Page 7 - Episode 220: The (Unofficial) Start of the Holiday Season

Episode Date: November 25, 2017

Jackie, Molly and Marcus dip their toes into Christmas Shoes season by talking about the Thanksgiving day parade, major drama on the Food Network, and Goop's holiday gift guide. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Recording! We're recording! We're ready for page seven now! Well, welcome to page seven, everybody! I'm Marko! I'm Michael Burroughsky! Do you say Molly Neffle? I'm Molly Neffle. I need to hear you loud and proud, Molly! Don't turn it up too loud, though. No, no, no, no. I hear you, baby. I hear ya.

We were just talking about Thanksgiving. I got so stone last night that I karaokeed suddenly Seymour. I thought that was a good idea I wasn't even drinking I wasn't even having my jizzies on man You did stone karaoke I did stone karaoke yesterday That sounds terrifying Your head

Brush off your mascara Here take my Kleenex Wipe that lipstick away Show me your face Clean as the morning I know things are bad But now they're okay I sang Seymour's part.

Who sang the other one? I can't sing the other one. It's too high. Well, who's saying it? What? Oh, some bitch. Because she's got that whole thing. You know, it's like, nobody ever treated me kindly.

I can't fucking do that. Yeah, that is true. You are a Basie woman. I'm Basie at best. Man, I'm so excited. Guys, I get to see the Thanksgiving Day parade tomorrow for the first time in like 15 years. So what is it about the Thanksgiving Day parade that makes you so excited? Great question.

I love to scream at it. What are you talking about? Who do you scream at it? I look to make fun of the dancers. I make fun of the song choices. The high school students? Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. The band. I'm sorry, you guys. Was that your dream was to be on the Thanksgiving Day parade? I always think that, I feel like I've always had a bit of a Scrooge complex about the Thanksgiving Day parade. I've always been a bit snarky when I see those, even as a marching band participant myself and a fairly enthusiastic one, I don't know, I see those, I see the people marching and I'm just like, this is silly. I don't know why I think that. I don't know why I'm such a scrooge.

I like holiday things and I'm not usually trying to be judgmental or cynical, but it's just so silly. Do you not like parades? I think maybe I don't like parades Maybe it's... What? I don't know. What's wrong with you? I don't know.

That makes me sound like such a hater. It's not that I don't like it. It's just that I'm not moved by it. I don't dislike it. But I don't like... So I'm not like, ooh, those stupid high schoolers, but I do not feel envy towards them or like a desire to be there myself.

I feel indifference. I'll tell you this. As a guy who has been in a marching band in a parade before, it is horrible. It's long. It's super long. Yeah, and we were also doing it in a parade with a bunch of horses. So you had to...

Horses! Well, if the horses were in front of us, horses shit a lot. You got to step right through that. Yeah, but you had to keep on beat. You had to, if there was a piece of horse shit in front of it, you had to just deal with it. Well, that was the other thing. When we used to march, we, you know, our parades were quite small in Dubuque, Iowa, but we would do the parades.

And playing trumpet while you're walking is a pain in the ass. I'd imagine. It's very painful and difficult. And so, yeah, so I never felt like, you know, being up at 8.30 in the morning and marching with the Macy's Day parade. Yeah, marching with the drum is much easier. Yeah. Yeah, but they have to be there at like, I think,

four o'clock in the morning, but you never wanted to go watch the balloons get blown up? I always wanted to. I want to see fucking Kermit come to life. I went to a party a few years ago. I have a friend who's got like a friend who lives on Central Park West, and so a few years ago, I was like inside a Seinfeld episode. I got to go into, like, to a party where you overlook,

look the balloons being blown up and that was very very special that was like a real bucket list experience it's goddamn magical is what it is and i think that you should have more pride in your parade in our city i miss my city yeah that is true we do have the opportunity yeah fit 10 or 12 years i've been here and i haven't gone out to the parade once yeah never oh no i've never been to the parade i don't want to go to the fucking brink too many people man well here's some of the By musicians that are going to be had tomorrow. Oh, yeah, because there's real artists there on floats and shit, right? Artists.

Hey! Oh, yeah, the Goo Goo Dolls. They're artists, are they not? Yes, they are! And it was an artist who ever made Johnny Rejnick's face up, because it is different now. You got 98 degrees. We're really doing a flashback. Uh-huh.

But they got Flo Rida. I love Flo Rida. Okay. Is that a rapist? He does that song, Apple Bottom Jeans, Boots with the fur. I know that one. Yeah, that's a good one. Oh, yes.

A melody of sorts. You got Wycleft John, who is a, that's problematic choice right there. Why is that? Yeah, I don't know why. Because he's a piece of shit that followed a bunch of money from an earthquake charity to Haiti into his own pockets. Really? Yeah. Well, you know what?

Haiti's not coming back So you know I get it Yeah I suppose so If they're already that fucked Do you say in that it's just Fuck them a little more

I think it's just over man Or at least give it to like Give it to you know The Texas one That's more I think that's better It's better that way You got Jimmy Fallon and the Roots

Okay Together Okay That's about it I mean, I'm going to love it. And I want to see that motherfucker coming down with his sleigh. And then the second it ends. So I want to buy these shoes.

My mama, please. The second. It ends. I will play the song on repeat. That's right, ladies and gentlemen. It's almost Christmas shoe season. The other day I was watching. I had to walk home from the subway after work and it was dark and very cold.

It was during that cold snap and I was like very like bummed out. And it was like mid-November. It was probably November 13th or something. And I decided that I was going to break with tradition and not wait until after Thanksgiving because fuck artificial boundaries. And I just started listening to Christmas music right then and there. Really? Yeah.

And it was great. And I don't regret it at all. So now I've become the age that you need to be to be one of those people who's okay with Christmas starting on November 1st. 31. I'm ready. Get ready, Jackie. It's coming for you.

I'm fine with it. Well, this year we're actually Henry and Natalie I are having a Hawaiian Christmas. We're not going to Hawaii. We're bringing Hawaii here. We're just going to have Hawaii themed Christmas.

But it actually goes hand in hand with the new show that I have started watching, which is called North Shore. It is a 2004 soap opera. with Jason Momoa when he was young. Because someone posted on the Facebook page, you know, like the evolution of Jason Momoa. It's been posted a few times.

I watch it every time it's posted. And I looked it up. You can find all the episodes online. It's God. Awful. It's so bad. But I am just waiting. I got one episode in, and it is a soup opera.

So it's going to go, I'm going to make everyone in my house, hold, watch it with me. Intrigue abounds at the Grand Way Mia Hotel, an exclusive Hawaiian escape for the wealthy, powerful, and beautiful. Hawaiian-born Jason Matthews runs the hotel as the assistant manager and make sure every guest gets everything they need. Is that Jason Mabala?

Well, he's the bartender who's like the best friend of the guy and they are both just banging. So I'm very excited. Is it literally a soap opera Like shot like Days of Our Lives style Oh yeah Oh yeah Oh yeah

What channel was this on? Fox! Really? Yeah No it was yeah Monday's 8 7 Central Oh I can't wait Oh it's only one season

I can't even believe that there are 22 episodes of this fucking show It was Jason Momoya Played a guy named Frankie Sayal So you're just excavating the depths of Jason Mamoa's work, body of work now. Yes, because I've absolutely no desire to see Justice League. Not even for a second.

I don't either. I have no desire whatsoever. Did I say last time I saw Thor and it was so much fun. I want to see Thor! It's so much fun. I haven't had time to make it out to a theater yet, maybe this weekend. I highly recommend it, but I am like the only person on earth who likes men who doesn't like the guy who plays Thor is Yehel. worth?

Yeah, isn't that Liam? Whichever one. I don't like either of them. Too chiseled. Why? I like them. They're smangworthy.

They're like charming. I like them. Like I want to hang out with them but I don't want to fuck them. Like they're just two, they're like Kenbells. They're two chiseled and two like look at my face.

I don't know. I don't like it. It's a face that says look at my face. Yeah, exactly. Like I get it. Your face. But that said he is. And he is incredibly charming

And the entire movie is a complete blast. Yeah. I don't want to go see it. I just recently got to see Spider-Man Homecoming for the first time. It's so good. It's so amazing. It's an actually, it's a Queens movie. Yeah.

Like, it's a Burroughs superhero movie. It's amazing. It's really Queensy. It's like very New Yorkie. Yeah. Jackie, did you see it? No. Oh, I think that you would like Tom Holland, Jackie.

I think you might like him. He's too tiny. He is tiny. I need a bigger. Yeah. Bigger! He's a little boy, but he did a great job of being Peter Parker. Yeah.

All right, I'll give it a shot. Give it a shot. You just see how you'll like it. Well, that's why. I mean, I forgot what I was going to say. God damn! Was it about how you want him bigger? No, it was.

I was trying to tie in mother and how you guys need to see Mother because obviously the ploy, the jig is up, because Jennifer Lawrence and Aronovsky are no longer together. Oh, I'm shocked. I'm so shocked. Oh, no. I don't even know enough about this storyline to know whether you're being sarcastic or not. Well, J-Law and Darren Aronofsky apparently got together during the filming of Mother.

Quite a bit in the blind items came out about them. It was not, it was apparently a legit relationship, but was a bad one for both of them. She was constantly cheating. He was constantly cheating. And it's a rumor that possibly she cheated on him. with Chris Pratt. Well, that is a good choice, I think. I, you know what?

I think the time of J-Law, I think it's done. Yeah, I think she's fading. I'm ready for it to be over. Yeah, well, I mean, she's gotten quite, what the blind Adams also says is that she's gotten a bit of a cocaine habit going on. And, you know, I think she just, it's too much too soon. Yeah, yeah. I think that people need to spread out their rise to fame over the course of 10 years,

because when it happens over the course of like four years, you've got nowhere to go but down. Yeah, and I think the internet got tired of her real fast. Yeah, people love to hate J-Law. Yeah, because the internet loves institutions. If someone just pops up, they get knocked down real fast. But if you build and you really put in your work, internet, you can last.

Just like the relationship between Chrissy Tegan and John Legend, did you guys see the Instagram post? They are expecting their second baby. They're expecting their second. baby, but did you watch how cute the Instagram post is? I didn't. Oh my God. It's their first baby

who is the cutest thing on earth and she just, it's just like a close above her and she's looking and she's like sitting on Chrissy Teigen's lap and Chrissy Tegan goes, what's in here? And she just goes, baby, baby. And I almost burst into fucking tears.

What I like most about John Legend and Chrissy Tegan's baby is that it looks exactly like John Legend. She's so beautiful. And then what is this one going to look like? Apparently they got the stuff that I think they know it's going to be a boy. Yeah, because I think that she has spoken a lot about battles with infertility. And I think it took her like nine years to get pregnant and they did IVF.

Yeah, and now they're making their own juice so they know what it's going to be. They know what kind of dittles they're going to have on the bottom. Whether they choose to go with their dittles or whatever they want, No, it's our, it's our world. We're just living in it. So I thought we were at a bit of a, the page 7 jury was out as to whether we endorse Chrissy Teagan or don't endorse her because she's a bit of a erratic one

when it comes to the way that she treats John Legend specifically, right? I know, I just still love them. I do. Yeah. Because of the Miltf money video. I have a piece of gas that I don't think either of you, you guys will care about, but some listeners might care about it. So can I just try it out?

Try to throw out that, throw up that goss, Molly. You know, it's not often that you bring some goss in. Fucking let's hear the goss. Yeah, I got some unique gas. So I watch a lot of the Food Network. And it's not quite as sexy as the HGTV with the Property Brothers and the Gaines is, obviously. But on the Food Network, there is a show called The Kitchen. And it is terrible.

Jackie, have you ever watched The Kitchen? No. It is terrible. It is my favorite. I watch it every weekend. It is five chefs all screaming over each other in a kitchen trying to show each other their recipes. And it's just like imagine five egos battling each other out every week. And it's just like this, it's like a mess.

And they also make like just they make food that's like get a rotissory chicken and a bag of cheddar cheese and put it in a casserole. And they just make like, it's like weeknight friendly food. and it's just like I love it. It's like trashy and I love it. And so one of the chefs, Marcella, who is like a very hot Latino woman. Marcella, Sonny, Katie, Jeff and Jeffrey. That's them. Jeff is like a Chicago sandwich douche.

Jeffrey is Jeffrey Zcarian, who's an iron chef. Sunny Anderson is amazing. Jackie and Sunny Anderson would get along really well. Oh, I love her. And Katie Lee is an idiot. You know Katie Lee, right? Have we talked about how much we hate her? I think that we've talked about it, but not on air, but yes, we hate her.

She just sounds like she's an idiot. Marcella is really appealing. But anyway, I follow her on Instagram. She's got a lot of cute little children. And she posted recently that she left the kitchen and she was just very shady about it. She was like, I'm not going to get into the details. But the few details that she did indulge, one of them was that, she only wants to be seen in public cooking food that she would serve her family.

Ooh. Scruples. She has scruples. Okay. Which I think is just hilarious because what she means is like, I'm not going to do the rotisserie chicken and a bag of shredded cheese thing. And then the other thing was just like there was some, she kind of hinted at some interpersonal problems that she's not going to, drama that she wasn't going to go into

detail about because it's none of your business is what she said. Ooh. And she actually said Nunya Business, which is a name of a sauce that Sunny Anderson makes. So it was all tied together. Ooh, that's some shade right there. It was really shady. That's a wink. Yeah.

And so I'm just like now I'm obsessed. And like I don't think anyone else on Earth watches this show, except that I remember in the Facebook group there was a thread about the kitchen and people really loved it. But like, it's such a garbage show. But I love it so much. And now I'm just like, I want to talk about what happens with Marcella. And nobody wants to talk. about it with me. You can always talk about it here, Molly.

This is a safe space. Well, you know I'm going to watch it now. I can't wait to watch us. Also, on top of that, have you seen all of the commercials for the Property Brothers Christmas special? Yeah. That's my life now, Molly.

We keep making jokes how Henry and Natalie are going to take pictures of, like, him holding her and just like, me behind them with a bunch of gifts. Well, you and I both, Jackie, we're both like the Property Brothers because we both live with our brothers. We do.

And one of the siblings are single. And one of the siblings are single. But I think I've said this on the show before. They build fucking houses. They have the option to live in their own houses, but they choose to live together. That's weird. It is.

It's very weird. I mean, I love living with my brother, but I think if we both built houses, we might build houses close to each other, but they probably wouldn't. Neighborhood, same neighborhood. Yeah, exactly. On a cul-de-sac.

Yeah. I do a cul-de-sac. Molly, do you know that he's on Drew is on Dancing with the Stars right now? Yes. Wow, he just dropped 34 pounds. Yeah.

Yeah. Let me show you a picture of him. He's two things. Yeah, he didn't have any 34 pounds to drop. Look at him. What? Why?

Why? He's wearing a gold jumpsuit. Oh, that's dancing with the stars. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So that's normal. But it's opened over his bare chest. Again, dancing on the stars.

Totally. Really? Oh, yeah. Totally normal. I don't want him on Dancing with the Stars. I don't know why. I don't trust Dancing with the Stars. Ever since Rick Perry was there,

I don't think I trust Dancing with the Stars. And I just don't, I don't know, the Property Brothers, that their Christmas special commercial has me really uncomfortable. When's happening in the Christmas special commercial? Jackie, you describe it. It's so upsetting because it's just so much of,

like, holiday couple things that, like, he and his fiance are doing and then every shot is just his twin brother behind him just being like hey I like the holidays too and just like get out of here you don't have a fiance

you don't count it's yeah it's it's just a couple hanging out well this is the thing this is the tension with the property brothers you never know whether the two brothers would rather be hanging out with each other or whether the couple would be rather hanging out with each other well if you type in

Property Brothers to Google the auto fill is gay. That's the first one. The second one is gay with each other? With each other. Gay with who? I mean, and they're like, they're unwrapping presents together, and they're building a house, of course, because every fucking thing they have to build a house. They already have a house, but they're building, like, a Christmas house.

And they're, like, throwing wrapping paper at each other. And it's just the three of them, you know. You know, the three of them all in a picture together. It's just, it's very, it's like, it's like three's company, but you don't know who to get rid of. Get rid of the broad, man. They don't need her in their lives. They live together. What are you fucking talking about, man?

Yeah, I don't think that they want her there. So is this kind of like that situation of those two identical twins that only talked in their own language to each other for their entire lives? Yes, except they build houses while they do it. Yeah, their language is the language of building houses. And the other thing about Drew being on Dancing with the Stars is that there's this whole backstory of the property brothers, which is that they're both failed actors. And so they like, you know, they both tried their hated acting. One of them was in an X file. And then they, I think that they're both failed actors, at least one of them.

And I think the other was also a performer of some kind. But then they both went back. and started working for their dad's, like, real estate business. Like, it was like their fallback thing. But then they very brilliantly managed to realize, hey, we can put ourselves on TV. So now I just watch them and I'm like, you bastards are realizing your dreams more than ever. And your building houses while you're doing it. And it's actually worked out very well for them.

And I don't, it's not like, I feel like I should be happy for them, having them, you know, tried for a creative career and then not succeeded and then succeeded in building houses. But there's just something about them that seems a little bit too perfect. Makes me not trust them. Nah, I get that. Yeah, like dumb fucking goop with her new damn engagement ring? Oh, my God. Is it time for the Goop holiday gift guide?

Oh, I'm sure it's got to be out by now because Goop is all fucking goop and all. She had to come out and have her special video for Goop to let everybody know that she got engaged to like the guy that made Glee or something. And it's just, you know, these celebrities and their rebounds, it happens. I mean, I guess it was a few, it's been a few years, like she's been dating him for three years. But still, the turnaround, it's like you see fucking Anna Farris out there. She's already out there dating a new dude. You just got divorced. Aren't you still sad?

Yeah, but you got to have that post-divorce fucking, you know? Well, yeah, but not like immediately into a relationship. Yeah, I guess. that's true. I don't know. It all, it's very, I'm, I always get, just like you were saying with the property brothers, I always get unhappy whenever she's the happiest. I think it's like, it's an anti-level meter for me. If Goop is with somebody, been, had been with somebody for three years,

why have I been hearing about her and Chris Martin in the fucking conscious uncoupling for the last five years in my life? Apparently the blonde item say that they're still legally married. Really? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Ooh, who, who. Man, I hope she gets sued by Chris Martin or something. Oh, that'd be fantastic.

That fucking gift guide. I think that it's, I think that I saw people sharing it. It is out. But, I mean, that's the thing. They're kind of taking all the fun out of it. Because now they have, well, they have the gift guide. I mean, there is, let's see here, there is the host gift guide, the under 18 gift guide. the under 18 gift guide

the dreamer gift guide the personalized gift guide the lover gift guide I want to take a look at that one the health nut gift guide the stocking stuffter gift guy the cook gift guide the traveler gift guide the animal lover gift guide the guy gift guide

and then they do at the end the ridiculous but awesome gift guide so they're kind of taking the fun out of it but sound like oh we know it's ridiculous but who has the time to read all those guides Jackie I think anyone that's staring at a goop website has the time. They got the time.

They've got the money for it. And they're going to be moon dusting all over my groin for the Christmas season. What if somebody overlaps into two categories? Like he's your lover and he's a guy. Can't happen. Two different guides. I mean, really, like this stuff, it's still the ridiculous but awesome. The other shit's still ridiculous as well.

And the lover gift guide, you can buy a. Fleur de Maul laced kimono for only $595. Okay, so you'd think if they were becoming self-aware, they would make this shit cheaper. Nope, the fur oil is still 44. Hair care for down there. You don't remember fur oil? No. I'm disgusted.

Fur oil, by fur. I hate it. But also, you know what? There's no dudes out there begging me to put on a kimono before I fuck them. Or after, I fuck them. Fuck them. You don't need a kimono. Are there dudes asking you to oil your vaj?

Every single one of them. It's very upsetting. Boy, that's show a squeaky down there. No, don't worry. Just my furl. Wow, your peeps are so soft and glistening. I imagine I'd take it and I'd put it inside of myself like you're taking the rest of the peanut butter out of the jar of jar.

Jiffy. Well, the fur oil is probably not to be confused with some lube that you probably also sell. You got to lube up your pubs and then you got to lube up your badge, but don't mix the two oils, you know. What am I a snail? I feel like, I'm just going to be slipping and sliding all over the bed. I'm like, oh, I'm sorry. I can't get a hold of my very, very viscous vagina. Thank you, Goop, for my viscous holiday.

vagina. Thank you. I'm going to start taking pictures of it. I guess you're not allowed to do that. That's something you're not supposed to do. Man, Molly, I think that you, not to change the subject real fast, but I think this might be a Matthew McConae story that you might actually like him from. Okay. Did you guys see the pictures that I think it was a girl named Alyssa, she posted on the Facebook? I saw this. Dude, like, he's like all dressed up in this beach bum outfit. I guess it's called the beach bomb. That's what he's shooting with snoo. Noop dog right now. And they're like immediately bosom buddies.

They love each other, but he's dressed like he's Captain Ron. But I guess he's like the creative director for Wild Turkey now. So he took a bunch of turkeys and he gave him out to a bunch of families for Thanksgiving. Yeah, he just showed up with turkeys. Oh, hey, have a turkey. And then he left. Live turkeys or dead turkeys? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, for Thanksgiving. Isn't that nice, Molly? Yeah, that's nice. Oh, come on. That's nice. It's the best you can do. Yeah, that's nice. That's nice.

Good job, Matthew McHanahey. I like this better than the one where they pull people over and make they think they're getting a ticket. And instead they give them a turkey. I'd much rather have Matthew McHanahe be like, hey, I'm talking about whiskey. Take a turkey. Wait, what are you? What's the ticket thing? What do you mean?

There's like a thing that a bunch of different cop departments have done where they pull people over and the people are like really upset. And then instead of giving them a ticket, they're like, happy all this. There's a turkey. That's just fishing. That's, it's like, and people are sharing it as like a, like a heartwarming, like isn't this heartwarming? Like, isn't this heartwarming? People are getting a turkey instead of a ticket. That's awful. You know what, just give out free turkeys at the police station and if people want them, they'll come pick them up.

Yeah. How about a Guns for Turkeys program, you know? Okay. Oh, guns for turkeys. I'll go out there. I'll start finding some guns. But yes, also just giving away turkeys would be great. I think giving people the alarm of being pulled over by a ticket and then just giving them a big frozen turkey.

And checking them for warrants at the same time. Exactly, right. And, you know, people probably have a fucking heart attack because they got weed in their sock or something. And then they're just leaving with this terrifying frozen turkey. That or if they're trying to outrun the cops, then you immediately, then you have to get pulled over. Yeah, because of warrants, it's the holiday season. I don't, just listen to Christmas shoes. I'm telling you, there's a lot of videos and people are like, isn't this heartwarming?

So yes, I do think that Matthew McConaughey randomly giving out turkeys is, that's the America we should all be dreaming of. Yeah. Yes. Celebrities showing up to our house giving us free food. Yes, definitely. And he, like, took a bunch of pictures of everybody. He, like, came in on, like, a, I think it was a bridal shower or something. And he took a bunch of pictures with all the girls of the bridal shower.

I love Matthew McConaughey. And you can't take that away from me, Molly. Neither one of us. I was thinking about that yesterday. I was thinking. I'm trying to take it away from you. No. I was thinking about his speech from a few years ago.

My hero is me five years from now because all of our heroes are not all of them, but a lot of them are kind of going down right now for various things. And it's like, well, who can you look to? Who can be your hero? And you know what? I can always look to me. I'm always looking to myself. I know what I know what I have.

done and haven't done. I can always look to myself from my own hero. I am my own God. I am my own hero. Buck yeah, Matthew McCona. Hey, you knew what you were talking about. You knew what you were doing. I forgot about that speech.

Yeah, that was a satisfying speech. If a bit of a head scratcher. A little bit, but you know what? If you think about it, you can get into it. He knows. There's like a Subaru commercial with him where he's waxed it poetic. Okay, well, the Subaru commercial doesn't make much sense. But the Oscar speech did make sense.

Yeah, I'll give it to them. I could be your little baby. I could diso way the pain. Oh, yeah. Everyone loves that song. All right, it's time for the list. Who's on the list? Got to have that list.

We'll work on that because you're both kind of like, A little trepidious when it comes to her, but... We're scared. We're trying to let the other lead. It's hard when we're not in person. This list, celebrities turning 60 in 2017. Ooh. I wonder if we have any guesses.

Daniel Day Lewis. Hot. Wow. I don't know why I thought he was older than that. Yeah. Right? I think it's the good acting. Yeah, his good action makes him a hotty.

Steve Buscemi turning 60. He's still looking good too. Really? I was going to say that's an example for me of good acting, not making him a hottie, but good acting. Oh yeah, you know, he's not. You know what? You know what? I would have sex with Steve Boucher.

I mean. I thought you would. Yeah, I figured you would. It would be surprising if you said you wouldn't. You really? This is not surprised. I thought this was like a revelation that I was having. Not at all.

You're a little bit more predictable. Marcus and I are both like, yeah, you would definitely fuck Steve Bouchin. We know you better and you know yourself. Yeah, I guess so, man. I think that it would be fun. I think you'd have really interesting dates. And by dates, I mean the one date before I banged him and then he probably never wanted to see me ever again.

Maybe. I'll ask his wife. Melanie Griffith. Oof. She had a bad plastic surgery, didn't she? You know, not that I think about it. I think we may have done this list before. Really?

Maybe. We may have Even if we have Let's keep going Yeah let's keep going You know It's like when you turn 30 You know you can only turn 60

Several times Francis McDormon I love Francis McDormon I want her to be my mother I want her to be my wife And I want her to be my sister She can be my niece But that's even a little too far

I love Francis McDormand Ray Romano I'm sorry, I'm really not trying to say these sensually. I'm just losing my voice. I was wondering. I've been steadily getting sicker and sicker as this episode's gone on. Oh, cool, cool, cool. You just always say his name like that, Marcus, a minute.

Ray Romano. Ray Romano. That's how I dream of Ray Romano in that voice. You would definitely fuck Ray Romano, right? Steve Harvey. The voice I can't deal with the voice I can't deal with how sexually

attracted you are to Steve Harvey I can't deal with it It's like a Robert Stack voice you're doing And then Steve Harvey arrived At the gas station Steve Harvey last scene October 24th 1973

Wearing a white jacket Yellow windbreaker And driving a 1942 Edsel Diesel engine twin. I'm fading. Why don't we just go to rights of blind items? Let's do blind items. Let's do blind items. Let's do it. We can't see them.

This permanent A-less singer received a special honor yesterday. Thank you, Robert. You're joining us for blind items. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Can he start over again? I can't. This permanent A-less singer received a special honor. yesterday. To ensure she wouldn't be late, she was advised the starting time was two hours earlier than the actual time. The thing is, though, she decided to take it upon herself to be on time because she knew it was a big deal. So she ended up being two hours early and paid $2,000 to use a

suite at a hotel for two hours to wait it out. How embarrassing. I'm going to say Miley Cyrus. No, no, no. Mariah Carey? Yeah. Yeah. Who the hell wanted her for anything? She was putting her ham prints At the Chinese theater. She's got them! She's got them.

Now she does. What? That's ridiculous. It's just because they just fucking unwrapped her from her bubble wrap for the holiday season. Couldn't they just do it two hours early? Who the fuck cares? Well, you got your security.

You got all the people You got your cement people They're not showing up two hours early That's true You can't call them up You got your press and all that You just, you got to wait for Mariah Yeah, I know that's true

I love, Back in 1974 The one thing that I'm worried for anything else Is that you gotta wait for Mariah Another thing I can always count on is that the cement guys will never be early. They won't be late, but I'll be damned if they'll be early. Got away from Mariah!

Yeah! Can go! Who never stops? Now I'm at the dollar. I'm still enjoying this. I'm sorry, Marcus. No, I understand. I understand completely.

I completely get it. It's also kind of like you're doing a Matthew McCona impression. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. And then finally, despite her young age. Okay, I can't do that one. I can't do one that says, despite her young age. It's like, oh, I'm better, I'm better.

It isn't sexual. So how's about that? It's not a sexual one. Despite her young age, this foreign-born B-plus list mostly television actress from a very hit, almost television show, is going to file to legally emancipate herself from her parents. She's tired of being their cash cow, literally cash. I've written about her tactics before.

That's the blind item writer. They make her go to events without telling her management or agent and pocket all the money paid to the actress. Currently, that can be as much as $75,000 a day. The actress apparently, generally, is given a few hundred bucks by the parents. and they keep the rest. They try to make her do two events per week. Huh.

But when I say almost television, I mean a Netflix show. Okay, I was wondering what almost television means. B-plus. Not Millie Bobby Brown. Millie Bobby Brown. She is an A, in my opinion. I'm surprised that she's not an A. At this point, everyone loves her.

I mean, she's such a sexy 13-year-old, which is so disgusting. That's so disgusting that they refer to her as A, all grown up, and B, sexy. Yeah, all that. She's 13 fucking years old. She's a fucking kid. Yeah, she's a fucking child. It's fucking horrible. And there's all those pieces.

I'm so worried about her. And I'm even more worried if the adults in her life are taking advantage of her. Very much so taking advantage of her. I can make a distinction there. I'd say prepubescent, that's a child. She's a kid. She's just a kid. Yeah, she's a kid.

Come on. But also what's nice is I feel like the more I see all the boys from stranger things. I think they're doing okay. Yeah. I feel like they're not like blowing hookers or anything. They all seem to be having a lot of fun. Yeah, the boys seem to be having a lot of fun.

Those boys are having so much. Them boys seem to be having a lot of fun out there in Hollywood. The boys. He's a predator. He's a predator. You know what I love? Someone call the cops. Steve and Dustin, IRL seem to be very good friends.

They do seem to be very good friends. which is very cute. And Will and 11. Just gonna fuck up. Fucking shut up. I'm not gonna say anything else for the rest of this episode. I love it.

They're all friends with each other. They're all like each other's videos. And Will and 11 are besties. And I think that it's just so cute. It's very cute. Marcus? You think it's cute? It's a perfectly normal thing

to kids and friendship to engage in. A platonic friendship. I finally started watching the second season Stranger Things, though. I'm immediately hooked. It's good. Am I, are we allowed to find Steve sexy? I know that that's like the thing on the internet right now,

but I am finding it. But are we allowed to? He's got to be in his early 20s, right? I think that all those, I think that the teens are, must be in their early 20s. Okay. I just want to make sure.

Yeah. That I'm allowed to. Yeah, it's not like in a Spider-Man homecoming where like the teens are all actually like Teenagers. Yeah, which is great. And that's fun when they get actual teenagers to play teens. But if the whole thing is like, yeah, I feel like with Steve, I think that he is, I think

that he's an actual, you know, young man. I think he's an adult. Do you like, what's his name, Jackie, Will's brother, Jonathan? The other. Nah. No? You know what it? I mean, obviously I wouldn't say no.

but I think that it's, it's, there's something, this is terrible. Little radish about his face. Yeah, no, I think that you're right. And not like the, the vegetable. Like a rat. Rat, like. Like a sexy rat. Rat-esque.

Rat-esque. Yes. I understand why people would want to smang him, though. I get it. It's just not my thing. Steve 25, y'all are fine. Great. Yes.

25. I mean, he ain't no jugged. but I'll take it. Ain't no, Jughead, but I'll take it. We went the whole episode without talking about Riverdale, but that's all right. I think that's okay. I think we can make it.

It's okay. We can talk again next week. Things are heating up quite a bit in Riverdale. Like a new episode comes out. I think new episodes come out on one. Well, actually, I think they come out on Tuesday. There might not have been this one this week because of Thanksgiving. I'm all caught up.

You're all caught up, like, even with like the new season? With season two, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I will, I swear on my Thanksgiving Day meal that I'm, that I will be caught up by next episode. You hear me? We got to do it.

We got it next week. We're going to have to do like a Riverdale update. And a spoiler alert, maybe. A spoiler alert. We might have to do Riverdale update after blind items. Yeah. And I think that that's a great idea. And I hope that everyone,

I'm getting a lot of love on Twitter from a lot of people that have started Riverdale and are living it. Yeah. Because it is perfect smut for a holiday weekend. That's true. Get away from your face. Watch some fucking Riverdale.

It's the best. And get all hot and weird in your like childhood bedroom. Yeah, I'm getting a lot of love from people on Riverdale as well, being like, thank you for also watching this awful show. Yeah, I'm just so glad. And in my regular life, too, like regular people who from all walks of life are like, can we talk about Riverdale? It's great. I feel like it's bringing us all together. It's a sexy little secret for all.

It's a sexy little secret for all. Riverdale Tuesday is on the CW. God, so damn sexy. But that's why I'm really hoping that North Shore is going to be a good side project of Riverdale for me. So I'll let you guys know. I think you're going to be on your own for that one, though, Jackie. I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be on my own.

That's all right. There's not one noticeable person in that show except for Jason Mamoa. So, you know, I think that says something. It didn't really start a whole lot of careers. All right. Well, that's it for page seven this week. Thank you all for listening. I'm going to go drink some tea.

You're Robert Stack. I'm all rightful. Thanksgiving. It's my favorite holiday. And everyone, I hope that you watch and immediately listen to Christmas shoes right after the Thanksgiving Day parade. Want to buy these shoes for my mom. Oh, no, we have to wait. We have to wait.

I'm not 31 yet. I'm not listening to Christmas music yet. All right. Alright, we'll see you next week. Goodbye. Bye.