Page 7 - Episode 269: Upside Down Nostril

Episode Date: September 7, 2018

Jackie and Marcus are joined by Henry Zebrowski to gab about Lindsey Buckingham, jade eggs and green room yachts.  Want even more hot goss? Support us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/page7podcast Graze would love to send you a free sampler box. Go to http://graze.com and enter promo code “GRAZEBOX19” for your first free box. Get your first refill pack free at http://getquip.com/page7 Get started now at http://stitchfix.com/page7 The Show Must Be Go, Quirky Dog, Zazie Kevin MacLeod (incompetech Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

sounds like she's singing I was that you sing it man that is the best driving song I think of all time Yeah does that song in with zadu it's something it's something like that only no No, all it knows it it ends with the brave harmonies of Lindsay Cunningham who unfortunately has been Since removed is it buckingham it's buckingham Unfortunately he is no longer a part of Fleetwood Mac and he is but he is don't worry about him he now on his own solo tour that he is doing up alongside of Fleetwood Mac. Just so you'd forget. They never forget.

In a thousand years, I used to be a part of Fleetwood Mac. He is just such a bastard. I hate him so much. But if you go and see Lindsay Buckingham, then you can hear him sing Holiday Road. That's it. No, but he did sing it. See, that was the whole thing is that when Henry got us to see Fleetwood Mac last year, and it was amazing.

It was one of the best experiences of my entire life. But since Stevie, of course, sings, you know, landslide, she gets some of her solo shit in there. You could see the snit that he put up so that he could also sing his solo songs. So he's up there's singing at Holiday Road. What else? I forget. He's got another big song. What's the other big song?

Because Holiday Road is enough to put him in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, right? He doesn't need any more than that. Jackie, first of all, if you ever can even imagine putting together an artistic triumph that was Holiday Road, even. one time. Because that's what I'm saying to you. Where's your holiday road? I don't know. I'm not good enough, aberrantly, but at the same time, you know, I'll sing something slapping in a National Ampoons. Come on.

No, National Ampoons now are just stroke movies. Any National Ampooh movies now, it's like an old school softcore porno that for some reason still exist. Yes, they are. Have you seen Beta House? Have you seen Alpha House? No. You don't know any of this shit. Have you? I've seen the nude scenes from it. Ah. Perusing nude scenes on the internet. You don't do that. You have a fiancé.

Oh, man, I should never have said it. No, I would say the National Ampoons movies did start taking a stroke turn around the time of senior trip. Yeah, buddy. It's all stroke films. Yeah. You don't know. You don't know. So, first of all, stop speaking from ignorance.

I'm sorry. Check your privilege. I'm sorry. All right? And think about what you're saying before you say it. Holiday Road is a testament to the actual skills of Lindsay Buckingham. him able to catch a comet by its tail and ride it all the way to the end.

Yeah, but you know what? He tried that already with Stevie Nix and he failed. What do you mean? He was a bastard to her. When they were together in the band... But that's what made her a good singer. It's like celebrating the life of Joe Jackson. No, it was like kind of...

Exactly. No, that's not what makes her a good singer. He forced her to do things that she did not want to do. Put the cocaine up her butt? Well, no. She chose to do that and that is fine. However, he pushed her into doing things that she didn't want to do, even though she could have been better just without him.

Putting cocaine up her nose. Yeah, it was the nose that was a problem. Because at first she's always just like, turn me upside down. My butt holes an upside down nostril, and everyone's like, that's funny, Stevie. No, he just always hated her because she's better than he is, and he couldn't take it. So what did he do to her? Are you about to eat a banana while we record this? I've just peeled it.

Henry's been gesticulating with this banana at me, and now you're just getting, you're eating the banana. I don't know why I did this. I was going to mention something as well. I saw the banana at the bottom of the screen, and I was just going to let it happen. I was going to let it happen and see how Henry rolled with having a mouth full of banana. I needed some potassium. Wait, so did he beat her?

Yes. No. Yeah, he did. Why didn't she throw a sash at him and escape like a squid with ink? Because she was very young and she didn't know any better, and she thought that she was nothing without him. There's this whole detail of, she was in some photo shoot when they were younger and she didn't want to show a bunch of skin because it's not who she is. Obviously, look at her now.

Yeah, she's covered in drake. She usually, yeah, she's drake. I've never seen her nipples as far as I know, as far as I've looked. Well, he forced her to wear almost absolutely nothing and made her cry over and over again, putting her down emotionally and physically in front of other people and no one ever did anything about it. So you're saying that I got to take back all my comments about Linda. Benzie Bunkingham, even in satire. Even in a satirical moment when I expressed jealousy

over Holiday Road. No. You didn't know these things, but he's also he's a bad man and I love that I saw Fleetwood Mac but I hate him. Well, I guess I'll have to return those tickets to a solo tour because I bought out an entire row just so that I could do a whole, like, because I was going to call it

Holiday Road and have a whole empty row that I would just run back and forth which I imagine would conclude on the fifth time that he played Holiday Road in the concert. Right? How many times? How many, what's his other hit?

I mean, there is, I mean, there is a list. I found a list of Lindsay Buckingham. Because remember, we had this exact same conversation on our drive from Phoenix about two weeks ago. Mm-hmm. That's where this comes from. Have you been screaming about this for weeks? Would you see his like weird, snipey billboards?

It's like Lindsay Cunningham. Lindsay Buckingham is still on tour. Like, they still have these. Like, he has these billboards with him being like, but don't worry, you won't miss your chance to see Lindsay Buckingham this year. Well, let's go through some of the hits. There's, uh, don't look down from Out of the Cradle, 1992. Which one's that song?

You know, it provides a terrific early example of Buckingham's modern electroacoustic style, which recalls classical nylon string guitar. Thumbs down. Wow, wow, we. Maui, wow, we guys. Then there was 1984's Go Insane Off the album

Go Insane Can you look up this song Jackie I want to at least hear what Go Insane Sounds like All right Also Henry I just need you to know You have a big hunk of banana Attached to your beaters

My lips? Yeah yeah Oh yeah I just got it I just got it with my gecko-like tone Oh yeah Right here Oh wow The video for this is immediately good Because it shows his head flow

off the top of his body. I mean, that is fun. Well, it is apparently some of his more experimental work. No, I want to see him feel comfortable. Here, skip that. Okay. All right, there's some electronic in there immediately. This is a clip from VH1 classic.

Ooh. Go insane. All right. Whoa, his hair is a half tall. His hair is huge. But look at how sexy that acoustic guitar is. Oh, he can't go through it. through the mirror, he's going insane.

This is some Tom Petty imagery that's been stolen. All right, shut it off. That's enough. He's such a bastard. You know, Go Insane is terrible. That's a hit. I've never heard that song before. Well, I'm not sure if these are, these are, this is top 10 Lindsay Puckingham solo songs.

So you mean to tell me, these are like the fans favorites. Like when I, when Eddie dragged me to go see, all right, I didn't necessarily drag me. It was nice. We're going to have a man's night out. We went to Steely Dan. But they had a night of shows. Sealy Dan is great. They are not great.

I went to go see them. I'm a fool to do your dirty work. That song is good. Oh, yeah. That song is good. So is reeling back the years. So is back to my old school. That's a good song.

But those are just the hits. The rest of it is jazz noodling, done four stepfathers. And then you go there and it was fan favorites night. So they were playing the quote unquote hits. But it was just the things that the fans submitted that they wanted to hear. So it was all these shit-ass deep cuts.

Yeah. Yeah, Jackie, I challenge you to go home and listen to Aja tonight. You are not going to enjoy it. Oh, I'm fine. Apparently, that was the old way to test hi-fi speakers was to get a Steely Dan record and put it on there so you can hear all the different... Ding-dong-ding-ding-ding-ding-dib-d-d-b-d-b-b-b-b-b-d-b-d-you-g guys.

You guys know I live for noodlers. Come on. You will not like this. You will absolutely not like this at all. All right, fine. Number eight on the Lindsay Buckingham countdown is Gift of Screws, off of the album, Gift of Screws from 2008. From 2008? No, no, no, no, no.

Gift of screws. That's like the shit with our father's father, Nana, our father's mother, Nana, for some reason, was once she started sliding into dementia, she would send various gifts at Christmas time that were like a bag of razors in a zither. block bag. Although you know what? It was useful. Very useful. No, it wasn't. I remember she sent me pajama top that was like a small and like it was weird stuff from her attic. That said, don't bother me. I'm

grouchy on it. Had Oscar the grouch on it. Although I would wear the shit out of that. Well, now you would. Yeah. Because you're an irony princess. I am not. That's what you are. You're not, you're half-ledged. Bitch. But not in your attitude. Thank you.

There's a lot of hits off of out of the cradle here. For example, soul drifter. Never heard of any of this. You've never heard of the 1992 Lindsay Buckingham hit Countdown? Oh, man. But maybe you have. Tell me you've heard of trouble

from 1981's Law and Order. Because that's number one, my friend. Although, actually, trouble is not that bad of a song. What? I kind of like it. You know what it's like, because there's also certain songs, so it's like, what's his name, solo? Where, ugh. There's a video from trouble. Trouble

That's a song? Yeah, that's a long. I know all of these obscure songs. I don't know any of this stuff. What's his name who does dirty laundry? He went solo. Don Henley. Don Henley.

I kind of like his solo stuff. Well, Don Henley's amazing. See, Jackie and I share a very controversial, partial embracing of the Eagles. Yeah, you really do. Both of you do. I love the Eagles. There's a couple of good songs.

I am aware that a lot of people. Life in the Fast Lane. It's a great song. I'm going to lose your mind. I'm in the fast rate. It's like the exact, this is the exact same conversation we had on the road to Santa Ana two weeks ago. I am a father. I'm a father.

Now I got Jackie in my corner. Oh, because before it was just like, because Marcus and I will have conversation and then Kissell goes into his weird private world where all of a sudden he's just like, oh, there's a sign over there. Or, man, dogs are like people with four feet. You know what I mean? Like, and you're like, I don't know what you're like? I don't know what you're talking about.

Although I got to say he's been killing it with the Instagram stories as of late. Are you guys watching his puff and Instagram stories? Oh, yes. They're delightful. I live for them. Is that sad? Well, no. Thank you.

It's fine. It's neutral. Okay. I saw, so we were going to talk about right before the show with Bachelor in Paradise. Mark has attempted to watch it. I tried. I made about five minutes in because I watched it and like the theme song is, It's almost paradise

You're knocking on It seems so nice Oh I thought it was the other one No Then the first conversation that I saw Was like some dumb fucking meathead Leading this woman down the beach Talking, what was he saying?

Yeah you know like I make my own dressing You know like I don't buy dressing at the store Like I really like to make my own dressing out of mayonnaise Various you know vinaigrettes And various other things I went on way to. It was like a 30 second. I don't want to listen to some man talk about like his dressings for like 10 seconds in a regular conversation.

This is national television. Well, these are people that are essentially, they're above the lobotomized, just above in terms of that they can pick enough accessories to put on their eyes. Why are you hating on people that are just desperately trying to find love? This show, I watched what happened. So we went to go visit Florida, right? so that my parents could see their granddaughter, Wendy. And so when we brought, we went and hung out in the house, my father has been pulled down into the depths with my mother watching Bachelor and Paradise.

Wait, they're watching Bachelor and Paradise. Yes, and my father, the words that came out of my father's mouth, because I think one of them's name is like Rulio or like, what's the one with the long hair? I haven't been watching Bachelor Paradise. I want to. I want to say his name is like Raphael. And my father, I heard there was like, It's a shame she didn't want to go with Raphael because even though Raphael's a playboy,

it seems like they had a really nice date. And I was like, what is happening in this home? I had to yell at them. I was like, we're putting on Shark Tank and we're going to have a nice time watching Shark Tank. Because now that problems with my father's because I got them hooked to Shark Tank the last time. And now they go, and my father will go an impulse by the things that he sees on Shark Tank. Of course he does. My mom will grab the iPad and go and pick out the things that they're selling and buy it.

Do the house is filled with these dumb-ass chachkes? Like stuff like, this is a pot for golf balls. It's got slots so you could wash it all with the holes. I was like, Dad, you don't fucking golf. Man, I'm really sad. I wasn't with you guys. Oh, wait. Oh, wait.

I'm sorry, I was too busy watching a demolition derby. Life in Fast Lane. Marcus, are you finding out good things about Bachelor and Parents? I just see you just, the huge smile on your face. Well, I'm just, I mean, both, I'm enjoying your banter quite a bit. But I also found a list of that there's a lot of people on this show. There's Jubilee. Ooh.

Jubilee. Is that like Jubilee Zoo? No, it's like Jubilee. The Asian girl from X-Men. Yeah, there's Bibiana. Good Lord, dude. I, the whole time I was like, I'm sitting there watching it because I'm ruining their good time. Because now we're, Natalie was in the shower.

I'm sitting there with them watching Bachelor's in Paradise. And I was just like, just send a fucking hurricane to get each one of these. They're in love paradise. They are the devils. They are devils, and they need to be poisoned. The whole island needs to be poison. Yes, it does. It needs to be blown up with a fucking rocket launcher. Is it even an island, though, or is it a fake island?

It's a beach. They're on a beach in Mexico. But I did have kind of a feeling like watching it. Like, my conspiratorial mind actually did start going a little bit because I started to feel my brain shut down. It's like there's something in the show that, I don't know, like dampens delta waves or some shit like that. I could see that. Yeah, like I felt it. I felt myself shutting down.

Like a weird sub, like somewhere deep on a layer in pro tools, they put that like bicameral music in it. That's just supposed to make you, yeah, by bin oral, by an oral. But you sit and you just, like a prone cat that is been transified by grabbing its scrubs. Isn't it the whole point of those shows, though, at the same time? It's like, when we watch Tiny House Hunters, I hate Tiny House hunters. And it makes me so mad. Well, my view, my transhuman view of it, is that what it is doing is it is slowly getting used to.

Listen to me, Jackie. I'm listening. I'm listening. I'll knock the headphones off. You have to listen. Henry, you didn't put your little scientist hat on yet. Excuse me. Oh, he screwed on.

No, it's screwed on good and tight. So it can't be knocked off. So it can't be knocked off. Or how wild. I'm not going to knock it. I'm not off. Can't get me. You graze me up so I can snatch me.

on mountains. Josh Grobin may be begging me to yank on his hair and call him opera daddy, but all I'm thinking about is snacks. I feel like that says a lot about my life. Graze is reimagining the way you snack, and they believe the healthy choice shouldn't be a compromise on taste. They make snacking easier than making fun of a Lacey-Shawbert TV movie, and that's pretty easy.

I love the size of them because you just throw them in your fanny pack, and it helps stave off my inevitable hangary screeches when I haven't eaten in 30 minutes. Just put it in my mouth, in my Gray's eating mouth. My Snicky Snackies were great meldens of sweet and savory because I want it all. And with over a hundred snack options, Grays has something for you that will make your mouth drip and solidify into a sweet, satisfied paste. That doesn't sound appetizing, but go with me on this one. And there's no fake sludge on my nuts and sweets, neither.

No genetically modified ingredients, which is great, because I don't want to have to start taking care of a three-eyed horse with a beak and a licking tongue five meters long. Or maybe I do. Also, no high-fructose corn syrup or artificial flavors or colors. A happy nut is a nut for me. And these sticky snackies ain't need me to do extra tic-tackey classes, because happy nuts ain't goes straight to my thighs.

You got Grays on it. Gray's would love to send you a free sampler box. Go to graze.com and enter your promo code, Gray's Box 19, for your first free box if you fixing a nut up or shut up. I meant that in a nice way. About nuts. Imagine Bachelor in Paradise is actually sort of a pseudo-second life, right? Okay.

Where my father images himself as Ralphio, whatever his name, is in a way you watch bachelor in paradise and it's like the sims but with real humans and you're watching them behave in a way amorally with no sense of uh any inner drive no real passion no love or no anything all is stripped down stripped down to just lumps of nipples and and and women with their jiggly slapping back and forth that sounds great but some yes but it's fake what it is is it's getting us used to for it's like i've just spent work like using a VR helmet Eventually, you will be this man in Paradise, and you will be able to abandon this life,

this paltry life where I have to sit here. I got a bad knee from getting hurt in West Side Story. But when I watch Ralphio skip along the dooms with Viviana, I can do that now from the safety of my own home with the jumpy chair, like a big, like, you know, the bouncy chairs like kids have with the spenders on them? But that, with the VR helmet on it, and what they're slowly doing is getting us used to this life, where we can sit and watch Bachelor's in Paradise

and project our own personas onto them. And that's been happening for years and years, but we're getting closer and closer to the technology, working its way up to what the entertainment world mixed with the government has been trying to set up since the beginning of television. So essentially what you're saying is that I can sit on my couch and I can have down front cuds in the beach

without getting sand into all of my gristle. What do you, explain a word that you said. I understood I'm not going all the way long No it's like I understand it context I know it means sex But it's like your Instagram It's like when I try to follow your Instagram Jackie

And I literally can't understand what you've written So I understand that there is a language Somewhere in there Yeah It's not a youth language though This is your sister's language I understand my language But you put the cuds

Yes you can have sex on the beach Without getting sand in your crips Yeah Well, I say I don't see anything wrong with that And then it's like, why do I have to find love When I can just find love through the TV? Well, that's a guess. That's why we watch 90-day fiancé.

90-day fiancé is supposed to be like a nightmare version of that. I started watching the new season of nightmare of 90-day fiancé. Well, I watched a little bit of I was drunk. Oh, okay. I was drunk. And I started watching it, and it is, um, this one's sadder than the last one. It was actually kind of hard to watch. I had to stop watching it.

Yeah, I've watched a, uh, certain documentaries on this sort of thing. Usually they follow three guys at the same time. One of them always ends up getting fucked over real hard by the hottest girl. And then usually one of them

kind of has problems when she comes back and then one of them seems to be doing okay. But it's a sad show. What I love about the show is that it's not just dudes anymore though. There's also a good amount of women on the show that are doing the same thing. But I know to understand why a woman would

never need to have a foreign husband. That makes no sense. Unless you're genuinely in love with this woman, in love with this man, a woman can go out. I do believe the options for a woman are far less limited than they are for men. I feel like a woman will eventually grow to find some type of man attractive way more than a man. It's easier for a woman to get a man. I understand it. You want to own them.

And then they're yours. And they can't go back. They have them to stay with you. And then it's just like you have, it's like, you know, when you, it's like why I want an alligator. You could do that by marrying a death man. You know what I mean? Like one of those people who need your help. They need you with somebody with no, with no, they trapped in body scenario where they have to be, have tubes put up inside of them.

And then when if you want to have sex with them, you just, you, you either unplug the tubes. Well, you pump up the dick using some kind of either like air, like in his balls, which I don't know if you can't. do with money you can it's yeah you can it's like a pneumatic system you can absolutely do that see yeah you just ride that face yeah you can do that too i mean stephen hawking did it so how did stephen hawking have sex marcus i think stephen hawking could still achieve erection well let's see him please could stephen hawking get hard if stephen hawking will even cheat on his wife, then it's like, where is the hope for love? Well, he did by rubbing his knee on her clit.

Every time she'd get close to the bed, he would eat, like, zip forward, and the top of his knee would touch her front. And then you'd go back, and then you'd go front and then they'd go back. Stephen. Ah, ALS does not interfere with the ability to have erections or orgasms. Nice. Good for him, man. Nice.

Good for him. Yes, Steve. Did he push a hair. RIP R-I-P. Yeah, so the lady can ride. Lady can ride. Not anymore, though, because he is dead as a doorknail.

Dix can still work, though, if you dig him up. Pneumatics. I don't. Yeah. Yeah, you pump them up. I think at that point you just get a dildo. Now, now that I think about it, the pneumatics thing, that was for necrophilia. Yeah.

Because I think it would kill a man If you put if you installed pneumatics into his actual body I don't think that would be very helpful to live it Wait to you see my future man What is your future? I'm gonna have all pneumatics down there With your legs too See that's what I can't wait I just want to have a complete exoskeleton

You will That's a part of that's what we will enter in our lives Zabrowski's are trans humans eventually We will grow to we will join with the cyborgs I thought that you were a good joining with the cybor. No, I think that they should have a shot. I mean, yeah, they're going to kill us anyway.

I would be on board so fast I wouldn't be able to breathe. See, that's a part of what, that's why we're here. We're going to entertain the robots and show them that not all humans should be murdered. We show them through the power of laughter and understanding. Right. And they'll be like, one tear will flow from their eye,

which they can still do at that point because they'll be indistinguishable from humans. And then they'll keep portions of people that we select to go on Marcus, you're chosen. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you.

I am going to be keeping my plans for the robot uprising a secret from everyone I know because the robots are listening at all times so therefore if I make my plans vocalized then the robots will know what I'm planning to do so I'm keeping it all up here.

You don't think that they're in there? They already know everything that you're thinking of man. That's how they put the really pointed ads in your Instagram like mine with the tampons and the electric toothbrushes. They may know my algorithm, but they do not know my mind, sir. I literally get many, many ads for tampons. Why?

I guess they think that I have a big gush and pussy that needs to be filled up. Well, need to be stopped up. And I think, you know what? Yeah, good for you. And I do. In my heart. You know who doesn't have a gush and pussy that needs to be stopped up? Mr. Bubbs.

Mr. Bubbs. Mr. Bubs! Mr. Bubs is my favorite! And it's insane because Henry, Henry's been on the road. Henry and I have not seen each other in weeks. Yes.

And I miss you very much. And out of nowhere, Henry sent me a video of Mr. Bubs, who is a dog, and he's so silly. He's very silly. And when he gets kisses, when he gets cuddled, he goes, gha! Yeah! And I don't want to do the thing because, you know,

immediately people are like, Master Bubbs is my spirit animal. But I do think that Mr. Bubbs is a fun internet creature and at this point it's like everything so bad it's nice to have a Mr. Bubbs just out there. Yeah.

Makes you feel good about the universe. Yeah, he's so funny. Maybe someone's looking out for us and wanting to balance things out a little bit. He's such a funny little face. He's got a funny face and he's very funny and so you should check out Mr. Bubbs. Mr. Bubbs with a Z.

Ah, but I like it, when I, Henry said it to me without saying anything about it, and was like, I know Mr. Bubbs, are you trying to say that these are the sounds that I make when I am touched or hugged? And he just said, yes. He's funny. I like Mr. Bubbs. But I just want everyone to look up Mr. Bubbs because he makes me smile. He is very funny.

He's good to brighten your day. He ratings my day. He ratings my day. You know, what is not going to brighten your day is having a jade. The egg shoved inside of your holes. Is this supposed to be in your pussy? Yeah, you didn't hear about the jade eggs, the vagina, the goop jade eggs. My, my, the information that receives my eyes is very a la carte.

That's quite a way to describe it. Yes, yes. Some things don't get to my brain. So Goop just lost a settlement. How much? This is the most, I think, the most upsetting part about it. Little background to 2017. No, I want to read that first sentence again.

Go back to this one. A little background in 2017, Goop posted a story called Better Sex, Jade Eggs for your yony. What is that supposed to me? Even I don't like the word yonie. What is a yonie? Yoney, you know your yonie is. Well, you don't have a yonie, but your sister's got a yonie. I got a yon.

No, I got my asshole, which I just. is called a yucky. Yeah. Henry. Yeah, you got to shove it up there. Power to cleanse and clear, making them ideal for detox, too. The article also claimed putting a jade egg into your vagina

for hours at a time could improve your sex life, balance your menstrual cycle, and intensify feminine energy. Does that mean just make you a bitch all day? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm riddled with feminine energy. I don't need anymore. I'm afraid of poor feminine energy.

It's a lot. That's a $145,000. That is all that Goop will pay for misleading customers about that vagina egg is $145,000, which to her is nothing. What is the...

No, it's nothing. What is it, so it is a, does it dissolve into your vagina? Well, let me give you a little bit of a description from the Goop website. From cagels to vaginal steaming, we're not shy here at Goop about our interest in our sexual reproductive systems. So when beauty, guru, healer, inspiration friend Shiva Rose started talking about Jade Eggs, we wanted to hear more. The strictly guarded secret of Chinese royalty and antiquity, queens and concubines used them to stay in shape for emperors.

Jade Eggs were said to harness the power of energy work and crystal healing. Shiva Rose has been working with them for about seven years and raves about the result. So you basically hold an egg up your pussy and you hold it. And it's supposed to make your muscles tight. So you keep it from slipping out of your pant leg. And we're listening to people from a thing that is 3,000 years old where they used to do it just to keep their concubines tight. Yeah, they can also help cultivate sexual energy, clear chi pathways in the body, intensify femininity, and invigorate our life force. And that's just to name a few of the benefits.

That's the thing. Why don't you just put a bar of soap up there or something? I don't understand. Spray it with some lysol. No, I like the vagina normal. You're not supposed to put any soaps. I know that. You're not supposed to be any soup, soaps or perfumes on a vagina.

So what you're saying is I should take back the jade egg I got for Natalie for the wedding as a gift. It just seems like it's an undue discomfort to have an egg inside your pussy. My fucking fiancee's not a chicken. She's not a chicken She's not a chicken Henry, why are you marrying a chicken? I'm not marrying a chicken Oh my god

I'm glad somebody said it I'm glad somebody finally said it It's why we brought it up today Marcus and I This is actually an intervention So you don't marry a chicken Well I won't make love to a chicken Because while the babies come out

It's the same as where the shit comes down I know that they're soft. It's not having both holes in one and then my down can't really feel what it's not to get shit down to pus of juice on it at the same time. But the thing is, oh wait, something can be horny. The whole thing with the eggs, those that they're porous. So when you have them up inside you, you're supposed to also sleep with them in is it sucks in the bacteria. you can't properly clean it and then you keep shoving it inside of you. So eventually you're just going to get bad jujis.

Bad yonies. Yeah, your yonies going to get bad. Oh, my yonies going to start festering. What? What fucking idiots would do this? What fucking, how stupid do you have to be? How desperate do you have to be to fix your marriage? I don't know what this, what kind of energy.

We have to keep it tight, Henry. You don't understand what women have to go through Because if it's not tight, then they leave They don't, no That's up the reason why it's all the other stuff Stop it, stop it There's $66 each. You fucking moron, you deserve it.

If you bought this, you deserve it. You deserve whatever happens, you're yoni. I just think it's ridiculous because Goop still has, when I was looking up at Goop, they still have a whole article, they're not allowed to sell them anymore. But it's just like another article, it says 12 more reasons to start a jade egg practice. So they're still pushing the eggs.

Gwyneth Paltrow has gotten so sinister. She's evil. She's absolutely evil. You can't trust her. Why has this happened? Why has she become such a shister? Why is she doing this? Why doesn't she just go back to acting or just retire?

I don't understand because I saw someone recently compare Oprah to Gwenteth Paltrow because Oprah's starting to make like frozen pizzas. No, Oprah's a tycoon. Oprah's like the Warren Buffett of entertain. Like, she is a, she's brilliant. She's well past, Gwyneth Paltrow. But she, uh. Why did you scream?

That's the Oprah sound. Oh. Ah! Duh! There's cauliflower and the pizza cross. Oh! No! No!

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Let's go, Bresci. Yeah, but that's the thing. It's like, no, Oprah's so much better than Goop. She's evil incarnate. I don't trust her. No, I would never compare the two. Oprah is just going to slowly move into weapons manufacturing, same thing as Amazon.

Once that gets into it, that's going to be our whole other deal we're going to have to deal with once Oprah's in charge of her own breakaway civilization where she's got a fucking her own fleet of planes and stuff, then we'll really need to put a microscope onto Oprah and her actions. But Gwineathalra

right now is doing this shit. She's playing this card too early. If she wants to go super villain, she's got to do it later with more money. Right now she should be doing some kind of film production company building that money, building that money, go and getting the hot young actors telling me like, oh, you want to be, you want to get an Oscar?

Well, you're going to watch me flick my bean and all these and all these actors are going to be like, no but it seems to be like, okay. But at the same time, she's building her money with her evil conglomerant Goop. Yeah. She's doing it, man. What, just on Roobes? Yeah, oh man, these rubes

make her so much money. Goop is a multi-million dollar company. No. Oh, yeah, baby. It's all over the place. I'm going to try to see how much this thing makes. I actually wonder if it does make that much money or if it's like how many times you hear about a, like, a place like CISO. See, all of CISO was a sham, right? Like it turned out it was all fake money. It was all like where like stuff like this where it's like is real money or is it like owed money? Like how Netflix is $55 billion in debt. Like they don't actually have any money.

Whoa. Netflix is just debt. Yeah. Oh, Goup is not profitable actually. Oh no, I can't imagine it's profitable. No. There's no way it makes any money. But with no, it's all thing. leadership as CEO, it is on track to more than double revenue in 2018. You'd have to be an idiot. You have to be so... I guess it's true. But I feel like if you really want to make your money, you do it the other way,

and then you siphon it into making drones. I like that you really want them to put their money towards the weapons. Well, I feel like it's inevitable. I feel like that's what's going to happen. Because of the cyborg race? I just think that once private companies

are all in a race to be in the first ones in the cyborg race, we're going to see, because there's already, you mean Google's already far ahead, you have all the other people, like Amazon's already deep into the AI world. Same thing with, you've got Google, you got Apple, all of them in the AI world. Eventually, private sectors will go even further into that kind of type of stuff, and people with a lot of money. Like Oprah, I feel like is a great example of somebody that could probably pretty well engineer a couple of cloud drones, like all those little ones, the size of birds, they're going

explode, and they're all connected on a network, and they can find you inside your house. Yeah, but what about this brilliant article about the greener ways to die on goop? I think that she's already figuring these things out. This is death preparation on Goop. There are so many articles on Goop. I went down a goop hole. I shouldn't allow myself to do it. There's a lot of articles on death and grief.

And then there's this whole article about biodegradable urns. So they're going towards old people. They're literally doing the Info Wars thing. They are going for old people. Yeah, but also, I kind of want to be put into a Pacific sea shroud after I'm dead. Henry, if you could, put me into a biodegradable cotton canvas that acts as a full-body sea shroud burial. What is that even mean? And promises to bring no harm to marine life.

You means put me in a bag and throw me in the river. That's what it is. It's putting you in a bag and throwing you in a river. I found which one I want to do. I want to do the capsula Moondi. Ooh, which one's that one? This is an egg-shaped pod that holds the body in a fetal position, and the pods are then lowered into the ground and planted with a tree of your choosing.

Dude, it's pretty fucking anime, man. You just stumbled into anime, man. Nah, dude. Patch me in the egg in the ground, please. and I shall become free. So that always, when I lay in my tiny egg, kiss my knees, kiss my knees forever, turn into leaf. Oh, only so pretty to be turning to leaf.

Can you imagine having it? I just being shoved into that fucking end. You know what? This bitch ain't fitting all the way and we're going to have to cover feet. Put off the dead feet. I really like the capsule of Mundi. I think I just want one just for hanging out in, though. Well, that's where, I mean, honestly, not to be too morbid, but it's a good place to put a dog.

Why would you say that? It's fucked up. After we just looked at the pictures of Wendy in her wedding dress. Yes, we did just look at the pictures of Wendy in her dress for my wedding. Oh, my. God. Natalie and Jackie conspired to purchase. It's very cute.

She is cute in it. I can't believe how cute. No. dresses on her. Marcus, don't you want to be on fucking brand? Look at this.

This is a way to die. The concept of pressing ashes into a vinyl record. Whoa, is that not the coolest thing in the world? That makes me want to fucking vomit. It's like the grossest possible thing.

You make the soundtrack of your life. Your friend's voices. A partner's laugh. Can you imagine that? Can you imagine? If I fucking Like, okay, so I die. I fucking, I die

And I make it where I can make Like a hundred copies Of a record Like that are pressed with my ashes And you put it on To the fucking record player And it's just me going Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Good morning. Good morning. I hate this track. I hate Marcus laughs awake. Track track two On his funeral vital There's a crescendo

involved I think it would actually be kind of fun I feel like I would just do I would do a normal and be like

thank you guys so much for coming to my this wake party It's so nice that everyone's here and now my shit grunts

Oh Yikes Yikes Oh here comes baby Making a baby I'm like, oh. I just feel like this is all wrapped up

in the chicken talk from earlier and just imagine you saying that while you're fucking a chicken. Having to take its feet pressed up against the top of my thighs as I bear my dear back in the cloaca or there chicken is screaming and riding and his guts get pierced by my penis. Oh, that's a wedding.

I think I would just do a bunch of commercial jingles, though. Mentos present Mentos present Mentos fredge Fall a lot Shut off the vinyl Miam Miam

Miam Miam Miamiam Miam Miam Shut it up I'm so glad that she's dead

No I hope no one says that But also I am kind of interested In being turned into a built-in biomix of mushrooms and microorganisms

That aid in decomposition Now you're all gonna fucking cremate me and you're gonna fucking smoke me dude I really do want to go the Willie Nelson Rout. I would smoke the hell out of you. Forget it. That's what you are signed unto.

Smoke my fucking reefer ass, bro. Marcus, you into it? Smoke that fucking cheap me down, dude. We're gonna have to do it together. You know that. Cheap me to your fucking Utes. Down to your yoni, man. Can I promise to say I will,

now that you're still alive, and then when you die and don't know the difference, I'll back out. Fucking dude, I'll be watching you from fucking heaven. Oh, he's gonna be in heaven. Heaven, motherfucker. Watching people choke on my fucking ashes. And we're like, those fucking noobs,

they're not how to fucking take a rip. Man, I thought that I died over the weekend. We went in an off-roading desert adventure. We ended up having to turn back and go to the small town that we were staying in. And I was worried that we were going to be in Groundhog Day. But then here's my question to you guys. You get stuck in Groundhog Day. My friend that I was with said that the second we realize that every day is the same,

and then we're going to keep trying to get out of the small town, we're going to keep waking up back in the small town, that she would kill me right at the top of it. Like, mercy kill me. But then I was like, but I would keep coming back, and every day you'd have to look me in the eyes, and you would remember how I looked right as you murdered me. Yeah, but then you just become, like, deeper friends in a way.

That and I'll also learn how to play piano. I think you just played a piano just like he did in the movie. You eat all the feel, everything that you like. You eat it all day, all day long. Um, I don't know. He tried to fuck Andy McDowell. You gotta show up where she is. I don't want to fuck Andy McDowell.

That's where you've been wrong since you woke up. Do you? Yeah. Sure. Why not? All right. Yeah, I'll go for it. You're on board.

Say, if it was like 1996. Yeah. She's so beautiful now. Yeah. Honestly, she still looks good now. I feel like I had a lot of pose. I had some pre-anti-Andy McDowell sentiments in the past. Why?

You know what? Because she's a, she's a marm. She's not a marm. She's a bit of a marm. And I feel. I'm going to go with Jackie a little bit. She's a bit of a marm. No, she shows her shape.

She shows her shape. I've seen her in brawlets. Oh, I mean. A marm doesn't show anything. To me, a marm is somebody along the lines of like an Elizabeth Perkins. Hey. Sorry. Hey.

Sorry, you asked me. You asked me. This is the Celebrity Gossip podcast and you asked me. You're right. And so I said if I were to choose that, I would choose that. Anna McAll. Elizabeth Perkins had my name in Sharp Objects. Yeah, isn't that nice?

Isn't that nice? Sharp Objects, man. The last episode's very good. Yes. Does say no more. People don't want people, it's a hot tape. It's a hot topic on it, but my official stance on it, I thought it was great, and if you don't like it, go F.

Way. Wow. Now, I may not really go F, but like go and just, you're allowed to have your opinion. I think that you are post-bonanana fiery right now. Full of potassium. You know, I'd say Andy McDowell and Groundhog Day is definitely a marm. Not until you get her many jackets off.

That was the style at the time. she's wearing a long sleeve button-up shirt and a vest. At least. That was the style at the time. Everybody was Paula Poundstone for like eight months. Yeah. I mean, she had great shoulder pads. I don't know why, but we're going through,

I want to say we're probably going through another covered-up time period. Yeah. We're going through another more clothing period and a less scantily clad period. Are you talking about Mesh 2018? No, I'm talking about in general. You're the only one doing Mesh 2018. That is not true. Everyone loves Mesh 2018, and I think it's great. I'm freeing my breasts. I know. Which is a, I'm, and I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm freeing my Mesh anymore. But it's fine, I understand. So I will not infringe upon your expression.

Yeah. And, you know, I was actually about to say, it's like, well, you know, now that summer's coming to an end, you know, there's not going to be as much mesh because it's going to get colder and you won't have to see Jackie wear a mesh anymore. But you assholes moved out to Los Angeles. So summer never. never ends. So you'll have to see your sister in mesh for the rest of your fucking life. I'm going to watch her struggle at night. They go, that's going to happen because it does, the temperature does dip at night. And she's going to be like, I'm still wearing mesh.

And nobody can't wear mesh. I don't even be like, do whatever you want. If that's what you want to do. And then it's going to be her like, shivering, like holding her arm and being like, Mish do me. I always express myself. It's the way I do it. I do. Everybody is my brain and nift.

And I'd be like, oh, jacket's looking pretty good now, right? In the desert nighttime. Yeah, well, I also am going to wear big hats. And I'm trying to get into berets, but I don't think I've got the head shape for it. Jackie. Slouchy. The only thing I will say about slouchy hats is that you will eventually look like a smaller, much more feminine version of Sam Kennyson. That you can't do.

You can't do. What are you talking about? I need to start shaking my jaws more. I don't mean to roast you. You're beautiful. Thank you very much. I appreciate that. I miss your brother and this is my job. This is what I do. I'm the one who's the lame presence in your life. I'm the one who shows up who says stuff like, I don't want to see your bra anymore.

And I go, okay. Well, if we want to get Jackie gone, if we want to get her all revved up, and do you want to see your sister all revved up, Henry? Nothing. like better than hearing my sister get horned. I think I know what you're talking about. We want to talk about some Riverdale

News. Riverdale Riverdale. Now that it's like deep into a second season of Riverdale, I couldn't be like... I'm like so far from remotely knowing a single fucking thing. I'm still just like,

Jughead wears a hat. Wow. Wow. Oh, you know what? That's the thing, Henry, is that this news that we're talking about, we were a scant meters away from this news being announced when we were at San Diego Comic-Con this year. We were in the same building. I am so mad that I didn't get to go. They wouldn't let us anywhere near them.

No. We weren't allowed to be anywhere near anybody famous. What you realize eventually, Jackie, is that there's always like three green rooms. And so we can get access to the first green room, no problem. You get all the free water, all the free nanners, all the free hot water that you want. But there's always like several other layers that you just don't get invited to if you're us. No, no, no. The highest green room at San Diego was a yacht.

Yes. It was a yacht that I only saw the man who plays Hodor walk off. and they actually have security guards that wait at the yacht where the yacht comes from the water over to the sidewalk and the security guards just wait all day

for celebrities to walk through so they can keep the hoi-polloy away from the celebrities as they leave the yacht green room. How do we get on the yacht? I want to get on the yacht. Jackie, you need to make it. I'm trying.

Jackie, this is on you. This is unfortunately, this is all on you. I'm gonna mesh my way onto that fucking yacht. You're all gonna see. I'm with it. Well, you've got to become a fan favorite on a nerd culture television show or movie. All right, I'll get on Riverdale. You gotta get on Riverdale, season four.

You gotta get on Riverdale season four. It's too late for season three. Too late. Yeah, it's too late because we already saw this hot, heat picture that Skeet-Alrich put out, and I am losing my juices. Don't look at me Henry. I'm a monster. I don't understand what is happening.

It is a picture of Skeet O'Rick and Madkenamchick. Madken Amtick from Twin Peaks, Shelley from Twin Peaks, canoodling in bed together. And Alice Cooper, as she's known on the show, she's showing off her serpent tattoo that's on her upper thigh. And Skeet, who's instilled. Instagram name is Skeet Me One said,

A snake may not shed its skin so easily, but clothes are another thing altogether. I love it. See it, see it, see it, see it, see it, see it, see it, see it, see it. I'm doing my fangs. And it says hashtag phallus thrives. Aren't they both married? Probably.

To other people? Is this real? Yeah. Or is this in the show? It's in the show. They are also married other people in the show, but I've been screaming for this since this show began. I mean, she looks good, and so does he, man. He's looking good. Well, her husband's in jail, so it's fine.

Yeah, I mean, always do that. Always have sex with a woman whose husband's in jail. That never comes back. That never will result in massive problems in the future. I am pretty upset with the fact, though, because they are talking about Jughead's mom and Long lost sister are coming back into the picture in this season. However, it's not Neve Campbell and that really upsets me. I really wanted it to be Neve Campbell to be Jughead's long lost mother.

I would have been fun. Could not contribute to this conversation if I wanted to. I don't know. You don't want to talk about Gladys and Jelly Bean. I have no clue who you just said. It sounds like the names of two ferrets. Is that what this is? Are they ferrets on the show?

Yeah, and they go, ah. And that was on the show. Oh, me, silly parrots. Sounds like somebody needs a lube job for these old creakies. Ah, heck nah. I ain't need no lack-it-up plumber baby grease in my wheels, because this little lizard is fixing to get stitched. Stitch Fix is an online personal styling service

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All right, it's time for the list. That's all the list. Marcus, gotta have that list. Celebrities who were roommates before they were famous. Tommy Lee Jones and Danny DeVito. No, they weren't. I thought it was Tommy Lee Jones and Al Gore. Al Gore.

It's Al Gore. It's Al Gore and Danny DeVito mixed up. Danny DeVito and Michael, Michael Douglas. Oh. Well, one of the most recent ones is Jamie Dornan and Eddie Redmayne. Man, that building should have fucking blew up. I fucking hate Eddie Redmay. I hate, I hate, I hate, I hate Eddie Redmayne so.

Why? Did you watch Fantastic Beasts and How to Find Them? Fulush. It's fucking awful. Because I'm big Harry Potter fan. Love the Harry Potter movies. Love the Harry Potter books. Big fan of both, so I figured I'd watch that.

Eddie Redmayne is one of the. the most infuriating actors I have ever seen on screen. I hate his fucking skeleton-like body. I hate his big stupid Stephen Tyler lips. I hate his stupid voices. He uses stupid voices now. He's doing the Johnny Depp thing where every role he does now, he goes like, oh, what's all that?

Like he makes some stupid fucking character voice. Or he's just like, shut the fuck up. You're not, you are not this generation's greatest actor. He could be if you would just let him. I want to, I don't. like him. I'm certain him as a person he's wonderful. He's a very nice man, he's cheeky, and his children

are beautiful. Great. But I think he's doing fine. Nothing I say will hurt him. Obviously, everything I say comes out of bitterness. It comes out of my I wish you were Eddie Redmayne. Obviously what this is, yes, I will apologize to Eddie Redmayne. I don't hate Eddie Redmayne. I don't. I don't hate him either. I will

also apologize. He's a man. Thank you. I will accept the apologies. He should be put onto a boat in chains and sent over to, like, Ukraine or somewhere and just left. Left in the countryside. He would look so cute in one of those eggs, though, one of those biodegradable eggs. He would look cute. You're talking about it in a coffin. You're talking about how cute he would be in a tiny coffin.

Yeah, you're talking about how cute he'd be if you buried him alive in a claustrophobic egg. Yeah, but he'll grow into a tree. And the whole time he'd be like, it's me, Stephen Hawkins. Or is it me? The other guy from Fantastic Base Oh, shit, mate. He's a red man, the man himself. And you have to be like, die, die, die, die.

He's great in Le Miz. That's it. Whoa, whoa! Silence! Stund him into silence! I was fine with the movie version of Le Miz. I thought it was fine. Any chance I can listen to Le Miz and cry I'm into.

You can do that all day long if you want to. I know. You have. I have. I've definitely done that before. Jackie, you're going to like this next one. Did you watch Gilmore Girls? Oh, did I watch Gilmore Girls?

You know Lauren Graham from Gilmore Girls? Yes. You know who she lived with? Who? Connie Britton. Oh my God. Bang Pad, 1992. Sign me fucking up.

I do have like a vision into that where it's the two of them being like, so how did your auditions go today? They went great. It went great, Connie. How did yours go? Great. Everything's great. Are you trying to say actresses shouldn't.

live together because I agree. And then he's like, Connie, I made you lunch today. Would you like to eat it? And like, hmm, actually I'm thinking maybe I'd step out for lunch, but Connie, no. I made you lunch before your big audition. I want to make sure that you're nice and fed and full

for your audition. No, I bet they got a long great. No, no, I couldn't. No, I couldn't possibly. They said we had no furniture and all we ate were Rice Krisby treats. Oh my God, they must have gotten so fat. That must have been very cute, honestly. In a way.

I love both of them very much. I like both of them very much. I'm just saying actresses are hard. Oh, God, I just want Connie Britton to be my mother and my girlfriend and my daughter. You know what I mean? No. I love Connie Britton. There's certain people that I do wish I had more familiarity with. If me and Michael Shannon could just hang out, I feel like

maybe, I mean, he'd probably find me in stuff or bull of it first, but towards the end of the night, he would go like, and that means I got him. I think that you might be able to get him. Yeah, I think you could get him. Yeah. Get a hold of us Michael Shannon. I did a small thing with him one time.

I did that. Oh, yeah, you rode him. Yeah, well, no, I didn't ride him. He was just in the room of the man that I rode for the film. And that's so crazy. I can't believe you spend all that time with Michael Shannon. I forget about that time period. Yeah, that was a weird sad time, but he was very quiet,

but we would smoke cigarettes together in silence. That's nice, though. But I guess he must appreciate the silence. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you'd rather the silence. Did he touch you at all? And you're like friendly? No, I fucking wish you did.

Was he nice? You never spoke word to you. Never said anything like, hi, how are you doing? Very, very, very good group murder fist. What's that all about? I should come see him. No, no, you did not care. Did not care.

And he was very, very quiet. That's great. Yeah. But yeah, he would find you insufferable, but maybe he would marry me. I'm fine with a strong silent type. I would love that. Can you imagine that at dinner with him, just him brooding?

Well, that's going like, ah, da, ding, ding ding ding ding, ding. Mom go, oh my God, look at how big his eyes. Just slowly drinking his beer, just like nodding every once in a while. Here's an interesting one. Holly Hunter and Francis McDormon. Who's Paulie Hunter? She was hot.

She's hot. Holly Hunter. Holly Hunter. She was in. Did you say Holly Hunter or did you say Pauli Hunter? I believe she was in the New Twin Peaks. I think she was the assassin with, what is it, Tim Roth? Wait a second. No, no, no, no. Are you saying Pauly Hunter or Holly?

Oh, yeah, I know Holly Hunter. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they lived together. They were roommates at Yale and then loved each other so much they became roommates in New York as well. That's an incredible story. Oh, my God, I would love to watch them hang out. I love Francis McDormand, and I love Holly Hunter. I honestly imagine that that would be a fun ass hang. Holly Hunter and Francis McDormon must be the coolest motherfuckers on the face of the planet. Yeah, I did get to be...

their gorge. Yeah, I would love they just get high with them, hanging out with them joking around. She's only 5 foot two. She's small. Oh. Oh, she's petite. That's Holly Hunter.

That's Holly Hunter. All right, it's time for Blind Adams. I can't see them! We can't see them! Good news! Oh. I'm ready. This former A-minus list,

I would actually personally, the blind item say she's A-minus, I would say B-plus to A. Whoa. Interesting. She's a mostly movie actress who had a movie's franchise before disappearing into the void and then resurrecting herself in a crazy television movie franchise has kicked drugs. It has been well over a month and she is actually gaining weight and is bright-eyed and looks amazing.

Still perfectly willing to night yacht with big party guys though. So I'm not so sure how long this will last. Night yacht, which I know is that yachting, I know what that is. So she used to have a franchise. she disappeared and then came out and she's doing TV movies now. Yeah, yeah, wacky TV movies. Had what some might call the biggest nip slip of all time. Janet Jackson?

No. No, and when I say nip slip, I mean the nipple literally slipped. Off of her breast? Yeah. Angelina Jolie. No, there's pictures of this. Terror read. Terror read.

Wait, what happened to? To her nipple. What do you mean? Her titty just like flopped out one time after she got big old breast implants. Well, she actually, she had bad breast implants and her nipple like slipped down. Yeah, it was rough. Oh, that is. It was a rough one, but it still, I still will look at it. Oh, wow. Her dress just fell right off. Yeah, and she probably was just kind of fucked up. There's a picture of like probably her PR person coming over to her just let her know. Your entire tit is out. All of your tit is out.

Yes. Well, that's nice to see here. I'm glad she's clean. Uh, and then, uh, blind item two weeks later, just when I actually took to this space to tell someone how good they were doing with their recent sobriety, they went ahead and called their dealer back after a couple of months and got trashed. Yeah, it's very difficult to stay sober. Very difficult, especially when you're Tara Reid.

I mean, honestly, she still does look kind of pretty good. She does. She does. Oh. Oh, that's an old picture. Oh, no. She looks good. She's just hard because when you get the bot, it's the botched plastic surgery.

That's what's hard. Yeah. Because then you can't like just look normal ever again. I know. I'm scared of starting my descent into plastic surgery. Jackie, no knives. If you're going to do anything, do the little injections, but do the little ones. All right, I'll do tiny ones.

I'll do little, little teach. Just don't do them all the time. You don't need to. You're beautiful. You got good skin. You have to pre-Botox. What's that mean? You don't have to do anything.

You got a pre-Botox so that you don't need more Botox. But then you got to get more Botox So that you don't need more Botox I just want you to be careful I'm never actually gonna do it I'm not gonna do it You know I'm not gonna do it I'm not gonna do it

Actually I take it back Tara Reid's looking pretty bad these days Yeah she looks rough She looks a little rough She's looking She's looking actually extremely Extremely rough Yeah

She's led a rough one But also what is she doing What TV movies are she doing? Shark Nato She's known the Shark Nato Oh yeah It helped it brought her back to life, same thing where they believe with Ian Zering

that also does all those times. You mean iron. Oh, you fucking makes me so excited. Our other blind item today, this celebrity offspring, pretty much all of you know of, he's a permanent A-lister. Not the offspring, but the parent of the offspring,

A-plus Lister. He's been hooked on drugs for a while and the son also got three different women pregnant. One of those A-plus Listers put their foot down and cut the offspring off unless he does exactly what the A plus Lister says. So the offspring is complying by going to a retreat called the Sandcastle. That sounds awesome.

Honestly, it sounds really nice. Is it though? Yeah, I mean, all of those rehab centers are nice. Oh, it's not a rehab center, sir. What is it? It's a Scientology center. Oh, no. Is it Will Smith?

No, it's Jaden, Jaden, uh, Smith. Nope, nope. It's not them. No. But they have offspring. So it's not Tom Cruise, because Surrey isn't old enough to be knocking up women. You know Tom Cruise has older children, right? It's Tom Cruise's son?

It's Tom Cruise's son. I didn't know he had another fun. One of his adopted children with Nicole Kidman. Remember his kids with Nicole Kidman? Yes. And he made them, he made them, he made them. them choose between the two of them. That whole thing was really fucked up because he made them like, be like, don't you want to live with daddy and his thousand slaves? And Nicole Kedman's like,

don't you want to live with mommy and my thousand paid slaves? No, she's perfect. She plays her slaves. I love Nicole Kidman. Yeah. But yeah, Tom Cruise, yeah, his son, he has been squaw. Have you heard of this place, Henry? It's called the Sandcastle. It's a resort style complex in Clearwater. It's like a VIP person. Yes, I have. Scientology place. I guess you guys, you might even driven by it once or twice. Absolutely. I am excited to go. I will eventually go.

We should go right after your wedding. Well, I mean, like, I just know for a fact, I know I have like one big rehab stint in me. Yeah. I know that I'll do it one time because it'll be able to literally just do one of those. I'll be just so busy and I'll say I'm suffering from exhaustion. Yeah. And you go to resort for a while. I've been looking forward to my exhaustion break for,

quite a few years now. Because we gotta save it for when it's Primo. Yeah. Yeah, you really got to save it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, nowhere near it, yeah. But I'm gonna hit it someday. My exhaustion time. I'm really excited for it because then you just give it, you just go away. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna get a Cabana boy. And he's gonna go, you look so tired, miss. And I'd say,

why don't you come get me more relaxed. You say, I'm beautiful. You'll never say a woman looks tired, never fall. You do it again, but still. I become here. I become Catherine Hepburn. You come here and you lick my knees, blah. That's the only way.

You'll be able to have to forgive yourself. And that's all we got time for on today's page seven, buddy. Thank you very much for listening. Hell yeah. Thank you guys so much for joining. And Henry, thank you very much for being here with us today. Thank you very much for having me today. This has been delightful.

And also, I did want to let you know, I have been trying to figure out a way to ice everyone at your wedding. So just so you know that that's going to happen. Great. Awesome. Done and done. I'm going to get one of those, like, lemonade smearing off. though. Good. Whatever is hard. Whatever it's hard for people to drink.

So you'd be looking out for that, everybody. Thank you guys so much for listening this week. And if you like what you're hearing, you want a little bit extra, watch you bozion over to our Patreon pages. Patreon.com slash page 7 podcast. Last week, Molly and I watched Twister, and we played a drinking game, and it was great. And there were so many watches, and there were so many twisters. And I'm love with Helen Hunt, and I wish I could fight tornadoes the way that she does, but I can't. So, you know, come on over to the Patreon since I'm not going to become a tornado chaser. Jackie, aren't you legitimately afraid of thunder? Yes.

Well, honestly, and I'll tell you what, as an outside person, the Patreon stuff all sounds really great. You're doing a very good job. Everybody, I like all the extra content, and you and Molly are hilarious. I'm so glad that she allows herself to stop being suckled and she gets out there. She has to. No, she's getting suckled while it happens. That's awesome. Mommies never stopies.

Love you guys. Talk to you next week. Bye. Bye.