Page 7 - Episode 233: Eating After Midnight

Episode Date: December 15, 2017

Marcus and Jackie are joined by Henry Zebrowski to rehash the many weird parts of Gremlins 2, dish about Regis and Kelly's odd relationship, and learn about a celeb who recently committed a robbery. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

This Christmas, fireside raising pride. This Christmas. We're garralling through the night. This Christmas. Do you see the Patty LaBelle video of her forgetting the words? No, I haven't. It's pretty great. All right.

Well, I guess looking up. Page 7, everybody. I'm Maloney here in New York City. We got Jackie and Henry out there in Los Angeles. Yeah, baby. You skinny. You skinny. You get him, Henry.

You get it. Yeah, you're skinny sitting over there. Oh, by yourself. You're awful. Yeah. Yeah, you got an energy when we're together in the room over here. It's kind of fun to be a united front. Although I'm upset because Henry put on a shirt for us to record together.

I don't like the concept of my bare arm touching your arm. But you have a bear arm right now. It's not like you're wearing fucking like a body suit. What are you saying? You have a bare arm right now. But I'm not going, Don't touch me. We went to forearm to forearm, which I don't like.

But honestly, my shoulder hairs are getting really long. And so mostly, I don't want them to accidentally graze you because it's like a kitten with its whiskers. I can tell, that's how I can tell if I could fit through tubes or not. Ew, gross. That's why we got him a bigger litter box because he wouldn't go. This Christmas. What a cold wind blows it chills you. Choose you to the bone.

Well, it is Christmas time. We're getting close. We're getting real close here. We're trying to have a celebration this year. Yes. At your home in Los Angeles? Yes. What kind of celebration are you going to have?

We're having a Hawaiian. I'm skeptical. No, it's Hawaiian. Hangton, brother. There's a whole Santa, there's a whole world of Hawaiian Christmas stuff. And we've bought all of it, yeah. Yes, there's a whole Hawaiian Christmas oeuvre that's a whole Hawaiian Christmas oeuvre that's a whole. out there and it's all like Santa Hula,

which is like like, Santa Hula, Hula, Santa Hula Hula, Santa Hula, which is just a big fat man. Just wiggle in his parts. Yeah, but then there's also like, how'd you like to spend Christmas on Christmas Island? Which is awesome. That's exactly where I want to go, where no one else is. Yeah, because that's the best part about Christmas Island is no one's there.

The family died on the boat getting to Christmas Island. This Christmas. God, that fucking song really, I mean, I think it plagues me more than Christmas shoes. What? Yeah. Why? Because it's one of those songs that pops into my head year round. Like the second Thanksgiving hits, Christmas shoes is in my head.

But all year long, I have this Christmas. And it's usually just that part. No, it's actually usually. It's better than me having I'm no angel stuck on my head, which has been the last fucking three days of my life. What song is that? No Angel. I'm no angel. Greg Allman

That's all it That's all it is Down the street And I walk in Hey Wait Wait Are you singing

Walkin in Memphis No I know the difference I'm a In Memphis Bogging with my feet 10 feet off the bill Bonging in Memphis

Do really feel The way I feel Uh oh It's a musical review Guys Speaking of a musical review and Hawaii, Chris, did you guys know that 311 did a version of Mali Kaliki Makkah?

No. I bet it's great. Mela Kaliki Makka is big. Boom, boom, boom. Although, actually, I do have to say,

after last week, I got a lot of hate for saying that about the My Chemical Romance song, and I listened to it, and I enjoyed it. I did. I did enjoy it. I did enjoy it. I enjoyed it.

I enjoyed it. My chemical romance can go F. I mean, that's what you say. It actually, it was surprisingly, it usually, yes. Yes. No, it can go F. I enjoyed the song, though. It's pleasant in Christmas spirit.

Says you. Yeah, says me. Oh, do you guys know that Jimmy Buffett did a Christmas album called Christmas Island? He's got two Christmas albums, and that's what we're going to listen to all day on Christmas. I'm very excited for our tropical exploration because it'll be all about. It's our slow idea of when we will be alone on an island for our family Christmas. It's going to be great. We're going to pretend like it's not Christmas.

Oh, yeah, what are you going to pretend it is? I don't know. Drink during the day day. Yeah, set things on fire nights. Everybody gets a drink day. Everybody gets a present day. But then we have a bunch of tropical themed Christmas stockings as well. Yeah, but I'd also like to have, I want to buy the island for Christmas.

And then we set up a big obstacle course. It'll be upsetting. Where are you going to set that up? You have a small apartment. No, no, we're going to buy an island. This is not that small of an apartment. We could set up a pretty sizable, for us, obstacle course. You are both small people.

I want to turn one of the bathrooms into like the mud room, though, where you've got to get through the mud. No, we don't. I thought you're talking about mud room like the heaven fixer uppers, which is the, normally it's an antecedent to the opening chamber of a house. It's like a foyer. Then you have a mud room where you go and you put your shoes in your coats. Yeah, but it's also filled with mud for the obstacle course. It's because she's not paying any bills. The house hunters world right now or the house builders world.

They are the smartest people in the face of the planet are getting out. The fixer uppers are getting out of the TV world because they know for a fact. You have to are to stay in the TV world. You know, I also got to say I saw the Magnolia Journal at the checkout of the supermarket the other day. Oh, wow. Natalie and I were looking through it. Did you pick it up? You know, I couldn't pick it up because it was just, you know, I'm saying this.

It was a little too faith-based. I don't like the faith. That's a problem. I'm reading the new Chip Gaines book. I'm reading it's for business. It's for business inspiration because he just says, I mean, he just positive his way out of everywhere. And you know, he leaves his truck in his car, his keys in the truck of his car. Because he's so, oh, he's so fucking, oh, what a mark.

But when it comes down to, he's such a good, it's a very inspirational book, but he does say a lot. about God's plan and I just go Yeah, yeah Every time I see it's But I like it because it is in our bathroom though So we can just read it at our leisure What is there? Is there anything useful in there? He says fear is stupid

Yeah, fear, false appearance appearing real. Yeah, false expectations appearing real, right? Expectation, I think it's false experience. I don't care. It's the same. It's all the same. It's all the same.

It's all fear is stupid. Thank you very much. I'm going to strike you. I'm going to strike you. Don't hurt me. No, we're both wrong. It's false evidence appearing real. Damn!

It's the dark room where Satan develops his negatives. Yeah. This is my question. I saw you pose a thing. So Regis Philbin wouldn't speak to Kelly Ripper because of a mandate? Yeah, you had a mandate. What does that mean? I don't know.

He had a superstition about it. You save it for the show. Oh, that's interesting. No, and he really loved Joy through and through. His wife. What do you mean through and through? You can tell, because it was a lot of just like, Oh, Regis.

You know, it's like, that's what a marriage should be. Oh, with his own little meals. I don't think Joy is of the Jewish faith. But, yeah, I imagine. But she had a very, you know, a fast talker. Also, Kelly Rip is fucking annoying. She was very annoying. Yeah.

You know, yeah, 11 years they didn't talk off camera. Hell yeah. I just also. Yes. Yes. Sitting in silence, shuffling papers. Everyone just sits like waiting for lights to get moved and check. Stony sound, Kelly.

So, um, with it, so there'll be a salad at the luncheon cook. No, she's a hardcore bitch, though. That's the word on the street. I mean, it's like, I, you know what? They never should have gotten rid of Kathy Lee. I bet that Regis really got his bum in a fire. Because it's like you watch Kathy Lee and Hoda and they are good. Their chemistry.

Yeah, but also, did you know that George and Amal Clooney gave out noise-canceling headphones on the flight to England with their six-month-old twins? Oh my gosh. Because they knew that those twins were going to make noises. Oh, well, good for them. So glad that someone's got the money to spend all their lives and all the day going at the boy and all these noise cancelling headphones to get to everybody. Are you being Joy Philbin right now?

Yes. Oh, Regis, your hands are like ecstasy. Don't ever say that phrase. Oh, Regis, you just really, oh, you're stirring my soup with your little spoon there, Regis. They haven't had sex in at least 25 years. No. Right? Many, many years.

Well, I honestly think that he still crawls up on there. You think so? Yeah, he's Regis. I never saw him as a sexual human being He plays tennis like three times a week He seems tight That's what I'm saying If you're tight

It's easier to still get got a push You can still have a push if you're tight Well the headphones actually were They were custom made for Clooney's Casamigos Tequila I am so upset So you need to tell me So all the headphones had little Casa Amigo logo

That maybe is the douchiest thing On the face of the planet Only because having swag is fine. Everyone has to have swag. But the idea that your tequila is so high, high class that your swag is noise-canceling earphones? But they did. They pass it out on the plane. I mean, that would be cool.

I mean, I would be using it if I ever received the Casamigo noise-canceling swag headphones. But also you got to realize Quentin Tarantino was on this flight, and he gladly took the headphones. So it's also one of those flights. Thank you so much, Jay Joyce. Thank you so much for the hip-a-habil-dare-can I suck on your wife's feet? He does look like a feet-sucker. He is a feet-sucker. No, he's a well-known feet sucker. Really?

No, that's his whole thing. That's why so many of his movies have feet scenes in him, like Pulp Fiction, all the foot massage stuff. Remember and Kill Bill when Uma Thurman had to learn how to use her feet again, how much footage was in that movie? He loved thinking about suckered on Uma-Thurman's feet. He had a big thing for Umer-Thirman's feet. particularly. But that's what made him a good artist, Jackie. It's the feet. I guess so. There's X factors

to everyone. Yeah, but he was never creepy with it. No, he just sucked on feet. He just said hi. It's hard to, I feel like it's hard to make an offensive mood on somebody's feet because it's hard to get to a feet. And feet can still kick you in a face. Yeah, feet can still kick you in the face. Yeah, but at the same time,

if your legs are crossed and you have like sundias on, then it's very easy to just get on down there. Is it Spanish for sandals? Sure. But I also feel like you could really tell, like, if you're sitting at dinner and you hear Frum, Frum, Frum, Frum, Flum, Flop, Clomp, Clomp, Clomp, and you know that's Quentin Tarantino under the table just to sniff and lick your feet.

Like, I feel like you would see that. What if you just thought it was a big dog? You don't want to kick a dog. I don't know. Even when Wendy starts licking my feet, it feels weird. Well, nothing's like if I'm snuggle on the couch with Natalie, and she can't stand When you're snuggling, when he can't not be, it has to be a part of the equation. So it's like, I'd be like kissing Natalie and Linfield and just my heel, licking my heel,

and she's staring at me like. And we were talking about yesterday, there's enough skin flakes on my feet and elbows is where they get it. And she's small enough that that's food. This Christmas. It's a constant loop inside of my brain. Yeah, you've done this to me because I don't know any of the lyrics or the verses to it. I just know the pause, pause, pause, pause, pause. This Christmas.

I mean, I think most of the song is just the chorus. No, there's a lot of other words in it. Fire side blazing bright. This Christmas. We're Carolyn through the night. This Christmas. He doesn't say this Christmas that many times. He does it?

No. Oh. I was doing like a remix with you. Oh. There's a lot of wows in this song. Wow. Wow. It's Blazing Bright.

Wow. Can you actually just read the lyrics? Wow. Wow. Wow. I don't remember any wows in the song. There's like three. This Christmas will be a very special Christmas for me.

Wow. Let's go. It takes a lot of the oomph out of the wows. It really does. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

No. We haven't watched Muppet Christmas Carol yet. We're saving it. What are we saving it for? For whenever it is, we get a chance to do it. We did watch Gremlins 2 this week, though. I love Gremlins 2 so much. I haven't seen it in years, and you know what?

God damn. What to be a girl, Grimlet's so bad. But the part of it that really gets me is that the whole time, she's putting herself on the man, the evil man, the villain dude. Kiss him cover and kiss. He doesn't want it. But at the end of the film, everything is all taken care of, you know, like, you know, Clamp as a hero, everybody's fine with everything's back normal. He's stuck in the bathroom with this little creature.

And then he says to himself, you know what? I'm going to fuck this thing. And then he decides to fuck it. He chooses it. He chooses it. Yeah, the exact look on his face is like, all right. All right. I guess I'll fuck this weird screaming lizard with time.

tiny little breasts. Like, this is what I'm going to do. Merry Christmas. I just didn't see it going like, like while he's fucking in the bathroom. That's all I see, but it guts of credits. There's got to be some slash fiction about that somewhere. There has to be.

I mean, she's a banging body for a gremlin, though. She's got the ditties. You're weird. It's her lips. I just want to be here. You're close to it. I'm getting close. I just like, because I didn't realize until this time around that she screams,

why won't you commit? Yeah, it's all very sexist weird stuff in it where it's like she goes, it's all be like, hmm, I want to be your wife. It's like immediately. But he's got really good shit in it, good spider gremlin and it's pretty sweet. I just forgot so many of them. It's God, it's so good. There's a lot of Gremlin fan fiction online.

I don't know if it's like sexy. There's Gizmo and the Gremlin gang. That's a whole series. I don't want to watch Grimins 3. I know what you ate after midnight. Oh, it's about pussy? Is that really about pussy?

You're not eating it. A Magway can go down on you. That's actually a very interesting equation of wondering if a Magway goes down on you after midnight and then if it becomes a... Well, let's listen here. Gizmo, are you hungry? Asked Billy.

No. Gizmo not. Oh, God. Billy said back, you can have the rest. of my beef steak. No. Don't save it until midnight.

You know what happened. Why would you do that? Why would you do it? What makes you feel sexy about looking at Gizmo? Gizmo's the two-thes-like on her. Yeah, whatever. Who looks at Gizmo's like,

yeah, I'm a fuck it. It creeps, I think. Thank you. I'm allowed to say that that's creepy. Yeah. I think that's disgusting. There's a lot of fetishes. You know what?

Fine. Everyone is an individual. But that one, I draw the line. Yes. It's like having sex with an Ewok. I hate their little lips. Oh, okay.

No, no. This is what it is. Apparently the female, the lady gremlin's name is Greta. Oh. They only wrote two chapters of it. And the second chapter ended with Greta giving Gizmo a note that said, I kissed a magway and I liked it. Katie Perry.

Grimlins don't mind. I kissed a maguai just to try it. Taste of his fluffy, Greta. Ew. There's so many people lost. There's so many people out there that don't have anything good going on during the holidays, and that's why they write these things. I'm into like...

Actually, I don't know what came after Fluffy. It says, Taste of His Fluffy, and then after that is in parentheses, something was written here that even a Gremlin writing expert, couldn't understand. So they got so, they literally, they broke down creatively that they couldn't even finish. Or they came. They were writing it. They came.

And they couldn't finish it. Because that was their inspiration juice. I'm going to go rule 34, this lady grimlin, see what I come up with. Oh, no. Wow. Nothing. No, there's got to be something. in. Wow, I'm not finding

anything at all. You have to look it up under Travis's account because I think if we're going to pop up, I can imagine Travis weirdly Googling it in the night. Oh, no, found it. Just type in Lady Gremlin porn and wow, there's a lot. I don't know if I want to look at this sitting next to Henry.

No, I don't. I think you should. Okay. Let's go ahead. Oh, God. Here's one of the naked Lady Gremlin going down on Phoebe Cates while she's wearing her clamp towers tour uniform. All I see is just, these are just ladies. They're calling

Grimlins, which I think is very sad. That's very upsetting. Why would you just call a Lady Grimlin? Google Lady Grimlin porn and that'll come up. I don't know, maybe you're a Google result. Maybe mine are just all fucked up. I don't know. Made to go here. Yeah,

I don't see anything. No, these are just women having sex. Yeah, these are just women are calling gremlin. Which is just that's awful. That's sad. All right. Well, if that's the case, then here, I'm going to have to show you on my computer. Whoa, it went straight to it, Marcus. You're fucking disgusting.

I can't believe it that went straight to it. Whoa. Oh, I was under that. Oh, I don't like that. Oh, she is just feasting on that fake Phoebe Cave's Behole. Oh, weird, the gremlin fucking the woman. Very strange. I guess if you are sexually attracted to Kevin Hart, it's exactly the same.

She's having a tiny little man. I'm just going to do a short one this week. So let's go to Blind items. I can't see them. I can't see them. First up, this former A-minus list, tweener singer, stole some items from a homeless family so he could sell them for drugs. A-minus tweener. Tweener.

Yeah, and he's gone through some drug stuff recently. Nick Carter, Taylor Kitch. Aaron Carter Excuse me Nick Carter What did you say? I said Nick Carter But I know they're both going through shit right now

It's Aaron Carter So skinny Yeah he's looking really rough Yeah There's a lot of skinnies on him I think that he needs some help I think he needs a sandwich That's what I think

You need a thing I think you need to kick the drugs I think that's what he really needs Yeah When we got here This one has a little bit of royal intrigue to it. He's fucking...

Megan Markle should just go back to being an actor. Why? It's the funnest thing in the world. Why stop being an actor after being a princess? She gets to be a princess. Do both. No, that's too much work. Acting's not work. Listen to this one. It's going to be really interesting when guys

come forward from a few years back and start talking about how this B-plus list actress who probably won't ever act again used to charge by the hour for companionship. Megan Markle. Damn. I don't know.

I mean, this could be some rumors spreading. There's a lot of... I honestly think, because I've seen a couple of hit jobs out on her and the blind items, and I really do think it's people trying to just take her down. It's sort of like what people used to do. There's various gossip sites where people just flooded with bad rumors. I've seen it about a bunch of people. They tried to do...

There was a buzz about Tom Hanks for a while where there was like some people were trying to float that maybe he did bad shit, but I think he's had it on lockdown. He may have cheated a couple. a couple of times. I mean, they've been together for a long time. And so I think he stepped out every once a while. But he's Forrest Gump. You're right. You have to have sex with Forrest Gump.

I don't think this one's true. If this one came up a few times, maybe, but now this one just came up once. I think it's a bit of smear campaign. I think that the ones that I've heard it again and again and again that I think it's really true is Lindsay Lohan, Iggy Azalea. They're both they're up there doing it.

They are, they are, they're paying for them. Yeah, they're getting paid for a certain amount. Because Pamela Anderson's doing a lot of cover up for fucking, what's his name, for WikiLeaks, for Julian Assange. She's going to be involved with something fucked up with Russia. That it's weird how you can just be hot enough that you can be used as a smokescreen yourself. Yeah, but then how is she? She just came out with this whole line of lingerie. And so it's like, like there's all these pictures of which Marcus, that's why I wanted to tell you about it.

50 years old, she is working that laundry and she. looks fucking good. She's filling it out. If someone's going to be something for Russia, I guess it should be her because she is, wow. Yeah, they're rushing to get that lingerie. Off of her. That sounds rough.

Right? Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, there's some computers in there. There's some computer elves that have done a couple of swipes, but at the same time, she's still looking pretty great. Yeah, there's definitely, yeah, this is a, well, it's bringing it all back, isn't it? Yeah.

Marcus, it's Christmas. It's not sexual. But it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like Jenny McCarthy is still got it for me, even though she's gone completely nits. Mm-hmm. Yeah, and Anna Nicole Smith, even though. She's a fucking skeleton. She is dead.

Well, I do remember speaking of Christmas time, Anna Nicole Smith did do a pretty impressive Christmas spread and Playboy one year. Yes, but I think she's perfect for it. I always think she was perfect for it. I think it should be somebody who's like polar bear-esque. Yeah. Are you talking about me? No.

No. I don't know what I would do with you if you did tasteful nudes. I don't know what I would do. What do you mean? I guess I just have to look away. Yeah, of course I'm not going to fucking look at them. But if I could sell it, I'll do it. Oh, God.

What do you mean tasteful? Like my hands on my breasts? I just did in front of them. He didn't like that. You just can't do anything where you're peeing on your own. feet. That's the main thing. I'll try not to. I don't know if I could. That's the opposite of taste. That's what I'm saying. That's the opposite of tasteful. Taseful involves like you, there's like satin and there's a high concept. It can't just be like, this girl's just skanky enough to be

nude behind a dumpster. If that's what you want to do too, honestly you can. I like non-tasteful Jackie, don't look at me. I love non-tasteful nudes. I think they're fantastic. But I can't do it in front of Jackie. Jackie cannot respond. I'm just putting my hand in front of your face, so I don't have to see it on the screen. We're just like, Jackie, though, I would prefer to do tasteful nudes. But anybody else do whatever you want. I think it's great.

Yeah, my whole persona is real tasteful. Don't you worry. I'm just saying if you're going to make the step towards it, it's got to be for a Holocaust movie. It's got to be a Holocaust movie. Oh, I'm so cold. A lady clown in the Holocaust. That's a good flip. We do the day the clown cry, but with the lady.

I like this, but this time it won't be, yeah, we'll let it out to the masses, though. But it's technically, it would have to be Melissa McCarthy. Hey. Unfortunately, she's paid her dues. Why? She's paid her dues. She wouldn't do it. Shall you, she wouldn't.

She would do it in a fucking second to sniff that Oscar just for a fucking minute. All these, all these monsters. They're all monsters. Hollywood actors. You're being a monster. No. Talking about your nudes. This Christmas. Thank you everybody very much for listening. That's all. We got time for today.

Oh, that's it. We're out. Do whatever nudes you want for Christmas. At the same time, it's a really, I think that boudoir photography is a really good Christmas idea for a present. Yeah, well, all I want for Christmas is nudes. Yeah. And also, we're going to start doing, we've been getting a very good, um, response for Riverdale Roundup. So we're going to start making Riverdale Roundup their own special little mini episodes.

Hell yeah, so come out, you go find it. And also get on that Riverdale Jingle, Djangle Train. I cannot... I can't imagine watching a show where two people seriously say the term Jughead multiple times. That is my main problem with the show.

Usually they refer to him as like Juggie or Jugg. Jog. Jog. Jog. I fucking hate him. I just want to be a part of your life when you're in the serpents. How can I be a part of your life? Oh, my God, we have so much to talk about.

The only man who should be named Jug should be a friend of Pee-Wee Gaskins, and that is a plug of last podcast on the left, also on the LPN network where it should be that. It should be gone to be going to all, oh, oh, I'll think mayhem is fun. That's what it should be. It should be a weird, like, wall-eyed man. Well, thank you for having me. Thank you for being with us. This Christmas.

Merry Christmas. Hail Satan on this Christmas day. Thank you.