Page 7 - Episode 263: Riding with the Yuck-Yucks
Episode Date: July 12, 2018Jackie, Molly and Marcus discuss beard oils, hot dog ambassadors and leaning into being basic, and Molly gives Jackie some much needed skanking advice. Thanks to The Black Tux for sponsoring this epis...ode. Visit http://theblacktux.com/page7 to get $20 off your purchase. Thanks to Phlur for sponsoring this episode. Go to http://phlur.com and use promo code PAGE7 to get 20% off your custom Phlur sample set! Thanks to Udemy for sponsoring this episode. Go to http://www.ude.my/page7 to get 90% off when you s Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
I just say I woke up with a very, very another annoying song in my head, guys.
And I think it's time for a,
Don't waste your time on me, you're already the voice inside my yard.
Miss you, miss you.
Don't waste your time on me, you're already, the voice inside my yard.
Miss you, miss you.
Just that part of it.
Not even though.
Hello there, Angel from my nightmare.
Blink 182!
You remember that song?
I couldn't tell if you were doing like an Annie-style musical or like a Sum 41.
Like those would have been my two guesses.
No, by the tone, I could tell that you were doing a Blink 182 song, but I couldn't place which one it was.
That's a bit of a deep cut.
Is it because of the whining?
Yeah.
Is it a deep cut?
Is that a deep cut?
It's a medium cut.
Is it after Inima of the State?
Because anything after Inima of the State is a deep cut.
See, it just makes me think of like Florida.
times, you know?
It makes me think of like the times in high school when I would listen that song and cry
for absolutely no reason, just because I was just, I was generally upset.
You guys had those songs.
Oh yeah, of course.
Oh, yeah, definitely.
Pretty much the entirety of the bends by Radiohead.
Which one is that one?
Baby's got the bums.
You know it.
Should I add that on to my, I'm making a, it makes me cry playlist right now.
Oh, yeah.
could put like fake plastic trees on there.
Ooh, fake plastic trees is a good one.
Yeah, I'm going to go see Radiohead tomorrow night.
I can't wait.
See, Radiohead is a good thing to have embarrassingly listened to in high school.
Yeah.
Blink 182, I mean, listen, I'll still get very excited when their singles come on the radio.
But, yeah, I mean, when people are like, oh, yeah, I sheepishly, you know, was so into Radiohead,
I'm like, that's actually good.
Like, I was, like, very into, as we've established, real big fish.
They don't need to dwell on it
You never cried to Real Big Fish
Did you?
I expressed my anger through Real Big Fish
Because Real Big Fish, believe it or not
All their albums are very angry
Because they're all angry about being called a sellout
The entirety of their canon of work
Is built on the resentment that they have
For being called sellouts
And so I didn't listen to like metal to be angry
I listened to Angry Skah
Because they were very angry
And so I did some crying to real big fish, angry crying.
Wait, why were they sellouts?
It's because they were like skipping and kicking too high.
Not skipping and kicking high enough.
Skaking.
I'm doing it right now.
What is that called?
You're not skanking, Jackie.
What you were doing is humping.
No, I had legs involved.
You just can't see my legs from there.
Definition, skanking cannot be done sitting down.
You got to alternate your arms.
Oh, God.
You have to shake them like that?
Alternate in our arms right now.
It's like one, I think it's opposite arm to leg, if you want to get real technical.
And you got to do like a bend kick, bend kick, and then you got to alternate your hands with each bend kick.
Exactly.
Yeah, it's like you're bending kick to the left, bending kick to the right, hand to the left, hand of the right.
Oh, wait, are jazz hands, though, a part of that?
Do you have to wiggle them like that?
Like you're applauding as a deaf person?
No, I don't think you actually have to do jazz hands, do you think?
Optional.
Optional, yeah.
I mean, I guess I'm into it.
I had that, but my problem was it was the Blake 182 song.
I listened to that.
And the other day I was having a bad day.
And I was in a lift.
And all of a sudden on the radio came on the,
Hey there, Delilah, are you up in me?
Oh, yeah.
And I just silent tears started coming down my face.
And I was just like, what year is it?
What's wrong with me?
Oh, yeah.
Man, I'll cry.
Just thinking about that song.
I love that song.
And it's like such a popular song.
And it is always on in like the Dwayne Reed.
And yes, it's fantastic.
I still feel the same way about time of your life by, or Goodrins, whatever we want to call it.
By Green Day.
By Green Day.
I will still, like, stop and, like, stare into the middle distance when that song comes out of the grocery store.
Yeah.
Because it's the only place you ever hear anymore is the grocery store.
I mean, I'm not, like, super, like, I didn't just listen to radio head.
I mean, there was a lot of corn and lint biscuit in there as well.
Yeah.
And if you want to get really embarrassing, I used to.
sit and like stare out the window while listening to Why Does It Always Rain on Me by Travis,
which is another like, uh, it's like a British band.
It was a, oh, it's not Travis Tritt though, right?
No, no, not Travis Tritt, the band.
No judgments.
It's about the winiest most naval gazing song.
It's called Why Does It Always Rain on Me?
It's very, very whiny.
Well, it reminds me when I was in eighth grade, I used to cry a lot to Blind Melon.
All I can say is that my favorite life is pretty plain
Oh yeah, baby
That was a crying song
All kinds of cries
Oh yeah, my most
Why does it always rain on me
I made it sound like Randy Newman
Why does it always rain on me?
Please tell me that you've been listening to that a lot lately
No
I haven't listened to that song since I was 17
But
I'm going to put it on my playlist though
Put it on there and laugh.
I'm writing these down as we talk about it.
When it comes on, listen and think of me at 17 and laugh.
Okay.
I have a middle of the night song that I wanted to report to you guys.
Remember last time I said for some reason I had the big red song in my head,
middle of the night feeding the baby.
This time, last night, I woke up with, it's such a deep cut.
In like 2008, there weren't as many viral YouTube videos as there are now.
They were rarer, and so you remember them more.
And there was a viral video of a bunch of really cute kids singing about the 2008 election.
It was a choir of kids, and they were singing elementary school kids, and they were singing about Obama and McCain and it was to the tune of TIs, whatever you like.
And it went like, Obama on the left, McCain on the right, you can talk politics all night, and you can vote for a few.
whoever you like.
And this is what you're singing to your baby.
This is what I had in my head last night.
Whoa, you're trying to put the barbs in her early, Molly.
You have to allow her to choose what she wants to believe politically.
Well, she certainly can't choose between Obama and McCain because that election predated
her by 10 years and, no, 12 years.
It's, I don't know why this is what's happening in my brain.
Obama on the left
So all day I've been walking around
And that song
Whatever you like is like a fine song
It's a fine song
But
But when it's about
What it's like
Also I don't agree with
I mean
It was just presented as like a very
Like kind of neutral
Like everything's fine
Obama on the left
McCain on the right
And I resent that part of it
And so I'm walking around
singing this damn song
And I need help
Why do I remember a YouTube video
From 2008?
What is because you're exhausted
Because you got nothing else going on your brain, Molly, besides thinking,
Oh my God, I'm tired.
At least my brain fast-forwarded from the Big Red commercial, which was about 1995, I think.
Yeah, but it skipped a lot.
It skipped a lot, right to 2008.
Still skipped the present and everything in between.
I don't know what's going on.
I don't know.
Well, I think you need to be listening to more Blink 182.
That or the other song that I added to my playlist, like, immediately after the hey there,
Delilah was like a bridge over trouble.
Water
I will lay me down
And it's just like
Lai la lie la lie
Lai
Lai Lai Lai
That's what you need to be singing to Freddy
That'll put her right out
If there is one thing that'll put a baby right out
It's Simon and Garfunkel
Another even deeper cut than that
Might I recommend the Clay Aiken
Singing Bridge over Troubled Water
Cover
Because I also know that one pretty much
well.
You're already turning to such a mom.
I know.
Oh yeah, you kids like Clay Aiken?
I think he's real neat.
Oh, Clay Aiken.
A little less controversial than Simon and Garfunkel.
Don't you think?
I think so.
I think as long as you don't start listening to Charlotte Church, then everything will
be fine.
Is Charlotte Church still around?
Yeah.
Is she still a thing?
I just remember all of the horrible infomercials about Charlotte Church.
and you know how you feel about children singing,
especially children singing, as if they are adults,
and understand the plights of our hardships, but they don't.
Children have their own hardships.
Yeah, I know.
They can't control when they use the bathroom.
Yeah, I know.
They can't control what they eat.
You know, they got a lot going on.
I mean, not the kind of hardships that they had in a quiet place, which I saw yesterday.
Have you guys seen a quiet place?
I haven't gotten around to it.
I haven't either, but I'm actually kind of interested.
Oh, I'm very interested.
Just, you know, just haven't gotten to that point yet.
Dude, it was in a bobo theater over here.
You know, it's like, you go to one of those bobo theaters
where it's like, yeah, it played in here, it played months ago.
You can come see it for three bucks.
And I was like, sounds about right for my wallet.
And those kids, man, this is a great year for kids in movies.
They're really killing it.
Like what?
Who else?
It?
Well, the kids in Hereditary were awesome.
Yeah, yeah, they were great.
I mean, it's like all of Stranger Things.
I just rewatched the new It.
as well, which I didn't like at first, but then, you know what, it's grown on me.
You know, I'm kind of surprised. The only reason why I'm kind of skeptical is because it's weird to hear you give children praise.
Yeah.
I know. But then why? Especially watching Quiet Place, those kids nailed it.
Wait, so I'm starting to see like a pattern here, so you just like to see children in fear.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah. I think it's because Molly had a baby. We got a mother in the house now.
you know, I've got to, and I'll never put Freddy in danger.
I'll make sure she's never scared.
Just only send her to me after she's like 16.
Well, I have thought about what if she, you know, turned out to be like a little bit Zabrowski
and came to me and was like really wanted to read about serial killers from a very young age.
And I think I would send her to Henry.
And I would say, I can't make you not do this.
And I just have to have faith that you won't be a serial killer.
And here is your uncle Henry and he's going to talk you through it.
Or he can be like Richard or she can be like Richard.
Kuklinsky and learn from a very young age from true crime magazines what to do and what not to do.
See, this is the thing if my child is into serial killers.
I imagine it would be a little bit odd, but Henry turned out great.
It's fine.
I had a picture of Ted Bundy's corpse on my wall since I was five years old.
No problem.
Was that your choice since five?
Yeah.
Good for you.
Thank you.
I'm proud of you.
Thank you very much.
I was scared of a lepergon poster, but you know, that also works, too.
I had a lot of zoo books on my wall.
I also had a lot of zoo books.
A lot of zoo books, too.
The myriad of interests I had.
That and Cam Jansen, every single Cam Jansen under its sun.
Click.
Click.
I still wish I had a photographic memory click.
I mean, I don't need to remember this click.
Maybe I do.
Maybe something's about to happen.
I need to know.
You should be clicking all the time.
That's the problem with photographic memory.
Is that when do you know when to click?
I think photographic memory, yeah,
I don't think people with photographic memories have to go click.
and close their eyes.
Oh, they don't have to close their eyes and click?
I thought this is what they had to do.
No, it's just a long series of photographs.
It's like a gigantic stack of photographs
that they can pull out at any time.
They don't have to close their eyes and go click.
Their brain is a camcorder, not a still camera.
Yeah, it's more of a camera than a camcorder.
Exactly.
Like a video camera.
A vidia camera.
Like a video camera.
Ah, very interesting.
That just makes me think of the Black Mirror thing.
I think about Black Mirror way too often.
Did you guys see that episode?
with the chip.
I still have not done it
because you guys told me
about the first episode
and I decided I can't do it.
Oh, the pig fucking one?
Uh-huh.
I mean, but I love about that
would have ended up being real
that David Cameron fucked a pig.
And so that's a lot of fun.
You should watch the most recent season
is awesome.
Okay.
I don't know.
It makes you very afraid of the future though.
That's already happening.
Yeah, like the chip.
Yeah.
You can't trust the chip.
Everyone's got the chip.
And then any interaction
you have. It's like everything is captured
at all time so you can be like, hey, remember that
fight that we had? And you're like, I never said that
and you go, click, click, click, click, click, click. And you show it up
on a projector and it's like, yes, you did.
I can see it right there. That or you just obsess
over things and you can just watch things over
and over and over and over again, like an ex-lover.
And you can just like remember when you were happy. Remember when you were
happy. That sounds horrifying.
This reminds me a little bit of something
that is already happening in real life. It doesn't
have to do with pop culture, but I can't stop thinking
about it, which is that Alexa recorded the conversation that a husband and wife were having
at home, and then emailed it to their, I'm not sure which member of the couple, but emailed
it to their boss.
Ooh.
Yeah.
Which is very black mirrory.
See, I unplugged my Alexa long ago.
We got one as a Christmas present, and we played with it for a little bit, and then the
implications of it set in.
Yeah.
And I unplugged that fucker, so now it's just kind of a paperweight, gathering dust.
Yeah, she's listening. She listened to this. She recorded this conversation, transcribed it. They weren't bad-mouthing the boss. Thank God. It was like an innocuous home conversation. She recorded it, transcribed it, sent it to the boss. What if it had been sex? That's my first question. It's very black mirrory.
But then how do you make a grocery list? You got to have Alexa to make a grocery. Alexa eggs.
Alexa, garlic. If I had an Alexa, I would only use it for grocery list just so I can say, you can.
scream it out randomly.
All we ever used it for was just like, Alexa, play David Bowie.
And that would be it. We just ask it to play music for us.
And then we realized, like, you know, we can just put on a record.
You know, we can plug our phone into the stereo.
There's a lot of ways that we can do this without potentially giving up all of our privacy.
I feel like with two extra steps, you can just put play on your phone.
And there is David Bowie.
If Elon Musk doesn't trust AI, neither do I.
That is my new slogan.
He doesn't trust it. I don't trust it.
He is a robot from the future that has come back to save us all.
And he doesn't trust it.
And I believe him.
Just saying, just throwing that out there.
I don't trust the last.
This page seven is brought to you by The Black Tucks.
Summer season is wedding season.
If you're anything like me, you've got a ton of events coming up.
When you're celebrating your buddy's big day, you want to look your best.
But with your busy schedule, it has to be convenient.
That's where our friends at the...
the black tucks.com come in. The black tucks has great suits and tuxedos and all kinds of styles
that you rent online. The black tucks offers the kinds of suits and tuxedo styles that look
awesome and make a statement, but you ain't gonna wear one every weekend and who has the money
for an expensive suit you only wear it once? For example, the Emerald Shawl Tux. It makes a big
statement and it's undeniably cool. But how many times you're gonna wear an emerald green
tux with the black tux you can wear something eye-catching and stand out from the crowd.
The Black Tux is my go-toe for modern fitting, and just playing great-looking suits and
tuxedoes.
Good friend of mine is getting married, and I can't wait for the Black Tux's Midnight Pin.
Dot Tuxedo to come in the mail for the first time ever.
I might be better dressed than my date.
So try out a whole new look, do something different, and take your style to the next level.
With the Black Tux's free home try-on, you can see the fit and feel the quality of your
suit months before your event.
After ordering, your suit will arrive 14 days before your big big.
bash, and if anything is less than perfect, the Black Tux will send you a replacement right away.
And remember how simple returns are, you wear it, you turn heads, then you send it back three
days after your event, and shipping is free both ways. Look great and stand out at your event for the
right reasons with the Black Tucks. To get 20 bucks off your purchase, visit the blacktucks.com
slash page seven. That's the blacktucks.com slash page seven for 20 bucks off your purchase.
That's P-A-G-E and the number seven. The Black Tucks Premium Rental.
suits and tuxedos delivered.
But anyway, I was bringing up a quiet place mostly.
I mean, yeah, yeah, accolades to the kids.
And the deaf kid did a great job.
She really, really nailed it.
However, John Krasinski, when did he become such a daddy?
I was going to ask you what you think about John Krasinski.
I couldn't give one H about him before this.
I mean, I dug the office.
I think he's very funny.
But man, he's got this beard that's, I just wanted to, like, smell it.
You know?
I feel like I want to be a skeptic about him
And I don't know why
I think it's one of these things where he's like too charming
He's like, oh, I'm like you're a perfect
Charming Man from the show that everybody loves
And it makes me not trust him
But then that's the whole thing
But how do you not trust?
I think it's at a point where it's come full circle
Because I completely understand what you're talking about
But he's in a quiet place
He wrote a quiet place
He's the executive producer, he directed it
He stars in it
His wife is the co-lead in it with him
And he took this like this was
his baby that he sold.
He has, like, he wrote it a long time ago.
He's been trying to get this made for such a long time.
And the fact that on top of it, he's a great dad.
And his beard must have the best beard oil in it.
See, I'm only recently learning about this beard oil stuff just because Kessel's talking
about it all the time because he's got a beard now.
It's great.
As someone that frequently kisses on a person with a beard, it makes it soft.
It makes it smell good.
I never break out in a rat.
which is what I always did before whenever I made out with a guy that had a beard.
Hmm.
Really?
Yeah, it's crazy.
Oh, now, now you're interested, Molly.
Oh, John Krasinski's beard oil, you say.
I mean, my husband has a beard.
That's what I'm saying. Get him some beard oil.
Get one. You have to find one that, like, you are, like, insanely, like,
animalistically attracted to the smell of, and it's crazy.
I just want to rub my face in it.
I'm going to have to bring my baby to the store and be like, show me your sexiest
beard oils.
Because I can't go to any where I'm without the baby. It's for the happiness of the baby.
Your muskiest oil, please.
Yeah, although I actually have been thinking, you know, because at least when I was a kid,
like, you know, adults have like a, you have a smell you associate them with.
So I think I would like to have a scent that Freddie will associate me with as she gets older.
Yeah. But not like a terrifying old lady smell, which is most of the smells I associated with
adults in my childhood.
Oh, man.
Oh, yeah.
I just smelled my grandma.
Yeah, you know, everybody had that smell.
But it would be fun if her parents had a smell.
Especially when it's someone you don't like, and then every, it's like, every time I smell my dead as fuck grandmother's perfume, if I'm out, I'm just like, oh.
No!
And I just openly scream in any supermarket.
And I scare everyone.
But, you know, it's like, who needs to go back to the Ralph's?
Not me.
I'm banned for life.
I wish I was.
But you know what I'm not banned from life from.
It's hot dogs.
Oh, yeah.
Happy after Fourth of July.
How many hot dogs did I eat about eight?
Eight?
I think you exceeded your goal.
I definitely exceeded my goal.
Marcus, did you get any hot dogs?
Three.
Three hot dogs.
And wings.
Well, that's the thing.
I had three hot dogs and Carolina made some of wonderful barbecue garlic wings.
Oh, yes.
See, I would float for wings.
Well, I went for both.
Yeah, I had a wonderful Fourth of July.
Yeah, what did you do, Marcus?
Oh, we had a little tiny get-together over at our apartment,
and then we went over to my buddy Dave's place
and watched the fireworks from his roof
while the helicopters were parked right above us.
That wouldn't great.
But so the fireworks were beautiful,
and then we went back to my place and got really drunk,
listened to my master of puppets record really loud,
and played more.
combat for a while.
That sounds great.
So it was a pretty fucking American day.
Master!
I love the public in the strange!
Did you guys do it?
Yeah.
It's such a great album.
You know what?
I don't care.
You know what?
I don't know what?
I don't know.
I love Master of Puppets.
Yeah.
Of course.
Master of Puppets is a classic American album.
As is Rive the Lightning
and Justice for All and Kill them all.
Hell yeah.
I have to learn to like my husband loves Metallica.
Yeah.
And I just don't.
It's not that I don't respect it.
I know that they are good musicians,
but it's like a language that I don't speak.
You don't speak.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's just not what I want out of music.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
No, I mean, there's a lot of great slower songs, too, that I think that you'd eat.
You know what, Molly?
Go take him to see them in concert.
Go on a date night.
They are fantastic in concert.
I will say these days they're hit and miss because...
I mean, they're old now, I guess.
They're very old because Henry saw them twice in like a week,
once with you and once with me.
And the second time, he said they were noticeably more tired.
They're old.
And they also have this thing now where they like bring out a whole bunch of these huge, like,
drums, these giant, I think they're like Hawaiian or something.
and they all play the drums together.
And it's really weird.
And then afterwards, like, James Hepfield came out and was like,
so would you guys, like huge festival, like tens of thousands of like,
so would you guys think of the drums, huh?
We thought it was pretty cool.
I was like, oh, man, if you're going to do the drums,
you got to, like, don't let us know.
Like, it was obviously an idea that their therapist had.
Yeah.
I just was waiting for them to start screaming,
ducks fly together.
F-FLYTHY TIE together.
I was just like, come on, get in the V guys, come on.
Knucklepuck-em, guys!
But I associate Metallica now with Paradise Lost, and all the music in Paradise Lost is great.
And I was like, maybe I'm a metal kid.
Yeah, it's the own, that's the, I think, until, I think, Mission Impossible 2,
that was the only movie that Metallica had ever licensed their music to.
Well, I support.
Which one is, is it until it sleeps in Paradise Lost?
They play one song over and over again.
They only gave them the one, I'm pretty sure.
I think it was sanitarium.
Sanitarium.
That's right.
Just leave me alone.
It's sanitarium.
They are fantastical, Molly.
I think that you would like early Metallica.
Until it sleeps is a great song too.
Yeah.
Do it sleep.
Don't want your rest.
Don't want your greed.
Don't want it.
It's so sinister, you know.
They were trying to be really, like, they were trying to be like creepy, deepy, Metallica and for load.
And it just comes off as very goofy.
Uh-huh.
But it's still fun.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
And then the next one was like fuel.
Just give me fuel, give me fire, give me da-da-da-da-da.
Yeah.
I wanted to ask you guys, slight tangent.
But around the same era, how are we feeling about the Freddie Mercury biopic?
Bad.
Yeah, because they totally, like, erase his being HIV positive, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And he's like, oh, Freddy's sick.
But Queen will go on.
It's like, ah.
But I love Mr. Robot, and I think that he's really sexy.
Yeah.
But he doesn't sing in it.
I think that we talked about this while you were, you know, having a baby.
But what?
Oh, I'm so lame now.
What was really upsetting is like that's why Sasha Baron Cohen left the project
was because they were just going to, like, halfway through the movie.
It's like, Freddie Mercury is dead and then continue on with the story of Queen.
And Sasha Baron Cohen was like, no, this has to be a movie about Freddie Mercury.
I won't do it if it's not just about Freddie Mercury.
So he dropped the project.
Got you.
Who cares what Brian May did after Freddie Mercury?
I mean, he did some cool things.
So you're going to make the rest of the movie about Brian May getting his degree in astrophysics?
Because that's what he did.
It was something like that.
Like he went on to get a doctorate and shit.
But I don't remember there being a whole lot of great queen albums after Freddie Mercury died.
I mean, I'm still going to see the movie.
I'm just not that excited about it.
Yeah.
I don't think I will.
Well, I won't see it in the theater out of principle.
I'll wait until it gets on the VHS tapes.
Oh, my God, guys.
I keep calling the Bluetooth speaker an MP3 player.
And I was like, where's the MP3 player the other day?
I was like, oh, no, that's it.
I'm old.
I'm officially old.
Yeah, you're now about, you have now stuck yourself in time.
Now it's always going to be an MP3 player.
I keep calling it an MP3 player.
I can't stop.
Oh, embrace it.
I have already, but long before I was a mom,
I was already just exasperating my students by not understanding anything.
And it's fantastic.
I really highly recommend it.
It's freeing.
You'll never be cool again.
although I am wearing a baseball hat that says hashtag selfie on it that I won at David Busters.
I saw that selfie you posted and I was proud of you.
I am really, I love it, but I realize that it's a little bit more charming.
I think when I wear it when I'm also wearing the baby, when I'm wearing it by myself and is not quite as.
I kind of love it.
I'm going to say I love it.
It says winner.
Yes, bet.
She's a winner.
Just lean in.
You got to lean into being basic.
I'm doing it.
You know, you get yourself a wine spritzer, you take a selfie.
You know what?
You smile.
Yeah.
I mean, again, our ship has sailed.
We will never, ever know what's going on.
No.
So just, really just go full Grandpa Simpson and embrace it.
I saw this article that I was just like, is this a 30-year-old vlogger that wrote this article about the new Snapchat thing that's happening, I guess, or what they're referring to it as, where it's like the new turrets.
But they said for teens is that when you're dating, you got like, you're Gatsbying.
Gatsbying.
I know, I feel like this is like Gats, Gats buying.
Like Gatsbyn?
Gatsbyn.
Gatsby.
Like J. Gatsby?
Correct.
That, like, everything on your social media and everything on your, you know, like your
Instagram, your Snapchat, everything that you post is to like show your best life is to do everything to make, like, to make everyone think that you are the cool.
listen, you are the best just to get like your crushes attention.
What a nice literary reference.
What a nice literary reference.
What for the children?
I think that that really shows a lot of reading comprehension.
I support it.
There's no way a child came up with it.
There is, this is a trap for us, our generation, to be like, oh, no, we know what the
kids are saying?
Oh, they're Gatsby.
And then for a 13 year old to look at him like, what the fuck are you talking about?
Try it on your knees, Jackie.
Oh, she wouldn't know.
She's a lame
I'm sorry
She's a lame
She's a lame
She doesn't break any rules
She's very good
Well
We can identify with her
I can identify with her
What are you talking about
I'm bad to the bone
Were you a bad to the bone
Tween?
Uh yeah
I mean I never got caught for it
So I feel like then it's like
Nah you know
Was she bad to the bone?
You were probably bad to the bone too right?
Never got caught?
Never got caught?
Rarely got caught twice
Yeah, now it was about it.
What'd you get caught doing?
Got caught throwing a party when my parents were out of town because we got a case,
Keystone Light.
And you know, remember how cases you should just come in those like kind of small cardboard boxes?
It was just about halfway up.
And we neglected to throw one away.
My dad does not drink Keystone.
Or he drinks it now.
Back then he was a Budweiser man.
He was like, I'm going to have one of these.
Yeah.
I don't remember.
No.
So he caught us.
And the other time was I was sneaking in a beer to drink in my room.
And my mom was up.
And she was like, what is that in your jacket?
I'm like, nothing.
Oh, no.
It was in your jacket, too?
She caught it?
I like hit it.
Yeah, she could see the bulge.
She was up watching.
She never stayed up late, but that night she stayed up late.
Oh, I can't wait to be like, is that a beer in your jacket, my child?
My child.
Share it with mother.
No, that's why you need to have a sibling for Freddie
because Henry never did anything wrong,
so he would always be the one that got checked.
And I'm like, I don't know, Mom, Henry's so bad.
Meanwhile, I was like doing lines
and just like partying and drinking all night.
I'm like, Henry's just so scary.
But he's just out like making videos with his friends.
Mom, I'm not smoking the pot.
See, I was not bad to the bone
as evidenced by my previous reveal.
that I listened to Real Big Fish when I was angry.
The Scott kids tended to be the sober ones.
Yeah, the straight edge.
Nothing wrong with being straight-edge.
No, none at all.
No.
I think that it is a lot of straight-edge people are wonderful.
But at that time, there was like a convergence,
and it was also weirdly hyper-masculine,
and it wasn't the best.
And I was a trumpet player, and trumpet players,
and I say this is a trumpet player,
they are trash people, especially the men.
Wait, why are trumpet people?
Why are they trash people?
Because the men who choose to play trumpet, not all men, my two best friends in high school were two male trumpet players.
But if you choose to play trumpet, especially if you're a man, you are choosing the loudest, like most phallic in your face, not phallic, but it's just a loud in your face instrument.
And it matches the personality of a lot of people who choose it.
I get you.
Now, if you want trash, you go to the drum line.
Yes, that's true.
That is universally true.
That's where all us trash are like really hang out.
Yeah, because we've got two dicks that we get to hold on to and make real big noise all the time.
Bang, bang, bang.
Yeah, that's true.
Yeah, no, now the true trash is always the drum line.
Yeah, I'm going to say it.
Because we're all the way at the back, too.
I had two crushes on two different boys who were in the Woodwind section.
So that's also evidence of mine not being bad to the bone.
But I say go to the Woodwinds section.
Don't they have spit traps or something on those?
Trumpets have spit traps.
Woodwinds, no, they have to like lick the real ones.
read a lot. It always really weirded me out.
They have to like really lick it a lot.
Exactly.
You're like licking a lick it a lot.
That's what I would, man.
But y'all just banged each other though.
See, not me. I wish I had.
I had a, I really missed out.
But yes, the goal should be that you're all banging each other.
My first kiss was on the band bus with a woodwind player.
What?
I thought you'd just say with a woodwind.
Just like you kissing.
Kissing, what is it?
A bassoon?
Just like, this is my new girlfriend.
she's quiet all the time unless I blow.
Come on, baby, you could be louder than that.
Come on, baby.
The elbow.
Yeah, those are the obnoxious ones.
No, it's why I always wanted to play a tuba, though,
because I felt like that really, like, that was me as an instrument.
Yeah, right?
The big brass, the people who played the big brass instruments were great.
Yeah, they were very nice people.
The tuba players are always the nicest people.
It's true.
They were like big jolly people.
Should I say sousaphone?
Yeah, they were great.
Is that the same thing?
Fantastic.
They're somewhat different, I think.
Marching band version.
The sousaphone is the marching band version.
That's when you hold.
Uh-huh.
It has the big.
I want it to be wrapped around me like a big Latin lover.
Yeah, you want a sousaphone.
Yeah, I want a sousaphone.
I feel like the tubes never got laid, though, did they?
Actually, the two tuba players in our band ended up marrying each other.
Oh, that's sweet.
Still married, still happily married to this day.
Wow.
Great people.
Good for them.
Good for them.
Yeah, I'll still talk to them every once in a while.
They're really good people.
Because they're tuba players.
I mean, not today.
Here at page 7, the only thing you may be learning about is how slip and slide you meet gets when you're in public
and thinking about John Krasinski.
Good Lord, that beard!
Yeah, we ain't a bunch of brainzoids,
but that's why we started using Udemy
to put down our horny for a second
and open up our ears to fun times learning style
that wouldn't have been available to us 10 years ago.
UDEMI is over 65,000 courses,
from coding to comic book art,
available anywhere on their website and app.
They have the largest and most accessible online learning marketplace
to slap up your brain and say,
wake up you nits, it's time for a learn spell.
UDEMI is something for everyone.
Y'all now have got bad brain bugs
and I'm currently rebuilding my train wreck of a life,
but their mental health courses like writing the next chapter of your life
are actually helping me rip the thoraxes
off my itty-bitty, mean, creepy crawlies.
I can listen to it when I'm bopping to the studio
or when I'm taking the train to kiss on a boy zilla
or even at home.
It gives me access to new knowledge wherever I am.
That sounds like I need to have my legs spread as I'm saying it.
Don't worry, they are.
Wide open legs.
Check out UDEMI.
You know, I know I didn't pay attention in college
because I had slurping of all kinds to do,
but UDEMI is out there killing it
to help you improve your skills and careers in your lives.
And they help me set up this exclusive offer for my listeners only.
Go to UDE.
page 7 right now and get 90% off when you sign up for classes.
You'll not find a better price to sign up for classes now using my link,
U-D-E.
dot my slash page 7, and get access to life-changing classes for 90% off.
And make sure you download their app for your phone
so you can stream your studies wherever you are.
That's U-D-E.m-Y-slash-page 7.
U-D-E dot my slash page 7.
I think obnoxious likes obnoxious
because, I mean, both of my parents were accordion players.
Wait, what?
I never told you this?
I don't think I knew that.
You didn't know that either, Mark?
No, I absolutely didn't know this.
Really?
Oh, yeah, they played the accordion.
Together?
Can they duet?
They can, yeah, they got their honers in the garage.
And of all the things that we take from our parents' house,
the only thing we are not allowed to take ever or play with are the accordions.
Really?
Oh, yeah, my dad will bring it out just to be obnoxious, though.
So it's just like, it'll be two o'clock in the morning.
It's like, go to sleep, dad.
Because, like, I want to go get high out in the fucking backyard.
I need you go sleep.
Time to go to sleep.
And it'll just come out and I was in here.
Yeah.
Fuck him.
Really!
Did they meet, like, at an accordion concert?
No, he played, she had seen him play at Carnegie Hall.
What?
And then, but then my dad ended up seeing, he fell in love with her because my mom was a,
what's it called?
A lou I'm singing at a ball.
Lounge singer.
Your mom was a lounge singer?
Yeah, at an Irish bar.
So it was just a bunch of drunks,
like Yehan and Toot Tootin
or whatever you Irish do.
And it was just her singing.
What did they do?
Clink, clink.
Cheers.
Jig? Chairs.
Slonsha?
Slantia, yeah.
But they're some jigging as well.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
They jig.
I don't think my.
dad was jigging. But they can play together and they never showed us how to play the accordion,
which was for the best, because can you imagine if Henry and I also knew how to play the
accordion? I would love it so much if both of you knew how to play the accordion.
Yeah, I didn't think that you two could get better, but I think that that could.
Because you know we would never actually learn how to play.
You would just want to make the most obnoxious sounds.
I mean, how Polish can the family get?
accordion polish.
Wow.
I can't believe you guys didn't know that my parents
played the accordion.
No, never in all of the, what,
eight years that we've known each other.
And work together constantly.
Oh, yeah, and not just work with, like,
not just the two of us, but also working with your
brother constantly as well.
For eight years, never.
Maybe it's just something we're scared of.
That is incredible.
And I do wish that you both played accordion,
to be honest.
I just, you know what?
It's too many buttons.
Yeah, there's a lot of buttons.
You have to, like, it's quite a skill to play an accordion.
Yeah, it looks very complicated.
I want to do one of the who, what is it?
Harmonica.
No, no, no, who, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
Melodica.
Melodica.
Is that the ones that's strapped to you?
Who, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
Yes, who, ding, ding, ding, ding.
Yeah, I get you.
Yeah.
Who, ding, ding, ding, ding.
You can practice in your scales.
Ooh, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
Yeah, I got it.
Where do they use those?
What kind of music is that?
Skah.
I know like Gorillas uses them a lot.
Hmm.
I like the new Gorilla song.
It's very beachy.
I haven't listened to it yet.
I heard the new album's great.
It's a lot of fun, and their music video is Jack Black in it,
and I think that that means that they're going to,
I think they're doing the soundtrack for,
or like with Tenacious D in the new Tenacious D movie.
Ooh, that would be awesome.
Yeah, that's at least the word on the street
Nothing's been, I don't think, said yet
officially, but he's great in the music video.
You know what? I really like the gorillas.
I love him. Yeah, I got to say, you know,
speaking of Metallica, I saw gorillas one night,
Metallica the next night.
Gorillas were fucking amazing live.
Best show of the weekend.
Man, you are going to love Radiohead tomorrow.
I have been wanting to see Radiohead
since I was 14.
You haven't seen him live ever?
I have never seen him live.
Really.
We're going to go see him in Madison Square Garden tomorrow night.
I am beyond jazzed.
You must be so excited.
I'm so excited.
I cried the entire time, but I was on a, quite a cocktail.
But I did cry the entire time.
Yeah.
Good tears.
I'll have emotions, I'm sure.
Oh, you definitely will.
I'm sure I'll definitely have quite a few emotions.
Many things will happen.
What I was, I didn't mean, I feel like I need to bring this back to this because I want to make sure that we talk about this because I need your guys' help.
But I only have a few days to do it.
Guys, the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council is looking for a hot dog ambassador.
Jackie!
What did you call me?
A, someone who was very lovely sent me this link on the Twits of the other day.
And I only have a few days to get my hot dog resume together,
but I could possibly be the Southwest hot dog official ambassador.
Ambassador to whom?
To the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council.
No, who is the ambassadorship, like, to?
The world.
Think you have what it takes to be an official ambassador for Hot Dog Nation?
Send us your hot dog resume.
This July, the Nashville Hot Dog and Sausage Council will name five regional hot dog ambassadors,
one in the Northeast, Southeast, Midwest, Southwest, and West.
We're looking for people with a passion for hot dogs in a strong background and preparing,
eating, enjoying, debating, and celebrating them as a great All-American food.
Wow, Jackie, you didn't really miss any details.
All the regions are represented.
Right?
I do all of this, and they said if it's too, like, sexual of a resume,
then you get immediately disqualified, which I'm very glad that they included that.
We get it, okay?
It's a hot dog ambassadorship, but leave your immature jokes at home.
This is for the serious diplomats.
My main question is, what is a hot dog resume?
They do not answer.
They don't explain it?
I like it.
It says photos, videos, and other creative accompaniments are encouraged.
So does that mean I need to come up with a hot dog song?
Hot dog, hot dogs, put a slough on my dog.
Come on over, girl.
Get your muscle.
Get your crowd.
Because I want to slur be good.
Because I love a dog in my buns.
Done.
I just wrote a hot dog song.
Can we clip that?
I'm saying.
And if you win, you're going to be able to get a hot dog ambassador business card
that can use for deals at NHDSC partner restaurants.
Oh.
You get a $100 gift card for their favorite hot dogs?
Favorite hot dogs.
But it says their favorite hot dogs.
The National Hot Dog and Sausage Council.
The Council.
I like that it's a little.
not a brand, it's a council.
Yeah, please, can we just start calling the N-H-D-S-C?
Because, I mean, everyone knows about the council.
I like Marcus's clarification, because you do have to be an ambassador to something.
It's like a, it is a two-way street.
Yeah, you're not just an ambassador that sits there.
You were an ambassador to something or someone else.
Yeah, you've got to do some ambassadorship.
The goodwill of hot dogs.
That or is like, do I get, like, diplomatic impunity?
If I go to other countries, does that mean I can steal hot dogs wherever I go?
You start parking your car anywhere.
If I see a dog, the dog is immediately mine.
And it's like, I can take hot dogs from children.
I think that's what it really means.
As long as you be sure to wear your NHDSC Weiner Warrior T-shirt.
See, my issue is, is can we make official page 7 Weiner Warrior T-shirts instead?
Or does the NHDSC have it copyright?
They've got to have a lawyer.
I do not see a trademark or a copyright symbol next to Weiner Warrior.
If they have an ambassador, though, they must have a lawyer.
A lawyer is a real job.
A hot dog ambassador, not a real job.
I'm Googling Weiner Warrior.
I also don't want to step to hotdog.org because Lord knows what kind of people they got behind them at the dot org situation.
It's a dot org.
Wow.
And it's hot dash dog.org, meaning that hotdog.org was taking.
Already taken. There's another hot dog.
I'm going to see what hot dog.org is.
There's another council in town.
Well, I think someone's just, there's nothing there.
I think someone's just sitting on it.
Just parking on it. That's rude.
We should get it.
Everyone loves it.org.
We should get hot-dashdog.edu.
I'm into it.
Yeah, get it. Yeah, it's like we're educating people on how great hot dogs are
and how much better your life is if you could just slurp down a hot dog.
Well, on the NHDSC website, there's a media.
There's a whole subheading for soft.
sausage basics, then there's culture.
Hmm.
Is a hot dog a sandwich?
What do you think?
I hate this conversation.
No, it's not.
It's different.
If you said I'm going out to get a sandwich,
that doesn't mean you're getting a hot dog.
I think a hot dog is a whole own separate thing.
If anything, if anything, it's like a taco.
It's an American taco.
I would agree with that.
I agree with you.
I mean, I'm going to give you the.
the top 12 reasons from the NHDSC why hot dog and sandwich are not interchangeable.
So they're on the council side.
You've done your research.
Number 12.
If you were watching a great athlete showing off during a game, you don't call them a sandwich.
What do you go?
Wait, you say hot dog.
I do not like that.
That guy is hot dogging.
They lost me.
I have never used it in that way.
He hasn't never said like, oh, look at that athlete.
He's a hot dog.
My mom says that all the time.
Yeah, that guy's hot dogging around.
Like, if we're at the roller rink, my mom will be like,
watch out for that hot dog over there.
That's so awesome.
Why am I not using that?
I'm really surprised.
I figured you'd already be on this hot dog and wagon.
It's actually really great and useful.
It's like somebody's being a cocky asshole.
They're being a hot dog.
Number 11.
Does ESPN broadcast sandwich eating contests?
Truffs.
Very truff.
Number 10.
Imagine being at the ballpark with the organ playing, the crowd cheering, and a vendor walking through the stand saying, sandwich, get your sandwich here.
Doesn't make any sense.
I mean, I'd buy a sandwich.
I would.
I'd buy a sandwich.
Are there actually nine more reasons, though?
Dirty Harry would not have sounded nearly as ominous if he had said, never ever put mayo on a sandwich.
But when he said, never ever put ketchup on a hot dog, people sat up and listened.
When did he say that?
Was it a Chicago dog he's talking about?
Because you don't put ketchup on a Chicago dog.
I don't remember that part of that movie.
Is that a big part?
I've never seen Dirty Harry before, which I know it's on my list.
We've talked about this before.
But I don't think that that's, I don't hear that as a quote very often.
You wouldn't get arrested for putting ketchup on a sandwich in Chicago.
See?
I should be the hot dog ambassador as well,
because I know about Chicago dogs.
I won't take it out for money.
You are more than welcome.
You can go out for the Northeast ambassador of hot dogs.
I don't want to take it from you,
but I guess we could both be ambassadors.
Well, yeah, no, this is a regional ambassador ship.
Okay, great.
Perfect.
No one ever sang if they wished they were a sandwich.
Think about that.
That's not true.
I'll bet people are saying about how they wish they were a sandwich, though.
Babe Ruth wasn't sent to the hospital
and rumored to be dead because he ate too many sandwiches.
But Elvis is rumored to have died for eating the sandwich, so that point is not.
And so is Mama Cass?
Mama Cass died for eating the sandwich.
But Babe Ruth specifically, yes, I agree with you.
Number two, you don't go to the ballpark and see racing sandwiches.
And number one, if you won the lottery, would you say sandwich?
No.
You'd say hot dog.
Like that none of these things have anything to do with the actual hot dog or a sandwich.
It's only in how you say the word hot dog.
And you know what?
I appreciate this list.
I think it's a fantastic list.
This list is too punny for you.
I think that you need to look for a better hot dog counsel that has a better sense of humor.
I think there's only one hot dog can't.
Put in hot dog counsel.
See how many hot dog councils there are.
I'm just sad that I didn't know about the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council to begin.
with. I mean, they are, uh, they're definitely a force to be reckoned with.
They've got a Wikipedia page. Do you know it was founded in 1994, four by the American
Meat Institute?
I, I'm sorry, just also quick, I immediately clicked on hot dog etiquette on hot dog.org. First
thing, there's a whole video, but the first thing it says is hot dog equals five bites.
Five bites to a hot dog.
That sounds like some a crazy person would say.
These are insane do's and don'ts of hot dog etiquette.
I don't, maybe I don't, maybe I'm not into hot dog culture enough.
Condiments remaining on the fingers after eating a hot dog should be licked away, not washed.
You can get all this in a brochure.
You can download a brochure and print it out.
I need it. I need it.
Oh my God. Hot Dogs Facts and Figures and Folklore. Oh yeah. Need the brochure. Do I need a brochure? Yes, I do. Man. I've never fallen in love with the council so hard.
I don't know if you're... I'm sorry, Molly, that you can't, you know, join us in our Hot Dog Brigade, but...
I mean, what you can adhere to the rule. Never bring wine to a hot dog barbecue.
I could adhere to that rule.
Damn right.
They probably have some sort of snarky line about tofu dogs on there, don't they?
Actually, no, they don't.
Oh, good.
No, there's no vegetarian shaming on it, and I appreciate that.
That's nice.
I'll be the tofu ambassador.
It's not as much fun, but yes.
It's okay.
But, you know, if I'm going to a barbecue at one ambassador place,
I'm going to a hot dog council, Molly, I'm sorry.
No, it's all right.
Not for nothing, but tofu dogs are gross.
Veggie burgers, some of them can be.
good, as we established, but
tofu dogs are not good.
Embassy, the hot dog embassy.
What, there's a hot dog embassy?
There could be if you become ambassador.
Maybe we should just make our own embassy.
Guys, come on.
A sovereign hot dog nation.
We're really like getting into
some international law problems here, though,
if you create your own embassy.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
Everybody in the clothes smelling good now.
Eric, Anna, smell it good.
When you're ballin in the club, you want to have a scent that is not just sweat and desperation.
Finding your right Kalagna is like dating all of your horrible exes.
Think about all of your mistakes.
Wait, don't.
No matter what time it is, it is way too early for that.
Fleur is here to help and is bringing the feeling back into fragrances.
I wish they could help stop my nighttime mistakes, but let's face it, at least I'm.
I'm smelling good while I cry.
Flur is a revolutionary way
of discovering and experiencing
fragrance. It's like the revolutionary war
without all those dang musket balls
getting in your craw.
You get to know Flur's scents with pictures,
words, and music on their site. And if you
like what you hear and see, chances are
move over, men's warehouse.
You're going to like the way you smell.
I guarantee it. Am I allowed to say that?
Don't arrest me, men's warehouse. I'm too
pretty for jail.
Get these gender-free scents shipped on over to you
and try them at home without those blouse-wearing mongrels
staring you down at the delards.
Each flur scent is created by world-class perfumers
and inspired by real moments for your real life.
Unlike the Chloe Kardashian-Lamar-Odham,
unbreakable perfume I used to wear,
man, they was breakable.
The best part?
Fluor is a completely transparent fragrance company.
They tell you every ingredient in their perfumes
and why it's there.
No secrets, no nasty ingredients,
And no BS.
Only thing nasty on me is my mesh, and that's sexy, nasty.
I am still rocking Hepcat, because I am digging the H out of its T.
Makes me feel young again.
Fleur creates sustainably crafted award-winning perfumes,
delivered with transparency at an honest price.
What's not to love?
Go to fleur.com today and use promo code page 7 to get 20% off your custom Flur sample set.
Pick three cents to try and get credit towards a full-sized bottle of your favorite.
That's promo code page 7 at flur.com to try three Fleur fragrances of your choice at 20% off.
P-H-L-U-R dot com.
I know that Dave Grohl's not going to have any international law problems with these tie boys that were just pulled out of a cave.
You guys like that intro to a story?
What did Dave Grohl have to do with it?
With the Thai boys?
Oh yeah, baby.
So I guess when they were, iPods were sent down to the children that were captured in the cave.
Henry just gave me the story right before we started recording.
And he told me all about it.
And it was just so funny that I can't not bring it up.
To help them, like, cope.
They sent iPods.
And what they asked for on the iPods was foo fighters because they loved the foo fighters.
That's nice.
And so afterwards, now that they're all rescued, Dave Grohl came out and said that now all of them have two free tickets.
and two free beers to any food fighter show.
Nice.
But also, they're children.
They're children.
I don't think Dave Grohl paid much attention to this story.
I don't think that he did, but I like it because it was a Henry's quote that was like,
man, they grew up pretty fast in that cave.
You know what?
Give him a beer.
I think if you survive a cave, you get a beer.
Yeah, I think that that's fair.
They're like not very small children.
They're like young teenagers.
They're like 14-15, right?
Yeah, I think so.
I don't really know too much about the story.
It was just Henry went on and on about making them.
It's like, I mean, it's a very nice gesture from Dave Grohl.
There's, I bet they also, like, he probably could have, like, sent them money to, like, you know, for like, you know, mental health bills or whatever they're going to need after being trapped in a cave of being scared of being inside of a car or any kind of enclosed space.
But no, they get two free tickets and two beers every concert.
It's nice.
But do they need that?
Come on, man.
Two free tickets to a foo fighters rock concert and two free brews.
Come on.
You said every concert?
No, just one.
No.
Because if it was everyone, then they would just have like a life purpose,
which would just be to attend every foo fighters concert.
I guess the next time that foo fighters play in Bangkok.
Gotta happen sometimes.
Yeah, he's not even flying them to a huge big show.
It's just like, if it's close to you and you can take.
your cart or whatever you got.
You know, it just moves you on over.
If you find yourself in the U.S., you got two beers waiting for you at a foo fighter show.
I mean, you know, he tried.
Yeah.
He did something.
It really is very, very too.
I did not follow the story at all because I was like, I can't handle if this doesn't go well,
but it is very much like the Boy in the Well episode of The Simpsons.
Oh, yes.
When Sting.
This is exactly.
Instead of saying it's Dave Grohl.
Not while one of my fans are still trapped down there.
The parallels are tremendous.
It's just Dave Grohl.
He's not being as heroic as Sting was in the substance episode.
Oh my God, they did call it, didn't they?
The citizen's called it.
They did.
This is exactly what happened.
All right, time for the Lou.
Who's on the list?
Marcus, got to have that list.
Here's an interesting one.
the richest celebrities today by net worth.
Oh, that's a good list.
Do you want to start at the top and move down or start at the bottom and move up?
Start at 25 or start at 1?
Let's start at 25.
Yeah, started from the bottom.
Now we're here.
Johnny Depp worth $200 million.
Oh, man, he's getting sued for that punch, though.
I'll tell you what.
Take it.
Take his net worth.
Tom Hanks, though, worth $350 million.
I'm surprised he's that.
Also, happy birthday because his birthday was yesterday.
Happy birthday, Tom.
Oh, my God, it's a tale as old as time.
Song as old as rhyme.
Tom and his Rita.
And if I ever meet him, that's what I'm going to sing.
Speaking of singers, Barbara Streisand, 390 million.
Beats out time.
Good for us.
Mm-hmm.
LeBron James, 400 million.
Good for him.
Sports.
Mel Gibson is worth 425 million.
Oh, get him off the list.
Still?
Take his net worth.
Oh, yeah.
Mel Gibson is going to be worth a lot of money forever.
Redistribute it.
What is it?
What gets him that, though?
You know, all those huge, gigantic hits directing.
Oh, all of them just like accumulated.
It wasn't like one big thing.
Yeah, I'm sure it's like, yeah, directing everything, all that shit.
He was probably executive producer on a ton of things.
Yeah.
Peter Jackson, $450 million.
Oh, I mean, that's a given.
Yeah, yeah.
All those habits.
They hop in on into that bank account, so you would.
All those habits.
Beyonce, also tied, $450 million.
At number, what number are we at?
We're at number 19.
Okay.
The beehive is buzzing saying that she's pregnant again,
but I think that she just had a little pooch.
And you don't go for her.
Go for ha.
That's fine.
George Clooney, $500 million.
He beats him.
Oh, and he gotten a scooter accident yesterday.
I got a thing for everybody on me.
Oh, I know you got a thing for the next one.
Elton John, 500 million.
Damn, you hell, yeah.
I'm it closer billions of dollars.
That's all he needs, baby.
But, you know, and this is a surprising one.
Who's above Elton John at 520 million?
Billy Joel.
Mariah Carey.
Oh.
Whoa.
All right.
I wonder, but it's all that, it's damn all I want for Christmas is you.
She's still making so much money.
Well, she's sold over 200 million albums.
Dude, I mean, it's like, go for her.
But you know what?
It's like, clean up your act for the kids, maybe.
Tom Cruise, also worth $550 million.
Everyone who comes after Beyonce, I'm going to be just personally offended on her behalf.
Are you personally offended by Jimmy Buffett at $600 million?
Not at all.
That's great.
Good for him.
That's also not Jimmy Buffet.
That's not a Jimmy Buffett song.
What?
Oh, yeah, it's close enough.
It's fucking close enough.
Cheeseburger in Paradise.
Cheeseburger in Paradise.
But it sure is nice.
It is crazy that Pena Claude is not a Jimmy Buffet song.
Just throwing that out there.
No, that's just, it just doesn't make any sense.
There are some surprises on here.
Tyler Perry is the 13th richest celebrity in the world with $600 million.
He's got a franchise.
Dude, he just sent Tiffany Haddish a Tesla
because she keeps going all over the place saying that she wants a Tesla.
One day she's going to get herself a Tesla.
So he just sent her a Tesla.
Can you imagine having that kind of money?
Tesla money.
Like Tesla, like casual Tesla money.
Casual Tesla, not even for yourself or for a loved one to someone else.
She's like, you don't have it.
Yeah.
The way I would buy an acquaintance, say, a hot dog.
I'm like, nah, I got this one.
I got you a Tesla.
Yeah.
Bono worth 700 million.
That's offensive.
Yuck.
James Cameron also worth 700 million.
But that's Titanic.
And Avatar and Terminator.
Yeah, yeah, that's a lot of it.
Of course, you know, he never has to work again.
I'm sure he won't.
He shouldn't.
Go to sleep.
Speaking of Titanic, Celine Dion, 800 million.
Damn, go for.
Yeah.
Dr. Dre is at 800 million.
It's the headphones.
It's...
Is it the headphones?
The headphones was a very, very large part of it.
But he also...
I mean, I guess it's his prolific career.
It's also...
It's producing, like, some of the biggest hip-hop albums of all time.
Yeah, it's probably that.
The chronic, you know, all the M&M stuff.
Yeah.
Doggy style.
Oh, yeah.
Dr. Dre will always be a very rich man.
Good for him.
Madonna is also at 800 million.
I support that.
P. Diddy.
820 million.
Take him off.
What does he do?
A producer.
Like, these producers, they get a lot of...
And plus, you know,
all the songs that he put out that were so terrible.
He's not good.
No.
Jerry Seinfeld, $870 million.
I say thumbs up.
I say, go ahead, Jerry.
I'm with it.
I also watch a few of the comedians in the cars
riding with the Yuck Yucke Yucs, what is it called?
It's interesting.
I think it's a fun of the Yucke Yucs is a far superior show
hosted by Jackie.
And a car that is powered by her own feet.
Yeah, man, just me getting tired and be like, I need an ice cream.
I'm me eating ice cream for five minutes and not talking.
Like, we only eat ice cream in silence.
Jay-Z, 900 million.
He's number five.
Dang.
Dang.
All right.
J.K. Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter books, she is worth $1 billion.
I guess that makes sense.
I love her. Good for you, girl. You got it, girl.
She wrote him on napkins.
I just rewatch all the Harry Potter movies. They're delightful.
Yeah. Right? Did you cry? I'm not going to say it. Spoiler alert.
Yeah, I did. Cry when Henry cried?
Yeah, I don't know when Henry cried, but there's like a couple of occasions.
It's so nice.
Yes, I know exactly. That's exactly what I was thinking of.
And I, yes, I did. Yes, I did.
Did I tell that story? I looked over it, like all three of us were watching it.
I looked over at Henry and I saw the tear.
I was like, are you crying?
Because we forced him to watch Harry Potter, and he goes,
he looks like Wendy.
It's not my fault.
Oh, he thinks everything looks like Wendy.
He uses that as an excuse way too often.
By me, Dobby does kind of look like Wendy.
Spoiler it.
Sorry, guys, spoiler alert.
I mean, at this point, you know, I'm sorry.
Paul McCartney is worth $1.2 billion.
That's allowed.
Yeah.
Man, there was a video of him at his, like, nephew's wedding,
or his, like, great-nephew's wedding,
and he was hammered and he went up and he started,
it wasn't let it be, what's his song that's,
I mean,
let it be John's song,
is it yesterday's or baby I'm amazed?
I think it was,
I think it was baby I'm amazed.
Yeah.
And he went up and he's hammered.
He's like,
and like everyone's crying and all.
And he was like,
hell yeah,
man,
good for you.
I was fucking,
it's like yeah,
go do something like that.
Yeah.
Go get hammered and sing that
at your great nephew's wedding.
It's perfect.
And he's at number three.
Number two.
Oh,
do you guys think that you can guess
two and one?
Ooh, this is scary fun.
Yeah, that is scary fun.
I'm going to say the Rock is one of them.
Rock is not even in the top 25.
I cannot believe that.
If the Rock was worth more than Paul McCartney,
I would have been a little bit disturbed.
I guess that's true.
Who are we missing?
I mean, just think like some of the biggest media names of all time.
One person is in media and the other one's in movies.
One is in media and one is in movies and they're the biggest names of all time.
We've already done Tom Cruise, did Mel Gibson, Brad Pitt.
Nope, Brad Pitt's not even in the top 25 somehow.
Give us a little hint.
Uh, yay!
Uh, yay!
I don't know what the hell it was.
Diana Ross?
What are you doing?
No, she does it on a TV show.
She does on her TV show.
Oh, Oprah.
That's what she does.
Of all the things you could have said about Oprah.
That's not.
That's so many things you could have said.
Nobody's just words.
I don't know. It was the first thing that came to mind.
It's the first thing I thought of.
She does go, oh, a lot.
That makes sense.
Oprah makes sense.
She's number two.
She's number two.
Man.
Who has more money than Oprah?
The most more money than anyone.
Oprah's number two at $3.2 billion.
And number one, it's a movie guy, director.
Steven Spielberg.
Steven Spielberg.
Riches celebrity of all time.
Wait, when does she do that?
When does she do that?
She goes like, today's guest is Tom Cruise.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's what you're going.
Mancoma!
My favorite thing.
Exactly.
Oh, yeah, I mean, yeah, now, all right, I see it now.
I don't even know if I want to do blind items.
I think that was too good.
I think we're gonna, we'll be back now.
There's plenty of blind items.
We'll come back next week with blind items.
What celebrity's voice sounds like this?
I'm sure Oprah's so happy.
That's what she's doing for.
Of all of the things she's done, just for screaming.
Thank you guys so much for joining us this week.
please just mosey on over to our Patreon page
if and you have the likens for it
is patreon.com
slash page 7 podcast 7 the number
This week we got episode 2
Pretty Little Liars. We are coming out with our
Mystery Science Theater-esque
commentary, Molly and I, as
way too old to watch it
and yet still just as turned on.
Turned on and confused. That's how I feel
when I watch pretty little liars.
I'm totally
into it. Please check us out. We got a lot of great stuff on there and I'm so happy that you
guys listen to us today. You can find me on Instagram. I'm at Jack That Worm. I'm at MJK. L. Kat.
I'm Marcus Parks. Hell yeah. Thank you guys so much for listening and I think we'll talk to you next week.
Bye.
