Page 7 - Episode 257: Cash Grab Baby

Episode Date: June 1, 2018

Jackie and Marcus are joined by Holden McNeely to gab about Jeff Goldblum's jazz album, big hat etiquette and their fantasies from when they were teenagers.  Want even more hot goss? Support us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/page7podcast Go to http://phlur.com and use promo code PAGE7 to get 20% off your custom Phlur sample set! Samba Isobel, Too Cool, Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Look, I don't dance now. I make morning moves. Say, I don't got to dance. I make money move. If I see you and I don't speak, that means I don't fuck with you. I'm a boss. You won't work, girl, bitch. I make bloody moves.

Man, I fucking love it. I love Bernie B. I'm so obsessed with this fucking album. And I know that everyone's been obsessed with it for a while, but now I'm extra obsessed with it. Welcome to page 7, everybody. I'm Marcus Parks. That's Jackie Zabrowski. And joining us today we got.

Holdenaders, oh, welcome everybody, back to the show that I am a guest on. You know, I have... Thank you so much, Holden, for being here with us. I really, I'm having a great time with you. Anytime. I got some wonderful reactions last time I was here, which kept my ego inflated fully enough for me to continue to want to live in this fucking planet for another goddamn second of the day. And Jackie, I love that you're being extra about Cardi B.

I think that's fantastic. She's wonderful. She really won me over. I wasn't fully convinced with Bodak. yellow, but this new album is phenomenal. And I was just, you know, because you were like, hey, watch these videos, one of which I'd already seen the Kill Bill parody video. The other one, though, as well, is it just called, I Like It Like That?

Either way, I just know, I think I realized what's so great about her. It's that her voice just exudes this fucking confidence. And yet she's still, like, a woman. You know what I mean? She's still, like, an effeminate, like, woman. She's not, like, trying to be kind of wearing, like, jerseys and shit. But she's smoking hot, but she has this powerful voice that's there to kind of stand for, like, you know, a strength and uniqueness, you know. Yeah, for sure.

And she's just really doing a great job of getting that across. And, again, yeah. And, you know, and actually, Margaret that we're talking about, we both enjoy Migos. Which is kind of funny because it's like we were talking about music as we do. And it was just like, so, yeah, I guess I do listen to Migo. from time to time and you said you like to let's know why you do the dishes i do skr yeah she can do that tongue the grr stuff like crazy good oh yeah man i love megos while i'm cooking dinner and washing dishes and enjoying chance the rapper of course she's engaged her married to a dip set

from megos i believe she's just having his baby just having his child yeah yeah yeah so anyways she's allowed to do that holden is that bionse shade by the way i don't dance I make money moves? Is it saying, like, I don't have to fucking dance for you, motherfuckers? Like, I can just be up here doing, doing, rapping and shit, like, other rappers and not have to, like, and singers and not have to, like, dance for you just because I'm a woman? No, she used to be a stripper. Oh. So now she don't, she ain't got to dance.

She makes money moves. Oh, okay. Yeah, she's going to be collaborating with Maroon 5. Oh. No. No. Will she have moves like Jagger? Oh, no, not Maroon 5.

I mean, to be fair, I used to be a Maroon 5 fan, you know, as a younger, I dug it. But then once it got into, I just don't like him. What's his name Adam something? Adam Levine? Did you do, were you all in with the, I'm sure you've talked about this on the show before, were you all in with the boy bands and stuff back in the day? Were you into InSink and Backstreet Boys and all that kind of good stuff? Hardcore.

I got to see InSync at the No Strings Attack. Really? Oh yeah, I cried. What was your boy toy of the team? Well, I had Kevin from Backstreet Boys, he was my thing, and I was more of like a JC guy. And are these young women, are you flicking beans to these guys? Or is it more just like, what is he, I wonder what he reads at night, like, how does it go?

I think it was definitely more of like, it was a childlike lust that I more dreamed about like Legolas and Strider from Lord of the Rings. I see. in the boy bands. You in your head like on a horse with Legolas, which is just so funny.

You're just like, oh, fall it off. I love it. I want him to show me how to like use a bow and arrow. You know, it's all those kinds of things. I'm starting to learn all of these things too

with this dude that I'm seeing he's going to teach me how to use a bullwhip. He throws hatchets. You know, this is what I need in my life. To dress a deer after taking its life. Stuff like that. Sure.

Well, maybe not the dress. deer. I don't know about the deer. So what was your Legulus fantasy? Like, could you take us through one of them? Oh, of course. It always started with us on a horse, but he had to get me up on the horse. I was like, side saddle horse, but I still

got off as I rode on it. So get off as we were going up, said Mountain or Crag. And then when we would get to the top, it was always like, it was that same, I forget which movie it was in, when he's on the top of some mountain, he'd like, runs up the mountain, and then he looks out,

he's just like, I see birds in the distance. Two towers. They're getting closer. Yes. Oh, no, wait. Are you talking about when the birds are coming like that? Because that might be fellowship of the ring. You know, when the birds are coming, like,

the spies of Soron are everywhere. Oh, yes, of course. That's fellowship. Are you talking about the scene where he says they're taking the hobbits to Eisengard? Sure. When I was a kid, I always wondered if a tree beard beat off. Huh.

You know what I mean? I mean, he's got a big old stick of wood down there. I mean, he's got, I guess it's sap and stuff. I mean, how do trees breathe? Well, we never really got into what the entwives were, what the inund wives even look like, because remember, he does not even remember what they look like. So we don't know, we don't even know what they look like

because they obviously don't have cocks unless they have some sort of like unsheathing process, like some animals. Right. I bet they have big old breasts. I've seen trees with those big old bobs coming off. of them. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Made me horny a timer chip. Absolutely. So what was your Aragorn fantasy? I actually, but I actually also found the end fairly attractive as well. Interesting. Tree beard? Yeah. I can see that.

She likes a big burly man, you know? Something could pick her up and very slowly tell her out beautiful. Yeah, I'm totally into that. Of course. I want, I mean, but also I never finished my leg. fantasy because in afterwards when we were in a bunch of danger we didn't know if it was like

oh this could be the last time we could see each other so you got to fuck before you get back on the horse before you go fight I don't know villains what do they do orcs probably off to fight an or two or three so did he just leave you there afterwards to fimp for yourself on the mountain

no he would usually send me on some sort of princess chariot back to wherever I came from so what was your Aragorn fantasy Oh, that was just dirty dive bar fucking So you met him in the prancing pony Yes And from there he took you into the loo

Yeah, yeah, and then he asked me How much for a ride And I say, for you, it's free And then I give him a wink And then, yeah, and then I think at the end He usually would just kill me But I think that's worth it But what about you guys?

Did you have Lord of the Rings fantasies? Not Lord of the Rings. Rings fantasies per se. I think I was more... Where were you... I had a thing for A-1. Yeah. Oh, really?

The blonde. Strong woman. I am no man. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Wait, is that the Cape Blanchet one? No, no, no, no. That's Galadriel.

I can feel it in the Walter. I can feel it in the wind. No, mine were more tied to the animated hobbit. Actually, yes. The big stone sort of trolls and the different various goblets. in the film were a bit of a wretched turn-on for me, as I used to call. I called them my wretches. And they were not to be known by anybody.

I'm actually sharing this for the very first time. My filthy wretches was my collection of hand-drawn Hobbit characters for masturbation purposes. Jackie? But wait, Holden, did you ever beat off to like the rock people from Neverending Story 2? No. No, that movie bummed me the fuck. out too much. Both of those movies. Both of those movies put you in such a weird. In fact, to the point where I've been actually brought up doing a Wizard and the Bruiser on a never-ending

story. And Jake always turns it down because, quote, I don't want to get bummed out this week. So, so, and like everything about those movies, it was like a raining, nasty day outside. The kids getting bullied. It's just so, it's like the opposite of Princess Bride. You know what I mean? Princess Bride's just like this light, lovely romp. That's why I love the never-ending story. Princess Bride is just... What? But fucking never-ending story,

that's got a horse drowning in mud. Park is, I know, I bet you were just like, wish I was there! Wish it was real! Why can't I have a gigantic turtle as a friend? I don't want Falcourt. I just want to go talk to the turtle.

I did dig Falcour. I think that's really kept me in, you know? Yeah, not a big... I know it's sacrilege and all that, but I'm just... I'm just not a big Princess Bride fan. I just never watched it as a kid. I watched it as an older man and was just like, I get it.

I get it. It's fine. Yeah, but it also has the sexy in it because Carrie Elway's in Princess Bride, hubba, hubba. Gimmy, gimme, snacky, snacky time. But then you also had Robin Wright, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's great. Absolutely.

Also, kind of wanted to fucking Nigo Montoya. Just throwing that out there. Interesting. I could see that, yeah. Right? I keep trying to think, you know, I'm thinking of my early masturbations, and they weren't really, like, fantasy-related or whatever, but I do remember, like, I had a tiny TV VCR that I could tape things with,

and, man, I would really get some mileage on that. And I think I've actually talked about this on, like, roundtables of the past or whatever, but I remember when that VIP show came out with Pamela Anderson, and I would tape those. And the most embarrassing thing that I used to masturbate to was literally, literally Daisy Fuentes' entrances on America's Funniestown videos.

Ooh, for sure. I don't think that's embarrassing at all. Daisy Quentes was a hot piece. Okay, but this is what I would do. I would masturbate literally to her walking out on stage, rewind, walking out on stage, rewind. We grew up at a different time, okay?

It was like, you were so thirsty for just the small... I would literally watch MTV all day just in case one video would come on that I could maybe masturbate to. Like that's how intense it was Waterfalls? Waterfalls. Oh, yeah.

Definitely, you know, there was definitely the summer with like J-Lo and everything. I mean, definitely the one I've talked about a minion time here, my sexual awakening was the fantasy video. Mariah Carey. Yeah.

Definitely Spice Girls. And I've talked about this before when I got bummed out when I was about trying to masturbate to Spice Girls on S&L and then it got interrupted for the Princess Die shooting and I got like really mad.

She didn't get shot. Or death or whatever. She got exploded by the queen. Juries out. Okay, on all of that. Some say a monkey jumped in the car and just ripped her face apart. Hired by the queen, a monkey assassin. We don't know.

It wasn't like people were taking constant photos of her during the time. Now, I found a real good collection of pornography, magazines, and videos at a young age. So I was all set. Yes. I found a tape in my brother's room that blew my mind a bit. Blank tape. Yeah, very, oh yeah, it's always the blank tape, yeah. But then there was also, like, the friend of mine whose dad left him,

and then left behind a gigantic cooler full of porno magazines in the shed. Oh, that's great. And a cooler full of porn magazines and a separate big black trash bag full of magazines. You know, it's interesting, the kind of one of the ladies involved in the Trump affairs going on, Karen McDougal. I used to slam my fucking rope to that, to that. that woman. And so as you're going to see her kind of come back in this sort of scandal way. It's like, whoa, I had that playmate of the year issue.

Anyways, I feel like we're getting a little. No, I completely understand. I am not. Yeah, of course. No, I dig it. I was staring at pictures of Bill Pullman earlier for about 20 minutes, and I was getting hot and bothered just by looking at the pictures. So, you know what, I still have the creativity inside of my brain.

At least I haven't lost the spark yet. Yeah, I think the most merriacian one for me lately was Cuphead cosplay. Cuphead is a video game and these two very smoking girls play the, uh, dressed up in like this cuphead cosplay. And I'm just like, I don't, I'm like, I want to masturbate to this, but I'm going to hold off because I don't want it to be on my like list of things I did in my life, you know, when I'm on my deathbed. So like a woman like dressed up as a hot bee.

Uh, no, they were dressed up. With a flower. But like Cuphead and mug man. Oh. With a king dice behind them kind of leering. And I don't know what the. fuck that means what is a sound disgusting. I have to look this up. Yeah, look it up.

Cuphead cosplay, it will probably pop right up, but they are smoking hot cosplay girls, but anyways. And that's what's starting to get difficult to. Now, I don't think I've ever masturbated to a cosplay girl yet, but I'm getting close. I'm getting close to the day. Yeah, yeah, really, yeah. Wait, wait, you want, I just looked up

Cuphead Cosplay. This is what you want to have sex with? She's got a cup for a head. No, no, no. She's not even wearing anything revealing. That must not be it. That must not be it. Yeah, are you just talking about the girls that have straws fucking glued to their heads? Yeah. That's not, that's just girls with straws glued to their head. It's not, because I thought you meant, like, with the big teacup.

Yeah. Like a hot girl with just a big tip. Yeah, just a teacup with tits. That would actually push me over the edge, I think. Yeah, that's just hot girls with a weird haircut and a fucking, it's still cuphead cosplay, Marcus. It's still cuphead cosplay. With the king dice in there too. This is very, I mean, I don't kink shame, but this is, I mean, this is an interesting choice. But how do you feel about Mrs. Potts?

Do you jerk off to her as well? Wait, Mrs. Potts from Beauty and the Beast? Yes, Mrs. Potts for Beauty and the Beast. Oh, M.G. Absolutely not because you got, I can't imagine Mrs. Potts without Chip, right? And I can't have a little. You don't want to watch them fuck? I can't have a little boy in the corner of the room. No.

Surprisingly, I know folks at home are probably screaming in shock. right now, but I don't want to put his child in the room watching me have sex with his mother. Why, you don't want to Blair Witch somebody? I feel like at that point, you can just refer to it as Blair Witch and somebody. Because they stand in the face of the wall. That's so good. That's so good. Did you come up with that just now? I did just come up with that. That's very good, Jackie. You did something very good just now. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I got you, Marcus. Yeah, you got me. All right, so you don't want to ruin Chip.

I understand. That's fine. But you do love Beauty and the Beast, so I just feel like I had to ask. Emma Watson's gorgeous in that film as well. Yes, absolutely, which is fun. And I guess that gets to, you know, you guys cracked my type on Jackney's dating Sims last Friday,

which is, and I quote, Jessica Rabbit's younger sister. That's exactly. That's all you like. That's it. You like the every girl, So in Jack and he's dating sims at the beginning, we choose sexy pictures to put up so that we make a collage. And every week we have new hot things that we're into. But it's always the same, like, three people with Holden.

It's either Emma Stone or it's Natalie Dormer or what's the last one? Natalie Dormer was new. Emma Stone. That's a new one. Amy Adams. What else? I'm trying to remember. They're all like doby-eyed.

Oh, Allison Brie. You're really in the eyes. Yeah. Big eyes, cartoonishly big eyes. Which makes sense because Lexi's eyes are big and beautiful. I want a cartoon kind of almost, which is funny because I haven't really actually masturbated to a lot of cartoons. I made The Hobbit joke earlier, but it's curious. Okay, I will say that I will break the fourth wall.

I've never actually masturbated to a cartoon before. Really? No. Huh. Marcus? Yeah. And even deeper that always fascinates me. And it's more with our illustrator listeners.

I'd love to hear some of this on the Facebook page. But has anyone drawn a picture and masturbated to the picture that they drew? You did that? No, I never did that. I was just, terrible. You were nodding, though. No, I was just thinking like if which it could. Yeah.

But can't. Because I know that was kind of a horny boy thing. Again, we're losing some of this with future technology. Yeah. And we don't really, nobody's really going to necessarily think to do that unless they're heavily censored by their parents at home. But perhaps they can spend their time. on other pursuits rather than many hours drawing jerk off material.

Yeah, yeah. I think that that just gives you, it's like, I think that you have to really work for it. And I feel like the generation coming up doesn't have to work for those kinds of things. Like staring at like the hun.com, just waiting for a picture to download that you would wait for like 20 minutes and hope nobody

walks into the computer room. My word, have I, oh, Carmen Electra was a big, I remember it was Carmen Electra and like, Green Day photos, not to masturbate to, but I just was like Green Day and Primus pictures. And Carmen Electra is just waiting for the nipple to show up. I found a picture of Tiffany Amber Theson and a mesh shirt and no bra. No, it was a tank top. Yeah, it was a mesh tank top.

No bra. I 100% know the one you're talking about. I know the one you're talking about. It is, it is so we speak the same language. I'm sure the same language. This is the same slew. You know, I'm actually going to throw up too, which I feel like fits in this list, who I thought of while I was on a run, curiously enough. I already thought of what I'm going to add to the collage this week, and that is Heather Graham.

Heather Graham. On the roller skates? Maybe. When she actually, I, and when she does that blowjob scene in Bougie Nights, that is one of the hottest with the song playing in the background. Dint, dint, dint, d'n, d'n, she just leads Dirk Diggler into the, oh, my goodness. What a weird movie Because it turns you on so hard And then it's just like brain matter on a wall

Yeah You know what I mean It's why it's one of my favorite movies Yeah I love it so much It fucking takes you everywhere Yeah it just makes you feel so weird So many different ways Yes

Yes Oh hell yeah Found the picture of Tiffany Amhertheson Fantastic Glad you enjoyed it There's no reason for him to look at it The computer's faced away from us Neither of us are going to see this picture

Do you want to see it? I can show to you Yeah I would love to actually see Yes, that is the one. A hundred and ten percent. That is the one right there. That's the one. Wait, is it like a bodysuit or is it just a shirt? Now I've got to look at it up.

Hey, I'll look it up. Put in Tiffany Amhertheson mesh tank top. When she's a little bit older, there's a terrible Woody Allen movie called, I believe, Hollywood ending. And she tries to seduce him. The whole concede is that it's a director making movie and he mysteriously just goes blind. Like in the middle of making this movie. And Tiffany Amhertheson's like one of the actresses and she comes into his room and tries to seduce him by literally like she shows up in a robe and she just takes it off and she's just wearing like very attractive lingerie. And I, man, it's weird to have Woody Allen in a video shot of a thing you masturbate to.

I'm just going to say that. Man, I am doing mesh 2018, but I can't do mesh the way Tiffany Amhertheson does mesh. Can you believe that picture? Can you believe that picture? Hachy-machi. Good Lord. Her nipples are perfect. Yeah.

Hands up. All right. Hands up. I'm not touching myself. As you know, if you listen to Jackanese dating sims every week that I do with Holden. Yes. We always have to say hands up and put our hands up in case if it's getting a little too steamy in the room just to make sure everybody's not trying to fucking smack a joint. Also, Wendy is terrified of the sound of my vibrator.

So I am sexually frustrated to a point that I am starting to nash at my own gum. Jackie, you have to have control over the dog. You cannot let the dog control. You. No, you are the pack leader. Yes. You need to start exerting control over Wendy. I know, I get it.

I get it. I can't do it. She's the cutest thing on earth. Everyone in that household is controlled by that dog. If I could figure out how to get that dog to just get them to give me their money, it would happen. It would happen. The problem is that if not, I close the door and she's outside of the door and I can feel her. there and then I just feel shameful.

And you know, you don't want to feel shameful when you're masturbating. I'm not 12 anymore. I don't have to feel like that. What's your deal with pets and stuff kind of watching acts? I can't, I can't really handle it. Yeah. I'm fine with it. Yeah?

We've got a stuffed animal bird that I take out of the room when we have sex. I just don't like it. No, I've had cats. I've never had like a dog ground, but I've had cats around before plenty of times and you just kind of get used to it. Yeah. It's just like whatever. If he doesn't like it, you can leave the fucking room.

That's true. He's choosing to stay here. It's the most animalistic, you know, that you can get. So it's almost like you're making a deeper connection with the animal by letting them Blair Witch in the corner there. I'm not traumatizing the animal. The animal's fine. Right.

And I'll be doing it if he could. Right. Yeah. I don't even. I feel like I'm just worried that there's something wrong with me. Like, I can't even be naked in front of her. Is there something wrong with me? Yeah.

Yeah, I think it's something very desperately wrong with you. Okay, good, good, good. I just wanted to make sure. Yeah, good. Yeah, you got a thing. Do I? No, it's because I've been alone for so long. I don't know.

I get bad brain when I am alone. I've watched a lot of sad things this week. I've gotten very, very sad by myself all week long just with Wendy as she watches me cry. and then she licks like the back of my knees because she likes to lick in weird places and you know and it's sweet and it's cute but it's like it's not helping

you're just tickling me speaking of sad terrifying things I don't think we actually got to talk about this last week but evil genius we didn't even get to I don't think we spoke towards it last week very much I've only seen two two and a half episodes sure and I don't want to spoil anything for anybody but it is just phenomenal

and the character of Marjorie is just absolutely fascinating But then that's the insane thing is that it's not a character. She's a real life fucking person. I know, I know, I know. It's interesting when deviousness and actual like kind of scary smart meets like intense mental problems. Yeah. You know what I mean? Oh, that's the most dangerous people on earth.

But it's so funny because it's like she's so smart. She's so smart. But she's just like sitting in jail the whole time. It's like she's not that smart. You know what I mean? Yeah. But at the same time, it's like I, even just the premise of the actual show, where Henry watched it and he's like, oh, you should watch it.

He's like, remember that whole thing where like the guy had like a bomb attached to his neck and then they watched him. They didn't do anything about it and his head explodes. And I was like, no. No. What are you talking about? And then I watched the whole thing and I was like, how did I not know about that? Yeah, I didn't know about it.

Yeah, I was kind of surprised how many people didn't know that that whole, although shenanigans went down. What was, yeah, such shenanigans they were. It was. It was the definition of. shenanigans. I guess that's true. What year did it happen around? 2003?

Man, how did I not? I just wasn't connected in 2003. I was in college. I was in a bubble. I feel like the internet wasn't the internet we know now. Like it was the, I feel like you'd have to be kind of watching the news pretty regularly. Tapped in at least a decent amount.

Like for me, I was going through my, if we're talking about 2003, I'm listening to nothing but jazz on vinyl. I'm not even watching. Watching television. My idea of a good time is just like playing chess and like reading a book with people. Yeah. Very inebriated the whole time. I've been a news junkie since I was a fucking kid.

Exactly. Yeah, so I just know all the shit's going on. Right, right. And this was all over the place for months. And that was also when you were drinking a lot of Carlo Rossi. And as we know, you know, that is the upper echelon of Veen. We used to have jug wine nights where we just get a bunch of jugs of wine for nothing and just pass them around. I actually, I love that you brought this up because I was thinking in my head the other day because I still love red wine.

I like dry reds especially. I went to a vineyard up when I went upstate to retrieve Lexi this past weekend and loved it. And I want, I'm like very curious to go pick up some Carlo Rossi, Merlot. I believe it was pretty much usually the Merlot, Carlo Rossi. Oh, yeah. And try it because I'm so curious at the disparity between, you know, back then and now in terms of what I like and have taste. And I wonder if it's at all drinkable. Probably not.

I don't think it is. I would drink all night. I would drink all night. I've drank Franzy of wine recently and it's fine. Yeah. Yeah. I think I can handle it for a certain amount of time. If it's not too sweet, I'm kind of good on anything, to be honest with you.

But like, yeah, Natty, light every weekend. Yeah. Carla Rossi. That's Keystone boy. Holy shit, man. Or the beast to get Milwaukee's best up and yawn. Yeah. I thought that was a different.

person that came into the room and said that yeah that was a crazy ass yeah was that from a commercial or is that just something my friend did because hey er just everyone we'll go the beast and he go yeah i don't know i've never heard that i don't remember that good on you they were able to afford commercials on television that's the first question we have to answer god just but speaking of jazz holden how do you feel about the fact that jeff Goldblum is coming out with a jazz piano album. I've just been informed of this by you five seconds before the stream. I think that that is could not be a more perfect match for his sort of just basic demeanor and styling. Like it's it's fantastic. Have you seen the recent photo of him with a fan where

the fan is on a like a leather leash, uh, sitting on their knees and it's Jeff Goldblum like just casually holding it and smiling to the camera. Oh yeah. Because that was also fantastic. I love everything about Jeff Goldblum. I think that that's one of those internet things that I'm fully on board with. He is just a delightful human being. I went down a hard worm time of Jeff Goldblum. It's difficult to find things

that are out against him because he is so openly sexual and smooth, but not in a creepy way at all. And he's been playing jazz piano for decades. I think it matches so well and I'm also really... You should get excited because who knows

he might be playing live in L.A. I would He is. And that's what I'm going to try and figure out when you are in town next week because I believe it's every Thursdays. He's got this gig in Los Feliz and I want to go see him play. Yeah, I would love to go. I think we'll be doing hidden fences that night, but maybe like after the show or something. Let's do it.

That would be amazing. I say we do it. Yeah. I mean, it just fits his basic kind of style and demeanor so perfectly, like that he would be a jazz pianist. And he's got those hands. He's got those good pianists. Those wide girth hands.

Oh, yeah, man. Oh, I love it. If I wasn't completely toned deaf, yeah, it'd be a hell of it. Oh, yeah. You got good hands for it. You got real good hands. Yeah, big. My hands are too tiny.

I'll never have a pianist hand, but that's all right. Maybe give me, you know, slap a trombone in my mouth. Let's see how it goes. I wouldn't be good at it. I don't care about making music. I just like to listen to it. Yeah. That amazing Cardi B album, you've got,

There's so much good music. People were really happy we talked about Cupcake, by the way, in the last... Because Cupcake is amazing, but also, if you want some J-off material for anyone that is into this in the new Be Careful album, Cardi B's album, that, like, strapping cowboy man that she marries in the video. Yes. And then, like, the whole video is, like, the whole song is her basically saying, like, don't fuck with me, don't hurt me, or I got, I've got a lot of, like... I'm not the guy to girl that's going to go out and suck some dicks.

just be good to me or else and then the end of the video is him in a casket like calming down and her outfits in this fucking video I mean in every video but watch the be careful video because she is sexy as fuck at a funeral

oh my God it's very good very strong outing from her it makes me upset because I feel like I can't wear wide-brimmed hats and that's something that upsets me really

Like you can't go to the horse races? I can't. You know I can't. Can you imagine me in a big fancy hat? I think you could totally pull off a big floppy hat. I don't think anyone can pull off big. I don't like big hats. Really?

I hate big old floppers? Well, I think it may just have to do that. I had like an ex-girlfriend that wore big floppy hats all the time. Of course. Yeah, it's just like, nah, I just can't do big floppy hats. I think it's fun literally for the occasion of going to see some polo or horse races. Yeah. Or if you're the queen of England.

The queen of England can do it. Exactly. exactly I think you could pull it off I think you do great I think it just needs to be like bigger than all the other gals you know what I mean the biggest flopiest big flopper that you could you could possibly find and it just outshine everybody you know what I mean you're right for sure you know what I've noticed that you've gotten so much more like summary so much with your style you're so much brighter like you've definitely embraced the kind of the LA look instead of just this just you You were like a crow woman when you were here.

I was. Everyone was scared to get close to me, but that's why. Well, that hasn't changed, but, you know, other things have changed. I want to know what love is. And Fleur has my back. I want you to show me. And by you, I mean Fleur, because real love scares the garbage out of me. But I got all the love for myself and the way I smell.

As a sweaty little minks, it takes a lot more than shower and twice a day to keep this little flower smiling and sucking up that sweet, sweet sun food. I don't want to be sprayed at like a wasp, thirsting for stings like they do in the department store. I dig Fleur. You can choose Fleur's sense based on pictures, words, and music on their site. If you bangorang on them, you'll totally love the scent. Fleur gets slapped at you in eco-conscious packaging, too,

so you can make future Wally's life that much easier. Y'all know that gush smells different on your own skin. Test it at home, wear it all day because it lasts all day, and see how you feel. sense smell too plasticy and who actually wants to smell like a gardenia? These are real scents for real people. Their scents are gender-free also, which as someone that usually wears men's deodorant because I like to pretend that I have a tall, dark, and handsome daddy to come home to, I prefer. And Flour is a transparent fragrance company. They tell you every

ingredient, no secrets, no horse honky in it, and you bet your bottom dollar that it won't leave you for someone young and boring. Do you mind? I've been obsessed with the Hepcat scent, though. It definitely makes me feel leather sexy without the morning shame. And again, it really lasts all day. I'm out hip-hopping all day, every day, and I carry it with me like my favorite flask. Try on Flur. They make sustainably crafted award-winning perfumes. I dare you to try it because you will love it. Go to Fleur.com today and use promo code page 7 to get 20% off your custom Fleur sample set. Pick three cents to try and get credit towards a full-size bottle of your favorite. That's promo code page 7 at Fleur.com.

Try three flur fragrances of your choice at 20% off. P-H-L-U-R.com. One thing that has changed about me, have you guys watched the trailer for the Happy Times murders? Yeah. What is this? The new Melissa McCarthy puppet movie, where she's a detective, and they're going after, it's essentially R-rated puppets.

Yeah. Have we talked about this on page seven yet? I don't think we have because it was more of a development. I think you mentioned it like we were going to maybe talk about it last week. You sort of mentioned not liking it, I think maybe on a jacconese or something like that. People have been saying, people have been asking me what my opinion is on it as well. Because I guess we did an episode on like The Muppets and stuff. And also, by the way, side note, I think aren't, isn't Jim Hinson's company suing them right now?

Yes, that's what I was about to bring up. Okay, cool. Like, yeah, in the actual trailer, which see, well, I'll get to it. So in the actual trailer, the film's tagline is No Sesame All Street, which, fuck all, y'all. You knew exactly what was going to happen. They wanted this publicity. They wanted them to go after it because it's like, oh, it's such a badass movie. Go watch Meet the Feebles and give me a call.

Meet the Feebles still disgust me when I watch it. It's a Peter Jackson movie that is, it's about, it's like basically behind the scenes of essentially the Muppets. But they don't go after it. Like, it's not being cheesy of like. Like, it's just, you know, it's like, oh, it's close to the puppets. No, it's the behind the scenes of just, like, being, being someone that is happy and great and, like, variety show all the time and what happens behind the scenes. Yeah, and it's not like, oh my God, look at how wacky we're making all these puppets at. Isn't it so weird that these puppets are acting weird?

And there's also Avenue Q, too, which is just, you know, so it's not, you're not doing anything original or new with this concept. And not to mention wonder shows. Mm-hmm. I mean, I've had a million, like, dirty puppet ideas, I feel like in the past, and then just been like, Wonder Shosen, Avenue Q, meet the feeble. Like, I don't know. It's just derivative. So why don't we try to come up with something else? You know what I mean?

I can see that. I haven't seen the trailer, so I couldn't necessarily say. But it also, it upsets me because it's like, I love dirty humor, obviously. But it's just like, oh, no, the puppet comes silly string. Yeah. Look at how wacky it is. I think it's interesting Melissa McCarthy is involved. That's kind of interesting to me.

But I haven't seen really any of her. She's come out with just banging out these comedy movies. I don't think I've seen any of those. Have you watched any of those movies, Jackie? I have seen a few of them just because I so often am sent on so many auditions that are just like, Melissa McCarthy type because they want someone that does body humor. But the problem is that I find Melissa McCarthy so funny. I think that she is a funny person.

She seems to be an amazing human being as well that all this shit's too easy for her. It's like be something, you can do something smarter than this. Right. I know you can. It's like come out with a punch drunk love. Do something that just like kind of flips the switch and she's got that other movie coming out

where she's like the writer and it's going to be more of a more serious role for her. But still I feel like it's not, I think that she should come out with like an intense drama. And I'm worried that that's not going to happen with her Because also she doesn't need to She can keep making these movies She makes all the money and you know what? Go for her I get it

If I was in that same place I would do the same damn thing But I just think that she's better than this Yeah challenge yourself get out there Make your Black Swan Make your Dingo goes to San Francisco You know Make your cold cold cold heart breast

You know make those movies Pump them out Pump them out And then get on that stage and accept your reward and thank all the fucking nasty, filthy, evil people of Hollywood that behind the scenes do horrible things to horrible people. You know what I mean?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Keep that Hollywood train rolling, people. I think you're making a shamockery out of what I was saying. However. Oh, shamockery. I hear the shamockery complaint, and I do second it. Thank you.

I was being a bit of a goose fun. and I will retract my statements right now. I'm literally walking backwards. I'm glad you acknowledge the goose footery about because that is what you were doing, Mon Frere, as they say in old Paris. I know what happens in Europe. When all these bastards come back,

I know about Europe. Oh, yeah. I'll call them bastards for the rest of my life for going to a person's wedding in Italy. I hate them. I hate them with all of my heart. I'm sweating here in New York. I can't even, even my black shirts, the sweat shines through.

And they're all out there and their fancy light color clothes. And where are they getting these clothes from? Where do they go? They all got big hats on. That's why I keep thinking about the big hats. I was like, well, of course you guys could pull off big hats. You're like sitting on a veranda by the Riviera. Right.

And that's fine. And that's great. Big hats are for time and place, you know. Don't wear a big hat to like the abortion clinic or something like that. That's not going to, you're not going to pull it off. But yeah, you have to be at a horse. race on a veranda, any of that sort of thing. That was it.

It was the other morning. So every morning when Wendy wakes me up really early, I've got my walkies with auntie song that we sing, and it sounds a lot like this. And every day it's got different lyrics to it. And so I sent Henry and Natalie one of the walkies with

auntie songs, and he sent me back a video of him and Natalie and Eddie and his girlfriend, beautiful girlfriend Julie, sitting on a veranda on the Malfi Coast, and they all have got these tiny glasses of wine and they're like, ha ha ha ha ha. Look at that little dog.

And it was like, what have you become? It's only been a week and a half. Take off those jaunty hats. Yeah, you know what I did on Saturday? Me and my girl, we went to Coney Island. We rode to Cyclone twice and we went to Spamoni Gardens. We had ourselves nice to see beats. This is a zillion pizza.

I was in Bingham. We had a fucking great New York Day. I was in Binghamton. Binghamton. I don't know how to say it. I don't need to say it. I'll never go back there. It was fine.

There were binghamtons. A lot of barns there. I ate a bunch of meat with my hands. And I found these, someone left these amazing Americana overalls in the studio here. I don't know whose they are. I don't know who had them on

and whose crutch has touched my crutch. And I stole them. So I'm saying this aloud now. Yeah, I got trashed on the boardwalk. It was wonderful. That's great. I love it. Delightful.

Yeah. Happy rule. America number We do America We do America Jackie's stealing pants I'm getting fucking trashed at the beach Holden sweating

Sweating my fucking ass off Two showers a day Sweat rag and I'm literally You see it right here at the sweat ragging I'm trying to not comment on it That's fine also I had a lot of screaming about Millie Bobby Brown's Instagram which I claimed

to have stopped following her but I did not stop following her because she posted this picture of her sexy kissing on her 15 year old boyfriend and they're on a pier and somebody took that picture and the caption is just like moonlight with him and then he posted the pictures on moonlight with her and i was so upset i was like who is watching these lips who is taking this picture i know that she's 14 but at the same time no what grade is do those things what grade is 14 Ninth grade.

Ninth grade. In ninth grade, Jackie, you weren't having sex with any sort of future gay men at that point? I was pining for it, but also I wasn't posting about it. I wrote about it in my live journal.

You would have been posting about it, though, would you not? I mean, this is the future age right now. I'm so, again, I will say this every time this comes up, I am so happy that YouTube and Instagram and Facebook and none of these things existed when I was in middle and high school.

I would have made a mockery. I just cringe at the idea of the like sort of gestures I would have made towards girls that I had crushes on publicly for everyone to see at all times, you know? Yeah. I mean, I do understand, but I do like, it was a big story because Ariana Grande replied to it. Yes, I saw that. I wasn't even allowed to leave my house until I was 20, which I like, even though she's a child herself and also, you know, well, she's not.

She's now seeing what, S&L guy or whatever. Oh, yeah. Pete, they. That was his name. Pete Town. Yeah, Pete Davidson. Pete Townsend. Pete Townsend.

Yes, Pete Townsend, right? I was so excited. Just heard old-ass Pete Townson, just fucking getting a hammer. And the cats on the cradle and the silver spoon. A little boy blew in the man on the moon. That is not what that song is about, but, you know, same difference. I was Tarris Shapp. Yeah, that's like Pete Towson.

Yeah, Pete Townsend was in the who. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, we. Who's got the list? Got it. Got Marcus at the list.

I said, Oh, who's got the list? Wow, you're doing good, Holden. Thank you. I've been practicing. Thank you. It's celebrities who have a ton of kids. Oh, my God.

You have to love them, but nobody hates them. Well, everybody hates them. I think that's the thing. Yeah, but please, Marcus. I mean, a lot of them are, like, adopting a lot. Like Madonna, six children, five of them adopted. Ah, yes. Who did she have?

a real child with? Carlos Leon. Ooh, but they don't sort of man. Speaking of a Jay and off to women and music videos back in the day, heard that Bullfighter video. Really? Yeah, she had the breasts out in that one. You know, I was never a Madonna guy.

I was never, except for this one video. Yeah. I would just go, but manners. I just looked at the pictures. You're right, Holden. Yes, she's very sexy in that. I think that is by far the sexiest she's ever looked in a music video. Agree or disagree, Jacqueline.

No, no, no, I'm into it. I understand. I think it's great. You know what? I applaud you and your sexuality. Thank you. You're very welcome. I'm very open with it, sex forward.

And if anybody would like to dress in a full leather bag and stand in the corner of the room, staring at the corner of the room during my relations, hit me up at Blair Witch, L-O-V-3R at AOL.com. Please make that name Please We have to do something with that name What's like a movie with that as the title, please I just shot myself with the phone Because I'd have to figure out

How to like open an AOL account Which is something that I don't even know Would be like I guess it's easy To do but my lord Doesn't Eddie still have a Yahoo account? I feel like you can open up one of Yahoo. I have a Yahoo and a Gmail account And I keep them separate for separate

Different types of emails So I can like compartmentalize Yeah, but anytime, I actually get offended when I see a hot mail account. Yeah. I get mad. Yeah, I don't know what it is. I'm just like, how the fuck, have you not changed this at this point? Who knows?

I haven't changed my Gmail password since I remember our friend, Kellan Maloney, made up the password for me when I first moved to New York, and it's not a good password. I don't have that password for anything else in my life, but I always remember it because it's a disparaging comment against me. I will say that. I think it just speaks more towards, of course, the mental issues that we need to work out with you. Do I have a problem?

Am I okay? I don't think I'm okay anymore. If I watch other people one more time, I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do. I love Jesse Pletman's. But also being sad makes me hornier, and that is something I truly really put a nail in that coffin

this week is that being sad really makes me horny. McJagger, nine children, all biological. Wow, he's got some moves. Like, oh, God, gross, grosso, grosso, so-so. I don't like it. Eight children with how many wives? One. Oh, really?

What? A three. A three. A four. A five. His last kid was, he was 73, and the girl's 29. Yes, I know. How many stinky dinky.

that man has. Oh, God. Can you imagine what kind of stinky dinky Mick Jagger has? I can't and I can't. You know?

I mean, I know Angelina Jolie is on this list because she's also very upset because apparently she's in a horrible custody battle with Brad Pitt and he won't let her travel with the children

while they are amidst this custody battle. Oh. Interesting. Interesting. I'll continue. Eddie Murphy has nine kids. How many wives? A one.

Two, three. for five, including one former spice girl. Wow. Melanie Brown. Imagine. Oh, wait, no, that's scary spice, right? Yeah. Oh, wow.

I think so. Imagine that a money that he, imagine just how much money gets taken out of his monthly money for all of these humans. Yeah. It's, it's dizzying. Like, that is the part for me why I wouldn't go crazy like these people go. Because I just think about the money involved. in these sort of mistake.

I'm going to call them mistakes that happen. No, they're not all mistakes, but I think a lot of them are cash grabs. And you know what? Good on you. If I was able to have a cash grab baby, I would do it in a heartbeat.

Yeah. Right? Ooh, who would you cash crab baby with? Well, I mean, it just depends on the week. Bill Pullman, for sure. If Bill Paxson was still alive, for sure. I think maybe I've just got a bill thing. I'm definitely into it this week,

but not like a, schoolhouse rock kind of bill thing. And, you know, that's a paper with legs. I would cash crapp baby with Marissa Tomey. Ooh, she seems nice. Right? Real hot right now. Exactly.

He's in the forefront. Yes. She's always in the forefront. Her in that movie with Philip Seymour Hoffman, rest in peace. She is so smoking hot in that movie. I think my head is only thinking about just like things that I have like thought to masturbate to from common media in the past because that's just in the theme of today.

But yeah. When the devil knows you're dead. Before the devil knows you're dead. Yep. That shockingly like crazy hot, full nudity anyways. Let's go.

I'm not Mr. Skin over here. Let's keep going. No, it's fine. You have to watch, you have to watch Untamed Heart,

which I bring up at least probably once a month, the Christian Slater. Monkey Heart movie, but Holden, you've got to watch it. She is fantastic. I'll watch that, please.

Mel Gibson has nine kids. Of course. From three women. Of course. Yeah. And the first one, He had one, two, three, four, five, six, seven kids with the first wife. Oh.

And then one each with Oksana and Rosalind. I just don't get it. But I guess these people are rich enough to not actually have to deal with the responsibility of taking care of the children. So they'll just pump, pump, pump, pump them out. Also, he's deeply religious. Yeah. So that's, yeah. Clean Eastwood has seven.

Daring. Four different women. Jeez. That's exhausting to me. Five different women. That is exhausting to me. I couldn't fathom just dealing with that many women in a relate, like... The first one was in 1964 and the last one was in 96.

Wow. What? Are you kidding me? No. No, Clint Eastwood all the way through. And they're all biological, too. Man, how does his tickers still hold up? You know, like, that's a hard... I mean, you gotta get some, like, black widow pills in there.

What are the bodega pills? Uh, horny goat weed. Horny goat weed. You gotta get, or Samurai X. Oh. Every time I'd go to the bodega, my old bodega guy back when I lived with Ben, he'd always, I'd always be buying like a 40 or something. He'd be like, you want, uh, seven I X?

I'm like, I'm good, buddy. Why have you tried it? No, but he would just, as a joke. Did you ever, like, make a comment on it, or did he just think like this is a man who looks like he needs? We're just too, you know, Ben and I, just were wild and crazy guys. So he'd always just be like, yeah, it was kind of fun.

Steven Spielberg, he has six. Oh, God, is that, is that it? Is that how you saying it now? One woman, right? One in 1985 with, her name was Amy Irving. He has been with Kate Kapshaw since 88, or since 86, I think, because they met on Indiana Jones.

Gotcha. He divorced the first one, married Kate Kapshaw. Gotcha. You know, Marlon Brando had 15 kids. Wow. Whoa, and he died so young. I believe, I believe it. And one of them is actually her name, one of, a rumored one, is Courtney Love's mother. Whoa.

So it's possible that Courtney Love is Marlon Brando's granddaughter. I believe it. I don't, you know what, I don't know if she's hot enough. Is that a controversial stance? She's crazy enough. She's crazy enough because Marlon Brando was, was, you know, not all there. but man, those pouty pictures of him, we were looking at it on Jackanese last week.

When he's all pouty, mm, oh, God, I don't want to bite into him like he's a peach. Everybody needs to watch the documentary about the making of Island of Dr. Moreau. I need to watch this. It is the funniest, greatest story ever told about the making of a movie. It is so phenomenal.

I forget the name of it has a certain name. I can't remember what it is. I mean, if you guys want to figure it out, but it is absolutely brilliant. It is, and he is insane. He literally... Lost soul. Yeah, I think at one point

He's like riding with one of the with the director in the car and he's like So I want to rewrite the entire movie and I want to make it about like dolphin men Like honestly and and that little person that is in the movie Yeah, he just showed up with that guy Like serious yes He just showed up with him No And he was just like he's in he's in the movie

Wait where did you watch this documentary? I'm not even sure maybe Amazon rental, maybe Amazon rental, something like that. He just showed up with it. Oh, I'm gonna watch the hell out of this. Have you told me about this already? I don't, I maybe I've championed it before. I love this film. Watch the living life out of it.

It is just so insane. And I don't even think I've seen the actual movie yet. I saw when I was a kid. I need to see it. It is such a shit show. Oh, man. Do you know, Bob Dylan has six kids. I believe it.

Yeah. With multiple wives. Only with two, actually. Okay. Wow. Interesting. I think he's only been married. Not that there's anything wrong with anyone having multiple kids with many different people,

but I just feel like sometimes, like, if you're just spreading your seed out there, you know, it's a cash grab. Cash grab, baby. Kevin Costner has seven kids. Ah, yes. Man, they must be all so boring. Ah, yes, indeed. Charlie Chapton, 11 children for women. Yeah.

And he was the whole situation, though, you know. Willie Nelson's seven kids. Man, his kids are hot ease. Really? Lucas, Lucas Nelson? God, I just want to, oh, I'll roll him up and smoke him. Not when he's dead, though. I'm not going to do it when he's alive.

Juicy, juicy Lucas. Let me. Juicy Luke. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I bet there's cheese inside of that burger. Doesn't that mean he has some sort of venereal disease? Yeah, that sounds like. I don't think it's a good thing, but I'm interested.

All right, except for blind items. Ah, we get see them! I didn't think it was possible that this former A-list tween actress could go any older in the men that she dates, but the barely in her 30s former actress

went from a guy in his 60s to one in his late 70s. What? Whoa. Former A-list? Former, well, I guess A-List name recognition, but she hasn't acted in anything in probably over a decade.

not longer. We go in Lilo? We slapping a Lilo on it? Not slapping a Lilo on this one, no, but similar. Alicia Silverstone. No, no, no. At least Silverstone. She's married. She's old. She feeds her child like a bird. Right. Yeah, actually, they're just getting a divorce and I wonder if it has something to do with the fact that she feeds her child like a bird. That's a strange thing to do. So A-list, former, but A-list recognition. Yeah, A-List recognition. You say the name, everyone knows. But former, you said tween, former tween start. But also child-actoring. and actually baby actress as well. Ah, the tanners.

Yeah, Ashley Olson. Ah, got you. Yeah, baby. Well, she looks like a 70-year-old woman, so that makes a lot of sense to me. Seriously, though, the hag, it's just so haggard. It's sad, though. I just feel like it's like,

it's like, have they talk to anyone, like, as an actual friend in a long time? Yeah. You know, that's what it makes me feel like, it's like, so it's Ashley is the one that is in this blind item, correct? Yes. And Mary Kate is the other one because Mary Kate is married to that other older dude

and she was walking around, she's a stepmother of a kid that's probably like 15 or 16 and the kid is taller than she is looks I mean, it looks too old even possibly It's like, you know, it's a May December romance or whatever the hell those are called. I just, it's like, when was the last time they smiled? Yeah.

Yes, they look for it. Well, I mean, you know, those, the whole Heath Ledger thing. I feel like that was pretty brutal. Yeah. Right. You know, but even before that,

even before that. Were you talking about Michelle Williams, though? Wasn't, I thought it was all the Olsons. I think that one of the Olsons was also involved in that, I think, getting him the pills. No?

Oh, getting him the pills. I thought you meant about, like, romantically. It was like, I don't think they've ever been with. No, no. I just mean that they were, one of them was complicit

in the, in his death. Which is got to be a bit of a bugaboo if you're just trying to go to your fashion shows all the time. Also, though, it's the fashion show aesthetic, which always bugged me about a fashion show. It's like how uninterested can you possibly look in everything that's happening? Yeah.

It's like part of it. And it really, you know, annoys me. It seems like the most boring existence. Yes, very much so. Just going to fashion shows, doing what. And I mean, they're just living off of the money they made when they were younger. I mean, do they, they have like clothing lines and shit, right? Oh, no.

They, I mean, they have corporations. They are upset. Yeah, yeah. It was Mary Kate, by the way. It was Mary Kate that. allegedly may have given some of the drugs to Heath Ledger because they were in a mysterious relationship, although technically it was never said or, you know,

identified in any way, shape, or form. But, yeah. So it's like one of those where, I mean, how can you be excited about life when you probably did your hardest work before you could even probably remember doing it? Yeah. You know?

Terrible. Yeah. But they also have makeup lines and fashion lines. I just don't understand the cheek, the cheek-sucking look. As a rich person, if you ever In fashion line or makeup line, I just, and I'm probably wrong about this, but I just feel like you're not really,

you're watching other people do really hard work. Yeah. And just going like, yeah, no. No. Uh-huh. Maybe. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like once a week.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Next up. This permanent A-plus list singer is on two dating apps but uses the picture of one of her assistants. Apparently, a first date is an invitation to the singer home where the surprised men are subjected to a good hour of questions from the singer and

an NDA to sign. Mariah Carey. No. Damn, good guess. That would have been, yeah, that would have been a good one. But, no, not Mariah Carey. A little dirtier and a Mariah Carey. Christina Gallera?

No, no, no, no. No, she's like. But also good guess because she is a little dirtier. Older than that. Older than that. Older than that, a little bit dirtier. Older than Mariah Carey, too. Okay.

Janet Jackson, but she's married. Yeah, she's married, although that don't stop meet people. Madonna, are we slapping to Madonna? Madonna. Really? Wow. Interesting. But also, how do you find somebody?

Yeah. How do you do it? I don't. I mean, yeah, good on you. Go get laid. Because it's not like, it depends on, like, you can't lay somebody that is a high-profile thing unless you want it to be a thing. So how do you date if you're a Madonna? Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Or just how do you fuck? And I guess, I mean, that would be, imagine being on Tinder and matching. But it's not. And then going to a gigantic mansion and finding out that you're going to fuck Madonna that night. I'd get, I think that was amazing. I think it would be a really fun day. Just for the story.

Yeah. Okay. But you got the NDA, so you got to tell anybody. And you got to do the, you got to pass the interview. So these aren't Tinder though, right? This is special dating. It doesn't specify the dating apps, right? It just says two dating apps.

I would imagine Tinder and Bumble. I don't think so, man. There are a subset of crazy dating apps. Really? There's that one I tried to get on that I couldn't get. You have to be like, there's one that you have to be recommended to get on. It's like where Amy Schumer found her husband and things like that. I forget the name of it.

There's one. Dangarang. Dang. That's my new thing, yeah. And that's, I'm trying to not curse as much. Can you tell? What about

There's one like just for like sugar daddies Stuff like that Rayya is what it's called by the way It's called Reya Ah gotcha gotcha Continue I'm sorry Reya and is this for celebs It's not only like a networking between

People of Status So it's like all walks of life It's business and things like that It's more of one that since you have to be referred into the actual app. It's an upper echelon of people that you can go on dates with, but also it provides

an anonymity. How do you say it? Anonymity. Anonymity. Anenemines. You get an anemones on it because it's like Demi Lovado used it. Martha Stewart was on it.

There's a lot of people that have used Raya. I'm nowhere near any of those things. So when I tried to get it, you weren't able to. Yeah, I was just horny. Who did you get? Did you get someone to recommend you? Yeah, I did.

Did you get Henry to recommend you? Who did you get to recommend you? No, it was a stand-up friend of ours that got me into it. Interesting, this is now a blind item. What stand-up friend recommended Jackie? A stand-up friend, Michael Chey. But also, I was not pretty enough or successful enough, so it didn't possibly matter. Oh, please.

Like Rhonda Roosie was on it, Jenny McCarthy is on Rhea. Uh-huh. Hannibal's on Raya. Uh-huh. Totally. Well, lastly, things did not go well when this married permanent A-list mostly movie actor asked this former A-plus list rapper slash wannabe actor whether it was true if the rapper was gay. Apparently, our actor has a huge crush.

The rapper wannabe actor thought it was a setup and almost got physical with the actor. I got lost. Yeah, that's tough. There's a lot of, there's a lot. There's a lot of... There's an actor, an A-list actor. Gay guy, A-list actor, right? Cosseted gay guy, a-list actor, who is known for approaching men.

Hit on other... Hit on rapper trying to be an actor. Yeah, a rapper who's tried to be an actor. He's acted in a few things, a few big things. And the rapper got pissed. And the rapper got pissed. But I have seen many blind items that this rapper is gay as well, or at the very least, no, bisexual. But he thought that this guy was, like, setting him up.

So he's like, please, don't. Don't please, sir. Don't do this. All right, so I'm going to say, oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead, go ahead. Bradley Cooper? No. No, not Bradley Cooper. Nope.

Okay, continue. Timothy! Timothy Shalema! Although apparently dating a woman right now. But anyway, continue. I'm sorry. Well, this guy, they were actually seen dancing on stage together recently at the Cannes Film Festival. John Trah!

And, oh, who was he dancing with? Oh, damn it. Who was Josh dancing with? 50 cents. 50 cents. That's right. Interesting. I was thinking like way younger.

I was thinking like way younger. I was like young thug. Is it like? Nope. John Trae hitting on 50 cent. Yeah. Although I wonder if he was hitting. Did I tell you about the time that I met 50 cent because they had, he's got a line of vodka that he promotes.

And he was at the liquor store down the street from where I used to work. in Brooklyn and he was just at this liquor store which is like a mafia owned liquor store and he was just hanging out there and no one gave a fuck that 50 set was there and especially the fact but I only went in because they were giving out free shots of vodka so I'm gonna come in just see and he was just so sad he looked like a little puppy dog and I didn't really have much to say very weirdly soft-spoken but you know what suck jontra's cock I'll tell you what, right now, I don't think I've ever sat down and just, like, viewed full-on, just, like, two men going at it. But I would totally watch this sex tape from beginning to end.

I would have a big bag of popcorn and just, like, one of those oversized sodas and sit and just watch it through and through. Yeah. I would love to see 50 Cent and John Tra just smoking each other. Yeah. And John Trae dressed as John Gotti in his new film, Gotti. Oh, my God. God. God.

And Goddy goes to Goddy. Oh my Goddy! Oh my Goddy! The huge posters of John Travolta's face are everywhere here. I'm assuming they are the same in New York. I haven't seen any, actually. No, they're not pushing it in New York at all. I haven't seen a single subway as.

Which is bizarre because isn't Gotti in New York? Yeah. I don't know. Maybe there's something a little under the surface here. Yeah, maybe there's actually more to that than meets the I Transformers was an episode that was when the Brewser did an episode. episode on. It's a podcast you can check out.

Good plug, Alden. Good plug. Wait, so yeah, let's hope for that sex tape in the future. Yeah, let's hope for it. Because they were, they looked like they were having a great time on stage together. And 50 Cent did do a couple of tweets afterwards about how much he loved hanging out with John Travolta. There you go. Be sure to go see his new movie Gotti.

That's what 50 Cent said because he said it's great. Okay. If you follow John Travolta on Instagram, all you get it. is constant reminders that Gotti is coming out. Yes. It's ridiculous. I'm almost sad that I follow him on Instagram at this point. It's a little sad at times.

Very much is. I just hope he pushes the movie that he's starring in, directed by Fred Durst as hard as he pushes this one. I want to see that. Dude, I'm going to watch the fuck out of that movie. We're going to have a screening. What's it called? Moose?

Yes. I kind of want it to be amazing. I kind of want to see Fred Durst have this weird renaissance of his career. It would just be the weirdest. It looks pretty good. At least everything is being leaked from it. I mean, I'm definitely, I'm not going in, like, being facetious at all. I really, I hope I enjoy it.

Yeah, it'd be a great, like, part of his story. His story. Sometimes you just want to, like, break stuff, you know? Yeah, just one of those days. Yep. Don't want those days! Don't want to wake up. Everything is fucked.

Everybody sucks. Oh, man. True words. have never been spoken by Fred Durst. Gonna go break something tonight. That's all for page seven today, everybody. Thank you very much for joining us. Hey, and thank you so much guys

for having me on. Of course. Thank you. And also, and Holden, please. Wizard and the Bruiser comes out every Thursday at around noon. It comes out. Check out Wizard of the Bruiser on the last podcast network, but almost more importantly than that, because Jackie is on the show. Come see Jack and he's dating sims pretty much every Friday night at 6 p.m. E.S.T.

In a week from now, it'll probably be on Sunday, or Saturday rather, but we will be doing one together in the same room because I'll be out in L.A. And I'm so excited about that. So check that out on twitch.tv.tv. F.L.L.L.L.L.O. We have a lot of fun. And boy, do we have a few drinks? I will say that. But we're always smiling. And please check me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. Thank you guys so much for listening. And if you would love to, please visit our Patreon page of patreon. pageant com slash page seven podcast because I love you.

I love you. We need you. And I love you. Marcus? I just got a missed call. The caller ID said it's from Gasper Grande. Ooh. Beautiful.

That's a fake name and you should probably be careful. All right, we'll see you guys next week. Thanks so much for listening. Goodbye. Bye. Bye. Crunchy Patreon Suite. That didn't work as well as I expected it to.

Welcome to your Patreon shoutouts. I have had Neil Diamond stuck in my head for about three days now. But you know what? Crunchy Cornola Sweet? Great goddamn sound. I just want to say thank you guys so much for being our Patrions. I love you. I love you. I kiss you. I miss you. And now it's time for our Patreon shoutouts.

We got Intrap Mountain. Monica LeBron. Gabriela Casey. Alicia Liberatore. Ooh, good name. Stephanie Mosier? I'm going to say Mosier. Mosier? Maybe it's Mojure.

Kim Rideout. Oh, I know that story. Hannah McKenna, Bryce Landry, Susie Aurora, Tim Tweed, Rebecca Labor, Crystal Gutierrez, Allison Adams,

Anna Cox, Chelsea Thomas, Helaine Donahue, hell yeah, Cookie Beck, Phoebe, your sister loves you, Rose. Oh, I hope your sister,

does love you unless that this was a lie and that's something you're going to have to deal with in therapy. Alyssa Wiseman. Heather Highsmith. Lacey Hutchman. Frankie Murray. Amber Frangy. Rose Bender.

Maggie Ose. Liz Harding. Victoria Campbell. Vontina Zavala. Jennifer Crello. Leslie Lockett. Avery. and Margarita Garza.

I want to thank you guys so much for giving towards our Patreon. Again, I can't thank y'all enough. I really can't. You guys are making my sad, weird existence become a reality, and I truly can't thank you enough. And if you would like to become a Patreon of page 7, please hit up patreon.com slash page 7 podcast.

That is 7, the number. And you know what? If I meet you in person someday, which I hope to do, I'll try not to kiss you too hard. And if it's too hard, I apologize because I bite. Love you guys.