Page 7 - Episode 268: Harken It

Episode Date: August 17, 2018

It's a girls only, no boys allowed sleep over Page 7 and Jackie and Molly discuss themed restaurants, "Sharp Objects" and Kelsey Grammer's anti-cheating tattoo.  Want even more hot goss? Support us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/page7podcast Go to http://hellofresh.com/page760 and use the code Page760 to get a total of $60 off, that's $20 off your first 3 boxes. BossaBossa, Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What's up? We here at page 7 have teamed up with HelloFresh, and they are offering everyone in our audience, $60 off. Go to hellofresh.com slash page 760 and use the code page 760 to get a total of $60 off. That's $20 off your first three boxes. I wish I had three boxes. Uh-oh, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger?

Stand a little taller. Doesn't mean I'm long. Only when I'm alone. I think that's the... Hark! Do I hear an angel? Yes, you do. It is a 31-year-old hungover as Ball's birthday angel.

I think I have to do a little bit of singing at the beginning of this one, and I think I have to say, Happy birthday to you. Molly, don't. It's too sexy. Happy birthday to you. Molly, you're a mother now. Happy birthday. This is podcaster.

Who do I married to? Miss podcaster. Happy birthday to you. Oh, thank you. Oh, Molly. Thank you so much. I feel like a president having an affair. That's my name.

Does that mean I'm the, wait. That's my name. That's, is that the one? He bonged on her, right? Yes. That's my name as the wife of the bonker on Marilyn Monroe. That's how little I know about American history. Our famous bonking president, one of many bonkers, I think, but he was the most famous for bonking.

Oh, man, was he good at it? I would have jumped on that. I was having, I was getting borderline problematic with. that's my name recently. Well, I actually switched it. We were watching, I am a killer. Have you seen this show on Netflix? No, but it sounds right up my alley.

Dude, you should watch it. It's great. And it's just about dudes on death row, whether they did it or whether they didn't, just explaining why they're on death row and just kind of telling their story. And one of the guys murdered someone on August 15th, and every time they said on August 15th,

And they said, that's my birthday. And they said it a lot. And it really takes you out of the story. But I laughed and they laughed and I laughed, which is not the appropriate response to this show. Yeah, it's a little less fun than the usual. That's my name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's okay.

You know, we're keeping it fun. I guess let's go to the elephant in the room here. Elephant room. It's a girls cast. It's a girls. It's a girl's cast. We're just like Kathy Lee and Hoda, which is also true because one is hungover and one is not.

Yes, well, yes, that's, I mean, no, but both Kathy Lee and Hoda are always drunk. I feel like Hoda never gets hungover. You know, she seems the kind of woman, that she's so strong that she doesn't get hung over. And Kathy Lee, I guess technically never gets hungover, but she just gets drunk again. Yeah, I think Kathy Lee just rides it. I mean, I don't know, Hoda might not be, Hoda gets pretty loosey-goosey on the TV. And I know this because in April, Gideon and I went on a weekend away to Asbury Park, New Jersey. Aw, sex weekend.

Had our little Jersey Shore. I was very pregnant and I didn't remember. I haven't felt sexy in a long time. Ah, yes, yes, yes. But it was a vacation. And I felt terrible and pregnant and no fun. And I insisted on trying to find my fun. And so I watched the Today Show with Kathy Lee and Hoda.

Oh, that is fun. It was fun. And it was like a 15 years of Kathy Lee and Hoda retrospective episode. And I was watching it. And Gideon was like, why? Why? Why are you doing this to yourself? Because it's the only thing that I find joy in.

Yes. this is how I found my joy. And I was sober as a church mouse. But those guys are, I mean, Hoda is a, she might have it more together than Kathy Lee, who is like really weirdly intense. But Hoda is a wild card. That's what I like is I feel like you expect it from Kathy Lee, but you don't expect it from Hoda. Yeah, right.

I mean, it's the same thing. People expect me to be insane. You know what? I am. But, man, when, Molly, when you're out there fucking, fucking. Woo! Woo! No Freddy today!

I mean, I've seen you get nuts many times, and you don't expect it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, I used to get more nuts. Now I just kind of dream about the time when I can get nuts again. Well, look at my face. Don't miss it. And I didn't I don't miss it.

Especially when you cut to and you're 31 years old and we had happened upon an Austin Powers themed bar last night. What? Which, we, pardon? We were going to like a nice dinner, and we were waiting and we're killing time. So we're walking around. And he's like, oh, I know this great bar. And so we were walking. And all of a sudden we see this like zebra striped carpet with this big buff man out front.

And we look in and it's got a neon lights that says the electric pussycat. And we're looking into it. And Julie's just like, I mean, we got to look in here, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was an Austin Powers theme. bar that had a go-go pole with no go-go dancer. It had like shag carpet on all of the walls and also mirrors and disco balls, but it was playing early 2000s music and there was no one in the bar except for one like slightly swollen bartender that was wearing way too tight of a gold

lame outfit. Would you say Austin Powers themed bar? Do you mean like it reminded you of Austin Powers or it was like, I was drinking a drink called a lot of vagina. No. You're kidding. What? How is this not a nationwide franchise? I don't know.

It was awful. But then also for some reason, so they had also a mural with sharks, freaking sharks with freaking laser beams on their freaking hats. But then that was right next to the beaded curtain sex room that we weren't allowed to go into? I am stunned. I love a theme restaurants. I love like I love like the rainforest cafe. I love like a planet Hollywood. I do love the rainforest cafe. Oh my God when the rainstorm comes and all the monkeys start going and all the cuckoos start going. Where are they called toucans? I love the rainforest cafe. I love any any restaurant where there is a very like just a just a theme that just hammers you over the head. And

And I don't even know if I've been to like theme bars per se except in like Florida, where it seems like they really specialize in them like Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville, which I love. I love Margaritaville. And I cannot believe that this exists. I truly can't. And I feel like I've been meaning to visit L.A. for a long time, but I feel like this might be the thing.

Is this one going to get you here? This is what's going to get here? A place that plays, no, one of those. songs they were playing was when you can call me al started playing it was like all right we got to go this is not an austin powers themed bar it's not an austin power sign it was really it was a lot of fun man i remember being i think it must have been like eight or nine and talking to one of the workers at the rainforest cafe when we were there because the two cans were making a ca sound. Tukans don't make that fucking sound. Tukans more sound like a kukukuk. And I told the worker at Rainforest's Cafe, and guess what?

She didn't give a fuck. Oh my God. I want to see precocious young Jackie Zabrowski, like, actually, can I tell you what the sound of two cats actually makes? Um, yeah, I, I don't know why in my head I, thought I would get like a free volcano cake out of it, but I didn't. I was just annoying her. I guess that's just the way the cookie crumbles and that's okay. All right, but also, Marcus is not here. Marcus is not here. And I feel like, I just, I don't know, I feel like we're having like a morning

sleepover. Like, you know, I've mentioned it before, but I'm still bitter about it at that time I woke up in the morning. I was always the bitch who fell asleep at sleepovers and I missed all the good stuff. And then I woke up in the morning and everyone had told each other about the blow jobs they had given and I had missed it. And everyone spent the whole morning tittering about it and being like, wow, you really missed it, Molly. And I was like, just tell me. And they were like, you kind of needed to like be there in the moment. And I was like, just tell me. I mean, you did kind of need to be there. I know. It's fair. It's not really like morning conversation. It's more much like a late night confession. But I was so mad. Man, I feel like the most, the most, the most

devastating secrets came out when you were drinking mixer, but you thought there was booze in it, but in reality you were just high off of sugar. I remember doing that. It's like the blue stuff, whatever the blue mixer was, and we were playing spoons, which essentially is just grab the spoons as fast

as you can, if I recall. Yeah, I think that's all that game is, yep. And then whoever got the last spoon had to take a shot of the electric blue mixer. So by the end, we're all puking up mixer because we thought we were so drunk. But, um, there was no booze in it. That's okay. That was me trying to get drunk on Mike's hard lemonade and I would have two and I would just be just, oh, just the stomach ache. I would pretend I was drunk so that I didn't have to keep drinking the so that I didn't have to bear with that stomach. That sugar, balty alcohol stomach ache. This is the problem with bros icing bros that, you know, unfortunately, if you try to get drunk off of that stuff, it feels like someone is like clawing you out from the inside, yeah. I can't imagine getting, have you been iced yet?

I haven't been iced yet. I'm begging to get iced. No, I haven't been iced. Someone fucking iced me. I haven't been iced ever. Even in the summer of 2010, no one iced me. And I really wanted to get iced. And I feel like it's like a nickname where I really wanted a nickname when I was a kid.

And the more you want a nickname, the more no one's going to give you a nickname. And that's how I said, I just want someone to ice me. But when, but the whole point of getting iced is you got to get iced by someone, you got to find somebody who doesn't want to get iced. Yeah, because I feel like I tried to hide them in the apartment, but then Henry saw it and said, what are you doing? And I was like, play the game with me. Play the game with me.

Yeah, everyone in my house is like, you know, interested in drinking like their nice beers, not their trash liquor like me. And also, who wants to waste a nice beer by ice in it down the back of your throat? Yeah, right. I don't think you can ice with like an IPA. Oh, God, you mad you just immediately throw up all over the floor in front of your own child. Like, I'm not a monster. I love her.

That's the other thing. I can't really play. I can't really get iced right now anyway. I'd have to wait. I have to wait until I have like a more, like a non-breastfeeding toddler who's probably going to be more capable of understanding what's going on around her. So then I don't, I'll have to get iced, you know, after she goes to bed. Oh, no, after bed, I think you should just start doing it with caffeine and said,

or you should get one of those IVs. You know, the IVs where it pumps it out. I don't really know the science behind it. it pumps it out or it pumps it in? Hmm, interesting question. I think what it is is that it's like, I know that the rich people's use it as a hangover thing. Really?

Yeah, so it's like they're never hung over because they go to the man and he puts the thing in your arm and it judges out all the bad juice. This sounds like an L.A. thing. Not that there aren't like obscenely rich people in New York who would do this, but it just sounds like L.A. people are also into taking care of their bodies. It seems like people in L.A. are just like, take the alcohol out of me. Yeah, I mean, I would do it because the man comes to your house, but I feel like I'd try to kiss him. He comes to your house?

Yeah, he comes to your house. He gives you a window of time like I'm living in now. He's like, I'll be there between 11 and 1. Yes, and I'm like, all right, good. I need to be not hungover by 2. But I feel like if a man came in and took all the bad juice out of my veins, You'd have to give him a blowjob as a tip, right? I am not convinced that this will work. I think that if anything, he should just inject you.

He should just give you a regular old hospital IV bag full of fluids. That's probably what we all need when we are hungover. We just need a real quick hydration station. Or I just wish he gave me like a package of gold coins. And then I'd be like, is the leprechaun going to come after me for it? And then it's like, you live there. the day in constant fear and what's going to get rid of a hangover than just being absolutely terrified? It's like, is it real gold? Have you found that now that you are well into your 30s,

if I may, that hangovers make you want to die even more than usual? I'd like to be dead. Yes. I would, because also I think that the worst part, which I know everyone talks about this, and I knew that it was coming, and I knew it was going to happen eventually. But I end up sleeping for like three hours, and then I'm still wide awake at 7 o'clock in the morning, and it doesn't fucking matter. I'm just still kind of drunk, and I'm like, I'm going to go work out. I almost threw up at the gym a couple of weeks ago, because I was like, I know, because everyone says that you should work it out because, you know, it's like, well, I view working out as a punishment,

but that's a whole mental ball game, that I think that I should, be punished. And so working out when you're hungover is such a horrible feat. And when I'm like doing a plank and I'm, I'm like dry heaving is that, that's my best moment. I have never once managed to work out well hungover. Never once in, let's see here, I'm 32. So that's got to be 14 years of drinking. Not, you know, I guess a little less since I haven't really drank in the last year. But never, Not once have I... I'm sorry. Molly's husband just walked in without his shirt on.

He doesn't have a shirt on and he looks so good. Jackie's singing in your song, honey. I couldn't. Not. I'm sorry, Molly. He was trying so hard to not be noticed. But a man walks in without his shirt on and again go like, Boing, boing, boing, boing, boing.

I feel like a coyote in Looney Toon. Tunes. Ouga! I'm sorry, this is your husband and the father of your child. Well, what's great is that you're, you know, so I'm in my house. I got my baby in the bouncy chair next to me. I've got the recording app open and I've got you on a little, you know, the video on a little square.

And so, but of course, I'm wearing the headphones so he can't hear you. So he just sees you dancing very excitedly. Whaling. Well, I just want to say. your husband looks great. Well, I'll tell him. Jackie says you look great, honey. He says, thanks, you look great.

Aw, that's not true, but I'll take it. A man that knows how to give a compliment? Yes, please. We really are like, this is a very Kathy Leigh and Hoda moment that we're having. I know. I should be drinking wine. Is that bad? No, no, we both should be, but neither of us are.

The only thing, you know, of course, Frank Gifford is no longer with us, RIP. RIP, Frank. And Hoda is like famously single. Is that correct? Yeah. I think she's just a cat about the town. She's got cat scratch. Cat scratch fever.

Well, she's got a baby now too, and she talks a lot about her baby. But I think she might guess. Hoda has a baby? I think she's a single mother by choice that she adopted a baby. She's... Oh, she adopted a baby. I think she's a bit of a dinosaur. I think she's a bit of a dinosaur.

Mother by choice, I think. Okay. I should know because I just watched this damn retrospective of theirs. And it was thorough. Was it mostly just about the wine Wednesdays? It was just clips. I mean, they don't even hide it anymore. It was just clips.

It was like a number of montages of just them getting drunk. Like they're just like, this is what we do. They've just given up. It's like, I honestly can't believe that they don't just show up in sweatpants. No, because I imagine they are carded. I feel like if I was either Kathleen Lee or Hoda, I would expect to be like sleep on a gurney, just strap me in, just move me to the makeup room in the morning, put the makeup on me while I'm still like passed out drunk.

And then you just wake me up and go, okay. Good morning, USA. What is it today? I don't know what it's called. Good morning today. I mean, yeah, well, I think that they must be able to deal with getting so drunk because they're right. they must have to wake up about three in the morning to get their makeup done.

And then they must, they go, they get drunk by 10. Their 10 is when they start, although now I think Hoda starts earlier. I think Hoda may be replaced Matt Lauer. And then they're done by either 11 or, I think it's 11 because I used to, when I used to be unemployed, I used to watch Kathy Lee and Hoda at 10 and then switch over to the view at 11 and then switch over to Tyra at noon. Man, you had quite a stacked schedule. This was back in the day, and then he had to wait till three for Dr. Phil, and then four for Oprah.

What are you doing that time? Eat lunch? The answer for me was, drink enough coffee to make myself feel sick. Hell yeah. I mean, you know what else makes me sick, but with loin envy? Speaking of morning talk show hosts, I don't know if you saw this, Molly, but you know how Kelly Rippa and Mark and Swayl are married, i.e. Hiram Lodge. I did you did know that, but I maybe forgot that. Who was cast? Because I guess they're going to be doing a lot of flashbacks next season. And Kelly Rippa and Mark Consuelos's hot as fuck son is going to play Hiram Lodge as a younger man.

And I am excited to watch him kiss. Is he a, is he like a 20-something? Yes. Okay. 21. He's 21. He's 21. I'm not to say it.

I can say it. Excellent. Just making sure. Yes, in fact, I only knew this because you told me. And so I feel like I've been kept appropriately up to date on all the Riverdale casting news. I mean, I'm just really excited about it. And it gives me the juicies downstairs. And I just can't wait for Riverdale to come back.

I want it now. It's been years since Riverdale was on. Where is it? I don't know. I don't know. Well, especially, yeah, you've had a whole baby since Riverdale has stopped. It's like, what's going on here? I've lived a whole lifetime since Riverdale stopped.

And I mean, Sharp Objects is helping quell my pain, but it's, I wouldn't say, so my boy toy was in town for my birthday, and I was like, let's watch all of Sharp Objects. And it's like, I was thinking like, ooh, we're going to watch TV during the day. You know, it's going to be great. We're going to fuck in between, and we're to watch more TV. That's what I was excited to do on my birthday. And you can't. Because I can get sexy over anything. I'm not saying anything about him.

I'm saying me. I can get like juicy, horny in the front, in the back, in the top, and around. But I think Sharp Objects is where I draw the line. Yeah, there is nothing that is less of a turn on than Sharp Objects. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was a poor choice, especially interspice with I Am a Killer. Also, not good. Finish the episode and just look at each other in horror and traumatized horror.

Yeah, like, man, this show's good. There's a lot of that talk. So can we talk about sharp objects? We can talk a little bit. We can't do, no spoilies. No spoilies at all? I don't think that we can because I feel like what I was trying to do is I was trying to wait until I got through the damn summer because I wanted to watch them all.

in one fell swoop. Oh, interesting. You don't like having to wait. You're an immediate gratification girl. Oh, you damn right, girl. You know about that? My whole life is immediate gratification. Although, it does really make me want to

force sexual pleasure learn how to roller skate. The roller skating part is fun. That's the only fun part of the show. It does make me want to roller skate a lot. Roller skating is great. I as a like an old high schooler, like a 17 or 18 year old high schooler, um, tried to, um, rock some shoes that had retractable wheels and, um, wait, wait, it did not go. Molly.

Yeah. Molly. How old were you? Oh, I was too old. Ha ha ha ha ha. Too old. Oh my God. Let's get some now.

Yes, I want to get some helies. See, this was like right before helies, which is still, I would have been an adult and helies were for children. but they're the ones with the little wheels that the little the subtle wheels. I had some roller shoes that were not subtle. And even I. How not subtle were they? I mean, they looked like regular roller skates that the wheels would kind of just like go up so that you could walk. It was like airplane wheels.

It was that even I knew after I'd ordered them that it was like too embarrassing for me to actually try this. And that I was even embarrassed by even no one except my family knew that I'd even done this. still was embarrassed. I love this. Let's get some. Do you remember what they were called? We got to get them. I mean, the year was like 2002.

The year was 2002. There's got to be better. There's got to be better roller shoes by now. But my point is that roller skating is fantastic. And I wish that it was more socially acceptable. I mean, and I know that they're teenage girls. But there is, I mean, I mean, let's hearken it. Is that a phrase?

hearken it to Heather Graham in Buggy Nights, which if Marcus was here, he would bring up because we know his sexual fantasy about Heather Graham and Buggy Nights. Heather Graham is really hot. I also can't rock, you know, the Daisy Duke shorts either. But in my brain, if I could, and I'm closing my eyes and I'm thinking about me doing it now, I would wear Daisy Dukes and I'd have the roller skates on and I'd roller skate around boys being like, don't you wish you could grab this? I think that you're just thinking about Heather Graham

because you went to an Austin Powers bar Oh my God, you're right Do I have to watch all of them now? Get in my belly! See, that's interesting. I would fly to L.A. to go to this bar, but if you made me watch Austin Powers again right now, I don't know if I would do it.

All right, we don't have to watch Austin Powers, but we have to drink all of... There was like, man, a lot of vagina was so spicy, and I was just like, what very? vaginas have these cocktailarians been fucking eaten? I don't think that's what mine tastes like. And it's like, I know I could, I mean, I think I'd have to bend hard. I mean, you know what's going on down there.

Ain't spicy. I don't think so. It was, I wish I could remember the other names of it. I should have taken a picture of the menu. It was, I think that's why I feel so sick. Because of the, a lot of vagina. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Which, I mean, yeah, it's not. Sounds like my college days. Man, but back to Sharp Objects, Elisa Scanlan, who plays Amma, or Amma, I don't know how to say it. Amma, Amma. She is Australian. No. Yeah, and this is like her first thing.

She's great. Dude, I love her. I love her. She's great. And also, fairly sexy. And she's not supposed to be. Well, I looked up how old Amy Adams was because I was like, how old is Amy Adams? And she looks fantastic.

And she is in her 40s. 43 years old. And looks better than I could ever even imagine looking. Yeah, she is, she looks fantastic. Tell me your favorite thing about sharp objects while I pick up my baby. Okay. I love Patricia Clarkson. There is something about, I think it's, especially like when we were talking about

Kathleen Turner. Uh-oh, I'm left of my own devices. She's not paying attention. Um, they, I just wanted to like juke around the microphone. Like, ha ha ha, ha. Where is she? Where is she?

Oh, baby. She's so cute. She wants to weigh in. Yeah, she wants to be. Have you been letting her watch sharp objects? I understand no censorship of children, but Molly. No, she actually now, we have successfully been able to, like, make her go to bed, like, like, she has, like, a bedtime now.

And so now I have, like, my, like, dark. where after I put her to bed and I just like brood and watched sharp objects. That's awesome. But when I'm not watching sharp objects, I'm watching queer eye and feeling fantastic. So it's really like a range of emotions, just like motherhood. Molly, is this a cry for help? Are you blinking through the Skype call right now? Hello, fresh boys.

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Delish gives me the purrs. I think my Favo recipe so far is the Winsteak met potatoes recipe because yes, please, scrummy little bocum's juices. Is that what Mary Berry would say? Dude, it was craye easy and after I made it, I definitely delivered the I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich monologue from when Harry met Sally. You know, I'd still pour peppercore. sauce all over Billy Crystal. Come at me. Make it easy on yourself.

There's just too much kissing and sweating to get done in August. Enjoy not having to plan dinner, spending money on takeout for an easy night, or worry about gathering ingredients. Lord, tell that to the magnum of saffron I spent way too much money on once I found it. I have to put it in everything just to justify the money I spent. Pro tip, saffron does not belong in everything. Go to hellofresh.com slash page 760 and use the code page 760. to get a total of $60 off. That's $20 off your first three boxes. Because when you want to spend

the rest of your life with stake, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. No, I just, I need more Queer Eye. We finish season two of Queer Eye and I, I, I need it. Because I do love like dark, spicy mysteries, like Sharp Objects. That's like, those make me happy. But, but damn if Queer Eye doesn't really make me very, very happy and also realize that I, have not put effort into my appearance in a long time, and I really need those men in my life. You don't have to, Molly. Now is not the time. And you know what? You look great. Well, thank you. But I would like to. That's the thing. Like I watch queer eye and I'm just like, I want to be well-dressed. None of my clothes fit me because my body has changed so much. You know, like, you know, I gained like

50 or 60 pounds during pregnancy, like 20 of, no, 30 of which were just in like the last week of pregnancy because I got pre-eclampsia and then I lost most of it. But I, but not. not all of it. And I'm like, you know, I'm like, I'm just in this weird in-between phase. And I just want tan France to come to my closet and be like, why are you still wearing shirts from your college days? It's like because they feel good. And because I like them. I'm wearing a shirt right now that, well, I got my boy inspector shirt on. But I've also had this shirt for about 10 years. It's falling off. It's barely on my body. And I still wear it once a week. I've known you for a long time. And your greatest hits of shirts, I appreciate that you keep

them in rotation. You have to. They make me so happy. But I think that I'm glad that you're finally caught up on queer eye. But girl, it's like, what are you going to do? You got a baby down. What are you going to go buy a bunch of clothes? That's the thing. Like, I don't know. I do not know how to look good right now, but I feel like I must because I, it is, you know, all that queer eye rhetoric is getting to me. I'm like, yeah, it does impact the way I feel about the world if I don't get up in the morning and take care of. Meanwhile, I'm like, I get up in morning and I'm like get in watch the baby and then I like brush my teeth while putting my contacts in while using the bathroom while putting pants on it's like very and my this damn app that I have is like

take some time to take a shower and get dressed and put on makeup in the morning it'll make you feel better about yourself shut up app it's you know you can't it's it's it's I don't know how it's not like I expect that I'm supposed to do this but I do wish that I could I mean I've literally just been wearing basketball shorts and a shirt shirts for, you know, three and a half months. And I used to wear that in the summer on purpose because I thought it looked good. And now I just wear it because I have nothing else to wear.

And it's starting to impact my self-esteem. I think that you look great. All you need to do is just get, you should just get little bike shorts instead. Show off that ass. Which is what I knew you did always. If there is something I know about Molly Neffle is that She loves showing off every inch of her body.

Well, I did, you know, in college, I tried on a pair of skinny jeans for the first time. And the people, the girlfriends who had taken me to the mall were like, damn girl. And I was like, ooh. And then I just wore skinny jeans for the rest of my life. But now, you know, I don't have any skinny jeans that fit me because of my, you know, mischaping body. That's okay. I think that, you know what? The strength of motherhood is what.

gets you through. Is that what they say? Do you read motherhood books? Oh, I forgot my cards. This is actually a perfect segment into, so I got a birthday gift, and I have no idea who it's from, and I have asked all the usual culprits and no one knows, and it is a box of cards that I wanted to read you some from. On one side of the box, it says promises from God for women, and on the other side of the box it says 101 blessings to brighten your day and uplift your soul. Wow. And there are 101 cards inside of it.

Things like on one side, it will say, in my heart, I'm holding you tight. And then on the other side, there's a psalm. Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. Thank you God That's a psalm, really? That sounds pretty feminist for a psalm. Right? Should I start calling you every morning

and reading these cards to you? Yes, or just send me, it sounds like they're kind of the things that are inside the dove chocolates, you know? Oh yeah, except they're all women-related. Like, God's best is always worth the weight. Don't know what that means. Don't know what that means. God has blessed me with a great friend.

And for that, I am thankful. Who is the great friend? You're my great friend. Oh, great. Yeah. Oh, this is, I think this one might be one of my favorite ones. It is the word woman. Pick up the baby.

The baby needs you, Molly. This is what these cards. I bet there's five cards in here that says, look at your baby. Think about your baby. This one is my favorite. It says woman, and it's down like those old school things

that we used to do. like, J is for a jockey. A is for acrobatic. I don't know what that thing is. It has a name, some kind of poem, but I don't know the name. So it's one of those, and it's for woman, and the first one is wonderful, and the O is optimistic, and the M is marvelous, and the A is amazing, and the N is noble. That goes out to you, Molly. That's for you, because you are an all-around the man When I think of love I think of you

I, what if I just start talking only in these cards? Leave nothing to chance and everything to God. I am scared of the cards and I don't know The cards rhetoric is really escalating.

There's a lot of Helen Keller quotes in here. I don't know why. Trust the past to God's mercy. the present to God's love and the future to God's providence. So it's like half God, half Helen Keller? Yeah, pretty much.

There's some poets in here. There's just so many of them. Just remember that your success and happiness lies in you. Resolved to keep happy and your joy and you shall form an invisible host against difficulties. Helen Keller, you can't see and you can't talk. Why are, can't talk? Could she talk?

She couldn't talk. Could she talk? She could talk. She talked using sign language on other people's hands. Is that why this quote doesn't make any sense? I think that that might be the fault of the card makers. I think it's the fault of the mute blind. I'm sorry, I'm not anti-Helen Keller.

Freddie is, though. And you know what? I appreciate you, girl. And so, sorry, recap, you got these for your birthday? Yeah, I got them with a gift receipt. It is definitely from a friend of mine, but I can't hunt down which friend. Interesting. Yeah, it's not a creepy.

It's not a creepy, but it is an accidentally anonymous. It's kind of fun. It is kind of fun. Do you think it's a man or a woman? I just thought that you needed these today, you know, just to, you know, get through it. Because they're really, they're giving me strength on this hungover morning. That's good. I think we both need strength.

I am feeling the hashtag working mom vibes and trying to hashtag have it all. You're doing it. You're killing it, baby. It's not always going smoothly, but I try. I did notice that Gideon did put on a shirt to come in and get Freddie out of the room. And I'm sorry that I looked at him like he was a piece of meat. But that's all. I know that it goes both ways. And you're not supposed to treat men like meat.

I think that your spontaneous outburst of appreciation, you know, was appreciated. Okay, good. I'm just wondering if you're going to go down the road of Kelsey Grammer's new wife, because I don't know if you saw this, but he tattooed his wife's name right above his crotch to keep him from cheating. I did see this. and I don't think that that is going to keep him from cheating. No? I mean, if you were going to go down on,

if you were as far to the point of going down on a man and then you noticed that he had a name on his D, wouldn't possibly give a fuck. Would not stop me in a hundred thousand years. I just can't, I mean, are you going to stop and be like, who's this woman? And then the man is probably at that moment going to be like, she's an ex or that's not a woman or I don't even know.

That's my wife. That's my wife. That's my wife. What if it's his fucking mother's name? And I know that that's a weird place to put your mother's name. But like, you know, sometimes a crotch will do it. A crotch will do it. What if your wife and your mother have the same name and you want to tattoo your wife's

name so you don't cheat but then you've accidentally also tattooed your mother's name? What I find so weird is that this is the wife. that he married a week after his divorce was final with his first wife because he was cheating on his first wife. Oh, really? With Katie Walsh, yeah. And so then Katie Walsh was like, you're going to tattoo my name on your crotch. And girl, like, if you really think he's going to cheat, right, why aren't you fucking

marry him, you're fucking crazy bitch? You can't have that much Frazier money left. Well, yeah, I mean, right, first of all, he's Frazier. Second of all, did you see the part in Queer Eye where they asked the guy who his style icon was and he said Frazier? Frazier, which I thought was really cute. Third of all, I think it's totally possible for good, healthy relationships to start out of cheating. It certainly has happened. And definitely happened.

It definitely happens. And it's not like you should have like a scarlet letter necessarily for cheating. No, I don't think that's not even the shame of this situation. Right. But if you have to get a tattoo to stop yourself from cheating, you've got to work on yourself, sir. Yeah, you got things to do. I think maybe it's like a therapy thing. This is a no judgment zone.

But at the same time, you know, he's also 69 years old. If he's tramping around at 69, I say good on him. Oh, men get to tramp around all till they're, you know, till they're, you know, till they're, you know, till they're old crotchety sagbags. I can only hope to tramp for as long as I'm able to tramp for. Yeah, I think everybody should be able to tramp that long, but I think that men get to a little bit more because of our society. Daddies.

Datties. Dopp, hump, hump. Datties. I love a daddy. Do you think Kelsey Gramer is a daddy? I feel like that guy, I mean, he's a daddy in the sense. He's like, he's like. He's been a daddy since he's like 28.

Yeah, he's been a dad, but he's also like a dad. He's like the daddy who just like picks up your friends at school. It is a totally unremarkable dad who you've never thought about once. That's how I feel about him as a daddy. Understandable. I think that I, you know, I used to want to bang Frazier, weird. But when I had my summer of cheers, I didn't want to bang that Frazier because I was too busy thinking about, what's his name?

Woody Harrelson. Because I wanted to bang Woody Harrelson after coach. But I think that, yeah, he really doesn't do it for me. And now that I know that he's kind of a sleaze bag, it also doesn't do it for me, even though that usually doesn't put me off,

but I think he's just not hot enough. Yeah, yeah, I am annoyed by this tattoo dick story. And I just, yeah, I just feel like, I feel like there is a little bit of a like, oh, you know, I just can't, women are just throwing themselves. at my dick and I have to have this big sign on there that says keep out because I have a woman, you know, it just seems, it just seems like a little too big for Kelsey Grammers or Britches.

Yeah, I think that it makes me think of what's the, what's the name of the club in Calvin and Hobbs? The, is it GROSS? No, yeah, right? Oh, oh, girls rule. No, girls gross. Oh, damn it. I can't believe I can't think of it. I know. I'm very upset. I'm looking it up right now because I hate myself. I hate myself. Get rid of slimy girls with the ass on the end of it. Oh my God. I have to, I'm so ashamed. I'm also so ashamed. I'm so ashamed. It makes me hate myself. God damn, I love Calvin and Hobbs. I was just talking about Calvin and Hobbs the other day because it always makes you think of Calvin and Hobbs at the end of summer because it always makes you think of the last, like end of the compendium of Calvin and Hobbs. Uh-huh.

That it's like when he has to go back to school. And it always makes you think of that. Because no matter what, even though we don't have school anymore, it's still like a weird like end of the summer thing, even though it's still disgusting outside. It's still a thousand percent summer. But I think it's my birthday always signifies, oh God, I have to go do more work now. Yeah. No, it's sad.

John's birthday is August 23rd. And yeah, the end of the summer birthday is like, it's kind of a sad because everyone's like, oh, school's about to start. Even though we're adults and we're not in school, and many of us are not in school, some of us are. But like, even if you're not, and I work in school, so I'm kind of on the school schedule. But like, I feel like you could be 45 years old

and still be like, it's time to go back to school shopping. Like I still do all of my new clothes shopping in the fall because I feel like that's when I do it. You know, that's when we have to do it. Of course. I still get that feeling on Sundays sometimes. And I think that's what, really screws me up that I can still never actually enjoy a Sunday because I remember, I just remember

being a kid and, like, I was anxious all day on Sunday. Even if I had all my work done, I would always be anxious on Sundays. And it's just like, I mean, obviously, I've got anxiety issues, but, you know, spawned really early in my body. But I think that that doesn't really go away, which is kind of sad. How do we make it go away? I guess what we do is we do things like going and brunch and start drinking at 11, which I don't really do. But I get the idea of it. It's like, well, if I'm drunk by four and I go to sleep, then it's like, I don't have to worry about it. Yeah, just kind of bypass the anxiety.

Right. And I think people still get sad on Sundays because they have like nine to five jobs. But you don't have a nine to five job and you still get sad. Very, very sad. Very sad. Meanwhile, it's like, I go to sleep at like 10 p.m. every night. And the one night that I stay out, I got to be up early to do page seven. It's like, why did I do that?

Because then I choose that. So now I'm going to be anxious all day. Like, don't do that again. Why would you ever do that? You, you monster, you idiot. You 31-year-old idiot. I'm fine. I'm 31.

I'm 31. Everything's fine. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Oh, God. I'm having a mental breakdown. I'm having it on page seven. Also, though, you spent a good, what, five, six, seven years of your life, waking up at like five in the morning to work at a five.

Yeah, four 45. And and I sometimes still cannot believe how long you did that for. And I wonder sometimes when we have to record early, if your body is just programmed to wake up early, like forever now, or if hopefully you've been able to break yourself free of that prison. I sleep in. I usually am up around like seven without an alarm. Damn. Like a crazy person. That is like a crazy person. But, To me, that's sleeping in, because that was after I've been at work for an hour for eight years of my life. So, you know, I see it as sleeping in. Yikes.

Although, you know what's not getting slept on? That was a horrible transition. Have you seen two, especially as this girl's day, and Marcus isn't here, I need to bring up the fact that there are two little women adaptations coming out this year. And one is fucking garbage. And the other one I'm actually kind of excited about. So I'm a really bad little woman because I'm not really like a little woman person. I didn't realize this. I don't know why I thought you were a Louisiana May Al-Cardian with me. Because everybody thinks I am in a way that makes me feel like I should be offended.

No. People are like, you don't love little women. I know everybody, I mean, it's a good thing that little women is a good thing. But it's like one of these things like when people, it's like the same thing. The fact that I haven't read Harry Potter and people look at me and they're like, you? It's not like Harry Potter's good. But people are like, but you are like a bookish nerd. I mean, it does make sense. You would have, like, especially like if you would read it when you were like eight the way I did.

And I was just, and I wasn't also like a girly girl at all. I was just like, oh, I wish I had sisters. And then my sister's like, you do have a fucking sister. I was like, yeah, you're right. Well, I was, I was an Anne of Green Gables girl myself. She was like, she was just like romping in fields and shit, right? And I was also a Laura Ingalls Wilder, Little House on the Prairie Girl. Those were my girls. So were little women, were they too slutty for you?

I don't know why I didn't do little women. I think, I don't, like, everyone was always trying to get me to read Jane Austen and Louisa May Alcoff. And I, for some, for whatever reason, I was being a stubborn little woman myself and I just didn't do it. I understand. Honestly, if you read it now, it still holds up. I still read it every a couple of years. Really? I think you would dig it. Yeah. It's very romantic. The problem is, of course, I wish they could up the sex, which is why I love the 1994 version. But they're doing one that is a retelling of little women of like girls nowadays. And it's got Leah Thompson in it from Caroline in the City, which I know she's done a million other things, but I always think

of Caroline in the City. And she's Marmee. They just made them essentially just a bunch of, it's just, it looks like garbage. You don't need to put it nowadays. There's no reason for it. And it's just like, oh, Joe isn't college. Isn't that a novel idea? It's like, you don't need to do this. However, which I really did when I watched the trailer, I shouldn't have watched it after I'd been drink a little bit because I screamed to no one allowed about it for about five minutes.

So I'm not going down that road right now because I did hear that Greta Gerwig is doing a little women adaptation and it's got Timothy Shalamey in it. But it also has Merrill Street and Laura Dern and your favorite, I don't know how to say it, Irish, Irish. Sharsha? Sharsha Ronan. Oh, Shershah, Shurh Ronan, my alter ego. Dude, Shersh Ronan is going to play Joe March, and I'm very excited about it. And it's going to be a different part of the book rather than what they did in the 1994 adaptation. It's going more into their young adult lives, which is more about Miss March, which is like Merrill Street.

Uh-huh. Aw, baby. Man, you are such a great mom. You're the woman that has it all. She's taking phone calls. She's slapping husband's asses. She's rocking the baby. Her bouncy ball is broken.

She doesn't even care. She keeps going. Oh, I am a sweaty woman who has it all. You've got it all. How are you feeling? Are you okay? I'm all right. You know, I'm holding it together.

I got this chair coming from Raymore and Flanagan. My life is really going to all come together once this chair is here. It's going to be great. The chair is going to make it all better. Freddie's never going to cry ever again once the chair gets there. You're never going to be stressed out ever again once the chair gets there. And then once the chair gets there, you're going to be able to start meditating at least two hours every day. I just sit in my chair and get my life together.

And you just like rock and just go, and it's like does she have rabies i'm not sure i don't think that you have rabies molly i'm very proud of you and you're doing a very good job and there's no way in my entire life i could ever do what you're doing is that too real is that didn't it get too real you never know you are 31 and now we're all older i'm not sad about it it is weird though you know it is weird yeah very weird Sometimes I say I'm 32 and then I'm just stunned. Yeah. I actually did get pretty sad about it, but that's okay.

You know what? You eat a hot dog and you keep going. Yeah, yeah. That's, I mean, that's exactly what the National Hot Dog Advocacy Council wants you to think, but I know that that's the line you got a toe. Yeah, I think that everything's going to be fine. And I'm excited to watch Meryl Street play Mrs. March. And she's going to be a great old, mean aunt.

in it and I'm excited. Well, as we, as we near the end of this show, Marcus isn't here to say, oh, it's time for the list. Oh my God, we don't even know what we're doing. How do we survive without him? When did we become dependent on men? I mean, you sent me a couple of lists, and I don't know what list is time for,

but I think it's time for the list. No, it's on the list. Molly got to have that list Jackie it feels so weird I feel so wrong I feel so dirty it feels so naughty which I guess that means that's the list we're going to choose

because we're going to go down the road of 15 things you might not know about Tommy Boy I was hoping that's the list you would choose hell yeah man we I will rewatch Tommy Boy this week and you know what some might say it doesn't

doesn't hold up. But I say, poo on you, because I had a great time with it. What I think is very interesting is that Rob Lowe originally had the role of David Spade. Really? Yeah. When was the last time you watched Tommy Boy? Got to be 10 years ago. Dude, just watch it. I think it's great. And also, I don't know if this is on this list, but I went down a weird Tommy Boyhole. Because, like, I don't know if you got, did you have a Chris Farley phase? Like an obsession? Oh, yeah. Oh yeah, absolutely. But also like, you know, Henry and I are very close. And Henry wanted to be Chris Farley all growing up.

And so we watched Tommy Boy 100,000 times. And he always acted like him and did the whole thing, you know, without all of the drugs and everything. But I think that it still holds up. And I watch it with someone who had never seen it before. And afterwards, I just like kept staring at him, you know, when you have a beloved movie and you make someone watch it. And you're just like, isn't that funny?

Isn't that funny? Yeah. You laughing at that? Isn't that funny? And they're just like, yeah. No, it's great. It is funny. It's good.

Just like, as I'm dying, laughing, and it's just not. When he's like, you're naughty, you're naughty little pet. And then I kill the pet. I think it's very funny. But Rob Loz is. I'm glad to hear that it holds up, and I totally believe that it holds up. Like, there's a lot of movies from that time period that I'd be worried to watch again, but that's not one of them.

It's, I would say, give it a shot. But also what I didn't realize is that Rob Lowe wasn't even credited for being in the movie. Because, so he stayed on after they hired David Spade to do his actual role of Richard. But he was on the miniseries of the stand by Stephen King. So Lowe was forced by contract to keep his name off of the Farley movie entirely. But he was such good friends with Chris Farley that he wanted to do it anyway, just as like a friend favor. Interesting. I love. Also, Rob Lowe is really good as an asshole in the movie,

but funny, too. I feel like I actually need to, like, go back to, like, early days of Rob Lowe, because I think about, like, Austin Powers. It all comes back to Austin Powers today. Man, we are circling back around. And I can't quite picture, like, him before that. I don't think I even really knew who he was when I saw Tommy Boy for the first time, you know? Yeah. Oh, yeah. And, like, he was, it's weird that I feel like Rob Lowe is just, he is definitely one of those that has gotten sexier with age. I did not find him sexy and Tommy Boy, but like, but Parks and Rec, man, Humana. Hamanah, Hamanah, Parks and Rec, absolutely. Now, David Spade also refused to let the film stylists work on his hair. He wanted, which you can tell. You can definitely tell. It is

all over the place and you can tell there's no product in it either. But with that, I let, I do really, like, this part of the list, that it says, Farley and Spade got into a spat during filming. So it's like when he's doing the car scene and Chris Farley sets the car on fire. So basically, David Spade found out that Rob Lowe and Chris Farley went out the night before without inviting him,

and Spade got like so pissed off. And he left the set early that day, and I think that that's a lot of fun. That is a lot of fun. I feel like David Spade, a bit of a weener. Yeah. I mean, I know like on purpose, on camera, but I fear that he might be a real actual weaner off camera.

He actually is a weird weaner in real life, which is very sad. Yeah, that is sad. He's not a fun guy. I've definitely heard a lot of stories about him of people that have worked with him that we know very well. And he's not nice and he's not fun. And that makes me really sad. Yeah, it is sad.

Because I was always hoping that maybe he just really played a good one, you know? Right, right. Yeah, I mean, I feel like Chris Farley, like, all his stuff holds up, but like David Spade is not the highlight of those films. No, no, no, not at all. I think that it's time to wrap this up. We have no blind items because we can see it all today. We can see them.

We are two women in our early dirties. We can see all of it. We can see life for the fucking crags that it has, the ups and the downs and the frowns and the smiles. We are blessed by God. We are promised by God to keep us strong As women, we are empowered. Not by God, buy our own vaginas.

We don't need this. We just need ourselves. By a lot of vaginas. A lot of vagina. A lot of vagina. Thank you guys so much for tuning in this week. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm and Molly.

My name is Molly Neffle. I'm on Instagram at MJK. LK. And if you so choose, please visit our Patreon page. It is on patreon.com slash page 7 podcast. that is seven the number, page seven podcast. And we are rolling out our pretty little liars every week. And very soon we're going to have a lot more coming at you. And I'm really excited about the new projects that we're working on.

And I can't wait to show them to you. We love you guys. I can't wait to talk to you next week. I'm sorry that I'm so hungover and that 31 sucks. But everything's going to be fine. Everything's going to be just perfect. because look at Amy Adams and look at how much 42 is going to rule. I can't wait.

I just hope I get better looking. Please. I think that's what the injections are for. I got to get pre-Botoxed. I'm not going to get pre-Botox, Molly, I swear. Don't do it. You've been in L.A. Not long enough.

All right. Love you guys. L.A. baby. We will talk to you next week. Love you. Bye.