Page 7 - Episode 245: Worm Time

Episode Date: March 15, 2018

Jackie, Molly and Marcus discuss terrible animated kids movies, rude humor and the practicality of doing cocaine at 70. Want to help the show? Take our confidential survey. goo.gl/forms/K1O5fuaUCL8WlfOQ2 Want even more hot goss? Support us on Patreon! www.patreon.com/page7podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What's up, was that, my little tidly winks. It is Jackie here. I got a quick favor to ask of all of you guys today. Thank you so much for listening over the years, but we do need a little bit of your help. You could just fill out the survey that's in the description of the show today, or it's also on my Instagram at Jack That Worm.

That would be awesome. It's only going to take a few seconds. I swear, all of the information is confidential, and we don't take emails or names. That would help us so much. Thank you guys for everything. Love you, love you, love you. Hit it with page seven.

If you want my future, vote at my past. Come on, Molly, if you want to get with me. I never do the actual words. We make it bad. Marcus. So tell this. The two hours are coming back, bitches. Wait, speaking of that exact same era,

I found myself in the shower, I think last night, maybe two nights ago, singing, your loneliness is killing me. Anna. I was like, you get, you get me blue balls. Didn't mean to leave you hagen.

Once it starts, you have to finish the whole thing, it's true. And I was like, why on earth? I'm walking around my house. There's other people in the house and I'm going, give me.

I have no idea how I got, hit me baby one more time in my head. And then I went into a real not stoned stoner hole about if there's been any song with the same resonance. in pop culture since that song. Like, what is the current version

or even the last five years version of or of Hit Me Baby one more time? I feel like it's like there's a lot of those dumb ones like that. It's like Desposito. You hear that song everywhere. And every time I hear it, I never actually sought out the song on my own, but how do I know just how do I know how it goes?

You know? But like, there's been definitely like pop songs that everybody knows. Like, you know, I feel every year there's like, You know, you could name like the one or two or three that everybody knows. But like I feel like what made me think of it was I was like, if I go talk to Gideon, who is definitely a generation X person and not a millennial, he's going to know that exact.

He's going to know everything as much about the song as I do. And I feel like a lot of times pop songs don't necessarily transcend generations that way. But I feel like, oops I did it again is just like the everybody knows all the words to that song. Everybody had feelings about Brittany, Whereas it's not like, you know, happy Whereas like everybody knew that song Because it was on the radio Or Despacito, everybody knew that song

Because it's on the radio But like 15 years from now Is everybody still gonna have an emotional connection To that song the way that I think everybody does with Brittany I don't know Maybe like maybe like single ladies or something like that Yeah, maybe single ladies Yeah

But like I feel like I feel like there was something special about Brittany, I really feel like maybe she brought us all together Yeah, she did Yeah Because even because back then because I was 2000, I was a junior in high school. Like, even though I was like,

I love corn, I hear all that pop stuff, I'd still like, everyone could agree that Britney Spears was hot, and I used to also listen to it privately when no one else was around. See, I've been jamming a lot on Lucky. It is a good song. Yeah, Lucky is like a legitimately beautiful song, though.

I mean, I listen. I think I might listen to it every single day. Yeah, I think a lot of Britney Spears's early work was very good. That's not even to say that Toxic is the best. The Toxic is the best song. Actually, I think, one of the best pop songs in existence. And Toxic, I think, is a league above all of her other songs. And I think all for other songs from that era are really, really good.

Wait, you're saying that Toxic is her best song, right? Is that what you're saying? I think Toxic is not only her best song. I think it might be one of the best songs. Like pop songs, for pop songs, like party songs. Like, I think Toxic is in the top ten party songs. I don't know that she can't, what is it? It's like, it's a party, we can do what we want.

You know, the Miley Cyrus song? We can't stop. She got sued about that. We won't stop. See, that song to me is another great quintessential pop song. Agreed, but not in the realm of toxic. You're right. Toxic does.

It beats it out. I'll give you that one. Markis, what do you think? What's your favorite pop song? My favorite pop song. I don't know. I mean, I really, gosh, shit. Oh, yeah, fantasy, Mara Carey. Oh, I love it.

And I know I think I bring up breakdown with the song with Bone Thugs in Harmony too often. But I was listening to it while it was raining here. LA the other day since it never does. And it's just like, break, break down. I was just like, oh my God, I love this song so much. And the music video is fantastic. I mean, it's not like the fantasy music video, which, you know, boners abound. It's like a boner garage.

Like, you know, I feel like there's pop songs that we all know in the year. And then there's pop songs that will forever be on like a wedding playlist, you know, and that's what takes it up to the next level. and I feel like toxic, you're always going to want to put that on your wedding playlist. True. Like, hey, yeah, right? Whereas we all may have sent along to from the window to the wall that year, but we're not necessarily going to put it on the wedding playlist.

No. A song that was in a wedding. Whoa, whoa, I'm going to have it at least five times played at my whatever future fake wedding that I'll never have. I was at a wedding this year, and it was with a wedding band, but the wedding, it was like the best of both worlds because the wedding band was just playing a bunch of great pop songs and they played that song that I never ever thought I like and then when I heard a wedding band played it I was like I love the song the one that goes she said you're holding back she said get up and dance with me no molly no it is my destiny she said ooh it is so annoying

but I have no clue that that's not about yeah that's not ringing a bell you'll you recognize it it's really obnoxious it plays on the radio all the time and I was like I always was so annoyed by that song and then I heard was it like my dear friend's wedding with a wedding band playing it and I was like this song is beautiful and now whenever I hear it I'm like get up and dance with me it's balie don't make your baby have to go through this whatever you listen to is what the baby listens to and you got to start thinking about that although to be fair I just got out of a snow patrol hole so who really am I to talk nobody you are nobody I love snow patrol is

No it's not It's only just beginning I was recently in a car driving for four hours And that was why I heard I was like listening to the radio And that song is there a lot Even though it's I think several years old And that the Cardi beat

Bruno Mars song Is like played every three songs But at least that song is fantastic That song is totally fantastic And then the other I need to look her up Jackie, do you know who sings that song that goes, Havana, no, no, no.

Oh my God, Camilla Cabello, Camilla, Camilla Camilla Cabello? I don't know how to say her name, but she's fantastic. Yeah, she's hot. Her voice is hot, and I was driving, and then Gideon looked her up, and he was like, oh, my gosh, she's hot as hell. Yeah, I know that song. That's a nice song. I love that song. It's so sexy, it's just got the right amount of sex.

Yeah, it's a really, like, hot song. It makes me want to go to Havana. And I don't, I mean, I don't think I do well in Havana, but I definitely give it a shot. Wow. Right? Camilla Cabello. Yeah. Cabello?

Cabello. Camilla Cabello. I don't know. A tall woman right there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, that song plays like every three songs on the radio, and I support it. Completely. Same with the Brunomar's song, you know? As long as you're, look at us, our ears are to the ground. We're in the grind. We know these things. We're with it. Sure, as long as I hear in an Uber, that's what I know.

And then the grocery store sometimes, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I overheard a song that was familiar to me the other day from a movie trailer that I've never, I don't know if I've ever gotten so angry by watching a movie trailer before, but I think that Sherlock Nome's did it for me. Sherlock Nome, starring Johnny Depp, as Sherlock, GERLock Gnomes? I saw the billboard for Sherlock Nomes, and I saw it, and I just got, I'm saying, sober as a cat.

I saw this billboard, and I got so brutally mad about it that I ranted for about five minutes because there's a frog on it that's taking a selfie, and I realize it's in the whole Nomeo and Juliet thing, which I would, I refuse to ever watch. and this one is in the same universe as Nomeo and Juliet and the trailer is chock full of fart jokes which you know how I feel fart jokes and it's all

it's like I just I please I just implore everyone to watch the trailer and I hope you get just as mad as I do and I'm upset because I feel like I have to go see it just so I can just drink out of a paper bag and scream at the screen Here's the synopsis. Garden Gnomes, Nomeo and Juliet,

played by Emily Blunt and James McAvoy, recruit renowned detective Sherlock Nomes to investigate the mysterious disappearance of other garden ornaments. Starring Mary J. Blige, Michael Cain, Maggie Smith. What? And Stephen Merchant.

All-Star cast. Yeah, and Chihuetal Idiofor. Great. Oh, my God. It's like a bunch of fucking Oscar winners. Yeah. Yeah. It's called.

the money grab. I don't understand how much money and how much time they put into this garbage that these it's like how much money would you have to be paid to do this? They must be getting paid so much money that they just took the writers out. And they were like, I don't know. Why don't we get a bunch of six-year-olds in here? What if the gnomes could talk? They shouldn't talk.

Put them back in the garden. I hate so much. Also, how unoriginal is this idea that you just... And then it's... But what may be the most upset, which is crazy, is that the reason why I brought this up is because Elton John's I'm Still Standing is in the trailer because all of the music is original Elton John music.

I think you might like this movie, Jackie. It has a great cast, and it has an Elton John score. I think that it might be a good movie. Yeah, and you know what? This is the first Nomeo and Juliet movie to be rated PG. So, you know, that's for some rude and suggestive humor. Rude humor.

I know you love rude humor. Yeah, especially with the gnome followovers, it goes, what? Doge! It makes you so mad. It makes me so mad. Don't write. I am fine with these, you know,

these great animated movies that are geared towards both adults and children. I think that's great. Be all-inclusive. This is not one of them. It's trying too hard. want to put it in the ground, but I can't because it's filled with Oscar winners and John writing all his own fucking music for it. Yeah, right. Like, I thought that we were in an age where when they wanted to make movies for kids that, like, were dignified and good, like, Coco

and stuff. And instead, they're making what sounds like this is going to be an undignified movie with a very dignified cast and soundtrack. Remember, The Boss Baby was nominated for, like, best animated feature. That's true. And Peter Rabbit did not look very good either. I might, you know, be willing to be corrected by that. However, I hear both Paddington movies are fantastic. Really? Mm-hmm. Fuck Paddington.

Wait, I know you guys already discussed the Oscars, but I realized during the Oscars that I think that Emily Blunt is maybe the most beautiful woman on earth. Yeah, in the ugliest dress. Shade! Good face. Bad dress is ugly. Bad dress. She's very pretty, yes.

Isn't she so pretty? She's very, very, I wouldn't go as far. as that, but she's very pretty. I mean, I'm still putting Cheryl above her. Really? Yeah. And Cheryl's even like, no, probably number three in the whole Riverdale round up for me. Huh. Yeah. So I'm putting most of the castor Riverdale above Emily Blount. Really? Yeah. Wow. I mean, yeah, me too, but, you know. I think she's so pretty. She's very pretty. Yeah. What really upsets me is that Dom Hall-Gleason is in Peter Rabbit, and I love Dom Hall Gleason.

I think that he could do no wrong except for Peter Rabbit. That's another one that had a bunch of poopy jokes in it. And I hate poopie jokes. It's a bunch of jokes of rabbit pellet jokes. Does you make jokes about rabbit pellets? It just makes me so mad. It's just how much money they get paid to do the shit, the shit movies.

I have a clarifying question about your hatred of fart jokes, which I've probably asked before. But do you hate... I understand why you hate them in movies because I think I usually hate them in movies too. But do you hate interpersonal fart jokes with your friends? Because those can be very good. Yeah. I am friends with almost all men and I still fucking hate it.

I hate everything about it. I don't know why. I don't know why I hate it so much. I think it's just because I'm mostly a burper. So it's never really been a thing for me. Burp and I'm fine with you can burp all over me. See, I don't like burps. Me neither.

Grosser than farts. Yeah, much grosser than farts. Why? So much grosser than farts. Why? Why do you think that? Is it because you can like smell what they ate last? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like really intimate. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's coming out of your mouth and it's, uh, and you're much more likely to be like at the receiving end of a burp than a fart, like straight from the mouth. Yeah. I mean, I guess that's true.

But sometimes I forget, I forget I never, I don't, I never cover my mouth when I burp because I forget that you're supposed to do that because my burps just come out really fast. Maybe it's just because I drink a lot of seltzer water. That's what I'm going to blame. I'm going to blame the jizzies on it. That's why I burp so much. But if you're burping up a jizzies, it's like, oh, it just smells like booze. Then that's fine.

Let's see, but, okay, here's the thing, though, is that if I see, like, a big splatter of puk on the sidewalk, I'm going to go, ugh. But if I see, like, a big turd on the sidewalk, I'm going to laugh. Yeah, but poopie, looking at poopie is different than looking at throw up, and different than farts as well. Yeah, but there's still, it's the same area, though. Because like burps produce vomit and farts produce poopies. And I feel like there's just something like, the thing I like about farts is that you have to just learn early on in life that like everybody has a butt and it makes funny noises, you know?

And it's, I feel like it really brings us together. And I feel like farts are more mature than burps. No way. No way. Uh-uh, no. burps are the highest of the intestinal releases. No, but anyone can do a butt. Like, can you fart on command?

No. I can't either, but I can burp on command. Ugh. And like a well-timed fart, there's just nothing like it. No, there really isn't. I think what it puts me off. It's the whole pink-eye thing when they say if you fart on someone's pillow, then you can get pink-eye for them, which I've looked up.

It's not true unless your asshole is exactly like pressed up. against the pillowcase and then if there are particles of shit in the asshole it gets into your eye that you can get pink eye but I think it's just like I just remember a group of my boyfriends that would always fart on my pillows and it pissed me to fuck off it would send me into the red zone so fast that like I just like legitimately man yeah that's fair that's that's that's totally fair that's they shouldn't have done that thank you Thank you. I feel like I'm in a therapy session right now. Yeah, but my brother's farted on my head all the time, and I still find it very,

in fact, I still kind of found it funny back then. Like, yeah, like if someone farts on you, it's just funny. Yeah, it's really funny. Whereas if someone burps on you, I like dry heave. Yeah. Yeah, if someone, like, walked up to me and like even like burped on my arm, like, what are you doing? Yeah, even a good friend. But if someone, like, walked up and, like, farted on my arm and be like, get out of it.

What are you doing? Do, come on. Yeah. Although I did recently burp so hard in the presence of Henry that he went, did you just eat turkey? And that was just, that makes me, that makes me look sick, just thinking about it. I mean, I had, and he had guessed correctly. But mark my words, we will be seeing a performance from Elton John at the Oscars next year

performing a song from Sherlock Gnomes. I guarantee it. Marking it right now. My first Oscar prediction. I'm already so fucking mad about it. I'm so mad about whatever. I mean, I just, I feel like I have to watch it. I got to do it, right?

Yes. You have to. You got to take the bullet for this one. Yeah, I'm not going to. I'm not going. I'll do it, guys. I'll do it for all of us. I just wish if someone can explain to me

how I can bootleg it so I don't have to give money towards the film, that would be great. But speaking of other things that probably shouldn't happen, there is a sequel of the movie Twins coming out, guys. I got to look this up. Yeah, can we talk about the casting? Do we want to know who was added to the cast? Who's going to make it triplets?

I would love to hear your guess, Molly. What's your guess? Somebody was added to the cast to make it triplets. Triplets. Can I get a slight hint just to narrow it down from any actor? That's a nice boulder. How about,

how you der? This is a movie that you guys are much more familiar with. In a morning, I'm making waffles. Dunkie. Oh. Tinky donkey, donkey. Hunky, please. Mike, wait, Mike Myers or Eddie Murphy?

Eddie Murphy. Eddie Murphy. Eddie Murphy, guys. He is the, he's a black triplet? Yeah. The, uh, the, when they explained it, it said, uh, it's, uh, so apparently the script is complete. That's what George DeNager said. And the plot of the film will explain Murphy's introduction by way of a, quote, funny thing

that happens in the mixing of the sperm. I mean, what does that mean? You mean it goes from your dick. It's a funny thing that happens in the mixing of the sperm. It also. What are we getting Dr. Megglo up in this piece? Something can't happen if you ovulated twice and you had had sex with two different guys around that time. It's usually you only ovulate one egg, but if you ovulate two eggs, which is how fraternal twins happen,

and you had two sets of spermies up there swimming around, it could be possible that one spermie could fertilize one egg and one sperm you could fertilize the other so you could have twins of different races born in, you know, twinhood together. Well, this is a test two baby thing, though. This isn't, there's no squirting going on here. No natural squirting at least. I see. Yeah, this is, it's triplets.

What is the plot of twins again? I don't remember. Basically, it's like, Danny DeVito is like a rap scaly guy. I think he had a ponytail in it, but like a low pony and he was still bald on top that was getting into lots of trouble. And then he finds out that he has a fraternal twin who is Arnold Schwarzenegger, who happens to be very, very strong for some reason. and because I watch the trailer the trailer for it is pretty hilarious the original trailer

and they have to like go after a bunch of bad guys together and every other joke was like can you believe he's my twin and that's it yeah that seemed like the literally the tagline slash entire summary of this movie could be like can you believe it

he's my twin and like that if that's the only line of dialogue and the whole move I would not be surprised all I got to say is I'm actually you know what as much as it like it doesn't make me angry. I'm very excited to see it. I think it's going to be,

just like we were talking about a couple of weeks ago, that like weird science from the 90s that we don't get to see very often anymore. Because also like, why didn't the mom bring it up in the first movie that like, oh yeah, no, I actually squirted out another one that I forgot about.

But now it's like they're going to, I just really look forward to have their explanation of how it happened. Yeah, I definitely want to, I want to have like, I want to have like Neil deGrasse Tyson. like do like a debunker or whatever of triplets be like actually if it was really going to happen

here's how it would happen and do like a like a fun science explanation you know you mean a smug science yeah he's smug who's less smug than him who explains things bill nigh uh oh god that's like bumping the smugness up yeah you don't have a beak is beekman available oh man i love beckman's world i don't think he is though yeah i guess a lot of scientists are a little bit smug Although I would love to hear the rat explain it What was the rat's name? Remember the rat in Beekman's world? Remember that big fat gross dude?

I don't know, I loved it. Lester. I haven't seen that. Laster. I haven't seen that forever. I want to watch that. Because, I mean, maybe they should bring that back. What? I've seen that forever.

I don't want to watch that. Maybe the brief. It's like you suddenly became like eight again. I am. And then next. And then next. I want to watch out of things. I will put on magic school bus.

Did you know that the kids of magic school bus they grow up and then they're a Captain Planet? I get too excited about TV and I'm fine with it. I'm fine with it as well. Thank you. I mean, Eddie Murphy is a funny comedian who makes questionable movies. That's my analysis.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, how you're adjourned. Is that nutty professor? That's normal. How you do Norbeth It's still one of my favorite things of all time

Look up The gifs of the How You Dern And I laugh every time There's a great YouTube compilation of all the How You Durn You know and it's been a while

Since we've listened to it Maybe we should revisit it It's not long, it's like 30 seconds I think it was this, I was watching Stepbrothers was on yesterday. And it was like one of those things, too, where every time I watch Step Brothers, like especially the first, like, hour of it, I laugh to the point of crying every single time I watch it. I think there's just certain things like how you durn that just, you know, they just get you. Oh, Norbert, you know it'd be so romantic.

If you carry me over the threshold like a little chocolate drop. Ha! Ah! Ha! Ha! Yeah, look it now. See. This is what my wedding night's gonna be like...

Yeah. I don't wait. I was just, I hate... And she's going down a water slide. She's too big for her down. Oh, man, it is... She goes really fast! This, I just, I mean, why didn't this win an Oscar?

You know? He's got to wear this suit. He's got to wear this. He plays suit in for character. go so fast. See? How you dear? That's actually really helpful

because I've never seen the movie and you guys say this like it's part of the page seven language. Oh, I've never seen the movie either. Oh, me neither. I've only watched the clips. And neither one of us have watched the movie at all. You just watch the How You're doing collection.

How you do. All right. Well, I definitely feel a little bit more in the loop now. I think it probably might be. the worst movie of all time. But, you know, there's just something about how you endure that gets me every goddamn time.

Yeah, that clip has 4.3 million views. Far more than so many more people than ever saw Norbert. Was it, it was Dr. Doolittle that Alias, are you, that somebody was on the soundtrack for, right? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

And that was Eddie Murphy, too? Yep, that was Eddie Murphy. Went to talk an animal movie. The king of all characters. Edward Murphy. Yeah, this was during that, well, actually, no, this was long after a night. This was two, wow, Norbert was 2007. Too late.

He had made so many of these exact movies that he was just like, I don't know. How about I play a fat woman? Huh? And everyone was just like, yes. Yes, Eddie Murphy, please. Named Raspusia. I'm proud to say that I've never watched it though. Wow. And it's the script is co-written with Eddie and Charlie Murphy.

Oh my God. It's just, uh, brilliant. I hope they laughed all the way to the bank, though. I do know they did not. They absolutely, this was a gigantic bomb. Really? Yeah. Oh yeah, no one watched Norbert. I don't think everyone, Eddie, like, when I first heard about how you derr, I also didn't know what Norbert was. And I, no one has seen it. I don't know how it can't be I mean you probably can't even find it anywhere oh I mean I imagine you can find it somewhere

yeah yeah and some people blame this movie for Eddie Murphy not winning the Oscar for Best Supporting Role and Dream Girls that's definitely what it was it was because of Norbert yeah yeah yeah yeah keep telling yourself that wow

went to Alan Arkin instead that year for a little Miss sunshine which he was great yeah he was great in that man I went into a weird hole this weekend as well of movies that I couldn't find and I decided to seek out for some reason because I wanted to have like a Harmony Corinne day and I watched Gummo and I watched kids back to back. I had a bit of a time with it. I don't know if you guys have done this yet, done either one of those movies. I thought I had seen them and then I sat and watched them back to

back and was like, why did I do this to myself? Yeah, I think I saw kids when I was 12 or 13. I don't think I've ever seen kids. It's rough. It's intense, right? Yeah. I think if I had been that age when I saw it, I think I would still be a virgin. It kind of makes me not want to have sex now.

I'm like, oh, God, because they're all like our age now. And it's like everybody's just spreading around HIV everywhere. It's a lot of HIV. Uh-huh. Yeah. It's very upsetting. It's a lot of drug things. A lot of like taking girls, innocence.

It's rough. Yeah. But Chloe Savini is great. Yeah. I like her. Yeah, it was her first big movie, right? Yeah.

And then Gummo is just real fucked up. I don't know anything about Gummo. I actually have never gotten around to Gummo. Oh, Marcus, you will love Gummo. I figured. I mean, I know the cover. It looks very much up my alley. And that's why I'd always seen the cover and the Blockbusters.

It's like, I'm going to watch that one day. And then it's just, it's like the opposite spectrum of kids where it's just the sadness of small town southern living that it's. that it's all non sequiters and it's all very upsetting. They really hate cats. So Molly, I don't know if you want to watch this. Not going to watch it. Nope.

All right. Don't watch, you know what, Molly? Don't watch either one of them. I just didn't know if you'd seen it like way too young as well. Where just like I think that that would have really scarred me. Yeah, no, I remember being scarred by like the basketball diaries, but, but also, you know, not scarred enough that I didn't watch it multiple times. Right.

Yeah, but were you scarred by, um, the movie Life Size with Tyra Banks because they're also making a sequel of it this year. I am really eager to talk about this. I had a great time in like the years 2006 to 2008 watching Tyra every day. And I sometimes think about her and what happened to her and where she went.

And I always forget about the movie Life Size. Back in 2000. So she plays a living doll like in LifeSize like she, so she's Lindsay Lohan's doll and then she comes life. Yes. That's the whole movie. Yeah. So basically, like she's Barbie and she's sad because no one's buying her anymore. It's like a weird magic spell thing. And she comes to life to help Lindsay Lohan. But she also happens to be a pop singer. So in it, which I forgot, I forgot about the scene because the whole thing is just like, we're bringing back the song, be a star, but it's going to be

a club hit now. And Tyra's like, I'm dusting off my vocal cords and I'm ready to sing. And I watched the original song Be a Star. Number one, Tyra Banks should never, ever sing. And number two, it might, it was a very long song that was, you remember it, Molly's like,

Shan Frat, Sean Fah, B-star, Shine Fret. You know, it's like, it's so annoying, but now they're going to come back with a club remix version of it. And Lindsay Lohan has not said whether or not she's going to be a part of the film, but she has to. She's got to.

She's not doing anything. Well, in Life Size 2, Banks will reprise her iconic role as a doll that comes to life. Hyconic. Yes, iconic. Yeah, iconic. But in the sequel, everyone's favorite doll has grown up. This time, she's magically awoken to help a young woman learn to live and love again. And along the way, Eve herself will experience the ups and downs of real life in the telepick that's described by the network as a, quote, fun, edgy, modern Christmas movie.

Telepick. You know what? Give me Mannequin with Kim Cottrell any day. I'm going with Manikin, yeah. Oh, I would much rather watch Manichin. Also, Manikin is much creepier idea. Although, a doll coming to life is always creepy,

especially when she becomes life-size, which I think that the word edgy, they should really go towards the horror movie aspect of it, and then it would definitely be something I would be interested in. Do you remember this episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark? Did you guys watch Are You Afraid of the Dark? When we were kids, there was one, this very premise with Adon

doll house where like the kids got sucked into a doll house and there was like dolls that came to life and it was so scary I had to turn off the TV. I still don't know how it ends. That one really creep me the hell out between that one and the clown in the in the silly house or whatever at the carnival. That one also fucked me up, which also weirdly enough because I went down a weird, are you a friend of the dark hole? I've been going through a lot of holes, guys. I think, I don't know if it's just like a worm thing or like a worm time for me. that there's also a new, there's Arl Stein's The Haunting Hour,

which is a TV series. It also is a lot like the goosebumps, Are You Afraid of the Dark? That I think you can get it on Amazon. So it's all new episodes of other creepy things. It's like a Fear Street version of goosebumps. Of the goosebumps show. Can we rewind a little bit and talk about worm time?

Yay! Oh, my friend Jackie's just going through a worm time. I want to be there for her, but it's hard because she's really in a worm time. This is a big wormhole. Worm time. She's just in worm time right now. We don't know I help her through her worm time.

My problem is that now I'm so, I'm alone so much to like working on research and things like that that I get lost. And then I blink and it's hours later. And I just like watch the movie chances are and, you know, the muse and things like that. And I just like, what happened to me and what happened to my life? That's a worm time That's a worm time That's a worm time Worm time

And it used to happen like once a month But now it happens Multiple times a day And does that mean I'm going crazy? No You're just going through a worm time It's warm time You guys go through warm times right?

Definitely Yeah, no no I went through a worm time today What was your worm time? I don't want to talk about it I understand Yeah I like to save a few hours for warm time at the end of every night, honestly,

if I have time, you know. I mean, that's how you got John, like, was almost the freak opening scene into your brain, right? The pest. And that was forced on. That worm time was forced on me. Well, and no thanks to you, Jackie. My worm time sometimes consists of, like, six and a half hours of guys grocery games. Ah, yeah. Because once it starts, it doesn't

ever go away until, like, a new calendar day. You know, the TV just keeps playing it. And I'll just keep watching it. Oh, especially, yeah, they just go back to back. I don't know how he has so many episodes of it. But I love every single secret. I've fucking come along to think. I think that guy Fieri might actually be a really good guy.

It terrifies me. I've only seen one bad blind item about him in all the years we've been doing this. And if I only see one, then I usually dismiss it. And all these famous chefs seem like total assholes. And I think that he might be a nice guy. I think he's okay. I don't know if he's a nice guy, but I think comparatively he's okay. Yeah, he might not be the worst.

And I was ready to think he was the worst. worse, but it turns out he might be the best. Yeah. And I think he really loves his kids too, which I find very cute because I also follow him as well as Gordon Ramsey, and I love how they interact with their children. Although I do wonder if Guy Fieri

is still having sex with his male hairdresser. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. I hope so. Hashtag never forget. That's mine never forget. All right, it's time for the lose. Who's out of list? Marcus. Got to have that list.

I know we've been doing a lot of age ones lately, but I'm still loving them, and this one's really interesting. This is celebrities turning 70 this year. Last year. Yes, we did, or two weeks ago, we did 80. We did 80. Now we're just kind of going back.

Because this one, 70 is actually very interesting. You know, Ozzie's turning 70 this year. Really? How is he still alive? That is crazy. Is that what it is? Yeah, it is genetics. I think someone did,

I don't know if this is an urban myth or not, but I think there was some tests on like his genes. and they found that there's just something resilient about it. Get me some of that. He should start making a goop juice or something. Sell his stem cells or whatever. He's like how everyone has that grandpa where they're like, my grandpa smoked a pack a day every day for 70 years and he was fine.

He's like that only with like 20 times more drugs. Yeah, with everything. Hell yeah. Samuel Jackson's turning 70 this year. He looks great. Wow, he does look great. Maybe it's all of the tiny colored glasses he wears. Maybe that's just like helping it.

Maybe it's like a rose-colored glasses thing that he's just like, good for you, man. Yeah, you're really seeing the world right. Yeah, tiny colored glasses and kengal hats. I think we all should start wearing that. Maybe that should be the new trend that we start. Can we bring it back? He does have like a very nice old man look,

like a stylish old man, you know. Who does not look good is Billy Crystal. He's 70? He's 70 years old. Wow. He's gotten into the plastic surgery. Oh, he's got a neck bag. Yeah.

Wait, he's got, wait, no. You say the word neck bag, I got to look it up. I think you know what I mean. Oh, he does have a neck bag. Because he's gotten in the plastic surgery game, but not the whole face. Yeah, not his neck, that's for sure. Yeah, not his neck. He's got his, like, forehead.

It looks like he put all of his money into his forehead. Yeah, neck bag. Wow. Ew, that's gross. Although I loved City Slickers. I never wanted to smash Billy Crystal, though. Did you want to smash? No smanging.

Too dorky. He was never my type. Interesting. I don't know of anyone who's ever thought of Billy Crystal as a sexual object. Yeah, he's like a deeply platonic figure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe like a mom. Maybe.

Maybe. Like, ooh, look at his butt in those pants, you know. We'll ask you. A cute butt on that, Billy. Oh, man, Molly. I can't wait to ask you how your sexual preferences change. after you pop that kid out and be like, so Molly, what he's, so before, we're having to start doing before pregnant testimonials and then after pregnancy testimonials. Are you into that?

Sure. Is my sexuality going to change? No, no, I just meant sexual preferences of what you want to smash. I see. Of like what you're horny, horny for. Like, like I might be hornier for, like, you know, dads doing chores and stuff. Yeah, burly daddy. I mean, you know, we, I think we all love a daddy's already. But, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah. But after pregnancy daddy, I'm intrigued. Sure. Yeah, we can do a pre-and-post daddy survey. Yes.

I think you might like it. Olivia Newton. John is turning 70 this year. No, really? Mm-hmm. God, it's just, they just get so old so fast. This is so strange. They're like, I guess around like, our parents age-ish? Yeah, she was born in 48.

So that's about like seven years older than my parents. Man, she was so smoking hot for so long. And now her plastic surgery looks like she's got sad. It looks like cellulite has formed as she sags because she keeps trying to push it back and it keeps sagging back. I think she's getting sagback effect. Yeah, deposits. Sad back effect.

Yeah, her cheeks look heavy. Speaking of another plastic surgery nightmare, Stephen Tyler is turning 70 this year. Another one. Man, I just had we get these genes in us. I want to be one of those like she boozed every day until she died at 125. Yeah, the blind items are just, it's just constantly with Stephen Tulloch, he's back on drugs again. Yeah. Of course he is. Can you imagine being 70 years old and doing cocaine? Oh, you would have such a headache. Like, I hope to be high as a damn kite at 70, but just on marijuana. Yeah, just weed. I'm hoping that by that time comes around, like my brain will kind of,

swing back to a good direction. I can smoke weed again, but I'm not going to be doing cocaine at 70. Can you imagine the unpleasantness you'd feel the next day? No, it already takes me days when I just booze too hard, and I'm 30. It's like I can't imagine what

my body's going to be like at 70 as I just keep grinding into the ground, grinding into the ground, like a little cheese. Like, oh, cheese on a grater. Al Gore. Seventy years old. Molly? Molly?

Al Gore 70, Molly. I think Al Gore really came alive after he lost the 2000 election. That's my only analysis. He did come alive. He really had a renaissance. I saw him at a rally in 2004 and he looked better than he ever had.

Grew that beard, got rid of Tipper. Yeah, he had a little daddy beard and he just seemed free, you know. So I hope that he has been living his best life. Wait, do you want to smash Al Gore? No. No, but he did look nice with a beard. He looked better than, you know,

his whole thing before 2000 was everyone was like, who? Like he was totally personalityless. And then when he had a beard, he was just like, oh, he looks like your dorky dad. Yeah, dorky dad. At a rally. Dorky dad, Al. Yeah. Prince Charles, 70 years old.

Get out of there, dude. He's ready to go. We got to get him out of there. We got to make sure. I just can't wait to see Kate Middleton rise to the cream of the crop, man. She's going to get up there. Oh, I can't wait. You know we know nothing about the Royals.

but I know it's going to happen. Have you guys seen all those adorable pictures of little George being like a little dandy? No. Oh, he's such a little dandy. He is a little dandy. I can't wait. Oh, yes.

Get out of here, though. Princess Diana. Oh, that's going to be the next one. Oh, I'm so excited. That's going to be the next feud is going to be Prince Charles and Princess Dye. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, about how much they hate each other

or hated each other. Speculation. Oh yeah, baby. It's not speculation. It's all going to be based in fact. Stevie Nix has turning 70 this year. God, she still puts on a great goddamn show. The Faha.

It's the shawls. That's another one. I think tiny colored glasses and shawls is what I'm going to start getting into soon. And I think that'll make us live forever, guys. Yeah, I think so. Tiny glasses and shawls. I'm going to be the next Highlander. Kathy Bates, 70 years old this year.

I love her. She's forever great. I love her. Yeah, and there's a lot of rock stars turning 70. Like, you got Stephen Tyler, Stevie Nix, Robert Plant, and Alice Cooper. So, 1948 was a good year for creatives. Yep, yep, good year for them rocks. Robert Plant is still alive?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, Robert Plant's... Yeah. Wait, did he just... Just enter the studio. Oh, rubber plant is, ah! I'm still alive. Yeah, he's here.

Does he say, oh, hey. All the way from Mary Old England town. Will you side my breasts? James Taylor. Also 70. Terry Bradshaw. Oh. He's looked 70 for about 40 years.

Yes, since I was a child. Wow, that really is. Brian Eno's 70 years. years old. Wow. Man, they're all coming to a head, huh? They're all going to die in the same year. You know that, right?

Yeah, it's going to be a whole lot of them once again. But you know, who else is 70, Richard Simmons? Huh? Man, he's, that, there's just a whole thing out right now that's like, that one of these crappy magazines said that he was transgendered and he was suing them over it because he's not transgendered. And then now Richard Simmons has to pay the magazine because technically it isn't slander.

It's just like that's so upsetting. Like, don't leave him alone. Everybody leave him alone. I just, I know that we've talked about this before, but the missing Richard Simmons podcast, I had to even put it down, even though I love Richard Simmons. You know, leave him alone.

Leave him alone. You know how else you should leave alone? Leave alone Steve Winwood. That's not going to be a problem for me. I'm going to be a problem for me either. Oh, I, oh, no. What are you talking about? Give me a half.

Yeah, yeah. Whoa. I love that song We're back in a high live again Something, something, something It's really, really soft I'm not into Steve Winwood I tell that I'm not into him, it's just that I won't mind

Leaving him alone, you know? I'm not typing in Steve Winwood to my Spotify search. Yeah, I'm not going to miss him. Y'all get back to me, you go home, you do your homework, you listen to Valerie, and you tell me that you're going to leave Steve Winwood alone. I want to start for blind items.

Oh, we can't see them. You want to start with the Oscars one or the weird one? How weird? Is it sexy weird? It's really weird. It's not really sexy weird. It's just weird. Maybe let's do Weird and then Oscars. All right, okay. All right. All right. In the past, this blind item writer has written about this permanent A-list couple

and the surrogate factory they own. Despite the millions they've made from show business, they make much more money owning this factory. Now they have a new business. Women who don't want to carry babies but still want to make money selling their uteruses. The clients so far are very wealthy Europeans and Russians who are either too old babies or have some sort of fertility problem. Our permanent A-list couples charge 10 times what they do for a surrogacy. However, the donor rarely makes more than $500 to $1,000 for the surgery, and there is no follow-up care after they are discharged from the hospital

after having their uterus removed. I have so many questions. Oh, you're not done. I'm sorry. Russian woman. Is this the plot of a 90s science movie? Because that's kind of what it sounds like. They're taking the uteruses out and then putting them into other people? Yes, they are paying a woman $500 to $1,000 to remove her youth.

uterus and putting it into the stomach of an old Russian woman. I am uncertain that this is fact checked. Not certain that that's how it works. Kim and Kanye make it stop. Yeah, it's got to be either Kim and Kanye or Jay and Bay, right? It's Jay and Bay running a fucking uterus back. I am not a doctor. You can do it.

Transplant. The first one was done in 2016. Well, so that's a new science. I'm not sure if we can... It's a new science, but shit, that's two years. They've been spending running this fucking uterus factory. Yeah, but it takes them a while to get good at things. You know.

But if you're J.M. Bay, then you can pay to have the best uterus transplant doctors in the world. I am deeply skeptical. You know, they started IVF in like the 70s, and it took them a while to get. good at it. Decades. I'm not certain that you can just suck someone's uterus out. Put it back. You've had a year and a half to practice and now they're doing good. I just don't think that's how.

I believe it. I believe it a thousand percent. Do they want mine? They can have it. Take it. Give me 500 bucks. I'll do it. I'll figure it out. Wow. Yeah, surrogacy factory and now uterus factory. I love that they're calling it a factory.

You know, I mean, if they are really funding the science behind this, I guess more power to them. I don't think they're funding science. I think they're just poaching scientists and using it to give uteruses to old Russian ladies. Why Russia? Because all the rich people are now. They're all in Russia. Oh, I guess I see. And then are the old Russian ladies being surrogates themselves or are they people who want babies?

It's the old Russians. are the people that want to carry the baby themselves, but the uterus is not good anymore. So they put a new uterus in there, and then the Russian ladies, the old Russian ladies, can carry the baby themselves instead of going and using the surrogate factory,

the Jane Bay have already been running, apparently now for years. I think they're putting a band-aid on the wrong part of the body. It's really not the uterus. It's not the uterus. That is the problem. If you're talking about age, it's the ovaries.

I don't know. I'm really, I've got a lot of questions about the assistive reproductive technology going out of here. I've got a lot of questions. What do you know? What do you know about it?

Just because you're pregnant? Okay. You're pregnant. I trust the blind items. Missy. Little Miss pregnant pants. I trust Jay and Bay. You know, I do trust Jay and Bay.

Wow. That makes me so happy. Thank you for that blind item. You're welcome. That's a very good one. The other one we have is our only Oscars blind item Because most of the Oscars blind items this year were just like Jennifer Garner got drunk

You know it wasn't very good Is that why her hair was so messed up? I know I missed the Oscars episode But I'm still upset about her hair Oh yeah yeah like Jennifer what's her name Jennifer Lawrence and What's name? Emily Stone got to Emma Stone got into a fight You know it wasn't it wasn't juicy wasn't juicy at all But this one I pulled out because it is a river

Dale item. Yes, Cammy, coming, Kevin. This B, B minus list, mostly television

actor, at an actor party who was only that high because of the ensemble show he is on right now,

was minus his higher on the list wife last night at the party. Apparently, he took that as a sign he could hit on other women.

He was very subtle and made sure to tell the women they needed to keep everything hush, hush. He also was telling the women

that his marriage is on the rocks. There was a model there who fell for his story, and he invited her to come visit him on set. Luke Perry. No.

Skeet. Is it Skeet? No. Is it one of the kids? No, it's not. It's somebody, it's a, one of the, like,

it's a supporting cast member, but still a pretty big cast member that I did not know was married to the woman that he is married to. Markinsuelos with Kelly Rippa. Yes. That would be,

Hiram. Hiram Lodge is married to Kelly Rippa and has been for like 20 years. Really? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's very, it's very,

because I used to watch Regis and Kelly religiously, and she constantly, I feel like made him feel like he was way beneath her, which I find very funny. And that, like, it makes a lot of sense because apparently Kelly Rippa is a huge bitch. And he deserves a lot better than that little skeleton tin can. Yeah, she's, talk about tight. She's, like, so tight it makes me uncomfortable. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Too tiny. Yeah.

But, you know, he's the same height as her. Huh, that's cute It's not, wait, no Is it? I thought she was like teeny teeny, teeny. No, she's actually not that teeny. They're both like 5'8. Really?

Yeah. She's just, and you know, there's nothing, people are the bill that they are, whatever, but like there's something about like that scene in the end of sex in the city of the movie where she's with big and she looks like a child. Well, that also, you got to remember, she's always seen next to huge men

because Michael Strahan's like 6'6. I do love him. Yeah, so he's going to look about a foot taller than her, but she's 5'8, I looked up the whole Mark Consueless Kelly Rippa thing, and apparently there was a little bit of Instagram drama where somebody said, oh my God, Mark, you look so short next to your wife,

and she's like, he's tall where it counts, wink, wink. Whoa, completely unnecessary. Also, if you're referring to Dix's tall, you need to figure something up. Oh, how tall is he? Oh, let me see. Are you going to grow for me? Should I get out the pencils?

See how tall he is? That's what I start doing all my teeth. suitors, like lay on the floor. I want to see how tall your dick gets. Like, girls chat with each other, and they're like, how tall was his dick? Oh. Sounds like you're talking about a child. I don't want to talk about how tall your dick is.

Tell where it counts. All right, Kelly Ripley. You ain't taken that in a long time. You know what I mean? Uh-uh. Yeah, he's been, he was trolling around the Oscar party. Being classy about it. Um, but still, like, telling, telling all the ladies around, like, you know, I'm like,

Me and my wife, we are not doing so well right now. Maybe you could come visit me on Zissette of Riverdale. I would smash. Oh, yeah, that's a smang daddy right there. Fing him put some, I can't believe it's not butter on his abs. I can't stop staring at his weird mole when he's on screen. I haven't even noticed. He's got a real weird big mole on the little bend of his nose.

Once you notice it, you won't be able to stop. All right. No. Why you do it to us, Marcus? I figured everybody noticed his big weird mole. Mole, mole, mole, mole. No, now I'm never going to unsee it. That's fine.

As long as he's standing next to Hermione Lodge, at least we always have something real good to look at. True. All right, that's all we got time for on today's page seven. Thank you very much, everyone, for joining. And be sure to go give to the... Patreon. Patreon.

Please come visit us on our Patreon page. I'm putting out extra content every week, and I've got my Jackie's hot takes where I get weird and vlog at you through the computer. I'm having a very, very good time with it. It's just come visit us, patreon.com slash page 7 podcast, and the 7 is the number because we love you, and I got a lot of things to say. Goodbye, everyone. Oh, and don't forget to go listen to this week's Riverdale Roundup. It's back. It's back.

It's back. It's back. And sucks you in an alpha. Dudein. Hey, you turn. It's Jackie here. It is time for our Patreon shoutouts. Again, thank you guys so much for donating to our Patreon.

We really, really appreciate it. I love y'all so much. And if you want to see the extra weird content that I'm throwing out there, I got my Jackie's hot takes, I got my weird music videos that I get weirdly obsessed with. Just hit up patreon.com slash page 7 podcast, 7, the number. and uh come on and donate come we love you today my thank you thank you thank you is going out to harrison jackson good solid name sarah nev alison galvanakis ashley cawzy meredith b uh is that like i'm a bitch i'm a

rome bellinger boylston good consonants monica shunk Andrea Combs Shelby R. DeVite Anna Campanello Caleb Shearman Jamie Vigel Yonit Rosengarten Sarah Horrox

Ali Latrell Kathy Gribble Rebecca Medinsky Zacharias Lopez Sarah Azuzi Jessica Terrell Claire Miller

Caitlin Hadley Vanessa Thank you for bumping it up girl Love you. Sarah Wilbucks. Shannon Stevens. Kiana Rudolph. Audrey.

Kara Jakowx. Is it Jackax? I don't know how to say it. I like Jack Hux, though. Makes me feel like I'm hook. Leah Short. Anita Solnit. Vivian Joroski.

Stephanie McLean. Shelby Schultz. Maureen. Joe Schwartz. Jade McCarran. Misty Mina, fuck ya. Corey Kozitz, Shushine, Angie Eakley,

Megan Mertz, Katie Bernaldo, Jessica Fisert, nasty handsman. I like it. Patrina, Emily, Erin Moore, Armelia Levingham,

Kaylee Davis, Simone Bishop, Holly Jackson Valerie Andrea Ramos Ethan Uku Taylor Covillian Again I'm feeling the hook

today Stephanie Jones Kelly Cromwell Phil Casey Chris Harrison Katie Intamon Kelly May Dirkson

Lucy Hawkins Ashley Williams Megan Gunter Just like Gunt Gaines. We're gonna make it happen, guys. Holly Wilcox. Mary L. Castro. Rebecca Crockett.

G.X. Barnett. Sound like a beautiful bike. Hannah Carlson. Emily Devento. Theodora Goffes. Frasia. Peters. Yasmine Gonzalez. Gary Smith.

Diane. Oh, Diane. You give me trixie. Diane. Wosef. Was it? I don't know how to say it. Let me know, Diane. I'll say it again. I don't know how to say it.

But I love you anyway. I love you even more so. Jessica Miller. Angela Frischett. Nees McDonald. Allison Major. Catherine, I can bug up. Maya Broder.

Amber Santos. Kayla Kelly. Krista Garrick. and Kathleen Barrett. I want to say, personally, thank you guys so much. Thank you so much for listening over the years and thank you so much for your patronage

and I just... Girl, I love you guys so much. Thank you for giving me this opportunity. I love you. I love you. And I'll talk to you next week. I'm just like the little girl gremlin giving you kisses. Thank you.