Page 7 - Episode 219: Sexiest Man Alive Edition

Episode Date: November 19, 2017

Marcus, Molly and Jackie dish over this year's 'sexiest man alive' list, season two of Riverdale, and list off celebs who have been in motorcycle accidents. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

My pride is all I have. My pride is what you have, baby girl, I'm what you had. You'll be needing me for too bad. Don't make decisions when you're mad. About you choose. I know you're not independent. You're going to make it on your own. Here with me you had a home.

Oh. We got Jaylor in the house. She's not in the house. It's just me. We're fucking back, guys. Welcome to page seven, everybody. I'm Marcus Parks. is Miley Neffal across with me

and in Los Angeles. Jackie Zabreskes. Man, we got technology up in this fucking peace. I don't understand it and I'm worried I'm going to ruin it. No, it'll be fine. Jackie, of course, you moved out to Los Angeles. Yeah. So now we're going to be doing the same thing that we've been

doing with last podcast on the left for many years now. We're going to keep this shit going. Fuck, yeah. The same thing that you guys have been doing for many years, Skyping in. the Zabrowski. Oh yeah, from the same weird little room. It's weird, brother, sister, roommates. It's really working out great, guys. Don't you worry. But you know what? We sing all the time. And the great thing is that while you're recording, we can look behind you and see where you sleep.

Oh, yeah. Isn't it great? You could see my hovel where all my clothes are stashed as well. I'm living almost like a mole person lives, but with a fold-out mattress. And let the record show that there's also a portrait of Henry as the devil on the wall. Right above my bed so all of my smangs can stare at Henry while they are inside of me. See, that's the thing about when you live with your brother, as I also do, you don't want to just live with them. You also want to have photographs of your family all about the house. So you can wake up in the morning and say, hello, painting, Henry, and then walk out of your bedroom and say, hello, real Henry. Yeah, I'm going to cut a hole in the painting's mouth.

so I can just tongue it every morning like I used to do with Legolas. My beautiful Legolas cut out, although I have been, I don't know why. I know she's Jenny from the block. She's way more New York, but I've been obsessed with J-Lo. I've been really into Jay. I forgot about that song. That song is so good.

Dude, watch the music video. It is her and LL. Cool J, who I didn't know. I didn't know that he was the one that was singing the hook? Is that what they call it? What do they call it? Which part is it? It's like, don't make this. decisions when you're mad.

You know, it's like that kind of like undertone? That's not necessarily the hook. I think that's just backup vocals. Oh, okay. Maybe the refrain. Maybe he's like a Greek chorus. Yeah, he's a Greek chorus. Yeah, that's, yeah.

It's just, yeah, it's very edible. You've got to see all the hats in this music video. But, man, El Al-Cool-J is so sexy. Still is sexy, still looking good, baby. Is that song from 1997? As soon as you sang it, I had like the emotional connection I have to all songs from 1997. No, 2002.

You're kidding. Yeah. I think you just assume that every song with L.L. Cool Jane is going to be in 1997. That and every good pop song, I assume, is from 1997. I have to be more generous. There was a few other good years out there. Oh, yeah. And also, he wears a lot of Newsies hats in the video.

He does. He does that all the time. Yeah, it's a very interesting choice. Actually, from an unknown source, Someone recently met LL Cool J He goes by his middle name Todd Well only like which You can't be LL Cool J and then you start calling

You're going to go by Todd That's right now Jackie's in Hollywood Actually living in literally living in Hollywood Yes So you're gonna have all kinds of goss Yeah you're a person, you're a source Oh I'm getting all the fucking goss out here guys I'm feeling really good about it

But what is interesting about LL cool J and apparently to psych himself up, he recites loudly the speech from Braveheart right before the king kills his son's gay lover. Wait, so not the freedom speech? Nope. Too predictable. So which speech is that?

Maybe I can brave heart, gay lover speech. I tried to look it up. It's right before he throws him out the window. And my source was telling me that, It was just so not apropos for the situation. Of course, you do the Mel Gibson up on the fucking horse speech. Right before they go into battle, fine. But at the same time, it's like, what do you do?

You're not going to go make some jokes. So it's the king speech that the king gives? Yeah, that's the word on the street. He does this in his bedroom. Like instead of listening to Beyonce, he does this. to pump himself up? No, he yells it at the other people who are around him.

But apparently he's a very nice guy. Al-Col-J is? Yeah, which makes me happy. Man, I forgot how hot Ashanti was. Remember Ashanti? Who's Ashanti? She was another one of those J-Lo types. At the time.

Do you remember? My favorite thing about L.L. Cool-Jay of recent trivia is that song that he did with Brad Paisley? Is that who it is called Accidental Racist? Whoa. Do you guys remember accidental racists? No. I remember people not liking it.

It is not a popular song. It is not popular. Yes, Brad Paisley, it's a Brad Paisley, you know, vehicle, and then LL Cool J makes a cameo about two-thirds of the way through it. Brad Paisley is basically singing about how it's tough because he doesn't want to be seen as a racist, But I think the opening scene and opening verse involves somebody who's at Starbucks and wearing a Confederate flag shirt. Yeah, because he's a Skinnered fan.

That's right. Yes. And he's all like, don't judge me for being a Skinnered fan. And then he does some other kind of allusions to the Civil War. And then L.L. Cool J appears and does a couple of verses about how it's, we are all trying to not be racist. And it is, it's tricky. We're all being good. Yeah.

There's lines like just a proud rebel son. with an old can of worms. There's a whole verse about Reconstruction. Oh, my God. Why? Why? I get that. You know, Reconstruction was a bad deal.

Yeah, it was tough. Actually, Reconstruction did tend to, you know, really drive home some of the racial divides that we're still dealing with today. Andrew Johnson was one of the worst precedents we ever had. But a Brad Paisley song, I don't know if that's the right place for it. That's the thing. I think these are issues we do need to reckon with as a nation. but I think the Brad Paisley-L-Cool-J dream team did not,

unfortunately was not what the nation needed to face our past. Although I gotta say, I'd probably be tag teamed by that dream team. Just saying, just saying. So guys, what's going on in Hollywood? Are you shooting it to me? Are you shooting this to me over here? I don't know. I've been staring at pictures.

of fucking Jason Mamoa and Lisa Bonay's goddamn wedding! What, they got... They got married? Yeah, they got married. They made it official. We, yeah, when? They got married a few weeks ago.

They just made their first debut on the red carpet as a married couple. God, the way he looks at her. He looks at her like she's a beautiful steak. I feel like I saw I saw whatever the movie is that Jason Mamoa is, is he Aquaman? Justice League. I saw, yeah, that's the one.

I saw a preview for Justice League, and I did not think that it looked very good. Justice League is going to be fucking horrible, like every other DC movie. Okay, that's good. That was how I felt, but I did see the preview for Black Panther, which looks fucking awesome.

Black Panther is going to be fucking sweet because every Marvel movie is awesome. Yeah. Who's playing Black Panther? What is the actor's name? Everybody in the... You should watch this trailer, Jackie. Everyone in it is beautiful.

It's like 90% black actors, maybe more than that. When I was in the theater, we saw the Star Wars trailer, and everyone cheered. And then we saw the Black Panther trailer, and everyone cheered even louder. Wow. I had never seen anything like that. Man's name is Chadwick. Chadwick Bowesman. Yes, that guy.

Interesting. I forget what else he's from, but he's very handsome, Jackie. Is this like Forrest Gump, Black Panther? Are we talking to Faris Gump? I'm not sure what that means. Yeah, I'm not sure. Remember it, Forrest Gump, First Gump, when he goes to the Black Panther meeting?

Oh, I'm sorry I ruined your Black Panther meeting. No, this is Black Panther, the superhero. Oh, I'm looking at pictures of him. Let's see how juicy is. You can't see his face. And also, Michael B. Jordan is there, too, Jackie. And Michael B. Jordan is very juicy. Hatchie.

match it. Yes, please. I'll take it. I'll take two. You got some Angela Bassett in there. Damn. Everyone in the trailer is gorgeous. But also if we're going to be fucking talking about this, I think that everyone understands how I feel ripped off because of the Lion King that is coming out because I think that they're stealing my idea for the Miz. Hollywood has heard my idea, and they are. It's repercussions that I am getting for giving out My idea is for free.

So what's the deal of the new Lion King? Oh, you haven't heard about the new Lion King? No. Man, it's like a... It's live action. Yeah, it's basically an all-black Lion King. It's live action? I think it's live action.

I know that Beyonce is playing Nala. You got James Earl Joan in there, isn't there as Mufasa, which, duh. Donald Glover is Simba. Do you imagine getting to play Simba to Beyonce's Nala? I mean, it's going to be... I'm going to watch the thick edit of it. It's going to be awesome. Well, there's also Seth, Rogan, and John Oliver, so it's not all black.

Yeah, I think those are the two white guys, and then Billy Eichner, I think, is the third white person. I would imagine Seth Rogan and John Oliver. I'm guessing Simone and Pumba. I believe that's true. Or Timon and Poolemon. I think that's right. Yes. But also, I like that they're also bringing back, so James Earl Jones still Mufasa.

But they also have Matthew Broderick, who's also playing Adult Simba, which is when I was sexually attracted to Adult Simba. So, you know, we got that going on. Oh, no, I'm talking about John Oliver is Zazu. And Seth Rogen is Pumba. Yeah, well, and Billy Eichner is Tumomom. Oh, wait, no, am I lying? I'm looking at the white one. This is the white one.

I'm lying. I'm looking at the goddamn white one. Yeah, I don't think Matthew Raderick is allowed to this one. No, Donald Glover is adult Simba. Adult Simba. J.D. McCrary, who just not have his own Wikipedia page, is young Simba. Maybe he's a breakout. Could be.

Yeah, I think it's a great idea, but I am with you, Jackie. I think that we need to, this means we need to make the Ms. Faster than ever because that's the best idea. It's the best idea I've ever heard. Got you. Got it pumped out. The problem is we got to shop this to a different producer, because I think that people will take it the wrong way if I'm shopping this out here in Hollywood.

But I got big ideas. It's a great idea. Thank you. You're going to have to wait a little while, though, because the Lay Miz remake was only, what, two years ago, three? Yeah, something like that. I think it was longer than that, but yeah, I'm going to have to give it some time

because, you know, you can't all be Hugh Jackman as Jean Valjean. And I still don't know exactly who's going to play Jean Valjean yet, but I'll figure that out. Maybe a little cool, Jay. But it really, like, there is such a, you know, I mean, I feel like there's such a market for, like, you know, all black castes

or black reimaginings of existing stories and Les Mis would lend itself so well to that. It really is like, Like, I actually think that this is the greatest idea I've ever heard. John Favro is directing this. What? Co-producing. Yuck.

Yeah. Hey, John Favro's fine. He's fine. He's fine. Yeah, but I don't know. What was that one? It's like, shit. Oh, it is directed and co-produced by John Favrely.

Yikes. What an interesting choice. I mean, right, he's fine. It's just he's not necessarily the first person I would think of to direct all black Lion King. you know it'll be interesting and I'm going to watch the fuck out of it it's gonna be great yeah it's gonna be really good I'm down for it perfect

guys can we please talk about Riverdale I'm so excited excited to talk about Riverdale I'm really upset that I finished season one I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life You can watch Season 2 is available on Google Play. I've been watching it. I'm all caught up to Riverdale on

Season 2. Apparently season 2 is going to be 24 episodes and let me tell you season 2 is dumb as fuck. Oh no, but dumb in an amazing way. Okay, good, okay great. Not like Friday Night Lights season 2. No, no. Well kind of, actually kind of

sort of dumb like Friday Night Light season 2 but it's pretty stupid. Like I don't know I can give you a little bit of a spoiler, kind of sort of a spoiler. They introduce it in the first episode. Oh, yeah. Riverdale has a serial killer. All right, okay.

Oh, yeah. I'll do it. I can't believe he can bring up Barton to wheels. And Betty's the only one that can figure out who it is. I mean, that's, yeah, because you've got to top it from season one. Mm-hmm. Okay, I'm with it. Yeah, you can't just go with one murder with Jason Blossom. Oh, my God, the murder of Jason Blossom.

I mean, we can't, of course, we can't spoil who killed Jason Blossom. because you know we really want people to go watch Riverdale but man watching those 25 year old fuck is pretty awesome it is amazing I can't honestly of all the things I've tried to get both of you into at the same time I can't believe Riverdale was the one that did it I really can't believe it I'm so proud of myself I'm giving you guys the gift of Riverdale and I think everyone else should be watching Riverdale I am not caught up with the season yet because yeah I got to like buy the episodes or whatever because I got to figure that out And I will figure it out because I'm going to start doing.

Everyone keeps telling me about that sling that everyone loves. I'm watching using sling now. Sling. Is that an app? Yeah, it's an app where you can get that. Because you with all your cables, now I can get my cables too. I get all the cables. Wait, okay, so I think we really need to just like break it down slumber party style here.

Who do we all want to fuck the most? Veronica. I heard it. Jughead, please. Are you fucking kidding me? Do you know who Jughead is? Yes. Like, you know, who he used to be when he was a child?

Yes. It's the little boy from Big Daddy. No. Yeah. No. Yes. What? Yep.

No. And now you're not going to be able to unsee it. Now, when I found that out, now all I see is that little shit. Oh, fuck. Oh, yeah. Yeah, but also, Molly, he was from the sweet. life of Zach and Cody. I don't know if you ever...

Wait, yeah, that's what I was just going to say. All right, that guy isn't the sweet life of Zach and Cody, same thing, right? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And you know what? That boy grew up deliciously. Good Lord, his face, everything about always brooding looks. It just want to...

God, I want to rip him apart with my bare hands. He's such a weird-looking dude, though. He's got kind of a, like, he's got a little bit of a rodent teeth. going on. Ouch. No, no, no. I'm just, I'm just fucking saying facts here. Isn't it nice that I'm attracted to someone that's unique?

Although not unique because he is an identical twin. But you know what I mean. That makes me feel so weird because I also was feeling attracted to Jughead. And I, those sweet life of Zach and Cody boys, they were, I mean, they were grown now, but that's weird. They were children when we were adults. And the fact that they're now adults is good. I mean, you know, we're attracted.

to the adult versions of them, but that just makes me feel weird. Yeah. As far as the ladies go, I mean, Veronica is obviously the hardest. You're number one. She's obviously my number one. Betty's pretty great.

Yeah. And Cheryl Blossom is, I mean, she's hot in like a porn star type of way. Yes. You know, it's like, Cheryl Blossom, she's hot. Redhead's great and everything. But Veronica takes the number one spot by far.

You know who I'm very attracted to is Valerie. Valerie's pretty great, too. She's gorgeous. Oh, yeah. All the pussycat dolls. Yeah, I mean, that is, wow. Not pussycat dolls, just pussy cats. Josie and the pussy and the pussy cats?

There's always one more. There's always room for another kitty in my litter box. That is so disgusting. That is an actual line from the show. And I also will say that I, surprisingly, you'd think I would be more for Jughead because that's in my life. I go for that type of person. But I want to fuck Archie.

I mean, Archie's a good dude. Yeah. He's doing it for me. He's such a doofus. Like, I go back and forth with me being like, you're an idiot, Archie, and then really wanting to fuck him. Archie's like Riggins without all the baggage. Yeah.

No way. Riggins is Riggins. He is a bad, bad piece of man's sack of meat. No, I like Archie. Archie on paper, yeah, sure. I love a ginger. But my problem is, is that number one, not a real ginger. Get a real ginger.

Number two, he's from New Zealand. Yeah. What? Yeah. No. Yeah. You guys are blowing my mind with this Archie trivia. I know.

I know. Oh, I looked a lot into it. He is a perfectly chiseled body. And also just, I mean, yes, he's really, really fucking hot. But it's just, you know what it was? it's the music, dude. Really turned me off. Yeah, the music is annoying.

It's pretty bad. Yeah, they let go of that completely in season two. Great, because it feels like such an add-on. It feels like the most devicey of devices. They're just like, oh, also he likes music. Like, they don't even say what he likes. Does he like guitar playing? Does he like song?

It's just like he likes, that's his thing, music. It's different from his dad. Well, it does have some foundation in the Archie canon because, of course, the Archie's. The Archies was Archie's man. They're the ones that sang Sugar, Sugar, which they gave to Josie and the Pussycats in season one. They did a great job with it, but that is actually an Archie's son. Okay. But also, Skeed Ulrich, come on.

Bad Daddy alerts going off every time I see him. Such a bad. Bad Daddy. Oh, he's a bad daddy. Wait, Jackie, do you want to fuck Skeed Ulrich? Yeah. Did you want to fuck him in the last? the craft or in Scream.

You didn't? You didn't want to fuck him in those movies? I've always had a very confused relationship with my sexuality's relationship with Skeet Ulrich's sexuality. I think that I was attracted to him, but he was so scary. I think that it was a little bit titillating, but also kind of terrifying. Because in the craft and in Scream, he's such a fucking creep, you know, but also like creepily, creepily handsome.

Yeah, well, in Riverdale, he's just trying to do the best he can for his son, okay? He's struggling with a lot. He's struggling with a lot. I mean, he's been a South Side Serpent his entire life. You can't just turn that around in a day. You can't break free from those tentacles. I actually find him to be a pretty compelling character on Riverdale, unlike, I'm sorry, but Luke Perry is unwatchable. He's not unwatchable.

He's just Luke Perry. He's just one note. Like you see him maybe change the modulation of his voice once in the entire first season. My main problem, and this is a terrible thing to say, what happened to Molly Ringwald? Yeah, yeah, we're going to, yeah, we kind of have to address that one right there. She's got a bit of a corpsey vibe going on. What happened to her? I feel like it's like the Angelica Houston plastic surgery syndrome where her face is starting to slide off of her body.

It's kind of what it feels like Because it's not normal aging If it was normal aging That'd be one thing But it seems like she started doing plastic surgery And then decided that she didn't like doing it anymore So she stopped doing plastic surgery So it's like aging on top of plastic surgery

I think that's what happens I think when you have a lot of plastic surgery And you stop doing it And your body ages naturally I think that's what gives it that like slide Look that rock slide Man you guys wait By next week

You're going to be watching me in this Skype thing and my face is going to be completely unmoving. I'm going to start getting Botox, guys. I'm ready for it. I'm starting it now, and I'm going to do it forever because I'll never have a Molly Ringwold face. Yeah, she kind of looks like she's frozen in time. Yeah, a little bit.

Yeah, she doesn't have any real facial expressions. She's definitely got Botox face. It's kind of a, it is upsetting too, but also she's not acting at all. It's just like, I feel like I'm watching a popsicle. Yeah, it's weird that I find myself of like the adults and especially like the adults from the 90s brought back. Like I find myself rooting for Skid Ulrich the most. Well, they're bringing back all the teen adults, you know.

And they're bringing back all the teen stars of the 90s as the adults now. Which I think it's a cool thing. Yeah. It's fun. It's just a fun, stupid show. It doesn't have anything to say. It has nothing to say. It has nothing to say.

It's not, like, it's not socially conscious like Friday Night Lights was, and Friday Night Lights was great at it, like, doing a teen drama, but it still had like some social commentary. There is none of that in Riverdale. And when they try to do it, it's a little embarrassing, just a tiny bit, but they also don't push it at all. Like, they don't really push it. Like, they might skate around it a little bit, but they don't actually say anything. Yeah. And that's fantastic. Yeah.

The one thing that I really didn't like at the beginning was the adult child. I was like, this is actually not sexy and should not be portrayed like it's sexy, but then they actually dealt with it fairly well by being like, teachers shouldn't fuck kids, and then they just ended it, and I was okay with it. Yeah, it's Shelley Johnson comes in and says, no. Yeah.

Madkin Amique from Twin Peaks plays Betty's mom. Oh. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, which I also enjoyed. That's the best part though. All the coloring is very twin peaksy and as well. I mean, it's got a, you know, it's got a twin

of it in there. It definitely has a Twin Peaks vibe to it. Because see, I love a good small town murder story. Like small town murder stories are the fucking best because they get blown up and the whole community gets involved in it. It's fantastic. I think that might be my new favorite genre. I think I want you to make like a list.

Small town murder stories. Small town murder stories. All right. You can start out with Devils Not. This is that it's based on the West Memphis three story. It's got Reese Witherspoon as a mother of one of the victims. That's just start out there and go. from there.

Hell yeah. It's a fucking great movie. It's based on the book of the same name. Hell yeah. All right. Will, watch it. Guys, who's the sexiest? We all knew it.

I always knew it was going to be. Blake Shelton, world sexiest people's sexiest man alive, guys. Really? My favorite tweet about this was a tweet that said, it was retweeting the link that said Blake Shelton is the sexiest man alive. And the comment was, did everyone else die? Whoa! Yeah.

Because he is the plainest man who ever played. I don't get it at all. Hey, hey, hey, hey, he's pretty. Do you know he's 6'5? He's not doing it. His face is so unremarkable. He's just some guy. Hey, he's not just some guy.

He is Gwen Stefani's boyfriend. Who cheats on her constantly that way. He's got a chiseled face. It's like he looks like he could be like a guess who character. Like he's just like a random man. Just like if you need a man, like a stock photograph of like man. That's what he looks like. I always imagine him to be a little chubbier than he actually is.

I think I might have that issue. Yeah. When I like check out a, I'm going to show Molly a picture of the guy. Like he's a little more chiseled than you expect him to be. Yeah. He's slightly chiseled. Like on that cover, the magazine cover, isn't doing any favors. He looks too plain.

He doesn't look very good on the magazine cover. I definitely agree with that. But, man, I can just show you 25 pictures where, yeah. I'll take it. So who would you put? Who would be your choice? I mean, that's a good question. I don't know who's already been on it, like of recent years.

But if Idris Elba hasn't been on it, he would be. the obvious number one choice. Well, the Rock was last year. I'll support that. I support that. Even though I personally am not attracted to the Rock, but I absolutely understand everyone who is. Rock was last year. Then it was Adam Levine.

Yuck. The year before that. Yeah. Yuck. Then you had Johnny Depp. That was a little surprising. Not at that time. Yeah, no, maybe 20 years ago, but no, not.

Well, that was Johnny Depp 2009. I don't know. Nah. Nope. You got your Hugh Jackman? Yes. All right, you got that? All right, cool.

Matt Damon. No. No. Strike him from the list. George Clooney? Yes. Jackie, right? Yes.

Yeah. Matthew McConaughey. Yes. Yeah. I know I can't say no on the show. Innsherent. Yes. And starts getting like a little bit of the back 2004 Jude Law.

Whatever happened to him? I think he was very, I think he's very difficult to work with. So I think he kind of went by the Wade side. I never understood why anyone had anything, any feelings towards Jude Law whatsoever. Yeah, he looks a little bit like a, like a teen boy. He's got a, I don't know, like a Kind doll look about him. He looks like, like, he reminds me of like Elijah Wood, you know, but not in a good way. He's a handsome British man.

Yeah. He looks very British. It depends on if you like Britman or not. That's true. But at least Elijah Wood has got like the whole weird side of him, you know, like him doing all the other shit like Wilfred and all that. He's got like a, he's also a fucking weirdo, which makes him unique in some way, shape, or form. Jude Law, I feel like you could put him in a bag and throw him in the river and no one would be more of the

lies her he was awesome in i heart hookabees dude law dude law was yeah yeah as uh like an ad execute who like slowly lost his mind throughout the entire movie but like necessarily like lost his mind but like lost his sense of identity and who he was uh as far as like a rich man goes like he's that iard hookabies i think is a very underrated movie it kind of fell to the wayside uh but yeah it's fucking great it's got a lot of people in it's very weird and trippy it's a p t anerson movie Speaking of Lord of the Rings, we haven't, I don't think, unless I'm wrong, I don't think we've talked about Stranger Things too. I've only seen the first episode. Okay, all right, so we cannot talk about it.

Yeah, I haven't dove an in just yet. I hear very mixed reviews, though. The first episode is, I wanted to watch more. I definitely wanted to watch more, but it doesn't give you the same feeling that the first episode of the first season game. Yeah, I would say I enjoyed it a ton of. and had a great time. And I also think that many of the mixed reviews are like warranted. But I also enjoyed the fuck out of it.

Yeah. Yeah, it looks fun. Yeah. Seems fun. You know, the kid without the teeth got teeth and that's fun. Yeah, that's fun. He's very funny at the first episode. So there's a lot of fun.

There's a lot of fun. I follow all those kids on Instagram and they are lives are so fun. They just like each other's videos on Instagram, post selfies together, post like whatever little press junkets they've gone on. And I continue to be very worried about their mental health, but they look like they're having a lot of fun. Bobby Millie Brown most of all. Yeah, real worried about that kid.

Yeah. A kid needs a, she needs some guidance besides just her parents. Well, and she needs to be protected from the terrible, gross people being like, she's all grown up. She's 13. Yeah, people are all like, she's grown up. No, she's 13. You know who she needs? She needs Jackie.

She does need Jackie to be your friend. I will show her the way. Let her come. I've got my boy inspector shirt. it on right now, but, you know, I will, you know, I'm going to wear this out and we're like, all right, let's go trolling, not for D, but for fun times. Yeah, you need to just teach her how to how to combat creeps, you know, men who come towards her.

And maybe you guys could take, like, a fun, like, you could take her to, like, a fun self-defense class or something, you know, and she could really just destroy some men. And you go with her to every meeting. Do not let her go behind a closed door. Not once. Yeah. Maybe to go to the bathroom, but that's it. Not even.

No, I'm going to be there. Making sure that she's not doing drugs, that she's not trying to get bent over a goddamn sick. I know what happens in bathrooms. I've been in bathrooms before. That's what happens. You got to stay out of the bathroom, Jackie. Yeah, Jackie. Sounds like you're choosing the wrong bathroom here.

Oh, my God. What happens to me in the bathroom? I don't know if this actually happens here. I think you're having a very rich fantasy life. Isn't it nice to dream, though? I guess it is. I recently saw some... I wanted to watch this on Netflix just because Bella Thorne is in it.

The babysitters. Did you see this? Have you seen this, Marcus? It's like a Netflix movie that just came out. And actually it was a lot of fun. It's like a bunch of hot girls in it, and they're into sacrificial killing. Oh.

But Bella Thorne is actually perfect in it. She's, I, I, because I was like, all right, I know that she was like a Disney actress. I was like, let me see what this bitch could do. She was an empty vessel cheerleader, but absolutely perfect at it. At the risk of sounding like a big dummy, why does everyone have such strong feelings about Bella Thorne? Everyone, she's like a J-law in the sense that everyone seems to just really have a lot of, like, they either love her or they hate her. I don't know. Bella Thorne is that she's beyond, she's 20.

She's way beyond our understanding. Our ability to care. I think social media-wise, she likes to be very, what is it, derisive? Is that the word? Derisive? She's a very like polarizing individual of how she dresses and what she does and she's a very eccentric character, but she's also really hot and was a Disney career.

girl, so, you know, people have a lot of hatred towards her because of her, I guess, young celebrity status. But she also does, she's also, what do they call thirst traps? Uh-huh. What's a thirst trap? It's like when you post, like, a real sexy picture yourself, and you're like, oh. Let me just look out of this way.

Yeah. Like, what's a good thirst trap caption, Jackie? I think it's just like a bunch of eggplants and then a bunch of like squirts, emoticons. I think that's about what they do, I'm assuming. Molly, have you been watching the commercials on HGTV for the new flip or flop Fort Worth?

I have. Oh, my God. You like the family? It is a hotter version of change. and Jojo. Have you seen them? I have seen them. To be honest, I hadn't, I, I, this is going to sound like such a boring woman thing to say, but I don't know their personalities yet. I don't really feel like I can be attracted to them fully.

The man is definitely very handsome and she's beautiful. They are. I haven't, I just hadn't, I haven't really grown attached to them yet because I haven't watched because I'm like, for worth. The guy's name is Andy Williams. Hell yeah. Okay, so that's a check in his favor. I just feel, they're just, I'm just gonna fucking stare at them the entire time. What are you talking about?

Oh, my God, they're so strong. And in the commercials, they're just tearing things apart together. And I just want to, wow. I can't wait to watch it. They're both vets. They met in a gym while they were both serving tours in Baghdad. Yeah, that I like. That's in the commercial.

They're like, we are military veterans flipping houses. I'm like, okay. And I like them a lot better than the other offshoot of flip or flop, which is flip or flop Atlanta, which has a very boring Italian couple. Oh. Ken and Anita Corsini. Okay, yeah, I get it here. Yeah, she said about him, he was really muscular.

For that particular work, he had to be in peak condition. So that was definitely the first thing you noticed. And then he said, Ashley had a beautiful smile and a curious look for a moment. I forgot I was in Baghdad. Wow. I love them. Oh my God, imagine the sexual tension between them on this show. Oh, I can't wait.

I want that story. I want the story of them falling in love in Baghdad, not them flipping houses in Fort Worth. Imagine all the Baghdad stories we're going to be able to hear on the show. I imagine it's going to be like, well, this one time when I was in the desert, in Baghdad. I think it's going to be a lot of those

setups for a lot of stories. It definitely makes them a hundred times more interesting than Tarek and that bitch and the other people. Have you ever watched the Atlanta one

with that boring Italian couple of Jackie? No, they didn't peak my sexual interest enough. Yeah, they're boring. They're not attractive, they're boring, don't even worry about it. I won't. Oh, they're already starting

to Iraq stories. A close call. with an IED in Iraq in 2005 would have cost me my life. Real estate was my rally point and eventual safe haven to my family. I love it. Inspirational real estate because of the war. That is an interesting. Man, I think Chip and Jojo are going to have to, actually, no,

Chip and Jojo will probably always be my number one, but they're my new side pieces for sure. Did you see Chip and Jojo's target commercial? I did. It's so cute. I got to get my ass to a target. Molly, have you been there yet? Has everyone seen that they've finally released their target line brand of home collections?

And I can't wait to buy all of them. Henry's going to love having it in the house, I'll tell you. I have not been to the target yet, but I've seen, like, honestly, having seen the commercials, I was like, this looks like garbage. It's like a decorative fucking elephant-shaped lamp. and like not even a lamp, just some shit you put at the end of your couch, just like a decorative lump, you know?

Weird. Yeah, it's just all decorative. It's not functional, which is interesting because that's not really Joanna's style. A lot of hers is form and function, but all the target stuff is just like, here's a ceramic vase with Joanna Gaines' name on it.

I need it. Oh, yeah, Ashley and Andy, they're tripling down. When going on a quote-unquote recon mission with Andy looking for needs. new properties, Ashley likes to plan ahead. Snacks and bug spray! She says, you never know what you'll have to go be walking through.

So bug spray is a must. Wow. I love them! Oh my God, think of their sex together. Can you imagine how strong they both are? Yeah. Yeah, that's probably good. Props to how they have figured out how to market the bugs.

themselves with this like very salacious narrative about real estate it's very very spicy that's what the tagline should be real estate has never been sexier or more dangerous oh my god it's time for the list who's on the list got it's okay you guys are going to have to practice that we're in different sides of the country now There's a bit of a delay. So we'll have to, maybe, I don't know, maybe we'll come over with a song where, like, you'll say, but Molly will say who's on the list. Jackie say, you got to have that list.

Let's try that. Who's on the list? Go to have that list. Yeah, we can do a duet. We'll figure it up. Today is the day I realize how often we sing together on the show. I know. Yeah, how am I going to get to sing along with Jackie anymore?

We love singing along with Jack. We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. We figured it out. We figured everything else out. We'll figure this out. List this week is celebrities who have been in motorcycle accidents. Ooh, sexy.

Sexy. Sexy motorcycle accident. Anyone on a motorcycle is immediately sexy, including fucking what's his name from center stage. Eric Stoltz. From ER? No, Eric Stoltz was in a, what, secretary? Was it like a black guy? right?

No, Eric Stoltz. Remember a Pulp Fiction, the drug dealer? Oh. That's Eric Stoltz. Redhead, Ginger Guy. No, Molly, he was also the teacher in Little Women, Christian Bales' little women. Okay.

I don't know who I'm thinking of. Yeah, I got no idea either. I disagree with you about the motorcycles, though, Jackie. There's a lot of old weirdos on hogs that I do not think are sexy. You're from Florida. You should know this. Oh, they used to be sexy, though.

I don't know why, but old weirdos. weirdo on a hog. Sounds just fucking gross as shit. I hope it's evocative of the person I'm thinking of. No, it just reminds me like a skinny old man trying to ride a pig around the yard. You get on over here. You get all between my thighs. Arnold Schwarzenegger got into a bad car or a motorcycle accident in 2006.

He needed 15 stitches. He collided into a car that was backing out of a parking lot. All right, that's definitely an example of not being hot on a motorcycle. You're right, immediately. Yep. And his son was in the side car. Oh. Yeah, who got minor injuries.

You know, he's 69? Arnold Schwarzenegger. I don't know. 15 stitches actually sounds pretty minor for a motorcycle accident. I usually think of people getting their heads float off. I got a worse one for you. Keanu Reeves lost his spleen in a motorcycle accident in 1988. You don't need a spleen, though, right?

Apparently not. I don't think you do. I think it's on the list of surplus organs, appendix, spleen. I just want somebody to come in here, round up all the things I don't need inside of me. Take them away. I don't need the pounds. How much does a spleen weigh? I'm guessing about an ounce and a half.

Get it out of me. I recently dropped an ounce and a half after getting my spleen removed. I'm so proud of you, girl. You get that. You get that weight watchers. Six ounces. That's how much a spleen weighs. So you can get rid of six ounces immediately.

You do have a higher risk for an infection, though. You know, in this day and age, you're going to get up in there. Liam Neeson crashed his motorcycle into a deer in upstate New York. Broke his pelvis. Whoa, that's got a beast shit house, dude. Yeah. I feel like nature is not generous to the Liam Neeson family. Oh, it really isn't.

Right? Yeah, yeah, well, I mean, she was skiing his wife. Yeah, but it was a tree, wasn't it? Yeah, she went head first into a tree. That is right. Same way Sunny Bono died. Yeah, trees, man, trees and dears. When I was a kid and I would hear about deer accidents, because there was a fucking ton of them in Iowa.

I was always like, why don't people just run over the deer? and I didn't realize that deer is like a wall, you know? Yeah. No, my parents got into an accident with a deer just a couple of weeks ago and it almost totaled their truck. Really? Yeah, really fucked it up. They wouldn't have that grill guard and that thing exploded.

Also, I think everybody should just stop skiing. I think skiing should be over with. Can we stop skiing? It seems like it's a very, very scary sport. I've never done it before. And you know what? I think I'm going to try to go the rest of my life without ever snow skiing.

I skied when I was younger, which sounds like so, it's impossible to say without sounding pretentious. I was skied when I was a young while. It's like, you can't just be like, oh, I rode horses when I was younger. But I went skiing when I was younger, and I thought it was super fun, but definitely just dangerous as hell. And I guess a lot of sports are dangerous, but yes, I think that I need to go the rest of my life without skiing. Stephen Tyler got into a bad motorcycle accident in 1980. And it is believed to have encouraged his dangerous drug habit. Man, a lot of ugly people with motorcycles, huh?

But what about David Hasselhoff? Eh! Never! Well, he was injured when a gust of wind caused him to lose control of his motorcycle. Fractured his lower back and broke multiple ribs. It's a very hawth image to picture him on the motorcycle and then getting blown off and be like, oh, no. Okay, this one's going to scare both you. Billy Joel.

No! Not my belly! He's going to scare Jackie. Yeah, I don't care about Billy Joel. 1982. Apparently, his injuries required surgery in fans jammed up Presbyterian Hospital's phone lines, calling to see if he was okay. I mean, I imagine that was like right-beaten age, though, for him, right?

That's got to be a D-E-Y. I imagine that was covered up, right? Yeah, probably. So in other words, you know, live and learn, Billy Joel. Mm-hmm. And, of course, Gary Busey. We all know about Gary Busey's crash that changed his mind forever. Mm-hmm.

Changed his brain. Yeah, but now he's more fun. Now he is a lot more fun, fun, fine, yeah. Fear, false experience appearing real. That is the best thing of all time. Really is. Love that man. All right, start with blind items.

Oh, we. We can't see them. You guys kind of got it. You kind of got it. Kind of sort of. We can also fix this in post. We can fix it in post. Yeah, so we might have to just from now on just to do it,

and the listener will be none the wiser. I like it. Magic. This is going to be an all-Hollywood rumor, a blind item roundup. I love it. Of course, we haven't been talking a whole lot about all the Hollywood goings on, because we don't really, you guys know.

Yeah. You know, everyone, everyone knows what's going on. There's been a lot. But, and over the years, we've actually talked about a couple of these quite a bit before they came out. We were kind of putting the feelers out there just a little bit. Kevin Spacey, looking at you. But I've got some blind items as to what may happen in the future. This first one is very interesting.

This former 80s actor will be keeping all the money for him. and then revealing someone who already died if his idea goes according to plan because he was already paid off by the people who said that he was going to expose the one who he should be naming he won't 80s star 80s actor part of a duo not cori feldman carrie feldman's been making a lot of big stink lately how he's going to start naming people? Well, I saw multiple blind items that the only people he's going to name are already dead because the people who are living already paid him off. Uh-huh.

I guess that makes sense. I wonder if he has like NDAs where he can't name them. Oh, yeah. No, no, no. He has absolutely ironclad NDAs because they paid him settlements. I see. But of course. In the same for his silence.

I mean, the man hasn't worked in a really long time. Now he's got this band. What else has he been doing? Obviously he made the fucking money from somewhere. You know what? If he wants to do it, I say, let him do it. That's all I have to say. Yeah, name the hell out of them.

And then when the rest of them die, name them. Well, let's go for another one. This one is not surprising as for who the perpetrator is, but rather who the victim is. What former A-plus list actor, actually, you know what? I'm not going to say former. What current A-plus list actor? Everybody knows who this guy is.

who is currently starring in a franchise, but in the past has starred in two other franchises, is consulting with his lawyers about coming forward about that billionaire mogul raping him several decades ago. Tom Cruise? No. That's what I was going to say. No, not at all.

He's a normal dude. He's a guy that we all like and love. We all know him. We all love him. He's been his current, his current franchise. is two movies in. His last franchise

had three movies. It was a trilogy and his first franchise had just two movies. It's like a story problem. Keanu Reeves? Yes. Wow, Jackie. I can't believe you got that from that clue. I think it's because of speed. Right? Wasn't it only two

speeds? No, Bill and Ted's excellent adventure. That was the first one. Yeah. And he wasn't in speed too, if I remember correct. I think just Sandra Bullitt came back for speed too. No. The first one is, yeah, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. The second one is The Matrix, and the current one is John Wick.

Wow. And the billionaire mogul is David Geffen. Damn. No, not Keanu Reeves. I love him so much. We all do. Yeah. But that's the interesting thing that's going on.

That's why a lot of this stuff, a lot of it, a lot more of it is showing up in the blind items, because now people are starting to talk to lawyers. And so there's more people getting involved in this stuff, so it leaks more. Holy shit. Can you imagine how many more stories there are that we have not yet heard? There are so many more that are showing up in the blind items. Ones that you don't want to admit. Ones that are a little like, but they kind of make sense as well.

Like, for example, like George Clooney is showing up fairly often. You're like, yeah, I can see that. One of the weirdest ones is Larry King. apparently Larry King carries around a roll of $100 bills and offers women $100 if he can touch them. And I'm not sure if it's like grabbing or anything like that or if it's like touching them on any specific place, it might just be like a poke.

I mean, if you're going to... You go, Jackie. You know what I'm going to say. You want to touch my shoulder and give me $100. You have that. Yeah, I guess I'm not surprised to, this is maybe judgmental, but I feel like I'm not surprised to hear that Larry King might be a creep. I don't think that's judgmental.

That dude looks like a fucking textbook creep. It's a suspenders. And the glasses. And the glasses. And his shoulders. He's got creep shoulders. Creep shoulders. Creep shoulders.

Creep glasses, creep outfit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's a couple more that I can't. I mean, that's what there are so many. are that many. There's a couple that are like slipping my mind right now.

But none of the ones that you might like, for example, like David Dukovini isn't shown up at all because that's not David Dukovini's thing. David Dukovini loves to fuck but he does not let

he's not a power thing you know and that's the thing because most of these guys it's not about sex it's about power and David Dukovine loves to fuck. That's actually such a helpful distinction because people keep,

I think people are conflating rapists with sex And it's like, people are like, oh, like, Weinstein was like, oh, yeah, I guess I'm a sex addict. No, no, no, two different things. Not even close. This is something that I've learned through last podcast on the left, actually. Is it like a lot of these guys, you know, like rapists, it's not about sex at all. In fact, a lot of them don't even ejaculate during the whole thing.

It's about power. It's about the power that they hold over another human being. That's what gets him off. David Dukovini, people like him, he likes to fick consenting adult women. And he is a sex addict. He does hurt people along the way, but he just loves to fuck. Yeah, but red shoe diaries? Oh, my lord.

Love it. And yeah, being a person who isn't good to your partners because you like to fuck, but if you're doing it consensually, I'll take that. I don't need to, like, shoot you into the sun, whereas everyone else needs to be shot into the sun. Because really, I mean, at the end of the day, that's his business. Right. You know, that sort of thing. I'm like, if he's, if he's kind of a dick to women, that's between him and the women.

Right. That's not my business. Right. You know, I'm not, I'm not going to judge that. I don't have any fucking thing to do with that. Right, right. Cheating being a bad husband, like all of these are in a very different category than not respecting consent.

That's not deserved to be shot into the sun, as you say. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Right. That's fine. We can goss. Oh, we can goss. But we can't yet.

Yes. I'm really, I've been digging on all the Tom Hanks' good guy memes that have been coming out. that it's just like Tom Hanks is accused of being too nice to everyone because if I start reading shit about Tom Hanks I don't know what I'm going to do Yeah I know

There are some people I saw another one it's like Mr. Rogers accused of like hugging children or just like Or making them feel not quite so alone I always thought that that photograph that people love of Mr. Rogers flipping with what with his middle

finger up I always thought that was like a shameful thing of where he lost his shit on camera or something. And so I always avoided it because I was like, I can't know. If he ever did anything wrong, I can't know. And it turns out he was just naming the fingers. Yeah. And then he started laughing because he knew that it was funny, which is ten times more charming than I could have even hoped.

That's one it is. He's like, oh, look. Oh, no, I did. Oopsie doodle. Don't make attention to that, kid. And then finally, this one is very interesting. and one that I think we've all been waiting for for a long time. What cult leader is in panic mode

because there are several famous women, all of whom have left the cult lining up to come forward about him sexually assaulting and harassing them. Who are these ladies, you ask? Well, it's a singer-celebrity spawn, the celebrity spawn's eldest child, a sitcom and reality TV star, and the quirky Oscar-nominated actress.

Singer-celebrity Spawn is like a really distracting phrase. It's very strange. Just move on. Let's start with the cult leader. Okay, cult leader. What celebrity cult leader is this? I mean, who's the biggest one around? Is it a Scientology thing?

Yeah. Is it Tom Cruise? No, it's the guy that runs all of Scientology. David Miscavitch. Oh! Well, I mean, of course they're going to cover all the tracks. But who's the spawn? The spawn?

Lisa Marie Presley. Oh. The celeb spawn's eldest child, Riley Keog. Or is it Keog? I looked up as Riley Keog. I didn't really, apparently she's a big deal now, but. She's the spawn of Lisa Marie Presley? Looks just like her, too.

I believe it's Keog. It's Keog. I believe. Now, she's in the girlfriend experience. She was one of the girls in Mad Max. Oh, okay. Yeah, one of the hot ones. Great.

Oh, she was in, it comes at night. Okay. Cool. Also, speaking of being wrong, I was also wrong about Eric Stoltz before. His name is Ethan Stifle, which is very similar to Eric Stultz. I'm throwing it out there. Also a ginger. Just throwing it out there.

And then you got Leah Remini and Juliette Lewis. You know, they've, you notice these. These are all the women that have left Scientology, and it turns out they may be coming together to all take down David Miskavage together. And we've heard about these ladies in the blind items before. Oh, yeah. How are they going to do it, though? How are they possibly going to take that down? Is it because of like, like, since Weinstein's happening, they think that like then they could go after Miss Cavage?

Because it's like, that's another like, I mean, he owns everything. They do own quite a bit, but they can always give Scientology another big black eye. Because Scientology has a fair amount of black eyes, but they do not have a sex scandal black eye. Wait, you talking about Will Smith? Ha! They do not have one in any way whatsoever. So, this could be a big deal. good thing. This could put them on the run because they're still like in business, but shit like

this could cause less and less people to join Scientology. Uh-huh. Right. That's what has to, they have to die out basically, right? Pretty much. At this point, there's people that are so ingrained in it. Uh, and I've seen, you know, just weird shit like the younger generation, like me and Henry went to the, uh, office, the history of psychiatry museum, uh, that's run by Scientology. It's in LA. It's in Hollywood, actually. And it is a Scientology-funded anti-psychiatry museum. And it shows all of the, quote-unquote, horrors of psychiatry. It blames the Holocaust on psychiatry. It blames all sorts of shit. It blames 9-11 on psychiatry. It blames every mass shooting that ever happened on psychiatry. Wow. And they show all these

torture devices and like shock treatment. The shock treatment exhibit is actually pretty cool because they have like the shock treatment thing on a mannequin and you can go and press the button and it shocks them. They make it pretty interactive and pretty fun. But we were there. I mean, Henry, of course, like we're goofing around and, you know, having a good time and everything. But there were these three teenage girls that were taking the tour with us or like they were just in the museum because you kind of go like you kind of wander on your own. They were terrified. They thought it was all real. Like they had been told they had obviously been dropped off by their parents and they were obviously all like raised Scientologists. They were taking all this stuff as fact. And that's how

these Scientologists keep going. And it's only when they get older that they start to see that maybe some of this stuff is bullshit. Will you guys abandon me if I joined Scientology? We're going to have a good talking to. You're definitely going to get a real good talk. But at the same time, you're going to be SPs. So maybe this isn't going to work out. I'm going to start my own Scientology, celebrity gossip thing, but only talk about what they want me to talk about. I mean, excuse terminology, but I think we might have to have a come to Jesus meeting. Oh, yeah, yeah.

You're going to have to get me into that kind of religious talk. I would so much rather you be a Christian than Scientologists. Yeah, you would be a fun Christian. You'd be fine. You'd be fine with that. Oh my God, I love singing. Is there a lot of singing in Scientology? Spaghetti monster in the sky.

Aaron Hubbard is my new lover. Yeah, that's about right. Yeah, they had a jazz fusion band in the 70s. Really? Yeah, it's actually pretty good. All right, well, that's it. This is our first experiment with, yeah, coast-to-coast, back Coastals page 7

I'm so happy to be back I just been bursting at the goddamn seams out here I miss you guys and this is going to be awesome and man and now we're back to weekly shows everybody yeah yeah we missed you and now we're back we're back together again and don't forget everyone look up the J-Lo video with LL cool Jail Jail

I gotta do that right now and if you want some super stupid shit, watch Riverdale on Netflix. Yes. Love you guys. Let's talk to you next week. Hey.