computer was not working at all. So I was not able to look at, I was not able to fact check myself.

the go as I normally do. That was just our brains, just hoping and wish it. I'll fall on Alexander Scarsgar's sword for that. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Are you Scarsgarden? I'm Scarsgarden. I'm Molly Scarsgarden. I have missed last night's Big Little Lies. Don't tell me. But I am, I will fall on his sword.

Oh yeah, yeah. Well, it's not him. It's the other one. It's not, wait. No. No. His, the one in Big Little Lies is Alexander Scarcegard. He's just not the one who's in Game of Thrones. He's in true blood. That's like Nicholas... Something. Yeah, something else. Netherlandish, yes.

And apparently Alexander Scar's Guard is in True Blood and everyone was so mad at us for not knowing because they were mad that we haven't seen True Blood because apparently True Blood's very sexy. No, I don't like vampires. Me neither. It's too cheesy for me. Yeah. I try watching it. Yeah, you got... I like vampires.

As long as the sex... I mean, I hear the sex is great though, so maybe I should give it a watch. Yeah. I mean, you might like it. I think you might like it. His name is Nicolaj Costa Waldow. Oh yeah, I'm sure you've pronounced it probably.

Nicolash Costa Waldow! But to be there, they're both really hot dudes. Hot Scandinavian fucks whose faces look almost the same. Just one fuck's sister and one fucks his wife. Well, speaking of love. There we talked about a love

Connection a little bit last week. They're bringing it back. Love Connection? Yeah. Did you ever watch Love Connection, Molly? Yeah, we're talking about this with Ben. Remind me. I know, I know I've heard of Love Connection. It was one of the old game shows. It was a game show. So, okay, here's what Love Connection was. They had a man or a woman, and they put the, they put the contestant on three dates.

One, two, three. The audience at the beginning of the show would watch a video of the potential dates and they would vote on who they thought would be the best date for the woman. Then the woman would come on and say who she picked to go on a date with and then she'd talk about that date and the guy would be backstage and then at the end of the show she'd say whether or not she wanted to go on another date with them. And if she did, they'd bring her or he'd be brought out. They'd talk about the date and then he'd say whether he wanted to go on another date with her and if they both agree to go on.

on another date, then love connection would pay for a second date. But if she said she did not want to go on another date with him, then he would just disappear backstage. He would not be seen. He would not be brought on stage. And then the woman had the choice to go on another date with one of the other two guys from the one of the other two guys, preferably the one that the audience chose. Desperately trying to make a love connection.

This is like chess. It's so complicated. This actually just opened my eyes. Do you guys remember it was on the WB? And I remember there was always hot tubs in it. Blind date. Right? They would have the bloops come up of like,

how fucking dumb is she? Yeah, look at this stupid bitch. They were all terrible. Blind date. That's what it is. Bring that back. They were equally awful to both men and women. It's like, look at this dumb fuck.

Yeah, exactly. Just like, oh, nice job. Open the door. I remember I would watch Blind Date and then I would watch it back to back with Hell Date which was on BET and at the end it would be awful awful day but one of them didn't know that it was on purpose

and then a black midget in a devil costume would come on out and go you're on Hell Date you're on hell date and it was the funniest fucking show because the people would just be so awful and the women just be like what the fuck is wrong with you

You ain't got no mother What's wrong with you? It was also around the same time Do you remember Rendezue? Which was so stupid. The premise was just As far as I remember They just picked a weird place to go on a date

And they were like, rendezvous That doesn't make any sense. There must have been another gimmick to it But I would watch it obsessively Because it came on after a blind date And I loved blind date. I just love shows with hot tubs. There's not enough shows

with hot tubs anymore. Yeah, that's why. I think blind dates probably 90% of the reason why I always wanted to fuck in a hot tub because they were always sitting on each other in a hot tub and it looked hot. It's like, I want to be sexy in a hot tub, although apparently it's bad for

your vagina. It's very bad for your vagina. That was also during the same time as cheaters. Oh my God. What a golden age of television. Last week we were talking about next and so we got into that whole thing like MTV's next where they got off the bus and said next.

So I've just been I've been in a weird whole of 90s shitty. That's when reality TV was gold. It's true because nobody knew what they were doing. So they were like, let's just humiliate these people. And it wasn't scripted. It really wasn't scripted.

It really wasn't. It was so upset. It was extremely upset. Just awkward. Blind date was a lot of things. Scripted was not one of them. No, and that's what was so great about it. Yeah.

Oh, shit. It's still on the air. Blind date? Yeah. It went off the air for like two years. No, it's been on the air constantly since the year 2000. No way. That is ridiculous.

It's been hosted by Tommy Habib, Joey Greco, and Clark James Gable. Oh, of course. Three rising stars in 2000 that just got stuck. I bet it was the money. The money they get in blind date must be undescribable. No, not at all. They don't get fucking paid shit. Where is that show boasted?

Where is it? No, Joey Greco has been in some other stuff. He was in a movie in 2010 called The House That Drips Blood on Alex. Oh, my God. You know what a number one hitter that movie was. He was also in a movie called Mad Bad. Well, yeah, of course he was. Poor Joey Greco.

Now I'm thinking about his career. He was probably like, ooh, this blind date's really going to be the start of something. I mean, he did it for 10 years. 10 years. Season 3 through 12. I'm just going to humiliate people publicly. and people somebody's going to discover me

yeah probably he thought he was going to be like Mariska Hagerte in Law & Order SVU He was also in a movie called the legend of the bloody boy

He's going places You know what I believe in him I believe in him He's kept the show going For so long But wait until 2012 So it's still But it is

It's in 2017 still Yeah now it's hosted By Clark James Gable Man I'm looking at I am not He's the grandstander He's Clark Gable's grandson. You're kidding.

Clark Gable is rolling. Screaming in his grave. How could you? How hot is he? Well, I'll let you decide for yourself. Oh. He looks like he would host Blind Date. Doesn't look like Clark Gable.

He doesn't. Doesn't he look exactly like he would host Blind Date? Yes. If you put the three hosts next to each other, are they all just carbon copies of the same man? Is it Joey Greco being like, you know what? I'm going to step back. This is bad for my career? And then he just comes on with, like, a hat on it.

And then he's like, my name is Clark Gable. Well, it's because they're all almost too tan. James. James, put a James in there. James Gable. No, I feel like they're all, like, too tan to a point where they look kind of sunbur? Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, and Clark James Gable, his stepfather is the bassist for the band Chicago. I mean, I love me some Chicago. I love it. I love him a man. Yes, I am. I'm a man. What an interesting connection to two wildly different famous people.

Yacht rock. Yat rock. Second mention of Yat rock on today's show. I mean, you know I love it. You know I need it. We're coming into spring, everybody. Yeah, I would love to be a yacht person. That's why I like Florida so much.

I want to sit on a yacht and listen to Yacht Rock. Yeah. By the way, Cheers airs on CW Plus. Cheers? Cheaters. Cheaters. Cheaters. Oh, CW.

CW Plus. Do I have to, that mean I have to pay extra in my cable package in order to watch the garbage that I used to just watch on regular basic cable when I was a teen? Yeah. I think they just call it. I think CW plus is the national feed of the CW because there's local CWs and then there's CW plus which goes everywhere. I always wonder why CW knows where I live. Mm-hmm. Well, they can't play Seventh Heaven anymore, so what are they going to do?

God, they play an hour-long episode followed by a 30-minute episode every Saturday night. Really? Jesus Christ. Oh, and you can also get on-demand in a show called Cheaters Amazing Confrontations. See, I would totally get drunk on a Saturday night by myself and watch that. That sounds like a good time. I mean, yeah, cheaters is so sad. They really don't know what's going up.

Yeah, they really don't. It truly is, it was better than, that was all before, like, Joe Millionaire, because I remember. And then it all turned into that garbage. And this was really, it was really better before. Well, there has been a couple of sagas, a couple of, what do you call? Scandals. There have been a couple of scandals as far as cheaters go. There was one couple that said they were paid $400 to act as cheaters in the show

because they didn't have enough content for that episode. So they just paid someone to pat it out. Oh, my God, I want to do that. We need more content. I want to do that. I want to pretend to be a cheater. You fucking ho! You don't really?

know what I've been through get away from his cell phone you should be like you know how like some news stations just have correspondents who just like sit there all day and then when they need them they come on to be like oh I talk about Iraq you could be a person who just sits in the studio

all day and then when they need to get cheated on to lose their shit on camera and then you can go and just like sub in you know and I'll be the star of cheaters and then I'll just be just like Joey Greco Yeah, Jackie, as we always say about you, Jackie Zabrowski, that's the next Joey Greco. Joey Greco.

Has a career path just like a young Joey Greco. I can only wish. Ooh, I got some rumors for you. New relationship rumor, Brad Pitt, and... No. Try to guess. Wait, okay. Ooh, I like this game.

Well, give us little. Dark hair. What? What? But older young? Brad Pitt's age. Brad Pitt's age. Dark hair.

Sandra Bullock. Wow. Yeah. What? What? Really? What? What?

That's insane. Wow. That was impressive. I don't know I'm impressed with myself. I don't know how I did it. Well, I have never been so impressed in the entire history of the show. Me neither. And I've been impressed with you a lot.

Wow, that's pretty good. Wow. Set up by George Clooney, apparently. Well, they're friends with both of them. Our voice sounds good. You, we. I'm just picturing like, so Sandra Bullock and George Clooney are like laying around in their own houses, texting each other. And Sandra is like, ugh, I'm so lonely, George.

And George is like, you know, I know. And then George is like, you know who you should totally go out with? and she's like who and then he says party boy number one he says Brad Pitt and she's like all right set it up yeah because why not well pit and Bullock attended

Clooney's charity event a couple of years ago the two reported they got along so well during the event that many thought they suited each other two years ago well I mean yeah they met up two years ago and then now that Brad's a little sad and Sanders is a little sad too George is like you remember when they were at that charity event

they got along together like gangbusters let's get those two together I mean they're For a long time You know Sandra Bullock is the Bachelorette She's my bachelorette I don't want to see her on a television show And good for her And you know what, why not?

He still, he does I mean, you know, he's no legend's the full Let's be really good But he still is bangable And if he's just a party dude Yeah, he's not acceptable to be A husband and a father Bad Dad

But he could be a daddy Well apparently he's laying low right now Interesting He's laying pretty low right now. He's not, he's just having old friends over for drinks. Yeah, I know that story. What a life. Did you, did you see Tom Cruise have signed another contract?

No. He's in talks with a new girl. Oh, I saw that. I saw he's in talks with a new girl, but I also heard that he set her aside because she apparently has a bit of a meth habit. Meth Schmeth. Can't Scientology clear that out? I mean, if she goes.

to Narcanon. That's the Scientology detox program. Really? So it's not N.A. It's Narcanon. NERCAN. So they just call it N.A. Call it Scientology N.A.

Can't they just audit that out of you? Well, yeah, if you go through all the steps, but I don't think they want to go through that whole process. Why wouldn't she want to go through the process? You know, fake marry him. Maybe she really likes meth. I mean, yeah. Why wouldn't you? She likes meth more than Tom Cruise.

Pretty easy choice. I like meth more than Tom Cruise. I've never even tried meth. I might choose meth over marrying Tom Cruise. In fact, I certainly would. Because at least... But she's 27 who cares. She never even has to bang him.

Yeah, but you can quit meth easier than you can get out of Scientology. That is true. And that's not... I will give you that. To be light about how hard it is to quit meth. Can I say something cruel about Sandra Bullock? Please. And I don't need to...

Yeah. I don't think... This is the meanest thing that I hope I ever say. on page 7 but I don't think that she's hot enough for Brad Pitt. Wow. Have you seen gravity? No I can't because I'll puke. The problem is she's just at 50 years old

way tighter than I could ever imagine I could ever be. I think she's I think she's hotter now than she was. Okay you get to see her in her panties. Her body is very nice. No question. I just feel like her face is a little bit like

like just like a tense She does look tense She's always tense But I feel like she's like a tense girl next door I understand what you were saying It's a tense girl next door Oh yeah that's a girl next door She's always angry

She's your stimulation man She's very bubbly in that Yeah Or I did again Recently rewatch Miss Congeniality I've seen Miss Congeniality I've seen that one The nine week wait

What am I looking for? No Two weeks notice. Thank you. The night, wait, wait. Two weeks notice. Did you grant? Yeah.

She was too fumbly in that. Yeah, that's, she's like, she's trying to, that's, I always feel like she's kind of hammering her. She's forcing herself to be affable. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. She's tense, and then she's like, look at how fun I am. You know, that's kind of, and I don't mean to be cruel, but I am being cruel. I like it when you're cruel.

Thank you. I don't even think, Brad Pitt is all that hot. I just think that he's, you know. know, by... I mean, Legends of the Fall, but... I like, you know, I like Fight Club Brad Pitt. Sure. That's short-haired Brad Pitt. Yeah.

You don't like long-haired Brad Pitt. I have a problem where I'm bad and sexist about a lot of men with long hair. Not all of them, but a lot of men with long hair, I don't find it foxy. But Jason Memoa? He's too bestial for me, but I appreciate how much you love him. Oh, my God. That fucking...

That picture was... A picture from Monago was just the best thing I've ever got in my whole life. One of our wonderful fans got Jason Momoa to sign a picture at the Salt Lake City Fanx where our last podcast was to sign a picture to Jackie, saying that he smelled like, what was that? The ocean. I saw it. He hopes and dreams come true. And he looks like he wants to pounce on you in that picture. That picture.

See that? I don't need to see a dick. I could jerk off just to him. in that picture. Monica, I will cover you up. I will make sure I'm not looking at you as well

out of protection of you not because I don't want to. Of course. It's just him in that picture. And then the Instagram pictures. Yeah, I agree with you. His Instagram pictures. His smile in that picture is incredibly good.

I had not ever gotten it really until that picture. And then I was like, okay, yeah, that's it. Yeah, does, I agree with you. It does more to see him smile than it does for his dick. And it doesn't mean that I'm not

into objectifying people because I'm thinking of how big his dick is. So that is like the fantasy better than like actually knowing? Yeah, of course. That is definitely one of those like women born things. I think so.

I feel like it's like just imagining what it is. I got it my brain. So like that's what the soft cores is for the simulated sex. I mean I don't really watch that stuff. But I imagine if I did that this is what I would feel like. Right.

But it's like. But yeah, it's not like, I mean, plenty of women can, you know, like to get off watching, like, very intense things on porn hub, too, right? So that's, like, so it's not even that it's like, like, yeah, I can't explain why just a plain dick is, like, not that exciting. But in a whole, there needs to be additional context, even that if that additional context is just like a sleazy. The rest of his body. Yeah, right. And a sleazy, a sleazy fucking video, like a video even, but just images is, is trickier for me, I think. Yeah.

Well, we're of this generation. Yeah, maybe that's a generational thing. We don't have to wait for a pick to download for a really long time or have to look at a magazine. Yeah. We can watch a full-fledged thing. I don't want to look at a fucking video. I miss my magazines. I bet.

Yeah. I should go get some. Yeah, but they're still out there. Yeah, I should go get some vintage hustlers. Which are very funny, by the way. Oh, yeah. I'll bet. I'll bet.

I'll bet the captions are good. Yeah, because now they're all really weird. The penhouses are so weird. We get them at our house. There's a lot of piss, but it's also a lot of, like, makeup work. Piss? Penn House? Oh, Piss play is right throughout Penthouse's history.

Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pinhouse is a very long history of Pissplay. Really? Yeah. They're Piss Plus. Piss plus is what they should be called. Piss House is what they should be called. We're going to piss house.

Don't you want to come inside? No, I'm good. You get pissed on? Oh, I mean, I guess. Oh, that case. It's not my thing, but you're so excited about it, so I feel like maybe it should be my thing. It's great. You're right.

You know what? I like Piss House. I don't want to like Piss House, but you like Piss House, so I like Piss House. It's time for the list. It's on the list. Marcus, got to have that list. Celebrities who grew up in acting families. Oh, yeah.

Drew Barrymore. Yeah, Drew Barrymore, absolutely. Yeah, Drew Barrymore is right up there at the top with the acting families. James Clark Gable or whatever the hell's name. I don't know if he's an actor. Yeah, no, he's a host. The Arquettes. Yeah.

Yes. There's a lot of Arquette. There's more Arquettes than you think there are. Patricia. David. That's the only two I know. And I could talk about Medium for days. Medium is...

I only watch her when I'm home because my mom likes Medium. Yeah, I wonder where I can find it on demand. It was on Netflix for a little while. I dated a woman for a while that was like obsessed with Medium. It's so stupid. I had to watch a lot of mediums. Rosanna Arquette. Her pajamas.

Okay, yeah, sorry. Rosanna Arquette. Keep going with the Arquette's. Rosanna Arquette's my favorite Arquette. She's a good Arquette. Can you include Courtney Cox, Arquette? I mean, the picture that I'm looking at right now has Courtney Cox Arquette in it, but I don't think Courtney Cox Arquette is Courtney Cox Arquette anymore.

I think she's Courtney Cox. Yeah. Well, David Arquette's been on a years-long spiral down. Yeah, he has. When I was watching Scream recently, I was like, oh, he was now I understand why he was kind of a heart-throat. Yeah, but you watch, even through the screams, you watch him start to go downhill, which is kind of sad. Like, you can, every scream he looks worse in, and then he's off the face of the planet. Yeah, well, he was producing a new show.

I can't remember what it was. I saw it in the blind items. He's producing a new show, but they canceled the show because he just showed up drunk and was just hitting on every woman than he could see. I mean, you know, what else is he doing? That's a blind item. That's a rumor. What else is he doing? Is he go for him?

Am I allowed to say that about him? He's just ruining his own life, so I feel like that's fine. Yeah, I guess I think that David Arquette strikes me as somebody who, if he didn't come from a famous acting family, he's not talented enough to have ever been famous otherwise. You do anything, yes. And dare I say, Patricia Arquette might be in a similar category, but I'm just basing that off the quality of medium. I'm not familiar with her other work. But I feel like Patricia Arquette is better than David Arquette. I think that's true.

And I know she does other things that are better than medium. And I can't believe, like, can you imagine how David Arquette wooed Courtney Cox when they were on the set of Scream? I guess he was goofy fun? Yeah, he's just like, when I was watching Scream, I was like, ugh, it's exhausting. His little, like, cute boy thing. Deputy Dewey. Yeah. Jennifer Anderson's actually from an acting family.

Really? Yeah, her parents are soap star John Aniston and TV actress Nancy Dow. Interesting. I want to be in the soaps. I know it's an awful life, but I would really love to do it. The soaps, it seems like a hell of a grind. Yeah, because it's every day you have to, you have to do it every day. It's like every day is like 14 hour days.

It's awful. You get almost no recognition. You get almost no money for it. But it's just so, I don't know, I was getting my nails done last week and just watching one of those. I think I was watching like one life to live. And it was just like, John, God damn it. Didn't you know that he was my brother and my brother? my husband.

Yeah, I feel like being a soap actor would be like doing a play every single day, right? It's great, yeah. I mean, it's not great because they have to learn all this stuff and it's a very rigorous schedule. And it's awful. But I would do it. Just for fun. Yeah, I would do it for one to two years. Whoa.

Wow, that's a long time. That's a hell of a grind. Yeah, I would say like four months. Really? Yeah, I do it for four months. Week and a half. There's the Sheen Estevez. family.

Martin Sheen, Charlie Sheen, Emilio Estevez. Emilio being the best one. Best Estevez Sheen. Man, we were talking about, I mean, not to bring in a roundtable conversation, but we were talking with Danny Tamborelli the other day, who was in the Mighty Ducks as well as being Little Pete and Pete and Pete and he was just like that Emilio O'Ssevez came to his 10th birthday party and like, what did he do? He said he like, came to his 10th birthday party with like a,

smoking hot chick and gave him a hockey stick. That's nice. Yeah. But how nice did he went to the birthday part? Like that makes me almost... What? It's scared to see. Maybe I would have had sex with him.

When you were 10? You mean? No, I mean now. You're an adult at Danny Tamarlli's birthday party. I'm scared to say it. Why? He's so scared to say that. Because he's not very attractive.

He's okay. He's fine. He's fine. He's fine. He's fine. I feel like we went through the quality of the other ones recently, but I feel like he's, I wouldn't fuck any of the other ones. No, but hearing that story, honestly,

I'd probably rather have sex with Martin Sheen talking West Wing time, just if I had to. Yeah. If I had to. But, you know, Emilia Westerbez, no, no, no, why not? I mean, Young Guns is a good movie. I was really fun. And he's definitely, I mean, he seems more, you know,

you know, Hispanic than the others. I think that's a scenario. Why do you say that? I think if the scenario is you're an adult at Danny Tamerli's birthday party in the mid-90s and Emilio Estabez shows up and gives Danny Tamerali a hockey stick, you take him in the shed out back and do your business. And I think that that's something that you can...

Like then. Not now. I'm talking then Amelia O'S-Soviz. Like Mighty Ducks Emilio Sviz. Like, yeah, I'd probably bang him. Right. Now I'm not sure how he looks. Just because, like, he didn't want to be around the kids, and he wanted to be around the kids.

Yeah. There was, like, this whole, like, you know, at first, it was like, a shift of character. I don't want it. And then, like, it was going on. I was like, well, I kind of want it. And then by the end, he was like, I really want it.

Also, in this scenario, no one's certain why you're even at Danny Timberle's no affiliation. Maybe a neighbor or something. Yeah, so I just wanted to throw it out there. There's Eric Roberts and Julia Roberts. It was Eric Roberts. Eric Roberts is a, he was in Dark Night.

He's that guy. Yeah, he's one of that guy. Oh, that guy. Yeah, you're going to have to Google him if you're at home because I can give you no role that he has been in. I have one. Okay. He was in the remake of In Cold Blood, I think. Was he in Capote?

No, not Capote. I think there was a TV movie remake of In Cold Blood. Well, that is. Just Google. I think. If I'm correct, I will, or if I'm wrong, I'll eat my hat either way. Includ was such a good book, though. It's so good.

Because I remember learning about the original In Cold Blood when there was a TV movie, I think it was a TV movie called In Cold Blood, and I'm pretty sure that's when I also learned that Julia Roberts had a brother. But that's her brother or not her father? Brother. Oh, he didn't age the way Julia Roberts aged. Well, he had some salt and pepper. I mean, this guy, I mean, he's one of those actors that says yes, he's like in everything.

In 2017 alone, he has 36 movies that are either in post or pre-production. Jesus Christ. Well, he's a workhorse. Yeah, you know, and you can't be Julia Roberts, you got to be the one who just says yes to everything. Of course, Goop. Yeah. Bliss Danner. Yeah, but Blithe Danner is amazing.

Yeah, I like her. And she created something terrible. created an evil contribution to this earth. Ooh, speaking of that, also, who else is on there? Kate Hudson? Kate Hudson, Goldie Hans' daughter. Oh, yeah, baby. But not Kurt Russell.

Kurt Russell's not her father, though, right? I don't think so. I think Kurt Russell is her stepfather, but like her early on stepfather. Yeah, that's why she's got the Hudson. She's so beautiful. And there's the, you know, the Gillen Halls. Yeah. And, you know, Maggie Gellon Hall, married to Peter Sarskard.

Yeah, he's a different Sarsguard, not to be confused with Alexander Scars Guard. Because that's Scars Guard, right? And he's Sarsgaard? Oh, maybe it's Brett. He's Peter Sarsgaard and then it's Alexander Scarsguard. I'm just getting everything wrong regarding Alexander Scarsgarde. I shouldn't speak about him. That's the one that's in Garden State though, right?

Alexander Scarsgarde or Peter Scarsgarde? Peter Sarsgarde is in Garden State. And he's also in some shit that I remember from like in the 90s. Yes. He's real, like, kind of squirrel. He's like kind of whispering. He was in Dead Man Walken. He's like Joe Daddy.

But he is actually. Rather than Joe Millionaire, he's my Joe Daddy. Where it's like, yeah, he ain't no like Alexander Scarsgard Daddy, but he's the kind of daddy that like, I want to watch a movie with you and have like slow sex. Yeah, I would definitely have sex with Peter Starzgar. Yeah. All right, start for Blan Otto. Oh, we can't see him. Death Watch Time.

Whoa. This A-list icon might be joining the George Michaels and Michael Jackson's of iconism very soon if he doesn't change his ways. He's nearly at the level considered to be morbidly obese and doesn't show any signs of slowing down. My source suggests he picks up playing basketball or wrestling to get his weight down. Meat Wolf? He would never be in the category of those aforementioned people, right? No, no, no, no, no. We're talking big, big, big, big, icon.

Big icon, but you're also talking big fat person. He's never been fat, but he's fat now. Oh, but he's fat now. Mm-hmm. But he's still moving and shaken. But we're talking of the 80s. I mean, an icon since the 60s. What?

Oh, icons since the 60s. Actor. And an actor. A triple plus list. Not Jack Nicholson. Jack Nicholson. Look at this picture. Oh, wow.

Oh, wow. Yeah, no, he needs to. you know what do blow off young girls titties till he dies I say good at him I think he's been doing that ever I think he's been doing that for a long

long long time and he's still going since we started this show he's been on death watch since we started the show and also you know what go out with a bang got just do it yeah right what is he gonna start

yeah please I don't I can't even start I mean he's not going to like the Robert De Niro route where he's like Robert DeNiro was just doing these dumb movies like because he doesn't fucking care. He can do whatever. He's not Jack Nicholson doesn't need to do it. All he wants

to do is drink and be in a boat and do blow up young girls' titties. Yeah, that's fine. Do it. He's going to turn 80 next year. And he's still doing it? Are you kidding me? He hasn't done a movie since 2010. Why should he? He doesn't need to.

But it has been announced that he's going to star in a movie called Tony Erdman. It's about a dad who creates an alter ego of himself in an effort to connect with his polar opposite daughter. Don't go down the Robert De Niro road. He's doing it with Kristen Wigg. It's a remake of a German film.

Oh, Deutschland, Deutsche Land. Are you allowed to still sing that? You're not allowed to still sing Deutsche Lerales, no. You can, but you should.

I don't know the words to it, so I think that makes it better. I'm pretty sure. But I mean, I do enjoy Kristen Wig. Yeah, I do like Kristen Wig a lot. I don't have faith that that will be a good movie. No, I bet it won't. But you know what?

I'm not keeping the faith. It will be a good movie. Uh-oh. Hey, Norton. Ben Stiller, everybody. Where's Jenelphman at? Next up, wanting to find a way to drag out another season or two of episodes. This reality family is bringing up the baby word again.

Even the biggest star of the show doesn't actually want to go through with it again, but it doesn't mean there can't be hints to make it seem like it's happening. The Kardashians. I saw this and I was, wondering if it was true or not that like there's all these headlines I'll be like like Kim Kardashian winks at baby number three but is it good for her health but she's also apparently been eating for five so why can't she have baby number three why isn't that good for her health? I think there's something there's some like she shouldn't have another kid or something.

I don't want my kids to have I want my kids to have siblings but the doctors don't feel like it's safe for me. Okay what does it mean but obviously so you so they're saying that they're doing it just for the attention. They're just doing it to try to string out the show a little bit longer because the robbery was in and out. Wasn't that big of a deal. Obviously an inside job. Obviously an inside job, without a doubt.

Just for the show. It's all for the show. I wonder if they got a boost since OJ made America of people being like, I'm going to check out those Kardashians. I doubt it. Yeah. Yeah. Because they were kind of a joke in the show.

Yes. They were, especially Chris Jenner. Last up, this one is huge. Apparently a sex tape that is supposedly being quote unquote leaked with a permanent A-list quote-unquote singer. I don't know why they put quote-unquote here. She's a singer. Singer. Singer.

She's a singer and a dancer. It is apparently a bunch of spliced together personal footage with an impersonator during the sex scenes to get her back in the public eye. But she's A-plus-plus. Oh, she's A-plus, yeah. Back in the public eye. Yeah. Not Mariah. Not Mariah.

And it's not Mariah. Bay. No, it's not Bay. Younger than, well, yeah, I guess younger than Bay. Riri? No, not really. Older than Reeree. Older than Rearie.

Younger than Bay. Bigger than a breadbox. Oh, um. Hannah Montana. No. Older. Older. Older.

Maybe about the same age as Bay. Maybe, but I, but you'd think of her being younger, definitely. Bay is our age, lest we first. get. Oh, don't remind me, Molly. I don't want to think about that. She's older than us. She's older than us. She's like 34?

She's your age, I think. 33. Okay, so yeah, I guess maybe a little older than her then. Oh, older than Ben. But like maybe just like a year or two. Who is it? A sex tape back in the public eye. I mean, we're talking like a 90 sex symbol here.

People would be very interested in seeing a sex tape. Christina Aguilera. Close. Britney Spears. Yeah. Oh, she's in her 40s, isn't she? Brady? No, Brady's like my age.

Really? Oh my God, so much has happened to her. She's like 34 or 35. Oh, my God. That's right. That's crazy to me. Oops, I did it again. She was 16 only, and I was probably 13.

I guess I think of her in more of like the J-Lo stratosphere of age. That's crazy to me. Because she was so young when she was 16 when she got famous. Yeah. I'll watch it. Yeah. Of course I'll watch. I really don't even care if it's fake or not

Yeah, I'm like if she wants to put out a sex tape Or if anybody else does, then that's, you know, go for it. Her body still looks really fucking good I mean, now it does, she got it back. Yeah, I could see her pretending to be in bad. Oh my God, I can't believe a sex tape came out. It's so very same. She's fucking, are you kidding me?

There's no more X factor, right? No. The hell else she's doing? Ooh, apparently she's smoking a joint and gyrating on top of a secret lover. That's really sexy. That sounds great. Smoking a J and pound in at the same time. Yes.

Yeah, that sounds excellent. Of course, I want to watch that. Good job, Britney Spears. Wow. Wait, so it just got leaked? Well, it might get leaked. Oh, it might get leaked. Oh, I love that.

So, it might get leaked. Obviously, it's coming from her. But I may have this. But I hope now that he sees it. Oh, my God. She wants everybody fucking see it. You kidding me? I want to see it.

Everybody wants to see it. I'll pay for it. I'm so lucky. I'm a star. But I cry, cry, cry. I am a lonely heart thinking. I'm going to say that's one of my favorite Britney Spears songs. Lucky is such a good fucking song.

They're all pretty good. That's all we got time for today. They're not all pretty good. Yeah, that's a bold statement. Toxic is below Lucky. I love Toxie. I love Toxic. What are you just saying?

I love Toxic, but I love Lucky more than toxic. I'm going to disagree with you. Toxic is my top. That's my favorite. Damn, toxic is a good song. It is. Just thinking about it makes me happy. It's got a good hook.

It's underneath, it's got my, it's underneath lucky for me. Is Lucky you're number one? I think it is my number one Britney Spears song. It's very good. It is good, but I understand. I understand you're upset. And I'm sorry to do that at the end. I didn't mean upset everybody, but, you know, just think of,

see, bet, see, but fly away. Think about it. Listen to them. I love it. Only that song about it. That was not anything else. Goodbye. For more shows like the one you just listen to,

go to cavecomedyadio.com.