Page 7 - Episode 218: The Quiet Dignity of Gunt

Episode Date: October 19, 2017

Marcus, Molly and Jackie learn about Jackie's missed connection with a magazine, famous people with super long names, and provide Jackie and Molly with a much needed metal education. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

New thing, guys. What's your new thing? Picking out nail polishes, I only go by the name. I like to do blind picks, and I go by the name. You have a similar approach to perfume, don't you? Oh, yeah, man. You know, you just got to, how are you supposed to do it? What am I going to a perfumaria?

I can do that shit. I don't know. Welcome to page seven. Jackie, what's your new favorite perfume? I've been wearing Justin Bieber's. Whoa. Yeah, not the girlfriend or the other one. It's in the shape of a big rose petal.

And it's great. I smell great. Yeah, you know, I've said it before, I think. And I'll say it again, if I haven't said it before. I'll bet that Justin Bieber smells fantastic. Oh, he's got to smell good. Maybe not anymore. Look at him.

It's not a strong scent. I get a little bit of a... Do I smell a fruity scent? It's fruit. Oh, it is fruity of sorts. It's very nice. I like it. I like it.

That is nice. Whenever you talk about sense, I always, like, make a resolution to myself to be a scent person. I love being a scent person. But also because I smoke cigarettes, but everyone likes the smell of cigarettes mixed with perfume. I think it's sexy. Yeah, it is sexy. I mean, not everybody likes it, but fuck those people.

That's what I smell like. When I hugged you, when I saw you, I did, I thought you smelled fantastic. Thank you. You can tell me any time. I'll take it. I don't think it's creepy. I don't think it's just like, that's why you have to put it in your hair. I spray my hair so then when someone hugs you, you smell it.

Oh. Yeah. You put it on the wrist, you put it in the hair. Guys, I'm a fucking cosmopolitan, magazine over here. I know all the tips. You fucking ask me, I know the tips. Hi, this is Jackie Z here, just here with a couple of hug tips.

Spray perfume in your hair. So when strangers hug you or friends, they're reminded of a pleasant scent. I'll take that with them all day long. Oh, for the rest of the day. Oh, man, does it lift them up higher and higher? Actually, I'm sorry. Your scent is lifting me high. I want people to think of that every time they hug me.

I understand that. I'm giving them the Jackie Wilson approach. You are so close to having your own lifestyle magazine. Oh, oh, I'm going to be all goop. I'm going to get cooped. What are you going to call it? Poop. I think you should call it Zab.

Or Jack. I don't know how I feel about it. Kee-K-K-E. Oh, yeah, K-K-I-E. K-I-E, though, like that. my name and be called Kiki. Kiki. I was traveling over the weekend and I got myself a Rache, Rachel Ray magazine.

Oh. And I learned a lot about Ina Garten. There was a little like, you know, how all those magazines have like a, what's in your bag? Anna Garten had, it was like, it was hilarious. It was like she had like her canvas tote and she was like, this is my go-toe tote. I give it to all my friends. It cost $60. What?

That's all for her tote? I don't mean like a bag. I mean like a canvas grocery bag, toad. Oh, that's too much for her. And she says that she buys all of her shirts that she wears on the show from Lanz End, which I appreciate. I am not surprised. And she buys them in bulk. She buys them in bulk.

She buys them in bulk. Oh, my God, you can get something new. Get a Garfield t-shirt. And on the list, this is the most Dinagarden thing, on the list of things that was like, buy this Savannah Gardens. It was like her perfume, her tote, her Lansend shirts, and then one of them was also a fucking $250,000 mini cooper that she was like, Jeffrey bought this for me as a gift. Oh, Jeffrey. Of course he bought her a mini cooper. Rachel, I have the cutest little car for you.

Oh my God. Of course it's a fucking mini cooper. Just put it on your wish list. Honey, can he pick me up a mini cooper when you go to the store? That would be great. Thank you. Man, I didn't pick it up because I am trying Not to just buy random magazines anymore because I do it too often But it was like it was asking me Asking me to buy it Because apparently Pioneer Woman has some ugly secrets

No! Why did you buy that? It was the cover, I think it was either Us Weekly or People magazine It was something and it was a huge picture of her And I was like, what are the secrets? I'll bet I can dance. But I had like a 12 pack in one hand and a bunch of sparkling water on the other hand. And I was just like, I can't reach it.

What are the secrets? You've got to ask the bodega guy like, I'm sorry, could you find the magazine right there? Can you flip it open for me? That says Pioneer Woman has secrets. I need to hear more about these secrets. Well, what are the secrets? I don't know what the secrets are. I couldn't pick up the magazine.

I mean, okay. I had such a, it was such like an inner struggle, though. I was like, I should buy it. I was like, I shouldn't spend the money. I shouldn't spend $6 just to find her secrets. Why do you go over there and just pick it up and read it? Then I was like, but that's against the policy of the magazine. You can't do that.

You've got to buy the magazine. I feel guilty if I read the article and don't buy the magazine. Oh, you got to know the secrets. I know. I have to go try and find it because I have to know what they are now. So let's, so she's a, she's a city, she's a former big city gal, yeah, turned country gal. Yep.

So I feel like that right there is a source of tension. There could be something where maybe she. What if she was a sex worker? Maybe she was a sex worker. Maybe she has that beautiful red hair. Yeah. Scarlet woman is what we referred to them as. Her and Lad could have a complicated.

Ladd is always off. He's never at home. He's never at home. He could be having sex with people of all sorts. I don't know. I don't know. That's all I got. It's something.

Maybe she killed a drifter. And, you know, it's finally coming back at her. Yeah, maybe she is a murder. I hope it's that. I mean, I'm looking online. I'm not, well, I think those magazines, I think they deliberately keep the juicy stuff in the magazine to sell the magazine. Of course they do.

Now I got to go find this fucking magazine because I've been thinking about it for two days. And I was like, I should, and then I keep going into different road days and I can't find it. Where's the fucking magazine? I got to go into the city and go to a fucking Barnes and fucking noble? Who's got the time? I've got the time to do that. Someone bring it to me. At the library, you can just read it and then put it back.

I mean, that's true, but that again goes against the ethics of the magazine. Not at the library. Yeah, I know, but that's old hat. I don't need that garbage. Speaking of juice, there was also a rumor, but they have since dispelled it in us magazine, that Chip and Joanna Gaines were expecting a fifth child. What? Yeah, but I also, they're not, but I also read a list about facts you didn't know about the Gaines children.

Oh, let's hear the dish. Well, one of the facts was that they would welcome a fifth child, which isn't really a fact. Of course. Another fact was that they left their first baby home alone for long periods of time on accident twice in one week. Fuck yeah. They're just like us. Huge negligence. I mean, I am surprised they're not investigating this at this point, but, you know.

Yeah. I guess that's a fun fact. Yeah, their kids' names are Drake, Ella, Duke, and Emmy. It's cute Now the boys start with D's and the girls Start with ease Oh I didn't even notice that And they alternate A too

It goes boy girl, boy girl Of course it is It's a little too perfect I know it's why they need a fifth They need to have the black sheep Yeah I want to see the ugly one Yeah gutt games

And it had it be a milk band baby Where it's clearly not chips child Though his name is gunt And he goes Father please accept me He's like, they don't know why he's got a fucking accent, but he does. This is our miracle, Gunn. Gunt is such a good kid's name.

It is, especially because everybody wants to name their kid like Brackett and stuff now. Gunn. And people are like, oh, is it short for Gunther? No, it's just Gunt. We like the quiet dignity of the one syllable. The quiet dignity of Gunt. We also like the alliteration of Gunt Gaines. Gunt Gaines is the most disgusting fucking name I've ever heard.

I love it so much. Oh, we got to write him a letter. Let's get a letter started. Oh, just really pushing for that fifth kid. We have the name picked out already. Already, so you don't even have to think about it. You just have to produce it. Get out there, Jojo.

Open up those legs. But they're not. No guns. in our future? No guns. No guns yet. But Billy Joel is expecting a child at age 68. Yucky, yuck. Oh, yucky, yuck.

I know that your spermies still go, but do you really want to have a kid at 68? That's almost my father's age. I can't imagine my father's just like, oh, I don't know what the what do you want me to flip it over? There's a fucking pancake or something. That's fucking seven years older than my dad.

Jesus Christos. Due next month. Wow. She's young, though, right? She's a young chick? She's 31. Because I think that she's... No, no, wait, no, never mind.

That's Billy Joel's first daughter's age. Oh, my God. She finally got that nose fix, though, right? Who? Billy Joel's daughter. I don't know. I'm not familiar with the face of Billy Joel's daughter. You aren't?

No. Because she's, like, just short of being really hot. Really? You know I mean? Yeah. Does she look like him? Kind of. It's kind of in the eyes she looks like him.

But I think it's him, his and Christy Brinkley's kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I mean, it's a pretty good combination. He's got three kids. His last kid he had in 2015. Wow, he's cranking that poor woman. Fourth wife. I mean, yeah, I don't think he's a good human being.

But man, do I love Vienna? That song is fucking fantastic. Highly recommend. I've been trying to make a list of Billy Joel songs that make me not annoyed. So maybe I'll put Vienna on the way. Vienna is, I think, my number one Billy Joel song, and that's saying something. It's very close to scenes from an Italian restaurant, though. All right.

It's another good one, though. She's 35. Okay, so at least she's older than his oldest kid. That's kind of nice. He's got that going for him. Isn't that nice? That's pleasant. Put that in the wind, call.

Yeah, you got that going. Number four. Life number. I don't know if I could be wife number four, but I guess it is Billy Joel. Yeah. I would be wife number four for Billy Joel. Yeah.

Yeah. Because, I mean, you know, he got a bunch of money. Yeah. But he's cranking it. Yeah. So it's not like you're not cranking it anymore. Yeah, you are definitely cranking that old man.

Yeah, and he's just, I mean, he's also, he's ugly. I mean, back in the day he was ugly. Right. Not anymore because now he's just sad looking. But for a 68-year-old, he's holding up. Yes. And for, like, such an abusive alcoholic. I mean, check him out.

He looks. okay. Yeah. Looks like an old fucking man. Oh, she's hot though. She is hot. She is a hot 35 year old. Fuck yeah, man.

Go for her. Mm-hmm. Go for her. Yeah. And her body. Was the other child with her as well? Yes. Okay.

That's nice. Yeah. That is nice. So they've been together at least three years now. That's nice. He's really going for it this time. Maybe he's going to die with her. He could.

I bet she's open for it. Oh, I bet she's open for it. I bet she knows it's going to happen. Oh, yeah. Any day now. But is it going to be with her or with wife number five? That's the thing, is when is her expiration date? Is it before his?

I mean, he could live another 20 years. He could? I mean, he doesn't drink anymore, supposedly. I always just think of Billy Joel's songs as like so corny. I don't really think of him. I know, I think I'm wrong. I think I'm wrong. But they're a little corny.

I grew up in a very heavy Billy Joel family, though. So, I mean, you should have seen Henry and I at that concert. We were hammered. And we sang, and we sang, and we sang, and then, oh, we pissed off all the old people around us. Of course. I can imagine. We were just standing and singing the entire time, just, oh, so hammered. It's difficult when you really pregame for a billion-old concert.

We did it right, you know? Isn't scenes from an Italian restaurant like a seven-minute-long song? Yeah. It's got all different parts of it, though. I like seven-minute long songs with a lot of different parts, like Paradise by the Dashboard. Exactly. Sorry. I got excited gesturing and I hit the mic.

Just thinking of scenes from Italian restaurant. It's the story of their lives together. Yeah, I love like too long storytelling power balance. Especially when they like ramp it up. Yeah. It's like Brenner and Annie, whatever. And the king of the queen of the prom. Don't turn, running around.

The top down and the radio all. Damn, damp, damn. That's like slamming on the piano. What's your feelings on November rain? The Prince? November rain, the Guns and Roses song. I don't know that song. You know November rain.

Sing it for me, Marcus. You ran down to get out and cold November rain. Do I know this song? Yeah, you know it. It's one of the biggest songs of all time. Is it all time? Yeah. Even cold November rain.

I don't know if I know this song. Where have I been? If Molly knows the song. I don't know. I missed this. He was one. I think on every single, like, top videos of all time list, it's like in the top three. No.

Everybody, someone. Don't know that you somebody. Is this another seven-minute long song? Oh, it's a nine-minute long song. Yeah. It makes me think of that of a different song from a similar time, runaway train. Oh, that's a good one. That's a good one.

You have to know November rain. You'll definitely know it. I'll just play it. Am I going to feel goofed? Do you? Am I going to feel like a big goof? You're going to feel like a huge? You're going to feel like a huge go.

I feel like I feel every day on this show. Damn. Oh, wait. Shit, hold on a second. Run away and train now, go, man. A long way on a one-way trail. It's a good train somewhere. Somehow it's going to hear.

It's a good song. That music video, I think, helped. reconnect several missing children with their families. Really? I've read that somewhere. All right. Well, yeah, you remember the video? That sounds like a good credible source.

No, the video was nothing but like it was a bunch of kids that had run away. Oh, I don't remember. I never saw the music video. All right, well, listen, this is November rain. Can't believe you don't immediately know November rain. Nothing. What? I feel like I have to know, now I have to know this song.

This is one of the, how do you know? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I wish I did. I wish I knew it. This is the only time you've known something.

I've known something that you have. That's not true. Let me, okay, I'll skip to like the, like hard part of the song. Okay. I'm saying, let's, I mean, I know the point in the video, yeah. I can feel my sister being ashamed of me from Florida because she loves hair metal too. So it's not like I wasn't around it. Yeah, this is like the crescendo of the song.

This is after Stephanie Seymour died. And this is when you do your shotgun. Yeah, I mean, I'm digging it. I have never heard this song before in my entire life. I like, this is where we do the shotguns. You should be doing shotguns right now. I hope we doing shotguns. Yeah, I know.

And that like this part goes on for like two minutes. Fuck yeah, man. Yeah. No wonder it's such on top of all these things. Yeah, it's like looking at them go. Yeah, it's like fucking the video's like slash playing on a piano. Man, how about it? I don't know it's a song one.

Hell yeah. You get to think of your son-bye. Oh, man, I feel like I'm going to get so much fucking shade for not knowing this song. You were going to. I mean, it sounds like it's deserving shade. Yeah. I mean, this song is like right up your alley in every way. I love it.

I'm totally into it. I'm going to put it on my new playlist. And you're like, fucking now. Put on a playlist. Jackie. Why don't you guess how many views this video has on you? I'm going to say over a million. Over a million.

879 million, 397,0190. No. 879 million went up that high. It's like it's maybe one of the most, like the top five popular songs. Wow. Yeah. I just added it to my new playlist. Did you just not listen to music in 1992?

I don't think so. No. Five wasn't a big year for me. In the music world. But again, I was around a sister that at that time was 18, so I'm very surprised I don't know that song. I don't know because that's like perfect. 1992 18 year old hair metal girls?

Oh yeah. She had guns and roses. She had all that shit. She fucking loved all of that. Easily Guns and Rose's biggest song. Or we blame, we could blame Henry. Because I feel like I know about November rain because my like, you know, right? I was six.

My like nine or 10 year old brother knew about it. I want to text Henry right now. No, don't you shaded me. Just like, ask him like, you know November rain, right? I was like, you know November rain, right? Oh, my God, I'm going to be put to shame. I am going to learn it, and I will know every word to this song within the week. This will be my new fucking goal.

I will know this song. Yeah, MTV Video Music Award for Best Cinematography. Really? That music video? That music video? They were just all on stage. Oh no, they have a whole scene. Well, there's a whole thing.

Before that, see, what happens is that Axel Rose is getting married to Stephanie Seymour. So this is a real life story. Well, yeah. I mean, it's a real life story, but they also kind of co-opted it and they did some other weird things with it. But Axel Rose is getting married to Stephanie Seymour. It shows their relationship. Then it shows them getting married. And then it shows them at the wedding reception.

And then it starts raining. and some dude jumps into the wedding cake and Stephanie Seymour dies. No one really knows how. Well, why. Spoiler alert. But she's suddenly dead. Spoiler fucking alert.

She's suddenly dead. And then it shows Axel Rose in the church at the funeral. And then it's just slash rocking out on top of the piano. And then there's a lot of like that. Okay, what does Henry say? I just got a text message back from Henry.

Of course. Also, what a weird, fun, random question to get as well. I'm so glad you texted Edd. Of course. Of course. Man, now we're going to be an only Guns and Roses household. And I fucking move out there. We're going to lose the guns in all the time.

I'm going to be like, you shamed me and you didn't even know it. It's his fault. Yeah, I think it's his fault. Okay. I'm fine with that. He didn't really listen. We were more Metallica people, you know? Yeah.

Yeah, but Guns and Roses and Metallica went hand in hand. They tore together. Why did he let me down as an older brother and let me be shamed? He said, what is her problem? How is that possible? Has she been living in room? Like in the movie room. Well, he's writing more.

He's just as upset with you as I am. In room, there's only Metallica. It's one of the most famous songs of all time. I don't know. I wish I did. I really wish I could. I conjure up some sort of remembrance of this song. I just imagine

the ellipsies are just still going I just imagine also Henry's probably just fuming it peaked at number three longest song in history to enter the top ten

songs sold over one million copies worldwide it really really did well not in the Zabrowski household no not in our household we were too busy listening to scenes from a Italian restaurant well obviously Henry heard it

in the Zabrowski household as far as I know you were still living there in 1992 Yeah, man. Eight, he hadn't moved out yet. Yeah, he wasn't living on his own smoking and drinking. Oh, man. Well, I am wrong and I'm shamed. And I will know it by the weeks end. I feel like I got to watch some of these. What videos are? I got to get on these YouTube videos. The BuzzFeed videos. I'm like, what else don't I know about? Oh, man, I picked up something awesome at Comic-Con a couple weeks ago.

What did you pick up? It is a DVD set of 15 DVD. bootleg set of the top 500 MTV music videos of all time. It was recorded. It was broadcast in like 1995. That's fun. So we've been getting drunk and then coming home and just watching music videos

all night. That sounds great. Pretty fucking awesome. I love watching music videos. That's why I miss it. I miss VH1 classics because now it's got also as great music videos. I text it back to Henry.

It is ridiculous and he responded with but she knows every character in Party of Five. Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do. I know all about them. I just know late 90s culture. I'm sorry. I know every rose has it's thorn.

Isn't that? Guns and Roses? It's got the word rose in it. That's poison. I got to get schooled. Name another Guns and Roses song. Oh, well, see. I can't do that. You can't name sweet child of mine?

You can't fucking name sweet child of mine. I don't know the difference. between all of them. Welcome to the jungle. November. Welcome to the jungle. Paradise City. I know those songs.

Those are all Guns and Roses? Yeah. Wow, I like Guns and Roses. That's all up the same album. See, if you gave me like a little matchies, like a multiple choice or like a match this one and it, but if it wasn't all, like if it wasn't like poison and other, like if it was Guns and Roses and then a slightly different band, I would be able to match those songs.

But it's like I can't differentiate between Guns and Roses and like maybe five other bands in that era. Like Motley Crew and Poison and all that. See, for me, to my refined, because also Guns and Roses is my favorite band, like when I was a kid. Ah. Like, for many, many years, Guns and Roses was my favorite band. Okay. So you ask me, anything you want to know about Guns and Roses, I'll tell you.

You'll tell us all about it. I was going to say pour some sugar on me, but I know that's Steph Lepard. That's Jeff Lepard. I really like that song. Yeah. Okay, so I'll give you, like, a few songs, and you tell me which one's the Guns and Roses song. Oh, this is scary. Okay.

Girls, girls, girls. That one I know is not. You know that's not. I know that one's not. All right. unskiny bop or let me think

Civil War I don't know Unskiny Bob but it's got to be that one since you put it in the middle I'm going to say that one too That's poison I don't know that song Sing what's that one do I know that one? I don't know that one

I don't know that one Blowed me away I think I just don't know a whole lot about hair metal But I enjoy listening to it But I don't know too much about it Maybe that's going to be my new thing. Maybe I need to align soft rock with hair metal. My God, with you move into L.A., this is the perfect time for you to get to into hair metal.

No, yeah, L.A. is the home of hair metal. Really? Yeah, that's where all those bands are from. I'm going to have to go and do it. Yeah, they're all L.A. bands. Lemmy. He's an L.A. guy. It's not hair metal, though.

That's speed metal. Yeah, I know what? I'll see these distinction. Like, whatever with that fucking band that you describe it as. Math rock, Rush, these distinctions, they are hard to be sure. Well, actually, Rush is more Prague rock than Mathrock. Wow. Math rock's a fairly new phenomenon.

That's more like bands like Mars Volta. Okay. Yeah. I don't know the difference. What is it? Bongo drums? Is it the inclusion of bongo drums? Because, yeah.

Bongo drums could be in anything. Guns and Roses have bongo drums. What? Yeah. So did war. I have been listening to a lot of war lately. It's fantastic. I like it.

Yeah, the album of Galaxy is great. I don't know if I could name a war song. Yeah, lowrider. Yeah. Why can't we be friends? Oh, okay, great. See? We have more knowledge than we know.

Yeah, we have a lot in us. There's a lot inside these two ladies. Things like, you know, J.C. Penny, doing it right. Because that came into my head the other day, and I keep singing it to myself. Just an old, old J.C. Penny commercial. JC Petty. Remember that? Yeah, doing it right.

Nice and simple. That was a good ad. Memorable. Yes, for me. Not for most. I don't think the store is doing very well. No, I went into a J.C. Penny, which is why I popped into my head. I don't know why.

Here in New York? Where is it J.C. Penny? Over on, by Harold Square. Manhattan Mall. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been in that J. JC Penny. You went to the Manhattan.

It's deserted and there's clothes everywhere. There are clothes all over the floor. There were clothes like everything was mixed. It looked like a fucking post-apocalyptic store. And there were no people that worked there. All clothing stores are like that in New York City. There's clothes everywhere. It's clothes everywhere.

And there was no workers. And I just like looked around and it was like, I could steal anything right now. Yeah. Probably. But no one wants to steal from JC Penny. Because they've got great deals. No need to steal from us. No need to steal them.

I'm already steal them. from them. Casey, Penny, doing it right to prevent theft. Yeah, I yelled a lot in my head. I've been watching Kirby Your Enthusiasm, so I feel like I've been acting like Larry David in my head a lot. Been yelling, been getting really mad at really tiny things.

Yeah, it's kind of fun to do, though. It is fun. Now, I've been getting reacquainted with my friend anger lately. Yeah. Yeah, it's fun to just have outbursts over virtually nothing. It's mostly, it's best if you're alone. Yes. Oh, yeah.

Oh, I'm doing it all inside of my head, but sometimes I do it aloud like I did in the JC Paddy. I'm like, what's going on in here? Is there like, there's nobody? There's just like, hey, there's baby clothes over here. I'm into the woman section. What's happening in here? But I did it to no one. Good.

Yeah, I felt good about myself. Yeah, shopping in New York bumps me out. It always looks like some, there has just been a ransack. Oh, yeah, baby. I love it. Yeah. I mean, yeah, that's most good. Retail workers in New York City are not on their game.

No. Some might say they're running with the devil. Is that Guns and Roses? That's Van Halen. Oh, okay. It was close. Close, close, close. Yeah, I'm getting there.

I'm getting there. Van Halel, I wouldn't say they're mostly just rock. I wouldn't put them in the hair metal thing. Hair metal category. I mean, they're edging towards it, but they're pretty much straight up rock. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Because they didn't have the hair?

I mean, they had the hair. So then why don't they have a hair metal? Why is it? Good question. And also, what does that? And I know that this is like when I asked my husband this, he was very a little bit indignant. But what distinguishes between hair metal, rock, and regular metal? Well, rock and hair metal have pretty much become intertwined because rock pretty much became hair metal.

And hair metal is also like, it's kind of a dubious term. A lot of people argue that hair metal shouldn't even be included in the metal genre because it doesn't really share a lot with other metal bands. can't really compare poison and like black sabbic yeah i know right that's like i know what when i know real metal when i hear it and i know hair metal when i hear it but i don't also don't right i don't know what the like and then there's screechy metal now they got the screechy ones that's black metal you know you've been hanging out with henry then listen to that black metal yeah i can't do it it's just i'm like stop screaming what you listen to it about if you listen to it loud enough it's very cathartic it makes

me feel good. How's it? It's so loud. It's like just let me listen to Genesis for Christ's sake. That's what I always thought. Boo! Bo Genesis. Bo.

I used to think metal was all screaming and because I just didn't ever listen to Metallica or Black Sabbath or anything when I was young. And then upon watching Paradise Lost and also like, you know, being married to somebody who really, really loved Metallica and like hearing. more Metallica, I was like, this is actually quite melodic and pretty. Oh, yeah. Well, you could also listen to like symphonic metal. There's a lot of good stuff there.

Folk metal, Viking metal, pirate metal. That's a lot of singing. You know, like, so like, it's true. I like, oh, you all set on. I don't know if I could deal with that. I don't know if I could deal with listening to pirate sing all the time. You should try it on for size. I'd have to be at least five beers deep to even think about it.

Well, yeah, of course. Or two jizzies. You know, it's about comparable. Yeah, of course. But yeah, you should get a little tipsy and listen to Swashbuckle. I feel like I'd need a goblet or a chalice of sorts. That's more your Viking metal. Oh, okay.

Can we set someone on fire in a boat if we do it, though? You can do that any time. I was talking about having a Viking funeral yesterday, and I think that that's what I'm going to go for. Yeah? Yeah, I'm going to think I'm going to draw up a will. Which body of water? All of them. I want to be cut up.

I want to be cut up into different pieces. I want to get put in all of them, and I want to be set on fire. So can you guys take care of that? All of the beaches of New York. All of them. Yeah, I'm going everywhere. Yeah, all the islands. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fort Hilden. Yeah, I want all of them. So if you guys could, can you guys hold that down? I'll hold that. I mean, I don't know. You're going to have to sign a release for me to be able to get a hold of your body. Okay. I'll give me a piece of paper.

I'll do it. I'll do it. I release him. Love Jackie. Thank you. I'll keep this in my wallet. Get it laminated. If you,

If in exchange for you dropping your promise to kill yourself when you're 50, I will bury your limbs whenever you want. Ooh, okay. I'll flop that out. But I can't negotiate for 60 or like 55. Because I've also decided I'm going to get a little Miss Sunshine and I'm going to start using heroin at 50. Yeah, so give yourself a few years. 60. All right, it's 60. All right. I'll give you 60. So then you've got to give yourself to at least 70. Okay. All right. And then you guys will chop me up. Yeah. That's fine. And set me on fire all over the world.

I'll agree to that. Oh, yeah, I promise. I'll leave enough money for you guys to fly everywhere because I'd like it to be done simultaneously. Like we're on different planes and we have the phone being like a day. How many people do we need to hire for this? Because if we're going to dump you in every body of water in the world. Well, no lakes. I don't want to be in a lake.

All right, that's great. Yeah, no, no. I'm talking about the bigons. The bigons. Okay. So we're probably just going to have to throw you. But you can't. I want to be in a boat.

Off a cliff. but I want to be in a boat I don't know if we'll be able to get your limbs on a plane What if you could get snakes on a plane You can't get limbs on a plane You can't get shampoo on a plane That's my right Or seven of the list

Marcus Gotta have that list I'm glad we made it through without having to talk About Harvey wines Yes we did There are plenty other places to listen to that I can't do it It's been so upsetting

Everything's so upsetting It's just one to throw that out there We did it successful. It's been an upsetting month year. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Famous people with long names. These are long names.

These are super long names. I want to see how long these names are. All right, let's start with Seal. Seal is his real name. That's his real first name. Okay. But his full name is Seal, Henry, Ola, Segan, on a me de'a, Adiola, Samuel.

Wow. But Samuel is the last one. Samuel's the last one. So Seal Samuel. Seal Sam. Sammy Seal. Same what he should have been going by. Hey, it's Sammy Seal.

And Sammy Seals here. You got to hear that new song by Sammy the Seal? He's a bit of a goomba lately. So Isabella Rossellini, her real name. How sexy is it? That's a real name, but her full name is Isabella, Firella, Eletra, Giovanna, Rossellini. Man, that's fucking sexy.

She's so hot. I think she's hot. Pretentious. She's hot, but I think that... But she's Italian. Yeah. They got so many. You know, at least one of them,

she's kind of a regular middle name. One of them is probably, since she's Italian, I'm assuming that she is Catholic, which means that she had her name confirmed, so she has another name. I see. For her confirmation name.

So that's two middle ones right there. Yeah. Is it like, I know, I'm not sure which countries do it, but some like Spanish-speaking countries, they do your mom's last. name and your dad's last name. Couldn't have that as well. And so in some Spanish countries, they don't really do middle names.

My girlfriend does not have a middle name. I mean, you don't really need it. Not really. I mean, I don't understand why we have middle names. I don't know what, like, my middle name is like kind of apropos nothing. Like, I'm not named after anyone. Yeah. Just Jordan.

Yeah. Why? It just is. Yeah. Yeah, mine has no purpose either. What's your middle name? I'm Jacqueline Marie. That's so queen.

Bitch on Jacqueline Marie. So queen. And is Jacqueline Marie Zabrowski. Jacqueline Marie, does your mom say that when you're... No, thank Christ. I was never Jacqueline Marie. I'm not like Henry Thomas. Henry Thomas!

My grandfather called me Marcus Jordan. It's too much. I think it's cute to call, to angrily call children by their first. But he was always Henry Thomas. Yeah, I think that's cute. I think Henry Thomas is a normal one. Jane. Molly James.

See, that's cute too. That is a cute. That is a cute. It's a little bit too cute. It's a little too cute. People are like, ah. Yeah, it's a little too cute. It's a little too cute.

Acon, his real name, or actually Aikon is one of his names. Aliaun Damala Bugatai Bongo. Pura, Naka, Lululu, Badara, Akon, Theon. Should have me laughing at it. Buga Time Bongo is funny. It's that. It's Buga time bongo. I'm sorry, Bougatine bongo.

To be fair, Marcus is pronouncing. may not have been 100% accurate. I think Boogatime should be Guntz middle name. Bugatai Bongo. Gunt Bougatime Bongo Gaines. Now that's a

man. It's a man. Gunt. Not going to make it on the world's longest names. No, no, no, no. It is to the point. Gunt Gaines.

Gunt Gaines. No, no middle name for Gunt. No, yeah, you're right. You're right. He doesn't need one. Gunt Gaines is perfect. Lord, her real name is Ella Marija Lani, Yelick O'Connor.

Wow. She's an Irish. Mm-hmm. Half Irish, at least. It's Yelik O'Connor. It's a dash. Oh, it's a hyphen. Yeah.

Julia Louis Dreyfus. Julia Scarlet Elizabeth Louis Dreyfus. Wow. That's a good name. I like the name's Scarlet. Like a scarlet woman. Yeah, Scarlet is a good name. Pablo Picasso, this one's going to be a challenge.

Oh, I can't wait to hear you try to pronounce it. Pablo Diego, Jose Francisco de Paula Juan Nepomucino, Maria de los Remedios, Cypriano, de la Santisima, Trinidad Ruiz and Picasso. Whoa. Now that's all I made. Is your Spanish? accent always that angry?

Pablo Diego, Francisco. Yeah, I feel like you're doing an exorcism. I fucking love it, man. I love it. Prince Charles is Charles Philip Arthur George Mountbatten Windsor. Mountbatten.

Yeah, that's, it's so much. Montbatten. Rudolfo, Alonso, Rafael, Fonzo Raffielo, Pierre Philbert, Googliel me di Valentina the Anton Goulola. You know what we need, slap of Philbert in there. Can we squeeze in Philbert in middle of that one?

Phillybert. Phillybert. Phillybert is pretty fun. sneak Philbert out of there and a little notice. I like it. I filbert. Yeah, he should have gone by Philbert. Keeper Sutherland, his name's Kiefer William Frederick Dempsey, George Rufus Sutherland.

It's too many. It's just too much. Why? If you're Italian, what's one thing? Yes, it's different. It's a cultural thing. Sure. If your dad is Donald Sutherland.

Not key for fucking Sutherland. Mm-hmm. Mel Gibson. His full name is Mel Colmseley Gajarard Gibson. Ugh. We don't like him on this show. Joseph Fines. Joseph Albaric Twizzleton.

Wikenham Fines. Oh my God. If anyone ever, any child ever found out that he had the word Twizzleton in his name. Oh, God. Joey Twizzleton. I would fucking rip him up. I would make fun of him. What's that show you remember the other day?

Twinkletons, Pinkertons. What was it? You know, I don't remember an hour ago. The Torkelsons. Oh, someone told me I had to listen to the theme song. I don't remember the theme song. I'm going to look it up when I get home. We can let's do it now.

Let's do it. Also, sidebar. I watched Practical Magic this week because it is on Netflix. Man, that is a movie. That is a movie. Well, Stockard Channing and Diane Weiss to play these, like, ridiculous characters. I mean, I laughed at the entire thing. But Nicole Kidman is so fucking hot in that movie.

I could barely contain myself. Yeah. She is so hot in that movie with the long red hair. And she's, like, so seductive with fucking Dr. Kovac. She's hot in every year. I know, but that. Just give it part of a watch. I'll give it.

Give it a taste. It's a who? Dr. Kovach is that? Yes. That's like a mid-90s movie? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fun.

The soundtrack is fun. It is a very chick 90s. I'll bet. Well, let's hear the Torkelsons. People say God looks out for the working man. Wait, oh my God. Sure hope he's looking out for me. Remember this?

The harmonies. Oh my god Look at them Kitchen tables To win that mommy Yeah I thought he was hot Oh yeah

The quirky one Oh man Yeah man Fucking filled with The Lord Jesus Christ Thank you for whoever told me To listen to that I am very happy

I don't remember that at all Yeah, I don't remember the Torkel sins even a little bit. You don't need to. It's time for the lid! It's time for Blight Island! We can't see them. First up, and this one, God damn, this is juicy. Let's hear the juice.

This A plus list movie actress says she drunkenly hooked up with this married A-list singer-slash-A-list actor. Oh, wait, what is it? What was she again? She's an A-list, a plus-less movie actress. Okay. Had a hairstyle named after. Oh, Jennifer Anderson, Brad Pitt. No, oh, no, no, no, no, a-list singer-actor.

Singer-actor. Their neighbors. Hasn't acted in a lot, but he's been in a few movies, and he's kind of new to movies. He's in the last, like, three or four years. Been a singer since the 90s, though. Since the 90s. Mark Anthony. No, no, no, no, no.

And their neighbors. He was in a boy group. Oh, J-T. Been fucking. Whoa, I'd watch that video. Interesting. Of course he's cheating on Jessica Beale. She is a piece of cardboard.

She is cardboard person. I can't imagine having sex with her. At least Jennifer Aniston would be specy spicy. Do you think so? I imagine to be a species spicy. I think she'd be spicy spicy. I feel like Jennifer Aniston seems a little bit bland. You know what?

I bet she has fun in bed. Yeah. Yeah, she's got that look about her. I hope so. Because she's got such a great body. And also it's like she just seems so confident but not too confident. Yeah. I don't know why.

I get a good vibe from her. I don't get a bad vibe from her. No. I don't get a bad bad. I guess I've been, I've probably been biased by the years of negative coverage about her and her lack of confidence about marriage and all of her getting shafted by all the. I guess I kind of think of her as a bit of a, you know, Sally no luck. Yeah.

I mean, she's got a lot of luck though. But I think that she's a nay-nay on the bay bay because so she's just, you know. Yeah He's a little uptight In that department But maybe that's why She's like Well fucking if I can't have kids

I'm a fuck I'm gonna fuck more Oh man You know he's good at it Oh yeah He'd be good at it It would just be I feel like he wouldn't laugh at all

I feel like it would be too sensual Yeah That's the only thing I mean it would be interesting But I feel like I'd get like All right can we like have a smile She'd probably laugh I hope so

She's got a good sense of humor I bet she'd have a giggle here and there Yeah She seems like a giggler Yeah Look at that smile on your point of that. I like sex giggle. Yeah, now sex ciggles.

It's fun. And the other blind item we got, we only got two this week because the blind items are a nightmare right now. You're all about a lot of other bigger things that we're trying to not think about. Things that we're trying to not think about, things we're trying to not talk about, because they're being talked about plenty of places elsewhere. This is everyone's kind of safe space for fun.

Yeah, let's have a little fun. But, yes, the blind items are awful at the moment. But let's go for some Scientology Blind Island. Okay. If there was any more proof that this quirky B-list actress and Oscar winner nominee has left that cult, there she was chatting it up with that B-list celebs spawn and singer with the A-list last name,

who has been out of the cult for several years now. They were both talking about how they'd been approached to appear in that TV actresses docu-series and recapping some of the horror stories that have been featured on that show. Oh yeah. And that the family of the B-List actress has cut her off entirely

because she confronted them and the cult leader about untrue accusations that she poisoned her late father to death. Okay, so definitely Learomeni is this show host. Definitely, yes. But what I'm trying to figure out is the former cult now B-List actor.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The four actress. Actress. Uh-huh, uh-huh, with the famous last name. Katie Holmes? No. Juliet Lewis. Well.

Is that the other one? That's the other one. Okay. All right. Yeah, yeah. So Juliet Lewis, who is, she's also, she's still in it, though. Because she's from a long line of Scientologists. She's from a long line.

And apparently the Scientologist has been spreading rumors that she poisoned her father, who was also a Scientologist. Whoa. Yeah. But the person she was talking to, famous last name, famous singer, former Scientologist. He wasn't a Scientologist. He was a good God-fearing Christian boy.

God, fear and Christian boy. Died in 77. He's dead? He's dead. He's been dead since 1970s. Who did? He looks so disappointed. The singer. He's dead.

The singer is dead. But it's a spawn of someone that is dead. Spawn of a singer. Spawn of one of the famous singers that ever exist who died in 1977. Well, I mean, I didn't know November rain, so maybe I'm not to be trusted anymore. I think you know who this is. Okay, wait, don't tell one more. Can we have one more hint about who.

the singer was in 1977 who died, who was a famous singer. Famous singer. Like, famous since the 50s. Elvis? Elvis. Oh! I would know.

Yes. The daughter, Lisa Marie. Wait, she's a B-list actress? I guess. See, that's, I don't know. I don't. I beg-go to fucking differ. You beg on that one.

Oh, yeah. I get it. I get it. I begged to Diffs go over here. That was hard. Put you in a hard position market. Famous singer. No, no, it's difficult.

No, you did a good job with it. All right. I tried. I tried the best I could. So he wasn't a Scientologist, but she is a Scientologist. She was a Scientologist. She left a couple years ago. Oh, okay.

So was she a Scientologist when she was with Michael Jackson then? Because Michael Jackson wasn't a Scientologist, right? Oh, man. I don't know. She might have been. Good Lord. Because how would she be able to be with him if he wasn't? Michael Jackson wasn't a Scientology.

No, I don't think so. He was on his own trip. Yeah, he was all, you know, Rava Never Neverland. Doing this fucking shit. They were doing all different things. Didn't have time for these fucking audits. No, no, no, no, no, no.

He had other things to be doing. Like creating popular music. Yes. Is what I meant. Oh, yeah, Lisa Marie. Legacy. Priscilla Presley was a Scientologist. Uh-huh.

And indoctrinated her in 1977. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Interesting. And she defected from the church in 2016, but had been experiencing a growing descent as far back as 2008. But Priscilla Presley of naked gun fame.

Yeah. Still a Scientologist. And her daughter, Riley Keogh, is also a Scientologist. But she is not. She is not. So she's cut off from the whole family. She's pretty much cut off. Wow.

That's difficult to give up. Yeah, that's really difficult. I wouldn't give that up. I'd be like, fine, a lot at me. You can give me an ESP. She's got to give up Scientology and the Presley family. Yeah, all the fortunes. I'm sure she's still getting something.

You know, I guess if you're cut off, though, you cut off. Scientology world. I don't know. Yeah, I mean, I guess she's probably still getting some cash from... She's got to be doing something. From Daddy's estate. Yeah. Does Daddy take care of me?

She inherited Elvis's estate in 1933 in her 25th birthday. She got $100 million. Fuck, yeah, man. Yeah. That's not enough. Yeah. I thought he had more than that. I guess he drank a lot of it away.

I guess he was really doing that. He was a pill man. Oh, that's right. Yeah, Elvis was all about pills. Yeah, he got all bloated bloats. What kind of pills? Pain pills, yeah, uppers, downers. L.A. turnarounds.

Never about my share of L.A. turnarounds. Man, I wish they could still, like, prescribe that stuff. Yeah. It's like, Doc, I'm tired. Just take a few of these. I'm like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Thanks, Doc. Give me a smoke.

I was born in the wrong era, guys. Yeah, we all were. That would have been wonderful in 1978. Oh, yeah, I'd be dead by now. Yep, we all would be. Well, thanks everyone for listening to page seven. We'll be back next week. Goodbye.

Because I wanted, wanted, get all alive.