Page 7 - Episode 222: Sometimes You Just Gotta Play

Episode Date: December 10, 2017

Marcus, Molly and Jackie get Christmassy and dish about favorite holiday albums, Britney Spears' depressing instagram account, and the latest Riverdale Roundup! Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Merry Christmas Merry Christmas And happy holidays Wow Yeah man It's such a good fucking Christmas song Oh I thought that was your own And your own composition

No no it's in sync Oh I was wondering which It sounded familiar but I had completely 100% forgotten about that one Um excuse me How? It's such a fucking good one Man, 98 degrees just came out with the new fucking Christmas album.

I heard today that there is a My Chemical Romance cover of All I Want for Christmas is You. I can't even understand and relay how upset I am about that. I'm intrigued because I have negative feelings about the Mariah Carey version. And I want to, you know, sometimes you can kind of experience a song in a different light when a different style of music plays it. Oh, yeah, I don't know if that's true for this, though. Your skepticism is well taken. I don't even know what type of music my chemical romance is.

It's very, it's emo punk, right? Kind of like that. All right. I mean, when I was 14, I was totally fucking into it. You know, it's like I'm not too big to. judge here. You know what I mean? I've just grown up. I've grown past it. What are you grown into now? Well, it's not the Gwen Stefani Christmas album, that's for sure. Ooh, and it's a new one or that's an old one? Oh, it's a new one. I just read, I read such a long article about her talking about

how she, it was like a calling for her to make a Christmas album. Like, she, like, she, she, she, had to make a Christmas album. Who? Why? You know what? We got it. We've done it. We don't need any more of it, especially when you're just doing covers of the same songs, except she came out with a duet with Blake Shelton. That's on the album. And it's called You Make It Feel Like Christmas.

Is it an original? It's an original. Blake Shelton wrote it for her. And the whole thing was like how sweet Blake Shelton is because he doesn't really write his own music anymore, but he was on the tour bus thinking about her and thinking about Christmas and he just pinned this song and I listened to this song and you know I love Blake Shelton. But it is not, it's it's not a good song, guys. I got to say it. It's not a good song. I don't understand why she's lowering herself to his standards. Well, I don't know

if her standards were particularly high to begin with. Whoa. Whoa. Listen. Rood in my worlds over here, guys. There is one of my favorite Christmas songs. You guys are going to, it's not even a toilet flush because it's not political, but you're just going to point and laugh at me. Whatever, you're just going to mock me, and I accept that.

It's okay. But no doubt had a couple of Christmas covers. Really? And one of them is, well, a Christmas cover of a song by the Vandals called Oi to the World, and it's a ska cover. I'm familiar with Oi to the World. Oh, just wait until it's reimbled. Imagine is a ska song.

It is delightful. It's one of my favorite Christmas songs. There's trumpets. Oh, are there trumpets? So I got a fondness for Gwen Stefani and Christmas, but it has to do with Gwen Stefani like 35 years ago or however long that was. Then why did she have this severe calling to make a goddamn Christmas album? Well, she's been apparently working on this Christmas album all year.

I mean, I guess you have to. I guess. Yeah, you can't start on it and like, you know, December 1st and have it out by December 4th. But still. Yeah, that's like in love actually. Like that guy is recording the Christmas album, but he doesn't start. He's sitting in the studio recording

that damn song five weeks before Christmas. And then like one week later, it's out. Is the number one. As I understand it, that's not how recording works. Well, these days actually, it could record like that. But back then, no way in hell. No, way in hell. No, they're not going to send it to the CD factory. The tape factory.

And I agree with you, Jackie. I think that if you're going to make a Christmas album, you have to have something special and unique to offer. Like Sia's Christmas album. Definitely. I'm not familiar, but I know Sia would bring it to that album. It just came out. It's lovely because it's all originals. And I dig it a lot just because I love Sia so much. But at the same time, I just wanted to, I just want to listen to Sia.

Yeah. And so listening to it, all I did was I stopped it. And then I started listening to See it instead. See, I don't think I want new originals about Christmas. I just, I want, I want covers. No, of course, although I got to say she's got a song in here and it's called Puppies Are Forever. Oh, okay. Everybody loves a puppy.

I still advocate that the best Christmas album is Annie Lennox's Christmas album because it's just covers and it's the really religious songs, which I appreciate. the real Jesus he ones. But Annie Lennox can just bring, like imagine how walking on broken glass escalates. Now transfer that to a song about the birth of Jesus. You know, it really works, you know. It really is escalating. And her three octave range is really, by the end of it, I'm converted. You know, it's very, very effective.

You know who else has a Christmas album out this year? Hansen! are you looking at the picture of Hansen? I saw that and it was like Hansen's like, they're a promo picture for it. It's the three of them sharing a scarf. Yeah, they're all tied up in one scarf. Bound together.

They have one scarf on. Why? Just three adult brothers sharing a scarf. It's so fucking dumb. It made me so mad. And I was just like, I mean, I just, you know, sure, I'll slap on an, um, Mbop.

I'll take it, you know. But I never really listened to them. I imagine, Molly, I imagine you listen to Hansen. What? What? This is one of the, on the list of insulting things you said to me. I had friends who were very, like, very, like, familiar with Hanson's current work and are into it. No judgment.

But I know. I will also enjoy Mbop, and I don't think I can name one more song by that. except for that song, Where's the love? It's not enough. Makes the world go round and round. Oh, yeah. Where's the love?

Not enough. It makes a world go round and around and around. Why didn't you sing it with that oomph, Molly? I didn't have any oomph. I don't remember it having much oomph. No, no. I think I gave it all the oomph. I think Molly gave it the appropriate amount of oomf.

Yeah, I wanted to convey my disdain for it, as I was saying. But I will say those three boys, they look, they're, you know, they're handsome young men. I mean, I know that we've talked about this before, but it just will always make me think of being a kid and watching that damn video of Mbop and not knowing whether they were girls or boys. Yeah. And I was so confused. And I was like, am I gay now? Because I was always ready to be gay.

I was like accepting of the fact that I have got gay symptoms inside of me positively. But, you know, I was fine with it. I think maybe, I never thought of this, but maybe we owe Hansen a debt of gratitude for being a popular thing that it's not like they blurred gender norms in any other way, but they were boys with long hair, and it was a real mind fuck for a lot of people at the time. They were just prepubescent boys with,

or not pre-pubescent, but pubescent boys with long hair. At that age, it's, you know, you can confuse. You can confuse, and people really had a hard time with it. People made such fun of their long hair. And now I think that maybe those boys were brave to have, have long hair in public. I don't know if we need to put the brave stamp on Hansen here. Hashtag brave, Hansen.

Circo, what, 1997? Yeah, for having long hair in 1997, I don't think they need to be brave on the heels of grunge when long hair was, oh, I don't know, extremely in style. No, it was brave in the late 90s to have long hair. It wasn't in anymore, Marcus. No, you're right. Brave may have been a stretch. I think interesting is as far as I should go.

I like the fact that their album is called, finally, it's Christmas. Finally. Shut up, Hanson. They released Finally, It's Christmas on October 27th. No. Finally. Oh, it's Halloween.

I'd rather listen to that album. They should have put out a Halloween album. I would have been all over it. They should put out Halloween albums. They have Halloween baking shows now. They should have Halloween music making. Uh, yeah. Man, have you been watching all the holiday baking things?

Yes. I was watching the, there's one on Netflix right now, and it's some sort of British holiday, like family cook-off show. I forget exactly what it's called. But all I know is that I watched the first episode, and it was just like they had to make a lunch, a nice weekend lunch. And the woman goes over and she goes,

well that's not really a weekend lunch This is more of a Christmas lunch I always say this is a Christmas lunch It's more than just a regular weekend lunch And I was like, what the fuck I've learned about all these lunches You can't just have lunch over there apparently By Christmas lunch does she mean something

That can be had in the Christmas season Only can be had on Christmas Day or Christmas Eve I believe it was an elevated lunch I don't know why but I want to say this is a British thing. Like that they have special lunches. I'm just shooting from the hip here. I did.

Well, when I Googled Christmas lunch, the first thing that came up was this is what the royal family eat on Christmas Day. What is it? Is it chestnuts? Is it berries? Multiple berries? Oh, speaking of the royal family, we have not talked about the tragic news.

The Markles. Tragic news for Jackie that your future husband is temporarily unavailable. because of his engagement. I want to marry Harry. Put me in the reality show. They canceled that reality show for being cruel. For those of you don't know, I want to marry Harry was a short-lived reality TV show in which they told a bunch of women that they were in the running to marry Prince Harry when in fact it was just a Prince Harry look alike. Yeah, it was just some guy with red-haired.

It was like Mr. Personality, but for Prince Harry. Remember that early reality TV show with the men all wore masks? Mr. Personality and also Joe Millionaire, all those, yeah. Wait, I don't remember Mr. Personality. Oh, my God, it was fantastic. They wore masks. It was like, Joe, well, I guess it was like The Bachelor, but the men were, it was like one woman and 20 men who were wearing, like Easter Island masks, like really creepy, like very, very creepy kind of ancient. looking stone masks

and she would go on dates with them and they had to wear these stone masks and it was just about their personality and whether she liked them or not. How did you forget that it was hosted by Monica Lewinsky? Oh my God! What?

What? How is that not the first thing you brought up? Hosted by Monica Lewinsky. I don't know. It was like 2003. I think it was normal that Monica Lewinsky around or at least relatively normal. Wow. You did get in 2003 right, definitely.

And it's definitely hurtful that they were like, who's got only a personality and no looks? Monica Lewinsky. I don't know if she has that great of a personality. Yeah, I mean, her personality definitely. I actually think now Monica Lewinsky is a fascinating person. At the time, we did not know enough about her to know. Why?

What is she doing now? What's her thing? Well, she wrote like a Vanity Fair article, maybe last year, maybe even two years ago at this point, that was like, hey, y'all really fucked me. You all should have been mad at the president, and instead you just slut-shamed me for 20 years.

And it was pretty good. All right, well, I guess go-fav. That's a go-faf. It's a good for-ha. You know what else they did in Mr. Personality? It's like they had dark room sessions where the Bachelorette was allowed to go in in a pitch black room and feel the face of her suitor.

Just to make sure it's, got no lumps on it. Man Holden would not have done well in that, that's for sure. Oh no. But you can still see their bodies. So isn't that part of it? Right? I don't know. I think,

I'm not sure if they got anybody with like really bad faces, but I think that... Well, it's not a full... You could still see, like, from, you can still see the guy's chin and his nose. Oh, come on. You can guess. I guess I know it's like, you know, the windows of the fucking soul or whatever,

but, you know, how bad can the eyes be? I think that the risk, I think that they got some, like, nerds, you know, like some people who just weren't really chiseled and shit, you know, so just some planes. The woman's name was ARP. Mrs. Name and Mr. Personality. Arp.

AARP. Why don't you get over your insurance? Suck my dick. Oh, I wonder if they fucked with the masks on. See, that should be a part of the show. They should turn it into a Skinimax show. And then at the end of it, you have to sleep with them with the mask on. And then as you come, you have to take off the mask.

Well, it would be another good measure of whether you want to be with them or not. Are they a good fuck? And then that would be a great show. Just fuck a bunch of different people without seeing their faces. And then choose your favorite fuck. And then at the end, you see their face. That's the single. I think that's my life.

Wow. They even, so this is, well, they were forbidden to talk about their work, what they did for a living, because that might make a superficial judgment on ARP's part. And then they brought in an astrologer to suss out the sexual habits of the masked men. And then were given a mini aria about how hot he was. A mini aria. Jesus Christ. Well, the only standout so far, this is from like a slate article.

like a slate recap from 2003 said that among them the only stout so far is a deranged motivational speaker who told the camera he was going to work some subliminal magic on ARP by repeating his number like a madman.

I think I remember that actually. Can we get a picture of the person who the ugly guy who actually won? Or was he ugly or was he not? Only made it five episodes. Really? Yeah, I don't know if it made it a full season. What?

I just can't believe that this stood out in your mind. I remember it really, clearly, because it was early reality show's time. I was watching Joe Millionaire, you know, and then Mr. Personality came shortly after. What blue balls? They didn't finish it?

No, they never finished it. Said horrific ratings, they said. Well, that doesn't track with my memory. Oh, man, one guy that was kicked off, he was an NFL mascot. He took off his mask and he said, this totally sucks. You let a 1-800 number psychic make your decision

on who you're going to be with, the rest of your life. What's funny about that is that he wears a mask in real life, too. Oh, yeah. His whole life is covering up his body. It's for the best, probably. He takes off the Easter Island mask, and then he puts on his tiger mask, and then angrily walks off the set.

But Megan Markle. Megan Markle. What about Megan Markle? I am, you know what? She's attractive. I'm not, she is, you know, everything that the royals don't want. And that makes me like her. Same.

Yeah. I don't know anything about her except that all of the coverage I saw was that like the royal queen must be flipping her royal shit. And I think that's kind of fun. Well, she is, she's mixed raced. She's divorced. She's got a weird past. She's an American. She's an actress.

But also, my real question is, is who was watching suits for seven years? She's on that show's suits, which I've never seen an episode of. and maybe I'm prematurely judging it, but who gives a fuck about that show? She's on suits. She went from suits to princess? She's been on suits since 2011. Wow.

Suits is like the, it's like, if it's like name a show that you see advertised on USA when you're watching Law & Order, suits is the one. I know nothing about it except I think it's lawyers. Uh-huh. And...

I think it's lawyers. But it's like an airplane. It's an airplane show, you know, at best, or like a Sunday morning hungover and you fell asleep while Law & Order was on, and then you woke up and suits was on show. And now she's a princess. Wow, good for her.

She's a soap opera actress. Like, she was in her first job was, she was Jill in one episode of General Hospital. And then she was in Love, Inc. She was a suitcase girl and deal or no deal. Yeah, I've seen a lot of those clips, and they're like, suitcase girl to princess. And it's like, oh, my, yeah, girl.

Holder of case, Number 24 for four episodes. What did, what's her name? The other one, the princess of George. No, not of George, of Will. Charlotte is, no, that's the baby. What the hell is her name? Kate Middleton.

Thank you. She, what did she do before she got princessed? She was rich. Uh-huh. That's it. Uh-huh. I think she was just rich. But now she's like, so this girl's not allowed to, you know,

she can't act anymore. She's got to do all the things. But also, this is like better than getting the job of flow. Yeah. If you're an actor, you don't have to worry about auditions anymore if you're a princess. And you still get to be on the national stage. Yeah, until everything falls down and the English eat the British family. True.

Ooh, that would be kind of fun. That's what's, I mean, it's going to happen. I've watched Black Mirror. That's exactly what's going to fucking happen. But maybe she will be safe because people won't eat her because they know that she's a commoner. They'll eat her first for being a turncoat. First against the wall. Hell yeah.

That's what I like to hear. Are you heartbroken though, Jackie? Of course I fucking am. I feel bad for all of like the exes he's had, you know? He's got like how many people that watch are like, ah, I got so close. There was that one that got really, really close and she's the one that takes it. But I wonder what it is. Is it true love?

I have got an ex-girlfriend. list for you. Oh, baby. God, I just wish I could have fucked him while he's getting stoned in a hot tub. Yeah. Yeah, he's definitely the more interesting of the two boys, that's for sure.

There's Natalie Pinkham back in 2003. She was a TV presenter. What is that to me? Is that like a host? Yeah, that's what they call hosts in England. Oh, okay. Chelsea. Like in the Great British Makeoff.

Yeah. Chelsea Davy, from 2005 to 2010. She was a jewelry designer. Ooh, that's a long relationship five years. Mm-hmm. Catherine Omani. She was a real housewife. But she just claims that they shared a kiss in 2006.

God, what a magical kiss. I bet he's really good in bed. Why? I just feel like since he's ever going to be, he's not William. You know, like William's obviously not good in bed, even though he keeps knocking her up, which you get it, boy. But I think that I just, I feel like since he's banged so much and that he is, And I feel like he's one of those kinds of princes that he's so attractive,

but he seems like he has a great personality as well. He looks like he's a lot of fun. And I feel like you would just like hop off the slopes, cover yourself in vodka and just like slap up against each other, you know? Yeah, I definitely would agree with the theory that Will like had it. There was too much pressure on him being about to be king. He probably, you know, has a hard time in bed and or just thinks he's really good and never had to try or gets like panicky about it you know but but harry probably has a bit more of a like

i got nothing to lose attitude you know exactly because he's never going to be you know he can't unless all of them die he ain't going he ain't rise into the top you know it's just weird that now everyone's obsessed with everything that megid markle wears like they did with kate middleton yeah i would not want to have that type of specific scrutiny any type of any type of scrutiny when you're famous, I think would be really hard. But the specific scrutiny of like, do you deserve to hang out with these rich assholes would be a hard one because everyone's just like, she's an American slob, you know? I also feel bad because the whole thing is that her dad is MIA and they track down her father

and they're like taking all these pictures of him. He was just, he's an absentee father, you know, like leave them alone. I still don't understand. I know we've talked about it so many times over the years, but I still just don't. understand the monarchy and I don't I guess I don't understand what regular people and my biggest question is what regular people in Britain's relationship to it is do they all hate it do they all love it you know I think most people our age and younger hate it and could not give less of a fuck about it and think it's a gigantic waste of money which it is yeah but it's

fun I think that's what the I think there's two camps Marcus's camp and Jackie's camp Actually, I think that's the only two-ca. Yeah, that has to be the only two camps. Yeah, because there's really nothing. I mean, I guess the in-between is like, whatever, you know. Yeah, but. I mean, it's better than staring at Ivanka Trump's White House decorations. Did you see the back-to-backs of Michelle Obama's to Ivankas?

Oh, yeah. The dead Christmas, dead tree house. Horrifying. This is where Christmas comes to die. Actually, technically, if it were my house, I would feel like it was really rock and roll. Yeah, that's the thing. If it wasn't being done by people with no souls, it would look very cool because it looks like about, it looks like it's a comment on the death of the soul, I think. But it's disturbing in this context.

Have you seen these markets? I have. Yeah, it's a look into Ivanka's soul for sure. It's so sad. It's so scary. Just a barren forest. I'm just ready for like a killer Santa to come out and just start like slashing throats everywhere. Yeah, it's very white.

Quite white. Please look it up. Oh my God. I'm looking so fucking good. Dear Lord, it's very, very, very strange. It's like not a bit of color in the whole thing. Yeah. Yeah.

And they all have a fucking reputation for decorating. Ivanka runs a whole business about it, I think, or a brand, a blog, I don't know what it is, but I think it's a blog. She does something. I don't know what she does. It's not working on the anti-bullying campaign. We won't get into that. Anyway. What else is going on?

I went, like, because I started listening to the Gwen Stefani album, I went into a little bit of a Gwen Stefani hole. Not her whole, just a hole. And I found this picture and apparently guess. Kevin Rossdale hates Blake Shelton, which is fine. But the reason why he hates Blake Shelton is because the kids are now all wearing camo the way Blake Shelton does. And also they did a bunch of stuff down at his hometown and giving the kids guns and letting them, like, do target practice and go out shooting with him. And Gavin Rossdale is pissed. So they got red-necked stepdaddy now and British boy don't like it, huh?

I love everything about it It's so fucking trashy Why don't you give kids that aren't yours guns to shoot Make it to wear camo The youngest one apparently started calling him Daddy It's it's rough though I kind of feel bad for Gavin Rossdale

Even though he was the fucking cheater And he fucking made his bed and now you're going to fucking lie in it bitch I don't know I guess respect autonomous adults's decision to shoot guns for fun. But if somebody gave my kids camo and guns, I think that I would be, and especially if I was a British punk, I would be. He's a fop. He's a British fop. He's a London foppy boy. All the more so. I feel like I would be a little upset. Yeah.

But yeah, he's right. He's not a punk. No doubt not a punk band. especially amongst the pictures that were taken is a picture of Blake Shelton from his perspective with a camouflage glove on and he's flicking off a bunch of turkeys that he's about to shoot I just am still hung up

on how Blake Shelton is not hot he's not even he's not hot enough to be the sexiest man alive but he's definitely not hot enough for Gwen Stefani not even close she looks fantastic still I well you know I begged a different I love everything about this I mean I want to

date me I'll wear camouflage you know I'll do the whole thing I'll let I'll let the kids shoot off guns do whatever you want let's just have a good time and stop doing duets together because this is their second duet I don't want to hear them say it's just so weird

because then it's her trying to sing country ways right I don't want to hear I want to hear Gwen Stefani like do you know, hollaback girl. Like, I feel like that's what, I don't, I don't understand the, it's like a fusion. It's a fusion I don't want, like a food fusion, but it's a music fusion with those two of them together that I don't, I don't want.

No, me neither. But I started following her on Instagram. I just started following celebrities on Instagram. But I haven't really done it. But I started following her. And then I found Britney Spears's Instagram. And I don't know if you follow her on Instagram. Do you?

No. It's sad Dude It is sad It is rough What is it? So these pictures just came out today Of her

She dresses up In clothes And has people take pictures of her In the house It's really sad Also she's had some really weird mouth Injections or filler Or something

So she looks almost like a A who? From Whoville? Yeah. Right? And I don't know what I was looking at the pictures and I was trying to figure out what happened to her face. Oh yeah, something's going on. But then following her on Instagram, she makes it very, like, she goes through her whole house.

You can see the entire house and there are multiple pictures inside of her house of this one very small reclining chair. and I wonder why the small reclining chair exists. Is it the only piece of furniture she has in her house? It may as fucking well be. There's one of her huge Christmas tree and it's just this small reclining chair next to it. So I'm assuming it's one of the kids. I was going to say it maybe it's one of her cute children.

But whatever, all of her kids are way too old for this small of a reclining chair. I guess that's true. Her kids were like, it was still like shaved head era of Brittany when she already had kids. right those kids must be tweens or teens by now even yeah gotta be yeah they're definitely I think the youngest one is in his tweens uh-huh and so it's too it's too much and it's just following I never I've never been so sad looking at someone's Instagram account before they're watching like on her birthday it's like she's dating some fitness model and on her birthday

it was just her all dressed up in the house and she like blows out candles on a cupcake and She's like, happy birthday to me. With no one else there. Just her, it's just really, it looks like she's so lonely. Just lucky playing in the background. She is so lucky, but why does she cry?

I scratched her sitting in the tiny reclining chair, all by herself crying. And it's so sad. But also, like, she, I don't know if you've, seen she's become an artist now as well like a visual artist um she has started painting huh it is uh it's almost as if um you're just watching a four-year-old paint well it's flowers you know i'm not a psychologist but i wonder if there's it's like it's as if she's stuck in the year that she lost her innocence and you know became famous and then

you know, got fucked for the rest of her life. And so it's like she's, it's like she's a 16-year-old. And she's posing on Instagram like a 16-year-old and experimenting with different types of artistic expression, also like a 16-year-old. I'll tell you, man, nobody like Britney Spears, I don't know. She's still got it. Oh, yeah.

I mean, nobody... Oh, she's still hot. Her body. Nobody does trashy hot like Britney Spears does. Oh, yeah. Oh, it is trashy. Because that's exactly what it is. Looking at her house, too, it's as if a 12-year-old was like,

I imagine that this is what the famous and the rich have. Put another column up. I like it. Oh, wow, a rug. Cool. You know, it's a very, it's such a, it's so sad. And then like, so part, when she started doing her art, there's an Instagram post and it just says,

sometimes you just got to play. emoji, emoji, emoji, emoji, emoji. And it's her just, with just like in a bra, painting this picture, and it's sold for $10,000. And you know who bought it? Robin Leach. What? Why?

From lifestyles and rich and famous. Well, now she's never going to stop painting. She's got, she's being rewarded. You know what? Sometimes you just got to play. Britney's right, Britney's right, you know? If I had really, really stupid money, I might buy Britney Spears for $10,000. Yeah. If I had like really stupid, stupid, really stupid money.

Like not if you had $20,000. No, not spending half my worth on a Britney Spears original. I don't know. It's bad. I just saw it. It's really bad. It's really, really bad. Oh my gosh, wow. Yes, it's a 12-year-old's picture. That is even younger than a 12-year-old's picture.

I think that's like we're at like 10 or 9 even. Wow. It's just, it's sad, dude. It's real sad. And he auctioned it off and he auctioned it to himself. Robin Leach did. Oh, that's sad. I bet because probably no one wants it was for charity.

It was for Vegas cares. And I feel like no one else wanted to. Fine, I'll buy $10,000. All right, oh boy, I'll boy, forget that he knows. I know that's not what he sounds like, but in my brain that's what he fucking sounds like.

Vanity Fair, they can be so fucking, I don't know, this is what they said, it's like, it's a rare window into the mind of spears. It's flowers, it's pretty pink flowers. You know what that window says? Close the window. Don't look in the house. Open the window.

You don't want to know what goes on in here. Do you want to touch my pretty pink flowers? I don't know. It just makes me feel bad for it. Even though there's nothing to feel bad about. She's a fucking bagillionaire. You know, she's doing fine. Oh, I think that there's something to feel bad about.

Again, I think that we, I think that, you know, I think that it was how can you become a normal person when you have the life that she did starting at 16? You know, how could we expect anything else from her but to be in a state of suspended adolescence. I guess... I don't know. I don't know.

I guess, baby, we're just going to have to let Brittany be Britney forever and ever. Hell yeah. Forever and ever. You know, I'm not trying to make excuses, but at the same time,

how on earth does she ever cope? Yeah, you know who I also don't know how she fucking copes is Kim Kardashian. You know, she just has to take a break with these feuds, dude. Who she feuding with now? Taylor Swift. She's been feuding with Taylor Swift. About Kanye?

Is this like a proxy Kanye feud or is this a unique feud to them? Oh, no, it's coming. It's Kanye again. She's bringing it back. She did like a TBT to the famous video. Ugh. Which so, which it's just like, cool out, dude. You know, she's fine.

But then, of course, she retorted with like a sexy picture. And she's like, I never trust a narcissist, but they love me. That's what Taylor Swift retorted with. See, man, I want to like Taylor Swift. But I don't think I do. I think that everything she's done lately in terms of, like, her new bad self, I find it to be so, I find her to be so not bad, and I find her to be so grading. And I kind of, like, the idea that we have, it's like the reanimated corpse of Kanye interrupting Taylor in 2009 is still haunting us, you know?

It's 2009? I think so. Oh, yeah. It was 2009. Jesus. Oh, yeah. Like, we all, we're all stuck in this hell. And Taylor is making a whole album is about, look what you made me do.

And it's just like, we're stuck. We've got to just rip the band-aid off. And Taylor, I just don't like Taylor's. I just don't think I, I think I'm mildly annoyed by Taylor Swift. I think I am as well. Although I did kind of like the song. I like that song. I'm not ashamed to say it.

I like the song. I'm throwing it out there. I enjoy it. Which one? Look what you made me do? Yes, it's fun. No. I like the song.

No, it sounds like nothing. Look what you made me do. Look what you made me do. It's just, I like it. What I don't understand is that they have this whole thing where Kim Kardashian sends snake emojis at her. Like her fans send snakes to Taylor Swift's. And then the Taylor Swift fans send rat emojis. Yeah.

And the snakes killed. snakes kill rats and eat them. Yeah, why would they send rats? They should send like dragons or something. Right, of all the emojis we have now, go bicker. Yeah, or shit. Do the poop one, you know? I guess I had to like read about that for a while just because I didn't, I didn't understand it.

I think I'm too old for emoji fights, you know? Yeah, yeah. And I think that there's just, I feel like there's so many other like pop stars that do fun, up that I am just so much more interested in being excited about than Taylor Swift, you know, like Kesha immediately comes to mind. The only thing that Kim Kardashian, what she's hating on right now that I agree with, she's got a big rift with Jennifer Lawrence. Really?

Yeah. I guess that she hates how much Chris Jenner likes Jennifer Lawrence. I guess they are like bosom buddies and they just drink all. and Cabits and Kim Kardashian hates it. No thought. I'm like, huh. I don't know. I still don't.

I feel like my feelings about J-Lah are still mired by like the knowledge that a lot of people hate her. And I don't really have any, I feel like I, I, I don't know. I guess the J-Law train is a confusing train because I think I know a lot of people hate her. I don't totally know why. but I also don't know why a lot of people love her. I think she's overrated.

She's fine. Yeah, she's fine, exactly. So I feel a lot of a complete lack of emotion about J-law right now. I think that's what it is. Also, it's like, why would you be jealous of her? There's nothing to be jealous of.

You're fucking Kim Kardashian. You got all of it. You have a whole fake body. How is the surrogacy doing? Do we know? They're keeping it all real under wraps. I don't understand, too, why they, like all the, the Kardashian girls, the many

pregnants right now, why they won't show the stomachs or anything. And I wonder if there's other surrogacies happening that they're not dealing with. Very well, could be. A Beyonce situation? Not that it matters. You know, it doesn't really matter at the end of the day. I don't care about the Kardashians.

It's time for the lives. Who's on the list? Gotta have that lives. God, so close. So close. You're hesitating too much. You guys just go for it. It's because we're trying to look into each other's eyes while we say it.

That's true. The listeners should know we do look into each other's eyes. But you're looking at each other's eyes from 3,000 miles away. Oh, yeah. All right, Bruce. Bruce baby. You mean a Bruce baby right now? Well, this list, it's Christmas theme, Liz.

Oh, good. Yay. Yeah, Christmas. Oh, ho, ho. Actors who have played Santa Claus. Tim Allen He's number one He's number one

He's number one He's number one Santa Mars Mm-hmm Santa Claus Of course One two And Santa Claus

The Escape Clause The Escape Clause The third one You know You don't write home About the third one But But you watch it

Last year was my first year Watching the Santa Claus 1 This year should I Watch the Santa Claus 2 Is it worth watching I don't know

I enjoy the second one How did you feel about Santa Claus one. I enjoyed it. It made me feel very 90s. It made me feel like I was in early elementary school, even though, I don't know how I missed it. I don't know where I was. I must have been being a a young hater. But yeah, I enjoyed it. It's just a, I feel like it's an unremarkable movie. Well, Santa Claus 3, hey, Santa Claus 3 kicks it up a notch. It brings Martin short and into the whole thing.

and, you know, so now Tim Allen has to deal with being Santa Claus. And how's he going to stop Jack Frost from taking over Christmas? Wow. And that's the third one. But the second one is when he has to find a Mrs. Claus. Oh. But it also has, which I know I bring up every year, I think I got to post it on Facebook, which is my favorite thing, is Molly Shannon doing a cover of I feel like a woman,

but it's I feel like some Christmas because she's one of the women that go in a day. date with him because she goes on a date with him because she's sexually attracted to Santa Claus and he looks like Santa Claus. So it's a blind date and Molly Shannon's performance is top notch. All right. I'll watch it just for that. I'll bring back Judge Reinhold for Santa Claus too. Oh yeah.

They call me Judge. I'll always think of the arrest of the belt. My name is Judge. Okay, we got another, the other one. You got Paul Giamatti. He played Santa in 1997's Fred Claus. Oh, Lord. That's about, that's the one where it's, what's his name, and he's the brother of Santa Claus, not Vincent Dinoffrio, the other one.

Ah, no, this is 2007. It was Vince Vaughn. Vince Vaughn did a, this is sounding vaguely familiar, but very much forgotten from the annals of history. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This was, yeah, apparently Vince Fawn is Santa Claus' bitter older brother, moves in with him. Of all of the millions of Christmas movies I have seen, I have not seen that one. And I love the Santa Claus trilogy. And I think that means something.

Jesus, listen to this cast, too. It's got Rachel Weiss, Kathy Bates, ludicrous. Okay. Okay, maybe I'll watch it. Okay, all right. It does, however, have Kevin Spacey as well. But a minor role. It's not like nine lives where he's like the head cat.

Like, I think he's something, I think he's got a smaller part in this because, you know, he had all those cameo roles over the years. I just watched Baby Driver, and I enjoyed it a lot, but I had to be very upset every time Kevin Spacey was there. It makes you feel weird, which sucks because I fucking love Baby Driver. Yeah, I really enjoyed it a lot. Kevin Spacey needs to be like, you know, digital. removed from the film and replaced with a dead person or something.

An actual dead person? You know how they do in Star Wars? Well, they'll bring back people who are dead. Yeah, you're right. Let's go. I'm excited because this week I'm watching Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. Ooh, it's a beautiful one. I've never seen it, and I'm excited about it.

Someone found a copy of a DVD of it. You're going to love it. Santa Claus versus the Martians is very fun. In my quest, in my quest to watch the 90s, these Christmas movies that I somehow missed. Should I watch Jingle All the Way or should I skip? Oh, watch. Watch.

Watch. Yeah. Jingle All the Way is amazing. Okay. Yeah. So, so good. It's so good. It's one of my favorite Christmas movies.

Sinbad. Sinbad and Schwarzenegger, right? Yeah. If you like Sinbad in any way whatsoever, it's one of Simbad's favorite movie. One of Simbad's best movies. Okay. Man, and Phil Hartman's in it? I mean, it's like house guests and then fucking jingle all the way.

It's really good. You're going to love it. Well, I like it more. Is it better than? than the Santa Claus one? That hurts me. But, yes.

Yeah, it is. It's definitely better. The original Santa Claus is, you remember we talked about it? It's depressing. It is very depressing. It's super depressing. It's depressing and it's like not even,

like I was like, ooh, is this going to be like a dark comedy? But it's just a depressing family comedy, but there's not really like an edge to it. It's like a lot of movies in the 90s. It has that. That unfortunate edge, that 90s edge, that malaise where nothing really is good, but nothing's really bad either. Yeah, it's a dull edge.

Yeah. Yeah. John Goebbin plays out. Yeah, but Bernard. I'm sorry, Bernard's just so hot. I will have sex with an elf this year. Did you know that the, this is one of my fun facts I learned from that Peter Billingsley special. the boy who played

what's his name the child in Santa Claus 1 Oh, yucky yucks Yucky yuck whatever his name is? I hate him, Charlie. I hate it. Charlie is now in, wait for it, I think it's either the Big Bang Theory

or two and a half, no, Big Bang Theory, I think, I think it's Big Bang Theory. One of those CBS shows that we aren't thrilled about. Really? Mm-hmm. Weird. Charlie. His name is Eric Lloyd.

Still has a career. Why? He was so bad at it. In fact, I'm wrong. Sorry, it's not Charlie. It is Russell from... Russell from... National Ampoon's Christmas vacation.

That's the one. I'm mixing up the little boys from Christmas movies who are in Big Bang Theory. But it's him. Well, he is much better. Oh, my God. That totally is the same kid. Wow. Hell you.

Well, good for him. See, he I'm fine with. Charlie, though. Yeah. Bless you. Charlie, I'm not sure if Charlie has a career. Yeah, Charlie, I don't think, I'm not sure how, if Charlie has done anything for himself as an adult. No, screw him.

All right, stop for blind out of. Oh, we can't see him. There's not a whole lot of Santa Claus is out there. It's just a few. This one's from the American Music Awards that happened just a couple of weeks ago. This foreign born permanent A-list. Celebrity host Mogul Model Spent a lot of time last night

backstage and at an after party hitting on multiple guys. Maybe it was all the wine she kept drinking because she's not usually the one to make a move. Her last boyfriend treated her like crap So I hope she has better luck this time. What was the beginning part of it? Celebrity TV host Muggle Model.

Heidi Klum. Hitting on boys left and ride. God for a whore! Govah! I just watched the latest season of Project Runway. I have watched so much Project One Way. And she is such a stone-cold bitch. I love her.

I love how mean... Because she's not mean on the show. It's just her eyes are covered in frost. Yeah. No, no, she's... I love her. She's German, right? I think so.

Yeah. She's like... One of those. Yeah, she's like beautifully Germanic. Yeah. Yeah. She's a, she's ice in her name. She is icy.

She was, was she the one who was with seal? Yeah. Seal. Yeah, absolutely. Now she's, I guess, single and swinging. Go for her. Mm-hmm. Go for her.

Other one we got. This one's a little scandalous. This very rich former child actress who makes her money doing things other than acting, wink, wink, wink. Wank. But still has a plus list name recognition is dating her drug dealer. Last time she did that. A boyfriend of her sibling died because of the easy access to drugs. Lilo.

No, no, no, no, but somewhat close there. In that same, actually in that exact same vein. Like Lilo. Amanda Bynes. No, like Lilo, but twins. Mary Kate Nashley. I was going to say that before you said twins either. Which one?

I almost said it was like, yeah, but she wasn't. in the bear trap. But, you know. Is it Mary Kate? It's Ashley Olson. Mary Kate Olson was friends with Heath Ledger. Okay. Yeah.

And she was dating a drug, or, yeah, so Ashley was dating a drug dealer. Mary Kate got pills super easy, which she gave to Heath Ledger. And those are the pills that he died on. And now Ashley's doing it again. But now Mary Kate, is it, Mary Kate's the one that's married to the creepy French billionaire, right? I think Mary Kate is that one, but they're both, weren't they both? dating really didn't the other one start then dating a really old guy too maybe yeah but she but he left her though which you know you probably should it's probably for the best yeah just leave that

yeah she is the one yeah maricates the one that's married to uh sarkozy surz sure the big scary russia that's right and so i well i guess well you're gonna tell me that the ulson twins aren't faithful to their creepy old husbands I don't know if they pleasure, if they have pleasure anymore. Yeah, right? They sure don't look like it in their eyes. No. Can you imagine slap it against those bones?

I mean, I guess if she does enough pills, I'm sure she's fine to just lay there. Which one's the really creepy looking one? They both look creepy, but there's one that when you see them side by side that always has much deader eyes. Yeah, I think it's Mary Kate that is the, the deader-eyed one. Yeah, that definitely took a different path and Ashley did. Do you have a fave back in the day when everyone was doing their countdown? No, I mean, they were little girls. Yeah.

Yeah. You weren't on that train. A lot of people were on that train. I guess you were maybe a little bit. They're like our age, right? So you would have been a little too old when they were actually still not legal yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was, I didn't really have a favorite.

People were really wanted to fuck them, though. People were super into that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were really, really into that. It was weird. Yeah. And you remember how the internet exploded when they turned 18? Yeah.

Yeah. That was really truly disgusting. Yeah, really, really, very truly disgusting. And I've never understood the desire to watch twins have sex with each other until the property brothers. The desire is very rational. Yeah, I know it's a popular one. But I don't, I didn't, I don't totally understand it. All right.

And now it's time. It's the end of the episode. It's time for Riverdale Rondo. Juicy. Yeah. Wait, did everyone, make sure we got to give everybody time? If you haven't watched last week's episode, shut it off now. Yes, exactly.

You got to set it off now. Thank you very much for listening. We'll talk to you next week. But if you are caught up, oh my God. The sheriffs and the mayor are boating. Juicy, juicy, juicy. How fuckable is that sheriff? He's definitely got like,

like a hopper thing going on. It was super surprising when Veronica walked down there and he's like, yeah, I just have to, you know, keep in shape. It's discipline. Yeah, yeah. Hot shirtless sheriff was surprisingly hot, and I wasn't expecting to feel that way. I also, though, was really hoping when you were hearing all those noises as she walked

downstairs that he was just going to be like banging somebody. I was very upset, but at the same time, just like, she's just like drinking a diet. soda and talking to him just like, man, you should just like kiss his chest. And I guess I feel like the mayor and the sheriff are two of the hotter adults in town, so I'm pretty glad they're fucking. Yeah, Kevin's dad is banging Josie's mom. I'm a little bit worried about Kevin because I think eventually everyone's going to get mad at him for having a cop dad.

He keeps being like, guys, let's call my dad. And everyone's like, no, Kevin. Never. I just worry about Kevin. I feel like he's, it's got to be hard to have that cop dad. If we need to worry about anyone, it's Juckhead right now. He's caught up with a snake charmer and he doesn't know what to do. Yeah.

Oh, but how hot is he being bad? He just whines the whole time and fucks up a lot. And who was the old Nazi lady that he delivered a... Where's that storyline going to go? Because that's kind of been swept under the rug a little bit because when Archie Juckhead went and delivered the... the package after they had that weird run in with the candy man who talked about the Riverdale Reaper.

Yeah. The woman that they delivered that box to was like an old Nazi woman in a wheelchair wearing sunglasses in a warehouse at night. What weird fucking path is this show going to take? I don't know. What are the gooies possibly delivering to an old Nazi woman in Greendale than just the next town over? Just the next town over.

That's it. I feel like Riverdale has, like, flirted with topical issues, and I really want them to have a Nazi plot. I just think that that would be fantastic. I think that's where it's going. But it's a Nazi occult plot. Like, it's still really dumb. Yeah, right.

It's right. And the Riverdale, like, take something that's, like, pretty topical, okay? And then just, like, make it, make it, like, unnecessarily silly. But Jughead, they're Nazis. We can't deal with them, Jughead. They're Nazis. Oh my God, is Jughead involved with Nazis now? That's what I told him.

I told him, don't deal with Nazis. Veronica, I think Jughead is dealing with Nazis. Oh, M.G., I don't think that Jughead would ever deal with Nazis. Meanwhile, they start texting about it, like, oh, my God, did you hear that Jughead's a fucking Aryan brotherhood now? And that stupid, dumb Archie with his bad decisions is just like, I don't know, Jughead. I don't think that, I think that Nazis are bad. He's really, really dumb. But also her Gumba, the Nazis Gumba was not threatening at all.

Right? He just looked like a big weirdo with sunglasses on. Why they both have sunglasses on? He looked like he was in craftwork. Like he did not look intimidating in the least bit. Why did they get someone that at least looked intimidating? I know he had a gun, but still. And they're not even like, they're like Wolfenstein 3D Nazis.

Like these are not like actual, which I appreciate. which I like. I hope that it goes in that direction. Yeah, I'm ready for a Nazi plot. Honestly, I think that's going to be great. And I'm also ready for the painkiller plot, which I had not been picking up on those obvious hints until you guys put them down.

And then I saw them. And Jackie, you should be happy that your theory from last week was really explored on this episode. I was very proud of myself. When it started, I grabbed Gideon, I was like, This is, wait, stop. I need to tell you Jackie Stereo. You know who I'm wondering about,

and I'm going to be really mad if it ends up that this guy is the Black Hood. The janitor? The janitor. They spent a little bit too much camera time on the janitor. And why is the janitor so invested in Josie? But, but, oh, if they do that, because we've never met that janitor before,

they can't introduce a character in episode seven and then be like, oh, that's the murderer. So I really hope that that doesn't happen. That guy. Yeah, like, right, that guy you didn't know before. But wasn't there, there was a, when Betty was on the phone with the Black Hood and she said, like, would I recognize your face? And he said, yeah. I guess that could be the janitor.

But I'm hoping that that means that somebody on our short list of friends that we know. It could be the janitor. But on the other hand, like, how much just, is he, if Betty starts interacting with the janitor a lot in the next episode, then. But on the other hand, the next episode. The reckoning is upon us. I'm so excited. Because the Black Hood called up Pops. Pops.

Oh, yeah. Because after, because remember the whole thing started, it's like, if you don't sin for 48 hours, I'll let you go. But then they send. Yeah, then Pops had to make that announcement. That was really weird. Excuse me, everybody. Black Hood call. Reckoning upon us.

Yeah. But also, but what about Candyman? Yeah, what? Can we get back to Candyman? Yeah, that was a weird. What was that? That was weird. Also, why hadn't they brought up this weird, like, string of murders that happened not that long ago?

Yeah, the Riverdale Reaper. Like, it seemed like it happened when, like, their parents were in high school. Well, actually, it would have happened probably when their grandparents were in high school, because we got to remember Archie's parents are just a few years older than us. Yeah, but in a small town like Riverdale, everyone would have known if there was a serial killer when your grandma's. parents were around. Everyone who would have known about the so the Riverdale Reaper if I remember like he killed a bunch of people with a shotgun right?

I think that that was right. It's killing time in Riverdale. Like in my hometown everybody knows about the one flood that killed five people in 1905. You know like everybody knows about it. So I think that in Riverdale they would know about the Riverdale Reaper.

Well unless Greendale came over and wiped out all the records because there's something going on in Greendale. No one talks about Greendale is shady. Greendale's really shady. It's across the bridge. You have to drive five minutes to get there. It's a whole different world in Greendale.

Yeah, not to be confused with the whole different world of the south side of Riverdale, which seems to in some ways be its own municipality, but in some ways not to be in a municipality. Well, Riverdale is big enough for two school districts. Fair. So we've established that at the very least. It's big enough for two school districts. It apparently has one 24-hour diner, so it's not that big.

They don't have like a Denny's or. anything. Right. Yeah. Yeah. But then also the switch around with the, uh, the weird, the sexual aggressor, Chuck, he's coming in now, but now everybody's kind of, like Josie's just fine with being with someone that sexually, that sexually assaulted somebody? Well, that's the question is that, you know, is Chuck changed? Because Chuck never actually sexually assaulted anybody. He was just, he was inappropriate. Yeah, he was, he was a predator. Yeah, cyber bully type character, but never, like, physically sexually assaulted anyone. Right.

Not like... He's not a reggie. Not Reggie, the... You're right. He's not a reggie. The other guy was... The other one. Nick St. Clair.

Pennybottom. Nick St. Clair. Right. And I appreciate that they're making those distinctions. Like, if they were to redeem the actual date rapist, I would be like, no, Riverdale. But if they're going to redeem the guy who was like an asshole misogynist. He was a shitty high school kid. Right.

There's no life-altering crime of being a shitty high school kid. Right. And that would be good. You know, they're like, okay, guys can change. They can change. He can change. I think he'll end up being good to Josie. I think once all this pig heart business gets worked out, it'll be fine.

The pig, like, what is happening with Josie? Yeah, Josie. What's happening? So much happened in this episode. If so much it makes my brain hurt. If Josie gets hurt, I'm going to be really upset. So far, I think I've been, I think I'm correct to say that only adults have been killed. I don't think, except for Jason, but like, no, the teenagers.

Yeah, but they, but he didn't get killed. No. So I think, I'm really hoping that they keep up this trend and not kill any of our young people. I don't think they're going to, if they were to kill one, I say if they're going to kill any of them, they'd kill Reggie. Yeah. Because they're not going to kill any of the main. They're not going to kill anybody who had their own comic book at one point. Yeah, this isn't The Walking Dead.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. So, yeah, so we got Archie, Betty, Jughead, Veronica. I would say Cheryl is safe. Josie is safe. I would say Kevin's safe too. Cheryl is safe except for what she's doing to her stalking of Josie. Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah, that's the other thing.

Why is Cheryl stalking her? Why is Cheryl writing the... Why is Cheryl's endgame here? I don't know. Because I thought Cheryl was also helping her out with the whole music career as well. Yeah, but Cheryl just wants to consume people. We all knew that girl in high school. They just want to drink your blood and be your best friend.

Yeah. But also at the end of the day, very nice artist. Very good artist. Very, very talented. Very talented. She's a tortured person for sure. Yeah, definitely. No, she could go into art school and be one of those girls.

They're like the super evil artist girl. They exist. She just wants to have sex with Josie. What's that? I think she just wants to have sex with Josie. Yeah, because we are still waiting for our hot lesbian plotline, right? That one. That one.

I'd watch that one. Well, I've thought about that one. But now that you mentioned the actual possibility of that happening, Like I may have Googled that possible combination into a porn search word search and came up with nothing. But to think that it might actually happen on the show. You were ahead of your time. I think it might happen. I'm calling it.

Yeah, I mean, Cheryl either wants to, definitely I think that her love, she's jealous, she's obsessed. and either that will turn to like hot sex or murder as often. Most foul. As the road often splits, I think that those are our two choices. I don't know, Josie seems like the type of girl that doesn't experiment until college. Yeah, well, and frankly, I think that Josie could do better than Cheryl. Yeah, Josie could definitely do better than Cheryl. There are definitely moments where Cheryl will say something and I'm just like, I love you, Cheryl.

But often I don't like her. Yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa, I think Cheryl's fantastic. Why don't you think that I sure she's like she's the head of the school. I know. What do you mean better than Cheryl? She's just a horrible, horrible bitch. Yeah, but she's a sexy horrible bitch. And she is really fucking funny sometimes.

Like she's a great bitch. Like they make her into a fantastic bitch. Like my favorite bitch character on television. Yeah. And that's what's great about her is they make her such a great bitch because that entire character is like, you know, that horrible bitch in high school, sometimes she's nice for no reason you don't know why she's nice

but sometimes she is which makes you trust her and think hey maybe Cheryl's coming around a little bit and then she's a bitch again you don't know why it's the power she's got control of all of us I'm completely into it I can't wait to watch them they're at least gonna kiss

you know that's true but I don't think that it's Cheryl that gave her the pig heart I don't think that she would go to that length. I think it's going to be a twisteroo where she's doing the like the, you know, the stuffed animal in the locker doing those kind of things. I don't think that she would take it to that level. I don't think so. I think that's the Black Hood. I think Josie needs help and support and surveillance. I think that there's two things happening, which is that Cheryl is sending her the

notes and stuff, but then the Black Hood is also targeting her, perhaps because she's the mayor's daughter and perhaps it has something to do with Hopper and the mayor's relationship. That has to do with something. They got to get rid of it. the kid. They got to get her out of the situation because they're having a torrid affair and he's out there murder and sinners. But then he's also sinning, wait, no, he's sinning himself. So he can't be the Black Hood killer. Oh, no, no, no. Sheriff Keller's been out of the running for a while now. He can't be the Black Hood killer. He's sinning adulterously. Yeah. Every night. I was with you last week because I was like, yeah, he's like he's the law.

He would want to stop the sinners. But I think. that I think that that's out. On the other hand, this whole thing is, it's a very janitor move. It is. It can't be the janitor. I hate, man, when he came in and Josie's playing and he just like

opens up the door behind her and it's just like the blue light from the hallway comes in and I just, it made me laugh. It's just so overdramatic about how he's just like, he gives you a long glance. Oh, but he's sweeping. but he's supposed he's supposed to be sweeping there. It's so ridiculous.

I love it. I love it. Yeah. If it's the janitor, that's going to be some real, that's going to be like, what I understand is like the disappointment level of the lost finale. You know.

It would be a mind. But that, you know, even after the Black Hood thing ends, which let's be honest, let's all hope it ends quickly. We're all, let's wrap up.

Let's wrap up this whole Black Hood thing. I really do not want this. to go on for another. Let's see here. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. I don't want this to go on for other eight episodes. Like, that's how many episodes are left in this season. It's like, if they go eight more episodes on this, it's going to be.

Thank God there are eight more episodes left, though. Yeah. Yeah. But I do have a new theory of who it could be. What if it's Mark Consuelos? Hmm. Who? No, no, no, no.

because we saw the Black Hood Veronica's dad. Yes. Mr. Hiram Lodge. Good question. But it's the thing is that we still, we did see the Black Hood. And I believe,

if I remember correctly, the first attack of the Black Hood, I think Hiram was still in jail. Was he? But it was right, it was coinciding. It was right around that at the same time.

It was at the end of the first season. That was the cliffhanger of the first season. And Hiram... Oh, that's right. When he got shot. That's right. And I think Hyram came back in like the second or third episode.

Yeah, and also I think the Black Hood's eyes are not as pretty as Hyron Lodge's eyes. Oh, no, no, no. It's obviously like a dumpy white guy. I mean, that's definitely, like the Black Hood is definitely a dumpy white dude. I still think it's Betty's dad, and I only think that because of the eyes. When you look at his eyes, I think they have the same,

he has the same shape eyes as Betty's dad. I don't have a theory as to why it would be Betty's dad, except his anger about, you know, how he was cut out of the blossom fortune or whatever. Physically, he is, but he's also not necessarily that obsessed with sin. I know, but at the same time, they did shepherd

the daughter away when she got all knocked up. Yeah, but he wanted her to get an abortion, remember? Yes. Oh, yeah, that would be sinning. That's a sin. That's a sin. The serial killer world. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think abortion would be considered a sin. Man,

I'm just so, there's just so much, and I will, I think I'll scream if it's the janitor. I think I'm going to record myself being openly upset If it's the janitor Yeah, the Riverdale Roundup will just be the three of us screaming for 10 minutes I don't think it can't be that No

It can't be that But also you realize that they're in they're all at pops And Archie's like Yeah I guess we gotta get home Sun's about to come up They are 16 years old You're at a diner and the son's about to come up Like six of you

This old man is letting six underage kids hang out at his diner at all times of the night. Oh, Pops, Pop can't kick him out. Well, Pops can call up mom and dad and say, Hey, your kids are here. Yeah, he could call on him. Except for Jock, because Joket ain't got no family. Yeah, he's got to have a safe.

Pops provides a safe place for those kids to go. You know, that is true. It's providing a service. Yeah, but there's a killer on the loose that is calling and obviously knows that they're all there. Yeah, that's true. Pop should consider getting a security card. Oh my God.

It just makes me so... I just... Man, Betty and Veronica are probably going to get in trouble pretty soon. I think this is going to be the episode that they're going to get into something that they're not going to know how to get out of it. They're getting close. They're getting real close to it.

Because Veronica's real cocky. God, I just remember how I flipped out during the dream sequence with Josie when she got her throat slit. And I was like, are you getting it? But then it was just a dream. That was terrifying. Oh, my God.

You guys know that last year's Teen Choice Awards, or at least this year's Teen Choice Awards, Riverdale swept the whole thing. Really? Except for Choice Breakout TV star in a male role. Archie didn't make it. Whoa. No, no, no.

But, I mean, that's fine. He did get, God, he didn't get any of them. Oh, wait, he got breakthrough performance, but he lost best performance by a younger actor in a TV series and Choice Breakout TV star. Yeah, that's fine. He is fine. I enjoy Archie as an actor.

I think that his character makes bad choices. But I enjoy him, but I'm not like, I'm not, I don't think I'm knocked off my feet, but I do enjoy him. And I think that he's very handsome. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah, he's definitely very. Wait, do they still do those things, or is the MTV Movie Awards when it's like,

Best Girl on Girl Kiss. Do they still do that? Or were they not allowed to anymore? The MTV Music, they just did Best Kiss. Oh, okay. Because, I mean, they got a win for that, man. Their kisses. I got to stop watching it alone.

It's just, it's getting to a point. I think it's unhealthy, you know? I think it's like, I think there needs to be an app where you can go on dates with someone that looks mildly like the people. in Riverdale. That's a good idea for a half. They're just like, yeah, it's like Mr. Personality except the opposite.

Do you guys know that there is going to be a Sabrina reboot? A Riverdale style Sabrina reboot? Oh, same creators? Yeah, really? Yeah, yeah, same people. I wonder if the cat's going to be sexy.

I never really had strong feelings about Sabrina, but if it's in the style of Riverdale, I'll enjoy that. I'll definitely enjoy that. Yeah. Yeah, of course. Yeah, it'll be like, uh, it'll be like charmed. Uh-huh.

But goofy. Will Melissa Joan Hart be there? I don't think she will be. Yeah, that's fine. Or maybe they, she will. Like in Riverdale, will they start bringing the people back? Maybe she will. Who knows?

She'll be a mom. Ooh, man. And it's going to be sexy magic. Oh, it's going to be, you know, it's probably going to be like charmed and the craft and all that all kind of put together. Yes, please. Oh, my God. The second you said it, I was not excited, but now I'm very excited. Yeah, that's how I feel.

My excitement has been growing exponentially while I think about it. It's growing and growing within me. If I could watch more Riverdale-esque shows, I guess I just, oh, it's so good, so much happens. But then the problem is that sometimes when they have a really good episode, it's followed by a not as good episode. Yeah. So I am a little worried about tonight, but, man, oh, sorry, I'm just looking at a picture of Jughead in this. fucking jacket, dude. You know, the problem is, you know what

really turns me off, though? It's the suspenders that aren't on his shoulders. Yeah. I did notice that last episode when he was filling up Candyman's truck. Yeah, it's a real Sky Kid move. And I would know. You love it, though. I don't love him as much as you.

That jacket. I think I got to get the patch. I think I got to get the fucking Southside Serpents patch. I think I got get it attached. Is that too lame to attach it to the back of my leather jacket? How big would you

get the patch? Full slice. I get it on my entire back. Yeah. I think you should do it. Well, you can. This tells you anything. You can buy them at Hot Topic. Ah. I don't know if 30-year-old me can go that low, but

maybe I can. Maybe you can, guys. And Jackie, it is a hot Exclusive. So you have to go on hot topic.com and go order one. It's only $15.15 and $12. It's only $15. Damn it, Jackie, if we were in the same city, I would go to the mall and go to Hot Topic with you tonight. I think that I have. Guys, I think I got to do it.

I think I have to do it. It says the details sewed onto your favorite jacket or vest and head on down to the white worm with your pals. Oh, my God. I can't. I don't know. Also, I don't know if you guys remember, but for my Halloween costume, I found this cheerleader's outfit, and it's the same color and style as the vixen's. So if I wore that and then I had the jacket on, then technically it's like I'm dating Jughead, right? Right?

Yeah, I think you need to go on Hot Topic.com and just take a gander at their Jughead merchant. There's more? At their Jughead and Riverdale related merchandise. Oh, there's quite a bit. Oh, I'm going to be doing that too. Oh, no. Of course Hot Topic has it exclusive. Oh, no.

It's a Juggett T-shirt. So I guess you're looking at the Jughead Coffee Girls T-shirt. Oh, no. Oh, I have to have it. Yeah, yep. Let's do this. Let's put it on our Christmas lists. Oh, God, help me.

Oh, they got the Josie and the Pussycat ears. Oh, no. They got a Pops shirt. They got a Riverdale Vixen shirt. All right. Dude, I got to get this Jughead Jones shirt. I think I have to. Is it creepy, though?

Is this to a point that it's creepy? I don't know. I mean, he's an adult. The actors are adults. The actors are adults. So you're fine. So I think it's okay. You know, it's like, oh, well, oh, I don't, mom, I don't have any money for Christmas

presents this year. And then I'd, like, buy a bunch of stuff on Hot Topic. No, you just have to send these links to your mom and be like, this is what I want. I don't know if I could do that. I think that that's almost too embarrassing to do. I think it might bridge a gap that I'm unwilling to go to. Are you going to get the Jughead shirt that says my sardonic humor is just my way of coping with the world? Maybe.

Or are you just going to get the classic one that just says Jughead Jones and has, him like leaning back while he's got a cup of coffee on his chest. I think I'm going to get that one. That or I could just, I could go like, you know, smaller with it. And I get the bedazzled necklace that says, weirdo. Sorry, I'm just, I'm a weirdo. Look at my hat. I'm a weirdo.

And that's all we got top for on today's page seven. Thank you very much for listening. We'll be back now. You know, and I think it's fine that we do like a week in between episodes on the Riverdale Roundup because it gives everyone an entire. entire week to watch the episode. I think that's true. Gives people time to catch up. Yeah, give you time some catch up. So we'll talk to you all.

Also, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Sorry, I'm just staring at these pictures of the drug. I'm fine. Everything's right. We'll talk. We'll talk about it next week. In case you haven't noticed, I'm weird. I don't fit in. I don't want to fit in. Have you seen me without this stupid hat on? That's weird. He's such a weirdo. Goodbye, everyone. Bye.

Bye.