Page 7 - Episode 212: Babealicious

Episode Date: September 1, 2017

Jackie, Molly and Marcus gush about America’s favorite couple Chip and Joanna, reminisce about favorite 90’s teen magazines, and learn a lot about Molly’s childhood musical obsessions. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I don't know, you just sounded really good. Hey. I don't. You sound great. You sound just as good as like you. Wonderful summer chest infections. Oh, yeah. Can't fucking beat that.

May as well join it. Yeah. Join and. Join us in that blend. Stop. That's going to happen a lot. Welcome to page seven, everybody. We're all sick and shit.

You cup, I call. You cup, I call. That's sympathy coughs. Well, so what's going on, ladies? It's been a couple of weeks. I have two announcements. All right, too. Right off the top.

All right. It's about celebrities doing good things. Number one, Chip and Joanna Gaines, who I've developed an unhealthy obsession with, have a t-shirt that they already are selling that says Texas Forever on it. Okay, great. Right up your alley.

Yeah. They are now donating 100% of the proceeds to Hurricane Harvey relief. That's wonderful. And if anybody out there wants or hasn't given a Hurricane Harvey yet, please give to Houston Food Bank is the one that we're back in here at the network. So yeah, be sure to give to them. Nice. Yeah, I feel like, you know, a lot of, like at Dwayne Reed,

they make it easy to give to the Red Cross, but the Red Cross isn't the places that are just not always there on time. Places that are already there are good to give to us. Anyway, Chip and Joanna Gaines on it. And Rachel Ray donated a million dollars to her if you're really. Oh, shit. Yeah. Let me go, Bird Woman. I know you don't love her as much as I do, but I love her very much.

I think Rihanna also donated a million dollars as well. Good. I mean, probably admittedly to both of them, a million dollars is nothing. Nothing at all. But still. A million dollars. You imagine just having a million dollars to donate to something. Just here.

Like, here, take it. Have it. I guess I can help this much. Yeah, the way that I am like when I'm. I'm feeling flush with when I, you know, do a you carrying and I do 50 bucks. I'm like, have it. That's what they do. Let me feel good about myself just for a second.

That's what they do with a million dollars. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. But that's three good people in the earth. Yeah. There's those three. Those three. Those three. That's pretty much it.

But we knew that Chip and Jojo were good people. Oh, my God. God, we loved them. We just sat here for 10 minutes while we waited for Marcus. and we've fucking talked about how much we love Chip and Jojo. It's, it's, I don't think I've loved two people on TV this much in years slash maybe my entire life. It's like the way that I feel about them is the way that I felt about people. Like in high school, you know, I feel like in high school I would get really obsessed with celebrities and be like, I would think about what they were like, you know, and think about them and be like, I wish I could be their friend.

And then when I got older, I was like, I don't need to do that anymore. Yeah, it's weird. And now I'm doing it with them. I just want to read the books. What books? They each wrote a book. Two books. Like fiction, nonfiction?

No, nonfiction. They each wrote freaking fiction. I would read that. I don't know that. Did Joanna Gaines write a bad secret book? Oh, my God. Although the book would just be full of really specific descriptions of each room. Yes.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It would be like, yeah, but it would be akin to Dickens. The room that he was looking at me in had a built-out fireplace With an arch ceiling Oh my God, please write a fiction, Jojo Please for musta Godzias Huh? But wait, is there enough content that they do for two books?

What are they each about? I know that the first one is just about like the story of Magnolia. Okay. The Magnolia Journal? Yes. There's the Magnolia story, which is the story of Magnolia. And then there's the Magnolia Journal. But that's the Magnolia Journal.

That's a magazine. Shit. I made a fucking magazine. Oh, my God. I need to subscribe to it. And Chip, yeah, it's very, it's very flowery. I've bought it before. Yeah.

Yes, of course I'm... Oh, look at the cover of the Magnolia story. It's Joanna riding on Chip's shoulder. Oh, yeah, baby. Oh, yeah. She is just so beautiful. She's so hot. I just love her so much.

And through her, I love him. No, I don't know through... I love him. Well, they wrote it with Mark Dagostino. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They didn't really write it. They didn't really write it. Yeah, but they're just, they have a whole empire.

I got to get down there. I would love to be Mark Degistino ghost writing for them, though. That would be a fun job. Yes, that would be a lot of fun. Spent time with them. This book is sold at Christianbook.com. Oof. See, this is the one thing I have forbade myself from looking into.

I haven't looked into their politics. I think they're believed. Chiefs are fine. I don't think they have any awful. Like, they're not Mike Pence. Yeah, right. I think they're okay. I think they're fine.

That's fine. And they just are churchgoers. Christianity is totally cool and fine. I have no problem with that. You said that with a very, a shirk and a snark. Totally fine with Christianity. No, I don't mean to imply that Christianity itself is worth skepticism. Well, worthy of skepticism.

Well, this is the product description. Chip and Joanna Gaines have garnered fans across the country with their creativity, humor, and their wholesome example. of marriage and family. In the Magnolia story, they shared their journey of how they met, their first renovation project, business ups and downs, and the fateful day when Joanna's design work caught the eye of a television producer. Since then, they've not only flipped houses and made people's dreams come true,

they've become America's favorite real-life couple. Reading their story, you'll feel like you're sitting at the table with friends you've always known. That's a little sappy. That's a little bit as much. It is 240 pages of what I imagine is very large type. It actually sounds pretty boring. Until the part where they got a TV show, the ups and downs of the business, no thank you. No, I don't care about that.

I want to see more pictures of the children. Yeah, the children are very cute. God, they're so beautiful. Other customers also purchased a Baxter family Christmas. Is that by Meredith Baxter? Not sure. Everybody loves Meredith. Baxter.

No one gives a fuck about Meredith Baxter. Are all the other books purchased like, the Bible? No, it's like Tim Tebow's book. Is This the End? Signs of God's Providence in a disturbing new word. And Jesus always. It's fine. I think you're going to get, you shouldn't be on that website for too long.

They're going to start tracking you. Yeah, all your suggested ads are going to be Tim Tebow books. Oh, my God. They'll all balance out. Yeah, yeah, that I guess that's true. All the awful ads that I get right now, they'll balance out with just smiles Joe Loste. That's a guy who's not a good celebrity. Is he bad?

He's bad. He wouldn't let people into his megachurch. But now after a ton of public pressure, he is, which is why public pressure is good. Yeah, a lot of people, like he didn't, he has a megachurch in Houston. It's where the Astro, the Houston Rockets. used to play, so it's gigantic. And he originally closed his doors to the Houston refugees,

the flood refugees. And it wasn't... Just as Jesus would do. Yeah, just as Jesus would do. Because they get the carpet all dirty. There's so much white carpet in there. Oh, my God. Yeah, and it wasn't until people

start calling them out on Twitter. Well, first he tried doing a barrage of tweets about just Jesus. And then when that didn't distract people, he finally decided to open his entire church to people. Still not opening his... home to people, which could house something

like 40 people or something like that. It's like a $10.5 million home. What? He's a prosperity gospel guy. What is that like in leap of faith? No. Well, kind of. I mean, he's a bit of a huckster. Sounds like, of course he is. Of course he fucking is. They all are.

They got to get a church that big? Well, the prosperity gospel is that if you are wealthy, then that means that Jesus likes you. Oh. Not necessarily that Jesus likes you, but God likes you. Because they actually barely mention Jesus. I mean, it's very true, though.

They talk... Obviously, Jesus hates all of us. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's not digging us too much. They talk about God a ton, but they barely talk about Jesus, and they barely talk about the teachings of Jesus. And when people give them donations,

they call that a seed. Like, plant a seed of your own prosperity. And when you plant a seed of your own prosperity, by giving to me a prosperous person, it's like trickle down Jesus. That is terrible. Wow, that is bad. Well, I guess I understand why they don't teach a lot of Jesus because people would wise up.

No, these guys have private jets. They have a million dollar homes that are in the double digits. These people are a pox on humanity. Maybe we're in the wrong business. We're doing fine. Maybe that's what we should be doing instead. We're playing the long game. I need a seed.

Someone needs to give me a seed of prosperity. Plant a seed. I have a seed planted, please. Can you ask for seeds? As you see Jackie spend her wealth, you will also feel wealthy. Oh, yeah. You watch me get rich. Yeah.

Because God digs me. We just got to set up a Patreon, and that is people giving us seeds. I guess that is seeds. Yeah. Yeah, but I want Jesus seeds. We can put Jesus on the seeds? All right, can we put Jesus on the seeds? We can give people Jesus.

Okay. If you give us $5 through our Patreon, you get one Jesus. That's kind of. fun. Yeah, $20. Actually. Two G's eye. Two G. Zat. Slap another Jesus on there. Can I say in a shift of gears that I am proud to feel remotely hip by having watched some of the VMAs?

I am very proud of you. I couldn't even do it. Yeah, I'm very proud of you indeed. It is media for young people, man. Young people consume media very differently than us, and I support them, and I think young people are exceptional. They have fantastic politics. But like when you watch the VMAs, it's like everything happens in like vine-sized bits, you know?

Everyone is a YouTube star. Everything happens in seven seconds or less. It's like a real barrage of like youth media. But the cool things that happened were Pink shouting out her gender non-conforming daughter. Her daughter likes to wear boys' clothes and she said that she was insecure about it. And so Pink made a slideshow of an androgynous pop stars to show her. Annie Linux, was she there? Yes.

And David Bowie and Prince. And so that was cool of Pink. And what about Natalie and Bruglia? Was she on it? I don't know if Natalie and Bruglia was there. I think Natalie and Bruglia just has short hair. She's torn, though. She is torn.

Oh, is that woman torn. I don't know if she's torn about gender, but she's torn about other things. What happens when you're naked on the floor? Get up. Put on some. Clothes. This is how she feels. I'm sorry.

You're right and I can't tell her how to feel. On the clothes of any assigned gender that you want. Yeah. You could exactly have anything, anything you want to wear. But there was not a lot of other, like, I only watched a few minutes because the people in my house wanted to watch Game of Thrones. Boring. It was kind of fantastic. I am so sick of hearing about the cock.

The cock sucking show Me too I'm convinced And then I'm just like Oh yeah I haven't watched it And you know what People just still talk to you as if I'm not a human being

That's true That's true people to say Oh you don't like it Blotty Blotty Bladdenaris Yeah but you know Buhba bupah No I'm not gonna go into it Because I know both of you

Hate the show I like the incest Yeah And then While there was you would have liked You would love that way I mean let's not give away too much But there's a

definitely some incest happening. I mean, I can see the memes. Not the same old incest. Not the same old incest. We're talking about new incest. Oh, but we can't talk about the incest. We can't talk about. Not as intense as brother-sister incest,

but incest nonetheless, and it is sexy incest. It actually, even I will admit. It's two people that you actually want to see. Fuck. True. You're okay. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. I mean, I'm going to assume I know who it is. Well, don't say. I won't say it. Let's not say it. I'm not going to say it. Oh, my God, speaking of Sunday night shows, the finale of Twin Peaks is next week. I feel, I am sorry for you.

I'm feeling real sad about it, but there's some big stuff happened last week. Well, don't say it. You can't say that? We got to cut that out now. Oh, I'm sorry. You knew? Cut it out. I know that because someone, again, it was another show that I'm like, yeah, I haven't seen it.

And so someone's like, all right, I know you're not going to care about this. Well, Don, Don, don't. I didn't say. anything. All I'm going to say is that I've absolutely loved it beginning to end and if you haven't gotten into it yet and you are a Twin Peaks fan, it is definitely worth buying showtime and watching it on Hulu. It does

make me happy how much Twin Peaks fans love the new Twin Peaks. I feel like that could have been such a gamble and it makes me very not being a Twin Peaks person. I love, you're not the only Twin Peaks friend I have who's like so happy about it. Oh yeah, they're over the moon. Yeah. I mean, there are definitely sometimes when

David Lynch I feel is punishing me for enjoying the show. But you Get over. You get through it. Is this the it? This is the it? Are they making more? Maybe. There might be a fourth season, but David Lynch is old. Yeah.

And many of the people in the show are old. Many of them the original run have died and two of them have died since ending filming of the third season. Really? Yeah. Yeah. They're dropping like flies. The log lady, she died after the season ended and Miguel Farrar that was a huge is the corporate douchebag and Robocop.

And it had a bunch of other stuff. Yeah. Yeah. You'd know Miguel Ferrar if you saw him. Yeah, I'd know Miguel Ferrer. You know Miguel. You know Mikey Ferrer. I don't know.

No, I do feel sad for you, and I apologize for your show ending. It's okay. We'll find new shows. I know, because I only have about a season left of Party of Five. And I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. I have been watching this. Yeah, this is before we had seven episodes seasons. 27 or 28 episodes a season.

There are six seasons. I have been watching this family for so long and so much happens. They just really, check, check, check off those fucking, you know, big general topics that they had to hit. Are there some very special episodes? Is it still in that? era? Like, is there an episode about, you know, I don't know, child abuse or drug use or whatever? Oh, it's all of it. Yeah, I think party of five is like one long, very special episode. It is a great cell. I always loved the special episode. The second, one thing is wrapped up,

another thing of me. It's just like, oh, man, and they all take turns of which one's in the shit. They love it. You know what I wish would come on? You know how they're being all nostalgic and being like, oh, we'll put full house on Hulu and stuff. What I want to watch, maybe I've said it before, but I'm going to say it again, Blossom. I would watch that I would totally watch that I want it back He's so sexy

Sexy Sexy Who Joey Laura Yeah Get out of here really Hello No I think in Blossom

I was obsessed with him Oh oh I loved him I loved him and loved him And then Brotherly Love came out And fucking loved him I loved him I loved him And then he shaved his head Yeah

Here is a picture of him These days Oh my God I hate the shaved. Ew. Yikes. What? Ew.

That's not him. Yikes. Yeah, yeah. See, now he looks, now he looks bad. Wow. It's the shave. I don't know.

Did he go through something? He looks completely different person. I wouldn't even recognize him. Marcus, can we look at a picture of him in Boston? You want to see the good old days? Yeah. Let me just,

I need a fucking pallet cleanser after that. Whoa. He had the same haircut as Jesse. from the early days of full house. Oh yeah, come on, he's hot. He's hot, come on. I actually think he's hotter now than I did at the time. No.

Oh, you mean this version of him. Like, I now can appreciate that he is good looking. At the time, I thought he was too, like, babe-alicious. Yeah, he is babelicious. Like, sometimes when somebody's too babelicious, I'm like, get out of my face, you know? Yeah, but, uh, you know, I'd still tap that man without a shirt on but a vest only.

Kind of it's. Can you imagine going after somebody? It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I usually wear vests with nothing underneath it. When I was teaching this summer, one of the classes was studying Aladdin, and so we were talking about potential costumes, and I was like, what does Aladdin wear? And one of the kids was like, he wears a vest with no shirt on. And I was like, okay, forget it.

Never mind. Put that to the side. Put it away. It was a look that died in the 90s. Best with no shirt on, baggy pants, stupid hat. Dumb shoes. Yeah, that's. Very 90s.

That's the 90s. It's the 90s all there. You know, I've wondered about this. And I'm definitely wondering about this now after seeing these Joey Lawrence pictures. These guys used to go through hours and hours of photo shoots for those Tiger Beat and Teen Beat

magazines. Oh, yeah. What were those like? Oh, my God. They must have been getting their dick sucked. Right? Now, give me saltry, Joey. That looks great, yes.

You got to get your dick sucked if you're doing something like that. If you got to stand in a warehouse, you got a fucking plaid shirt on and one wrapped around your waist, you should probably get your dick. sucks. Two plaid shirts.

Do you ever have Tiger Beats up in your room? Doe! Didn't you? I think I had a Leo. I was always very embarrassed about buying them though. I thought it was such an

uncool thing to do. And my mom couldn't. Like I had to do it in secret. I hid them. You didn't ask your mom for them. You bought them with your own money? Yep. Yeah.

Yeah, I was too scared. I don't know. I mean, it is kind of like, you know, little girl... Porn. Porn. Oh, yeah. It's little girl pornography.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, but I would also take them and I would cut them up and I would like, you know, put them all over my notebooks. So every one of my notebooks just had men all over it. And I was like, how do people think I'm a lesbian? And Vendelskoy was like, I love men so much that I have them pasted all over my notebooks. I mean, I guess I could have been lying.

Yeah. I just wanted to stare at 98 degrees. There's never been a homosexual overcompensating trying to hide their own sexuality. Never. I've never seen it. It has never happened in the history. It didn't, you know, not with the dude I lost my virginity to.

No. There's never been a man in history and go, oh, I just love pussy so much. It's just like when it gets so wet. Like, I love it when it gets wet. Wet. It's just so great. And you know when your dick doesn't stay hard? It's interesting that there was a kind of was slash maybe still is, I don't know,

like a cultural, like sanctioning of like pretty young. girls having hot pictures of men around but like a 12 we were like 11 10 11 12 right and I wonder there is this I mean obviously there is I think a cultural sanctioning of like boys liking hot women for sure like but it's there wasn't exactly an like an analogous thing of like 10 11 12 year old boys like covering their notebooks with pictures of like sexy women I feel like if you did that it would look a little weird yeah I had a picture of Pamela Anderson in my locker when I was like 12, 13, something like that, I got in a whole bunch of trouble for that one.

Yeah, that's interesting. I wonder. Yeah, my principal came and just fucking, I mean, just ripped me a new one for that one. I wonder why that is, because in a lot of other ways, like, boys' sexuality is totally like, yeah, that's, of course you, like,

want to fuck people. Like, I don't think it's, like, dampened, but it's, there was a different, like, it's okay for girls to express having, because I think that the difference is that it's not, the tiger beat stuff wasn't, like, it wasn't,

you weren't, like, looking at treasure trails and stuff. It wasn't explicitly about fucking. It was just like, look at their pretty face. Well, it's cute. You know, like the girls is cute. And with the guys, you have to be like, all right, calm the fuck down.

Right. Yeah, I know what's going on. This is weird. Calm down. I wonder what the social forces going on into those two different reactions are. And if it's changed now. Yeah. I think it's just that boys can be awful.

Yeah. And girls can be awful as well. But boys can get a little, you got to tamp a boy. you got to tamp a boy down a lot more. You got to just fucking like, all right, you really need to fucking calm down right now. Like, just fucking, just sit there with your hands under your legs. Do not touch yourself.

I know you're masturbating four times a day. You need to cool it, mister. And in addition. You can't encourage it yet. You have to kind of like, you have to pull a boy back a little bit. But in addition to that, like on top of that, there's also like, in, it's not like girls had like tiger beat pictures of like sexy men.

and for boys it's like every way like images of sexy women are are so much more like Victoria's Secret billboards TV beer commercials hamburger commercials everything so it's like for boys maybe it's much more

maybe they are getting more kind of stimulated yeah like subliminal but very stimulating messages about like women are sexy whereas girls it's like oh honey you can have this cute picture of Joey Lawrence's face completely covered by flannel with his body you know

there were women in underwear advertisements in the newspaper every day that you could jerk off to. Just a constant fucking slide show. It's slideshow. Ew, of what? Like, J.C. Penny? You could go for Sears. You could go for Sears.

I mean, the sexiest was at Sears. Yeah. They definitely had the cream of the crop on women. They went a little nasty. Oh, they were a nasty. Yeah, it's because all the lawnmowers. That's why. You can't slap a lawnmower and a woman on one page.

Got to just flip past the washer drive. section to get to the underwear. I am moist. No, it's just that boys are a lot creepier about it. I think that's just what it comes down to. Interesting. Yeah, we can be pretty creepy. I was a creepy kid.

I know that. Yeah. I'm not going to, you know, I'm just speaking from my personal experience. Not saying every boy is going to be creepy all the time. I just can say that I and my friends all were weird and creepy about it. Oh, yeah. I was pretty creepy. I would say I was pretty creepy.

Not to say that there's not plenty of girls out there that can be creepy as shit. Man, because I just wanted to bone, bone, bone, bone. Oh yeah, and also plenty of girls out there that were chronic masturbators in junior high school. For sure. And even earlier. Yeah, even earlier. Not in class. It's more difficult. Yeah, because you know how many dudes that were just sitting in class with the textbook on them?

Like jerking off in class? You ever jerk off in class? No. No, no, no, no. I never jerked off in class. I never jerked off in school. I always waited until I got home. But I always told my friends, like, they're like, hey, you want to come out and, you know,

hang out after school? I was like, yeah, yeah, I just got to go home first for like 20 minutes and then I'll come back out. I'll go right back out. I just got to let me. Oh, I'll come with you. I'm like, no, no, no, no, I got to go jerk off. So I'm going to go do that. And then I'll be right back at you.

So just like, just wait a little bit. That's good. That's good. No, no, no. Not really. Not like when I got older. I was just like Nah, fuck it

We all know what we're doing We all know it Like it's fine Good He gives a shit Shame is I don't think shame Helps anybody's sexuality

So that's good No especially not when you got Jizz up to your eyeballs You know I'm just like I'm gonna It's gonna start coming out of my nose soon If I don't go home

Right now Otherwise I'll just be all testy all day Yeah yeah No one wants me to be testy No I'm a terrible testy person Yeah just go jerk it Workin jerk it

I get hangary but with jizz Whoa. See, I can't even imagine getting that, like, as hungry as I get, I can't imagine being that and just having to, like, I don't know, like, jizz, jizz. Built up. Having to put it somewhere. Having to put it. There's a whole, there's a whole other step that you got to take into account here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. With us, maybe it just gets reabsorbed back into our bodies. Yeah. Is that what, yeah. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. out in my rage.

Yeah, we can scream it out. Feel good. That's about this new Taylor Swift video, huh? Oh, my God, of course. Of course, of course. Kim Ye. I hate the phrase Kim Ye, by the way. I hate Kim Ye as well.

Kim Ye makes me want to throw up. I don't know. I kind of like saying it, though. Kim Ye. I know, and that's the thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have to say I'm deeply annoyed by the song. And by the, I'm deeply happy about all of the jokes that people were making about how much it was stolen from Formation.

A lot of hot takes. A lot of one, but like really good tweets. Like, did you see the one that was the picture of, you know, that looked just like Formation? And the tweet was, my mama Pennsylvania. My daddy, Pennsylvania. There was like a lot of very, very, very good tweets about how much it was a rip of formation ripoff. but I listened to the song because I don't have a problem with T. Swift.

I don't care about her, but I also don't hate her. I can deal with a couple of her songs and I listened to the, look what you made me do. And everyone said it was going to sound like right, said Fred. I'm too sexy and I was disappointed that it didn't sound more. Yeah, I thought it was going to sound more like it. I did see your series of tweets the other day about right said Fred deep cuts. Thank you.

Thank you. No one responded to those tweets, which confirms my theory. I liked them. I like them, yeah. I was like, I'm about to tweet about Right Said Fred, and everyone else who remembers the other songs on Right Said Fred's tape will reply to me and nobody did. Nobody bought the album.

Everyone just bought a cassette single. I was like seven and it just was in my house, right, said Fred. Did you like it? Like you enjoyed him? There was two songs that, oh my God, can we find the songs? I wonder if they're probably not even online. What are they called? No one on earth.

I can't believe you know the names. And a love for all. seasons. No. No one on it. No one on that. He's not even like, he doesn't even sing. He just spoke no songs.

This is what I'm saying. They didn't sound anything like, I'm too sexy. They were the two songs that came before I'm too sexy. I haven't heard this song in 16 years probably. This was my first tape. You are a confounding person. This is very interesting. I wish everyone in the world could see the look of happiness in Molly's eyes.

No one of the earth could make me feel so it won't be worth a chance of losing you. This is a really bad song. This is with the music they play in like a shitty grocery store. This is a really, I was like six, I'm telling you. I was six. I didn't have taste. This was my first tape. I didn't have anything to compare it to.

Then the beat of it still sounds like I'm too sexy as well. It's just like a slower. Too sexy for my shirt. Too sexy for my shirt. So sexy. It hurts. That's much more melodic than that. It's not that.

I mean, you know, I can see it. It just sounds like a shitty magnetic fields. It does sound like magnetic fields. You're right. I did love this song I'm too sexy, though. Like, as a kid, that was. but like I would sing it all the time. And too, like, much to the detriment of my mother.

He really disliked it. I sang the song so much. Was she scandalized by it? No, it's just, like, weird to watch your, like, five-year-old just be like, I'm too sexy for my shirt. She'd, like, want me to eat something. I'm like, can't. Too sexy for my shirt.

Too sexy for my shirt. It's just, like, all I would say. She was just like, I'm going to kill you. Yeah, I'm not proud. It's just that I remember the tape. I think it was yellow with red. letters and it was like one of the first I think it was the first cassette tape I had and so I want when I wanted to hear I'm too sexy I got you know it was a tape so you just have to listen to the first two or fast forward and so I listen to the first two songs there's only one comment on this video and it says I'm going to cry for finding these songs what a sexy voice oh not with that like that's the other one um a love for all seasons I'm so happy I have not heard that song so long oh my God the It was 1992.

It's all here. Yes. No, this is not it. Is it? Maybe it is. This is the... This must be an intro that I don't remember. Yeah.

I like the intro. There was an official video for it. This is the second single. Whoa, what is this video? Look at those ladies. It's like some Caribbean disco. I loved this song. This was like my favorite song.

Does he have gauges? He looks a little bit of. like poor man's Bruce Willis? No? Ah. Toble was a drag. Ew. Damn it all.

Ew. And you and I were. He is such a creepy weirdo. This video is really incredible. Please, I highly implore you to watch this video. It's one of those. It's one of those videos that's them

filming the making of the video. There's no truth. What are these outfits? That's all I want to say He can't sing at all I like his bodyguards though Oh yeah, show me that shoulder You bad

The heterosexual scare it said I have no idea what that means You're right Marcus this was a precursor to my obsession With Magnetty Fields Although Stephen Merritt is actually a brilliant artist Yes he is no he's a wonderful songwriter And very good Fred

But he did steal his entire act from Wright's Head Fred. We're just going to go ahead and say it right now. That Magnetic Fields stole their entire act from Wright's Head Fred. Controversial stance, but I'm sticking by it. I mean, you got to stick to your guns when you want to stick to your guns. I'm sticking to him. This is a through line in my life, starting with my first favorite band, Right, Said Fred, and finishing with my all-time favorite band, Magnetic Fields.

Yeah, well, thank you. You don't need any more bands. No, those are the two. Yeah. Thank you, Marcus. That's it. I'm actually surprised with myself. Thankfully, all of the brain damage I've done to myself.

Whatever I remember, the words from right said Fred from six years old, they're still there. You've remembered all of them. That was kind of crazy. Yeah, but that stuff comes back to me right away. Yeah, but that stuff comes back to you. Yeah. I bet I could probably remember Adam's family rap. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, because I listen. The quality of the family. That was a song. That was one of my, I think that was maybe my first tape. was Adam's family rap. That's a good one of the two. Those are good ones that have, though. I'm pretty sure it was Adam's family rap.

Was that? That was just in the Adams family movie, right? Yeah, yeah, that was the credit sequence. It was one of those, you know, in the 90s, they used to do super awkward. They used to do rap songs at the end of movies, and then you'd have the entire cast doing very awkward, goofy things. You had, like, very respected actor, Raoul, Julia, trying to be funny with MC Hammer, and you can tell he hates it because it's a contractual.

obligation. Yep, but he has to do it, but you know what? You got to pay a lot of money. You got paid a lot of money to do it. I'm fucking do it. Yeah. Give that prosperity seed. I'm not going to put that inside of me, I'll tell you. That's idea. You'll let it grow. I'm too sexy for my nerd. He's sexy for my seed. He's sexy for my seed.

I like that one. Well, the T. Swift song would have been better for sounding more like I'm too sexy. It's just a boring song. It's an unmemorable song. It's the song, right? What's the name of it? Look what you made me do.

I kind of like the whole like, like, hi, calling Taylor Swift. Sorry, she can't come to the phone. Because she's dead. Yeah, I like that. And it's, I actually kind of like that part of it. I do like that part. And I have a coworker that's like obsessed with this song right now,

so I've just been listening to it over it. And he's just like, and then the beat drops. And then it's like you're getting, no one is as excited about this song. No. You gotta fucking cool it. But yeah, it's just a song. It is a song. It just sounds like a song.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but I'll listen to it. It doesn't sound like her music from before, I guess, which is part of the hubbub. Yeah. Yeah, because you're just trying to be like all the other ones. I just find it very difficult to get excited about a pop song anymore. Like, I probably extremely. I mean, I kind of always have found it kind of difficult because I'm kind of a dickhead that way.

Yeah. But, yeah, I found it very, very hard to get excited or to have. have any strong feelings whatsoever about a multi-millionaire pop artist. Yeah, but I always love a new Bruno Mars song. Oh, okay. I love him. Do you count Beyonce as pop or is she in a special category of incredible? She's pop.

She's a queen of pop. She's pop artist, yeah. A question that I asked my husband on the car ride home last week when we were listening to formation because we listened to what you made me do, and I was like, now we need to listen to formation because I'm thinking about formation. and I said, do you feel what I feel when I listen to Beyonce, which is just incredible at her brilliance? And he said, kind of.

I guess. I don't want to make this. That's translation for like, you know what, I really don't feel like talking about this. Like, I guess. Better. I don't want you to have to argue with me about it. Yeah.

I don't want to get me. What more you're going to say about why I should be thinking that. Yeah, no, but I feel you, Marcus. I used to feel that way. about pop music and then somewhere along the line, it changed for me and now. Well, they kind of politicized it quite a bit in the last few years.

And also part of it for me is working with young people and they're listening to pop music all the time, so I now have a much more emotional relationship with it. I get that. You know, what they, like, I now associate songs with like time, like, you know, years and kids. And it's like, it means something to me in a way that it's not just grocery store music,

which is what it was before. Yeah, grocery store music and taxi cab music. Yeah. I've been trying to get into it more as well. Yeah. Yeah. You know, why not it's fun. It is fun.

We listen to a lot of Fergie. New Fergie or old Fergie? There's this one song called Milf Money that I've been really digging. That I really, I've been listening to a lot. Well, all of her songs is just about like banging and partying. So it's like, yeah, cool. That's good. I dig it.

That's why I like Kesha. And apparently somebody posted in the group, Kesha has a new album that is apparently awesome. What? Yeah. I love Kesha's music. I think that. I didn't know she was still going. I thought that whole thing happened with her manager.

It did, but that was what the person who posted in the group said. Like, she had, like, she got totally fucked over by that manager, and now she just made a new album that's really good. And so it's like a good for her, you know. That's a good for her. Yeah. Oh, that's a good for all right there. And my, like, I guess I don't really have a criticism of Taylor Swift's new song

other than that I don't think it was that interesting. And it does appear that she stole some ideas from formation. That criticism aside, my good for her in terms of the sexual assault stuff still stands because she was fucking awesome. She's allowed to take it for that stuff. She gets a good fall on that. Go for her. Go for her.

It's a good fall. Oh, it's time of the list. Oh, who's on the list? Bark has got to have that list. This one is juicy as fuck. I want to hear it. Celebrities who broke up with their BFFs. Damn.

Juicy, juicy, juicy. Oh, we're talking about some friendships that went a little sour. Oh, let's hear them. Well, of course, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. Duh. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Mid-2000s?

Duh. Loved each other. Absolutely. Loved each other. By 2006, Lobbin insults at each other in the clubs. Bidges. Man, you can't trust bitches, dude. You can't.

You got to keep away. Too much bitch for one. Much too, much, bitch. Much too much. And, of course, T. Swift and Katie Perry. You know all about that one. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

That is over. But were they ever best? Kitty Perry's new song, Swish Swish, Not Good. Not into it. Not good. Not into it. There's a bit of a downhill on a lot of these big pop stars. I think it's great.

I think we're due for a new rotation. Yes, I think that's right. We've had the same pop stars now for about 10 years. Yeah. It's time to do a turnover. Terrifyingly, they're like our age. But they're getting too old for it. Yeah.

Yeah. Taylor Swift, she was, oh, the VMA, she had this big basketball thing. I was like, you need to stop. It was not fun. We're podcasters. We're behind the mic. You don't need to worry about us. We're fine.

Oh, yeah. No, we're doing good. We never get old also. We never get old. Yeah, we're like vampirs. Yes, yeah, vampires. Well, T-Swift said about Katie Perry, if you betray your friend, if you will talk about them badly behind your back, behind their back, if you will try to humiliate them or talk down to them, I have no interest in having a person like that in my life. Well, she is smanging it.

the net of good songs has to go to Katie Perry sorry yeah oh yeah of course yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I do I enjoy her music that entire album with the five single she had like the album that had the most single since Michael Jackson so good Simon and Garfunkel you know they were great they were really good together when they were great they were great they were great

and they were great rich over troubled water Oh, bitch, I fucking have scream sang that song, so many times. You got to win through America. Oh, yeah. Went to America. It made me think. It makes more like run through a fucking field.

You know, Gwyneth Paltrow and Madonna were huge. No way. Really? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. No. Oh, yeah. Guppy and Ropey.

Gwip. Goopie and Ro goopy and ropy. It's the adventures of goopy and ropy. Nothing mixes with a rope more than goop. Oh, yeah, yeah, get them all tangled. Like a rat king. And then in 2010, Paltro, I mean, she was. Was it because of goop?

She was throwing shade. No one knows. She said, I'm having a situation right now with a friend where I'm feeling pretty angry. Paltra. You don't wish you're friends with Madonna. Right. Madonna is so much better. than Gwyneth Baltrow.

Like, like, Madonna. Is Madonna. Yeah, as weird as she is now, is a fucking, you know, mother of pop. And Goop is just some actress who's been in good, she's a good actress. Good actress. Not the same thing as being fucking Madonna. Yeah, she was very, she was very, she's, very, she's, well, seven. You just want a banger.

Well, maybe. Maybe, Mrs. Maybe. But seven. She was fucking great and seven. When she was like the, just like playing a sad woman, he's very good at playing a sad woman. Yeah, because there's not really a whole lot to it. It's really not.

There's not a lot of ups and downs on that. No, it's just kind of her crying on cue in front of Morgan Freeman and a diner and then being nice. She was just kind of nice and then she was sad and then it was the end. And then the movie was over. And in the box. So maybe she's not great. She can be as good as actress as she wants, but she's never going to be the person who did, You know, fucking, you know, like a virgin.

Yeah. Unbelievable. She deserved whatever she got. Unbelievable. Did you know that Mike Myers and Dana Carvey don't get along anymore? Why? Because Carvey said that Dr. Evil was stolen from... And Mike Myers stole Dr. Evil from Dana Carvey.

From what character? It's a character that he did. I... This is hard because I want to have my allegiances with Dana Carvey because I think... Because I love Dana Carby. Yeah, I think he's just magic. I love Dana Carby. You know, Elton John and George Michael don't get along?

Or didn't get along, I guess I should say. RIP. RIP. I wonder why. I wonder if it was like a smang thing. Smang? Yeah. What's smang?

Smash and bang. Smang's my new word, by the way. Can't believe it took you this long into the podcast to use it. I think I've said it a few times already. I don't think I would remember smang. I think I said smang. It's a disgusting. work. I know. It's from

what is it? Something, Summer Heights High, you ever see that show on HBO? It's very, it's like, I think it was from that one. So smash and bang. Yeah. So those two things mean the same thing. Yeah. So why you put, why you portmanteau in this? There's no reason for this portmanteau.

Yeah. Because it sounds better than smash or bang. Yeah, man's got a smang on. You mean, you think they maybe wanted to sming each other and then it didn't work out or they smanged and then they were not cool or that yeah smang sounds like the stuff it's like seeping out of my cold sore right now I mean smang it ain't pretty it's true all right it's time for blind now we can't see him find me a waitress or groupie this married future a la superhero has not hooked up with while filming a superhero movie outside the country

find one for me because he's fucked them all Jason Mamoa. Yeah. Fuck, get me to these places. Australia. I'm a fucking Marisa. Australia.

Go fuck me. Get me to Australia right now. Get me to Australia right now. What am I doing here? You'll come here. They could film a superhero movie here and he could fuck you hear it. Yeah. That's true.

It's just film one in Williamsburg. We got to get him here. I will find him. Oh, man. You got to get him in a Spider-Man movie. That's the key. A Spider-Man movie. set in New York City.

True, but I think they film it in Toronto. Oh. Yeah, I think they film a lot of stuff in Toronto or in Greenpoint. But that's close. A lot of stuff films in Greenpoint. You have a shot. I have kind of a shot. Yeah, get a barista job in my neighborhood.

I think if he came into the shop, I would straight up just say, would you like to go have sex with me right now? But I think a lot of, yeah, I think you have to do it special. I think you got to be a little sneakier than that. Do you? I think so. How do you be sneaky? He doesn't seem like the brightest man.

You got to set yourself apart. You gotta say you can't just because women always go into it and say like what would it take for me to have sex with you right now. Yeah, I guess those are like a lot sexier women too. You got to set yourself apart. You gotta like you gotta say that's the thing. You gotta make him remember who you are. What if I put a condom inside of the piece of pie that I give him? Or have you put a condom inside of yourself and then say I have a condom inside myself already.

Would you like to insert yourself inside of me? And if you knock me up, I'm keeping the child. because doing it this way is not safer sex practices with the condo I just got rubber jammed up inside of me so can you even come fish it out he'll remember

come on Aquaman fish it out fish it gross put your hook inside of me for fish it out all right next Next up. This foreign-born-born permanent.

A-Lis singer has the sidewalk in front of her hotel outside the country blocked off 24-7 just so she can leave and enter a couple of times a day without having to get near fans. Fan internet interaction is not her favorite. She's Canadian. Not my Shania. Not your Shania, of course not. No, you got it, Molly. It's Celine Dion.

Okay, not to be mean, but does she really have people lined up outside her hotel? Celine Dion is you can't, having been to Canada quite a few times in the last year, and having been to Montreal specifically, it cannot be understated how huge Celine Dion is. And I also want to say hello to all of our fans out in Vancouver and Calgary who are Big Page 7 fans. Hell yeah, thank you. Very nice people there.

Sorry I insulted Celine Dion guys. That's fine. I think our fans probably aren't huge Celine Dion fans. You're sitting in front of fucking one right now. I think she's the fucking queen Yeah, but Molly doesn't have to apologize to you For insulting. I just, I don't think that she's bad

I don't, it's not, my judgment wasn't a judgment on her skill or ability It was more on her popularity I didn't realize that she was still such a superstar She's still extremely famous, yes Oh my God Oh yeah, well because she's got, Doesn't she still have the Vegas show?

She like sells out shows all the time It's crazy. I love Celine Dion. I want to go. I want to go. I'll go. to Slendian on with you. We should go to Australia.

Fuck Jason Mamoa and go come back, fly to Vegas. And then we'll see your Vegas show. I mean, she's doing Caesar's Palace. 19th, 20th, 22nd, 23rd, 26, 27. Page 7, field trip. Actually, there is no two people I'd rather go to Vegas with than you two probably. I think we'd all have a lot of fun. Let's take it down.

Let's take down Vegas. She does two days on, two days off. So we've got a lot of time to get, you know, if we miss it the first time around, We can just catch it. You just catch it again. Yeah, we can just catch it again. I would love to do that. Yeah, I can't imagine she's probably not the friendliest person.

I would imagine she's quite prickly. Yeah. But, I mean, you know, she's been a divve for so long. I mean, tickets are only $117. Speaking of deep. Bobby Christina, biopic. What? Yeah.

Coming out. Soon, I think. I think a trailer was just dropped or something. Oh, no. Bobby! Hey! Bobby whey! I want, man, we're going to watch her

smang her brother-boyfriend and then that bitch got da! And I wonder how they're going to do the fucking ending, though, since no one really knows what happens, so is it just going to be conjecture? Are they allowed to do that? A TV movie? Conjecture? They're probably just going to close the door

and say, like, Bobby Christina died. Yeah, you're right. That'll be the last shot. I wonder who's going. I just saw. this before I walked in here. But like, who's going to play Whitney Houston? Good question.

You know? That's a, that's a, you gotta do it well. How will we know? I don't know. It's, yeah. Maybe he kills you and fucking puts you in a bathtub. I'm sorry. Too dark.

No, it's just dark enough. It's out, though, right? Did you see it? It's not out yet, but it's coming. They have a trailer. I'm guessing you want to, see the trailer. No, we can watch it later.

Wait, is it a TV movie or is it a movie movie? Oh, it's a TV movie. Yeah, yeah. It's on, it's debuts on TV one. The hell is that? I know what the fuck TV one is. Where can I see this? Not even a TV movie that we have access to.

Yeah. I don't know, yeah, it shows her struggling with being in the shadow of Whitney Houston while embarking on a doomed relationship with Nick Gordon, with brother boyfriend. With brother boyfriend. That's why you don't fuck your brother. It's Demetria McKinney plays Whitney Houston. She's from the Real Housewives of Atlanta. What?

Interesting. Wait, which one? Demetria. Hmm. Which one was that one? Oh, she's going to be so bad at it. Oh, she's going to be so bad at it. I have to see it.

I see an actress. I have to see it. I don't think she's an actress. No, she's an actress. No, she's on the Real Housewives. She plays, she's known for her work as Janine Shelton Payne on the sitcom Tyler Perry's

House of Pain. All right. Oh, that's how she became a real housewife, maybe. No, she was a... She fucked a basketball player. I'm not sure. On Atlanta, it was mostly, I think it was mostly basketball players' wives, I believe.

I'm not a real housewives person yet. I tried. See, I really did. I did a good, I did a good general revolution of hitting all of them. And I just really, except for New Jersey. The most of them I just couldn't get into. Yeah. It's not for me.

Not for me either. That's okay. Nope, not a reality show type of place. Sorry, I got too excited about Bobby and I had to bring it up. I understand and I appreciate you bringing it up. Thank you. And finally, this former almost two decade long, A-list, mostly movie actress who doesn't really act any longer,

has moved on to synthetic pot. But her family still thinks she is, Oh, natural. With the amount she's been ordering, her family should be worried. Like K2? K2, Spice. That's bad for you.

Oh, yeah. That's bad. I mean, it's not actually... Is it bad? It's awful. No, no, no, yeah, you go over to Broadway, Merle, that subway stop, go over to Big Boy,

deli over there, that's where they sell the spice. It's just nothing but zombies all over the place. Yeah, spice is, it's right behind heroin as far as bad shit going on in America right now. This actress, it's very interesting. Blonde-haired has been around since the 90s. Got her first, got her start in a Jim Carrey movie. Cameron Diaz.

Cameron Diaz. Spice that kick. Don't leave her hang in. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention. It was for both of us getting Cameron Diaz. Hell yes.

From Jim Carrey movie. Mask. I know the movie. I know the movie. I know Cameron Deas. But like she's got the money for real. Spiral pot. Yeah, real pot much better.

I think she likes the spice. Better for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Synthetics, stay away from the synthetic. Stay away from the K2, stay away from the spice. It is the worst shit that you can put in your body. And I don't know, it might be worse than heroin. I'm not sure.

Right, like drug panic, bad. So I was skeptical of the K2 panic. And then I heard from like a drug policy expert who was like, actually it's very dangerous. It's extremely bad. It's extremely dangerous. And a huge problem. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It's up there with meth. Cameron. Cameron. Cameron. Get some just cute girl. Get your weed. Just be good.

Just be good. Just get weed. Do you don't need K2. Do as much weed as you want. Yeah. I'm sure she lives in California. They got legalized. They got all of it.

It's legalized on like January. Legalize it. Legalize it. Legalize it. I fucking love that song. Legalize it. That's all we got time for on today is page seven. Thank you all very much for listening.

Thanks to everyone who came out to our shows in Canada. And thanks to everyone who lets us know when we go out to live shows. We got actually a show coming up in Los Angeles That everybody should come out to We'll talk to you all like that Are you inviting me? Did you just invite me to the show? I'm not sure Bye

We'll find out For more shows like the one you just listened to Go to cavecomedyradio.com.