Page 7 - Episode 197: Creepin' Jesus

Episode Date: April 6, 2017

Molly, Marcus and Jackie talk Brad Pitt's recent weight loss, Val Kilmer's weird fascination of Cate Blanchett, and learn which celebs have slightly wonky eyes. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Let's go Keep playing those mind games Together And la la la la A lot And you know what John Lennon Sometimes love isn't the answer Fuck you John Lennon

Oh most time love isn't the answer I know but the whole thing is like Love is the answer Oh the Beatles are all liars Because you know that I'm just like no I don't fucking know that He didn't even live by that shit He wasn't the best man in terms of loving right

Oh, no, he was a horrible man. Oh, come on. Yo, go. Come on. Wasn't he shitty to her? No, he was a wife eater. He beat his first wife and was extremely abusive towards little Julian. And, yeah, he was a terrible person all around.

John Lennon was a piece of shit. Yeah. The only pure beetle is George Harrison. And maybe Ringo. Well, Ringo's too dumb to do what was. And Paul McCartney, a bit of a handful. Yeah, you know. What's our problem with Paul McCartney?

He just seems like a bit of a handful. Just settled out a little bit. of the Polkernie. Yeah, I'm with you. Yeah, George Harrison's perfect. I used to make fun of my mom so much when I was a kid because she was like, George Harrison was the one who I had a crush on. And apparently when she was a kid, all the other girls were like, you're silly for

liking George. Nobody likes George and I did the same thing. But now I realize you have to like grow into it. You grow into George. I was always a Paul. My mom was a Paul. I was a Paul. And then I was like, fuck that shit. Banned on the run. I mean, I do. I love fan on the run. Of course. You can't take wings from me.

My mom was also a George fan. I remember one time I told her that I thought my dad looked like Ringo and she got visibly angry. She was like, get out of my house. She was like, he does not. He does not look like Ringo. I'm like, Mom, that kind of looks like Ringo. I don't know. I've seen pictures of your father.

He does. There are some pictures of my dad when he's a teenager with the 70s hairstyle. He looks a lot like Ringo. She's like, don't ever say your father looks like Ringo. It's interesting to me because Ringo looks so British. Like he looks like a British man. Parks is a British name. Oh.

So your father is Ringo. Let me guess not tell you my father's Ringo Star. Oh my God. We should get a lot more money into the studio. I changed it from Star to Pox that no one would find me. Became a cattle run. Oh, please have your dad do a fake British accent and record it. I would actually like to hear my dad try to do some fake accent.

Does he have like a Friday night late? Texas accent? Yeah. He's got my parents, or my family has to accents that are so thick that most people can't understand them. Yeah.

Love that. Yeah, me too. Mm-hmm. You guys hear Adele's not going to tour anymore? Why? What? She says she's done with it.

I mean, she didn't really tour a whole lot before this last big thing because she's got a kid, she's got the husband, like she wants to live that life. I mean, she makes, she doesn't need to. She said touring isn't something I'm good at. Aplaus makes me feel a bit vulnerable.

I mean, she's being an Nya. You know, and I appreciate that. Honestly, man, if you could be, oof, can you imagine being a beloved, like number two best in the world right now, singer, pop star, make all of that money and then just have a kid and a husband and then not keep hustling but still be beloved?

And she could still do, like, I imagine she'll still do albums. She just... Oh, she'll definitely do album. She just says that touring isn't... She said, I don't... Not sure if... pouring is my bag. I love her so much.

Did you see the freak out of her when she was in like Australia or something and there was a bug on her foot? And she freaked the foot in the middle of a song was like got on the floor and she was like screaming like, it's on me. It's on me. Get off me. Like she had like a complete freak out. I love her so much. She's perfect.

Man. And yeah, I mean, yeah, she should still be, she should still keep doing like the Grammys and all of that. But I mean, you know, some people are like, well, I just sing because I. have to and I'll be in Vegas singing every night like I have to sing and I if I was Adele I would be like I don't have to sing I'll sing I'll sing for your love and then when I get your love and your money

I'll stop oh my god she's got my love yep there was some photos for her to drink to dress for part of a concert last week she was dining a pink poncho that she borrowed from a fan she said I just spent two hours in hair and makeup for nothing I love her you know it's like she still hits those notes man she smokes like a fiend she does

Oh, yeah, man. She's a fucking chain smoker. Really? Oh, yeah, man. Wow. Oh, what a bad example, though. I know. That's why I love her even more.

Like, if I was a choir teacher, I would be pissed about that because you'd be trying to tell kids, you'll never sing like Adele. But you can. If you got those pipes. Oh, my God. Good for her on that. I mean, smoking kills. And again, but I was smoking. Thank you.

Thank you for saying it. I just wanted to throw that out. I'm so happy. Thank you, Molly Smith, smoking kills. I don't want to be too excited about all the Sigs. I know, but you know I'm excited. I'm happy for her. I'm happy for her, honestly.

I don't want to kiss her husband. I want her to be able to do whatever she wants. And if it's joints instead of Sigs, then all the better. Well, Molly, you know, we can't all be stoners. Fun fact about Adele smokes 25 marijuana cigarettes a day. Hell yeah. You know, the big mama from what's eating Gilbert Grape died. I couldn't believe that she was that young.

Wasn't she like in her 50s? No, she was 69. I can't believe she was that old. Well, wait. Is she still alive? Do you mean that young when she was in Gilbert Grape? Or did you? Maybe she was that.

Yeah, she died at 69. She just died, yeah. Because was she still that big? She lost 244 pounds in 2012. Brought it down to 331. Damn. God damn But still it's like

So you only had four years of being able to Walk That movie was made Such a long time ago in my head 93 Yeah So anybody who In my head

Anybody who's like a grown up In 1993 What should be dead by now? No should be dead by trying to say about all our parents I know I know this is my problem I was like oh if she was a mom in 1993 Then she'd probably old enough to be dead Gotta be dead

I apologize I stand corrected Thank you for taking it back. Take it back. Her name was Darlene Cates. And she never really did.

I guess there's only so many times you can use a woman that's that big. She was in a couple of, she was in episodes of picket fences and touched by an angel. Jesus Christ. Man, she really had a wheelhouse. Did she lose those?

Was it touched by an angel or seventh heaven that lost the royalties because of these scams? Seventh heaven. Touched by an angel had, what was her name? It's like Delter Reese. Touched by an angel was Michael. Flatly.

Now, the guy that was in a little house on the prairie. Oh, I know it with that big hair. Yeah, big hair. Patrick Duffy. He looks like Patrick Duffy. He looks a lot like Patrick Duffy. What was the one where it was like the like beautiful older black woman that I think she was an angel? That was touched by an angel.

I'm thinking of a totally different show. But yeah, touch by an angel is with the old. black woman. Is that Delta Reese or Delta Burke is designing women? It's Della Reese. Dela Reese. Wow, good job, Jackie. I don't know why. That's pretty solid. Thank you. I don't know why. Don't ask me why. I don't know why. The genre of

like Christian after school programming is a surprising one. They really tried to get it in us to not have sex. Michael Landon. Ah, yes. Every time you hear the name Michael, do you assume it's We're talking about Michael Flanley. I don't even know if I've thought about Michael Bradley in, I don't know, 15 years. And the show was Highway to Heaven.

Oh, I've never heard of that show. Yeah, Highway to Heaven. My grandparents really loved Highway to Heaven. Well, okay, fair enough. That's fine. Man, who is greenlighting all these Christian programs? Back then. Yeah, the people that know you can make money from it.

Yeah. Remember Veggie Tales? I remember I watched three episodes of Veggie Tales and I didn't. I think I was just really stoned and I just, like, didn't realize that it was a Christian show. And then I was like, wait a fucking second. Yes. They're talking about Bible shit in these vegetables. I think many of us had that.

I thought they would just be good to each other. This fucking fun vegetables. Yeah, I thought it was like a bananas and pajamas. Yes. Bananas and pajamas are coming down the stairs. Bananas and pajamas are... I don't remember the rest. I just remember their pajamas.

But I remember there was a Christian bookstore in my hometown that I used to walk to a lot because they sold mints there. that were called Testaments. I like Testaments. And each mint was wrapped in a Bible verse. Why did you want to buy those? A, they were good mints. And B, I thought that it was a hilarious thing

to have Testaments with me all the time. I was like, this is the funniest mints on earth. And they were very good. And so I always went to the Christian bookstore and got Testaments. And they like only had, it was like a veggie tales merch shop. Like it was so much veggie tails there. And that's when I realized that they weren't

as innocuous as the bananas. in the pajamas. I don't think bananas and pajamas had anything to do with Jesus H. Christ. No, no, I think bananas and pajamas were just a fun... They were just having fun fruit. It's all they were. That's what they should be.

Instead of Christian vegetables. Oh, Christian vegetables. Yeah, I bet they got washed with holy water. That's how they get you. Fucking vegetables. That woman that was in What's Eating Gilbert Grape? The director saw her on an episode of Sally Jesse Raphael called

too heavy to leave the house. She talked about her imprisonment of being obese in her own home. So the director called her up and said, hey, let me give you this part. She said yes. That's really not for him. She probably lived off of that

for a really long time, I imagine. Wow, that's great, actually. Yeah, but then she's too heavy to leave the house. How'd she get there? Car. Picked her up? Somebody picked her up?

Because she couldn't walk, right? She couldn't walk, because she couldn't get off the couch in the movie. She could? Yeah, you remember there was a scene where she went and got Leonardo of Caprio from the police station. Oh yeah.

Oh yeah. And they were like holding her. Let go my son. Right. That's right. I just never get through the whole movie. It's just one of those movies. I see it more times that I can count.

I just always catch a part of it. It's like, oh, I'll watch this for 20 minutes. And then I shut it off. Because it's always on on like a Sunday afternoon. Yes. It's always on somewhere. Yeah. If you've got cable.

And it's a perfect movie for watching 20 minutes of us. Yeah. Because there's no real plot to it. Yeah. It's just hot. Hot Johnny Depp. And. Well, complicatedly.

Leonardo Caprio. Well, Molly. And cute Julia Lewis. Yes, yeah, yeah. I mean, you definitely would have been able to get him. You know, if there was a time to get Leonardo of Caprio, it's him in that movie. Sexy Mary Steenberger. Oh, my God.

Mary Steenbergin is so, she's still sexy. I still think she looks great. She looks amazing. I love her. But she was sexy and a hot housewife in that one. And in a parenthood, too, the movie Parenthood, she was a hot housewife as well. I thought she was still looking banging. You have to keep him,

I watched Gilbert Great because I was going through Leonardo DiCaprio's filmography. So I was in search of a hot Leonardo DiCaprio. It wasn't like I saw him in character. And he did a very good job. He's still a beautiful person, regardless of whether he's playing somebody who's disabled or not. But I was like, I like saw Titanic and then I worked my way back from like growing pains episodes all the way through. He was sexy in growing things. Gilbert Great.

Basketball Diaries. I don't find him sexy now, but at the time. Who? Child. Yeah, yeah. A child with a bowl cut. In fact, he probably looked just like you, Molly. He was much, much more beautiful than me.

But, yes, he was hot in Growing Paints. It was the only good-looking person on that show. I'm sorry. All the other people on Growing Paints are hideous. Kurt Cameron, please. The mom's, I mean, Judith Light. No, is that Judith Light? I don't remember.

No, she wasn't. You're right. You know what? You're right. They were all hideous. Ben. Ben's face, is that his name? The little boy?

Oh, the middle child? Yeah. Oh, yeah, he was ugly and he got uglier as he got older. Yes, yes, which must be difficult for casting directors. The mother was mom pretty. I wasn't paying attention to the mother to me. I remember the mother and mom being actually very hot mom pretty, yeah. But Alan Thick, yuck.

Yeah. R-IP. R-I-P, R-P, comma, yuck. Please, R-I-P. I shouldn't speak ill of the dead. Kurt Cameron. Yuck. Double yuck.

Again, another one of those things. I think I've said that before when I started reading fucking those books, not knowing that it was a fucking Jesus thing. I thought it was like an end of the world thing. It was like, oh, this is really cool that I got to like book two. And I was like, wait a second. Wait a second. Creeping Jesus all everywhere we turned.

You're right. It was all the 90s, man. All creep in Jesus. And he was never, even if it wasn't for his terrible Christian personality, he still wouldn't have been hot because of his hair. Hair. Yeah. I'm sorry.

I didn't want to say it, but thank you. Yeah, it's because of his hair. It's not that his hair was curly, curly hair is nice, but the shape of his hair, that 80s shape. Such a shame, though, that, like, Candice Cameron back then, not anymore because she's evil. But Candace Cameron was so much hotter than he was on Full House. Yeah, they don't even look related. No, they don't.

Thank God for her. What about the girl, though? She was cute. She was a baby, though. No, not the baby, girl. I'm talking about the teenager, the one that. had the anorexia problem. Oh, yes.

Very special episode. But she also really did have anorexia. But it was in the show, right? No, she actually did have anorexia in real life, and then they made a very special episode about it. Yeah. Oh, wow. She was too thin.

Speaking of, though, too thin. Have you seen the pictures of Brad Pitt out? No. I know that everyone's like, he's looking good. He's getting weight. He's finally taking care of himself after Angelina. But I think he's too thin. I think it's too much.

And it's spindly. It's like Madonna-esque. Really? He's looking quite spindly. Let's see. Oh, my gosh. You can almost see his like chest bones, but on the top and not on the bottom. Don't go too far.

He is exactly my size. Yeah, but he looks bad at it. You look good at it. That is true. But he looks like he's meant to be bigger than that. This is your size. Yeah, that is true. You know what I mean?

If I got any bigger, I'd look real weird. You would look weird. Because I got a small head. And he is like, I think he's like he's meant. looks better with just a little bit more weight on him. Yeah. I'll agree with that. Yeah, I think, right.

Some people are, like, look right skinny, and then others, because, I mean, just because you're used to it or whatever, but he, yeah, his head, he's got, he's got big head in that. He's got big head. Yeah. And, like, he's too small. You know, I love, I love spindly men, but he, yeah, it looks like, it looks like he's. Is that how you turn on your husband? You know, I love spindly men.

My type. But yeah, he looks like something, he looks like sad. Well, yeah, he's the main thing. You know, he's going through something. He's going through a thing. You know, he's playing those mind games. Love is the answer. Do you guys hear about the weird Val Kilmer Kate Blanchett tweet thing?

No. Well. I mean, I know you've been following Val Kilmer. You know Val Kilmer is my favorite guy on Twitter. Oh, yeah. Well, I love this because you're not even on Twitter that much, so it means you just go on Twitter to love. like check in with Val Kilmer.

Oh, yeah. I gotta do this. I keep forgetting. I'll go on just to check it out because it is, it gets really, really strange. Well, they do have a background. You know, they both were in a movie together in 2003. He tweeted last Friday, and I was following this in real time. I was having quite a bit of fun with it. He tweeted, once I flew all the way to Australia just to talk to Kate Blanchette,

her husband met me first or instead, I guess, to be accurate. Whoa. Hot. Hot. And then he continued. And recently, I've had two dreams with hashtag Kate Blanchet in them. Her husband wasn't in either of them. Okay, actually.

Yeah. Nope, I'm going to draw the line and say that's actually totally inappropriate. Oh, no, I think it's sex. No, but you should get someone's permission before you tweet out to the world. when you're Val Kilmer, I mean, who knows how many Twitter followers he has? Maybe it's not the many. But to be like, I dreamt I fucked you is a little bit of a violation.

He didn't say I dreamt I fucked you. He said I had two dreams with her in them, but her husband wasn't in me. Maybe they were just having coffee. It's right. It's not like I dreamt I fucked I was just like I dreamt a winky, winky, winky, winky, wink, would you see the wink? Do you see how big the wink is?

Semi-colon parentheses. He then retweeted someone else's. Hashtag WCW Photo Blanchette That's Womench Wednesday So he's looking Oh is that what that means That's what that means

Yeah That's kind of fun It's like a little bit Too many That's four tweets About Kate Blanchette It goes a lot further What?

Does she tweet back? Yeah no question Well she doesn't have Twitter Oh And then on Saturday He tweeted She's just as amazing in person Some superstars aren't

Some superstars won't Do a thing to you in person Kate is so real It's almost unreal What? What? She doesn't even have Twitter. He said, once I did a cameo just to hang with hashtag Kate Blanchett,

who picked up a shovel in our scene. I was so dazzled by how she picked it up. I forgot my line. How? Pick it up a shovel. I mean, she is smooth. She is smooth. She's a beautiful woman.

She is smooth, yeah. And then on Sunday, he kept going the next day. Was he drunk? He said, I've never done, said, or written a single idea that wasn't of the highest respect and admiration for how. hashtag K Blanchet or any other great talent. And then a series of tweets after that, one, two, three. She's a friend of mine and I've met her husband through the years and we've all gotten

along just fine. Anyone who thinks I need to curb my enthusiasm for a great rare artist doesn't understand how difficult the job is and how we artists count on the respect of our peers. She will back up every word I say and that I say I love her. I would love an actor. I didn't even enjoy if he flew the world to talk about a role. Oh my God. So obviously, after the first few tweets, people were like, Valcomer, this is creepy, you need to stop.

And he was like, I will not stop. I will tell you how much I love Kate Blanchett. That's, yeah, but... I am appreciative of her as an actress and is a beautiful woman. It's about her acting and her gorgeous body in my dreams without her husband, but it is purely about acting. You wouldn't understand because you're not in the actual. It is all Greek. It is all of it.

Yes, I am sexual feelings towards Cape Lanchette, but that does not take away from the fact that I also believe that she is a wonderful actress. Oh my God, wait. Because you were... Shovel! Have you seen her all the shovel? Not even a sensuous motion. No, that's what's amazing. That makes you, obviously, it's real.

Obviously it's real. She just picks up a shovel and he's like, oh my God, my lines! Yeah. But so as somebody who watched this all unfold live, did you happen to see what any of the replies were to him? Where people were like, hey, man, are you okay? No, people were...

I actually didn't see any of the replies. I don't go that far into it. I just want to say... I just want to get it straight from the kiln. Yeah, yeah. I'm there for the kill, not for the following. I'm there for the kill, not the mess, all right. Give me the straight kill.

I just feel like this is just like a fun joke for him, though. Yeah. It seems like he's just having fun. If you read his Twitter, it is obviously just him having fun. I mean, when was the last time you said the name Kate Blanchett? Honestly, I haven't even thought about Kate Blanchett in years. Yeah. And I've seen the gift 100,000 times.

And he just, for some reason on Friday, he was like, you know what, I'm going to start tweet about Cape Blanchett. Oh, he's just having fun. Now I've got to follow him. Now I'm hooked. You got to. He's very, very, he's great on Twitter. I'm ready to go now.

I'm just slightly curious what Gay Blanchet's reaction is. If she's not on Twitter, she's like, he did what? I feel like he probably called her to tell her about what was happening. FYI, if you see a story about me tweeting about you. It's true. And I mean it. I mean, every fucking word, do you want to marry me? I love you.

But I also respect your husband. And he just posted a picture of himself wearing an inflatable pink. Crown says never had this happen Crazy so upset it's April Fool's Day Now no one will believe when I celebrate that I was just crowned king of America He is looking a little rough in that picture but you know Well I mean he talks a lot about his health you know once again RRI's story speculating about my health I have absolutely no illness other than some rehabilitation

I must do for a swollen tongue He talks about his tongue a lot maybe it came from Cape Blanchette you know too smooth that it's rough cat-like tongue couldn't handle it. Now it's all swole. All right, it's time for the list. Who's on the list? Marcus, got to have that list. Celebrities you probably never notice have wonky eyes.

Ooh, wonky. Wunky eyes. Eyes are the only body part, face part, that I notice well. So I'm excited for this one. This is celebrities with varying degrees of, Strabismus. Like eyes that go different directions? Like lazy eye, yeah.

Paris Hilton. Yes, I have noticed that before. Yeah, she's got the weird eyes. But there's only so far you could take it with surgery, because you can never get it perfect. Like, it'll always drop a little bit every once in a while. Here's going to be one that you're going to be like, holy shit, I, of course, Ryan Gosling. Because he's got a little bit of a, his eyes aren't symmetrical. Yeah, it's like one kind of goes, if you watch it in movies.

Oh, weird, that in that picture for show. Yeah, yeah, totally. Heidi Klum. Her eyes kind of go off in weird directions a little bit. Wow, but you never notice because you're too busy staring at those legs for days. Her face is flawless. Russell Crow. Yeah, his eyes kind of weep off a little bit.

Yeah, you know. What a plain Jane that man is. Yeah, but Gladiator. Yeah, he's like a potato. Yeah, but Gladiator. Come on, guys. I mean, I'm not saying he's not a good actor. Oh, I'm not talking about acting.

You think he's hot and gladiator. For some reason, Gladiator is one of those movies that I watch. over and over and over and over again. Yeah, we all have that movie. Right? I mean, I've got a lot of those movies, but that was one of them. You know, just in the Yan,

he's walking through those fields. Oh, wife's dead. You know, it's rough for him. Oh, my God. And he had that, you know, he had good hair in it. I thought he was a good daddy in that one. He had a little, didn't he have a little Caesar?

A little flat bings? Like a pizza? No, like. Good one, Jackie. Big foot pizza. Didn't he have his little flat bangs right across his head? No, no, I think it's what Joaquin Phoenix had in it. No, he just had like a buzz cut. He just looked like salt and pepper.

Salt and pepper fine loins. Hugh Grant's eyes are kind of weird. I mean, he just, his whole face is weird. Yeah, it's the British thing. It's the Ringo thing. But he's in the genre of handsome British. And they all look the same, interestingly. Hugh Lorry, I think, is another handsome British person,

and he looks a lot like Hugh Grant to me. Yeah. Yeah, a little bit. A little bit. And they have the same mannerisms. Yes. Jaunty. British, jaunty mannerisms.

Demi Moore, her eyes are a little weird. No. Yeah, a little bit. Check out this picture. Oh, it could just be, you know, all the meds she's on. She is on much medication at all times. So much. Although someone did point out to me that I think it makes me love him even more.

Jason Momoa's got a little bit of that. Really? He's got a little bit of it. The eyes going in weird directions? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but I like it, though. Yeah. I think it's, you know, it just, because you can't be completely perfect.

This list is nice because it makes you realize that people whose eyes aren't perfect can still be extremely beautiful. Denzo Washington. His eyes are a little weird. Wow. Now I'm going to be just staring at pictures of all these people trying to see it. My eyelids aren't symmetrical. And I think sometimes when I look at pictures of myself, sometimes I wonder if my eyes go in different directions. If you had, I don't see it.

And it's like one of those things when you look at yourself for, you know, 30 years. No one would ever, ever, ever, ever say that about you. Yeah. Yeah. Molly, I don't know. Her eyelids. The islands. Right? Right. That's what it is. It's the islands. Yeah. Off about her. The islands. All right. It's time for blind at him. Oh, we can't see them.

The problem the studio has is that their solution to two actors disliking each other is not to remind them they're getting paid a ton of money to act nice to each other, but that they force the other actors in the movie to essentially choose sides, which just makes everything worse. Whoa. Two actors in a movie, and they hate each other. It's like the last movie

in a very long-running franchise. Ooh, Harry Potter. No. That's about to release. There's ads in the train for it right now. Oh. A born? No, no, no. Cars.

Ooh, fast and furious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's one, it's two guys that are in that movie. Oh, so it's Vin Diesel. Fatty Diesel. Fatty Diesel. Well, Paul Walker. Maybe that's what happened.

It's with the other thumb-headed fucker. Oh, that guy. Then why are they still making the movies? You know, why are they... I mean, I should say that. You know what? I think I've seen every single one of them. They are fun.

Yeah. They're fun. They're dumb. You shut off your brain and go, whoa. Whoa. How'd they bring Paul Walker back? Apparently, Ben Diesel and The Rock. Hate each other.

The Rock? Oh, really? The Rock, those are the two that are having problems. I didn't even know. Oh, I didn't know he was in this one. I guess he is. The Rock is so amicable. I love him.

I feel like it must be Vin Diesel's fault. I hear bad things. About the Rock? No, no, about Ben Diesel. Oh, I've heard bad. Yeah, no, I think Vin Diesel is not a good man. Yeah, I think the Rock is, like, up there. He's like up there with Tom Hanks.

Yeah. In terms of being flawless. Of being, yeah, just like a good person. Yeah. And, like, has worked really hard. Yeah, he seems like it. Like a good family man and, like, doesn't cheat. It is just like a good person.

Good dude. Who's that nice man who I like, who's not Vin Diesel, who's in Crank? Jason. Jason. Stay-day-um. I love him. Closeted. You could see that.

Gumbs up in the blind items constantly. Oh, man. Imagine his dick getting sucked on by another beautiful man. Yeah, that would be nice. Next up. This married permanent A-list, mostly movie actress, with multiple Academy Award nominations and wins. and a double plus list name recognition is paying for an apartment for a former employee in her home

who she is sleeping with. Merrill Streep. That's what I was going to say. Yep. Almost on that level, though. But more on the rom-com side. Julia Roberts. Yes.

Wow. Well, I mean, apparently her marriage is falling apart. Yeah, I think it's the Hollywood curse. You have twins, your marriage falls apart. That is just what it is. It's what it seems like. I totally thought you were just going to say. say like if you're super famous and everyone loves you and then you're no twins twins twins because you

also had twins maria carrie is in this curse yes jlo jlo jlo that's all i can think of no that's a good i like your theory right all of their marriages fell apart afterwards that might actually not just be holly but hollywood that might just be marriages in general i mean it's just too many it's probably it's double it yeah it's double the work yeah not that they are doing the work themselves right right that's key you know but oh i wonder I wonder how, I bet he's pretty young. He's got to be young. She's got a paramour.

Good for her. Is that what it's called? Isn't it? I don't know. What if the paramour is what broke up the marriage? Yeah. Do we like her husband? I don't think we do.

I think he's a simpleton. I think he's just a man. I think she's just a dude. He's just a man. Yeah. I mean, this very well could be Julia Roberts breaking up the marriage. Yeah.

And honestly, if he's a simpleton, I might like him more. Because there are the children when she's having her hollabaloo's and having her fuck around. Well, that's why she got her pair or an apartment so she can fuck in his house and her children are probably at home with dad. Now that I think about it that way, it sounds probably pretty unfair for the dad.

Yeah, because, I mean, she's already the moneymaker in it and she gets to have a boyfriend on the side. I mean, isn't it the dream? Yeah, doesn't that sound good? He's a cinematographer. Oh, okay. So he's not a simpleton. Yeah, he works in such films as Secret in Their Eyes,

the Mexican, and Fireflies in the Garden. Oh, I mean. And if you're up there in the Mexican, then no wonder they're together. Do you remember that movie? That movie is garbage. No, I don't remember the Mexican. What was the Mexican? It was Julia Roberts and Brad Pitt?

No, Mel Gibson, right? Was it Mel Gibson? I just remember I was excited to see it. I went to go see at the movie theater. I think I walked out. No, I'm thinking to get the gringo. That's the Mel Gibson movie. It sounds like something Mel Gibson was.

Yes. No, and I believe Tony Sopranos in it. James Gandalfini for some. R-I-P. Oh, like the 2001 movie? Oh, that Gorb Vrbensky movie. What? I don't think so.

No, it was a rom-com. Brett Pitt and James Gandalfini were both in it. It was a rom-com. So you think that he doesn't deserve to be married to her because the Mexican was garbage? Yes. is what I'm saying yeah, in cinematography specifically garbage

And lastly, this soon-to-be superhero In his very own movie actor Who's probably B-plus without it Was probably on about a three-day bender While doing press for an ensemble movie Featuring his character That three days also did not include a shower As reporters all noticed

Gotta be a Avenger one Mm-mm but close Is not Jeremy Renner? No, it's on the other side Not Marry. Oh, God. You lost me. I don't know.

What Outtobble DC movie? Justice League? I don't know. It's your boy. Jason Momoa? Not showering, drinking all the time. Oh, yeah. Of course he's not showering.

Aloha. What do you fucking think? That man doesn't shower. Look at him. All he needs is the ocean, man. Yeah, he doesn't need a shower. Yeah, it's Aquaman. That's his movie.

Oh, that's right. I saw the pictures. I don't know the movies. I just saw the picture of him and he's just like, having the best time doing what I love. Aloha. Ironic though, that he's Aquaman and he's not showering.

Yes, that is ironic. That's fine. If he smells like the ocean, I mean, he probably smells like B.O. But most, I think big dudes, what is he going to do? Put a bunch of ax on. Shower is what he's going to do.

He's going to do. I mean, I've been to these, I've been to the, what he's doing, there's a lot of downtime. When you're on the island, you don't need to shower. No, when you're an actor, you get all up close to people.

It is, it is rude. No, no, you're living. You know, it's the sand is your scrub, and the water of the ocean is your soap. And that's all we have time for this week. Sorry for the short one. We'll be back next week. Thank y'all very much for listening, and we'll talk to you all soon. All right, Jason Mala.

Bola. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to cavecomedy radio. Oh, me.