Page 7 - Episode 252: Meat Drunk

Episode Date: May 4, 2018

Henry Zebrowski joins Jackie and Marcus to talk about ghosts, kangaroo recipes and Blac Chyna. For 15% off your purchase of $100 or more, go to http://modcloth.com and enter code Page 7 at checkout. Hurry, this offer expires on June 29! Patreon subscribers get even more hot goss! www.patreon.com/page7podcast Want to help the show? Take our confidential survey! goo.gl/forms/K1O5fuaUCL8WlfOQ2 Carefree, Surf Shimmy, Too Cool, Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What's up, was that, my little tidly winks. It is Jackie here. I got a quick favor to ask of all of you guys today. Thank you so much for listening over the years, but we do need a little bit of your help. You could just fill out the survey that's in the description of the show today, or it's also on my Instagram at Jack That Worm.

That would be awesome. It's only going to take a few seconds. I swear, all of the information is confidential, and we don't take emails or names. That would help us so much. Thank you guys for everything. Love you, love you, love you. Hit it with page seven.

Bump, bum, bum, it's in the way that you're using. Eric Clapton does not get enough credit for being one of the best lukewarm performers who's ever been. And that's the, to be the top of the lukewarm, the top of the middle, that's the bottom of the top. That is the bottom of the top. And I, you know what, you know what? I like Eric Clapton. Whoa. Yeah, controversial stance.

When you become such a. Basic bitch. Oh, I've been a basic bitch. Ever since we started drinking our Moroccan lemonade. Oh, love me Moroccan lemonade. Welcome to page seven, everybody. I'm Marcus Parks.

I am Jackie Zabrowski, and joining us today. Colin Jost. Oh, my God, I can't believe you're here. Can you get me on SNL? No. Oh, my God. Whose line is it anyway? No, that's Colin mockery.

That's Colin mockery. I would rather have him here. Yes, he's more entertaining. My name's Henry Zabrowski. Colin Jones is dating Scargo. Scarjo. That's what happens. That's what happens when you're out there.

Celebrities can only mix with other celebrities because it's the only people understand what they're going through. Very true. Just like we were talking about Kanye and Kim yesterday. Kanye and Kim are part of an arranged marriage of the only two people for each other. And unfortunately, they're saddled to a horse

that is going straight to the mental hospital, hopefully suicide. I'm not saying that I want him to commit suicide, but I am saying that eventually he will. He is definitely going to do suicide. He is definitely going to do some form of massive scandal, much like... He's in the middle of one right now. But Marcus and I have a theory about Michael Phelps.

The stoner swimmer? Yes, we believe that he will be involved with a high-profile true crime case at some point in his life. But the baby's so cute. Whose? He's got a baby. Michael Phelps? Yeah. I thought swimming makes your cum not work.

Marcus? swimming has no effect on your fertility as far as I know. You don't fucking know. No, the way they're shaped, their hips are too small for their shoulders. Cox. If anything, it would be the chlorine, the massive amounts of chlorine that is going inside the urethra at all times. Yeah, and I thought they have to empty it out or something for buoyancy, or they have to, like, do a thing where they have to take some kind of,

there's some kind of radiation to get the hair off of them. Wait, does this, wait, does water go up inside of the pee-p-hole? I don't think it goes up inside of your regine. Although, that's why you don't get pregnant if you fuck inside of a pool. That's a myth. You are listening to this on a lovely podcast and you think that that is real. Do not listen to that because that's not true. No.

Water goes up your pussy hole and water could go up your urethole if you've been sounding. Dung. With the tuna fork. Would you do it? Do a sounding? Oh, God, no. I've had something up my pee hole before, like test them for chlamydia. They've got to put that Q-tip up there.

And it's horrific. Ouch. You have had a lot of things up inside of you. And a fair amount, yeah. But at least it's all for, you know, you got to get that stuff checked out. Do they swab it? Like what they do inside of your mouth, have you got strep? No, they just kind of stick it in there and pull up and yank it back out again.

It's sort of like when you're retouching a famous, like, Renaissance painting where you have to go, it's like a little dot of color. Is that how they do it? I had to do it one time. You had to retouch your Renaissance painting? No. I had to get my pee-p looked at. Oh. And then an SDD test because back of the day, that's what they used to do.

I don't think they do that anymore. No, they don't do that anymore. I don't think so. I think the last time I had it was about. It's so hard when the men are running around in a circle, you've got to stop them, and then you've got to get the straw up there. That is very difficult to persuade a man to be like, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Well, there's an app now that can keep control of your STDs that you can input, your sex into? That makes no sense. That's not a thing. You never have to go to the doctor ever again or get tested ever again. That's true. Now the words that you just said, there's an app that gets control of your STDs. She does

all the research. She knows what's happening. She is on lockdown. It is definitely fact. You have to make sure that, you know, that you're in the clear down there. I'm just glad that you do the Zabrowski model of just saying things confident with nothing to back them up. And that you believe

And in some weird way, somewhere along the middle of the sentence, it becomes real. I mean, it's real to me? And then who does it matter if it's real to? Because if you commit suicide, I disappear. Wow. All right, mom. Oh, my, you're my mouth of God's ears. Man, we have been having a great time this week.

We've had Cheeb Den 2018 for Henry's birthday. I am relieved that Teab Den 2018 has been closed because I am. Much stupider, no. I'm worried I did significant damage. What was Cheebden in 2018? Natalie was out of town for seven days. And so when Natalie left town, when they gets away,

the mice will smokey. And so he went, their little mice hands and went, Cheap, jeep, jeep, jeep, chich, chip, chip. Fuggette. To be fucking Mark David Chapin about it. But we smoked a great deal of weed. What was that thing called, the big honker?

Dragon Stick. Yeah, we smoked a dragon stick, and then we watched Southbound. Got all weird, man. And then I'm really glad that we stopped because at night I was walking Wendy. And I was like at a point where I was like, I'm feeling good. I feel fine. Like, I'm not spooked at all all the time. Because it's one thing about that level of high is that you're just kind of like vaguely scared.

And because of all the ghost stories that have been happening, apartment complex and we've been also we've been having a couple of mysterious things happening yes one thing i will say the goblin's nest jockey's got her smoking her smoking area the goblin's on the roof right there's now been at least three occurrences that i've walked up to that roof and the furniture has been moved around it's not me it's not drunk me doing it i swear i do believe that jackie is black out enough to do it like i do believe the facts there the evidence there is to postulate that that that That is true. What did I just go up there and move the furniture around?

I don't know. I could see you blackout giggling, moving the furniture around. No more see. Look at that. I'm making it a ghost dump here. I'm making ghosts. Boom. Boom.

Boom. Yeah, that's all you do. I know what you do when you're alone. Because you all see why I know about it. It said it was also one of the weird problematic behaviors of our alcoholic father that he used to do. Which is true that he used to come home while we were asleep and used to move furniture around the house. That is not true. Yes, it is true.

It was one of the main problems that he would come home and he'd wake us up. Why, he's redecorating? It's just like trading spaces inside your house. Validation for your problems. So that is a thing that's now happened several times and it makes me freaked out. Yeah, just like trading places except instead of redecorating, it's your father's subconscious of trying to fix the life that he so desperately does not want through. That he felt saddled with moving furniture.

Yeah, yes, exactly. it was all just anything to be anything different. That's what he was doing. Do I have to see a therapist? Yes. I would say it would be good. But so we went to. So that was fine.

There was a very sad, hmm, when I said that. Like a very sad hum and a bowing of the head and just kind of going away for a little bit. Yeah. Snap back. Snap back with a well-timed joke. Yes. As always. As always.

Good. That's where it comes from, though. So I was outside walking the dog, and I was so high that I thought I saw a creature that was much akin to the creature that was haunting. Bye, bye, bye, man. It was Robin Williams in. Oh, that's right. The fish, um, fish movie. Fisher King.

Uh-huh. Fisher King. Fisher King. Okay. I saw a thing that looked like an evil night. And I got so fucking scared. I was walking with Wendy. I'm like, oh, fuck.

When is that? And Wendy already's been doing this thing where she's been barking at ghosts. Because she's a little paranoid dog. Also, I have no clue how much weed is getting into Wendy as we smoke on top of her. She's fine. I look over and it's not that creature. In fact, it is a trash can filled with brooms. But what scares me is, where did all the brooms come from?

That is actually more scary than a creepy night on the road. A lazy janitor. Yeah, when you say filled with brooms, how many brooms? eight. That's too many bruise to get away all at once. It's a collection of brooms. They were all just sitting in a trash can

to scare the shit out of me. And I was like, oh, so now cheap, then finally, it must end. Last night, just like, it felt good to not be clinging to my sheets as if the bed was moving, which I've been doing for the last like seven days.

And Wendy doesn't know how to sleep with me because with Natalie, Wendy sleeps in the crook of her arm and they cuddle all night. And with her, I can't do that because I'm going to do with that six hundred pound woman into that baby they tried to blame her on.

They throw in the baby in the bed saying she rolled over and killed the fucking baby. Wasn't it like her sister that killed the baby? Yeah. But then you blame it on the fat. Blame it on the fat. Yeah, yeah. And I was afraid to kill Wendy in my sleep.

But you did it. And everything is fine. And Cheeb Den 2018 has come to an end. All right. But the Moroccan lemonade's are kicking strong. What are Moroccan lemonade? He wants to call me a basic bitch. He wants to call me a basic bitch?

Why don't you describe Moroccan lemonade? I invented this drink and it is very good. You get a pint glass. You fill it to the top with ice. You then fill it three-fourths of the way with rosé. Then you top it off with coconut lacroix and squeeze a lime into it. It is refreshing. It's delightful.

It is sweet and sour and it is refreshing and you get a little, oh, like it's a fun little, Oh, like a flirty drunk. It's flirty drunk. And it's just the two of us cheebbed in 2018 getting flirty drunk. Yeah, but we were just, I was doing other things. I was talking at the television. Yeah. Yeah, man, it was good.

How was your week, Marcus? I got a colonoscopy. He got his asshole fucking plundered. Yeah. Spend all day Monday shit my brains out. All day, Tuesday, whacked out on anesthesia. And then all day Wednesday, uh, writing an episode about Mark David Chapman. That was it.

Man, it's in the way that you use it. Oh, I got to watch a Star Trek episode at like 2 a.m. last night. You're crazy. Yeah, he is crazy. Well, you called me last night at 2.30 in the morning. That was the problem was that when you called me to go over a ship for the episode. It was that thing when I got a call. It's like getting a call from your parents after 9 p.m.

Yeah. Someone is dead. Yes. It's very scary. No, I was just calling to tell you that, you know, we needed to make Mark David Chapman two parts because I had just finished work at 2.30 a.m. I take it back. I got to watch a Star Trek episode at 3 a.

Yeah. Wow. Oh, well, Carolina was in there sleeping unawares. Yes, she was. And she sleeps in the nude, right? So you can go watch her while you're watching Star Trek. It's really fun. I like to get the flashlight, just like What's his name used to do?

I like to get like Ted Bundy. Like Ted Bundy used to do. I like to get the flashlight and open up the covers and just shine on a naked body and just steady. Yeah, nice. Yeah, nice. Really studier like an object. A plus. At least you know her inside and out, and that's love.

Is that what that is? I think so. I don't know. Saying you know somebody inside it out sounds like you're butchering them for a shop. And you're wearing their skin. Oh, she definitely knows me inside and out after Monday and Tuesday. It's nice that she can be there for you because that's the hardest part of having, like, that's the whole reason of having a partner. Yeah.

Jackie, I'm sorry. But a part of the most wonderful things about having a partner that's around you. Oh, is that what this is? Oh, is that what this is turning into? Oh, are we going to start talking about how great it is to have a partner? I'm sure it is. God, she was just, she was so wonderful the entire time, Jackie.

Someone has to hold your hand when you're sick. Someone has to be there to change your diapers when you're shitting in a diaper. Yeah, well, I'm a fly-by-night. I can do whatever I want whenever I want. Yeah, and you're going to be found alone in a recliner with your cigarettes. You're only friends.

No, I'm going to get a bunch of potassium nuts. No, but are we allowed to say? I thought that it's been already expressed that maybe you have. you have a gentleman caller on the horizon. Yeah, maybe. Whatever. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, I'd never be tamed. I've never be tamed. Whoa. It's just the way that you use it. Yeah. Very scary. I'm just, you can start calling me fast Jackie instead. I'm just going to call you.

This is my sister, Jackie. Please help me pay for her existence, whoever is dating her. Please come give us gifts. Come give me gifts. All I want is gifts. Henry just wants a dowry from this man. And you know, you can't just immediately get a dowry if you're dating someone. I did seriously one-time ask just to, I want to see his bank account just to see how much he has.

Can you ask someone that, Marcus? Are you allowed to ask someone that? I don't think that that's what happened between Terry and Steve Irwin. I mean, it's incredibly uncouth, but. Yeah. But I'm the older brother. At this point, when I stop being her fucking warden, when she can live on her own, She can do whatever she wants.

But once I, now sell, I'm Warden. Oh, Lord's the Basques. Don't step to him because he gets a naughty with the naughty stick. You can just really put it to a new boyfriend. I am so excited about a new boyfriend because I can say whatever psychological fucking question I want, and he has to be good with it. Like, he has to impress me. It's so much fun to have all that power over somebody.

I think that you like this more than I like this Of course Wait, what's your first question going to be I want to hear this psychologically bending question that you're going to ask The first thing is going to be like You should smile more I want to see a lot of that

You should be smile a lot more with my sister She makes you happy You happy with my sister I'd like to see how happy she makes you By having you smile a little bit Are you going to like force them to smile? I feel like that's like, put stitching. It's just like he's a dog.

He's like, no, there we go. Yeah, now he's smiling. Although I'm not hearing a question here. Yeah, it wasn't a question. No, no, no, it's going to be a series of statements and then hanging silence to see how he responds. And then stare. And then be like, I can be silent all I want. This is my apartment.

Like, I could be silent. I can sit here in silence totally. This doesn't scare me at all. But it's kind of fun because it makes me feel like I'm 14. Not that I was dating anyone at 4. because I was a loser. No, you shouldn't be dating when you're 14. If you were, you're being molested.

That's not true. Yes, it is. That is not true. Sometimes people fall in love young. Yeah, Jerry Lee Lewis did it. Everybody back in the day when you had to be married by 18 or you were sent to a nun farm. See, Terry Irwin technically should be sent to a nun farm. No, she shouldn't.

She said that she hasn't been on a date in 27 years after Steve Irwin died. Terry Irwin, that's his daughter? No, it's his wife. His wife. So she... She hasn't been on a date in 27 years. Wait a minute. He died.

He didn't die 27 years ago. He died 12 years ago. Okay. But... They started... What? So wait. So, yeah.

So that means they just didn't go on a single date for 15 years? They didn't go on dates. Because they had the love of animals. I guess the truth is that if your whole life is wrangling snakes and running through the bush. Yeah, they're not just like going out to fun dinners. Like, that's, like, technically that's their dates. It's like going after big crocodots.

Yeah. I'm not going to get an apple tini over a Chili's together. And you're like, oh, nights out. Oh, no kids, you know. No, they have other things, more important things to do. And I've been crying about Steve Irwin a lot. He just got the Hollywood, got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame a couple of days ago. Oh, Jabby, you've gone and seen it yet?

Oh, yeah, we can go see it. You can. Oh, my God, we live here. Why don't we go buy a bunch of snakes and release them on top of it? That's fun. Well, you can see in the picture when they did the unveiling of his star. With the big an anaconda with them. You know what they should have done is they should have had,

they should have brought up a fucking stingray and be like, kill, kill, kill, kill. And each one of them beat a stingray to death with a baseball bat for fucking killing their fucking father. That's what I would have done. You're revengeful. Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill. That's not the stingray that did it.

An eye for an eye. Remember Buddha? Every stingray should be extinguished for what they did to that precocious man. Gandhi. No, but they look like a, they're special. ships of the sea. They're cute. They are cute. They got flappy mouths.

Oh my God, their mouths are the cutest part. But Bindy Irwin's getting right into it, but just being like, your father got fucking murdered. You mean tell me you're going to follow your father into the fucking game and think you'd get out of this shit, Scott Free?

Bindy Irwin is Steve Irwin's daughter. Yes, and she's beautiful, and she is 19, and she's got two shows, and they were on Discovery Kids, and I watched some of them because they have this, like, Bindy, like, Who, Adventure! Challenges. Good accent. I see you come from my school.

Yeah. I like the way they said. She goes, Rada, set. Go. It's like this like, go.

Guy. I'm who's filled with children, so I didn't want to watch it for too long. I hate watching kids do a goddamn thing. Yes. But it's like, it was like guts, but for snakes.

And it was great. They should call it snakes. They should call it snakes. But with a Z. Yeah. But they, They are having a reality show coming out soon on Animal Planet of the whole family and how they are taking care of and running the zoo in Australia that Steve Irwin started

because they all work on it together. They all grew up on it. And they're both following. Like both of his kids are following in his footsteps. And it's fucking beautiful how much Terry Irwin loves him still. Because she said she already had her happily ever after. And then she's never going to fall in love again. Also, she must have gotten that fucking Hitachi.

with them leg stirrups. What is that? Hitachi. Hachi-machi. The Sibian? Yeah. Sibian. You get a Sibian and then you get a picture of Steve Irwin's face at the front of it.

And you go, gricky. You have a little thing that you can press a button and it goes, gharicke. And it shoots a bunch of yogurt inside it. I feel like she would want a bunch of calloused hands all over her, though, while this is happening. Yeah. I bet honestly they had a pretty intense sex life. They had to have. They just loved each other so fiercely.

They got married eight months after they met. Wow. Australian, man. Yeah. They really, truly loved each other. That's beautiful. Outback people are some of the salt of the earth. Wow.

Where are you going with this? I don't know. I do not know. Just Australia. Aborigine. It's just. Desert. Snakes.

Man. And whoopin season. What's whoopin season? Someone told me about whoopin season, and it's when a bunch of, I think it's, magpies, start diving out of the sky, and they, like... It's very dangerous.

They, like, kill dogs and kids and shit. Well, I'd tell you what, if you could kill by a fucking tiny bird, maybe it's your time to go. I don't think they're tiny. Can you not hit him off with an umbrella? What, like Mary Poppin's style? I thought a magpie is like a little bird, like a finch.

I have no idea. Spiro. Runs about foot and a half long. Goes about 10 ounces. Okay, that's a hefty. That's a good chunk of meat. Yeah, and if it's diving at you, you can't trust a bird. Why do they dive at people?

Why? Travis. Travis, are you here? Why do they dive at people? I don't know. The Australian? Why not dive at people? Yeah.

Wuppen season. Whippe season. Whippe season. I'm from Australia. You know, I get a thing up on kangar eyes. Man, I wish I was from fucking Australia. I would be so tight. Australians are very beautiful, and they seem to be very, they have a lot of fun.

Yeah. They have a lot more fun than we do because we're like, work, work, work, work, work, work. But they fucking, they're surfing out there. Oh, safe boat. Got sci fide. I've got my sci fide. It looks like you're doing the face yoga, like Goop's face yoga. You gotta do face yoga.

It's a kale. You don't know about that you need. It's a tree to quailie. They add eyes to everything. Well, I do have an answer for you on the magpie thing. It is apparently an extremely large problem in Australia. Magpie swooping. Yeah, I've heard about it.

They are territorial animals. So when they see you in their area, they attack you by swooping and prefer to swoop in and stab you with their beak in the back of the head. Yeah. That's because they prefer to not, you know, they prefer to hit you when you're not looking at them. So Australians will walk around with sunglasses on the back of their head to make it look like they're actually looking at the magpie. But the most dangerous... They know what sunglasses are?

What's that? They know what sunglasses are? They look like eyes, you know? But the most dangerous habit of the magpie is swooping and knocking bicyclists off their bikes. That's awesome. I wish I could do that to people, but then I'm just a crazy person. Yeah, you can just stand up by the fucking bus stop throwing baseball bats to people. My question is that why don't they just poison all of them?

Why would you? It's an ecosystem. I don't know. Now you need Megpaws. You need Megpice. You need. I mean, yeah, why you get a raid, I mean. But I don't really understand it.

I mean, like, just, if there's such a nuisance, just kill all of them. They are a protective native species, so it's actually illegal to kill them. Damn, they got them by the nards. I understand, like, the turtles should be protected. Yes. Yes, of course, turtles. You protect the turtles. Why protect something that's just, like, going around, just, like, pissing people off?

No, no, no. Well, you got to share the earth. You got to take the lessons of Steve Irwin. He comes here, Mr. Ferngole. over here telling his little lessons another fucking environment. All right. With his pointy ears

and he's climbing on the trees. Telling everybody about how Mr. Smog's coming, getting the planeteers together trying to shut down the podcast. All right. Oh, Marcus, you would be the one with the monkey.

Yeah. Yeah, your heart. I do love monkeys. Ought. Which am I? I don't know. The Pink Ranger. That's not a planet tear

I would say wind But all the wind would come out of my butt Yeah I'll be like got you He's a fart You know I don't like fart chokes Yeah So I refer that the wind be coming from somewhere else

Beneath your wings I'm fine with it If you got the colors of the wind Also fine with it I'll flap my arms Good Sun's out Tums out

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and enter code page 7 page in the number seven all one word at checkout. Offers expires June 29th. Let's get sexed. Jackie, you got to keep us on top. What I like is that I am completely just a passenger on this podcast, and I could just say whatever it needs to be said. I appreciate you, and what I want to talk about is this family that's got 81 animals.

That's bad. I was watching a series on Netflix called Animal Horting. Yeah. And it was all about people keeping their animals, and it's very weird. No, this one's a reality show, though. I'm sorry, Marcus, what we're saying? No, animal hoarding, it's mostly cat corpses. Yeah.

I've watched it, too. It's weird about the animal hoarding, too, where they have them in cages, and then it's just like, the dead ones just go to the bottom, and the live ones just, like, kind of swim to the top. Yes. It's very upsetting. I can't watch the show. No, it's very, very harrowing, especially if you've had anything to smoke.

You're just like, get the cats out of there. Get the cats out of there. They shouldn't be there. No, the TLC show is. called Our Wild Life, and it's about a big old family, and they got so many animals, and they have... It's not Australian anymore. If you watch...

What do you mean? Their names are Bobby Joe. You know, it's like, of course it's Australian. No, they're from Pine Tops, North Carolina. Ah, pine tops. I think it's Benitez. No, it's pine. It could be Pinatops.

Look at her, Bobby Joe. She's just sitting there holding a baby kangaroo. Bobby Joe looks like, what's her name from Full House? if she got hit in the face with a fucking shovel. Candice Cameron Bray. Yes. You were right. What is happening here?

So this is a one where Bobby Joe and her husband, Jerry, have 84 kids, but only three of them are human. They are crazy. I like to, is that most of the animals have special needs. Hmm. So they got specifically, they got mentally handicapped animals on their farm. They got dim, dumb animals on the farm just to make it extra. difficult? Is it already difficult to have a bunch of kangaroos around?

It seems like that's a very dangerous animal. They box you. They can cut your belly open with one of their feet talents. My favorite is that the quote from the trailer is, the animals are tamed and the children are wild. Stop it. Honestly, that's very bad. You should probably take care of children.

Yeah, yeah, because the kids are the ones that are going to turn to mass shooters. Those animals, the most they're going to hurt is the male man or maybe the blue apron man or woman. Thank you. Did you, you know what? Did you know that Johnny Cash almost got murdered by an ostrich? How? Was he fighting it? He had an ostrich on his farm, I think it was when he was living in Jamaica,

and the ostrich attacked him one day and ripped open his belly with its claw, and Johnny Cash almost bled out. Oh, my God. What? That's so scary. Yeah. There's such big birds, such big feet. Yeah, and this is why. He just don't get close to him.

This is why you shouldn't have a fight. farm with 81 animals. It just doesn't make any sense if you're not doing, I guess they got a television show out of it, so now they flipped it into money. Now money, the TLC will come and make sure that the animals are taking care of from a production standpoint. Yes. I'm trying to, do you guys remember the movie that was, uh, where like they, they banned it

all over the place because they actually fought kangaroos in it. It's like one of those like outback movies. It's very upsetting. No. The whole movie is extremely upsetting. I think it was one of those, what's a place where you drink in the movie? movie theater? Alamo. What? Alamo. It's one of those Alamo draft house

picks. I haven't seen or heard anything about this. Well, I know there was the movie where they used all the lions for real and a couple of guys died. Ooh. Where, what kind of... Is it wake and fright? I've never seen this. It's very I think it's called wake and fright.

You're just saying it. I don't see anything on this here. No, to Bunda Njaba. Is it Bangoroo? No, it's not Bangoroo. No, I'm looking at this. It says nothing about murdering. Oh, wait, here we go. Yes, that's what it is.

Contrae of drunkards go on a kangaroo murdering spree. Not for food, but for shirts and giggles while drunk out of their minds. One tough bloke decides shooting a wounded kangaroo isn't quite doing it for him, so he takes his knife and fights the kangaroo to the death. It's so upsetting, but it's all this, like, Australian rednecks, and it's all very, like, they're so fucking wasted the entire time, and I just remember watching it stoned down to my goonjos, and I was like, I was nauseous while I was watching.

know if I would watch that. I didn't know that that's what it was. I just knew it was a band movie. It's like, oh, cool. It's fucking slap it on. Yeah. Oh, I get it. It's a it's about kangaroo coals. Colts? Coles. It's when you... Coles? It's when you destroy and kill a

large segment of a population of animals in order to keep the ecosystem in check. We have to do it on deer all the time back in the ranch. Or you just go on a fucking slaughter spree for about a week. They should turn it to a fucking magpie. Cole, right?

Seems like those are really the problems. Kangaroos seems to be out there kind of handling their own bullshit. You got to take it down. Yeah, but also, but you can eat a kangaroo. No, I don't think they taste very good. I don't think they do. They're too tough of meat. I mean, that's something for our Australian listeners.

Yeah. I think someone did semi-cangaroo jerky once. I mean, if it's slow-roasted, I'll eat it. I mean, I'll try it. I'm not so much a slow-roast or a break. A braze could be good because you get a liquid in there to make the meat more moist. It seems like their meat would be very dry and very... Like gravy? Yeah.

Something like you get some kind of... Tomatoes with like capers and like some kind of... You shove it inside of their pouch. You put... No, you slice off their front flap with where their belly is. I don't like this talk. I'm just saying you start this. And you salt and pepper it and then you do a slow...

Yeah? Interesting. It's actually a high... in protein low in fat and very tender. All like buffalo. Yeah. Like a filet mignon. Filipp mignon, though, is very easily to be overdone

as we learned a Brazilian barbecue the other night. Man, we ate so much meat, I got drunk on meat. I felt wobbly from the meat. We went to a churroscaria. What's a churrascaria? It's a Brazilian barbecue buffet. Buffet? And you come with all the swords of meat.

Yeah, and you have a paddle in front of you and you either have it on green, which means you more meat or you have it on red, which means you don't want any more meat. And even if it's on red, they'll come over to go, you sure, you sure? And I'm like, you know what? Get me some more. You're right. You're right. I do want some more meat. Yeah. Meat drunk, baby. You know, I know that this is against my type of what I usually would like to talk about, but I just wanted to bring up Black China real fast. Okay. Is Black China a form of heroin? No, no, no, no. I mean, I imagine she's probably got some heroin in her system for sure.

Who is Black China? She is, she was like an Instagram celebrity that started for being a thirst quencher. What? Trap. Thirst. Quench. I'm the quencher. She's a thirst trap.

Yeah. What does that mean? I quench it. What does that mean? I quench. What does it mean? She's a hot, hot girl who posts sexy pictures of herself on Instagram. So that's all she did.

Yeah. Yes. And then she started, she then she started banging Rob Kardashian. Then she had his baby and they had this like crazy, ridiculous, like public brawl. Like they're both awful people. Yeah. Essentially. So now she is, they are not together anymore.

She is with an 18 year old. Excellent. She is 29 years old. They see a Robin China, Black China also had like a reality show together. They did? Yes. For how many years? I think just a little bit of time.

So she's got two kids already. Whoa. And it's possible that she's pregnant with another one. Sure. What really interested me is that it says 18 year old rapper. Let me see a picture of her here. Oh, she's interesting looking. She looks completely fake.

Yes. And she's dating this guy called Y-B-N-O-Mighty-J. Is that his full name? I think that's his, maybe that's all his middle name. What's Y-B-N? W-Y-B-E-N-W-Y-D-E-E-B-N-E-B-N-I. I think it is the must-stand for U-B-Nice. And so, but they met on Christian.

mingle. Oh. Okay. And the reason why she's probably going to get knocked up again is they don't wear condoms, but listen to how beautiful this quote is about his new love. I would not want to fuck a bitch. I did not want to get pregnant. If China got pregnant, I would keep that shit like, oh, daddy, love you.

I love that ass. And if that's not what love is, maybe, you know, I'm not quite sure. I don't think any of it is good. I don't think single bit of this is good. I don't know if he put much thought into that statement. No, I don't think so. It seems like he's 18 years old and now he's a father. I would keep that shit like, ooh, Daddy, love you.

Oh, man, that's so, um, it's scary. It's here. As you grow older, you find that choosing a life partner necessitates more than a nice ass. You need to have other things. Qualities. I would say stuff like mutual understanding. Yes. Both of you want the same things from life.

No, he loves that ass and he's going to keep that shit. Please. But I don't think that it will last. Just like the reality show, it exists and this is it. This child is going to be a terrorist or something bad. this child has no chance that's what's very sad no no no I think that you are wrong

this stuff makes me very sad on the inside and I know that in page seven so I'm supposed to be delighted so I think about it and it just makes me very disheartened about society that it's an 18 year old oh why does he get so much more attention why do they have so many more articles

about them we work so hard on the podcast we work so hard and pretty faces going to hell is almost on season five but nobody knows. Maybe I should start dating a SoundCloud rapper. I guess as long as he's got face tattoos. As long as he's got face tattoos, that means he's going to the top.

And I think that I would like to keep that shit inside me. Maybe I don't have the ass for it. I don't want you to have a baby with the man you just met on SoundCloud, which is not even a platform in which to meet someone. You don't understand what SoundCloud rappers are. I know that it's people that have... I'm going to say no talent. Whoa.

Whoa. Is that bad? Judging. Controversial. Yeah. You know what I'm going to say, honestly? I've never heard a SoundCloud rapper. I don't know what they sound.

There's actually some extremely talented people that put out really cool shit on SoundCloud. Like what? You know, people. Name one. People that I've heard. No, there are. They're actual artists. And they go like, SoundCloud.

Yeah. Yeah on SoundCloud. Now go over to Seamless. Get yourself a burger. Halt yourself to a little hamburger It's like that rock star You know it's like I don't know that song

Don't know that song Don't know that song You would know it if you heard it You're on SoundCloud Don't you go to Spotify Because that's when I see With my tiny little rapper I That you over there

And not over here Why don't you come here And then Henry and I have been watching We've been also watching Some church-based reality shows And I think reality dating shows and I think that that

is really where Black Shiner should have met, you be nice. They have a thing called, what was it? It takes a church. There's a takes a church, which is on... Was it called It takes a church? It is called it takes a church. And then there's also match made in heaven. God.

And it takes a church is rough because it has the whole church choose the person that the person will date. Wait, it takes a church is on the game show network. Oh yes. And it is. And it is. It is hosted by none other than Natalie Grant. Who's Natalie Grant?

Is that like Amy Grant's sister? She's a gospel singer. Let me see if she is Amy Grant sister. I would imagine if she's Grant and she's gospel, then I would imagine she's probably in the Grant family. No. She suffered from bulimia. According to Wiki.

No, she's not a part of the grant. She's not related to Amy Grant. Oh, I'm sad. What a waste. I thought she sang this. I hope you dance. And she doesn't. I think that's Faith Hill.

Is that Faith Hill? Maybe. I hope you dance. What's the GMA Dove Awards? No, I take that back. That's Leanne Womack. Leanne Womack. She's won a lot of these Christian awards.

Is that what that is? Is there Christian awards? Yeah. It's so strange how you look into a whole other world of Christian content. And there's so much of it. Yeah. Is Yellow Card Christian? What was the other one?

It was the other one. Jugs of clay. Oh, yeah. No. Was it jars of clay? Jars of clay. I'm sorry. KOD.

They were a Christian metal band. Yeah. Puddle of Mud. The Sadie Hockens dance in my gaggy bands. It's nothing better. Oh, oh, oh. Is that jugs of clay? It's not jugs of clay.

It's another one of those. I feel left out of this part of society, mostly because I am a Satan. and it's when you watch it, it's just like, I can't imagine leaving up to the church to tell me who to have sex with because it seems like, and maybe I'm out of a limb here,

they wouldn't know. Yeah. I think that they, well, yeah, but they know the people that are on every show. What I like is that it takes a church is the one, it was created by Christian Mingle. And on the opposite end is a match made in heaven,

which is the trashy as fuck, dating, Christian dating reality show that is hosted by, Pass to Jay Who was the... Have you ever even looked into Christian Minkle? Why would I?

Why would I? Because I feel like when I was... I went on J-Date. There was a... Yeah, you did J-Date, but I wonder if you just did it because when you're single, you can at at least jokingly look at apps. Like, I can't even joke...

I can't jokingly set up a dating app even if it's ironic as possible because I would be busted and my shit would hit the curb. You're right, and I don't want that to happen for you. I don't want that, so I'm asking you to do it. want me to sign up for Christian Mingles. I just want to see what comes of it and who you meet.

So you want me to go on dates on Christian Mingus. I want to see you connect and see who it is you're talking to. Okay, all right. Yeah. I think that that's a, I think that's a mean thing to do. They don't know. I remember back when I was single, I signed up for a dating site that was specifically for morticians. Yeah.

There's some, because I remember at the time specifically, there were. It started from, I think I remember the woman you were talking to for a second who was like, I'm a mortician. And all of us were like, ooh, goth babe. And so they were like, where do you find them on the mortician's website? But then they are not all that interesting. No. No, no, no. I go.

They just work a lot, though, right? Yeah, they just work constantly. I don't know. It's embalming. It is a cool goth job. Yeah. Didn't you want to be a mortician, Marcus? Yeah, at one point.

But then I figured I was more suited to like history teacher. Because I'm really, like, I got to admit, I'm really not that got to admit. I'm really not that goss. Yeah, it gets weird how it plays out. Yeah. I'm not really goth at all. Disappointing. Just get a ball chain necklace. I would be a butcher. I want to be a baker.

Marcus is the candlestick maker. I have two of my very, very much so fallback jobs. When everything falls apart, one of them is to become a butcher's apprentice and try to learn how to be a butcher and a hack it up, which would be awesome, except for the fact that you smell like meat all day, which I like, but it's not as fun. You date, when you were dating a lady that was a butcher's apprentice, that was weird.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Physically. When she got all the blood spilled all over and she smelled like blood for a few days. Yeah, it's weird. Because it was also the time, yeah. Did she not shower? That stuff comes off in the shower. It sticks.

Yeah, it sticks. Yeah. It gets in the skin. But I also wanted to be a mailman Because that's another job that you can get and they need them But they test for weed I can't be doing that shit You know I feel like I'd have to deliver mail stoned as fuck

That's what I'm saying right? I feel like it's the job it is the drug for a mailman No, you just constantly fuck up Yeah, so Fucking you should be doing this over email anyway That would be my response being like fucking paperless The only jobs you should get stoned and do are the ones where the outcome does not matter.

Like janitor. Like janitor. It doesn't really matter if you really fuck up being a janitor because then you'll just get it the next day. I think janitor, I would be booze in it. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd be nipping. I think I'd be pretty on a low level next to hammered all day.

I think, yeah, but at the same time, if you don't put up one of those, do not walk here, it's slippery. Can't you get, like, nailed to the wall? as a janitor? I don't know. All right, it's time for the list. Who's on the list? Marcus, got to have that list. And this is a list that just kind of happened to come up by surprise today, but it's something

that's a little specific to you, Henry. Oh. It's celebrities you didn't know were Wiccan. Or interested in witchcraft. Interesting. Oh, my God, Sabrina the teenage witch is going to be fucking fantastic. Natalie was currently was last working on a, you know what I am actually seriously interested in, which we should do next time I'm on? I want to see the celebrities who secretly smoke.

That's my favorite secret trivia about being on sets with celebrities is seeing who smokes and who doesn't because I like to see. Yeah, I like that too. Ariana Grande is often listed as a wicket due to stories she has told in interviews about fighting demons. That is great. I don't know. I think that's more about her abuses. Something else. She brings her Abolita all, like, with her everywhere.

Like, I'm saying, like, she actually refers to her Abolita. I, and I'm assuming that Abolita wouldn't like it if she was a wicket. Maybe it's the opposite. Maybe Abolita is a part in virtues, maybe works with Santomerte or something, and that's what she does, a lot of sanarea. I would actually say Abolita is probably more than likely a protector of some kind. A brouha. A brouha.

That's the term as a brouha. Oh, wait, what's that movie? the brouhoss one. Witching and bitching. Witching and bitching. Great movie. Great, great movie about witches. But I could see that.

I could maybe see that. She actually seems like she's trying to be normal a little bit. I like her a lot, except for the fact that her head must hurt all the time. Oh, the push back hair. And she's so skinny. She needs a sandwich. Oh, my God. Azelia Banks is a witch.

Which one's she? you know her no I don't I'm so fancy no the Zalia Iglia Iggy is Aalia Iggy Azaleas

That's Iggy Azalea That's a difference She said it's all about magic She says I'm really a witch That's a very common L.A thing now though To be honest It's a very common L.A Every girl's a witch

It's like it's in season here Everyone's dressing Coachella 24 7 A lot of tiny little jewelry Is a lot black A lot of candles a lot of goth stuff, which I love. Don't know too much about her, but what I do know is this top headline

is Azalea Banks hates bath bombs, but clearly loves glitter bombs. What are those? What is she do? She's a singer. She's a singer. I have no fucking clue. Who most of these people are.

I only said Azalea Banks because I assume that you would know who she is, Jackie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I just, I think it's kind of fun when I told Henry that he's heard of Fifth Harmony for. He's like, whoa, never done. And then I started singing Fifth Harmony songs on him. He's like, yeah, maybe I heard of that. Maybe I heard of that before.

So, yes, you have. Have you been in a fucking cab recently? Yes, you've heard. So that's what I sound like to you, and you to me sound like, no, no, dick, I do a lot of cigarettes, and I've seen a pee with my nose. Oh, my God. And that lovely, amazing artist that made the picture of all of us. us from last podcast and then me as a rat out front with a rat with hair just be like

I like this. I like geez. I loved it. Lord says she's a witch, basically. Yeah. I mean, yes, of course. Yeah, well, she's Australian. Is she?

New Zealand. She's a foreign? New Zealand. She's so young. When you go back and make some Lord of the Rings movies, huh? Come on. Come on, guys. She's talented.

I love her. I like her voice. She gives a lot of pressure we put on a young woman. Sybil Shepard says she's a Christian pagan, pagan Buddhist goddess worshipper. None of it means a goddamn thing. You fucking, you will see when they bring back Sybil and everyone goes mad. No, not yet. But if they're bringing back Murphy Brown, they're bringing back Sybil.

Was Kristen Baransky on Sybil? Yes. Oh, she's so good. He's so good. I fucking love Sybil. I do. I like Sybil. And Empty Nest.

Empty Nest is great. I like the emptiness quite a bit. Yeah. Empty Nest is on the laugh channel that I get on my antenna. That's L-A-F-F. I like the laugh channel is just the stuff that's also like pumped into the lobbies of mental hospitals to keep people from fucking flipping out. It is quite bland, yes.

You get your empty nest. You get your Mary Tyler Moore. More show. Who is wings on there? Wings is definitely on there. I love a B minus sitcom. Yeah. I like a B minus sitcom that doesn't give me a lot of fuss.

Yeah, a lot of, they don't get, they definitely don't give a lot of fuss. Bells and whistles. Yeah, night court, night court's on there. And every Sunday you get the monsters. Oh, that is nice. That's kind of fun. Yeah.

All right, it's time for Blando. I can't see the blinding. Why did they go? Put your shirt down. Where did they go? Where did they go. Considering how much meth, this alliterative former A-list metal singer, smoking each day, his next concert appearance should be one to watch because he is a mess.

Marilyn Manson. He smokes a lot of meth. It shows up in the blind items at least a couple times a week. How much meth this dude smokes. It's weird how casual meth use can become. Yeah. It's the same thing with heroin that I didn't really understand. It's eventually like, oh, you can, I view meth as like,

the fucking bottom of the barrel darkest thing you can do. And it's just they do it because Coke doesn't have the same thing for them. They can do less of it. And it becomes like a manageable high for them. And it just lasts a lot longer, right? Is that the thing? Oh, yeah. Yeah, Coke has got to be annoying to be addicted to because it lasts for like 25 minutes and you have to do it again.

Mm-hmm. And our other blind item, also a drug item. This former A-plus list tweener is spending his time in the desert alternating between LSD, mushrooms, and ayahuasca. Former A-plus list, tweener? I guess he's still A-plus, probably A-list. Justin Bieber. Yeah, just getting fucking trashed out of his head in the desert.

I think it'll be good for him. Apparently he's been turning, he's been pulling Selena Gomez down with him. The same thing with fucking Natalie Dormer with, what's his name, Charlie Heaton. They're not a bad rabbit. They're not. Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are not together anymore. They were, though, again. They got back.

together and now they are not back together. Bad influence for her baby face and a weird sexualized baby body. They're going to church every Sunday. That's garbage. People see him at their church. I have been reading, you mentioned Charlie Heaton. I have been reading a lot of blind items about him getting Coke nosebleeds at parties. He really, I don't like the look at him, and I think he's bad news, and I think Natalie

Dormer should get away from him. And I think the same thing with the weekend. Tell it, girl. The weekend was also doing it to Selena Gomez, and she just walked around like, somebody be my daddy because she's got a fucking baby brain and a tiny baby body yeah well at least she's against photoshopping now and she is fine she is not

bulimic anymore and she's fine with her thick thighs because they are beautiful and they are not thick because they do not touch I honestly think that all of the someone needs to go like the guy from reprogramed and I know all of these people are old because I think that's um I don't think it's a good

thing no I think they should yes I think the 17 year old I think these kids these children that have gigantic industries placed upon their shoulders, much like the college football scenario and college sports scenario, they need to be go and they need to be saved, and they need to be going. And like, you should be allowed to be famous when you're 25.

I think you should like, there should be like a cap where it's like, you get to be a certain level. You could, if you get to 25 fucking great. But the rest of them, fucking what's your name, Millie Bobby Brown? She's starting to get, she's getting all fucked up. Aachen that other 12 year old. I don't know what Aachen is, but she

is doing it. What is Achen? I don't know. I feel like that's something that the kids would be doing. They're snogging. I know that they're snogging and that's not good for 13 year olds to be snogging in front of everyone. I stopped following her on Instagram. It's disgusting. She's so sexualized. It's disgusting. She's a child. She's a child. These are

children. Someone saved the children. Nah, let them snog. I guess they... Babies having babies. The thing is that if more of them died as a result, of their actions, they would learn the lesson. But their bodies are too strong because they're young and not enough of them are dying to make the rest of them scared enough to stop. So you need them to die to save them?

See? I don't think that happened when River Phoenix died. Yeah, because he was a one and done. Well, Jonathan Brandis was pretty soon after that. Suicide. Man, we didn't even talk about, what is it? I'm not even there. Whatever it was, Joaquin Phoenix.

Phoenix Phoenix new film very good, very violent. Hachimachi, it is really weird that even she said that he is hot because he technically his body looks like fucking Ed's when he gave him. Now it doesn't. Now that it's in your head, look at it again. No, don't say that.

Why would you do this to me? He's so hot in it. You're in love with Ed Larson. No, I'm not. You're in here first. No, I'm not. I shall scream it from the rooftops. And that's all we have time today on time for today.

Page 7, thank you very much for joining us. Yes, and thank you so much, Henry, for being here. And if you like... It's a pleasure and a delight. Thank you. If you... We love you guys so much. Thank you always for listening.

And if you would like to donate towards our show, please hit up patreon.com slash page 7 podcast. That is seventh number. And hell, if you want to mozy on over to Instagram, my ins says Jack that Worm and I am getting thought. Is that a thing? You're asking me. You've had to

You've had to fully try to physically describe five or six people on this, just this episode alone of who these people are. Mark is in my thought. Uh, no. Doesn't that mean that ho over there? That means that hoe over there.

Would you like, do you have anything to plug, Henry? Someone please tell me what the new words are. Because I know hype, being hype is a thing. That's not a thing anymore. And I'm hype about new slang. You are, Chelsea. We are getting more pathetic by the minute. I don't care, man.

I'm fucking, I'll be half drunk until I'm dead. 34, still a whore. Thank you guys so much. You're listening. I love you, and we will talk to you next week. Bye, Hail Satan. Bye. Honk, honk, here comes the kiss train.

Those kisses are going out to our list of Patreon shout-outs this week. Kisses for all, kisses for all. Thank you guys so much. for being on our Patreon. I truly appreciate it. We really do. We need it here at the network, and I just, I can't thank you enough, and I wish I could kiss each one of you individually. I've got very soft lips. First up, we've got Andrew Robinson, one kiss for you. Brandy Burkos, one kiss for you. I won't do this for all of them, I swear. Misty Boots! Just remember that everyone gets kisses, though.

Melanie Gober, Lindsay, Ryan Keist, Beansley Boris, Brey Riley, Leila Robb, the littlest Redwood. Oh, I bet she's so cute, though. Ash Jennings, Mary Parker, Melissa Kempkis, Rachel Wesserman, Emma. Megan Payness, Jana Doherty Kinlock, Megan McCauley, Katie Montgomery. Kisses and kisses and misses and misses. Over and over again. Thank you guys so much for being patrons.

And thank you so much for giving me this opportunity to do what I love, and I love you so much for it. If you would like to donate, please visit patreon.com slash page 7.7, the number. We got our t-shirts coming out. We got our hot goss happening. We've got smiles all around forever and ever until our last dying breath. Too much or not enough. I love you guys.

I'll talk to you next week.