Page 7 - Episode 260: License to Thrill

Episode Date: June 22, 2018

Marcus and Jackie are joined by Ben Kissel in Los Angeles to talk John Cena's vasectomy reversal, James Van Der Beek's placenta pics, and Jackie's bad girl sticks. Visit http://theblacktux.com/page7 for $20 off your purchase. Thanks to Phlur for sponsoring this episode. Get 20% off your custom sample set with promo code: Page7 at http://phlur.com Smooth Loving, Poppers & Prosecco Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I don't know if it's just because our guest host today, but for some reason I woke up with, Dear John, dear John, by the time you read this line, I'll be gone. You remember that show? I don't know that show. Dear John! I don't remember Dear John at all.

No, well, a theme song. Well, thank you for being here. We got Ben Kissel on the show today. Thank you for having me. Of course. I'm Jackie Zabrowski. I'm Marcus Parks, and we're all in Los Angeles. Angeles together.

Oh my God. I didn't feel big enough in New York. I have to come to the West Coast to feel really massive. What do you mean big? Don't say that. People are in shape here. It's a beach body place. I know.

That's why you've got to start wearing mesh. Yeah. Why do you think I started wearing mesh? I had to fit in. I think it's solely to anger your brother. Yeah. Yeah. You are a full-on influencer on Instagram.

I, well, I mean, I don't know if influencers is the word. But I'm glad that everyone likes wearing mesh. now. Is it trashy? No, Jackie. Nothing you do could possibly be seen as trashy ever, like in any realm. Not by any stretch of the magic. Yeah, well, you say that, you say that to the man that I go and buy my smokerets from because he, uh, did I tell you guys about this? No. Smokeret. My cigarettes. Oh, I see. My bad, my bad girl sticks. I'm going to refer to them only as my bad girl sticks. And I go and get my bad girl sticks. And it's just like, he's an older gentleman, yeah, he's kind of a daddy.

A little bit of a daddy. And a couple of weeks ago, he asked me, he's like, he's like, you come, come to the back room. And I was just like, uh-oh. Uh-oh. Oh, no, don't do that, Jack. This is after also about a month of every time he saw me, he would hug me,

which is a lot for someone that, you know. Yeah, this is the man who's just selling you cigarettes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm not talking. It seems like a strange relationship in a little bit, but that's fun. I guess because also there's no one ever in there. I'm the only one, I feel like I'm the only one that actually shops there. So it's a front. Well, it's a front for...

Is this just a homeless person that you're approaching and demanding cigarettes from? Is he Armenian? Yes. Is there a store involved? You're the only customer. There's no inventory. He's Armenian in Los Angeles. There's just one

pack of cigarettes that you only buy. And I'm not saying that all Armenians are gangsters or anything like that. No, absolutely not. You know, we can say here in Los Angeles. That's a possibility. Right? Great people that wonderful people, great culture. Yeah.

Great culture. Well, I mean, it is a front, but for not what you would think. Oh. He's got a sex toy business in the back of the store. Cigarettes and sex toys. Yeah. That's a perfect store here in America. Right, and I didn't know.

But at the same time, there's no markings for it. I don't understand why there's nothing about it. It's also not that taboo. Like, I feel like you could present those. Like, it's not the biggest deal anymore. And I don't even know if it really ever was. I think you have to have a license of some kind. Yeah, probably.

License to thrill. I'm on fire. I will be here all week. Literally, leave it on Saturday back to New York. That was really, really good. Thank you. But I don't understand because in the front, he's selling bongs in the front of the shop.

So the bongs are fine, but the sex toys, that's where he has the, maybe it's just a personal thing for him. Maybe he's ashamed. He kept looking in my eyes and being like, you come, you come. You come here for pleasure. And I was like, ooh. Cigarettes, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, that's where my pleasure mostly resides. And so it was very, it was an interesting interaction. I felt like, I felt alive. Right. And I still, I keep going there. And so today when I went in there with my mesh on, he just like blatantly just stares at my breasts. Just openly stares at my breasts.

Which, you know what? I'm fine. They're out there. All right. All right. You know, that's how it goes. I'm completely fine with it. You do you, Jackie.

I am worried that he's going to kidnap. Well, you gotta be careful with that. I say one foot out the door at all times. Be careful with going to the back room. Maybe just go to 7-Eleven. There's so many places that I know for a fax sell cigarettes that you could go to. I know, but it's the only place in between my house and the studio. Okay.

So it's on my walk. It's on my daily walk. You do give me anxiety. Your life gives me anxiety. I'm just constantly worried about you. But I think it'll be fun. It's one of those things, too. You know when you realize, like, no one ever knows where I am or what

I'm doing. And it's kind of terrifying. I don't into story that much. But you Instagram. I Instagram a lot. But I mean, I could be anywhere doing anything and no one

would ever absolutely know. I guess that is sort of the one of the differences between L.A. and New York. Because in New York, you have a pretty good idea of what neighborhood someone is in at all times. Yes. Yeah. Here, it could be anywhere. It could be anywhere.

And you could be murdered. Yeah. At any time. Yeah. Especially that's, I mean, or it could be in your own home because I just started watching the staircase. Yeah, I haven't seen that one yet. Evidently it came out two years ago?

Many years ago. Yeah, they just added more. They apparently added more episodes to it. I cannot. It's 12 episodes. I just have such a hard time diving into 12 episodes. It's so much time. It is a lot of time. And isn't it just a, it's a push story, isn't it? Yeah. Did he push

his wife theoretically? Or is it? Dun, dun, done. But I'm just like, how is that 12? The only thing that bothers me is, how is that 12 episodes? Because they, they go, start going into his life and more things like unfold and then it goes into the like the defense. The guy like never saw an escalator that he liked. I mean, how much are stairs involved here? They start going to like the secrets that he's held. Like I don't want to give any spoilers, but like this guy's, because the guy's got, he's got secrets. Compelling enough for 12 hour long episodes. They're pretty compelling.

This is Ken Burns style length here, but we're not talking with the Civil War. My understanding is it's about a staircase. Yeah. Well, it's about the man and it's about relationships and it's about the secrets that we keep. from each other or do we. It's a lot of or dowees. Oh, is it? Like, there's a lot. It's ancient aliens for staircase. Yeah, but at the same time, it's like,

she didn't fall down the stairs. I completely understand what I agree with you. Or didn't you? See, that's the question. That honestly, you know what? I'm not gonna see it. There is no more boring title than the staircase. I hate the title.

I hate the title. I hate titles that's just the, and the noun. Especially the most mundane thing. You don't think about staircases. I don't want everyone to think about it. Just call it push. Yeah, but they already have push.

That's good. It's that show with, what's his name? They should, they should. They should call it death becomes her because that's that movie. Yeah. I'm just going to watch death becomes her again. Oh, wait.

Didn't we talk about push on here? It's the mentalist guy from England that, I think I talked about it somewhere. Thank you. I think we did talk about it. about it a little bit. Yeah. I think when before Molly had the baby. And by the way Molly's coming back next week. Thank God.

God. I mean, I love you, Kissela, and I love Henry, and I love Holden. Oh my what? I mean, I take that back. Molly's baby is adorable. And I'm so happy it's doing good. I know, and she's gotten so big. And she's going to be in the studio with us next week too. Really? Yeah, because, well, you know, baby.

You're going to do baby talk. You got to hold another podcast. We need another spin-off. Baby talk. I can't do baby talk. Yeah. No, the baby has to talk. Oh, the baby talks. Yeah, baby talks. So we just put a microphone next to the baby.

See what happens. I think I imagine she will, she'll, she's going to gurgle and make her baby sounds. Yeah, gurgle, co. Yeah. They're all like little pigeons until they're three. Because they've somehow ruined the majestic nature of a baby. I don't know if babies are considered majestic. Have you ever changed a diaper?

They're not an eagle. Oh, my God. Yes, I have changed a baby. We did foster care. I changed, I started changing diapers at 12 years old. And I understand that that is not a fun experience. No. But you just kind of close your eyes.

You just do it real fast. You learn how to wrap really quick. Yeah. Just real fast. Do you think that having such large hands was a hindrance or a help? I actually have no idea how big my hands were when I was 12. So probably, I would assume it was probably help. Yeah.

Big hands tend to. Is there ever a situation where a big hand doesn't help? Like certain precision type. things. Yeah, hereditary, the clay stuff. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, spoilers. Come on. We're not doing spoilers.

It's just a per- It's not, that's not a spoiler. Okay. Yeah, yeah. I'm very scared of spoilers from hereditary because I don't want to see it very badly. That was this week's side stories. If you haven't heard it yet, if you haven't seen hereditary

and you don't want spoilers, don't listen to that one. Okay. You got it. Okay. You ever bite your fingers, though, when you eat? I bite my cheek a lot, but that's just because my teeth are kind of fucked up. Half of my diet is my fingernails. I gnaw on that.

I'm on a regular basis. Oh, okay, gotcha, gotcha. I bit a fork the other day, and I haven't done that in a really long time. It's the worst. I hate biting. Yeah, that's the worst. I know what you're talking about.

It sucks. Yeah, when you just, like, are drunk and you just put a hot dog in the microwave and you jam it with the fork, and then the whole thing falls apart. All right. We need to get to celebrity news. Okay.

We're now talking about, like, don't you hate it? The show is not called don't you hate that. Well, but Marcus, we're going for hot dogs on Friday. We are. I cannot wait. Can't wait for it. So, Jackie, what do you want to talk about first?

Do you want to talk about the sister-wife wedding? No, we don't have to do that first. Okay, so do you want to talk about John Sina pledging to reverse his vasectomy to have a baby with Nikki Bella? Get out of here. This is for Kessel, yeah. Really? Yeah. I didn't even realize he had a mastectomy.

That's when you remove your breath. He has a vasectomy. Vesectomy. That means no baby zone. Actually, no, it's a mastectomy. mastectomy. Whatever it is, you cannot chisel those things off of his body. Are you kidding me? That is crazy. That man is a stone. He is marble. He is really a perfect person. It's so weird, because this all came in the mid-season finale of Total Bellas. And he said, I want to marry you. In relationships and marriage, especially, is about sacrifice. And I will make that sacrifice for you. I will give you a child. My girlfriend, Brooke, constantly refers to him as the giant toddler. That does make it seem a little bit weird.

Uh-huh. I just find, apparently, their whole breakup was manufactured because they broke up just a couple of weeks before their wedding, called off the wedding, did the whole thing. Now they are, they are reconciling. Reconciling? Reconciling. He proposed to her, I think, in the ring.

He did. So none of it's real, right? None of this reality show, like, they're not actually going to get married. No, I bet they will. I bet they will. It seems like it really taints a relationship. But I think that it is. all completely manufactured.

I don't think that they actually love each other or anything. I think it's more of a business deal, which honestly, I'm completely fine with. I think business relationships are completely... It's like Kim and Kanye. It's fine. People can do whatever they want to with their heart.

Yeah. They want to be willy-nilly with their heart. They can do it. Well, I think Kim and Kanye really love each other, I have to say. Yeah, they seem to. I mean, Kanye has gone, he's got a little bit nutty sometimes, and Kim has steered up for him and you stand by your man. So she is doing that.

Yeah, I mean, he's really throwing around the whole, like, mental illness thing lately and just been like, I don't know, I'm so mentally ill. I'm like, okay, we get it, Kanye. How mentally ill are you? I understand what's going on here. Buy my new album and I'll tell you how mentally ill I am. Well, that's why, and also Bay and Jay just dropped a new album. Oh, they did?

Yeah, I think it's called like Power of Love or something. I was upset at first because everything goes on title. And I got, I was just like, I will, I'm never going to do it. Yeah. I don't want to download title. I don't want it. I don't want it. It's their Spotify.

It's into, like they decided they didn't want to be a, on Spotify, so they started their own thing called title, and nobody listens to it. Oh, it's one of those. Yes. I see. Yeah, it's very upsetting. However, they are, you can listen to the album on Spotify, it's under the Carter's, and you can listen to the

new album, so I did that, and it's a lot of fun. I don't know if it's, and it's not really my kind of jam, but I dig it. I definitely listen to it. I sat by the pool and I listened to it. I love that idea. LA Life, baby. I like sitting by pools, you know? Do you? I don't know. You always keep

the blazer on. I know. I'm so uncomfortable at the beach, but once I get a couple of rosés in me, you should have seen me in Italy. I mean, I will do a deep dive in that ocean, but pools aren't quite as fun. No, I don't like pools. Really? Give me a good lake. That's what I need.

Oh, lakes are the best, because it's moving water. It's flowing. It's clean. Or though maybe it's not clean. No, most lakes are actually pretty filthy. Pretty gross. You know what? I don't mind. Give me a filthy lake with a bunch of cat tails, maybe a couple water moccasins. No. I'm fucking in it, man.

What's a water moccas? It's a water snake. I never heard that term. Okay, well, it's scary. Yeah, it's a poisonous water snake. I used to have nightmares about craw dads. Oh, yeah. Oh, you ever go crawdad fishing?

No, but I did, I have a vivid memory of these bullies tearing the claws off of crawdads at Iverson Park. And I must have been like nine years old or 10 years old. And they were probably 13 or 14. They were basically the evil kid from Toy Story. Yeah, yeah. But instead of toys. By the way, that kid is kind of fun if toys, they don't talk.

Yeah. But in that movie, you have a lot of sympathy for the toys? But in reality, he was quite a creative. He was just pulling them all apart. Yeah, they were just toys. There weren't crawdads. There weren't living creatures. But that image really, it haunts me forever.

And they were so mean. And I told them, stop. And then they said a bunch of mean things to me. I'm sorry. I don't know why you're pulling off the crawdad claws. That's terrible. No, the crawdad fishing is real fun because you find the crawdad holes. And you get a piece of bacon.

And you get a piece of bacon, like a ball of bacon. And you put it down to the hole. Do they have like a little? Like you're just holding it with your finger, and then you wait until you get a tug, and then you yank it out. And then the crawdad's, it's got its little pincher on it, and you yank it out. And it's like, oh, I caught a crowdab. That's cute. And they got their glasses backwards on their head, and they have, like, white spiky hair.

The spiky-e-ha-yeah, yeah, yeah, crompeietti. Love it. Craffi-Etti-Ey-E-Refi-E-Legi is it in the water, though? Like, they live, oh. It'll be, like, kind of like, on the edge of the water, like, kind of on the beach. They are, like, they're near the water. Yeah, they're like, the last. Like when you're getting out of a river, they punch, they pinch you.

And they does hurt. Yeah. I mean, then I would rip their claws off, probably. But then I'd also cook them and eat them. They put them on pizza. There was crawded pizza. I don't know. I didn't have it.

I think it's disgusting. I don't like, I don't like crustaceans. I love crab and I love me. Yeah, and lobster? We had lobster tacos yesterday. That was good. And we had a shrimp. We had buffalo shrimp.

Is it, do you guys usually talk this much about food or is it because I'm just like oozing tequila and everything and not just. that we get yesterday. I think I'm just hungry. Okay. All right. Well, we can move on. And, you know, it's been a while since we've had some actual current John Traw news.

Right. Gotti not doing good. No. However, is it not doing good? Yeah, because it looks like it on Rotten Tomatoes. It got a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes from the critics. But the audience score is 77%. So what's Rotten Tomatoes doing?

Aren't they supposed to be an aggregate site of the audience? They are. So I don't get exactly how they're doing this because I know like the reviews, the actual reviews that I read, I mean just fucking trash it. Of course. They just talk about how extremely awful it is. Take down rotten tomatoes.

I am against the site. I mean, of course I look at it and I always look at it. Because it's the first thing that comes up. I want to see the, what is it, a thermometer? Certified Fresh is their big thing? I'm like, I don't care. It's not even about food No I hate it

No I'm with you We put way too much stock in them Who are these people? They're manufacturers They're the J and Bay of the movie industry And I'm sick of it I'm writing letters I'm doing anything that I can

To who? Do a writing The president Honestly he might take this issue up I think he might I think this might be the new thing And you know what Maybe he'll hear me out

Because of nothing but trouble Can't change Yeah, in fact, get worse from us telling people about it. We've done a massive disservice to that film. How dare you? If there was a president of movies, I bet it'd be Tom Hanks. I'm going to write Tom Hanks a letter. I'm on to sit right down and write myself a letter.

For some reason, I think you would read it. I just feel like you would. I think you would too. Today's page 7 is brought to you by The Black Tucks. Wedding season is upon us. You're going to be doing it big and going out to all of your buddy's wedding. I know I've got a bunch of events coming up this summer When you're bringing a date and seeing all your friends from out of town

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Black Tux. To get 20 bucks off your purchase, visit the blacktucks.com slash page seven. That's the blacktucks.com slash page seven for $20 off your purchase. The Black Tucks premium rental suits and tuxitos delivered. Yeah, but isn't this, isn't this the third John Travolta movie that has zero? It is the third one. That's a lot. Yeah, it's a that one staying alive and I can't remember where the third. I'll look it up. But then that's why I wonder, is it actual, it's like, is that part of his publicity teams doing? Maybe. I want to watch all of the John Traz zeros. I mean, they can't be that bad. And if they're that bad, they also gotta be good. But I am excited about the Fred Durst movie that John Travolta is playing his stalker in. No.

He actually looks pretty good. Fred Durst is the director. The director. Yeah, but, yeah, it's called Moose. And John Travolta plays a stalker that's stalking. A moose? I'll have to. He's moose. He's the moose. The name of the man is the moose? Yeah.

It's based on a real story, though, that happened to Fred Durst. There was a tight end for the Dallas Cowboys nickname the Moose. You're talking about his ass? He's talking about Daniel John or Daniel. What is it? No, not Daniel Johnston. No, that's a totally different person. It's something Johnston.

The Moose. Daryl Johnston, wasn't it? How tight was the ass, though? Oh, he was a tight end. Yeah, he was a tight end. Yeah, yeah, I mean, they're... Do they actually have tight? What is it?

Football tight ends are technically, I would say the most attractive of all the football players. Are they the slimy ones? They're the ones who were like six, seven, and they catch touchdowns. Yeah, it's Daryl Johnson. Daryl Johnson. I remember that.

I told you that story when I was like, why are they booing the moose? But they were just saying moose. Mm-hmm. Moose. That's a fun. People made fun of me a bunch. Why?

Because I said, why are they booing the moose? And they're like, Kisel, they're saying moose. But moose sounds a lot like boo. If you had missed the first letter, the ooh. You know, dude, the exact same thing happened to me. Thank you.

I'm in this boat. I'm in this boat with you. Wait, where were you where people were screaming the word moose? Texas. Texas during the Cowboys' Best Years. Oh, it's a Texas thing? Dallas Cowboys. Yeah.

America's team. Even though everyone knows the Green Bay Pack Attack are America's Day. Well, John Travolta in the movie Moose, he is fixated on an action star, played by Devin Sawa. Do you remember Devin Sawa? No, who's that? Yeah, he was a, what is it, like kind of a 90s boy actor. He was the real boy in Casper. He was in now and then, I believe.

That movie, Idol Hands. He was the lead in Iddle Hands. He cut off his own hands. That he did. Okay, put in the microwave. I remember that. Okay, cool. I'm actually very interested to see if Fred Durst has directing abilities.

This is like his third or fourth movie. Really? I didn't realize this one B sides. I'll go through it with you. But yeah, we talked about it. it a couple months ago. Oh, well, you don't got to rehash it for me. I mean, I'm just excited about the movie, so I'm totally

down to talk about it. He looks like a, I mean, John Tra looks pretty great. Really? Yeah. Yeah, he does look pretty great. He's got a, he's got a bowl cut wearing a Hawaiian shirt. They've only let one leaked photo out there. But I'm very, I might

go see this in the theaters if it gets released in the theater. Yeah. But it might, though. What if it's a big what if it's a showstopper? It could be. If it's anything like Limp Biscuit at the peak of their fame, people will like it. Were you a Biscuit head?

No, I never got it. I liked Wes because he was cool looking and the chicks like loved him. I just never got Limp Biscuit. I was into it, man. Really? I was super into it. I like silver chair. I'm not sitting here being like, you know, all crazy.

Or was it silver chair? Silver chair. Is that the grunge band? Yeah, like I like bad music. They were all like 13-year-olds from Australia. That was their whole hook. But yeah, for some reason. and limp biscuit

breaks up is fun yeah because who doesn't want to do that mm-hmm nooky nooky's real fun

I'm not gonna say that I didn't love Kid Rock rolling rolling rolling rolling rolling rolling walking walking walking yeah I can't

deny my redneck pass I like that yeah we're all I mean we have we got to fucking admit we were all

trashy as fuck trash growing up I think we're still fairly classy classy Jackie you're already classy

We got an edge of trash to us. We got a little bit of trash in our pants. Well, if you ain't a little trash, you're not fun. You need a diaper change. Yikes. This is, ooh, Moose isn't post-production now. And this is his third movie. He did The Education of Charlie Banks

with, what is his name, Jesse Eisenberg. Everyone hates Jesse Eisenberg. Well, it's just because he played Mark Zuckerberg. No, it's Lex Luther. I loved him. in social network. He was great. He was great, but uh, yeah, Lex Luthor, he was cast him as Lex Luthor. Didn't make any, it was

bad choices as an actor? He did. He's very annoying. But was Lex Luthor ever young? Like in the comic books? No. So why was he a young Lex Luthor? I don't want to see young Lex Luthorpe. He's just like Mark Zuckerberg. I don't know. I don't know. I don't understand the superheroes. Fred Durst also directed, uh, The Longshot starring

Ice Cube, which is a family movie. Okay. Mm-hmm. All right. I did not know that. Man. About the first female to play in the Pop Warner football tournament. Cool. There it is. Ice Cube is the coach. Ice Cube has been, he's also been making some choices.

I still love his little faces. I just want to pinch his little cheeks. I feel like he'd put some sort of hit on me or some sort of cap in my something. That's what's so similar. That's just what I said. That was the character that Ice Cube played for many years. Are you sure? 100%.

I thought he was a bad man. No, not at all. Ice Cube, like that's, you know, we just did, we're doing in the middle of Biggie and Tupac Cookeg series. No, Ice Cube is an artist. He's a poet. Like he was, like he, like, looks really tough and plays like a super tough character. And he was like fucking great.

He was the best at it. But, yeah, Ice Cube, like, totally good dude. Like, nothing, not a single ounce of violence in his past. I wonder what products they would be slinging Biggie and Tupac. Biggie is currently slinging Sprite. Yeah. But I don't know if he signs off on that. I think that's kind of weird.

No, he doesn't sign off. Obviously. What do you guys feel since you guys are now, you know, at the end or in the middle of doing like the Biggie and Tupac? So what do you think about Shug? night not being allowed out of jail for his mother's funeral. Never let him out. Deserved. He should not be let out at all. He's a bad man.

He's a very bad man. Yeah, sugars. I don't have to say another bad. No. So you think that if he got out that he would just like, that he would run or like it? I think he's got a lot of people that he doesn't like. Yeah, I think he would at the funeral, I think he would give about eight to ten orders to go take care of people. He's got, he's got a list.

Like he's got an enemy's list longer than Nixon's. Whoa. I'm saying it. I'm saying it. I'm going to go ahead and ask it. What did he go to jail for? He murdered a guy. He ran over the guy.

He ran over a man. And then the funniest thing is he tried to Mr. McGoo his way out of it. I'd be like, Judge, I am blind. It was like the judge basically threw a football at him and he caught it. He was like, no, sir, you're not blind. It was like, it was so hilarious. Anyway. Mm-hmm.

All right, so he shouldn't be let out. And that's fine with it. He looks, I mean, I'm sure it's a sad thing, but I was just looking at a bunch of pictures of him smoking cigars. He seemed to love his cigars. Oh, yeah. I cannot do the cigars. He was big into it.

So, Jackie, what is the proposal? Oh, man. What is the proposal? I went down, see, Henry and I've been going down a real weird reality show whole lately. You told me about one last night that sounds awful. What was that one called? Love Island.

And it is Love Island's on. You can watch on Hulu. It's a British show. that I think... British TV is so cruel. Dude, between that and like 100% hotter, it's like they are getting mean zo over there.

And I think they're like... You should watch the Jeremy Kyle show sometime. It's like their Jerry Springer. It's fucking brutal. But that's so weird though, because the Great British Bake Off, it seems like they have a really hard time kicking people off. And then there's that show escape to the country and they just never even get a house.

Well, there's two sides to the UK that a lot of people don't realize is that there's like the overly polite side. And then there's the fucking vicious side. Very mean. Very, very mean. I think it's the meanest reality show I've ever seen. So what happens on this thing?

On Love Island. They all get put on, they're all on an island, and there's a live studio audience that they're watching them inside of the house at all time. So it's like Big Brother mixed with Bachelor mixed with real world. It's like a romantic, The Running Man.

Remember that movie? No, and that's what it is, is watching this show makes me feel, it's like, it makes you think Black Mirror, it makes you think Running Man, which also so does the proposal as well, but I'll get into that. But Love Island is, so it's like they're all in one house and very up top. They've got a bunch of hot dudes, quote unquote hot.

They're not mice type. No, no, no. They're like GTL. They're like Jersey Shore kind of guys except British. What's GTL mean? Jim Tanning Life. Okay. Something, it's something.

Is it GTL? Sure. Yeah. What is it, Marcus? Do you remember? No idea. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have derailed your...

No, no, it's fine. So they've got these dudes and they're sitting at the edge of this pool and then they bring out women one by one and if the dude wants to fuck them, they will stand up and say like, hey, choose me as a couple. And then there are multiple women

that no men choose them. And so they just have to choose one because all of them have to sleep in the bed of their couple for the rest of the time. But they all swap partners and they're all trying to like ruin each other and there's these love grenades thrown

in that are like hotter, better looking guys thrown in or exes are thrown in and they've got all these like the phones that they can only text each other with. And if at the end of it, they're trying to win 50,000 pounds and to whoever the couple is standing. Yeah. And check. I mean, just as an example of like a love grenade. I mean, there's a season going on right now. And I typed in Love Island and this is the headline, Love Island's new arrivals, Ellie and Zara, reduced the existing ladies to quivering pools of mascara, resentment, and self-doubt. Jesus. Why would anyone volunteer to be on their show for 50 pounds?

For 50,000, 50,000 pounds. And the sub headline is, but their misery doubles as an entry-level economics lesson set out by Karl Marx and Das Kapital. You know, it is, and so... It's horrible on so many levels. It's horrible. It's so fucking, like the British just gets so cruel with shit. I didn't realize this side of the British. Oh, I mean, you just look at the history of the...

the British colonialism and that's pretty fucking cruel. True, true. And they're very casual about it as well. Just like check out some soccer hooligan stuff or just either politics. It's just riots. Watch some parliament sometime. That's cruel shit. They got the funny wigs. They do.

They look silly. I actually think that's healthy. I was watching C-SPAN last night and it's just like it's so it's too boxed in. You know what? Have some fun with it. Where's the color? You know, I think there should be more like as people get brought in as they're sentenced. Where's the music?

Where is the revelry? I agree. Maybe a little tar and feathering. I'm totally into it. I used to think about that as a kid. And then that's really brutal because when they take it off, then their skin comes with it. Most of the time they die.

Yeah, most time it's very fatal. It's not so funny. But the proposal, the proposal started yesterday or a couple of days ago, and I watched the first episode of it, essentially what they are billing it as, or I saw a headline up for it, that was just like, is The Bachelor Too Intellectual for you? Watch the proposal.

And it is, it is this show that, I just watch it. I love it. I'm going to watch it all summer long. It's garbage. It's a man at the top of it, and you don't know what he looks like, so he's hidden, he's covered. Oh, it's like who wants to marry a millionaire? Kind of.

Joe Millionaire. Joe Millionaire, yeah. But he is. He's just like a normal dude. And essentially it's like a beauty pageant of women that come in. The first thing is it's like even just just on looks alone, he like gets rid of four of them. And then they have a swimsuit contest. And then he gets rid of four more of them.

He's just a guy. Are you ever going to see him? You see him at the end when he proposes at the end of every episode. Has anyone ever stayed together on these shows? This is the first one. This is like this is, it was first episode. First, it is such, how do you, what do you, it's like, it's like, even with The Bachelor of The Bachelorette, it's like a month of kind of getting to know somebody. This is like, you haven't even, you haven't met them, you haven't like smelled them, you haven't anything about it.

But then you have to kiss them in front of a live studio audience. Oh my God. And is love real? And it's like all the shit that I was like I felt like I was watching Running Man. Who's getting married? It's the next phase. It's the next phase. We're getting closer to like series seven.

We're already there. We have to like this is the dystopia future. Yeah. We're living it. We arrived in dystopia about a year ago. It's really scary. No, no, we're living in like we made it to dystopia. Like growing up watching all those dystopian.

I always wanted to make it here. Yeah, growing up watching all those dystopia movies. Like who knew that we were going to be the ones to see it? I'm just going to go slam more well buterun. Yeah. I mean, that's how you do it. Yeah. So, oh, uh-oh. Is there, there's a Riverdale, uh, scandal here? Riverdale scandal. Riverdale scandal.

Now, when I first read about it, it's, so it's the guy who plays Reggie. I know what the show is. That is fine. It's sexy Archie. Oh, okay. And it's great. It's very fun. Reggie would be a sexy archie name.

Reggie, yeah, Reggie is, he's like a, a sexy archie. sexy football player. Yeah. Yeah, he's kind of like the bully kind of bad guy on the show. And they just, so all of these tweets just resurfaced from about five or six years ago. So whenever someone like comes out, it's like, oh, he said this thing a long time ago. I'm like, I mean, it's not that bad. He was also probably what, 17?

He was, he was 21 at the time. Okay, all right. So, but the thing is that the tweets are like, I mean, they're not nice. and there's too many of them. What are the tweets about? They're all fat shaming, fat shaming women. Always doing all that stuff. Yeah, but they were like kind of brutal.

Twitter is the place. That's the arena of meanness. Yeah. The arena of meanness. Everyone's terrible. Yeah. I guess it's just like. So is he in trouble?

Is he going to get like fired or what's going to happen? I'm sure nothing's going to happen to him. It's just at the same time. It's like, why, if you have any desire, like to, be on television or to be something in the entertainment business, even if you think those things, don't say them. Well, a lot of people are pretty dumb. Yeah, I guess.

They don't really have that like foresight. And he probably didn't even remember doing these. I know, but there's like a lot of them. There's a lot of them, yeah. It looks like he went on like a month-long tear. Of just like against fat women. Okay. And what are some of the markets that are very upsetting?

Don't tease fat kids. They already have enough on their plates. one said That one's kind of fun though Fat chicks Fat chicks need to understand That wearing yoga pants Is a privilege

Not a right You know like that's sort of Oh it's just It's just like The dudes who wear affliction shirts He's just like a UFC guy Yeah Sounds like a basic

You know I don't want to malign New Jersey But that just seems like what that is I think they can take it He just sounds like kind Like kind of a dick Like yeah That sucks

Like that's shitty thing to say Yeah So it's not I don't think he's gonna get Shitcanned or anything But at the same time, it's like, Riverdale is sacred. And they're all wonderful people because I watch their Instagram stories every single day. And they all love each other.

I don't think so. Because people should be allowed to change, too. I know. If he apologizes. But at the same time, Reggie is never in any of the fun Instagram stories. So I have decided that no one likes him on the set. But on the other hand, Reggie is also like an in-and-out minor character. He's not in every episode.

Oh, he's not even in every episode. Yeah, sometimes we'll go like three, four episodes without Reggie. And even then, when he is a part of the storyline, he's usually only on screen for about like five minutes an episode. So he's really not on set as much as like, say, a Cheryl. That's true. Do we know what the record is for the football team? I mean, is he good at football anyway?

You know what? I don't think they ever really got into it because Archie had to quit football right at the beginning of the show because he wanted to spend more time on his music. And then, of course, he got caught up. That's just, that's dancing confused. And then he got caught up in a murder plot. Yeah, there's a serial killer. Well, you have to, first you have to solve the murder of Jason Blossom,

and then you have to fight against the Black Hood for, like, an entire season. And then you get all caught up in your girlfriend's dad's, you know, mob business. I miss it. So much. I miss it so much. I want it back now. I want it back right now. I want to go back right now.

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Flur frequencies of your choice at 20% off. P-H-L-U-R dot com. Gotta go have dynosex now. Bye. When we do San Diego Comic-Con this year, I'm gonna go meet the cast. Oh, I'm coming. Oh, I'm coming. I'm coming with you. Are you kidding me?

Oh, yeah. I have to. We have to meet them. Oh, yeah. Sounds fun. Shell. Hi. Oh, my God. you imagine. I just, I would like, I would really just fan girl the fuck out. I might try and kiss Jughead, but then I'll probably get kicked out of the Comic-Con, but it's fine. I'm not going to be there actually doing anything.

Is there a character named Jughead? Yeah, it's sexy Archie. It's like all the Archie characters, but sexy. And then a lot of murder. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of weird. It's like Archie mixed with like kind of a Twin Peaksie vibe. Cool. Yeah. It's really fun. I mean, it's not good, good. Like, it's not, it's not a crowd to like it. It's not, it's not a It's not going to win, like, it's not going to win any awards. It won some MTV movie awards over the weekend. Thank you very much. Okay, so, yes, it did, but it's, you know, it's just a popy fun.

Cool. It's like a fun pop song. There it is. Yeah, but kind of like a dark pop song. Dark and sexy. Like Miley. Yeah. She is some dark songs.

Actually, yeah, it's kind of like a dark Miley Cyrus song. Cool. Yeah, but with a lot more mea-d-o-d-d-o. Yeah, and kissing. Oh, my God. The kissing is so. There's so much kissing. Enough that I can close my eyes and imagine what happens after the kissing.

Uh-oh. Oh yeah, and it's got kissing for everyone. No matter what your orientation is, there's a kiss for you. Everybody's kissing. There's a kiss for you. All right. So you should watch it. I'll check it out.

Oh my God, Brooke should start watching it. Yeah, I think she might love it. She might. Mirate air kissing, the whole thing is there. It's everything you want in one show. I miss it so much. What is it going to be back? It just ended.

It just ended. How many seasons is this on? Two. Okay. The first season was 10 episodes. The second one was like 25. It's all on Netflix. That's what I'm saying.

The staircase is 12 episodes. Yeah. That's too many. All right. Whoa. I mean, just try it out. It goes by so fast, though, because especially with the staircase,

I feel like you have to pay attention. Yeah. You don't have to pay attention to Riverdale. You can come in and out because they're very good at like re-explaining things at all times. They know how dumb their watchers are. Great. And they know how stone they are when they watch the show. It's no breaking bad, you know.

Oh, right. It's fun. It is fun. All right. I'm going to check it out. I watched the last two episodes of Breaking Bad. That's it? That's it.

Speaking of Breaking Bad, you guys need to start watching Claws. I'm likening it to... I love the main actress. Nisi Nash. Neesie Nash is fucking amazing. She's the woman, one of the cops in Reno 911. Yeah, you know Nisi Nash. So it is her, and it's essentially like a female version of Breaking Bad

in set in Florida. and they all work at a nail salon. Ooh. And I, it's like, so it's not drugs, it's more like crime, you know, like underbelly mob kind of shit. Yeah. But they are fantastic in it. The show is so great.

I immediately just started burning through it and I'm absolutely obsessed with her. I love Cheney Nash. Dude, and she's like, 48, she looks banging and she's so great because it's like also just, it's funny but it's very dark. She's had a hell of a career now. Dude.

She's been a working actress for like 15 years now, maybe even longer. Who knows? And did like a ton of like daytime talk stuff too. She was like a perennial filling. Yeah, yeah. And she's just, she's absolutely amazing. Her husband's really hot and I just imagine the two of a man, I would watch that sex tape. Really?

Oh, yeah, he's a big old stud. Really? Yeah, and it's just like, guff. Uh-huh. Oh, right. You fucking deserve it. So James Vanderbeek shared a graphic photo of his daughter's placenta in a mixing bowl?

Wait, what? The fuck was that sentence? Why the hell did I just have to eat? What the hell is that? I'm looking at the photo right now. And his son is standing right next to it like in a Spider-Man one-z. Why would he share that?

So do you want to see you see it? I mean, you were about to mouth vomit, so I have to. Oh, gosh. What's the point of the share? What's the context? Is there any context? Okay, it says

Not everything has to be Here's what This was on Instagram Okay And here's what his comment was It says the category is Home birth realness Word of caution

If you're squeenish Just double tap Move on Messy bed Check Plastic sheeting underneath Old sheets Check

Old towel crumpling on the floor Check Vomit bag unused Check Inflatable birthing tube Also unused Check Shirtless Dad

Check Boy and Spider Man pajamas, check. I hate it. Happy healthy baby, check. That's good. Happy healthy mom in her own shower right after giving birth, check. Could she? Water bottle? I don't want your life. Water. I'm like, do you not want, I don't like this. Anyway, water bottle, check. And placenta in a mixing bowl, a check. What is happening? Okay, did his wife know he was going to Instagram story this live? Well, she was in the shower. Yeah, so she did not know. I know that there's a lot about the placenta and how you should eat it afterwards.

That's what they say. Oh, God, she's a wellness blogger. Oh, so she was probably fine with it then. Oh, she's a goop bitch, huh? Oh, yeah, yeah, she's a goopper. It's good that the kid's good. I know I'm very happy. I'm happy for James Vanderbeek.

He still looks great. Good for him. But I just, I don't need to see the placenta. Yeah, I don't really understand why he felt the need to share that with us. I don't, I'm happy that it's, I'm happy she had one. I know it's a natural thing and it shouldn't gross me out as much as it does, but it truly grosses me out. And if I had a baby, I also don't want to look at it. It's like if you're going to cook it up, put it some eggs, fine.

I guess I'll eat it. A lot of people put it in the pills. Yeah. They powder up. Wait, what do you mean? They put it in the powder and they put in a pill. How? What do you mean?

I have no idea how it works. Would you dry it out? You dry it out. You jerky it, I guess. And then you put in a pill and then you take the pill and I. I guess it's supposed to be good for you. It's believed to impart numerous health benefits. I know it's supposed to be like what you're supposed to do.

I know. But I just feel like how do you ask the doctor for it? And then like not everything should have a to go bag. Like what is like you got the kid? I don't know. You know, it's weird. I thought you weren't allowed to take like medical stuff home because one time I got a tooth ripped out of my head and I wanted to keep it and they wouldn't let me. Really?

That's bullshit. Yeah, right? Yeah. They said it was a biohazard. Well. It's your. tooth. Yeah, exactly. He did have a tooth issue. I did have a tooth issue. So maybe, but it's not, I didn't have an infectious tooth issue. Oh, I don't know. It's all like you're

gonna be sucking on it afterwards. Yeah. And if I wanted to, I would. Yeah, but you're allowed to take the fucking baby home, right? You should be able to take the tooth home. That's true. It's my tooth. I grew that tooth. Yeah. Tooth would exist without me. Yeah. I had a cool tongue ring in high school. Wait, you had a tongue ring in high school. Wait, you had a bione of one of those guys. Yeah, it was cool kid. What's wrong with you? And you didn't listen to lip? biscuit? Maybe I did.

A little bit of Limp Biscuit. I'm thinking of the other band here that... Yeah, I don't believe that a guy with a biohazard tongue ring in 1999. Oh, no, he didn't listen. Oh, even worse. My brother went to get his nipples pierced and he convinced me to get a tongue ring. So that's what happens when you have two gay older brothers. Okay.

So he convinced you? Yeah, it was a brother thing. Eric or Chris? Eric. Huh. Oh, okay. That makes more sense. Now, how long did you have a tongue ring for?

How have I not known this? Like eight, nine months? Some of that, 10 months, maybe a year? And it just, it like grew back, your tongue grew back? You can see it a little thin. We get a little hole in there. Ew. Yeah, he's got a hole.

It's healed. Yeah, but it's like a flapule. No, I did understand. And then Chris Rocks, he decided to make a lot of jokes about people with tongue rings. Yeah. And then, but, you know, I never really gave a shit. I mean, I always wanted a tongue ring. I was just too scared.

I always wanted the, like, the lip ring and the nose ring and the eyebrow, especially the eyebrow. I wanted the eyebrow, but yeah, just never, didn't get any further than just like pierced ears. Yeah. Did the eyebrow do the tongue. Am I too old to do that now? No. I don't think so.

You can do, Brooke is getting the nose ring, the little nose stuff. You know, she's still. No, Jackie is not too. You're never too old. I'm also, I'm like, I'm like nine years older than Brooke. Yeah, but you're not too old to get a piercing. A face piercing? I think if you got your nose pierced

I don't... See, I think you have to make a choice. You have to make a choice between the multi-colored lipstick or the eyebrow ring. Oh, come on. You can't have a puritan. I was thinking of a lip ring. Lip rings are fine.

I know, I see no problem with it. Lipp ring. As long as you don't go full, what's the name of the rapper? Her rapa the rapper. No, not that guy. The guy who got the word. I think it's just so tired on his eyes.

Oh, post him alone. Post him alone. Just don't do that. that because at some point postman's not going to be tired. Yeah. And then those are going to be lies. And that's not good. Man, we were screaming about face tattoos in the car last night. Just try to avoid

just try to avoid. If you have one, hey, that's all good. What can you do? What can you do? But it's done. It's over. It's over and done with. I just think that, you know, there's a lot, it's like, all these SoundCloud rappers, they all've got face tattoos and they all keep dying.

Oh, I know. Well, face tattoo does not necessarily... I know. indicate a person who thinks about the future very much. Yeah, yeah. I guess that's what it is. It's like a rent, you know, no day but today. Yeah. Get a face tattoo.

Yeah, yeah. It's a real hard yolo. Yeah, yeah. It definitely is. It's a hard yolo. That's where I'm going to get tattooed on my forehead. It's a hard yolo. Yeah.

That is true. I just feel like you only live once. That saying would talk me out of getting a face tattoo. Yeah. You know? If I got a couple of trottoe. I would definitely go through one timeline cover me with tattoos. Just to know what it feels like.

Yeah, sure. Yeah. If I got to experience all different sorts of things. Yeah, you only live once like, oh, I better take care of it. Yeah. I have a horrible body anyway, so I don't feel the, I don't have a pretty enough body to tattoo. That's not true. It is true.

I think it would look great with a tattoo. No, you have great tattoos. They make you think of your mother. And who does it. I'm gonna go. I'm sorry. I didn't need it. Out of the bad, I got worse tattoos than you do.

Yeah, but I would say they're about the same, the same caliber of tattoo, but like just different, what is it, dreams? Memories is the word. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What is it dreams? Half of mine look like prison tattoos. Yeah. Yeah. But that's like cool.

Yeah, they're not. You have a Celtic cross, right? No, it's an onk. It's a ink. multi, it's like multi-colored and it was done by like an apprentice for free, uh, and it's really, really deep. Uh, and it looks, uh, yeah, it looks, it's, it's about it. Yeah.

Oh, that's what mine is now. It's really raised. So no, it's a, it's a trashy as fuck. It's technically a bad tattoo. It's like, it's a trash brand. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a bad tattoo.

I like the Sandman one though. But now it's just, it's been on there for half my life and now it's just a big black blob. Yeah, but now you're like a VAT. Vietnam vet, you know? Yeah. There's a, I call them my Lubbock scars. Oh. And I think that's great. I didn't get out of Lubbock unscathed.

You guys, you should go get tattoos. We should. I don't even know what I would. Let's get a bunch of, let's get a tequila worm. Oh my God. I want a butterfly on my hip. Maybe, man. Maybe.

I still kind of want to get like when it's like when it looks like the girls got like guns and holsters tattooed on her on her hips. It's like if I lose like 20 more pounds, I think that I'll be able to do it because I never could do it and at the time I was going to get it but my my stomach was too fat I don't think I'll ever actually have I don't think you need well you could but I don't think you need the fake gun tattoo I think it's what kind of fun I think you do I'm against I'm against the eyebrows totally for the permanent gun but you can take out the all right I mean I'm not gonna judge

you can do whatever you want Jackie it's always classy Jackie to me it would be covered up except for when I'm wearing mesh and then you could see just the tops of it although maybe that would get me in trouble yeah just You're going to get shot by a cop and be like, she had two guns and she was reaching for him. And I'd be like, no, no, these guns right here, I kiss my arms. No, not the one's in your belt. And then they're going to shoot you and then it's... All right, okay, I'll get a lip ring.

Thank you. Thank you. All right, it's on the list. Yeah, who's on the list? Marcus, there he is. No good list this week. Oh, good. Glad we sing this song.

Well, that's the thing is you got to say it so you guys. You can sing the song. Well, I mean, I love the list. Yeah, everyone loves the list. Yeah, who's got the list? I don't have the list. I mean, it's like, I thought about ones like famous people born on Thanksgiving. Boring.

It's like, yeah, Scarlett, Your Henson. Henry didn't like the list last week. I will tell you that. You didn't like the list last week? Henry did not like the list. It was seven celebrities with the best bearded chess. Oh, Henry didn't make it, though, huh? No, he wasn't on there.

Yeah, they didn't have D-list celebrities on it. Was that mean? I didn't mean. No, it does not matter. No, it doesn't matter what, we will always be. I love him. Yeah. We're like, yeah, who cares?

So it's time for blind out of! Oh, we get, stay up! Well, the first one is, it's juicy. I can't wait. You said it's a spicy spicy meatball. It's so juicy. All right. Usually, it's this other actress from this almost network hit, not involving a superhero.

So that means that there's two actresses in this show who do this. This time, though, It is an actress who can't quite make it on that almost network money and met up with some representatives of Bonnie down south to make arrangements to do some summer yachting, which will pay way more than she is earned in total from that show. Of course, it is because of the show she can command those kinds of fees. So it's a superhero show? It's not a superhero show, but it's on an almost network show, meaning that you can pick it up with your... antenna, but it's not one of the big four.

Huh. Is it the CW? It is. Uh-oh. Allison, that. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Is it?

Wait, is it... No. Veronica. No. Is it Betty? It's Betty. No way. She's with Cole Sprouse, that bitch.

That she doesn't deserve him. She does not deserve him. I don't understand. Choose me instead. I can be everything for him. One of the main characters on Riverdale. Oh. Just a rumor.

Yotting, do you know what Yotting is? I know what the Yachting is. You guys told me about that in private one time. That sounds scandalous. But you guys did tell me what it was. Yotting is, for those of you who don't know, yachting is high-end sex work that is done by celebrities. Someday.

Someday, I hope I make it enough so I can go yachting. Yeah, sure. Oh, yeah. She shouldn't, she's pure. Well, I mean, that's the thing, you know. That bitch. I knew she wasn't good for him. I knew it.

I knew that he should be with me because she dates Jughead in the show, but she also dates him in real life. Okay. Well, maybe he's cool with it. Maybe. I mean, he does seem like kind of an asshole. It's just a rumor.

It's just a rumor. Yeah, this is just a rumor. And it's also, you know, I wonder who the other one is. Because it says usually it's this other actors. I'm going to guess Veronica. I don't know. She also seems like she just has fun.

I don't know. Veronica. Maybe it wouldn't be Cheryl, would. it. But that's, you know, you're kind of thinking about, you know, just more of the characters on the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so you never know. But Cheryl would never do that because of how she feels about what her mother's doing.

Yeah, that's... But maybe it's one of the, uh, one of, they're actually talking about one of the adult characters. Could be? Oh, no. It's not. No, it's not. Could be.

It could be Hermione. Okay, well, Hermione. I thought you were talking about Alice. No, never. Have you seen the Instagram stories of her? What's her name? Madma, Madgen Amique. Twin Peaks? Yeah. Shelly from Twin Peaks. Okay. Yeah, she's in Riverdale. She plays Alice Cooper.

All right. There we go. The mother, not the rock star. And her name is Cooper in Riverdale. Maybe an homage to Twin Peaks. Nope. No. It's always been Cooper. Very good. Betty Cooper's been Betty Cooper forever. But I like it, though. I like the idea, Kessel. And you know what? I never thought about that. Okay. Well, we have to cut this one a little short because we got to get going. Not that much shorter. just about two or three minutes. Two or three minutes?

Yeah, we made it to 50. Yes. So we got to go. So we will see all next week with the return of Molly Neffle. Thank you for having me. And thank you so much, Kissel. Thank you, Ben. And please follow Ben Kissel on Instagram.

He is at. Ben Kissel one. And Marcus Parks. For all of it, yeah. Marcus Parks. And I am Jackie Zabrowski. You follow me at Jack That Worm on Instagram. And please, if you would like to, hit up our Patreon.

on page. It is patreon.com slash page seven podcast. That is seven the number. And I think you might like it. But also, please, listen to all the other shows on the network. A little show called last podcast on the left. Give them some money on the bathroom. Come on. Thank you, Jackie.

Love you guys. Love you all. Bye.