Page 7 - Episode 207: Juicing The Baby

Episode Date: June 21, 2017

Jackie, Molly and Marcus talk about Carrie Fischer's recently released autopsy report, Beyonce's twins, and interesting celebrity fragrances. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In those Hollywood nights are down and down, and those Hollywood hills. You're looking so right. And the diamonds and frills. Everybody, Bob Seeger, is on Spotify. On fucking Spotify. It makes my whole life complete. I'm so sick of having to go on YouTube and fucking stream everything on YouTube because you can't shut the phone off or also YouTube goes away.

Yeah, I hate that. Welcome to page seven, and I got to admit the only work. words I know of that song just, Hollywood Hills. I mean, it's the main part of that. It's fine. She was just looking so right. Diamonds and frills.

Oh, God. Yeah, I think you should just make a list of artists that I should listen to on Spotify. Bob Seekers, who I'm going to start with. Oh, Seeger's so good. I mean, I was going to start with night moves, but I feel like I sing night moves on here all too often. We're familiar with night moves.

I mean, it is. It's so good. It's just a goddamn good. Even I know night moves now, but you're slowly, you're educating me to your music ways. That's good. There's a 1980 movie called Hollywood Nights with a K. It was about a frat house, had Tony Danza and Michelle Pfeiffer in it, as well as Fran Dresher. Wow.

Oh, wait, nope, now I'm turned. I'll watch it. You fucking put Fran Dresher in something and I'll watch it. Oh, beautician and the Beast? Anybody? Beautician. I don't know if I've ever seen beautician and the Beast. Whoa, whoa, what?

Is that really a surprise to you? No. It was one of those movies that was on TBS at 20,000 times a day. Uh-huh. Well, I got to admit, it's not fair, but I'm not familiar with Fran Drescher's broader body of work. I think I really have her pigeonhole. Nanny pegged? Yeah.

Yeah, she's nanny pegged. Yeah, that's what Ben Affleck did, right? Yeah, he nanny pegged. Right, guys. He didn't nanny pegged Fran Dresher. No, I wish he did. Kansas schmansa. So this is the plot of beautician in the bee.

after a beauty school teacher Joy Miller becomes a local hero by rescuing lab animals from a fire in her workplace building. I like that part. She's offered a job by Ira Grushinsky, an emissary from the Eastern European nation of Slovetsia. Boris Pachinko, the country's dictator, wants to improve his image by hiring an American tutor for his children. Mistaken for a real teacher, Joy arrives in Slovets. and soon bumps heads with Boris while brightening up palace lines. It is essentially the nanny in Russia. That is basically what it is, except she loves that and she loves doing hair.

And those dresses. God, I always wanted to pull off those dresses. What year are we talking? 97. Oh, I thought you were going to say earlier. 97 is, we should have known better by then. No, Gansishmanza. I really love fan of Fred Dresher.

I wanted to be, because I was a nanny for years, and I just, oh, I just wanted to like coming and be like, Mr. Sheffield, but they weren't into it. Oh, she took voice lessons to get rid of the nasal tone and her voice for this movie. And when she showed up with her new, like, quote unquote, normal voice, the producers are like, now we kind of hired you for the nasal voice. They wanted the voice. Of course they want the voice. Go back to the voice. She's like, hey, okay. What do you think you got cast for, Fran Dresher? Oh, her looks in her tiny dresses. Well.

She had planned to make this a spin on the king and I. She wanted to call it the king and oy. That's goddamn gold. Why wasn't it called that? How does she spell I? Oi, like the king and the king. Oi. I see, oy.

You should know these things. Well, wait. Is she Jewish? Or is she Italian? Fran Drescia? She's Jewish. Is she? Yeah, she's Jewish.

I think she might be Italian as well. I thought she was like ambiguously queensie. I didn't realize there was a religion or ethnicity attached to her as much as just to like. I mean, she's definitely. She's very Jewish. She's from Q Gardens here in New York. Okay. See, this is part of the problem with growing up in a town with very few Jewish people.

I never internalized Jewish stereotypes. Yeah, her parents' names were Sylvia and Morty. Like, how fucking... Yeah, like, sometimes, like, Gideon, who is Jewish, will be like, that person's obviously Jewish, and I'm like, I don't know what you mean. Like, because I just don't have, like, I just don't know what stereotypes we call on, you know. God. Oh, I love Jew stereotypes. That's, I always wanted to adapt them.

But, you know, I do love my family. I've got that. You've got Italian queen stereotypes. I feel like that's a special, yeah, they're similar. Yeah, they're similar and they're a special unique type of. It's just we do have mostly better food. There is some good, I mean, a lot of good Jew food. but there's a good amount of bad.

Yeah, the Italian food at Deathland. It's my favorite kind of food. Well, up there with Indian. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Butt Rockets. Yeah, I love Passover food, but I do not like a filter fish. The felds fish is rough.

Yeah. Yes. Tastes slimy fish jello. I don't like it. Slat me a lotca? Sure. Yes, Latka is absolutely. Oh, man, I just want to watch Beatition on the Beast.

Oh, it's only got 16% on rotten tomatoes. I'm surprised it got that much. 44% audience score though Oh yeah everybody loves it 44% of people of it I'm interested if they made up that country Or if that was once a country You know because Eastern Europe

So many things were once a country It is fairly It sounds made up I mean it is I would highly doubt if any of it was accurate It was pretty fucking racist It sounds a little bit like Like an early incarnation

Of the worst impulses of Borat I love Borat but the like My wife You know that type of thing My wife Come on I love

Listen I still quote Borat But I feel a little bit uncomfortable The more I do it But I love that movie It's so good I just feel like whatever Country Whatever the fuck country

This is maybe You know again You just There's so many countries In Eastern Europe Yeah but he wasn't any fun He was you know He was very stern

He was the stern stereotype Borat No no the guy in Budigian and the Beasts. I was fun. Slovetsia is a fictional country. Okay, all right. Okay.

But see, you know, it's like they just put some Etsy's in there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shipper over there. Yeah. Wow, this is a long list. List of fictional European countries. Alpenstein. Like used in movies?

Uh-huh. Oh, my God. Ascovia. Because no one would be none the wiser. Because nobody knows, right. Everyone's like, it sounds like it could be right. Balkistan. Wait, where is it?

Wait, what is that from? The Prince of Balkistan? Oh, never mind. Not what I thought of. No, it's not a perfect stranger's note. I thought it was your perfect strangers. He was from Mipos. Oh, okay.

Is that fake too? Yes, Mipos is also. Oh, I wonder if Mipos is on the... Nope, not Mipos is not on the list. Nope. I guess it's better to make up a fake country than to be... Racist to a real country? Yeah, you know.

Me? Potato vodka. You know what I mean? Hey guys, you're Eastern European. Potato vodka, tomato vodka. Ew. What, you're talking? You're getting into Klamato territory?

I'm just saying. Tomato vodka? You really said you? Tomato vodka? Tomato and vodka. See, it just makes me think of Klamato. Or Klamato, as some people say. You don't like Klamato?

No. You say Klamato and say tomato. Really? I can't do it. Would you like Bloody Marys in general? I'm fine with them. As long as they really speak. spicy and I can't taste the tomato too much.

Interesting. Yeah. But the clam, Clamado? Clamato? Have you ever had a mechalara? No. They're great.

I just remember I took a shot of Clamara because I thought it was just like a fun. I thought it was like a V8. Yeah, it's, I only like the fruit V8. Then I took a shot of it. It's not like a fruit Costco. Yeah. And it was just, it was just seafood tomato juice.

It is. But it's good. You think it's bad, but it's good. I'm sure that I don't judge the people that like it. I do. I'm sorry, Mom. No, it's okay. A V8 is better.

My daddy likes it, though. Happy Father's Day. It's a dad drink. Yeah, my daddy likes it. Dad's all drink tomato juice right out of the can. Ugh. Did your dad drink red beers? Beers?

Red beers. What's the red beers? Half tomato juice, half cheap beer, like Bud Light or something? My dad doesn't, but those are great. I highly recommend them. V8 and PBR. Yes, please. Oh, no.

Give me my jizzies and I'd be smiling. That's all I need, baby. Well, there's, I mean, we're dancing around big news here. Cocktails? Are we talking about fucking Carrie Fisher cocktails? Well, that's, I guess, two big news is. Yikes. Is it the big news that Beyonce delivered her twins?

I mean, that's the happy news. And then there's the Carrie Fisher cocktail. Yeah. Okay. And that is, did you hear about the Carrie Fisher? your cocktail? No. Got the autopsy were part back. A whole lot of drugs in her system. Really? Oh yeah. Cocaine.

MDMA? Yeah, MDMA. A little bit of heroin. Yeah, and some booze. Let he who has not had a number of drugs in their system at once. I guess it's a first stone. You're right. Let he who is not a 65-year-old woman. And on an airplane. When I'm 65, I hope to have more drugs than I currently have. Very, I mean

that is very true. You know, you've got to rock a chip out of this earth. And on an airplane, Everyone I know does the most drugs on the airplane, you know, because of their anxieties and whatnot. And I think that's probably what I don't think, you know, she wasn't trying to die. But it was the MDMA that got me the most. Yeah, that's an odd one before going on an air. I once took a bunch of ecstasy and went and saw a midnight showing a blue velvet. I went out of my fucking mind.

And that's just sitting down in a theater. I mean, I couldn't imagine being on ecstasy on a plane. You wanted to get up and dance or? I don't know. It was just feeling real itchy. Uh-huh. I see. Did you feel like you had like the oxygen mask on your face?

I was watching and thinking, I get it. I get it. Oh, yeah, you get it. You understand David Lynch. Yeah, I actually feel like that's form-fitting content pretty well, you know. Yeah, I remember when Kyle McLaughlin found the ear in the field. I just remember thinking, uh-huh. Check, please.

Like, I'm loving this, but ah-ha-ha-ha. I can't do in that kind of tight space. Yeah, I just want to lick. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Licking. Do you imagine her just like licking on a plane?

Even getting... Yeah, oh yeah, it's the MDMA joking. But also, MdMA is like the pure form of ex-season. I mean, that is like straight up. That's in the dickens, man. I don't even, to be honest, I don't even really like getting drunk on planes. I've only done it once or twice. But I feel like I got nowhere to go.

And I feel like, what if I want to puke? I'm stuck. headache yeah I don't do I don't I can't I can't drink on planes either and I drink everywhere yeah I hate drinking on planes and and they one goes a long way that's the other thing like the one time I had I have drank on planes like you know you have one or two glasses of wine which is normal and then you have two glass of wine on a plate and you're like yeah ha you know it's their pressure yeah can't trust it got to stay hydrated I you won't drink a tomato juice on a plane never oh you know I never drink a tomato juice yeah but it's very good on a

playing. Maybe I'll have a Coke. I'm feeling naughty. That's like the only time I drink soda. It's like I'll get a Coke. I'm playing. I'm just like, I'm just like,

ooh, I've got so much sugar in me. It's a free soda. But what I hate about it too is like, well, you know, she did have sleep. She had sleep apnea. But that doesn't. But then why? Yeah, that's what I saw.

I saw it from me like, oh, it was a sleep apnea. Well, there was a, that's, kind of the difference in the coverage is I think people who want to kind of sweep the whole addiction thing under the rug are just saying like it was sleep apnea but the coroner's report was cocaine some opiates I don't know if it was heroin

it was it said heroin okay why sweep it under the rug wasn't she super open about her but she was in and out of rehab a lot so people are uncomfortable talking about it they just don't want to say addiction they just want to say sleep apnea I feel like she wouldn't be uncomfortable talking about it is sad but I feel like if it was her

she would be like, of course I did a bunch of drugs. Like that was her whole thing, right? And the whole like, I was spoken about mental illness and everything. That's why I think that she would rather it be a conversation rather than just being like, yeah, you know, oh, she snored and died. Not to make light of it. You know that it's a very sad situation. But I just saw that today and I was like, Jesus Christ, man.

Yakes. Yeah. But the good news is a birth, not a death. It's a double both. Double birth. Beyonce, two kids, and the beehive is not happy with Beyonce's father. Father, what happened? He posted on Instagram, he was the one that made the announcement.

Happy Barts Day to my two new grandchildren. And the behive went fucking insane because they said it wasn't his place to announce the birth. But also, I mean, they have a very tumultuous past. So, and that's the big problem is that, you know, he was like an EP on a lot of her. with all of Destiny's child. He took a lot of money from her. He didn't, I mean, he wasn't a good man. He fucking cheated on Tina all over the place.

And then they finally reconciled when Blue Ivy was born. Really? Because they, like, she cut all ties with him for years. And the fact that he did this, at first, when I first started reading, I was just like, I mean, yeah, it's on his place. But then it's just like, man, he'll do anything to take any kind of spotlight from. I mean, not that she's got spotlight to share. She's got enough to share.

It's a big spot-lis. She's one of the biggest pop stars in the entire world. And also, interesting, that this time they didn't take over an entire hospital. They just took down a floor of the hospital. Which hospital? I don't know. But I did hear a story from the last time that she gave birth that there was a father who was trying to see his prematurely born child,

and Beyonce's bodyguards wouldn't let him buy. Oh, yeah. Yeah, because she needed an entire floor of a hospital. No dare the plebeians come to see anywhere near a Beyonce. That really soured me on her. No, she shut down almost the entire hospital with Blue Ivy because she wasn't actually giving birth. Because someone else was fucking giving birth for her.

That's right. And this time was only one floor. But at the same time, they moved out all of these patients for days in preparation for her to come in. It's like... Yeah, because you don't know when you're going to give birth unless you had a scheduled T section, which maybe she did. But also, Kate Middleton doesn't even do that.

Yeah. And she's a fucking princess. Like, she, I mean, Beyonce's a queen, honey. I mean, I understand. I know that. Tell that to the father was trying to see his baby.

Yeah, no, definitely. That's bad. They shouldn't have done that. Just a little, me. It's just a rich person thing. Yes. That's all it is. It's just a rich person

throwing their weight around. And I don't like it. That's all of my class solidarity goes away with Beyonce. I know it's my problem. Like, I know that. Like, I know I should distrust her for her wealth. And I don't.

and I can't. I was just having this conversation with somebody that was like, how can you love Beyonce so much? Beyonce loves capitalism. And I was like, don't let me say anything negative about it. But it's true. That is too much privilege. What I don't understand is that honestly,

if I had that much money, I'd bring the fucking hospital to me. I'd have them on call 24 fucking hours a day. I'd set a part of my huge mansion as my birthing station. Yeah, that'd be easier probably. call. Yeah. When you find out that you're pregnant, you buy a plot of land, you build a mini hospital,

and you give birth there. That's what I mean, they've got enough money to do that. Well, they have fucking birthing centers like that anyway. Right, they could do that. She could build her own one, and then she could just turn it into a birthing center when she's done with it. I mean, she needs it again, kick all those people out. That's the way easier. And then, yeah, put it, you know, you want to have a hospital nearby in case anything serious happens.

Or it after she was done that, she could just burn it down and laugh at all the poor people. And she can do whatever the fuck she wants. That's why I was so surprised that she actually goes to. a hospital in the first place. I'd want it at home. Yeah. But home births... I mean, not like in my bathtub.

I mean, in my separate plot of land home birth. Thanks to you, I've seen that video of the woman... In the door jam? In the doorway who catches her baby. Yikes. God, I'll never get that image out of my mind. He goes, you know, you're supposed to be standing. You're either supposed to be in water or you're supposed to be standing to let gravity

take the child down. So this woman just arms up, legs against the door jam, completely naked. It's incredible, Marcus. And then all of a sudden just goes, and she just catches it. And she just catches it because it's your natural instinct to immediately go down because you feel it coming out of you that you go down and catch it.

Yeah, right. In the backyard? No, she, there's a bunch. There's a whole, there's a lot of them. There's a whole YouTube hole you can go down. This woman is like in her kitchen and she's just, yeah, like when you, you know when you're a little kid and you like Jimmy up the doorway like with your hands and your legs

like can you climb up to the top? She's like that and just pushing. And she's totally naked. Push and push and pushing. Of course, she's totally naked. What are you going to be dressed when you're trying to have a baby? Hell no. But then she just catches it like a football.

And they always catch it. And always catch the baby. Woman gives birth at hospital door? No, this is she's a home. But there's so many of them. I've watched the... I know you watch the specific one that I told you to watch. I'll never forget it because it's just terrifying.

I do not trust myself to catch the babies. But it's complete animal instinct. That's what they say. Catch it. I mean, they've got a bunch of pillows and stuff. Oh, I found it. You watching it? I'm watching it.

Oh, it's so good. We should post it on the Facebook group so everyone can see it. She is leaking. Oh, yeah. Because, I mean, it's like if you're sitting down and your legs are up in the air, that's not a natural position. That's not helping. Gravity's not helping. God.

Just trust. Yes. You. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

She sounds great. Wow. Yeah. That is still, yeah. Oh, yeah. Boy, all about it. Wow. Right out, man.

She catches it herself. Oh, Beyonce would totally, what if Beyonce danced? I'm everyone, one. It's all in me. I would sing that as I caught the baby. Oh, man, if she was just doing a great dance and then she caught both babies, that would be so nice. Word on the street that it is a boy and a girl. Mm-hmm.

But that has not been confirmed yet. Rumors might be named Brooklyn and Houston. Hometowns. Oh. Houston I'm okay with. Too many babies are already named Brooklyn. My niece is named Brooklyn. It's a very nice name.

It's just a very popular name right now. It's getting very popular. Yeah, my brother and his wife named her Brooklyn because they found out. That was before the cusp, though. That was before the... It was before the cuffs. And they also named her Brooklyn because they found out they were pregnant while they were staying with me in Brooklyn. Oh, that's nice.

And that's really cute. Yeah, so it had like a little, it had like a double meaning. Yeah, that's nice. No, I actually think Brooklyn is a nice name. It's just like in Brooklyn, I feel like 10% of every classroom, depending on what neighborhood you're in, the children are named Brooklyn. I understand that, yes. And it's different definitely in Texas where it's like, yeah, that is not a common name that's down there.

So it's kind of fun. Yeah. I mean, it's, you know, I, you know, I wasn't really a fan of Blue Ivy to begin with either. And I know I love Blue Ivy as a name. I think it's very. God, it's just, she'll grow into the face. It works for her. Yeah, she will.

I feel so about her fashion styles off the chain. Yeah, remember when she was dressed as prince? Yes. I mean, she seems to be a fantastic little girl. She got her father's genetics. Yeah, it's rough. And it's like, what if these kids are a lot more attractive? That's going to be rough.

But she was the beginning, you know. She'll have it all. Yeah. She'll take it all. If these children look like Beyonce and she looks like Jay-Z, I would be a little bit if I was the one who looked like Jayze. Jay-Z is very handsome. And she'll grow into it.

Yeah, no. She'll be... She just looks upset. She just looks very serious all the time. But she's an incredibly cute child. Yes. And I like her a lot. You know, I hear Jay-Z, though? I hear he's like a super good dude. All the stories that I hear is that like,

because I read a story the other day of someone saying that he tipped them 10% on a $40,000 tab. Whoa. It's like, here's four grand. Have fun. Well, we've talked about that video where he's on the train with that old lady. The older woman that didn't know who was. I trust Jay Z. I like him. I like him. I mean, he fucks, but yeah.

They both fuck. I think she does too. They both fuck. People at that level of power, they fuck. They fucking. You mean fuck other people? Yeah. Yeah.

But got to keep that spice, you know? You got to keep the spice. Yeah. I mean, when you're up on that level, man, you got to spice it up. Oh, yeah, spice it up. Brooklyn and Houston, it's growing on me already. And that's a possibility. That's not, I mean, that's just a, that's a rumor.

Yeah. If you were going to name your boy girl twins, Brooklyn, and Houston, which gender would you assign which name? Well, you know, Houston would be the boy because you can call him Hugh, and then Brooklyn would be the girl. They might call him Hugh. I don't know if they're going to call him Hugh. Hugh Carter, get your ass over you. Hugh Carter sounds like a civil rights leader. Yeah, Hugh Carter is a good name, actually.

Oh, speaking of civil rights. Did you see the backdrop on Wheel of Fortune? Oh, oh. No, I did not. That was bad. They were doing a weed called like Southern Charm. And the backdrop was a plantation that had a couple of black ladies in it. No.

It had flames on it. It was. No. It was bad. It's like bad. Someone's like, oh, why? You haven't been relevant for a long time. Wheel of Fortune.

Especially like they, it's like Pat Sejack and McAnna White are the whitest of the white people. Okay. Standing together in front of a plantation with like black women forced to be in like big hoop dresses. Oh my God. In the picture. Wow. And I guess it's, I guess it's supposed to be some like recreation. Like a recreation or something like that.

Yeah. And they were like, oh, but but that wasn't a slave. They just had people of all different races in these dresses. but it was just those two, and they were the only ones in the picture. Just diversity on a plantation. People would be mad if it wasn't diverse. I was surprised it wasn't just like a huge Confederate flag. Yeah, that's what I thought you were going to say.

I thought you were going to say it was just a big Confederate flag wheel. I dare say this is worse. I think it might be worse. Welcome to the War Northern Aggression Week on War. My name's Beauregard. Say Jack. Mrs. My co-host, Annabel Watt.

Oh, how to do you, Massa? Oh, can't say that. It's like, all this horrible back and forth. It's like, no, we were just recreating. No, that's all. Wow. It was really rough. I just like saw that.

They just didn't put a lot of thought into it. I just saw the headline for it. It was like, oh, can't be that bad. Then I clicked. It was like, ooh. Ooh, that's rough. Boom. That is that bad.

Yeah, I felt excited. put a thought and they probably would be beneficial to maybe this is an indicator they don't have like a black staff member who was like no way don't do that or at least a black staff member high enough to be like someone tell them not to do that image of the slaves I think that was just a that was a low

level decision right there people up the high level they don't pay attention to what the graphic artists do they don't care yeah I think that was just I honestly think it was just somebody that was looking for like stock footage of a plantation and didn't know or just didn't fucking pay attention

didn't see and just kind of put it up there and he got fired and he's just like oh man this is a great steady gig yeah right this show is never going to go off the air and they still look great they do look great

god damn they seem like a cryogenic type of couple they have to be oh speaking of looking great can I be a little bit petty I of course last night was watching what is this whole show I was watching Food Network with Bobby Flai and Giata de Laurentis,

who of course fucked together. Yes, they have fuchs. I was trying to figure out how old Giaida de Larenta says, and I did find out, but does anyone want to take a guess? I'm going to guess 38. I mean, I just looked it up. I just googled her name, and her age immediately came up. 47.

High and tight. Yeah, but I was thinking of it because she's got that when it's really close up in the HD, you can tell she's, not and she is a human being who ages and so I was like I wonder how old she is Oh them's tits is fake

Come on Yeah yeah because she's she's so high and tight But then like yeah with a real close up with HD I was like oh she's she has skin And then turns out she's 40s fucking seven Wow Something about a bird woman She's oh yeah

And I like that she never got her nose done That makes me like her more Yeah I like a good bird woman I love a big nose Yeah, and she does know her food. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Oh, I bet Bobby Flee's such a terrible A. Yeah, that's the thing. Oh, he's so self-centered. I'll bet he never, ever goes down on anybody. I bet not. I bet it's only about him. Yeah. I just looked up a picture of him.

Oh, Bobby Flay? Bobby Flay. Yeah. The thing about him, also good food, a good-looking food, at least. I've never eaten in his restaurants, but everything he makes looks fantastic, and I just want to hate him.

I mean, I'm sure it's great. Wow. Wow, he was married to the blonde D.A. from Law and Order SVU. Oh yeah, yeah, he was. And she fucking dropped his ass. She dropped his ass, and he was cheating on her probably with Giata de Laurentis.

That's what the blind asses said. Well, no, he was also cheating on her with her with his, like, head, like, assistant chef or something at one of his. Oh, really? That was, like, the big one where she was, that he gave her so much power. It's like he had been fucking her for a long time.

Yeah, Alex Cabot deserves better. T.A. Alex Cabot. She went through a lot. Yeah. Remember, she had to go into witness, protection. I remember. And then she came back.

Yeah. Which. Are you supposed to come back? They were really jumping the chart already by that point. I don't know if you're supposed to come back. Yeah. It was just like, okay, I'm done now. Done being protected.

I'm fine. Everything's fine. Friday Night Lights season two type of writing move on the Lonorder SVU. Yeah. Lano Under SVU, they did, there were peaks and valleys. They could have stopped 27 seasons ago, you know, and I think they're in about 28 seasons right now. Still going, though.

They'll watch them. As far as I know, Mariska Hargitay and Christopher Maloney are still fucking on the side. Really? Oh, yeah. You didn't know about this? Dude, it's in the blind items all the time. Really? It's constantly like Christopher Maloney's wife thinks that this relationship is over,

but they're still seeing each other behind her back because it's just a big, like they just can't keep their hands off each other. Man, Christopher Maloney, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy. Have you seen us? I have not seen Oz Oh you would like Oz It's terrifying See I think of more of wet hot American summer

Uh huh That's like yes That's more fun Yes And then Oz is it will change your relationship I am sure But in the same time I like it that he could do really serious

But also he's very very funny Yeah I do appreciate that about him Oh I I was I Come on turkey girl I

I have to tell you guys because I've told other people and no one cares I followed Joanna Gaines from Fixer Upper on Instagram and I guess they're working on another book right now and there was a late night video of Chip

and he had a big blanket around him and he was working on something and then he looked up to her and he just went one day more another day another destiny and he sings and he throws the fucking blanket off of him I'm guessing this is from Le Maymes.

I goosh everywhere. I had rivers coming from me. Look up Joanna Gaines and Instagram. Watch this if you care about LeMay's at all. And I wanted to die. I immediately called Henry. He did not give a fuck. He did it?

Why not? What's wrong with him? Because he's like, oh, Christian fucking, you know, and then he goes on his fucking rampage. Because Henry's a bigot. Yes, against religion, all organized religion. So that's, But I was like, but he loves Leemitt.

And he knows all the words. But he was singing Lea Miz. So he's hot and he's singing Le Miz. You're fucking kidding me. That's all you need. I don't care what religion he is. Yeah, I know you're going to enjoy that. I'm going to watch it over and around.

Will you send it to me? It's going to be my new astronaut's wife. Yes, I will. Okay. See, you guys had the daddies. And I've been kind of thinking about this. Well, your mommy's it. I don't know.

Like, mommy doesn't sound right. I need a new word. Neither does daddy. Yeah, I think it sounds as wrong as daddy. You could come up with your own. What do you want it to be? I don't know. Mamas?

Mommacita? Auntie? I mean, if you like Andy? I don't know. Sounds too much like, I don't know why anti doesn't work for me. Granny? Well, because that's a whole other, that's a whole other thing. Yeah, I guess mommy works out okay.

How about mama? Or mommy spelled M-A-M-I. I like a mama. Mama. Mama. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we're looking for mammas. Yeah, Mariska Hargatay.

That's a hell of a mama. Yeah, she's a mama. And I do like picturing her and Chris Maloney having sex because so much muscle. Very much so. And also so much sexual tension between them on the show. All the time. That I just want to watch them have sex. Yeah.

Yeah, all the time with the eye contact and the live. Well, you got another mama so far? No, I was picturing them having sex. Helen Hunt, that's a hell of a mama. Did you watch that movie? Where she's having sex with the no sex? I didn't watch that, but I did watch a documentary on Netflix. Matt about you.

No. Matt about you is not a documentary. It's about married life, a documentary about married life. No, it's great because you were talking about the girl with the bones. The muscles that turn to bone, yes. The girl with the muscles to turn the bone. I watched one in that same vein, another BBC documentary called The 40-year-old virgins that I would absolutely recommend. That all right.

And the woman that is because it's about like two virgins, one of them is like a 45-year-old guy and the other one's like a 29-year-old woman. And they're both going to like sex coaches, like sex therapists. And the woman that is the sex therapist for the guy was who the Helen Hunt movie was based on. And she's a darling. She's a grandmama. Are they straight and are they going to have sex with each other? No, they're going to have sex with their respective sex coaches. It's like the guy

The guy has a I can't remember what the name of the woman was The woman is that had sex with the 45 year old man But I remember the name of the man That was going to have sex with the Irish woman Was named Gary No wonder he's a virgin

No No the name of the sex The name of the sex coach was named Gary No He was a Gary though Like Because you know Gary's are either Oh I know a Gary

Yeah But then there's like the The muscular Gary Like he was a tennis coach, Gary. Oh, so he's more like a Chad Gary. Yeah, kind of a Chad Gary. Chad Gary, it sounds very much of like Glenn Gary and Glenn Ross. Except a lot less epithets in it.

Chad Gary, Chad Ross. Okay, now I'll watch it. I mean, I was going to watch it. I keep forgetting to watch it. Yeah, I'll watch that. I've been too busy with Barney Five. You've been watching Barney Five? I bought a turtleneck dress because of Party of Five.

It's a turtleneck sleeveless dress. It's sleeveless, and it has a mocked turtleneck, and it is striped. And it made me feel like Neve Campbell, and that's all I need in my life. How long is it? Nealang? Yes. And I can wear it with my Doc Martins if I wanted. Oh, that's very deeply 90s.

Nev Campbell. So many vests. She's a best gal. So many vests. Even in Scream, there were a lot of vests. It's a difficult word to say. Vests. Vests.

It was that time. I had a lot of vests in the 90s. Melissa Joan Hart, always wearing vests. Mama? A bit of a mama. Not as much. Christina Applegate's more of a mama. Ooh, she's a good one.

Like tailione. Because those two, Christina Applegate. She's the same in my mind. Yeah. Well, me, Christina Applegate and Melissa Joan Hart kind of occupy the same space. I understand. That's a void of mama.

I put Alicia Silverstone in there too. She's a mama. Yeah. But see, but to me, Alicia Silverstone's all like eternally 19 years old. Yeah. It's clueless. And she looks great.

Yeah. She still looks fantastic. Yeah. Ooh, yeah, there's a lot of mommas out there. Yeah, there's a ton of mamas out there. Ooh. I would even put Dimmie more up there just a little bit. Even with her teeth?

No teeth. Hey. No teeth? I'm not a man to discriminate for tooths. You're right. You're not a man to discriminate for tufts. It would be hypocritical of me. Yeah.

Well, that's, I appreciate that extension of I won't judge you for your teifs. Yeah. Because I got my own teeths. We should all be so... We all've got teeths. We should all be so empathetic. Yes. I gotta go to the dentist soon, guys.

I'm getting my Invisaline in a couple weeks. That's great. I am having the opposite. I'm going to go in. They're going to be scary. I didn't need a drink beforehand. I went to the dentist today. I've had a big saga with them.

But if I ever told you guys about the time that they were waiting for a filling to set and they needed to wait for like two minutes and right after they, right as they did the filling and waited, we had to wait for it to set the song Time of Your Life

came on over the speaker and it was like the beginning where it was like the guitar like do do to do do do it

oh yeah baby so we were just sitting me the dentist and the dental assistant sitting in silence listening to I'm gonna

podcast that love time I was like and I had the whole had the whole thing in my mouth like my whole mouth

was pride open you didn't even do it in your I would have I'm like yeah and I was, in my head, I was like, this is the funniest thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life.

You got an Insta that shit. I know, I should have just, yeah. I'm new to Insta stories. Yeah, I was at the dentist getting a cleaning before they did my Invisaline thing. And they're cleaning and all of a sudden on the speaker's like, never going to give you a. It's just like, ooh, ooh, yeah, they always have, in my place it's like always, well, I was going to say it's top 40, but obviously not. Obviously not. That was like a number one song.

Yeah, that's true. That was a hit. Yeah, like 20 years ago. But the thing is, I'm always moved by that song. I just put you in your fucking place. I'll never not love that song, though, you know? I always appreciate it. It was about 17, 18 years ago, all right.

It has not been 20 years. You're right. I've still got like three more years before it's been 20 years I've been out of high school. 20th anniversary. Four years, actually, before it's going to be my 20th year at high school. All right, so it's 16 years old. Yes. At first when you said the time of my life, I thought you meant like,

I had the time of my life. And I was like imagining that also sitting in silence with your dentist waiting for a filling to upset. That's also like not true. Not having it. This sucks. Yeah, many songs are inappropriate, I think, for many reasons. Weird thing was those that the dental hygienist while she was cleaning my teeth, she was singing along and never going to give you a lot.

Yeah, that happens sometimes too. Right, and they'll be like, right, that sometimes they'll be singing along, and I appreciate that in a sense. I want them to be having fun. Oh, they're having fun. But I kind of feel like she's like singing to me. Yeah. Aw. Like, we're going to give you up.

Like, thank you. It's nice. It's very nice. Okay, it's time for the list. Al is on a list. Park has got to have that list. Celebrities with crazy allergies. Oh, man, I got one.

What's your crazy allergy? Me. I got a lot of allergies. Really? Yeah, they're bad. Any especially spicy ones? No, nothing especially spicy. Just all of it.

Pollin trees. Outside. Nothing weird, though. Yeah, nothing weird. My mom's allergic to Tylenol. Who's not that spicy? It's rough, though. It's not like you were like a four-year-old.

Like, my mom, my mom's allergic to tile at all. That's sound for her because that was a difficult thing to find out. That's what terrifies me about allergies. We were with a baby and he was trying shrimp for the first time. And we were like, what if he's allergic? And they were like, you just got to try it. Terrifying. You got to throw everything you can at the baby.

Yeah. Like, that's what I hear is that when you're breastfeeding, you got to just eat everything that you possibly can. So the baby gets through the juices, gets it in his body or her body. Yeah. Yeah. You get to give the juice. to the baby and the baby's juice.

Sorry, baby, I got to eat all this shrimp. Oh, God, and you're milking yourself, and you're eating shrimp. At the same time. He's just a big fucking bowl of cocktail shrimp. Yeah, just topless and breastfeeding eating cocktail shrimp. That sounds great. I mean, I wouldn't pass myself. Wouldn't pass myself either.

Beyonce, despite being allergic to it, Glitter. Still sells perfumes. Whoa, she's just allergic to perfume? Allergic to perfume, but she still endorses her own frogrens. Yeah, but she can't even wear her own frogrants. Can't wear her own froggreens, but she still says, wear my frogrence, even though I can't wear my own frogrence. Yeah, but she, you know, she smells like.

She can probably smell. Oh, she probably smells natural. I guess that's nice. Isn't that nice? I don't like you when I can smell someone's hair, though. You don't like that? No, it's gross. It's called a heat rush.

I have a confession to make. I have a new frogrance. What is it? I did some research. I got a lot of frogrances. No. I think it might be worse. I just need to tell you guys

because I have to get it out there. It's called Someday by you Justin Bieber. Beaver! I am wearing... I have gotten so many fucking compliments on my frogrants. Really? It's insane. If you like the way you smell that much...

I'm singing Bieber. But I changed the words. If you like the way you look that much. Oh, okay. It is the way I like it smelled. It is the way I like it smelled. And then put me on the commercial for it. I support you wearing Justin Bieber a lot.

Is it expensive? No. It's called Sunday? Someday. And it is cheap as fuck. I like bought a bunch of like I got all of Taylor Swift's. I got the Beyonce one. I got a bunch of them.

I was like, I want to pick a dumb celebrity frog ritz. because I've been wearing a fancy frogrance for a while. So I picked this one. This is the one I chose. I mean, I wonder how much money he makes. Because it's all the frogrances. He does not endorse a cologne. It's all perfumes.

Oh, it's only perfumes. And so there's girlfriend and someday. He's got two different ones. Well, he's got two different girlfriends. He's got girlfriend and next girlfriend. Yikes. Jicks. And there's two different Sundays.

There's someday and someday, three different some days, actually. Like, someday, someday limited edition, Le de Prothume, and Sunday Summer Edition. Wow, now I'm, oh, man, now I've got to try them all. And the same year that he announced Sunday Summer Edition, he also announced one called The Key. I am embarrassed about it, though. I was already embarrassed about my perfume, and now I'm extra embarrassed about my perfume. You should be proud. Next time you want to buy me something, buy me a Justin Bieber, and I'll wear it in solidarity with you.

I want Justin Bieber. I think that's great. He's a good musician. I know, but it would be perfume-wise, though. It's, you know. The main accords to someday are fruity, in this order. Fruities up top, then it's sweet, then it's vanilla, then it's fresh, then it's floral. That sounds great.

It's not because it's not too much. It's just enough. Yeah, and I want floral at the bottom of the list, so I appreciate that. I wasn't as a Taylor Swift's, though. The Enchantment Series. Yeah, I don't trust her. Yeah. I don't.

You know what? I don't. I don't trust her. I trust Bieber more than I trust Swift. But I imagine she smells good. But at the same time, I imagine Justin Bieber we want to fuck somebody that smells good as well. Yeah, and I'll bet he smells really good. I bet he smells all right.

Sorry, I didn't mean to go down a frogrens hole. It's quite all right. We're here to talk. Thank you guys. Thank you guys. I just needed to get it off my chest. It's very scary. Don't feel shame.

Allie Barry is allergic to shrimp and all shellfish. Terrible. Oh. What a shame. Couldn't imagine not being able to eat shrimp. You know what? I can't. I love,

cocktail shrimp is one of my favorite things to eat. I can sit there and eat cocktail shrimp. In fact, I've got some frozen cocktail shrimp in my freezer. I think I'm going to go home and eat some cocktail shrimp after this. You just thaw and eat them right up at the back. I got a big fucking thing of cocktail sauce. You got to come down to Palm Harbor, Florida.

I'll show you some shrimp. I'll show you some shrimp. I'll show you some shrimp. I had some surprisingly good shrimp in Indianapolis. Why? Yeah, they will Well, there's this restaurant that has like a spout. I can't remember what it's called,

but it has a, their all specialty is the spiciest shrimp cocktails in America. How spicy. They're specy spicy. Too spicy out of that? Oh, they're not too species spicy, but they're species spicy. Horse rider's species spicy? Yeah.

Horse rider's species spicy. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, give me some. Rainy Spears is allergic to bees. also scary well they're dying out

Molly so maybe maybe you shouldn't be so scared of them anymore maybe you should show a little compassion towards bees I definitely saw Gideon one time we were at his sister's house and there was a beehive on the porch that they didn't tell us about and Gidea was waiting a work call and I was standing at the sink

looking out the window so he was right outside the window he's not alerted to bees thankfully but I was standing at the window like doing dishes or something and he was standing outside on this work call I just saw him like slowly get sworn by bees. Like one came and he batted away. Oh my God.

And then another came he batted away. You don't bat the way. And then, well, he didn't batten away. He was just trying to avoid it. He was in a work call, you know? So he was like, had paper in his hand in the phone. And then they just like gradually bored for it started coming. And I was just watching.

And then I was like, I guess I should help them. And then I was like, if I open the door and let him in, are all the bees going to come in? It was a real contest. Did you think about my girl? Did you think about Henry and my girl? That's all I've. think about when I see a bunch of bees.

Yeah, that's all I think about you. His glasses, he can't see without his glasses. Now she's in beep. I remember my girl. You know that? I got to watch it. She's a bee fan? She's a bee fan.

She loves bees. That bitch loves me. Tide-turning bitch loves to be. She's a bigkeeper. Who houses bees? No, she's in V. Oh, she's in V. B. I thought you said she's a B fan.

She's in beep now. She's in Vip now. That's right. That is her. That's her. Amy. Amy. Anna Chomsky. Anna Cholmsky. She's great. I'm glad she landed on her feet. She still got a good mouth. Great mouth. Wonderful mouth.

Zouie de Chanel. Sounds like a real pain in the ass. I bet she is. Variety of food allergies including dairy, eggs, and wheat. So she gets special foods delivered to her trailer every day. But also is it? Yeah. That's my problem with it. Is it?

Yeah. I mean, and when it is, I mean, terrifying. Celiac disease is absolutely a thing. All of it. I mean, it's like, yes, for sure. Glactose intolerance also absolutely a thing. If not, go far. You go fuck.

That's not go for. That's go foe. Go fuck. You go fuck. Drew Barrymore is allergic to garlic, perfume, bees, and coffee. Coffee. Garlic. That's sad.

Yeah, I haven't heard. I haven't heard a garlic before, but yeah. That's sad. See, my mom told me that she was allergic to cucumbers for years, and she's not. She just doesn't like them. Yeah, that's the thing. People just make shit up. She just said, but she was allergic.

She was deathly allergic to cucumbers. She had something with cucumbers. She's like, oh, I'm like, Mom, there's cucumbers in it. And she's like, oh, yeah, I pick them out. No, you said deathly allergic to cucumbers. See, I do that at restaurants with cilantro. I fucking despise cilantro. Oh, you're one of those people.

I'm one of those people. Get the soap mouth. Yeah, if I eat cilantro, it's all I can taste for like a day. So at restaurants, I would say, like, I'm allergic to cilantro. There's cilantro in this. And it's becoming more and more in this goddamn city that I have to say it almost all the time because they're putting cilantro and fucking everything. I was talking about this earlier.

We call it rich confetti. It's rich people's confetti. They fucking throws, I mean, I dig cilantro, but I have a first. who was actually allergic to cilantro. And we went to some amazing fucking Chinese place. And it's like they just, but it was a Chinese place. Yeah. They put cilantro in a bunch of stuff.

It's like, but this is a, but it's a child. Yeah. I don't. Yeah. We don't taste like shit. But, you know. You know what to hell with them all. Molly, pro?

I like cilantro, but I was recent, this past weekend. Actually, I was making breakfast for a bunch of people and I put the cilantro on the side because I know some people think it tastes like soap. It is, it is, it seems to be a very, black or white situation. Yeah. It doesn't taste like soap to me. It just tastes horrible.

I understand. Overpower. I might as well just be eating a big old stick of cilantro. If there's something in there, just like, yeah, just give me cilantro. Interesting.

Hate it. All right, it's stuff. A blind item. Oh, we can't see him. This A-List singer talks a good game about being faithful to his wife and talks

is a clue. Talks a good game about being faithful to his wife now after years of cheating, but he's still sexting lots of other women. He's a musician. Trouble talking. Trouble understanding the guy when he talks.

Oh. British. Musician. British music. In my head, everything's J.T. So I just want J.T. to be bad. I just want J.T. to be bad. I want to see the downfall of J.T.

I'm sorry. I know the denim suit back in the fucking Britney Spears era, but I'm sorry, guys. I mean, old, old musician. Fucking awesome musicians. Keith Richards. No, not Keith Richards.

Not that old. Not that old. Yeah, more like late, started coming up in the late 60s. Late 60s and you can't understand. Out of Birmingham. Virginia.

Heavy. His metal. Oh, Ozzy Osbourne. Yeah. Oh. Got a bit of a sexting problem. See, sexing. Is he A?

Are you A on that? You know, when you're Ozzy and everything they've fucking been through, sex thing sucks, but like, he's a thousand years old. Let him have it. He can't fuck anymore, I'm sure of it. There's no way that D still works.

I think those guys just kind of lay back and let it happen. Yeah, but also, I don't think, I mean, Sharon looks so fucking good now. You really think she ain't got some softies? I hope she does. If I was Sharon, I would want to be fucking somebody I think first got married, like she was a bigger girl, too.

Like, I mean, and she lost a bunch of weight. She looks really fucking good. There is no way. She is not out there banging because she's on, what is it, called the talk or something? Is she on the talk or she on the chew? I think she's on. I think it's the talk. Is there a chew?

There's the chew with Mario Patali. Yeah, you don't know about the chew? I don't think I knew about the chew. I knew about the five on Fox. What's the five? The five is like the view on five. and it's all conservative people. And the talk is the view on something else.

I'm like, yeah, like budget daytime TV. The chew is like the view but for foodies. Yeah, so it's mostly food people, but the talk has, I think, Aisha Tyler on it. And also Sarah Gilbert from Roseanne. Yeah, so it's got the more, you know, I think it's a more balanced female. You know, Sarah Gilbert created the program. Interesting. I mean, it's pretty much just the view.

so I don't know if she can really get credits for creating it for creating like five women sitting around a table talking Uh huh right Get me on one of these shows Yeah you should be on there I'll go on too

Yeah you can come on too Oh yeah that's right That's the show that Kelly Osborne Got in so much trouble on Yes Because I think it was she was like sitting in Oh no was she on the view Was it on the view that she got

Was that the view that she was on? Was it the view of the chew I think it was the view Not the five The view of the talk, the two or the five. One of those. I feel like if she was on the show that her mother was on, that she would have curbed her or stopped it from getting out.

Even though it's like half live, but not really. Well, this next one has something to do with what we was talking about last week. Not everything was out in the open this weekend. That A-List singer didn't let anyone see her doing lines of Coke. Remember what we talked about for like 20 minutes last week? No, I did it be poisoning. Yeah, full-voidant. I remember she.

I mean, let's just say that someone needed to stay up for a long time and stay peppy. I was sober at churchmast. I don't remember anything. For a certain live stream. Okay, Perry. Thank you for that. Oh, pumping it. Had to be pumping it.

There's no fucking way. But at the same time, what I understand is the sleeping part that she was. It's like, so was it fake sleeping? Do you think she was recorded quote unquote sleeping it other times and then they played it? I don't know. I mean, I've done Coke during the day and then got a good night's sleep. Yeah, but you would be so fucking restless. I was very restless.

It's not a good sleep. It's a terrible sleep. It's a shitty sleep. But her sleeping, I watchbirds, it's like she was just like conked out with like her fucking dog in the bed. That's not Coke sleep. I don't know. Maybe she popped a little bit of volume to even it out. Oh my God.

She's going to be a Carrie Fisher. She's going to have a big headache when she wakes up. Oh, yeah. She is not going to feel good. She's not going to feel good. She's got to keep dehydrated. That's why you do the coke when you get up.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I guess that's true. Yeah, it's all about the ups and the downs. She had to have been doing something. Do you say, I mean, I watched a bit. She was fucking talking a thousand miles a minute. And for days. Of course she was on something.

She had to have been on something. You know what? Why didn't she just take one of those nice five-hour energy drinks? Ah, yes. Doesn't that work? Well, I. Oh, yeah, it makes you perform so much better. You know, when I'm about to do a last podcast on the Left Live show,

and I need a pick me up before we go on stage, I like to take a five-hour energy drink. It gives me the energy I need to entertain all you fans out there. If anyone has any way to get five-hour energy drink to endorse us, I fucking take so many five-hour energy. Yeah, that's great. Can we fucking figure that out? The berry flavor?

That berry flavor. Any flavor. All of it. All of them. Every single one of them. I love the grape. I say, give me a five iron and you drink. They say, which one?

I say, I'd surprise me. The one with the most in it. Yes. I want all of it. And finally, this former A-list tweener actor turned, quote, unquote, singer is always short of cash. Well, he was. He probably still tells his ex he is. How did he get so flush with cash recently, you may ask?

He got paid off by the guy who made his life so miserable when he was younger. All our actor had to do was stop talking about it. Remember a quote unquote singer. Not really a singer. Young actor. Not McCallie Culkin. No. Nick Carter.

Nope. Recently a quote unquote singer loves his angels. Corey Feldman. Mm-hmm. Possibly got paid off. Because you notice you haven't heard him talk about that old pedophilia. thing in quite a long time now. Right. But do you think that's how he came out

with the music then? Or? No, I think the music was a totally independent operation. How can, how much money? Because that was like a year ago, right? How much money to really make him not talk about it? Can you imagine how much money? I would say two million.

I would, I would be like 50 million. Yeah. Easily. Yeah. If you're going to make me, like, stop talking about what, ruin my entire fucking life? Mm-hmm. 50 mil. We're talking name your price?

Yeah. Yeah, at least 50 mil. At least. I want to never have to think about money again. Ever again. And my family either. Yeah. No one to be like stupid with it.

Yes. Yeah. Two mil really isn't that much. Yeah. Not forgetting. You can't even buy a house in Brooklyn. Yeah. Yeah.

Not for the rest of your life. No. If you want to live like comfortably. If you want to live stupid. And especially we got the stupid money. Yeah. I mean, it's like with the people that do those kind of things. Like, why do you think it's not out?

there. Stupid fucking money. Yeah. Cory Feldman. And that's all we got to have more. On today's page seven, thanks everyone for listening. We'll talk to you all next week.

Bye. Bye. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to cavecomedyradio.com.