Page 7 - Episode 265: Hey Sport

Episode Date: July 26, 2018

Jackie, Molly & Marcus talk Daddy-Daughter dances, Meghan Trainor's songwriting skills and movies that don't hold up.  Want even more hot goss? Support us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/page7podcast To receive 20% off your first subscription box, go to http://bespokepost.com and enter promo code PAGE7. For 15% off your purchase of $100 or more, go to http://modcloth.com and enter code Page7 at checkout. Offer expires on October 10, 2018. Thanks to Warby Parker for supporting Page7.  Order your F Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Baby just to let me down Let me down This is really working This is working over Skype I can feel the magic from here, guys I immediately woke up with that song in my head Because I was having a horrible nightmare That was I was being hunted

And the hunter kept playing that song song like through the forest. And it was just like over and over and over again. And then I woke up and I said aloud, the hunter was me. And I said it aloud to myself. Then I was like, what am I in a fucking movie right now? The hunter is me? Get a better line, you idiot.

Is that why you decided to wear your butter colored mesh today? Yeah, you damn right. Yeah, yeah. Oh my God. Oh my God. you're right The hunter is me That is such a great encapsulation

of how your brain works that your horror is sound dread by Why don't you feel me up? That's really It really tells us a lot I feel like it just makes me think of all those movies that have the fun songs

in horror scenes And you know what? It gets me every time It's always upsetting like brick house In a what was that? In A House of a Thousand Corpresent? or is that in Devil's Rejects? Believe those in Devil's Rejects.

How can you distinguish between those two films? They are wildly different. Devil's Rejects is more akin to an action movie while House of a Thousand Corpses is closer to a traditional horror flick. All right. I accidentally watched one of the, I don't even remember which one it was, but I am still traumatized.

Was there a motel scene? Yes. You watched Devil's Rejects. Yeah. That's all right. A rough scene, man. That one stuck with me. And I was like, oh, yeah, I like an occasional horror film.

And, like, afterwards, it's like, I was like that the children's book, there's, do you guys ever read the James Stevenson children's book? It's like an old man telling his grandkids stories. And then there's one book where he talks about how he accidentally, in the stories he's always a little boy. And then. The Princess Bride. In one of the books, the story is about how he accidentally wanted in this haunted house. And then when he walks into the haunted house, he's a little boy. But when he comes out, he's the old man.

And that was me after I accidentally watched. That was Rejects. Well, that one's closer to movies. Like, I spit on your grave. Yeah. Like, what is it? Last House on the Left. Like, Day of the Woman.

Day of the Woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good Lord. That movie. I have never, I yacked while I watched that movie. Yeah. Yeah, that one got me. And I love horror movies.

And Day of the Woman made me throw up. Actually, I've never seen Day of the Woman. Woo. It's just, she just keeps getting caught. And they just keep doing horrible things to her. And then she gets away and then she gets caught again. Then she gets away and then she gets caught again. And then the rest of it is about her slow, insane revenge.

That part sounds fun. Oh, yeah. All those movies have revenge. Except for Devil's Rejects, which has none whatsoever. No, no, no, no. But also, Molly, never watch Day of the Woman, ever. You hear me? Look me in the eyes.

You never watch it, okay? I promise. You guys talking about revenge reminded me that it is summer, and I have not been watching my summer show, which is revenge. What's revenge? Ooh, revenge. It's on Netflix. And it is a delight.

It is the best summer show. It is all about murder and intrigue. And revenge. that needs to be done. And there is like a million seasons of it. So it's like the gift that keeps on giving. It's total trash. If you don't remember what happened

in the last episode, it doesn't matter. And it is like, that it all takes place in the Hamptons. And so it's like rich beach people trash. And it's just so good. Oh, and the main character is called Emily Thorne. Or is she? Dun, done, done!

I don't even remember if there's murder. I call it a murder mystery, but I don't even know if there's murder. There's just a lot of twists. I'm sure there's a murder. Wait, why do you say, or is she? What does that mean? What do you mean, Molly? I don't want to give away too much.

But I'm just going to leave it there. Or is she? It is, you guys, if you like spicy things, which I do, it's my favorite genre. It is like a beach novel, like brought to life. And it used to be, I think, on ABC or something. So it has all the, like, all the, the kind of rough around the edgesness. And by rough around the edges, I mean like

too smooth around the edges of a network prime time show. Hell yeah. It was inspired by the Count of Monte Cristo. Interesting. Oh. Deep deep deep.

Deep deep. I just imagine tiny horses running on the beach, but like very, very small horses. Porcelain horses. Now you shall not be ashamed to speak of it in your salon. Oh, it's very dignified. There's lots of sex.

There's lots of beach sex. And there's lots of like kind of eat the rich. Like there's like rich enemies. Like Emily Thorne, she wants to like get revenge, obviously. And she wants to get it on these really, really rich people in the Hamptons. And so it just scratches all sorts of itches. Or is it? I just love the random questions about what they are doing.

But what is it about, though? There's no murder in it? So basically Emily Thorne, her family, her dad, was wronged by this other family, like when she was a kid. It messed up her whole life. And she now... Freddie's upset about it too. She now is an adult. And as an adult, she has come to write the wrongs that were done to her dad that messed up her whole life.

And so she needs to get revenge on the family that wronged her dad. Dad. Mm-hmm. Ooh. Let me give you a synopsis of the pilot, just to maybe wet your palate a little bit. Please wet me, wet me, wet me, Marcus. As the Hampton prepares for another summer, new arrival Emily Thorne makes her presence known by gaining access to the exclusive social circle of business mogul Conrad Grayson and his

socialite wife, Victoria. But it soon becomes clear that this young woman has a dark past. Known in another life as Amanda Clark, her world came crashing down when her father was falsely accused of channeling money to a terrorist organization. After... It was the mid-2000s you had to have terrorism. After years of careful preparation, Emily is determined to seek vengeance on the people who destroyed her father's life by making their lives come crashing down around them. Because when everything you love has been stolen from you. The only thing you have left is revenge.

Revenge! Revenge! Oh my God, I have to watch this. Why am I not watching this show? You'll love it. What? You've never... Why have we never talked about this?

I actually can't believe we've never talked about this. I just assumed that we had and I had forgotten. I'm thrilled that we haven't because you should watch. It is the perfect summer show, Jackie. I know you're in L.A. and it's summer all the time. But it is a perfect... No, I need it. I don't want to go outside.

It's over 100 degrees right now. I need to sit and watch revenge. It is a perfect summer show. And there's just like, there's not as many bitches as there are in pretty little liars, but there's like a queen bitch. And that's one of the people who, Emily Thorne, or is she, is taking down. And oh, my God, you are going to love it. And there's, like, a lot of great sex with, like, multiple different attractive men suiting Emily Thorne.

It's like, it's got all the things you want. Oh, yeah. And it sounds like it's got that nice. mix because the synopsis for the second episode starts out with Emily Juggles with family Emily Juggles working with family friend Nolan Ross going on her first date with Conrad's son Daniel and taking down her father's trusted friend. Ooh I'm so into this. It is so good. Oh my god you have to watch it. It sounds so much lighter than my current summer show which is sharp objects and I highly

recommend it. It is so fucking good. Yes, I'm going to do that next. We kind of talked about it a little bit the other day. Well, I think this was actual like friendship talking, not on anything. But we were talking about Jillian Flynn, and she's the same person that wrote Gone Girl, and Sharp Objects is out right now, and is like in the middle of it, and Amy Adams

is amazing in it. Did you watch it yet? No, not yet, because I am so into the five, even though I'm the only person on Earth watching the Five right now. It came out in 2016. But, no, Sharp Objects is next. I told you, in our not on the air friend conversation. I read Gone Girl and then I was like, give me more spice.

And I read all of Julian Flynn's books. And so I'm very excited for Sharp Objects. It's so upsetting. And I love Patricia Clark. And tell me what my vehicle is. Do I watch it on Netflix? It's on HBO. HBO?

Oh, even spicier. Oh, Patricia Clark's in. I'm sorry. Ugh. Egg on my face. egg on my breasts egg on my stomach Jackie do you mean Patricia Clark

the British biochemist who lived from 1919 at 2011 or possibly you mean Patricia Clark Australian historian and author No that's not what I mean I mean Patricia Clarkson from the epic movie pieces of April which I feel like no one talks about enough Katie Holmes

Oh Patricia Clark She was the Warden's wife and the Green Mile right? In the green mile, walking the mile. Name's coffee. Like the drink. Only not spelled the same way. Put me in that role.

I just came back from San Diego Comic-Con. My favorite cosplay, I saw a dude cosplaying as John Coffee. Was he so big and handsome? He was so big. That's a deep cut. Ooh. Wow.

Did he have on like the dirty wife beater tea and like the half overalls. Oh, of course. And he also had a he had a name tag that said my name is John Coffey. I love it. Oh my God. I want to kiss him.

Yeah, I'm really excited about sharp objects. And I don't even remember if I liked Gone Girl the movie, but I think, was Amy Adams in that one, too? I know it was Ben Affleck, but who was the girl in Gone Girl the movie? I forget, I just remember the book was really good.

She's really good at writing alcoholic women. I got to throw that out there. That's what I love about her. She's so good at it, as one myself, it's like, oh, yeah, no, I know that feeling. Ooh, yeah, no, that's rough. That's why I liked Girl on the Train, too. Not that I've ever been quite in as bad a place as the protagonist of that book and the movie that Emily Blent is in. but if you've ever had a rough time with your relationship with alcohol, you can identify with the protagonist of a girl on a train.

Dude, that was rough. Yeah. Reading that made me like, it made me tiny yak. It made me back of the throat yak in my mouth. It made me never want to drink again. Yes, me too. But Emily Blunt is like, she's in my top five. I think she is so gorgeous anytime I see her.

Is she on your pass list? Um, it's a good question. I don't know who, I don't know who's on my past list, although I admitted to Gideon this weekend that I find, this is a very deep cut and I apologize. I talk a lot about food network people on the show. I admitted that I find Jeffrey Zakarian to be a little bit of a daddy. Which one is that one? he is like a ugh

really believe me I'm not proud I'm not proud he is like a he's a chapped guy he's like a he's always wearing like zip-ups

like sweaters that half zip oh yeah he's a little bit of a daddy I can see it I know but also Marcus you have to watch him in the shows he's very good at being like food daddy He's like stern food daddy

He's like take no shit stern food daddy And I think that it's just that he age He wears his age well I feel like he's just like a nice Like middle aged daddy Who like works out And his Instagram was like all pictures of him at the gym Which I don't like

But it's like with great reluctance I admit that I think the daddy phenomenon Because I wasn't into your I wasn't as into daddies as you were Jackie But I think that your daddy framework is kind of seeping into my way of thinking. Am I rubbing my daddy on your mommy? Because it sounds like I am.

Rub that daddy. Rub that daddy. Gonna make a wish on his belly. I, in my brain, all the daddies have a gemstone hidden underneath their dad belly that I just want to like kiss and rub on and make their hair stand on end. and I say, Daddy, Daddy, give me all the wishes. Hit me with a spatula. I've been naughty.

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Promocode page 7 for 20% off your first box. Be spoke post. Theme boxes for guys that give a damn. I am proud of myself again for making the least amount of vagina jokes that I could. Box. Well, I'm going to see if you guys can guess. I found an interview, a very fluffy interview with Jeffrey's Arcanean. Yes.

And they did a rapid fire at the end. And I'm going to see if you guys can guess, specifically you, Molly, considering you know him well what he chooses on these A or B answers. Oh, this is like the quiz I was born to take. Ketchup or mustard. Mustard. Yes. Chocolate or vanilla.

Vanilla. Yes. Coffee or tea. Tea. No. No coffee. Burger or hot dog? Um, oh, I think he's going to say hot dog.

Hot dog. Yeah, Jeffrey, I love you. Cream cheese or butter. Ooh. He said French butter. What does that mean? What does that possibly mean? Why can't it be good old American butter?

What's different about French butter? That's why I'm so reluctant to like him because he's boozy daddy. He's like the boogiest daddy. Soda or water? Water. Yes. Sprinkles or jimmies? Oh, God.

He's going to say jimmies. No? Neither. What does he say? Does he offer a third? He does not offer a third option. He just, he bougies his way out of it. I would never debase myself enough to put sprinkles,

nor jimmies on any food stuff that I may consume. That's ridiculous because sprinkles provide the perfect amount of crunch. I need a crunch. If it's a regular ice cream, I need sprinkles on top. I made a pioneer woman recipe the other day that involved taking a regular thing of ice cream, mixing it with a thing of sprinkles and a thing of vanilla Oreos, and then just refreezing it, and it was fantastic. I highly recommend.

That sounds amazing. Yes, I've been watching a lot of Pioneer Woman because right around the time Freddie needs to nurse a lot in the middle of the day is when Pioneer Woman is on and so I've really been thinking a lot about her sexual relationship with her husband. Dude, that Marlboro Man is so hot.

He is just, talk about, lick him off of a spoon. My God. I think that he is too hot for her. She is so bland. Like, she's, like, she's, bland. She is not bland. She is the mother of a million. She runs a whole ranch. She's got other things on her brain. And you know what? I like her style. I like everything

about her, but her sense of humor and her charisma is about as exciting as a bag of pre-sreaded potatoes, which she uses often. Yeah, you throw in some shade. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I I really will like go to bat for the pioneer woman, but the more I watch her, and I've been watching her a lot, the more I realize that she's like a fundamentally boring human being. Wow. But look at how attractive. You know what? Her male children are becoming strapping.

I will say that. Oh, yeah. Really? Some of her are in college. I'm allowed to say it. I can say it. I hadn't checked in on the status of her children. And whether they have grown into attractive adults, yes.

She's got attractive children. Yes, I agree. You can't say these things anymore. And I think that that's upsetting. Sometimes you're allowed to say when a child, if you're not in the room with the child, you're not looking the child in the eyes. You're allowed to say, hey, you have an attractive child, right? I think you can, I think it depends on what you mean.

I think you could say your child is cute. Yeah. I mean, and Jackie, I think you could just possible. say that, but as a man, I'm not sure I could walk in and say, you have a very attractive child. Absolutely not. Have you noticed, I asked, have you noticed how attractive your child has become? Yeah.

Don't use the more attractive. You could say, like, that's a good-looking kid. Like, in a really light-hearted way. Like, say it once, and that's it. That's a good-looking kid. If you could say that, and that's the most you could say. What an attractive little girl. My God.

Absolutely now. Absolutely not. I would love to see you do it though, Marcus. What if you said it with like that affectation? Like, aha, attractive child it is. Is that okay? My, what an attractive child you have. That's fine.

If someone said that I'd look you in the eyes and say, thank you, Marcus, dear friend of mine. But also, I guess we are dear friends. If you didn't know them, you know, in a couple of years, You could probably say that to Freddie, though. You could say it to a very good friend and they know who you are. If not, you are going to be asked to leave the building. Yes.

And I'm going to support that. Yes. But it's also nuts. Can you imagine me leaning over to a buddy and being like, wow, check out that attractive child. If they have specific kind of ringlets, I say it's okay. You know, sometimes it's like, especially with the head of hair that you're like, I just wish I could rip the scalp on. off of that kid and put it on my scalp.

See, you can't say that either. I mean, I think, yeah, like, I think there's such a thing as, like, you know, like whole families that are good looking and it's not, doesn't have anything to do with being weird about the kids, but like, like, that's the thing with Chip and Joe. Their whole family is just gorgeous. Like, everybody is just, everybody just looks like their best. It's just like, oh, my God, that family just looks the best a family could look. Yes.

It's the connotations of attractive. That's the word. We have to jettison that word. Yeah, we definitely have to not say the word attractive. Absolutely not. In relation to children. Absolutely not. Because the root is attract and we don't want that.

I am put into a box of censorship. No, they were saying the same thing about M.E.K., which is Jip and Jojo's 8-year-old. And they were like, look at how, they were saying that she's becoming the spitting image of Jojo and there was just too many comparisons because at the end of the day she's still eight there's only so much you can look like your hot mother when you're eight years old holding a baby you know yeah yeah that right we just shouldn't ever try to make children grow up into anything like that and that's also why like daddy daughter things are really uncomfortable to daddy daughter things are weird real weird daddy daughter dances yeah too much I

relationship superimposed onto a relationship that is not that kind of relationship. No. You know what it is is that I don't know how to dance unless my groin is touching another groin or back groin. You know, and I know that there are ways to do it. I don't really know how to do it. And I can't imagine my front butt touching my dad's front butt. Yeah, no, I, uh, nope, absolutely not.

Have you done it? You've never done a daddy daughter dance, Molly? No, no. definitely no absolutely not but then why don't they have mother's son things right they do at weddings well i mean we all remember mother boy yes from uh arrest of development and i think and i think that perfectly tells you why there are no mother son dances yes because it's weird and it's just as weird the thing that with daddy daughter dances is that the idea is that i mean historically toilet flush daddies owned the daughters until they handed them off to uh uh uh

a, you know, son daddy. As they do, yeah. My father still owns me completely and fully. And I say, Daddy, may I use the toilet? And I say, Daddy, may I have a piece of cheese? Every time I have a piece of cheese. And it bothers the hell out of them. Just constant calls, constant calls.

Yes, eat the cheese. Always eat the cheese. Whatever you want to eat the cheese, you can have the cheese. When I typed in Daddy Daughter into Google, It did not have correct anything like pornography. It just auto-fill to songs. It's a daddy-daughter song. Oh, my gosh.

Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer. Little white flowers all up in her hair. That song, forever. I know I brought it up on here before, and I haven't thought about it in a very long time, and now it's going to be in there. God damn. I hate you butterfly kisses.

I mean, a lot of these make sense. Father and daughter, Paul Simon, Dance to my father, Luther Vandros, Daddy's little girl. Daddy's Little Girl by Michael Bublae. And then Megan Trainers, Dance Like Yo Daddy. No, thank you. I don't want to.

No, because Megan Traynor also sings about her butt, and I just feel like I just don't want that juxtaposition. I think it's a butt song. sounds like it's a butt song. Oh. It's a butt song? It sounds, I, I want you dance like your daddy, come on.

Dance like your daddy. Come on. Come on and move like your mama. You know you want to come on. Ew. Try not dance like your daddy. Dance like your daddy. Dance like your daddy.

Try not to dance too much. Oh. It sounds like she's doing a mother-type mating call for her daddy. Right? Like a wadish. of the ass until it becomes like, what are those birds where it looks like

when their ass looks like eyes? So it's like you're looking into the eyes of the ass. You know what I mean? My daddy told me how to do my own thing. He said to let it out. Long as you find your groove, be a dance in full. Go ahead and find your groove. Be a dance in full.

Make sure you stand out in the crowd and show them all that you can do. Be a dance in full. I want you to dance like yo daddy. Come on. Dance like your daddy. Oh, my God. This sounds like this is like somebody is going to look online planning their daddy daughter event,

and they're going to be like, oh, okay, I'll play dance like yo daddy. And then they're going to play it, and everyone in the room is going to be horrified because it's going to be a sex butt son. Oh, my God. Push down that flow and shoulder roll and shoulder roll. I said push down that flow and shoulder roll and shoulder roll. Now hits to the left and hits to the right. No. Can you overbite?

Can you old man overbite? What? Oh, Megan Trainor. Wait, what does that mean? What does that mean? I understand. You're wagging your ass in front of your father. And then, wait, did you say overbite?

Like, ah, gr-dh. It's a blowjob thing. Can you old men overbite? I would say it's a blowjob thing, except all of her songs are so, they're like, they're like, they're like, not even vanilla sex. They're like PG sex, you know, so I don't even think she would go that far. No, that's like the face when you go, mm-hmm, and you like bite your lower lip, right? Right?

I think you might be right. Overbite sexual mood. I hope this isn't one of these things that everybody who's younger than us knows. I'm going to assume that's what it is, though. I think you're right, Jackie. I think it's a facial expression. Oh, my daughter. Waggle your tiny ass.

Ew, I just gross myself out. That is... Too much. What is wrong with Megan Trainor? What's wrong with her? I think that Marcus should have a weekly reading event series, though, where he just reads Megyn Trainer songs as if they're poetry. Let me see you overbite.

Let me see you. Can all you old men overbite? See, that's the problem, though, is that she has this song called Me Too, which has nothing to do with the Me Too movement, even though it was all at the same time. but I like it a lot, but I feel like, you know what? I shouldn't even be saying this right now because I feel ashamed. But it's a very sexy song and it's all about how everyone wants to be you, you know?

I think that's fine. I just realized I might be being a bit of a hater on Megan Trainor because I really only know like her very most popular things. And really, I know all about that bass and I just do not care for that song. Some of these other songs are really, like another one's called Bang Dem Sticks. It's just about how she likes drummers. I want her to stop using language. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on bang dim sticks till I'm drummer,

sicker than the swine flu. It's like how Jackie writes your Instagram. Oh my God, please let me write sex songs. Don't really need medication. He got a tissue. And when he bang, bang, don't need to bug him, but he might be smoother than my my favorite copy when it plays.

What? Marcus, as a drummer, does this make you want to fuck Megan Trainor? No! She says, I got a thing for a drummers. I had a big chase of my heart. I got a thing for drummers. So babies show off all them tricks and bang them sticks. Oh, God.

If I just, Marcus, I can only imagine someone staring at you doing the overbite and going bang damn sticks bang damn sticks bang damn sticks okay

bag dumb sticks all right bad bang dumb sticks I just imagine it's like animal animal would fuck that person yeah

right it's the song of animal bang them sticks Megan trainer I just yeah I just feel like I'm just not certain about the way that she writes her lyrics. I don't, I know she probably, I can tell she writes them herself.

Dang them sticks. You know what? At this point, I hope she writes them herself because whoever's getting paid to write that, it's just like, give me all the money. I'll write it for you. Let me write a song for you. Like, Ouchi, Ochi, grab my crotchy. Ochi, Occi, give me itchies.

Oh no, I've got an S.T. Yes, sex. And she's just proud of her STDs, you know? Ahoy, Sunny Days are calling at Modcloth, and they are saying, Oh, dangnab it, wish I could kiss on you, you little tasty cake. Yeah, Sunny Days are a little sexually aggressive. But you can nab everything at Modcloth from travel-inspired prints to breezy sundresses. No, Cudigan required.

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page and the number 7, all one word, at checkout. This offer expires on October 10th. Go get boat railed. Took four people to write that song. Good gravy. Including Megan Traynor herself. I mean, one time I was at a karaoke family, there was, it was a karaoke. It was a karaoke event and there was families there and there was like two little kids singing all about that bass and it was cute it's a cute song it's just her music is just like sweet you know i just don't think it's i just it's like bubble gum you know it's like kind of grading bubble yum bubble gum i kind of like that song okay yeah it's skinny shaming i'll say that it is

But you've got a base. It's skinny shaming as a man with plenty of trouble. I did not appreciate it. Whoa. I mean, it sounds like I sent you about that new show insatiable that just came out that has another woman. So Molly and I have been watching Pretty Little Liars, and it is a part of the Patreon, which check it out because we have a lot of fun in it. And every time they show a girl in a fat suit, how are they still allowed to put really shitty? fat suits on girls. So there's a whole petition to shut down this Netflix show because it's called

insatiable. It's about a fat girl that loses a bunch of weight and then goes out for revenge against the people that were mean to her. But she has a terrible fat suit. Well, it sounds like there's a lot of things that might be fucked up about that show. The fat suit is probably a great place to start, but also the idea that formerly fat women are murderous sounds like not the best. Oh, that's fine. I mean, listen, murderous women in general I'm here for. Yeah. Shows about murderous women is great, but it sounds as, what is the petition about how bad the fat suit is or is it about how it's fat-shaming? Molly, what is this show all about? What is this

revenge? Revenge. That's right. It's there's no difference between this and a man who was betrayed. I absolutely, revenge is my is my top genre. I'm just wondering whether they deal with a fat main character in a way that is not totally terrible because fat people are, fat characters are often portrayed as kind of like subhuman, you know? Yeah, which is ridiculous. I mean, I, as speaking as a token fat girl over here, it's just like, you know what? You can still

also, you know, have a great time and get laid constantly when you you're chubby. So it's like that's the whole thing. So this whole thing, they're saying that it's inspiring and inciting bulimia and eating, eating disorders because the whole reason why she loses the weight is because she got punched in the face and her mouth got wired shut. Oh, God. Yeah. No, right. The idea that like only, I feel like there's an idea with any former, same thing is going on in pretty little liars. With a formerly fat character who then gets skinny, it's like, now she's her real self. you know, like, like a, you know, fat characters aren't like fully realized until they can lose weight and

and then start murdering people. And the murdering people thing, kind of fun. But I'm just, I don't trust this show to do it well. I mean, next thing you know, they're going to be going back and relitigating shallow howl. Oh, my God. But see, that's a thing, is that at least if you're going to do a fat suit, how has no one mastered a fat suit yet? The closest they got was, how you durn! Because you know what?

She looked pretty great in orbit. As opposed to like this fat suit in the trailer, I'm just like, but it's not good. How have they not gotten any further in making fat suits yet? Right? Yes. Jackie, I want you to right now, Google shallow howl and look at Gwyneth Paltrow in a fat suit because I guarantee you it has been too long. you have seen you.

Oh my God. What have they never seen a fat person before? That's the thing with pretty little liars fat suit. It's like, bad people don't look that way. I want to get a picture of Gwyneth Paltrow in her fat suit crying, blow it up, and frame it as a poster.

I need it. I need it on my wall. It's just, it's like, It's like you can be a beautiful woman. They have to make, it's just so strange. They have to make her look so much worse instead of just making her look fat slash, oh my God, I don't even know where to start.

That is, oh my God, she looks so bad. If Elizabeth Peltro was fat, she would still be like a beautiful woman with a beautiful face. They made her face. Well, she was crying in that hearing. Here's a better picture. No,

they even added fat up into her forehead. It's like, that's just not, it's like she got weird. She has Renee Zellweger eyes for no reason. That's not what fat people look like. It's just not what fat people look like. Oh my God. This is so, it's just so ridiculous.

Also, it's just like all this stuff. It's like, yeah, everybody gets fucked, man. If you want to get laid, you can get laid. No matter what. That's it. Yeah, and all of those things that, you know, that we saw when we were, like, I feel like, you know, all the teenage, like, rom-coms and stuff where it's like, you'll never have sex if you're fat. It's just, it's just misleading. No, I've always had fantastic sex.

That's what, this is what we should be saying. This is what should be being put out there. Because also, I think in the show, Insatiable, it's like, it just looked like you were boring. And that's why you didn't have any friends. That has nothing to do with weight. If you're boring, you're boring. And you're going to be boring whether you're thin or whether you're fat. And that's it.

Another thing that they misled us about with these rom-coms is that you'll never have sex if you're like unpopular. Unpopular people just have sex with each other. Yeah, that's the best part. Great nerdy sex. And you can make so many mistakes and no one needs to know about it. That's the best part about being a loser and having sex all the time. Sex with other losers. One thing that I want.

you another thing I want you to see Jackie and I want all of our listeners to see it as well is Gwyneth Paltrow putting on her fat suit makeup head first without the body. I am looking at that exact picture right now. Oh my God. I love that they started head down. Why did they do it? 90s were a weird time. And speaking to which, I watched Forrest Gump on a flight.

I'm a flight out to San Diego last week. How long has it been since either of you have seen Forrest Gump? Ten years at least. Yeah, it's been a minute. Yeah. It's kind of embarrassingly bad. I'm a little bit afraid that that is true. It's like watching it, like it's a little embarrassing to watch.

watching it and thinking like we thought this was a really good movie like a legitimately good movie and it's still a fun movie but it's not a very good movie I think that that's got to be the case with like 99% of movies from the 90s yeah oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

without a doubt we had terrible taste oh yeah yeah yeah Tom Hanks does not do that great of a job like there are moments when it's like it's he like that's a great one like and OJ he's so smart like that's

those are like well-acted moments, but the rest of it is pretty cartoonish. How is Robin Wright in it? Does she hold up? She's actually probably the best, her and I would say she's probably the best actor in the movie. Really? Not Lieutenant Dan? He's a little, Lieutenant Dan's a little over the top. He's just kind of angry the entire time. Yeah. He's another cartoon character, but like, An angry disabled man. But really, actually, Robin Wright, like, James. Like, James. But really, actually, Robin Wright, like Jenny seems to be like the only complex character in the movie.

I feel like the 90s was like, like, the 90s was like, let's take on sensitive subjects. Yeah. And then like, let's just get like a handful of like 10 actors to play all of the different like sensitive subjects we can think about. And just go so heavy handed. And of course I have nobody involved in the writing staff that is, you know, like involved. Like, you know, there was the whole Scarlett Johansson thing being cast as a trans man and then people being like, you could cast a trans actor. Well, she backed down from that project, by the way. She's not doing it.

Yeah. Yeah. And I think it's such an interesting, like, time to be like, consider at least having, like, if not the actors, like, what about the writing staff? Like, if you're going to do a piece of art about a type of person or a person with something, like, have those people involved. And the 90s was just like, let's just do a really heartwarming. film about mentally disabled people and, you know, and then just really just heavy-handed it up and like wait for our awards. Well, he knows what love is, even though he may not be a smart man.

Really, that movie, it's really funny to watch, especially like 90s movies, 90s movies with kind of the hindsight that we have about the baby boomer generation now. Yeah. It is two hours of baby boomers slapping themselves on the back for how great they are. Yes, it is. It's baby boomer porn. Yeah, it's total baby boomer porn. Yeah, it's like, oh, there were some bad people, but, you know, most of us were pretty

fucking amazing. You know how great we were? Yes. Yeah, it's baby boomers sucking their own cocks for two hours. That's exactly right. The greatest generation. Buh. Now, the greatest generation was pretty fucking awesome.

I guess that was the greatest generation. Yeah, the greatest generation was the greatest generation. Yeah. Yeah, baby boomers just being like, we were, oh, my God. God. Forrest Gump is one of those movies that it's just normal. And then when you think about it for more than like 15 seconds, you're like, ooh, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had a lot of time to think on that six-hour plane ride. It's the same with Philadelphia, too, which is also problematic, which I recently rewatched. That's also another problematic one where it's like, you know,

there's a lot of gay actors out there that would have killed, although at the same time, man, did I want to just pull on Antonio Banderas's hair, though? Right, and it wasn't just that they didn't cast gay actors, but it was like, it was like that like Tom Hanks was being, was like seen as like a hero for playing a gay person. And it's like, how brave.

Well, I get that. At the time, at the time, I totally get that. And I'm not saying that like Forscump is offensive or really even that problematic. It's really not. It's just that it's an embarrassing kind of movie,

like where you just, you kind of cringe at the complete and totally, total lack of subtlety or nuance. Right. Except for Robin Penn Wright, who is, who actually plays that character very well. Right. There's, yeah, there's kind of a couple different phenomenon we're talking about here. One is, like, extremely heavy-handedly taking on subjects without having other people in the

room to, like, make sure those subjects are handled well. And then the other is just the 90s just fucking swinging and missing on trying to be, like, artful about shit. Yeah, yeah, just totally whiffing. Yeah. You know, they had a good time. But at the same time, Gwyneth Boudre looks pretty funny in a fat suit. She looks super funny in a fat suit.

Oh, please, everybody, please Google it. It's so good. It's so good. But never watch Shallow Hal ever again. I don't need, I never even saw it. I've seen clips of it because it was always on like AMC or TBS or one of those. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not even sure I could tell you what Shallow hell is about if you gave me a multiple choice question.

It's Jack Black and Gwyneth Paltrow. Jack Black is a very shallow man. He gets like a gypsy curse put on him or whatever where the attractiveness he sees in a person physically is how good of a person they are inside. So Gwyneth Paltrow's character is like 400 pounds or so, but she's like the sweetest, greatest person on the inside. So Hal, Jack Black, sees her as Gwyneth Paltrow, you know, extremely attractive. and then eventually the gypsy curse wears off and he's like, ew. And she's fat. And then he thinks about it and she cries and then he thinks about it and then they end up happily ever after.

Really? Yes, yes. With her still fat? No, no, no, no, with her still fat. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's got, it's fine, you know. Is it?

At least the end, it's like a, it's a fairly brother's movie, you know? So it's not going to be super sensitive. but on the other hand Fairley Brothers movies actually don't really hold like there's something about Mary does not hold up at all Yeah

Yeah it's just mean Really? Maybe Yeah Have you watched it recently? No but I thought it was so Fucking funny when it was out Me too

I thought it was the fucking One of the funniest movies I've ever seen Again watched it on a plane Not too long ago It's just mean and miserable It's maybe it's just the benefit of hindsight And it was all different at the time

But now the idea that like that that it was just like, there's come. There's come. And like, it's the, it's a fine generation. And it was just come. You know, it just seems so, so basic. Well, maybe it's because, like, we all have, like, taken that concept and ran with it over the years. Like, especially, you know, Jackie and those in Murder Fist.

Yeah. Ran with the idea. Like, didn't you have a sketch that was the artisanal cum store? Yes, we did. Now that's funny, though. Yeah, now that's funny. We had many kind of cum. All different guys, any kind of cum you could ever possibly want in the artisanal cum store.

Yeah, high brow we were. Don't you worry. Yeah, but there are certain, but like there are certain movies that do totally hold up. Like, dumb and dumber is still as funny today as it was when I was 12, you know. It totally holds up. I love everything about it. Though dumb and dumber, not as good, dude. Just not as good.

You know, Jeff Daniels didn't have the actual part until after they had started shooting. They were already starting to do a bunch of stuff with Jim Carrey, and he hadn't actually gotten the part yet. And dumb and dumber? Yeah. Really? Yeah, isn't that crazy? He just had absolutely no idea.

And they were just holding off and holding off to see if, like, how Jim Carrey was going to do and if what he was going to do was going to, like, offset each other in the proper way. And obviously it did because, man, that movie holds the fuck up. And that's why it was sad because in my brain it was the same as Trapped in Paradise, but also Trapped in Paradise didn't hold up. And that made me very sad. Dana Carvey, John Lovitz. Nick Cage, how does it not hold up?

That sounds like a recipe for a perfect movie. Right? How does it not hold up? It makes me so sad. And Dana Carvey is like kind of slow in it. Well, Dana Carvey was never able, besides Wayne's World, was not ever able to make a good movie. Yeah, he wasn't.

Like clean slate, that movie was very boring. Yeah. And Master of Disguise had exactly 10 seconds of funny in it. Uh-huh. Yeah, but his stand-up special. So, I mean, that, what? You're not into it? No, I love it.

That's what I'm saying. I'm like, ah, it's so good. And him on Saturday Night Live is like my, like, when I still, when I picture George Herbert Walker Bush, I picture Dana Carvey as as George H.W. Bush. Oh, yeah. Same here. I love it. And Ross Bro. Look at my glasses.

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Marcus, got out of that list. We've had so much fun that, yeah, we've been blowing through this. I don't even know. We get to the list 10 minutes before this. Dang. Hit me. Hit me with your best list. Famous people who have had heart attacks.

Ooh. and survived. Okay. You know, Bowie had a heart attack in 2004. Really? Do you think it's because he fuck's too good? Probably. If that's a reason to give me a heart attack, I'll take it.

Yeah, I mean, that's really one of those. I think a lot of people kind of live a life that they're like, you know what? If I have a heart attack, it's fine because they want to like smoke and, you know, eat a lot of ham. or whatever. Fail you. But truly, if I could live David Bowie's life and then have a heart attack and survive, absolutely. Yeah, no problem at all.

I don't know. The 70s sound is super stressful. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of blow cane. But, you know, good on you. Larry King had a heart attack back in 1987. I am surprised that he hasn't had like 10 heart attacks. Right?

Yeah. He just seems like that age of a man where he's like, and he looks like just a man who's like, Oh, by 93 heart attack, that was really a rough one. But he's always yelling about it. And he was 54 when he had that art attack. And that was 30 years ago. That man was in the same age since we were all very small children. Good Lord.

Kelsey Grammer had a heart attack back in 2008. I'm watching season two of Queer Eye finally. And the man who says that his style icon is Frasier Crane. I love it. My God. That's pretty fine. It is so fun. I guess Kelsey Grammer should have had a little bit more tossed salad in a little pure scrambled eggs.

Ah, yeah. Frazier joke. Frazier joke. Rosie O'Donnell had a heart attack. Man, I was just talking about Rosie O'Donnell because I called someone a cutie patootie. And I was like, you're a cutie patootie. And I used to say cutie patootie all the time because I really wanted to be Rosie O'Donnell. How far I have come.

I have a Rosie O'Donnell doll that when you squeeze it, it says, what a cutie patootie. You bought the doll? I don't know how. I didn't buy it. I think it was given to me. I don't know why I have it. Who made that? Where did that come from?

That was mass produced? Was it custom made? It was mass produced because I was at somebody else's house. I can't remember who now. But somebody else has the same Rosie O'Donnell doll. That is very weird What? Did she have a kid show? Yeah, wasn't it like Rosie's World or something?

Like I remember her as a cartoon Maybe that was it Because this doll, she's wearing a blue suit And I think she's got a pink shirt And if you squeeze her, she says, what a cutie-patooty! Maybe I'm thinking of the intro to the actual show. I think that she was like a cartoon character. Wait, this is really weird.

Is it this thing with the big head? That's it. That's it. It's weird It's very weird It's very weird Freddy, it's going to you When you get

Hell yeah She already wants it I hear her I don't think Freddy wants it At all You cutie Ptooty Oh

No she doesn't like Cudy Ptootie She don't want none of it I understand Yeah throw a slinky at her No what was it Cushbow Remember she's

threw Cushballs Everyone with her head on the kush ball? Aw. Right? I remember. Yeah. She's getting mad.

You guys might have to finish the list. All right. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. That's okay. Let's see how fond of our items are. John Mellencamp.

What? Yeah. At 42. Didn't give up his chain smoking. Hell yeah. You know, you know, everyone makes choices in a life.

And his aren't always the best. but it doesn't seem like he was too popular in love either. So, you know, keep smoke and toking away and, you know, get yourself a heart attack. Do we like John Mellencamp? I think I like John Mellencamp. I am completely indifferent towards John Mellencamp. Fair. I will not change the station.

I will always, I only ever really listen to him on the 4th of July. Hmm. Right? It's like summer music. I guess it is summer. music to an extent. To an extent. Are we good?

We're good. All right. She's coming back. I gotta find out what the blind items are. Yeah, you do. Because it's time for blind items. Ah, we can't see them. This former, almost A-minus list, mostly movie actress, turned escort, tried to put out a hit

on a woman she accused of hitting on the benefactor. of our former actress. Lilo. Lilo put out a hit on a woman that was flirting with a guy giving her money. That's amazing. Good for a hug.

Oh my God. Or at least tried to put out a hit. I think she put out feelers. But since she's like hanging out and like Dubai a lot now. Yeah, she lives there. She's got a whole beach. We have to go to Dubai.

And we have to go to her beach resort. Please. I would do great in Dubai. Look at me. I remember the Sex and the City movie. I know what I can do. I can wear heels in sand. That's not true.

I also can't even wear heels on flat ground. But Lilo recently just, she lost her mind at like Instagram. Like two people that worked at a resort were they took an Instagram picture and they weren't wearing the same very, very high heeled shoes to match her really. skimpy, slutty outfits that she makes them wear, and she responded to the Instagram picture saying that they better change their shoes or they are fired. I will thank you to never speak of sex in the city, too, Jackie. I pretend it doesn't exist.

But Molly, it is a big part of the franchise. Yes, we shall never speak of it again. All right, fair. Next up, and this is an old, old Hollywood item. In the past year or two, there have been a treasure trove of documents that have been scanned and saved to the cloud from the archives and vaults of this nearly 100-year-old studio. It basically just partners up with other studios now, but back in the day, it was huge. One of the documents, Doug up, confirms that long, long talked about rumor that this permanent A-list mostly movie actor did, in fact, drive drunk and kill a pedestrian and that someone else went to jail. for it. The document has the name of the person hired to go to jail. Apparently they only went to

jail for six months, but was guaranteed a job for 20 years for doing it. Whoa! Yeah. I want to see this movie. I definitely want to see this movie, but the actor sounds like he just didn't give a damn. Tom Cruise! No. Who is it who said, frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn. Is that Carrie Grant? That's Clark Gable. The character label I always confused the two. Clark Gable killed a man and then paid someone to go to jail for him. Whoa, that's so badass.

That is badass. That is some king's shit bad assery. I want to see that movie from the perspective of the guy who went to jail. They should absolutely make that movie. Dude, that's awesome. Like the Cohen Brothers should make that movie. Yes. Oh, my God.

Yes. and make it so dark and make it so upsetting. Oh my God, I'm completely on board. I'm completely on board. Let's get it made. Someone write a letter. Please. And then finally, okay, so this one's weirded.

It's worded a little strangely, so bear with me on this. Okay. Hey, Sport. That is the code that this permanent A-list dual threat actor checks to his A-list X when he wants to hook up, hey sport, she responds with a time for the married actor to come over. Think about which couple, think about famous celebrity couples of the 90s, think about which man would go, hey sport. And a dual threat?

Dual threat, both movie and TV, and he was an Academy Award winner. Hey sport. Ooh, hey sport. Hey sport. Hey sport. Hey sport. He immediately thought of Benefer, but we know it's not that. 90s?

Because he didn't, he's never done TV. Think who's a little, a little fulxy, but also is in some pretty dark stuff as well. Hey, sport. They were known as like one of the crazy couples of the 90s. Billy Bob Thornton. And Angela Jo Lee still buck. Whoa. Still fuck.

Still fuck, yeah, because you just text her, hey, sport. And then she says 10 o'clock, my place. Oh, my God. You know, they go good together. They go great together. I think they go better as fuck buddies though Yes for sure and I definitely Can you imagine how great they're sex is? It's got to be great

I'll bet it's really good He is such a daddy yeah he is such a daddy yeah he is a daddy I'm totally into it also I never realized like I'm kind of into being called sport I think I like that His sport and be like ooh Let me put on my catch as mitt Ooh It definitely takes a certain man to be able to pull off hey sport

Because I can't say it. I can't say, hey sport. Yeah, no, I think you have to be like a weirdly attractive daddy man in your 60s. Well, no, I think you could do it younger. You can definitely do it a little younger, but you got to be folksier. I'm not very folksy. Yeah. It was weird that wasn't it, did Bob Saggett called DJ Sports?

in Full House, or was it Uncle Jesse? Uncle Jesse's a sport guy. Yeah, Uncle Jesse's a sport guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I find surprising because it's like he is definitely more of like, you know, motorcycle daddy, but I get, but he definitely pulled off sport. My uncle used to call me skeezicks. Like, I lost sport.

Like, hey, skeez-ics. Yeah, yeah, kind of like sport. That's kind of fun. Yeah, it was really fun. I thought, I mean, it kind of sounds like ski-sics. though. Yeah, yeah, that's what made, and that's rough.

Hey, hey, hey, little skeezy. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, uncle, don't worry about me. I ain't looking up the girl's skirts. Hey, baby skeezy. But you were. Actually, baby skeezy sounds like something like a New Orleans pimp would say.

Yeah, you need a cane if you're going to be baby skeezy. And that's it. That's all we got for this week. Baby skeezy. Hell yeah. Thank you guys so much for joining us. And if you want to hear more from me and Molly while we are going down the rabbit hole of pretty little liars and their fat suits

and their teen sex. Please hit up the Patreon and it's patreon.com slash page seven podcast and just sign up on there dude. We are having so much fun with it. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. My name is Molly Neffel. Uh, Marcus Parks or everything. Hell yeah. Go look at pictures of baby Freddie because she's the cutest and she's getting all chubby chubs. MJ Cat. MJKL Cat. MJKL Cat.

Hell yeah. Love you guys. Thank you guys so much for listening. Love you guys. Bye. Bye.