Page 7 - Episode 238: Foppish at Best

Episode Date: January 23, 2018

Jackie, Molly & Marcus talk 90's cartoons, Zac Efron playing Ted Bundy and the strange sex appeal of Paul Hollywood. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The story must be told. The story must be told. Ooh, ooh, teacher, pick me. Yes, little Brandon, she wondered. He stood up and then pulled his eyes down as hard as he could. The white goo fell down his cheeks. That's the right answer, she said. Hey there, the story must be told, season two,

coming to Last Podcast Network, January 30th. And Last Podcast Network.com. It's good. Or I'm sad about it, but something. Someone put up Stick Stickly on the Facebook page, and now all that's stuck in my head is, write to me, Stick Stickly, B-O-Box, 963, New York City, New York State, 10108. Jackie had cable. Sounds like somebody had cable grown up.

Wake it. Welcome to Page 7, everybody. I'm Marcus Parks. I didn't have cable. I didn't have cable, and I remember Stick-Stickley, but, disappointingly, I don't remember the song. You don't remember the Stick-Stickley song? I guess not. I think there were other songs as well, and I don't know.

I think that someone's making a joke. It's like, you can't make a comment on what Stick-Stickley wore to the SAG Awards, which I did laugh at, but then it's just, I was like, immediate, like, sit back, like, 15 years. I was just like, God damn it. Oh, it's in my heart. I remember, like, na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-nac. Oh, yeah, we all remember that. But there must be other things that would come back to me, but that doesn't, that doesn't, that doesn't,

as Stick-Stickly, I had not thought about him since probably the year, 2000, no, earlier, 1998. Let's see if this is, Jolly, this is a New Year's News Flash 97. And now, a New Year's newsflash. 1997 is almost here. And once again, Nickelodeon wants to hear your New Year's resolution. So, ride to me, stick, sticky, P-O-box, 963, New York City, New York State, 101,08. Why do I, why? Why is it the weird crevoss of memory that is inside that that stays in? And you know what? I kind of want to write to him. I remember his voice.

His voice came back to me upon hearing it. I remember thinking, I was a bit of a hater when I was a kid. I remember thinking that Stick Stickley was a bit of a bullshit puppet. I love Stick-Stickly. It's a bullshit puppet with a bullshit voice. That guy is just clearly not really trying very hard to make a different voice is how I felt about it. How did you feel about Siffle and Ollie? Great.

Okay. Yeah. Bullshit puppets, though. Definitely. But like they're, but I feel like that was part of the gimmick. I felt like Stick-Stickley, I felt like I was being condescending. too. I mean, it is just a popsicle.

But at the same time, I would murder someone to be the voice of Stick-Stickley. Yeah. Let's reboot. Reboot it. There's also in the Facebook group and a lot of Rugrats

conspiracy threads which has me deciding that I think I need to re-watch Rugrats and I think I'm going to love it. Really? Yeah, why are you looking to be like that? Ah, babies. Yeah, babies.

Yeah, but they're babies with sophisticated problems. To be fair, I have not watched... What's the most sophisticated? Problem Rugrats went to. You know, they always have to escape that pen and then they usually have to like think they're helping solve

the adult's problems by overhearing the conversation. I'm interested in, you know, I feel like it was an interesting project to like project like dignity and thoughts upon babies. And I want to see if they actually did it as well as I remember.

Then how do you feel about baby geniuses? I think you will realize how I feel about it. I was not a big fan of baby geniuses, although you know what I embarrassingly did like? I was young. Baby's day out. Why?

Is it just the baby got out and it follows the baby? I had like a phase as like a third or a fourth grader where I thought babies were really cool. Interesting. I didn't have any in my life, you know? I thought they were neat. Posing as children's photographers, three crooks scheme their way into a mansion to kidnap an infant.

Their hostage proves quite resourceful, however, escaping their hideout and making his way into downtown Chicago. Now the conmen have to find their abductee, who believes that in order to return home, he must reenact scenes from his favorite storybook, including trips to the zoo and a construction site. This makes me very angry. See, that's a funny premise.

It's baby home alone. Yeah. Except, actually, I think it might have come out before, home alone. What year was home alone? I'm gonna say 92. Well, home alone was not. Actually, no, I take that back completely, but home alone was 1990. Baby's Day Out was 94. 94. I still, I mean.

All right, you were young enough. I allow it. I was young. I'm not proud, though. I'm not, I'm not proud. You know, you got to confess every once in a while. Yeah, I, it's a dark premise. They were trying to steal a baby. I think the only baby show that I would like to rewatch is Muppet Babies. I could totally fuck with some Muppet Papers. Definitely. Muppet Babies is excellent. Very good job on the slang.

Thank you. Yeah, I'm like one of the kids. Savage. Is that still a thing? I think so. Hell yeah. I love Muppet Babies. I really like the Muppet Baby comic book.

Ooh, I had the Muppet Baby comic books and the Rennon Stimpy comic books. It was really comic books I had. Stimpy comic books are still amazing. So I imagine. I am going to go excavate those. Yes, because you're about to go home for a few days. That's going to be great. And they're bringing back, speaking of 90s cartoons,

they're bringing back animaniacs, too. And I'm a little stressed about it, because what if it's like the X-Files reboot and not like the Twin Peaks reboot? I have re-watched some of Animaniacs, though, recently, and it still holds up. I believe that the old ones hold up. It was so weird, I feel like I'm not sure

that they could make the new. ones hold up you're not a man you're a chicken boo it was just a chicken a different outfit it's genius yeah that it was so good and weird that was what i loved i loved chicken boo yeah i feel like you know a re a rebank now could either yeah can either go the great way like twin peaks or like somebody was like yeah but it's the same creator doing anima maniacs but the new x-files is the same is also Chris Carter, and I've only seen the first episode, but yikes. Not good. I did not find it enjoyable, and I enjoy every episode of The X-Files.

So I'm just a little bit worried that animaniacs, it was so weird. How can you recreate something that kind of magically weird, you know? But maybe it'll be good. I think I'm eager and also nervous. I feel like they're too censored now. They're not going to be able to get away with so much shit anymore, you know? But I think it's coming to, like, the internet. It's Hulu.

Oh, okay, cool. And the target audience has got to be us, not children. Oh, yeah, I would imagine so, yeah. There's another reboot on her hands, though, and I'm actually kind of excited. Crocodile Dundee! Fucking Crocodile Dundee, guys. Danny McBride is playing Crocodile Dundee's son, and no one knows anything about this movie. It just came out with these, like, two teaser trailers, and you know what?

I love Danny McBride so much. I don't even want to just fuck Danny McBride. I want to marry, marry, Mary. I want to marry, marry, marry. I want to fuck Mary, kill him. I want to just marry him. He's one of those comedians who's had, like, a consistently awesome career. I think we would be perfect together.

Have you watched Kenny Powers or Eastbound and Down? I haven't, but no, I have years ago. I've thought, like, a few episodes years ago. But I remember just people being like, this is the greatest. It's still one of those shows that I'll just randomly pop on an episode. I just laugh and I laugh and I laugh and I laugh. Fixen's. Oh, yeah, you're going to put some fictions on it. I love everything about it. Have you watched these bound and down?

Few episodes, yeah. I haven't watched the whole thing, though. It's a good one. It's a good one, guys. But I'm excited about it. I don't know why he's playing his son. Well, the plot synopsis is that Michael J. Crocodile Dundee has gone missing in the Australian Outback. And the only person who can find him is his loud, obnoxious American son that he didn't know he had. So, Crocodile Dundee came to America. Banged a woman, went back. Yeah, well, he was in America in the first movie, if you remember. I don't remember.

That's the whole point of the movie is that he gets taken. I think I've seen the second one many times. Like, that was the one that was always on, and I watched it a million times. No, the whole, if I remember, I haven't seen it since I was a kid, but I'm pretty sure the whole plot of the movie is that this woman goes to Australia, and she finds Crocodile Dundee and finds him such an interesting character that she brings him back to America. Because remember, you know, that that's not a knife. This is a knife.

Yeah, that was like at a fancy party in America. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. And also immediately, Danny McBride does that. He does it. That's not a knife. This is a knife. And then he goes, knife play. Knife play. And I'm just like, I love you. I love you. I kiss you. I kiss you. He's not doing an Australian accent. No. He's American. A reboot that is, can I share just a dark thought that I had? Always, yeah. Of course. A reboot that is not happening but is being purported to happen because of because of the, because of the, The internet is friends. There's a friends trailer going around that is fake.

But the most horrible thought came into my head while we watched it, which was I cannot believe one of them isn't dead. Yeah. Yeah. How is it that they're all still alive? Matthew Perry's been dancing with the devil for a long time now. He's had big pill problems. That's his thing.

Yeah. He's been in rehab for forever. Yeah. But my mom thinks that Matt LeBlanc is the funniest man. on television right now. So, you know, I, I guess I got to give that show a watcharoo. Looks like you're probably going to give that show a watcharoo here in the next few days. So I'll report back.

That's fine. I'm going to make my whole family watch fucking Riverdale. So, really? I think I might. You want to go down that path? I think I might. I kind of want to live stream. My father being like, what the fuck is this?

Is it going to be like that thing where you watch a sex scene with your parents and it's bad? Yeah. Yeah. I kind of just, I kind of want to capture it, though. Yeah. Well, there's not, the first, like, the first six episodes or so, there's not, the real teen sex doesn't come in until the second season. Oh, I meant on Wednesday.

Oh, I meant the next episode. Jump them right in. There's going to be some sexiness. Yeah, we got, oh, we're going to talk about it. We're going to talk about it. We're going to talk about it. We're going to talk about it. Okay.

We said today is Riverdale Roundup Day, of course. So we are going to be talking about that on a little minisode. And nobody from full. house is dead either. Man, those Olson twins, they're also dancing around. How are they not dead? People die all the time. I can't believe Jody Sweeten isn't dead. Yeah. She skated through it.

Yeah. I think she's back in, though. Yeah, I think she's back into it. You know, I saw them all on the view the other day. No, it wasn't on the view. When I was home for Christmas, I was watching Harry Connick Jr's talk show because my mom loves Harry Connick Jr. Wait, he has a talk show? Totally has a talk show. You want? Great. I love Harry Connick Jr. It's everything you want from Harry Connick Jr. It's everything you want from

Harry Codac Jr. in a talk show. Oh my God, I just want that smile. And is there singing on it? Can you say they're singing on it? There was not singing on the episode that I watched. I'll bet they're singing on like holidays and stuff. Oh my God. But he had the three girls from Full House come on and they all seemed fine. They all seemed like they liked each other and they were having, they were having phone with it. Hell yeah. He had not, he had DJ Stephanie and Gibler. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were all in there together. They were doing great. Yeah.

Gibbler looks great. Yeah, Gibbler, I think, has come out better than anybody. She was the real dark horse, surprised. But I am interested, Marcus, to see what you have to say on the fact that Zach Ephron is playing Ted Bundy. Yeah. How do you feel about it? Wow. As someone that knows way more than I do, I'm going to assume Molly does.

But I did bear. I meant to tell you this the other day, I spent a good two and a half hours reading about Ted Bundy. I don't know why. I decided I didn't know enough of it. about him and I really went into it. It happens to everyone. At one point, everyone decides I need to know more. It is, and it was just as disturbing as I expected it to me.

Why people listen to last podcast? I think that's why people like it. I think it's why people like it. At one point, everyone's always like, I need to know more. Well, serial killer movies usually don't work out. They're usually not, for some reason, they just can't quite seem to nail it. I mean, Henry Portrait of a serial killer. That did a damn good job of it.

It did. Zodiac? Zodiac, but Zodiac's not a. serial killer movie zodiac's a cop movie yeah yeah that's a that's a cop movie and zodiac's fucking amazing i love zodiac uh but really they've just never really been able to nail it i just never have uh well i think it's scarier in real life it's much the idea of it's scary no well no the reason why is because serial killers are fucking goofy as shit because they're dumb they're stupid they do weird goofy like they when they try to do like a serious movie about these guys like there

was a great gine movie i was just called gine it was super fun uh but They showed a scene of like Ed Gein dancing around in his lady suit, howling at the moon playing on his little homemade drum, and it was funny as shit. It was great. Maybe that's why Mind Hunter works so well, because the scenes with them interviewing the serial killers are kind of, I mean, they're horrifying, but also kind of funny.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The dude that played Jerry Brutus, Happy Anderson, he was a wonderful man. We interviewed him for a Patreon thing. He was great. I love him so much. Yeah, but, I mean, he was doing weird shit and got into, like, the weird, goofy shit that serial killers do.

and Ed Kemper got it the weird goofy shit that serial killers do. So I don't know if they're going to actually do it right. I don't know how they're going to be able to pull it off because how do you pull off a movie with a... Because also, like, these guys are despicable. They're not likable characters at all. So how do you have such an unlikable character carry a whole movie? Especially Zach Efron, who I think is a mildly unlikable actor. He's fine.

He's fine. I don't think I've ever even seen him in anything. I think that we missed the age range of being obsessed with... I think if I was like five years younger, I would have been completely obsessed with him because he's just like, you know, slightly homosexual, like that, you know, that's my type. And like, I know that I would have been in love with him,

but I was just a little too old. Yeah, it was like he came right after, like, Shia LaBouf is as young as they come for me in terms of people who were famous young people who I knew about. Like, I watched some Even Stevens. I just came in on the, I was too old to watch Even Stevens, but I did.

So I knew about Shia LaBoufoo. Yeah, and Gordo. from Lizzie McGuire. And I was too old to be watching Lizzie McGuire, but was enjoying it a lot and did think Gordo was super cute. But then I think, yeah, high school musical came after that, so we've missed it, totally.

And the stuff that he's been in, like, I will say that I spent a lot of time over the summer watching hairspray, because some of my students were doing hairspray for their musical, and I did enjoy him in hairspray, but he's kind of like a cardboard cutout of a man. Did he play Link?

He played Corny Collins. Oh, okay, he must have been fun with that. Yeah, yeah, I think he was. And so that made me be like, all right, Zach Efron. But that's his, yeah, he's just like a, he's like a, he's like a, he's like Ryan Seacrest, but an actor. But like, I think he's more talented, significantly more talented than Ryan Sechrest. But his like, his vibe, his, his, his, um. It's cardboard.

Yeah, he's a cardboard. Yeah, he's a cardboard, yeah, he's a cardboard Ryan Sechrest man. Do you know the tagline for baby geniuses was naps or history? What? That doesn't even make any sense. You're still going to have to take naps, baby. But no, history, because they're so smart. I guess.

History is like they're not going to do them anymore because, oh, the geniuses. Yeah, the naps. I was thinking babies day out. I was also immediately thinking babies day out. No, no, no, baby geniuses, naps are history. Did they have the mouths move or was it over? That's what I remember about baby genius. Because, like, look who's talking, I can handle.

I can deal with Look Who's Talking. They just did a voiceover of non-over non-moving mouths with Melissa's talking, right? Yeah, it's just babies, telepathic babies. Yeah. I'm way into that. Yeah, baby's mouths moving. Not good at all. Yeah, there's no way you can make that look good.

It always looks like that Conan O'Brien thing. Well, back to Ephron. Have you guys ever seen any of the high school musical movies? No. I haven't. And I'm ashamed that I haven't because I feel like it's a huge cultural phenomenon that I've missed out on. Right.

Between that and glee, I feel like that was at the same time. And I never got. into either one and people were so obsessed with them. And I'm sure I would like them. I ain't niggin on it. I just never did it. It's the type of thing that I don't know if this happened to you, but because I like old musicals

and tap dancing movies and stuff, people will always be like, oh, you'll love Glee. And I was always like, I don't think that that's the same thing. Like, I don't, a cappella singing show tunes and stuff. Maybe, I mean, I know people love Glee and people, and it might be wonderful. But I just, people would always, in high school

musical too. People like, you love it. And I, whenever anybody tells me I love something, I immediately, for some psychological reason, assume I'll hate it. I understand because people all thought that I would love pitch perfect because Rebel Wilson is in it, and I am also a fat woman. So that's always fun. I'm like, you know we're not the same person, right? She's got a lot more money than I have. I would be fine with being in pitch perfect, but that's not a reason to like something. Same with this is us. How many people are like, You see, there's a fat woman in it. You like that show?

You like that show? It's ridiculous how many times people ask me if I like this as us because there's a fat woman in it. I think I get that with short-haired. I'm sure not as much. Oh, Molly, have you seen the Nutilda Swintonville? I think you would like it. Something about you makes me think you would like it.

It makes me so mad. Yeah, also I feel like I've never seen any of the pitch perfect movies, and I know people say they're a lot of fun. But it is a franchise that you don't. want to have somebody be like, I think you'll love it. I don't know why. It's a hackles raising thing. Yeah, and especially when it's like, let's go, pitches.

Yeah. I'm not to say, the ads for those movies piss me right off. Yes. But, again, a lot of people I love say that it's, they're a lot of fun. That it's great. Yeah, Carolina girlfriend loves the pitch perfect movie. I'm sure that they are enjoyable. I'm sure they're very enjoyable, but let's go pitches?

Let's go pitches. Ugh. God, no, give me a, you know, a scientist being poisoned by the, the CIA with LSD. That's what I want. Hell yeah. Wormwood. A wormwood?

Yeah. Oh, you gotta see fucking wormwood. It's got Peter Scars guard. Gars. Scars guard. Scars guard? Scars guard? I think he's SARS and the other guy is Scars.

He's Scars guard. That's the one that's in Garden State, right? SARS guard. Sarzgard, yeah, I think. Yeah. Scars guard is, yeah, it's fucking awesome. It has to do with like MK Ultra and like secret. It's like a half documentary, half like reenactment, but it's reenactment.

fucking Peter Scarsgar. This is a movie or a TV show? It's a Netflix series. Really? Yeah. Oh, you love it, Molly. Yeah, I would need it. You got to watch it.

Yeah, it's about a CIA agent or not a CIA agent. He's a scientist that works with the CIA and they're studying how to use LSD on spies and you know, all that type of shit, how to break people down. And they dose this scientist, this regular button-up scientist guy. And he ends up jumping out of a fucking window because of it. Or does he? Dun, dun, dun, done, done! We'll watch the fuck out of that.

I'll definitely watch a fuck out of that. That sounds great. And he is married to Maggie Jillenhall, which always makes me feel weird, because he is a little bit of a squirrely man, but a squirrely in a way that you still want to fuck him. Peter Sarskart? Yeah.

He's got those eyes. Yeah, he's scary. He's a scary man. I want to sleep with him, but he scares me. I really want to sleep with him. And I really want to sleep with Maggie Jillenhall. Yes. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Watch that tape. I'd buy that for a dollar. Certainly won. I also, I mean, documentary things. Have you seen cocaine cowboys? No, I haven't. Cocaine Cowboys is amazing. I just rewatched it.

But also, they did a weird lifetime reboot with Catherine Zeta Jones in it, where she fucks a bunch of women in the movie, because it's like she's like this huge cocaine overlord. And she's a horrifying woman. In real life, what's their name, Griselda Blanco? She's a Colombian drug lord. And cocaine cowboys is amazing, and I'm so intrigued of why Lifetime did a reboot of it with Catherine Zeta Jones in it. And renamed it Cocaine Godmother.

Yeah. I love that name. And it's funny because we were just talking last week about how Lifetime's willing to go dark. Right. That's why I was looking up Lifetime movies because of our conversation last week. But usually they're going dark means like someone was smoking marijuana. It doesn't mean like drug trafficking. Oh yeah, this is drug trafficking and a bunch of lesbian sex.

Yeah, that's much different than the lifetime of my high school. But maybe Lifetime has just realized what the people want and they want drugs and sex. Interesting. Arthur and Catherine Zeta Jones is 48. When did that happen? I didn't realize she was that old. I always think of Zorro because she was so fucking hot in Zorro. Yeah, but she's always been like a, in my imagination, she's always been like a slightly older hot woman, you know.

Yeah, just a little bit. She's got that look. She's got that mature look. Yeah. And she's still with Michael Douglas. Yeah. Yeah. She was, remember when she introduced Kirk Douglas?

That pudding of a human being. She was there. It was uncomfortable. God, I was watching this woman eat on the bus earlier and it just made me think of fucking Great British Bake Off with Mary Barry. She's a scummy. Oh, this is scummy. And it's just her mouth.

Oh, I hate watching old people eat. Speaking of Great British Bake Off, a piece of goss that we have yet to discuss on the show, but that a listener alerted me to after we were talking about the kitchen is that Marcella from the kitchen, who was the one who quit in one of the reasons being that she didn't feel comfortable serving the food that she were making on the show to her kids,

she had an affair with Paul Hollywood, who was the great American bake-off guy when they did an American version. He's also in the Great British Big Off. Oh, he's the Great British Bigoff guy too. Paul Hollywood. Yeah, the one with the steel blue eyes. Yes, and his, like, kind of chiseled silver hair.

I'm kind of into him. The problem is that I follow him on Instagram and all of his pictures are him with his motorcycles, but, like, he wears the whole, like, I think he, like, races motorcycles, and it's very intense. Like, he thinks he's the sexiest man on Earth. That's what I don't like about the way he looks.

I'm like, you think you're too sexy. I'm kind of into it. And Marcella is, I think, very hot. and she broke up his marriage, or he broke up his marriage. Well, they were kissing. Oh, that's it. But I think that they haven't,

I thought that they had admitted to, to Ethan. Oh, they did. Yes, they did. But that's what kicked the whole thing off, is it someone saw him kissing. I see. I'm actually, you know what,

go for him, not in the cheating department. However, I only thought he, because the way he acts with all the young, like, girls on the show, I thought he only fucked young girls.

Because, like, Marcella's not that young. Yeah, she's 40. Yeah. Yeah. Go for them. I'm like that's not for them. The cheating does not go for them. But, you know, eh?

Yeah, that was a bit of spice that I feel like is relevant, more relevant for people who care about British Bakeoff, but is relevant for me since I care a lot about the show of the kitchen. I know you guys don't, but I do. I mean, I just got to give it a chance. I got to get up in there. You got to get up in that kitchen. I know you like Sonny Anderson. I do love Sonny Anderson. If you like her.

A little ray of it. goddamn sunshine. Oh, I got the full story here. Well, he admitted to the affair with Marcella Valadolid. She's Spanish. I have no idea how to say her last name. Bayadoli. Yeah, there you go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Valli. That was in 2013. He recently got divorced for kissing 51-year-old bakeoff. Oh, no, he was the 51-year-old bake-off for kissing Candice Brown. Who's that? Candice Brown. I have no idea.

Interesting. Oh, she's a baker as well, and she was newly engaged, and they got caught kissing each other. And there was a paparazzo shot of them kissing each other, and his wife finally left him. She forgave him for the 2013 affair. Really? Yeah, but now it's like, nah, nap, nap, nap. Now she's broken up two marriages, because I think that Marcella is now remarried and has two young children, but she was married to this other guy, and I think that that was the catalyst for the collapse of her first marriage.

She was the series, he was seen Kissing the season seven winner. She's a winner of the fucking show, that little hoar. That is incestuous. Who's the horror? Her or him? She is. She's the one. He's not, men are never the whores in this thing's.

Don't you realize it? I don't know. It sounds like he's a little, he's the, he's a little slutty. He's lying around. But also, it's like, don't be married to him anymore. You should probably stop. His eyes say everything. Yeah, his eyes are.

Those are cheating eyes. Those are cheat-nows. Oh, man. That's what the song Lion Eyes was written about, baby. I see him in his stone cold blue. That sea of blue. He's just looking at me through a picture. I feel like he wants to cheat with me.

I know, right? He just doesn't cheat-nice. He looks like... He looks like... You know who he reminds me of in terms of his annoying good looks is the guy who hosts Dateline. Do you guys know this guy? No.

You watch better true crime things than Dateline. But there is like... If any date-line, officinados are out there. There's this guy whose name is escaping me right now. He's like a chiseled. He looks like a Muppet. He's like a guy's smiling Muppet who's like this white-haired

chiseled asshole who hosts Zatlin. Keith Morrison. Yeah. That's the one. Google him, Jackie. He looks like a dick. Yeah, I did that. Yeah, as soon I was looking at all that was like, she can't be talking about Lester Holt. Ew, he does look like a Muppet. You're right.

Oh, my God. A Muppet brought to life. Ew. Yeah, and he's real. He speaks like a Muppet, too. Oh, he's the worst. And he has that just like, I, I'm a composite drawing of good looks. That's what Paul Hollywood also reminds me.

He's Canadian. He's Canadian. At least it explains it. It explains a lot. It does explain a lot. I don't know, guys. I never thought I would ever say this, ever. But I think I've fallen in love with Stivo.

I said that in 2004. It was the puppy video. It was the puppy fucking video. Guys, you watch the puppy video? I watched the puppy video. He went to Peru and he's like, oh, I'm going to go. He's like, I want to go be really good at mountain climbing. I think he's doing some sort of documentary or something.

And so they're following him. And he wanted to find, he wanted to rescue a street dog. So he goes up to all these. He's still pretty hot. And his voice. I like Steveo's voice. I know that Rasp. Yeah.

But the dog video. Oh, my God. And then also he named the dog Wendy, and that's our dog's name. And I watched it. And I was like, oh, my God. And then they wouldn't let her a dog in the hotel. And so they went in him. He's like, please, can I just give her a bath?

And they're like, okay. So they gave her a bath. And she had to sleep outside. So what he did is he took his tent and he slept outside. And he slept outside of the hotel. with his little heater so that he could sleep with her. I'm in love with him. Oh, no.

I'm in love with him. But he also just got engaged. You know what? Good for you, Stebo. I never thought I would ever, ever say that in my entire life, but good for you, Steveau. You didn't like him back in the day? You know, it was, I never really wanted, this is shocking. I never really wanted to bang any of the jackass guys.

Man, really? I wanted to bang all of them. I really wanted to bang Johnny Knoxville. I wanted to bang Stevo. Those were the top two, and I sometimes wanted to bang, bang. Yeah. Yeah. Which is gross.

That's a surprising stasis coming from here. I know. I think I like, I was like, ooh, bad skater boys, you know. Oh, you're right. You like all the skater boys. I like skater boys. They were all just a little too dumb for my, and also a little too masculine. I know.

It was, it is weird that they're like these hype, this show about toxic masculinity. And I was just like, ooh, I want to make out with all of them. But, yeah, Johnny Knoxville, yes, please. And we wanted to fuck Tom Green, which is sad thing. You wanted to, I get it. I get it. Yeah. Yeah.

I thought Tom Green was cute too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ooh, Bam got arrested for a DUI last week. He's been, I think he's looking rough. He's having a hard time. He's looking real rough. How's Johnny Knoxville doing these days? I think he does great.

Yeah? Is he still work? I haven't heard anything from him in a while. No, I don't know if he does. I almost couldn't remember his name. Although I got to say I did watch the Jackass 2, like a couple months ago in a bar and I was just like yeah

it was a great show I know but it's just like it makes you feel like you're stoned without being stoned because you're watching it and it is just that yeah I still remember man Olympic stilt diving that Stivo did I thought that was the funniest shit on earth

I just thought that Tom Green stuff was so much funnier when they would go in and wake up his fucking parents I thought that was the funniest thing of all time you didn't you weren't satisfied with Bam Margera torturing his parents. No, I wasn't the same. Tom Green's pranks on his parents were just the best. It was so good. When he painted the two

the lesbian women on his on the van, on the hood of his parents' van. I'm supposed to go to fucking work this morning. You put this goddamn shit on my van! Oh my God, he's so mad. The statue of his dad fucking his mom from behind with the big hand up in the air and the huge smile. How great is that?

I love how over the fucking top it was. It's so fucking perfect. I still, yeah, every time I think about it, I laugh. That's one of those 13 year old that still lives inside at me moments. I just laughed about that like two days ago. I was just thinking like,

I just can't get over though, this fucking Wendy. She's the cutest dog of all time. Her little flap ears, they stick out like a little airplane. Look at how cute Steveo is, man. I'm still just totally in love with him. Yeah, I think I'm in love with him It's scary for me.

Especially him with glasses. Him with glasses and the fucking dog. And how much he loves the goddamn dog. I mean, you find a man that loves a dog like that. You tell me you're not in love with him. Yeah, it's true. It doesn't matter what they look like. If you love your dog that much and it's not in a creepy way,

then I mean, I'm in. I'm there. But he just got engaged, so I can't marry him. I wonder if he still has a tattoo of his face on his back. I mean, he must, right? Of course. It's like his defining characteristic. He's got to still have it.

I do remember thinking that was like one of that. When I heard about that, I thought it was really funny. Yeah, I still think that's really funny. Because the picture's really funny too. It's a really good picture. And it's a really good picture like capturing him and what he's like. Now I want to watch Jackass. I know.

Now you're going to go watch Jackass. But we got another weirdo that I don't really, you know what? I just don't care about Ed Shearin. I can't care about him. I usually, everyone knows. I like, you know. usually weird looking dudes as well. And, like, he's just too.

I'm sorry, he's too weird looking for me. And I like pop music, too. But I don't, I mean, I'll listen to it and I'll get in, but I would not, I don't want to choose to listen to shape of you. I'm fine with it. Yeah. It's just not my thing. Yeah.

Yeah, that's how I feel. I'm fine with it and I understand why people like it. It's very catchy. But it's just not, yeah, I, and he is too weird. He's too smooth and around. He kind of creeps me out a little bit. And it's not really his face. It's the way he looks at you.

Well, yeah, I mean, it's definitely cock-eyed of sorts. But I guess he got secretly engaged last year, and he's going to quit music soon so that he can start having children once he gets married. What do you know? And he's 26. I don't know. I know that's a hard. Maybe it's just the time in my life that I'm in right now, but that grosses me out.

It's like, he's like, I'm going to quit. Yeah, it's like, I'm ready. Because I guess in my. brain he's still like 17. Yeah. And it really just kind of grosses me out. Also, his fiance's name is Cherry, which is a fun stripper name. Yeah, I

just find myself deeply indifferent to all Ed Sheer News, and it's always trending, and it's always, people seem to care about him so much. And I did not like when he was on Game of Thrones, even though I don't care about Game of Thrones. He was on Game of Thrones. Yeah, because it really took me out of the moment. It would be like if if fucking Justin Bieber was an extra in Game of Thrones,

you'd be like, what, what? And it was just like, Ed Shearin's there for no reason. Did he sing a song? I think he sang a song around the campfire. Yeah, they were around the campfire. And, yeah, one of the characters came upon all these soldiers around a campfire. And Ed Shearin was there, and he sang a song.

You're like, that was stupid. Yeah. You wouldn't do that with Justin Bieber because it would take you out of the moment. So why do it with Ed Shearine, even though it does, he looks like an actual troll. Yes. He really does. He looks like he should be in Game of Thrones. He's got to look.

Admittedly. More than Justin Bieber, but he is still a superstar, whoever would recognize this, and it just seems so like... Cheap. Yeah, right, exactly. It's too much. Yeah. I don't know why that Ed Hardy is back in the news.

Ed Hardy the Hatman? You remember all the Ed Hardy stuff, right? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Were you at Marcus ever own anything Ed Hardy? God, no. Can you picture Marcus in an Ed Hardy head? Jesus, crap. No.

Yeah, I had some friends. at Ed Hardy heads. Someone posted on the Facebook page, which I read the entire thing, and I was just like, man, I forgot about fucking Ed Hardy. When everybody wore Ed Hardy in the early 2000s, and I remember thinking it was the most disgusting thing

of all time, but I'm also, but then I, you know, I wasn't exactly cool, and I guess all the cool people wore it. It reminds me of those, like, like the, you know how you can get your name spray painted, like in Times Square or, like, at Disney World? You get your name written in, like, graffiti letters and then spray painted. That's what Ed Hardy's shit looks like to me.

Yeah, it's super. It looks pretty trashy. It is very trashy. But then there's all these pictures of like Kim Kardashian back, you know, before the surgery wearing it. But he blames... Yeah, hot people wear it and make it look real good. Oh, yeah. And he blames John Gosselin for wearing it and destroying the brand name.

And I was like, honey, I think you did this yourself. But from John and Kate Plus 8. Oh, I remember John Goss. You remember John Gosson. He is just such. a creepy creep. I mean, I understand. I wouldn't want him wearing anything of mine either. He's such a creepest. Yeah. Ed Hardy is one of those things where it did really, if a, if a hot person was wearing Ed Hardy, I was like, ooh, that looks great. It's interesting. But in the abstract, it looked too much like a spray-painted graffiti design, like from like a, like a Disney World.

Did you ever have those characters then? Character is like. Like at Disney World? I got one once, I think when we were visiting New York when I was like a 13-year-old. What were you doing? What activity were you doing? I don't remember. I think, oh, yeah, they ask you, like, what do you do? I think I must have been, like, on stage or something stupid, something horribly embarrassing. And it didn't look anything like me.

And I was very unsatisfied. They never do. Marcus, you have one? What? Those dumb caricatures. Yeah, I actually got a very embarrassing one of me and my mother. I want to see it. Yeah, when I, I think I was, like, 10 or something like that.

We were at Six Flags and, like, a, yeah, very, it's like, it's like, at the front door of our house. It's like right, one of the first things that you see when you walk in the house. Like, ah, ma. We've got like four of them. We have too many of them. Did your family?

I always wanted to, but my family didn't do it. The ones, like the old Western photos. We did have one. Did you? Yeah, well, actually, we used to go on vacation with like a couple of other families. Like, every year we go to, like, Redos of New Mexico. And they're really big on the Wild West photos there.

And so there's like a big photo of like 15 of us all in like Wild West gear. And it's a pretty cool photo. Those always looked so fun to me. My mom always said that we would get herpes from the clothes. If we said, you don't know who's worn those clothes. You don't put on somebody else's clothes. And I was like, what about when you go bowling? She's like, well, you can't get herpes on your feet.

And I was like, I know, actually, I still don't know. I don't think you can get herpes on your feet. Of course you can't. You can't get, what are you going to get arm herpes? You're not putting shit on your face You're not putting shit in your eyes It was always herpes though We couldn't go in the ballpits

Because of the hypodermic needles We were gonna get AIDS And we couldn't put on the clothes To dress up in because we're gonna get herpes Man, a ball pit A ball pit was like my favorite place On earth as a child Always wanted to go into a ballpit

We weren't allowed to We were gonna get AIDS Because you know They just stick the AIDS blood In the hypodermic needles They just leave them willy-nilly In the ballpits When they're not putting them in apples

at giving them out on Halloween. Oh, yeah. I mean, you know, she had weird, you know, things. Beliefs. I'm surprised you guys got vaccinated. I mean, I bet she didn't want to, but, you know, back then you had to. That's probably for the best. I'd have TB by now.

Oh, Jackie can't record today. She's laid out with the whooping cop again. All antiquated diseases. Welcome to me. Thank you so much. Oh, no, we got to push the recording. Jackie's come down with Rubella. She's like an Oregon Trail character.

Jackie has cholera. She also lives in a wagon now. I would be very bad at living on the Oregon Trail. As would we all. All right, it's time for the lay. Who's on the list? Marcus, got to have that list. Celebrity's born on 420.

420. Yeah. We're going to have a whole month of 420 this year, guys. Or in 2020. 2020. That's not this year. That's two years from now. That's a long time from now.

Well, it's going to be great, so I hope everybody's getting ready for it. George Takai. Take? I never know. Takai. I think it's Takai. I feel like, Molly, you would know this. I hear people say Takai.

Yeah, I heard of Takai because I remember I used to say it wrong, and then people started saying it and now I'm not sure if it's wrong or right Yeah, that's how I feel too Why would I know because of all his political memes? No, just because you're married to a nerd Oh, that's true. Yeah, Gideon would know, I don't know.

For both reasons. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like his memes, but I don't know how to say his name. Fair enough. You know, he's got like a meme staff. Does he? Yeah, he produces a lot of memes. Yeah, of course he has a meme staff.

I hope he pays him well. And he's circus, a little Gallum. Oh, the one, he also has weird eyes. He's another Ed Sheeran type. Also English. Ah. I think it's just you're not attracted to British men. I mean, I like Hugh Grant.

But he's not weird looking. He's foppish. He's just foppish at best. Wait, is Ed, Erchirn isn't? British. Isn't he? British? Isn't he British?

I think he's British. He's totally British. Yeah, he's as British as they come. Oh my God, maybe I'm not attracted to British, guys. Is that what it is? It might be. I'll do more research. I'll get back to you guys with this.

Crispin Glover. It's all kind of weird people. Yeah, it's like weird character actors. Yeah. I'm into that. I love Crispin Glover. George McPlyne. Yeah, hell yeah.

Jessica Lang. He's their life on my love. Jessica fucking Wang. It's a shame that Betty and June, Betty and Joan came out in a year when so much other good TV happened. Because I feel like had it come out in a less great TV year.

It would have gotten so many accolades. Oh yeah. It deserved it. It did. It was so good. Adolf Hitler. Well, we know this one. We know that one. Luther Vandros. Yeah. You, you, you, yeah.

How do we feel about Luther Vandros? Um, wait, who's Luther Vandros? He's sexy smooth. Singer. Give me more than sex. One more word. I need, I need, I can't remember what is huge, what's this huge song, Marcus? He's never, he's got a bunch.

A bunch of them. Never too much? Oh, him. I have no feelings about him. He sings endless love. Endless love. Two hearts. Two hearts that be as one.

I have no feelings about him. Although I like that the Google auto-suggest question is how much money was Luther worth when he died. Ooh. Dance with my father again. That song was creepy. Yeah, I was going to ask you about dance with my father. and your thoughts on it. Yeah, I'm not into dance with my father,

unless it was called Dance with my daddy. Dance with my daddy again. Oh, I know that song, Dance With My Father. Yeah, I'm indifferent. It's creepy. Yeah, I don't like generally speaking daddy-daughter dances. It's up there with butterfly kisses. Make me very into a little.

Oh, butterfly kisses. Joey Lawrence. Yay. Yeah, baby. Ooh, I'm going to look up a bunch of pictures of Joey Lawrence later. Is he your favorite Lawrence, brother? Yo, y'all.

Why, what's your favorite? I think it's him. Sometimes I think it's the middle one. He's bald now. Gross. Andy, is that, no, the younger one is Andy. Matthew's, no, Matthew's my favorite. Really?

Yeah, I think so. You were also a middle Hanson, though, weren't you? I was a zero Hanson, but if I was forced to choose, I would choose Middle Hanson. I guess I would have chosen Middle Hanson, too. I mean, what other option is there? The older, the other ones were gross. The older one looks really weird. He's got that long head, like that kind of like smashed head.

He does have a smashed head. Yeah. And the younger one looks weird. Yeah, like a baby. I still see him as a child. Yeah. I can't cold spouse him, you know. Even though he's definitely older than cold.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Much by like 10 years. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like our age. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, so from Blindanao. Yeah, we can't see him. This permanent A-plus list, mostly movie actor who is an Academy Award winner nominee,

had to have his lines read to him via earpiece for his latest movie because he can't memorize even a sentence any longer. Johnny Depp. Wow, yeah. Yeah, baby. You, you, you, you. Yeah, he's off. He's gone.

He's gone. He may as well be dead. We should put him in the death pool this year. Yeah. I think he could. Yeah, I think we could put Johnny Depp in there. Because he's not that old to be that fucked up. You know what?

I'd actually put Johnny Depp as more likely than Jack Nicholson. Whoa. Yeah. I feel like I'm fine with that, too. I recently watched Charlie in the Chocolate Factory, and I was mad at him for making Willy Wonka such a creepazoid. Yeah, I hate that movie so much. Yeah, like, he's a creep.

I'm like getting away from the children. Willie Wonka is kind of creepy. Yeah, but Gene Wilder just made him so whimsical and fun and funny and not like an actual legit, like, you're making me uncomfortable right now. Yeah, from the start. Because, like, Willie Wonka is one of those guys It's, like, super fun at first, but after you hang out with them a couple times,

you realize there's something wrong. You're fucked up. Yeah, you're all, oh, wow, you're all fucked up. But Johnny Depp's Willie Wonka is, like, you're just immediately like, ah, get away from me. No, get, no. Yeah. I don't want to have anything to do with you.

Totally. I can't believe both of you guys have seen that movie. And Molly, you said rewatch it? It was in the context of working with kids, but, uh, all right, that's fine. But I thought, I was, like, mad at the adult parents in the film for not realizing immediately they should take their children away from this man. You know, he's that, right, whereas Gene Wilder, it kind of sneaks up on you.

Yeah, yeah, and that's what's great about it. Yeah. The other one we got today, which, and this one's juicy and really fun, which of this year's BAFTA nominees was so terrified that he caught a dose from a holiday romance, he scrubbed his dick down with brandy in the hopes it would kill off any infection. That's not how you kill an infection. You already mentioned him once. I mentioned him once.

Wait, what was he been in? He's been in movies, pretty much almost exclusively movies. Hmm. But nothing else. Christmas movie. Big Christmas movie. Tim Allen. Who did you mention today who has been in a Christmas movie?

Wasn't he in love actually? Oh, Hugh Grant. Yes. Ah, Foppish at best, eh? Very interesting that I would also bring him up. That's dumb. That dude is too old to be dipping his dick in whiskey. to sterilize it.

That's not how you do it. You go to a doctor. Don't they have special celebrity STD doctors? They must. Oh, God, they have to. How do they not have their very visible cold sores? Because I know a lot of them have to have cold sores. And also that dude is like a dog who's slept with a whole bunch of people.

I'm sure this has come up for him before. Yeah. Well, maybe it worked for him before. Would you try it? Yeah, I'd try anything to not get another STD. Wait, so wait, what did he say that he had? It didn't say what he thought he had? No, it just did a dose.

He did it before or after, after, after? After, after. I wonder what he stuck his dick in. Like, I wonder where he got it from. Like, what the vessel was? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, at the end, like, by the way, I probably got the clap. Oh, man, that's kind of fun.

Got some gano. Sorry, dude. Do you have a mason jar? I can fill with Jack Daniels so I can dip my dick in it? Of course I do. Swap, swap, swap, swap. And that's all we got time for today. be sure to listen to this week's Riverdale Roundup.

Oh my God. We're back in it. We're back in it. We're back, baby. We'll see y'all next week. Bye.