Page 7 - Episode 246: Sisqo Dreams

Episode Date: March 22, 2018

Molly is busy bringing new life into the world so Jackie & Marcus are joined by Henry Zebrowski to discuss underwear songs, Renee Zellweger as Judy Garland and Cynthia Nixon's political aspirations. Want to help the show? Take our confidential survey. goo.gl/forms/K1O5fuaUCL8WlfOQ2 Patreon subscribers get even more hot goss - www.patreon.com/page7podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What's up, was that, my little tidly winks. It is Jackie here. I got a quick favor to ask of all of you guys today. Thank you so much for listening over the years, but we do need a little bit of your help. You could just fill out the survey that's in the description of the show today, or it's also on my Instagram at Jack That Worm.

That would be awesome. It's only going to take a few seconds. I swear, all of the information is confidential, and we don't take emails or names. That would help us so much. Thank you guys for everything. Love you, love you, love you. Hit it with page seven.

The cuckoo clock. Have you always said cuckoo clock? Yeah, I've always said cuckoo clock. That is not correct. That's how it's spelled. Yeah, but the English language. It's spelled it's spelled cuckoo clock. It's not pronounced enog.

It's pronounced enough. It's not pronounced rogue. It's pronounced rough. You know what I mean? Like the English language, there's a lot of things that are spelled one way. And then they're pronounced a different way. Cuckoo clock. I mean, wait, but this is forever.

I'm really, can you please record yourself at the Kaku Clock Museum so that you can say it multiple times? I want to hear what they say. We are. Yes, welcome of Pages Aved, everybody. I'm Marcus Parks. I'm Jackie Zabrowski. And I'm Henry Zabrowski that pronounces it the correct way. It's Kuku Koo Kloon.

I'm a guest here. The reason we're talking about this is me and Kareli intertaking a road trip in a couple of weeks. and one of the stops on our road trip is the world's largest cuckoo clock. Cuckoo clock. It's called a cuckoo clock because it goes cuckoo! That is exactly! It's an onomatopoeia clock! No, it goes cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo.

You're fucking weird. What cuckoo clocks have you been looking at? The only thing that could explain it is that if Carolina then out of nowhere starts calling it cuckoo clock, where if she says it to and then be like, all right, you're literally the only two people that have ever said this. That is why you're with each other. That's why you're with each other, and it makes sense. Yeah, we're both cuckoo clock people. It's the most important thing in a relationship.

Make sure you both say cuckoo clock the same way. I think it makes me nauseous. After the fifth time you hear cuckoo clock, I think I'm nauseous. I really, really dislike it. I would never buy one. I would never buy a cuckoo clock because I think that instead of a little bird coming out, it's just a white guy watching black guy rail on his wife. She's been like, oh, that's a graphic clock.

Although that's amusing. I would definitely get into way more than a cuckoo clock museum. Go to a cuck museum. I would go to a cuck museum honestly just to see what it's like, just to see all the humiliated faces. I think it's just called an orgy, I'm fairly sure. No, a cuckoo, no. Please, cuckoo.

Cuckoo me about it. Orgy, everyone is willing and no one is embarrassed. I don't know if that's true. Marcus? Well, it all depends. Everyone is definitely embarrassed, as some people have definitely, definitely been coaxed into coming. Well, that's different.

A lot of people are there because it's at the end of their relationship. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. Definitely been there. Been to that, orgy. Yeah, you did that. Were you the only one not fucking? No, I was fucking at some points, but...

Yeah, you were jerking it a lot, right? For the most part, it was half-heartedly jerking it in the back of a tent while making small talk with another man, while our significant others were canoodling with each other. Ha ha, can doodling. Well, that definitely won't happen at a cuckoo clock museum, that's for sure. No, no sex is happening at a cuckoo clock museum. Unless maybe do you guys get horny for cuckoo clocks? Is that something you're into?

Well, something does pop out and scream. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. Anyway, I... Good, segue. Very good. Very professional.

Anyway. Anyways. The Zabrowski household has been, we've had a pox upon our house as of late, and I think that it's called the thong song. The thong, the thong. Let me see you boon go.

Let me see a shitty booty go. Baby, that thong. He's so passionate. That's what I like of it is like, That thong! Let me see your booty go. Let me see your booty go. I wish he's saying it more like that,

but I feel like it was more sensual than that, like, baby, left all! So he's like out of breath because he likes the thong so much. He just wants to see your underwear. The problem is that I switch it all the time in my head. I've been, I've also been suffering from very bad insomnia. And all last night, I was up all night in my head. I see, I have a way that I do a, yes, I was having Cisco dreams. I do a parody a version of it in my head,

which I've done for years, and I revealed it to them, and they don't understand it where I go, like, that's like what, what, what, thighs like shit, fuck, fuck, let me see your butt, fuck shit, fuck shit, let me see it again. They got thighs like shit, fuck shit, thighs like fuck, fuck, fuck, shit.

So this is what he says, it's just like it's a constant in the background of the house as of late, especially with the insomnia. Let me see it again. And I'm just sitting there trying, to get my work down, I'm just like, will you stop it? With the song.

Guys like, fuck, shit, fuck. Guys like shit. Especially when he's singing it very in a low level to himself as he sits at his computer. It's upsetting. I don't know, man. I mean, the actual bridge, because what you're doing there is that's the bridge of the song. The bridge did she had dumps like a truck, truck, truck. That is like what, what, what?

That is what Natalie's hung up on is the dumps. It said she got dumps like a truck, which I know means. But meat. You mean butt flaps. But I can't imagine ever saying to Natalie, hey, your dumps look really good today. That's because you're fianced, though. Because if someone just said that to me on the street,

I'd be like, oh. Well, that's because you're desperate. We need to change that. That needs to change. We need to take your priorities. My dumps. We need to take what you're looking at in terms of love. What's the term?

It's your... My joie de vivre. Everything's got to be pumped. up, your quality. Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. Your standards must be increased. He doesn't even know the word when he looks at me because he knows I have none. No, because I wanted to be the vitamin water guy, so my standards are lower than ever before.

So you are saying that if a guy walked across a bar and said, baby, I've been looking at your dumps from across the room and I like what I see, you would respond how? Ooh, me. A baby, I see how you dokey is. how your dooky oven is shaking back and forth, and I want to put my shit stick in it. Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you.

And it's just me constantly dragging her away from these men being like, not in front of your goddamn brother. Not in front of your brother. No, I don't know. I don't know if I'd actually be into the word dumps, but Marcus, have you ever wanted to kiss on a woman that had a whale tale? What's a whale tail?

That's the top of the thong. coming out of the top of your jeans. Oh, I mean, I've done it. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I'm into it. Every man is into it. Yeah, of course. But I've never been so, I've never been one to rap, rap sotically about, uh, about panties.

Panties. Because that would be my song, leave your panties in a shanty. That's where I go for lunch. Leave your panties in the shanty. I hope you leave a bunch. That would be my underwear song. Ew. I hate it so. Just remember that every single time you try to be intimate with the man.

I don't want to. Now it's on you. I like my panties in a bunch. Do you want some lunch? That would be my response when he sings the song to me. I'll have to teach him this song, so it'll be great. It'll be like a call in response. It's going to be great.

Your newest paramour's will all be very happy. Thank you. Very much. Don't look at me. Ew, he's quitting at his eyes. He's got sparkles in him like his Santa Claus. I got some moisturizer in my eyes while I was moisturizing my face. It got stuck on my lashes and it's worked away into my eyes and now they're burning.

That's the sparkle. You moisturized your face? Have to. How often? Every day. Really? That's what you do. Yeah, it's called fucking being a modern man.

It's a new thing. where I actually, it was, I remember, because Ben Feldman taught me from A to Z. Oh, oh, drop in name. So you could probably say from Superstore because that's actually his successful show. Yes, his Superstore. Yes, it's true.

But he told me one night, we were out there just getting fucked up because me and Ben Feldman used to get really, really fucking hammered together. And it was out like 4 o'clock in the morning and smoke a cigarette. He said, Hey, tell you something, Henry, you can drink and smoke as much as you want

as long as you moisturize. And so I was like, all right That's why I still get carded when I buy cigarettes. I think it's because of all the moisturization. Also, you can't forget your neck. You got to moisturize your neck. I'm not moisturized in my neck. That's where the meat starts to sag.

For you. Neckbags like Olivia Newton-John. But my neck bags are going to get me work in the future. That's a part of it. I'm segueing from young stoner to like older police, policeman, private investigator, mayor type. So I have to get visibly older. See me, I'm trying

I'm actually trying to accelerate the aging process except for my hair but my whole face I gotta get this thing speed it up man Why? Because I've been looking like

I've been in my like early 20s for years But now People aren't kill for that I'm not getting carded anymore And I'm liking it Ugh Because they're just like

They just hand you slips For like tombstone delivery And like maybe you need this He must be on his way out Just get him out of here You should start contouring your uh your laugh lines.

You know, make them darker. Yeah, so you look like Jack Skellington. That's what you need. That'll help you from your day to day. Oh,

speaking of shit, you know, we got reached out to by Macaulay Culkin. We did. Colkin's been listening the last podcast on the left, I guess,

and he's out there. He's in the mix. He got a hold of us? Yeah, McCauley Culkin's in the mix. That's interesting because I wanted to talk about him losing his virginity.

today. How did, oh no, is this a Weinstein? No, no, no, no. What did he do? Is he, was it an R or was it a normal? No, it's a fun. How is it fun? I mean, no virginity losing's fun. Well, he were, kind of fun. You were covered in blood. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, why don't I remember the story? You were covered in blood? He's told the story before. He got, he was the, the middle of his, the middle of losing his virgin. A girl was starting to squirt blood out of her. That, I believe, is called having a menstruation.

Yes. Her menarch. Because we had planned on me losing my virginity for a few days before because I had to come visit her. And then the night before, her menstruation cycle started. And she asked, do you still want to do it? And I said, of course I do. And then we had to stop halfway through because she said she could smell her own blood. And it was not sexy.

Yeah, but that's why you get the vinyl sheets No, the whole point is that you're smelling the blood Getting cooked by the friction or the penis into the blood And then I had to sneak my way into the girls' dorm shower So I could, you know, rinse off all the crust Because you know where it goes Oh, boy, oh boy, your young face gets older Every time he tells a story

That's all you need to do Just keep telling you're losing your virginity story, Marcus But how did Mac lose his virginity? I don't know if I enjoy the shortening of Macaulay Culkin to Mac because it makes me think of the makeup and thinking about, you know. His butthole mouth? Yeah, his butt hole mouth. So apparently he was 15. He says he was about 15.

This was just recently on Anna Ferris's podcast. What I think what struck me from the headline is that he referred to it. He said he also, they planned it. It said it wasn't gross or weird. With who? But he did say it was warm and sticky. And I felt like, geez, this is weird. Am I doing it right?

Stinky? Yeah. Sticky? Yeah, warm and sticky. What's wrong with warm and sticky? It shouldn't be sticky. I don't know if... Sometimes it's sticky.

Interesting. I don't know if I ever would call my squirty bird sticky. No, it's not sticky. It shouldn't be. Sometimes it's sticky. No, because sticky starts out in like gummy. I'm going to go ahead and say, out of the three of us, I have probably had experience with the most vagines.

Oh. Yes, I will give them that. this is about with this is going to be coming an in-cell conversation is that what we're doing am i a chair are you a chad right and what am i am i the variety of the genes i have had access to over the years of my canoodling but the vajuns that i have canoodled with as well i have had a bouquet of the jeans that i've canoodled with and in my bouquet of the jeans i've never experienced a sticky because I've never been making love to Winnie the Pooh. That's a problem with Winnie the Pooh.

Every time he starts getting up into his honey pots and then he starts jerking it and then there's honey every year. He has no genitals. The only things that have genitals are cartoons with pants. Maybe Winnie the Pooh has genitals like the creature in a shape of water where it kind of opens up and comes out. The cloaca opens up and his short, his weird sharp penis. enters from and shoots black cum all over Christopher Robin's face.

And that's how he lost his virginity. But they planned it. I feel like his nipples must open up into some sort of vacuels to accept Christopher Robin. You know what I mean? I honestly feel like the problem is that Christopher Robin's been talking to these imaginatively. Like, is that that new Christopher Robin movie coming out, which is being like,

who gives a fuck about Christopher Robin? And who gives a fuck about Winnie the fucking pool? Jackie, it is controversial for you. I understand you don't like it. But I do understand that people do like Winnie the Pooh, but that's the interesting part of the Winnie the Pooh story. Christopher Robin never was. But what I'd like to see is a sequel of Christopher Robin growing up.

In a looney bin? He's like 37. He gets out of the loony bin. He wants to find where the little animals are. He goes back out. Winnie Pooh is real. And he's super cute and he's real. But Christopher Robin's like all fucked up.

And he says to Winnie Pooh, you stole my childhood from me. Now, I'm going to steal your innocence from you, and then he forces a hole into Winnie the Pooh by forcing him over a bush while all the animals are like, go, go, go, go. But it's just Winnie the Pooh, why wouldn't he take it out on all the other ones? See, I feel like it would be more of like a situation like room. Cut the head off the snake. So this Christopher Robin movie, it's pretty much just hook with Christopher Robin. Yes. Yeah, it's stupid.

It's waste of everybody's time. Because also Peter Pan is fun. You know, it's like there's murder involved. There's kidnapping involved. There's boo boxes involved. There's little children that are slightly sexual, but I'm kind of into it because they're lost. They are not sexual. They are maybe to you.

Well, they were you or to you at the time. Come on. At the time. He was not sexual. Yeah. He was not sexual. Not now. No, no.

Well, actually, no, he looks good now. I saw a then and then and now thing on Rufio. Why is this about a weird private. fascination. Yeah. Oh, come on, guys. Brad Garrett's playing your... Who gives a shit?

I mean, I do like Brad Garrett a lot. I mean, technically it's perfect casting. It's like on the nose, perfect casting. Yes, very good. Congrats to the casting director. I will admit, Henry did leave his bedroom the other night, and I was sitting eating just a big piece of chicken on the floor watching everybody loves Raymond, drunk at 2 o'clock in the morning.

Yes, I did see that. I did witness that. I just walk in and everybody loves Raymond on. which you had to choose to watch. Like, it wasn't just on the television. You went and found it and started watching it. Yeah. Well, it's because the nanny had ended.

Deborah. That's how I knew it was happening, is that I heard outside my bedroom, and I looked out of her, and Jackie was out there just covered in booze sweat. And chicken. Were you laying on the floor? No, she was sitting on the floor.

I was, like, squatting on the floor. Okay. But she was watching a storyteller in the old days tell her a tale. But it was everybody loves Raymond. It's better for you to sit in a squat. Only if you activate your core while you do it. So you weren't sitting like Indian style. You were like squatting like a goblin.

Yes. Watching everybody loves Raymond. Yes. How large of a piece of chicken like a bro. Like it wasn't like a thigh. Chicken thigh. It was chicken thigh. A thigh.

I grilled a bottle. bunch of marinated chicken thighs and chicken breast because now on Sundays we've been doing Sunday grill outs. No. With the family. Brother's sister, yeah, we get we get stoned. We watch movies all day last week. We watched Solaris.

Yes, which was very dry. And we learned a lot about, I love Solaris. One of my favorite one of my favorite sci-fi films, nay films in general. That is to me very exciting. And it is about the workings of the inner mind. One is consciousness. What is, what does it mean to be? alive. It's three hours long. A Russian staring. But it's good. It's good. Have you seen

Salaris, Marcus? I have never seen it, no. You got to see annihilation, though. I've heard. You told me I need to go see annihilation. Yeah, you fucking dog. You shouldn't even be recording this. That's mean. I don't mean it. There's no mean on this podcast, unless we're talking about Winnie the fucking poop. That's where I do think that you're correct. Thank you. But annihilation is very good. Oh, but Ewan McGregor is playing Christopher Robinel grown up. Go fuck yourself. According to blind items, Ewan McGregor's a serial cheater. He is really rough and he can't be kept around.

You know who also says a weirdly, a big-time serial cheater, cheater? Bono. Bono, but he was been married to his wife for a very long time, but apparently one of his biggest paramours was Wynonna Ryder, that he was, they had a secret dalliance that he's kept up over the years. Is that the one that goes, I dream of rain. Bona. It's Bonn.

I don't even know. You two is one of the biggest bands of the 20th century. All time. One of the biggest touring acts that ever was. Still to this day. And you come out with a YouTube song that nobody knows? That's a song. What was that song?

What was that song that came out that they tried not to play on the radio anymore after 9-11? What? Because it opens with like, oh, and people thought it was offensive, even though technically it wasn't trying to be offensive. I think that's a sting song. Uh.

I'm pretty certain that's a sting song. And even then, that's still an obscure sting song. Yeah. I was just thinking about it the other day. Field of rain. Is that Field of Rain? It's what you said it? No, no, no.

That's it. I don't know. like it when, not that I always don't like it, but also like, same thing when Paul Simon, when he went Afri Khan, I was never that into it. That was fun, diamonds in the souls, you shoot. I understand people like it. I'm not a Paul Simon fan, but that's, I'm not saying he's bad. Yeah, it's not for me, but that's for others. Yeah, it's for others. The song you're thinking of, I think, is after the rain has fallen. Sounds good. Is it like a seaside? It came, it came out in like 1999, so what you're talking about with the whole 9-11 thing is, you know, that kind of tracks.

But still. It's like that was a thing, though, it was just already an offensive thing on the other side of it, that people were like upset about hearing it on the radio. Yeah, but it was just foreign noises. Like, it's not specifically offensive to hear a foreign noise. The song you're thinking of have a chorus. It's the, uh, I dream of rain. Bruneo no,

something so Nothing. I have nothing. I produce... That's sting. That is sting. That is literally saying, Arimavaya,

Arimone. There's no words. I have no words for it. Desert Rose. Yes. By sting. By sting. Correct?

By sting. And also off the same out. Off the same album, off a brand new day, 1999. Disgusting. I hate New Sting. I hate old Sting. I hate, I'm not a Sting fan either. I feel like that's where I am on the bad side of certain types of pop culture,

only because there were certain music and certain styles I didn't get into. I was never into the police, and I hated the clash. How do you hate the clash? And how do you hate the police? I know. I understand the police. I don't know. I'm not too fond of the police myself.

The Clash is one of my favorite bands. Oh, how do you hate the clash? Just one of those. Just one of those that didn't get to me. Yeah. So are you just going off of like Rock the Casbah? No, I like Rock the Casbah. What?

Spanish bombs or like London calling or I fought the law. London called in Amazon. It just wasn't for me. Huh. All right. All right. I don't say it's bad. It's like one of those things where I know that it's not bad.

It just never got me because it was something about the British thing. I never really identified with the British thing like that. Like I more was more, like, I guess the things that I liked, what did I even like? Well, I like, I got into post-punk really fast. Yeah. You were too busy listening to the musicals. That was early in high school, but then I got into classic rock. My big thing was I like Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin because then I, because I was in that time period where I was like,

I can't believe people don't even know about this music. You know what I mean? Which is like, I thought I had discussed. covered it. And then I was just like, man, it's so easy to find t-shirts of these guys. Cool. I just go to the fucking Target, man. It's awesome. Yeah, that's where I got my first Sabbath shirt. And it was just like, that's sad. Don't worry. I got rid of it. At Target. Yeah. Renee Zellwiger is Judy Garland. I'm sorry. Jackie's going through stuff. And I saw this Renee Zellweger is Judy Garland. And I am beside myself. Yeah. She looks awful at this. This is

I do not approve. All right. So you're saying that Renee Zellweger is playing Judy Garland in a movie? Yes. Judy Garland is one of the most beautiful, emotional performers that ever existed. And you're trying to say that Renee Zell Weger is not. Yeah, because, you know why? Because of the eye face, the eye lips? You know what maybe? You know what clicked all together is when I realized that Timothy Shamaulay acts just like her.

He acts like a little girl. You have this thing against him. Henry is completely, every time he sees a picture of him, he loses his fucking mind. He's too, uh, what is he too beautiful? Is he too good at what he does? Elves. Elves aren't real and I don't like them. If I was a part of Lord. I don't mean to be so negative today.

But if I was part of the Lord of the Rings. I need you to say three positive things right now. I miss Bob Hoskins. Okay. I love in Versauch. Okay. And also the new Rajneesh show. Wild, wild, wild country is very good.

Thank you. And continue. Now you may continue on your stream. Timothy. Timothy, Shamelay, acts like. we're all supposed to be in love with him. He's immediately in the blind items, which means his PR company is working overtime. They've doing

a whole big fucking full court press, get them out there. That I understand, I guess, because you know the idea is that what's his name, Bradley Cooper is on the, he's on the D.L. Yeah, he's a, he's a homosexual. Homosexual. And they seems like they were, they were doing bottom things

somewhere. Salome. Shallame. Shalome. Yeah, Timoth. Timitai Shalamette. That kid, the one, the one from the movies. Yep, yes. The one from the movies.

The one from the movies, the movies, kid. So, wait a second. So he is having dalliances with Bradley Cooper. That's the word in the street. There was a flirtatish happening. Yeah. The kid's 22. You can do what he wants.

I'm not saying that he can't do it. I'm just saying it's just all of the, his pure people are going to, it's like, they're just doing this whole, they're making a, they're making a real. Jennifer Lawrence out of him. Yeah, which means he'll be out of Hollywood in the next 10 years. And then he'll be on meth on the 405 and 8. And then he'll have his revamp in 10, go back to the Oscar seasons, relapse into drugs, back into jail, start his own lifestyle brand, fucking relapse again, back in jail, comebacks again, 35 years later, Oscar season again. I'm glad that you figured out his whole life for him.

Maybe you should write him a letter. It's like he should just commit suicide. No, don't be over because it's already decided. You know we don't live in Shade Town. Timothy, I'm sorry. Thank you. Keep living. I'm just excited because Judge Judy and Samuel Jackson are friends.

So funny, because I found this article last night and I showed it to Natalie. It makes me so happy. Have you seen any of this, Marcus? I have not. They met over their mutual love of smoking. Yeah. Cigarettes? cigarettes, which also in turn made me love both of them even more.

But you do hear that's how they solidified their friendship is that they would like fly from coast to coast to see each other just to hang out. And then she said to him like, I'm going to quit smoking. I want you to do it with me. So he would fly out to the East Coast and go to her hypnotist with her. Yes. And they quit smoking together. Yes, because Judge Judy was such a bad smoker.

she have to wake up in the middle of the night with cravings and smoke. Wow. Like she was very, very intense. And the two of them together, they bonded. And they're holding hands and stuff. I don't think they smush. No, there's no smushing. It's just friendship.

It's nice. Speaking of those shows like that, have you guys ever watched couples court? No. Both you, it's like on Pix 11 here in the city. I caught like 10 minutes of it in a pizza shop the other day. But it's... Oh, so you heavily investigated. Heavily investigated.

Heavily investigated. But it's pretty much... It's a husband and wife judge couple that essentially litigate relationship fights in a courtroom setting. That's a smart idea. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Is it?

It's mostly about cheating. It's like Mori, but court. Interesting. I feel like if Jackie and I were judges, we'd have been... great as brother, sister, court, settling family problems. I feel like it would be a lot like nothing but trouble. Family court. Family court.

Yeah, but then... I said it's you to death! No, no, no. I said it's you to spaghetti! Spaghetti! Spaghetti! Spaghetti! Spaghetti!

Because they'll be so happy that they do have to be put to death, that they'll be excited by being covered in spaghetti. Death by spaghetti! Oh, it's another twist! That's what I would do. Let's do it. Yeah, let's be judges. Yeah, they just give those away for free, right?

Yeah, it's like Cynthia Nixon's just going to be governor. I don't get it. Marcus, how do you feel? What was her name on the show? She was Ricardo. Oh, Ricardo. I guess that is such a Miranda thing to do. It is a very Miranda thing to do.

Is running for governor of New York State a Miranda thing to do? Yes, because she was like the high-powered lawyer that was like, I don't need no man, but then she finds like a father. popish young idiot that like she gets knocked up. It's like, I'm keeping the baby all on my own. But then he really loves her, which I don't understand. I lost. Is he, so she's a, she's lesbian in real life or by.

Yes. I believe she's lesbian. But in the show, she's straight. Correct. And now she's governor. She's not governor yet. I don't know. That's why it's like, I need Molly to know.

When is she governor? No, she's not going to be governor. Cuomo's taking her under his wing just a little bit. But I'm not sure if she's going to be governor. I would rather vote for SJP. SJP? SJP has got way more. Sarah and Jessica Parker.

SJP has got way more of, for me, if I was going to look at leadership position, because wasn't Samantha? Samantha's the sexy one. Kim control? Moo. Samantha is Ricardo? No.

There was no recorder on the show. No, not one. Maybe there could have been a maid somewhere. What was her name on it? Carrie Bradshaw. Yes. I didn't know who you were trying to refer to. That's a good governor.

Carrie Bradshaw, the character or SJP the person? Is there a difference? I mean, I guess not a lot of difference. You know, this should have been governor, Robin Wright, from House of Cards. Yes. Because she put Kevin Spacey in jail. She's shrewd. Did she put him in jail?

I don't know. The new season isn't out yet, but it looks like it might happen. Does he just die in the beginning of it? I don't know. I mean, I think they might do one of those jump things where they just kind of say in the first. 57 years in the future and then it's just flying cars and all that. That's awesome. I would totally pick up on that.

Yeah, just the first line is like, wow, it's really weird how the president died over the summer. And then they just continue. It is really weird. Yeah. Yeah. I'm happy for them, though. At the same, I don't really, I mean, I fell off because it's boring to me. But I really enjoyed, I love Robin Wright.

I love everything about her. She's got a new hot boyfriend, too, and I was staring at a bunch of pictures of the two of them. She is gorgeous. Yeah. Especially in the Wonder Woman. She is, oh, whoa. But she's the actor. If I was going to choose a pretend governor, I would choose her, and not another pretend governor.

like Cynthia Nixon's two, she's not pretend governor. I don't know. She didn't even get a chance to play a governor on TV to know what it's like to talk like that. Exactly. That's the thing. So you're saying that if an actor plays a political position on television, then that makes them more qualified to be a politician. Yeah.

I think actors should be fed rations and kept in weird. like kind of housing communities and release just a work and put back. So that's where I really actually feel about actors, me included, where I don't think they should have leadership positions. How tiny would your cage be? How tiny would your cage be? Actors need rest, so it needs to be

20 by 20 feet at least for a king size bed, which I do believe. Actors need rest. But the problem is, and they need to be fed, and they need an exercise machine, and they need juice. And they need that kind of thing actors need and they should provide it for by the government. But I do not believe that they should be leaders of anything. No.

Because I'm an actor, and I know what that is. I shouldn't be in charge. But what about the Rock? You wouldn't charge. No. What? He's the Rock. He's too busy.

Arnold Schwarzenegger figured it out, so I feel like the Rock could figure it out. Arnold Schwarzener quit acting. He wasn't a great governor, though. He did actually, he did fine. Yeah, he did fine. You did fine. I wonder what Cynthia Nixon would do. I'm not against her being like who she is and being governor, but I don't know if she's got it any experience. You know who it should be or who should be the next president, Bill Pullman.

Now he played a great president of the United States. I don't think he wants it. Why? Because it seems like it's a difficult job. Being an actor is you show up and get your makeup done. That is true. And then you got to be pretend president. That's the one thing about Cynthia Nixon is that now it's just like she's pulling a real Daniel

day here walking around being like, look, I'm governor. I'm playing the character of governor. And there's like, no, no, no, no. There's a lot of paperwork that comes with it. She's like, no, I have salad. I had a salad, so I'm governor. But like, no, no, no, that makes you an actor. I mean, to be fair, I don't know what the governor does. Do you know what a governor does? Yeah, which is why we shouldn't be governor. I feel like a part of it is that you should have like a real distinct idea of what the job of being governor is if you're going to run for it. You make decisions. Yeah. Yeah, I make decisions all the time. I got an ice coffee. I got ice coffee I put on this shirt

Yeah you did You did choose that I made a decision to drink one of the old bottles of water In the studio instead of going to the bending machine To buy a new one He's saving the environment Very good you're stopping your your ecological footprint Well you're not because you'd say it's still the bottle's gonna

But that's a whole other fucking ball game I wouldn't vote for Cynthia Nixon for governor But I would vote for SJP for like Comptroll Is that because her face is so tight? You don't know what comptroller is either. I don't know. But then I feel like it's the kind of job that I would let an actor do willy-nilly.

Yeah. Because I don't know what he does. I think it has something to do with some sort of like transportation. It's accounting. It's accounting. Call it accountant then. Why is it comptroller? Why does it have a different name?

Is it like best boy and like grip and stuff like that? Kind of, yeah. So it's movies again. I don't know if we have the authority to be talking about these things. Absolutely not. That's what's kind of fun about it is that this is not political at all, and I can become entirely wrong. There's no real stakes here, are there?

No. None. None whatsoever. I'm just sad because Molly's not here because I have to get her to start watching Outlander. It's too sexual for me to watch with you in the family. Yeah, it can't be a brother's sister show. Marcus, have you heard about this show? No.

Oh, my God. I've been getting a lot. A lot of people have been telling me to watch it. And it is, it's basically, it's quantum leap as a softcore porn. Through time with this like hot Scottish dude. It ain't for me. It's just too much sensuality. Same thing with Riverdale, what they did all the stuff where they put the sensuality in it

where it's been like, these are children. Yeah, but these are full grown adults. So it's about a married World War II nurse who in 1945 finds herself transported back to the Scotland of 1743 where she encounters the dashing Highland warrior Jamie Fraser and becomes embroiled in the Jacobite risings. Yes, this is our mother is obsessed. This is why I don't really understand. I know because I put it off for so long because mom is so into it. Mom is obsessed with the book series and the way she's like, it's erotic.

Like, hearing mom say the words it's erotic Makes me be like, Why would I ever watch this show? Because I know mom's getting all fucking roiled up, live in her fantasy life. But I'm able to, like, disconnect because she reads the book, she doesn't watch the shows,

so she's not seeing the actual sex that I'm watching. It's like, if I found out that mom was watching, like, the same porn that I watch, I would be stricken. I actually have a problem with watching two. Like, I watch saucy shows, but the problem is my porn and my sauce and my shows are pretty,

separate because I'm always afraid across the streams because I'm just one step away from being a murderer because of the show because of last podcast. Like I can't watch too many sensual things mix with my work things because then all of a sudden I'm like

all women are sexy when they're cut open which I don't want to I don't want that to happen. Why are you saying do I don't look at me in the eyes. I'm sorry I didn't need you I'm just saying that. I'm not sure I understand your connection here. Me neither. Versace is a good show. I like Versauch and Rajneesh.

Rajneesh is also a good show. And I miss Bob Hoskins. I know you miss Bob Hoskins. We did try to watch, what is it? Like age gap love? Remember when we tried to watch that? Very, very fucked up. Very weird.

Marcus, it's a reality show of people that one's really old and one's really young. Oh. Oh, it's on Netflix. Awesome. Yeah, dude. I love fucked up weird shows like this. This will grind your gears. Because it's just like a 70.

There's something about, I know eventually we will be old and we have to feel sexuality. Right. That's part of what they talk about is I was actually reading a very interesting book, Jackie. It was like, well, I was passing through a bookstore and I was read the beginning of it. But it was about the idea of the grief of missing your lover, which is a thing that they don't talk about with elderly people. There were elderly people. They all say like, oh, when your husband dies, you can go. like, oh, you should take a quilting class,

or you should go to high a lie club or like do something like that. But you're missing, getting your shit poked by the person that you've grown with 40 years who knows how to poke your shit at the best. I thought for most marriages, by the time one of them dies,

they're like, thank God. No, it seems like the sex increases if you're actually in a happy functioning relationship. What? Yeah. And that you actually have pleasure from your old parts slapping against each. other because you're used to it. But the problem is that these 75-year-olds in the age-grap love

show, it's weird to watch them suck on a weird body 30-year-old man. It's the sounds that their mouths make. Old people are too loose. That's what it is. It's like I feel like I would still want to, like if I was 70, if I actually lived that long, I would still want to smang a 19-year-old just because of how tight they would be against my big saggy body. Wow, this one, I'm looking at one woman that wrote an article about this whole age gap thing. She said that she's had sex with her man so few times she could remember all of them. What? What?

Wait, she's the old one? She's the young one. Oh. Then what's the point? Well, it's just... Well, it's just... Well, it is for companionship, and you just kind of have to get him a couple. He's got to get a couple of squirts in there for it to be official.

Oh, so wait, so age gap is about younger men and older ladies. Yes, and it's very fun. There's a couple of fun couples in there. Oh, yeah. Now, I'm looking at a fun call. Edna and Simon, is that the fun couple you're thinking about? It sounds like it. Because he's like, he is horny, horny, horny for her.

The one with like super British teeth? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's a thing is that I found, it seems, that the gilf world is very passionate. Marcus, are you going to watch this show? Yeah, I'm definitely going to watch this show. I have seen some really passionate gilf porn before. Really?

Yeah, I've told you guys about the Prune Brothers. I don't know if you have. Please. You must have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's about an old lady who's constipated, and she's very upset about it. She's very agitated.

So she calls the. prune juice company to come make a home delivery. I feel sick. And so two guys show up to her door dressed as like milkmen, like delivery men, with these big jugs of what looks like prune juice. It's just kind of a brown liquid that's somewhat clear, but not really. And so they start pouring prune juice all over her. Into her holes are just on her.

Like a wet t-shirt thing. Yeah, both. They kind of, like, she gets naked and they're like, yeah, you need something more than pruned juice to loosen you up. No, no. There's a lot of anal sex. Yeah. There's like a DP. You know, the DP does not last too long because she's obviously having a hard time holding.

Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then at the end of it, uh, you know, And they're doing all this on the kitchen floor. Hell yeah. And then at the end of it, some pots. That's bad for her back. That's very bad for her back.

So at the end of it, some of the pots and pans, because she's, you know, riding the, you know, riding the dick in her butt as the guy's laying down on the ground. And there's a bunch of pots and pans around her. And so she grabs a pan and she starts banging it on the ground and going, yeah. Yeah. And then she goes, and then she stands up and, like, puts her hands up.

hand over a butthole and goes, I gotta take her shit! And then she kind of does the little shit waddle, like the quick shit run back to the bathroom, and that's when it's fade to black. So I guess you're supposed to laugh then, almost. Or you've come. It's like I've never understand that like even why porns are longer than six or seven minutes. Yeah. So you can scroll through it.

Yeah. You get the highlight real. Get the highlight real. I'm just, I'm surprised. I thought you were going to be like, and she had sponges strapped to her knees, so she's always cleaned it in the floor while she's bagging these dudes.

And then when she picks up the pot, she starts cleaning the pot. That's like, what else is a grandmother do? Made I'd like to fuck. Ah, yeah, that's fun. This one, this was not necessarily a grandmother. She seemed more like a lonely, old L.A. woman. I just guess it's fine.

It's all fine. Everybody's free to express as, you will. Yeah, I think it's great. But I do feel it's almost the same way. It's an expression of the thanatos part of our mind, which is the need to destroy our

species. Is that what it is? Why, if I fucking her in the ass and covered her and prune juice? Not that part. That's creative. It's the actual part of having sex with a very old woman that being attracted to it means, in some way, they can't have a baby anymore,

so you're going to, you can just spunk into this thing that's not going to increase the human species and that makes you feel highly erotic so a part of that's supposed to oh what that does is you're you're committing suicide species wise i just wonder if if her lips are strong enough at that point does it hold the spunk in or just drip out of her you disgust me i'm curious you can find all of this out within 30 seconds i guess my problem is that now i'm just also thinking since they're called the prune brothers. I just want to watch the property brothers do this with that one wife. They do do that, except they are doing it with each other because they are homosexual, the two

of them. No, one of them is getting married. Yeah, there's a lot of people who got married. Elton John got married. For like 10 years he was married to a woman. Hugh Jackman. Hugh Jackman's got a wife. Yeah. And she's smiling away to the goddamn bank. They have an agreement and they have an arrangement and that's okay. It's okay. I like their arrangement. I think that they do well for each other. It's time for the list. Yeah. Who's on the list? Marcus, got to have that list.

Got an L.A. list since we got the two out of L.A. I love it. I love it. Is that your specific song? No, you know, you know that song? No. Randy Newman.

How do you know that shitty sting song? You don't know that. I don't know. It's sticking more for me. I love it. You mean small people got No reason to live. That's a Randy Newman song.

Yeah, you got it. That's Randy Newman, but I love L.A. It's like, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. I love L.A. I love it. Well, now I feel like I got to add it all to all of my playlist. Yeah.

Yeah, all you got to do is you just, you listen to it, driving around Los Angeles, and you have someone film you the whole time, and you make a montage of you driving around L.A. Yeah, me just terrified being like, Oh my God. Oh, my God. How do I get on the highway?

This list is celebrities who live in Silver Lake. Oh, let's go. I know Oscar Isaac lives there. Is that scary to say? That's a scary thing to say. It really makes me nervous at their whole list where people are like, they all live here. You can go there and find them at any time. You're just paranoid.

I am paranoid. Yeah, I know what you mean. Yeah, so Silver Lake's what, what kind of neighborhood is Silver Lake? Lake in L.A. It's L.A. trying to do Brooklyn, but doing it wrong. Yeah. I've been to Silver Lake once.

You've been to Silver Lake. Totally the vibe that I got. Silver Lake, to me, is one of those. They're very popular neighborhood, but it's like, it's fine, but the problem is it's not functional at all. That's why we like to, it's like, I like the more suburby parts of L.A. Because then it feels more normal. Where Silver Lake is definitely like everybody's too cute.

Everybody dresses, like, somewhere between there from the cast of Noah. to like an Amish boy, to like a Hummel figurine. Everyone's that kind of hipster, and it's very crunchy, and there's like a bike wheel shop where they don't sell bikes. It's just bike wheels. And then there's ice cream tacos. Yes. Ice cream tacos?

It's just shit like that. I mean, who doesn't love a chaco taco taco? Yeah, but I don't know. Hugh Jackman. I love to. Yeah. Rachel McAdams is regularly listed among the things. famous residents of Silver Lake.

Let's go kill her! Can you know? Is that that the proper response? How is she going to benefit from all of her millions from Game Night? You're right. Ryan Gosling. Once called Silver Lake is home. Oh, once called Silver Lake Home.

Once called So. Do you know he's Canadian? I don't like that about him. Yeah, it's upsetting. It is upsetting. But then you just think about him and drive and it's like all the upset goes right away. Man, and what's your name in that? Who hunkers?

Yeah. I don't identify her as honkers. I identify her as the smart woman from drive. What are her? Honkers are glorious. No, it's Christine something for Madman. Madman. Cam.

That's John Am. You know, the thing is that I almost, when you said honkers, it's like, oh, let me Google Honkers, and then I realize it's just something you call her, and that's not going to show up. That's not her name. Yeah, and anyway, she had performed. It's not her nickname either. Christina Henrickson. Oh, yeah.

I mean, she's gorgeous. Woo! But also she's smart and also she's talented. Give it. Although hunkers is a word, it's another word for haunches. Yes, hunkers is a word. Oh, so that I would have been talking about her thighs.

Honkers is what you were doing when you were eating the chicken, watching everybody loves rink. That is the actual action of what you were doing when you were hunkering. See, no, I meant more like honk, honk, honk, honkers. Honkers. Honkers. That's what you call a geese. A bunch of people.

with the mental handicap. That's how they know what they are. Them honking chickens. Having fun. Nothing, all we do is laugh. Everyone always ask us in the house, in the apartment. How do you guys live together?

You guys just only laugh. It's it. That's it. It's not a lot of pacing and screaming out into the middle of nothing. No. No, no, no, no. It's not what I see.

before the show at all. No. Christina Ricci is often photographed her on Silver Lake. She's a skinny now. She's too skinny. I feel like she's in the Winona Ryder category. Just too small. She's very small.

She's got a big head, but she's got beautiful eyes. Yep. That's it. Joseph Gordon Levitt lives in Silver Lake. Uh-oh. Looper! Looper! Looper!

Yeah, they are redoing Third Rock from the son and it's very upsetting. They're redoing all of it. Murphy Brown. The only person who asked for it is Candace Birkman. I like Murphy Brown. Come on. Her pantsuits were impocable. You liked it enough. So do a line of Murphy Brown inspired pantsuits. Oh my God, that's a great idea. Can you imagine if I just started wearing pantsuits every day? You would be frustrated. I would look so good. You don't like tight Waste. Yeah, but I could. But also, I forgot to mention that I'm going only

Mesh 2018, which is, it's interesting for me. So you're going to have more feminine shirts? I'm only buying feminine shirts. Everything I wear is Mesh. Mesh. Is Mesh a brand, or do you mean literal Mesh shirts?

Mesh. I mean, Mesh shirts. So you always want to look like a dolphin that's trapped in a net, but on purpose. Speaking of the third right, I heard the new Roseanne is very bad. It's getting very bad reviews. Well, it's because, I mean, to be honest, it's because she decided to make the creative choice of making her a Trump supporter and the media world is going to attack her no matter what.

But part of it is, it's probably also definitely bad. It's been like, how long, 15 years? It's been a very long time. How long has it been? Like 20 years? It's been longer than 20, actually. I would say probably 25. Yeah.

So it's like when you lose that amount of time right in a show, you're not going to have the same rhythm you had when you were writing it for 10 years straight. So the idea of jumping back into the stream. is going to be very difficult. But I've heard from Natalie's own mouth is that the Will and Grace reboot is very funny. It is a lot of fun. Although it did, you know, it's like, I just, I see, I just love all of them so much.

They're very good at that job. They're very good at it. What's his name is really good? Jack. Jack's good. Mulali's really good. Eric McCormick is a good, tight-faced. Because we also win the one with Jenna Elfman,

or is that another one that looks just like him? No, that's the guy that's in like NCIS. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. But he's got that face, white man face. And he's very good at it. And the other one. Deborah Messing. Could run for governor.

She could run for governor. I actually would choose her, because I think she played something like that. Yeah, I think it was in the wedding date. Oh, yes. When she got a hooker, brought him to the, to the, I'm sorry, male escort, and brought him to the wedding. Yeah, you disgusting bitch. Yeah, well, then she falls in love with him, and that's all. Okay.

All right, it's time for blind items. I cannot see. I can't see the items. Well, our first blind item today is actually a true crime blind item. Cross over. It's very interesting. It's a little long, and it might be a little hard to follow, but just stick with me on this. Okay.

That's what they say about my love life. Oh, God. Right. Rock and roll. There is one movie that kind of. a lot of things together. It was a movie that didn't make a lot of money. Honestly, it didn't make squat.

It was powerful. Let him finish. Sorry, I'm sorry. It was probably one of the worst performing movies of that year, made less than one million. It led to at least three deaths than I can think of off the top of my head. One of those deaths involved the star of the movie.

He wouldn't die until later in life, but at the time he made the movie, he was probably 16. and it was this type of thing that made him who he was and ultimately killed him. He got the job by having sex with the male producer of the movie, who was more than just a producer of the movie, but also the owner of the company making the movie. People always forget that he was a movie Big Shot at that time.

They all just think of him as a record executive and forget the whole movie thing. And that movie thing introduced him to many hundreds of young teens. Not only did he have sex with the 16-year-old lead, but also his 17-year-old girlfriend slash co-star. That was all a part of the deal. It was an actress that was breaking up his marriage before he was killed, an actress who was also underage, an actress who was lusted after by one of his killers.

What? It sounds very mysterious. I was really, really trying to follow, though. It sounds like, so the gist is that it was a, we're trying to guess the movie and the actors and the producer. You're not going to guess the movie. You're not going to guess the movie at all. Is it like, I don't even know what this movie is, but. Say the name of the movie.

Yeah, hold on one sec. Because the movie might give it away a little bit. Maybe that's what we need. All right. Okay, I will give you the name of the movie. Watchers. Is that like sliders? No.

This is like, watchers? This is like early 90s. Watch. Early to mid 90s, but more early 90s. Kids, the dude's dead in it. The dude that stars in it is dead. The movie producer, along with his wife, is also dead. Murdered.

All dead. Murdered. But he was 16 in it. But he became famous afterwards? He was famous before. But then afterwards, his life went downhill and ended in suicide. Whoa. Narl.

That's not the response to that. Oh, who is it? The guy from Sequest. No, Jonathan Brandis. No, no, no, no, no. But close. You're getting closer. 16 boy.

Dead by suicide. Actually, I don't know if it was suicide. It might have been a drug overdose. River Phoenix. No, but you're still on the right track. There's like one more. There's like a triad of those dudes. The Corey.

Corey Hame. Corey Hame. That's the 16-year-old. Okay. Okay. Dead. And that was a drug overdose. Yes, he's dead.

Producer was. But he's a DJ. DJ? He was murdered. Executive. Producer was murdered. Pop Daddy. He was a movie producer that was actually produced a lot of movies.

I produced the Ninja Turtles movie. Owned a whole production company. The guy from distribution company. Hmm? Because he was from, was it? Oh. Cameron Crow No

Freddy Krueger was He started Basically Freddie Krueger was the house That I want to say It was not to mention He was a part of a production company That was like Very in

Don't you look it up You're not supposed to look it up It's not new line No it's not new line No no no And this guy was a movie producer Remember he died in the early 90s Was murdered in the early 90s

Tupac By two people He knew very well. Tupac. Movie producer who was murdered by two people who were very

close to him. A movie producer that was murdered with his wife murdered by two people who were very close to them. Very close to them. A movie executive double murder perpetrated by two people who were

close to the victims. Close to the And it's not John Meney Ramsey. One of the biggest trials of the 90s. O.J. Simpson. Henry, you know this. I know I know this. I don't know why it's not popping up. You're the true crime one.

I know that I know this. We did a two-part series on this. We did? Yeah. Phil Hartman. We even mentioned him an episode before last. What's wrong with me? We didn't mention the producer, but we mentioned.

the Killers episode before last. The Menendez brothers. Yes. Lyle Menendez, who was a massive VHS producer, that's what it was, because he was it because he, that's right, because he produced the fucking teenage miniaturals,

and he also was the VHS distributor. So he fucked Corey Hame? He fucked Corey Hame and, well, the blind item says that he fucked Corey Hame and Corey Hame's girlfriend and but it is said that one of the Menendez brothers was obsessed with this girlfriend and it's possible that Jose Menendez fucking this girl is what finally set off the Menendez brothers

okay I could say that uh I won't ever officially say that but yes I could you could say that it's in the blind items yes I like it hey it's interesting it is interesting and one more It has been a few years, but this A-list mostly movie actress, who is an Academy Award winner-slash nominee, and had a much better year in television than movies, is cheating on her husband with a trainer? What is it with her and trainers? She apparently cheats with trainers a lot. Because they pump her up. Charlie Sterron. Mm-mm. But tall, thin, blonde. Nicole Kidman.

Yes. Yep. I could see that. I can see a ride in a trainer. I want to see it I want to see it I want to see it we all want to see it It's very interesting because Keith Urban wasn't with her

At the Oscars and there's got to be a reason for it I think that they got to be on like the rocks or something Yeah there's always some weird celebrities have Celebrities have different rules for life Yeah did you all see that did you all watch on the that red carpet moment Where one of that like a thing was Michael Strayham was talking to Sandra Bullock And Nicole Kibman like snuck up behind her Yeah that was I think there's

Nicole Kibman thought they were much better friends than they actually were. Yeah, but what about practical magic? Well, I honestly, yes, it's true. You could trace it back to practical magic. I also thought that maybe she thought she was looking into a mirror because I think they must have the same surgeon. Because I remember looking at it and it looked like two skeletons speaking at each other. The whole time we can be like, what did they just like, is this the parade for Halloween town? Is that the thing also?

But otherwise they're lovely and we're, I'm proud that they're women. I'm proud that they are women as well. But also Big Little Lies Season 2 has just started filming and I'm very, very excited about it. Did we get auditions for it? Yeah, I'm in it.

What? Oh, congrats! I took over Reese Witherspoon's character. Thank you guys. I'm really excited about it. I've got to lose about 150 pounds and I got to start wearing corsets, but I'm excited about it.

That's fine. We just got to get your feet smaller. Okay. All right. And that's all. We got time. for today's page seven. Thank you all very much for joining us and we shall talk to y'all soon. Suck that dick, girl. Someone's gonna suck that dick. That is aggressive. I'm sorry. Thank you guys for listening.