Page 7 - Episode 244: Bread Durst

Episode Date: March 9, 2018

Jackie and Marcus are joined by Henry Zebrowski to recap the Oscars, ponder Fred Durst's directing career and discuss "The Assassination of Gianni Versace". Want to help the show? Take our confidential survey. https://goo.gl/forms/K1O5fuaUCL8WlfOQ2 Want even more hot goss? Support us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/page7podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Was I, was that, my little tidly winks. It is Jackie here. I got a quick favor to ask of all of you guys today. Thank you so much for listening over the years, but we do need a little bit of your help. You could just fill out the survey that's in the description of the show today, or it's also on my Instagram at Jack That Worm.

That would be awesome. It's only going to take a few seconds. I swear, all of the information is confidential, and we don't take emails or names. That would help us so much. Thank you guys for everything. Love you, love you, love you. Hit it with page seven.

This goes out to me being drunk last week and adding this song to every single one of my playlist. Ever now and then I'll fall apart. You add this to each one of your playlist? Yes. I think it was on there before. I think you're lying to the audience. I think that this song is constantly playing.

I added it to every single one of my playlist for some reason because I heard it at a bar and I said, God damn, this song is fantastic. And they've been saying that since 1982. They've been. Welcome to page seven, everybody. We got Henry Zabrowski joining us today

over in LPN West. Talk about the Oscars. Yay, the Oscars. Thank you so much for being here, Henry. Thank you for having me. You are welcome. In the studio. I'm here, too.

I got old Jackie Zabrowski and... Marcus Parks. Oh, that's good that. So you like LPN West? I like LPN West. It sounds like we're like a towel bits. Except we're not as tiny as a towel bits. No.

Actually, I could chop in a towel bits if I wanted to wear smart sweaters. Well, if you wanted structured jackets. Yeah. What's a talbot? Ooh. Wait, you don't know Talbets? He didn't come from class like we did. Do you know Luske's Western wear?

I do now because of our time in Texas. But I would say, no, Talbitts is like, I think you'd call it like old bitches. Yeah, it's called marmware. Marmware, yes. It's rich stepmother clothes. But it's also for tiny stepmothers because it's all petite sizes. Yeah, it's for real Sarah Jessica Parkers, but not younger ones like from the first wife clubs. Like now once Matthew Broderick goes to jail for one of his crimes.

He doesn't do anything wrong. He killed somebody while drunk driving. Yeah, but you know. I know. Ferris. What happens in a car stays in a car. Ferris. Bueller.

Bueller. You remember that movie? Bueller. He's a conservative pundit now who needs to be fucking taken out back. He's a pundit for what? Ben Steen. Oh, Stein? Stein.

Well, we're talking about the. Oscars today. It just happened on Sunday. You know who I wish was more attractive and a woman? Guillermo del Toro. I definitely likened him to what a toddler looks like when he first gets his glasses for the first time. You know all those little memes and they go, oh, ha. I know I'm supposed to feel emotions about those things where they give kids like the hearing aids in the ear for the first time and glasses that they can see for the first time.

But I feel nothing. Yeah. Same here. Neither one of you. Not even a second? of feeling? No. No.

I think it's very adorable and sweet, and they see the world for the first time, and I think that's great. Yeah, but you know they're not really seeing the world, because if they did actually see what the world was, they would grab the umbilical cord with their little hand to just wrap it around their fucking neck. I think by the time they have glasses, they don't have their umbilical cords anymore. Oh. Oh, they don't pop up on babies?

No, not like bloody babies from a uterus. Speaking of bloody babies from a uterus, Guillermo del Toro did a wonderful turn with the shape of water, which I thought was good. I loved it. I didn't. I didn't like it. I would say I don't know if it's like best Oscar,

best picture Oscar good. Like I'm not sure. I liked it. I have a controversial choice for best picture that I will keep in my pocket. Well, now you have to say. For what? I like three. billboards.

I like three billboards, but I would say that the best movie of the year, in terms of Biggins, what was the other one? Like, Dunkirk was good, but then in the end, Dunkirk got boring. By the end, by the time when the Oscars came, Dunkirk was already stupid and boring. I think it was stupid and boring fucking 30 years ago when they made this movie. I know I didn't see Dunkirk, and I know everybody loves Dunkirk. Marcus, you love Dunkirk, right? Dunkirk was fucking amazing.

Yeah, our boys died face first of the muck. One hour, one day, one week. Wow. Dunkirk. Yeah, but then if it was one hour, how did they make it into like a three hour long movie? Actually, surprisingly, conservatively edited. They edited pretty well. It's like an hour of 45.

Yeah, it's why the guy won best editing for Dunkirk. Because it's like, well, the movie switches between they're following one guy, like a different guy or a different group of people in like each of vignette. and they cut between someone who is in the Battle of Dunkirk for an hour. And I think that's one of the pilots. And then they cover it for somebody that's going to Dunkirk for like a day. That's the people on the boat that are going to get the boys. And then it's someone who is in Dunkirk for a week, which is like one of the soldiers on the ground.

And it cuts in between those three. It's cool. Is there any wartime sex in it? No. This is not fucking, what's his name? What's it the? Grand Toronto's violin. What's that movie with Nicholas Cair?

Captain Cirelli's mandolin. I love that movie. No, it's not one of those. There's no romance in it. It's the pure or austere veneer of war. Yeah, but do you remember a walk in the clouds? Now, that was a great fuck war movie.

Giorno Reeves. Yeah, but that was before he got good again with the man from Tai Chi and John Wick. Yeah, but he had that. Hair for days. Yeah, he's still got hair. That's not a thing. She's got hair.

That's not a, it makes you a good actor. Anybody get a hair. Technically, actors should be completely bald and almost completely featureless, and then people can put prosthetics and beards and wigs on their faces to make them anything. I don't think that that's true.

Yes. Should actors have eyebrows? No. I actor should have almost no discernible features, and that producers and creators of content can mold them to whatever they want. You know, I'm just glad that you have an opinion on it.

But the Oscars to me were unexciting. They were just, there's never a twist. No. There's never like a, even it's like, I don't really care, but having Get Out Win Best Picture would at least been like, oh. But one thing I think is interesting, since I actually, I'm not an, I'm not an academy voter, but I vote for SAG Awards and I vote for the Golden Globes and shit like that.

And guess what? I don't watch half those movies. Half the time, I just say yes or no on a thing because I like the title of it. Or I think like, oh, that's a nice poster. That's not what you're supposed to do. That's the opposite of what you're supposed to do. But guess what? They're all like that.

Everybody that votes for the Academy Awards do the same shit. And Shape of Water just somehow got in there. Yeah, but if that were true, I would vote every year for the dentist to win. Because you remember the cover of the dentist? With Corbyn Benson? Is that, do you remember? Is that, do you remember the razor shards in it? I just remember seeing it at the Blockbuster.

I think you'd get kicked off the Academy. I'd write in the dentist every year. You can't write in at the Academy Awards. There's no right in. Corbin Dernson? What's his name? Corbin Benson. Corbin.

It is Corbin Benson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right with Corbin Benson. How does the dentist stack up to Dr. Giggles? The, uh, stop it. The dentist is a stop it. The dentist is better than Dr. Giggles. Okay.

Well, at least we got that figured out. Yep, I have opinions. You asked me to be on this show for my opinions, and I'm dropping. them. You're right. I did like the whole jet ski thing that I think that we should talk about. Nobody went for the bit. Yeah. That was the only thing. Jordan Peel got close to get the bit.

Also, get out winning for best writing, for best screenplay, is a great, great boost for horror movies. Yeah. I think it's awesome. I think that means a lot to the community, the art of horror movies. The fact that I'm sad that it needed that to get its quote unquote legitimacy,

but I think it's a really cool get Jordan Peel now being an Oscar winner A sketch comedian Oscar winner I hate even saying it because then more of us are going to want to be it and I hate us. Sketch comedians are the worst group. We're the worst.

Why? Because we're garbage. We carry wigs everywhere. And we're not John Travolta heading to several events. Or the gym late at night. To troll for those sweet sweet boys. Oh my God. Just a quick sidebar on John Travolta.

We have to talk about this. Have you heard about John Travolta's new movie? Please. And have you heard about who is directing it? Well, there was a movie that he was doing that I know got canned, right? Wasn't there like he was supposed to- The John Gotti movie got canned? The John Gotti movie, but they shot it, but then it didn't get distribution, right?

Right. Yeah. This movie, it's called Moose. Mm-hmm. It stars John Travolta as a stalker. I'm on board. And it's directed by Fred Durst of Lent. biscuit. I am so crazy on board.

I am all there. I'm a thousand percent there. Are you kidding me? I love it. I love it. Oh my god. I really hope that John Rolto, as he's like staring at some young girl through the window just goes like, bar, to bar, to bag, to bag, dig it dig, dig, dig. I did it all for the nookies. What? The nookie. I... I think that... I think that's wonderful, but it's like, I like Henry Rollins. in a film and I like, I want to see the new, the Marilyn Manson as a hitman movie that's supposed to be kind of fun.

It's on Shudder right now. You know, this is actually Fred Durst's third movie. No. With the other two. I got to look him up, but I did look it up earlier, but he has a... Backward hats sitting with cats. It's like that, just him with a game. Yeah, this is his third movie.

And also, Jackie, this movie is John Travolta and co-starring Devin Sala. Oh, bring him back. Yes, please. I can guarantee that Devin Sawa does not look like you remember him looking. Well, in my brain, he's no different, and that's all that matters, because once I close my eyes, hoo-hoo. That's what all of these guys traffic on. They come to L.A. and traffic on the memory of being hot,

and then people come, and, like, they'll get a couple of squirts in, and then as soon as the squirts over, the reality comes flooding back in. He's like, okay, do you think maybe you could call the front door? for a late check-in here at the La Quinta? Well, Fred Durst, he got his directing start directing the video for Nookie. Hell yeah. Yeah, and then he went and he directed the video for break stuff. Wow.

And then the same year, he also directed a corn video for falling away from me. And it's been a while by Stained. Whoa. Oh, my God. I love that song. I'm so mad already. All the music makes me feel. so moody, but I like it.

And then he started, and then he took a break from directing for a while. But then... Dr. It's hard. Well, he also has a director credit on his sex tape. Fuck yeah, you gotta get the angles right. That's not an easy thing to do.

There's no angles on a man in a sex tape that look good whatsoever. It is always disgusting. Always bad. No, no, if you get one of those under the under ball cams go. What, you attach it to a mouse? And the mouse goes... You've never done that before.

No. And then he went into this first feature film was The Education of Charlie Banks starring Jesse Eisenberg. No way. The Jesse Eisenberg? That's a lot of talent for a dead Fred Durst fucking joint. I actually don't understand how Jesse Eisenberg

even seriously took the call. Oscar winner Jesse. Eisenberg. This was in 2007. I think this was before he was an Oscar winner. I fucking still hate the term Oscar winner, Jesse Eisenberg. He does one thing. I mean, his face never changes. No, his Lex Luthor suck my dick. His Lex Luthor was the worst performance in a comic book movie ever.

What are you talking about? All he has to do is talk like this. No, he does it. He sucks. And then he's evil. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. And then prior to that, Ice Cube, or his, prior to that, uh, Bread Durst last film was The Long Shot starring Ice Cube. No way. And you called him Bread Durst, which I think would be a really good new name for him as a director. I'm actually very happy for him because it does take a lot for Doochbag to realize all of his dreams. And sometimes you have to come, you have to go one way.

Like, you have to take Limbiscuit to it in order to make your other dreams come true. It's how you flip it. It's like, I'm going to flip it. last podcast and do a hot sauce empire. Man, we have so many hot sauces in our house right now. I bought $92 worth of hot sauce, very, very drunk, going through the different various recommendations that were on my Instagram account, and now we have so many different types of hot sauces.

I'm into the Scotch Bonnet one. The Scotch Bonnet one is so good, and I'll tell you what, that fucking ghost pepper, it creeps on you. Well, we get... Well, this movie, Moose, that's ostensible. coming out later on this year. It stars John Travolta as Moose and Devon Sawa as an action hero

named Hunter Dunbar. This is awesome. This is a great idea. I will vote for this. I want to be an academy member. Write it in. I think they should have ride-ins. When I can't wait to write-in eventually is the remake of the Crow.

Have you heard about this, Marcus? With Jason Mamoa. With Jason Ma-Moa. But you and I both did a full breakdown of Jason Momoa's career the other night, and we realized he's never been good. No. He's never been a good actor.

He's got a nice chest. You know what it is? I think what I like most about him is his forearms, too. He's not a good actor. But you know, you act with your heart. No, you act using your facial expressions and your voice and decisions you make with your brain. And you don't even have to be necessarily. a smart, I actually think it's opposite.

I do believe that the dumber you are, the better actor you can become. Like, I think there are certain people that once you get rid of all the intelligence, they're so good at just being. Like the dude, when they cut to the kid that played, call me by your name. You say Timothy, Shelle-May.

You say Timothy. His name is Timothy. I like the ascento. Which is also a part of now what actors have to be. Now you have to have a Star Wars name. Just you be. a big time actor. Your name has to be Timothy.

But the way he talked where it's like it shows how good of an actor he is because he seemed like such a giddy stupid moron and I hate to hear him talk. Oh but he was so happy to be at the Oscar. Everybody is. He is on his mom.

The only person who wasn't was Marlon Brando was sending Native American in his dead. And now Jack Nicholson you can't go anymore because he can't pull up his pants. But actually I don't mean a shit on him. He seemed very enthusiastic. But in a way that made me want to

hit him with the trash can lid. But I know that that's not his fault. He's just a young boy that had to suck all the come out of a peach. It was an apricot, please. Did you watch I did not watch that, no. Very Italian. I wasn't in the mood for a romance.

Oh, no. Yeah. We watched it together. We did as a family. We watched it. But there's not There's not a lot of, I was honestly sort of taking it back at the lack of open dick. Yeah? But still, no, no, no. It's not about like the open dick. It's just about watching like a boring movie about a love affair between two people.

Exactly. I hate movies like that. I don't need to see it. I don't need. It's dumb. No, I don't care about people. I like people. But I like, but again, that's why I like three billboards.

It's because it's like a play and the actors and the relationships are really good in it. Well, I mean, I don't mean to say I don't care about people. It's like, for example, like novels that I read. Like, I'm never going to read like a fucking Jonathan Saffron Foer novel or anything like that about just some like regular jerk off doing his day-to-day life. That I don't care about at all. I like that's a breakdown of every day is illuminated. No, it's true. Well, that's why we like sci-fi and fantasy.

Yes, sci-fi and fantasy. But it also goes to, like, movies as well. because like the movies that I love is the movies that I loved out of the Oscars this year, it was true crime, sci-fi, and history. Like, with true crime, like I-Tanya and, what is it, true-crime, I-Tonia and three billboards, both awesome. Shape of Water, that's sci-fi fantasy. And then Churchill, that's history.

And Dunkirk as well, also history. Like regular movies about regular people doing regular shit, I could not care less. I am. The long glances. The long glances. It's too fucking long. Oh my God.

It's too long. When he put the Jewish star necklace on him, I was like, whoa. It's a beautiful movie. It's a beautiful movie. There's a part of it I get. But then it's just like, again, like Marcus, I just don't give a shit. The shape of things is also technically a romance, but it's got a fish man in it. Yeah.

So I like it. Yeah, it's got an awesome fish man and her best friend, the guy that lives across it, he's so cute and he's so fun. But that was also a wasted, that was a wasted nomination. They just gave it to him because they gave it to him. I do like him in that movie, but I don't think you deserve to be nominated. And same thing with Octavia Spencer, correct? I feel like that was a role that was a little, she didn't have a lot to work with.

Yeah, she didn't need to be nominated at all. Well, that's not her fault. It's just like, I think it was obviously very nice for them, but I think a part of it, they are, I love Richard Jenkins too, and they do great performances in the movie, but they just didn't have a lot to go on. I just can't believe that you guys like, the whimsy of the main woman that was just like, gooo, gooo,

have an egg. I love her. That's what you believe. Yeah. Because you've got fish man and egg. Yeah. Oh yeah. It's like she was just

she had gotten electro shock therapy for many years. She was missing chromosomes. I like the fish man. I also like the central themes of what makes monster movies great, which is the other. And in the end, it's a movie about being

different and still finding love, Jackie, which is the same thing as call me by your name. They're technically the same fucking film, except I got to see boobies in shape of water, and I didn't have to see any

open jizz like I saw and call me by your name. You saw young Italian boobies and call me by your name. They made me feel weird. Well, they were children. Yes. They're supposed to be grown adults. They're all Italians. It's supposed to be 15. They're all shaped like 35 year olds because they spent all their day.

Mutza out in the Piazzo. Oh my God, we just kept talking about it's like how do we get this life?

How do we sit by a waiting pool for months and just be like I guess I'm a working? No one's got a job. They're all out there just sitting in the sun eating apricots,

common in apricots, reading fanciful books about Roman history. The other dude for some reason finds a statue and everyone's just like Mamma Mia. But no one says

Mamma Mia. It's in Italy and no one says Mama Mia one time, but it's obviously it's nice. And Army Hammer is great in it. Oh, man. And how pissed must he be that he had a suck face for fucking months? And then didn't also get an Oscar nomination?

That dude, Army Hammer, who is number one, worst name. Number two, six, five. And he was wearing that velour jacket. And I just wanted to rub. I wanted to write my fucking name on the back. Why was that this year with all of the velour jackets and all the, all the crushed velvet. I noticed there was a lot of velour and crushed velvet. I didn't like it. No, why not? It makes everyone look like they shop at a thrift store. Interesting, but that's what they

wanted. I think that's what they wanted. I guess. I think that it provides a very nice texture to a rather ordinary piece of clothing. Sure, texture is important with clothes, but texture's about touch. It's not necessarily about seeing, but at the same time, I guess they could do whatever they want. They all look, I actually, I like the look. I think it's kind of cool, but It's just strange, and every other dude had a volour jacket. And I know you're just, I don't know where the fashion comes from. Where does it start from? Who says, like, we're all wearing this thing?

I have no clue. How, Jackie? I think it's the designers. They put them in it. But everybody has the all wear, like, the same iteration of the same thing. And they're like, the theme this year is splashes of color. And being like, how did they all make that theme? There was a lot of, like, full white outfits as well,

because it's like, Timothy, Shalamah, all white tucks. Yes. Francis McDormon's speech, whatever she was on, I want some of it. I think she's just high all the time. She was great. You also notice the whole crowd waited for Meryl to stand up. I don't think it's fair that people were giving her shit because they said that she looked like the fairy godmother and, I don't know,

whenever those was a trek. I thought that she looked classy, and you can't compare what she is wearing to Alice and Janie, even though they had similar silhouetted red dress. But Alice and Janie is a much tighter, stronger woman than Merrill Streep is. Merrill Streep likes white wine and God knows what she does. I think she does a lot of wine. I don't know what her thing is. But Alice and Janie looks scary, bony.

She looks like she must do a lot of shit. No, she looks really good. She's gorgeous. She's gorgeous. But it looks like she must put a lot of work in. Yeah. She's great. Yeah, she's great.

Yeah. She was great to that. She was the best part of it, Tonya. Yeah, easily. But. So fucking good. What's her name got fucking robbed? Lori Metcalf.

Lori Metcalf should have won. Because that to me was the unsung hero of this whole fucking year. I mean, it technically wasn't unsung. I was nominated for a fucking Oscar. But Lady Bird was a beautiful movie. Like, I cried watching Lady Bird. I loved it. And all of the actors were good in it.

Timothy was also in it. This is the other thing. Why do they all, why are there like 15 people? that are in all the Oscar movies. Mm-hmm. Yeah, because there was that one kid that was in three billboards and Lady Bird.

Why is it? I don't know. He was also in the one last year with the kids. I guess it's spoiling it. Which one? The one that Casey Affleck won't. You just spoiled it, but no one cares anymore

because Casey Affleck's, he's out. He's often as he's out! And so, but I mean, that movie's very sad. That movie, was it Manchester by the Sea? Yes. Yeah, yeah. It didn't watch that one.

It's very good, but it says fuck. It sounds fun. I love Michelle Williams, so she's so classy. She is very classy. But otherwise, I'm trying to think there's anything else. That was the only one I was like genuinely upset. I was like Lori Metcalf, Lauren in the Metcalf made me mad.

Why was Boss Baby nominated for a goddamn thing? It got robbed. Why didn't Boss Baby win? It's a child, but it's a boss? Esquismet? No child should be a boss. Please, it's the boss baby. No, fuck.

Please do not truncate the title, sir. No, I wish that our friend Kumel Nangiani could have won. Because I bet he would have done this. He would have done the jet ski bit. Yeah. Oh, that's what we didn't get to. Someone should have gone up and just been like, sorry, thanks. Getting the jet ski.

Want that jet ski? That would have been a great bit. It was pretty awesome, though, in the end when the guy came out with Helen Mirren on the back. That was very fun. good. They did very, they did fine with all of that. It was fine. The songs were good. Mary J. Blige was beautiful, sang beautiful song. But the other movie of the, the other one of the movie that I couldn't, couldn't even register, which was the, um, superior showman. Not the greatest showman is just the saddest thing on the face of the planet.

I won't join. I can't. I can't support you, Jackman in his exploration. Why? I love you, Jackman. he's fine. I will not allow that to stand. Logan was better. It was fine. How did he not get nominated for his performance in Logan? That's what I want to know.

They tossed Logan a Best Adapted Screenplay. Yes, but Patrick Stewart shouldn't gotten nominated for that. Mm-hmm. For best scoring actor. And as a small aside, it was really fun to hear John Ramita Sr.'s name mentioned in the Oscars because John Ramita Sr. is just this dumpy comic book writer from Queens. That's awesome. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was nice is that that anybody could go and save the world in all the comic books. I mean, like, that's fun. But Logan, I honestly felt like could have gotten a little bit more love. Yeah. Logan could have got some love because that, like, that made me feel good. I'm trying to think any other things that made me mad. I'm upset because, I mean, everyone knows it by now, but it's like that Francis McDormons' Oscar statuette was stolen.

Oh, man. Man, did you guys hear... Okay, so everyone knows that it got stolen, and everybody knows that, you know, the guy got arrested, and Francis McDormann didn't want them to arrest the guy. But did you guys see what the dude did on Facebook with the statue? No.

He posted a video of himself to Facebook, holding the statue, and the caption said, My Oscar baby, and then he held it up to the camera and said, my team got this tonight. This is mine. And then he kissed it.

Jesus. Weird. This dude is insane. There's been a bunch of other stuff that came out about him, too, that he's like, he's one of those kind of people that just kind of like goes to every party. Like he gets into them somehow. Oh, he's an Andrew Koonanan. What was that?

He's an Andrew Koonanan. Oh, yeah, from the assassination of Gio. John is Odj. Obsessed with that show. Oh, my God. We are bashing through that show right now. Have you watched any of it yet? I haven't even heard about this.

It's really fucking good And the dude who plays Anchu Cananan Is so fucking good But a part of it's on FX It's the same people that did the American Crime Story on OJ Simpson The People for OJ Simpson

Oh Obsessed Got to watch it It's so great All I want to do is dress as if I'm in the 90s in Miami We are going to do a Versacee phase Where we wear nothing but black and gold

And we call ourselves the house of Zabrowski and I want us to do the whole black and gold like belt buckle all of the shit gold shoes Should I start, should I get extensions and dye my hair platinum? No, no I dye my hair platinum. What?

I'm going to be the Donatilla. No, I go like the bad guys from Meteor man. You're going full dark. Deep cut there on Meteor man. Thank you. Mimmy! So go back. So, yeah, this guy was a real crazy person.

So what else did he do? Oh, so he's just been, he's done this multiple times before that it'll, like, go on, like, the red carpet. Or, like, he'll be in front of, like, Access Hollywood signs and be like, look at me, I'm on Access Hollywood. But he also claims that, like, Beyonce's his best friend. And he's claimed all of these things. He's really sick. He's definitely very sick. He's a DJ.

So he's, like. Always that. You can't trust a DJ. I'm sorry. Sometimes you can, but it has to be just a wedding DJ. A low-level DJ, I think, is more trustworthy than a high-level DJ. What about a radio DJ? Oh, that's the worst.

Oh, come on. I'm a radio. They're the worst of all. Come on, guys, I really think that you're giving some unfair comparisons to me and those unfortunate club DJs there. Whoa. Whoa. Now going in with the weather.

It is raining. And now we're done with the weather. Thank you. Very much. I just am so happy that Francis McDormand was just like, it's all good. No, she shows anything that she pulls back the veneer of, we're a bunch of rich assholes giving each other paths in the back is really nice.

Francis McNormon did good. Tiffany Haddish fucking should just take over everything. I think they should just give her everything. I think that she could just, she doesn't give a fuck about anybody and she should just do it. Did you know that about the dress, Marcus, so Tiffany Haddish's dress. I did not.

Dude, she has been wearing the same dress. She got it for the girls night. Girls night? Yeah, Girls Trip. Girls Trip. The Girls Trip premiere. She got this white dress by the designer Alexander McQueen, and she paid for it. She paid $4,000 for it.

So she just keeps rewearing it no matter what. Anyone, like, her stylist or anybody, she doesn't care. She's like, this is my dress. I paid for it, and I'm going to wear it until I feel like I've gotten its money. money's worth and I'm obsessed with her. She's fantastic. She's someone that like worked really hard for what she's got. She didn't come from money.

She's never really had money. And now it's like that's why she's a spokesperson for Groupon because she loves going on Groupon trips by herself. It's great. No, she's doing great. I really, I like her a lot. And I think they should just give her the keys to Hollywood. But I hope you understand that if you have the keys to Hollywood,

technically you also are supposed to molest. So that's the problem. It's one or the other. Once you become the king of Hollywood, you're forced to molest. That's not true. At the very least, you have to open the door for the people who want to. I was really happy that Sam Rockwell won, though. Yeah.

He was great. Him and Gary Oldman. Say what you will. I mean, Gary Oldman has a trouble pass, but he's trying to figure shit out. Sam Rockwell is kind of a crazy dude. But now they got their Oscars and now they can do whatever they want. Gary Oldman got an Oscar, not for Darkest Hour. He got it because he's just been one of the best actors that's ever been.

and it's good for him to get one. Daniel J. Lewis basically got nominated to be like, bye, bye. So he can go do whatever the fuck it is that he wants. He's like, he shouldn't have won that either. But Gary Oldman, fucking, he's great. He's Dracula. He's Sid Vicious. He's all of them.

He's serious black. Thank you very much. He's good in it. Honestly, I's forced to watch all the Harry Potter's, and I admit that he was very good. He's very good. He's perfect, serious black. All right, it's time for the list.

Who's got the last? Got to add that less. Celebrities turning 30 this year. Oh. What is this supposed to do? You're trying to make us fucking feel bad? Is that what this is? This is a feel bad competition?

I feel fine with it. I'm still 30, so I'm under the radar. I'm fine. I'm five years past it. I don't give a fuck anymore. Yeah, you're crusted over like a dog that's been asleep underneath train tracks. Rihanna's turning 30 this year. Congratulations.

What, what, you don't like Rihanna? She's great. She's curvy. She's great. That's it? Yeah. All right. Michael Sarah, he's turning 30.

Congratulations. I'm kidding. You don't like this list. It's fine. It's fine. It makes me feel the way that I feel. That the clock is ticking. It's like watching NFDA.

That's why I can't watch professional sports. Because I watch it and be like, all of you were 23 years old. It sounds like you're jealous and upset. No, I just don't like watching children do anything. These are not 30-year-olds are not children. These are not. Oh, well, speaking of children in Harry Potter, Rupert Grint is turning 30 this year. I love him.

Has he done anything since Harry Potter? I don't think so. But you know what? He still looks really, really good. But did he give up acting, or is he just like, is he like a realtor or like an Audi salesman? Honestly, I think that would be a great. If he just got a car dealership, that would be awesome. Honestly, that's a, when Natalie and I were talking about Rupert Gryt during the Oscars because of Timothy, Shalomah, and that Rupertrip just, like, went to an open casting call and he got Ron Weasley.

Do you think now he'll go to an open casket call? You are mean. He is 30. Off the list. Don't. Oh, wow. He was on that CBG, in that terrible CBGB movie. He was Cheetah Crom in that.

Ugh. Who's that? There was a CBGB movie with What's His Name? Was The Booker for it? What was the name of the guy that was all about him? It was a John Totoro or somebody like him? Let's see here. Oh, no, it was Alan Rickman. Yes, it was Alan Rickman.

It was a very bad movie. It's a very bad biopic. What Alan Rickman was bad in it? No, he's never bad. It was just a very mediocre movie that he was at the center of. Yeah. I was like, because Natalie has to watch every single thing that Alan Rickman's in, which I get because he's fantastic.

But this movie, I was like, It's like, ooh. Because it's stuff like, what's his name? It's like David Hyde Pierce was like, what's his name from the talking heads? It's like one of those weird. It was just badly cast. David Hyde Pierce is an amazing actor. He was good in Frazier.

He was fantastic in Frazier. He was also very good in that movie. Was it the invitation? He's not in that movie. He was in another movie. Like that. Called like hors d'oeuvres. It's about a bad dinner.

It's about an evil dinner. with tiny hot dogs. Who else is turning 30 this year? Adele's turning 30. Great. Congratulations. Oh, come on, Henry. What are you going to say when I tell you that Haley Joel Osman is turning 30 this year?

I'm going to say that he seems troubled. His face is bad. He's just got some kind of dwarfism. The problem is that the size. of the elements of his face never got bigger. It was just that his head got wider, like drop dead Fred when his face gets slammed in the refrigerator?

I think what happened is there's a thing that they say is that if kids start drinking coffee too early, they shrink and they stay the same size. I think that he started drinking a bunch of coffee to stay up with Bruce Willis, who was super drunk during the making of the sixth sense. And then he had, it stunted

his growth permanently and making him weird little tiny version of a man. That's conjecture. coffee. It's the coffee. That's what you're blaming. That's what I've, that's what I'm saying, and it's what I believe in. No, he's just got too much face meat. I don't know. It seems like he's got more skull bone. Oh, he does have a lot of skullbone. It's all in the forehead. It's like a McCulley Culkin. He could be from a fucking race of burrowers from his ancient times, and he had to use that extra skull bones to protect his fucking brains. Like that Disney movie? Wasn't

there one? It's called the borrowerers. The borrowers, right? Not the burrowers. Oh, my God. The followers. Right? Isn't that about like tiny people stealing books? They're like the size of like Thumbelina. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

A secret family of four-inch people living inside the walls of a house must save their home from an evil real estate developer, played by John Goodman. It seems like you could flip it to a horror movie where a real estate developer is trying to sell a house and the whole building's filled with evil tiny people. These Griblins are keeping me from selling this home. And it's about killing these tiny people.

See, actually, I think that's a great idea. Flip it and reverse it. Indyed in the cupboard, but evil. Technically, that's cat's eye. That's the third installment of cat's eye. What, Indian in the cupboard but evil? Yeah. Man, you know what?

That's why you don't talk to your toys. That's what you take away from. Yeah, don't talk to your toys. Toy Story had made them be delightful. Well, in Toy Story, the people weren't talking to the toys. They were, though. Nah? Yeah.

Right? No, that's the whole thing about toy stories. The toys just fall down when the kids come into the room. That's the whole thing about Toll Story. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like the Christmas toy. Oh, now I understand. Yeah, no matter what, they have to stop moving, no matter what they're doing.

So their toy was, they're playing with was sort of like a long extended acts against their will, where they were picked up and moved around with their semi-animated, corpses. Yeah, that's what being a woman is like. That's all I have for the list. Oh, no. Nobody else of note is turning 30 this year. Nope.

Jackie didn't make the list. That was last year. You don't even know how old I am. I do. Because I think about how old I am and I subtract three years. And I always have to add three years. Yeah. All right, it's time for blind items.

I can't see them. I can't see that. Now, Jackie, these blind items are for you. And we got a bit of a good news, bad news situation here. Good cop, bad cop. I always like the bad cop. I'm the funny cop. Now, which one do you want first? Do you want the good news one first or the bad news one first?

I would like the good news one first, please. All right. This A-minus list talk show host has always landed on her feet through millions of battles on a show she shares with others. This time, though, she is going to be headed for the end. exit. If she doesn't quit, the producers will not renew her contract. They want someone much, much younger and want someone they can mold, aka desperate for the job and do what they say. Is it Whoopi Goldberg and it's the answer mean I'm going to be on the view? It's not Whoopi Goldberg. It's another funny lady that you're even more likely to replace.

Joy Bayer! She's out! They've been trying to get her out for a while. How do I get on this show? You just have to start showing up in front, go to where Access Hollywood is, and just start shooting yourself in front of saying, look, hey, I'm on Access Hollywood. So showing up all these different places. And then just maybe, just maybe,

if you stalk Joy Behard just enough, you'll be chosen for the view. Marcus, how do we do it? How do I become a new joy? I have no idea. But, hey, they're looking for an opening, much younger and willing to do anything they say. Desperate.

I am desperate. Yay. Whatever you want me to be, I will be. Sit me next to be. I'm going to be just like in bogus, you know? Just like in bogus. Man, I haven't been thought about that fucking horseshit movie in a long time. Wait, what?

Gerard Departu. Gerardt DePardt. Can you imagine big old drunk piss his pants? Gerard Depardue was your imaginary friend? No, wait, so that's what. bogus is. So it's like Drop Dead Fred, but with Gerard Depardue. Yeah, it's like his Bing Bong from Inside Out

was a big, fat, drunk French man. He's not drunken bogus. He's nice. No, he was, uh, maybe not while the cameras, maybe Bogus was not drunk, but Gerard Deppard Deppardu certainly was five fucking bottles into being a human winery.

And it stars Haley Joe Lodzman. Wow. Coffee. Here's, here's the, uh, Here's the synopsis. Recently orphaned, a young boy is taken in by his godmother, who is shocked to realize that she can see the boy's imaginary friend,

a flamboyant French magician named Bogus. Flip it again to a horror film. Halee Joel Osmond is attached to a daemon, like one of those day A-E-M-O-A-O-A-A-A-A-A-A-O-A-A-O-A-E. Yes, for his dark materials, it's like attached to it to an evil French fucking entity. that's a not really magician, it's more of a gin, played by Gerard Departon. Is that your wishes?

Yeah, wishes. I'm what you wish for more wine? For old bogus, huh? That's a horrible French accent. Hey, bachel. No, that's Italian. It's all the same. So now you're ready for the bad news?

Yeah, that's my favorite. We're going to shatter something for you right now. If you choose to believe, it. Okay. This HD TV star once got wasted and tried to have sex

with his wife's sister. That is one part of their life they don't share with the public. If that's true, I like it more. Because they look alike. And I bet you it was straight up. They look alike.

And then Chip Gaines swaned over and then it was like, whoa, sorry. No, he wouldn't do that. He's not like the, the Bath Sheba having sex with Clint all over the place. Well, maybe her fucking eggs are corrupt and he wants new eggs. Obviously they're not. She's about to pop one out, Henry.

We don't know what Gunn's going to look like. You know if Gunn's going to have both their damn feet. Just because you cheat on your husband doesn't mean that what you have is a child with some sort of physical... Marked by the devil. He's been marked by the name. Is that Gerard Deportez? Get out of you. Why are you?

How'd you get to Waco, Texas? Mino. Mino, no. Oh, I forgot about he's that your wishes. He's that your wishes. He's the gin, everybody loves to give gin. Is that it? Is that all you have are blind items?

That's all there is this week. I mean, next week we're going to be coming back with Oscar blind items. Yay, those are my favorite. I like all the deep dark dirt. Oh, Hugh, yeah. And also, as we know, Riverdale is back this evening. Great. It is.

You, you, you, you, you. We only have seven episodes left. Oh, my God. Man, time went by so fast. I know, dude. Tantalizing. I am happy that you are happy. He got mad at me last night because he overheard me say to someone,

Have you watched Riverdale? And he was like, no. With the cult that you're starting, we were drinking wine. We were drinking wine. We did big rosé flights. We were drinking all these rosé flights. She was trying to talk about Riverdale.

I was like, stop trying to bring people on. Stop trying to evangelize for the show. Riverdale is equally unwelcome in my home. You guys are going to start watching Vertach, because Bertac is really good. Dude. We watch you quite a bit of the low. files as well.

The low files sounds fun. Have you watched any of it yet? I have not. It's fun. It's a little upsetting only just because they get to live whatever dream that they want and his kids are, these kids are not TV ready, but he's great. I like that his kids aren't TV ready though. Well, I mean like the opposite where they almost like like it too much.

It's not like Chip and Jojo where they kind of had a natural seller. They just kind of had something. They got, they're at least easy on the eyes. Although technically I think that Rob Lowe is the hottest one. Yeah, obviously. Those kids will get none of his. Oh, they get some of his. I don't know.

That's you. That's your weird. That's your brain. Daddies and sons. Daddy's and sons. That song shouldn't be about having sex with them. And that's all we have time for today on page seven. We'll be back next week.

I'll be back next week. Hell yeah. Thank you so much, Henry, for being. in here. Thank you. I have an announcement to make here on page seven. I also am pregnant. I'm going to be an off to you again. Yay! Where's it going to come out?

My peepee. Peepie's having a baby. Hail Satan, everyone. Hell yeah. And if you, uh, if, please check out our Patreon page. It's patreon.com slash page 7, the number podcast. Um, and that I think you might like it. Yeah, and follow, and listen to all of the other

shows on the last podcast network, such as Wizard and the Bruiser, uh, Brider Side, Abe Lincoln's Top Hat, and another show called Last Podcast on the Left. Yes, please, and thank you and we love you. What's up? It is time for our Patreon shoutouts. I wanted to thank you guys so much again for all your patronage. And if you'd like to donate to our show, that would be awesome. Please just visit patreon.com slash page seven podcast.

Seven of the number. That would be awesome. And I love you. I love you, I love you forever. Let's get it started. We got Katie Dumpur, Taylor Nees, Bailey Collage, Amanda Meekins, Taylor Wilder, yeah,

just like Oliver Wilder. What's his name? It's not Oliver. It's something else. Tony? I forget. Patrick. Britani Bertner.

Katie Conrad. Ooh, I like the alliteration. Janelle Powell Fulton. Brooke Penel. Rainbow Robocop. Ooh, that sounds fun. Chelsea Jimenez. Nikki Hall.

Catherine Davis Johnson. Christina Spetniewski. Thank you so much for spelling it out for me. I appreciate it because I know. That's a great... That's a power name, girl. Sage Hahn. Aaron Beeson.

Krishna Ladell. Danielle DePise. Jessica Lara. Rochelle. Rochelle. Rochelle, Rochelle, Rochelle, Emily Monroe. Anna Serra. Ooh, you trying to get me?

Anna, Sarah Goli? Sirioli. Ooh, I like it. It's like a canola. Melissa Weber. Jillian Obert. Jamie Manzo. Camille Cottrell.

Marcy Raquel Blackwell. Very stately. Olivia Oriotte. Jess Vargas. Justine May. Layla Rasmiar. I gotta love the name Layla. Amanda Clark.

Andrea Combs. Paul Kaczynski. Shawna Settler. No, it's not. Shauna Settier? Virginia Knight. Mark James. Clinton Hallahan.

Melissa Lynn. Quinn Lil' devil Shabbe. Hell yeah, you little devil. Sarah Lake Mitchell. Katie LaTorri. Stephanie Miller. Taryn Studor. Casey Lewis.

Andrew Coplin. Shannon O'Toole. Natalie. Jacqueline Ortiz. That's my name. Except it's just Jacqueline. It's the American one. Christy.

Dana Rathbun. Jenna Walker. Rachel Proctor. Mikey Buchanan. Callie Deans. Rebecca. Chris Harrison. Jesse Ray.

Like, Miley Ray Cyrus? Smiley Ray. Matthew Maurice, Molly Hammer, Rachel Verkruis. I think I'm saying that right? I hope I'm saying that right. Blake Winslow, Angela, Juliet, Sal, Alicia Thompson, Ryan Glesheen, Amy Brown, Nicole Brown. Are you a part of the Brown family from sister wives? Oh, God, if you're listening, let me know.

Natasha Valero, Megan Dean, Kara Halen, David. Gallagher, Kate Westerman, Eileen Phillips, Kit Zylstra, Serena Dunford, Kelly Maureen Wolfe, Jennifer Putnam, Kaylee Davis, Desire Freeman, Hannah Blecker, Corey Goodman, Vanessa, Christopher Codina, Autumn Storm, Hell yeah, and Molly Unmac.

Thank you guys so. much for your patrons. I appreciate it so, so much. I love you. We're going to talk to you next week. We got so much to say because Riverdale comes out this week, and I hope everybody's excited. Love ya.