Page 7 - Episode 247: Release the Hounds

Episode Date: March 30, 2018

Jackie, Molly & Marcus goss over bad reality tv, wolf attacks and investigate the gripping mystery of who bit Beyonce? Thanks to Stamps.com for sponsoring this episode. Go to http://stamps.com and use promo code PAGE7 to start your free trial. Want to help the show? Take our confidential survey! goo.gl/forms/K1O5fuaUCL8WlfOQ2 Patreon subscribers get even more hot goss - www.patreon.com/page7podcast Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creati Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What's up, was that, my little tidly winks. It is Jackie here. I got a quick favor to ask of all of you guys today. Thank you so much for listening over the years, but we do need a little bit of your help. You could just fill out the survey that's in the description of the show today, or it's also on my Instagram at Jack That Worm.

That would be awesome. It's only going to take a few seconds. I swear, all of the information is confidential, and we don't take emails or names. That would help us so much. Thank you guys for everything. Love you, love you, love you. Hit it with page seven.

This episode is brought to you by Stamps.com. Uh-oh, guys, we're coming in hot, we're coming in heavy. It's real annoying. It's who let the dogs out. Ooh, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who. Come on, guys. Everybody, everybody about the time, you don't jump in bed. Hey, B.I.O.

You're supposed to do the callback, guys. Hey, Opie, that's the best thing you. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that. I heard that at a bar establishment last night. Ooh. Which made me want to rip out my own eyes. And I, this was at a vegan food only, which I didn't find out until after I got there, which upset me, number one. Number two thing that upset me that when I went up to the bar, it only had beer, and I asked for a bud, and they looked at me like I was a piece of shit.

And then I pointed up at the sky and I said, You're the one that's playing Who Let the Dogs Out right now? You're going to judge me on my beer drinking? Oh, this is a craft beer bar. We only have craft beer and we play Who Let the Dogs Out once a day. I was very upset to the boy that I ended up just leaving. Scandalized sounds like. Scandalized is the word.

Thank you, Mark. See, because Who Let the Dogs Out doesn't make me upset, but there's nothing I would like to have more while listening to it than like a 30 rack of, you know, Bud Light Lime. Yeah, yeah, give me a sick case. Exactly. Exactly. That or, yeah, or like drink like Milwaukee's best,

you know, that's a who let the dogs out kind of beer. Well, welcome to Paige Zip. Yeah, we're kicking it up. My name is Marcus Parks. My name is Molly Napier. My name is Molly Napier. I got you, bitch. I fucking got you.

Jackie, you can tell you. tuck i'm jockey the bros i am molly neffle and i'm very happy to be back uh i missed last week and i go away for one week and somebody bites biance's face a la bath salts

it's all very confusing so what is the story here all i keep seen is just like on my news feed it's like someone bit bianca's face someone's like bianca should care about her face being bitten as much as he cares about her career i don't know what any of this means also what does Tiffany Haddish have to do with it? So Tiffany Haddish is the one that outed the story, which is why everyone's talking about it now,

because it happened back in December. So they were all at a party. They're all having a great time. And so she was doing this interview, I believe, with GQ. And she came out and said that she saw it happen at this party. And she referred to this. It was an actress who was, quote, doing the mostest. And she said in the interview, they went to the back of the room.

I was like, what just happened because she saw her bitter? And Haddard said, and Beyonce's friend walked up, was like, can you believe this bitch just bit Beyonce? So Tiffany Haddish, because she is the coolest person of all time, went up to Beyonce. She had just met her for the first time. And she was like, I'm going to beat somebody's ass at your party. And she's like, I just want to let you know that.

And Beyonce, who is just, you know, the best queen of all time, she said, Tiffany, no, don't do that. That bitch is on drugs. She's not even drunk. That bitch is on drugs. She's not like that all the time. So just chill. What a graceful response.

Yeah, yeah. From our Queen Bay. But that's insane. She got bit on the face. And how did nobody talk about this before? And so Tiffany Haddish knows who did it? Yes. But she's not sane.

Correct. Wow, this is like a real life blind item. It just came out and like it just came out all of a sudden. It really makes you wonder like how much wacky shit happens to these people we have no idea about. Yeah, because how many nights have we all had where, you know, the next day after being at the bar, you're like, oh, a bunch of fucked up shit happened. But if that happens and then Beyonce was there, it's all magnified.

I think that happens almost every single day of my life. This also is why I love Chrissy Teigen so much because she came out because she's like, I'm going to figure out who bit Beyonce. And so she's on this, like, weird social media trek to figure out who bit Beyonce. But what I love is that she tweeted out, we've all done things after a couple of glasses of wine. If I had a dollar for everything inappropriate, I've done to someone after a couple of drinks, I mean.

Biting someone in the face is a little bit beyond inappropriate. Yes, it might even be a crime. I think it's straight up assault. Yeah, I don't think you're supposed to bite people in the face. It's a high-risk behavior. If you think about it, it must be somebody pretty tall, because Beyonce's tall, right? Hmm.

Do you think that they were hugging? I mean, I just have so many, was it like a walk-by biting? Like, or were they, like, hugging? And was it like a going in for like a cheat kiss, like a friendly greeting? And then she just, you know? I don't know. I don't think I've ever even, no matter how many drugs I've tried, I've never tried to bite someone before.

Mm-mm. And Beyonce's 5'7. Okay, so it has to be somebody fairly tall. I can't bite a person that's 5-7 in the face. I totally assume that, Beyonce, I don't know exactly how tall I thought she was, but I would have said like six feet. I would have said six three towering over us. 5-7 is totally unremarkable in average.

It's the only thing unremarkable about her. So what kind of bite was it? Was it just like a nibble or like a break skin bite? Good question. I feel like it was a break skin bite. We would have seen it, right? Yeah. Yeah, like a bruising bite.

Like I could bite myself right now and I wouldn't. Like you got to bite someone real fucking hard to break the skin. Yeah. Biting is like a really, it's like probably the form of Marcus and I immediately bit ourselves. Testing the tinsal strength of a jaw here. If you hear the sound of chewing at the mics, it's because Jackie and Marcus are both biting themselves.

Oh, real, like, if you bite, yeah, it hurts even if it's just the tiniest bite, it hurts. Yeah. And also a face is hard to get a hold on, though, you know? Like, it's not like an arm you can really chop down on it. A face is vertical and flat. So, like, you know, if I try to bite somebody's face right now, I don't even know if I could get a grip on it. Yeah, it's like, it's kind of like, you remember that scene of Batman returns when the penguin bites that dude's nose off?

Yeah, that's, that's kind of what it seems like. Yeah. Yeah, but he was biting through like fish bones and shit. Like he's got stronger teeth than we have, right? I assume. Yeah, he's biting through like fish bones and shit. Yeah. So is there any, like, shortlist of people that it might be?

They try to like throw out different people that were actually at the party. Like Rihanna was there, but no one's saying that Rihanna did it, obviously, because Rihanna's too cool to do something like that. Yeah, she's too calm. Yes. There was just, they started like calling out a bunch of people. And when Chrissy Tegan said that like, it's like, oh, this woman's really, really, really. annoying. And so a lot of people

were guessing underneath her tweets and someone said, Gwyneth Paltrow and she said, no, oh my God, I love her. She's like, oh, girl, you wrong. I don't know, maybe Goop is someone completely different behind closed doors. Yeah, and on drugs. Oh, she's always

on drugs, are you kidding me? Again, remember when people were eating each other's faces? Maybe Goop was like, inhale some bath salts for your membranes. And then she went and fucking bit Beyonce's face. Oh, well, Sarah Michelle Geller came out and posted a picture of her as Buffy and said, I bit

Beyonce, and I thought that was kind of cute. That's cute. That was funny for her, because she was a fucking vampire. I get it. But also, Sarah, Michelle Geller, sorry, love you, but I don't care, you know? No one cares. I mean, I'm going to go down the Buffy hole soon. Wait, Molly, have you watched Buffy?

I haven't, and it's a great shame of mine because I know people really, really, really love Buffy. But I'm not really into like horror that much. I'm not anti it, but I'm just not seeking out vampire stories. But if I had to choose a vampire show, I think I would choose Buffy. But also, you weren't here last week, Molly, and I have to tell you to start watching Outlander. I know. It's necessary. You told me in a Marco Polo.

So technically you've already told me. Well, now I'm telling you professionally that you have to start watching Outlander. And your exact words were something along the lines of, I don't know if pregnancy has made you hornier, but if it has, you should really watch Outlander. Well, I mean, again, I stand by what I said. I'm proud of me because I agree with me. My problem is that I keep just like talking like I'm in the islands and I'm not, I can't do a Scottish accent. Zabroskis are not known for their accents.

What are you talking about? Marcus. You can say one word in the Scottish accent. Say donkey for me. Donke, but that's a Shrek accent. That's not real. That's not what they sound like. Oh, you chicken, donkey, ain't you?

Is Outlander a new show, or is it like a 25-year-old show? It's new. Really? Yeah, they just signed it on for the, I believe, I can't remember if it's the fourth or fifth season. It's Dets. But it is sexy and it is rife with history. And neither of you is watching Jessica Jones, are you?

I watched most of the first season but didn't finish it. Okay. It's a little too intense. Yeah, I've just finished the second season and it is quite intense, but it does make me feel an array of sexual feelings. Is it sexy? I thought it was a superhero thing. It is, but it's like a superhero thing cast with a lot of really good-looking people.

Yeah, there's a lot of sexiness in the first one. But no actual sex. There's sex. Yeah, yeah, there is. And the first one, her romantic protagonist is Luke Cage. And yes, please. So the first one is definitely, the first season is sexier than the second season. But, yeah, I thought I would put it out there.

The second season, I enjoyed it mostly. And it's mildly sexy, but it's not the type of, I don't think it has the type of sex that you're looking for, Jackie. Man, this is, I mean, Outlander is smut. It's complete smut. But, you know, it's fun, smut. And there's a lot of characters in the islands. It sounds like I'm saying islands, but I'm saying highlands. Oh, I thought you did say islands.

No, no, no, no, no. Unless, are they islands out there? I don't know anything about Scotland. It's part England, which is an island. What's the other somethinglander thing that's like 20 years? Islander. Islander. Thank you.

But that's what I'm wondering. I'm not very far into it because it is so dead. About halfway through the first season, but I'm assuming that they are Highlanders, because the Highlander there can be only one, and they also, like, don't they, they travel through time as well. Yes, they do, but I think that's going to be a different universe than what you're thinking about right now.

Because right now, oh, there is time traveling, yeah, because it's a nurse, a World War II nurse from 1945, that travels back. Yeah, right after the war and travels back. in time to the Scottish Highlands. Really? That's the premise. Inexplicably, as far as I know.

But that's why I wonder, because I mean, the problem is that so many seasons have come out, so it upsets me. So every time I want to stare at pictures of Jamie in the show, because, you know, I just like to, you know, get some images for the old bank. They show them in different, like, generations. So I'm assuming that they live forever. Or just the time travel continues. I really, Jackie, I appreciate that your sexuality, your style has not necessarily evolved from like what we all did in sixth grade, which is just like finding a still image of an attractive person from a television show and looking at it. You know, many people have moved past that.

If I'm not anything, I'm old school. I think that I would just feel like a tramp if I started just. Jay and it to watching the show because then it's like, then I'm not watching the show. It's like, you save it for after the show, right? I don't know, you could do what I did when I was younger. It's like you wait for sex

scenes and movies and then you just sit there and like rewind the same scene over and over and over again. Oh my God. I mean, you guys know how I feel about the astronaut's wife, but I do remember having the VHS because like in my bedroom, I had one of those like TVs that had the VHS player

inside of it. So yeah, I mean, That scene in the museum, oh, man, war it out. Yeah, that noise that, it has some associations, I'll say. Your parents are like, why is Marcus rewining the tape again? No wonder if things wrong with the tape. Every 30 seconds. Because that's the problem is the sex scenes aren't long enough in the movie. You know?

They're not. They're fleeting. I need to see more of it. See, my great thing, see, I always had three VHSs, like right next to my TV. It was Astronaut's wife. I had Steele Magnolias and my best friend's wedding. So I feel like that was like a good judge where it's like, oh, she just wants to watch a horror-type film right now. Or I'm crying.

Jerking it to my best friend's wedding. I never jerked it to my best friend's wedding. But I know that we've talked about how hot Julie Roberts looks in the crop top and man, she did. That's true. And she did. Can we talk about my foray into relevant contemporary reality TV this week when I watched teen mom young and pregnant? Please do. And your thoughts on it as a pregnant woman.

That's why I watched it. I was like, I'm young and pregnant. But not this young because they're teenagers. But I had a great time. I really thought that it was different than, you know, I haven't watched that type of reality TV in a long, long time. And correct me if I'm wrong, there was definitely a lot of people being, like,

trashy to each other. But also, I actually thought that it was a little bit more. It treated the main characters with an amount of dignity that I was not expecting from a show called Teen Mom. Dignity? How so? Some of them. Please expand.

I mean, some of them is definitely, like, there was one pair. where the boy just wanted to play video games all day and that was led to a source of conflict between him and his baby mama Wait, is Holden McNeely's fiance on this show? Burn, bitch, you don't even listen to this podcast.

But then there was other scenes where like the teens who were having a baby together just had like frank discussions about what they were afraid of and what they were, you know, all the reality show discussions like what are you afraid will happen um is why is her mom being a bitch to you all of that but there was like part of me that was like these are actually like fairly healthy communications for teenagers to have and i found myself being strangely pro i thought it was just going to be like

pointing and laughing at teenagers for having sex and it was not quite that and so i was pleasantly surprised then glorify it right no okay no it definitely is like there's going to be hard as hell but it wasn't like i thought it was just going to be like just a shame train and i feel like i just walked away being like mildly impressed with a number of the teens but some of them are bad um the boys so like there's there's one scene where a boy is like oh i think we should just be friends and the girl is like what kind of friends yeah the girl is like well what do you mean by friends and the boy's like you know like we don't live together but we can like hang out and be friends like go to the arcade and she's like that's what you do with your friends and he's like yeah and she's like do you also

have babies with your friends and the boy's like uh so Boys are a little clueless. I mean, they're 16-17. Right. Yeah, they're going to be clueless. Right. Right. I mean, it sounds like he was just setting it up so he can smang later on, right?

It's like, we're still going to fuck after this, right? Yeah, there's a lot of relationship stuff being worked out. But I certainly wasn't having that level of healthy communication with anybody as a teenager. I'd say not either. So, but I thought it was, it was just, it was like I said, it was my first, it was like my first reality TV in a long time. and I was wondering, like, is reality TV trying to be slightly less completely dehumanizing now than it used to be? Or am I just having, am I just having like a different hormonal reaction to this show than? I'm going to lean closer towards the hormonal reactions.

Like, they're doing so good. Good job, teens. Oh, my God, Molly. You're changing right in front of our eyes. Well, I don't think we should shame teen mothers. I think we should make it so that it's easy to not get pregnant, but I don't think we should do any shaming. Suppose not.

Speaking of a show, kind of like that, I don't know if it was both of you that told me to get into this or if it was just Jackie. The age gap show on Netflix? It was Henry and I last week that fucking show, dude. I could not get, I got like seven minutes in. I'm like, I can't do this. Wait, tell you.

You can't do this. Is it just what it sounds like? It's exactly what it sounds like. Like in both ways, like old woman, young man, old man, young woman. How old are we talking? Old. Like 70s to 20s. Really?

Yeah, yeah. Wait, and it's British too. Ooh. Yeah. No, I don't know why that makes it so much worse. It does. It totally does. Yeah, yeah.

Well, you know, we actually have quite a bit of sex during the day. when he's yeah and it's like one woman who's like she said the only one that i watched was a woman who's super into exercising and keeping herself fit and the guy that she's a lot uh aligned herself with is just this like dumpy dude with shitty facial hair who just plays Xbox constantly and she's like i've got a i've got a cape in shape for him and he's like yeah you know it's just i like older women I love them. And it's creepy. It's really creepy.

You should watch it though. You should definitely watch it. It's not even that like I'm not shaming the fetish or you know, it's like whatever. It's like you dig who you dig. It's just that the people themselves are just, oh. Yuck. They're rough combos, dude. Yeah, there's nothing specifically about that that, you know, really bothers me or anything like that.

There's a, you know, what is it, a, what do they call it, January, December relationship? All right. Yeah, autumn may. What is it, autumn, winters. Yeah, autumn, the, yes, the spring winter relationships. Yeah. You know, that's fine, whatever. But it's just, it's the way it's presented because the British and that, because I love

British reality shows, because they approach everything with this, like, every subject with the same clinical tone. Like, whatever they're talking, like, they could be talking about, like, you know, age gap relationships are fucking potatoes, and it's the exact same tone all throughout. Uh-huh. These days, you can get anything on demand. Heck, I don't even need to schlep to the gin store anymore. But did you know you could get postage on demand too?

All you need is stamps.com. You already know last podcast network uses stamps.com to send you your fun, spooky merch. But I also use it to stay connected with all my besties back in New York. You guys know I just moved to L.A. and the only way I send my fun, a beach time chotchkes to all my girls is using Stamps.com. I got them to use it too to send me bagels because a girl needs her carbs. Stamps.com is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Enter in the coupon code page 7 for a special four-week trial that includes postage and a scale.

I can send my chotchkes any time day or night. I don't have the time to walk my butts to the post office because I'm still too scared to drive here. Dude, they even send you a digital scale so you know exactly how much the postage is going to be. Just click print and mail. You're good to go. Go to stamps.com before you kiss your Jughead body pillow one more time. Click on the radio microphone at the top of the home page

and type in page seven. I think you might like it. It's pretty fantastic to watch. Henry, the ladies of the house, Natalie and the puppy Wendy, are gone for the week. So Henry and I are really leaning into the whole like Versace, House of Zabrowski kind of thing. And so we've been watching all the things that Natalie would not like to watch with us. And there's this Australian reality show called Release the Hounds.

It is on Netflix. And it is, the problem is that in theory, it sounds like the best reality show of all time. But it's hot, hot garbage. And it's not as scary as I want to see. So essentially, it's three. people that are released into

they have to I'm sorry you just tickled in a while I just like the idea of it I just want to take it and make it better so especially since they're Australians I was like this is going to be real fucked up

but it wasn't as fucked up as I wanted to be they're released into a haunted forest and they have to find keys to open up these treasure chests but to get To the treasure chest, they have to find all of the keys, and then they release a bunch of dogs to chase after them. What? No way.

They have to get to the treasure chest, and they have to open it up before the dogs get them. They should play who let the dogs out when that happened. I know. Wow. I want to watch the hell out of that. Yeah. Dude, it's like, but the problem is, is that it's not. as good as you want it to be and now I just want to redo it because watching people run away from dogs it's pretty hilarious

what kind of dogs are they huge like German shepherds what are they doing they cat like I'd imagine they probably just jump up on them right like they don't fucking like maul them no I wish they had number one I wish they had mauled them number two what I'd like is that I think that they overlay like growls over it because they have them in this pen and they're just like, yeah, yeah, la, I'm just like, it's just like, they're just chilling, dude. Like, so they don't mull them,

and I really wish they did because I would like to watch someone be mauled almost to death to chase their greed, you know? So is it just a show where if the German shepherds catch them, they just like jump up on them and kiss them? I actually kind of would watch that show too. It's like, don't let the dogs catch you,

and let the dog just gives you a big smoo. But there's so many seasons of it And every episode is an hour long Jesus That's too much It's in 20 minutes I want it so bad I want it to happen so bad

Oh man I'm going to redo it guys So what I'm saying is we got to get a bunch of dogs I'm going to start training But they're always going to come after me And we'll see how it goes I hope I don't get killed What's the show called again? Release the house

Dear God Oh my God All right It's time for the list Who's on the list? Marcus, got to have that list Celebrities whose parents were Or are professors

My parents, one of them is a professor Oh well then you're on the list I'm on the list Yeah, Molly You gotta have that list Fuck yeah I always knew you were going to be on the list Some point.

Kanye West. His mother, Donda, was an active college professor for 31 years and once served as the chairwoman of Chicago State University's English department. What went wrong? I know you like Kanye, Molly. Well, Kanye was really close with his mom. And I think that what went wrong was when she died, he got very upset. And I'm not sure if he is mentally recovered. I don't think he ever really has.

Yeah. Yeah. I think that's what happened. Matt Damon's on the list. his mom taught early childhood education at leslie university leslie i don't know why i don't find that as charming as i wanted to yeah

it just of course it's just like he's got the i just man you know sorry molly throwing it out there but usually the kids in school that had the teacher parents were always the most annoying and i agree with that thank you i like to think that i was annoying for all sorts of reasons i hope that that wasn't one of them But yeah, no, I agree with you in general.

But it also depends on a lot of factors like what they taught and at what college, right? Who is the worst, like, as far as, like, children, what they taught? I feel like, you know, the higher up you get, like, people with PhDs and more, you know, the higher up you get on the kind of academic scale, I feel like the more pretension there is and then the more that gets passed down through the children, right? And also then the more, you know, I just feel like there's a kind of hierarchy of like normal people in higher education and then really flap doodle people in higher education. And I was not from a flap doodle family. Okay, good.

I never said you were from a flap doodle family. Don't call me flat doodle. Whoa. Oh, Marcus, please. I never said she was a flap doodle. You're right. She's not. You're more like a wag doodle.

I got a good friend that in high school I guess his mother was the drama teacher And I can only imagine how annoying he was in high school Well I always thought it would be stressful to have a parent be a like a teacher at the school that you went to Yeah I feel like that would be really Embarrassing My mom was the step

Like not step substitute teacher every once in a while And that was always stressful Yeah Yeah even if your parents really cool Then like either way it's like if your parents You know, I just don't want people. It's like then other people are talking about your parent, and so you've got to feel kind of protective,

but then it just seems like it would be very difficult. It's bad. Yeah. It's real bad. Jennifer Garner's mom taught English at a local college. I love Jennifer Garner. I'm really trading, I'm trading places over here, guys. I really think that I like her a lot,

and I know it's just because that she dresses her children, or she allows her children to dress however they want to dress. I haven't seen Love Simon yet, though, and I think that we have to because of Riverdale, at some point, but she's in that. Apparently very good. I cannot bring myself to care at all about Jennifer Garner. I find her to be annoying and boring, and I was confused about her hair at the Oscars.

Why was her hair so messy? Maybe it's a bed style, Molly. It's just getting out of bed. On purpose? Yeah, she had that electric blue on. She was a fucking boogaloo and all over the place. I was not feeling it. I think she's a little bit boring.

I think she's boring like Ben Affleck. I don't think she deserves to be treated badly by him, but I think that they were a boring pair together. I read a story about Ben Affleck the other day. He's like, do you know, like we talked about the Phoenix tattoo, right? Yeah, we talked about it. We got way ahead of that story. Yeah, yeah, we got way ahead of it.

Well, when it first came out, he said that he actually told people like, oh, yeah, it's just for a movie that I'm doing. It's temporary. But what is it? Two years later, still there. Sad. Yeah, he was at the beach With his shirt off

It's like you're not filming a movie right now dude What do you do it? It wasn't just with his shirt off He had he had his towel over his belly Yeah, no that was a bad lie that he came up with Because you can't say that you're suited The same movie forever And you can't never take your shirt off in public

Unless that's what you're going to do And be like well I guess I'm so ashamed of this terrible tattoo That everyone's laughing at me about That I thought was super cool That I'll never take my shirt off at the beach Man The tattoo is so bad. It's really bad.

He's got so much fucking money. Who did that tattoo? It's so bad. I don't know. And you know, as someone with at least two, maybe three really awful tattoos. Me too. It would be horrifying to have like the whole world

make fun of your terrible tattoo. I mean, at least, you know, at least we have an excuse. Like, we were both like 18 when we got our bad tattoos. Oh, yeah. We just went all in, unfortunately. But he is, what, near him 50? Yeah.

He should just wear, you know, they have those damn nice swimming shirts that you can wear. You know, he just doesn't have to ever show the world. He should just wear a long-sleeve swimming shirt whenever he goes to the beach. Like a fat cat? No. Yeah. No, that's what. Yeah.

Why are you giving me PTSD, Molly? Why are you trying to make me think of every time I had to go to the beach? And I had to put on a t-shirt over my bathing suit. Because I was ashamed of my body. It's so much better now. I had to put one on because of my glowing skin. But now they have very stylish, you know, I think they're called rash guards, and they look all cool like a little surfer. And so now kids who need for various reasons or want for various reasons to cover up, they can look fashionable and stylish.

And Ben Affleck doesn't have to show his shame to the world. Yeah, but have you worn one of those before? Last time I went to Florida up. My mother forced me to put it on like I was a child. She's like, you're going to get burned. I was like, I never burn. I've got Italian skin. And she made me put it on.

And then you're just wet and heavy in the water. I wear them. It takes all the fun out of it. I wear them all the time now. That's all I, that's what I, that's my swimsuit is it is those things because otherwise I burn and die. And so I'm very thankful to the shift in trends that makes it slightly more acceptable to wear a shirt at the beach now.

Well, before we get to blind items, we actually forgot to talk about a story. Corey Hames wolf attack? Oh, yeah, Cory Feldman, yeah, but same difference. Corey Feldman's wolf attack. He is, man, it's so, he's really, I mean, we know he's crazy, right? He went to the hospital because he was claiming that he got stabbed by a wolf pack that was in an attempted murder plot for, like, going after him, right?

He shows up at the hospital. He has not a scratch on him. There's, like, he had security detail. Nobody knows what happened. I think that he may have made it up. And what is sad is that the LAPD said, a male approached the window of the driver's side of Feldman's car and made a jabbing motion at him.

And that was it. So is the wolf pack, is he saying a literal wolf pack, or is the wolf pack like a code name for, the gang that does the bidding of the Hollywood pedophile elite. It must be the second, because otherwise the wolves would have stabbed it with their paws. With their teeth.

Or they were, I was picturing them holding knives. Someone taped knives to the paws of the white and wolves, train them to attack, and then sent them after Corey Feldman. Yeah, I don't, I mean, maybe it's that one, though. Maybe it's the same wolf fact that bit Beyonce on the face. Maybe it is like a big ring that we don't know

about that we got to figure out guys. We're all over here laughing and really we're the ones in the dark. I just don't, I hope I don't get wolf packed. That's all I can say. I think we'll be fine. All right, time from Blindato. Ah! We can't say that.

All right. Listen to these this week. We got a few. They're trying to ignore it, but there were several times already where this A-List singer showed up wasted to a reality gig that's on the air right now. Katie Perry

Oh yeah Of course I wonder you just fucking Pulling that one out I just knew Because she's everywhere right now And I resent the fact that she has short blonde hair And she's acting like a crazy person

And everybody's annoyed with her Because I feel like vicariously Everyone is going to be annoyed with everybody Who has short blonde hair And she's too sassy right now And she's too cutesy And I just don't like it Yeah too sassy

Yeah And then she did the whole whole kissing thing against the kids will. But I just really hope I hope that she's getting tanked with Lionel Richie. Because that is something that I would love to sit in on her and Lionel Richie just like blues in fucking face, man. Yeah.

And I come from being on Katie Perry's side. I love that damn album with all those damn good singles on it. But I just haven't really liked her since then. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, for me, Katie Perry, I like a couple of those songs. but for the most part it's like, oh, Katie Perry, hi, cool. It's about as far as it goes.

Yeah, but if firework comes on, don't you get into it? Oh, I get into it. It's a great song. It's a great sign. Honestly, she really, she fell off the pedestal for me after the whole YouTube watching her sleep for like a whole weekend thing that she did. Yep, that was when it turned. It was a little much.

But I mean, I still love her music, though. I'll jam. Remember that song she did? What was a VMA or a Grammy? I can't remember, but where she was like dressed. like a basketball player and it was like all about bass. The song was about basketball. It was really, really, really bad.

She dressed as a basketball player or a basketball? It was like a whole basketball themed performance. And it was called like, it was some basketball entangra for a title. Swish, Swish, Swish. That's the one. That's the one. That's it. That one's not the best song.

Actually, it's very annoying. Very bad. A tiger don't lose no sleep, don't need opinions from a shellfish or a sheep. Don't come for me. No, not today. Whoa. You're calculated. I got your number because you're a joker.

And I'm a court side killer queen and you will kiss the ring you best believe. No. Well, it's all, it's the whole T-sway thing. Uh-huh. It was them barbbing at each other. Uh-huh. And I think Katie Perry is more interesting than Taylor Swift. Ugh, God, you're about as cute as an old coupon expired?

Yeah, and that's not fucking cute, Marcus. And we know that. I know about coupons, even though I'm rich as hell. I hate it when rich people pretend to know about normal people things. Yeah, but they're just like us, Molly. Remember when Drew Barrymore was drinking that tally cores? They're just like us. Just like us.

I think both you all are going to like this one. This one, it's catty, but it sounds like it's like, Super fun catpike. Ooh, okay. The arguments between these two permanent A-list, mostly movie actresses, who are each Oscar winners and nominees, got so bad that the script had to be slightly changed, so the two wouldn't have to work on as many scenes together.

This is this year? This year, yeah. And it's a sequel. It's a sequel to a musical. One of these women is a musician who also won an Oscar for Best Actress. I thank you. The best actress or best supporting actress in the 80s. And the other woman is, you know, the, it's Mrs. Oscar.

Merrill Streep. Merrill Streep. Is Mrs. Oscar? Is the other one Cher? It's Cher. Oh, my God! On the set of Mamma Mia. Here we go again.

Whoa. Man alive. And she won for Moonstruck. I believe she won best actress. It, uh, what? Wow. Why is Cher in Mamma Mia? Wait, why are they doing a sequel of Mamma Mia?

That's the question. Why is Merrill Streep and Mamma Mia? Here we go again. Amanda, we got again. Put some fucking Olympia Tukakis in it. It's a shame to have this relationship destroyed over a movie that definitely does not need to be made. I mean, it's going to make a ton of money. Sure, but are they going to use the same?

How do you do a sequel to a album musical? How do you do you do it? do a sequel. I don't understand. What's the music going to be? Okay, here. The Sophie finds out more about her mother's past while seeking guidance on how to handle her pregnancy.

And Mara Mia, here we go again. Mama Mia, here we go again. We have to just work that into our regular. Our homework for this week is for everybody, not just the three of us, is to work that phrase into your regular conversation with somebody somebody's like I have to go into work early tomorrow and you're like mama mea here we go again

actually technically it's a pretty great phrase really is especially like the more bored you sound like oh mama me here we go again I wonder how many times Cher and Merrill Streep have said that to each other

on set I mean maybe or just about each other you know take three Mama Mia, here we go again. Where we go again. Why do they hate each other so much? Man, now I got to go. I got to look into this.

Yeah, I don't know, but they hate each other enough where they had to, like, rewrite part of the movie so they wouldn't have to be in as many scenes. Whose side are you on? That's a question. Share. Share. Yeah.

Yeah. I got to be, you know. I got to be on the side of the gypsy tramps and thieves, you know? I agree, but some people feel such loyalty to Meryl Streep, you know. That is true. I'm going with Cher. Yeah, I totally agree. Share's tweets alone. Yeah, feels right.

Yes. Yeah. And finally, this daytime talk show host better get back to work quickly because producers have noticed audience reaction and the higher ratings with her replacement. Wendy Williams. Mm-hmm. And the replacement?

I didn't know this. Jerry O'Connell is sitting in. What an interesting choice. It seems to be a great choice. Everyone's loving it. Well, because I think that he was pretty close to getting on Kelly and Ryan Seacrest before they chose boring ass Ryan Seacrest. But I would much rather stare at Jerry O'Connell.

He's much more affable. You know, like, I could listen to Jerry O'Connell talk about bullshit and nothingness, much more than I could watch fucking Ryan Seacrest talk about bullshit and nothingness. Ryan Sechrest's career has been confusingly long. and successful. Inexplicable. That dude has been on television since I was in high school.

And yet I couldn't pick him out of a lineup. That's the thing. You know? He is Mr. Generic Face and Mr. Unmemorably has nothing important about his personality. But he has been at the top of the heap

since 2003. Yeah. I don't get it. I would definitely, I bet he gets, I bet Jerry O'Connell will get his own show, though. And now, if he's been doing it. And I wonder how he got tapped to do it.

Interesting. I bet he has a really clever manager that was thinking, what can I do with you? And just thought, holy shit, you'd be perfect to host a daytime talk show. Yeah. And so he just fucking lobbied for him,

got him in there. And that's how Jerry O'Connell made it. And I, I mean, I'll love to Wendy Williams, but I think maybe her son has set. Mm-hmm. Do much shade? I think we're,

I think we're starting to get past the age of shade. Yeah. People are, they're done with it. Yeah. Because it's just too much negative shit out there. We need to watch somebody that's just going to smile and have a laugh. And she's just, it's all shade. I had to stop watching it.

And you know, I loved Wendy Williams. Yeah. Yeah. If we have to stop watching it for too much shade, it means there's too much shade. Mm-hmm. Well, sorry we got a short one this week, but be sure to listen to Riverdale Roundup. even if you don't listen or even if you don't watch Riverdale it's still a fun show to listen to.

I know all people do listen to it without having any context whatsoever and I would imagine that makes it a confusing listen. But we have so much fun. It's so much fun. Yeah, and please pop over to our Patreon page. We've been releasing a bunch of weird shit which I am having a fantastic time doing.

It's why the song Last Night an Eagle saved my life. Oh, is stuck in my head. Henry sang the same goddamn song on the stream last night. It has been in our head. He's been plaguing me with it. House of Zabrowski, I think, is going to ruin us both. But last night, an eagle saved my life is a lot of fun. I put it on my Jackie's hot takes.

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