Page 7 - Episode 205: Countin' On Keepin' On

Episode Date: June 8, 2017

Molly, Marcus and Jackie learn deets about Jon Hamm's divorce, talk about the Duggar family fame, and discuss celebs with patents. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

She's an easy lover. So get a hold on you believe it. Damn, but you're under cheese like no other. Before you know it, you'll be on your knees. My new theme song. What hell is that? I don't even know it. Welcome to page 7, everybody.

I'm at a loss. Excuse me? I'm at a loss. I don't know. Can I keep going? Give us more. It is a Phil Collins and Philip Bailey song. Philip Bailey from Earthwind and Fire

It's called Easy Lover You know the song? Jeez, and he's the lover I hate Phil Collins God you are Yeah, Marcus made a face when you said Bill Collins Just bleak, bleak, bleak, Easy Lover's my new theme song

I'm trying to work on it I want Doug and I to record a version of it I've been doing Jackanese dating sims with Holden on his Twitch every Friday I don't understand a single word you just said I had to learn about it

Twitch is when you play video games? It's playing video games, but Jack and he's Dating Sims. It's called Jack and he's Dating Sims. Dating Sims are basically Japanese games. It's like a choose-your-end adventure of fucking. Okay. And they're all real weird. So right now I'm a cripple and a cripple school.

So Holden's twitching a sex role-playing video game. With me. I'm the one that's playing it. He's just kind of there with me. Okay. So we've been doing this every Friday. And I had to learn about what it means. It's all very fucked up.

Yeah. But, you know, it's kind of fun. And you get to bang right now Does it turn you on? Well the one Right now the one I'm playing I'm between the girl with no arms The girl who's completely scarred from head to toe

And we don't know why yet And then the girl with no legs But the girl with no legs is a runner So I've been running with her But I have arrhythmia so that's difficult The last one I did I was a human in a school for birds And I was trying to fuck birds

Okay so I haven't played sims since like 1997? It's not, no, no, it's like simulator. Sim is just simulation. Sims is a whole different game. Sim is just a shorthand

for a simulation game. Like, most like like a real life type of thing. Like dating sim, dating simulation. I see. I thought that maybe this was like a branch of the Sims that just got real dirty. No, I'm not taking out the ladders

and making them all die in the pool. But did you have the fuck version of Sims? No, I only had Sim City, which I hated. I don't know why I had it. Oh, Sim City is much. Much different.

Yeah. Yeah. That's like, like infrastructure. Exactly. It was like, I can't build a city. Why am I even trying?

But then apparently there was this other fun sims where you got, didn't you get to make them fucking stuff and stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they'd get,

you'd see a whole bunch of blackouts and, you know, they go, oh, I don't have a day. And then they put them in the vibrating bed and they have sex.

Yeah, that's what I remember. It was just that easy. And that's all. I mean, no, you had to get them to like each other. First. That was so,

it's like, Come on, just fuck. In real life, you don't have to like each other. They had to tickle each other first. You had to tickle for a while. It was a lot of tickling. See, that sounds like a lot of fun. A game that's designed purely for, well, my original question was going to be about the graphics.

What are the graphics like? Well, on these games, I mean, they're very high quality. It's a huge thing. So, I mean, I'm just trying to, I just play for fuckens. I just, all I want to do is have sex. So that's why I want to record the song, Easy Lover, with Doug, because we can't play the real song. Turns out. I guess it's the same fucking rules

or whatever. Yeah. So we're going to do our own version of Easy Lover. Everyone knows Easy Lover. You both don't know this song? No. Unlike Marcus, I like Phil Collins, but I am really more of a casual listener.

It's ultimate soft rock. I just listen to Phil Collins in bars and then I'm like, oh, I like this. But I've never, like, put on Phil Collins. I mean, this is, this isn't the chorus. This is the middle part. Is this? Kind of, this is more the breakdown.

Wait, no, we're coming, we're coming. I never heard this song. I just love, before you know it, you'll be on your knees, which is great, because at first, I thought it was like, one of those like, oh, I'm sucking dick, it's not. It's at the man's on his knees. The man's on his knees. Wait, speaking of which, thank God, I just remember to have a really important thing to ask you guys about. In, like a prayer, when she says, down on your knees and et cetera, is that whole song about DJs? Only about BJs?

Really? Yes. See, I had no idea. Yep, that's what the whole thing is. Do you remember when she performed at the Super Bowl and in the end it was like, it looked like a bunch of calm went everywhere? Wait, did you know this, Marcus? Yeah, I mean, when you call my name, it's like a little prayer. I'm down on my knees.

I want to take you there. I'm in the midnight hour. I'm familiar with the song. Where she's down her knees with her hands clasped around his dick. I want to take you there. I understand the down on my knees I want to take you there. When I heard that, I was like, when I heard this thing about the BJs, I was like, well, that is pretty blowjobby. But the rest of the song, I don't know.

I just don't know if that's only about BJs or. Okay. Let me read another, another, just a verse. I hear your voice. It's like an angel. sighing. I have no choice. I hear a voice. It feels like flying. I close my eyes. Oh, God, I think I'm falling.

Out of the sky. I close my eyes. Heaven, help me. Yeah, that could be about all sorts of things. It is about that. Spirituality. That is what it's about. Like a child, you whisper softly to me. You're in control. Just like a child. Now I'm

dancing. It's like a dream. No end and no beginning. You're here with me. It's like a dream. Let the choir sing. BJs have a definitive end and a definitive end. It's not just a BJ, it's a sexual experience. It's the whole thing. You know, they really follow. And then in the end, when the chorus comes in, I mean, that's just straight up like,

fucking, fucking, fucking, you know? It's like a dream to me. I mean, you know, I don't know if that's all sex, but I imagine there is a sex that is like that. I assumed it was about sex in the way that everything Madonna did was like about sex, but I didn't think that the only textual interpretation was it was just the song about. But that was like more of in her like pure, have you seen the music video that she's trying to be so angelic? So that's the whole thing is that, you know, she's a little angel, but she's not. Well, I guess that's fine.

I don't mind that it's about BJs. I've just been listening to that song pretty regularly ever since my wedding last year because it's on my wedding playlist. And I really enjoy it. And that's why I put it on your wedding. It's a great song. and I've been listening to it pretty regularly and then when I was at the bar and it was on the bartender was like, best song about a BJ

ever written and I was like, what? And then I've been pretty upset about it ever since. There's nothing to be upset about though because isn't it, doesn't that make you feel more empowered by it? Yeah, BJs are cool and good and there is nothing wrong with having a whole song about BJs. But also the fact that sometimes, you know, she's a powerful fucking woman that you got it, you know,

you relinquished to control. Yes. You let it go. You'd be like, you know, this is for you. I am doing this for you. and I just want you to be gratified. It's just so deep. It really, it's a very emotional song,

and I guess I just didn't expect it to only be about beeches. I typed in, I googled songs about oral sex, and have you heard a Peter Gabriel song called Kiss That Frog? I do also love Peter Gabriel. I like Peter Gabriel a lot. I do love Peter Gabriel, however. Sweet little princess, let me introduce his frogness. You alone can get him singing.

He's all, he's all, puffed up. Go. Go. To be your king. Oh, you can do it. Come on, come on, come on. Lady, kiss that frog.

Oh, no. Don't call your dick a frog. Don't ever, ever, ever call your dick a frog. Or call it a bulltoe for that matter. And don't turn it into a children's story. Kiss the frog. That's what you do when you're in a car with a child that you shouldn't be. Right.

Like a prayer, like turning like church into sex is cool. But turning a children's story into sex, cool unless it's a little mermaid which we've discussed well let's let's hear a little bit of kiss that frog and just see what the fuck this is all about oh it's too jazzy uh-oh it's too jazzy oh he needs it blow job just suck it off or something it's just a prince rip-off I also don't especially because I feel like Peter Gabriel can't pull off the I just like a Peter Gabriel ballad

Like I want like a slow You're slapping your eyes on there sure I'll listen to it Salisbury Hill Of course But not I don't want that jazzy blowjobby Peter Gabriel No thank you But I think a lot of people said yes thank you Which is why he did it

A lot of women specifically who wanted to blow him Yeah I mean yeah on the frog kiss that frog At least I mean hopefully there's a bunch of like oh, it turns it to a prince, and now I'm inside of you and I give you my prince juice? Why not a snake? You know, I guess because there's not a fairy tale.

I think that's too much with the, you know. Too on the nose? Yeah, it's too much. It's like, oh, one-night snake, get it. But a frog, no one wants to fuck a frog. Let him sit beside you. Eat right off your plate. You don't have to be afraid.

There's nothing here to hate. Princess, you might like it if you lower your defense. Kiss that frog, and you will get your prince. Jesus Christ. A lot like he wants to put his dick on a plate. That are just like, suck my dick, and I guess I'll treat you okay. Yeah, right. Maybe I'll treat you okay if you suck my dick.

Fair enough, though. You know what? Fair enough. Get it into your head. He's living with you. He sleeps in your bed. Can't you hear beyond the croaking? Don't you know that I'm not joking?

I don't want you to croak while I fuck you. I know the sense of croaking frogs, and I don't want it in my bedroom. With their little necks that... Unless we're in a cabana. Unless there's a mosquito netting over a cabanya. And we're in the middle of a rainforest, sure. I'll hear some dragon frogs croaking and throating. Yeah, if they're not in the bed with me, literally, then I'll hear them.

What, you wouldn't want a frog in your bed if you're having sex? Like, that's a no? Well, I actually don't... I like frogs and amphibians, and I'd rather have a frog than like an insect, for sure. Sure. Yeah. Oh, no, I hate frogs. Really?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm not a fan of frogs at all. I'm okay with frogs. It's more toads that I got a big problem with. Is that because of your roots? Yeah. Uh-huh. They're big.

Oh, they're big. Yeah, yeah, grew up in a frog town. I got a lot of bad stories about frogs. I do got a lot of bad stories about frogs. Really? They're the worst. I feel like John Ham's been living in a frog town. Good segue.

John Ham, living in a frog town. He ain't happy but his big dick. He's living in a frog down crook, crook. Has he been walking around with his dick swinging around lately? No, no, he's getting all divorced and he's all sad about it. Oh, no. But the thing is, I was reading all of this stuff about him today. And, you know, yes, the penis.

And I've never watched Mad Men, so, of course, on paper I would like to have sex with him. But reading all this stuff made me really not want to have sex with him anymore. Part of it is that you want to have sex with Don Draper himself, even though he's a big asshole. Of course, but I think that John Ham himself is the big asshole. I think that that might be right. He's been married for 18 years. I was going to say, I thought they were like a big success story. Yeah, they're not.

It's done. It's over. What a shame? Do you know what happened? That I guess she tried really hard that his hard partying lifestyle she just couldn't deal with anymore. That I guess he's a huge drinker. He loves to go out.

You know, he's just doing his thing. He shows up in the blind items quite a bit as a bit of a drunkard. But of course. I mean, look at him. I feel like, of course that's what he is. But I think she just couldn't take. it anymore and now they had this big interview with him I think it was in style magazine and they're like what's it like being single now you're single's like it sucks yeah man

with somebody for so long now it sucks yeah he's allowed to say that being single sucks yeah but he's john fucking ham you think he was out there being a fucking nun on the streets give me a break yeah he was quoted in an interview with in style magazine as saying it sucks also and that was whole thing too is that she had out of this whole thing saying like he hasn't matured at all I would love to grow with him he hasn't grown since we've been together and the fact that his quote is it sucks

it's good oh man he's just like a total hymbo which is which sucks because I feel like when you got a really attractive actor I feel like often the case is that they become really attractive really great actor and then the third bit of the equation is that they're dumb as hell yeah I mean that's just like They took one quote.

It wasn't his only statement about everything. Yeah. But I guess I just, I feel like there's like a thing where you're like, in order to be such a great actor, sometimes the body is just an empty vessel. The empty vessel, yes. The pitcher waiting to be filled with water.

Yeah. A liquid of some kind. But he plays such sophisticated roles. I always assumed that he had more to him because Nondraper is so tortured. I think that he's just a drunk the same way, though. I think it's really more of what it is. And he was just like going on about,

he doesn't do any social media because he's views social media as masturbation, which I actually kind of agree with. I get it, that it's like instant gratification that if you're going to like pop a picture of yourself up with with dog ears and a dog tongue, why don't you just masturbate? Because, I mean, it's the visual equivalent of masturbation. Yeah.

I get that. And I do get that. I don't know. He's just like, I feel like now he's kind of coming out of his little weird shell as almost like a preemie. And he's like, I'm here. I have opinion. I have opinion.

I can say things now. I am alone. I'm alone. Does he have kids? I don't think so. I don't think they have kids, no. I think they've just been around. But she's a success as well, and I don't know.

Reading that stuff just kind of made me, I mean, big dick and all, but, you know, where you're sticking it? Yeah. You know, where are you putting that dick, man? He's a big therapy advocate, though. Yeah, he said whether it's for your elbow or for your teeth or for your brain, it's important. That's good. So we did say that.

I know he likes to go see Broadway shows. You're going to like him way more when you watch Mad Men, though. It's impossible, in my opinion, not to really want to bang him and love him. I watched the first three episodes that I just couldn't get into it. Yeah. Because I was just like, ugh, fuck these guys. I just kind of want to be his buddy, you know, like every one, like once a month you go out with Don. Yeah.

And then you just don't do that anymore. Yeah, right. Yeah, you go too hard. Yeah, you go too hard and your life will be destroyed. You spend too much time with Don. I was watching Mad Men on a summer when I was drinking a lot and single, and it was a great, like, fuck-out track. Yeah. Like, yeah.

I also have complicated friendships and relationships right now, you know? It's like just a good, it makes you feel really sexy and angsty. It's like, you know how certain things just make you feel like 15 again in terms of your sexuality? Yes, because you know why? I put my money where my fucking mouth is, and I started watching Party Five. Ooh. And how do you feel turned on?

Mama yama, Machia hachi, machi. Yes. It is exactly. It's all of it. It's what I want. Well, what do you want? I feel like my sexual, my real sexual awakening, yeah.

And also, like, but it's that, like, grunge period that I was always, I mean, I feel like I still kind of dress in that way that it's just, like, dudes are, like, kind of longer hair. It's a whole bunch of Riggins. And are they wearing like, are they wearing long sleeve shirts

that have horizontal stripes across the chest? I mean, there's a lot of that but also then it will just be like what's his name? Charlie, Matthew Fox will just randomly take off his shirt

while he's talking to someone and you're just like, I'm not even into this and I can't look away. You immediately sucked in. It's such dumb drama. It's, I mean, angsty, sexy, sex.

Yeah. I haven't really realized that before. Yeah, Riggins from Friday Night Lights is kind of the culmination of that angsty, grungy, 90s type of guy. Except he plays football. Charlie kind of, you know, at least Charlie was a contractor. You know, he used to work with wood, so that's more my thing, I guess. It's not.

I don't. I would never have that. But if I could, if I had my druthers, it would be that. Woodworker. Yeah, but he's affable, but also can't trust him. And trust him as far as you can fucking throw out Is there a child actor You have to contend with and does it make you hate it?

Lazy Shabare. But Lazy Shabair grows up into hot Lacey Shabair from Mean Girls. You know Lazy Shabar. She's got a big mouth. She's one of the four mean girls? Maybe. She was in a lot of those movies. Okay. Honestly, I saw Mean Girls once.

I very much enjoyed it, but I saw it in the movie theater. So that was what? A thousand years ago. Well, I feel like I've never even sought out Mean Girls since I saw it in the theater, and I've still seen it 35 times. Really? She was Gretchen Wieners.

Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, so she's hot. She had the breasts, but in the beginning of Party 5, she's 11, she plays the violin. And I don't hate her. So I think that's the interesting part. Yeah, because I thought that that might be a thumbs down for you.

No, she seemed to, I feel like she was one of those girls that knew she was going to be hot and doing something later on her life. Uh-huh. So she was fine as an 11-year-old. She wasn't like, Hey, play the violin. I mean, the violin playing is very, very faked. How's Scott Wolfe?

He's fine. Yeah. He's fine. I find it interesting, though. Maybe I was just Super Stone while I watched it. Matthew Fox. Scott Wolf. Interesting.

Campbell. Campbell. Like the soup. Like the soup. Who is paying for these children to be in the show? Lacey Chavere like Javert. Laymiss. Oh, my God.

I listen. to lay miss yesterday. Yay. I watched season you weren't excited enough. Anyone else started season whatever the fuck it is of House of Cards?

Five? Yeah, I started it. What do you think? Eh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. By the end of season four,

I was like, by even the beginning of season four, I was like, mm-mm. I gave up in season two. Yeah. After season two, it was like, eh. Yeah, because season three is terrible.

And season five is just, yeah, I'm kind of, yeah. I've always been, I feel like that's been my attitude about it from the beginning. I was like, yeah,

I've always been sort of like, but I've still watched 50 episodes of it. Yeah, that's the thing. I'm like, I don't know. It's the speech writer. I don't like that guy. Yeah, me neither.

Yeah, he tends to ruin the whole thing. He was also, he was great in Bordewalk Empire, but he's terrible in this show. I don't like his character. No. Ooh, I'm a writer. Is Robin Wright still good in it?

Yeah, but she's fucking the, what is it? I don't know. I haven't seen it in years. Yeah, the speech writer, and the dynamic doesn't work at all. No, he's just like a, doubty serious speechwriter

and I don't, yeah, I don't like that character. You just ask questions. But can you imagine ever that Robin Wright was having the shit beat out of her? By Sean Penn? I think that's ridiculous. She is way too beautiful to have ever had the, I mean,

not that people, you know what I mean? I can't really what she put up with it. She's just so, just a strong woman. Yeah, that's the whole saga that I wasn't paying attention to at the time and thus I often forget that she has that history. And I also have just the hardest time thinking about her being in Forrest Gump because in House of Cards, she's such a serious fox, you know? Oh, yeah, she's very serious.

But I hate that speechwriter because she's like, I don't like this. And he goes, why don't you like it? Yeah. And it's just that same thing over and over again. He just asked questions. Yeah. But it's like, ooh, I'm a journalist. I'm asking questions.

Yeah, that show, I feel like it's written by people. I feel like my biggest critique of House of Cards is that it was like written by people who were told. as a, like, the writer's room was told, like, go look at Twitter and see how people talk. And then they did it for only, like, two hours. And then they came back and they're like, this is what the world is like. This is what Twitter does.

And it's like trying to be very hip and it's just not quite there. And Nev Campbell's in it. Yes, she's why she brought it up. What? Yeah, Neff Campbell is there. She looks great. Yeah, she looks fantastic. She looks awesome.

But even though, but it's the thing is you still look at it and you're just like, huh, Neff Campbell. And it doesn't really go further than that. Uh-huh. Fair enough. Yeah. She's so hot, though. She is.

She's still hot, though? Yes, very much. Good, good. Good. I'm happy for her. That's a guffaw. I'm giving a guffah. I really like Neff Campbell.

I'm putting my stamp on it. I like her. The stamp is your face. It says, that's my name, and then it says approved by Jackie. It's just go on underneath. Yeah, there's a lot. There's three different. Yeah, there's a lot on the stamp.

It's a very intricate stamp, but it's big. It's like the size of my hand Yeah, it covers most of the document Yeah, yeah, that's fine I think that's okay So what were you saying Before we started recording About the Duggers

Oh, I was just Hammond and Hahn You know what? I don't even know Why do they How do they still have a show? They should not have a show Is the answer to that question

When you have a sex scandal That is like Not just an accusation But one that is like Pretty clearly born out And confirmed And you're done You cannot be a role model

when you are a child sex molester. Well, you know, he wasn't a molesty. He was paying for sex. Well, he was, he was buying women. No, it was molester. I thought it was molested. Yeah, yeah. He was molested.

Yeah, he was molest to his sisters. Yeah, he was. Right, that's a scandal. Paying for sex, I don't give a fuck about. Pay for sex. That's totally fine. That's bad in their fucking religion, Molly. In their religion, sure.

But as long as the sex worker is consenting, then pay for sex all you want. That's totally cool. But right, bad for your religion, then they should be, that they can have that recognition. in their house of God. But in terms of the house of the public, if you are accused of something like that and you are on TV to be like,

I am a role model. But all of them are still on the show. Well, the TMZ headline is, Josh Dugger says, Police hurt me too with release of molestation reports. Josh Dugger now wants his own pound of flesh from the police and city officials. Four of his sisters are suing

for releasing investigators' reports on his molestation case. Have you ever heard the names of his sisters? They all start with J. All 21 of them start with J. Jill, Jessa, Joy, and Jinger. Ginger, it's Ginger. Oh. Ginger with a J?

No, all of them, there's like Joy Ann. They should have put a second J instead of a G. But that's a weird word. J-I-N-G-E-R looks like J-R. Looks like J-R. Looks like J-R-L-E-L-L-E-L-S-L-L-L-E-L-S-L-L-L-E. Looks like J-R-D-G-R. It's pronounced J-G-R, it's pronounced Ginger.

With a J-N-1-G. One J, one G, that order. Now, Josh Stuggler is having multitudes of children, and they all begin with M. That fucking freaks me out. That's my and my siblings' names, J and M. No, J and M, yes. But I'm saying all of his children's name begin with M.

So he's going down the line. I'm excited about the letters that they chose. No, it's fine. They're good letters. I'm not against the letters. But, yeah, that's obnoxious. And Ginger is especially obnoxious. But I, okay, so if the family is,

like I wish that you hadn't made this public. That is totally understandable and probably shitty on the police's part. But for him to be like, I is the abuser, I'm suffering because you out of me as an abuser. That's shit that only abusers do. They're like, everybody suffered. The people I hurt. Me also. That's just a bullshit way of thinking that abusers do.

He said he was victimized and forced to relive the painful and difficult circumstances of a traumatic experience as a juvenile. Wait, how was he? He was very young. He was one of those. Yeah. I think he was like 16 and his sisters were very young. They were all the almost, they're all about 10 months apart. That's right.

They all are about 10 months apart. And they weren't allowed to hold hands with anybody. I mean, this is a whole other, we're not going to go down that whole fucking road. But they weren't allowed to even look into the eyes of a member of the opposite sex that wasn't in their family. Right. So listen, I actually don't think if somebody is underage and they commit a crime,

even one like this, I think that they deserve like counseling and intervention. And like, I don't think that they, he should be cut harder off. jail or anything. Another $5 million television show. Right. That's the thing. Like, like some...

We're getting too serious, Molly. Yeah. I just feel like, I guess I don't want him to necessarily be, like, sent to jail, but I do want him to not be a role model. He's on the TVs, though. Yeah. But, you know, to be fair, I'm not watching it anymore. I won't watch any of this new shit.

I think it's called, like, keep it on, keep it on. We're the Duggers. I fuck my sisters. Keep, uh, keep going. Keep on what the hell. Yes. He felt him up while they were asleep. Yep.

Yeah. He didn't have sexual relations with his sister. Yeah, that's what Bill Clinton said. Right, Molly? I remember that. Depends on what the definition of was is. Yeah, no. The whole thing is I just, I was more just upset that he's had five children in a span of six years.

Yes. Which makes me disgusted. Actually, you weren't too far off with the name of the show. It's called Counting on. Counting on. Counting on. Yeah. Keep on. Counting on.

Keep spurting him out is what it should be called. Keep on counting. I'm actually kind of upset that I watched the whole thing in the first place. I'm a little upset with myself. But you know what? What are you going to do? Can't take it back. No, reality shows are a lot of fun.

They are fun until somebody starts to molesty, molesty. If they didn't have such bad politics, I would let them be. But I just want them to be. It should be gone. Well, the reason why it might be gone is because people are, watching it, but advertisers don't want anything to do with it. Of course they don't. I want, why don't they bring like the birthing story back?

Remember that? Remember, I mean, that like kept me from putting, like, I put a condom on every time because I would watch the birthing story every day after school. Like, that kept me from putting a gun in my mouth. Exactly. Because life goes on. Because I don't have to worry about the tend of me. from jumping up a fucking building.

No, it was the best, like, birth control ever is watching that show, I mean, like, watching a woman give birth every day when I got out of school that I watched it. Well, we don't, listen, we don't even need it. We got sister wives. We got... God, yeah, but I love sister wives. You know, there's plenty of content.

There's plenty of content. Or get a regular, get the John and Kate. There's plenty of quadruples out there. Get a regular family with a lot of kids who doesn't, advance very dangerous ideas for the nation and follow them in their channel. I would like to watch a show about a bunch of kids.

Oh, how do I get them all in the car? You know? They have lots of cars, Molly. That's how they get them in the car. Like, I'll watch it. I just don't want the oppressive Christianity along with it. And even Christianity is fine,

but they're a particular brand of Christianity. It's a little R. It's a mixture of white supremacy and Christianity that makes me uncomfortable. It's a little rough, you know. But, you know, pop out those kids make more of them just like you create a militia isn't that fun i think that's what they want to do don't they're going to make a football team it's not going to be very good but they're going to make one

they got enough for a football team maybe they make a food to ball team a food to buy yeah they're not going to be very good at that either two european for them i think yeah you're right yeah it's a little too international but you still got fixer upper you can always watch fixer up i mean that is their christy values but they don't put it in the show i love fixer up her honestly i've been really down a pioneer woman a hell lately. Thank you. I love pioneer women. Talk about four kids. I mean, but she also does, it has nothing to do with anything.

She's just like, I like cook. I got my cowboy, I'll make my cowboy food. And her husband, sex. Jesus Christ, sexy. I don't even like cowboys in a particular way. Like squeeze? I got nothing against them. It's just that I'm not like a cowboy fetish.

I know how you feel about Brad Pitt. But damn is her husband hot. And she is great because she's like, my two boys are out ranching for the four hours of the morning, and I'm going to make them casidias. And it just makes you feel great. Like the kids are happy, she's happy. But she's got a whole empire now, and she's doing great.

Freezer meals. I'm very proud of her. Yeah, and all the, like, the pots and the plates and everything. She's got her own, like, basically everything fix her up her is doing. She's doing as well in, like, Montana. Oh, her website, when you go to a thing, the first thing it says is, My name is Ree. Howdy.

I'm a desperate housewife. I live in the country. I'm obsessed with butter, basset hounds, and Ethel Merman. Welcome to my frontier. God, damn it, I love her. Yeah, she's great. I love her. And the thing is, like, if you want just a go-to recipe for, like, a macaroni salad,

you got to go Pioneer Woman. You got to go Pioneer Woman. She makes great food if you want a lot of mayo in it. And I think that we've talked about before, and I think that you know that I do. Do you know the cook and canuck? No. No, you know, I don't know about Canadian. You know how I feel about Canadian?

I love a poot tea. There's like, there's a pioneer woman, and then I went to the cooking canuck page, and hers is, welcome to the cooking canuck. I'm Dara, a Canadian living in the U.S. and sharing my favorite healthy recipes, as well as running in healthy lifestyle tips. Okay, Gwyneth Paltrow. I'm sorry to be so untruthy. Please, if you are upset at any way, let me leave my page now.

Don't find me. Just go over to the podcast. high in here woman. But then there's always a farm girls dabbles. Ew. No, there's a farmhouse rules lady. You ever watch her? Ooh, you would like her.

You have all of your internets and your, and your, in your, in your cables. I have my food network. You would like farmhouse rules. That lady's crazy. Okay. She is like, I've lived on this far, but upstate New York for 65 years and I've never left.

Like, hell yeah. She, uh, she calls it Farmhouse Rules because she calls her. recipes rules because they're passed down from her family. Every single story involves somebody from like four generations ago. She has like 200 grandchildren and she's always having like Grandma Camp and her she's always Grandma Camp sounds scary. Yeah.

I didn't have good grandmothers though. So maybe that's why. I'm going to send you a link to Farmhouse Rules and we could talk about. Yeah, I never. Grandma Camp. Grandma Camp also sounds terrifying to me as well. It's very scary. Today we're going to learn about scotch.

How to make a gin and tonic, just right. I mean, now that's the kind of grandma camp I can probably get behind, but. But you would like Farmhouse Rolls, lady. She is a sassy fireball, and hopefully other listeners can back me up. She screams. She screams. I mean, I only scream. Yeah, that's why I think you would like her.

All right, all right, yeah, yeah. I just imagine us meeting each other, us screaming at each other. Yeah, and she makes a drink with everything. Oh, okay, done. That's why didn't you lead with that? Why don't you say, oh, she drinks while she cooks, done, I'm in? Yeah, she's great. You'll like her a lot.

That sounds fantastic. Well, Tom Cruise's spoken about the Top Gun sequel officially. It's going to be called Top Gun, Maverick. Why? He says, I didn't want, he said, I didn't want a number. You don't need a number. He's just such a Dumbo Frumphead. Yeah.

I don't want to see him in any I won't even watch it I won't watch it He's puffy He's bad He's bad he's bad puppy Yeah I've seen Jack Reacher in the theater Ooh yeah

I heard that was Carolyn said That was particularly awful Yeah it was bad Why did you see it in the theater? I don't know It just happened It was like a social group This was yours like the first Jack Reacher

Oh okay I was like yikes Yeah Never go back That would have been a particular offense Yeah no I'm not going to back but I mean I was an adult. It wasn't like I was a child. It was like 2012 and I did see it and it was

very bad. And yeah, there's just no like not a single bone in my body is like I want to see Tom Cruise act ever again. Yeah. I mean his whole life is acting. I feel like I'm sorry. I don't mean to divot. I got a divot. I got a pivot. I do it all the time. Divid, pivot. If you guys have not watching the keepers, you need to watch it. I watched the first episode. I thought it was boring. You got to watch the second episode, the second episode. Okay. I'm just, my days are just so full of murder and molestation anyway. You might not like this, but it has a lot more to do with the psychological aspects.

What is it? I watched The Secret Lives of Pets a couple days ago. Sure. That was really fun. That's kind of like it. It's just like the keepers. I watched Sing as well. That was, that was particular.

Sing is particularly good. I'm surprised by what a light series of films that was that you just watched. I need to draw. drain my head sometimes. You're surrounded by it. Kind of like a zit that's full of pus. Sometimes you got to lance it and sometimes you lance that zit

with singing dancing pigs. Of course. And that's fine and that's fair. Have you seen Moana yet? I have not. I have not. Apparently it's a delight and I feel like that's something that you should watch. I heard it's great. But wait, what's the keepers? But the keepers, Molly, you should definitely watch. It sounds like if it's murdery

and... Set in 1969. Okay. A nun was murdered in an all-girls school. And what happens, basically, it's nowadays, and these women are all in their 60s, and it's them going out after, because it has a lot to do with repressed memories and, like, the comeuppance of things

that you just push down in later years in life. So they're going out to find out why she was murdered, because not only was she murdered, but a young, beautiful woman was murdered days later in Baltimore, but back when Baltimore was not a bad place, and everything was covered up, They had no idea what happened, and then it all just went away. Is it a movie or a television show?

It's a documentary on Netflix. It's a documentary. Yes. It is seven episodes long. I love documentaries. It is. I can only watch, I could watch two episodes max. Really?

Yes. Oh my God, this is exactly my alley. I know it's right up your alley. It is, I feel like it's not just molesty, molesty. It is more than that. Okay. It's very interesting. it's very well done

and the fact that like it's just you know they grew up in a place where they couldn't talk about these kind of things and now that they're talking about it they can't stop and it's very upsetting I guess in the 90s

there was this whole backlash against repressed memory and how like oh if you never remembered it until now then you're obviously making it up there was a very good reason for the backlash against to repress memories because it was putting a lot of innocent people in prison.

Right. But this happened at the same time as this was going on. So that's why this was such a big thing was that these were women that were actually telling the truth and no one would listen to them. That's why they ruined it for them

because that whole... Exactly. Same thing with Dylan Farrow when she was like, everyone was like, oh, yada, yada, yada, suppress memory, repressed memory syndrome. Remember the satanic panic? You're probably lying.

You said it was the magic hour when Woody Allen molested you. And then all these filmmakers were like, The Magic Hour is totally a thing that a child would have said who grew up with filmmaker parents. Yes. But it was. There is a Magic Hour. Right.

And everyone was like, oh, that's probably your fantastical thinking because you're a child. Like, that was one of the reasons. Magic Hour is like a lighting term. Exactly. Yeah, when everything looks beautiful and golden. But that was an example of like some whatever psychologist that Woody Allen hired to be like, well, she's just fantastical thinking. She said it was the magic hour.

So it has a lot more to do with that kind of stuff. It's not just molesty, molesty. Okay. So it is, but it's, who, he? I had to like, you got to take a, I know one person that watched the whole thing in one sitting. And it was because she was in the middle of, like, like, washing everything in boiling water because she thought she had bedbugs. I was like, that's the only way you could watch this whole thing in one sitting because I get through two episodes and I got nightmares. Oh.

Was she doing like a Blue Monday style? with a washing board in her house. I mean, she had a washing machine in her house. She was like also boiling a bunch of stuff. Yeah. Like a cheer up chalk. Yeah. He's like hand wringing them through that little washing board.

Make them all sleep in one bed. All right. It's time for the list. Marcus. Got to have that list. It's been a darker one. Celebrities who hold patents. Okay.

Well, all right. Very surprising people on this list. Okay. Christy Brinkley. Patents like for herself? Like invention patents. Of what? Things they've invented.

What'd she invent? An educational toy which helps kids learn their ABC. Wow. I feel so bad I was going to be like it's probably like an ab thing. How sexist of me. How dare you, Molly. Just because she looks good doesn't mean she doesn't use her brain or that she paid someone to make up this thing and she gives a patent for it.

The Billy Joel video? She was the Uptown girl. Well, yeah, she was married to Billy Joel. Oh, I remember. Yeah. Beat her. She named one of her kids, Sailor. That's fun.

Go on an adventure. Sailor Joel. Paula Abdul invented a more mobile mic stand. See, that's fun. Because when you're dancing with an animated cat, what are you going to do, hold a mic? What are you going to do carry around a mic stand? And now when you are just drunk as a skunk,

TV all the time, you got to have that mic move with you. It's because she's... Now you can hear her because she's got the mic. Man, go for her. Yeah, go for her. Jamie Lee Curtis holds a patent for a diaper with pockets containing wipes.

No. No, thank you. No, don't trust the children with the wipes. They're going to put them everywhere. Why would you give him the wipes? The wipes are inside. The baby would have to reach inside and pull out the wipes. I watched a 16-month-old who didn't want me to watch him,

that he learned how to take off his diapers. Every time he shit, he would force himself to shit, and then he would smear it everywhere. They're going to find those wipes. They're going to get those wipes. How often have you seen, and I think I only am aware of this now, after having hung out with our baby nephew, How often do you see a child in a stroller going around New York City who only has one shoe on

because they have gotten the other shoe off and their parent hasn't noticed. They're just to say they can get... They're like little rats. They can get anything. They can't be stopped. Don't give them access to the way. So again, we are against this one as well, I believe. Okay.

Well, Francis Ford Coppola owns the patent for a T-shirt designed to help people get their back scratched. Look, it has got a little diagram on it with little numbers on it. So you're like, scratch number six, and then they scratch number six. How are you going to look at number six? Yeah, you have to remember. That's a great. What the fuck? You have to have the same graphic on the front, but it's upside down.

So that you can look and then be like. See, now that's a patent. We got it. Mali Neffle 2017. I have to call Francis Ford Coppola. Because, yes, Jackie's right. How are you going to, you have to memorize the fucking quadrants on your back? He directed Apocalypse Now.

Give him a break. He did. It's my favorite movie. Give him a break. He didn't need to do a t-shirt. He already did a good movie. Well, you know he wanted to. Several good movies.

Yeah, but the best part about someone scratch your back and they're not hitting the right spot is that you get the other part scratch. Like, no, up a little bit. Yeah. Oh, left a little bit. No, my left, your left. No.

Oh, yeah, no. Down, down, down. Any method of communication more effective than this shirt. Abraham Lincoln held a patent for a method for buoying vessels over shoals. I don't know what that means I don't know what it is.

It's like a river thing. Is it like a, it's like a boat thing? It's a boat thing. It's a boat thing. It's a boat thing and a river thing? It's a boat thing. Abraham Lincoln made a boat thing. I don't like boats. Yeah, but back then.

Unless they're big boats. What about a pontoon? I know you like pontoons. On a pontoon, yeah. Something with a motor. I don't know you like ponto. Never a kayak. This is a good friend.

He knows that you like that. Yeah. I want to make waves and catch rays up on the roof. Jumping on the back door down there you a while too Abraham Lincoln had a harder life than you You're all I just want to party on a yacht I just want to have motorboating Abraham Lincoln had to like

Fucking cross some rivers and shit Yeah you had to go see plays Right Right Right historical truth bomb Thank you Marlon Brando Marlon Brando invented device that helps musicians

Tune drums How would you use it goes, er, er, er, er, ding. Would you use that specific one? It's for, like, congos. Oh. Do, do, do, do, bum, to do bump, bum, like a steel drum?

That's a steel drum. That's different. You don't need to tune, you don't need to tune a steel drum to the best of my knowledge. It's just a big piece of metal. But how do you make it, how do they,

the drums are a mystery to me? They're all dims. That's all the tones come. No, but what if there's an extra dent? Yeah, good question. And you got undint the dent. I guess you'd need to tune the steel drum. Thank you very much.

I'm sure there's going to be someone on Twitter. You can't tune the term. No, no one listening to Celebrity Gossip knows about steel drums. Oh, you'd be surprised. Red, red wild. I want to go to cruise. Going to go on your pontoon. Steve McQueen held a patent for a bucket seat shell.

It's a badass car thing. What? Bucket seats. I know what a bucket seat is. Yeah. But what's a shell for a bucket seat? It's like the thing that the bucket seat goes in. It's like the shape of the bucket seat.

It's the outside of the bucket seat. Why you need that? Is that what you get like if you take a bucket seat? Like you ever been to the bars where they got seats? Mm-hmm. They got car seats in there? I love it. I love it.

Is that like that? No. Oh. How did he make this? And why? Because he wanted because Steve McQueen was a badass car driving machine. and he wanted better bucket seats for his badass cars. So he made one himself.

I mean, Steve McQueen is pretty fucking airset. He's pretty freaking great. I would have a sex with him. Good. Thank you. Pen Gillette holds the patent for a spa system designed to pleasure a woman with water jets. That's all a water vibrator? But who is Penn Gillette?

Penn and Teller. Ah, Penn. Oh, Penn Gillette. Yeah. I thought it was one word. I thought it was some sexy, you know, French woman's like, oh, well, she knows about it. Oh, you like this one, Neil Young holds several patents for innovations in model trains. Oh, that's cute.

Neil Young is a big model train guy. It's like his whole thing. I mean, he's got a lot of things, I think. Brain-wise, more than anything, but, you know, he's groovy. He's a groovy dude. Get him looking at one of them trains, though. He'll fucking, whee. Man, I would let Ben.

Would you let him use his device upon you? Absolutely not. Benjela's a good guy. He's a nice guy. Totally. I would have coffee with him, but I don't want to satisfy me with a water vibrator. But what if he's not touching the rest of your body?

Yeah, I mean, it's not like he's in the room, like asking him's like, is it good? Well, no, that's what she's asking. I'm asking her, yeah. Him using it upon her. Oh, I'll use it on myself if he's not in the room, and then I'll tell him about it. Do I have to look into his eyes?

No. You never have to look at anyone's eyes. as far as up he's. But what if he's outside of the door while you use it? Yes, but that's as close as he can get. I don't want him to be in the room. Okay.

What if he's yelling at you while it's going on asking you how it's gone? That's fine. Isn't he like famous for his voice? Yes. He's got a wonderful voice. So yeah, that's fun. It's the ponytail.

It kind of throws me on. Yeah. You know I'll have sex with a lot of people, but I don't know. Guys, I don't know. Or it's time for blind items. You can't see if you think about it. I'm upset with myself that I'm saying it.

But I think it's a no. I think it's definitely a no. Okay, all right. Well, so. I got to say no sometimes. Well, this first blind item, it's involving someone. You're definitely going to say a yes to. Okay, okay, okay.

While filming a superhero movie out of the country, this married A-minus B-plus list dual threat actor who has had some big roles is hooking up with a co-star. Apparently, not the co-star everyone would assume. Jeremy Renner. Jackie, got it. Who is he having sex with it? Is it someone that looks just like me?

Is that why it's so ridiculous? Maybe it looks just like me. Oh, no, it's not ridiculous, but it is a, it's one of those who are your, uh-huh. Give me. Oh, it's a hot one. Is it a homosexual? Oh, no, it's not a homosexual.

No, it's not boys. It's a hot one. She's a little older. She's been around for a long time. But among the hottest out there, making a bit of a comeback. Blonde. Claps like a seal. Michael Kippins.

God, go for, ha. Yeah, good for her. Go for her. Good for him. Jesus. Oh, my God. You know Keith,

Urban sucks in bed. I'm sorry. You know he's not good in bed. If he straightens his hair that much, he's not good in bed. Sorry. I'm saying, guys. I'm saying, I'm just saying it. Listen, this has nothing to do with, like, like, external signifiers of masculinity.

But just on a, like, I don't mean to, like, shame people who straighten their hair or whatever. I'm sorry. There is, no, no. Not sorry. Sorry, not. I just feel like on a, there is, like, a number line where there is 100 and negative 100. and like Keith Urban is at negative 100 and Jason Mamoa is at 100.

Whoa. They are opposite in terms of like external signifiers of sexiness. You might find Keith Urban hot and that's cool, but I just feel like he's so different than Jason Mamoa. I would have sex with Keith Urban on a pontoon if I was drinking all fucking day and I'm sunburnt and it's like, well, I mean, we're on this pontoon. Yes.

But Jason Moa, any second of any day, You know this. I don't even need to make this clear. How many things Doug has had to watch that, I mean, watching him climb where he's just like dust his hands and he climbs over something that is unclimable. And he still's like, I, yes, yeah, I find him attractive. You can't not find him attractive. I was just in Atlanta this weekend. And thank you to all of the wonderful people in Atlanta who are page seven listeners out there.

You had quite a few. But Jason Momoa, his Netflix show, I can't remember what it's called. It's called like the Red Frontier or some. I was like, you know what, I don't watch any. Guys, I don't watch any of them. No, no one watches any of those shows. But he filmed that in Atlanta. So a lot of people had Jason Mamoa stories.

He fucked a lot. Like, there was one story that someone was told. Does he fuck bad girls? I will be so good. I'll be the best I'll ever, I've ever been. No one mentioned the size of the girls he was fucking, but one person. did say that they saw him trying to get into a hotel room with two huge cases of Heineken

underneath each arm with these four girls with him. I can't. And he refused to let them help him get the hotel key out of his pocket. And he also refused to put the Heineken boxes down. So he was just grunting and struggling in front of a door. But he was so strong that he didn't drop anything. He just couldn't physically get the key. See, that's actually a little bit annoying when a man wanted to ask for help.

If it's a drunk fuck and it's Jasonamoa, he was very drunk. Watching him do that, I just feel like, this is adorable. No, that's true. Would watch and probably would enjoy, but sometimes you get to a point, like, I would enjoy for...

Oh, in life, yeah, no, it would be terrible. He got the door open though. Okay, I was gonna say, give him time. How did he get it open? He managed to do it. How did he get it open? Because otherwise, you get to a point we're just like, just give me the fucking high again.

Let me help. But he's Jason Momoa You know He's got a reputation up I can't I want and I need Guys I have to have

I just want to compliment Marcus Three descriptors of Nicole Kibman Which is She's blonde She's making a comeback And she claps like a seal It's truly all you need There's a lot more you could say

But those three Before you even clapped out I was like I know I knew you'd get it Yeah I knew you get it And the other one involves Nicole Kibman as well

The only talking these two A-list movie co-stars are allowed to do is when they are cameras present. It's not that they don't like each other because they kind of do, but it is forbidden for one of them to do anything but cursory talking because of her religion or quote-unquote religion. It's not big little lies. It's not big little lies, no. Because Nicole Kidman is not a Scientologist anymore.

No, but she is a huge SP. You know, Nicole Kimman. She's not an handmaid's tale, is she? No, it's not a handmade's tail, but you're pretty fucking close there. SP remind me? Bad, bad girl. Suppressive. That's a BBG, an SP.

Suppressive person is somebody who is an enemy of Scientology, essentially. Yeah, that's right. And since Nicole Kibman took her kids out of Scientology and divorced home crews and all that, she's very much considered to be. daughter are both SPs. Yeah. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you're pretty close. You're pretty close with Handmaid's Tale. You're getting... Hattmate's tail. Um, there's a typing. There's a typing. I want to know and it's got something to do about mind control. Her name is the woman in Handmaid's Tale.

Elizabeth Moss. Yes. They're doing a movie together. Oh, I thought you meant that it was something like Handmaid's Tale. No. Oh, they're doing a movie. movie together? What?

What? What? How? But Elizabeth Moss isn't allowed to talk to Nicole Kimman. Of fucking course she's not. Unless they're on camera. Wow. I can't even believe they let that happen.

What a spicy setup? That's a species spicy meatball. That is a species spicy. The camera is like, is like, are you rolling? Are you rolling? Are you rolling? It's out. Oh my god, get out.

Get out. Wow. Whoa, that's crazy. What an exciting. That's maybe our most interesting blind item ever. Isn't that pretty interesting? Yes. Yeah, it's a show called Top of the Lake.

Top of the lake, too ye. Although I don't know if I have said it on here. I don't know if I have. Husband Secret, they are doing it, and Blake Lively plays Cecilia Fitzpatrick. Really? Just saying. Oh, you're talking about a big, pretty little. I'm sorry, big little eyes.

The book I just read Hussein. I forgot you guys call it Husband's Secret. No, Husband's Secret is the. is her other book. They're also making it into an HBO show. And Blake Lively is playing Cecilia Fitzpatrick.

They should make HBO series of all of her books. It's gonna be, is it? She's got to read all of her books. She's got like nine more. You can read. Oh, girl, I'm on my wife. Okay, good.

Oh, my God, yes. Sorry. But I think Nicole Goodman is still one of the executive. She's like, she's pound town right now, dude. Yeah. Oh, and she's... She's pound town.

Sorry, I've got Guy Fiatty. Oh, and I saw another blind talking about her. She's just, I mean, everyone's talking about her now. Like, she just made a huge comeback. She's like, where she's fantastic. Good for her. Good for her. CLA. CLA. CLE. Seal, seal, seal, seal. Seal, seal. She had to worry about the rings. You can't hear it, but yeah, I got to say clap, clap, clap, clap. Doing seal clap right now. And that's all. We got time for on today's page seven. Thank you. Thank you, everybody for listening. Thanks everyone in Atlanta.

Tell you. Thank you guys. Thank you guys. Cheese and these. Love. I can't believe you guys are on the song You don't feel it Like the world Before you know it You'll be on your knees For more shows like the one you just listened to Go to cavecomedyo.