Page 7 - Episode 264: Summer of Smangaritas

Episode Date: July 20, 2018

Jackie, Molly and Marcus gab about bros icing bros, "Whitney" and beanie babies.  Want even more hot goss? Take a spin over to our Patreon page! https://www.patreon.com/page7podcast To buy a P.Ball and receive 2 months of free streaming, visit http://pvolve.com/page7 and enter page7 at checkout. Thanks to Quip for sponsoring this episode. Get your first refill pack free at http://getquip.com/page7 Rainbows, Off to Osaka Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

No, go breaking my heart. I couldn't if I tried. Oh, no, I lost the song. God damn it! No, I was working on it. Oh, no. No, no. I have been working on such a playlist, Molly.

For you, it is called Quiet. That baby. Yes. And it is on there, and I think that that is a good one. Because, you know what? Having a child is constant heartbreak. It's true. They say that it's like giving birth to your heart

and then carrying it around outside your body. That's horrifying. My heart came out of my pussy and now I have to carry it around in a bag. Oh no. Why is it sucking on my teeties? I have to keep it with me at all times. Yeah, and then think about it.

No wonder parents get so upset every time. It's like I feel like every time I talk to my mother on the phone She's just like, it's like, my heart is across the coast. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, I get it. I hear you. I guess you love me. Well, and that's nice.

Your playlist can't come fast enough because I've landed on Paradise by the Dashboard Light because I can easily conjure up all of the words. Okay. And it's great, and I love that song, but I don't want to kill that song in my heart. You know, I love that song. And now I'm just constantly walking around being the word. I'm like, I remember every little bit, if I happened only yesterday. And it's becoming a little bit tedious, and so I need to mix it up.

I've got a lot of good ones on there. I mean, there's, I have to cool it with Elton John. There's a good about Elton John on there so far. I got a lot of like, you'll be in my heart. Although technically, I guess now you are singing to your outside heart, and that's kind of creepy. So now I think I'm going to have to take off a bunch of songs on there, because now I'm just going to think of Freddie as your outside heart. Oh, that's fun. I can sing from my, maybe I have two hearts now, you know, it's like a, I don't know, some sort of twin, evil twin heart that's on the outside.

You see, you got a quado, like total recall. Yes. Actually, you kind of, like you're actually, the harness that you have right now, it's like a up higher quado because quado was down on the belly. Oh, okay. This is my heart quado. Quaid. See, I was more thinking of what movie is that when it's like he's got the two. twin brother, but it's nothing. It's just like a blob filled with teeth and hair. Basket case. Basket case. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking it's more like basket case. That's what I would have. That's why I shouldn't have a child. Oh, you know another song that came into my head in the middle of the night this week, this week's edition of what came into my head, a song that I used to sing in a children's choir that I believe

is a Billy Joel song. Help me out, Jackie, called Good Night My Angel. Are you familiar? Oh my God. That's such a good song. Good night, my angel. Now it's time to sleep. That's the one. That, he wrote it for his daughter and it's very sweet. It's sweet, but the choir version that we sang of it was annoying. And now I have like all the harmonies in my head. Like, you know, like what the altos and stuff were singing.

And it's just not playing well. No, that's what you got to get. You got to just do the baritone part. You know, just like keep the harmony. Right? Yeah. I guess, you know, Billy Joel, as much as he is not one of my favorite. He's probably a good guy for baby songs because I feel like I need the songs with a lot of words, you know, because I just need to have to keep going.

I put Mona Lisa's and Manhatters on there. I don't know if you know that Elton John song, Molly, but it's about the hardships of living in the city and that sometimes you just find one person that helps you get through the day. And I think you should learn the lyrics to that, you know, in between like not sleeping and breastfeeding and bopping up and down, whatever else you do is a mother now. But that's a good one. It's very sad, though. You know I love sad songs. I know you do it. Rose trees never grow in New York City. No, out if it's dark outside, oh, light.

It's very, I, it was like something I listened to the last week I lived in New York over and over again. I was just like, why would I leave? But it is a really good song. But also, you should do Vienna as well. That's a great Billy Joel song for you to sing. to the baby. I think it's great that you have Elton John on there because honestly, I'm ashamed to admit, especially on this podcast,

that I'm not super familiar with a lot of Elton John. So this can be an education for me. You'll know this song. Once you hear the chorus of this song, then you'll know it. Yeah. The sons of bankers, sons of lawyers. Yeah.

Why, Montelites us at Matt had us, sons of bankers, sons of lawyers. Turn around and say, good morning to the night. So good! I think that Alton John music is stuff that I've obvious. It's like how other people have the relationship with pop music where they think they haven't heard it and then they hear it once and then they realize they've heard it a million times.

That's me with Elton John. I think it's everyone with Alton John. Yeah, it just washes over me. It's everywhere. You damn straight. I don't know. Have you been watching, have you been keeping up with Cardi B's child, Molly? You know, not as much as I want to.

I just thought today we're part of this great mom's group. You know, me, Chrissy Teagan, Joanna Gaines, and now Cardi B. but I really don't know that much about Cardi B's baby yet. You mean culture Kiari-Cephas? Is it culture with a C or a K? K, bitch. Yeah, I love it. I mean, Cardi B is, I have yet to be disappointed by literally anything she's done.

I think that you should follow her on Instagram because her insta stories of how tired she is as a mother, I think would probably really resonate with you. Yes, please, because I've been following Joanna Gaines on Instagram. and frankly, I'm starting to get a little annoyed with her. Really? Because all of her photos are her sitting in a damn rocking chair on her beautiful porch with like surrounded by beautiful decor with her damn baby being like bliss, you know. Hashtash blast. Yeah.

Oh, it's all. I can only imagine how upsetting that is. She looks so at peace. Meanwhile, the quote from Cardi B's Instagram was, A bitch look fucked up in the game. Like my hair's fucked up. My eyes are dark a puppy. like I'm wild bear, like a bitch looking like she got jaundiced.

But I really just want to say thank you to everybody. See? Oh, God, I love Cardi B. Yeah, I mean, I'm sitting, I look at damn Joanna Gaines's beautiful porch, and I'm sitting in my, like, fourth floor apartment, sitting on a yoga ball. And I have a nice apartment, but like, I don't have an outdoor space. I sometimes... No veranda. No veranda.

It's sometimes a basic struggle to leave the house. When I do leave the house, the main place I want to go is, like, a bar with an outdoor space and I just wish that I could just walk out onto a porch and it makes me very resentful. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like sometimes just Joanna Gaines has to take off her halo to take the Instagram pictures, you know? Yeah, yeah. Which good for her, but I imagine it's very upsetting as a newborn mother.

Yeah, it is very upsetting. And I also have a thing with full-term babies where when I see them, I'm like, oh, you and your huge baby. And her baby is quite large and like already looks like a, you know, real baby. and my baby is still quite tiny and my baby is the best baby. So it's not like I'm actually jealous of the other babies, but I see babies born...

Sounds like you're jealous of the other babies. I'm just jealous of their ability to hold up their heads, honestly. I'm really, really looking forward to the day where Freddie can hold up her own head. Doesn't that take like eight months to do? You know, I read a lot of milestones, informations, and then I just give up

because I decide that she can go, my baby can go at her own pace. Okay. And I'm not going to compare her. her to Joanna Gaines's baby. I'm just annoyed with Joanna Gaines right now and it's hard because I love Joanna Gaines a lot so I'm definitely going to replace her with Cardi B on my Instagram.

I really like there's a new meme going around where it's just Joanna and Chip and they're in like this beautiful kitchen's like this needs more natural light and that it's just a case of natural light on the counter. I'm like, ah yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the only kind

of natural light I need baby. Yeah, I love light and ice beer theme. That's really, that's right in my wheelhouse. It's July. You're supposed to have those kinds of jokes. Yeah, do you guys remember? I was fondly thinking of the summer of 2010

when people were icing each other. Bro's icing bros. You remember? Oh, God, that was a rough one. Oh, see, I really like bro culture. It's a strange quirk of mine. I really like sports bars. I really like, I don't even,

it didn't even used to eat wings, but I really like wings and beer and like light beer. You know, I know Ben Kissel doesn't like Bud Light Lime. I think he's wrong. He does. He just won't admit it. He won't admit it.

And I really enjoyed the Bros. Iceing Bros. Summer, if you would have to hand somebody a smearing off ice and then they would have to, what was it? They had to kneel before you and drink it. Yeah. I love that shit. You just have to, all you had to do was hand them a smear and off ice. Is that really just what it was? I must be missing some details. But I think the idea was you kept it behind, like, you had to like spring it on them.

You had to surprise them. All right, here's the rules is that you cannot refuse an ice. If you refuse to drink the ice, you are instantly excommunicated and shun and thus can never ice another bro or eat iced. But if you are iced by a fellow bro, you can ice block. With another. With an ice. You can pull out an ice of your own and reverse the ice on your bro. And then that girl has to drink both, I think.

What? Yeah. Yeah. And I like Spir enough ice. Oh my God. Can we bring this back? I'm ready to bring it. All right.

Let's bring it back. I'm ready to start icing again. Can we do this? What is it? 2010? 2010. Yeah. We're almost up the 10 year anniversary.

We wait a couple more years. Let's just go right into eight year anniversary for it. I think that this is great. Let's bring it back. Yeah. We're observing the eight year anniversary of Bros. Icing Bros. By bringing back Bros.

And we're going to have to do it like cross. like cross-coastal how are we going to ice each other across the coast jackie i think that we'll figure it out you know what we do we do it via marco polo so if i marco polo and smerna off ice you you have to drink it right away so that means there's no icebacks though so we'll just see we'll take it from there unless i before i open the marco polo i can like run to the bodega bitch no icebacks i have to run to the bodega and get myself a smirnoff ice so that i have it ready when i open the marco polo i think it'll be really great to teach that to fredi be like well your first alive. We celebrated the eight year anniversary of ice, bros, ice and bros. And that means your mother

is cool? Yes, I am breastfeeding, but I can't refuse the smear enough ice. I have to drink it when I'm iced. You're right. The icer must drop and chug both ices, the original presented ice and the new blocking ice. That's the best part. Well, there's actually, I mean, there's a little bit more to it. A player hides a can or bottle for another person to come across. And when the iced person touches or discovers it, he or she must drop to one knee and chug the entire ice. Other players who see the ice or hide the ice are exempt from drinking the ice. And if the first person to come across the ice, that is the iced, they fail to drink

the whole bottle. The iced person cannot ice someone else for at least 24 hours. It's like a legal document. I feel like if we make it into a treasure hunt, you should, instead of calling it the iced, you should call them the bamboozled. It's like, oh, the bay, oh, you got bamboozles. Yes, client one, know from here on as the bamboozles. And booze is in capital letters.

Oh, yeah, bitch. I ain't laugh it. Oh, my God. I am to start hiding smearing off ice is all over the studio. You know what? We could also do our own twist on it and make it like a strawberry or something, you know. Strawberryting? Because I've been wanting to drink a strawberry, but I haven't because I've only seen the 24-ounce cans, and that's a big commitment.

I think that's all they come in. I think they only come in Mondo sizes. Yeah. Yeah, you can't buy a strawberry anything less than a tallie. What is the thinking behind that? That's the amount of Rita you need. You know what?

I'm going to throw it out there. Into the Mangaritas as well. Yeah? Ooh, we can call them our smangaritas. And so you also got to have sex after you drink it. Summer of Smangaritas. Oh, it's a rough summer. If you look close

If you really search You can find eight ounce Straw burritos They're out there Eight ounces See that's what I need I can really have only like One to two drinks per

You know Three hour breastfeeding cycle So I need I can't have one of those 24 ounces I appreciate that they think that's what I want Yeah I know It's rough

That's it Yeah And I mean Not like I'm doing that Every three hours But within the cycle That's the only You know

I mean Otherwise it can potentially make a little bit of a breast milk cocktail. All you got to do is you drink half of the bud light strawberry. You put it in the fridge until later. Because we all know how well open tollies do in the fridge. Yes.

Because we all always drink the other half of the tolly that we put in the fridge earlier. And then you just drink it later. Just really let it marinate in that tin flavor. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm not going to see. I say I haven't done that.

But that's something that you only do at like 2.30 in the morning when you opened a tall boy can and you're like, you know what? This was a mistake. But I don't want to waste it. And then you either end up going back for it like 15 minutes later or you see it like the next day and you're like maybe now I'll try it. Either way, it's always a mistake at that point. Always.

My problem is sometimes I leave like my jizzies or my Moroccan lemonade's out that I don't finish and then I just pop more ice in it and pour more booze on. top and then drink that. And yes, I am almost 31 years old. What hour time span are we talking like from one day to another? Yeah, I'm talking like 2 a.m. to like nooner, you know? Yeah, I mean, I've definitely believed that if you leave like half a glass of wine on the bookshelf and then you come across it the next day, you can still drink that wine. Mm-hmm. It's still good. Oh my God. Smangaritas, baby. We're fucking doing it. You know what? And I love artificial grape, but you know what don't get the grapearitas it's too much grape

grape burrito it sounds like like a like the thing that you get it like a you know the street fair is like a mataripa oh yeah oh yeah baby i'm so i'm i'm very into grapearitas but i can't drink the 24 ounces oh yeah grape yeah grape yeah i do love artificial grape though it sounds kind of nice but it's a and by the way it's a grape oh Rita Is there an H? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's three H's.

You're kidding. Oh, look. Grape. Arita. Ah, Rita. Yeah, it's because you're so refreshed, but at the same time, I feel like it just shoots me back into the years when I would just suck on Dymatap bear lollipops. Yeah. And if you want the strawberry, then it's the strawberry, because it's cold.

Ugh. All right, I don't like this anymore. But then what is Mangarita? It's like a man. It actually is. Oh, my God. It's mang-o-rida. And if you really want to get nasty with it, you can get the Butlight Lime 18-pack Rita Fiesta.

Oh, Rita Fiesta. It's six limearitas, four strawberries, four manoritas, four manoritas, and four watermelon readers. You have watermelon vitas. You have watermelon ritas. I don't like how not, even though I'm annoyed with the other ones, catchiness, I'm annoyed with the lack of catchiness for watermelon. Yeah, it's just melon. Yeah, do better.

Yeah, do better advertisements. Oh, my God. I am. The sugar headache that would induce after the Rita Fiesta is just, gives me, makes me nauseous to think about. No, no, you can clean it all up with a nice limerita pecanter flavor after all that. And there's also a Michelada Rita, isn't there? Like a tomato flavored one? Yeah.

Man, that is something that is particularly, I know that it's like the Michelada thing, and I dig a Michelada, but I accidentally got some cheeby gummies the other day that I thought were watermelon, but they weren't watermelon, they were Picante watermelon, and then they had this sludge all over them. And everyone's like, yeah, but it's like a Michelada. But I don't want sludge, and then so I have to, like, I eat a cheeb gummy, and then I got to suck my fingers afterwards. What the hell is Michelada? Ooh, it's a nice, it's like tomato juice and beer and lime and, and like chili powder and salt.

They're very nice. But, Jack, you're saying that a gummy bear is covered with like Picante dust? Yeah, but it's like, it's wet. It's whatever they line Michelotas with, like on the rim of it, that's what's covered, covering the gummies. But I don't know why it's so wet. I got to say it sounds delicious. I love what is on the rim of it. a mechalada.

All right, I'm going to have to, I'll bring some to you. Mmm. But they're cheap-wise, though, so you might have to wait so you're not breast in anymore. Yeah, bring me some picante bears and I'll have them in a year and a half or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Or you could just suck on them, I guess, and then just don't eat the gummy. I can just mix chili salt together and just have that. You don't have to fly me, you know, illegal gummy bears.

Yeah. All right, fine. You can just eat chili powder. You can do that today. Yeah, right now. What a summer treat. That'll be great after you get iced, though. Please tell Gideon about the icing.

Please start icing each other. Yeah, just him and me alone in our house with a baby, just icing each other. That's my summer. I mean, it sounds like, I mean, I also love bro culture. Who am I to say I'm against it? I played beer pong the other day, and I am a champion. I'm not.

I lost. I definitely lost the game. But, you know, Overall, when you play those games, isn't everyone the champion? Definitely. I love beer pong. Marcus, do you play those games? Yeah, I'm damn good at them, too.

I'm sure you are. Quarters? You got the lift, though. That's the problem is I'm not tall enough. Oh, yeah, I got the lift. I got the wing span. What I don't like is the differences in rules, and when people don't establish the rules before you start.

Oh, and what are the rules? You know, it's like things like slapbacks. If you've got slapbacks, like, you know, it's like, if you bounce it and you get it in, and you get two cups. And if you bounce it, the other person is allowed to slap it out of the way. But people over here don't do slapbacks. And so I slapped it out of the way.

And everyone's like, what the fuck are you going? And it's like, it's slapbacks, man. It's slapbacks. Yeah. It's a regional thing, I guess. Yeah. I guess. It's L.A.

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and Larry. Yeah, but I know they're going to be into Ison, just as much as they are into this petition of, I don't know if you saw what I sent you, Marcus, but they are trying to get rid of the Polish hot dog deal at Costco, which is a $1.50 for a Polish hot dog and a soda, and they're trying to get rid of it. And that's the only reason why I ever went with my mother to Costco. Yeah. Polish hot dog. Polish sausage? It's just a hot dog. They call it a Polish hot dog. It's just a fuck. Hot Dog. There's nothing Polish or special about it. It's a Polish American hot dog.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's a big dog. And they're trying to get rid of it. And I was, I signed the petition immediately. This is, you're trying to create a resume for your hot dog ambassadorship. Yeah. How well, I, oh, did you get what happened? I missed the deadline. And then I wrote them an email pleading to allow me to. enter in and they said that essentially that it doesn't really represent a good hot dog ambassador as someone that doesn't read the rules. However, what I responded with was, but then why didn't you even explain what a hot dog resume was?

Oh, I'm the one that's trying to go against the rules, and yet you are the one that doesn't include what the rules are, okay? You got shamed by the hot dog counsel? I got shamed by the hot dog and sausage council of America. Wow, and you wrote back with an angry email telling them that they're the ones that should be ashamed. I was so mad. And it was a very nice email. But the original email I wrote was I pleaded to allow them to just please, just please at least consider my hot dog resume.

I came up with like three new songs. I mean, it was... What did you end up putting on your resume? How long was your resume? Was it a full page? Yeah. Oh, yeah, it was long. It was long. And then, like, with detail, like, bullet points underneath of, like, a different times, like, I had appreciated hot dogs. They're different, like, my own personal recipes for hot dogs and what I put on hot dogs.

I included pictures of me eating hot dogs. I included three songs of me singing about hot dogs. And I still wasn't allowed to submit. It sounds like, you know how this will only be briefly political, but you know how Trump gets his daily briefings like with images? He requested pictures. It sounds like you just kind of did like a presidential, like a picture book of your hot dog experience. Yes. And yet still, nothing.

Well, apparently it's very important that the hot dog ambassador be, have a lot of attention to detail. I punctual is probably a big part of being a hot dog ambassador. Obviously. And what happens, Jackie? Jackie, what happens? What happens when you're supposed to be at the big July 4th event and you show up on July 7th? You don't get to be a hot dog ambassador. You get shaft?

I got dogged. I might say, I think I got tube-meaded out to the fucking curb. but yeah, so I'm pretty upset about it overall. And, you know, there's nothing I can do about it except keep eating hot dogs. Today is National Hot Dog Day. I've eaten two hot dogs and I didn't take any pictures of it, which I guess means I have to eat another hot dog.

You know, there's always next year, Jackie. It's just so far away from now, you know? I had such, I had so many goals for 2018 and now I feel like they've all been thrown asunder. Well, but should National Hot Dog Day be so close to the 4th of July? I don't think it should be. I don't think it should be. I think National Hot Dog Day should maybe.

I would probably put it mid-March. January. Yeah, you got to spread that out. The dead of winter. Yeah, man. That or just lump it into the 4th of July. I don't think there's any problem with that just being National Hot Dog Day. I think it is, I don't think you're allowed to have anything besides the 4th of July on the 4th of July.

I don't think you can say it's the 4th of July. And by the way, guys, it's also National Hot Dog Day. Yeah, I guess, yeah, that would just really be, it would be giving its accolades to the hot dog. I'm sorry, Molly. I know this hot dog talk is sad for you. Well, I don't remember if I mentioned last time, but I don't care about hot dogs,

but I really love sausages. Yeah. Sausages. I studied abroad in Prague, and for four sweet months, I had been vegan before I went to Prague. and I ate street sausages all the time and in Prague you get a sausage

and it comes with a piece of rye bread and a slab of mustard and it is the best drunk food and then if you are me and you're not used to eating spiced cured meats you wake up in the middle of the night smelling like sausage and sweating sweat that smells like sausage

so thirsty but with no regrets none whatsoever hell yeah I'm proud of you Molly just think of those times baby Yeah, I support your hot dog goals. I'm only sorry that it seems to have your singular hot dog defeat seems to have really maybe done away with your ambition altogether. Yeah, for everything in my entire life. I just hope that one day you were forced to say that sentence to your daughter, I support your hot dog goals.

Honey, if you want to be the hot dog ambassador, just like your Auntie Jackie. Just like your auntie Jackie never was. Whoa, hey, it could happen, please. Your Auntie Jackie lit a fire inside you because of the hot dog ambassador. And while I didn't support Jackie that much of the time, I know I have to write that wrong by supporting you. Well, that's what happens. She is your heart outside of your body, Molly.

I don't think I can get past this. It's really truly upset. I mean, yeah, I guess, you know, I guess that's true. Molly, you've chosen a character for Freddie yet? A character for her? Yeah. Like something for her to be, like something for her to shoot to, you know?

Like Terminator or like, you know, like some sort of bear or something. Like what I want her to grow up to be? Yeah. Like, you know, like, it's like I had a bunch of Tigger stuff growing up. And you know how I feel about Winnie the Pooh. I see. So like her signature, her brand. Yeah, her brand.

What is your daughter's brand? You know, it's, I mean, Gideon and I both have children's book tattoos. And so probably like, you know, we have some goals to read her those children's books early and often. And, you know, so maybe either the velveteen rabbit or the runaway bunny will be her early brand. Those are rough ones. Yeah, you know, again, sadness. Sadness. Sadness is her brand.

Sadness is her mom's brand, so it might end up being her brand as well. Marcus, did you have a baby brand? I'm not really sure. I know my blankie had a big blue unicorn on it. Aw, that's cute. Do you solve the blankie? Yes, actually, I think it's somewhere. I think my parents have it somewhere stashed.

My mom is a bit of a hoarder, like a memories hoarder. And so she has these two huge stories. containers just filled with shit that we're eventually going to have to throw away someday. You know what I was thinking recently is that I think that my mom still has a box of my beanie babies lying around and I woke up, again, my middle of the night brain, I woke up in the middle of the night to take care of the baby other day and I thought, you know, I don't know why everybody shits on beanie babies.

They were fantastic and I decided that I think I want my mom to save the beanie babies for Freddie. So your daughter is going to be a beanie baby girl? Maybe a Beanie Baby will be a brand. Beanie Baby Baby. And I think that what made me think of it was that I was thinking about the princess die at Beanie Baby. I got that one. Did you get that one, Molly?

I was so excited when I got that. No, the most like rare or whatever sought after, you know, elevated Beanie Baby that I had was the Aaron Gobra Irish one. That's a good one too. I really like the tie-dye bear. I had most of the bears. I think I was really excited. What was it, a platypus that I had? Yeah, the platypus was good.

What an interesting economy the beanie babies were, you know, that there was some that were really, really like, it was like the equivalent of having like a $100 bill. I know I've talked about this on another show before, but sometime look up the picture of the couple at their divorce hearing dividing up their beanie babies. It's rough. I think we had to talk about that before.

It's real rough. I know you talked about it, but it bears repeating because it's among my favorite pictures on the internet. Does that, did that, is that photo from the late 90s or is it from later? I think it's from the late 90s, early 2000s. That's good, because if it was, if it was from, like, 2016, it would be different. The reason I brought all this up is because I don't know if you follow, do you follow Share on Twitter? Because if you don't, you definitely should. I do. Her tweets are, like, she's the best person on Twitter.

I still have, like, a screen capture of years and years ago. she just had a tweet that just said, what's going on with my career? And that was it. And I was just like, but she tweeted out last week. She wrote, okay, dot, dot, dot, dot. My vote for this year's best performance by a male actor, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, is dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, pattington bear. Apparently, she loves Paddington Bear.

and I don't know how to feel about that. What's wrong with Paddington Bear? Paddington Bear is supposed to be a fantastic couple of movies. I think that it's fine, but isn't he like a, like a, I don't know, do better. You know, like, it's like, oh, come on, get a better hat. Put on the galoshes, but also smile every once in a while. I think in my brain I sometimes lump him into a poo bear category. I got to say, I'll take corduroy over Paddington any day.

What's corduroy? Corderoi is that little, it's a bear, right? Another bear? Yeah, it's another children's book. He's got a button that goes missing. Yeah, on his little overalls. On his little overalls, his little boy or girl, his little child has him in the department store,

and then he loses a button. It is an excellent book. And I remember reading Paddington as a kid, but Paddington to me was just like kind of an off-brand Cordroy. I mean, I really liked his rain jacket. I liked his outfit. But I think that is where it ended because in my mind it was very much like a Babbar situation. And I can't really remember if Paddington Bears British, but I lumped him in with Babbar. You didn't like Babbar? Babar's a pussy. Too French for you?

I don't know if I've brought this up before. But Babar is one of those things. I think I think about at least three times and we can go, uh, why? Fuck off, Babar. Fuck you, Babbar. Yeah, Babar. Yeah, who likes Babar? Right? I hate Babbar.

Did you just call him Babar? I called him Babar. I don't know. I mean, is that how you're supposed to say it? I don't know. He is on Francais. He is on French. He is on Francais.

Babur. Bébert. On elephant. Ugh. Yeah. I think it makes sense, though, now that I know because it's like that same like Cayu kind of thing, which I believe is, no, that's Canadian. But I think it's also like in the French world. But Babar was just like, it's like, it's like get some friends, man, you know?

Let me let me tell you because I don't, I didn't know the story, the original story of Babar, the 1931 story of Babar. Please. This is the synopsis. It tells of a young elephant, Babar, whose mother is killed by a hunter. Babar escapes and in the process leaves the jungle, visits a big city, and returns to bring the benefits of civilization to his fellow elephants. Just as he returns to his community of elephants, their king dies from eating a bad mushroom. Because of his travels and civilization, Babar is appointed king of the elephant kingdom. He marries his cousin, and they subsequently have children and teach them valuable lessons.

What? What's not to like, Jackie? Gentrification? What is happening? It's about gentrification. It's about incest. Well, I mean, back then, people used to marry their cousins a lot more. Yeah, that's just royalty.

Because they're so attractive. Wait, so wait, what is that called? I mean, Molly, you know these. You both know these things. What's it called when the country comes in? They're like, then you do what this country does. Imperialism? That's what it is.

Those fucking imperialism. holistic elephant pieces of garbage. Yeah, maybe I don't like Babbar. Yeah, Babar is going off to the city and he's bringing home all of his big cityways. What if the elephants in the jungle like how they're living? Yeah, also, no kings now that I think about it. But on the other hand, the king did die from eating a bad mushroom. So maybe they were in need of reform.

What are you talking about? He sounds like he was just trying to have a good time, man. I've eaten a lot of bad mushrooms in my day. And sometimes I wish I had died. Yeah, I got a, I'm a little bit afraid now that I'm a parent. For some reason, I love children's books a lot, but I have a real chip on my shoulder about some of the new, like, animated bringing to life of the classics. Like I'm a little bit skeptical of the Paddington Bear movies and skeptical of the Peter

Rabbit movie for sure because I made him into an asshole. And Peter's just like a scamp. He's not an asshole. and I'm worried that I'm going to be a real shithead when it comes to seeing those movies. Completely. And then how do you feel about the reboot of Rugrats? Would you let Freddie watch the reboot of Rugrats?

I didn't even know that that was happening. I'll definitely let her watch original Rugrats. And, you know, I guess I'll let her watch the reboot, but I'm going to be like a hipster mom over here, like this is not as good as the original Rugrats. Yeah, but it sounds like you're just setting up, ready to only read really sad children's books. That's my brand.

What else am I supposed to do? Nothing fun or anything like that is just learning the sad lessons of life. Peter Rabbit isn't too sad. It's, no, it is pretty sad, actually. Because doesn't he like, it ends with him, like, being sick and at home and missing all the fun? Is he the same as Peter Cotton Tail or is that different? Same. What about Pekis Bill?

I don't know Pekis Bill. Pagis Bill. Bill's a great one. It was my favorite when I was a kid. It's about a little boy that pops off of a wagon train. He gets raised by coutes. And then when he gets older, he tames a rattlesnake. And then he starts working for a ranch. And he falls in love with another buck boston girl who's like, is just as tough as he is. And then they get married and, you know, have a bunch of other Pekas kids. It's a real Texas story. Yeah. I think Freddie's really going to identify. by growing up in Brooklyn reading Gaco's Bill. It's like the children's book version of Friday Night Lights for Freddie.

I mean, I support fun romps, but I just think that any good children's child that itself is quite adjacent to sadness, as we all know. And I think that children's books that are honest about that are better than children's books that are totally condescending about children's emotions and assume that it's all. you know, sparkles and sprinkles because it's not. Yeah, but look at the cover for Pekis Bill. He's got a rattlesnake that he uses as a rope. That, I mean, I'll definitely.

It's pretty cool. Yeah. I will read this book to her and I will tell her that it is from Uncle Marcus and his, you know, Texas upbringing. Heritage? Yes. Yeah, I mean, he's a legend of frontier spirit, Molly. I, again, I support it. But again, that like any children's books,

they just have to, they just have to not shy. It doesn't have to be sad, but they have to not, not that they have to have to, but those that don't shy away from complicated or difficult emotions are my favorite. Even the Berenstine Bears, which I love, they take on some difficult things. You know, sometimes we have a terrible case of the Gimmy Gimmies

or whatever. And I think that some children's media is way to two-dimensional and condescending, and kids can recognize that, and they can handle things that actually talk about emotions. I'm going to sell, I want to send to Freddie, there's a monster at the end of this book. I think that you really like that one.

I love that book. And like, this is Mr. Rogers' whole deal, you know, if we can help children name and understand their emotions, it will make them into healthier adults, which, by the way, I still haven't seen the Mr. Rogers documentary because I have this baby, but I'm so excited about it. And if either of you guys see it, can we please talk about it on the show? It's so good.

You've both seen it? No, yeah. I haven't seen it yet. Okay. But I hear it's very good. Yeah. It's just, it's the positivity we need where it's like the whole thing, the whole time I was watching I was like, what is it going to?

And I'm not giving anything away. It's just like, I was like, all right, what is some deep, dark fucking secret about Mr. Rogers. It's going to destroy my childhood. And it's not. It's just like. No, the whole movie is just like, hey, this guy was really great. And he was. Yeah, it doesn't seem like.

Oh my God, but I forgot to bring up the Whitney documentary. I'm sorry, I don't mean to, but. Let's do it. No, take it there. Oh, my God. Hate me there. It is great. Whoever put it together, I don't know, whoever put that movie together is so brilliant.

But also, I thought I was going to sob through most of it. I definitely cried at points, but really at the end of it, I was furious. On her behalf? Yes. Yeah. Everyone failed her. Yeah, that sounds like a great documentary because I feel like that is the story of Whitney Houston, is that everybody failed her.

And Bobby fucking Brown, if I could have clawed through the screen and just punch him in his face and punch him in his face, punch him in his face, he, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him so much. But you should watch the documentary. Yeah, where can I watch it? Well, you're going to have to get, you're going to have to, you know, put Freddie on ice because it's only in the movie theaters right now. Oh, it's in a movie theater. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you got a babysitter yet? Don't you have some sort of 16-year-old that comes over and flirts with Gideon? I've seen the porn.

Not yet. My baby's too small. I'm afraid. to leave her. But, you know, I'll get there. Better just leave the baby with Gideon and then you go see it by yourself. No, never mind, I take it back. It's rough to see by yourself. You're going to want to immediately talk about it.

I just watch it and leak breast milk and cry. Freddy's weighing in. Oh, no. Sorry, Freddy, baby. She's like, don't do that. That's too sad. Brush on. Brush on.

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you'll get your first refill pack free with a quip electric toothbrush. That's your first refill pack free at getquip.com slash page 7. Spelled G-E-T-Q-U-I-P dot com slash page 7. All right, time for the list. Oh, who's on the list? Marcus, got to have that list. Famous people who had kidney stones. What an interesting list.

You find great lists, Mark. Wait, wait, Marcus, you've had pee-be-stones before, right? I never have, no. Oh, you haven't had peepie stones. Have you had peepy stones? Me? Yeah. No, but I've heard that they are a pregnancy complication

if you eat too many tums, PSA, don't have too many tons. Calcium build up. No, thank you. I heard from somebody that it was worse than labor. Ew. Yeah, I don't want any part of that. I still think the only thing I really know about kidney stones is when Sweringen gets them in Deadwood. That was rough.

Oh, my God. Oh, no. That was rough. That was real rough. Having an eye almost pop out of a man. Ugh. Oh. Caitlin Jenner

Have kidney stones. I feel like that's the age, the population, forgive me, if you are a young person who's gotten kidney stones, but I associate them with middle-aged people. It was in 2000. Okay. Back during the Bruce years. Now, I wonder though, is it like once you pop the fun don't stop with those things, right?

Like once you get one, you're likely to get it again? Yeah. I think so. I definitely, the people I know who have gotten kidney stones have, yeah, it's a repeat offender. Yeah. Oof. Alfred Hitchcock. He had kidney stones.

Maybe that's why he was so. So angry. So angry. He's an angry man. He's a complicated figure to say the least. Yeah. William Shatner. William Shatner.

It's also probably why he speaks so slowly. He's just waiting for those stones to just come scorting out of that tiny hole. Oh my God, the hole's so small. Oh my God. Coping with the calcium shards working their way down his penis. So then is it easier for women to have kidney stones because our holes are bigger? I don't think our pee holes are that much bigger. I think men have kidney stones at a much higher frequency than women.

I think that's true. Oh, okay. William Shatner, after he had kidney stones, after he passed them, he sold them to an online casino to raise money for habitat for humanity. Not for kidney stone research? No, no, no, no. And who needs to stop them? If he can keep making money and keep helping charities,

then keep popping them out, bish. And I wonder if there are any kidney stone charities. I think it's just a part of life that nobody cares to research or fund. Yeah, it's just a pain in the ass. Yeah, it just happens. It's not like, I'm competing in this competition for a kidney stone charity. The National Kidney Foundation. Oh, well, that's, yeah, kidneys do a lot.

Yeah. They do. Essential. Yeah, essential. Essential. And the troublemakers. And somehow this man shows up on almost every list, Billy Joel. Man, because it is also, like, it's something with the filtering, right?

You know, every time I have conversations about anything about the body, I realize, man, I am getting dumber. But I, that's like, it's a boozy thing, too, right? If it's too much boozy and they got to filter too much and then you got too many and then it comes out the pee-p-hall? I have no idea. I can't speak to it. But me, you know, I could just make up facts constantly. Maybe that is what it is.

I would be speculating if I confirmed or denied that hypothesis. I think it would be perfect. I think it would be exactly what you would get after you drink your handmaid's tail-themed wine, which I'm trying to hunt down right now, by the way. It's things with high oxalate, like fruits and vegetables, nuts and chocolate. That sucks. Mm-hmm. Oh, and also, yeah, drinking a lot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. See, I got spots in there still somewhere. Oh, no, wait, no, never mind. That's for people who don't drink enough. God damn. If you don't drink enough fluid. Yeah. Well, those go hand in hand, Billy Joel, maybe too drunk, not drinking enough water.

Mm-hmm. Quite possibly. Yeah, he said, of course the papers had me collapsing at JFK Airport. I didn't collapse at JFK. I've had kidney stones before this. I just called a doctor and said, should I go to Europe? And he said,

no, come in. Let's take care of it. So I went into the hospital. That's like a real, like, story that he's, like telling somebody. I feel like he's telling that story to, like, somebody in line, you know, like at a store.

That was it with Rolling Stone. Yeah, that's a story an old man tells in a line at the grocery store. That's a real old man story. She's like, so he's old now, guys. Come on. Give him some. Flack.

Good for you, Billy Joel. Go to the doctor. On the other hand, you might have something with the drink in here. Keeper Sutherland had a kidney stone, 2003. Yeah. Yeah, he's still on that pretty hard, right? He's the one that's dead man walking, right? Oh, no, I'm thinking to the other one.

What's the older one? Emilio Estabez? Donald Sutherland. Donald Sutherland. And Emilio Estabez, also not looking his best lately. But, you know, that's okay. and Charlie Sheen. Those are the two brothers, yes.

And Keith and Sutherland is Donald Sutherland's son. Son, yeah. But it's sad. Donald Sutherland is not looking good. But I did rewatch ordinary people the other day, and don't you worry, he's still fucking fantastic in it. What a good movie. God, such a good movie. It's too sad for me.

I choose not to. I understand. That's fine. You know I just love sad so much. I know you do. Gene Simmons, Roger Moore, Tim Burton. Uh-huh. All of these people who make really dark movies have kidney stones.

But Bert Reynolds, you don't make nothing dark. That's true. No, it's only fun. I wonder if Jessica Beale gets kidney stones because I did forget. I just want to throw this out there real fast. I watched all of the first season of The Sinner in the past couple of days because Jessica Beale's up for an Emmy for it. And it's fantastic.

Bill Pullman is back, everyone. He's back. He's back. The sinner, huh? Dude, it's great. I didn't even know Bill Pullman had a new thing. Yeah, it's Jessica Beal and Billman. Jessica Beal is insane. She's so good in it. She's the executive producer of it. But I can't imagine, like, sitting at next to my ex-cop father, him just being like, hey, he can't do that. Yeah, oh, yeah, these Walters is that what happens? Yeah, they don't, he would like pause it just to say of all of the. inaccuracies of what doesn't happen in the law and order system. But I imagine there are quite a few inaccuracies in it, but it's a lot of fun.

Rob Schneider. Ooh. He deserves every stone he gets. Yeah. Yeah. I got no feelings about him one way or the other, actually. He's not good. No?

No, he's got bad, bad opinions. Bad man. Yeah, he's not a nice guy. He's not a nice guy. Alright, it's time for blind items! Ah, we can't see them! Got some long ones today, so I want to take a little bit of time with it. Okay.

Listen to this. 20 years ago, I, I meaning the person writing the blind items, I hung out with a Malibu clique, including the BFF of an actress best known for being married to a permanent A-list, mostly film actor. And yet, rumors that the wife is far more seriously into the faux religion seem wrong, as do assertions that the actress has no clue about her hubby's decades-long bad behavior. This is a paraphrase of what the actress said. X is such a freaking idiot. He just has to do things that are bound to find their way into the press and ruin us.

The other night, he was out late at a bowling alley. There was a hot guy who worked there, and X really wanted him. But he couldn't do anything to the place closed. And I think X got it closed early. Then he took the guy and bent him over the place where the balls come out, and the balls came out. He screwed that guy and there were still people around. I tell him and tell him he's going to get caught, but he doesn't care.

It doesn't listen. I don't know how long I can keep covering for him. It's 20 years later, and she still is. Kelly Preston. Yeah, it's got me, Kelly Preston. I'm sorry, I got too excited. Of course it's Kelly Preston. She knows.

I would be so afraid that a ball would come out and hit me in the face if I was bent over that ball thing. Yeah. Well, it's only a... Well, she did say the balls were still coming out. Still coming. Or was that a pun? Oh, that was probably a pun. The balls were coming out.

Because I would be terrified of getting bashed in the face of the bowling ball whilst getting fucked. Can you imagine trying to bowl in two lanes down. John Travolta is butt fucking a dude? I mean, it would be pretty great. I'd say, whole in one. Watch out for the 710 split. Yeah. Fucker!

Yeah. Boom. Ain't no cold turkey. What is it? Turkey, what is it? What is it called? Ain't no cold turkey in here. See, that's the only reason why I don't think,

I think that this might actually be a lie, is I can't imagine Kelly Preston making a balls double entendre about her secretly homosexual husband. You know? The sentence is, then he took the guy and bent him over the place where the balls come out, and the balls came out, all right. All right. You know, like all things, John Travolta, I want him to be having great gay sex everywhere. It's just sad that he, I just wish that he could, like, love himself and not be, you know, in the situation that he's in.

But I, I mean, other than the safety issue of the ball, the bowling balls flying at your face, I kind of mentioned. to the idea of him having this spontaneous bowling ball sex. And also the selfishness of making everybody else leave the bowling alley before they're done bowling. That's true. That's also kind of shitty. Just wait until it closes. I'm much more upset about that.

I don't know. That's kind of fun, though, to have that kind of power. Yeah. I might have, I might do it. Nah, nah. I mean, do it after it's close. Fucking get a big bowling alley. That would be kind of fun.

And that sounds fucking great. I would actually, though, do it on the lane. Yeah. Lane's really slippery though. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, you got to keep the bowling shoes on. That's part of the kink.

Just sliding around, you know. All right, next item. Very Aretha Franklin-ish. This A-plus-less singer has any item of clothing on her tour or even her personal clothing that has any kind of size tag replaced with tags that indicate she is a size too. She says it's her. way of losing weight. Mariah Carey. Oh, you better believe it is. Jackie is two for two today.

I can only imagine her saying that in that super deep voice of hers, that it's her way of losing weight. Don't worry, on me, I'm losing weight. Can you imagine the look of fear in her assistant's eyes if they forget to change one of the tags and one of her clothes so? Man, I bet. I bet. I bet. and she would flip out. I mean, I don't think it's really a bad gig, though, too. I think it's great. That are, like, getting the same size but then having your clothes let out, you know,

so it still fits. I'd be into that completely. Yeah, why not? Yeah. I mean, those numbers are just there to affect our self-esteem anyway. So I say make your own reality. Make your own reality, Mariah.

I mean, she definitely does at the bottom of a bottle every single day. Bottom of a bottle of boo. washed down with seven or eight big old pills. Oh, you have all different kinds. Gapha, man, that bitch is getting bamboozled. And lastly, which famous TV host is such a clean freak that he carries around clean underwear and changes into a fresh pair

at least four times a day? He's known for being a little uptight, but this is ridiculous. Members at his fancy gym Often laughed that when he leaves the building They can always find an old pair of his briefs in the trash can It seems that not only does he change his knickers Several times throughout the day He throws his used ones away

Ryan Seacrest Holy shit, Molly with the fucking quick one Yeah I don't know why I knew it was Ryan Seacrest But I just did What a dick It's just graceful Agreed. Very agreed.

At the hospital, though, when you give birth, they do give you disposable underwear, and it is fantastic. Do you just rip it up? It's a way to say. Breakaway underwear. Is it a diaper? It's underwear. Okay. It's like diaper adjacent, but it's underwear. All right, all right.

And, you know, nobody has time to be replacing your underwear at that point. So disposable underwear is great. So in theory, it's a good idea, but it's probably not, if you do it every day, it's probably not very good for the earth. Four times a day. Yeah. Very wasteful. Yeah. Yeah, but imagine how fresh he feels.

Oh, but you know, sometimes I take two to three showers a day. I'm sorry, Molly, not to rub it in your face of mother of a newborn. But, you know, you got to feel fresh. I don't throw away the underpants, though. Oh, I love multiple showers a day. When I was pregnant, I took at least two showers a day because it was my only physical joy because I couldn't do anything else. Oh, God, Molly.

No. Don't say that. Among the saddest sentences I've ever heard you say. It's, you know, a lot of the other physical delights were off limits when you're pregnant. You know, they have to do with substances. It's like you turn like late 18th century dowager. Like, it is my only physical joy. Physical joy.

When you're used to having your physical joy come in the form of intoxication, you have to replace it with bowls of fruit. and showers, which is what I did. But I support multiple showers, and I know it's bad for the earth, but I just can't help it. But I just think that we can, Francie Crest can pay somebody to wash his underwear,

you know what I mean? Have an underboy. Underboy. Yes, please. You're right. I should get an underboy. Yeah. But I wanted to sit underneath the desk, though,

and just like look up to me and be like, now miss, I'll be like, yes, take them off. That'd be fun to have Yeah, like a little guy Constantly going back and forth Between you and the laundromat Like you take a You give him a pair underwear

He gives you a pair He runs the laundromat He washes the pair you just gave him And then he runs back And then you take off a pair and give it to And that way you get a fresh pair Every like two hours I fear that might be worse for the earth

In terms of water It's so much worse It's so much worse At that point, you should just wear a diaper. You should just wear four different diapers a day. Yeah, but then you've got to sit in your own wet, and that's a whole other ball game that no one wants to get into. And diapers are going to be bulky on those tight pants.

Yeah, that's true. Mm, yeah. And that's all we got for this week. What A-LIS TV goes wear the diaper and changes it four times a day? Man, she can't. I'm surprised that people don't take the under. I guess you can't really prove it's his, though. and try and sell them.

But yeah, I guess unless his name is like etched in the inside of them, which I can't imagine they are if he's just throwing them away like that. But, you know, get his scent. Start scraping it for his scent. Yeah. Or maybe see if there's a skitter on there and do a DNA test. Oh, God. I mean, if he's that upset about his crotchal area,

I can't imagine he's got skitters. Maybe that's why he's so upset. Maybe he's skids all day and he needs to get, you know, Take them on. Is Ryan Sechre? Which daytime TV host is a bit of a skid boy when it comes to the undergarments? Which daytime TV host sharts all day long

so that he needs to always have three extra pairs of underwear. We'll never tell. Dun dun dun dun. Well, thank you guys so much for joining us today. I hope you are thinking about Ryan Seacrest's underpants as much as we are. And we had a wonderful time with you today. My name is Jackie Zabrowski.

You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. And please also feel free to hit up our Patreon account. It is patreon.com slash page 7 podcast. And we are currently about to do the third episode of Pretty Little Liars. Molly and I are doing it, MSTK3 style. And it is ridiculous. So please hit over to our Patreon. Sign on up and start listening to a bunch of old people watching a bunch of teens.

Fuck that all look the same. It's the highlight of my week. Honestly, you guys should really go check out the Patreon and watch Pretty Little Liars with us because we might be old, but those actors are probably old now because it takes place in 2010. Summer of Bros. Icing Bros.

It's all coming together now. And Molly, do you want to slap out your Instagram, madam, so everyone can see Freddie getting bigger and bigger? My Instagram is MJKL Cat. It's mostly cats and sometimes babies. And Marcus? Marcus Parks. for all of the stuff.

But Instagram is pretty much the only thing I use. It's the most fun, ladies. Have a wonderful day. Have a wonderful week. And we will talk to you next week. Hey. My little cutie-ptootis. Oh my God.

Remember when Rosie O'Donnell was someone you wanted to be like, it's time for... Remember, she said cutie-patuties all the time. And I think I said it... I said it a lot. Man, I miss that Rosie O'Donnell. Anyway, anyway, anyway, it's time for Patreon.

out, out. Thank you guys so much for donating to the Patreon. We are having a lot of fun with pretty little liars, and hopefully there is a lot more where that came from. We're starting it out, we're starting it out, fairy tale felon, Sarah Paling, Lizzie Rasmussen, Erin Moore, Peter Corbery, H.N. Thomas, Megan Oakley, Sarah Hall, Megan Floyd, Savannah Obando. Good one. Nami. Sarah Thompson Christina Bailey Wiggle

Samantha Wright Leotris Potter Kayla Ooh any relation Any relation to the one Oh Lightning on his forehead Kayla Trees

Lisa Wilson Jesse Johnson Corinna Corpela Kim May Enals Perada Christina Beltran Frankie

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